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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 397 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Classiques Entier® 'Lamb Moss' Ponte & Leather JacketSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I don't need a leather jacket. I don't need a leather jacket. I don't need a leather jacket. That said, I still really, really want this one. The collarless look! The mix of ponte and leather! The nipped in little waist! The fact that it's part of the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale! (See my overview of the sale here and here.) Lovely. It's currently marked to $329, but after the sale ends (on August 5!) it'll be $498. Classiques Entier® ‘Lamb Moss' Ponte & Leather Jacket (L-3)

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  1. Houston Attny

    Ladies, I need your advice.

    I referred a relative to an attorney friend who I know through legal circles for some corporate work. The relative told me this morning that attorney friend is a disaster, is non-responsive and takes forever to respond to e-mails. The final straw for relative was attorney friend responding to a “hey, what’s up with the thing we asked you to do mid-June” by saying she didn’t recollect this was the decided course of action (though relative tells me this was discussed in a phone call and in a follow up e-mail to attorney friend from relative).

    Relative has asked for another attorney referral to complete the pending matters, and I will certainly oblige. But what about attorney friend? This is someone I consider a friend, and we meet to catch up about once every six weeks or so. I will see her in the next couple of weeks. What, if anything, do I say to her/ask of her?

    Thank you, Ladies!

    • Wannabe Runner

      You say to your relative, “I very sad to hear it didn’t work out with Friend. I do know someone else who does ABC practice area… you might try them.” or, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Friend. I don’t know very many other attorneys that do that, but here’s the number for the Bar Association referral service.”

      Honestly, I’d stay out of the middle of it with your friend. It’s ok to be friends with bad lawyers. You are not responsible for making them good lawyers.

      • mascot

        It could be that your friend is a bad lawyer. It could be that your relative is a bad client. For ethical reasons your friend probably can’t talk about if your relative is a bad client, nor can she really defend her actions. I’d stay out of the middle of it. Wannabe’s advice is sound.

      • JJ

        I agree completely with Wannabe Runner. You know your relative’s side of the story, but not your friend’s. And your friend may not be able to tell you the full story. I’d just mentally make a note for future referrals and move on.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open threads! I love Open thread’s!

      For the OP, please note that not all attorney’s are competent, even if they are member’s of the bar. Just b/c you have been admitted does NOT mean you are good at peeople skills. That is NOT on the bar exam.

      I alway’s hesitate to offer LEGAL advise to my family b/c they always ask, but then do NOT want to pay for representation. The manageing partner said to me my first day NEVER to do any legal work for NOTHING, even PRO BONO work. He said he does NOT want to do any PRO BONO work ever b/c no one ever gave him anything. He paid his OWN way thru law school.

      Dad is comeing at 4, so I am wrappeing up my work and handing over some pending matter’s to Madeline. She does NOT have to make any appearences for me in court b/c the judge is out for the first 2 week’s in August. YAY! Madeline does NOT do well on her feet, the manageing partner says. She has much better experience sitting behind a desk, and has a gas problem. FOOEY!

      Dad says if we get on the road by 4:30, we should make it to Princeton before 7, and he has dinner reservation’s at some club with this guy. I will get to go to, but not on Monday when we go to Virginia. He told me he would either drop me off at the Smithsonian, or I could just stay at the pool at the Mariott. I will have to see what the exhibit is at the Smithsonian, b/c I love their exhibit.

      Have a great weekend, Hive! I have to pack up and watch Frank stareing at me. Doubel FOOEY!

    • Ekaterin Nile

      I’ve been in a similar situation. I referred an attorney friend to one of my husband’s friends for some fairly basic business law advice. Several months later, my husband’s friend began complaining about the attorney, but let’s just say the attorney friend had a totally different perspective on things. So I would stay out of it and just keep it in mind for future referrals.

      For the record, I didn’t ask my attorney friend what was going on; she brought it up and did not reveal any confidential information.

  2. Torn Jeans

    Speaking of Nordstrom, I posted a few weeks ago about my jeans that tore at the knee after wearing them for about 7 months and whether I should return them or not. I ended up returning them to Nordstrom. I had bought them online, so I returned them by mail with a few other items I was returning. I put them in the exchange box on the form, because I really loved the jeans, but I saw online they didn’t carry them anymore, so I didn’t know what they would do. They processed them like a normal return so I got my money back, but now I need to find a new pair of favorite jeans!

    • Susie

      Hmm guess that would be less embarrassing than doing it in person. I have a few items I contemplated returning but I’ve had them a few months/wore them several times so kind of think the wear is my own fault.

      • Torn Jeans

        Yeah, I posted originally asking if I should exchange them or just accept that jeans don’t last that long. I knew Nordstrom would take them back. But people seemed to agree that I wasn’t satisfied with them (obviously), so exchanging them would be OK. I wasn’t particularly hard on them, so I had certainly expected them to last longer than they did, but I have other clothes from Nordstrom that I’ve accepted I’ve ruined and just tossed.

        • Susie

          Okay I checked my order and I haven’t had the items as long as I thought, I placed the order on 5/21/13. Would you consider it acceptable to return: 1) Michael Kors shirt – I wore a nylon cross-body bag which caused very visible pilling/wear; and 2) Halogen tweed skirt – I think I’ve worn it twice and the seam split on the side but if I recall correctly the tweed material is coming undone/unraveling. The items were on sale, and I’ve worn them so they have no tags.

          • Torn Jeans

            I would definitely return the skirt. Assuming you’re not destroying it while washing it, clothes should hold up better than that.

            They’ll take the shirt back, but if it were me I would only return it if I thought that there was something wrong with it. I’m assuming that you’ve worn the same bag with other similar clothes and no problems. If so, I’d consider returning it.

            The jeans I returned had no tags and were also on sale when I purchased them. They were processed the same day as the merchandise that I returned them with that was new with all of the tags.

      • Former retail manager

        Don’t be embarrassed to return something that legitimately didn’t hold up. You. would. not. believe. what. people. will. return. I have been presented with clearly “used” lingerie. Ew.

        • Torn Jeans

          Eww!! I don’t think that I could ever bring myself to return used underwear, no matter what happened to it after I wore it!

        • Susie

          I did some quick online research and on another board someone said that Nordstroms tracks purchases by credit card and if you return too many things they will send you a letter politely suggesting that perhaps you should no longer shop at their store since it seems that they are not able to meet your expectations. Wonder if this is true?

          • B

            I do a lot of online shopping at nordstrom where I order 5 things, try them on at home, and keep the 1-2 that actually fit. Do you think I’m at risk of this, or is it just returns of used items with complaints? I do feel really guilty that my orders will often show up in 3-5 boxes instead of all being sent from the first place, so it’s definitely costing them in shipping.

          • Susie

            I assume they would only have a problem if you keep returning obviously used stuff, not that you try something on and returning immediately.

          • I'm Just Me

            Like B, I order lots of things and try them on at home and return them to the store. I have done this with my teen’s homecoming dresses for the past 4 years, as well as clothing for myself and have never had any issues. I think when you are ordering the same garment in 3 sizes, it is pretty obvious that you will be returning at least 2 of them. I always have my receipt, am super polite to the people in customer service and have the garments nicely folded, not heaped up in a shopping bag.

  3. Going anon

    Because this would totally “out” me, I’m going anon for this. But I’d love to hear the hive’s reactions to a conversation I recently had with a male coworker. His wife just had their first baby a few months ago and he took two weeks of leave. His wife also works, but is taking 3 months. When he came back to work, he mentioned that he was so tired from the baby waking up so often that he’s making his wife (who is nursing) and the baby sleep in another room so he can get a good night’s sleep.

    Let’s just say that my coworkers–and me–who consist of mothers and fathers were all kind of stunned into silence. I made a joke that his wife must be a better spouse than I am, because that arrangement would never fly in my house (and we have two kids and my husband also went back to work after two weeks for both). New-father coworker laughed and just commented that he’s pretty busy at work (aren’t we all?) and that sleep is important.

    So – with the caveat of different strokes for different folks…would y’all be ok with that sleeping arrangement?

    • Anne Shirley

      I can see how it would work, and I’ve heard it used before. If one partner has a job that requires being on from 8-7, and the other is home and can sleep when the baby sleeps, I think it can make sense.

    • Anonymous

      Personally, if I had to be up to nurse anyway, and there was nothing that my husband could really help with by being awake and if I knew he had to be at work and be a functioning human being in the real work, I would not mind this arrangement.

      I don’t really feel like the husband being awake is a benefit to anyone. That’s one of the difficulties of nursing. There’s only one person that can do it.

      I would not feel the need to force my husband to be awake if he didn’t need to be.

      • Orangerie

        +1. Not a parent, and not sure if I ever want kids… but yeah this wouldn’t bug me either as long as it was a mutually agreed-upon decision. He can’t really do much to help at 3am, so why not let him sleep and ask him to shoulder more of the responsibility in the evening after work?

      • CKB

        This was my thought too, with all 3 of our kids. No use dh getting up when he had to go to work and I was home with the kids (at that time). In fact, during the last 3 months of my last pg & the first 3 or 4 months of ds#3’s life we slept in separate bedrooms because of his snoring and then my getting up to be with the baby. We slept much better apart, were able to function better, still had fun when we wanted to (wink wink). It worked for us.

    • Susie

      Well assuming he’s joking about the “making her” sleep in the other room and they made this decision together it sounds fine to me. But, I don’t have kids myself so according to this mornings comments I have no right to respond.

      • Mpls

        That’s what bugged me about it. If HE wants to sleep another room, that’s fine. But you don’t make mom and new baby rearrange their sleeping arrangements. Especially if she’s the one getting up all the time.

      • Lyssa

        Barring some reason not to, I would give him the benefit of the doubt that the word “making” was intended in jest and that their room/house is set up in a way that it makes more sense for her to sleep in not-their-usual room than for him. He probably just said it badly.

    • Hel-lo

      I know it’s often the norm, and I have male friends who have done it…

      but I really wish it was 100% ok for men to take off more than 2 weeks when they have a new baby.

      I wish every parent, regardless of gender, got like 3 months paid leave.

      Oh, if wishes were horses…

    • Jd

      It may not be ideal but we had this arrangement with baby #2. I took 3 months off plus a reduced schedule and a lot of telecommuting. My husband works with a lot of much older people (youngest person is 65) and we knew he needed to be mentally “on”. After having another child 6 yr earlier I remembered that for those few weeks/months, nights were all about feeding and changing the baby. Since I would be up nursing, I would change too. So may as well have one person sleep in.
      Divided labor included him doing chores and all shopping.
      Plus often I’d cosleep and husband was terrified of smudging the newborn since he is now a bit overweight (hubs not baby). Your coworker may not be a total jerk and arranging duties in a different way to help his wife.

    • Lucy

      The part that jumped out to me was that he was “making” his wife sleep in another room. Maybe he and his wife mutually agreed that it was the best option for their family. But if he truly forced her into it or made her feel bad about it, then that’s not cool.

      I don’t have kids. The only thing I can relate to is sleeping in another room when I was sick so I wouldn’t wake up my husband with coughing/sneezing.

      • Going anon

        I think you nailed exactly what was bothering me about this and it’s the phrase “making her” sleep in another room. My husband and I do the same thing when one of us is sick and sleep in another room and I obviously don’t have an issue with that (heck, I enjoy spreading out in the bed by myself, TBH). I think we must have reacted to the idea that he told his wife to sleep in another room and that it wasn’t a joint decision.

        • Lyssa

          “I made my (spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend) do X” when the person really asked politely and the other had the fully ability to say no seems to be a very common figure of speech in my experience. Maybe it’s a regional thing?

      • Anonymous

        Totally agree. We did the same thing with a newborn, as DH had to be up by 4:30 AM to go work with power tools. Lack of sleep for him could have meant lack of fingers (or worse). Although he didn’t “make” me head to the other room. I just found it more comfy to zone out/doze/nurse in the big cushy chair in the other room than try to tiptoe around him and get back to sleep while he sawed logs and kept waking me up.

    • anon atty

      a co-worker of mine did the same thing for her husband and i had literally the same (also vocal) reaction you did. I apparently hurt their feelings, becasue she told me about it later. I apologized and said obviously whatever works best for you and your family is the best thing for you an your family and its not my place to judge.

    • ohc

      My boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law just had their second at the beginning of July, and they had this same arrangement–and I had the same reaction when I heard about it from the dad. (Though I confess that I’m not a huge fan of his, so I probably had my radar up for more evidence of him being lame/not a feminist.)

      When I thought about it, I suppose it does make sense–especially in this situation, as the dad could then be alert in the morning to wrangle their four-year-old to camp and to then go to work himself. I agree, though, that “making” is the key word.

    • SpaceMountain

      For baby #1, my husband would wake up and bring the baby to me. For baby #2, he was deployed with the military and missed the first 6 months. He would’ve given anything to have had the chance to be with our baby during those nights, even if sleep-deprived. He’s still sad he missed that time.

    • Need to Improve

      I am kind of surprised that all of your co-workers found this arrangement offensive because it’s what all of my working parent friends did. I suspect it was something in his tone and word choice that rubbed you the wrong way because the substance of what he said is totally normal. When my husband had to go back to work and I was still on leave I let him go into another room so he would not get woken up in the night. Why should both of us have to be awake? On weekends when he did not have to work the next day, we switched duty. We have a very equal marriage in every respect–he absolutely pulls his weight in the house–but when I was on leave, I was getting paid to take care of the baby. He still had a day job that did not allow for naps and other breaks.

    • Niktaw

      This is practical, except I sure hope that it was the dad who moved out of the room, not the mom and baby.
      Like so many other posters, I was home full-time for the first months of our kids’ lives and since I had to nurse anyway, I was the one to get up at night. With both kids, early on the crib was at my side of the bed, so I did not have to walk to another room to get the baby/put it back.

    • anon..

      Before I started back to work, my husband would sometimes go sleep in the guest bedroom when little one was fussing during the night. It never bothered me at all, and it was always with the understanding that once I headed back to work, that would stop (and it did).

    • Brant

      DH and I had that arrangement from the start. Except DH was sleeping on the couch or in the nursery and I got the big bed with the bassinet next to it. :)

      Better one of us get a good night’s sleep than neither of us….and because I was BFing, it’s not like he could get up instead of me. He made it up to me on weekends. And he got up at 5am which allowed me to get a solid 2 hours before he left for work.

    • anon

      yeah – why should everyone be tired & get a crummy night sleep? seriously, i get wanting to share duties but it’s not always realistic and sometimes this is just how you make it work. i can’t imagine batting an eyelash at this.

    • Taylor

      Of course. He is going to work every day. I hope and assume he is taking the baby off her hands in the evening. No big deal.

    • Parker - Boardroombelles

      I once worked in an environment where a young father constantly came in sleep deprived in the weeks after he had a new baby. His wife was stay-at-home even before the first little one came along and I overheard several negative comments from colleagues regarding his situation. They were something along the tunes of colleagues couldn’t understand why, with his wife being stay at home and him the only source of income, they made choices (like him having to get up with her) that negatively affected his work performance. Your colleague may just be afraid of rumors like that and launched a preemptive strike in form of a poorly worded joke.

    • Anonymous

      I seem to be in the minority here, but even after my husband went back to work, we split up the nights just as we had when he was home on paternity leave. I nursed, but pumped during the day so he could do a bottle or two at night.

      I always found the idea that because I was still on maternity leave I could sleep during the day when the baby was asleep to be total bs – there were too many times where he would only sleep on me, which means I can’t move and certainly can’t fall asleep. Add to that things that need to get done during the day and the fact that 9 times out of 10 if I did get the baby to sleep in the crib and tried to take a nap he’d wake up about 15 minutes after I finally fell asleep.

      Neither of us saw any reason that I should be the only one bearing the brunt of being exhausted for those first few months, and I am eternally grateful that we were always on the same page. Now, there are obvious exceptions to this, if my husband had a job where being tired was not an option (I’m thinking surgeon, pilot, electrician, etc.) I’m sure we would have done things differently.

    • Anonymous

      I half expect when (our not yet conceived) baby is born that my husband and I will do something similar. I would be staying home and he would be working. We live in a small Brooklyn apartment and there’s no way to get a crib/bassinet/anything into our bedroom. We can’t co-sleep since we have a tempurpedic bed. The baby will definitely have to sleep in the other room (currently our office) and I don’t want to have to get up, stumble around in the dark, stub my toes, to go and feed the baby. We’re going to do the Montessori floor bed thing instead of a crib, so we’ll just order it early and I’ll sleep there with the baby in a bassinet.

      It’s such a tiny apartment, I’m sure he’ll be woken up constantly anyway. I’m just thinking it’s convenient for me.

  4. Susie

    If I were to get a leather jacket I think I’d want it to be classic/all leather. This is sort of cute, but I don’t like how it doesn’t seem to close completely in the front and it’s too casual for work and (for me) too expensive for casual wear.

    • Susie

      Oh I don’t like it from the back at all, and that untucked shirttail is not helping matters.

      • AIMS

        I think it looks kind of dated. Or maybe not dated but just a bit old, for lack of a better descriptor. Kind of like what someone of a certain age wears to look young.

  5. Seeking Tips for Not Blowing up

    Does anybody have tips for not blowing up? I am but one person and my support staff does not respond to calls, or requests or do things you ask.

    And in the other direction, I feel like I’m getting asked for things simultaneously… each thing taking a long time to do… so it’s not possible…

    • anon

      With respect to keeping your cool – time to take a break outside the office. Walk around the block a few times, walk up and down the stairs in your building, go eat lunch/snack outside. You are human and we all need breaks from work, even when we are really slammed.

  6. Ugh

    I’m starting to wonder if I just am not good at being married. I’ve been married 7.5 years and we’ve been together for 13. He’s a great husband and dad, although we definitely have divergent interests and not a lot in common. The problem is me: I just don’t enjoy knowing I’m going to be attached to this same person for the rest of my life. I guess what many others would find as a comfort, I sort of feel is an albatross. Outside of the very real possibility that I’m just a monster, have any of you out there ever felt this way, even if just on a short-term basis?

    • Merabella

      I’ll be honest, I have felt like this at points during my marriage. Not all the time, but I’ll have moments when I’ll think “If I weren’t married I could do x thing” and not have to worry about dragging husband along, or whether or not it bugged his career.

      I think this comes with the territory of making decisions in general – when you choose one thing you inevitably eliminate other choices. So are you a monster? Probably not. I do think it may be worth investigating with a therapist what about being married is making you feel tied down. Maybe you and your husband aren’t communicating well and you aren’t getting what you need in the relationship, so other options seem more appealing. This also might just be a “grass is always greener” situation.

    • Queenie

      My situation is different from yours (together for less time), and I don’t feel albatross-like, but I do think sometimes about whether I would be happier to be single and not have to answer to/think about/give a heads-up to/check with/etc. my SO. We also disagree on some major issues (mainly religion, he grew up militant atheist and I grew up romantic Catholic and like all the trappings and practices), and I sometimes wonder if I’ve used the excuse of “there are no soulmates” to end up with someone who is not only not my soulmate but is also just fundamentally not a good match. I don’t have an answer, but I talk myself down from my concerns by thinking that right now, the math is that I’m happier when we’re together. If at some point we are really not a good fit together, then we will separate. (Although how do I know, and maybe if we do separate, I will wish we had done it 10 yr earlier, in retrospect.) (But then if we did separate now and I didn’t live happily ever after, I would think, you idiot, you were a good fit, and obvs there’s no such thing as a soulmate.)

    • roses

      Have you discussed the possibility of having an open marriage at some point, or do you think he would be open to that idea?

      • OP

        I’ve definitely given it some thought, but haven’t talked to my husband about it. I don’t think it would go over well, although I could definitely see the value in being “monogamish.”

      • OP

        If I’m being honest, I probably felt this way, at least a little, when we married (we lived together about three years before that). But I was really optimistic that being married and having that contract would make the feeling go away. Instead, it’s evolved. I’ve remained faithful because I think it’s a crap thing to cheat on your spouse, but id be lying if I didn’t say ive been tempted. We also have a young child I love immensely and now I feel responsibility not only to my husband, but also to keep my child in a two-parent family.

    • Need to Improve

      I feel that way about monogamy. We have been together for 10 years, and it’s hard to imagine not sleeping with another person for the rest of my life.

      • Mulva

        Most guys are not keepers. When we’re horny, they have the tool to give us pleasure. But the rest of the time most are selfish and demanding and most do not reciprocate by tending to our lady garden. So, in a word, you are not wrong for thinking there is more out there, even if only to sample the variety of male partners you can compare for horticultural prowess. It has been my limited experience that Latin men demand the most but do not give. Japanese men are very grateful for what they get but do not have much to offer. Eastern Europeans are well endowed but are not anxious to tend garden. Frenchmen are the best gardeners but do not last long once they are done. My best advice is to sample, but with adequate protection. You may find a guy that meets 80% of your needs, and that should be the proper hurdle rate. Good luck to you!

    • Parker - Boardroombelles

      Maybe you could try changing a few things about your life (outside of being non-monogamous) that make you feel more like you have a single life and then come back and re-evaluate. I am suggesting it only for the purpose of discerning for you personally whether you just don’t have enough “you time” or maybe being stuck in a routine is what makes you feel closed in – rather than marriage being what makes you feel like that.

      Things that come to mind:
      – A once a week YOU day, where you don’t share your day with your husband
      – Going on your own vacation/extended weekend without your husband (and daughter_ and possibly with a straggle of girlfriends
      – Seeking work opportunities that take you out of town more often, and give you a bit of that single, traveling gal feel

      Obviously all things, you should discuss upfront with your husband.

      And I guess, try to imagine what it would be like without your husband, but instead of just the advantages (free, deciding your own meals, dating) also think about how you feel about being not married when you’re older, facing the challenge of single parenting etc. etc.

        • Ruby

          Well my spouse of 10 yrs who I was mostly happy with left me the week our baby was born last summer, so be careful what you wish for. I did see someone throughout the year with a lot of physical fun, but he was stressful in many other ways. I am beyond stressed and exhausted dealing with corporate job, kid every night/am alone (was in ER today per asthma), dealing with ex now not pleasant, etc. Can’t go on dates, home at night with kid. Can’t go exercise, home at night with kid. Etc. Too tired to cook. It is seriously hard alone, and with kid(s), really, really hard to restart with others. The single dads can’t meet either per their schedules- crossing both it’s like once a month. So- suggest appreciating the good, finding ways to rekindle fondess, and doing other things that don’t threaten the marriage. A lot of people give up way too easily. Yes, the physical is tempting, but try something new with him first. Single mother + corporate life is pretty much brutal. I’m getting through the days, but far from happy, and have no idea how/when I’ll be able to start a serious relationship with someone else.

  7. Cb

    I can’t even look at leather. It’s 8pm and 94C here and I’m in an apartment without a fan.

    Thanks everyone for chiming in with tips on embracing time in a new city, things look a bit better today. Going to take this time to be super productive and get all those niggling things done that get shoved to the bottom of the list in favour of making dinner, coffee with friends, teaching the cat to catch (I’m a horrible staller).

  8. anonforthis

    branching off of the thread earlier today about sexual compatibility:

    I’ve been with my bf for 3.5 months and it’s going fabulously. I’m super attracted to him and he lets me know in no uncertain terms how attracted he is to me, all the time. We both seem to have similar libidos and I don’t feel shy initiating LGPs with him which is a huge plus. BUT…

    The only way I’ve EVER been able to org*sm is with a vibr*tor; even manual or oral stimulation do not do the trick. I had a long-term relationship that began my freshman year in college, we were each other’s first time, and I think because of that I felt a bit more open with exploring new things- after about a year in we discovered how great vibr*tors were and literally always used one during LGPs. like, always, unless we happened to be on vacation and without one, in which case I enjoyed it a lot less. He didn’t seem to be threatened by it, and honestly I think he liked it because it ensured I finished about 99% of the time.

    But since that relationship ended 3 years ago I’ve been with 4 guys, including current bf, and haven’t gotten up the guts to ask any of them about it. This is the only relationship that’s gotten serious with long-term potential so I really feel like I want to say something, because while I really enjoy LGPs with him, I don’t feel like it’s fair that he gets to finish every time and I never do. He is super generous with giving oral, manual stimulation, etc. but it’s just not working! I’m 27, will this get easier?

    Am I the only one who needs toys during LGPs? all my girlfriends think it’s weird…

    • anonforthis

      also for clarification, he either thinks i am finishing during LGPs or has not asked. I’m fairly loud during them so maybe he thinks i am? this is not an issue of him not being attentive to my needs… but an issue of me not communicating what i want, and i’m trying to figure out how to go about it.

      • Lucy

        As far as how to go about it, I think it would be good to make clear that you don’t think he’s lacking in some way or not satisfying you. Instead, you just need him to meet your needs in a different way. Just be specific and say what techniques, toys, etc work best for you to finish during LGPs.

    • Lucy

      Each woman is different, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with using toys if that’s what works for you. If this is truly getting to be a serious relationship, then it’s important to discuss this with him. If he’s being generous with the other stuff, then maybe that’s a good indication he’ll be open to using toys. He can’t read your mind so you have to be clear about what you need.

    • Also anon

      I’ve begun to think that always using them makes you more likely to always need them. Although as my SO and I are apart more, I find that I am SO responsive now when he’s here. That said, the best thing I ever bought was this toy that was supposed to be a couple’s toy with a little bullet vibrator in it. We’ve hardly ever used the couples’ toy but we use the bullet pretty regularly when we’re together and he LOVES it. Loves my reaction. I think you should buy something you could use together and talk to him about it.

      • anonforthis

        oh I think I didn’t use the proper terminology, by “vibr*tor” i meant one of those bullet things, not something meant for internal use.

        • anon for this

          You might try a vibrating c*ck ring as a transition. It is something you can use during intercourse but will get you the same clit*ral stimulation you’d get with a bullet.

    • roses

      Two separate issues here. The first is knowing that it’s totally OK to not be able to orgasm from intercourse alone; most women need clitoral stimulation, and some can’t at all during intercourse. It’s less common though not to be able to from oral. In that case, I think you might have de-sensitized yourself by using vibrators all the time. I’d start by not using a toy when you masturbate. Once you feel you are familiar with what feels good without one, ask your partner to have sessions where you only focus on the other’s pleasure; i.e., you have one night where you focus on him and he tells you what feels good, and visa versa. This takes the pressure off to time yourself to coincide with when the other person finishes and helps you become more familiar with what you enjoy (and what he enjoys!).

      • roses

        Also I just want to point out that I wrote that whole thing without going into moderation! No need to bleep out the non-slang sex-related words :)

      • anonforthis

        thanks for your advice. it’s a little scary for me to think that i might just not be capable of finishing without some kind of mechanical device… he is so generous with oral that i feel terrible i can’t even finish through that. and it’s not like it doesn’t feel good… it’s just that it rarely gets to the point where i’m heading towards climax, and when it does it never quite happens anyway. i’ll definitely give the vibrator a break and (even though this is super embarrassing for me and i’m not exactly sure how to broach it) will try to communicate to him that we need to tweak something.

        • Also anon

          Don’t worry, you’re not alone – I can get there by myself through mechanical and non-mechanical means, but I’m still working towards that point with DH (on all fronts). Luckily DH knows and understands and is open to trying a variety of things.

      • Mulva

        See my comment above. Do not waste time giving if it is not reciprocated. You both have mouths and tongues and should both get proficient. There are webinars and you tube videos on point, so if he can access the web, point his head in the right direction.

    • DC Summer

      Not weird at all! I don’t usually use toys during LGP but if I want to finish I almost always need to do it myself manually. At first BF thought that it had something to do with his performance being inadequate but luckily he is secure enough that once I explained he accepted that is just the way I am wired. Every body is different and everyone has different needs! There’s no need to feel that you are malfunctioning or that this is something to be ashamed of.

      As for your bf, you should probably just be up front with him. For me, part of considering someone to be a long term potential means feeling like these issues are things I can be honest and open about. I do think the fact that he has not ASKED about how LGP’s are going for you is a little bit worrisome. Does he not care to make sure that you are just as satisfied as he is?! Tsk, tsk. And tsk on you as well for letting him assume that you’ve gotten there if you haven’t… it can be hard to articulate gardening needs, but gurrrlll you gotta ovary up! Wanting to fulfill your needs is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s not necessarily a poor reflection on him that you need a little extra help to get there.

      Dan Savage, for all of the criticism there is of him, gives what I think is pretty good advice in this area. Instead of presenting your need as if it is something negative about you or something you’re afraid or ashamed of, lay it out there like something fun and exciting that will enhance your sex life. He might be weirded out that you didn’t bring up your lack of O’s earlier, but it’s still early enough on that it should be okay. I think it was helpful for me that I explained to bf that his gardening techniques enhanced and complemented my own :) Maybe you can frame it that way if you’re nervous. And hey, maybe he’s interested in trying out some toys but hasn’t had the guts to bring ti up with you! the first time I got mine out with bf he was sooooo excited to try them out :P

      I agree with Roses that in the meantime you might want to change up our own, um, solo gardening procedures. you might not make it all the way at first, but you might be able to, ah, broaden your horizons in that regard. Good luck! :-)

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      I could have written that post myself! I have been dating my new b/f for about 2 and a half months and I introduced him to…..let’s call him Jack. It’s not a big deal. Your enjoyment is just as important as his and I think most men are more open than we think. I just wouldn’t fake it. That doesn’t benefit you, him or the relationship. Just be honest and if he can’t deal, then it’s better to know sooner rather than later. At least we are not the only ones who need battery operated items.

      • roses

        I agree that there’s no harm in using a vibrator during sex, but I think it can be limiting if you don’t try out other methods too. I’ll add too that it can even help trying different things with different types of vibrators… e.g., a g-spot vibrator helped me discover where mine was and how to stimulate it, and thus in turn how my partner could stimulate it.

  9. for Senior Attorney

    Reposting just in case:

    Senior Attorney, it isn’t your church, but I’d love to be in touch if this is a situation you’ve been through. You can email me at ainsleycolle t t e at the gmail (no spaces).

    • Senior Attorney

      Thanks! Not a situation I’ve been through, but I wish you all the best! Sounds like you have a plan going forward — I hope it works out in a way that you are comfortable with! Tricky situation all around.

  10. Moving On?

    So someone this morning requested more dating and less baby threads…here goes. My boyfriend and I recently ended what I thought was a serious relationship because he couldn’t do long distance anymore. For a couple of months I held out hope that we’d still figure something out and make it work and then this week I found out that he has a new long distance girlfriend. A girl he’d met only once two weeks after we broke up. So after I got over the nausea and the tears, and after my friends did the friend routine (“he’s not worth it” “he’s clearly a doosh” “you weren’t right for each other” “clearly his new relationship won’t work either”) and I heard the unspoken comment (“maybe he just wasn’t that into you”), I finally got on board with the idea that he is not and will never be a part of my life again. And also started to question how much of our relationship was true and how much was him telling me the “right” things because he’s just good at being a boyfriend.

    So here’s the problem — aside from his recent behavior and our problems at the end, we were really really good together. We had one of those relationships that made me feel like we were better together than we were separately because we complemented each other so well and calmed each others’ rough spots and made me believe that we had a strong future together. So yeah, obviously he didn’t feel as strongly about me as I did about him, but I have this nagging concern in the back of my mind that five years from now (and I’m already 30) I’ll still be hanging onto the memory of him as the one that got away. Or holding the next guy up to his standard, except the “standard” may have been fake since now I’m questioning every sweet thing he ever did (i.e., the first weekend we were long distance he played a really sweet song about missing someone far away. It occurred to me that he probably played the same song for his previous LD girlfriend and his current LD girlfriend. Which now makes a sweet gesture nauseating and creepy).

    I guess I don’t have a question but just need some reassurance that this wasn’t it for me, that you all have survived bad break-ups or divorces, made it through trust issues and ultimately found love again. Or some words of reassurance more than just that his new relationship is even more doomed than ours was.

    • LilyB

      all I can say is, time heals all wounds. once you’re a few months into your next relationship, you’ll look back and wonder how you could have thought he was the best thing ever. you just need some perspective and now you’re too close to it to have any.

    • mascot

      ” We had one of those relationships that made me feel like we were better together than we were separately because we complemented each other so well and calmed each others’ rough spots and made me believe that we had a strong future together. ” You will find someone again who makes you feel that way. And I think that the feelings he had for you and you for him were legit, but maybe not enough to overcome the distance or other issues. Perspective will come, just maybe not right now.

    • TO Lawyer

      Wow I could have written this word for word (except I have no idea if my ex is seeing someone else). I’m probably a few more months along than you are post-breakup and I have to say that although I still miss him, it’s getting better. Now I really only miss him after a date or when something happens that specifically reminds me of him.

      So I think LilyB is right – time and perspective make a huge difference. I look at how I was right after our breakup and right now and I’m much more healed and together than I was three months ago. I know I still have a ways to go but it’s progress!

      I also was questioning the sweet things he did and said but I made myself stop. I told myself I’d prefer to remember him as a good boyfriend but one with whom it didn’t ultimately work out with rather than a two-faced jerk.

    • TBK

      I was in a serious LD relationship and the BF got together very quickly afterward with a new girl (whom I’d met as a friend of his when visiting him when we were still together — ugh — I don’t believe he was physically cheating on me with her, but still). I don’t think the quick turnaround means he wasn’t sincere when you were still together. It’s possible to sincerely love someone but realize it’s not going to work in the long run (because you don’t want the same things in life etc.). It’s also possible to sincerely love someone up to a certain level but then realize you’ve reached a plateau and, while you love them, you don’t see your love deepening going forward. It’s also possible that the distance was just harder on him and, over time, it eclipsed all the good things about the relationship. As for finding another girl quickly, while it can feel like you were easily replaced (and therefore he didn’t really care), it might be any number of things. Maybe the distance was increasingly difficult and so, while he really did love you and was really into the relationship as of a few months ago, lately maybe he wasn’t as committed. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t 1000% there with you all the time before that. Maybe this new person is a rebound. Maybe all kinds of things.

      Meanwhile, it’s totally possible to find someone else. My LD BF was probably 80% the exact right person for me. Mr. TBK has all the things that made LD BF 80% right for me, plus another 15% making him even righter (as for the other 5%, eh, no two people will ever line up perfectly).

      • Moving On?

        TDK, thank you for this. I rationally know all of this but actually typing all of it out and hearing everyone’s helpful comments/thoughts really helps me feel it and not just know it. And I think I really did need to hear that someone else was with someone who they thought was the right guy…until it ended badly and then they really did meet Mr. Right (or at least Mr. 95%).

    • Godzilla

      I know everyone gave you really good sincere advice. I’ll put it out there that I’ve never been in a LD relationship but I just have to RAWR IN DISBELIEF – DUDE HAS MULTIPLE LD RELATIONSHIPS??????? Does he work on an oil rig or something? This is very clear a him issue, not you.

      Hugs and rawrs.

      • January

        I know everyone gave you really good sincere advice. I’ll put it out there that I’ve never been in a LD relationship but I just have to RAWR IN DISBELIEF – DUDE HAS MULTIPLE LD RELATIONSHIPS??????? Does he work on an oil rig or something? This is very clear a him issue, not you.

        Hugs and rawrs.

      • Moving On?

        Hah, thanks for your RAWR. In his defense, LD #1 and me (#2, I guess) did not start as LD. I got transferred for work and was forced to move. LD #3 is the one with all the warning signs — who gets involved in ANOTHER LD relationship when the last two failed for that specific reason with someone you barely know?!?! At least LD #1 and I lived in the same city with him long enough to build a solid relationship before going LD…

        • Rosalita

          Yes, certainly a rebound. And it sounds like the dude has a problem with girlfriends who live in the same city as him.

          My favorite post-breakup website: http://baggagereclaim.co.uk

          I’m not affiliated with it any way, it just helped me so much with the breakup I had a few years ago. And since then, I met my wonderful now-husband.

          Is there a guy out there for you who will be as good as your ex? Yes. There is a guy out there who is way better. :)

  11. Orangerie

    Just wanted to say thanks to all who recommended hand creams yesterday! I couldn’t find the Norwegian Formula at Walgreens, but I picked up some Aquaphor and slathered it on last night before bed (using the hands in sandwich bags & socks trick) and my hands are SO much better this morning. Would highly recommend this combo to anyone whose hands need some serious TLC.

  12. Nonny - Grilled Peaches

    We’re having some friends over for dinner tonight and after going back and forth a few times about dessert, I’ve decided to go for the miraculousness that is grilled peaches (with really good vanilla ice cream, natch). Problem is, I’ve never made them myself before. I can probably fake it, but just wondering if any of you have made them and if you have any tips. TIA!

    • ohc

      You have totally got this, Nonny.

      I like to slice them in half (and remove the pit, of course) and just brush with some really good olive oil before grilling. Some folks add sugar or butter or whatnot–though I *love* sugar and butter (and whatnot), I think that with really good ripe height-of-summer peaches, you don’t need any extra embellishments.

    • AP

      1. Clean the grill a bit before you put the peaches on. Maybe this is obvious, but I threw some on after grilling some kind of meat (can’t remember) and ew.

      2. Bourbon! You can mix a little in with some heavy cream before whipping or marinate the peaches in some bourbon + honey + cinnamon. Yum!

      • Nonny

        Oh my gosh, thanks for the heads up. This is totally something I would have forgotten about.

        No time to go grocery shopping now, but I will have to remember about the bourbon and heavy cream for next time…wow.

  13. new here

    seeking $20 or less shirts/tops that hide a belly bulge. cleavage showing is ok, they aren’t for work, but wanting to hide a problem area rather than to look like I’m trying and failing to hide a pregnancy.

  14. Alice

    Clarisonic questions!

    So I just bought a Clarisonic Mia 2 from the NAS based on recommendations from this site, and I had a couple of questions:

    (1) For those of you who use your Clarisonic on both face and body, do you use 2 separate brush heads? Why or why not? (I can’t get the specifically body brush head with this version)…

    (2) Would you recommend the normal brush or sensitive? I have combination skin–it can get oily and shiny, but I avoid drying products because my skin can get really dry, especially in the winter. I’m not really using the Clarisonic to avoid acne (I get pimples now and then, but not too badly), but mainly for even skin tone/pore minimization/allover skin cleanliness and health.

    Thanks for any feedback!

    • Nordies Lover

      I use a separate brush head for my body, but mostly because I use the sensitive brush for my face, and I feel like the normal brush does a better job on my body skin. But honestly, I feel like it would be totally fine to use the same one as long as you washed the brush out well in between.

      As for the sensitive vs. normal brush for your face, I switched to the sensitive because I felt like I was getting too much exfoliation from the normal. But, I recently switched face washes, and now I feel like the normal would be better again. I dunno. It probably doesn’t really matter.

      • Veronique

        I used the normal brush 1-2 times a day for the first few years that I had my clarisonic. In the last year or two I had to switch to the acne or sensitive brush and cut back to once a day at most. I have combination, acne prone skin and had to switch when I started using prescription retinols that made my skin dryer and more sensitive. I would try the normal to start, and switch if necessary.

  15. Hair help!

    How much hair do you shed in the shower?

    It’s starting to worry me that I seem to lose 100+ hairs every time I shampoo. I only wash my hair twice a week, and because it’s really wavy, I don’t do much combing in between (just braid to sleep in, then updos for second-third day hair).

    Has anyone who’s cut back on the number of times they shampoo a week noticed that they shed more when they actually do wash their hair? Or does anyone else shed anywhere near this much?

    I’m going to the doctor to raise this concern. I tried taking hair vitamins, and they broke out my skin like crazy. I am in the process of growing out a pixie cut, and I didn’t notice any shedding at all really when I had one, so this is all the more alarming.

    • Anon

      Math! Washing your hair every day and you will notice a small amount of shedding each day. Wash your hair every 3-4 days (without really combing in between) and you will notice 3-4 days worth of shedding all at once. I wouldn’t worry about it.

      • mascot

        This. Also, your hair is up most of the time so those loose hairs aren’t falling out as much as if you wore it down all the time.

      • Lucy

        Yes, this. I washed my hair today after a few days and was kinda grossed out by the clump of hair that I found. When I was my hair every day or every other day, I notice a lot less.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I shed like this and also wash my hair about twice a week. I wouldn’t worry about it unless your hair starts to look like its thinning.

    • MH

      I shed tons of hair every day when I shower. TONS. I have to constantly snake the drain AND I have a hair catcher in the shower. I have a lot of curly/wavy hair, but the strands are pretty thin. It’s really annoying, but I wouldn’t worry about it. If this was a recent development, maybe talk about it with your doc at your next visit, but don’t worry about it if it’s something that has been happening for a while. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

    • Anon

      I shed like crazy! I have really thick hair and that type of loss has always been normal for me, so I don’t stress it. I second what everyone else has said.

      As a result of my ridiculous “hair loss” it takes me FOREVER to shampoo my hair. In addition, my boyfriend used to love the idea of showering together…until he realized that the norm is for me to have huge clumps of “hair bunnies” on the floor within 5 minutes.

      Sorry for that gross anecdote. All I’m saying is that you’re not alone.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Haha I completely relate. It’s part of the reason I started washing mine so infrequently. It takes forever!

        • Anon

          I’m so pleased to hear you say that.

          My hair actually looks amazing on the days when I actually have the time to wash it. But it can literally take up to 20 minutes, not including the rest of my shower routine. Maybe if I ever land a work-from-home gig I’ll look ravishing everyday…but then who’d be around to see? The irony.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Mine too. I always do 2 rounds of shampoo then 1 round of conditioner with intense rinsing between each. It is so hard to get everything rinsed out and if I’m not careful it looks so greasy right away. Then it takes a gazillion years to dry. It’s such a process but it really does look awesome when its done and the next day. Then it’s ponytail time until I can repeat the process.

          • Anonymous

            My looks looks amazing on days when I shampoo it ONLY if I don’t do it everyday. So, take comfort in the fact that if you did indeed do it every single day, its likely that it would stop looking so amazing when you washed it.

            And, yes, when I go days without shampooing (I have thick hair and can go about 4 days without washing before it looks greasy / flat) I notice much more hair in the shower. Much, much more.

      • Corduroy

        There is definitely a hair yeti growing in my drain. That’s how much I shed.

        I think it’s a small price to pay for having wonderfully thick hair.

        However, this same hair takes so long to dry that I can never really let its full potential see the light of day. I don’t have the patience to stand for half an hour with a blowdryer, or to submit to air drying for 5 straight hours.

        So once a week my hair looks nice. Usually on Saturday.

        • SoCalAtty

          Right! I have, oh, 3 hairs on my head! Not really, but it is pretty thin…but I think you can shed up to 100 hairs per day and it is ok?

    • Nati

      Do any of the fellow heavy-shedders avoid going to the hair salon for this reason?

      No matter how many times a week I brush or wash my hair, it’s normal for me to loose 100+ strands in the shower.

      This makes me so, so self-conscious about going to the hair dresser and having someone else have to deal with washing. Plus, they always remark on how they’re pulling out handfulls everytime they comb their hands through. It embarrasses me, even though I’m not balding and realize that it’s just the way I operate.

      • Mpls

        Nah – getting my hair cut is the only time I come home without coming out with extra strands when I run my fingers through my hair. Simply because they’ve already combed it so much.

        You could try combing/brushing your hair before going in, if that helps. Otherwise, don’t be embarrassed! Your body is the way it is.

        • Godzilla

          I brush my hair before showering/washing my hair just so the hair won’t end up in the drain. Still, hair comes out.

          One thing I’ve tried doing is instead of lathering up my hair like they do in commercials and hair salons (ha, remember those Herbal Essences commercials?), I run the shampoo through my scalp and rub it in with my finger tips, no lathering. I run conditioner through the ends, do the rest of my shower routine and then wash all at once. I’ve noticed less fall out because I’m agitating my scalp less.

          But if all else fails, the zip-it tool is UHMAZING. Pulls out clunks of hair from the drain like magic, no drano necessary. LOVE it.

    • just Karen

      I have started washing my hair every 2-3 days instead of every day, and the longer I go between shampoos, the more hair I end up with – it can be a truly disgusting amount. I still seem to have plenty of hair, though, so unless you notice thinning I wouldn’t worry about it.

    • Anonymous

      I shed a ton too and have (had? :-)) thick fine wavy long hair. Does anyone else have the hair end up in the fibers of their clothes? I can’t figure out how it happens, but I find stray hairs woven through the fabric of my clothes on a daily basis.

      • Corduroy

        Yes! Sometimes to the extent where even when I yank, the hair is so interwoven that it breaks! I have this one blanket that is notorious for this. I am curious to know how this happens. Luckily I don’t shed too much other than when I wash my hair, but I do know what you’re talking about.

        My mom is sort of the opposite of me in that she says that she doesn’t lose much hair in the shower at all, but there are ALWAYS strays clinging to her back. I am forever picking them off of her.

      • lizm

        this happens to my desk chair at work!! I have to pull blonde hair out of my (dark) desk chair pretty frequently. I got a chair with a plastic top, but it gets all in the seat now – truly gross.

    • Sierra

      If it’s all of a sudden a lot more hair, I’d consider mentioning it to a doctor. I noticed I was losing lots of hair but didn’t mention it to my doctor. Turned out I had celiac disease. (Finally went to a doctor b/c of a different symptom.)

      • Scarlett'ette

        Yep, I mentioned it to my doc too. Turns out I was anemic. Iron supplements fixed the hair issue within a couple of months. I’ve also had hair loss with certain types of birth control pills, and when I’ve come off the pill too. My doctor checked my iron levels, my hormones, and did a celiac test as soon as I mentioned the hair loss.

    • cbackson

      Do you take progesterone-one birth control? Like a mini-pill or Mirena? That can cause hair loss.

      • Cb

        I’m not the original poster but have been losing loads. Perhaps that explains it. I do love my mini-pill and health conditions preclude a combi.

  16. Need to Improve

    I have two facecare related questions.

    One, how often are you supposed to use the Clarisonic and do you really follow the suggested time limits (10 seconds per cheek, 20 seconds for forehead, etc.?) Can I ruin my skin through overuse?

    Two, what are some good middle of the road BB creams or light tinted moisturizers with sunscreen? I got a sample of Trish McEnvoy tinted moisturizer with my NAS shipment and it is AMAZING but it’s 75 bucks for a small tube. That’s crazy, right? I feel like I should be spending more like $25 to $40 for a small tube. What do you recommend?

    • mascot

      1) I use mine every other day for the recommended time. Using it every day was irritating my face.

      2) Juice Beauty CC cream is nice, has a mineral based sunscreen and a $40 tube has lasted me a long time. Ulta sells it.

      • mascot

        caveat to Juice, there are only two shades. So unfortunately, ladies with darker skin may be out of luck.

    • Houston Attny

      I use my Clarisonic every evening and I use the sensitive brush head. I actually didn’t know about the time limits per face part (oops) but I typically go over my face (concentrating on T-Zone) until it automatically goes off.

    • JMDS

      My dermatologist told me to use mine only 2x a week. I use it once during the week, and once on the weekend. She said my overuse was damaging my skin.

    • Brant

      I use my clarisonic for 1-3 cycles (depends how much time I have) every morning. I just take off my makeup and give my face a quick rinse at night.

      I have always had really obnoxious skin (acne, splotchy, oily, dry, you name it). Retin A dried everything up but then it all flaked off. Plain old washing with a washcloth was okay. The clarisonic has been great. I’m not convinced it isn’t because I just wash my face for longer, but hey, it works.

    • Veronique

      I use it for the recommended time on each area, then turn it back on and use it on my neck/underneath my chin and do a once-over of my entire face, as needed.

    • Taylor

      Laura Mercier! Her tinted moisturizer is amazing, and she makes an oil free version too (with spf). Her BB cream is great too (honestly I can’t really tell much of a difference between the two…).

      Maybelline’s BB cream is surprisingly good, too. I’ve tried a few of the drug store brands (aveno and garnier-hated them both), and Maybelline’s is in my opinion as great as the higher end stuff.

  17. DC Summer

    Hi everyone, I need some advice for my mom. She is in her mid-fifties and is unsatisfied in her current position, which is well below her qualifications. She has recently had two rounds of interviews with a consulting company that she is really excited about. However, other than the company’s own website she’s had a hard time finding much information about them. I ran some google searches and have also found very little. Taking this opportunity (if she gets its) would involve a huge move to another part of the country where she has no support system. How can she find out if this opportunity is legit? Should she be asking people in the industry? Checking around linkedin? I obviously don’t want to give away too many details but let me know what you think.

    • Niktaw

      Yes, LinkedIn and also Spokeo – the information aggregating site that was discussed here in the past.

  18. ELLENWatch

    In response to questions from Nonny and Godzilla this morning:

    For a thorough review of all the evidence that Mulva is a Sunshine Girl, please search my site for her name. Here was my first explicit heads-up: http://ellenwatch.blogspot.com/2013/07/and-now-he-has-invited-himself-to-go.html. The Seinfeld reference reflects new comedic aptitudes.

    I try to keep a relatively low profile here, since I started my blog on the premise that not everyone loves ELLENWatching and thus it needed its own venue. The closest I came to outing Mulva on this site was a previous weekend, when I addressed her as Vinnie. This was shorthand for, “Unlike your equally fictional co-workers, you’re encouraging Ellen to be more sexually available rather than less. Your tone and language further suggest you have a personal interest in that outcome.” Yes, all of these people are likely the same.

    The truth is Out they’re
    ELLENWatch

  19. Hollis Doyle

    I love Makeup Forever’s Face and Body makeup but hate the price. Anyone have a recommendation for a cheaper alternative?

  20. AIMS

    You’re supposed to use it once a day, per instructions. My facialist said it’s not good to use it too much because you’re tearing at your skin and making it thinner when you use it, so yes, you can over use it. I alternate between once a day (at night) and every other day. I don’t follow the time sets too much, but I suppose I do spend more time on forehead, chin and nose vs. cheeks.

    For BB cream, I really like Dr. Jart in the black tube. $37 for a HUGE tube (you can get a smaller size at sephora for $16 in their “sample” size). I’ve heard people recommend the L’Oreal BB cream here, too.

  21. zora

    Last minute SF Bay announcement:

    They are showing Princess Bride in Dolores Park on Saturday night. A couple of us are going to hang out and picnic and quote all the best lines along with the movie ;o) Please come if you want to join! We’ll have some food and wine and blankets, but feel free to bring something food or drink to share, and layer-up it’ll be cold! Email me to connect so you can find our spot: zoradances at the google mail

  22. Anon

    I’m going to the ABA annual meeting next weekend in SF. Do I need to wear a full suit? Or can I wear sheath dress and blazer?

    • Need to Improve

      I think you should wear a suit. There will be people in both, but I like to wear a suit to these things so I never feel underdressed.

      • Becky

        +1. I’m in house and was always surprised at how formal the ABA meetings were (dresswise)

    • anon sf

      Also, August is often one of the coldest months for us in SF. Bring a jacket or sweater. You will freeze to death in typical summer gear.

  23. Plus Size Quality?

    Ladies,

    Any recommendations on what stores (online or real) to purchase from for a big body shift?

    I have been slowly gaining weight over the past 5+ years and was at the upper end of traditional clothing retailers. After having a baby 6 months ago, my body has settled into a shape that is thicker-waisted, and my butt/hips/thighs are probably solidly in size 20 territory; my upper body is size 16. My thighs especially are much thicker than they were 4-5 years ago.
    Frankly, I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin than at the size I am now. I am strong and healthy and don’t really have any desire to lose weight. Who’d have figured that at my heaviest I’d finally come to love my body? But – I need to stop dressing like I’m skinny, so I’m in the process of building a wardrobe for the body I have and love.

    Can anyone recommend brands – especially online – for plus-size professional clothing and dresses in sizes 16-22? That size 20 has put me out of most normal retail ranges, so I need to go plus-size. I’m an attorney who needs a few good suits, but most days I’m a step below.

    I’ve found Talbots fits well so far, but I feel like I’m buying too much from them and look like I’m a catalog model. Thanks in advance!

    • Jules

      My law partner who’s in that size range likes Jones New York (which just happens to have a store in a new outlet mall that is conveniently located right near one of our clients — it always takes each of us a mysteriously long time to get back from a meeting there!).

    • Lucy

      You may want to check out the blog Wardrobe Oxygen. I think she may have done some posts on this topic.

    • Batgirl

      Just want to say good for you! Being comfortable in your own skin–especially at a new size–is awesome! Go on with your bad self! Especially after having a baby–you’ve earned it!

    • Anon

      I also love Sejour’s suits at Nordstrom. I’ve bought quite a few and the quality is better than the suits that I have from Talbots.

    • JessBee

      Ugh, it can be really hard to find great plus stuff. Talbot’s is great, and so is Macy’s. I’ve been eying Ashley Stewart lately, but I can’t speak to its quality (I’m looking for good cheap things, and my office is less formal), and I sometimes get things from Avenue, which tends to be cheap but not great quality. Sigh. Jones New York is a good brand, though some of their stuff can be a little frumpy. You may also want to check out Kiyonna – the plus-size fashion bloggers I read rave about their stuff.

    • L

      I’ve found Kohls and Macys to actually have some nice pieces. Lord and Taylor also can have a nice selection of plus sized suiting separates, depending on the sale/stock. You’ll have to weed through some frumpy things online, but there are a surprising number of cute options.

    • Elle

      I love Dots. They aren’t professional clothing, but some of their shirts work professionally. I don’t know what regions of the country their actual stores are in, but online works. I love their clothes – even the non-plus size (I’m in between, so I wear both) is designed to really make us ladies with curves look good! They have clothes based on different body types, which I’ve found helpful with pants (I know all of the pants in x style will fit int he same way).

    • Plus size anon

      Talbots is a definite go-to, although quality isn’t as good as it used to be.
      Jones New York has options for suits and dresses.
      Lafayette 148 has beautiful, well-made options for suits, dresses, shirts, etc. if you can afford them.
      Nordstrom has the sejour line with great options and also some Michael Kors, Calvin Klein, etc.
      Eileen Fisher is good if you weed through some of the hippy trippy stuff.
      Saks, Neiman Marcus, and Lord & Taylor all tend to have some good options for suits and work clothes.
      Target and Old Navy can be good for shells and cardigans things like that.
      If you have one near you, Dillards tends to have a surprisingly robust in-store plus size suit selection. Macy’s will have some Jones New York stuff.
      Depending upon your height, Pendleton has some good options. It can be hard to put together a suit, as they’ll tend to have a jacket in plus but no bottoms or vice versa, and all plus inseams are 30″, which is at least 2-3″ too short for me, but I’ve gotten great silk blouses.
      Occasionally, but very, very rarely, you’ll find something at Lane Bryant.
      Apparently H&M has plus size options online–I learned that today thanks to the TPS.
      Ralph Lauren has options online.
      One of my friends loves Chico’s, but I haven’t personally tried anything. I think their 5 is roughly a 20-22? It’s available online.

      Congrats on being happy in your body!!

      Signed,
      More than a decade as a plus-size lawyer!

    • dancinglonghorn

      If you like wrap dresses, my mum swears by Kiyonna (she has not had such good luck with Igigi because their dresses tend to be woven but they have great work sheaths!). I’m a cusp size (I wear a 0x in Kiyonna) and love their dresses. (Note that some of the knits are more formal than others at Kiyonna). For instance, the “Whimsy” wrap dress has more formal fabric than the “Trinity Twist” dress. I also wear lots of tops from Kiyonna with knit pencil skirts (from Vince Camuto). Also – if you haven’t tried out the ponte knit dress pants from Lands End, you must try them. They are the only black pants that I wear and look great on my mum (who wears a 24 I think) and on me.

      My mum also wears Sejour suits from Nordstrom. I’m a huge fan of Allie at Wardrobe Oxygen and whenever I feel bad about my body, I think about how absolutely amazing she looks and how similar we are shaped and think that I can’t be so bad. If that makes any sense. Anyway, her blog has really helped my self-esteem is what I am trying to say. Also, Angie at YouLookFab blog features plus-size looks and if you look on her forum, you will find lots of plus-sized ladies making recommendations, etc.

      Hope this helps (and starts a Kiyonna addiction like my mum and I have! – Seriously, she emails me when they get something new in stock and we discuss it! I think we have every item they make memorized).

    • DAR

      Plus Size – other than Talbots, I like Pendleton. The quality is a bit higher than Talbots and the clothes are a bit more conservative. (I used to be a Talbots clone until they “dumbed-down” their clothes a few years ago to appeal to a younger audience. I don’t mind the younger vibe but a lot of it is only appropriate for a business-casual office now instead of a law/finance/corporate office.)

    • Jenolen2161

      I’m also a plus size — thinking of my current wardrobe, it’s from:
      Talbot’s (if you live near a clearance outlet–even cheaper than a regular outlet–it’s wonderful!)

      Macy’s — Jones NY, Ralph Lauren, Michael Kors (tho he fits strangely on me), Inc., Style & Co., Nine West (I LOVE their dresses), Alfani

      CJ Banks — but that may skew too old for you (my mom wears it, but I’ve found a cute piece or two)

      Lands End (I have one wrap dress from them that I absolutely live in.)

      LL Bean (Because everything lasts forever and they have no minimum on free shipping.)

      JC Penney (I know. But if you need good workout gear for not a lot of money, they’re great. Also, they have good tanks for layering.)

      Target (I have a bunch of dresses and other summer casual things from them. Quality is eh for me.)

      I also shop at Marshall’s and TJMaxx when I’m in the mood to hunt. I don’t really wear Old Navy too much, since I found their stuff to not hold up well.

  24. Hiding in my Office

    So… Anyone want to reassure me I’m not the only one to ever drunkenly hook up with a coworker? It gets less awkward, right?

    • Susie

      This is de rigueur in some places of employment, where you practically need to keep a diagram of who’s hooked up with who.

    • Anonymous

      I drunkenly hooked up with a co-worker 8 years ago and ended up marrying him!

    • Anonymous

      Just make sure you don’t take the same cab back to one apt and both submit expense receipts for it….been there and AWKWARD

      • Anon

        And also – not truthful. Unless I’m misunderstanding. But if one of you paid…and both of you submitted receipts…then someone is gaming the system.

    • Aria

      In my previous life in BigLaw this was pretty standard. I mean, when you live at the office and are single, how else are you supposed to have a LGP? The question about awkwardness is harder to answer…I think drunken one night standards are less awkward and easier to move past as coworkers if both coworkers just assume it was a drunken one-time thing. If either party has feelings for the other, that’s when it becomes more complicated.

      • Hiding in my Office

        Not in Big Law, but both do definitely have a tendency to live in the office (and thankfully we both are single!) I am assuming that we both just think it was a one time thing, but I haven’t talked to him beyond saying hi in the hallway, so I have no idea what he’s thinking. I guess I would just feel better if we talked about it, but that sounds awkward too.

      • CJ Craig

        Yes. I just had what I assumed was going to be a drunken one-nighter with a colleague until he came into my office crying on Monday about how much he loves me. Awkward.

    • Temporarily anon

      You are not alone, at all.

      One of the many downsides: if you’re anything like me, you’ll be temporarily kissing your Frump Office Days goodbye. Like worrying about running into an ex-bf at the grocery store, only much worse.

      • anon been there

        I’ve definitely done this and picking out clothes took me about 3x as long every morning. Including the first time I knew I’d run into him (only on Fridays) which was “he’s definitely one of those guys who’s into girly girls and I don’t remember how tall exactly he is so I’m going to wear flats,” then “I want to wear black and tall angry shoes because I’m mad you haven’t gotten in touch with me,” etc.

        … I also had a large crush on the guy. And subsequently realized he definitely didn’t care what I wore and he was not interested in seeing anyone he worked with.

    • Hel-lo

      It may get less awkward. But remember that if people end up knowing, they are often harsher consequences for women than men. Keep that in mind.

    • Anne Shirley

      Last night I had a debate with my (engineer) bf about septic versus sewer and he was like wait, are we planning out future home? And then the takeout arrived. And now I’m (ridiculously) shopping online for rings.

    • mascot

      Also, laughing at the surge in LGP posts. Garden parties are something we can all support.

      • Anonymous

        Ha, but you know you’ve been reading [thissite] too long when a commenter earlier this week asks what to do with the overload of tomatoes in her garden, and before reading the rest of the post to see she meant her ACTUAL garden, you start wondering what STD she’s referring to.

      • k-padi

        This. I am sooooo relieved other people finds dating as wonderfully and horribly exasperating!

        I’m just reading this thread now and thinking, “Did I do that?” in my best Steve Urkel voice. oops.

  26. Chicago recs -- Lady Harriet

    I will be in Chicago next weekend for my college roommate’s wedding. I’m renting a car with a group of our other old roommates and I’m looking for recommendations of fun free/cheap things to do in the city. We’ll have several hours to kill between the ceremony and reception on Saturday afternoon, so anything in the Bucktown/Wicker Park neighborhood would be great so we don’t have to move the car and try to find parking. (The ceremony is there but the reception will be more out of town.) I and at least one of my friends don’t leave until Sunday evening, so we’ll have some time for exploring that day too. I don’t think we’re interested in shopping. I grew up in Wisconsin, so I have been to the city a number of times, but mostly as a kid with my family and not much in recent years. My friends have either been once or never. Thanks!

    • Frugal doc..

      In between the wedding and reception, just hang out in the neighborhood you are in. Have a drink, get a feel for one of the hip and trendy parts of the city (Bucktown/Wicker park) where people live and where there are few tourists. Have a drink or coffee.

      For Sunday, go downtown. Start at the Art institute when they open at 10:30 and see the newish modern wing and some masters, and perhaps have lunch at their cafe. Then walk from there through Millenium Park, take a look at the Bean and other sculptures and enjoy. Then take one of the Architectural society boat tours along the river, through the city. Then go to the Purple Pig on Michigan avenue after your tour – crazy popular small plates restaurant, but if you go in the afternoon/early dinner you will get in. Then wander a little along Michigan avenue before jumping in a cab to the airport or getting on the Blue line (train) to the airport. If you get to the airport, and need food, grab something at Tortas Fronteras (Rick Bayless’ fast food airport treat….) to bring on the plane with you.

      nice….

  27. switching sides?

    A question for ladies in law… I have done Plaintiff-side work exclusively since I started practicing. It is starting to become clear that I need to make a change. In my mid-size midwestern town it seems as though women may have a better chance at leadership positions and advancement. So, I guess my question is – has anyone successfully transitioned from Plaintiff’s work to the Defense side? What would be the best way to “sell” myself to the defense-side firms?

    • JJ

      My firm has a lot of attorneys that have switched from plaintiff to defense side. As long as it’s conceivably true, you can always pitch it as you wanted the experience that comes with working for a smaller, plaintiffs’ firm. And now that you have that experience, you want to switch to somewhere with high(er)-profile cases, more complex issues and clients, yadda yadda yadda. Everyone knows that people will often switch for advancement, money, prestige, and the like.

      The one issue that we’ve had from a few interviews where people were coming from plaintiff work was that they couldn’t demonstrate any actual good litigation “skills”: writing, oral advocacy, etc. These people often came from firms that only dealt in one area, where every motion, written discovery, brief, etc. was a pre-typed form that basically only substituted the caption and the appropriate dates. So we had no actual work product to judge them by.

    • Anonymous

      “Litigation is litigation”
      “I understand how Plaintiffs think”
      “I understand insurance coverage”

  28. Betty

    Question for the hive: How close to your due date did you work? With my first, I was in biglaw and practically booted out of the door at 38 weeks. Now that I work for the government with no paid maternity leave (only accrued vacation and sick leave), I am planning on working right up to my due date. Yes, I know that I could go early, but if I can, I want to save all of my paid leave for after the baby arrives. While my coworkers are all great and totally understanding (perhaps because many have done the same thing), my family, especially the older women, are completely aghast that I am going to work up to my due date. I feel fine, tired but fine (37 weeks). The baby and I are both healthy, and I would go crazy twidling my thumbs in my unairconditioned house. Has anyone else pushed it to their due date?

    • Anon

      No children myself yet, but every one of my coworkers has worked up until they go into labor (same rationale – rather spend maternity leave days with baby than waiting for baby). I’m in house FWIW.

    • Anon

      My baby was born 2 weeks early and I worked a full day the day she was born. I had planned on working up to (and past if baby was late) my due date. Basically, I planned on working until the baby was born.

    • SpaceMountain

      Gov law here, too — worked until the day before I delivered for both babies.

    • RR

      With my first pregnancy, which was twins, I stopped at 35 weeks–mostly due to the fact that I was commuting a significant distance.

      With this pregnancy (36 weeks), I’m working until the Friday before my Monday c-section (or until I go into labor if it happens earlier).

    • Need to Improve

      I planned to work until my due date and went into labor the night before my last day in the office. I had that plan so as not to waste my leave while still pregnant. I was careful to have all of my cases in shape so they could be picked up easily if something happened, and I planned to stay in touch with the office throughout my leave, so I knew it would not be the end of the world if I suddently had to go out a few days early.

      I think the whole “aghast at a woman working until her due date” attitude is offensive. As is the fact that you were “practically booted out” at your BigLaw office. I got some remarks about working up until my due date from people outside my BigLaw office, inlcuding when I took a 90-minute flight to take a deposition at 38 weeks. It was an important depo and important to my professional development to take it. Most of the people who acted aghast were older and from a different era where pregnancy was viewed as a “condition.” It was B.S. in my view. No one should judge you for your choice to work up until the end.

      • Anonymous

        For what its worth, I’m not older or from a different era but I don’t think its offensive for people to be expressing concern about someone flying at 38 weeks to take a depo. Flying is really not recommend at that point and its not uncommon to go into labor that early. I get that taking the depo may be important to you but there are ways to arrange for things to be done telephonically or over video. If that’s not a possibility, you’re basically putting your career ahead of your health and your baby’s health. To each their own, I guess, but I don’t think its wrong for people to express judgment and concern about that. To me, that’s very different than acting concerned about a pregnant woman working in an office up to her due date, which I believe most doctors consider perfectly safe for a normal pregnancy.

        • Merabella

          There isn’t actually anything wrong with flying in the third trimester, they just suggest not flying in case you go into labor. But with a 90 minute flight you would most likely be fine – even if you went into labor at take off.

      • Mama anon

        Yeah I had to read the 90 minute flight at 38 weeks thing twice to make sure I read it right! Pregnancy IS a medical condition.

    • Pregomama

      Barring complications, I plan to work until baby is born. I’ll be working at home, though, since I typically do a lot of travel and am “grounded” per both my boss and my doc for the last month :)

    • Hollis

      With my third, I worked on the due date, and then stopped working. The others were induced and I worked until the day before the induction (inducement?).

    • EC MD

      With my first, I worked til the day I went into labor full tilt as a surgery resident. I worked 80 hours a week the entire pregnancy and did a 7 hour case the day I delivered. With my second, I was able to cut back so my days weren’t as long but I worked til the day I delivered as well.

      People often cite “stress” as a risk for pregnancy, but they are talking about huge physiologic stress, like starvation, or enormous psychologic stress, like living in a refuge camp. The stress of most modern day jobs, even a somewhat physically demanding one like surgery, is not a risk factor for complications. You may be uncomfortable or sleep poorly, but no harm will come to the baby, barring other medical issues.

    • Diana Barry

      I worked right up until my due date all 3 times. For the first 2, I worked through Friday and the baby was born on Sunday. For the third, I worked through Thursday and the baby came Friday! It was great – I felt like I maximized my maternity leave, I wasn’t bored, etc.

    • InfoGeek

      I worked a full day and then went into labor that night. The baby was born the next day.

      No biggie, although I left my desk each day for the last week or so hoping that I wouldn’t be back because I was so ready to meet the baby.

      • Coach Laura

        Yes, every day for the last four weeks, I had my desk and my to-do list perfect every day – not knowing when I’d go into labor and not return. With #1 I came back from an OB appt, worked until 8:30 and went into labor that night – I joke that that was my “instinct” to work instead of going home early and leaving the work for the next day. With #2, I had minor complications and was basically in labor for a week before delivery in and out of the hospital daily. With both, I promised my boss that I’d have everything clean and ready from week 36 on just in case. It was a good policy.

        • Ruby

          I worked on day went into labor, thuogh mostly from home that week. It sucked. Some countries send ladies home a month early to rest. Not a luxury here for most. I remember getting an email from the What to Expect site about ‘now is a good time to practice your nursury rhymes’ and thinking: right. I’m trying to keep up with conference calls, pain and gas, and not sleeping per kicking. Anyway though, it is possible, but would have been nice to rest if you can.

    • I'm Just Me

      government, non law …

      With my first I worked on Friday, it was a holiday weekend, I went into labor Monday morning and she was born Tuesday late afternoon.

      With my second, I worked on Friday, went into labor at 7am Saturday and he was born late morning on Saturday.

      I was determined to not use a minute of leave waiting around.

      My desk was in perfect shape, my projects organized, the people who were going to take over for me informed every day before I walked out the office door so they could transition easily.

    • cbackson

      A woman at my old firm worked right up to and through the birth of her child.

      As in, yes, her baby was born on the office floor.

      Her practice group? Labor and employment.

      • B

        I think I read about this. Didn’t some associate have to assist in the delivery?

    • anon

      yep, with my first my last day in the office was my due date, and with my second I worked until 1 am the night before my due date (baby was a few days late in both cases). Then again, I felt good until the end; if that hadn’t been the case I would have definitely peaced out earlier.

  29. AnonApartment

    Going anon for this, because I like to be mysterious.

    DH and I are picking up the keys to a new apartment this weekend, and planning to spend the weekend cleaning and painting (yay for paint-friendly leases!) before we move in our stuff in a week. Our new place is in a new city (but a few hours from our old city), and it’s ultra-urban, which will be a big change for us. Any advice or ideas on things we should do this weekend to ease the move? I can’t really think of much, but thought you guys might have some ideas — I love that we have a little extra time to get things ready, but I’m not sure what we might want/need to do.

    Also, any ideas on how to stop worrying so much about the change to urban living? We’re both from rural areas, and I’m a little terrified about living somewhere so busy/urban/dangerous?/different/etc. Thanks!

    • Elle

      Two comments:

      1) To ease into a new area, go out and find a good place to go out to eat or whatever you like to do. Yelp it for somewhere that looks good, then try it. It feels great to have at least one or two places in the area (especially within your neighborhood/walkable distance) that you know about and feel comfortable. If you know anyone in the city, ask their suggestions and/or try to meet with them somewhere in your neighborhood.

      2) There have actually been studies recently that rural areas are now more dangerous (especially in terms of risk of death from accident or not) than urban. It may be busier, but I find that most people adjust to the noise level relatively quickly. If you find that you don’t, you can look to move to someone quieter but still in the city and that is known as a safe area (that’s what I did when I moved to a new city and my area is great – close to anything I need, close to public transportation, but nice and quiet and safe).

      Good luck on the move!

    • Anonymous 2

      Buy TP for the new place! And possibly bottled water for the movers. It will make moving day so much better to have a few supplies waiting for you already.

    • fun!

      No practical advice, but grab some takeout from your new neighborhood, a bottle of wine, and put on some music and celebrate your new place!

    • CJ Craig

      I would also join your local community group. I always feel much safer in a place (whether it be urban or rural) when I know it’s patterns ie, what is normal/friendly stoop sitting and what is potentialy sketchy if its urban or if its threatening or not to park next to your neighbors truck which has a full stocked gun rack on the back.

    • Godzilla

      Have some place to sit – whether it’s folding chairs or a blanket on the floor. You’ll need to take breaks.

      • AnonApartment

        Ugh, thanks! I don’t know why this hadn’t occurred to me yet, but it totally hadn’t.

    • anon

      Get renters insurance. Hopefully you’ll never need to make a claim, but everyone should hsve it, rural or urbsn.

  30. Matilda

    First, news: I just went under contract for my first house!!! I’m alternating between terror and squee, but right this very second it’s mostly squee.

    And now for a makeup question: at the encouragement of a Friend Who Is A Guy, I’ve been experimenting with makeup and made the wonderful discovery that, if it’s in liquid or cream form (i.e., not powder), I’m actually capable of applying it without making a complete mess of myself. I’ve got liquid eye stuff that I like, but my experimental cream blush makes my skin raw (it basically feels like windburn). I’m looking at the fancier Sephora brands, but before I spend that much money I figured I’d ask: does anyone, especially ladies with sensitive skin, have a cream (or stick or gel) blush they really like?

    • anon

      I like Tarte’s cheek stain. Pretty easy to build the color so you don’t look like a clown unless you actually are trying to.

      • Matilda

        I had wondered about the Tarte ones. The colors look pretty sharp on the website — sounds like they aren’t that abrupt?

      • Matilda

        Thanks! Still freaking out a bit, but I had a long conversation with my loan officer (who is the bomb) about all my options and my lingering terror over whether XYZ credit issue would bite me in the butt, so feeling a little better…

        • SoCalAtty

          Don’t be surprised if they ask you for documents over, and over, and over…just a part of the process!

    • dancinglonghorn

      the YSL cream blush is a dream! Also, I’m dying to get my hands on the new Chanel cream blushes.

    • AP

      Congrats!!
      I really like Nars The Multiple sticks. They do have a bit of subtle shimmer, though, so I don’t know if that might irritate sensitive skin.

    • Matilda

      Thanks — sounds like I might need to just go play at the counter this weekend and see what I like, but I’ll definitely try those!

    • Parker - Boardroombelles

      I like the Nars Multiple Stick in Maui for a blush.

      But I’d really recommend going powder for blush. Here is where you’re probably thinking that it’s too difficult for you because the powder comes on too strong. I’ve only ever had that with drugstore brand. I can 100% endorse Tara Tarantino Blush (in Feather from Sephora)). More expensive products in powder form are just so much more lightweight, that instead of a heavy handed, streaky mess you can actually layer on stuff subtly until it’s just right. That being said, that only works if the brush is as good as the powder product. Rite Aid makes a decent powder brush for $15. My expenses for blush (and makeup in general) has gone way, way down since switching to more expensive Sephora brands, because I can return until I find just the right product for me and they last a lot longer. Ok, breathe Parker, end of rant.

  31. for KAT

    Every single time I try to comment, I receive the posting too often error. I refresh and eventually get it to post, but it is frustrating. I have received this comment after not even having the site open for over a day.

    • Anonymous

      I am getting it too. Someone once suggesting that the “you are posting too quickly” refers not to YOU, individual poster, but to YOU, collective posters. So, the error shows up when too many posters are submitting comments at once. I have no idea if this is correct, but it makes sense in terms of getting the error when you have not been posting “too quickly” or at all, even.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not you. It’s everyone else trying to comment at the same time. Just refresh until you stop getting the error.

    • Matilda

      Also, I try to remember to select and copy the text of my comment before I hit “Post,” just in case, so that I don’t have to retype it if I lose it to the “posting too quickly” gremlin.

      • Anon

        Just keep hitting refresh if it doesn’t go through the first (second third fourth…) time.

    • Anon

      I keep getting it on my phone today, but not at my computer. Not sure if that’s a coincidence or not.

  32. Betty

    I think its a great idea to spend some time painting, etc. before you actually move in. My suggestions (having done a similar rural to urban move) seven years ago:
    – Spend time just walking around your neighborhood, especially on Sat. morning if you can. Most likely, you will be amazed at the number of people who are up and out. It certainly put me at ease in my neighborhood.
    – Collect take-out menus from nearby places so that you can order your first weekend.
    – Buy some basics to have on hand from the minute you start to move in (broom, mop, paper towels, toilet paper, coffee, plastic cups, plates, flatwear, drink of choice and snacks)
    – Maybe even stock the fridge
    Good luck!

  33. kk

    I’ve noticed recently that I am horrible at taking compliments and it’s primarily compliments from women. Why can’t I just say thank you? I always have to have some kind of self deprecating response. For example, the wife of one of my co-workers said the other day – “your nails always look so nice” Why do I find the need to say, “thanks now that I don’t bite them I try to keep them looking nice”. Why can’t I just say thank you? I have a number or examples of this. I’m going to try and make a conscious effort to just say thank you from here on out.

    • Anonymous 2

      You could try responding with a compliment to the other person, if you feel “thanks” isn’t enough.

      • Parker - Boardroombelles

        That video is hilarious.

        I’m currently training my mum off the deflections/responses when complimenting her. For some reason, being raised where I was, complimenting on someone’s outfit here makes women respond immediately with an explanation of how old/cheap/on sale the piece was – because they do not want to appear vain. I can understand the sentiment but it makes me, as the complimenteur (ha!) feel weird.

    • kk

      Oh, here is another one I just thought of – Woman: “I love your diamond necklace”, Me: “Oh thanks, it’s not real”. Why somewhere in my head do I feel the need to inform someone that the necklace does not contain a real diamond…. I swear I can drive myself crazy.

    • Rosalita

      This is very common. You deserve those great words! Do make an effort to just say a simple, “Oh, thank you!” each time.

  34. Betty

    This was supposed to be in response to AnonApartment above. Glad its the end of the week.

  35. Crabby Associate

    Just found out that a total doofus of an attorney in my group was selected for a year-long business development training program that I had wanted to participate in. The training is for mixed levels of seniority and the people he mentioned, all male (although I’m sure there may be a few women). It is a big internal networking thing, which I’m trying to work on because up for partner soon. Frustrated because I had expressed interest in this to my group leaders. Grah.

    • Hollis

      So bummed for you!! Did they give you a reason why you were not selected? Any chance you can ask for feedback and express a desire to be on the waiting list in case the doofus leaves mid-year?

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  37. Facial?

    I have some important events, including interviews, in the next two weeks. I’ve been noticing a lot more blackheads and acne lately and so was thinking of getting a facial. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’m not sure if I waited too long to get one now. I’ve had one before and it was fine.

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  38. Susedna

    @Moving On?

    Sounds like he’s one of those guys who “interview well” but can’t actually perform long-term on the job.

    Any dufus can pretend to be a star boyfriend in LD; he gets plenty of time to stock up on romantic ideas (especially if he can re-use them for other LD gals he keeps on a string). You don’t see him every day, groggy in the morning, amassing dirty laundry (or fumbling with quarters for the laundry machines in your apartment building, etc.)

    Be glad you dodged a bullet.

  40. RJ

    Question about those pesky orange Barbri books now that the test is over…finally! I’m in a state where there was no book deposit, so I’m not going to send them back. I am pretty sure I’ve heard that its considered unethical and possibly interferes with your bar admission if you try and sell them? Does anyone know if that’s accurate? I guess the only thing left to do is recycle them or have a bonfire.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      I still have my Barbri books in my trunk. I say, bonfire! Congrats on being done!

    • Anonymous

      IIRC, the Barbri agreement bans it. So it’s not so much that it’s ethical, it’s BOK.

      Most people I know ended up holding on to them for friends (either in lower classes who may not have the benefit of a firm footing the bill, or for people who move after already taking 1 bar and don’t want to pay for the full course).

    • Calibrachoa

      Keep them, you never know when you have to test a drug dealer for eidetic memory ;)

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