Weekend Open Thread

176 Comments

1. HIVE – I need your advice. I am an aspiring Food Writer, Food Blogger and Cookbook Author. I have a site and several social media pages were I am building a following and curating recipes etc. I started a new job recently and when asked about my hobbies – I let it slip that I do Foodie Work – Food blogging etc. They immediately wanted the blog name etc. (duh) I didn’t think that through. I like to keep my work life separate from my personal life for example I do not engage with my coworkers outside the 9-5 hours. Also, I do not engage with my family (highly toxic/dysfunctional) outside the monthly check-ins and holiday obligations. Am I WRONG for not wanting to share my blog/hobbies with my coworkers and my generally non-supportive family?

   1. I don’t think it’s wrong at all not share personal stuff with people that you don’t want to, but you might want to describe your hobby differently so it doesn’t sound like blogging as much as trying new recipes because it is a logical next step to ask the name of the blog.

      1. Makes alot of sense. Testing new recipes gives an idea but not an open door.

   2. Nope, but you left the door open and they may walk in. I mean, if you let the public in, they are part of that, no? And the best/worst is that they will find you indispensable and stick around. And chances are, we’re just not that interesting and they stick around for 15 minutes, max.

      TL;DR: it will probably be fine

      1. I realize I left the door open, which is why I said I didn’t think about that before mentioning it. I just realized after the fact its probably not what I want – to intermingle my readership with work people. One day they will obviously find it which is fine. My point is I am just starting with this and realizing that I may or may not want to keep the two separate for now and not purposely promote to the aforementioned people.

      2. I wrote a humor blog back in 2012 with a decent following and small success. I shared that with my coworkers and for maybe one day the office checked it out and said, “You’re so funny!” A few days later, nobody cared or remembered. No office stalkers, no in-person feedback or questions, zip.

         We’re co-workers. Our relationship boils down to the same small talk about weekends and the weather. No one cares about your food blog. Trust me.

      3. Maybe say that you ghost-write for a couple different food/cooking blogs or news pages? And that you can’t share which ones (confidentiality) but you will happily share your favorites generally?

   3. Not wrong. I shut down a personal blog because a friend found it and i panicked.

      I’m very curious about your blog–would you be willing to share your link with us?

      1. No as it would “out” me and this is an anonymous forum :)

   4. I think it’s pretty weird to refuse to tell your co-workers the name of the bl0g after mentioning that you run a food bl0g. I also bl0g as a hobby, and honestly, I’ll take all the additional exposure I can get. Even if just a handful of co-workers start reading regularly, they may tell their friends/family or share your recipes on Facebook or whatever – it will lead to growth and attention. I mean, sure if you already have 50K Instagram followers you don’t need the exposure, but it sounds like you’re just getting started and I’m not sure why you’d want to turn away interested readers. I just don’t see a downside to this, unless there’s unprofessional content on your bl0g — but food bl0gging is about as safe-for-work as it gets.

      1. I didn’t tell them the name of my blog. I said in my spare time I am a food blogger/a food writer. There’s nothing unprofessional on my blog and one day they find it or whatever – I like to keep work life and personal separate which is the reason I posed the question.

         1. Then don’t mention your blog. It’s weird to tell people “I’m a food blogger“ and then completely clam up when they say “Oh cool, what’s the name of your blog?” You can keep your work and blog entirely separate but then you need to never talk about the blog at work. These people asked you a natural, polite follow-up question and it’s weird that you think they’re invading your privacy.

            1. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

            2. I completely agree.

               But I also find the OP’s blanket “I do not engage with coworkers ever outside of work” to be really odd and kind of off-putting. But maybe law firms just naturally lend themselves to being more friendly outside of work hours places…?

            3. completely agree – just say you like to cook if you don’t want people talking about your blog

   5. Nah – I’d feel the same as you. Not wrong.

      1. Thank you! Glad someone gets where I am coming from.

   6. It’s fine not to want to share, but then don’t mention that you have a blog to people. Just say that you like cooking or whatever.

      1. Great idea.

   7. Nothing wrong with keeping your personal life personal, although life will be easier if you have a few hobbies to talk to your coworkers about. I think you’ve realized your mistake by accidentally opening the door to them asking your blog’s name, which you didn’t want to share. I like the above suggestion of saying you enjoy trying new recipes. That’s vague but accurate. Good luck with your food writing endeavors!!!

      1. I try to keep the 2 seperate, but it is NOT easy b/c the Manageing partner knows all about my personal life, as does Frank and Lynn (my secretary). The other partners do NOT unless Frank or the Manageing partner has told them. I think someone typped Madeline off about my personal life b/c she is always lookeing at me with that “knoweing” glace, as if she knows who I have slept with or done other s-xuealle things with, but NOT with anyone who works here (unlike Mason, who has s-x with Lynn everywhere, includeing on the conference room table)! FOOEY!

   8. What advice are you asking for exactly? It’s not wrong or weird to not want to co-mingle work and personal life, but imo it IS weird to be offended/surprised when you mention blogging as a hobby but refuse to share the blog name. Agree with the others who suggested you just mention cooking or trying recipes instead to avoid the issue.

2. Am I getting old and out of touch? This top is utterly perplexing to me. It’s like Talbots trying to do lingerie. ???

   1. This doesn’t seem comfortable or flattering to me at all

3. Looking for a good waterproof winter boot that’s as good as Bean Boots but maybe not as expensive? If it doesn’t really exist, I’m okay with that, but figured I’d crowdsource if anyone has found something good other places.

   1. I think sperry makes a good version that is often on sale.

      1. I have the sperry version (from dsw) and love them. NB some of the colours fit differently, I really wanted the grey flannel ones but couldn’t get my feet in. The classic version were fine.

   2. Sporto makes good similar boots.

   3. Unsure how they compare price-wise, but Santana Canada makes some good options

4. Yay Kat! I love this Vince Camuto top, but what about the pant’s! I love the herringbone look–it is kind of an optical illusion! Dad says that I can disguize my tuchus with pant’s like these b/c they are always in motion, so men will NOT see exactly how big/small my tuchus is! I am not sure about this, but where can I get a pair of pant’s like this? FOOEY! I figure this is NOT from Vince Camuto, but mabye the model would know? Does anyone else in the hive have pant’s like these and are they married or with a significant other b/c they are concealing their tuchuses? If so, more power to us HIVE sisters for being able to conceal our tuchuses! YAY!!!!

5. There is sort of a serving wench vibe with this, no?

   1. Yep. I would get made fun of, if I wore this to work.

      1. Pirate chic.

   2. Yes, is is terrible.

   3. Yes! This is a definite no go for any office I’ve ever worked in.

      1. I can’t picture wearing this style in any context, actually. Having any chest at all could make it look d0minatrix-y, and yet in a situation where I was *trying* to look provocative this would just feel silly.

      2. In fairness to Kat, I don’t think this is intended to be a workwear pick. On the other hand, I would only wear it to dress like a pirate party.

      3. Kat specifically says it is not an office-wear pick. You might love it or hate it for weekend wear, but she never claimed it was work appropriate.

   4. I can’t even wear this in my house. Much less an office.
      Total miss here.

   5. I will be the lone voice of dissent – I like it. The one cool detail on something otherwise pretty conservative works for me. But as I have said here before, I seem to have a much higher tolerance for “fancy” for work than a lot of other posters.

      1. I think it would be better if the corset part was in the back. The front make it looks very Jersey shore or something.

      2. Those tops are very popular where I live, but not for work though.

         1. where do you live?

            1. Ha very curious as well

            2. I’m in the south-west of England.

            3. Bath?

6. Has anyone tried the Athleta mid-town ankle pant? I’m looking for a pair of lightweight pants that would be good for travel to Europe this spring (i.e., something comfortable for all-day walking that is still nice enough for casual dinners out). The Athleta pant looks promising, but can anyone comment on it before I hit purchase? Would appreciate recs for any other great travel pants! Comfort + pockets are key for me and I’m a petite pear.

   1. I have these and like them, would be great for travel! Fit is a bit tricky, in my experience, as I found the legs a bit tight. I had luck sizing up though and with the wide stretchy waist band plus a tie you can still get a good fit at the waist. Are you near a store at all? Worth a trip to try on if possible, otherwise I’d order several sizes and then return the misfits : )

   2. Don’t know about that particular style, but I really like Athleta’s Wander pants. I have a couple pairs of the skinnies and one pair of the utility ones and really like them both.

      I have 2 friends who also have the Wander skinnies (bought them on their recommendation) and we all really like them.

   3. I’m a 5’4 pear. I have these Athleta city joggers that might work: http://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?pcid=46650&vid=1&pid=232220032

      And these Columbia pants (I have them in the short length and they’re perfect with very flat trainers or flip-flops, but slightly too short with anything else): https://www.columbia.com/womens-anytime-outdoor-boot-cut-pant-AL8088.html?cgid=women-bottoms-performanceActive&dwvar_AL8088_variationColor=010#start=1

      I have flown internationally in both and found them comfortable. And they both have pockets!

   4. You might check Prana. I use my black Halle pants for this purpose. They come in a short length.

7. Black long sleeved swing dress with thin white piping along neckline, hem, and wrists. Tried to find picture online and came up with nothing- I got the dress recently at TJ Maxx. I love the simplicity, it’s super flattering, and it works great for my business casual office, but all I can think to wear with it are pearls and black flats. Any suggestions to jazz things up/style it several ways for work?

   1. Fun colored infinity scarf? Colored tights? Fun colored shoes?

   2. Something like that – simple, classic – doesn’t need to be jazzed up. I think adding bright colours or lots of jewelry would lessen the impact. I like dresses with booties personally – you could do a sleek monochromatic look with black tights and black booties.

   3. Not pearls, try a different (I would say long) necklace to cut down on the stuffiness factor.

      1. I’d do a simple red flat – just a little pop of color. Probably avoid pearls, I agree with tesyaa that pearls seem stuffy with what you’re describing. Perhaps carry a bright handbag if bright shoes aren’t your thing.

   4. Snow leopard print on a scarf or shoes?

8. Hive, I am trying to clean out clutter and I have a LOT of scented candles–very nice ones, that I received as gifts. Unfortunately, I am not a candle person. I have already put the ones that smell good in different closets and bathrooms around my house, which leaves more than a dozen! Anybody have an good ideas for the rest? They don’t seem like a donation item. TIA!

   1. I use them for scenting drawers and packed-up stuff in linen closets, etc.

   2. If they’re brand new, I’d re-gift them for casual occasions like going to someone’s house for dinner. (I would love to receive this gift myself!)

   3. Goodwill might take new candles.

      1. Goodwill takes anything that is not alive from my experience

   4. Post it on Freecycle, Craigslist Free, or Find a local buy nothing group and someone will take them I am sure of it!

   5. I bought some scented candles from the American Cancer Society thrift store. You might try a small thrift like that.

   6. Post on social media and see if any of your friends want them! I adore scented candles and would gladly take these off your hands if we were friends.

9. Nooo, this is awful. Even for casual wear, I am not on board with this trend.

   1. Yes this is terrible and will look really dated in a month.

10. Hi ladies, I have another batch of clothes to offer to everyone! Please email me at dianabarry r e t t e at g mail if you would like to see pictures!

    – BR ivory blazer with black tipping, tux-style, good for winter wear, size 8

    – BR coat dress, sleeveless, slightly double breasted with covered front placket, grey textured wool blend, size 4 tall

    – French Connection c-tail dress, white, fit and flare, above knee, sleeveless, size 6

    – Garnet Hill faux leather front jean-style pants, black, size 6

    – BR faux leather front sweater with paneling, black, bracelet sleeve, size M

    – J Crew LS sweater with lace trim, light grey with black lace, wool blend, size M

    – J Crew Tippi sweater, very dark navy with diamond print in pink/white/lavender, size M

    – Athleta cotton blend sweater, burgundy with red/orange/pink nordic pattern, size M

    – BR cropped sweatshirt, silvery grey, size M

    :) Diana Barry

    1. Why don’t you start an insta account for stuff like this? Then people can see pictures.

    2. I tried posting a few items here once and I was absolutely ganged up on by the hive. I’m glad you have had a better experience, if not many responses.
       And I genuinely mean that – no snark intended. Mine was a very hurtful experience and at least somewhat tarnished my view of this community. I’m a daily reader of this s-te if an infrequent commentor.

       1. That’s awful and I’m so sorry to hear it. How did they gang up on you? That makes me so angry!

       2. I don’t recall anyone being “ganged up on” or even called out unless they posted the “for sale” post multiple times, across multiple days. That gets old. This isn’t Craigslist. I don’t have a problem with people posting that they have items for sale once in a morning thread and then again in an afternoon thread. And I think I remember seeing other commenters say similar things. Don’t post sale listings more than twice, and no one should have a problem.

          1. +1

          2. Yeah – I remember that. It was annoying because the listing was reposted multiple times. And it got
             old, and was weird because it wasn’t a thing anyone else was doing.

11. Hive, could use your thoughts. DH loves to indulge in Mary Jane, less than he used to, but still a fair amount (at least half of every weekend he’s under the influence). We aren’t in a legalized state. It’s started bothering me more and more, not as much for legality reasons as for the health, mind, and addiction reasons. I don’t think it’s out of control and he’s a lovely partner on and off it. But we are thinking of TTC soon, and we keep getting older, and I just keep hoping one day he’ll decide he’s had enough of this phase and will quit or cut back (even though I know from our discussions that this is unlikely). Should I jut be cool and not worry about it? Wwyd?

    1. Talk to him about it. I know exactly what you mean about it just generally bothering you, even though it’s not an every-day all-day thing. Back when my boyfriend used to use it, I would get a weird feeling because I felt like sitting around under the influence prevented us from going out and doing other things together (the more time you’re glued to the couch watching bad TV, the less time you are spending on hobbies, date nights, etc.). Plus, it lent itself to too much snacking and feeling like crap after.

       You should talk to your DH about your feelings in an honest, non-judgmental way and be prepared for the possibility that he won’t want to give it up. Then you’ll have to decide how you feel about it and whether it’s a dealbreaker for you. If he’s great in every other way, I would think long and hard before taking any drastic action.

    2. When you talk about having kids, how does he see this part of his life fitting in with being a parent? Does he plan to stop/seriously cut back? Or does he plan to be high half the weekend even with kids? I don’t have kids but this doesn’t seem ok to me.

       1. Yeah, I don’t really get how he thinks this is going to fit in with kids. Does he think it’s ok to be high around the kids? Or will he expect you to solo parent for “at least half of every weekend”? Because either of those things seems very problematic to me. If he did it every six months or something like that, I would say no big deal (just like adults periodically go away for a boy’s or girl’s weekend and leave the other partner in charge of the kids and house) — but the frequency of this habit makes it very incompatible with raising children.

       2. +1

          Is he driving under the influence?

       3. I agree with others being concerned. Also, it’s worth pointing out, with respect to kids, in a lot of jurisdictions, just having it in your system can be enough to get them put into foster care. True, that’s not likely to come up unless you’re brought to DCS attention for some other reason (and plenty of parents get by with it), but it’s still not a risk that I’d be comfortable with.

          Good luck; I hope that this is something that you can work out.

          1. Is that seriously a real thing? Because that is *outrageous*.

       4. I know a few men that indulge in MJ while around their kids. Edibles, not smoking. Honestly, I think less of them because of it. I guess if someone does it enough, it might not be that noticeable if they are high or not. It just seems off to me. Eating some magic gummies and then chilling at Chuck E Cheese or whatever.

          1. I really think it depends on the person and how they act/function while on it. Some people are really functional, some people aren’t.

             People drink around their kids. Getting a little stoned is no different.

             1. I have never really understood this board’s judgment around mj, particularly when “wine” is often a thing that we “prescribe” to our fellow members.

                Should you be super stoned and in charge of your kids? Obvs not. But a few hits off a joint is not manifestly different from a couple of glasses of wine over the course of making and eating dinner.

             2. Wine is not illegal in any state if you are 21

    3. Nah, don’t be cool and not worry about it… because that would be a lie since you are actually worried about it. Pretending to be cool does not bode well for long term happiness for you. Has he been an MJ consumer since you met? You cannot change this thing about him. I think your options are stay or leave, and I can’t really help you there other than to say that I support you either way. I would probably stay too long in a state of ambiguity and general feeling of powerlessness. I would probably eventually leave if there was something my partner did that I did not like over the long term which caused me to feel resentful because I’m not really sure how to unwind that feeling. And upon leaving I would feel surprisingly free and powerful, though also sad, because life is complicated. And after years of reflecting I might come to regret many things, or maybe not. But this is your life, not mine, so you get to create the arch.

       1. I agree with a lot of this, but I think there are ways of unwinding some feelings.

          In this position, I would want to make sure I had pinned down where the concern and resentment is coming from, since I wonder if this would bother me if there were truly no other relationship issues or context. Are there other “phases” I assumed he’d grow out of? Am I assuming that he’ll change in other ways if he quits MJ? How do I feel about vices in general? Do I think he’s self-medicating? Etc. If I decided it really was just the MJ that I was uncomfortable with, I would need to learn more about MJ to pin down that discomfort.

       2. This is too quick a leap–it sounds like she hasn’t talked to him about it, and smoking is a habit, not a fixed character trait (if there even is such a thing).

          If he’s a lovely partner, you can say “Honey darling, this has been bothering me more and more because ____” and see if he’s willing to cut back. My husband has asked me to spend less time on my phone, and I’ve been happy to agree. Or maybe he’ll say something that will make you worry less. But the first step should just be to talk to him!

    4. Talk. About. It. He may not just stop. He may think parenting high is fine.

    5. I’ll offer a counter-view:
       Would you rather he drink? If so, why?
       Do you know why he uses? Often it calms anxiety or depression that may not be obvious to you, or him.
       Using doesn’t have to mean sitting on the couch eating snacks, that’s a very “Just say no” attitude (I realize it was from other commenters, not you). Take it as an opportunity to do new things he hasn’t tried!
       When I was in CO, I asked the shop manager what you would need to have to qualify for medical and her response was eye-opening: “if you would take a Advil or Tylenol, try this instead.”
       I think you should ease up on the judgment and take a fresh look at the situation.

12. Overachieving chicks in Los Angeles: after three kids, I now have four suits that are sized differently for the various phases of my pre- and post-pregnancy body. In the last year, I think my body shape has finally stabilized. Does anyone have a recommendation for a good tailor for women’s professional clothes in LA? I see them all the time for men’s suits, but never women’s. Thanks for any help you can provide!

    1. I tried this. It was expensive and even a fantastic tailor is trapped by the garment you give him.

       In my case: it was a non-current suit. It maybe fit me better, in fact much better, but it just highlighted that something about the cut was just not current. So, A+ cost (all-in) for a C- suit.

       Unless your suits are all Akris, I’d donate and start over. That’s what I did, except for the shocking tailoring cost (which, in all fairness, he tried to talk me out of; now I listen).

    2. I have taken a variety of clothing to Mrs. Irene’s Alterations on Robertson. I haven’t had her do a suit but she’s done some other fairly complex things for me (like dramatically changing the neckline on a dress) and I’ve always been pleased with her work.

    3. I don’t necessarily disagree with the poster above if the suits are far from fitting you, but would disagree of your changes in size haven’t been that drastic. I have gotten excellent tailoring of suits (Boss/Theory price point) at Marin Tailor in West LA. (Also great at doing jeans!)

    4. God, I really hate “overachieving chicks”. It’s popped up here a lot lately — the same person?? Can you not please?

       1. It’s part of Kat’s slogan for this blog; see the logo at the top of the page.

       2. You know that’s in the tag line for the blog, right? Though I agree that it’s annoying. It’s along the lines of telling everyone how busy you are.

       3. Along those lines, can we lose “lady boss” and “big girl job” also? So grating to my ears and utterly demeaning. Ain’t never heard no man talk about his “big boy job.”

       4. Read the tag line of this blog (get a grip…).

    5. Manhattan Express tailor in Hermosa Beach is in incredible. I know people that drive from Beverly Hills to go there.

       She gets how women’s clothes are supposed to fit, makes helpful recommendations on hem length, etc.

       Also does a great job on curtains!

    6. Given it is the tagline/audience of the blog, she is basically saying hey ladies of the community…

13. How does Everlane’s sizing run? Specifically looking at the silk long sleeve blouses and button down shirts if that makes a difference.

    1. I have a couple of the long sleeve silks. The sizing is generous.

    2. All over the place. Some things are crazy big, others In the same size small, others TTS. I don’t have the shirt you’re looking at, but it’s inconsistent sizing overall. They take returns pretty easily though.

14. What’s a good place to donate maternity clothes? Does Goodwill take them? I’m done having kids, none of my girlfriends are local and with a few exceptions, my clothes aren’t expensive or high enough quality to make it worth shipping them. But I would like someone else to get some more use out of them if possible.

    1. Goodwill is fine but I’d try to find a women’s crisis center in your area first.

       1. Yes!! Bonus points for donations to non-profits assisting at-risk pregnant women

    2. I don’t know, but you might have better luck with this on the mom’s board!

       1. I’ve tried to use the mom’s board but the moderation function is way worse there – I don’t think Kat monitors the comments as closely and it takes all day for stuff to come out of mod.

    3. Catholic Charities.

15. I would appreciate any recommendations for good skincare products that are okay to use while pregnant or breastfeeding. I have never been great with skincare, and I started using mostly new (“non-toxic”) products when I got pregnant, but I don’t have many that I love. I would especially appreciate recommendations for face moisturizer and eye cream – I live in a dry climate and tend to have dry skin in all climates. Or other products I should consider? I am starting to notice forehead wrinkles and don’t want to wait until after I’m done having kids and breastfeeding to try to counter them with good skincare. Thanks!

    1. I’ve been using origins with no issues and good results during my pregnancy. I can’t say I’ve avoid anything specifically other than retin a, but I’m happy with origins.
       For breastfeeding, not quite what you asked, but I absolutely love the Earth Mama Angel Baby nipple butter. You only need it in the beginning but it’s great and I loved not worrying about taking it off before nursing since it was totally natural. It also makes a great cream for dry lips or cuticles.

    2. Check out the Environmental Working Group Skin Deep database for recommended brands. I like La Roche Posay for moisturizer with sunscreen.

    3. I’ve been using the body shop vitamin e sleepmask. I’ve been using it this week and my skin does look better.

    4. Thank you for the recs!

16. Hello all!

    So my DH is in the wedding party for a wedding at Disney in April. I am going along for the weekend happily, but I don’t really have any friends that will be there. The rehearsal dinner is Saturday evening and the wedding is Sunday afternoon/evening.

    I am looking for recommendations for what to do on Saturday during the day (either my myself or with DH), Sunday morning (either by myself or with DH), and Monday (by myself). We are leaving the toddler with grandparents so I am excited to have some leisurely time alone with DH and just ALONE.

    We will probably be staying in a nearby airbnb and we will have a rental car, but I don’t want to drive far because I don’t want to deal with the stress of having to think about traffic, etc. in time to make wedding-related events.

    Ideally, I’d love recommendations for good brunch or lunch spots in the area (where I can eat alone and bring a book), somewhere to get a mani/pedi, activities for myself or DH. We’re from Northern California and go to LA once in a while, so I’m more concerned about finding nice, relaxing ways to spend the weekend than hitting any must-see spots. I love to hike/walk, go to art exhibits and museums, spend time outside. Love all types of food. I like browsing around nice areas for shopping but I do not actually like to buy things, generally.

    TIA!

    1. Uhhhh go to Disney?!? Obvi!!!

       1. Hahaha, I know, I know.

          I actually have a family member who has worked in the parks and I’ve gone for free more than I’d like. And I have a huge extended family of Disney fanatics who are lining up to take the toddler for her first, and second, and third times, with us. And it’s not my top choice of how to spend $100-$200…

          So on this weekend without her, kind of looking to do something different! DH is going with the rest of the wedding party and some guests to Disney on Monday, so I figure I’ll let him socialize on his own.

    2. You could go to Burke Williams (the spa not the law firm) in Orange. For food, The Scratch Room gets good reviews as does Reunion (I like The Scratch Room, but be warned it is often crowded and noisy). Or you could go to Jazz Kitchen and sit on the balcony or head over to Catal. They are really close to the park so you don’t have to worry about getting stuck in traffic.

       Sorry – can’t help with nearby shopping. All that comes to mind is South Coast Plaza or Fashion Island and neither are close.

    3. It’s not near Anaheim, but I would recommend going to spend the day in Manhattan Beach. Tons of great restaurants, cute little shops. You can rent a bike and ride up and down the coast.

       1. She just said she doesn’t want to deal with traffic, and you recommend driving out to Manhattan Beach??? That is FAR.

          OP, there will be tons of little nail shops in Anaheim, of varying quality. I can’t recommend one speciically, but Happy Nails is a SoCal chain and generally pretty clean and reasonably priced.

          If you’re staying right by the resort, there will be a TON of restaurants close by to you.

          Suggestions with the car:
          The Orange Circle is a great place to browse around and find some yummy food; it’s probably 20 minutes from Disney. Bruxie is awesome (it’s a stand with outdoor seating only, no booze).

          I’ll second the rec for Burke Williams in Orange if you’re looking for a spa.

          The Brea Mall is about 30 min away, but probably easier to get to than South Coast Plaza from Disneyland.

    4. Depending on how close you live to the ocean usually… that’s what I’d do, visit the beach. Yeah it won’t be swimming weather, but it’s not a long drive to get to like, Crystal Cove and hike around? So pretty.

       If you’re a beer person, hit up the Bruery and Bottle Logic and Bootleggers?

       Drive down to Laguna and get a tattoo from Show Pigeon?

17. So I’ve been trying to decorate my apartment in fun seasonal ways for my daughter but she seems to get very upset when we take down decorations. Today I mentioned that we would be putting away the ornaments and getting rid of our Xmas tree this weekend and she got very upset. And she is still unhappy that I took down her birthday decorations over a month ago. She’s 2. Any advice?

    1. Put everything away. Start teaching her it’s okay to feel upset sometimes and that being upset doesn’t mean you get what you want. She might be a bit young for a longer conversation, but telling her how putting them away now makes it more fun and special when it’s time for them to come out again might do the trick in a year or two.

    2. Ignore her.

       1. Obviously I am not going to keep up a dead tree to appease her. Just wondering if there is a way to frame this conversation.

          1. I have children that would be hoarders if they had the chance. I just move forward.

             “I loved our Christmas tree! Wasn’t it awesome! Now we get to cut out snowflakes / make Valentines cards and use STICKERS!!!!”

             Everything has a season and now we get to do NEW THINGS!!!

          2. I just went through this with my 2.5 year old. We kept telling her that we needed to recycle the tree so it could help other trees grow big and strong, and that we would get a big and strong Christmas tree next year. She told me that was “silly” because our tree was already big.

             We first put away the presents. She was upset and said that they needed to go under the tree, but after a day or two got over it. Then one evening after she was asleep we removed all of the ornaments and got rid of the tree. She definitely noticed it the following day and asked about it a few times, but has been surprisingly okay with it. So, her reaction may surprise you!

    3. Find a kid’s calendar and show her where you are and what the next holiday will be. Explain that you need to decorate for that holiday. Visual cues for transitions really help kids because they don’t understand time yet.

       1. That’s a great idea, thanks! And thanks everyone else. Anon in NYC, I hope you’re right – I’m just nervous b/c she still talks about her bday every day.

18. I think this has been partially covered here before but if anyone has advice on interviewing while pregnant for a job in another city, I’ll gladly take it! I have had two good phone / Skype conversations and the organization would like to fly me out to their offices for an in person interview. I’ll be about 17 weeks along but this is #2 so I am definitely visibly pregnant. Suggestions on how to bring it up (if at all?), and how to navigate negotiating a maternity leave? I know I wouldn’t be protected under FMLA but I would be moving from a state with some pretty generous leave allowances, and would love to somehow negotiate that in. Also – when moving from a group plan to another group insurance plan, will my pregnancy be covered if I took this new job?

    1. Luckily, and thanks to Obamacare, pre-existing conditions, like being pregnant, must be covered!

19. I have to go to a NHL game tonight with DH, as a part of his work on a nonprofit board. It will be the first time I meet his fellow board members, but I expect to see them again as DH has recently joined the board and we live in the town where he grew up. What would you wear?
    I’m coming from working at home, so I can wear pretty much anything. Jeans? NHL jersey? Something business casual?

    1. Depending on your arena/seat location, something warm. I am always freezing when I go to hockey games, unless I’m in the upper levels. I’d say nicer jeans, with maybe a sweater in one of the team colors if you happen to have one.

       1. +1 It’s an ice rink so wear what you would wear in ~45 degree weather. It’s not freezing, but it’s not like a normal indoor event (unless you’re in a box).

       2. I agree with Gail the Goldfish. When I used to date Shekeovits, we used to go to the Ranger Game’s and we always sat in the same terrible seats that Sheketovits got from his brother in law. Sheketovits said they were good, but they were behind the place where the guy gets sent for tripping and fighting. It was not good unless you wanted to see that guy sitting there sweareing at everyone! FOOEY! I am so glad I do NOT have to go to the Garden any more for hockey games! FOOEY!

    2. Jeans and NHL jersey (if you have). I wear b/c TEAM SPIRIT and you can layer a ton of sh*t underneath (like a puffer jacket). Also: warm shoes.

    3. It does not sound like you are a huge NHL fan, but on the off chance you own a jersey, remember that it needs to be the jersey of (1) someone on the ice (their junior jersey is fine) or (2) someone who retired with the team and/or has their number retired (with some exceptions). If you are a huge fan of another team and own a jersey, you can wear it as long as it is not the division rival, but some of the people in the group might give you the side-eye.

       Don’t be the guy who shows up at a Penguins/Wild game in a Flyers jersey. And wearing the jersey of someone who left/was traded and is currently playing for another team is a bit of a misstep in NHL world.

    4. Skinny jeans, high-heeled booties, and a cropped leather jacket.
       If you’d like to feel frumpy, then sure thing wear a jersey. I am a huge fan of my team and I go to a lot of games but I would not wear a jersey.

20. The first anniversary of my friend’s mother’s death is approaching. They were extremely close. Is there something that I can do to acknowledge it beyond just a text / email? Flowers? Something else? I have tried to remember other days and events (leading up to the holidays, her birthday, etc.) and made it a point to reach out (via text) during those times. Thanks.

    1. Call her up before it and ask her how she would like to spend the day. Some people like to spend the day alone, some people like talking about the person who died and doing a favorite activity of that person (like going to a baseball game), and some like to be distracted and want to do things the whole day to stay busy. Give her some choices and see what she is drawn to.

    2. you are a very good friend! a text/email is a nice gesture. i always try to remember the anniversaries of the deaths of parents’ friends (i’m still young enough that people losing parents are losing parents pretty young). a friend who lost her mother told me that a lot of people are there for you when it happens, but then forget the anniversaries. i think sending flowers is nice saying something like “thinking of you on what might be a difficult day.” if your friend has a favorite food you could send something with that, or if the death was due to a certain illness or there is a particular cause that your friend’s mom was passionate about or that your friend is passionate about you could make a donation in honor of your friend’s mom.

    3. Flowers or a card to say you are thinking of her is great. A lot of people either forget or don’t acknowledge because they don’t know what to say. Another thing to keep in mind is other important dates (like her mom’s birthday and mother’s day) and remember to reach out then too. I always send flowers to my mom on her wedding anniversary since my dad died. Also, for whatever reason, his birthday always hit me harder than the anniversary of his death).

21. I’m looking for help with my skincare routine. In the mornings I use:
    1) tea tree and witch hazel toner
    2) elta MD AM moisturizer
    3) Maybelline Dream BB cream (switched to this from rejuvination intellishade matte because it was recommended for oily skin).

    This combination is ok in the winter, but unless it’s windy and cold I’m pretty shiny by the end of the day. We’ve had a warmer week and my skin is back to feeling slick and gross at the end of the day. Does anyone have recommendations for products or changes in my routine that will help with the shine? I’d like to keep a bb cream with SPF since that’s all i wear for coverage, but other than that I’m open to any options. TIA!

22. I mentioned a few weeks earlier I may be relocating to a different country – and the moment arrived. There is no immediate replacement for me at my current position as they started the search too late, so my GM will need to take on some of my tasks & projects. But he is still very kind and supportive of my move – which is nice. I will be replacing a manager who was asked to leave the company due to performance issues, but was otherwise liked by her team. I have heard that the team was shocked by the news and not much cheerful. This will be interesting. For what is worth, I deserve this role and at the same time, it will be a stretch as well.
    Well, next Sunday is the D day, wish me luck. Poland, here I come.
    And in case you have any tips on winning over an inhereted team, I would love to hear them. Thanks.

    1. Good luck, what an exciting move!

       I don’t have any great tips, but I have taken over two teams in recent years and I would recommend you get in and ‘make a mark’ relatively early. The first time, I did the obvious things (met with people, understood what they did and where they were at, strengths/weaknesses/processes that were working well or needed improvement), but held back from making any real changes or defining what my priorities were for a couple of months, which made it hard and I got a lot of pushback when I did start changing things up or having different expectations because the team started to assume I wasn’t going to interfere too much. The second time, I made it clear from the start what my expectations and priorities were, held strong to that from the start, and got a lot more respect very quickly. It was harder personally because I felt sometimes like I wasn’t respecting their existing way of doing things or appreciating why things were the way they were, but people like having clarity of expectations and knowing where they stand. That said, I would hold off on making any significant changes (e.g. changing roles) for a few months.

       1. Excellent points, thank you. It will be tough to find the right balance – to make the team feel respected & safe (at least these are my expectations when leadership changes) and to be clear on setting and then making changes to direction.

23. Any Chicago attorneys here who have used Nielsen career consulting in Chicago? Any other recs for career counseling services tailored to the Chicago market? TIA!

24. Any tips for surviving the move from a lovely, quiet, private office to a shared office? I got a great new job but due to company politics, a space shortage, and my boss’ desire to have us all “co-located,” in two weeks I am moving into an office with two other people. Not much visual or sound privacy to be had. I have good headphones and there’s apparently no objection to me using them. But I haven’t had a shared office in forever and wondering if there are any tips anyone has for creating some degree of privacy and quiet.

    1. Privacy screen on your computer. Maybe eventually, once you’ve built a rapport with your coworkers, a privacy screen/room divider? I’ve seen people use tall dry erase boards on wheels (like four feet tall) for “planning space.”

    2. I share an office. It’s really not so bad, even though I’m a huge introvert. Thankfully my officemate and I are on the same page about noise – we both use headphones for music and we only do quick calls in the office. If a call (either business or personal) is going to take longer than about 5 minutes, the person taking the call will go to the conference room down the hall. So it’s pretty quiet in our office. A room divider seems kind of extreme to me, unless you really really hate your officemates. I definitely wouldn’t suggest it as the new person in the office. I haven’t bothered with a privacy screen for my computer either — I’m never looking at anything that sensitive at work and I know she wastes time on the internet too.

25. To the person yesterday who was so incredulously asking why anybody in this country would rent, here ya go:

    “More than half of Americans now live in places where it’s cheaper to rent than it is to own a house. Not because rent prices are going down, but because home prices have gone up that dramatically.”

    https://www.marketplace.org/2018/01/12/economy/rent-or-own-affordability-conundrum

    1. And renting gives a person more flexibility regarding leaving an area. Or the person doesn’t want the responsibility of home ownership. I mean, there are lots of reasons to rent. And different states have different attitudes toward landlord/tenant laws.

    2. +1

       Nevermind that many of us do not have the life or job stability to ensure that we will be in the same city for 5-7 to make it financially rational.

       This is a big country.

       And as a single 40 something woman, who lives frugally and invests, it financially makes much more sense for me to rent and invest my savings. Not being tied to one city/house with lots of disposable income…. now THAT is freedom.

26. I’m trying to change up my wardrobe which currently consists mainly of black shift dresses and cardigans. I’m in my forties so I don’t want to look like I’m trying to dress too young but I do want to be fashionable. To make matters a bit more complicated I’m a size 12-14 so not all brands fit me. What stores/brands would people suggest as a starting place?

    1. I like Vince, Elie Tahari, and some Lafayette 148 or Akris pieces.

       1. Adding to this, Ellen Tracy makes lots of dresses that fit my almost-but-not plus shape well.

    2. If you typically gravitate towards more simple clothes – black sheath dresses and cardigans – you might try looking at Eileen Fisher and Calvin Klein workwear, which tend towards simpler silhouettes but with interesting fabrics and details. I wear a lot of Calvin Klein (the department-store level, not the couture) because I like the simplicity of the cuts, and some of the architectural details that get worked into the shapes. Lafayette 148 is a good suggestion too.

27. I am a junior employee and will be presenting soon at a very important meeting (board of directors, F500) about a project I led last year. No one attending this meeting will be below the director level but me. If you have literally any advice for me (on clothes, presenting, anything), I would appreciate it. I plan to wear a lighter charcoal suit (jacket, dress combo) with light brown/ nude nail color and pearls. I’m planning to wear nude hose and black heels. I’ve read all sorts of articles on this site, so I know the general parameters, but I recognize that my VP and are taking a risk, and I don’t want to let them down.

    1. No advice. But wow! Congratulations. Your VP must think highly of you already!

       1. Thanks!

    2. Couple thoughts…
       – Your outfit will likely depend on your company culture. I know some company is where that would be way overdressed, even for that level. You might also think about adding a little bit of personality into the outfit, e.g , more interesting shoe or necklace, so you don’t look as junior.
       – Practice presenting so that you stay at the right level for the attendees, i.e., don’t dive into details about how you did it, focus on the implications; avoid technical language and jargon. Pause for questions so that it’s not a lecture. Give recognition to key team members for crucial effort and to sponsor for guidance.

       1. Thanks! My company is very conservative and old school, so I’ve been told to wear a suit in grey, navy or black. I’ll consider wearing more interesting jewelry though. That’s a good reminder about the technical details – this audience probably doesn’t want to get too far into the weeds.

    3. Congratulations!
       Your outfit sounds good. And I agree with the poster above – make the presentation as simple and to the point as possible. Often, when I am sitting and listening to some presentations, I wonder why people cannot do it like this and I lose interest and have to make myself focus when presenters divert, go in too much details, use words only they can understand. Tell me what you are going to tell (so that I can prepare mentally for the content and structure), tell it in a simple & succint way, close with why is this important/beneficial for the company, what are the next steps or what do you need from me (further resources? approval?)
       If you can, practice the presentation – tell it to yourself in front of a mirror outloud – monitor your voice and speed. Sound confident.
       If you get a question – it is because I am interested in what I hear or I ask for clarification. Assume good intentions – at this level, nobody wants to bring you down with questions.
       You must have done an excellent job – no get your prize.
       And report back!

       1. Right. Thanks for the reminder about jargon – I work in a field with a ton of technical terms and acronyms.
          That structure really makes sense. Thanks for all your pointers!

28. Looking at options for my preteen daughter who is just starting to bud. Would you recommend starting with a camisole (either with or without the shelf bra) or going straight to a training bra or a sports bra? She normally doesn’t wear anything under her shirts because she runs hot. Any specific recommendations for a very skinny, athletic kid?

    1. Maybe she could try a very low impact sports bra? Or even a tank top with built in support that she could wear under t-shirts. let her choose it from the department store or lululemon for a first-time splurge. That is the type of support I started with as a pre-teen, and in fact, still prefer as a flat chested adult!

       1. I would go for a bralette – comfortable, easy to pull on, will provide enough coverage. I myself wear it whenever I can (at home, under thick sweaters). For running, however, I would splurge for a good running bra, so that her chest is protected from chafing and also to create a habit for when she will need more support. I like Nike’s running bras the most. They are indestructible, fit really well and they have nice designs. For eveyday lounging-type of bra, I wear Gap.

    2. Yellowberry

29. My white southern rac*st FMIL just posted on fb again about how the ‘black Democrats ruined Detroit’. It’s going to be a hoot when she meets my African American civil rights lawyer cousin from Detroit. I know there’s nothing I can do but laugh, though she might have a heart attack when she sees how successful her nemesis is.

    1. Are you a troll?

       If not, are you actually ready to get married? Do you not understand that every thought that crosses your mind needs to be articulated for the public?

       Unfollow this woman on Facebook if you don’t like what she posts. Don’t drama queen up the wedding. Don’t assume you know her mind (your cousin is so not her nemesis, so she probably won’t GAD once she meets her), and, while you do not have to like her or respect her, you do need to understand that without this woman, you would not be getting married.

       I have a challenging parent, and my partner is well aware that he need not get along with her… but I would be humiliated (and have some serious second thoughts about our relationship) if he delighted in her potential humiliation.

30. I saw some posts the other day about skincare. Just wanted to share that I have spent all weekend reading “The Little Book of Skin Care” by Charlotte Cho. Its about the Korean skin care process. I have ordered several things from Amazon and hope to get started with it next week. I recently started using Korean sheet masks and jus that little bit has made a different. I highly recommend this book if anyone is wanting to learn more about the Korean skin care process

31. Does anyone have a recommendation for a very basic black ankle boot that would look good will dresses and pencil skirts? I think I’m looking for a thinner heal rather than chunky…seems dressier to me. I have some Sam Edelman ankle boots that are on their last leg that I really need to replace but I can’t find anything I like. Help!!!

    1. I think I just found what I’m looking for – Pelle Moda Yelm at Nordstrom…but it’s sold out. Gah. Does this work with dresses and pencil skirts with tights? Pretty classic and hard to screw up, right?

       1. It’s not sold out at Zappos.

32. Or Pelle Moda Yeva might work although I really would rather not have suede. Anyone have experience with this brand?

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