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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 315 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

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Comments

  2. Mpls

    I’m turning into my mother. I look at this and think “I could totally make that”. Which then means I don’t buy it.

    • Sheila

      Yeah, I’ve done that. I said that about those cute eyelet tops Gap was selling this spring. I used a pattern I’ve had since I was 18, and some clearance-table purple eyelet from the last season. Then, I decided I wanted to do it again and ended up buying a new pattern, more expensive fabric and wound up probably paying even more than Gap was charging. Sigh.

      • CKB

        Yeah, sewing clothes yourself doesn’t always (maybe even usually?) save you money, but I love the sense of accomplishment & satisfaction I get when I make something & it turns out well. And I also like that I can get a good fit on pants & skirts, which is really hard for me to find in ready to wear clothes. So don’t feel too bad!

        • Anne Shirley

          Are there any good blogs out there that feature home sewing with a [thissite] aesthetic? I am tempted to try and improve my rudimentary skills, but I’m having a hard time finding into-ish material that doesn’t have a Little House on the Prarie flair. I’m sure more modern stuff is out there, but I’m struggling to find it.

          • marketingchic

            Try these:

            Adventures in Dressmaking
            Anna Maria Horner
            Coletterie
            Diary of a Sewing Fanatic
            Gertie’s New Blog for Better Sewing
            Oh, Fransson!
            Sew,Mama,Sew! Blog
            The Purl Bee
            Prudent Baby
            Totally Stitchin

          • Silvercurls

            Also: The Slapdash Sewist, which I learned about on this here blog (c * * *e t t e). Detailed and inspiring; I just don’t have time in my life right now.

      • SoCalAtty

        Ooh..sewing pants…I’m terrible at that! Maybe I should drag the sewing machine out and try again. There are some pretty cute patterns floating around out there…

    • Mpls

      I’ve actually decided that I’m not allowed to buy dresses/skirts this summer. If I want them, I have to make them. For me, they’d be casual clothes (not office stuff), so there’s not a lot of pressure there.

      I think for a fun summer dress, I’ll spend more on time than materials ($5 for a pattern, $20 for fabric/notions), but I’ll get something in a fabric I like, that fits the way I want it to. Or at least that’s the theory. I’m hoping it gives me a better sense of what my fit challenges are and how to adjust for them.

      I think you get the most bang for you buck with the simpler designs for more casual clothes. I absolutely believe that it’s worth the money to pay for a suit (a suit jacket is a pain in the butt to make, especially with all the finishing details that really make it professional). But a fun dress that I’d otherwise be paying $50 or $100 for? I’m game to give that a try.

      For aesthics/style wise – try looking at the Vogue patterns, which are a little more sophisticated design-wise. Any so much depends on your fabric choice. A simple pattern in a luxe fabric will look more sophisticated too. Which might mean shopping outside of the typical Jo-Anns venues.

      • Bonnie

        Especially with casual clothing, I think you’d spend more making the item. This dress for example is now 40% off so about $30. And it is likely to fall in price. My mother used to sew clothing for us but stopped because it did not make financial sense. Of course, sewing is a worthwhile habit.

    • Lynnet

      I read one of my go-to happy making books (the Twelve Houses series by Sharon Shinn, Sunshine by Robin McKinley, etc.) or I marathon some happy, light tv show. Or I buy things, but I don’t recommend that as a coping mechanism.

      • mama of 2

        Just about ANYTHING by Robin McKinley is happy-making for me. Spindle’s End, Beauty – they’re all good.

        • Lady Harriet

          Yes! Beauty is one of my go-to feel-good books. I think I’ve read Spindle’s End too. I really should look up more of her stuff.

        • cbackson

          The Blue Sword was my favorite book as a child (and probably still is today). She has a hilarious blog, by the way.

  3. Anonymous

    What are your favourite ways to perk yourself up when you’re feeling down for no good reason?

    Work is good, boyfriend is good, family is good, etc., and I’m just…feeling bleh.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Turning up some good music (the new Janelle Monae song is doing it for me lately), lighting a candle, and reading a good book are my go-to methods for perking myself up. I’m reading the Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte right now and it makes me feel energized. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is another one that makes me feel good.

      • espresso bean

        I LOVE that new Janelle Monae song. You mean the one with Erykah Badu, right? It’s so good.

    • preg anon

      Be a tourist in your own city this weekend.

      In reality, I end up doing some online shopping, but it doesn’t really help.

    • roses

      Spa day! Massage, mani/pedi, etc…

      I also like calling old friends that I haven’t talked to in a long time.

    • TO Lawyer

      I throw myself a dance party to embarrassing pop music (can include but is not limited to 90s boy bands, spice girls, katy perry etc.) Also get outside – I find this weather (if its warm where you are) helps improve my mood, no matter what’s going on.

      I also occasionally make myself go for a run, but if you’re experiencing the same humidity we are, it can be torturous.

      • Lady Harriet

        I always feel better after dancing, whether with other people (I love swing and folk dancing) or just dancing around the kitchen while I cook dinner. I lived with my Godparents last summer, and their kids would regularly have dance parties in the living room with friends. It always cheered me up to join in. In fact, I would highly recommend spending time with children as a way to brighten your mood. It always takes me out of myself and gives me more optimism.

      • a passion for fashion

        running, with really loud, upbeat music (a-la Katy Perry) works great for me.

      • Equity's Darling

        Your comment re: humidity is realllyyy making me question my recent flight purchases. I hate how swampy it can get in the city.

        Agree re: dance party and a run though- I went for a cold rain run yesterday, it greatly exceeded expectations, and made me feel awesome all day.

    • Trapeeeeze!

      I do something a little bit out of the ordinary. (See name field.) Run a race or obstacle course, take a day trip, do a google hangout with a bunch of college friends all at once.

      It’s mostly about shaking things up and getting out of my rut. Good luck!

    • NOLA

      I have been so down and now I’m completely relieved because I got a Big Hairy Deal out of the way today.

      So I think tonight I’ll do something totally silly to make me happy. I’m going to go to my friend’s grandsons’ baseball game (they’re 8) and maybe take a giant takeout daiquiri.

      So my advice to you is to make sure you’re not just going along in a rut, doing the same things. Bust out!

      • KLG

        I wish I lived somewhere that I could take a giant takout daiquiri to my stepdaughter’s games on occasion. :)

          • NOLA

            We used to fill sports bottles with gin and tonic for jazz fest. Now there’s an idea! Funny that nobody ever asked why our water bottle had limes in it.

      • SFBayA

        You left out the key fact that the takeout daiquiri is available via drive-thru. I’m headed to NOLA for the fourth time this fall and am very excited.

          • Anonymous Poser

            I don’t think we have takeout daiquiris here in Atlanta. We’ve still got dry counties in Georgia, and only in the past few years (past couple of years?) made alcohol sales on Sundays an option. I think NOLA is its own animal. ;-)

          • NOLA

            Yeah, TCFKAG, it’s not the south – it’s New Orleans. There aren’t nearly as many drive thru daiquiri places as there used to be – the laws got stricter. The way it used to work is they could hand you a daiquiri in the car but they couldn’t put the straw in it.

        • NOLA

          And now my friend and I are happily ensconced with our pink lemonade daiquiris. And yes, the daiquiri shop was drive thru.

    • Coach Laura

      Yoga followed by a massage. Extra points if you can get into a sauna or hot-tub at the spa before the massage.

      Long walk or bike ride in a green, outdoor setting.

      Long drive out to the country and brunch at an old-fashioned country diner or roadhouse.

      Hope you get rid of the funk soon.

    • emeralds

      Go to a yoga class (which is a treat for me, since I don’t usually pay to go to fitness classes); give myself a mani-pedi; and meet my girlfriends for Mexican food and margaritas.

      But I’m really glad you posted this, so I can read all the other responses and steal everyone’s ideas. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy since I got back from Spain: jet lag; moving back in with my family (at least it’s only for a month, until my lease starts); stressing about how much work my masters program is going to be; constantly hearing how amazing the intern I will be replacing is (which is great for her, don’t want to take away from that, but it makes me feel like it will be impossible for me to be as good as she is); and of course, missing my man, and stressing about our currently-ambiguous relationship status. I’m really trying to keep myself occupied and stay positive, but it’s tough right now, so I need all the ideas for pick-me-ups that I can get.

    • CKB

      Exercise. Going for a run always helps me feel better when I’ve been feeling blah. That or s3x. Often, though, I turn to cupcakes or ice cream which is the opposite of excercise, I guess.

    • Houston Attny

      For me, one of the surest ways to pick myself up out of the blues is to start planning something. A fabulous dinner party with friends or hosting brunch for your girlfriends (the menu, the thoughtful little notes you could write or gifts you could give, what you’ll wear, etc.), an overnight stay somewhere, whatever it might be. It pulls my focus to something else and out of the ho-hum.

      • NYC

        Ha, I do this, too! I start planning a party of some kind (will invent an excuse) or a trip and it always cheers me up.

    • anon

      Getting a change of scene is the most energizing, revitalizing thing for me. It takes a little work to get off your butt and go somewhere and leave the house, but it makes a huge difference. Go explore a new lake, trail, beach, park, or city nearby. Go on a run with a friend or go out to brunch or coffee with them. Go see a movie you’ve really wanted to see by yourself and escape for a while. Go to a bookstore. Hang out with a bunch of new people at a meetup group or something similar — sometimes just hearing about other people’s lives can remind you that it’s a big world and you don’t have to be stuck if you don’t want to be.

  4. B

    I’m interested in the hive’s view on student loan refinancing. I have about $45,000 left – all Stafford loans at 6.55%. I owe $733 a month, but pay $1,000 a month, and at that rate will have it paid off in a little more than 4 years. Should I be looking at refinancing at a lower rate? Is that even feasible? I have an excellent credit score if that’s worth anything. It just kills me that my mortgage rate is so much lower than my student loan rate, and it made me wonder if there was a way to get my student loan rate down. And if so, are the fees associate with that worth it if I’m looking to have it paid off in 4 years.

    • roses

      Check to see if your school is listed for a SoFi loan. If so, you might be eligible to refinance at a 6% rate. I found the process to be fairly easy. If your school is listed, would you mind re-posting to let me know? I would love to collect a referral….

      • B

        I have been getting emails from Sofi, which is one of the things that prompted this question. But are the fees worth it for only a .5 -.75% reduction?

        • roses

          I don’t think I had to pay any fees associated with it (refinanced about 9 months ago).

        • Brant

          We are NOT refinancing to SoFi because they don’t offer the ability to defer if you lose your job. Not that DH is plannign on losing his job, but he (we) owe about $45k. We pay about $1200/month or more–we’re hoping to get these loans of our backs in 3 years. SoFi is cheaper for us by about 2%, but there is no government-backed deferral. So we’d save a few hundred (or less if we paid down faster) but set ourselves up for a big risk if DH lost his job.

          Just FYI.

          • B

            That’s interesting. Their website says: “We give deferments for continuing graduate program education and may offer a graduated or income-based repayment plan or forbearance to borrowers who find themselves in an unfavorable situation.” I don’t think it’s a hinderance for us given our situation, but I can see how that simply wouldn’t work for a lot of people.

          • Brant

            Apparently it’s just not as easy/straightforward a process for “unfavorable situations”– with the federally backed ones, you just have to show unemployment paperwork and that you’re looking for a job. DH chatted with the SoFi rep for a while about it; apparently the lack of deferment for financial reasons is one of big reasons people elect not to refi through SoFi

            In both your and my situation, our timeframe is so short for repayment it’s a pretty decent gamble. But DH tends to be conservative about these things– ie do we really need the $100-$200 so badly that we’re willing to bet we’ll remain happily employed for 3 years… since we have lots of other financial obligations, for us, the answer was no. Just something to chew on!

      • Pancakes

        Is their refinance rate lower than the rate on a new loan? Not sure, but I just recently got an email that said a fixed loan was 6.99%, which is a lot.

    • BigtimeAnon

      On a related note: I have student loans, and I pay them every month. Relative to my income, my payments are very big. I also have great credit.

      My parents are fairly well off (not “rich”, but solidly in the upper middle class). I’d like their help. Yes, I’d like them to pay a portion of my debt. Before you lay into me for being a spoiled brat…
      I, in no way, feel *entitled* to this. I just know the huge difference it would make.
      I don’t even know if I want to ask them.
      I plan on paying for my own wedding (if that happens), and they paid for my sister’s wedding.
      I’m asking for honest feedback.

      • B

        If you phrase it as a I’d like you to give me an advance on my wedding funds and then I’ll pay for the wedding down the road, then that seems reasonable (especially if they have money put away in savings for a future wedding).

        Alternately, maybe they would be willing to finance part or all of your loans themselves? If we don’t do the refinancing I asked about above, our in laws are interested in possibly loaning us the money because it will be a steady investment with a guaranteed rate of return for them. For us, it would give us a lower interest rate, so more of our money will be going to principal. For you, maybe that would result in lower payments per month, but instead of them just giving you money, they’re offering you a lower interest rate loan.

        • Sydney Bristow

          My dad helped me with some credit card debt like this. It was super helpful since my interest rate was huge. Maybe you could approach them about paying off one of your higher interest loans and then paying them directly either a lower amount each month with interest or the same amount you’ve been paying with lower or no interest. I personally wouldn’t do this until I was at a point where I really really needed the help, but that’s just the way my family works. You’re the only one who knows how your parents might react.

        • Em

          My parents did that with some of my high interest loans. They felt like I’m a good credit risk, and it was something they could do to help me out without jeopardizing their own retirement unduly, and I think everyone has been happy with the arrangement.

        • This

          My parents are loaning me $$$ for grad school. They are getting close to retirement, and are lucky enough to have the money in nearly liquid form. They are incredibly risk adverse investors so their current interest rate on the cash is actually like <1% now. They'll be charging me way more (but still less than the govt would – thanks congress). So it's a win/win.

          On a similar note, they paid for a big a$$ wedding for my sister a couple years ago and I am not the wedding type, so they just gave me the money. I used it to help buy a house.

          Both topics my parents brought up with me (and I actually resisted doing both because I wanted to feel "self-made") so no advice on how to be the one to start such a topic. My parents are really practical people though so they approached it via that lens. I think a similar approach could be good with your parents.

      • emeralds

        I…honestly don’t know what to say here, except that you need to talk to your parents if this is a thing you seriously want. I can’t judge you for wanting parental help to defray educational expenses, since my solidly middle-class parents paid for my undergrad. But I know not all families have that expectation, or are in the position to provide that kind of help. And FWIW my parents told me I was on my own for grad school, so I’ll be taking out loans for that soon enough.

        And when you mention your sister’s wedding–did you plan on paying your own college tuition, too, and then change your mind? Is it conceivable that you could change your mind about wanting to pay for the wedding?

        I think it would also be helpful to think about what types of conversations you had with your parents, before you went to college and got all of this debt. Was there always the expectation that you would pay it all yourself? Did they help you while you were still in school? I mean, personally, like I said my parents paid for the entirety of my undergrad, but they were also very upfront; they basically said “We have $X to contribute to your education, but if you want to go someplace that will cost more than $X you will have to finance the difference yourself.”

        I would also tell you that since you are asking for something pretty major, you need to be respectful, humble, and absolutely willing to take “no” for answer, if that’s the answer you end up getting.

        • Rosie

          I agree with this, although honestly, I think it is pretty nervy to ask parents to do this. If they wanted to help you, they would have done so.

          FWIW, my DH and I paid for our own wedding. It never occurred to me that my parents would do so.

      • Anon in NYC

        Do you know how they paid for your sister’s wedding? Like, did they give her a check and let her spend it however she wanted? I have had friends whose parents gave them money when they were engaged but said they could use it for whatever (wedding, house, etc.). And do you know if they have money for your wedding already saved up and sitting in an account somewhere?

        I think if you know that your parents are waiting until you get engaged to give you a cash gift, and that they already have the cash, then it could be okay to ask them to give you the cash now for your student loans. If they say no or they don’t have the cash, you have to accept it and leave it alone.

      • KLG

        If they’ve made clear that they would pay for your wedding, I don’t see any problem with asking your parents if you could instead get that money now and use it to pay down your student loans instead of using it when you get married. If not, I think it’s a little more awkward to ask.

        I know where you’re coming from though. When my first sibling got married my parents told us all that we would each get $X when we got married and we could use that for a wedding or a down payment on a house as we saw fit. I guarantee they would have been fine with me using the money to pay off student loan debt. I would not have asked if I hadn’t already been told that they planned to give me money, but your family may be different.

      • Anne Shirley

        My parents could help me, but they haven’t offered and I don’t want to ask. Im very grateful that they are available as a back up. If I needed them to, they would help. But I don’t really need them to. At one point they offered to look into taking out a home equity loan, using it to pay off my 7.2% loans, and have me pay it back at the 3.5% rate they could get. But I’m really not comfortable with that. If they needed the money in a hurry, I wouldn’t be able to get it to them.

      • Eleanor

        I think I understand what you mean. I don’t have terribly high debt for an early-career lawyer, but the payments are still high compared to my income, and my parents are solidly upper middle class. In January my mom (not a lawyer, but well-paid) mentioned to me the size of her 2012 bonus, which was more than half of my outstanding student loan balance. She said she and my dad were saving the entire thing for retirement, and they already have a solid set or retirement accounts, and I almost blurted out, “No, give it to me!”

        I just do not think there is any way to talk about this with them, though. Even if the money would make more of a difference for me than for my parents, my mom earned that money (she is much better paid than my dad, but he does fine too). Even though I don’t feel entitled to their financial help, and I believe you when you say you don’t either, it still sounds entitled. The wedding business is irrelevant, I believe. I think the only way you could discuss this with your parents is if they offer to help you. Until then, it’s their money to offer (such as for weddings) or withhold (for student loans) as they see fit.

        • Anon

          Agree. it’s their money to spend as they see fit. I wouldn’t bring it up unless they do.

        • BigtimeAnon

          Thanks for the helpful feedback. I hate to admit it, but Eleanor and Anon make a great point-It is their money to *offer*. Not mine for the taking.
          Knowing my parents, they would be a-ok with writing me a check for the equivalent of my sister’s wedding. But, am I ready for them to say no or be offended? Truthfully, I think I am.

          FWIW- Way fewer people get accepted to my grad school than people who get married. But, hey, I didn’t write the social conventions.

          • Brant

            This is TOTALLY a “know your parents” thing. When DH and I got married, my parents wanted to pay for the wedding– and specific things, too. My dad considered it the “dadly thing to do” to write the big checks. I think it’s something he’d been picturing since I was like, 3. I’m not sure exactly what they ended up spending, but it was over $25k for sure. Would they have written me a $25k check? Never.

            DH’s parents on the other hand, gave DH a $15k check at our engagement party. They said we could use it for whatever we wanted- the rehearsal dinner, our honeymoon, a band, or savings. We ended up spending some on the rehearsal, some on our honeymoon, and everything else we used to pay off my car loan, which at the time was our highest interest debt between the two of us. I think we had a little left over to go into savings.

            DH’s parents are straightforward about money. For example, when DH was in high school, they told him they were ready, willing, and able to pay for his entire tuition/room/board to the best school he got into/wanted to go to. So when he got all his acceptances, they picked the most expensive/best school, said “Okay, 4 years will cost $x. If you go anywhere cheaper, we’ll give you 50% of the difference.” So if DH had gone to state school on the full ride he was offered, he’d of made over $100k on the deal.

            …but he ended up going to the full sticker price school (but we met there!).

          • NYC

            Yeah, I think it really depends on your parents. My folks volunteered to pay down my highest rate student loans but the understanding was that I would pay them back the following year, when I got my clerkship bonus (which I did). They would not have been down to just give me that money. But they were happy to spend 30K on my wedding, and only my wedding. That was a thing that was important to them (and I was happy to have them do it, it was amazing).

          • Wannabe Runner

            Brant – Same deal with my Dad. But it was funny, my DH didn’t want to accept it. He wanted us to fund the wedding ourselves. I was ok with either arrangement, honestly. My DH ended up wanting a bigger wedding than I did, and to fund that, we needed Dad’s money. So that’s what we did and it turned out great. :)

            My dad has also helped me with vehicle maintenance (like when the bill is >$500) and financed my last car. He gave me an interest rate of 3%, which was cheaper than the dealer. I set my bank to send him a check every month, and paid it off.

      • Anonymous

        Asking for someone to pay your debt is entitled, even if you say you don’t feel entitled to it. If they haven’t offered, then I don’t think you should ask.

      • elz

        Caveat- I don’t know anything about your relationship with your parents, or any past discussions you may have had with them- my parents’ deal with all of us was that they would pay for college, but we were on our own for grad school. If we got in a bind, they would help us, but financing a graduate education was our responsibility. We all found a way, my siblings joined in the armed forces and I took out graduate loans, worked, and had scholarships. We are, a doctor, lawyer, and dentist, and I think the deal worked out well for us. My parents financed their graduate and post doc degrees and expected we would do the same.

        As a parent, unless I had specifically discussed paying for grad school with my children, I would say no. I echo previous commenters- the money they have is theirs. Period. Their job is to raise you, not finance your various interests (laudable though they may be). If they choose to help you, that is their choice. Not yours. Remember they are your parents, not your bank.

      • Senior Attorney

        I am probably your parents’ age. My feeling is that you probably don’t know as much as you think you do about their finances, they have worked hard all their lives and are entitled to spend their money as they see fit, and it’s up to them to offer financial help to you or not, as they choose.

        As others have said, if they have made a firm commitment to pay for your wedding and you want to ask for the money now in lieu of a wedding, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. Otherwise, I think it’s up to you to pay your own loans.

        • Rosie

          I agree with this. I’m in my 50s and it is daunting to contemplate retirement, particularly after the losses of 2008. I don’t think anyone not close to retirement is in a position to judge their parents’ finances in any real way.

          • None

            Please don’t judge me of being of a negation that, bc of decision made by baby boomers, swims in debt to get graduate degrees only to make moderate wages.

          • Senior Attorney

            I can’t even understand that but I assume it’s an insult. I’m still not persuaded that the OP is entitled to the money her parents worked for unless they offer it.

        • a lawyer

          Agreed. Unless you are seriously contemplating retirement in the next few years, I do not think you can fully understand the financial issues involved. I’m at that point, and while I might offer to pay for a niece or nephew’s college, I have already been shocked at my niece’s shock that anyone would consider she might take out a student loan. I paid my own way through out of state college and a very expensive law school (my choices, which I have never regretted), so that probably jades me a bit, but I am of the opinion that too many children think their parents owe them more than parents can perhaps reasonably do, without damaging their own financial situation.

      • MB

        Food for thought: I have several friends whose parents have lived into their 80s and 90s and basically exhausted their retirement savings and the friends are now supporting the parents as best they can. It is really not unlikely that your parents will need the money to support their old age. My parents actually offered to pay off a portion of my loan debt and I said no. Their money is in municipal bonds and a few other accounts that are offering good returns. They may very well need that money later more than I do right now. I have many more years to work and pay down my loans. My parents are in their 6os and retired but in both cases, their parents/grandparents lived into their 80s and 90s. I want to make sure they are not going to have to worry, at age 85, about running out of money and having to move out of their nice home or go to a substandard senior living facility. Additionally, my best friend’s dad got cancer last year and her parents spent a considerable amount out-of-pocket on cancer treatment options their insurance wouldn’t cover. It didn’t buy him a ton of time but when someone is dying, every day is worth something. I would MUCH rather my parents have a comfortable old age free of worry about finances than pay off my student loan debt. My $.02.

        • BigtimeAnon

          As friendly reminder to those commenting- I clearly stated that I do not believe I’m *entitled* to this.

          Also, I would be asking for a *portion* of my loans that is approximately the cost of my sister’s wedding (which they had no problem paying for).

          As for the person who thinks that even thinking of asking is entitled- I really hope you never think of asking anyone for anything ever.

          • Older prof

            Hmmm. I agree this is a know your parents question. But, honestly, it does sound entitled in this sense: you are comparing what they gave for your sisters’ wedding to what you want as if those two things (wedding and debt reduction) are comparable, that since they paid for one it makes sense that they should or would like to pay for the other… I think for many people in your parents situation/generation they are not comparable at all.

            I also agree with earlier comments that parents approaching retirement age are in general not ideal candidates to be giving away their money. All that said, asking respectfully seems okay if you are willing to accept no without ill feelings. Money conversations can be very tricky in families. Good luck!

          • BigtimeAnon

            Oh no, dear. I was referring to anything. Ever. Don’t be a SAHM because then you’re living off your husband. Don’t file for unemployment, and don’t get social security. Also, never take out a loan. In all of these scenarios you’re asking for money.

          • BigtimeAnon

            Big thanks to the people who gave *constructive* feedback. I’ve thought about it, and I don’t feel right asking my parents at this point.

            Does it annoy me that my sister (college dropout whose never had a job) got a wedding that cost 1/2 of my student loans? Absolutely. But, that doesn’t mean I’m in a position to ask such a huge favor.

          • cc

            I think there is some really good feedback here. But I have to say, there is a huge difference between being a stay at home, ss, etc and asking your parents for money. It’s honestly a very weird comparison to make, and it is really not fair to make that comparison with her. You are not really asking a favor, you are asking for money. There is something entitled about asking for money. And it doesn’t mean you are a bad person or rude or anything, but even in your explanation, you state that you think you are entitled to the amount your sister got. But we are talking about apples and oranges. Your sister got a gift on her wedding day that was used to throw a party for your family and her husbands family. You are thinking about asking for help paying a debt. There is a huge difference there in why your parents may not want to give you that money. (And maybe they will, but I just think there is a huge difference in why they might want to give you a generous gift to throw a party for the family, vs paying down your debt.)

        • BigtimeAnon

          @ cc. You make a great point re the gift of a wedding. I always frame it has being a gift for my sister, but if I think of it as a gift to the families, then that makes it very different.

          Full disclosure: I took it very personally when people on here called me “entitled”. I pride myself in being very independent and self sufficient, and this is the only time I have ever, and would ever, consider asking for that kind of help. “Entitled” is something I try not to be, but obviously I don’t always succeed.

    • Terry

      Could you take a line of credit out on your house and use it to pay off your student loans? You’d definitely get the lower interest rate, but obviously wouldn’t be able to defer it in the case of job loss. I’m throwing this idea out there, but there may be consequences I haven’t thought of.

      • Lola

        I did this (well, my parents took the line of credit on their house, and i’m paying that back). Much lower rate. Was very kind of my parents – it’s their way of helping without actually giving me money. Though if I”m being honest, yes I too would love it if they wanted to gift me some cash to take a chunk out of the loans…

      • B

        We already have an 80% mortgage, so I don’t think we can do a line of credit on top of it. When we looked at second mortgage rates 10%, they were in the 7-8% range I think.

  5. Anon for this

    Does any other lawyer out there feel a little desperate/ depressed/ frustrated with their employment situation? I graduated last year was only able to find a part time job. I am still looking for a more stable and better paying job, but sometimes I just feel completely hopeless, and wonder if I am ever going to break out and have the opportunity to grow into some sort of legal superstar, or if I am stuck with a barely getting by situation. Sometimes I feel like I am trapped and I am bringing down my family (I am married, but no kids).

    Sorry, just needed to vent.

    • 2013

      Graduated last year and still looking for a job too. It sucks. I get $1000/month from my school but that’s coming to close and never paid the bills anyway. I will be over the moon when I find a real job.

      • Anon for this

        What is your searching strategy? (Also, open question to any job seekers).

        Mine goes between sending out a crap ton of emails to alums and contacts, plus the job boards, then proceeding to fall into a ball of tears on my couch.

        • 2013

          My strategy is pretty much the same. I’m talking to as many people as I can, but it gets exhausting and so I can’t do it all day every day.

          • Anon for this

            I do informationals a lot too. I guess at some point I just want someone to say “I like you and I will make a position for you.” I know that is like a pipe dream, but I am emotionally exhausted sometimes. Like, I work hard, but hoping for miracles.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Yes. I graduated in Jan 2011 and have been doing document review. It was fine until my last project ended and I haven’t been able to get another one for 4 weeks now. I managed to build up my savings so I’m ok for now but I really miss getting a paycheck and even more than that, I miss having a job that I was excited about (aka only 1 of the projects I was on and my pre-law school career).

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s! Kat, there is some jerk useing my name and posting here. This has happened before, but I did NOT say anything, but I onley put in ONE comment per post so as to give others the right to post and so as NOT to clutter up the websight.

      As for the OP, I feel for you. I just had my career aspireation’s thwarted by my DAD b/c he does NOT want to for me to put money into the partnership b/c he think’s the manageing partner is MISmanageing the partnership. But Myrna said this could be a blessing in disguese b/c I should NOT want to be a part of a partnership where I am the onley one doing alot of work and am carrying the other’s. FOOEY!

      Today, I took the M34 bus over to Macy’s b/c they are haveing a BIG sale this weekend and it was to hot to walk over there. When I got on the bus, I had to stand, and some guy grabbed my tuchus when I was holdeing on to the railing. At first I did NOT know he did that–I thought he just bumped into me, but when he did it again, he squeezed my tuchus and I got mad. I told him that this was improper and he should squeeze his OWN tuchus but NOT mine. Another gentelman saw what he did and he told him that he would turn him in to the MTA unless he got off immedeaitely! The guy got scared and ran off. I think he had just eaten a potatoe knish b/c he left some greasy stuff on my dress. I was goieing to send this dress to the dry cleanear’s any way, but that was VERY stupid of him to do. I also should have walked to Macy’s and gotten FITBIT credit, but it is SOOOOOO hot today! FOOEY!

      Tomorrow, Myrna and I am going to my house and mom and dad are takeing us out to dinner. Myrna will help me on the financenial aspects of the partnership thing after talking to DAD. Have a good weekend everybody, and Kat, I wonder why somebody is trying to make me look dumb. FOOEY on that. YAY if you can tell them to stop!

      Now

    • Me too

      Yup. Got laid off from my first post-law school job after a year and have been working at a temp job for almost two years and job hunting the whole time. There is a point where you become so disillusioned you just assume nothing will come from anything anymore.

    • That was me, too

      Hope I’m not too late to post something helpful.

      Instead of just sending out resumes and asking for informational interviews, see if you can be an unpaid intern somewhere, at least part-time. This will accomplish multiple things: getting you out of the house, you will be “networking” naturally during the course of your work, people will actually see your work product and not just a bunch of grades and you’ll get valuable real-world experiences. Government or legal aid might be interested in your help.

      If you need to earn money, then you need to be an intern 20 hours a week and get a paid retail gig the other 20, live with friends, or whatever else would allow you to be unpaid for a time.

      Finally, get out into the world and connect in person. Go to bar association events, young lawyer groups, etc. Sending a resume out isn’t as effective as having a personal relationship with Awesome Lawyer X. Every job I’ve gotten as a lawyer (I’m a recent grad, within the past few years) has been through a personal contact.

      Good luck!

      • Anon for this

        I am working part time and getting my name out there. My frustration comes from the slowness of everything (I’ve been doing this for a year). I work a lot on building my professional relationships and go to events, but I am just emotionally exhausted at this point. I know that isn’t an excuse and I have to pick myself up and keep on going, but I feel like a good analogy for this is that I’ve been running this job search marathon for a while and it still doesn’t feel like the finish line is anywhere in sight.

  6. roses

    Is it reasonable to demand that your landlord hire an exterminator after you’ve found 2 cockroaches in your room? (I’m in DC, if it matters).

    • senora

      Try some self-help first. Do a deep clean (roaches are attracted to food/mess/dirt) and spray some roach killer where you’ve seen them and in the doorways. I get occasional roaches in my house (no LL to call) and that clears it up (and my cat is a really good hunter). It’s not always necessary to spend big money on an exterminator so a LL might resist.

    • petitesq

      Eh, not yet. Agree with senora on starting with self help. At the end of the day, it’s DC, in the summer. Cockroaches happen. Now, if you’re seeing them a lot, still living, even after self help, go ahead and prompt them to have someone come out.

    • Anonymous

      I would. If you see one cockroach you know that there are like 100 you can’t see (not to freak you out). It could be a problem caused by a neighbor. Or they could be coming from outside (are you on the ground floor?) If they do exterminate they will need to do the entire building. I live in DC and I had a cockroach problem in one apartment (caused by neighbors, not me). I am very picky about where I live now and I always ask if they’ve EVER had a bug problem. We ended up having to move.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Are you in an apartment building? I’m in NYC and when I lived in an apartment building the exterminator came once a month for the entire building. I never knew that until I happened to be home one day when he came by. You might ask if something similar happens at your place.

      Also get some boric acid to put around in corners after doing a deep clean. It kills them and is pretty cheap.

    • L

      Ick. If you live in a managed building, you should have a regular pest schedule and you should notify them ASAP.

      If not, I would still call the LL and do the deep clean. It could be coming from a neighbor, it could be a freak accident, but it is in their best interest to nip it in the bud as early as possible. Some leases have clauses that will make you pay if you don’t notify them at the first sign of pests/mold/etc

    • saacnmama

      It could be from a neighbor. I reported roaches to the management once, who put it all back on me, saying I wasn’t keeping the place clean enough and that I was “storing” my kiddos used diapers because I didn’t take the trash out every night. Turned out that my upstairs neighbor’s plumbing was leaking and there was a lot of water and mold and disgusting stuff on my ceiling. We figured it out when that water started to leak into my apt.

    • SoCalAtty

      YES!! Once roaches get into the building, they are near impossible to get out. My dad used to manage large apartment complexes, and he had a mandate that if you saw one, you were to report it to management immediately. If you’ve had any recent move-ins, it is highly possible your neighbor brought them in. The only way to get rid of them is to treat the affected apartments, along with the apartments on either side of those.

      • senora

        Agreed. I was assuming you live in a single family house. If you live in a complex or share walls with neighbors, call the LL ASAP.

    • A

      As a long time DC resident, I can tell you that what the building does will not help. What you need to do is go and seal up every single crack in your apartment. Are there gaps where the pipes come in under the sink? Plug them with steel wool. Caulk everything you can. Really look thoroughly for all gaps. Then — presuming you don’t have pets — go to the hardware store and get a bottle of boric acid (a powder). Sprinkle it behind the stove, in all gaps you haven’t caulked, under furniture, etc. That will kill them- I think it sticks to them when they walk across it. Takes a little while to work, and you may have a few generations of bugs (as already-laid eggs hatch). But we cleared a major infestation in a large Mt Pleasant (otherwise very very nice) apartment building this way.

      • A

        Also, immediately dry up any water left standing, e.g. in the sink after you wash dishes or in the tub when you take a bath. They LOVE water. Grossest thing that ever happened was mopping the floor to feel like I was keeping it clean so the roaches wouldn’t come, and having them all come out to drink the mop water.

    • 2013

      I am an authority on this subject. Cleaning is good but you can never clean more/better than a roach can eat. Clean up, then use Advion bait gel from the internet. It’s as good as anything landlord can call in.

    • roses

      Thanks all. I do live in a single-family house, and have more of an informal relationship with my landlady, so that’s why I was wondering whether it was reasonable to ask, since it isn’t in my contract. I’ll try some gel and see what happens!

      • 2013

        Landlords are responsible for pest control – it doesn’t have to be in your contract.

  8. T. McGill

    How does it work going back to a stylist to fix a haircut? I had my hair cut last weekend, and I’m realizing the bangs my stylist did are not working. I thought they were going to be long and angled, but its more like long and blunt, so they lay funny. I am going to stop by this weekend to have her angle them off. Is that fix-up something that I will have to pay for? Do I need to give a tip (on top of the tip I gave at the haircut last week)? I’ve never gone back to have something tweaked or corrected, so not sure of protocol.

    • 2013

      Obviously fixing a cut should always be free, but bang cuts are free at my stylist anyway so it’s not a big deal at all to get your bangs fixed.

    • emeralds

      I’ve only gone back to get a cut corrected once, but my stylist didn’t make me pay for it. I think it should definitely be free (and if it wasn’t, I would stop using the salon or stylist in question).

    • L

      Should be free and honestly I didn’t tip. I still wasn’t pleased with the fix, but it made it manageable.

      • A

        +1

        I went back because I was unhappy with what he did and tipped him, but in retrospect wish I hadn’t because he was rude and failed to grasp that he totally didn’t do what I asked for, and just what was on trend in his home culture.

  9. Law school for non-lawyers?

    I live in DC, I’m in my mid-twenties, and I work in the think tank world. I do a lot of research right now, but I would like to evaluate or influence national policy [eventually]. How useful would law school be? Or, to put it another way, would it be more/less useful than a two-year MA in public policy or economics? Or a PhD in a relevant field? What sort of options would it open up?

    Let’s assume this is a magical world with the following parameters:
    1. Top school (T14? T5?)
    2. No more than, say, $50-70k in debt — a number I picked up from a thread here once.

    Now, I’m not saying I *will* get in to a top school with lots of $, just that those stars would have to align for me to go down this path. (I’m nervous about that much debt because I know what salaries are around here. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on the above threads on student loans & unemployment, as well.)

    Would love to hear anyone’s thoughts who’s made a similar decision…

    • 2013

      Georgetown 2012 here. I posted above. Do you make more than $1000/month currently? Then don’t go to law school.

      • 2013- alternate

        Also Georgetown 2012. I am employed in the exact type of role I went to law school to get. I networked my pants off while in school, and did a lot of research before making the law school bet.

    • Joanie

      I think that you should not go to law school unless you want to be a lawyer (and understand what lawyers really do day-to-day). I don’t think the numbers you have listed are at all realistic either.

      I don’t really know if it would be helpful to your ideal career to have a law degree or one of the other degrees listed, but it is a huge risk to take for an unknown amount of gain. I would look at how the people who have the jobs you want got there. If they are lawyers, where did they start their career? What has their career path been? Is that something that you would be interested in doing? Are there other cheaper ways to get similar experience?

    • KLG

      I think for a T14 you’re looking at more like $100-120K in debt. I can’t compare it to other avenues (MA/PhD) because I haven’t done them, but a law degree is barely worth it for someone who wants to practice law. I would definitely see if you could get where you want to be with other options. My sister got a masters degree and works in more of a policy arena (although different from where you want to be) and while it wasn’t cheap, it was more in line with the $$ you described and a year less time commitment.

    • a.k.

      I think it depends on what type of policy, to some extent. But agree with others that law school is not the default. I work in a policy role for the federal government and while the majority of my colleagues are lawyers, they are not necessarily doing legal work. Analytical and writing skills are more important. Our team has a number of people with policy degrees (myself included) and then other people who worked in industry before transitioning to government.

      • OP

        The question about law school came up because I’m interested in tech policy, and I find the current/future legal issues that are being hashed out right now fascinating. But I’m also considering a JD because it seems like an interesting “base” to have that could potentially be useful if I hit my head in five years and change my interests completely.

      • OP

        Reply is in moderation, but short answer = tech policy. (And thanks to all for the swift replies, it almost feels like I’m trolling…)

    • I am a banana.

      I think the MA direction is a better one to head toward with your interests. I didn’t find my law school to be a great gateway to policy work, which I had an interest in. I went to a T20 one if that matters.

    • Kanye East

      This is just my own cynical and jaded opinion, but I don’t think you should go to law school unless (1) it’s your dream and there’s nothing you’d rather do or (2) you have a very clear idea of what you want to do during and after law school.

      Just going to get some extra letters after your name doesn’t open many doors, especially not in this economy.

      • A Nonny Moose

        Slight disagreement in so far as working in DC goes. OP, if you have any interest in working on the Hill, do note that while some MOCs couldn’t care less, others have a strong preference for hiring JDs for mid and upper-level legislative positions.

        That said– that boost is not likely worth the extra $100k+ in debt to go to a top law school, and previous Hill experience matters even more, so I do agree with the majority of what Kanye and others said.

      • Dulcinea

        I disagree slightly with Kanye’s #2 – it doesn’t matter if you “know” what you “want”, you have to know that you have a clear and safe path to get it and law school alone is not a clear and solid path to anything. I’m a 2011 grad and I just started my first real salaried, not contractor job this month.

    • BigtimeAnon

      Don’t go to law school. It’s just a bad deal right now.
      How will your MA be paid for ?
      Only do a PhD if you are FULLY funded. The PhD program should pay you to do it.
      Don’t do an MA or PhD to help your financial future.

      Go to law school if you are willing to practice in biglaw for at least 3 years to pay off debt quickly.
      Do an MA or PhD for your love of intellectual life and learning NOT as a career path.

      Sincerely,
      A Recovering Academic

      • Baby DC Attorney

        Just in my experience as a 2011 grad, the advice “don’t go unless you want to work in biglaw for 3 years to pay off your debt” is incredibly outdated. Many of my classmates felt this way, yet I can count on 1 hand the number of people who actually made it into biglaw — and they all knew someone to get there.

        • BigtimeAnon

          Sry, should have specified. Don’t even bother going if you aren’t going to one of the top 15 law schools. Those people have no trouble finding jobs.

          • BigtimeAnon

            Really? The University of Chicago placed every single grad last year except one or 2. One did a Phd the other, I believe, had severe psychological problems. Do you know something I don’t? One of the top 3 firms in Manhattan had an enormous recruiting class this year. Maybe its top 5 law school, then. Gosh!

          • OtherAnon

            BigtimeAnon: Not true – there were several who were/are flat out unemployed, plus probably 8-10 who are in one year, low-paying, school-funded jobs. I’d still say well over 90% are in full time legal/JD-preferred jobs, which is an incredible stat if you’re comparing across careers, but even at a Top 5 school there’s no such thing as a “sure thing.”

          • Penn here

            Er yeah, 2011 grad and MANY classmates had no idea what they were going to do after the bar exam. Many are still underemployed.

        • BigtimeAnon

          This is mind-blowing to me. Honestly. I saw the list of the 2012 U of C grads and where they work. All but a few were employed. Most were employed at big firms, and some chose to go into policy work and whatnot. Maybe the list I read was totally wrong or something, but it listed the individual’s name and where they work. Maybe I’m a bad reader?

          • OtherAnon

            You’re not a bad reader, you just don’t know the missing information, such as:
            1) When it lists a public interest org, you don’t know whether it’s through a prestigious, independent fellowship (of which there were several) or whether it’s a one-year, school-funded fellowship
            2) Students had the option of whether to have their names and/or places of employment in the stats. I haven’t seen the list, but I am guessing that those who were not employed chose not to have their info included.

            I’m not saying there was rampant unemployment in my class (2012, to clarify), or that UofC did something super shady – compared to other schools that pay up to 20% of their grads to do shoddy research positions so they don’t have to report that they’re unemployed, this is nothing. And like I said, I’m certain that over 90% of the class obtained legal jobs. But I do know plenty of people who did not get a BigLaw job who wanted one, and there are a handful who don’t have any legal job at all. Not even a T5 is a sure thing, but then again, no type of grad school (perhaps not counting medical school) is.

          • BigtimeAnon

            @ OtherAnon

            Thanks for clarifying. Even the U of C isn’t as transparent as we’d like. Obviously, nothing is ever guaranteed. But, I think it is fair to say that attending a Top 15 or Top 10 law school, with the hopes of working at a mid-sized regional firm or large firm in NYC is reasonable.

            I think the bottom line is: the law school gravy train was done 4 or 5 years ago. 10 years ago, if you went to Solid State U you could get a good job at a smaller regional firm and have pretty good employment prospects for life. That is no longer the case. At all.

          • @bigtimeanon

            First of all, 2012 graduated a year ago. We are talking about employed at graduation. 2013 is not all That number in 2012 looked a lot different. Looking at u of c, 3 are in part time or short term jobs, 17 are employed by the university. Again there is a huge difference between employed a year later and at graduation

          • BigtimeAnon

            Wow, *17* employed by the school. This has been really eye-opening. I guess my friends are really fortunate. I also looked closely at UChicago’s law school website’s employment stats. The mean private sector salary is $146k. That is a great salary, but is it worth $150k of debt?

            Anywho, thanks for the insights.

    • roses

      Bear in mind that just because you see a lot of people with JDs in the upper echelons of policy doesn’t mean that they actually needed that JD to get there – policy is just an attractive option for people who are looking to leave the legal field. See if you can do some informational interviews or meet people at networking events in the types of jobs you want to get, and get their thoughts on the need for a JD.

    • Ginjury

      What kind of policy do you want to evaluate/influence? I work for a think tank/policy research company and they actually have tuition reimbursement for classes that apply to your job. What are you doing right now? Unless you want to create legislation, rather than evaluate and influence it, law school does not seem like a very good idea. Even then, you may be better off getting a higher degree in something more specific (public health, ed, etc.). At least in my field, that’s more appropriate.

      • OP

        A bit more detail an an earlier reply, but the question about law school came up because I’m interested in tech policy.

        • Lynnet

          If you want to do tech policy, I think it would be far better for your long term prospects to get a graduate degree in whatever technical field you’re interested in. I know a ton of doors have been openned for my brother in the DC public policy world because his background is in math and the hard sciences and that’s very rare.

    • Anon

      I did a joint JD/MPP program. My policy school classmates are the ones doing policy work now. Don’t go to law school unless you want to be a lawyer.

    • Double Hoo

      I have an MPP and am shortly going to start work as a policy analyst in a (non-US) government agency. I would say don’t go to law school, or if you really think it will valuable, find a combined MPP/JD option. (Brief plug for my alma mater, UVA has a good program.) My experience of applying for jobs in this field is that most people can talk a good game, but it’s really useful to also have some econ/statistics background, which a JD won’t give you. I got my job because of the quantitative part of my degree, and I think it adds value to your overall resume/profile that a JD may not. Plus it isn’t as expensive.

      I guess the short answer is… if you’re asking on here, it implies that you don’t know for sure if law school would benefit you, and in that case it probably is not a smart move to make.

      • emeralds

        Go Hoos :) and the Batten School. I have quite a few friends who have gotten their MPPs through it, and all of them have found great policy positions after graduating. And that’s all I know about how to get a policy job!

        • Double Hoo

          Wahoowa! :)

          Batten is a new program but I found it very worthwhile, so anyone in the market for an MPP should check it out.

    • L

      I’m just all over this thread today. I posed this question awhile ago and overwhelming the response was don’t go to law school unless you want to be a lawyer. If you want to do policy, start carving out an area of interest for yourself. If you can afford it, take a pay cut and go work on the Hill and get exposure to wide areas. Go work for an agency. Take a certificate class on regulatory policy. Think tanks are a special place where everyone has about 20 degrees. In my humble opinion, if you want to influence policy that involves Congress and/or agencies. You can get far without an additional degree in either of those spaces and wouldn’t price yourself out of a job through additional debt.

    • dclawyer

      I would also say don’t do law school if you don’t want to be a lawyer. I’ve worked on the Hill, in a fed agency, and now in big law. I know many lawyers in policy positions who either regret going to law school (because of the debt and time suck) or near-regret it because they realize they could have done just as well getting into their positions of power/influence with work experience. I think an MPP or some other MA would better serve you. In my experience, the only thing “counsel” gets you in the policy world is (sometimes) a somewhat larger paycheck and (sometimes) more clout if your field has a legal focus. But YMMV.

      If you got an MPP from a school that has a law school, you may be able to register for law classes (e.g., a seminar on Law and Technology or Internet Law), that would give you a primer on legal issues in your field, without you having to spend 3 years and tons of money.

      Another thought: you may want to consider staying in DC, working, and attending school at night, if you can, and if the stars align such that you get into a program in DC that is good/better than any other one you get into. That way, you continue building work experience (huge plus in DC) and you stay inside the beltway. I have friends who left DC to go to the K school and wish they had stayed here, or at least done a better job maintaining their network here (since having Harvard on their resume obviously isn’t a bad thing). It can be hard to break back in, even if you were once an insider.

      Good luck!

    • Chini

      I’m glad this thread got so many responses. I’m in a similar boat, in that I’ve been in the foreign policy world for many years now. I lucked into an internship in college that I was able to parlay into a full-time position. I’m at the point in my career where I don’t *need* an advanced degree to be comfortably employed. But I have a bit of imposter syndrome (ALL of my colleagues have MAs, MBAs, or JDs), and I’ve realized it would be VERY hard to move to another organization without some type of degree. Yes, I have ten years of experience, but I’d be competing with people who have 10+ years of experience AND advanced degrees.

      I considered law school because I enjoy the regulatory/compliance aspects of my job, and I also like the idea of studying legal theory. But my lawyer coworkers and friends are very adamant that I should NOT go to law school unless I actually want to practice law. And to be honest, the idea of three years of the stress and expense of law school, just to be doing what I’m already doing but with more street cred, isn’t very appealing. I think an LLM in international law would be ideal for me, but programs (at least in the U.S.) don’t accept people who don’t already hold primary law degrees. The only academically rigorous “law for non-lawyers interested in international affairs” option I’m aware of is an MA from the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy. My colleagues who went there speak very highly of it.

      The other thing I have to consider is the opportunity cost of forgoing a salary for the duration of a program, anywhere from one year (for an executive master’s) to three years (for law school). I’ve ruled out part-time options, personally, because I simply don’t have the energy and drive to persevere through several years of intense coursework/paper-writing/studying on top of my full-time-and-then-some job. I know a lot of people do this, though, and DC has a number of really good schools used to accommodating the schedules of people in government and NGOs.

      I’d be interested in hearing from people who never went back to school but still ended up with a successful career.

      • Policy

        I just started a part-time professional (non-law) degree. I am ten years out of school and my career is going pretty well. I don’t think my lack of grad degree will hurt me getting my next job or the next job after that. I worried about when I am 45 though and in the running to live a large scale organization. Will I be as competitive candidate without a grad degree since so many of my peers have them?

      • LSE grad

        I did my masters at LSE, which was really cheap (seriously) and is very prestigious in the US/DC/policy scene, at least in my experience. Maybe that’s a good option for you? They have very tightly-focused policy programs.

    • Policy

      I think this depends a lot on the policy area you are interested in. Different fields have different types of degrees and different schools for those degrees that would yield the best job prospects. I work in a similar type of org in DC and would not be automatically impressed by a law degree at all.

      If you can generally describe the policy area you want to work in, you will get much more accurate advice.

      • OP

        I’m interested in tech policy, generally speaking, which seems to be fairly saturated with JDs already in some areas. But there is so much change and so many legal questions that we’re only beginning to wrestle with – I would like to be able to think ahead of the curve on some major issues. I am also interested in how a legal background might relate to other areas of policy, though, because I’ve spoken to people who indicated it might be a good foundation for a later-career shift in disciplines.

  10. downstream

    I just saw the post from yesterday about occipital migraines (the ones where you see weird) and I wanted to throw in my two cents: I started getting these 1-2 times a month about a year or two ago, and it was related to my birth control (I used the ring). I was also using it back-to-back instead of skipping a week like I was supposed to. I took the ring out and skipped a week of pills once every 2-3 months and the problem more or less resolved itself.

  12. Lady Harriet

    I just got my first smartphone this week (a lower-level Samsung Android model) and I know I need to get a case. Do you recommend a soft rubber one, a hard case, or a hard case with rubbery bits on it? Or something else? I know I will drop the phone a lot, so I need something that will protect it, not just look fancy. I don’t think I need a waterproof case. I did some browsing on Amazon and it looks like most of the cases out there that will fit my phone are either plain colors or have patterns that aren’t my style.

    Any useful free app recommendations as well? I already have Juice Defender, Mint, Dropbox, a phone finder, a flashlight, and a few others. I don’t want games because I know I’d just waste too much time with them!

    • HSAL

      If you’re going to drop it a lot, get an OtterBox. It may not be your aesthetic ideal, but it will save you hundreds of dollars if you drop it on concrete. If you’re going for cute, they have a ton of variety from Zazzle (though I only looked at those for my iPhone, so I don’t know the availability for other smartphones).

      I recommend one silly game (I’m currently obsessed with CandyCrush). IMDB is handy. Definitely yelp or Urbanspoon. Pandora? If you use a reader, I love the Feedly app.

      • Lady Harriet

        Sadly, it looks like Otterbox doesn’t make a case for my phone. It’s too bad, since the family I babysit for had one on their iPad, and if it could withstand three girls under age 5 then I think it would withstand me too!

    • Susie

      I put off getting a case for my HTC android phone.. then I dropped it and broke the screen (on my birthday no less). Now I just have a cheap soft rubber one and seems to work fine, I’ve dropped it with no breakage. I don’t do apps, the only one I downloaded was the email client my company uses that syncs with my Outlook.

    • Phone bumbler

      Bear Motion Premium Folio Case. (It has a snap, not magnet like some others so it won’t ruin your phone.) Best purchase I’ve ever made, as a frequent phone dropper when walking the dog.

      http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009N5P5TE/ref=oh_details_o02_s00_i01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

      In my experience, hardshells often snap off on impact. Absolutely the worst you can get. The gels are a bit better about staying attached, but still not 100 percent.

      Also, get the sticker stuff to protect the screen. All it takes is a hairline break to ruin the screen. Experiment a few times. When you first apply (at least for me), I would get bubbles trapped under the sticker. A little bit of practice and it’s perfect now. Like you wouldn’t even know there is a screen saver on.

    • NOLA

      I have a rubber cover with some texture (it’s a split one because I have a sliding keyboard – Samsung Stratosphere). I have dropped it many times and have had no damage. Also, the texture on the rubber grips so if I’m at the gym and I put my phone down on a machine, it won’t slide off (I listen to music on my phone). The only problem I’ve had is that one time I dropped it and the SD card popped out without being unmounted and all of my music disappeared. I had Verizon look at it, it was fine, and I just reloaded the music and moved on.

    • M-C

      You do? I’ve had a smartphone for ?5 years? and never a case (and never a problem). Learn to lock your keyboard and it should be all good :-).

  13. momentsofabsurdity

    I can’t even handle how cold my office is. I opened the windows (to let warm air in) but I am shiiiiivering. I have barely gotten work done since that’s difficult when you are working while curled in a ball.

    Seriously, our office is 61 degrees. I have no idea how anyone is getting work done.

    • Orangerie

      I feel your pain. In my old office building, I resorted to buying an electric blanket and covering my lap & legs with it. Even during the summer.

      • A

        Hmmm.. electric blanket. I’ve been using a space heater, but it’s seriously drying out my legs.

  14. Wedding guest

    Has anyone been to the Temple University Diamond Club venue for a wedding? I am invited and there is no dress code listed on the invite and I’m trying to gauge how fancy or casual this venue will be? TIA!!

  15. Annoyed Lawyer

    So maybe I’m being petty but a couple of the assistants are apparently going out tonight – one of them came to work dressed in a very short dress and very high heels and have been talking about it ALL DAY. (sorry for the Ellen caps). The other one just got changed apparently and assistant 1 talked to assistant 2’s boss, asking him if he was going to “let her go out dressed like that”.

    This just seems so immature and unprofessional (they’re in their mid-30s, one has a kid) plus inappropriate on so many levels to ask a male boss if his younger female assistant can go out dressed that way. My feminist ire is at an all-time high right now.

    Maybe I’m just jealous because I’m still working away but this just seems so inappropriate to me.

    • Anonymous

      Meh. Its annoying, but I see stuff like this all the time. Instead of being annoyed, I tend to take more of a haughty approach and think that I would have the sense not to do this. I’m dead serious. I realize this is at the same level or worse than being annoyed, but its better for my mental health than spending time being annoyed. Being a snob > being annoyed.

    • LilyB

      I’d be super annoyed, too. I know it’s wrong but when I see women behaving that way, I feel like it reflects badly on all women and sets us all back decades as far as equality. I’m sure men don’t feel like men behaving badly reflects on their entire gender, so I know I’m buying into a double standard here, but I can’t help it.

      • Anonymous

        While it is annoying, I think it is also indicative of the different positions these women and OP occupy within the company.

        • BigtimeAnon

          Check yoself, homegirl. I was an assistant. When I was, I made a lot of money. I also speak 3 languages and have a graduate degree from a very school. I took the job bc I made more money being an EA than a PhD stipend would have paid me (I already had an MA).
          The other EA’s also had college degrees (many from good schools), work experience and were great at their jobs.

          I’m not longer an EA, and I’m in a role that better suits my talents and background. Try real hard, and maybe you can work for me some day.

          • BigtimeAnon

            I made a typo. I’m sorry. At least I didn’t insult people based on their profession.

          • Crosssfit

            I think it is important for us not to talk about other people’s business like we know what’s up. I’m a second year lawyer. I earn six figures. However the assistant to a 20 year call at my firm makes more than me and would be harder to replace than me and quite honestly is better at her job that I am at mine. Not that I am bad at my job but I am sure she is flawless at hers and she is invaluable to our firm while I am not.

            There is nothing at all unusual about any of this.

          • BigtimeAnon

            @Crossfit I’m sorry if I came down too hard on the other post, but it really grills my cheese when people talk about assistants like they are all low-life troglodytes who dress like Snooki.

            Many are very professional, educated and great at what they do. And..they leave at 5pm and don’t have law school loans!

            People find roles that financially, intellectually and emotionally fill *their* needs which might be different than yours or mine.

    • downstream

      Agree that it’s inappropriate, but it’s also really not your problem or your business.

  16. Anon for this

    How do you handle it when you get assigned work you’re really not ready for?

    For context, I’m the new associate at a small firm. I was hired several months ago mostly to do civil litigation & real estate work. Now one of the partners has some family issues he’s dealing with, and so a lot more work is falling to me. On the one hand, this is a fantastic opportunity. On the other, I have no idea what’s involved in a federal criminal case or the sale of a closely-held corporation. Most days I’m the only attorney in the office; everyone else is dealing with personal stuff (the partner) or in court.

    • Olivia Pope

      More experienced lawyers may be able to give you better advice, but why don’t you take a look at practice area specific resources? On Westlaw or Lexis, there are tons of practice guides that you could use to orient yourself since the other attorneys are out of the office.

    • I am a banana.

      Make a list of the things that are scaring you/that you feel like you aren’t ready for. When the partner calls to check in, go down the list and say you are unfamiliar with x y and z and want to know how he would approach those items.

      I’m sure he can save you a lot of time and would rather know you need a pointer in the right direction than have to deal with cleaning up later (not saying you won’t be able to figure it out, but mistakes happen and they happen a lot more when you are in an unfamiliar area).

    • Wannabe Runner

      Could you look for help outside the firm? If there are other more experienced lawyers in the field outside your firm, could you ask them?

    • Need to Improve

      Sheryl Sandberg has great insight on this in Lean In. Beascially, she says that she constantly has felt (and been) “unprepared” to do the thing she is tasked with doing, and that is how she has grown in her career.

      That said, it is scary and you don’t want to commit malpractice. Start by reading some treatises and practice guides. Read the federal rules of crim pro. Look at dockets in comparable cases and see what motions have been filed. And ask as many questions as you can when you get your boss to pay attention.

  17. Anonymous

    Does anyone else constantly struggle with feeling like a failure even though objectively most people think you’re doing well? For example, I just graduated law school cum laude, but I just feel ashamed that I couldn’t do any better. I got in shape this past year, but still feel unhappy with my looks. Started learning a new language, but haven’t gotten far at all. Etc. etc. It just seems like I’ve failed at so many of the goals I had when I was younger. When someone tells me “congrats,” I just want to ask them “for what”?

    • Eleanor

      Yep. Yes to all of that, even your particular examples. I always feel bad that I didn’t or don’t do better at X. I’m trying to be mindful of this attitude and rational about it. For starters, when people compliment me I have stopped trying to minimize myself in response. I just smile and thank them.

      I have also really tried to stop comparing myself to other people, in any way. When I see people who have virtues I want to emulate, I think about how glad I am to have such a good example, and how I can implement those kinds of positive things in my life, but I actively try to prevent myself from comoparing myself with those people negatively.

      I have also tried to adopt an attitude of what’s in the past is in the past – I can learn from it but I can’t change it – and what’s in the future is something I can strive for. This sounds hokey, I realize, but it helps me.

      • Lady Harriet

        Yes, yes, yes! I graduated two years ago (undergrad) and work for my alma mater. When I went to graduation this year I watched almost all my friends graduate with honors and felt crummy that my GPA wasn’t as good, even several years later. I had bad grades the first two years, then had a major turnaround and was on the dean’s list my last two years. I have a job, and it’s even in my field, but I feel bad that the pay is irregular and I had to be hired by my old professors to get it. I’m still living with my mom, and this makes me feel like I haven’t grown up, even though I pay my share of all the household expenses. The list goes on!

        I know I have big problems with jealousy and comparing myself to my friends, and I’m trying to make it stop. I’m in counseling and it helps, but my progress is slow.

        I really like Eleanor’s advice! It doesn’t sound hokey at all to me, just a very mature way of looking at life.

    • A

      All-the-time. I’m pretty sure it’s not internal though.

      I went to the college of my dreams and at graduation, my parents said: ‘when’s the next one?’
      At law school graduation from T10, ‘when are you getting a phD?’

      Lately, ‘when are you getting married?’

      Mind you, I don’t care about these things (other than omg, i want a baby!), and I’m working on getting rid of those external voices, but it’s really really hard. My little sister who has an MD has expressed similar sentiments.

      I’m working on being grateful for what I have, proud of what I’ve accomplished, and focusing on making ME happy.

    • Olivia Pope

      Stop idolizing your ideal self and appreciate your actual self.

      I realized that’s what I was doing after a church sermon. I don’t have problems comparing myself to other people and I have plenty of positive reinforcement, like you. Yet, I would achieve great things and feel disappointed. (My LSAT score was good enough for the law school that I wanted, I was accepted with a huge scholarship making it possible for me to go without drowning in debt. But it was literally 1 point lower than what I wanted so I felt disappointed. Which is stupid.) The problem was the idealized version of myself in my head that I always compared myself to.

      Trust me, you can improve. Once I realized what I was doing, I was able to point out to myself how dumb that was. Eventually, I relaxed and now I feel good about myself. You can do it!

    • anon

      Who cares if you aren’t perfect? None of those things really matter – getting straight As, learning a new language flawlessly, being in killer shape. It doesn’t matter! The only thing that matters is how YOU look at yourself. No one else is judging you as harshly as you are. Stop and think about moments that have brought you true happiness — a walk in the park on a gorgeous fall day, laughing with friends, eating a great meal, falling in love, whatever it is. Did you need to be perfect to experience any of those things? Nope. We put these ridiculously high expectations on ourselves and forget what really matters. Success does not equal happiness. I say all this because it’s something I’ve been struggling with too.

  18. Kindle contd

    Following on all the praise for kindle white this morning, I finally got around to looking at the kindle page. I want to get one, mostly for my kid so my computer is all MINE. Does anyone here have Kindle fire or the b/w Kindle with a keyboard? How well do surfing & typing work on them?

    • 2013

      Kindle keyboard is really hard to type on and not designed for anything besides reading books. Kindle Fire used to have issues with kids being able to use it to spend all their parents money without the parents knowing (issue for toddlers on accident, not teenagers on purpose) but I think they fixed it.

    • Double Hoo

      I was too late for the Kindle thread, but if that poster is reading today, here’s another reason I love mine that I wasn’t expecting: it’s fantastic for actually remembering all the books I want to read. I download the free samples and keep them in a “Reading List” folder I made on the device, and it’s like having my own personalized “new releases” shelf. I have about 60 items in this folder so far (and adding as I think of things) so I have no idea when/if I’ll read them all, but it’s a nice way to remember what I aspire to read. Then I just buy whatever on the list appeals to me when I need a new book.

      Another advantage of the e-ink Kindles over the Fire, iPad, etc., is that the battery lasts for weeks compared to hours, so the recharging hassle is a lot less.

      • Anonymous

        They’re now advertising “FreeTime” which gives kids under 8 access to a bunch of sites and books. Is that what the brouhaha was about?

        I saw the difference in charge times, probably need to decide exactly what it would be for–just a book, or a way to avoid getting my 10-yr-old a computer for a few years.

    • Lady Harriet

      My brother and I got our mom the Kindle Fire for her birthday/Christmas last year. She mostly listens to internet radio on it, with some browsing and books too. I gather that typing is akin to an iPad–easier than a phone, more difficult than a real keyboard. My mom has very large hands, so she hates small keyboards, but it hasn’t been too much of a problem for her. Surfing the internet is fine.

    • Chini

      For the kids and websurfing, Kindle Fire is fine. But if you were looking for something for yourself, I’d actually recommend the regular Kindle (especially if you already have an iPad, tablet, or even a smartphone). I carry my original Kindle everywhere because the e-ink is so much easier on my eyes for reading — less strain, no glare. Yes, I use my Kindle to read books, and that’s it. I’m willing to carry separate devices for all the other connectivity stuff. I might reconsider if they ever release an option that allows toggling between e-ink and regular computer display.

  19. Bad first week from 5/22

    Hey Everyone,
    I posted last week about getting sick in the middle of court during the first week of my internship and just wanted to say a belated thank you for all of the stories/encouragement. This week has been so much better. Now at least I will have a funny story to share if I ever supervise interns in the future!

  20. Anon

    stfucorporette.tumblr.com

    I found this site from one of yesterday’s posts. What’s the deal with it?

      • emeralds

        Hey Anonymous! If I’m reading your post correctly, and you meant that you think I write that blog (I’m a. under a new handle) you’re not correct. I don’t have any idea who writes it, either, and I think it is neither funny nor in good taste.

      • Pest

        I have wondered for a while if the author would ever have the guts to come forward and take ownership of it. I doubt it will ever happen.

  21. Naomi

    Anyone have suggestions of where to wear red patent leather peep toes and how to style them? They’re out of the question for work, but I found some great Stuart Weitzman ones on sale in my size and fell in love.

    • Bonnie

      They’re perfect for all business casual outfits. So it depends on your lifestyle. If you’re business formal during the week and casual on the weekends, it may be hard to work them into your wardrobe.

    • preg anon

      Why are they out of the question at work? I would rock those bad boys with business casual and with business formal, unless I had a hearing in federal court or something. For days when I wear a suit around the office, I would totally wear them. I also think they would look great with skinny jeans for a night out, a cute dress for a wedding or shower, etc. Red shoes go with everything. They would look great with a navy and white polka dot dress, a white or yellow dress, or really anything. I remember a picture of Reese Witherspoon wearing a gorgeous white dress with red pumps and a red belt. I’ve always loved that look. Anyway, if they are your first pair of really colorful heels, just put on what you were going to wear anyway, and then try them with it. Chances are, as long as the colors don’t clash, it’ll work.

    • Susie

      I wouldn’t wear peep toe shoes to work, but they sound great for going out.

  22. coco

    I’m on the hunt for a good-looking non-leather briefcase for carrying stuff into court. Has anyone seen one lately? Thanks.

    • goldribbons

      Not ladylike at all, but swiss army makes a bunch. Also check out Jack Spade. (no personal experience with either of those brands myself though; just what I see the male attorneys at work using)

    • Jules

      Late responding, so I hope you check back.

      Ivanka Trump has made some nice non-leather bags. I remember Kat featuring a vegan bag on a coffee break post within the last six months or so but couldn’t find it. Aldo also sometimes has work-appropriate bags. Here’s one, that looks big enough (the Aldo website is maddening because it doesn’t post dimensions of the products) but doesn’t have all the pockets, etc., that you might want for a work bag.
      http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/handbags/shoulder-bags-totes/product/94759711-seidenbecker/66

      You have to be creative when searching for vegan bagsonline — try “non leather,” “faux,” “synthetic” and “polyurethane.” I think Amazon and Zappos have an option within the search results to select the materials.

      On e-bags, search for “man made.” Of those on that site, I’ve had a couple of the Solo brand. They last me a few years and are get the job done, if not particularly stylishly. I’m currently using a cute faux leather/alligator laptop bag that holds my computer and a reasonably full legal-sized russet file folder, plus all my other things, that I got at Kohl’s.

      Here’s a cute one from Amazon. And now I want it in red.

      http://www.amazon.com/Mcklein-Francesca-Ultra-Smooth-High-Gloss-11105/dp/B00AN5J77E/ref=pd_sim_sbs_pc_24

  23. Hotel Living

    Random question – Has anyone ever lived in a hotel for an extended period of time? For months? I would love to hear your perspective if so…

    • L

      Yes. I didn’t have the option to stay at an ‘extended stay’ type hotel, just a regular room with a mini fridge and microwave. It kind of sucked, because I didn’t have some of the basic amenities I was used to having (silverware, cutting board, etc). If you can get an extended stay hotel, that would help leaps and bounds.

      Bring a white noise machine and a sleep mask. If you can, go to Target or somewhere and get yourself some basic supplies to make yourself more comfortable. I also shipped a box of stuff out to my hotel to make it feel more homey and keep up with a workout routine. That helped a ton.

      If you want more details, post an email address!

    • Susie

      A friend of mine lived in a Four Seasons for a few months after getting an unexpected and unsolicited but more than generous offer to buy her house. Lots of room service and eating out, but she said the pool and gym were nice.

      • anon

        Wow, I can’t imagine LIVING in a $400 a night hotel for months. Even if I got a huge, unexpected windfall I would find something better to do with it than live in a Four Seasons. That’s got to be 12 grand a month. Even in the most expensive places you can rent a really nice house for that.

        • A Nonny Moose

          I’m guessing she didn’t do this because she wanted to but rather because she didn’t have anywhere else to stay, because her house was unexpectedly purchased.

        • anon

          yeah but there are plenty of short-term rentals and most apartments on craigslist are rented less than 1 month before move-in. ehh to each their own i guess, it just sounds totally crazy to me.

        • cbackson

          You don’t pay the same rate under those circumstances that you do if you’re renting by the night. Even very expensive hotels will cut you a deal if you’re renting for a month (and the markdown can be huge).

        • EC MD

          When I was interviewing for residency, I remember that in a midwestern city with a low cost of living many of the residents lived in small apartments at a luxury hotel complex close to the hospital. They had access to the concierge and the hotel amenities, which was especially nice when working 80 hours a week (dry cleaning was picked up and dropped off for instance). I know what they made, and they most certainly weren’t spending 12k a month for this. Depending on the area of the country, it’s shockingly reasonable.

    • big dipper

      I lived in an extended stay hotel for three months during an internship (housing was provided). Some things to consider:

      – The size of the fridge and availability of a freezer

      – Cooking appliances (most extended stays are stove top, toaster, microwave only –> so no oven; regular hotels won’t even have a stove top,)

      – Bringing your own small appliances that you use often (electric kettle, crock pot were life savers for me)

      – Internet issues – the internet didn’t work properly in my room so I was disconnected for 3 months

      – Access to food – grocery store if you want to cook, easy take out places if you don’t like to, is the hotel close to delivery places, etc.

      – Location of your actual room in the hotel ( try to avoid rooms adjacent to loud locations like the lobby, gym, pool, etc.)

      – If you like to exercise scope out the gym or ask if they have deals to local gyms

      – Parking (both at your hotel, and if you’re in a city, the cost and accessibility of parking in the locations you’ll need to drive to)

      – Public transportation availability – key in cities – how close is it? is it expensive? is the hotel on a transit line that takes you to where you might want to go to bars, restaurants, shopping, run errands, etc?

      All in all, I had a positive experience. It was conveniently located to my office, I made some friends with the other long term guests, I got a discount to a gym with great classes, and I learned how to cook all kinds of new things on the stove top.

      It definitely helped to bring some things that made it feel like “home” – I brought my own blanket, a few pictures, etc.

    • Chini

      I’ve done this a few times. Serviced apartments / corporate rentals are always the best bet for convenience and privacy, of course, but sometimes you can’t avoid living in a standard hotel room. Depends on where you are. It’s great in developing countries — four- and five-star hotels tend to be dirt cheap with great service and amenities. If you’re on a budget in your normal life, having an on-site gym, swimming pool, spa with $30 massages, and in my case, CABLE TV, is awesome.

      Living in a hotel sucks balls in a developed country, though, especially if your organization is stingy about picking up the tab and you’re in spartan accommodations. Is free wi-fi available? No cooking facilities means eating out every.single.day. Unless you’re SUPER disciplined, that means a TON of excess calories. If you’re at the mercy of the hotel for laundry and dry cleaning, you’ll be paying out the nose for it (definitely check to see if local options exist — it’s easy to send out laundry in New York, for example, but not so much in DC). I waver between thinking it’s awesome when hotel staff get to know me and being really annoyed when they seem to know my every move. And don’t forget the bed bugs. They’re everywhere.

      One thing I will say — every time I’m in an hotel for more than a few weeks, I realize how few belongings I actually need. It’s great motivation to purge my apartment when I return home.

  24. OddQuestion

    So, this is the strangest and most disconcerting thing. I realized today that every time I have to have a conversation with someone about my dissertation (which I’m just starting to work up) I end up crying for like 5-10 minutes afterwards. Not sobbing, just quietly in tears. It hasn’t happened in front of anyone yet(thank god), but I can’t make it stop or avoid it.

    WTF do I do about this!?! I’m not a cry-er, I NEVER cry, but this just keeps happening. FWIW, I’m doing rather well in my program, and I’m just starting my dissertation so it’s not an issue that I feel like I’m screwing it up. This is so unlike me (I’m usually very practical and happy) and I’m completely at a loss. Please help!!!!

    • Anonymous

      Dissertations are big and overwhelming. I went into depression from when I finished my research through the whole analysis and starting to write. The cork finally popped and the rest of the draft flowed.

  25. Crosssfit

    DH was given 30 days notice from his job today as a first year lawyer. Completely failed to reach his billing expectations. He was warned to shape up, did not, and I guess that’s it. His firm definitely thinks he is an awesome person and they believed he was a great fit for their firm culture. He was fired solely because he billed 60% of what was expected.

    Realistically, he will get another probably similar job. He has an offer from another firm on the table. He also has an interview with a firm that works in the same field as I do and that job will pay more than his last job and probably more than mine.

    The funny thing is since his firm will pay his last month without him working and he could have a new job next week paying more than the last one we will probably come out ahead financially.

    However I feel that there is something worrisome about his behaviour.

    What should I do?

    • theirway11

      What specifically are you objecting to? I guess I’m confused. Did he not bill the hours because he didn’t have enough work, or because he chose not to? Big difference there.

      • Crosssfit

        He had the work. He may even have billed more hours but failed to note them down properly.

        Basically he was fired for low billings but also client complaints re failure to communicate. In particular he missed a filing date on a file and was noted in default, did nothing immediate. When asked he told a partner the file was fine. Partner figured out it had gone to shit and was upset. This has lead to his first insurance claim…. It’s not resolved yet.

        I don’t see any reason why this kind of behaviour won’t repeat itself, particularly since unlike everyone else in this climate he will immediately get another job and possibly a better one (higher pay).

        • Anonymous

          So he is not really getting let go because of not making his hour. It sounds like he is getting fired because of behavior.

          • Crosssfit

            If he made them money (hit his hours) they would not have fired him.

            I dunno about where you are from but 1/5 first year lawyers where I practice will have an insurance claim in their first year. The mistake might have been the icing on the cake but I don’t think it was a huge issue.

            At hitting 60% of his hours on his salary if you factor in costs for office space, insurance, benefits, an assistant, law society fees etc they made almost nothing on him.

          • Em

            Having an insurance claim is one thing; lying about what went wrong to cause it is another.

          • Crosssfit

            Thanks. I honestly needed to hear that. When he told me he missed the deadline and that it was someone else’s fault (senior partner for giving him the file late, assistant for not telling him the deadline etc). I did nothing. When he told me that the same partner called him in and told him that “contrary to their discussions, the file was not fine” I did nothing.

            The area of law I am in means fast turnover but extremely high volume. It means clients calling you when you are on call with immediate issues that need to be addressed. I have heard of lawyers getting disbarred on my area for failures to bill clients properly, failure to communicate and failure to prepare files adequately. I am terrified of him accepting a job in my area. I anticipate he will tomorrow.

          • Herbie

            “dunno about where you are from but 1/5 first year lawyers where I practice will have an insurance claim in their first year.” <– whaaat?? I don't know any first years that have ever had a malpractice claim against them.

    • Plan B

      Does he feel there is something wrong with his lack of billing? Is it something he is willing or planning to work on at the next job? If not, how will that one end any differently?

      That said, I don’t know what you can do other than help him understand that if he wants to work as a lawyer in a firm, he needs to meet their minimum expectations, no matter how well he fits into the culture of the firm.

    • mama of 2

      There is something worrisome about his behavior. I can cite to a handful of friends who have had the same experience and all of them burned out of the law (or eventually got fired for real, and couldn’t get other jobs.) I’d encourage your husband to think about whether he really wants to be a lawyer. For these guys (all men, FWIW), I don’t think any of them wanted to be attorneys and they kind of self-sabotaged because that was easier than actually choosing not to pursue the law. It’s scary to walk away from law after you’ve invested in law school and the bar, etc., but it’s better to affirmatively choose a different profession than to fail out of legal practice until you’re forced to do something else.

      • anon

        yep, I’ve seen this before. I’m seeing it now…but the associate is a woman. It’s heartbreaking but, according to my anecdata, it happens in about 1 in 5 new attorneys.

        I went through something like this–billing 60% of expected for about 3 months. Therapy+meds were very helpful–it was an anxiety issue. I was given a second chance and an accommodation. I’ve been billing at >100% since. So it can end well.

        • Crosssfit

          Can you tell me some more about this?

          Because honestly I think there is something wrong with this behaviour and if it continues eventually he will get sued for malpractice or run out of jobs.

          I don’t bill by the hour… If he gets a job like mine that may help. However he was criticized for failure to communicate with clients and missing a deadline on a file and then failing to correct it and lying to a partner about correcting it. That file has lead to his first insurance claim.

          The reality is I think the needs help for something… Not sure what or how to figure out what.

          • anon

            He missed a deadline and then lied about it?! There’s a malpractice claim filed against him?! That’s beyond the anxiety I went through–that’s sabotage. I’ve seen that once before (with a first year male attorney). It’s not a good sign.

          • Plan B

            That is also a lot more serious than not meeting billing requirements. I agree with Need to Improve about asking him in a way that won’t make him defensive, but you need to know what HE thinks the problem was – about both the billing and the error/malpractice claim. Does he take responsibility, or blame others?

          • a lawyer

            I agree with you that this is a serious issue. Missing a deadline happens to the best of us, lying about it is indefensible. He may think that finding another job is going to be easy, but if that word gets around, it won’t be.

            Years ago, a lawyer whose firm my firm dealt with regularly had similar experiences. He got a number of bar complaints against him as a result and left the certified letters in his desk drawer, unopened. He was eventually suspended for several years and I do not think ever fully recovered.

            Your husband may be suffering from depression, and almost certainly high levels of anxiety, even if he is unaware of it on a conscious level. Or other issues, but he definitely needs some help dealing with these issues. If he feels they are not serious issues that need immediate attention, THAT (denial) is another serious issue. You are right to worry that this may happen again, and that something needs to happen to avoid that.

            DOes your state bar have a lawyer’s assistance program? The professionals there are trained to deal with all sorts of issues like this, in a confidential manner. I would recommend calling the Bar, even if anonymously, and asking about its resources.

    • Need to Improve

      Talk to him and be there for him but not in a judgmental way. I agree with the poster above who says this is not uncommon and most of the people I have seen go through this (usually serially at different places) just did not like the job or billing their hours. If the problem was him and not the workflow, then does he expect it to be different somewhere else? Did he like his job? What does HE think went wrong? I would have an honest conversation about this, but not coming from a place of “you have a problem” because that might make him defensive.

      • NOLA

        I’m not an attorney but I completely agree with this. That said, be aware of it becoming a pattern. If he gets into a different area, it may be a better fit for him. Or it could be, as someone else said, that he doesn’t like the work and is afraid to admit it.

        My ex was really good at getting great jobs but not great at keeping them. He would be very excited about the new job and this time would be different. Then, inevitably, he would become disillusioned, slack off, and end up fired. It was really disheartening to be his wife and I tried to get him to be sure that a job was a good fit for him, but he couldn’t see it. I also came to realize that his idea of working hard and mine were two entirely different things. I think it was partly what led to the downfall of our marriage. It caused us a great amount of emotional and financial stress. By the time he left and moved to another state, he had run out of places to work here and had burned too many bridges. Not that this is your husband – just to say be careful.

        • Anonymous

          My son follows the pattern NOLA describes at schools. I’ve recently begun correcting him when he says “I hope we can find a good school for me…” I say that I hope he can learn to deal with whatever’s thrown at him in whatever school he’s in. The first time he understood it, he said, “you want me to just suck it up? That isn’t very nice” and I explained to him that in life, one meets many more imperfect situations than perfect, and I want him to be prepared to deal with them all. Obviously, the relationship between parent and spouse is different than between parent and child, and a wife who thinks bad things about her husband is seen as cuckolding and is a staple of comedy, but I wonder if there might be a way you could get him to think not about how the next job will be better, but about how he can deal with whatever the next job is.

    • Seattleite

      My XH missed deadlines, messed things up big time, and lied about them, too.

      XH has ADD. Read up on the symptoms and see what you think?

      As I understand it, it’s not a deliberate lie. The (faulty) thought process is more like, “I can fix this, so the file WILL be okay, so the file IS okay,” with a little bit of “trouble denied is trouble deferred” thrown in.

      I’m in danger of seeing ADD in places it’s not because of my own experience, but thought it was worth flagging. Also worth noting is that my XH is X not because of the ADD, but because he refused to deal with the ADD in a productive way. ADD+denial=recurring disaster.

      • Crosssfit

        This perfectly describes it. Come to think of it, he does this all the time.

        Should I suggest he see a psychologist? Does he need a psychiatrist?

        • NOLA

          If he needs medication, he should see a psychiatrist (MD). Psychologists (Ph.D.) in most states can’t prescribe medications. Also, I would, in general, not trust a primary care doc for mental health issues.

        • a lawyer

          Agreed. Having served on the Complaint Tribunal of our Bar, I can tell you that ADD does lead to exactly this type of behavior. Treatment, and probably medication initially at least, could be helpful, probably will be, and may lead to his decision that he does not want to practice law. Much better for him to come to that decision than the Bar to tell him so.

        • Seattleite

          Look for someone who specializes in ADD. Plan to see this person on your own for venting and coping strategies. If you email me at seattleite.training@gmail.com I will send you other links and resources; I’m away from my regular computer right now.

    • TCFKAG

      I’m confused. This happened to me – but it was because my firm was basically generating no first year work. There’s basically no getting water from a stone (or whatever the saying is). And also I didn’t have the lovely back up offers.

      If he does seem burned out and/or unsure that this is what he wants to do (and since he does seem marketable) – honestly, I’d encourage him to take the month (especially if the higher paying job will still be there when he comes back.) Encourage him to take *some* time to just relax and *some* time to network and think about what other, law-related or non-law-related careers he might want to pursue. This time could be a gift and he should take it.

      My friend, who was in finance and is now going to school for something in a similar genre but different, swore by the book The Pathfinder by Nicholas Lore – which focuses on identifying the things you *like* to do and thinks about careers that utilize those things, rather than just focusing on the things that you are good at or that you are supposed to want to do.

      • Crosssfit

        Honestly this is part of it. He didn’t have enough work. However, part if the job is always to bring in clients and to do what work you have competently.

        At my job I have almost no second year work. I have a ton of work beyond my level and I work every day to ensure it is done competently and to make sure I continue to learn new skills.

  26. Echo

    Hi ladies– a career question for you. I’m getting underpaid by about $10-15k according to my job function (through research and observation), and I’ve been in my current position and with the nonprofit for just over a year. I like my job and my coworkers, but I have to wonder if I’m not doing myself and my financial security (thank you, student loans) a disservice.

    I’m in the communications industry, and it seems to me that working for a large law firm might pay better– but I would have much less of a work-life balance. Any thoughts? Thank you in advance!

    • Susie

      Have you gotten a raise since you joined there? If this hasn’t happened in a while I would suggest asking if you could have a performance review and bring up the possibility of a raise. I don’t know much about your industry, but a bigger company wouldn’t necessary have a worst life balance.

    • TCFKAG

      First, I would definitely ask for a raise, there is literally nothing you could lose from doing so. Second, I wouldn’t assume that you would have worse work-life balance at a big-firm – in my experience, unless there was a BIG deadline or an event or something, most support staff (except the overnight crew) mostly bounced right at 5 or 5:30 – especially since there was a real aversion to paying any overtime.

  27. Another Kindle question

    How well can kindle handle books from other platforms? My iPhone has a Books app that can open PDFs and other formats, and I can read Nook and Kindle books on it. Can all the Kindles do that?

    Where do you get any kind of support? It feels weird to be asking these questions here instead of talking to a sales rep. Is that just something you get over, or is there some kind of tech support?

    • Naomi

      Go to the Amazon website for Kindle support. They have a lot of information there, and if you don’t find the answer you can contact one of their customer service reps.

      • NOLA

        Yes, you can chat with a rep, which I did yesterday, and they were very helpful. I bought a book for my Kindle that had content errors (it kept erroring out when I tried to turn pages) and they are looking into it.

        OP – each Kindle has an email address that is assigned to it and you can email things to read straight to your Kindle. Under Manage Your Devices (when you have a Kindle on your Amazon account), it lists that email address then it says “email personal documents to your Kindle using this email address.” Another option is to hook your Kindle up to your computer and transfer files via USB.

    • Double Hoo

      Also check out the Calibre free software, which can manage and convert e-books to and from various formats. Depending on your tech-savvy and personal ethics, there are also plug-ins for it that will remove copy protection so you can read, say, an Amazon-purchased book in iBooks. My feeling is that if you bought something once, you should be able to read it in any format, but YMMV.

    • Reader

      In my experience, for just sending files to your Kindle, they either need to be Kindle format (.mobi, I think) or PDFs. Seconding Calibre as a way to convert e-books, but if you’re just checking out e-books from the library (for instance), it’s easier to just choose the Amazon option.

  28. Chini

    Woohoo, it’s sleeveless season! Where it’s almost impossible to find dresses and tops that cover my armpits. Sometimes I feel like the only person who deals with dark underarms. I’ve tried all the home remedies, from slathering coconut and lemon to not shaving or using deodorant, and nothing seems to help. I’m black, so hyperpigmentation is something I deal with on the regular (especially when my eczema flares up), but there’s something super annoying about dark underarms.

    This year, I’ve decided NTGAF and bought several sleeveless dresses. I’ll have a sweater or blazer on at work, so I figure no issues there. I’m trying to adopt the same attitude for swimwear (Bikini Zone only works so well; I still have constant ingrown hairs, hyperpigmentation, and stubble), but it looks like it might be another summer of matronly swim skirts.

    Any advice? All the magazines focus on hiding your stomach or whatever to get ready for summer but never really address skin issues.

    • Anonymous

      This is more often an “ethnic” issue so fewer magazines cover it – I am Indian and have the same issue. Dove now makes a deodorant that helps some, for me, and you can buy it at the drugstore. Waxing also helps a lot, as it gets rid of any stubble as well as exfoliates.

      I’ll be watching this thread to see if theres a remedy I’ve missed – I mostly just avoid sleeveless clothes.

      • Chini

        I bought the Dove deodorant today. We’ll see if it works. I feel a little sleazy, like I’m succumbing to skin-whitening or something.

    • badmom

      FWIW, this may be something only you notice. I’m white so this issue is new to me, but I can’t recall ever noticing any woman’s armpits – of any race. I say go sleeveless and don’t worry about it.

      This is the same attitude I’m taking toward my pasty-white, spider-vein-y legs this summer. Too many summers spent in pants for me – I’m over it!

      • Reader

        Yes! I was soooo self-conscious about my minimal spider veins in college, and lost many prime shorts-wearing years to my hangups.

      • saacnmama

        I’ve noticed it before, but to me it’s sort of like noticing the shape of someone’s ears or if their palms are pink or white or lighter brown than the rest of their skin. It really doesn’t matter to me at all, doesn’t rise to the level of distracting me in conversation, certainly doesn’t affect my opinion of the person. It’s just a difference. I can’t imagine having the rudeness to stare at someone’s armpits or spider veins.

    • Sutemi

      I’m white but had this problem. A few years ago I got laser hair removal and it was one of the best splurges I had. Turns out I have very deep hair folicles so the hair roots were still visible after shaving which I had never realized. Laser hair removal (or waxing) made the hairs sparser, thinner and lighter in color so it isn’t a problem any more even though I never had enough treatments to remove every last hair.

    • AnonAnon

      LLBean sells a swim jogger swimsuit which is actually two coordinating pieces: a tank top and a pair of shorts with panty lining, elastic waist, two side pockets, and an approximately 3″ shorts inseam that hides the worst of the bikini area. It’s pricey but long-lasting (think several years, although I don’t swim that often). I like to think it looks more sporty than matronly, especially if you mix and match with one of their other swimsuit tops instead of going with the stripe-across-the-bust top specifically designed to coordinate with the shorts. But frankly, I don’t care if people look at me and think “aha–another dark-haired woman who prefers covering her upper thighs over enduring raw skin, ingrown hairs, and other misery!”

      Link & search terms in next post to avoid moderation.

      • AnonAnon

        Phooey! I didn’t nest my next post in the right place. Scroll down to see the links.

    • a

      For the swimsuit skin issue — try using a personal trimmer instead of a shaver/waxing. Yes, you have to do it marginally more often than shaving, but you don’t get ingrowns even when you trim very close (so close that it looks like you shaved).

    • blue skies

      A couple of my girlfriends were really bothered by this (although I must admit I never noticed it on either of them, but I wasn’t looking for it).. and they had laser hair removal done, which both mean they don’t have to worry about shaving or waxing anymore and they said they said it has the (less publicized) additional benefit of really helping the dark pigmentation. They’ve both been really happy and are talking about getting more body parts done!

      • Chini

        That’s interesting! I thought that laser hair removal wasn’t very effective for people with dark skin — not enough contrast between hair and skin or something. Maybe I ought to look into this option.

  29. AnonAnon

    www (dot) llbean (dot) com
    look under “women’s swimwear, separates” for:
    – Bean’s Swim Jogger Lined Shorts
    and
    – Bean’s Swim Jogger, Scoopneck Top
    or
    – BeanSport® Swimwear, Scoopneck Tankini Top (available in solids, stripes, or patterns).

    I’ve also worn a plain old tank suit under the shorts. Or you could pair the shorts with one of the many swim tops available from another vendor such as Lands’ End (www dot landsend dot com). Lands’ End has a zillion combinations of two-piece suits but I find most of their tops too bare for my taste. YMMV.

    LLBean swimwear goes on sale in the offseason, but the supply is erratic. The shorts in particular seem to sell out by summer’s end.

  30. PL

    Hi

    Might be moving to DC for work from across the country. I’m thinking to moving to WV Panhandle (adjoining DC) due to low cost of living (ability to get a house etc quicker) though it’s a haul I know into the city (2 hrs by train).

    Any advice on towns/cities? Also, any advice on finding rentals initially? Would like to look around and save a bit before buying property. I’m not from the area so not sure if Craigslist or some other method works better.

    Thanks!

    • L

      Don’t do it if you’re going to have a job that requires you to stay late. Seriously. The train schedule is tight and you don’t want to be the person who always has to leave at 4:48 on the dot. Also, make sure you factor in the cost of the train. Last time I used it, it was over $250/mo and that was 5 years ago.

      You could also look out in VA at places along the VRE line.

    • AnonAZ

      OMG, I lived in Maryland and commuted into DC (an hour door to door). I cannot imagine 4 hours of commute time a day. That sounds like a horrible set up to me. To the train at 6 am to be to work by 8, work until 5, home at 7, assuming a minimum workday. Is the lost time truly worth the cheaper living? And I agree, factor in your commute costs in determining if its cheaper.

    • TCFKAG

      Oh my god – I understand the houses are easier to get and prices are cheaper, but I simply CANNOT imagine living that far from work for any increase in space or quality of life. I mean – I would possibly go insane.

      If you are looking for a town that still has bigger lots and cheaper housing prices, I’d suggest looking in Woodbridge VA and the surrounding towns – its still a hall – but its a haul where you can drive to the Metro instead of relying on the VCR (or whatever its called.) My brother and sister in law live in Woodbridge and they have a lovely house with an enormous back yard and since its considered an exurb its been battered by the housing downturn.

      I really, I just – I know some people do live in W.Va and commute to DC – but unless your hours are going to be very flexible at your new job and you can work from home occasionally, I’d think long and hard about it. I would compare it to my friends who commute from New Hampshire or rural Rhode Island to Boston everyday – most of them within a year have either changed jobs to be closer to their homes or changed homes to be closer to their job. I mean, you work five days a week and are only home two days a week, so I feel like length of commute is pretty critical to how much you will enjoy your home.

    • Anonymous

      I used to live in an apt complex called Oakton Park that was near a nice little neighborhood. You might try looking there. It’s in Fairfax, right off 66. The drive to the metro is slow, but then you can leave your car & take the train the rest of the way.

    • SH

      The WVA panhandle doesn’t adjoin DC. My boyfriend’s co-worker does the commute. They don’t work 9-5, so the commute is OK for him (coming into the city in the early afternoon, leaving in the middle of the night). But it’s a solid 90 min drive in from where he is, going fast-and-furious speeds.

      How much are you able to spend on rent and how big of a place are you looking for? Would you live with a roommate? That would really determine where you live.

    • Anonymous

      I’m old enough that I don’t want to live with roommates or in a cramped townhouse and want to have significant money saved up. I have some savings, but find it hard doing so where I’m coming from and it just seems like working in NOVA or DC would pretty much be similar in terms of COL w/ where I’m coming from which would make is extremely difficult to save up to eventually purchase housing etc. I think my money will go father in WV. I obviously haven’t traveled our to scope out the actual commute from Berkeley or Jefferson County which is something I’ll be doing prior to actually committing to a place. I’d like to rent initially a house and then eventually purchase assuming everything seems oks. From what I hear, a ton of people are moving our there from DC so this isn’t exactly unusual. As I said, just would like some advice on if CL or anything else I should be checking to land a place.

      Also, it seems like what I’m hearing is that NOVA to DC traffic is so significantly that even though it’s closer it isn’t all that much less in time to get to office compared to WV.

      I’m used to the 90 minutes commute as this was what I’ve been doing the last 4 years where I’m from so the abovementioned commute times don’t scare me.

      • Bonnie

        The difficulty with commuting from WVa is not just the 90 minute commute (though I think it’s closer to 2 hours on a good day) but also the limited options with commuting. 66 is HOV only during rush hour and the trains stop running early so you would always be the person who has to leave early. Any money you save with cheaper rent will be eaten up by the long commute. NOVA traffic is nothing close to WVa traffic.

        • Anon

          What about manassas? In Maryland you could look at Columbia area (though limited options on stuff to do). The commute still seems rough to me because of traffic but sounds like you are prepared for that.

          • I'm Just Me

            Commenting late (on early Monday morning), but look at Annapolis as well. The commute is about an hour each way except on summer Fridays and there are busses as well as the ability to drive to a MARC train or the Metro.

        • Chini

          What is your budget and must-haves? What neighborhood will you be commuting to? We could give you better advice.

      • Chini

        I live inside the beltway and my commute can still be an hour if I don’t leave early enough. I have a couple of colleagues who are super commuters, and I consider them to be in the same category of people who always weasel out of late nights and tight deadlines because of childcare. (Not that I have many colleagues who do that — most are pretty awesome at balancing everything.) When your vanpool leaves at 4:30 on the dot and there’s no other way to get home, what can you do?

        Tight quarters are a fact of life when you work in a major city. Especially if you are renting and don’t have children, there is absolutely NO reason to take on the time and expense of a ridiculous commute just to have a few extra bedrooms you’ll never be home enough to use. It’s one thing to have a “homestead” and then have to absorb a job transfer without pulling kids out of school or selling a house (which is why my coworkers suffer long commutes). But it’s insanity to voluntarily take on a 2+ hour commute just because you can. As others have said, you’d probably end up spending more money on gas, parking, trains, Metro, taxis, and hotels on the nights you can’t get home than you would renting in DC or a close-in suburb.

  31. Jessica Glitter

    Ok…Am I the only one who doesn’t totally get BB/CC creams? Are the supposed to replace everything? (even foundation?) I have pretty clear skin, but still wear a light-weight foundation. I just never feel like tinted moisturizer stays on good enough.
    Does anyone recommend/not recommend or want to tell me the best way to use BB or CC creams (and whether it is really worth jumping on the bandwagon at all?) TIA!

    • Anonymous

      +1. I do not understand BB creams – what they are, what they are for, and where the heck they came from – seems like every cosmetic line is touting them now. Interested to see if anyone can explain this mystery.

      • emeralds

        I’m with ya. I do not even know what they are and how one would use them or why one would want to use them or anything about them, except that everyone talks about them.

    • blue skies

      I didn’t get it until I tried it.

      I stopped by sephora for a new foundation and ended up also taking home a small sample of the tarte BB cream. I LOVED it and went back to buy it within a couple of days.

      I have pretty good skin and like to look natural and not too made-up for work so I rarely wear a face of full-coverage foundation unless its for a major event or a media appearance. Otherwise I wear BB cream, which you put on like a moisturizer, but it hides all my pores, evens out my skin tone, and makes my skin look basically flawless. I have never been happy with a tinted moisturizer (not enough coverage for me and I didn’t see a big difference in my skin) but BB cream is more like a tinted primer maybe? With moisturizing properties?

      I was a bit skeptical until I gave it a try but I would definitely recommend stopping into the next sephora you pass and asking for a sample of the tarte BB cream:)

  32. ITDS

    I am in the DC area and have a pre-paid cell phone I am no longer using – a Tracfone. It has several thousand minutes in it, and I will renew the network access prior to donating it. Does anyone know of a women’s organization that could pass it along to someone in a bad situation (abused/poor/etc.) who could make use of the phone? It’s not tied to my credit card or anything, and they could continue to purchase more minutes/access using cash.

    • Reader

      My stylist said that pretty much any product will protect your hair from heat, although I use TRESemme’s heat protectant spray when I’m doing intense straightening or curling. I use Infusium 23 for my detangler, and love how it makes my hair feel.

  35. Concerned Wife

    Does anyone have advice on how to support my husband, who is depressed?

    He started a job earlier this year, and he feels overwhelmed with it. It isn’t a precise job description (not a lawyer) and he’s had a hard time figuring out what he’s supposed to be doing. People come to him with questions that he really doesn’t know the answer to. On top of that, we’ve been having a rough spot at home.

    He tod me a few days ago that he thinks he has depression. He had it a few years ago, before we met. He’s on Prozac already. I think he’s probably correct that it’s depression – he has also been eating junk food more and gaining weight. And when we argue, he takes it really personally and seems to think I’m telling him he’s a bad person.

    I know I can’t just tell him to snap out of it. But what can I do to support him until he feels a little better?

    • Anonymous

      I think you should ask him, especially because its not the first time he’s been there. Did he just get the Prozac or has he been in it for years? If the latter, then he needs to make an appt to consider the dosage.

  36. KJ

    By the way, I love this Loft dress. I’m 6+ months pregnant and bought it as a maternity dress. The high waist line makes it baby bump friendly. I also like that it is something I can wear afterward.

    The fabric is super soft and light weight. It is a great summer dress.

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