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Weekend Open Thread

Leith High-Low Long Cardigan | CorporetteSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I like the look of this high/low long cardigan, part of the Nordstrom clearance sale — the navy, of course, is more my speed, but the rust is also nice. The sweater was $66, but is now $38.90. Leith High/Low Long Cardigan Here's a similar plus-size option. Psst: See our recent roundup of the best workwear at Nordstrom's sale.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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127 Comments

  1. We’re doing a surf ‘n turf (filet & lobster tail) dinner for v-day (the local butcher shop had a deal). Anyone have any good recipes/methods? We were originally planning a somewhat complex filet recipe with blue cheese and reduction sauces, but I’m thinking that it might be overkill if served along with the lobster. Will probably serve it with some potatoes and a veggie of some sort.

    1. Sear the filets on a cast-iron pan over screaming high heat for a minute each side. Finish in an oven set at 450 for about 5 minutes (for medium rare-ish), depending on the height of your steaks. We usually just grill the lobster tails.

      I like sauteed spinach with garlic and lemon juice as a veggie side. Makes me think at least one thing is relatively healthy.

      1. Yessss to spinach/garlic/lemon. It’s pretty basic but if you need a recipe I think there’s an Ina Garten one floating around.

        1. +2. I sometimes saute onions and mushrooms in the pan before adding the spinach. Those are also good as either a separate side or topping for your steaks.

      2. I’m pretty big on wanting some kind of a sauce or topping for the steaks, just don’t want to make it too complicated. I could do a wine sauce in the pan, though.

        1. Alton Brown has a good steak au poivre recipe on Food Network’s website that I’ve used for just that purpose.

          ETA: I’m kind of a Good-Eats disciple, so there are probably other recipes out there for it, as well.

          1. +1 for Good Eats disciple-ism. I’ve been thinking that in a couple of years, I’ll get the DVDs for my kids and call it educational.

        2. If you just want to buy something the Peter Luger steak sauce is awesome.

      3. This sounds wonderful. If you’ve spent the money on a good filet, it shouldn’t be covered up with sauces. Save those for cheap cuts of meat. Cooking isn’t about how much you can toss on a plate, enjoy the best tasting ingredients you can & only “gild the lily” when you have something to hide.

      4. +1 to this method. My steaks come out perfect every single time this way. Also, take them out about an hour beforehand so they warm up and put lots of salt on it.

        We did a porterhouse with sautéed spinach and penne vodka.

  2. Does anyone ever come across the issue of male clients avoiding your handshake and going in for the cheek kiss? We have one client, originally from New Zealand, who has been trying this for over a year, and I got ambushed recently (called to a conference room without being told who was in there) and he went in for the kiss before I had my wits about me. The managing partner, who I hold in high regard, was there and he didn’t seem to notice my discomfort. I’m not a fan, but at the same time, I also don’t want to overreact and offend the client. I know that this manner of greeting is common in other countries, but I don’t know if that’s the case in professional settings as well as social settings.

    Anyway, just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences (is this common?), whether they care or not (am I overreacting?), and what they do about it (if anything).

    1. Men are dirt bag’s. They alway’s reach to do the one thing you do not expect, or WANT. The cheek kiss is European, and at least more civil then what I’ve gotten from men — the 2 hand tuchus grab. That is the worst, and much worse then kissing and even worse then the boobie brush. Be glad they are NOT doeing this to you as they have done to me (with the manageing partner’s blessing). FOOEY!

        2. so……I’ve been here for about a year or so, and I don’t get how you can tell a fake Ellen. What’s the difference?

          1. As far as I can tell, the real Ellen capitalizes completely random words instead of ones that might normally be emphasized.

    2. A Southerner has done this to me in a work situation. I didn’t love it but put it down to cultural differences.

      1. … As a Southerner, I know of no Southern male that does this. The little old ladies, yes. Maybe a woman your age who thinks she’s your work bestie. Anyone else from the South, no, it’s just someone being creepy.

        1. Well, what you say makes sense because he was a bit of a creepy guy – a smooth operator is what I’d call him. Thanks for the info, I did not mean to impugn Southern men or any Southerners in general!

          1. No impugning, just wanted to warn you that in fact, he was just being creepy and you should avoid:-)

        2. I agree with Gail, unless we’re talking about a part of the South I’m not familiar with. I’m a Jersey girl who’s lived in the South (GA and TN) most of her life, and I’ve often observed that kissing (people who are not romantic partners or tiny children) is basically not done by Southerners, even in situations where it would be fairly normal up North. I’ve never seen or heard of it between professionals. Very likely a creep.

          (I wouldn’t be super-surprised if this is common in parts of LA, though, since it has such a strong French heritage.)

    3. I don’t think you’re overreacting per se, as obviously you can be uncomfortable with whatever you want. Fwiw, I don’t like touching or personal space invasion of any kind, although I can (and do) tolerate handshakes. But this is very normal in some parts of the world, and I think that it can be helpful to see it as such and let it go, especially when you’re in a professional situation and can’t make an issue of it easily. I have received the cheek kiss in professional settings, although I don’t know if it’s common.

    4. I encounter this frequently, primarily with customers/colleagues that are from or have spent significant time in other parts of the world. It is a standard greeting for them. While it isn’t my favorite thing, I have learned to just roll with it. It also helps if I can remind myself to be prepared when I know I am meeting with them.

    5. I always put my hand out first. If someone tries to bypass the handshake and go in for the cheek kiss, I sidestep politely, keep my hand extended, smile, and say “I’m a handshake girl”. Or, if you don’t like referring to yourself as a “girl”, I guess you could say something like “I’ve always preferred handshakes”.

      To my knowledge, this has never impacted me professionally in a negative way. And I’ve gotten multiple compliments on having a great/strong handshake.

    6. Yes, this has happened to me too.

      I don’t love it, but I truly don’t think he meant any harm (my particular client).

      Also, it is a bit more common here due to the French Canadian influence. They tend to be double cheek kissers in non-business settings.

      I also have a few female clients that do it.

      1. Context/location definitely makes a difference. It’s one thing if I’m attending a business meeting in France and someone leans in for a double-cheek kiss – that is cultural. If I’m attending a business meeting in Arkansas, then it’s creepy.

    7. Haven’t done any business in Australia, but I did live and work in Europe for several years. This is totally normal there, even for work situations (not just social situations). Can be awkward because the continent and England have a different number of kisses (so you have to think about it). The kisses are generally air kisses (just cheek-cheeck contact) and it’s considered pretty rude if you refuse. I suppose if you’re truly uncomfortable you could try some of the suggestions above. I’d just roll with it. The client is doing what is customary, not trying to be sleazy.

    8. I feel like this is more common in my non-profit world. Very common in Rotary. I haven’t encountered in in business very frequently, but I just roll with it, especially if it is a client.

    9. As a Kiwi (New Zealander) this strikes me as very strange. We are not touchy feely people generally and handshakes are standard. Kisses are not standard for women or men. The only men (and women) I know who do so are those who have spent a lot of time in Europe.

    10. In my country, we kiss.
      I cheek kiss anyone from my peers to the Country Manager and senior managers coming from Europe.
      I shake hands of those coming from America and Asia and I just acknowledge presence of those from Middle East with no attempt at physical contact.

  3. Yay Kat and Kate–you love Nordstrom’s as much as Rosa and I do! But this sweater is a littel to artsey for ME to wear to work, tho Rosa can wear this around Chapaqua to the country club and other places where she goe’s each day after Ed goes to work.

    Ed is being tested this weekend to see if he can control his sexueal urges, especialy b/c Rosa has turned into a Mollusk clam for the last 2 week’s, giveing him NO sex of any sort. If he can resist the temtation of 2 cute women and keep his winkie in his pant’s, Rosa will re-commence sexueal relations with him. She told me she actualy is missing the connection with Ed, tho NOT the STD worry, which is NOW a NON-ISSUE. She said that if he remain’s pure on Saturday, she will have one “heckuva Sunday” b/c the kid’s are goeing over to Grandma Leyeh all day Saturday through Monday (which is a school holiday! I hope she does not get worn out on Sunday b/c Ed will have had alot of pent up energy and bodily fluid’s– I rembember that Alan Sheketovits was like Old Faithful, but it made a mess all over my Egyptian Sheet’s and Sateen Bedspread, which the cleaneing lady had to get DRY cleaned. It was expensive. FOOEY!

    I decided to let Donald come over to Meet Myrna Saturday. She I think will be biased AGAINST him b/c she want’s for ME to date her brother, who is NOT sexueally attractive to me. I think that if I were ever to get intimate with him, I would see Myrna in his face b/c they look somewhat alike, and I can NEVER picture Myrna in a sexueal way, or her brother huffeing and puffeing on top of me. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    The manageing partner want’s me to prepare an information supeenie to get information from a labor union that will NOT turn over their medical file on an employee who is claiming workplace injury. My guy says he was shoveling snow, so why can’t he stock shelve’s in the supermarkit? I am sure he can, b/c snow shoveling is alot more strenus then stockeing shelve’s. I asked to get picture’s but the guy said he will have to wait until the NEXT storm. FOOEY! Where was he the last time it snowed? What a doosh!

    I have a question for the hive. I will be 34 next month. Should I go for INVITRO fertilization b/c I have NOT yet found a good man to mate with? Or should I wait for Mr. Right b/f mateing. What does the HIVE think? My grandmoms both want me to have a baby b/f YEAR end. Are they right? HELP!!!!

  4. Does anyone here use Reddit?

    I was recently introduced and I’m looking for subreddit suggestions!

    1. I love browsing through /r/AskReddit, /r/BeforeNAfterAdoption/,/r/relationships/, /r/MakeupAddiction/, /r/whatsthatbook, /r/namenerds/ and my local city-specific reddit.

    2. I just discovered r/blep, which is just pictures of cats with their tongues out. It is perfect.

    3. r/AMA. I’m not a super-active redditor, but I love this one for interesting insights into a wide variety of people.

    4. /r/explainlikeimfive/. I don’t actively reddit but I read this when I’m bored – great explanations for things you always wondered.

    6. I also enjoy /r/aww, /r/eyebleach, /r/asoiaf (sub for the Game of Thrones books, spoilers abound), /r/trollxchromosomes, and /r/nfl.

  5. How do you decide how many of a clothing item you need or when you need something new? A pair of dress pants which fit me well came on sale to $34 from about $100 in gray. I already have a pair of gray pants, though, and I’m kind of a minimalist. I’ve got 4 pairs of dress pants 3 matching blazers, 4 skirts (also match the blazers) and about 4 dresses. I have a small assortment of button downs and sweaters/shells as well. Everything is in good condition. I’ll definitely wear the pants, and for the price I feel like I should get them. I’ve actually been waiting for them to come on sale for awhile, but now that they are, I can’t seem to get over the fact that I already have a pair of gray pants. How do you decide how much stuff you need?

    1. I’m definitely the kind who buys too much, unlike you, but since it is such a good deal, could you buy them and put them away until the grey pants you wear now inevitably start to show wear? I guess it depends on whether you think you might change shape/size before your current pants wear out, but I personally hate that moment when my staple wears out and I have to scramble around to find a replacement. It would be great to have one in the closet ready to go.

    2. I just sort of generally go on feel (how often am I feeling like I’ve already worn that item too frequently in the past little while). I don’t think that I’m an over-buyer, but I do have several pairs of gray work pants, because they are such a basic/staple (I tend to prefer them over black pants), and I agree with la vie about staples wearing out. Grays are always different shades, so it’s not likely that you’re talking about two pairs of what are basically the same pants. These would probably complement some things in your closet/mood better than the other pair.

    3. I have several of those 5 row hangers and I try to keep each color pants limited to one, so I have 5 black pants, 5 grey, 5 tan/brown, and 5 other/miscellaneous. And I almost always wear skirts/dresses! Other clothing items are random, I probably have about 20 work-appropriate dresses, 20 skirts, and 50 blouses/tops/sweaters. Guess I’m a hoarder?

        1. As I said I don’t wear pants often, but the rest I wear on pretty regular rotation. I’m in CA so not too much seasonal variation in terms of weather, though of course certain things are limited by the color/style.

      2. What in the world…. I own significantly less than that. Am I under-wardrobed, or is this a ton?

        1. No. This is excessive. You don’t need enough clothing items (especially pants) to last you a whole month. Personally, even when I’ve had dozens of pairs of pants, I’ve always tended to wear pretty much only my favorite few.

        3. I think it really depends on the individual. I have a work-wardrobe and a non-work wardrobe. I try to limit each wardrobe to one of any given thing in any given color (exceptions for black dresses and black sweaters, as I wear a lot of both). So I have one pair of black work trousers, one pair of grey, one pair of navy, one pair of camel. One black work pencil skirt, one navy, one charcoal, one light grey, one camel, and a few other colors. About 8 work dresses – same deal. You get the picture.

        4. That’s a ton of pants. You’re fine. I think I have five pairs of dress pants, and I wear them at least three days a week. I don’t feel like I’m repeating anything too frequently. If you’re able to look work appropriate and have enough to last between laundry day/ the cleaner’s, you’re JUST FINE.

      3. I just want about 10 “work outfits” that I can rotate, without putting any thought into getting dressed. I don’t care enough about clothes, I think. I’m just trying now to slowly invest in nice pieces, so that my 10 work outfits will be great quality! I would actually prefer to just have a uniform.

        Anyone else like me? Or am I the weirdo?

        1. No, I agree. That’s why I barely own anything, and the vast majority of items in my closet go with just about everything else in my closet. I’d love to be a little more stylish, but I’d love to find a way of doing that without investing much more effort in getting dressed in the morning and without owning too much stuff.

        2. Hindsight: my uniform in high school (catholic school) was the greatest thing ever.

    4. The other thing is that I’m on a shopping hiatus right now, so I don’t really want to buy anything. Although these pants were a pre-approved exception if they came under about $45. I’ve been price stalking them for several months now. I’ll probably just get them, especially since they’re light gray whereas my other pants are dark gray, which I wouldn’t have noticed if not for Lyssa’s comment *sigh*

      1. What’s your body type and what pants are they? I’m quite curvy and have been looking for some non-charcoal grey work pants!

        1. I’m an hourglass. They’re the martin fit from BR. Depending on how curvy you are, you could also try the jackson fit. I’m also really petite & otherwise small (I’m nearly sized out of BR and most brands around that price point), otherwise either of them would probably work for me.

          1. I swear by the Martin fit. I’m a pear/curvy and they work well for me. I’d like to swear by something else of a better quality, but they are my go-to for a quick closet-filler type purchase.

          2. My 4th pair of pants are the Caroline fit from Brooks Brothers. I think they’re about 200, but I got them on sale for about $125. Required a good deal of sale stalking, though. I highly recommend them for both fit and quality. They definitely run smaller than the Martin fit, but I couldn’t really tell if they just run smaller or if they’re also cut less generously around the hips/butt.

    1. depends what you mean by all natural. If you want really all-natural, people I know use baking soda, cider vinegar, or coconut oil, which are all about as effective as they sound. Other friends use that crystal stuff, which makes me smell worse.

      The only thing I’ve found that works (or, definitely works when I’m not going to sweat at all, and sort of delays BO in scenarios that get heated), is Real Purity. I order it on Amazon. Between that and really washing with soap every morning in the shower (none of this fast pass with “body wash” business), I smell non-offensive for 14ish hours. (Confirmed by a close friend who has told me – frankly – when the other all natural stuff I’ve used has NOT worked.)

    2. I really like the Earth Science lavender scent. It is a subtle scent, not too much. But I don’t really sweat that much and only get mildly stinky, I’m not sure if it would be enough for someone with more sweat. It is the only one I’ve found, though, that doesn’t irritate my very sensitive skin.

    3. I love Alba Botanica’s Clear Enzyme Aloe (they also have a Lavender scented one that is nice), it is the ONLY one I have found that actually works. Lush Cosmetics has a powder one that works really well (but it burns super bad if you shaved recently). I learned to stay away from polypropylene glycol, as it massively dried out my skin (like Toms of Maine).

    4. I use Crystal deodorant which I bought from Whole Foods Market which was recommended on this site. It completely solved my problem. I used one from Jason Naturals as well but the scent was too strong for my taste May be they have unscented as well, I have not tried.

  7. How do you know when its time to leave Biglaw? I’m a mid-level litigation associate in a major East Coast city at a top-firm. I get better than average to excellent reviews, I like the work I do for the most-part, I love my colleagues with a few limited exceptions, and the hours are manageable. All that said, I feel like I’m not getting the opportunities to advance that I want and think I have earned. In part it is because the opportunities are few and far between and in part it is because they go to the many other excellent associates who are also mid-levels. I’ve raised this up the appropriate channels and to a partner with whom I have a mentor-type relationship. No one has any good answers or concrete suggestions as to what I can do to get more and better opportunities. Nor do I get much feedback on how to be a better associate. As a result, my job/career feels directionless and I find myself increasingly resenting the fact that other people get opportunities I seem not to be getting (when I really like these people – so, really, I resent the circumstances and not the people). Overall I’m not inclined to leave because this is a good gig, but I also don’t want to work this hard if its not going to lead anywhere.

    What would you do if you were me? Lateral, speak-up more, hire a career coach of some sort, something else?

    1. I would stick it out for a while — you won’t be able to rebuild a lot of what you already have going for you somewhere else without years of effort. What are these opportunities you covet? Taking depositions, arguing motions? I’d pick one that is more realistic and make it your goal to accomplish it in a year. For example, if it is taking a deposition, explain to the partner on a case you are on that when you’re preparing for discovery, you’d really like to take a deposition if it goes that far. Get their expectations in line with yours. It might not happen right away, but if you want the opportunity to find you, it probably won’t.

    2. I would start looking around. Call on your network, schedule informational interviews and coffees and lunches. It’s not fun but it’s important. Also, I would find a recruiter that is highly recommended and start working with him or her. Friends who have been in similar positions have had very good success going to boutique litigation firms, where there are more opportunities because the whole business model is different.

      You are in the absolute best position to move right now. Take advantage of it.

    3. In addition to professional considerations (where will I get better experience? etc.), please do a financial analysis and look at:

      – debt payoff
      – retirement planning
      – future college funds
      – future housing costs

      before you decide anything.

    4. It’s hard to say without knowing what experiences you feel like you’re lacking. If you haven’t had much experiences with depositions and motion hearings as a mid-level, then yes, it’s worth looking for another large firm that gives their mid-levels more experience. On the other hand, if you’re disappointed you haven’t yet first-chaired a witness at a jury trial, that’s not something you’re normally going to get to do at a large firm as a mid-level. It does sound like others your year are getting experiences that you’re not, and that’s troubling. I agree it might be time to look around if you’re not getting a solid answer as to why you haven’t had those experiences yet. Sometimes there really is a reason why some people do it and others don’t. For example, I have a friend in Big Law who worked on a class action lawsuit as a first year and so she got to take depositions as a first year, because there were tons of fairly unimportant fact depositions. It’s unusual for a first year to take depositions in Big Law and it was just luck that she got to because she happened to be on that unusual case, and not a negative reflection on any other first year. On the other hand, I’ve seen firms review associates positively on paper but deny them opportunities to take on increasing responsibility, because they’re perceived as not being ready for it, and that definitely impedes the associate’s career. If you think there’s a possibility it’s that, it’s definitely worth looking around at other jobs.

      And yes, think about your financials – it is SO much easier to pay down debt with the Big Law salary than without.

    5. What else do you want to do, and what specific experience do you want to gain that you think you are missing out on? I was in a similar spot years ago, and I realized I wanted to be as good a trial attorney as the litigators I worked for. I also realized that would never happen remaining at a firm. (I also wanted to get into public service, but that was the case before I went to BigLaw as well.) So I left as a midlevel to go to the government. Within a year I was 10 times the attorney I was when I left the firm, so I definitely feel like it paid off. But I knew what I wanted to do — I applied to one place and moved to that office. If you don’t have a clear direction yet, stay where you are, and use the time and resources and tremendous salary to figure out what you want to do.

  8. Advice needed. I’m going to NYC this month from S. Florida and have very limited experience with winters in the Northeast (read: I’m very sensitive to cold weather). I bought a pair of fuzzy tan boots and black stiletto close-toed booties. I have larger calves and can’t find tall boots that fit and don’t look stupid on me (although that may be because I’m not used to the look on myself); otherwise, I would get a pair of riding boots and call it a day.

    1. Is an additional pair of shoes (e.g. riding boots or something else you’d recommend) necessary? I have no control or knowledge of the itinerary and imagine typical touristy things, dinners (potentially nicer restaurants), lots of walking, museums, visiting with family, etc, but can’t be sure. I suffer through cold weather maybe once a year or less, so I’d rather not spend more money; however, I’m going with SO’s family and want to be warm and appropriate. Walking excessively in heels isn’t my thing, but I can push through a little, to walk to a dinner for example, if I can wear warm and comfy fuzzy boots in most other occasions. I’m mid-late 20’s and don’t need to look sophisticated or picture-perfect, but don’t want to look adolescent or out of place anywhere either.

    2. Am I going to regret my decision to wear a black knee-length/body hugging/sleeveless Tahari dress with black tights and booties to a relatively big charity event? The event is in the hotel where we’re staying, but we will have to walk a few blocks to and from an “after party”. I have a heavy black thigh-length coat to wear over my dress and I can jazz up with jewelry. Ultimately, I don’t want to freeze and I want to look good/appropriate without standing out too much. The charity function has no set dress code–I was told anything from jeans to cocktail dresses, but my in-laws are wearing a suit and cocktail dress.

    TIA and please send warm vibes my way!

    1. Especially if the temp drops below freezing, you’ll want layers and accessories. Layers means you won’t have to buy too many new things – for example, a pair of leggings under pants, or a long sleeve t shirt under a thin sweater can make so much difference in warmth. Proper cold weather accessories make all the difference for long periods of time outside: gloves, hat, scarf, and thick wool socks are mandatory.

      1. Second this. Definitely bring a pair of leggings/long sleeved shirt or extra tshirts for an extra layer under whatever else you wear.

        And you might want to order a pair of fleece-lined tights while you’re at it. They will be considerably warmer with your dress since you don’t have tall boots.

        But you will survive, I promise! ;o) have fun!

    2. I think your outfit sounds fine. I walk about 10+ minutes each way to work and I’m generally wearing a skirt or dress with tights and boots or booties. FWIW, I sometimes (read from beginning of January-end of February) wear two pairs of tights but that’s because it’s freezing here. You’ll probably be warm enough for a few blocks.

    3. Re 1: Depending on the itinerary (perhaps your SO can get it out of his/her family?) I would potentially bring a nicer pair of flat shoes or low-heeled booties, if you wanted something that could be used for potentially nicer restaurants. I think you might feel out of place in fuzzy tan boots at a nicer place, and I personally wouldn’t want to wear stilettos after a day of walking/standing in museums, etc.

      Re 2: your outfit sounds great. I don’t think you need pumps if your booties work well with your dress.

      1. I agree on both of these points. I’d get some flat Chelsea boots. NYC requires A LOT of walking, especially compared to more suburban areas, and I think you’ll end up unnecessarily uncomfortable. The ~$100 you’ll save by not buying the boots won’t be worth you not having as much fun on this trip.

    4. Beyond warmth, how is the traction on the boots? If they are perfectly flat on the bottom or you occasionally slip with them on slick floors, they are going to be very difficult to walk in on ice, especially if you are not used to dealing with ice at all. And regarding the stilettos – are you used to walking in stiletto heels of that height you will probably be ok, but if not you probably want a more substantial heel. I personally can’t walk in stilettos since I don’t have practice with it, so stilettos on a sidewalk that could be icy would be a recipe for disaster for me personally.

      1. +1

        I went to NYC in Feb a few years ago and it was snowy, icy, and wet. I second the many comments on accessories – gloves, scarves, and hats are your friends. For touristy days, I’d just stick with the fuzzy boots. I went on a walking tour in the rain and fuzzy boots kept me warm and dry (as well as my ski coat hahaha).

    6. I’ve got wide calves too and riding boots are a look that, I think, you have to get used to. I’ve had good luck with Bare Traps wide calf and boots from Lane Bryant (really!) to fit my calves, which are like 17″ around.

      As a fellow (former) Floridian, I cannot emphasize the importance of having a scarf or wrap around your neck! You’d be surprised how much wind gets blocked when you wear a scarf compared to when you don’t. Also, consider wearing a nice cardigan or blazer over the dress. You can always take them off if you get too hot. Depending on how many days you’ll be here, you might want a pair or two of thick socks for your fuzzy boots (or just walking around your hotel room).

    7. Weather can really vary in NY in winter, but this February has been extra cold so far. I agree that a pair of nicer flat booties might be a good idea for wearing to dinner. Also: a warm hat and scarf (along with layers) makes a huge difference. Get both and you’ll be much more comfortable.

  9. Has anyone successfully completed a dissertation while holding down a full time job? I’m actually doing pretty well at this right now (doing well at work and super well on dissertation progress), but I’ve recently set a goal to finish on a faster timeline than I originally intended. I’m mostly looking for advice on managing workflow, but other suggestions are good too.

    1. I admire you for doing the dissertation while working, and while I did my masters while working I have no experience writing a PhD dissertation. What I’ve read though is from the book “This Year You Write Your Novel” by Walter Mosely and he recommends writing every morning first thing when you wake up. That might not be the same if you have a job, but standardizing the time/place/routine might help.

      There is also an open PhD dissertation writers thread on the Chronicle of Higher Ed forum and those folks are very supportive of each other. I’m sure one or more of them are also working while dissertating so you might get some ideas, info or commiseration there. www . chronicle . com /forums Good luck!

    2. I admire you for doing this while working. I wrote mine in a scientific field and it was hard even though I wasn’t working. My advice would be same as “Coach Laura” above, write everyday even if whatever you end up with is not that good. You can always clean up later. The important thing is to do something daily, helps you get to the end faster. Ask for feedback regularly from your advisor, colleagues, friends. Have them proof read, if you need help with data analysis ask for it, don’t try to brave the hard parts all alone. That was one of my mistakes. Take breaks when you need to, do something fun every once in a while. And most importantly learn from the process, grow through it.

    3. I’d make sure you have a writing group of peers with regular – monthly? – strict deadlines for writing.

    4. I wrote my entire dissertation (in a science field) and informally defended during first semester of law school. It can be done. I think the trick is to do nothing else. I worked every day, weekend and holiday for four months. Usually I worked 7 AM (showered fed and working) until 11 PM. Husband made dinner. I only took a break to sleep in until 9 AM on Sunday.

    5. I wrote mine while working full time. I worked on it an hour before work every morning, and at least an hour after work each evening (sometimes longer if I didn’t have to get home, etc). I brought my personal laptop into the office and wrote from that in the mornings and evenings– also nice because no one else was there that early or late. I would also sometimes switch back over to dissertation work during my lunch time. My suggestion is to streamline it so writing doesn’t require you to switch locations, etc.– I just kept all my books and resources at my office so I could switch into writing mode when “job” work was done. You can do it!

      1. If you can, I’d recommend switching back and forth between the two at work, to the extent you can. I actually think that working full-time benefited my writing experience – it was the mind switch I needed, when almost nothing else worked (thinking about dissertation while running, watching tv, cooking, hanging out with friends, etc…), work took my mind off of my dissertation. I think because of the mental breaks that work gave me, some of my best insights/break throughs in my thinking and writing came while I was in the middle of a work-related task, and if I could just spend 5 minutes capturing it (would write my thoughts in an email and send it to myself), it would help immensely.

        I also broke my timeline down and posted it on giant post its around my home office. I told everyone my plan. I said this was a non negotiable, and made it my #1 priority. I experimented with different project management/writing management/time management softwares and concepts, and while I didn’t adopt one single system, I think they all helped. Eventually I accepted that being done was more important than being done well.

        The other thing I would say if you’ve decided on a faster deadline is to give yourself some slack on other things. This is a sprint after a marathon. You will never ever do this again. Find your coping mechanisms and use them and don’t apologize. Have some wine when you need to (great writing tool!). Run or workout hard when you need to. Eat tortilla chips for dinner when you need to. Just get it done. The lightness you’ll feel after you’ve defended/submitted is oh so worth it.

  10. I can’t remember who recommended it, but thanks to the person who mentioned the Zombies, Run! apps. For someone who has generally disliked running for all of my life, it has been revolutionary.

    1. I think that might have been me – I’ve been kinda evangelizing for this app for a while now. :) But yay, more ZR fans! That app makes it so much more fun to go out and run. (To the point that it had me going out yesterday in 35 degree weather with some nasty wind – but it was my day to go running!)

  11. I’m not sure what you mean by fuzzy brown boots (I’m picturing those boots that look like teddy bear feet, though that’s probably wrong), but you might like a plain pair of low or flat boots better. You can get a pair or two of wool socks. Probably the cheapest thing you can do, if you get really cold, is just to buy a pair of fleece tights and wear them under your jeans or with your skits/dresses.

    The dress is fine. Bring a black cardigan or blazer if you’re worried about being cold.

  12. I like long sweaters with leggings but the ribbed bottom on the back just seems off to me.

  13. I’m relatively new to Corporette’s comment sections. Can someone tell me WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH “ELLEN”?

  14. Hey All, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted, but I wanted to swing by because I’ve lost a lot of weight so I have two (one red and one camel) of the Halogen pencil skirts size 16 and was hoping someone here could give them a good home. I wore each only 2-3 times. If interested, please shoot me an email at shelby2986@hotmail.com. Hope everyone is doing well.

  15. Happy Friday! I have a professional question for you all: I love my job and I have a decent relationship with my co-workers, but not a great one. Has anyone found that this impacted them negatively?

    By a decent relationship, I mean we do basic small talk if I’m ever in an elevator with them or waiting for a meeting to start, but we don’t go to happy hours together or are Facebook friends. I know they definitely do, but I just don’t get along like that with them and I’m concerned about how this will look for me as an organizational fit. Thoughts?

    1. I’m similar to you in this regard. I just don’t talk much in general unless there’s a purpose or something in particular to say. This results in me getting along with them, but not really being friends or even work friends. I am also concerned about this looking bad on me, although I’ve got no feedback both directly or otherwise to suggest that this is the case. I try to make sure my interactions with people are extra pleasant though, just to make up for what could be perceived as indifference to them

      1. I am definitely that way. I’m in a very small office right now, with several co-workers that are very outgoing, and a few who are quieter. I (1) am an introvert; and (2) don’t like the outgoing girls enough to want a friendship. I am all about positive, professional interactions. If I interacted more frequently with them, I’m not sure that I could keep them all positive!

        Anyhow, in my situation, I am confident that my boss cares much more about the quality of work produced than about social interactions. So for me, it’s fine. I would have a very difficult time if I was being judged on whether I’m outgoing!

        The book “Quiet” is great for fellow introverts!

        1. I’ve been meaning to read that!

          Another thing I should add is that I’ve gotten somewhat burned in a previous job from making friends at work. There aren’t many people who are my level (not that I am high up, by any means) but I’ve made friends with junior members before and work was fun. However, then it came to a point where when I was asking them to do work or giving them feedback on something, I’d feel that they would either put off the work for someone else’s they weren’t close with or didn’t take my feedback seriously. I’d also be interested to hear about people’s experiences about becoming friends with junior staff. I’m rather young for my job and have gotten along with junior members because we’re more similar in age. I feel like this just puts me at even more of a disadvantage…

    2. I think it’s okay to keep the level of interaction where you feel comfortable. It’s true that sometimes if you are close to junior members it can blur the lines of authority for some people i.e. them not taking you seriously as a superior. I don’t think you have to be Facebook friends with your co-workers either. I would prefer having them as connections on LinkedIn. If you must be Facebook friends and are concerned about what posts they should see, use the privacy controls. I’m also introverted and highly recommend the book “Quiet”. If you want to “up” your level of interaction, maybe do a few happy hours with them. Stay only as long as you feel comfortable. You can also suggest other activities e.g. my department has events such as a softball game, or barbeque that happen seasonally or annually. They can be good social or team building activities, but again the appropriateness or possibility of having these also depends on your organisation/industry.

  16. @ MJ – thanks for the shout-out on the cashmere sweater thread a few days ago. I mostly hang out on C-Moms these days so am a bit slow on the uptake. Just looked at the Brora early spring collection yesterday, and am swooning over the colourways. But I have to admit I am cheating on Brora today by wearing a Uniqlo sweater. I am fickle.

    1. Haha…glad you caught that! I love that they say “colourways” too. I used to be on their mailing list for swatches, but I don’t get that anymore. :(

      I cheat on Brora all the time, but I know who makes my very best, favorite sweaters. Brora!

  17. Need advice/calming down. After some unusual bleeding, I went to the OB-GYN today and found out I have a thickened endometrium (uterus lining), which could mean anything from “there’s nothing wrong” to “you have cancer.” I’m having a biopsy next week, but figure it’ll probably be early the following week before I know anything, and I’m a little freaked out. Has anyone else had this condition? I’m mid-late 40’s, so definitely heading toward m’pause; not sure if that makes a difference. On top of it all, I have a big brief due Tuesday – although I suppose at this point, that will be a welcome distraction.

    1. I have zero experience with your symptoms, but i am thinking of you. Remember that you cant control the test results, so focus on what you can control – taking good care of yourself until you know what you’re dealing with. Maybe that means lots of yoga, or baths, or cheese, or bad TV – you do you. Keep us posted.

      1. Good advice! My dog (not saying you’re a dog) had a weird bump the vet thought was cancer. My SO totally freaked out – he wanted to DO something like cut the growth out that day because a cancer was growing in our puppy! It turned out to be nothing at all, so don’t panic at the unknown. Do you have/want a prayer circle? Those also help me when I am in a scary situation I don’t control.

        1. Thanks to both of you. I am trying not to think about it since it could be nothing. I know worrying won’t help and can, in fact, do harm. I really appreciate the support here.

    2. I’m so sorry to hear this. I don’t have any experience with this condition, but I have had two biopsies and I strongly suggest (as long as your doctor says it’s okay) to take an ibuprofen before and have something to have in your hand so you can focus on something other than what’s going on. My first time I took a rosary and the second I took a stress ball. Hope this helps in some way.

  18. I noticed that Nordstrom is carrying a lot of current season Eloquii pieces. Thought I’d mention it since Nordstrom has free shipping and returns so I’ll probably order from there instead.

  19. Has anyone ordered from The White Company? I got a catalog the other day and they had some reasonably priced white t-shirts that looked like they were a good weight, but I can’t tell how their sizing runs. Everything else in the catalog looks pretty flowy but the t-shirts seem like they might be a bit more fitted.

  20. You guys… on top of the fact that I can’t get into work because the Quincy branch of the redline isn’t running and we’re getting another snowstorm tomorrow, the US Post office hasn’t delivered to my building, where at least 400 people live, all week. UPS and FedEx can make it here. I got flowers today. I don’t live in some rural backwater. Quincy is a city – “the city of Presidents.” It’s ridiculous.

    1. It took 2 weeks for our trash to get picked up in NYC when we normally have twice a week pickup. Technically we are only supposed to put it out after a certain time of night the night before but after the 2nd skipped pickup everyone left everything out on the sidewalk in protest.

      I’m done with winter and we haven’t had it nearly as bad as Boston.

    2. It is probably not your building, but rather the fact that USPS is severely short staffed because their employees cannot afford to live so close in and cannot make it to work. UPS/FedEx may offer their employees greater incentives/threaten their employees with termination more quickly, so that people are risking life and limb to get in. But that isn’t necessarily a flaw with USPS.

  21. I have a work-related issue, and I can’t talk to my work mentor about it because it is not public knowledge yet.
    Basically, the higher-ups came to me and said a position above mine is getting cleanly split into two. They are giving me half the position, and another individual is taking half. Honestly, that half is a full-time job in itself, and it is pretty high profile in my company. I have to keep all my current duties, which lately have been pretty overwhelming because I was essentially doing some of the new duties “unofficially” so my unit did not drown. I will have staffing below me, but management wants me and the other half-person to share admin support.

    Management actually did a good job dividing the positions in two, so I can’t argue too much about my actual job description. The dumb question I have is, how should I approach the pay issue? I know the market rates for both jobs (my current job, and the half-position)…do I add the salaries together, or do I ask for 1.5? There is very little room for creative negotiation in my company because they tend to say “use your salary to pay for whatever other thing you want” e.g. parking, training, continuing education etc.

    I would like to keep the admin support person I have now, and I know the admin would prefer to work for my future office, rather than be shared. Also, I am concerned that two separate offices (with multiple staff members) are expected to share one admin assistant! Would it be petty to ask for this admin to be given to my office alone? I rarely use admin support myself, but this person has proven their loyalty to me and I don’t want them to get burned in all the coming changes.

    I’m asking for resources for my office (new database) and training for my staff (professional courses in my field). Anything else you would consider if it were you in my shoes?

    I was trying to keep this as anonymous as possible, so I apologize if I sound disjointed. I am still shocked from my conversation with management. I’m just approaching mid-level status, and I was told that one of the expectations for my new job is to repair broken relationships in my organization, and repair my unit’s image. I can’t even begin to think of how to do that!! I’ve been reading this site for 7/8 years now, so I’m hoping someone can share an experience that will help me get my head in the game.

    1. I’ll just address the admin. I would absolutely make a case for having the admin person devoted to your team. You could say, “In my experience, it’s rarely efficient to split an admin’s time because the bosses have to coordinate so much to make sure she’s not overcommitted. I need to know my team will have access to her when we need her.” I’m using she here, assuming your admin person is a woman.

  22. Sigh… five of my friends are getting married this summer, across the country from me (2 in the midwest and 3 in california – I’m on the east coast). I can’t even make plane tickets to one of these events feel like a responsible choice, much less four of them. I’m going to one because I already bought the ticket with credit card points, but I won’t be attending the rest. I have terrible FOMO and I feel like a lackluster friend – especially because I’ve known one of them since the sixth grade!… On the one hand, I know this is the responsible thing to do… if I have $450 to spare on plane tickets, I should put it towards my six-figure student loans or into the emergency fund I’m working on… on the other hand… weddings! fun! lifelong friendships! and so on. Blah.

    1. There are times in your life where it is ok not to prioritize the most responsible thing to do. Don’t default on your loans, but don’t make a decision that will haunt you forever for the sake of fiscal responsibility.

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