ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread

Tory Burch SunglassesSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I'm not usually one for fancy sunglasses, but: WOW. Love these, in large part because of the interesting purple/blue glass, which looks almost ombre. Plus, let's face it, you can never go wrong with large dark sunglasses. These are $175 at Nordstrom. Tory Burch 55mm Round Sunglasses (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

216 Comments

  1. Yay! Weekend Open Thread’s! I love weekend open thread’s and these sun glasse’s, Kat. They are VERY styleish! I wear similar one’s whenever I walk on the street in the summer b/c of the sunglare and UVA/UVB, etc. I recomend these and Rayban’s, which my dad gave me that he used behind the IRON curtain in the 1970’s!

    My housekeeper put my FITBIT in the wash by mistake and now it does NOT work. Dad is mad b/c he does NOT see me doeing any step’s and said for me to get another one this weekend so that he can see I am working out by walkeing. He has NOT seen me for a few week’s and think’s that my tuchus is out of control. I told him not to worry, b/c there is a guy in Massacusests who is interested in me. HE did calm down after that.

    At lunch a guy on the street pinched my tuchus. I did NOT like that b/c he was a construction worker. Why do construction workers act so crude and have to pinch our tuchuses on the street? FOOEY on them! I want to be treated like a lady and will ONLY let my husband pinch my tuchus. If ONLEY I had a husband, I would let him do that every day. YAY!!!!!!!

      1. No kidding :) Plus, we’ve washed (and worse, dried) my husband’s FitBit so many times…. and yet, it’s always been OK.

    2. Ellen, you must be willing to give your body and soul to your man. Do not go out with the thought that your body is forbidden to a man. After all, he is an equal partner with equal parts in a sexual experience. As long as you both consent, you should go for it!

  2. Here’s a question for you all- if you had a friend who wanted to be a virgin until marriage (for not-religious reasons), would you judge that person for it? Similarly, if you knew someone didn’t lose it until late-ish, would you think less of them? Also, what’s late in your mind?

    1. People get to decide how and when they want to have s*x. If they want to wait until marriage (religious reasons or not), there is nothing wrong with that. If they were 30 the first time they had s*x with another person, there is nothing wrong with that (hey, sometime circumstances just aren’t conducive until later in life). I don’t get to judge anyone else’s reasons for having or not having s*x. I only get to judge my own reasons.

      1. + 1 to the first sentence in your answer. “Similarly, if you knew someone didn’t lose it until late-ish, would you think less of them?”<–Also this statement implies that those who choose to wait for whatever reason are somehow less than those who didn't. Makes no sense at all. I actually think it is harder for those people just because the current culture makes it seem odd or outdated for people who choose to wait. That's actually a negative because some people feel pressured to just do it to prove a point rather than when they feel ready. There is no "late" in my view, you are ready when you are. The only thing I would add is that it is better to be in a relationship with someone who shares the same view–whichever side you are on, otherwise it can feel like a tug-of-war. And just like some of the posters below it can help to weed out people who don't really want to get to know you as a person.

    2. No, no, and no.

      Your life = your choices. My life = my choices. As long as you aren’t telling me what I can or cannot do, I don’t care.

      There is no “late” in my mind. It’s a personal choice that literally doesn’t impact other people.

      1. To add to this (where is the edit feature) – also, as long as you aren’t telling me what I should or shouldn’t do, I don’t care. There shouldn’t be pressure either way (to have or to abstain).

    3. “Late” to me would be after 21-22 or after college. But in no way would that make me think less of anyone.

    4. I’m assuming that you’re asking if you’d judge a person negatively about the situation.

      No. I’m not even sure why this is a question. Just, no. Why would anyone ever think less of a person for being selective about when they choose to engage in the most intimate bodily experience?

    5. I’m thinking maybe the OP is the person who wants to remain a virgin? Maybe? If so, you do you and don’t worry about what your friends think.

      I didn’t become sexually active until I was 22 (see “circumstances weren’t conducive,” above) and I feel like that was pretty darned late. But it worked out fine, it’s nobody’s business but mine, and I can’t imagine judging anybody negatively for waiting.

      1. I was 28…but knew I hadn’t met anyone that I was comfortable having that sort of contact with yet, so I wasn’t worried.

        1. I was also 28, and I’d recently gotten out of a long-term relationship and was overly anxious about dating again. I let the pressure of “omg this is going to be such a huge issue for you! you’ll have to talk about it but I guess it’ll be fine?!” get to me and I wish I’d been able to block it out. The first (and still only) guy was absolutely not worth it.

          1. Out of curiosity (and if you feel comfortable sharing), why didn’t you do it even though you were in a long term relationship? I did the same, and I’ve never heard of anyone else making the same choice

          2. It was sort of a combination of factors. It was my first serious relationship and it took a while for me to feel even close to ready, and by that point we were long distance so we didn’t see each other more than every 2 or 3 weeks. And then when I felt ready and we had a visit coming up, he’d suddenly get weird about it–in hindsight, it was because he was already checking out of the relationship and didn’t want that attachment.

          3. I was 24 when I first had PIV sex. I stayed a technical virgin up until 22 for religious reasons, then “circumstances weren’t conducive” for another 2 years.

            My ex was a virgin until 38. It was only a big deal because he hadn’t disclosed this information and lied about getting tested.

            My current boyfriend is a 39 year old technical virgin. He was on anti depressants for a while and has some lingering issues getting it up. No biggie. We are just taking our time and enjoying what we can do together. I see it as being with someone who has no bad habits. I get to train him so he does what I like. :-)

    6. I would never judge someone for choosing to remain a virgin until marriage or until “late” in life. Ever. It is each individual’s choice when to have s3x.

    8. Would not judge. Though my very-Catholic mother encouraged me to have s*x before marriage because her friend found out on her wedding night that her husband was impotent.

      1. That is so incredibly uncommon and thrown around as a reason due to SITC. I have been asked so many times if I was worried about htat because I waited until my wedding night. For one thing, ahem, you usually know if it works before that just from making out.

        1. Meh, it’s kind of a big deal for me. YMMV, but some relationships I’ve had ended up fizzling because my SO just wasn’t as interested in relations as much as I am. If that’s something that’s important to you, it’s vital to know your partner’s drive/abilities before you make any serious commitments. And sure, you can tell it “works” when you’re making out, but it’s a completely different ball game when you’re not continually building up anticipation without consummation. If that aspect of the relationship isn’t in the top 5 of Most Important Parts of Your Marriage, then it probably won’t be as big a letdown to find out your SO is satisfied with once a week, but if it is, you should probably know the situation going in.

        2. Its actually incredibly common. Not necessarily impotence- but you might find out your partner only wants sex once a month or only under certain conditions. If you don’t match up in that way it can be very stressful and emotionally draining.

    9. I will bite and be the person that judges. I have absolutely no judgment for anyone choosing to have s*x or not have s*x at any point, but s*xual compatibility is (in most, but not all relationships) an important part of what makes a relationship work long term. I would not advise any close friend of mine to marry someone he or she hadn’t slept with and would judge them (not as bad or weird, but probably as really foolish and overly optimistic). For me, it’s just as important as making sure you’re compatible on questions about kids and money.

      1. Are you assuming that the people who haven’t had sex have not done anything sexual? Having been in relationships both with and without intercourse, I think you can suss out a lot of the compatibility issues in the “everything but” stages. And most of the “waiting for marriage” guys I know are firmly in the “everything but” camp–they’re not giving forehead kisses and calling it a night.

        1. I was like that when I was younger and not wanting pregnancy or any STDs (and b/c I was too immature to deal with addressing either b/c I’d rather from something bad than die of embarassment, but at least I wasn’t kidding myself about that).

          It did have the good effect of weeding out total jerks. And I granted exceptions for some relationships. But it was my rule of thumb even after I started having S3x.

        2. I’m not assuming that, but I guess I don’t know where the line is for most people who fall in this camp. I am not a person who thinks penetrative sex is this big deal (which I assume most wait until marriage people are) or really that it is any different from a number of other forms of sexual activity that are caught by the things I suspect you are talking about with “anything sexual”. So it doesn’t really make sense to me that you could be an “everything but” person. Like, what is the point? If you are willing to do everything but penetrative sex, why wait for penetrative sex until you are married? Not mocking; I just honestly don’t understand the distinction. I suppose I would then add to my original comment that if you are in a relationship like that, I would judge you for being arbitrary about your boundaries. That said, they are your boundaries and you absolutely have a right to them and to have them respected by your partner(s).

          To your other point, having not been in a relationship during my adult life that didn’t involve sex, I think there are still compatibility issues that you can’t necessarily suss out while there’s this anticipation thing in the background.

          1. This is to give some perspective. For some people there is a difference, it could be religion for example. I say this based on the idea that in a culture where virginity is prized for a woman she could still technically claim to be one. Also pregnancy, there are places around the world that one slip up means that you must have the child, i.e. termination is illegal. That can alter a young woman’s life alot, I say this based on the experiences of people I know. So that definitely ups the stakes from a female perspective. Also in some cases STDs, and yes I know that some can be transmitted in other ways but people don’t always know that.

          2. Thanks EB – I appreciate the perspective. I was going on the original poster’s statement that it was not for religious reasons, so I’d ruled that out. Given that the OP also did not mention pregnancy/STDs and the fact that not having penetrative sex does not necessarily prevent those if you are doing “everything but”, I had also not seriously considered those. Maybe this is also a regional thing to some extent? The only people I’ve ever met who were waiting until they got married for some reason or another are from parts of the U.S. with horrendous sex ed, which would account both for the virginity prizing and the lack of knowledge about stds/pregnancy. And also the differentiating between penetrative sex and all other kinds of sex, now that I think about it.

    10. Yes I would. And I judge people who wait for religious reasons too. I see lots of good reasons to wait- finding the right person, achieving a level of intimacy and stability, feeling physically and emotionally ready- but none to tie that readiness to signing a contract. I think it’s weird. And I think most other people do too, they’re just politely not saying it.

    11. I sort of alluded to this below, but there is a big difference between thinking something is ill-advised and actually thinking less of someone for doing it. Waiting for marriage is not the choice I would make or advise someone else to make for a number of reasons, but I 100% respect a person that makes that choice.

    12. I had sex with my boyfriend at age 15 and I never once regretted it. We broke up at the end of high school and I am now almost 50 years old. Not once I have ever wished that I didn’t have sex with him. It was a beautiful relationship. Do you judge me?

  3. I’m not a judgmental person, so I can’t even fathom judging someone for this, in either scenario. Do I think it’s weird to be in a romantic relationship without sex? Yes. Do I judge? Nope.

      2. Eh, it is judging, but it’s not necessarily negative judging. I also think certain kinks are a little weird, but I support everyone’s right to indulge in them if it’s consensual and not illegal, and wouldn’t think less of a person if they had said kinks.

    3. I kind of see this. I also don’t care, but I do think it’s odd to be an adult in a non-sexual relationship for no religious reason. It makes the relationship seem more immature to me. That being said, there’s no reason you have to share with anyone that you’re in a relationship and not having sex. Plenty of people who have sex and who don’t keep that kind of stuff private.

      1. I just don’t see at all how having sex adds maturity to a relationship. My girlfriends are pretty forthcoming with details so I know they’re having sex with certain guys, and I’ve seen a ton of those relationships that are incredibly immature. If anything, I’d say their obsession with the physical side of things makes it *more* immature.

        1. Exactly.

          I felt like I was late and just did it the first time because it had been Christmas Eve forever and it was time to open presents. And like on Christmas, the thrill did not deliver.

        2. No kidding. Facing your partner’s job loss, death of a parent, serious accident or illness tests the maturity of relationships much, much more than sex.

          1. You are so right. Also the obsession with the physical side of things does not take into account what the relationship means if one partner can’t. I had the experience of watching a woman in her fifties nurse her husband, who was in his eighties and very ill and it totally changed my view of relationships. If it was all about being physical would she still be by his side? Because she is still vibrant and attractive. This may might seem like an extreme example but it happens to people who are much younger because of illness or even injuries e.g. veterans…

          2. Yes, Grown Woman, but don’t assume it isn’t a huge loss for the woman in her fifties. I’m in a sexless marriage due to my spouse’s disabilities and sexual contact is very much missed. I know I’m not alone from meeting others in my situation.

      2. And it seems immature to me to pretend that being all grown up and having sex are the same thing. That’s the way teenagers think when they screw on prom night.

        1. Right? The sexual part of my relationship makes us feel like teenagers! We have all the rest of the time to act like grownups! I guess it’s all in your perspective.

      3. I’m the Anon @ 2:54 who initially responded to Anon @ 2:26, and I will say that in my flyover home state, I know tons of couples who got married at 22 because they “wanted to wait” but didn’t actually want to wait, and they just always seemed to be in the puppy love stage and playing house. I get how that is immature, but considering most of those relationships veer toward marriage pretty quickly, I’m not sure if those are the adult non-sexual relationships we’re talking about. Maybe I’m getting old, but I think of people that age as kids, not adults.

  4. Anyone want to do some shoe shopping for me? At my job, there are days when I am on my feet all day long on concrete floors. By noon, my back, knees and feet are killing me, and my feet are swollen. Sometimes I can stand on fatigue mats, but other days I am walking constantly, so no fatigue mats.

    On those standing days, dress is complete casual – jeans and t-shirts casual. Anyone have a suggestion for specific shoes to wear? Or for a brand of shoe plus insert that works for you? This can be moderately dirty lab work, and the chances of ruining (or at least spattering) shoes is pretty high, so I probably need to stay in under $150 – and preferably in the under $100 or even under $75 as I’ll probably have to replace them every 3-6 months. And honestly, even that much makes me cringe, but I’m trying to convince myself I need to do it for my feet’s sake. I need a 7, 7.5 or 8 depending on brand, and a wide width unless the brand runs wide.

    I know most of you work in more formal industries, but think about it as what you would wear if you were on your feet cooking all weekend or similar – because I don’t need to be any more formal than that on all day lab days. I do need them to be relatively flat or slight wedges, and no open toes or heels.

    My first inclination is to try to find some Danskos on sale as I hear those are good for all day standing and foot problems, but I’d rather have some direct recommendations before I drop $100 on shoes I don’t really even like all that much.

    1. I am recently loving Sketchers Gowalk Super Sock shoes for commuting – I’ve been having a lot of foot issues, and they’re much better than anything else I’ve got, including running shoes. This particular style is moderately more stylish than some of the others.

      1. Nordstroms Rack had a lot of the Sketchers Gowalk Super Sock shoes when I was there last week.

      2. Try Skechers on though – I have pretty forgiving feet and found the “last” of the shoe wouldn’t work with my feet. They’re about the only sneakers that made my arches hurt.

    2. Birkenstock sandals are more comfortable for me than my running shoes for being on my feet all day. Maybe you could get some of their rubber clogs? I think a lot of chefs use them. My hairstylist swears by her Crocs espadrille flats.

      1. I wore Birkenstock professional clogs (Alipro might be the actual brand name–they’ve had a fair amount of reorganization over the last 10 years) to do kitchen work and they absolutely saved my feet. Also waterproof. 100% recommended.

    3. I’ve never found Danskos all that comfortable, they just don’t seem to fit my feet correctly. Merrell, Keen, and sometimes Clarks work well for lots of standing and walking, cover the whole foot, and generally fit my wider in the front, narrower in the heel feet (and many of them come in wide widths as well). Most are less than $100, and are sometimes much less on Amazon. I think really fitting properly is key- if the shoe is a little big or small, it seems like your feet have to work hard to stay comfortable.

      2. I didn’t think Danskos were comfortable either. I thought I’d just have to get used to them and wore them all the time, but nope!

        I found Clarks to be very comfortable! Not exactly the most stylish, but you can find some that are decent and make you feel like you’re walking on a cloud.

    4. My only caution about Danskos is to be careful if your ankles tend to roll. Something about the platform on those clogs made my ankles roll all.the.time. If you want to try Danskos, but aren’t sure if they’ll work, try looking on ebay. I would wear legit running shoes in this situation. When I worked retail (all walking, no gel pads), I wore Keds with basic Dr. Scholls inserts, which wasn’t perfect, but definitely better than nothing.

    5. I’m on my feet most of the day. I agree with ALN that my ankles tend to roll in Danskos. I LOVE my Keens.

    6. I love love love my Danskos for this situation. I find them more comfortable to be in all day than running shoes – although i do agree with the rolling ankles part… just had to get used to walking with them. I will also recommend Super Feet insoles (you can get them on Amazon or from EMS) My mom’s podiatrist recommended them and now she uses them and swears they are just as good as her $$$$$$ custom orthodocs.

    7. I love my Wolky Argentinas – the Mary Jane styling is pretty cute and the shoe is super comfortable. I’d recommend trying a range of sizes, though – I find them to run just a tiny bit big. I have a similarly styled pair from Clarks that are also really comfortable.

    8. You may not be OK with wearing previously-owned shoes, but if you are– I got my very plain, black, matte leather danskos on Ebay for ~$50. And yes, they are awesome for standing on your feet (I’m a nursing student currently doing 12-hour rotations).

      1. I just saw the above comments about Danskos and ankle-rolling. I have always had issues with rolling my ankles (I think my ligaments are loose from teenage soccer), but have never done so in my Danskos. I think as long as you are mindful about it, it shouldn’t be an issue for you.

    9. I’m a surgeon and I wear danskos. Once in a while, for a short day, I will pull on running shoes to give my danskos a break, but for those long OR days (can be 20+ hours of standing) I wear danskos and compression socks.

      The danskos hurt my feel for the first couple of days and then that stopped. They don’t really seem to break in (they are pretty hard soled) so I guess my feet just got used to it. And the first long OR day after I got them, I suddenly realized at the end of the day that my back didn’t hurt! A first since my med school days. Now I love them.

      They are beastly ugly though.

    10. I bought and wore Earth shoes when I was on my feet all day. It made a world of difference for back pain and joint issues. I was working at a domestic violence shelter and on my feet all the time. I’d suggest trying them out if you are up for it. The negative sole really helped me a lot.

    11. I’m a little late to the game (can’t sleep)…

      I’d recommend Hoka running shoes. I’ve heard some runners who are on their feet for work all day wear them at work. You can get them from the running warehouse website and return within 60 days of they don’t work. The sale ones should be under a hundred.

      I got a pair of Hokas and they have become my favorite. My feet used to hurt by mile 10-13 but I did a 50k in Hokas and my feet didn’t hurt. Other parts of me did though.

  5. Happy Friday! In a couple of weeks, DH and I will be traveling to Croatia for about 2 weeks – we’re staying in Dubrovnik, Korcula, Split and Zadar. We have a few things in mind (Plitvice, Game of Thrones tour!) but would love any tips or must-sees from others who have been there. Also any recs for restaurants, good souvenirs, etc. would be greatly appreciated – thanks, ladies!

    1. Definitely Plitvice! and GOT tour! Seriously super fun and you get some local history too!

      In Split, we found this restaurant called Nevarro that was supremely good.

      If you have time, visit Istria for the wine and olive oil.

    2. My advice is if you see an alleyway go into it!
      The best souvenir for friends and family was the candied orange and lemon peels , and olive oil. The Lavender looked and smelled wonderful but because of customs restrictions to Aust we couldn’t buy it.
      We stayed in a hotel in the walls of the palace, and had a wonderful time getting lost in the palace streets and adjacent markets.

  6. Work q for the hive: My boss is someone I have to chase regularly to follow up on projects (due to deadlines and due to her busy schedule, she normally doesn’t respond to me on her own). This means that I send her an email initially with my project, but then the next day or so, I print it out, chase her, sit her down and take notes manually or have her write her notes on it manually for me to make updates.

    The problem is that there are times where we discuss things/changes during my sit-down with her, which she completely disagrees with later or doesn’t recollect. So for example, I’ll make changes throughout a document per her edit, but then later, she’ll tell other people how I made this change without her authorization. Short of whipping out my hard copy that has her handwriting on it, there’s no way for me to defend myself appropriately (she’ll say it on a senior call or in a meeting where I can’t stop and say – THIS IS IN YOUR HANDWRITING”).

    Similarly, she’ll tell me to make edits verbally, but then the next day she’ll say “Do you not remember we discussed to do it like XX not YY.” But in my notes, I have it with her saying “YY” (I wouldn’t even know this YY information if she hadn’t told me as it’s highly confidential and above my pay grade). But I have no way of defending myself in the 1:1, because it’s her word over mine.

    Any suggestions on how to handle? How to avoid this in the future? Any similar experiences? Please help!

    2. Do a quick follow up email with minutes from your sit down. “Just a quick summary to document what we discussed”

      That way Boss can see what you’ve been hearing and nip it if she needs to.

      Othertimes, it may be Boss wanted it like she said in the 1:1, but once she saw it in writing it didn’t read/look like she wanted. Had my boss do that to me all the time. Didn’t necessarily mean I’d done it wrong, since she just wanted something different now, but it definitely felt like I had done wrong when I’d done it the way she said.

      1. +1
        I had a boss like this, and this is how I eventually handled it. If he said he was going to handle a certain task, I included his tasks in the email, highlighted in yellow and I added to his calendar. It was the only thing that helped. It wasn’t foolproof, but it helped.

      2. I’ve been there and it is just. so. frustrating. I understand that sometimes you don’t know what you want until you see what you don’t want, but I had a boss who never, and I mean never, liked the changes that she requested. If I did A, she wanted B. If I did B, she wanted A. If I showed her A, and she wanted changes B and C, and I’d make changes B and C, she’d want to go back to A and have changes D and E. If the next time I did A, D, and E, she’d decide she wanted B and C.
        I quit.

    3. Seriously…get a better boss. Unless you are an admin assistant, this is too much chasing. No one is this busy, unless they are taking the time (i) not to care or (ii) to actively throw you under the bus. I’ve seen both. Both are toxic. You will pull your hair out over time. Try to work less for this person or plan your exit, because someone who thinks a working relationship like this is productive is completely out to lunch. For your sanity…move on. This person works like this. They’ve shown you that’s what “working together” means. Sure, you can “manage up” but I advise you to manage your own career and GTFO of there.

  7. Anyone know of a good half-marathon training plan (around 10 weeks)? Looking for a 1:40 – 1:45 if that matters…I run regularly, and I’m familiar with speed work, etc.

    In particular, if anyone has had any success with a training plan, that would be great! Some of them seem way easier/harder than others, I can’t tell what would be good! TIA!

    2. I’ve always used the Hal Higdon plans, with good success. You’d probably want to look for one of his “intermediate” or “novice 2” plans (slightly more advanced, with more speedwork/etc.).

      1. I was looking at the intermediate plan and it seemed a bit easy…hence my concern that it won’t prepare me enough! But it is good to hear that it worked for you!!

        Yah, I’ve done some 8 mile long runs the past few weeks as long runs and I have been doing some speed work, really I am running at a more advanced spot than where I should be if I was using a 12 week program or something like that (if that makes sense, just to give you an idea of where I am at with my fitness).

        1. I think for that race time, you’d at least be in the Advanced plan range. More tempo and hill work, holding pace for longer sets, and faster pace runs the day before long runs to get used to running on tired legs.

          1. Thanks! I might combine the two and do sort of a intermediate/advanced program…I don’t think I can fit in 6 days a week of running.

          2. Chiming in again to say that I train with a group so I use the plan they give us, and it provides that any “easy” or “recovery” run can be replaced with cross training or rest. I like to do other workouts and just don’t have time for two-a-days, so I take advantage of that and run 3 days and cross train the other 3 days. I’m not in your pace range (I’m in full training now, but goal for my next half is sub-1:50) but I think you should be fine to cut out some of those recovery runs if you can only do 4 or 5 days, and still make your goal. Good luck and have fun! I’m in awe of you sub-1:45 half-ers, so get out there and crush it :)

    3. 10 weeks sounds a little short for some of the plans I’ve seen, but if you are already running a good bit, that could be fine. Hal Higdon has a variety of plans that look pretty good. You might also want to look at Jeff Galloway’s plans. I used a RunKeeper plan as a complete newbie this year and it was ok.

  8. High school classmate asked me for advice about going to law school about 12 months ago. I advised to work in a law firm or an office that does the type of law she thought she wanted to practice, and see what she thought. Classmate was first in family to go to college, working class background, Marine vet, great athlete, significant academic challenges in high school but works like a dog. I don’t know what she did, never heard from her.

    She just posted a screen shot of a Cooley (22% employment rate, $65K+ per year tuition Cooley) acceptance with the hashtags #lawschooldreams #blessed. Everyone from my small midwestern town is congratulatory/ecstatic.

    I am mentally thinking, “WTF, NO, THERE IS A GREATER THAN 70% CHANCE THAT IS BASICALLY CAREER AND FINANCIAL SUICIDE AND YOU ARE NOT THE SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE THIS WILL WORK OUT FOR! LET’S REDSHIRT A YEAR, you can retake the LSAT, and volunteer like a maniac/beef up that application, and we can save you about 100K and try to get you into a school that will give you statistically better options!”

    At this point, I can’t say anything without looking like a negative lunatic though.

    Our education system makes me really, really sad. You speculate on anything else, you’re able to get out from underneath it. Make a bad decision in education, you’re perma f!# ck ed.

    1. Maybe send her some of the less crazy (aka, maybe not ATL) articles about what a bad investment law school, and er, specifically Cooley, is? I think plenty of reputable sources have reported on how important it is for students to research their school and to understand the meaning of $100k of debt and the real world consequences of going to, well, the worst law school in America.

      1. Yea, normally I am about minding your own business, but she asked and this sounds like a HUGE, VERY EXPENSIVE mistake. Definitely send some articles about Cooley. If she isn’t going to take your advice on law school (which is much tamer than what I tell people when they ask me if they should go to law school), maybe she can at least avoid THIS school

    2. If I was her I would want to know. She may not know her options, and she may not have looked into employment rates. Maybe invite her out to coffee? Or message her on facebook?

    3. It’s too bad you can’t be all OMG COOL PLS TELL ME THEY”RE GIVING YOU A FULL SCHOLARSHIP!

    4. Take her out for coffee and discuss in person. Explain that being admitted to law school is a far cry from being gainfully employed as an attorney with the ability to service one’s loans.

      The other issue is that her parents aren’t going to be able to help her out. I know a lot of graduates whose parents were able to pay their loans for a few months when things got tough – literally were able to just plop down $10,000 or so to help their kids through a bad patch. Even if the parents didn’t want to foot the bill for law school, they can loan substantial amounts of money that make it work.

      I also tell people that studying for the LSAT results in the highest wage they will ever earn in their lives. If she spends two hundred hours, re-takes it, and either (a) gets into a school with much better employment options, or (b) gets a scholarship that saves her a pile of money, she will, quite literally, have earned $500/hour – tax free.

      There is simply no other activity that a prospective law student – or even a young lawyer, mid-career lawyer, or many partners in firms – do that is worth that much money per hour. For most people, studying for the LSAT is quite literally the highest-paying job they can ever take in their lives.

      1. I agree with this with one caveat — if there is no significant improvement in her LSAT score after studying, she can also consider that time well-spent confirming her only law school option is a bad one and saving herself from making a bad investment. I taught the LSAT. Some people get better after 200 hours; some people don’t. (I am not arguing the correlation between the test and success as a lawyer. Different discussion altogether. Not lighting that match here.)

        1. I also taught the LSAT.

          As to your last point: you are, of course, wrong: the LSAT is so strongly correlated to bar passage that “success as a lawyer” is virtually impossible for people with very low LSAT scores.

          2. And I also taught the LSAT.
            Just because you pass the bar does not mean you are going to be a good lawyer or a successful one. That’s not what Anonymous is saying and I think you know that. A high LSAT score and bar passage mean you did well at taking tests. They are barriers to entry the legal profession; they are not indicators of whether someone will be good at actually being a lawyer.
            And fwiw, GPA is a better predictor than LSAT score. http://abovethelaw.com/2013/09/whats-the-best-predictor-of-bar-exam-success-its-not-the-lsat/

          3. Over half of Cooley grads do not pass the bar on the first try. That is, I think, very relevant to this discussion for two reasons: the OP’s friend might not even ever get to hang out a shingle (or work for JAG); and persistence in improving on the LSAT is good practice for persistence in passing the bar. (I know several people who failed twice and passed on the third time – sheer willpower to study for about six months on end while working.)

            Cimorene: law school GPA, not undergrad GPA. From the article:

            “It should come as no surprise that your undergraduate GPA has very little to do with whether or not you are going to pass the bar. ”

            The value of the LSAT in bar passage prediction is that you’ve taken it before you’ve spent a single cent on a school deposit, let alone $65,000 per year in tuition and fees.

    5. Send her to LawSchoolTransparency dot com stat. Seriously. Tell her she should check this out and understand the average debt load, the chance of law degree required employment. As you mentioned…this stuff is serious.

  9. I receive a subscription to Birchbox as a gift and I’m not a big fan. I rarely use the samples I get from the makeup counter to begin with and I also have a real sensitivity to scent and to anything oily so trying new things when I like my tried and true, oil-free, scent-free stuff is not that exciting to me. Should I offer up the boxes to my assistant, who loves my hand-me-down celebrity mags, or would that be weird (because I’m obviously regifting)? These are a bunch of boxes that are unopened sitting at my home and my assistant has college-aged daughters living at home who might like the products as well.

    1. On our floor we have a place in the kitchen area where we leave unwanted items for people to take (usually unopened foods, but I’ve seen non-food items and even gift cards). If you have something like that, can you mention to your assistant that you’re putting some thing out for the taking, and ask if she wants first dibs?

      But normally I don’t give people things I wouldn’t use myself, even as a regift. If you have a real sensitivity and the items are obviously good quality, that’s different.

    2. Not weird if it’s not a gift. Just tell her that you can’t use the products and hope that she and her daughters have fun with them.

    3. Depends on your relationship with her. I would totally love it if my boss re-gifted me something like that, but we also go out for drinks after work together and work in a super relaxed work environment.

    4. If you explained it like that (I can’t use them, and they’re just sitting here!) I’m sure she and/or her daughters would love them. It’s not like the actual products are used.

  10. I’ve had it up to **here** with duvets. They just.do.not.stay.put. and always looks so darn flat/saggy.

    Anyone have a favorite comforter/brand to recommend? We have a king bed and need a pop of color in our otherwise neutral/gray master. I’d love something poofy and wonderful. Does such a thing exist??

      2. Seconded! Company Store has big sales a couple times a year on their down comforters, I’d wait until then unless you’re itching to pull the trigger.

    2. Can you clarify: is your problem with the down comforter itself (which is technically called a duvet) or with duvet covers (the “pillowcase” for comforters)?

      FWIW, I use a Royal Velvet down comforter I got on Overstock years ago (always fluffy). When I make my bed, I layer, in order, the fitted sheet, the flat sheet, the down comforter, and then a matelasse coverlet. I don’t use a duvet cover – the down comforter is “naked” in there. The matelasse coverlet is thick enough that I never have a problem with the bedding being out of place in the morning. (That said, I never had a problem with a duvet cover when I used them, either.)

      1. I can never get the duvet to sit right/stay in place inside the duvet cover. So, my comforter/duvet ends up all bunched in one corner or sliding around. I’ve had the duvet/cover combo forever, and I’ve never not had this issue.

        1. Every duvet cover that I’ve bought has had little threads in the corners and you can tie the down comforter to all four corners inside. That way the comforter doesn’t get all bunched up.

        2. Some duvet covers come with ties or securing methods in each of the four corners of the cover. Easy to add if you sew and might be an inexpensive thing to have a dry cleaner’s tailor add. Google “duvet cover ties” and look at the images.

        3. I promise I’ve done this and used every clip on the market to keep it in place. Maybe I’m just an aggressive sleeper. Humph.

        4. I use something called ‘Duvet Donuts’. They’re about $10 on amazon and act like little snaps between the cover and the comforter.

        5. I use the big a$$ quilting safety pins to pin my four corners in place. You can’t see them (on the two different duvet covers I’ve used, which admittedly, have fairly busy patterns) and they’ve never torn the fabric or even left pin holes after I take them out to wash the duvet or switch out the cover.

        6. I sewed shoelaces to each inside corder of the duvet cover and each corner of the duvet. Then just tie the shoelaces together at each corner. Never have any issues.

      2. I use an quilt plus a lightweight but warm blanket in the winter. I find they provide a fuller coverage and you can easily peel a layer off if you’re too warm.

  11. Dumb question, maybe, but I’ve always been curious: why are my expensive Wusthof knives perennially dull? It’s not like I’m cutting through tin cans here. I use them for basic cooking tasks – veggies, chicken – and it feels like I have to saw through whatever I’m cutting after just one use post-sharpening. I find myself reaching for my cheap college knives that have never needed sharpening. I guess I don’t understand knives enough to know why my 15 year old Wal-Mart knives are going strong, but my Williams-Sonoma ones won’t cut butter.

    1. What surface are you cutting on? Glass cutting boards, stone, etc. can dull the knife very quickly. How do you sharpen them? My mom gave me one of those electric Chef’s Choice knife sharpeners years ago and it’s fantastic.

      I’ll also add that it could be how the knife feels in your hand and the angle that you’re chopping with could have some effect. I bought myself a very nice knife for my birthday last year, but I went through many (many!) different types – holding them, chopping, etc. – in the store before I found one that fit my hand perfectly.

        1. I’ll also add that Cook’s Illustrated always does knife reviews and they’ve noted before how some “reliable” name brand knives tend to lose their edge quickly. Their recommended knife is usually by Victorinox (I think) and costs roughly $40 and they say it stays sharp much longer than the other expensive brands.

    2. I baby my knives and they seem to keep a decent edge. I use the Chef’s choice sharpener regularly, they only get handwashed, cutting boards are wood or plastic, stored in a knife block with the blade facing up. Also, if I am sweeping anything off the board, I flip the knife over so I don’t run the blade across the board.

    3. Do you get them professionally sharpened once a year or so? Home sharpeners just hone the blade, ie straighten it out.

  12. Why do some people not say hello? I work in a large agency, on a floor where most people keep their office doors shut. I see the same people day in and day out so usually I’ll say hello and I’ve gotten friendly with most people, at least the level of saying “hi, how are you? Nice day,” etc., and many beyond that. There are also some people who no matter how many times I see them refuse to say hi to me, but if I say hello they’ll at least nod back or mumble hi back. But there is one woman who just refuses – I’ll say hi, and she just walks by like nothing. I actually interacted with her in a group recently and she was perfectly pleasant. But next day – same thing. I’m curious, do you think it’s just me? Is she just an a**hole? Is there some other reason I am not seeing for why some people act this way? She’s not blind and she’s not deaf. I would write it off as just her, but there are a few others at my agency who act similarly so I’m thinking maybe this is a personality type. Are any readers out there like this woman and can explain to me why you can’t just say hello in the hallway or elevator?

    1. I work in a similar environment and have been equally baffled by people who blatantly ignore a direct hallway greeting. But now I just treat people as they treat me. The ones who give me a big smile and ask about my weekend get the same in return. The ones who just nod give me a half-smile get a nod and half-smile back. And if someone has proven that they do not want to interact in any way, I just ignore them, too. It is kind of annoying, but I’m not sure how else to handle it.

    2. It is definitely not just you. I have a very similar problem. There are a few people on my floor who will only give me a small smile, if they acknowledge me at all, when I say hi. And it’s just as I’m walking by them – I’m clearly not stopping to chat about our lives for 20 minutes, so that shouldn’t be the issue. A friendly coworker advised me that maybe it’s just that they are sincerely so busy that they can’t muster up the energy/take the time to say hi back. And while I can understand that to an extent, I really don’t understand why a monosyllabic “hi” is so hard.

    3. Assuming you’re not from somewhere traditionally pleasant (the south, the midwest) just coming to a big city for the first time, I have a couple different answers.

      There are days – easily every day during our busy season, less so during our off-season – when I have a million things on my plate and have absolutely zero interest in interacting with someone in a way that doesn’t directly check an item off my list. It’s not the other person, it’s that I’m so busy/stressed that I don’t have the bandwidth for pleasantries. I’m not rude, I’m just businesslike, which I realize sweet girls can take as rudeness.

      I also think a nod or a half smile is an acceptable response to a passing greeting. I realize this wouldn’t fly so well in traditionally “friendly” locales.

      1. “I’m not rude, I’m just businesslike, which I realize sweet girls can take as rudeness.”

        What? It’s good to know that saying hello is something sweet girls do and is not businesslike.

        1. OP here. No nod, no half smile. Im from a big city known for its rudeness. I get not initiating. Just baffled by not feeling any need to so much as nod in response.

    4. I’m that person. I honestly didn’t realize that not saying ‘hi to someone in the hall is considered as$holish behavior. I’m fairly introverted, which may be why I think this way but… When I’m walking in the hallway I’m often thinking about the meeting I’m heading to or from and it doesn’t always register when I pass someone I know. I also find it annoying to be obliged to put on a smile and greet everyone, and assumed everyone also didn’t want to be bothered. (I’ll say that support personal seem more socially oriented than I, an engineer, am so I do try to say hello to them.)

      1. OP again. Thanks for this. Just to be clear – I am not upset that she or others don’t say hi first. I work with a lot of introverted people and don’t expect that anymore. I’m just surprised that when you are alone with another person and say something in greeting, someone just stares at you blankly and walks on.

      2. Sometimes I am lost in thought because when I am in the hall at work and I actually thinking about the task at hand so I don’t even notice the other person.

    5. I’m often that person. In the moment when you’re saying hi I’m generally still trying to remember exactly who you are and I generally remember as soon as it’s too late to return the greeting.

      1. But why not just say, ‘hi’ and then continue remembering? I can’t think of anyone I’d see at work that would say hi where I wouldnt at least nod and smile in return.

        1. Because I’m already caught up in trying to place you and it’s taking up 100% of my brain RAM and the nod and smile aren’t a natural, unconscious reaction.

          Just because it’s your natural reaction, or even a common reaction, doesn’t mean it’s a universal one. This is who she is. Stop expecting her to be something different, or reading something into it, if all other evidence points to her being a nice person.

    6. I always give some type of response, even if it’s just a smile acknowledging that they’ve said hello or smiled first, but I rarely initiate it. I hate small talk and I see the same people multiple times a day. It’s dumb, but I just get tired of running into people who want to chat each of the 5 times I see them that day. It could be that people are like that, or maybe they have other things on their mind and don’t really register you. But I do see people who very studiously avoid eye contact to avoid any type of interaction. I kind of appreciate it, but I can see how it can come across as rude if you’re friendlier. I would have no interest in discussing the weather with you.

    7. I’m glad you addressed deaf and blind because I worked with someone who just walked away while I was speaking with him and I later learned he was hard of hearing and hadn’t heard a word I said. He wasn’t totally deaf but if he wasn’t looking at me, he usually didn’t know I was talking.

      1. Yes! I am completely deaf in one ear and I often have no clue people are talking to me depending on where they are sitting/standing or if I see them. I generally am in the camp that says hi/acknowledges everyone, so I feel particularly mortified when this happens, but it does happen!

    8. I was having this same discussion with some colleagues this morning. This came up because I stepped into the elevator this morning and the gentleman I was riding with said, “what floor?”. (Background, we are in a 5 story building that we own and 90% occupy). My response…”I am on 4. You sit 2 cubicles directly outside of my office.”

      It takes no effort for any of us to greet either other in the hallway, elevator or in any other common area. Furthermore, take a look at the faces of the people around you!!

      1. I think I should make the effort more (particularly in light of the comments above) but it does take effort. I’m not a particularly social person and continually greeting people does not come naturally to me and does take energy.

      2. yeah…. it’s not zero effort for sure. Especially for women because we have to be perky & cheerful all the time or we get the b!tch label.

    9. I hate saying hello. I want to walk into my office unmolested first thing in the morning and I don’t know why that makes me seem unpleasant.

      1. yes. I’m a pretty nice person, but sometimes I just don’t want to talk to anyone.

        I have a boss who takes it personally when I just want to go into my office work instead of say hello and ask about his weekend. I don’t want to ask because I don’t care, why is that not allowed?

    10. OMG. It is not you. She is not an a$$hole. Maybe she’s faceblind, or has trouble placing people out of context. Or she’s deep in thought and didn’t hear or see you. Or just doesn’t have the bandwidth to spend her introverted social energy. Or any number of other reasons that have nothing to do with you.

      She was pleasant in person, where it counts and would probably be pleasant in person if you stopped by her office to ask a question. Stop trying to take offense at something so minor and expecting someone to conform to the way YOU think she should act. To be clear, there was nothing wrong with you saying hi or nodding, but that doesn’t mean you are owed the interaction back.

      Frankly, this is verging into the same territory as telling women to smile when you see them with RBF.

      1. Whoa, Nelly. I asked because I was truly curious. Not because I take offense or expect anything. To me, it seems like a no-brainer to at least nod back and I was always taught that it’s basic manners to acknowledge a person who speaks to you, especially if you work on the same floor. But I realize that some people might have other reasons for not acknowledging someone who works 2 doors down from them and I was actually trying to gain some insight into that rather than just write her off as a “rude b*tch” like some of my other coworkers do. Not sure why that warrants the OMG response.

        1. The OMG is because you seem overly concerned about this person’s motivation when it’s probably more a matter of you having a particular bias in how a response should happen. She’s a person, she has quirks and this is one of them, You need to get over the idea that a returned greeting is a “no-brainer”, but rather the way *you* act and not necessarily universal – for any number of reasons listed here.

          In other words – If your other interactions with her are fine, stop worrying about this. The explanation could be any number of things, that ultimately don’t matter.

          1. “You need to get over the idea that a returned greeting is a “no-brainer”, but rather the way *you* act and not necessarily universal – for any number of reasons listed here.”

            ??? Acknowledging a greeting is a pretty fundamental social norm, not some idiosyncratic personal preference.

    11. I’ve been guilty of that. I get so lost in thought when I’m walking through the halls (often walking quickly to deal with an emergency and going through in my head what is likely going on, what tests to order, etc) and I have definitely just totally walked past people completely oblivious to the fact that they are even there. It’s awful, I try to pay more attention to things around me, but its something I have to constantly work on.

  13. For those of you who wear a ring every day, how do you take care of it? When do you take it off– to shower? to sleep? never? John Brooke and I got engaged yesterday, and I want to make sure I’m taking proper care (on a day-to-day basis) of this piece of bling on my finger.

    1. Mine comes off after I get home and gets put either on the dresser or in the velvet box it came in. TBH, you’ll get used to it and won’t worry about it so much after a few months. Mine is platinum and diamond. I get it polished by a jeweler whenever I remember (~once every 6 months). The jeweler told me that most people do it monthly, and it does look very nice after, but really I don’t care enough to do it that frequently. I also used to get freaked out when I hit it against thing, but then I remember that diamonds are literally the hardest materials on earth.

    2. Congratulations!

      I take off all diamond rings after work (or events or dinners out) and only wear my band that has bezel set stones around the house. I also always wear gloves for indoor and outdoor chores, but that’s really to protect nails and cuticles.

      For wear and care, Cross Jewelers of Maine has an online “Wear and Care Guide” that is actually very helpful and somewhat scary and tells how to protect rings, settings, gems and diamonds. .

    3. Congratulations!

      My engagement ring is a diamond solitaire on thin yellow gold band. I wear it daily, including sleeping, but remove it (1) for a shower/bath, (2) when cooking/washing dishes, and (3) when exercising (because all exercise is either at home, starting from home e.g. a run, or at my fitness facility where I have a locked locker). The only time I didn’t remove it to exercise is when I was running in a different city and didn’t want to leave it in the hotel room.

      Once every few days, I wash it with either liquid dish soap and water or the special cleaning solution and soft brush I got from the jeweler. That’s it.

      1. Hehe, thanks Marmee. Is this your normal handle around here? I know Jo was a regular commenter around here at some point too…

        1. It’s not – I don’t have a normal handle. I just thought it was fitting given the circumstances :)

    4. I never take mine off. I get it cleaned by the jeweler on occasion to keep it sparkly and get the grit out from underneath the setting, but nothing else.

      1. I take this back. I never take it off except for when I’m handling raw meat.

    5. I used to wear mine all the time, even washing dishes. After a while (actually close to 20 years), I went in to get it resized and they showed me how the prongs had worn down and were barely gripping onto the diamond. I had to replace the setting (which was not a huge deal). Now I take off my rings when I get home.

      I don’t think most people actually get their rings polished professionally on a monthly basis, but it does look nice right after it’s done.

      Congratulations on your engagement!

    6. I almost never take mine off, only if I am doing something where I think it will get really dirty/gross. I do most routine cleaning with it on, shower, swim, exercise, etc. with it on and get it cleaned every so often when I remember. I have been doing this for almost 10 years and it still looks great.

    7. When I was engaged, I took off my diamond/platinum engagement ring to sleep, exercise, or do anything that would get my hands wet or messy. Now I wear only a plain gold wedding band and I wear it all the time (occasionally it’ll irritate me at the gym, and then I take it off until I’m doing working out). The engagement ring lives in a jewelry box and I wear it on my right hand to fancy events, mostly other people’s weddings. I never clean or polish it (or have it cleaned/polished) though maybe I should.

    8. Congratulations!!

      I wear mine all the time. I was so scared I was going to scratch my face in my sleep at first, but I’ve gotten used to it. The company it came from recommended cleaning it sometimes with a soft toothbrush and dish soap, so that is what I do.

    9. A friend of mine taught me a great trick – a little toothpaste and a sonic toothbrush do a great job cleaning rings. So when I am ready to toss the head on my toothbrush I use it to clean my ring and it sparkles like new!

    10. Congratulations!

      I take my ring off before I cook, shower, sleep or do yard work. I have a ring tray in the kitchen, one in the bathroom and one on my nightstand. I rarely clean or polish it but I also don’t tend to get it terribly dirty so it looks fine to me.

    11. Congratulations! I take my wedding and engagement rings off for sleeping or doing anything messy – cooking/cleaning/etc. I bought a cute little dish for the nightstand next to our bed and whenever I take them off at home, they go right into the dish (even if it means I have to go upstairs to put them away and then go back to the kitchen, it’s worth it to me not to panic about losing them or them sliding into a drain or something). I generally wear them when I exercise but only because I tend to go straight from the office & my Pilates and barre studios don’t have lockers.

      For cleaning, I bring them to the jewelry store 2-3 times a year to be professionally steam cleaned. I will also drop them in a shallow bowl of lukewarm water with a little splash of Dawn or other gentle dishwashing soap and soak them for a few minutes to clean them at home. I always take my rings off when applying lotion to keep them from getting too grimy.

    12. I typically wear mine every day and at night, but take it off to shower and to do cooking tasks that require my hands to get messy. I have a ring stand in the bedroom and I need to get one for the kitchen, come to think of it. Now that I’m on maternity leave, I often don’t wear it for days at a time. With the constant diaper changing and hand washing, I was getting some irritation from soap/water getting trapped under the ring.

      As for cleaning, I have a sonic jewelry cleaner. It’s called the Generic Sonic Wave and is about 25 dollars on the largest internet ecommerce destination (trying to avoid moderation). There are some types of stones and metals you can’t put in there, but it’s fine for my platinum and diamond ring. Takes a few min and comes out looking great. I only use it periodically though. Maybe every other month, maybe less. Whenever I think of it or notice that ring is looking dull/dirty.

  14. Does anyone know of a retirement calculator that lets you figure in working part time after a certain age? My husband and I are both lawyers and it seems to me that lawyers never fully retire. I could definitely see cutting back once we’re 70 or so, but still puttering around the office a few days a week until we’re 80 or even older. I realize that’s hard to figure, but I guess saying “ok, assume income increases with inflation until age 70, then assume half income plus drawing down retirement savings to make up the difference between 70 and 80, then full retirement at 80.” Is there a calculator that does that?

    1. I don’t know of a calculator, but my guess is that it’s hard to figure because retirement should be based on more of a worst-case scenario. You don’t want to base your retirement savings/draw-downs assuming you’re going to work part-time and then have that not happen for some reason. I think of part-time work after retirement as a mental/financial bonus, not something that should be planned for.

      1. +1. My in-laws banked on my FIL being able to work pretty much indefinitely. Unexpectedly, he lost a high-earning job at the age of 60/61, and hasn’t been able to find a new stable position (it’s been about 6-7 years). The house was hugely mortgaged, CC debt, not enough in retirement – the house of cards basically fell apart. It’s been really sad to watch.

    2. Honestly, consider planning on not working as a worst case scenario. A lot of 70 year olds develop medical issues that would prevent them from working.

    3. Try firecalc.com

      You can add in “pension income” on the second tab. Just put in the amount of income you expect from part time work.

  15. I work in public accounting. High turnover is normal. Pretty much everyone who doesn’t want to be a partner leaves in 2-5 years to do the accountant version of going in-house. I’m in my early 30s, I’ve been in public accounting for almost 3 years, and have a 1 year old. Today one of my male co-workers, who is a big family man himself, and who has talked about how hard it is to be away from his kids, asked me why I’m still here. His thought was that since it’s hard for him to be away from his kids, it would be even harder for a woman.

    How would you respond to a question like that?

    My real answer is that I think I want to be a partner, but I’m not sure, so I sort of laughed off the question.

    1. Why didn’t you say “I like the work and am considering going for partner”? Also, just a thought, I wonder if he really meant it must be harder for a woman, or is it possible he’s wondering about staying there himself and is just asking other people, especially people with families, what’s keeping them?

    2. Wow, I’m not one to take offense at every little thing, but that question is sexist. I would turn around and ask him the same question, “Why are YOU still here?” Being a working mom in BigLaw, I’ve received questions like this from higher ups and I’ve regretted not calling them out on their assumptions. But really, he is probably just projecting his own issues onto you, in which case just brush it off. You don’t need to answer to him, or to anyone who is not your immediate family member. You do you.

  16. After some seriously escalating anxiety over the last several weeks that led to me being half a step away from being suspended at work, I now have prescriptions for Xanex & Lexapro. I can’t keep doing what I’ve been doing, or I will throw away everything I’ve spent the last 20 years working for. Of course, having BP out of control at the doctor’s office and my heart heading into tachycardia didn’t exactly make me feel like I’m choosing a wrong direction here.

    1. Congratulations on taking this step! Anxiety is a b**ch, but you can definitely conquer it or at least keep it under control. Best wishes and good luck to you.

      Something to consider when the meds have started to do their work and you are feeling physically better: for me, regular exercise (4-5x/week) has been a salvation. I work out first thing in the morning whenever possible, and that keeps me on an even keel all day and even into the next day. Helps with sleep, too.

    2. You might consider telling your work you were struggling with a medical issue that was just diagnosed, your working on treating it and hope for things to improve soon. If you are on thin ice, this could buy you some important time and they will realize it wasn’t your fault things were not up to snuff.

    3. Congrats on seeking help.
      I take Lexapro because of severe panic attacks. I used to have up to 2/day and now I haven’t had one in months! I really hope it helps you as well. Just remember, the meds take some time to start working. Also, you may need to adjust your dosage if it isn’t working well enough or you’re having too many side effects (but luckily I haven’t really had any…)

  17. What are your favorite at-home treatments/products for dry, cracked heels? I’m prone to athletes foot and religious about preventive treatments for that, and I’m not going anywhere near a pedicure (see prone to athletes foot, above). In the summer travel/flip-flop season my heels get in really bad shape.

    1. I have major calluses on my hands from weightlifting. Everyday, I pumice them and use a product called WOD Welder. It’s made from beeswax, olive oil, shea butter, eucalyptus and peppermint. It worked so well keeping my hands soft, that I started doing it to my heels!

    2. We are feet twins!

      I have found daily maintenance works best. I use a foot grater in the shower and apply Zeasorb (recomended by my foot doc) daily. I use the Amope pedi perfect (available at Target) weekly.

      I wouldn’t use moisturizer on my feet. It is better to keep my feet dry asuch as possible.

      1. A daily foot grater stimulates growth so that you end up with a lot more callus. I find once a week to be ideal. And daily moisturizer, because dryness is what it’s about. I also use a stronger product on my heels before going to bedt absorbed by my sandals.. Neutrogena hand cream used to be the best, till they cut out the lanolin, I now use a local organic balm, mostly olive oil and beeswax.

    3. BABY FOOT. It’s a chemical peel for your feet and it’s amazing. I also am prone to dry heels, and once I tried baby foot, I never went back. You soak your feet, put your feet in booties filled with the peel, let it soak for an hour, soak your feet again, and then the dead skin on your feet will start to slough off in a couple of days. I find that soaking the feet every day improves the results. I will still use a pumice stone and do moisturize my feet every night between peels to keep everything soft, but it’s nowhere near as onerous as it used to be. It’s about $20 for one run of it, but worth it. I get the original Japanese kind on Amazon.

  18. Does anyone have a birthday coupon for this month or any other unused coupon they’d be willing to offer up or trade me? My birthday isn’t until September but I’d love to get a new dress for a vacation I’m leaving for in a couple of weeks and would feel better about splurging with a discount.

    1. Can you sign up/create a new account under a different email and tell them your birthday is in August?

  19. We’re going engagement ring shopping tomorrow and I have no idea what I want! I thought I wanted an aquamarine because I’ve always loved them, but I just read that they’re not durable enough to be worn every day. I don’t wear jewelry much now, but I do like the idea of something sparkly. Any suggestions? I guess I will just try everything on and see what I like…

    1. Funny, I have an aquamarine ring I wear daily. It looks good after 5 years.

      It does show dirt. I am tempted to clean it after every wear.

      1. I also have an aquamarine, and have worn it daily for four years now. I clean it about once a month, and it still looks good.

    2. I’d look for sapphires. They come in a lot more colors than the traditional blue and they are hard enough to wear daily. The jeweler will have good suggestions. Take a look at gemvara dot com too. They have a lot of fun stuff to look at! Happy hunting!

    3. Congratulations! I think the key is to go to a place that is able to do custom work if you want to have a ring that is something different than the usual stone. I got engaged a few months ago and we went engagement ring shopping together. I love the look of peridot, but my fiancé was pretty adamant about getting a diamond. I thought I was just going to get a solitaire with some engraving around the edge. Anyway, I went to a place that does custom jewelry, talked to the nice lady, and ended up getting a diamond in the center with two peridot stones on either side. I love it and it incorporates the stone I love (which happens to be my fiancé’s birthstone) and it feels like an engagement ring.

    4. How about sapphire or diamond? The Mohs scale tells you how durable a mineral is. The Mohs of a diamond is 10, a sapphire 9 and aquamarine about 7.7. I’ve been told than anything below 9 is probably not for daily wear, which really limits your options. (Mohs is a log scale so a 9 is ten times harder than an 8, and so on.)

    5. If you want it to last forever, yea, I wouldn’t get an aquamarine. I have an aquamarine ring I inherited from my grandmother and the stone’s worn down smooth on the top (so it looks sort of like frosted glass, if that makes sense. Which is kind of cool looking, but probably not what you’re going for). However, if you really love aquamarines, I would imagine you could theoretically replace it every few decades depending on what type of setting you get.

    6. Keep your mind open and try everything on (or everything you want to try on). Eventually you’ll settle on a color stone that you like, and then the stone, the setting, how big you want, etc. I don’t wear much jewelry either, and so when we started engagement ring shopping I went into the day basically saying, “I have no idea, but the goal of the day is to come out with an idea of what I want.” I knew I wanted a sapphire center stone, white gold, no marquise cut, but otherwise no clue. The salespeople where we went brought me every major style of rings they had, and then when I had decided on a general style, brought me different settings, cuts, colors, etc. I basically chose my ring on the first day, which I wasn’t expecting at all.

      1. I assume you are talking about a Yoga sapphire (from the Yoga sapphire mine in central MT)? My mom has had one for her engagement ring for almost 40 years. I believe they are the classic blue.

    8. You can get sapphires that come in lighter, more turquoisy blues that would be closer to an aquamarine colour. I have a traditional blue sapphire and I love it. They are hardwearing enough for daily wear. I’ve whacked my ring on hard surfaces a bunch and the stone is fine.

  20. Hi all – I know this question has been asked before, but looking for some reassurance/personal stories. I’m a lawyer (have been practicing 10 years) and am at the point in my life where I’m tired of tracking my days in 6 minute increments. I have a chance to go the equivalent of in house for my practice area. No billable hours, a pay raise, and a better commute (from 3 hrs a day to 1). But, I’m sad at the idea of no longer “being a lawyer,” and sad at the idea of giving up the dream of making partner (although, the longer I practice, the less of a dream that seems to me). Thoughts? Is this a no brainer? Or am I somehow setting a bad example for my two year old daughter that I would love to see more of? If it matters, once you go in house in this area, you usually can’t go back to a firm (at least, not back to big law). Thanks for any thoughts/personal experiences!!

    1. As an in-house attorney, it’s insulting you think you will no longer be a lawyer if you leave a firm. I am a lawyer. I practice law and counsel clients every day.

    2. You are an employed, educated person. How is that setting a bad example for your daughter?

      Just because you went to law school, that doesn’t mean you have to be a practicing law firm lawyer for the rest of your life. You are allowed to not want to be partner, if your life goals change. You are not beholden to a plan you made 13 years ago.

    3. honestly- get over yourself. You are still a lawyer working in house. you have a job that most people in this country would kill for. get some goddam perspective.

      1. Yes, this. How could working at a job you like that pays very well and requires a great deal of education possibly be setting a bad example for your daughter?

    4. I fail to see how you believe that working in house would make you no longer a lawyer. It is a very challenging job that requires extensive education, experience, and knowledge. Frankly, it can be more challenging than working at a law firm because you are often required to give advice off the cuff and without the benefit of the time to research the matter.

      Also – being at a partner is overrated. Outside of a law firm, it means absolutely nothing. You can have a successful career outside of a traditional law firm, and you can even be happy, too (who knew?).

  21. I am at the ten year mark too. I love working in a firm with other lawyers but the billable hour with flat fee budgets and a way too high hourly rate is really de-motivating. At this point, I would make more in house than in a firm too.

    I am looking for an in house job now. They are really competitive in my niche and geographic area for lawyers looking to transition.

    Go for it! I am so jealous! And, it’s not that you won’t be a lawyer anymore. You will still be a lawyer. You will still be doing law, making legal decisions, and working with other lawyers.

  22. So ladies, I get ovarian cysts. It’s been a while since I last had one, but I stopped my BC about 1.5 months ago and have one again. I don’t have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and these tend to be benign so there’s really nothing to be done medically about them. However, they are quite uncomfortable and even painful at times. I have two questions for anyone else that experiences this:

    Do you have a favorite heating pad? I’ve been looking on Amazon but the ones in the price range I find reasonable ($20-$30) seem to receive many complaints about not being reliable, not getting hot enough, etc– even the reliable brands like Sunbeam. Maybe I just need to up my budget.

    Do you have any other recommended home remedies? Or even OTC pain meds that work particularly well for this?

    I would really, really like to not have to go back on BC to fix this (although, again, I realize not being on it is most likely the cause of this). TIA!

    1. I don’t get cysts but in the past have had excruciatingly painful cramps. I use a homemade heat pad made from a thick cotton sock and a small bag of rice. Google search it! I microwave it for a minute and a half and it gets very hot. Very inexpensive. Since I can’t sew, I just knotted the end of the sock. I keep one at work and one at home.

  23. I just finished up a really intense summer associate position in law / finance / consulting type firm (trying to be general for privacy). The hours were definitely challenging (very late nights + most weekends) and there were frustrating moments, but overall I was incredibly happy with the firm and the people (and I will probably decide to return). Since my last day, my life has felt rather empty. Sure it was great to go out to dinner without worrying about whether I would receive an email calling me back to the office, but in many ways I actually miss being busy and the sense of accomplishment I suppose. Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn’t I be enjoying my last real time off from work? Everyone says I should enjoy my last year of school, but if the year goes the way these past few days have, I don’t know how happy I will be. Anyone have any suggestions on how to feel better?

    1. You just have to adjust to your new normal. You got used to a routine and it changed, hence the being out-of-sorts. It’s going to take more than a few days to readjust – but do find a way to figure out how – you’ll need to figure out how to power down without burning out while your working, and this would be a good time to think about what that looks like.

    2. I’ve been on BC since I was 13 due to ovarian cysts. I went off twice and ended up having surgery to remove “softball” and “cantelope” sized cysts. Both were at the point that if they ruptured I wouldn’t be alive. My two cents…. Take the BC. In this scenario, the benefits outweigh any negatives.

  24. Since it seems to be jewelry day: any suggestions about where to look for simple gold/silver studs? I almost never wear earrings (like not in the past year at all, though I’ve tried my holes and it’s still possible, albeit painful, to put some in) and would like to have something for everyday where but budget is a huge concern right now. What’s the least I could spend for a pair that can easily last a while?

    2. I’ve been really happy with both silver, and gold colored studs that I bought on etsy. Just buy from someone with a ton of positive reviews.

  25. I bought some ball studs from overstock dot com (brand is Mondevio) that I actually really like and were VERY reasonably priced and they’re on sale right now! No pair is more than $25 and they’re real gold (or white gold)! I have extra sensitive ears so I can’t wear silver, but I can attest they don’t bother my ears at all.

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