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Weekend Open Thread

Liu-Elementary-fashionSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I've been catching up on Elementary lately, and I often hear people talking about their love of Lucy Liu's style. (I have a number of friends who've seen her in person, and all agree she is STUNNING in real life.) Anyhoo: her style always feels aggressively casual to me on the show, but it is definitely a really polished look for the weekend. This dress reminded me of her (although the colors are all off, of course — she dresses from the Olivia Pope moodboard of beigey grays and whites); throw on some beige booties  and delicate jewelry and you've got a great weekend look. The dress is $118 at Nordstrom, available in regular and petites. Adrianna Papell Split Front Shirttail Shift Dress (L-2)

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163 Comments

  1. Reposting to get a few more ideas and thanks to those who already responded.

    … husband and I are going to an engagement party this weekend and totally spaced on getting a gift. There’s no registry as far as we know so what do y’all recommend? If gift card, what amount and to where? Ideally this will be something I can get quickly and easily in the next 24 hours. It’s been a while since I’ve gone to one of these. TIA!!!

    ETA: Based on responses from earlier, are you not expected to bring a gift to these things? If you are, what is the appropriate range?

    1. I wouldn’t bring a gift (beyond the typical nice bottle of wine if it’s at their house), but I suspect this might be a regional thing.

    2. I don’t think you are expected to bring a gift to the engagement party, not the ones I’ve been to. The expectation is that you are going to buy a wedding gift off the registry later.

    3. I’ve only ever been to one engagement party (2 if you count the ex-bf’s sister’s dinner) for all the friends that got married. So, I generally have not brought gifts :)

    4. I got gifts from about half the attendees at our engagement party. Lots of bottles of wine, a few bottles of nice champagne. Some cute personalized items like a beer bottle opener engraved with the name of the bar we met at and a few ring holders. I would suggest wine or champagne.

    5. If it’s one of your closest friends, a gift is a nice gesture (but not necessary). If you’re not so close, you can definitely skip the gift. You could always just get a card and an inexpensive bottle of wine to be on the safe side.

      As for gift ideas if they’re your close friends, a nice bottle of wine or a fancy food (nice chocolates, a basket with cheeses, crackers, etc.). Or something they will “need” for the upcoming wedding/related events (champagne glasses, nice stationary, a cake cutter). My close girlfriend got me a wedding planning book when I got engaged that I really appreciated.

    6. I’ve only been to 1 engagement party, and I didn’t bring a gift nor did I see others bring gifts.

    7. While I agree you technically don’t need to bring anything, I can’t imagine showing up at a party empty-handed. I’d at least bring champagne or flowers and a card for the couple.

    8. Probably a bit late, but I always bring a gift to engagement parties and at ours (NYC area) we received from about 90% of the guests. Champagne and cash were most common. Also some registry gifts. We then received further wedding gifts from most of these people. Crazy but true.

  2. Yay! Weekend Open Thread’s! I love Weekend Open Thread’s and Lucy Liu! She is fantastic b/c the dress is loose and is like the kind of Jumper’s I wore in High School that hid my tuchus very well.

    I have a question for the hive. I am about to be 34 and have NO boyfreind. Alan Sheketovits mother keep’s pestering my mom to get me to call him and mabye get back together. I know he is a drunk, but mom say’s he could father a child, which is what I REALY want. I figure that if he does NOT get better, I can alway’s DUMP him and then have my child and be a single mom. On the other hand, he could get better and then we could have a FAMILY, which is what I realy want. So either way, I do NOT loose.

    What does the HIVE think? Is there a good arguement for letting Sheketovits back into my life? His mom says he will be better this time. I need your collective SAGE wisdom, b/c Dad is pusheing and Grandma Leyeh is also. FOOEY!

    1. Come on, now, Ellen. You are smarter than that. You don’t love Alan so either way you lose. Once you have a child with someone you are bound to that person for life. And he will NOT get BETTER.

      Step away from the Sheketovits…

    2. Ellen, try a matchmaker. Otherwise, I suggest a sp@rm donor – no muss, no fuss.

      1. I agree, but have a slight variation with minimal muss and virtually no cost — and far more efficient than finding an anonymous donor.

        I think it is clear you have not gotten over this Sheketovitz, so I have a way you can get the best of both worlds at minimal expense. You will have about a year to figure out which way to go under my 5 point plan.

        In order to see if he has reformed, and is husband-worthy the only way to tell is time. Therefore I suggest the following 5 point plan to find out:

        1) invite him over to your apartment for drinks on a day your OBGYN tells you that is within the most fertile time of the month for you
        2) give him 4-5 bottles Smirnoff Ice to drink, or some other hard lemonade he will not figure will get him loopy
        3) keeping him in the living room, romance him, keeping a clean plastic recepticle nearby to catch his s@erm
        4) save his s@erm in the fridge for insertion within 24 hours with a clean turkey baster you can either borrow from your mom or purchase from any home goods store (about $8.95)
        5) tend to your pregnancy with care, and voila! Within 9 months, you will be with child! Hurray for Ellen and your Grandma!

        If within a few months after bearing a child you determine he remains an ass, do not tell him a thing. You will be a single mother without any complications from him. If on the other hand you determined that he has reformed, and is worth a second chance to be your husband, tell him about his child and have him marry you. While he may insist on a paternity test, the results will be conclusive and you will have both a husband and a father. A win / win situation either way.

        I know this process worked for my cousin, so it is time tested. Go for it, Ellen, and good luck either way!

    1. Solitaire. Six prongs. Prongs are white gold. Ring is fairly thin and yellow gold.

    2. A very thin band with tiny diamonds about 75% of the way around and a fairly small (1/2 carat) round center stone.

    3. Moissanite solitaire with 6 prongs and a knife edge platinum band. It is exactly what I wanted and perfectly simple.

      1. 2 carat round stone, 4 prongs, with pear shaped .5 carat stones on each side, set in platinum.

    8. Adding to that: did your spouse ask what type of ring you liked/wanted prior to proposing? Did you go ring shopping beforehand? Was the ring a complete surprise?

      1. 1) no, he generally knew what type of jewelry I prefer but not engagement rings specifically
        2) he proposed with a plain band
        3) we went ring shopping together after the proposal
        4) the proposal was a complete surprise, and the ring is extremely special to us because we chose it together. best of both worlds :)

      2. I have a 2 carat oval sapphire with a small round diamond on each side. Prongs are platinum and band is 18K yellow gold. We shopped together for it, I love it. It obviously wasn’t a surprise! I have a gold wedding band and a sapphire and diamond eternity band. (tenth anniversary gift)

        1. I also had a sapphire with diamonds on either side. My wedding band was a v-shaped (so it fit around the engagement ring) channel set sapphires and diamonds. I’m currently selling them on consignment. They were what I wanted at the time. He knew I wanted a sapphire and yellow gold and picked it out. We picked out the matching band together.

          I would get something completely different if I were getting married today. Definitely white gold or platinum and a diamond but a more interesting cut and setting. I already have a deco antique ring from my mother so maybe something more modern in a halo setting or a rectangular cut or something.

      3. Round diamond (I forget the exact cut name – radiant? brilliant?), four prongs, plain platinum band. When we discussed getting engaged, I tried on rings and then told him that’s the style I wanted and asked him that, when it was time, to prioritize (1) cut, (2) carats, (3) color, then (4) clarity, based on what he was comfortable spending.

      4. My fiancé asked me to send him some pictures of styles that I liked and then he picked from those with a slight twist. We had discussed going to moissanite route ahead of time. The whole story about the compound (or whatever it is called) originally being found in a meteorite made it meaningful to us instead of just being a less expensive way to go (which was definitely a bonus).

      5. Looked at rings beforehand and decided on a few styles I liked. Also, make sure you look at them with wedding bands, because the ones I liked solo I hated with bands (if you plan to wear together). Looking to proposal was some time after, but it was a surprise.

        Engagement ring is 1 carat solitare set in a 1 carat platinum beadband. Enough tasteful sparkle for me!

      6. I was honestly clueless and didn’t even know my ring size, so we went to about 3-4 different jewelry stores and shopped together. I picked out the setting and the cut of the center stone (totally different than what I initially thought I wanted!), but left the specs/size of the center stone up to FI. He knocked it out of the park. :)

        I obviously knew a proposal was coming, but I thought FI was going to custom-design my ring, so I figured it would be months until he proposed. However, he ended up finding the perfect ring at a local jewelry designer, so he proposed about 6 weeks after we finished ring shopping. I was completely caught off-guard, in the best possible way.

      7. I not only picked out the precise ring that I wanted (and sent him the link), but I watched for various promotions and helped him decide when to pull the trigger and get the most value. I tend to be more budget-conscious.

        My guy has good taste, but I knew what I wanted: a single stone on a white gold band, with nothing else. It is plainer than many people want, but for me, it is just classically perfect. I figured that the easiest thing all around — and the only fool-proof way to make sure that I got exactly the ring I wanted — was to pick it out myself. He appreciated it. =)

      8. Three round stones (center a little over a carat, sides each about a third), plus pave on the side of the band that’s “up”, plain on the side that’s in my palm. Platinum. Jewish, so my wedding band is just a plain band – all the bling had to go on the engagement ring. My husband knows I am a crazy type A person and would not want him to choose something I would wear every day for me, even though he has great taste in jewelry and I generally love what he gets. He proposed empty handed and I shopped for the ring myself. I ended up with a completely different ring than what I thought I would like, so I’m glad I didn’t go the route where I gave him examples and he picked.

        FWIW, I have a number of female friends/acquaintances who ended up with rings they don’t like because they thought it would be romantic to have it be a surprise. There is nothing romantic about wearing jewelry you don’t like every day. Many of the jewelers also told me they had done adjustments for people who wanted things tweaked after they got surprised with a ring, and the adjustments can be less stable/secure.

      9. Yes, we went shopping together. We were vintage-ring hunting, mostly at just one shop (Dianne’s Estate Jewelry) that used to have a location in Disneyland, in New Orleans Square. We got to know the owner, Christopher, and a few of the other sales people there really well while we were hunting. We’d go back about every month or two, because they were always getting new things in. The Disney shop isn’t there anymore (SAD!) but they still have the two stores in San Francisco and Healdsburg. They also do really amazing trunk shows down here in Southern California, and I was able to get an alexandrite from them to put into the setting of my grandmother’s engagement ring, that had the diamond missing.

        Random endorsement, sorry about that, but they have really beautiful, unique stuff.

      10. Round brilliant solitaire with a pave band 3/4 around. Was much bigger/nicer/flashier than I would have chosen for myself (I was young (24) and poor and would have spent the $ on my loans….) but I have grown into the ring- loans are gone and we are early 30s with kids and my ring is as nice as friends that got married recently.

    9. Vintage 1940s round diamond in a square setting, about .5c. The wedding band has 5 small round diamonds in it. I love vintage jewelry, and this was right in our budget when we were getting married (right out of law school). Husband asked if I would ever want to get a bigger diamond, and I just don’t think I do…I have pretty small hands, it is high quality but small and it doesn’t freak me out to wear it…I love it!

    10. Micropave diamond band with a cushion cut diamond and a VERY thin pave diamond halo around the stone. I basically ripped off the design of the Harry Winston micropave cushion cut design, except my halo is the teensiest bit thinner.

    11. Three stone princess cut (bigger center stone with two side stones), about 1.8 ct total.

    14. Moissanite solitaire, four prongs, white gold, filigree band with a flat back so it doesn’t spin. Exactly what I wanted.

    15. Vintage filigree setting, although fairly unlike any I’ve seen elsewhere — square, with small sapphires set in the corners. Thin band with etched pattern. Truthfully no idea of the diamond specs — it’s a family ring on my husband’s side and I’ve been told it’s about a 100 years old.

      It is my favorite thing, and it was a total surprise.

    16. 2 carats , cushion cut diamond with micro pave setting. We only bought this at the ten year mark. Couldn’t afford a ring when we married.

    17. marquis-cut emerald, 1/3 carat, at a slight angle, thin white gold band
      I’d sent him some pictures of rings I liked, and general descriptions of my preferences (white metal, colored stone, etc). He tried going into a jewelry store once and completely panicked and decided to just buy the ring online.

    18. 2 carat oval center stone with filigree on the sides accentuated with .5 carat diamonds. It’s a big honking ring and I love it bc I am tacky like that

  4. Can anyone recommend a legal recruiter in Silicon Valley for someone 4-5 years out of law school looking to move from one in-house job to another?

      2. I’d also recommend Susan Tien who used to work with Scott, but started her own search firm.

  5. I have an interesting situation at work. I currently work on a temporary basis in business unit A. When I started work here business unit A did not have any FT/perm positions approved. Business Unit B posted a FT/perm position approximately a month and a half after my temp position in BU A started. My boss in BU A suggested I apply for BU B’s position. BU B’s position is the same type of position as my temp position (widget counter). Halfway through the interview process for BU B’s position, BU A was able to get a widget counter position approved specifically hoping I would apply for it. I applied for BU A’s position and went through all of those interviews as well. I am the final candidate for both BU A and BU B’s positions.

    Here’s where the rub comes in. I really want to work in BU A. I know the people and the work and I know I am a good fit. I also know there is a lot of upward mobility in BU A. It is not quite the same in BU B. However, if BU B’s offer was the only one on the table, I would take it, but it’s not.

    BU A thought it’s position was fully approved for hiring. Leadership changes occurred immediately after my final interview and now the new pres of BU A will not approve hiring until after Q2 results come out. BU A had the best Q1 it’s ever had, but I am not sure where we are in Q2.

    BU A and BU B have compared notes. They wanted to make me identical offers at the same time so that it would only come down to which position I wanted more. BU A’s leadership issue snag has made that not possible. BU B’s HR person sent me the pay data that was intended to go to the hiring managers. I now know where they are going to make my offer and what the pay band max and mins are. The offer is coming about $10k below where I want it to be and where I believe, based on my experience, I should be. I plan to negotiate. The $10k increase still puts the salary below the top salary for the pay band however. I want to end up at that $10k higher number, but I feel a little crazy asking for $15k more assuming we will end up in the middle somewhere.

    Any thoughts on how I should proceed are greatly appreciated. I read Ask A Manager fairly regularly and have been browsing on this topic already.

    1. I should add that the offer is $5k more than the bottom of the pay band.

      So say the bottom of the pay band is $50k, the offer looks to be coming at $55k, I want to be at $65k, and the top of the pay band is $75k. The market research I have done says I should be around $65k – $70k. Their market rate taps out at the $75k.

    3. At my org, we do not hire at a salary above the median for the salary band. In my org, if a band is $50-80, you’d never get an offer above $60. If you are worth 60, we would move you and the job up to the next pay band (or not hire you). Hiring into the top of the pay band just sets you up for disappointing merit increases.

  6. (Yes, CC debt is dumb – I know that).

    I have approx $5K in remaining credit card debt. I will be receiving a significant bonus in August. I have enough $$ in savings to EITHER pay off the credit card debt now, or max out my IRA for 2014 now, but not both.

    Would you:
    a) pay off the CC and forgo the 2014 IRA contribution, or
    b) make the 2014 IRA contribution now and pay off the CC in August?

    1. I would pay off your credit card debt because the interest rate on that is killer.

      4. +5000 – That will mean you have extra $ to contribute to the IRA later, bc of the interest you are not paying.

        1. She can’t contribute in excess of the annual maximum, and the opportunity to contribute and have it count back to 2014 lapses on April 15.

    2. Any chance you can do a balance transfer to a 0% card, contribute to the Roth now, and pay the credit cards in August? Obviously this is only a good idea if you know you’ll stick to the plan of paying them in August.

    3. Some questions:

      What is the interest rate on the CC balance?
      What’s your tax bracket–would the IRA contribution be deductible?
      When you say the bonus will be “significant,” how much are we talking about in excess of the CC balance (with all accrued interest in August)?

      1. Interest rate – need to verify, but I think >10%.
        Tax bracket – above the cap for deducting IRA contributions (any portion).
        We’re talking ~40-50K.

        1. well then you should probably figure out the details of the math. But based on this, that means you will lose $2500 to interest charges on the card between now and August. You need to figure out what your maxed contribution is, but throwing away $2500 would be a lot to me, so I would want to kill that first.

          1. No, no, no. Six months of 10% annual interest on $5000 is $250.

            Fund the IRA.

          2. How do you figure $2500?

            I assumed an interest rate on the higher end of 23%, and 5 months of interest, assuming no payments*, was approximately $500.

            *Technically I put in payments of $1, because the calculator didn’t work with $0. I assume OP is making at least minimum payments so the interest would actually be a bit lower than what my calculator turned out.

          3. um because I am not paying attention to what I am doing and haven’t had enough caffeine today. Ignore me please.

        2. Anon who asked the questions here. I vote for the IRA given this information. The CC interest is likely going to run you less than $500, and the value of one additional year of a $5500 IRA contribution and all of its long-term benefits outweighs that $500 cost IMO (and the benefits are even greater if you’re a good candidate to backdoor-Roth the contribution).

          I wanted to know about how much you would have left out of the bonus after the debt payments because I was concerned that funding the IRA + paying the card would leave you with no emergency savings and you could end up in another situation of having to rely on CCs. But that bonus is more than enough for you to replenish, and fund your 2015 retirement contributions.

          1. +10

            You will pay off the CC this year. Yeah, you’ll pay extra on interest, but it’s still very much to your advantage to fund that IRA.

            Think about how many years you have left for that $5,000 to grow and grow and grow. Assuming you have a while until retirement, you will have earned waayyyyyy more on the compounded interest.

    4. I’m somewhat biased because I work in the life insurance industry, but I’d say to use that money for the IRA now and pay off the CC in August (option B). Though credit card debt carries a very high interest rate, an IRA should provide you with an even higher return over time and it is important for your well-being later in life. Most people do not save enough for retirement; the sooner you throw money into that IRA, the more time it has to grow and the more money you have to live on in retirement.

      To put it in perspective: you can (1) max out your IRA now so that in X number of years you can financially support yourself in retirement, or (2) pay off that CC debt now and then later, when you’re in retirement and don’t have enough money to live on, your loved ones will be going into credit card debt themselves to support you.

    5. Fund the IRA and take the interest hit on the CC and pay it off in August. For all the reasons jwalk said.

    6. Fund the IRA now. Make it a priority to pay off credit card as soon as possible. If you are getting a bonus of 40-50K above what you owe, I imagine that your salary is high enough that you can find some things to cut in your budget now and pay off your credit card from your regular salary. No reason to wait 5 months to work on that.

    7. Pay off the debt. You can manage without 5k of your huge bonus. Put the extra money you were putting at cc debt and make retirement contributions.

    8. I would put the $ in the IRA and make every effort to pay as much of the CC as possible asap (and if August is the earliest, then that’s the best you can do!).

  7. I have a work trip to London scheduled for late July and want to add a 7-10 day vacation to the end of it. I have traveled across much of Europe but my husband has never been to the UK or France. The tricky part is that I will have 1 year old babies in tow, so I don’t want to be overly ambitious (thinking one hotel or airbnb type rental for the duration of the vacation excluding London). My preference is would be to spend some time in the country/nature vs a big city. I’d also prefer not to take another flight – so something train or driving distance from London. Was thinking the countryside of either England or France. Or Scotland if the weather is not horrible. Any specific suggestions for small towns where we can soak in the culture, take walks, drink wine and otherwise relax?

    1. Edit: Realized that my suggestion is a day trip – not 7-10 days. I’ll keep thinking.

    2. What about the Lake District? Loads of cute towns, trainable from London, you can hire a car there? We spent a week there on honeymoon and it was nice and relaxing.

    3. Check out the blog http://www.aspiringkennedy.com/ – Horrible name of a blog but she lives in London and travels with her daughter all over. She has a bunch of trips outlined. One thought is that its 2 hours by train to Brussels and then 2 hours more to Amsterdam so you could easily spend a few days in each of those. Most of the moms I know in London prefer trains to airplanes so they pick places they can easily train to, or if they must fly they keep it under the a 2 hour flight. I think I would mostly be worried about jet leg. It was really hard / is really hard for all the kids I babysit whenever they go from the USA to London and back. It takes a long time to recover. Do you know about Kid + Coe? Its like airbnb but yet they rent out places with highchairs, cribs, strollers, toys etc so its less for you to travel with. Let me know if you have more questions!

  8. I feel like we discuss this all the time (hair, women, professionalism), so I couldn’t help but share this article (to follow):

        1. Oh no! One female columnist regularly gets mail from readers telling her they hate her hair (her column photo shows her with a chopped bob in beachy, textured layers) and begging her to “comb” it, even though, as a curly-haired woman, combing it would be a disaster. It goes on to discuss another longterm respected columnist who wears her hair very long in her column photo and also regularly receives mail from readers tutting her long hair at her age. Add in the fuss over the hairstyles of famous women (when Michelle Obama’s bangs and Hillary Clinton’s scrunchies) to the contrast that the male columnists never hear the same commentary — even when disheveled or unshaven — and it sounded a lot like what is discussed here by readers so often. Women are expected to pay close detailed attention to looks and it’s so ingrained in our culture that women do it to other women. I’m looking to see if I can share it somehow.

          1. umm… so people actually sit down and spend time writing a message JUST to say they don’t like her hair in her column photo? for realz??? My very first thought is that these people need to get a f*#&ing hobby because they clearly have too much time on their hands. Or do they not realize that people are still dying in Iraq/children with cancer, etc??? ugh. I’m going to go be Ron Swanson and hate everyone for a while.

        2. If you open it in an incognito window and click the “stop loading” button just before the paywall appears, you can read it. :)

        3. I got the paywall when I followed the link directly from here, but was able to avoid the paywall by googling “talk stevens hair comments” and going to the article through google.

  9. What do you get for someone who wrote you an amazing recommendation letter? A colleague helped me get into graduate school and I want to get him something to show my appreciation. This is complicated for many factors. He is 3 levels above me and in my chain of command. We are in the federal government so there are prohibitions on gifts between employees, though there are exceptions for “gifts appropriate to the occasion.” (I will check with my agency’s ethics office before giving anything – I’m just looking for ideas.)

    He does not drink and follows a pretty strict diet after a health scare some years ago. He is married with two teenagers. I’ve already thought of a card with a heartfelt note, which is fine, but I’d really like to do something a little more than that. He’s been an amazing mentor and I have succeeded in part because of his guidance. (And he’s the reason I thought about graduate school to begin with – I will be going part-time and still working.)

    Any ideas??

    1. Your instinct of a card/note is better than a gift, given all the complicating factors. It’s most likely to be appreciated, I think. Most people would not expect a gift for writing a letter of recommendation.

      1. +1 – card, and an update on how the application goes. I don’t think this is one of those occasions that falls under the exclusion in your ethics code. Giving a gift with value (gift card, wine, etc). feels too much like a payment for a recommendation than an expression of gratitude.

    2. I tend to like consumables for these types of gifts. They’re not that expensive, so there’s usually no feeling that you got something too extravagant. Plus almost everyone enjoys some special food or beverage! Does he drink coffee or tea? A nice bag of one of those could be good.

      Another idea is a consumable from a local place that’s well known, like some fabulous cheese if you’ve got a local producer or some fresh honey or something like that.

      1. +1 to consumables. You mention he likes to stay healthy, so maybe consider an Edible Arrangement or Harry and David fruit basket along with a card / note. I don’t know what your cost limit is but you can get a nice sized basket for $50-$60, and it would be hard to misinterpret as inappropriate.

    3. My fiance typically writes 3-4 letters of recommendation a year for his junior colleagues, so he receives gifts every so often as a thank you.

      I think consumables/gift basket-type things tend to be the best bet, if you want to go the gift route. Our favorite was one with a bunch of different preserves and fancy breads/English muffins. A coffee/tea basket with two mugs in it was another big hit in our house.

    4. I am happy to give a very positive reference when I am able to. Honestly, it is my pleasure to do so and a privilege to be in a position where I can assist a deserving candidate – paying it forward for the many, many good opportunities I’ve had in my own life.

      I would LOVE to get a thoughtful note or a card. I would be quite uncomfortable receiving a gift. I think it is over the top, as I would not give a reference in the first unless it was well deserved. It feels awkward to me to accept something like compensation for really just doing the right thing. I say this appreciating that the sentiment behind such a gift is sincere, but giving it is really, truly unnecessary. I’d bet your colleague feels the same way. It is reward in and of itself to see your “mentees” and colleagues succeed, especially if you feel you’ve had a hand in it.

      Congratulations to you, by the way!

  11. We’re visiting Portland the first week of May. We’d like to do downtown / Pearl, but also want a car to explore Forest Park, etc and other areas. I’m finding that like many downtown destinations, parking is very expensive at most hotels. Is there any other part of town that I should stay in besides downtown / Pearl that is worth exploring and in which I may find a hotel with free parking? Would I regret not staying downtown? I’ve found a nice looking hotel immediately across the river from downtown by Highway 84 (9 minutes drive to Powell’s Books) – is that area crappy or worth staying in?

    1. I really like downtown, though you are certainly more likely to find free parking outside of it (unfortunately, I’m not as familiar with that so am limited help in pinpointing a location). Also relevant is that though the hotels are expensive, the parking garages downtown are not (at least not to this East Coaster), though they may or may not have unlimited in/out privileges.

    2. You can find a parking spot not at your hotel, usually. What we did when we stayed at the Hilton downtown was park across the street, and it was about half the cost. If you’re there on the weekend, I bet you’ll be able to find something similar.

    3. alternatively if you don’t really need the car to get around town, you could just pick up the car on the days you want to go farther and that way you don’t have to pay for parking every night. Enterprise has a convenient location in downtown to pick up/drop off.

      I’m not sure what hotel you are referring to on the east side (That’s what we call that side of the river), but I highly recommend two:
      The Residence Inn/Marriott at Lloyd Center: it’s cheap and yet very nice. was always my parents’ favorite hotel when they visited. Kitchenette rooms which can save money, parking is cheaper than downtown, amazingly friendly staff and yes it is a perfectly great area to stay in. It is just a few blocks from the Max light rail line which takes you straight to downtown in a few minutes and to NW. And you are closer to the highway and to other things to visit on the east side.

      Doubletree at Lloyd Center; a certified green/LEED hotel. More expensive than the Residence Inn, but also amazing staff. I believe parking is more expensive as well, but a very lovely hotel and even closer to the Max stop.

      I don’t love staying downtown, honestly, but that’s me, I’m a Southeast girl. ;o)

    4. We stayed at a really funky hotel that was about a ten – fifteen minute streetcar ride from downtown. We stayed at a place called Northrup Station — my husband has major parking anxiety, and refuses to use valet parking at any location! The hotel was in an area with lots of great restaurants and cafés, and near the ice cream place called Salt and Straw– I think the area is called Nob Hill. It had ample parking, and the hotel gave us tickets to ride the street car into town. We travel lots, especially inEurope, and usually stay in or near downtown cores, but this place was really lovely, and much more vibrant than downtown in the evening.

  12. AGH I’m having one of those days! Huge assignment is due, pulled an all-nighter last night, thinking that I would then have plenty of time to finish. But little complications keep arising that I need to address, and I still don’t know when I’ll get this done. But I WILL get it done before I leave here, because then I am going to sleep for a very long time.

    Yes, my coffee has quite a bit of espresso in it right now.

    Also, I have an interview next week for the firm I really hope to land, and it’s stressing me out. I’m a few yrs out of grad school, have done a couple yrs of term work, and my credentials should be good. But somehow that just makes me more nervous for the interview. I’m actually a pretty good interviewee. I guess maybe I’m just anxious because it seems like things should work out, so if they don’t, I’ll feel really, really bad. And I’m experiencing some of those bad feelings in a sort of anticipatory fashion. =(

  13. Anyone interested in doing some vicarious e-shopping? I have an afternoon wedding to attend in May, just outside San Diego, at a nature preserve (brushy canyon type setting). I’m looking for a dress (plus size- size 20 or 22), that’s appropriate for someone in their late 20s, that I can hopefully wear again when I return home in DC. Hoping to stay around $100. Any thoughts?

    5. Oh yes! These are really great options ya’ll! I’m going to see if I can try some of these on in my local mall. Thanks a million!

    6. Oh yes! These are really great options ya’ll! I’m going to see if I can try some of these on in my local mall. Thanks a million!

  14. I’ve been living in California for a long time and have completely forgotten how to dress for temperatures under 60 degrees. What should I wear to visit a place that’s going to have highs in the mid 40s-low 50s with overnight lows in the 30s? I have a J.Crew Lady Day coat – is that appropriate or will I be too warm? I will probably be doing a fair amount of walking.

    1. I think this depends a lot on what you are used to. We have weather like that and I’ve been wearing a lined trench with a scarf. I think the Lady Day coat would be too warm – but then again, that’s what I wore during the winter, so it all feels warm to me right now, whereas it might be cold to you. I would probably lean towards a lighter coat and more layers, personally – like adding a sweater, scarf, gloves, etc.

  16. Just found out my family and I are moving to Philadelphia in August. Same day I found out I am pregnant. Husband will be working near Chester and I will be working in Centre City. Need to figure out where to live (will rent initially) and daycare for a 16 month old in August 2015 and a 4 month old in April 2016. Prefer to have them in the same place. Any recs on location/daycare!

    3. Congrats! Are you doctors, by any chance? I was just listening to a story on NPR yesterday about match day for medical residents. Interesting how it works. I had no idea.

    4. Congrats! I grew up in the area, although have since moved away so unfortunately don’t have any daycare recs. Are there specific areas you have looked at so far? What are you looking for budget/location wise? If you give more details, I’m sure someone will be able to help out.

      1. Thanks everyone so far! We have only started looking. We think we prefer to be in the city, so looking around 30th Street station (University City). Media (which someone mentioned below) is the place we first thought of if we decide to be outside the city. Would like a 3 bedroom around $2000. We do not plan to rent for longer than a year, with the hope that once we spend some time there we will have a better idea of what is a good fit for us and then buy

    5. I’m from the area. Off the top of my head you would want to look in Media. Super cute town, nice area (nice schools if you stay long enough), close to Chester and easy train ride to center city. Springfield (less expensive), Glen Mills (pricier and a bit more rural). If you are interested you can email me at LOD8619@gmail.com if you’d like. I don’t have any specific daycare recs as we live a bit farther out (in West Chester).

  17. I made a big mistake at work – in a dispositive motion. Someone else noticed just before we filed, and we were filing right at the deadline. In other words, we lost the chance to file this motion.

    I’ve never made a big mistake like this before. How do I even deal?

    1. Apologize. Ask for help in implementing procedures to avoid this mistake in the future. Hope for the best.

      (I’m having a hard time figuring out what was so bad that you couldn’t file the motion, or at the very least request an extension of time to file, unless you miscalculated the date and the deadline had passed).

    2. I doubt that this was solely your fault. There had to be other eyes on this and if there never were, that’s an organizational problem that isn’t on you unless you are the lead attorney and failed to delegate.

      I can imagine the feeling. Please do something fun and don’t let this consume your weekend. And on Monday be ready with a new strategy for next steps.

    3. We had this happen at 11:59 pm last summer. I nearly puked. Had I managed to actually eat after lunch, i would have. My condolences. This is why I hate putting filings off until the last day. We had a full year’s notice. I’m appalled at the lack of time management by senior attorneys.

      1. Thanks everyone. I have finished wallowing. There were many organizational problems that pre-existed my involvement in the case (which was just last week!).

        I will do a post mortem on what went wrong, figure out next steps, and move on.

  18. Hi, everyone! I have a job offer! I’m excited about it, but I would appreciate your perspective. I currently am in big law patent litigation. I had a terrible review and was told my skills are lacking (well, yeah, when I joined the firm last year, I was new to the practice area, thus the reason I agreed to being paid as a first year despite being a 2011 grad) and I’m unavailable too often (ridiculous, but I have an 18 month old who I occasionally want to see. I did not see her during the week from March until September last year. I worked many weekends, pulled all nighters, etc. But I had to tell them I was unavailable two Friday nights and a Sunday morning.) The senior associate and partner I work with are extremely condescending to everyone, even clients, fellow attorneys, and firm leadership. I did not get a raise or bonus and basically hate working there. My commute is 2+ hours a day (can’t be changed for at least 2 years because of my husband’s job).

    My job offer is not practicing law. It’s with a patent search firm. It’s working from home. It’s a very small firm and the people seem wonderful. Most of them work as 1099 employees but I’ll be a w4 employee. I’ll get 2 weeks paid vacation. No mention of maternity leave and no other benefits. But it’s 40 hours a week, no more and no less.

    The pay is $80k per year starting out, with a raise to $95-100k in a year if I excel. We will have to make lifestyle changes on the $80k salary (our cushion will be $200/month unless I stop the extra $1,000/month student loan payments). We have 3 months of bills in savings. We think my husband’s job is very safe, but it’s a company that has been going through major changes. He has always managed to find new jobs within a week of searching, even in 2010, so we aren’t too worried about him.

    Thoughts?

    1. It sounds like a good option, since you can live on the lower salary and you seem really unhappy in your current situation, and this seems like it will give you much better work-life balance. Have you done patent searching before? I am a patent litigator and would HATE doing patent searching (or prosecution, for that matter) but I see myself as much more of a litigator than a patent person and if for some reason I was told I could no longer do patent litigation I would much rather do general lit than other patent work.
      Some things you might think about/questions you might ask the patent search firm: 1) how long have they been around? You said they’re very small so might want to think about how stable they are, 2) are they steadily growing? have they had to downsize/layoff people in the past if work dried up?, 3) are you expected to bring in your own business? No experience with patent search firms specifically, but I worked at a small law firm that expected junior associates to start bringing in business pretty much immediately, so while it might seem ridiculous, it’s not unheard of. 4) I would ask about maternity leave policy if you plan to have more children.

      1. Great questions! They are newish (2 years old I think) but business is growing and they have a couple of contracts to do all searches for a couple of companies, so I think they’re stable enough. No layoffs. I will be able to bill business development, marketing, and the such, but I won’t be expected to bring in business like at a law firm. Absolutely no cold calling. And if I bring in a client, I get 15% of the receivables.

        I think I would like this work more than litigation. I need tangible results daily. Many searches will be 5-20 hour projects, so it should be good. I’ve done prosecution, but that firm was pretty bad, too. Honestly, I hate the last minute nature of litigation and especially hate discovery.

    2. I’ve been reading your comments about your current job for a while. I think you should absolutely take the new job. Your old job sounds like a nightmare. You deserve better than that. And your cushion really is $1200/month, right? (Because you can scale back on the loan payments if necessary?). I just want you to be happy. And I think this sounds like a great fit.

      One other thing – I have always been reluctant to leave BigLaw because of the maternity leave. But the truth is that if you liked your job, managing a shorter or abbreviated leave would feel easier.

      I would ask them about vacation – is there a possibility of negotiating for more? Two weeks might be tough, especially as your child gets older and you have to deal with school holidays.

      Good luck and congratulations!

    3. You should absolutely take it. Sorry if this is harsh, but from your description of your reviews and feedback it sounds like your time at your current firm is very limited. Most Big Law first years don’t know anything, but most still get reasonably good reviews that they are learning and on track, etc. If you are getting reviews that your skill set is lacking, your firm is giving you a serious wake up call that you are not long for this job. It’s much easier to find a job when you have a job and if you don’t take this, there is a good chance you will end up unemployed and job-hunting soon.

      1. I agree my time is likely limited, but two months after my review, the professional development team let it slip that the senior associate rated me as if I were a 4th/5th year. Incredibly frustrating. They claimed they worked it out, but I don’t see how.

        I technically have other options. Two firms (maybe 4) are hiring my background in my city and recruiters call me multiple times a week, but I’m just not interested in trying another firm. I don’t fit in the law firm culture.

        1. Firm culture is not the same in every firm. I tried two firms I hated, then went to a great firm I love with a completely different culture.

          1. I considered trying another, but I think the culture is more related to my area of patent law than to the firm. My current firm has an awesome overall culture. I really do like a lot of the people and, at least in my office, most people are happy. I just don’t think my mental health can take another failure. By staying on the outskirts of patent law, I hope I keep the door open to return to patent prosecution (I’ll still be doing some of it at the search firm). But I need a couple years away.

        2. If it’s true that someone rated you as a 4th year (not sure how you could possibly be a 5th year since you have not even been out of law school four years if you are 2011) when you’re actually a first year that’s the kind of thing you need to “run up the flagpole” all the way to senior management if necessary. People make mistakes on reviews and sometimes you have to fight to get them fixed. If you’re unwilling to stand up for yourself like that, I think you’re unlikely to succeed in litigation at any firm.
          But you should also have senior associates and partners looking out for you to give you this kind of advice and stand up for you if necessary and if you don’t have those kinds of relationships (even if it’s through no fault of your own) you’re unlikely to last long at your firm.

          1. I see what you’re saying, but the official review was corrected to be directed towards my level, so there’s not anything official to change. The issue is the two attorneys I work with wanted a 5th year. They expect me to perform at that level, and since i don’t, they treat me like an idiot. I did not lie or even embellish my experience when I interviewed, so it’s through no fault of my own. Even though the powers that be tried to explain to them, the fact is, no one can make them accept my skill level. There was another associate in the group with about six years experience who left in August. They haven’t replaced her, so unless I can manage to fill her shoes, I don’t see the associate and partner left in the group ever being satisfied.

          2. Toffee, that’s just unacceptable – expecting to pay at the 1st year level and get fifth year work. Ugh. There are no fifth years because they didn’t hire enough people for 2010/2011 (hello fellow 2011 grad!)

            Trying something different sounds great, and you do have a bit of cushion to do so. Having just made a change myself and seeing several other people make changes has opened my eyes to the fact that everybody has to keep an eye out on their own career. A law review grad classmate went to a top biglaw firm, but recently went in house because her department imploded. These things happen and it’s not a personal failure.

    4. It sounds like you should take the job. The situation you are in now sounds miserable and it doesn’t sound like it will work out. This sounds like a great opportunity that will allow you to actually have a life.

    5. Late to the game, but I say take the job, and make yourself less miserable for at least a few years. I took a step back in my career when my kids were young, and it was so nice to be happy with my overall life, even if my job wasn’t the greatest – I didn’t hate it, and I liked the rest of my life, so that was good enough for me. I’ve stopped defining my success by my job title alone, because I’d rather be a content peon than a miserable C-suite muckety-muck.

      A few logistical questions:
      -How much more do you owe in loans/how much longer do you expect to be paying $1000/month / how high are interest rates? Do you have a fully funded emergency fund? If not, I’d either spend 6 months building up my emergency fund or cut back to 1/2 the extra loan payments for a year to beef up my emergency fund.

      -For working from home: is kiddo at daycare now, or with a nanny? Do you have an office space (with a door) that you can use to work from your house? I’d make sure you have your logistics in order for a successful work from home setup – which for me would mean kids would have to leave the house and I’d need an office space within my house to go to when working.

      -Will you ever be expected to go to the office? Is there an actual office? How will you handle lack of interaction with people throughout the day? I’m a fairly introverted, but I do need a certain amount of personal interaction daily or I’ll drive my husband batty, so I would consider joining some groups to help you get some people interaction – maybe a book club, or Rotary/Kiwanis/Junior League etc, and schedule regular lunches or happy hours or even breakfast meet ups with friends and colleagues.

      Congrats on your offer, and I hope this works out in your favor!

    6. Late to the game, but I say take the job, and make yourself less miserable for at least a few years. I took a step back in my career when my kids were young, and it was so nice to be happy with my overall life, even if my job wasn’t the greatest – I didn’t hate it, and I liked the rest of my life, so that was good enough for me. I’ve stopped defining my success by my job title alone, because I’d rather be a content peon than a miserable C-suite muckety-muck.

      A few logistical questions:
      -How much more do you owe in loans/how much longer do you expect to be paying $1000/month / how high are interest rates? I saw you have 3 months set aside in an emergency fund – if your husband’s job is iffy at all, or to make yourselves more comfortable, I’d either spend 6 months building up my emergency fund or cut back to 1/2 the extra loan payments for a year to beef up my emergency fund or at least to give yourselves a little more of a cushion. Or for us, we have a “life happens” fund for our regular unexpected expenses (need to buy 2 new tires when one blows out, oven randomly goes kaput after only a couple years and we have to replace it) and now we’re working on funding our true emergency “one of us can’t work for 6 months, how do we pay the bills” fund.

      -For working from home: is kiddo at daycare now, or with a nanny? Do you have an office space (with a door) that you can use to work from your house? I’d make sure you have your logistics in order for a successful work from home setup – which for me would mean kids would have to leave the house and I’d need an office space within my house to go to when working.

      -Will you ever be expected to go to the office? Is there an actual office? How will you handle lack of interaction with people throughout the day? I’m a fairly introverted, but I do need a certain amount of personal interaction daily or I’ll drive my husband batty, so I would consider joining some groups to help you get some people interaction – maybe a book club, or Rotary/Kiwanis/Junior League etc, and schedule regular lunches or happy hours or even breakfast meet ups with friends and colleagues.

      Congrats on your offer, and I hope this works out in your favor! It sounds like a good way to take a step back and evaluate your priorities, and hopefully get back to enjoying your life.

  19. PsA, that Karmen pump from Payless that’s been raved about is on sale for $14.99. I’m a huge shoe snob but was randomly walking by and tried a pair on. I’m impressed!

  20. Hive – I have a pair of basic pearl studs I bought in Vietnam and one of the pearls has come unattached from the back. They weren’t expensive but they are sentimental. Has anyone reattached pearl studs themselves, or is this something I should go to a jeweler for?

    1. Go to a jeweler. You might be able to do it but it probably needs glue and it would be easy to mess up.

  21. Has anyone ever had an inappropriate crush on a client? And if so, how did you accelerate the “getting over it” process?

    I’ve recently spent a lot of time with the president of our largest, most important client business. He’s flirty and charming by nature and I find him very attractive, and that’s unfortunately created a situation where I’m spending WAY too much time thinking about him, in non-businessy ways. Getting someone else to work with him isn’t an option – 1. No one in our office knows as much about the project as I do; 2. He won’t work with anyone else, and has said so. If I push the issue of “someone else should work with this person” we could lose the client, which is obviously not what I want or something that would be good for me or my company.

    Nothing is going to happen – trust me. He’s married (seemingly happily) and I’m married (happily, and I’m still in love with my genuinely great husband, which just makes this whole thing all the more inexplicable). Absolutely nothing inappropriate or untoward has happened between us and there is not even a hint from him that my adolescent feelings are reciprocated – while we have a lot of fun working together, it’s been all about business – I don’t know anything about him personally, he doesn’t know anything about me, and all our conversations have been about work, not personal stuff.

    This stupid crush has started to become a real distraction, and I would like it to just stop. But the more I try NOT to think about my client, the more I think about him. Should I try hypnosis? Acupuncture? I’m 42 and found out recently I’m in perimenopause; does that have something to do with this? There is no logical explanation for me to be thinking this way, that I can come up with; maybe it’s a hormonal/chemical thing. Any advice is appreciated.

  22. I just bought a suit at the Theory store at a fashion outlet mall. I haven’t taken it to the tailor yet — and it will need significant alterations for this shorty! — and I noticed that the suits were made in Vietnam. I have a Theory blazer I bought at a consignment shop, and it was made in the USA.

    I know there are some brands whose outlet clothing is not the same quality or even the same manufacturer as the core brand.

    Has anyone had any experience with this?

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