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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 222 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. I always think of myself as looking for plums or a slightly taupe sort of lipcolor, and I hunted for a long time for an everyday red, eventually giving up the search. So I was really surprised when I picked up this Clinique Chubby Stick and loved the red called broadest berry. I recommend the Chubby Sticks because they're moisturizing and easy to apply — I even scrape them out when I get to the end so I can put the last parts in a little container and keep using it. They're $17.50 each at Nordstrom, and right now there's a GWP: deluxe samples of Moisture Surge Hydrating Supercharged Concentrate (0.24 oz.), Fresh Pressed Renewing Powder Cleanser (0.01 oz.), a mini Lip Pop Color & Primer in Love Pop, and Take the Day Off Cleansing Balm (0.1 oz.) (with a $35 Clinique purchase). Chubby Stick Intense Moisturizing Lip Color Balm This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
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  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
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  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Vicarious shopping

    If anyone is in the mood for vicarious shopping, I would be eternally grateful! I am looking for a a workhorse wardrobe item for work that combines navy and black, with a third color would be fine (to tie together some of my navy and black pieces as I love the color combination). Either a top or bottom, but ideally something that could be worn all seasons (so not a tweed, probably). I am interested in:

    – A collarless blazer or open cardigan (ideally no buttons on the cardigan)
    – Ankle-length pants or skirt (I wear heels at work but commute in flats, so I don’t wear full-length trousers to the office)

    This seems like something I should have been able to find, but I am striking out. Willing to spend up to $200 or so if high-quality, though less is better. Thanks in advance!

  3. brands for women with curves

    Just discovered Kiyonna brand, what others are people loving? (I’m a 34 y/o, size 10-12, short, and super hourglass so brands that flatter are tough to find and I’m trying to add to my list!)

  4. Therapist

    How do you go about finding a therapist? I’m new to my city and don’t know many people so referrals aren’t an option, and I can’t figure out where to start. How do you know what credentials to look for (PhD vs Licensed Counselor, etc)? Do folks “try out” their therapist to see if it’s a good fit, or just jump right in?

    I’m a little embarrassed that this is so hard! But I’m overwhelmed.

    • Senior Attorney

      I just had great luck finding a new therapist through the Psychology Today dot com online therapist-finder. We hit it off right away but the understanding was that the first session was a tryout on both sides. Your state should have at least one type of license for therapists so you should acquaint yourself with what that is, and find somebody with the appropriate license.

      Good luck!

      • AnonZ

        This is where I found mine, too! It helped a lot to just narrow down therapists based on what they listed as specializing in – a lot of them said they focused on kids/teens, on marriage counseling, on addiction, etc. I found a handful that seemed most relevant to me and reached out to them through the website. I wound up going with an LSW based on personality fit (and insurance coverage).

      • Anon for this

        Can I just say that I’m thrown off a bit by the try-out on both sides? I’m in the process of finding someone new too and I’m not sure how I’d fare if I was rejected by my potential therapist too. I’m sure it would be done nicely like “I don’t specialize in this issue and you should try these other people.” But she knows my issue pre-appt so if I get rejected I’ll just feel like wow, not even a therapist wants to get paid to listen to me.

        • Senior Attorney

          That was my experience and now that I think about it, the “tryout on both sides” thing may well have just been in my head — I’m sure your therapist isn’t going to reject you! Be of good cheer! I’m sure it will be fine!

          • Anon for this

            The person I’m trying to get set up with did say something like interviewing each other to see if we think it’s a mutual good fit.

        • therapist rejection

          I actually did get rejected by a therapist; I’d been seeing her for a few months and she basically told me that my depression was too severe for her to be able to help with and that I should see someone more specialized.

          It did hurt a LOT at the time but I didn’t take it personally after the initial reaction. It was more just being surprised since I hadn’t thought I was that depressed.

    • anon

      Social workers tend to be the most well-rounded in considering environmental issues and causes for struggles, psychologists are mostly mental health based, psychiatrists can write prescriptions and are often most expensive, counselors and life coaches may have no credentials or varied ones as their fields are not necessarily as mandated as the others, though it varies by state/country.

      Read up on their website to find out the areas where they focus to try to find people who do what you think you need, then yes, make an appt, test it out, if it’s not a fit, try another. It may take some trial at first but the right fit is worth finding!

      • Counselor

        Lack of regulation is true for life coaches, but not anyone called “licensed professional counselor” or “licensed clinical professional counselor.” (Varies by state.) These counselor credentials are almost identical to that of licensed clinical social workers–they require a masters degree and very similar additional training and CEUs.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Yes, do a tryout.

      Do not be embarrassed! I really struggled to find a good fit (who took my insurance, who did not only work 9-5, etc.) but it was worth the effort! I must’ve called 50 places, maybe more. Which was hard to do when it was hard to do *anything* because I was depressedAF.

      It’s OK not to click, too. It’s worth it to find someone, and it’s also worth it to find someone right.

    • Anonymous

      You can also ask close friends in your former city! My therapist does phone sessions; I’ve recommended her to friends in other cities. Agree that it’s a tryout period. I’d advise having a ballpark idea of what you want to accomplish with therapy — drugs? talk? CBT? — and look for someone who specializes in that. My first shrink (psychologist? psychiatrist? I forget) only wanted to prescribe drugs and then talk enough to figure out whether dosing was good. Insurance is also a Q — do you want it to be covered or want it kept private?

  5. Bare Minimum Wardrobe

    If you had a bare minimum wardrobe and would see different people every day so there’d be no issues with repeats, what items would you consider must haves?

    • Anonymous

      I do see the same people every day and still have a pretty bare minimum wardrobe. I cycle through the same several wrap dresses, pencil skirts, and jackets every week. Either nobody notices or nobody cares. My absolute must have, could not live without, is my favorite faux-wrap dress. I have 5 of them.

        • Anonymous

          The Ruby dress by Karina dresses. I’ll post a link below. It’s got a little more coverage on top than your traditional wrap dress so I don’t need a cami, machine washable, never wrinkles … basically the perfect dress. I’m not a huge fan of their spring and summer prints – some of them seem a bit gaudy to me, or at least not work appropriate. But they do solid colors too that I rotate through regularly – wearing the navy one right now!

    • Panda Bear

      I feel like I have too many clothes, so I’m trying to get down to a wardrobe like that (for work, at least). I am thinking the minimum would be:

      -2 skirts
      -3 pants
      -2 dresses
      -5 layerable tops (e.g. sweater/blouse/nice tees)
      -3 top layers (e.g. blazers/cardigans)
      -1 pair of flats, 1 pair of heels, 1 pair of boots/booties

      I would want everything to be solid, neutral, and ideally machine or handwashable – since having so few things might mean doing more frequent laundry.

      Now I just need to actually go through my closet and get to this minimal nirvana…

    • CountC

      If I didn’t already have so many clothes, I would have 3 – 4 sheath dresses (black, grey, navy, and one fun color), a couple blazers that worked with at least two of the dresses, navy and gray pencil skirt, one or two layerable blouses, and a couple of cardigans that went with all of the dresses, blouses, and the skirt. I could really just live in sheath dresses TBH.

      • Anonymous

        +1 – I need to get to this point and really purge through my wardrobe.

    • Anonymous

      Blue jeans, black jeans, black pants, navy pants, black dress, black cardigan.

    • Houda

      I tend to work on client engagements 3 months at a time so I build a capsule wardrobe every 3 month factoring in the client setup, weather and my shape at the time.
      My most recurring capsule is:
      – 3 sleeved dresses, sheath, knee-length
      – 2 ankle pants
      – 3 long sleeve tops: 2 turtlenecks and a silk shirt
      – a short black skirt for casual Friday at the office (I wear it with opaque tights and I’m petite)

  6. What's YOUR Real Housewives Tagline?

    For those who don’t watch, the opening credits of every episode shows the woman in her life and she has a voiceover tag line. Sometimes they’re tied to what she does professionally, other times it’s her mantra, sometimes it’s just her overall life statement.

    What would yours be?

      • Anonymous

        Uh. This is a rude response. With super ultra bonus points for being a rude response using ablist language.

        • Tammi

          That is why you are not married. If you were more accommodating, you would have a man in your life who could proper channel your energy. But since there is no one to warm your nether regions, you choose to abuse others here, which is unforgivable. Find a man who will put up with you and you’ll be fine.

          • LAnon

            I have read this comment several times and I have to say: [kisses fingers like Italian chef]

            It is a weird troll masterpiece from beginning to end:
            – assumptions about marriage status
            – some hippie sh*t about someone channeling your energy
            – strange grammar and syntax
            – the phrase “nether regions”
            – leaving comments on a website declared “unforgivable” like it’s a mortal sin
            – but then clarifying that “you’ll be fine”

            Thank you Tammi, please comment here forever. I like you more than Ellen.

    • LAnon

      “You can find me in my office, or in bed… because I work hard… and I also love naps!”

      • givemyregards

        *slow clap* this is great. Also, I have had a ridiculous day at work, so I really appreciate OP for starting this thread, despite what thoughts and prayers may thinks.

    • Metallica

      I like this question :). (Suck it, Thoughts and Prayers!)

      I can’t decide between “I’m whatever the opposite of a trophy wife is” and “Hashtag stressed”

    • givemyregards

      Since it’s budget season in my office: I love complicated spreadsheets, NOT complicated relationships! *wink*

      • NOLA

        omg we’re doing budgets now, too, and I JUST figured out something in Excel that I’ve been needing for a while (SUMIF FTW!).

        And I love your tagline and want it for me. Or from the magnet on my fridge “I’m in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and wanting a hot fudge sundae.”

        • givemyregards

          SUMIF for the win, indeed! I once spent a full afternoon furiously googling how to use VLOOKUP functions and when I finally figured it out I think I was more proud then when I graduated college.

          And I love that magnet – I feel like the real housewives version would be something completely nonsensical like “Who needs hot fudge sundaes when you have a hot body everyday?!”

    • Senior Attorney

      Right now I’m just focusing on my career.

      As a Professional Fun-Haver.

  7. Junior League

    Midwest-dweller here, NAL. Got an email invite to a junior league introduction meeting. Is anyone in one? Wondering if it’s old money laura ashley type women the way it seems on tv or if this is a stereotype or outdated view. I am liberal and pretty outspoken so I’m wondering if this just isn’t for me and it’d be a waste of time to attend or if I’d miss out on something great if I assumed that!

    • Anon

      This is very dependent on the League itself as some are mostly professional women whereas others are more SAHM/SAHWs. The time commitment required can be pretty high, especially your Provisional year. I would definitely look into their main causes to see if they align with your interests. The Leagues I have been in have focused more on children’s causes like nutrition and literacy and I would prefer something more women-focused like helping women trying to leave violent relationships, women re-entering the workforce, etc. Also focusing on children’s causes means interacting with kids at school (because otherwise you can’t reach them) which means most of the volunteer opportunities are in the middle of the workday.

    • Anonymous

      I joined Jr League fairly recently. I had your exact same concern, but it has been awesome. Mine is made up a lot of professional women from other cities who joined as a way of meeting people. I was also worried all the activities would be kid-centric, which is not something I’m really into, and that hasn’t been the case either. The committee I’m on does a lot of work with human trafficking. It’s been a great experience.

    • Anonymous

      Depends on your city and league. Mine (SE, large city, not Atlanta) skewed more heavily towards professional women and the SAHMs in the group (maybe 20%?) all had been professional women who now used the league as a means to connect with like-minded others. I never really had many political discussions with women who weren’t my close friends in the league, but I’d say it skewed moderate to more liberal. I’m sure there were some more conservative women in the group, as it is a big league and it really runs the gamut, but I can’t think of a single person I’d peg as a Trump supporter for instance. And I never wore Laura Ashley to a meeting. Or even Lilly. I have gone straight from work in suits and not been the only one.

      • Jules

        I never joined JL but a LONG time ago (25 years) I was invited to one or two events by my neighbor in STL; she was a SAHM (baby and toddler) and a recent transplant I think she used it as the anon at 2:50 describes, to meet other like-minded women. She was the opposite of a Laura Ashley/old money type, very liberal and down to earth. And IIRC one of the JL women she introduced me to was an executive in NARAL. I might have gotten involved with JL but I was newly married, just starting in private practice, just got a giant dog, just getting ready to buy our first house; there was too much going on in my life at the time. But nothing about it was off-putting. I have no idea what other chapters are like, or even what that chapter is like now, but I would at least check yours out.

      • Anon

        Definitely agree that some of this will be specific to the league. In a large city in the SEUS, I’d say they are doing a good job of bringing an increasingly more diverse group of women and also focusing on a wider breadth of issues– generational poverty, for example.

        While there are some Lilly-wearing stay-at-home types, there are also a lot of smart moderate and liberal women. If it’s a big enough league, you’ll probably make some good connections.

        My main objection to JL is the endless meetings for the sake of having meetings so I went inactive. To be fair, I may not have made the best selections for my placements and I’ve never really been the committee type.

    • Anonymous

      I went to a JL meeting in a “liberal oasis” city in the south. I am active on a NP board, I’ve been active in community service for over a decade, so I thought it would be in my wheelhouse. It was exactly as you describe, old money, Laura Ashley, as diverse as a country music billboard… It felt very anachronistic TBH. I would still give your meeting a chance, but be aware that it might have a serious “ladies who lunch” vibe and very little in the way of serving your community.

    • MJ

      I was in the Junior League in London about 15 years ago, and also in Boston about two years ago. Both times it really bothered me to pay $500+ A YEAR to attend endless meetings and not really do much charity work. Purportedly the meetings were to the plan the charity work, but in my experience, both places, the meetings were about planning the meetings regarding the meetings, about the lower committee that reported to the head committee. I also was deeply offended that in London, if you didn’t want to do “hands-on” charity work, you could just donate GBP50 or GBP 75. At some point, you’re not really doing charity work at all. I recall a very “snarky laughing in the back” moment in London, when a woman told our room full of Provisional New Members that we were “embarking on our Junior League Careers” and that with time, “we might achieve positions of leadership.” Maybe I didn’t give it enough time, but my gut reaction to that was, “I HAVE A REAL CAREER!”

      In Boston, the new member group I was put in was incredibly flaky, and so I made big sacrifices to get to meetings at inconvenient times to find out there were only 2 or 3 other people there, usually the 2 or 3 people being our group leaders. It was really disappointing that people didn’t show up, and this happened over and over again. Therefore, one of my primary goals (meeting other professional women) didn’t really happen.

      I will say that in London, it was a great way to meet other professional women and the club was very much dual-track (there were member meetings held on the same day during the daytime and nighttime, to accommodate everyone–moms, working professionals alike).

      As I am now older and wiser, I think that $500 a year in charity donations would probably do more good and save me a lot of time.

  8. Scarlett

    I’m getting Lasik in a few weeks & am wondering for those of you who’ve had this done, if there’s anything about the process you wish you knew ahead of time and would have done differently? The office said it’s cold and to wear comfortable clothes, and that it would be only a day of recovery. Did you find that it took you longer? Could you be as active as normal right away?

    • CountC

      Good timing! I had it done last night. The LasikPlus center where I had mine done was very thorough and by the day of the procedure, I really didn’t have many questions other than when can I exercise again, how long until I can wear eye makeup again, etc. There is an initial consultation that takes about 90 minutes and they give you plenty of time to ask questions. You are also there for about two hours on the day of your procedure and given the opportunity to ask questions. Additionally, my surgeon called me the day of to see if I had any additional questions.

      Honestly, it was super duper easy and the procedure itself was really quick. I got right up and had no problem walking myself out. Once the numbing drops wore off, I didn’t want to open my eyes, but they tell you to nap for four hours afterwards anyway. I don’t nap, so I listened to podcasts with my eyes closed for a while then went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling totally fine. The only issue with exercise is that you can’t get sweat in your eyes and makeup is not the makeup itself, it’s the rubbing your eyes to get it off (big no no for a little while). I had it done at 6 p.m. last night and have had no trouble working a full day today!

    • anonymous

      I did Lasek the same day as a friend did Lasik. I slept for the first few days while my eyes healed (I did it on a Fri so no missed work), she was right back to work that afternoon. However, I had zero problems afterward and she’s dealt with dry eyes, halos at night, etc. She wishes she’d done Lasek/PRK rather than the cutting technique used for her since the side effect risks were higher and she ended up with side effects that I never had to deal with.

      It’s been approx. 6 yrs since then, I am thrilled with my results, she still doesn’t drive at night due to halos which the doc said is common with seeing through the spot where the cut was made and might not ever go away.

      Hope this helps!

    • nuqotw

      I teach at a place where nearly all of the students have Lasik or PRK at some point and they tell me all about it, to the point that I am not ever going to do this.

      The long term results are good, but they are nearly all in more pain than they anticipated, especially in the day or two immediately following the procedure. They think they’ll be up and about immediately, but that’s optimistic. They are told to plan for 3 days of recovery and usually they return to class on day 4 unable to see much. They tell me it’s a few weeks to get to the point of perfect eyesight but well worth it.

      • CountC

        PRK has a MUCH longer recovery time. My longer response is in moderation, but I had Lasik at 6 p.m. last night and as of this morning I am back to work with zero pain.

        • Scarlett

          Thanks – I qualified for Intrawave Lasik where it’s supposed to be a quick/easy recovery, but I was wondering if that was really true. I’m taking a few days off around it to not push it either way, but this is comforting to know. CountC is it weird or awesome to wake up & see? Or both? I’m excited but having a hard time getting my head around it.

          • CountC

            I’m probably not the right person to ask about excitement – I don’t get excited about much. I don’t know how I would describe it, honestly! For me, and this goes both for my new fangled hearing aid and the Lasik, I had a feeling of “okay, these things work how they are supposed to work now.” Several of my friends who have had it done have been more OMG THIS IS AMAZING, so it really depends on your personality I think! I am sure that I will go to take out my contacts a few times, forgetting that I don’t wear them anymore. It’s also nice to be able to wake up and see what the animals are up to and what the clock says without having to scramble around for glasses.

            Someone noted below that they will give you Valium. It was never offered to me and I didn’t need or want it. It really wasn’t a big deal and that is coming from someone who for YEARS swore I would never get it done unless I could be anesthetized!

          • mascot

            It took me a few days to get used to the bionic distance vision. Everything was so bright and crisp! Not worrying about falling asleep in contacts or having them knocked out in the shower or swimming was pretty cool too. Note- you won’t be swimming for a few weeks, but it’s something to look forward to.
            Be prepared that there is a moment in the surgery where there is some pressure and things go totally black. It’s normal. Just breathe through it and it will be done quickly. (I had the bladeless procedure as well).

          • Scarlett

            LOL, CountC – I’m probably in the high excitement camp, so I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you & everyone for responding – it’s really helpful to hear these things from people I “know.”

          • Scarlett

            Thanks so much for the insight, mascot! Appreciate all the “this is normal” anecdotes!

      • Anonymous

        Lasik is not painful, fyi, though PRK supposedly is. You have no nerves in the sclera. I was super light sensitive though, so I laid in bed for the weekend (had it done on a Friday) listening to podcasts with my goggles on. Stock up on eyedrops and whatever you need and relax. I think there was an old episode of that Jessica Simpson reality show where she and her friend had Lasik in the episode, then went out to lunch and to her sister’s concert that same night. If you really want to be out and about, nothing is going to stop you.

        • MJ

          Long discussion about PRK here on a previous thread:

          https://corporette.com/suit-week-gucci/

          I did PRK, each eye three months apart. I recommend doing it late in the year and early next year to max your FSA/HSA dollars. PRK is quite a long recovery and your eye literally cannot focus, so if you use a computer to work, it’s very tiring and painful. The actual procedure was cool–I didn’t feel a thing and it just looks like Star Wars lasers–very cool. I loved it!

          I am very glad I did it and only have a slight astigmatism in one eye five years later.

    • mascot

      I had LASIK a few years ago. Take the Valium they give you before the procedure. You’ll be able to see distance immediately afterwards, but not be able to read or drive. Go home and take a nap for as long as you can. Put in the drops and wear the night shield. By that night I could read and watch tv, although I tried to sleep as much as I could to rest my eyes. I went back to work the next day. I wish I had given myself a little bit more time, but it was fine. Reading on a screen is drying to your eyes so keep in mind you need to blink more and use the drops. Also, your eyes will be more sensitive to a lot of things than if you wear wearing contacts. Pollen, cutting onions, etc. can be irritating. Who knew? I’d been wearing contacts for decades so my eyes were a little tender. I would say, if you already have allergy issues and you know pollen is going to be a problem in your area next month, maybe reconsider your scheduling for that time. Itchy pollen is miserable when you can’t rub your eyes.

      • Anonymous

        I had a harder time reading the week after – I could see the letters, it was more a matter of being able to focus enough to read the words. My guess is it was some of the swelling/reaction to the lasering (and pretty normal). So don’t plan a reading heavy week afterward.

        Otherwise, use the eyedrops as instructed. Which is going to more often than really feels necessary. They are a necessary part of the recovery, so don’t skimp on them.

        Otherwise, I’m 15 years out and doing pretty well. One eye settled at slight nearsighted and one slightly farsighted, but haven’t need to shift to reading glasses. (I totally have a pair, but it’s more to reduce eye strain/fatigue for small print, vs needing them for reading/close work).

    • cake batter

      +1 for podcasts or audio books immediately following the procedure. They advise you take a 4 hour nap to let your eyes settle, but I can’t nap and was so bored I didn’t know what to do with myself.

      I was really light sensitive for about a week, but otherwise no complications besides a little dryness (which is quite common).

    • Elegant Giraffe

      It is truly life changing!

      Take the Valium. If they don’t offer it, ask for it. I got dizzy/lightheaded during the procedure, but the procedure is very quick (probably 2 minutes of hands-on time per eye). The nurse actually lifted and then rubbed my feet to keep me from passing out which was nice :) Take a long nap right afterward. Keep your eyes closed once you wake up. Use the drops obsessively. Keep the drops in the fridge – cooler is more calming. Download some podcasts to listen to since you should be reading/watching tv that same day. You’ll be 98% back to normal the next day.

      • Scarlett

        Great tips – thanks so much!! Anyone have fun podcast suggestions? My new favorite is Forever 35, but I think I’ll run out of episodes by then. Also, a huge My Favorite Murder fan.

        • CountC

          Criminal
          Hidden Brain
          This is Love (only two eps but by the Criminal people)
          Invisibilia

  9. Baby shower outfit help please!

    I’m going to a shower in March where I’ll be the only single and childless woman…yay. Not. I want to look cute and not pathetic. I’m size 16 and curvy. Any brand or dress recommendations? I’m in Canada but have access to Nordstrom and all the usual mall stores.

    Or I might do a Meghan Markle and show up all in black.

  10. Isabella the She-Wolf

    Has anyone eaten, read about, or thought of any interesting variations of a custard tart topped with decorative fresh fruit? Looking for potluck ideas.

    • Anon

      Both of these are delish and a similar taste/combo:

      Baked brie topped with jam and/or fruit
      Cream cheese topped with chutney (we do mango jalapeno) served with ritz crackers

    • Meg March

      All I want right now is a lemon custard tart with blackberries all the blackberries on top.

    • Anon

      Martha Stewart has a recipe for a tres leches cake topped with fruit. It is always a hit at potlucks.

  11. NYNY

    I didn’t check back in yesterday after leaving a long comment on the Olympics parents thread about my teenage experience with ballet and how my family supported it, so I missed the snarky anonymous reply to it asking what I gained from my experience.

    I did, in fact, become a professional dancer for 10 years. But my dance training gave me so much more than that. I learned how to set goals. I learned how to try, fail, and try again. I learned how to prioritize tasks and manage my time. I learned how to be comfortable taking up space in front of people. I learned way more than I can articulate about composition and how to recognize that something is complete. I learned how to get along with people with whom I have little in common. I learned how to work.

    Thanks to LAJen for jumping in. 100% agree with everything you said. You sound awesome and I’d totally meet you for a drink!

    I am not a parent, but I understand that not all parents are willing or able to devote the time, energy, and resources to their children’s pursuits that mine did. Life is complicated and I don’t judge anyone’s choices on this. But I did want to speak to the value a child gets from devoting themselves to something.

      • Housecounsel

        Thank you. I, for one, never doubted that you gained a lot from the experience.

    • Seventh Sister

      I just went back and read your post about ballet. Thank you! My daughter is taking ballet at a pretty serious school and I want to support her without ruining her life/making her hate me/making my other kid hate me. I think it’s been a valuable experience f0r her thus far and I’m very inspired by you!

    • LAJen

      NYNY, you sound awesome, too! I would totally meet up for a drink–I’m in LA, though. Are you in NY?

    • Anon

      The J Crew Going Out blazer mentioned here earlier is perfect with tshirt/jeans! Although the boxy/oversized blazer thing seems to be more the trend right now.

    • Anonymous

      colorful or neutral? I just saw a hot pink one at Nordstrom (halogen) that was mighty cute.

  13. Give me a park any park

    I have a hankering for a long weekend or 5-day trip to a national park or something else with spectacular vistas in the U.S. that will make me feel a million miles away from my desk. Any recs for places to go in early April or May for 4-5 days? Looking for specific ideas (where to fly into, where to stay) because the NPS finder is a bit too vague for me right now. Caveat is that we’ll have a toddler in tow, so nothing too logistically difficult.

    • Thoughts and Prayers

      Taos is wonderful for kids :)
      lots of drivable parks, intersting museums

    • Rainbow Hair

      Joshua Tree! It certainly feels like a million miles from real life to me. You could fly into Ontario Airport or Palm Springs and there are cute houses to rent close to the park (check out Rancho de Colores to blow your kid’s mind) and you can go to Pioneertown and eat at Pappy&Harriet’s…

    • Anon

      Option 1: Mount Rainier. Fly into Seattle, stay at an AirBNB in Ashford. Spend a day at Northwest Trek. If your kid is into trains, look up the steam train in Elbe. For an easy toddler-friendly hike, look into Grove of the Patriarchs.

      Option 2: Olympic National Forest. Fly into Seattle, stay at one of the park lodges if they have availability. My favorite place on earth, and there are lots of kid-friendly trails/beaches/forests.

      • Cornell Med

        If you want Mount Ranier, I have an amazing VRBO we stayed out right on Lake Quinault that had canoes etc and about a 20 minute drive to the rain forest and wild beaches.

    • Anon in NYC

      Yellowstone is great because you can drive through a lot of it. You can hike, too, but a lot of otherwordly sights are readily accessible. Plus you have Grand Tetons right next to it, so it’s kind of like 2 for the price of 1.

        • Anonymous

          Eh – some websites say its the best time to go

          “The best times to visit Yellowstone National Park are from April to May and between September and November. These seasons offer mild weather and fewer crowds. July and August are the most popular months to visit: The kids are out of school, and the weather is warm enough to sleep outside.”

          Yellowstone is really popular and gets REALLY crowded during the summer. There are definitely sections/roads in the part that may not open until late April (or later, depending on weather/snow), but there is a road thru the park open all season. It looks like there may be campgrounds or other things that aren’t open until May.

          Glacier, on the other hand, April and even May could be pretty early for things like the Going to the Sun road, but that’s a lot further north than Yellowstone (on like opposite sides of the state of MT).

      • LHW

        You could fly into Bozeman, MT drive through Yellow Stone and fly out of Jackson Hole, WY.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I failed to reply in the correct place, but reply below (Yosemite gets my vote)

    • Anonymous

      Where are you flying from? If it’s only 4-5 days and you have a toddler, look for something that’s less than a 4 hour flight with minimal driving to tour the park. Hours in the car and plane with a toddler will ruin the zen from any amazing vista.

    • Shenandoah

      Would have definitely said Yellowstone but April/May would be too early. If you’re not scared of rain, Acadia National Park could be a good trip, though I can’t speak to how it would be with a toddler. Yosemite is always a solid choice. Ultimately depends on where you’re coming from and how accessible you want it to be from the airport/lodging/etc.

    • Utah

      I would stay in Moab, Utah, and hit Arches and Canyonlands. Truly amazing, especially if you have not spent time in the West.

      • OP

        This might do the trick. The pictures are blowing my mind, so I can’t imagine seeing it in real life.

      • Amy H.

        Second this! Incl. North Rim of the Grand Canyon — or combine GC with Bryce and Zion. You can fly into Vegas and the drive to Zion is about 3 hours.

    • Cornell Med

      Joshua Tree! that is a great time to visit.

      That is also a lovely time to stay in Yosemite because all the dogwood are blooming. Though there also still may be snow. I would stay in Half Dome Village or at Yosemite Lodge. Or splurge and stay at the Awahnee (can’t remember the new name)

      One of my favorite vacations ever was Bryce Canyon and Zion. It is amazing. I would stay at the NPS Lodges.

    • OP

      These are all so great, thank you! I’m making a list and going to run through it for the next few years. Not sure yet which will be first, but love having these to go off of.

  14. Kk

    For internal off-site conferences/retreats, whats the dresscode at your company? Or what do you usually wear? I’m facing 5 days and trying to pack light!

    • biglawanon

      Company specific. Most people from my firm wear jeans, hoodies, t-shirts, and flip flops. I wear nicer looking casual clothes.

    • Anon

      Business casual. I never take a blazer or suit but pack my nicer capsule pieces in a coordinated color group so i can mix and match. I usually take both skirts and pants in my base colors, travel in pants and flats and pack heels that go with both colors.

      The big thing is to bring a warm sweater or casual jacket and/or a warm wrap or pashmina because those conference rooms can be chilly! Also helps if you are going out at night. My favorite dinner look for a conference is to wear my black skirt with a black half sleeve flowy top and wear one of my more colorful wide scarves as a wrap.

    • Mineallmine

      I think it’s company specific, but maybe 1/2 of a notch down the formality ladder can work. So the more casual side of business casual for example, or nice biz caz if you normally wear a suit. If your retreat is somewhere rustic, I’d do nice casual with options of a more outdoorsy outfit for walking. Unless you’ve been given instructions to the contrary, it’s not a bad idea to wear your usual clothes, too, though I’d go for the most comfortable version of the because the days are long.

  15. Natural lips

    I don’t wear lip color regularly but with aging realize it really helps my face look more put together (and healthy).

    Can you guys remind me what lip products you recommend for the natural look? I want to enhance my lips and not look like someone who is wearing a lot of make-up. I have had trouble with a couple I tried in the past that just weren’t the right color. How in the world do you find a good color without spending a fortune on products that go to waste?

    I have brown hair that is now speckled with grey, and pale skin that has a touch of ruddiness in it. I am a “winter” in coloring, and wear mostly black/ivory/grey + jewel tones.

    And also, sometimes my lips (if I use lip products) get…. that yucky white line of debris? How do I avoid this, and not feel that wearing lip products means I need to check myself in the bathroom every few hours for touch ups?

    • Anon

      The one in this post is great actually, a bit hydrating so it should help avoid the buildup. Look for a light berry color. Also, Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey is a cult favorite for a reason. Super natural but put together.

      • Housecounsel

        Black Honey is indeed perfection and I think it works on a wide variety of skin tones. I have tried the Chubby Sticks but the color never seems to stay in place.

      • Anonymous

        Black Honey makes me look approximately 15 years older so it’s definitely not for everyone.

    • Meg March

      Go to Sephora, you can try on different colors there to find the right match. No specific recs for product, but I’m sure others will have them! A sheer color will also be easier to match.

    • Anonymous

      Pacifica makes a colored lip balm that I love for keeping lips moist but also providing some color. Burt’s bees makes something similar. I can’t be bothered with reapplying actual lipstick (plus a lot of lipsticks end up chapping my lips), but I put on lip balm all day everyday because my office is so dry. The colored lip balm works on two fronts, so it’s a winner for me.

    • Anonymous

      Sephora and Nordstrom will let you do returns on used products. Go there and ask for help.

    • Anonymous

      Also, the Clinique Chubby Sticks in this post are really great for natural easy colors.

    • lsw

      I also like a natural lip look (my lips, but better). We have a locally owned cosmetics shop where the woman is super helpful and it’s not pushy like Sephora. If you have anything like that, they could help you with testing colors.

      I did get a sample set of all nude lip colors from Sephora and I really like several of them. It came in a lip-shaped container and I bought it through the website. That might be a nice way to try out different natural shades. My absolute favorite from there is Makeup For Ever Artist Rouge in Creme.

    • lsw

      I’m in mod but there is a great n u d e set of lip colors from Sephora that comes in a lip-shaped container. It was great to try a bunch of shades in a few styles.

    • CMC

      I’m a huge fan of sheer-er lip products. My favorites are:

      Revlon Kissable Balm Stain in Honey (great slightly cool-toned pink color, really brightens up my face)
      Covergirl Oh Sugar! Lip Balm in Gumdrop (great berry color, really like it when I’m wearing jewel tones)
      Neutrogena MoistureSmooth Color Stick in Pink Nude (slightly warmer pink, nice if I’m wearing a peachier blush or warmer toned top)

      Also, Ulta will take returns on used makeup, even if you just didn’t like the color!

    • Calico

      One thing that took me ages to learn is that it’s really important to work with the color of your lips, not against it. My natural lip tone is sort of berry/rose. I happen to love the tan beige lipsticks that look fantastic on people with more beige toned lips. They look dreadful on me. Now I stick with rosy mauves and it matches my lips really well.

    • Sunshine

      Winter here. Check out Amuse Bouche Liquified Lipstick. I love Whip for a neutral look, or Chutney for something with more color. These go on super nicely and fade really well too. These aren’t glossy but they also aren’t super matte. They seriously look like Bite figure out how to take a normal lipstick and turn it into a thick liquid.

    • Miss

      My favorite is Jane Iredale balm in Crush, which is the perfect “my lips but better” shade for me. I also use Fresh lip balms and Rose is my favorite, although I do darker in the winter and lighter in the spring. Both options are lightweight, moisturizing, and have spf.

  16. Anonymous

    Looking for some comfortable and stylish shoes.
    – Has anyone tried madewell?
    – What’s your favorite brand for work / personal?

    • Eeertmeert

      I have foot issues, and so my favorites are now generally from The Walking Company or similar. Lots of cute options, really.Flats, heels, booties. And comfort is super high.
      Dansko, Abel, Sofft, Cobb Hill, Naot.

      Also check out the Barking Dogs podcast. Some of the styles are blah but plenty are cute.

    • givemyregards

      I have a pair of 3″ heels from madewell that I love (a few years old, so predating the block heel trend) that are super comfortable, and I wish I had bought the flats version when they had them. I have a lot of their clothes, but right now it seems like their flats have been too stylish for my office, and too expensive for casual wear.

      I tend to get a lot of my shoes at nordstrom rack or similar stores because for some reason all my favorite shoe purchases occur when I’m just out browsing and not looking for anything too specific. My most recent favorites have been pairs from vince camuto, sam edelman, bcbg (which for me was such a random throwback to the early aughts) and michael kors (some really cute heels without all the logos).

    • Houda

      I have bunions, very high arches and a couple other issues so I am quite picky about shoes:
      For work: Sofft – Clarks
      Smart casual: Calla (special shoes for bunion sufferers)
      Casual: Rieker
      Bizarrely, I bought Gucci Ace sneakers and they feel like butter on my feet (+1 year and still good as new), so I am tempted to try their loafers.

    • Anon

      Work:
      I own multiple pairs of Anne Klein sport wedges because they are the most comfortable professional shoes I’ve ever worn. I also love AGL’s flats and low heels.

      Fun:
      Kork-Ease booties are my new obsession. Super comfy and chic, which is very hard to find in the same shoe.

    • Lobbyist

      I bought a pair of Rothys (they advertise all the time on FB) and ended up liking them so much I just ordered another.

  17. Gail the Goldfish

    If you are close enough that the flight getting to california doesn’t kill an entire day, Yosemite. Fly into one of the San Francisco-adjacent airports (there may be something closer, actually) and rent a car and drive. Stay in the Yosemite Valley Lodge (if it’s not showing any availability, check back daily), or if you’ve got a larger budget, the fancy hotel in the valley (blanking on the name). If you go in May, the Tioga road might be open.

    • biglawanon

      You can fly into Mammoth Yosemite airport, assuming the roads to Yosemite are open.

    • Cornell Med

      Tioga road rarely opens in May, I don’t know if it ever has. More like June and in a bad snow year (which of course this isn’t lol) it opens in July

  18. Anonymous

    Recommendations for an eye shadow that stays all day without needing a primer?

    • anon

      Maybelline Color Tattoo cream gel eyeshadow. It’s in a pot and lasts all day. I have bad to the bronze and pink gold and they are excellent. They also have non-metallic shades.

      • Anon

        Great rec! I wear the Pomegranate Punk as an olive-toned brunette with brown eyes and I love it.

      • Sunshine

        The Creamy Beige and Chocolate Suede are my go-to daytime look. Non-metallic.

      • jwalk

        These crease on me without primer, so OP it must depend on the person. It is a great product, though!

    • Anon

      I use Tr1sh McEv0y eye base essentials as my eyeshadow – I use the color Bare as my all over eyeshadow. Then I usually only line my eyes (stila liquid liner)but if I’m going for something more, I will use a Bobbi Br0wn or Tr1sh cream eyeshadow stick in the crease and along the lash line.

      The eye base definitely lasts all day

    • Houda

      Givenchy ombre couture cream pots. They permanently live in my travel makeup bag. I have oily eyelids and they last well over 16 hours

    • Anonymous

      Why are you so opposed to a primer? Nars primer makes any eyeshadow stay on all day.

      • Anonymous

        or if you want a neutral look there are some primers that have color to them so they function as eyeshadows. urban decay had them for sure in a trial size kit I had, e.l.f. makes them for sure, and there’s that fancy dr brand that everyone is always going on about. it’ll come to me in a second — at Nordstrom and Costco.

  19. Anonymous

    I’m sure this has been asked before – anyone use Floradix for iron? Do you take it with food or without? Any stomach issues (like the usual ones with iron)? Ever made acid reflux any worse? Need to supplement iron as I’m now symptomatic and I’m kind of nervous.

    • KateMiddletown

      I never had an issue when I took it during pregnancy, but it had a weird taste. It’s meant to be taken w a meal from what I recall.

      • Housecounsel

        I take prenatal vitaims, One-A-Day, with iron. I was last pregnant more than a decade ago and never will be again, but they are the only way I have found to supplement iron that doesn’t kill my stomach.

    • Anon

      I LOVE Feosol. After trying a ton of iron supplements, this is the one that doesn’t constipate or give me any other issues. Does not have to be taken with food.

    • Minnie Beebe

      I’m a Floradix user, and love it. Either regular Floradix or Floravital. I feel so, so much better when I’m taking it than when I’m not. I’ve had no GI issues, or reflux with it, nor constipation. It’s recommended to take it 30 min prior to a meal— I usually take it a little closer to meals than that, just because I forget, but have had no issues taking it on an empty stomach, even if I don’t eat relatively soon. Give it a try!

    • Anonymous

      You can take it on an empty stomach. Drink it through a straw, though, it can stain teeth if you’re not careful.

  20. Korean skincare?

    Does anyone have any Korean skincare products they really like? Brands? 12 steps or quick fixes? Curious what all the fuss is about.

    • Eeertmeert

      I love Goodal. Corsx is good, too. Check out Soko Glam or BeautyTap. There are so many options, but Soko Glam has curated sets available by skin type/concern that may be a good place to start.
      I also Google searched Korean beauty bloggers and found some ladies who do in depth product reviews that help me decide what to get next.
      Sorry not offering specific products, but not knowing your skin type it is hard to recommend something:)

      • Eeertmeert

        Also, I do not do the full 12 steps, but at night I do micellar water, cleanse, exfoliate (several times a week), tone, essence, serum (vitamin c), overnight sleeping pack.
        In mornings I do hydrating/exfoliating toner, hydrating serum before my makeup routine.
        I have normal/oily skin prone to being dehydrated and hormonal acne, and with redness and hyper pigmentation from acne on my cheeks and forehead. The more hydrated I keep it the less breakouts I get. There has been some small improvements in my pigmentation. Definitely huge i.provement in skin texture.

    • Anon

      Hada Labo Rohto Gokujyn Hyaluronic Acid Moist, Skinfood Royal Honey Good Moisturizing Cream

      Check out r/AsianBeauty. They have awesome starter guides based on skintype!

    • anon

      I use Cosrx acne patches (so amazing – they heal a spot almost over night) and an illuminating Korean bb cream called Dear Klairs – it’s amazing and pretty cheap.

    • Houda

      My skincare is either K or J brands, French pharmacy or the ordinary.
      My favorite brands are mid-range in pricing so not the too-cool-for-school or skinfood type:
      Whamisa fermented flower range, they have recently expanded to more countries so are stocked in places other than k-websites.
      Hada Labo, especially the cleansing oil and toner
      Neogen especially their solid cleansers which are perfect for travel
      Missha and Laneige are a second tier to the 3 first brands. I’m more likely to fully switch to my top 3 brands

    • Anonymous

      I do the Hanacure All in One Facial once a week and it has done wonders for my skin.

    • Beth

      I love K-beauty. I don’t think they are quick fixes though–the point is experimentation and gradual improvement. My top product that I keep repurchasing is the Mizon AHA/BHA toner. It makes my skin feel amazing. I also love love love the Innisfre wine jelly peeling softener.

    • Sunshine

      Oh, yes. Lots.
      – Mizon Black Snail cream – super light and calming, very little scent
      – J One Hana cream – mid-weight cream, comes in pea-sized spheres
      – CosRx AHA – kills a zit like nothing else
      – Caolion blackhead steam pore pack – this is a wash-off mask and it’s awesome
      – Skinfood strawberry wash-off mask
      – Sleeping Packs – to seal in all the lovely creams and serums. I like the J One Black (lightly scented) and the Missha Snail Sleeping Pack (heavily scented)
      – Sheet Masks! I love the Mascream masks, Missha snail masks, Freeset Donkey Milk masks, and Etude House masks. You don’t need to spend $4-6 per mask.

      Makeup:
      – Skin79 VIP Gold BB Cream
      – TonyMoly double fix super needs mascara sealer

      If you’re not needing anything urgently, you can often find great prices at Jolse. They ship direct from Korea. Also check out the Asian Beauty forum on redd!t.

      • Anonymous

        +1 Mizon Black Snail Cream
        Skin Food Rice water cleansing oil and cleansing foam
        Laniege Water Bank Moisturizing Gel and Moisterizing Cream
        Laniege Water Sleeping Mask
        TonyMoly Avocado Moisturizing Cream (may be discontinued I can’t find it and I’m very sad)
        Mizzon Face Masks
        Belif toner and cleanser
        Mizzon snail eye cream
        Laniege foam cleanser
        Neogen green tea cleaning stick (great for travel)
        Corsx acne patches

  22. Anon

    The best part of being home from two weeks of business travel is being in my own bathroom again.

    • Houda

      And using full size products… I love travel minis and decanting things. But something about using a big bottle of something feels like home

    • Senior Attorney

      Right?

      I remember it was a very large Adulting Milestone when I got to the point where my own home was nicer than a hotel room! LOL

    • Anon

      I aspire to this point. My bathroom in my one-bedroom apartment is so small and cramped that a hotel feels like a treat.

    • Ses

      Just returned home from long business travel too – for me it’s the bedroom. My firm bed, nice window view, preferred coffee brands in the morning ritual of weekend coffee in bed.

  23. Anon

    I love Clinique’s cream blush (looks very similar to the lip color). It’s super smooth and one of the only blushes that blends so well that I get comments on looking “healthy” when I wear it.

    • Anon

      If you or any readers are looking for a dupe, I’ve been super pleased with Wet n Wild’s (haha, yes really) cream blush.

  24. Anonymous

    For everyone who manages to get up super early during the week (good for you, you rockstars!) how early do you get up on the weekend?

    • Rainbow Hair

      I get up on weekdays at 6:05-6:25sh (which feels deathly early to me, but allows me to get kiddo dropped off and get myself to work by 7:45ish) and unfortunately, said kiddo ensures that I don’t sleep much past 7 on weekend mornings.

    • Anonymous

      Same time on the weekend as during the week (5:30 ish). Keeping a consistent wakeup time makes it easier to do it on the weekdays. Sometimes I will take a mid-morning nap on the weekend though.

    • Anonymous

      Having a young child makes this magically possible because they like to get up at an ungodly hour every single day. Not sure if this counts as super early, but I get up at 6 during the week, and 7-7:30ish on the weekend or whenever my son gets up (now 5.5, this is much later than he used to wake up). I do try to “sleep in” one day while my husband gets up with him but my bed is closer to the door and I sleep lightly, so I often have trouble going back to sleep after he rousts us.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, I was always the champion sleeper-inner of the world, but parenthood pretty much wrecked that for me permanently.

        I get up at 6:30 or so during the week and generally we’re up by 8 on the weekends unless we have partied very heartily indeed the night before.

        • Anon

          I just want to say (for non-parents who are wondering WHY do this to yourself) that it doesn’t have to be this way. We trained kiddo to sleep in or stay in her crib and “read” books (she’s 2.5 now). She’s done this more or less since she was old enough to sleep through the night. On the weekends she’ll wake up and drift back to sleep starting 7:40ish, then “read” and only start screaming around 9:45. Weekdays she has to be up at 7:45. We are sooo not morning people and we are eternally grateful to all the powers that made this kiddo agreeable with our schedule. On top of all that she is a little sunshine in the morning and makes my grumpy non-morning self actually love waking up to see her.

    • Betsy

      I get up between 4:30 and 5:30 on weekdays. I usually sleep until 8 or 9 on the weekend, and like to have at least one day where I stay in bed reading and relaxing until noon. No kids, obviously.

    • LHW

      I wake up between 4:45 and 5:30 on the weekdays and wake up around 7:30 on the weekend. I definitely lay and enjoy coffee on the weekends when I don’t do a workout class at 8.

      And totally agree with Senior Attorney, if I have over indulged then I’m still up at 7:30 but not out of bed until 10.

    • Anonymous

      I get up at 5.40 each workday and on weekends will set my alarm for 7.30 but get up anywhere between 5.30 and 7.30. I find I naturally wake up early now on weekends (I also generally go to bed by 10pm on weekends now I’m old and boring) and as another commenter said it makes it easier on weekdays if I don’t sleep in. I’ll often go for a run or to the market to do groceries before all the tourists hit.

    • CountC

      Weekdays: 5:00 or 5:15
      Weekends: 6:30

      If I throw off my schedule too much it wrecks my sleep. I go to bed by 9:30 pm on weeknights and 10 pm on weekends usually. I am a homebody with no kids!

    • Sleep

      4:45 during the week. Sadly, typically not later than 6:00 on the weekend. I can’t blame it on a young child, even. Just an early riser.

  25. Navigating enhancements......

    Strongly considering implants and would love to hear from the hive. How did you make your final decision? How did you navigate the experience socially in terms of questions/news with family, friends, colleagues? I am quite private but also very honest. I have wanted modest augmentation for years and will be in a position with time, money this summer to go for it. To provide more context, I have 2 toddlers, am in my late 30s/done with kids, and have a petite frame. My DH supports my decision either way. I hope to schedule consultations with board certified surgeons soon. My worry is handling judgement from others or potentially regretting the decision if anything goes wrong with surgery or post-operative complications…. Not sure if there is a specific question, but would love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation. TIA!

    • Anon

      I haven’t done this, but I have autoimmune issues and have been on a lot of boards where people say that implants cause or worsen autoimmune issues. Doctors, of course, will deny this…but it is something to consider. I hear this about silicone and saline. I have a breast deformity so this information kind of depresses me.

    • Ellen

      I would NOT ever do implant’s or any other kind of plastic surgery b/c of what my DH (or boyfreind) wanted. After it is YOU who is going under the knife, not him, and you are the one to suffer the consequences. Many times, I could have gone to a surgeon to figure out what to do with my tuchus, but I decided that MEN have to take me as I am, with or without a tuchus. After all, if I decide to marry a man with a bald head or a fat belly, then I take him as I find him, warts and all. I, together with all women should look at ourselves as beautiful “as is” meaning that we cannot all look like Charleize Thereon (in her prime), so why even try? To please some guy who is sitting there scratching in places we prefer NOT to go near (except mabye to make a baby?). FOOEY!

      I think that if we all took better stock of ourselves, we would realize that men want us no matter what, b/c they always have that “urge to merge” and that they will not give up that urge just b/c we do NOT look like a runway model. As long as we can still “fit together”, they will pursue us, and that is a good thing for us. So why go under the knife when it should ultimateley make no difference? I think that even if we all looked like water buffalo, and did NOT compete against one another for the men, 95% of the men out there would continue to persue us, b/c they want s-x, and as long as we give it to them, we can be satisfied to. YAY!!!!

    • anon

      Lots of immuno compromised boards and websites suggest a connection of worsening symptoms with implants that the body fights with and there being no way to know until/unless a person gets them. Not sure if there’s research to back that or if it’s all anecdotal. I’d say watch some episodes of botched to help learn the what not to do’s, and you may be able to borrow some of the inserts from a doc’s office or elsewhere to get a guess of approx. size you’d want. If you’re not going A to D, it’s possible no one but your spouse will notice, especially if you have younger kids since bodies can change shape a bit during/after pregnancy/b’feeding. Also, consider whether you’ll be ok not lifting kids or heavy things for a while while you heal. Lots to consider and hope you make the best choice for you! <3

    • Anon

      I would make sure to discuss whether you have a family history of breast cancer or any other risk factors for breast cancer with the surgeons (and perhaps your PCP or OB/GYN as well). I believe it can be harder to perform exams, including mammograms, with implants. Otherwise, do your research on well-regarded doctors and find something you’re comfortable with. Simply ignore the haters and feel free to respond to “that’s private” if people ask nosy questions. Just because you’ve had a change doesn’t mean that you have to share the details with everyone. Most people probably won’t notice if it’s a modest change anyway.

    • Anon

      “How did you navigate the experience socially in terms of questions/news with family, friends, colleagues?”

      I mean this honestly: why is it “news” socially or in the workplace? It’s not news if you get a bikini wax, and slightly larger b00bs aren’t news unless you want it to be news.

      Wear a padded bra for a few weeks. Tell colleagues you’re taking a vacation that involves lots of reading and downtime. Tell family the same. Your b00bs aren’t anyone’s business.

    • Anon

      I got my implants 10 years ago and it was one of the best decisions I made for myself. I am tall and broad shouldered and my bust line never fit with what I wanted my body to look like. I spoke with a number of surgeons and went with who I felt most comfortable with ( all of them met my minimum criteria). For social situations, mine were noticeably larger as I went from a 36A to a 36DD. Few people commented but if they said something, it was always positive and I would just say thank you. I find that if you dont bring it up, most people wont say anything. My experience was positive, I have had no issues. I get my exams as prescribed by my GP and OBGYN. I am pregnant now and no one has any concerns about my ability to breastfeed. My only complication was the nausea and vomiting from the pain meds. I learned from that surgery that I always need extra anti-nauseau meds. You will be asked not to lift anything heavy for a week or so, so with toddlers that might be tough.

  26. thanks!

    thanks to the person who posted about the grey jardigan from j crew. while it seems like more of a jacket than jardigan, i love the look! i bought the navy at my local store. the shopgirl said it was tagged as discontinued. i so need the grey version. going to check poshmark and the rest or the resale shops.

    • Anonymous

      I am so surprised that so many people loved this jacket. I ordered both the gray and navy online, and was ready to return as soon as i tried them on. it isn’t very drape-y at all, and i found it to be more cropped than what was flattering (and I am petite).

  27. Biglaw Associate

    A senior partner of the firm just asked me (during a Saturday meeting, no less) “how my Chinese New Year went”.

    I’m Japanese (it’s easy to tell from my very obvious Japanese last name), and from California. To be fair some parts of Japan do observe the Lunar New Year but… still. Reminds me of the time I got staffed on a matter with a Korean client and I, much to the partner’s surprise, needed to listen to the translator just like everyone else… Ugh.

  28. Asking for New Job Title

    Will post again in Monday thread but wanted to see if anyone had suggestions. I just learned through the grapevine that my company will reduce our year-end bonuses to almost nothing due to poor performance last year (of the company as a whole although my segment did well), and our salary increases will be capped to below CPI. So no matter how great my performance review may be, I will not be rewarded monetarily. I expect a good review and would like to ask for a new job title to get something out of it. Right now it’s “Project Manager” which really does not reflect my duties. I supervise and direct 5 teams. All perform similar functions that are operational and financial. I supervise the creation of all playbooks, audit checklists, client-to-business processes, am the end-point approver of all financial data coming out of these teams, and am the budget owner for this service line. I am also fairly known and respected at the company and provide assistance and guidance to other teams on a regular basis. I would like to ask for a Director title. Do the above mentioned duties seem in line with what Directors do at your company? Do you have any general tips (or links to tips) on how to hold this conversation?

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