This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
I'm intrigued to see that Cole Haan has a brand new line of shoes called CloudFeel. Their Zerogrand line is famous for being really lightweight, and obviously their old collaboration with Adidas was loved for its comfort — so I'm hoping these are going to be awesome.
These tall espadrille wedges look great, whether to wear with skirts or shorts or jumpsuits or rompers … for those occasional trips outside your home. Nordstrom has them full price, but Zappos and Cole Haan's own site have them on sale. Cole Haan Cloudfeel Espadrilles
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
College
For those with college students in their famlies, are you actually sending your kid back in the fall? Or taking a gap semester? Or if classes are already online, taking them remotely from home vs in a campus dorm room? I feel that for the $$$, this is hard to justify except for my nephew, who has a FT job lined up from a co-op in engineering and just needs to graduate to start working at it. [And he is glad he entered with some AP credits, so is able to drop to PT to save some $ and still graduate on time; but from where is the Q.]
I work FT not in higher ed, but have taught the random class and done tutoring (not everyone comes to college prepared for entry-level classes). I did a zoom class earlier this summer and while I bet there is no appetite to pay me for a while, feel that servicing first-gen students is important enough to volunteer to do it via zoom just so these kids don’t get lost.
Anonymous
I understand the importance of college prep courses, but maybe you can get a grant to teach them or otherwise find funding (or even charge a small token fee) … it’s important work but also valuable — tutoring centers are charging these students hundreds of dollars an hour and that’s prohibitive for many students, but teaching for free devalues teaching work and many educators are already out of work or starving adjuncts.
Anonymous
I feel like it is fine for me to be a volunteer — it is paying it forward since I am tutoring a subject I was blessed to have a gifted teacher at exactly the right time when I was a kid. Maybe it leaves the school with more $ to pay people without other FT employment or for scholarships. I usually donated any small $ I made back to a school so needy that they don’t have a society for donors — they’ve lumped me in with alumni since who else would give them $? At any rate, I get that people need the $. Before coronavirus, I’d get e-mails for PHDs to work for $15/hour and TBD I pay my kids’ sitter more than that.
Anonymous
How are you targeting first generation students?
Anon
Not a parent of a college student but I’m in higher ed and have some data about this. We have record enrollment for the fall and are currently planning to bring students to campus for a hybrid of online and in-person instruction. About 80% of students want to come to campus and do in-person classes where they can (understanding that some classes will not be offered except online). About 10% of students want to come to campus and do all their classes online, and 10% want to stay home and do all their coursework online.
Anonymous
No doubt kids would rather be at school with online classes than with mom and dad. I have heard from a neighbor that people are renting apartments for college kids in our city just to get them out from moping around the house and able to “room” with peers. If you have the $, absolutely do that. [I’d be all: I’ll pay you a fee to grocery shop for me and if you’re enterprising, you’d do that for others and MAYBE I’d not charge you for all of the food that you eat, but I’m tired of my kids being cost centers.]
Anonymous
My teen is still in high school, fortunately. I would not send her to college in person this fall, partly because colleges haven’t had enough time to figure out what works and what doesn’t work and I wouldn’t want to spend tens of thousands of dollars and put her life at risk just so she could be a guinea pig. Depending on the quality of the school’s on-line offerings, I’d either have her take on-line courses from home or defer for a year, but I’m not sure exactly how a teen would spend a gap year during a pandemic. On-line community college would be a good option for some students, but mine will already have exhausted that curriculum by the time she graduates high school.
Anon
“Put her life at risk” seems like a major overstatement. You have a 1 in 100 lifetime risk of dying in a car crash, and the COVID death rates for teens are way, way less than that. But none of us say we are “putting our lives at risk” when we get in a car.
Anonymous
That is because colleges sent everyone home.
Anon
What!? The low death rates in teens having nothing to do with colleges sending everyone home. The death rate refers to your risk of dying IF you get the disease and increases dramatically with age. The estimates for case fatality rates in teens are all below 0.2%, and likely much, much lower when you include all the uncounted infections (CDC said the other day is the best guess is 10 unknown infections for every 1 known infection in the US, which means actual death rates are 10% of known death rates, ie., upper bound for death rates in teens is 0.02% ). Colleges sending students home meant less teens got sick this past spring, but enough people in that age group have been sick worldwide that we have plenty of data about what happens when they do get infected, and they are extremely unlikely to get severely ill or die.
Anon
I’m also concerned about hospitalization rates, the risks inherent to any hospital stay, and long term ramifications for breathing, cardiovascular health, and post-viral symptoms generally. I know bad things besides dying have happened to young, healthy people, but I’m not currently seeing the kind of data that helps in making probabilistic judgments for anything besides mortality.
Anon
Mortality and hospitalization and extremely linked though. If you have a very low risk of death you have a slightly higher, but still very low, risk of hospitalization.
Anonymous
Death rates aren’t the only problem with Covid. My DH is a competitive athlete and he’s super worried about Covid not because he’s worried about dying from it but because of the lung damage which seems to be happening even in younger healthy people.
Anonymous
I don’t think it’s an overstatement. I have a colleague in her early 30s battling it a second time now. Someone else I know is in their 20s and on oxygen and not sure for how long and praying it’s not permanent. If it makes you feel safer to ignore this as a risk, then go ahead. But there is indeed a risk out there of life-altering impact to health, and folks still don’t know what long-term impacts for health will be. My kid is long out of college thankfully. But I’d be thinking twice about sending someone into a tight communal living situation until, as OP notes, the universities have had more chance to adjust. I also think our country doesn’t have a good handle on things. I might feel differently if this were a college in New Zealand or something like that.
Anon
A few young people getting severely ill or dying does not disprove the point that statistically it’s a very rare outcome. Also with this virus there is an ENORMOUS difference between “young” as in 18 and “young” as in 35 – like a tenfold or more difference in death rates (the school I work for is using 30 as the cutoff age that designates you as “higher risk” and gives you the option of working/teaching remotely – that number was chosen by a committee of MDs and public health experts). Colleges are taking a lot of steps to make things safer, even at great financial cost (students won’t have roommates at many places, for example), and regardless of whether they’re on campus or home, teens are likely to socialize with friends, go to bars and do other things that increase their risk of exposure.
Anon
Ask yourself why it’s so important to you what another person does to protect their child. You are completely overreacting. And it’s none of your business.
Anon
I haven’t seen good statistics on long term outcomes yet. A lot of people have reported being officially (and statistically) “recovered” even though they’re technically still unwell. People who were never severely ill or hospitalized have had unexpected issues come up with their breathing or with blood clots. It would help me with risk assessment if this information were reliable, organized, and readily available, but I think it’s just not.
Anonymous
Why don’t you create your own post if you want to debate the risk levels of different pandemic activities? The OP is asking what people’s college plans are and you’re derailing the post with things that have been debated to death everywhere and your take does nothing to add something new to any of these conversations, frankly. We know and we can stay home if we want.
Anon
You don’t “know”, and that’s why the posts are being made. You shouldn’t keep your kids out of school to make a political statement or for other selfish reasons. People who are at risk know who they are, and if you are that obese middle aged parent in terrible health that doesn’t want to go without seeing your kid for the holidays, so you are encouraging your kid not to go back to school…Well, that’s wrong.
Anonymous
No, you’re wrong to randomly fight people on the internet out of your own hysteria. Misplaced anger is a sign of mental health problems if you want to get into diagnosing each other via this fashion blog.
Anonymous
Are you a parent? What are your college-aged students doing for the next school year?
Anonymous
We’ve been hearing about car accidents all our lives.
Anon
I guess I hit a nerve. Yes, stifling your adult child for those reasons is a mental health problem, as was insinuated. Glad you picked up on that. People abusing their offspring and stifling their future to feed into their own hysteria (at the detriment of everyone directly and indirectly) is wrong, and everyone’s business.
Anonymous
My 17-year-old rising freshman is not an adult. I am paying her tuition. I still get to call the shots.
Anonymous
But you can’t forget how an influx of college students is going to affect the community around them. It’s not just about the kids – it’s about the college staff, and everyone living in that city. I’m in Boston and I am honestly terrified that any of the Boston area schools are going to open back up and bring all the college kids back. We’ve finally got things somewhat under control here. We can’t control that large of an influx, with irresponsible kids (I know all aren’t irresponsible, but think of how you behaved in college), who are coming from all over the country and the world. Seems wildly irresponsible to me.
SMC-San Diego
I have a rising college junior and she is going back in the fall. That is partly because I already signed the lease on the house she will be living in (along with 4 other people) so will be paying rent regardless of where she is and partly because she has expressed the very strong desire to go back and since she is 20 I am letting her make that choice for herself. (If she expressed a desire to take a year off I would certainly support that and we could try to find someone to take over her lease.)
I would balk at paying out of state tuition (as I did spring quarter) for her to stake Zoom classes in my living room but the university is at least planning on the smaller classes being in person and on having labs and other things that cannot be done remotely. Since most of her big GE classes are done, her fall quarter classes are all planned on being in-person (although one professor is taking this as his chance to teach a very small class outside under a tree.) She also has a lab internship that will be going forward unless things are very, very bad.
So unless things change dramatically she is going back. Again that is largely because it is her decision to make.
SMC-San Diego
One more point – I am not convinced she is in greater danger in her small college town than my large Southern California city unless I can keep her from leaving the house for ANOTHER three to twelve months on top of the six months she will have been home by the time school starts back up. She has been very compliant with all of the guidelines (and indeed has limited her activities beyond what is recommended since California opened up) because she does not want to bring it home but honestly she is 20. She cannot realistically stay quarantined for over a year without losing her mind.
Also obviously she is taking Zoom classes, not staking them. Although I think there were points were she was tempted to put a stake through her laptop. It is hard to learn a foreign language via Zoom classes even when your teacher is great (and hers was).
Anon
I’m the mom of a college sophomore this fall. She will be taking classes online from home. I’m fine paying tuition but not fine paying any sort of rent to be near campus.
She will probably visit her boyfriend a lot near campus though.
Anon
By the way, her college is only offering online for fall 2020.
Anonymous
How are they doing lab sciences or things like student teaching? My concern would be that if you have to go 5 years now not 4, then it’s worth deferring school once you are the point where you have to take some things in sequence to finish a degree. It’s a good time to be a history major and not nursing / education / chemistry. What are med schools doing? I can’t imagine that they are designed to hit pause.
Anon
I don’t know but fortunately in this case she doesn’t have any lab classes. It’s the CSU system (California State) and they’ve announced “primarily online” with certain exceptions like nursing programs, thought they haven’t yet said what they’re doing for those.
Anyway, I wouldn’t advocate for my daughter to be taking a gap year now anyway. Whales she’s sitting around at home she may as well earn some credits. It’s not like she would be able to travel or take a job or any of the things a gap year usually has going for it.
Anon
My impression is that most medical schools in the US are doing in person classes this fall, as are most universities in general. The only major university I know of that’s going to be online only is the Cal State system, and they don’t have a medical school.
Anonymous
This is interesting. I had thought that if kids didn’t go back, it was because the thinking would mainly be that the content isn’t worth the $. Or for online content, they could get that online at community college for far less and transfer the credits.
I wouldn’t be worried about the health risks from class attendance. I would be more concerned about . . . e.g., Five Points area (USC, Columbia SC), but the kids I know who are UG/law students are there a lot on weekends since around Memorial Day weekend (and Columbia is a basin of stagnant heat this time of year) anyway.
Anon
My kids (rising sophomore and rising senior) are both going back. They both felt very strongly about it, and I was inclined to let them make the decision. And with a household that includes two parents in their early 50s and a grandparent in her mid 80s, I believe the overall risk to our family is lower with the kids at college and the rest of us strictly self-isolating at home. I suppose we could have kept the kids at home and prohibited them from seeing friends, going to restaurants or working outside the home, but that seemed both heartless and not very practical. I get the sense that most kids are going back to campus unless they have a serious underlying health condition or their campus household includes an elderly family member.
Anonymous
Fortunately as an aunt your opinion doesn’t matter at all. Mind your business.
The Lone Ranger
My son has one semester left and is only taking 3 classes. He had planned to live at home, since his college is only an hour away and he was only going to be on campus 2 days a week. His campus is doing a combination of in person and online classes, and the 3 he’s registered for are all scheduled to be online. He’ll also be working the other days of the week, a combination of a part time job he can do from home (IT) and a part-time job he needs to report to an office to perform (also IT). The office job is the wild card here, since we have no idea what the physical set up will be like or what precautions they will be taking (masks? distancing?).
I’m high risk and he has been wonderfully compliant with all of the rules for the shut down, finishing his spring semester online and having a telework internship this summer. He is beginning to chafe a little, and we’re all struggling with what’s safe and what’s not safe to do. We are in an area with steady cases and falling hospitalizations and % positive testing.
Anon
I have two college age kids. One is a rising senior in a highly technical field similar to engineering at a state school. She will be moving back to her off campus apartment (she is living with us this summer, which might be the only benefit of the pandemic). Her college hasn’t announced specific details but we are hearing that first years and seniors in majors like hers will be able to have their lab type of classes in person, while the majority of classes are online. My other kid is a rising sophomore at a SLAC. If they hold in person classes and dorms are open, she will attend. There is a risk, but we are willing to take the risk because we believe this educational/college experience is important enough. If they have online classes only I will try to keep her home rather than allow her to live in a rented house with fellow classmates, which is what she has proposed. But I may give in. I don’t think I can hold her back from this next stage for years. I would be fine if bars are closed and concerts and sporting events are cancelled for years, but I view education differently. My husband and I are both doctors fwiw. I do primary care and these days I talk patients through these types of decisions all day. We all have our own personal levels of risk tolerance.
Anonymous
What is everyone doing this weekend? Are you going back inside after coming out? Are you getting out more? Coronavirus cases are up in my state but not really in my area at the moment. I’ve been getting out a lot but rethinking things a bit with that news.
I plan to keep plans to go to the gym, the outdoor farmers market, the grocery, and a smallish outdoor dinner party and to hang out with my crew outside at a brew pub. I think I will try to repaint my own nails instead of getting another pedicure. I might finish Season 1 of The Politician. And I have lots of work to do because WFH does not work for me.
Anon
My state has been very weird and has seen a steady decline in cases until now despite being deep red, very anti-mask and opening pretty early (May 1) but the last couple of days have seen an uptick in both case numbers and % positive, so I think we are heading the way of the South pretty soon. I really hope our governor doesn’t move us to the final phase of reopening which is supposed to happen soon. I haven’t really changed my behavior at all since March/April except that I now take my kids to outdoor playgrounds and we are taking a vacation soon (driving, staying in a private home, spending all our time outside).
anon
the only thing I have relaxed is private socializing. I saw two friends last weekend, and will see them again this weekend and hopefully host 4th of July with all of four guests outside. And need to do some meal planning for the next grocery run.
Horse Crazy
Same. I’m seeing more people, but at my home or theirs – not going out to restaurants yet.
Anon
I’m going to the outdoors farmers market and will take my kid to the playground for the first time since March. We may meet a friend there for a socially distanced playdate — also a first. Otherwise, I plan to stay home and do all the same things I’ve been doing since March. The farmers market is really important to me and the playground to my kid — nothing else has changed for us.
Anonymous
I’m outside NYC, and cases are definitely declining and we have a relatively low positive test rate. Restaurants just opened last week for outdoor dining, but still not feeling super inclined to go. Maybe for my birthday next week. I am considering a pedicure though but I keep waffling about the decision. I go to the grocery store once a week.
However, I am truly baffled by how little people are taking things seriously outside of NY metro area. Arizona is almost out of hospital capacity, cases are spiking (exponentially in some cases) in many states–why are people thinking now is the right time to get back to higher risk activities and group events, even if outdoors?
Anonymous
+1. I’m in NYC and our big thing is an outdoor playdate for my son with one of his friends at the playground, which finally reopened this week. This will be the first time he has spent time with a friend since March 15. Both will wear masks, as we always do, and I will probably be stressed the whole time. I would like to try outdoor dining but am anticipating long waits and am not sure I have the energy to try to investigate which restaurants are reopening, taking reservations, etc – maybe we will get a pizza and eat at the park or do delivery again. We will likely stop by a grocery store for a few things. My son also has an online birthday party to attend. Having lived through what we did here, I am really afraid of watching cases spike again.
Anonymous
I am seeing/feeling three factors: (1) we’re over it; (2) we don’t know anyone coronavirus-positive, either first or second degree; and (3) we’ve been less locked-down from the beginning (e.g., I have been outdoor-socializing and regularly grocery shopping throughout and have now done all the things — hair, nails, indoor dining, etc.) and still haven’t been exposed.
Anonymous
For those in open areas: Do you think there’s a point at which you/people in your area will consider more restrictions? Are there small moves towards safety—moving activities outdoors, more masks in public spaces, ordering things online? What’s the atmosphere (would you be laughed at or subject to angry rants from strangers for wearing a mask, for example)?
Anon
I’m in a college town in a red, almost fully open state, so there’s a huge split between people affiliated with the university (who tend to be liberal) and the rest of the area, which is made up of people who are mostly in farming or manufacturing and tend to be politically conservative. The faculty families I know are all taking this pretty seriously. I would say most people are now comfortable with taking kids to outdoor playgrounds and some people are doing outdoor socially-distanced play dates or dining on patios, but overall the attitude toward resuming normal life is very cautious, especially when it comes to anything indoors. Definitely pro-mask in situations where you can’t keep your distance. We don’t have the firsthand experience that people in NYC do, but I think we all followed the news closely and are aware of what a bad outcome could look like if this thing gets out of control, even if we’re not personally worried for ourselves. But the people not affiliated with the university are living life completely as normal, acting like there was never any pandemic or lockdown. It’s really like a little bubble around campus and when you get away from campus and the faculty housing areas the vibe is very different. I’ve been yelled at for wearing a mask, by a guy in a MAGA hat of course.
Melanie
I’m in a far suburb of Cleveland, OH. 75% masks in any store, few people eating inside restaurants, more outside play dates with kids, lots of softball games in parks. My neighbor’s college age son has a few friends over playing beer pong but you don’t have to drink the water the ball goes in because of COVID and it seems like that’s cheating to me. I guess OSU kids are like that. Go Blue!
I think the media gives the coasts a false dichotomy. It’s not wild beach party and belly shots or mandatory masks wearing and shaming. A lot of us red-ish states are solidly in the middle. Some people wiping down groceries and whole lot somewhere in the middle.
BeenThatGuy
+2 North Jersey here. I’m pretty sure I have some mild PTSD from the last 3 months. I went out to a store last night (non-grocery related) for the first time and I couldn’t wait to get home. Everyone here wears mask and is SD and respectful of the new norms. We’ve been through a lot in our area and it’s hard to initiate back into society, even in limited situations. I’ll choose to stay home this weekend.
Anonymous
+1000 I am also northern NJ and have PTSD. We’ve been through a very serious situation. I have no desire to go anywhere. Cannot comprehend areas of the country who are just out and about like nothing happened.
Anon
+3. North Jersey. I am so proud of everyone here. People wear masks outside.
Anon
Well, the OP clearly isn’t taking it seriously. Gym, brew pub, farmer’s market, dinner party? Is it really necessary to paint the town red right now? People are dying.
Anonymous
I hardly think working out, food shopping, and eating takeout in the presence of others constitutes painting the town red. It’s all outside and socially distanced.
Anon
I’m not the person who made this comment, but the gyms and grocery stores I’m familiar with are not outside.
Anonymous
Well, my gym has outdoor space. And I go to the farmers market/farm pick-up outside so I am in the grocery store for a limited time. But regardless, I don’t think shoppers are picking up coronavirus at the grocery store. I know some people are very attached to the idea, though.
Anon
“PEEEEEOPLE are DYYYYYYYING!!!!” Yeah, theatrics and hysteria are definitely going to persuade people to alter their behavior. Excellent work, Anon at 4:09!
Anon
Don’t come here with “I never saw this coming” when it’s your loved one dying.
Anonymous
This is gross and uncalled for, but I don’t know how to make you care about other people dying. You’re beyond hope.
Anonymous
I had a ticket to see Hamilton on Broadway tomorrow to celebrate a milestone birthday. Obviously I’ve known for awhile that’s no longer happening, but the calendar reminder popped up a little while ago and it was a sad reminder. I bought the ticket in January when I promised myself I’d get out more and start doing the things I love (recent divorce/overcome a long battle with depression). Clearly 2020 had other plans.
So in the spirit of doing things I love and getting out more, I’m going to go for a long run early tomorrow morning, go paddle boarding, and upgrade my very old (in technology years)tv so I can subscribe to Disney+ and watch Hamilton next weekend! If I’m feeling super motivated, maybe I’ll pack myself a picnic and bring it to the local state park, which happens to be a beach.
Anonymous
Pro tip: If your TV has an HDMI port and you have an iPhone or iPad, you can buy an HDMI adapter that lets you watch Disney+ on your TV from your device. Although if you want a new TV, Hamilton is a very good excuse.
Anon
Oh man, that’s so disappointing. I hope you enjoy the movie at least.
Senior Attorney
We’re having one friend come over for dinner outside in the back yard. Beyond that, Hubby is working on a woodworking project and I will be basking in the glow of having successfully completed the year-end show for our Rotary Club.
Cat
Cases have dropped dramatically in my area. We’re easing ourselves back into some additional activities but only those that allow us to be outdoors and a decent distance from unmasked others (e.g., outdoor dining yes, gyms no).
Oh, and getting a cut and color for the first time (yes all involved will be masked and the salon not at normal capacity) since February so yaaaaaaaaaaaaay
Anon
Declining to social distance and acting like the pandemic is over is racist. This pandemic is hitting POC the worst; about 1/3 of Black people know someone who has died of coronavirus. The Hispanic community is getting slammed. Let’s move past the black squares on Instagram and stay home to save lives.
Anon
+1.
Lana Del Raygun
I am ordering mead for delivery and sitting on the porch. And working on an i n t e r m i n a b l e house project.
Vicky Austin
+1 to porch sitting!
SC
Cases have started going up in my area (outside New Orleans). I have been going to the office full-time (employer required), and my son has been going to camp. Our family had started relaxing some and socializing outside–meeting friends at a state park/beach, getting takeout and eating outdoors with another couple, outdoor family get together/pool party for Father’s Day (each household at different tables, adults about 3 feet apart in the pool). With the increase in cases, we’ll probably pull back on even outdoor socializing for a few weeks, in part because my workplace puts me at high risk for exposure. Also, it’s hot and humid af outside. All I want is to stay in the AC, do some yoga, finish my book, and watch movies. I will continue to run errands like going to the grocery store as needed, with a mask.
Ribena
I have a three-day weekend! To use up some annual leave I am working nine-day fortnights until at least October.
No plans whatsoever except some R&R and some writing.
Anon
One of my good friends is coming over for a burger and some wine in my backyard. I’m taking immune suppressing drugs (RA), and she’s a breast cancer survivor so we’re a careful pair!
Anonymous
I am quarantining! Just had a COVID test and I have to stay at home until I get the results back. I grocery hoarded the other day and now have a reason to sit in bed and read while DH has to do all of the stuff I usually do — it is my first mom vacation ever and I am not upset in the least :)
[It is not b/c of exposure but prior to a needed medical procedure that was on pause all spring. Hooray!!!]
Anonymous
Awesome that you’re making the best of it!
Anon
Glad you’re getting your procedure and that you get a mini-vacation beforehand! Hope it goes well.
Anon
I just did that. I had outpatient surgery yesterday and a covid test (negative obvs) 48 hours before. Good luck with your results!
Flats Only
We ate out last night at a restaurant! We’re in NoVA. The place is a smart-casual American chain, so they have thorough corporate policies on cleaning, distance, masks, etc. They had put 1/2 their tables out on the sidewalk to supplement their large patio. The place was jumping! So great to see a) safety precautions taken seriously and b) lots of folks out! We were indoors, and did see one lady stopped by a waiter and given a mask when she came in without one. She rolled her eyes, but put it on.
NOLA
New Orleans is pretty strict and the governor has declined to move to Phase Three, and I agree with all of that. Still exercising outdoors (biking 18 miles a day). Honestly, for what gyms are charging and the risk I would be taking, I could buy a piece of home equipment. The dude has ordered a hybrid bike (his triglycerides are way up from laying around like a lump eating sweets during lockdown) so we’re trying a figure out a way for me to get my bike to the Quarter. Last weekend, we spent all day Saturday installing a new behemoth AC unit at my house. This weekend, we cooked in on Friday night, got takeout from an awesome BBQ place yesterday and we’re working on little home projects. We actually are going out less because it is so hellishly hot and humid that we can’t eat outside and we’re not really feeling the risk of indoor dining. My best friend has a pool and we thought about going out there next weekend, but it sounds like her daughter is having a bunch of people over on the 4th and we just looked at each other and said “nope.” We’re not willing to risk that. I’m glad that he and I are on the same page about risks we are and aren’t willing to take. My church has pushed back in-person services to maybe July 19th. Even then, there will be no choir, no hymn singing, just one soloist (I’ll be singing in a rotation), and many, many precautions developed by a taskforce full of doctors. Our Fb live services are going so well that I feel like the powers that be aren’t willing to take risks for in-person. So I guess I would say that we are venturing out a little but because of the weather, even that has scaled back. We walked down to a little shop on Royal St. yesterday after lunch and I nearly melted on the way home.
CHL
Will someone try these Cole Haan’s and report back? I miss the Nike line so much but have basically been in Birkenstocks and New Balance for the past 3 months and plan to be for the next 6 more!
Anon
Does your response change when someone you supervises mansplained versus other men? Having an issue with a summer associate who thinks he is the expert at all things, including COVID (hint: he is not).
Anonymous
If he is a summer associate and you care about his professional development, it’s your responsibility as his supervisor to teach him his place. If you don’t care about giving him a learning experience, recommend against hiring him permanently because he is an insubordinate know-it-all who will cause problems in the workplace.
Cat
is he a hopeful NY M&A associate? they seem to be a breed that specializes in mansplaining!
anyway, yes – as someone whose job it is to mentor and give feedback, I would absolutely say something. “Hey bro, I want to help you have a successful summer. when you started explaining / challenging X to partner Y, who has written numerous publications about the topic, it came off as tone-deaf. Not a major issue but something you should watch out for and try to avoid.”
anon
I would argue that it IS a major issue… but I suppose that depends largely on context.
Anon
+1 So much of the advice given here is so d!mn wishy-washy. Be direct! Tell him what he’s doing wrong and how to fix it and don’t say anything more than that.
Cat
I thought that as I wrote it, but firms themselves are wishy-washy when it comes to actually telling summers what they do and don’t do well. Laying it out there for him could result in him whining about your ‘attitude’ to his assigned partner mentor, and depending on who that person is, could have unpleasant consequences.
Hildy
Oh yes, you need to say something to him. This is part of your job as his supervisor to give him this feedback. Sounds like he may be eager to prove his value but it’s obviously backfiring and he should know that.
SmallLawAtl
Are you sure he’s mansplaining, or does he just have a different opinion than you on this topic? It doesn’t sound like his mansplaining is about a legal issue, which makes me think it may well be just a different opinion than yours. Maybe not, but Covid is one of those things on which each side is convinced its right, and the other is wrong, and never the ‘twain shall meet. If having someone younger than you disagree with you politically = mansplaining, then he is not the problem. On the other hand, if your firm is truly all of one mind on the nuances of covid policy, then you will do him a favor by alerting him that he and his views are not welcome there.
In-House Gut Check
Hive, I need a gut check. I am in-house counsel for a multi-national manufacturing business. In addition to reviewing/approving contracts, drafting policies/procedures and conducting trainings, etc. I do an incredible amount of hand-holding and babysitting the business functions. I am trying to get a sense of whether this is just how being in-house is or if it a systemic issue at my company. For more background, I am one of three attorneys who support our particular business unit. We are about a $1.2b business unit at a much larger publicly traded company. Despite providing information, conducting trainings, and attempting to off-load non-value add work, my day includes reviewing forms for the business for accuracy, directing business functions to the appropriate resources internally, ensuring that representations and certifications are filled out properly (they never are), pushing back on business functions that constantly want legal to make business decisions (I am happy to advise them on the risks involved as that is in fact my job), providing links to policy pages, telling people to READ the dang policy and make up their own minds about whether to do XYZ (when it is not a legal issue/question), etc. I feel like 10% of my job is actual legal work and 90% is baby sitting. Granted some of our contracts team has been laid off/moved into new positions, so I am also the contracts person at the moment, but it’s so frustrating as I feel like no one else gives AF about learning about our business and learning what I teach them so they can then do it on their own (where appropriate). I shared this with my mentor recently (who is an SVP in our government affairs group and she was pretty horrified). I have spoken about this with my boss, but I can never seem to get it offloaded because the business can’t manage to do these things themselves (and then they either don’t get wrong or they get done in a way that could cause compliance issues).
Is this just how in-house is or is this my company?
Anonymous
I suspect it probably depends on your company, but I’m in-house and 10% legal work, 90% baby sitting sounds exactly like my job.
anon a mouse
Is there a separate compliance function? Getting people to read and follow the policy should be part of compliance. If compliance is part of your job description, then it’s probably reasonable if annoying. But if there’s a separate compliance function then those people should be doing their jobs.
Walnut
I was in a compliance function in a manufacturing adjacent industry and part of my role was to ensure we were compliant in all sorts of risk mitigation areas. Only the most unique edge cases were raised up to our corporate attorneys. A key item was when someone went over my head, they were always redirected by the attorneys to work through me instead.
OP
We have a good sizes corporate compliance team but they, on the whole, do not. understand the nuances of our specific business unit. I’m trying not to out myself, but let’s pretend my BU supplies into healthcare (or any other high risk industry where people can die if your product fails or there could be a major pollution event) and we are about 15% of the entire revenue of the company. Everything else is fairly generic commercial stuff.
Our BU specific compliance team deals with a very narrow set of regulations that is very high risk and not much else. I am the SME for government regulations and I know more after 5 years than the majority of the people who have been in the BU for their entire career (with respect to their specific function).
Sigh.
Anon In-House
I’m in-house for a completely different kind of industry, so the exact types of things you mention aren’t necessarily what I do, but this generally sounds really consistent with my days. I’m constantly amazed at how often my “expertise in how to phrase things” winds up in reality being correcting basic details and grammar. I like my job and my workplace, but it’s definitely frustrating.
Anonymous
This is how it is for me (in-house generalist in small legal department for manufacturing company), and I share your frustration. Most of my internal clients cannot distinguish between a legal and non-legal question. They default to thinking that any important question needs to be approved by legal.
yikes
This sounds like a nightmare and reinforces my view that I would not like being in house.
Cat
This sounds like a nightmare and reinforces my view that I would not like being in house.
OP
Thank you everyone for your input!! I really like my boss and team generally, and our law department is super supportive in many areas and unique in several beneficial ways, so this is talking me off the jump-ship ledge.
I really appreciate this community!
Anonymous
I’ve been in house for over ten years and this is the job. Maybe 75% babysitting as I’ve gotten more senior. But I’ve helped sales people write emails to prospects, helped colleagues in product work on talking points to deliver feedback to peers, etc. I know who approves what. In the realm of commercial contracts, I rarely have found sales management to be competent coaches when it comes to anything other than pipeline/pricing/when to call again. If a sales person had to deliver a difficult message, even on something like we don’t accept net 120 payment terms, the rep hightailed it to legal for help. So yes, this is the job.
Intuitive eating/weekly calorie budget
If my eating is good 80% of the time but bad or very bad 20% of the time, what diet program would you recommend? Could intuitive eating ever work for me? Bad = lots of drinks, fries, pizza, bread with butter, lately too much Skinnypop, etc. Good = lean meats, veggies, fruit, healthy fats.
I’m taking a break from WW b/c it wasn’t working for me but wondering if the “WW Weekly budget idea“ is smart, or an old diet rule to break.
Anon
Definitely intuitive eating. It’ll help you move past labeling food as “good” or “bad,” for starters – but it’s not a diet program. It’s a natural way of feeding your body what it wants and needs. Check out the Evelyn Tribole book to start along with Christy Harrison’s website and Real Life RD’s blog.
Anon
Meal prep and not buying the “bad” (good and bad foods aren’t really a thing) options.
Anon
I agree that it’s meaningless and unhelpful to moralize foods, but blacklisting some foods has helped me a lot. There are foods that no one actually needs to eat, and for some people, moderation is more trouble than it’s worth. I was advised to limit sugar when I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes, and I tried that for a year or so, but I ended up finding it much, much easier in terms of effort and lifestyle to just go completely sugar-free, which I’ve kept up for years without issues. Maybe that’s a unique example because unstable blood sugar leads to hunger which leads to difficulty with moderation, but it feels like it’s also easier to skip the mental effort of measuring and tracking and moderating.
anon
Same. I didn’t blacklist sugar entirely (although I haven’t been diagnosed with pre-diabetes; the story might be different otherwise) but it’s easier for me to simply not keep my personal “bad” foods in the house than it is for me to battle myself into moderation. Cookies in the house for me = misery of constant willpower battle *and* eating bag after bag of mint milanos till I feel awful physically and emotionally. Cookies not in the house means that I eat a cookie once a week or so when a cookie appears in my life. (Left in break room after long stressful work event, baby shower, baking with nephew..)
I call them my “trigger foods.” That way they’re not “good” or “bad,” but I am acknowledging that these are the foods that I’ll have trouble stopping once I start and recognize that on balance, they’re not adding a lot of value. Ruffles, I’m looking at you. Also you, ben and jerry’s.
Anonymous
Yes – the trigger foods concept works well for me. I’m still very much staying at home though so I’ve been stocking everything!
Carrie
+1
OP, you sound just like me!
The only thing that works for me is eating/cooking at home and not buying the dangerous foods, if you know what I mean.
And I think it was Michael Pollen that suggested…. have the french fries, but you have to make them yourself. Don’t go out for them. It does cut down on my McD’s runs. And I keep Trader Joe’s sweet potato fries in my freezer.
But I will still some junk that I love, and if I eat it all in one night well…. that’s it for the week! No more for you!
Anon
Have you tried intermittent fasting? A lot of people have success with that, while still eating whatever they want.
Anonymous
I eat from 11-7, sometimes 12-7 now — it doesn’t really feel like IF b/c it isn’t a challenge to me. Should I read something else or try to push it further?
anon
Try a shorter feeding window on crappy eating days. I normally do 11-7 myself but if I pig out on fast food or something, I try to make that my only meal of the day (much easier to swing if it’s lunch). I’ve had good results doing this — I’m maintaining my weight while periodically eating the junk food that calls out to me.
Anon
Hmm I think the evidence says women generally do better with at least an 8 hour eating window, but in your shoes I might try a shorter eating window. I don’t think it “has” to be difficult to be effective (it’s pretty easy for me too) but if you’re not seeing results it seems worth playing around with it and seeing if you can find a window that works.
Anonymous
I was brought up in a household where food was strictly rationed for a variety of reasons. As a result, I never learned to self-regulate. I still remember how I once devoured about six cookies in a row at a friend’s house, then was terribly embarrassed by the mom’s reaction to my greediness. What helps me most is reminding myself that I am a grown adult and can buy myself whatever food I want whenever I want. That counters the feelings of scarcity that say “Dessert is bad and I’m only allowed to have it on weekends, so I’d better finish this giant slice of cake while I have the chance.” I can enjoy a reasonable amount of cake now, and if I want more cake tomorrow I can always have some more then. Nine times out of ten, I don’t want more cake the next day.
Anonymous
Have you figured out what it is about WW that isn’t working for you? I do a combo of intermittent fasting and WW but I don’t buy any of the WW food and I don’t do any artificial sweeteners. It sounds dumb but the earning points by tracking and getting free stuff is a big motivator for me. I track my black coffee at breakfast so I get the points for tracking breakfast. They’ve added tracking water as well and I’ve noticed that when my water intake is low, I’m more tired and more likely to overdo it on treats. My problem issue is mindless snacking so mindful eating by staying off screens while eating and tracking what I eat every day is key. I still indulge (ice cream yesterday) but paying attention to how much and when I indulge keeps it in the fun treat range instead of regular food range.
Senior Attorney
Somebody recommended Corinne at phit-n-phat dot com and I’ve been listening to her podcasts. Her thing is close to intuitive eating — eat whatever you want, but only when you’re hungry, and also plan your eating in advance. You might want to check it out. (Shoutout to whoever turned me on to her — thanks!)
Anonymous
Isn’t eating always only when you are hungry? I feel like I don’t really get how the intuitive eating thing works.
Anon
Lots of people eat for reasons other than physical hunger. If this seems strange to you, consider yourself lucky.
Anonymous
A lot of people, including me, have difficulty distinguishing true hunger from other emotions (e.g. boredom, stress, fear, etc.) Some test whether they are truly hungry by restricting foods (e.g. if I’m truly hungry, carrots and humus or yogurt and berries will suffice vs. a chocolate bar.) Intuitive eating is working on understanding when you are truly hungry to nourish your physical body and eating then.
Anon
Partially, but intuitive eating is also about recognizing when you need to eat, even if you’re not hungry. Sometimes we’re not starving at 4 pm, but we have an after-work obligation and won’t be able to eat dinner until very late. In those times, IE is about recognizing that you should have a snack to give you the energy you need. Similarly, IE doesn’t punish or condemn eating for emotional reasons because it acknowledges that sometimes we do want and need comforting food or celebratory food. Once you do IE and get rid of the diet culture dragon, you can start to do things like have that amazing cupcake your bakery-owning friend made even though you’re not that hungry or have that delicious ice cream cone on an 100 degree day even though you had “enough” calories already. For me, IE let me enjoy a wonderful outdoor adventure trip that I did where all the food was provided for me. I had no input on the menu. I ate when I was hungry, I ate what was available, and I focused on having an amazing time. The woman who was constantly counting calories and packing her own rice cakes in her hiking backpack didn’t seem to have quite as much fun.
Senior Attorney
Wow and I bet you also don’t have any weight or eating issues. Congratulations — you’re fortunate!
Anon
Most people who practice IE came to it because they had weight and eating issues. I know you regularly advocate for dieting and that you’ve had weight loss surgery, but that’s not the only path (or a path at all…) to body peace.
Senior Attorney
I should probably stop weighing in on this topic altogether. I finally just accepted that my issues are so deep seated that weight loss was my only halfway realistic path to some kind of halfway peace for myself. But that’s not anything to be proud of or advocate. Thanks for the reality check.
NOLA
Senior Attorney, for what it’s worth, I feel you. I have been an emotional eater, a stress eater, tendency to go crazy with sweets, etc. or even creep back into bad habits. This pandemic has been a real eye opener for me – trying to figure out how I eat when nothing is normal and I’m home. I had revved my metabolism to the point where I really could eat, and now, I’m eating very little and struggling to maintain. It’s just plain weird. I still user a calorie tracker because I know how easy it is for me to slide and I’m happy (within 3-5 lbs) of where I am now weight wise. I never believed in “cheat days” because I was just tracking and trying to be healthy. Now, on Friday nights, I let loose a bit. Drink an extra glass of wine, eat red meat, but still eating pretty well, maybe eating part of a dessert. It’s a f-cking struggle every day.
Anon
Planning your eating isn’t the same as eating whatever you want.
Senior Attorney
Certainly, though, you can plan to eat whatever you want to eat at the time you make your plan. I.e. no forbidden foods. That’s what I was trying to say, albeit not super clearly.
anon
Can you make less bad versions of your bad foods? Baked “fries”. Make your own pizza with a thin, whole wheat crust and a lot less cheese than would be on restaurant pizza (and you can add veggies!), less sugary drinks (use freshly squeezed grapefruit/lime/lemons for mixers), etc.
Anonymous
the problem is the martinis… not a lot of other versions of those lol. we only get takeout once a week (Saturday) these days, in part b/c we’re so tired of cooking at home — trying to move into even healthier dinners during the workweek — I’d often make pizza for the kids and find myself stealing a piece. But my eldest is overweight and likes lean meats like pork, chicken, and fish, so I don’t know why I’m serving him frozen pizza.
foodlover
Any folks out there that cook meals for loved ones who have dysphagia or dietary issues (eg. low fiber) so need to be on a softer diet/dysphagia diet? It is not a totally strict diet. I am looking for a website/blogger that gives some pointers for making food more tasty/interesting/palatable but nutritious. Would love it to be tasty as I am getting to tired making two sets of meals every night so for my sanity I am going to start eating whatever I cook for my family member too.
I’m most interested in dinner type foods, that “feel” like dinner. Not smoothies/yogurt/protein drinks, which are what they eat earlier in the day. More “normal” appearing food, that is just easier to chew, not too dry, doesn’t encourage aspiration.
It is hard to cook for older folks with medical issues as they often have really strong food preferences/dislikes too. Well, don’t we all?
Anon
This might sound ridiculous but I have a French baby food book called Bebe Gourmet that might be up their alley. The recipes sound like something adults would enjoy, or at least they sound good to me.
foodlover
Actually, this doesn’t sound ridiculous at all!
I have tried to puree a few high fiber vegetables that my relative used to like, but they didn’t come out well and I think it is because I was using one of these small bullet things meant for making smoothies (not a food processor, which I don’t have). So it occurred to me I should find a baby blog for advice on how to make good purees. But I’m hoping for something more interesting than a bland newborn baby puree and instead like the now infamous Pee Puree from Top Chef that was stolen….. or maybe I just need whatever blender/food processor the Mommy bloggers are using.
I will look for Bebe Gourmet. Thanks!
foodlover
I just read about it and it sounds amazing. Thank you so much for your useful rec!
Anon
What can be done about deep, half-moon bags under my eyes that are always there? It has nothing to do with how well-rested or hydrated I am. They developed in my late 30s and now that 40 is looming, I swear they’re getting worse. I hate looking in the mirror because I look haggard and tired.
Would Botox or other fillers help?
Anon
Switch your bathroom lighting from an overhead light or bar to sconces on either side of the mirror.
Flats Only
This is genius!
Anon for this
A friend had kind of puffy half moons and she just got them ‘done’ and looks fantastic. In her case, it was accumulated fat, and they sucked it out from under the lower eyelid somehow.
Senior Attorney
Your cosmetic surgeon should be able to do it in the office with local anesthesia.
E
Similar question–what about hereditary dark circles under the eyes (had them since a teen). Is this just a pigmentation thing?
Anon
Christina Onassis had very dark circles around her eyes (thanks, Ari!). She finally had them taken care of surgically.
Airplane.
Hylauronic avid injections with an experienced person who does this specific area a lot. Subtle. Your body makes HA naturally and your metabolism breaks it down so it will fade over time not permanent.
Anonymous
I’m moving into my dream place in my dream neighbourhood next week! How do you make friends in a new neighbourhood? Unfortunately most of my hobbies are individual ones, but I am into some things that could be friend-tivities like yoga and cycling. One of the reasons I am moving is that I’m single and where I currently live is full of couples and young families, vs. the new neighbourhood which is a bit younger and hipper and seems like it would be more of a social scene for single folks. But I’m worried that I will just continue to sit in the parks in the new area/walk by all the cute patios and bars watching friends hangout and wishing I could be a part of their group (which is what I have been doing when I go visit the new area and it’s lonely!). I think it would be weird to just go up to people and say “hey do you want to be my friend”, but I’m really hurting on the friend front so honestly if that’s worked for you let me know! FWIW I’m 30 and live in Toronto (which isn’t as friendly as you might think – people sort of have their established friend groups and stick to them) and have a dog if that matters, but I’ve never managed to make a dog park acquaintance into a real friend.
Anonymous
See if there’s a yoga studio walking distance to your house and join. Look online for group cycling rides in your neighbourhood and join up. It’s weird to say ‘do you want to be my friend?’ – It’s not weird to mention you just moved to the neighbourhood and ask for a local coffee shop recommendation from the person next to you in yoga.
Anonymous
If you don’t already, you might try to walk your dog at the same time every day or go to the local dog park at a consistent time and day of the week. You are more likely to run into the same people that way and may meet a new friend. Before covid, I had signed my dog and myself up for a scenting class — that could also be an idea (lots of different classes out there — agility, training, etc.)
Never too many shoes...
What part of Toronto? Maybe I can hook you up!
I grew up here, and have always heard that people are not that friendly. But I have made amazing friends in my neighbourhood as an adult, so it can definitely be done. Lots of people are from other places, so there is often a search for new friends going on.
Anonymous
Little Portugal – let me know if you’re close by! That’s good to hear! I have been in Toronto for 12 years, but most of my main crew has moved into the burbs or to other cities for work and I find it so difficult to start new friendships here at this age.
Never too many shoes...
I live in East York and am moving to Leaside, so like the opposite of young and hip. I will have a think about where my single friends live and see if I have some ideas of what might be a good spot for you…
anon a mouse
Has anyone tried the new Target linen sheets? I am a big fan of the threshold ones, but I’ve never had actual linens before.
anon
I have an expensive set of Parachute 100% linen sheets as well as the much cheaper Threshold 55% linen/45% cotton blend. I strongly prefer the cheaper set — I think the cotton makes them soften up much more easily. I’ve had the Parachute sheets for over a year and have yet to break them in, despite lots of washing, drying, and use.
Anon
I just got them this week. They washed up nicely the first time; lots of lint In the dryer filter which seems to be expected with linen, but very soft, at least the natural color. I also got the linen quilt, which I love so much I bought a second one. It manages to be both weighty and cool, which I find really conducive to sleep. So far they seem to be excellent value.
Anon
Wondering if anyone has an above-ground pool and could share your experience? I’m thinking of getting a steel one because it’s around $6,000 vs. $10,000. Having difficulty identifying if there are major brands (e.g. Doughboy) and if so which are highest quality. With no summer camps and swimming spots packed to the gills, I think it would be a major stress reliever and source of enjoyment, but curious to hear people’s input.
eertmeert
No advice, but so jealous of the whirlpool sessions that are in your future. Best part of above ground pools, ever.
Anon
Ha! No jets, so don’t think there will be that kind of sessions, but it will be relaxing to chill on a float.
Anon
No jets needed. Everyone just walks in circles in the same direction for awhile and then you turn around and try to go the other way but you can’t. Then you can float around.
Anon
Omg I remember that! Good old doughboys.
Anonymous
I’m an associate. I handled my first solo settlement negotiation this month. Ultimately, we didn’t settle, but the client has told me they’re (very) satisfied with how negotiations went. That said, the potential plaintiff brought up a side issue and they said they would file a complaint based on that issue, reserving the original dispute for later. I got a courtesy call from the lawyer that it’ll be filed today, due to processing times I probably won’t get to review it until Monday. I’m nearly sick – I think nervous. The client didn’t freak out, they said they expected it, but I absolutely hate going over in my head ‘could I have prevented this, what will they say, etc.” The partner on the file said she’ll review it with me when we get it, but I can’t help but wonder if she’s disappointed. This type of complaint is a little bit more urgent than a general litigation filing. Any tips for getting through the weekend anxiety?
SC
Your job as an attorney is to represent your client well, not to force a settlement. It’s your client’s decision whether to settle. It sounds like your client was aware of the risk that the plaintiff might file this claim and still chose not to settle. Your client is happy with how the negotiations went, and is not upset that the complaint is being filed. It sounds like you’ve done your job well.
E
+1. Well done, OP, on good settlement negotiations! Allow yourself to relinquish control of the situation. You advised your client well, they took your advice into their calculations, made the decision (not your decision on whether to settle or not), and bet the client feels good about you on their side to handle this side complaint. You’ll probably feel better once you see this side complaint and can formulate a plan to defend your client on that front. Give yourself permission to shelve the issue until Monday (easier said than done, I know from experience).
Anon
Based on your summary I don’t see how this is at all your fault.
Anonymous
Thanks. Your perspectives are helpful. I’m still freaking out a little bit – I think because my case load is high, I’m overanalyzing everything I recommended, etc. – but you’re right, the client is good with it and that’s my main concern.
Worried
How do you store your jewelry? For jewelry that you have inherited, do you keep all of it? I have kept every piece of jewellery I have been gifted since I was 12 years old. I’m in my late forties. I’m talking about gold or silver jewelry mostly. I have rings and necklaces that were given to me by my grandmother and aunt while they were alive. I have inherited more when they passed. I have an old box that doesn’t fit everything, a cloth sachet bag with some antique jewellery, small boxes with more, and a sliding pax wardrobe drawer where I keep some costume jewelry. I wear and like jewelry, but I only have a handful of items in rotation and The rest just sits there. I can’t let go of jewelry that belonged to my grandmother and aunt, but much of it feels more like it’s still theirs. They both had good taste, but even so, I don’t feel comfortable Wearing it, so I’ve decided to keep and store it. I’ve set aside some jewelry from my teens and twenties for my nieces, as I don’t have kids. How do you all store you stuff and decide what to keep and honour vs giving away or having remade? I’ve been going through my stuff and it’s making me feel sad and overwhelmed, and I want to enjoy it.
Anonymous
I keep stuff I wear every day or every week in a foot-wide jewelry box (I only wear two rings daily/weekly so I use the ring slots for storing stud earrings, which I wear most days). I might change a tray or two out seasonally from my bigger armoire.
I keep stuff I wear less often or only for special occasions in a 4-5′ jewelry armoire. The sides open for easy necklace access for days I want a necklace. To help keep jostling down, I also purchased a bunch of clear plastic small boxes from a craft store (will post a link) and put earrings and pins and small items there; helps me “stack” and fit more in. I’m the only woman in my immediate family and one of the only living females on my extended family tree, so I have inherited or been given a lot of jewelry. I recently did a Mari-Kondo-esque purge and got rid of most of the costume jewelry, a pile of Avon stuff from a deceased aunt, and clip-on earrings (a local nonprofit thrift store was thrilled to get those for some reason). The rest of it stays in the armoire. My nieces will inherit the whole lot eventually but I plan to start gifting them pieces as they turn 16 – I (hide) my absolute favorites I still wear at that time, but then they pick a piece a year from the armoire. I also got peaceful with if they don’t take care of it, lose it, throw it, etc., that’s OK, it’s theirs, and I’d rather they be able to enjoy it now if they want to.
I keep the “real” stuff (including inherited wedding sets and other $$ stuff I haven’t decided what to do with or only wear to Really Fancy Events) in my safety deposit box.
Worried
Thank you for the suggestions. I do wear the jewelry and I like the idea of purchasing two jewelry boxes for the most worn, and less worn items. I’ve created a treasure box of costume jewellery, so the armour box idea for semi precious stupid they can pick out sounds great.
Worried
Sorry for the typos — I mean armoir and semi precious stuff! Yikes!
Anonymous
I use 3×5 clear versions of these https://www.michaels.com/assorted-darice-plastic-storage-box/10286968.html
Before I purchased the armoire, I used ice cube trays or empty egg cartons to store jewelry. Easy to stack, wouldn’t spill, could put in a dresser drawer, and necklaces didn’t get tangled up if I wrapped them around the spines of the egg carton.
Anon
I had a bunch of gold jewelry that I never wore melted down into a solid gold bangle that I wear all the time. I remember that the bracelet and ring my mom gave me and the “Bold gold” earrings I bought myself in the 90s are in there, but the bracelet gets a lot more wear so I feel like I’m honoring those things better than letting them lie around and collect dust.
I have a big jewelry box and store things where they’re supposed to go (earring compartments, ring slots, necklace hooks, bracelet drawer) and I double up somethings. I also have an older jewelry box I never use up on a closet shelf and it holds stuff I want to keep but don’t wear.
Never too many shoes...
Similar to the above, I sold a bunch of delicate gold earrings and necklaces and bracelets that were given to me over the course of my life that I would never ever wear and bought myself a strand of Tahitian pearls that I wear a lot. Whenever I put them on, I think about all the love that went into them.
Worried
These are beautiful stories of making one meaningful and worn item. I have been thinking of melting things down and making one item. Or, I may gift the items to nieces bit by bit. Im not sure yet- first, I think I will organize in a jewlery box I will purchase, and then decide.
Anon
Online dating vent:
Profiles for men in their mid-thirties who have what they are “looking for” set to “Don’t Know Yet” or “Something Casual” (as opposed to “Relationship”). Then for “kids” it’s set to “Want Someday.”
Well, David, it must be nice to have no biological clock concerns. These profiles are everywhere!
Anonymous
Just be glad they’re giving you the info you need to weed them out.
anon
Yep those men are interested in 22-year-olds who don’t have pressing biological clock concerns. Swipe left!
Anonymous
I hope those men are looking for 22-y.o.s who are interested in raising special needs kids bc they are more likely to produce them. This memo, though, has of course been ignored because … patriarchy.
anon
I did a lot of online dating in my mid-30s (met my now husband at 37 and am pregnant with #2 at 41) and honestly I filtered out any guy who didn’t have “relationship” and “definitely” as to kids set on their profile. There was just no point in wasting time since I knew I wanted to move pretty quickly once I found the right person and figured that at a minimum, I should be looking for men (however scarce they might be) with the same mindset. Good luck, I know it is tough out there.
anon
38 and single. I yell at those profiles, too. It sucks, you’re not alone.