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Updated: Jun 21, 2022 250 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Three Dots – Cotton Knits Cap Sleeve Scoop Neck Dress (African Violet)

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

6pm has some great deals on casual clothes this weekend, including this simple dress from Three Dots. Honestly, this is the kind of thing I live in on hot weekends and on vacations — it's versatile (swap flip flops for heels and a swanky necklace and you can go to a nice restaurant), easily washable/packable, and just incredibly comfortable. This dress is 70% off — was $72, now $21.60 at 6pm (available in purple, black, and a tomato red). Three Dots – Cotton Knits Cap Sleeve Scoop Neck Dress (African Violet) – Apparel

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Comments

  1. kelie

    Sorry for the embarrassing post but I don’t know where else to turn. Please help, ladies! I had minor surgery on my leg and am not allowed to wear undies while it’s healing (or tights or tight pants or hose or…). Does anyone have any tips on how to manage this in public? I know it’s normal for some people, but I’ve never been comfortable going commando in public. With skirts there are risks, and with pants, they sort of seem to end up where they shouldn’t be…

  2. AL

    Love this kind of dress. Perfect for the weekend. I can’t wait for spring/summer to arrive!

  3. Midori

    Am I just old-fashioned, or is that dress a bit short to be wearing jeans or leggings or somesuch?

    • EC

      In a tropical vacation destination, I would assume that the person is wearing a swimsuit underneath if they were wearing it just around. And for wearing out on a vacation night on the town – it looks like it would consistently cover one’s underpants, and that’s probably all you need on vacation!

      And Kat, thanks for allowing me to daydream about tropical vacations. When I woke up this morning, it was below zero but a full 15 degrees warmer than it had been yesterday. This dress makes me remember that there is hope of summer.

      • Jade Moon

        I live in Hawaii, and don’t read Corporette until I’m home , which is why my posts are 3 to 6 hours after most people are sound asleep. Nonetheless, I’m compelled to tell you : tonight’s low is projected to be 68 and today’s high was 78.

        I often envy the clothes options you mainland ladies have, scarves, vests, trench coats, tights, layers. But in the end,

        I’m somehow dealin’ with it. :)

        And that dress? A great beach cover -up.

        • D

          I will gladly trade you my entire stock of gloves, hats, scarves, coats, and long underwear for your lovely weather :)

    • Anonymous

      The picture with a live model (the orange dress) looks significantly shorter than the black and purple. Petite gals might be able to pull it off, but at 5’10”, I’ll have to pass.

      • soulfusion

        wow – on the mannequin I didn’t see the problem but way too short for me on the model!

        • L from Oz

          I hit five feet when I stand up really straight, so if I still lived somwhere where the weather allowed for this sort of outfit, it would probably work for me ;)

  4. TEV

    Speaking of vacations, does anyone have any recommendations for the Florida Keys and particularly Key West? My husband and I are heading down there for a 5-day-4-night babymoon in mid-March. Flying into Fort Lauderdale in the early morning and driving down to Key West, staying for 3 nights, then driving up to Key Largo, staying for 1 night, then driving back to Fort Lauderdale and flying back to NYC. Otherwise everything is open, so recommendations for things to do, places to stay, where to eat, etc. are greatly appreciated. We generally stay away from all things touristy and love outdoor activities like hiking, birdwatching, snorkeling, etc. I will be 6.5 months pregnant, however, so nothing too crazy unfortunately. Thanks in advance and remember that spring will one day come!

    • AIMS

      Key West is very small, they have really great key lime pie, and there are roosters wandering around everywhere. I don’t remember specific restaurants but the food was very good. A fun place to go is the Hemingway House Museum. They have dozens of cats with thumbs living there, too. Very random but fun.

      • Lola

        I love love love Key West. It’s certainly the type of place that you can go with no concrete plans, and wander around until you find something fun to do. (That’s the kind of vacation I like – not over-scheduled.)

        Tons of great open-air restaurants. I took a little trolley tour with relatives one time, and that was great.

    • kz

      I did a “dolphin trainer for a day” thing when I was in the Keys where you basically get to play with the dolphins and sea lions. It may not be advisable when pregnant, but you could look into it. I think we were staying in Islamorada, though (this was years ago), which is the upper keys and rather far from Key West, but maybe you could find something similar closer. We also went snorkeling, which is always fun.

      • kellyn

        Dolphin Research Center on Grassy Key. Go! It’s wonderful! My sister in law is the research director there and we LOVE visiting and learning so much. Plus, dude, dolphins are awesome.

        For amazing real beaches, visit Bahia Honda State Park (mm36…38? just “south” of the 7 mile bridge). Beautiful.

    • MM

      What’s a babymoon? I must be very un-hip, as I’m not familiar with the concept. Like, you travel with your newborn?

      • MM

        Erg. Sorry I typed and hit send before I realized your post actually answered my question if I had read more thoroughly. That makes much more sense than traveling with a newborn!

    • b23

      We stay at the Orchid Key Inn in Key West and loved it. It is very reasonably priced, has free snacks and drinks during happy hour, and has a wonderful staff. The rooms are really nice and recently updated.

    • luvskeywest

      first time poster!

      In general, I’d say you want to stay near the Old Town area so that you can walk to Duval Street. We like The Gardens, which is nice but with a B&B feel. The Marquesa is also nice.

      Key West has a ton of great restaurants. some recs: 915 or the wine bar upstairs of 915 (has great food even if you skip the wine), Louie’s Backyard (on the water- very pretty), Sarahbeths for brunch (although I think there’s one in NYC), Cafe Sole, Ambrosia, etc, etc. We always get great recs when we’re there, so ask around.

      The Audubon House & Truman’s Little White House are worth checking out. The La-Ti-Da has great (usually drag) shows– Randy Roberts is great & really funny.

      I’m jealous. have fun!

    • Makeup Junkie

      I was in Key West years ago, and I still remember breakfast at Blue Heaven years later!
      have a wonderful vacation, I do love the Keys.

    • Suze

      Sounds great for a babymoon. Key West is a great ‘unstructured’ walkaround place – definitely check out the Hemingway House, second the recs for Louie’s and Ambrosia. The B&Bs all over the place are all good – some are more ‘eccentric’ than others, but there is something for everyone, just check out their webpages. If you are able/willing to really luxe it, consider the Sunset Key cottages – super duper nice on an island that is a five minute ferry ride from KW wharf, very relaxing, great restaurant, great sunset and a sugary beach (which there is not much of around the Keys). Also consider a dinner at Little Palm Island – about 20 mins or so north of KW – again, pretty luxe, but you dine outside in a torch and candlelit palmy/beachy setting, key deer come up to your table, food is outrageously good, etc.

      In upper keys – Islamorada, Key Largo – go to Pennekamp Park for really good snorkeling and overall nice surroundings. The statue of Christ is in about 15 feet of water off Pennekamp and if the water is calm, that would be worth snorkeling around. Dining: the Fish House is really good, authentic, casual – good for lunch or dinner, or just an afternoon chowder/shrimp cocktail. Right around MM 101/105 (on the right as you go north). Also a little further down: Old Tavernier and Bentleys are both good. I am not sure about this b/c I haven’t been in a few years, but Marker 98 used to be really, really good – you might ask around on that, something sticks in my memory that they may have changed owners.

      Finally, MM 88 – there is a place on the right hand side as you go south, just after a bridge – Robbie’s Marina. They have the BEST.YELLOWTAIL.EVER, and the marina itself is fun to walk around at – people feed tarpon off the dock and there are always hundreds of them swimming around, kids squealing, etc. Robbie’s also has a variety of rental options, from 2 person kayaks to bigger group (6-10 people) motorboat tours – I personally would not enjoy much motor boat while preggo but depending on how athletic you’re feeling (and how the water/weather is), you and hubs might enjoy a kayak…

      Have a wonderful time!

    • BB

      Snorkeling John Pennecamp state park (a reef) – and you can rent a wetsuit, which is crucial (IMO) for warmth and adds bouyancy, which is nice. I believe you go out of Key Largo for that one.

      Try renting sea kayaks too. Super fun.

      AND if you are there at the right time, you may run into WaterTribe – they run a race from Tampay Bay to Key Largo in kayaks and small boats.

    • TEV

      My reply is a little late, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the great recommendations. I’m even more excited now!

  5. K

    Help! I have my first interview in forever this evening. I’m being recruited by a small business & management consulting firm in my area for an associate position. I’ve reviewed basic interview questions, but other than reviewing the firm’s website, I have no idea how else to prepare! “Consulting” is such a broad term, and all I know is they want me for an ‘associate’ position. Other than that, I have nothing. Consulting is also not the field I’m currently in, so I’m not too familiar with it.

    Any advice/tips/pointers for someone who hasn’t had a formal interview in nearly three years?

    • - j -

      Sounds like you’ve got a couple good questions already :). It’s perfectly fair to ask what specifically the position entailas and a little more about what they do, particularly if you’re not a “consultant” now.

      I’d imagine that with such a broad title, they may give you a little schpiel first about what the duties are, so you may just need to pay attention and think on your feet — be ready with an “at my current position, I feel like my skills in x arena a very strong, how would those fit in to this position’s y skill/requirement.”

      Always good: “what traits do you find common among the consultants who you consider successful at the firm”.

      “What has been your favorite part about working at the firm/being a consultant,” “how would you describe the professional development going forward of people who have switched from [whatever you do now] to this type of consulting?”

      Hope these are a good jumping-off point. Just remember, THEY are recruiting YOU because you’re awesome. Keep WHY you’re awesome in mind and be confident. Good luck :).

      • consultantess

        Typically for associate positions in business and management consulting, it’s less about what you ‘know’ and more about how you can think–your critical reasoning skills.

        Expect some type of case study or exercise in the interview where you will be expected to demonstrate your ability to work through a brain-teaserlike challenge. A classic one is the ‘how many gas stations in a 10 mile by 10 mile radius’ or ‘how many tennis balls to fill up a school bus’.

        What’s important for those is not to jump to conclusions too quickly, ask lots of good questions, and show your thinking through each step (e.g. ‘well if faced with that, the first thing i would ask would be xyz’). You can’t really prepare for the exact question itself, but you can review HOW to attack case problems online–google should turn up lots of results.

        Being prepared to discuss the soft skills in your previous position (writing assessments, working in a team, working with folks at all different levels facilitating client discussions) and how those relate to what you might be expected to do in the new role might also help.

        One more thing–they may ask if you are ok with travel. Be prepared to let them know either way.

    • MJ

      Google case study interviews if it’s strategy consulting, and maybe check out the Vault guide for that. There should be good resources. If you have any friends that are MBAs, they should be able to throw you a bone and help on what to expect for a case study. Good luck.

    • AE

      I know! It is not even 4:30 pm yet on the east coast and Kat’s rec has already sold out! I am going to Mexico in two weeks for a vacation and so wanted that dress in the purple color, but ended up getting the orange.

  8. Hello, Tennessee!

    Bar question: I am facing the spectre of of possibly having to take the bar in another jurisdiction due to my husband’s relocation. I have been licensed for only 2 years in my current jurisdiction, so there’s no reciprocity here. I took barbri the first time around on my own dime, and passed with no problem. Do I need barbri again, or can I just hang on to my old MBE flashcards, get a year-old state essays guide, and do this on my own?

    • NYC

      I’ve wondered this and have concluded that if it is a fairly straight-forward state, you can do it on your own. This isn’t based on any scientific information, so take it with a grain of salt. And if you are an anxious person, you might need the structure of BarBri to give you confidence and organization. You could look into buying someone’s old barbri books (for the amount they’d usually get back in deposit) — things don’t change all that much from year to year.

    • Another Sarah

      Depends on the state, I would think. I’m re-taking VA right now, and re-doing barbri, and the live lectures are almost completely different from the ones I took before. It could be that last July’s bar was a doozie and so barbri’s trying to make up for it this time…

      If you passed with no problem with barbri before, why not just do it again? Passing one state’s bar doesn’t mean you can easily pass another… :-)

    • AEK

      You can do it yourself. For my second state, I found some used Barbri books on craigslist and still had my MBE materials from my first bar. The hardest thing was creating and sticking to my own study schedule, but that’s doable. I really only studied in earnest for a month leading up to the exam, evenings/weekends only since I was working. Somehow it was just easier the second time, maybe just from the confidence of having one under my belt already.

    • Hmmm

      You could do it on your own, but it comes down to how much self-discipline you have. Knowing myself, I would need the structure of a daily class to go to, plus the knowledge that I would be taking timed exams where people would be grading my work. Also, it’s been 2 years since you took the last exam, and I assume that 90% of the info is now out of your head (that’s how it is for me, anyway) so you’ll need to re-learn everything, which could be tougher to do on your own.

      If you can set up a timetable and stick to it, I think you could manage on your own. Otherwise, for peace of mind, I would suggest forking over the $2000 and taking the class, as annoying as that would be. Another option is to take the Ipod version of the class, which is cheaper.

      Sucks to take another exam. :( Good luck.

      • Jade Moon

        Unless you have extraordinary self-discipline or are amazingly gifted, I agree with this. Passing the bar is so important, why risk it?

        • Hel-lo

          I agree. I hope to never take another bar exam in my life, but if I have to, I’d absolutely do BarBri again. I did the ipod/audio-only class.

          The tips on the structure of the exam, what the graders are looking for, previous exams, etc. is incredibly useful. And the schedule is so helpful, too.

          Studying for the bar was really tough. And it would have been twice as tough without that comforting voice in my ear from someone who is an expert on my particular state’s exam.

    • eaopm3

      Doesn’t your MBE score transfer, so you only need to take the state-specific essay portion of the exam? My state does it that way, but there may be a time limit on how long your MBE score is good for, in order for it to transfer. You might check into it. I would try to get the essays guide, look it over and determine how much more effort you need to put into it based on the sample answers to the essays. GL!

      • Hello, Tennessee!

        Thanks. No, TN doesn’t seem to take an old MBE score (and my MPRE is too old, too! Gah!). I’m considering whether I should go ahead and sit for VA at the same time just to get it overwith (new location is near the border). How does that work? Is it a 3-day test in a VA location?

        • LP7

          No — it’s a 2 day test. The Virginia bar is particularly difficult with a wide range of subjects (more than other states) that could appear on the state-specific portion. Given its history, Virginia law also has numerous quirks that require memorization. If you’re going to take it, you’ll want a sufficient amount of time to prepare. And don’t forget to wear a suit.

        • Another Sarah

          And the July test is in Roanoke – so close to TN, but you’ll still have to drive for a bit to get to wherever you need to take the exam in TN.

        • L

          The TN bar passage rate is pretty high. If I recall correctly (passed in summer ’07) there are several essays and you are graded pass / fail on each. So long as you pass a certain number you “pass” the state part.

    • Anon

      I took the MA bar and then took the NY bar a year later. I didn’t do BarBri for the NY bar, and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I remembered (and how much actually practicing for a year helped me on the actual test). I was also able to transfer my MBE score, so that helped a lot. I think it is definitely doable on your own, or with a few refresher books from Amazon.

      The only thing I would say is that BarBri is very very helpful for issues concerning the actual day of the exam, like how many questions and of what format, what you can bring into the testing room, etc. Because I was studying on my own and the NY bar allows laptops, I did not realize that I needed a No. 2 pencil for a brief multiple choice section. I had to ask the woman sitting next to me if I could borrow one of her spare pencils. You can imagine the look of shock she gave me. =)

    • Anon

      Hello, Tennessee, I took the Tennessee bar as my second bar as well, so I can totally relate. I did not take the barbri course again. I pulled out my old barbri books and outlines and just studied away. I also borrowed the TN state specific books from a previous year from a friend. I decided that whatever law had changed in a couple of years was simply not worth worrying about. For what it’s worth, it totally comes back quickly the second time. I only starting studying about a month before the bar in the evenings (and not even every evening or anything) and then got serious about a week before the exam. I couldn’t take any time off work to study, but it didn’t end up being a problem. Memory is an amazing thing!

      And to answer your embedded question below, right now you can take VA and TN at the same time over three-days. You would have to start in VA (in Roanoke in July and Norfolk in Feb) and then drive or fly to Knoxville / Nashville / Memphis for the third day. But be warned, TN is changing to a T/W test as well in 2012 and this will no longer be an option.

      • Anon

        PS – In TN, if you can focus on re-learning the MBE topics and getting a high MBE score, the essays become less important. I’m not sure the exact break-down, but as you do better on the MBE, you have to “pass” fewer and fewer essays. This can be really helpful when TN is your second state. I didn’t even answer all the essays in TN and still passed without a problem.

        • AIMS

          I think you can largely ignore the essays if you just study for the MBE enough (this is what I did for one of my states. Just wrote every sentence of an essay, even when I made stuff up, with, “In New Jersey, . . . .” or “Under NJ Law….”) …

          That said doing the questions is the most important thing to bar exam passing & I think that can be super helpful. I would enroll in a 3 day PMBR class — it’s like BarBri on steroids. They’ll give you new materials & you will get one simulated exam; plus a 2 day review. It’s not nearly as expensive as BarBri — I think around $400 total.
          I think if you just do all the PMBR questions you will do great. They’re harder than BarBri’s and are a great prep for the real deal. Good luck!!!

    • A

      You can probably do it on your own if you buy some used BarBri books. I took the NY bar a year after I passed my first bar exam. I borrowed the BarBri books and materials from a friend of mine who took the NY bar the year before. I printed out the class schedule for the NY BarBri course and followed the schedule on my own, doing the reading and all the practice tests according to the BarBri calendar. If you can stick to a study schedule without actually going to the lectures, you should be fine.

    • Bk foette

      I took my 2nd (Nevada) without barbri (of course it was only 6 mo past the Utah one) and I had a 1 year old. I got a used set of books from a former classmate and used my MBE. I did have to schedule study times in evening rather than workouts/boobtube, but it was ok once I got on a roll. Plus I cleared it with my judge to do some studying when he was out at conferences.
      Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      I had to take a second bar exam due to my husband’s relocation. TN was my first state, and then I took IL approx 3 years later. I bought the IL barbri materials off of craigslist, googled the barbri schedule that students actually taking barbri would follow, and then tried to stick to that or modified it to fit into my schedule. I did not have a job in the 2 months before I took the IL bar, so I did not have to worry about balancing work and studying, but I found that the second time around I was not nearly as nervous. I thought I had forgotten all of the crazy MBE stuff, but it all came back to me once I started reviewing. Good luck!

  9. Me

    I had to do the same (in TN, no less) after 3 years of practice in another state. I would advise that unless you can get a very recent bar-taker’s TN materials, you go ahead and purchase the stuff. I did the courses on my own time on CD but found that having the TN-specific stuff for the essays (which are pretty important on the TN bar) was absolutely essential. You definitely don’t need to attend the live course – it’s much more efficient to listen to it on your own time, but I would go ahead and get the course materials.

    • eaopm3

      and, when you listen to them at home, you can speed the lecture up to time and a half. Loved that part.

      • L

        Agree. I did barbri for TN long distance and loved being able to speed up the slow takers… also enjoyed listening to the courses sitting poolside.

  10. Emma

    (Taking the advice to just adopt a fake name.)

    I was the associate who posted earlier about how my first annual review kept getting canceled and how stressed it makes me. I just wanted to report back that I finally had it and people were right, there was no cause for worry. Everyone was really complementary (one partner even said my writing was “lovely,” which I have to report here because I feel like I can’t go around saying those things in real life!) and it’s such a relief to have it done.

    • Farrah

      Congrats! I am glad to hear it. I had the opposite thing happen to me, so I’m relieved to hear you weren’t facing that.

    • EC

      Good for you! I was digging through my old e-mails and realized the last time anyone complimented my work was on my last annual review – and the next one is in two weeks. Yikes!

  11. Red

    I always heard that red lipstick could be worn by anyone, and I’ve been anxious to try it for some time, but kept chickening out. I finally found a solution, and I wanted to recommend it to other corporettes:

    I went to the department store, to the Lancome counter (which was somewhat random, except I love my blush from them and the lady had great lipstick on herself), and told them I wanted to try red lipstick. They tried a few shades, picked the one they assured me was right. I looked in the mirror and freaked out (as expected), because I looked very odd. But I left the lipstick on while wandering through the store. I looked at myself in every mirror I passed. After 1 1/2 hr of shopping and preening periodically … it didn’t look weird anymore. And then I could recognize that it was in fact a lovely color. I purchased on the spot.

    I’ve been wearing red lipstick once or twice a week for a month, and I have to say that I love it. I look so much more put-together. One key, btw, is to wear a bit brighter blush than you normally would. I highly recommend this approach for anyone thinking of trying something new and scary for make-up. You have to adjust before you can truly judge!

    • surrounded by lawyers

      Yay! Thanks for this. I’ve been on here recommending, say, purple mascara, so I appreciate encouragement from fellow make-up adventurers.

      I’m seeing coral all over the place now, so if anyone has tips on how to do that in a flattering way, please join in…otherwise, knowing myself, I’ll go ahead and do it in an un-flattering way ;)

      • Makeup Junkie

        coral depends on your coloring. if you’ve got olive or golden skin, you won’t have any problems with coral at all. if your skin is pink or ivory, you might have to tone it down a bit. You can do this by putting lip balm on your lips, putting the lipstick on just the bottom lip, then rubbing your lips together. This will give you a sheer-er color.

        I should have gone to beauty school instead of law school. Talking about lipstick > motions for summary judgment

    • EC

      I did the opposite once – went to a woman who was wearing a shade of lipstick that looked horrible on her. I bought a “red” lipstick on her recommendation only to come home and realize in the cool light of day that it was actually coral/orange…maybe it’s time to try again this weekend.

    • Celia

      Oooh – I like this! I’m always wanting to buy lipstick… but I always chicken out when it comes time to wear it. I will definitely be trying your trick next time I go to the department store! BTW, what shade of red did you get from Lancome?

    • Bets

      Ooh, good idea! I really want to be able to rock a vivid red lipstick, but whenever I try shades on by myself, it just looks…weird. It’s such a classic look, I’d love to be able to pull it off. Must get me to a department store make-up counter.

      • D

        I’ve failed at picking out red lipsticks at the drugstore in the past, but I had good luck with the salespeople at Sephora. I told them I didn’t want to bother with lip-liner, the lipstick had to be moisturizing, and it couldn’t be more than $12

        I ended up picking a Sephora-brand Ultra Vinyl Lip Pencil in Fancy Red. It wasn’t the salesgirl’s first color pick (that one was a lighter pink-red), but as soon as I put it on, she said that’s the one. I have gotten a bunch of compliments on it :)

  12. Roly Poly Little Bat-Faced Girl

    Any thoughts on jewelry from Sundance? I receive the catalog and really like some things, but am hesitant to buy jewelry over the web.

    • Fiona

      One of my friends has a lot of Sundance stuff and LOVES it. It is her favorite place to buy jewelry. I’ve never bought any myself, though, so I can’t speak from direct experience. (And I also love your name!)

    • Alias Terry

      Best alias yet!

      Sorry, never bought from this place. Just wanted to compliment your clever handle.

    • Michelle

      got a watch and some earrings from Sundance, love them – and love the name! You can call me Betty for this post…

    • me

      Depends on the artist, but Sundance partners with some great jewelers. I’ve gotten some great pieces there.

    • spacegeek

      I think Sundance is overpriced for the size and heft of many of the pieces. WRT designer pieces–you are paying for the name, so that factors in to cost. I have excellent results with Ross-Simons.com for jewelry, Ice.com and also kojimapearl.com, depending upon what suits you. And I love fine jewelry!

    • E

      I have several Sundance items that I wear often. There is a HUGE price spread, and I’ve never purchased anything at the top end, but I’ve been very happy with the $100ish silver items that I’ve ordered.

  13. Anonymous

    NYC Weekend Question?

    I’m planning a solo weekend in NYC and am looking for recommendations on fun things to do! The Museum of Natural History is on my list… anything else? (Not my first trip to NYC!)

    Kind thanks for any and all advice!

  14. Debbie Downer

    Threadjack:

    When I say I am going to be a certain place at a certain time, I make every possible effort to be there. If I promise to do something, I make sure to follow through. If someone calls or texts, I respond in a reasonable amount of time. If someone does me a favor, I openly show my appreciation and gladly return the favor in the future. If they give me a gift, I thank them. If something appears to inconvenience someone, I try to accommodate.

    I feel that these “golden rules” don’t seem to apply to some of my closer “friends.” What now? Do I respond in kind, continue feeling like a pushover, or put an ad on Craigs List looking for new friends. Why is it so hard to find nice, honest, respectful adult friends?

    • NYC

      Oh man, I can identify with this. With some of my more problematic friends (meaning they are not there for me in the way that I am there for them), I have come to the conclusion that if I want to keep being friends with them, I have to accept them for who they are. Just like my husband, I can’t change them or teach them a lesson or magically make them on time and responsive in a way that they naturally aren’t. If their friendship isn’t worth it or the issue is a dealbreaker (trust, confidentiality, etc), I divorce them. If it is worth it, I just adjust my expectations, and enjoy the time I get to spend with them. Be the friend you want to be and accept your friends for who they are. Also, bring a book when you are meeting someone who is always late.

      • Chi town lawyer 2

        I’m with Debbie. Some of the flamers seem to assume that she is setting some sort of unreasonably high standard and freaking out if someone’s work emergency interferes with girls’ night out. It seems just as reasonable that her friends are just rude. It is becoming increasingly common to accept rudeness as normal. But it is not ok to forget to RSVP EVERY time or to hold out making a commitment to some event, or to bail, just because you get a better offer. (What did their mama’s teach them, anyway?) That said, NYC is right. All you can do is be honest and tell people how it makes you feel in the least whiny way you can. Maybe they’ll try harder. If not, accept it or move on. Or just pass them over in favor of real friends with a bit more consideration for others’ time and feeling. They are out there. Keep doing as you are and you will find them.

    • EC

      Sorry for the flame here – unless you’re a perfect person, chill out. The thing about good friends is that they tolerate the little slip-ups friends commit. If you want consistently punctual and polite interactions, make more business acquaintances. Friendship is a human relationship that is deepened by each party’s acknowledgement and love of the other person’s faults. I bet if you asked your friends, they can point to a couple things about you that they don’t like either.

      And if you’re really feeling like a martyr, put some boundaries on the relationship, make it known how you’re feeling, and stop being so “perfect” yourself. I’m not a religious person at all, but a friend gave me this book for a wedding present and it has helped me chill out about the world’s flaws:
      http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310585902/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297464210&sr=1-1

      Good luck.

      • CA

        I have to agree. I have a good friend whom I love dearly, but this really reminded me of her. First I’ll say that she is a great person and fun to be around. But, her job is 9 to 5 and she is a big planner – and though she says “okay, fine” when my far more demanding job interferes with plans, or when I fail to check my voicemail for a few days (weeks?), it at times is very obvious that it is NOT fine and that she is stewing over it. I really think it’s worth considering that your friends know that you feel put out all the time over their failures at being adequate friends. From the other side, it can be exhausting, stressful and guilt-inducing.

    • SF Bay Associate

      How DO Corporettes make more friends? I find my social circle is uncomfortably small these days, due to people moving away/drifting apart, etc. I’m not religiously affiliated, I don’t have kids that I can meet other parents with, and I’ve never played sports ever, which seem to be the main ways that people make friends once they are out of school. I wish there was eHarmony for friendships. I would totally sign up and pay for it.

      Suggestions?? It’s something that’s been bothering me for a while, but I am at a loss as to how to meet new friends.

      • Daria

        My city has “young patrons” groups for arts organizations that hold happy hours, parties, etc. Most do. If you like the arts and are under 40 (usually), start there. Just find activities that you like doing and do them. Like social dancing? Sign up for a class. Like kitties? Volunteer at the shelter. Like stamp collecting? Go to conventions. Join a “social club” if there’s one that caters to your crowd. Wherever you are, you’ll have at least one thing in common with everyone there.

      • Jas

        I’d totally sign up. I moved to a new town almost a year ago, and I’ve barely made any new friends. The town is very small (so few social events/groups) and everyone I’ve mentioned it to either met friends through church or their kids. It’s frustrating.

      • M in CA

        This might sound a little out there, but about a year and a half ago, I started taking an improv acting class at the suggestion of someone I met at an attorney event. It was completely outside of my comfort zone and I was terrified, but it turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done. I’m now friends with a ton of cool, creative people I would have never otherwise met. Plus, I’ve performed on stage, which is something I never thought I would do.

        I live in a big city. For a smaller town, I’d think that maybe regular attendance at a yoga class (or something similar) might be a good way to start. Volunteering is also a great idea.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I’ve joined groups but haven’t participated in any events yet, but you should check out meetup.com. You can join groups that do things you are interested in. I joined a classic movie group, but they haven’t had a meeting in awhile. You would at least me people with similar interests to you.

      • Lynnet

        There might be groups in your town that meet regularly to talk about a shared interest. If you have any kind of hobby or interest that you go to a specialty store for, you could try asking the store manager if they know of an groups. You can also check out your local library or nearby coffee shops, they will usually have posters with current events up.

        Mainly, I think, the key is to get out of your house and do things that interest you. And don’t get discouraged when you don’t meet your new best friend the first time few times (I have a tendency to do this).

        If you knit or crochet you should check on http://www.ravelry.com, I’m sure there are groups meeting in the SF Bay area.

        • JessC

          Yes x 1,000 to the Ravelry suggestion. I learned about Ravelry from a suggestion on this site and joined a local knit/crochet group that I love (I had just moved home after the bar exam, was unemployed, and generally not feeling great about myself so it was awesome to make new friends). Even if you don’t know how to crochet/knit, most groups would probably be happy to have someone just starting out and wanting to learn more.

        • Hel-lo

          Making an acquaintance into a friend is rough. One thing that I’ve learned is that if a friend calls me, and she’s in a tough spot, then we become closer. So maybe the answer is to be a little more vulnerable with them.

          2 stories to illustrate this point:

          1. A medium-closeness friend of mine once called in the middle of the day, in tears, saying she was just told she needed emergency surgery and didn’t know who else to call. She didn’t have anyone else in town to lean on. I left work early and took her to the hospital and stayed by her side throughout the whole thing. Now we’re inseparable.

          2. I had a really rough summer with regards to my boyfriend at the time. Toward the end of the summer, my grandmother passed away, and she lived on the other side of the country. I was pretty broken up and texted a few friends with a message like, “My grandmother just died!” A few weeks later, I had somewhat of a breakdown, and complained to a friend that I didn’t feel like I had any other friends, because no one came over after getting my text. She said, “Did you ask them to?”

          The point is: If you want to lean on your friends, it’s ok to ask them to support you. They may not realize you’re in need. And it does bring you closer.

      • Star

        Same question – I also joined meet up but haven’t attended any events. Also, it is never too late to reconnect with the people you drifted from. I just did that!

      • Ruby Lou

        I’m having the same problem. I’ve found that going to events is a good way to make acquaintances, but I’ve never been able to develop those connections into a true friendship. I would love something like eHarmony for friends!

        • Anon

          Yes! This is it exactly. I have a ton of acquintances, but no true friendships. I’ve done all the suggestions above (young professional groups, service orgs, yoga and running clubs), but I just never make it to the next phase. And trust me, it’s not for lack of trying. I ask people to drinks / dinner / lunches and follow up, but I just can’t crack the next level. Sigh.

          • Anon

            I AGREE! After 5 years of living in a new city (well, not new any more), I am just now feeling like I have some friends (and by friends plural, I mean I have 2 friends) rather than just acquaintances.

          • Laura #2

            I’ve been in the same situation. Good conversation, but it’s hard to make a natural progression from meeting and lunch to sustained contact. I think part of it is the fact that building friendships takes more time when you only see each other a couple times a month.

            I do think activities that involve conversation (book club or associates boards vs. yoga class, for example) can be more helpful for developing friendships b/c you’re having more substantial interactions. It’s challenging, though! I’ve also found friends of friends to be good connections. I went to a small school for undergrad, too, so I’ve connected with some classmates who weren’t as good of friends while I was still in school.

            It’s definitely not the plop-down-in-a-city-and-have-an-instant-circle-of-friends situation…not really sure why I thought that would be the case, though? Maybe Friends is to blame :)

          • soulfusion

            I completely agree that picking up acquaintences at these types of things aren’t as difficult as making actual friends. I will say that sometimes you just have to be bold. Last night when a co-worker -who is in a different group and I don’t really know at all – suggested we should get drinks/dinner sometimes I just blurted out YES! I need new friends! And then we laughed about how difficult it is to find/make new friends (esp. single ones for some reason).

            I think the problem is once you are out of the situations where you are surrounded by people in the same boat as you (school/grad school/first starting career), friendships need a kick in the pants to get started. Someone has to be brave enough to just say – hey, I like you, can we hang out more?

      • Eponine

        Most of the friends I met as an adult/post-college, other than work friends, I met at one of the following: volunteering, yoga class, alumni club, professional association, at a bar at game watches for a specific team.

      • jane.doe

        I’ve been thinking about joining my local Junior League group. Any Corporette Junior Leaguers out there? Has it been a good experience?

        • Anne Shirley

          I would love to join my local Junior League, they do really great work. But I’m in the ‘burbs and ALL of their events and volunteer opportunities – many of which are mandatory – are in the middle of the day! Sigh.

          • MM

            Yay! Love your handle! I looked into Junior League briefly and found I couldn’t promise the needed commitment given my relatively long work hours. (A respected acquaintance who was a member also told me it might not be quite my scene.)

          • stc

            I joined Jr. League but I’m in a smaller city and there’ s a nice mix of stay at home moms and working folks-they work hard to arrange opportunities on evenings/weekends as well as during the day. We moved here for my job and it’s been a nice way to meet people and (start) to get a handle on the local scene.

        • Legally Brunette

          I joined Junior League after moving to a new city a few months ago. I met one really great girl whom I have hit it off with, but others are acquaintances at this point. At least in my city (Philly), the women in JL tend to be mid to late 20s and are just starting out in their career. I think every JL is different, depending on what city you’re in. I would definitely recommend the group, particularly because you can get involved and do a ton of activities if that is what you’re interested in (there are happy hours, dinners, volunteering, etc.).

          • Also Legally Brunette

            Hi all,
            Another Philly Junior Leaguer here. I think it’s all about the “provisional” i.e. first year mini-group you’re put in. I wanted to meet some young professionals like myself, but I haven’t really met friendly girls. I think if you have a great provisional group, you’ll probably love it. I would also carefully scope out your area Junior League, since it’s a big time committment and can be expensive in terms of the events and fulfilling requirements.

    • zee

      I had that experience recently, too. Don’t respond in kind, just distance yourself from your current friends (don’t hang out as much, etc) and throw yourself into things you like to do – find new friends there. Worked for me. Maybe in your absence, they’ll notice how helpful, etc. you actually are and stop taking you for grated. Maybe they won’t. In any event, you’ll have new friends, and a wider circle of friends can’t hurt.

    • MJ

      Hey Debbie,

      I found this out too as I got older. I am a “nice person” and found that some folks weren’t appreciating me and the effort that I put into friendships. I didn’t go around doing secret tests or keeping a scorecard, but I did realize that I was the other folks’ first stop for a sympathetic ear, but they didn’t have time for my problems.

      As you get older, you realize that friendship means different things to different people. I give a lot to my friendships, and, right or wrong, expect a decent amount in return. Some of my “friends” wanted me to give a lot for them not to have to do anything. In a particularly egregious case, I sat down with my friend, “Sarah” and told her, “It hurts my feelings when you do X, after I have done Y for you. Maybe next time you could Z instead.” Sarah continued to do X, which I took as a sign that she wasn’t listening and valuing my friendship. I don’t really see Sarah much, except in big group contexts.

      The takeaway from all of this–it’s OK to have friends that are just fun/acquaintances. Just don’t expect a lot from them, or phase them out. It’s more important to know who you can call when you need someone, and who will be respectful of your time, effort and money. And, try not to take it personally in all instances. Some people are truly incapable of being good friends–they literally don’t know how, or don’t have high expectations like you.

      Ditch the toxic ones, minimize the careless ones, and treasure your real friends!

        • soulfusion

          I’m in this boat by virtue of one or all of the following: the toxic/selfish issue, people moving away or just logistics (married/hectic jobs/same city but difficult to get to). I appreciate the suggestions above about pushing out to do new things but it is H A R D and rarely yields much in terms of results. I end up leaning on my Mom and my sister a lot for emotional support even though they are long distance but sometimes (especially in the winter!) I feel I just turn into a bit of a recluse even though I’m a very social person.

          • skippy pea

            Wow, are you talking about me?

            It is soo hard ot make new friends as one grows older! Also I am far from my school/college friends and live in suburbs. Suburbs are hell hole for friendship making possibility. Big law or just even law co-workers – well no friendship happening there unfortunately.
            I am also at that age where singel gals are younger than me and my friends have kids while I do not. For friends with kids, it is hard to get together spontaneously.

            I have joined a local gym and hope to make acquaintances there. :(
            I joined a few meetup groups for hiking etc. But again me and my husband are in that in between group – not twenty something and not 40 plus either, so we do not have a lot of commonality to form good frienships.

          • K

            I think in my case, it doesn’t help that I’ve never been the kind of person to really have a circle of friends. True friendships have been few and far between in my life, and interestingly, I have never had a truly close female friend. My best friends have always been guys.

            BF and I are at the point in our relationship where we have discussed marriage, and I know that he is planning to propose but hasn’t done it yet. I realized at a friend’s recent bachelorette party that when I get married, I probably won’t have any bridesmaids, because there simply isn’t anyone to do it. I have no sisters or female friends to ask, and my best guy friend from high school (who promised me years ago that he’d be my “bridesdude”) died unexpectedly last year.

            I always felt that it was just my poor social skills that have left me practically friendless, but it sounds like a lot of Corporettes are having the same problem.

      • Janie

        MJ, that’s great advice. I could use some of that myself. Some of my friends are currently very toxic – I’ve told them that certain things they say and do bother me but they find it funny that I get upset about it, and – get this – go out of their way to do these things on purpose to make me upset. And when I’ve tried to bring this up again, they say as much. Yeah. If this was “real life” I would ditch them in a heartbeat, but this is law school and according to the seating charts, I’m stuck sitting next to them until May. Great.

    • coco

      One of the things I have realized lately is that I need to accept my friends for who they are and what they can give to me. People have limitations and we have to decide what limitations work for us and what we just can’t handle. Also, try to think if your friends are offering their appreciation in other ways. I have friends who can’t always do or offer what I can, but I know they do or offer as much as they are capable of, but sometimes in different ways. That’s good enough for me.

      • Dutch Fan

        WOW. I got on this site wondering about something very similar.

        My problem is that I move around a lot. I met a lot of great people where I went to undergrad (and still talk to them on an almost daily basis) and during my travels, but all of these people live so far away (so at least I know, it’s not me being weird, I AM capable of making close friends)! But oddly enough, I cannot meet the same awesome types of people in the city I currently live in. I have a few awesome friends, but most of them are in long term relationships and their priorities are shifted.

        I’ve decided to reach out to people I wasn’t close to before but were really nice. So far it seems to be working!

        Also, I think we all need to be careful about what we expect from others. I call people when I have something upsetting to talk about, and I expect (and all of my good friends do) my friends to call me when they are upset and need someone to talk to. If you’re hoping people will check in with you on a weekly basis, then you’re setting yourself up for frustration. Only if you contact that person and tell them you want to talk that day and they don’t make time for it, can you get upset. Just my two cents, or is that unreasonable? Anyone?

    • kz

      At some point I think you just have to accept people’s annoying quirks. I’ve got a friend that when we’re going somewhere, I tell them 15 minutes earlier than we actually have to be there because I know that, without fail, they’ll be late (and no, they haven’t figured out I do this yet, either). It used to drive me insane, and then I realized that’s just how they are and found a way around it.

      • A

        I totally do this!
        As for the larger topic, Yes life is too short to keep friends who don’t make you happy, but it’s not easy to meet great new ones so don’t lose steam over perceived but unintentional slights.
        I think it’s much harder to really bond with people as you get older. Personally, I find the majority of people I meet now to be boring. We all put up these shields as we grow older, sadly. I have to say that I have recently been on the side of having several acquaintances try to be better friends, and I must say my heart is just not in it. It’s hard to force a genuine connection!

        • BigLaw Refugee

          This is an incredibly perceptive and accurate observation. I feel the same way about most people I meet, and I expect they feel the same way about me!

  15. Little Lurker

    Hey ladies,

    Thanks for all your advice earlier this week regarding my nonprofit interview! I kept in mind your advice about not throwing my current boss “Sheila” under the bus. Fortunately, my interviewer didn’t point-blank ask my opinion of her branch, and so I could discuss my specific frustrations with and compliments for the organization without naming names. As I’m going for a management position, he did ask a lot of questions about what I thought makes a good leader, including: “Can you name some managers you’ve had in the past who really impressed you? And why?” (Totally not prepared for that one — it took a minute, but I did think of two!)

    Anyway, I think the interview went really well: we spoke for an hour and a half, and he mentioned that he thinks I’m an outstanding candidate! The only downside is that he’s unlikely to have his decision until the end of March.

    Also,tThanks to whoever mentioned (ages ago, on the interview tips thread) to ask about my interviewer’s career history. We ended having a nice conversation about his background, I learned a lot, and he appreciated that I asked! :)

    Now all that’s left to do is wait…

    • soulfusion

      Congratulations! That is very exciting – I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  16. Amy

    I seem to have skipped out on the makeup learning phase that happens during your teen years. For someone who has next-to-no knowledge of how to put makeup on, what is the best way to learn?

    • makeup consultation

      Get a makeup consultation. You could ask friends for recommendations about good local places to get your makeup done. Additionally you could go to a big chain store like Macys or Sephora or MAC. However beware that most places will try to sell you their brand of makeup which may be quite expensive. The benefits: you will learn what colors match your skintone and how to apply makeup correctly.

      • WonderWoman

        Origins is also great for complimentary make-up consultations and “mini facials” – little pressure to buy anything, though I usually do buy *something*, and very patient about explaining the benefits and uses of various products.

      • D

        If you do this, you might want to let them know your budget, or that you only want to get 3-4 products. Don’t feel bad about asking if there is a lower-priced brand that is similar. I found I can skimp on eyeshadow and liner, but not on foundation (YMMV).

        Or you can concentrate on one feature at a time: skin, eyes, lips. That way you aren’t overwhelmed by going 0 to 60 in one visit. When you are first starting, it takes a while to do a full face of makeup and what seems like a million products.

        I also second Youtube videos. I never learned how to do my hair other than blow drying it upside down and hoping for the best! I’m slowly learning.

      • Magdeline

        I vote Sephora. If you go to a counter at a department store, they only use one brand of makeup. If you go to Sephora, they can use the best/best for you products. (E.g., if Lancome makes an excellent foundation and Chanel makes the perfect lipstick for you, you can try both at Sephora, but not at the department store individual counters.)

    • Candace

      I have this exact same problem. I’d like to try something adventurous from time to time, but basically I don’t even know what to do with basic eye shadow. My mother has never owned eye shadow, as far as I can tell, since she was 15 and wore neon blue. So, I’ll be checking back for good suggestions on how to get this type of education later in life.

    • anon

      I did not start wearing eyeliner until my 40s. I googled how to put on eyeliner, and watched a few videos. It’s amazing what you can find on youtube.

    • JessC

      Do you have any girl friends who wear make-up that always look fabulous? See if they’d be willing to go with you make-up shopping (either at a department store, Ulta or Sephora, or at a drugstore) or spend an afternoon with you teaching you some basics of how to apply?
      Also, try looking at some girly-fashion-type magazines. Cosmo and Glamour always have features recommending products or giving application types. Allure might good as it seems to focus more beauty/fashion than Cosmo/Glamour (which tend to be a little more life-style oriented).
      Also I do agree with the recommendation to browse videos on youtube. There are some very talented make-up enthusiasts who post videos on how to obtain various looks.

      • spacegeek

        I think asking a friend is a great idea! She will be flattered, and you two can have a fun afternoon or evening. Everyone likes to think themselves an expert on something, and I can’t imagine she would turn you down.

    • coco

      Don’t worry, you are not alone. I have seen some good videos, but I have a very hard time translating these to my actual face, especially with eye makeup (I have been told I have beautiful eye shadow on when really it’s just my crazy raccoon eyes). I want to be on What Not to Wear just for the make up session.

      I know some higher-end salons offer a make-up consultation. Now if only I wasn’t too cheap to shell out for it…

        • Marie

          Yes! I love her! I saw the older ones she did out of her house, I wonder if the more recent ones (now that she has her own makeup line) are still the same?

    • E

      Last night I wore foundation for the first time in over a decade! I empathise – it was a bit tricky, but just use your fingers, be sparing, have strong light, and blend, blend, blend.

      Now eyeliner I simply can’t put on. Haven’t a clue.

    • Lilly

      Cruise the department store makeup counters and identify a consultant whose makeup you like and would wear yourself. Ask her when their least busy times are, and go then. A lot of those working at makeup counters are there because they looove makeup, and they’re willing to spend all the time in the world with you if they’re not being slammed with a crowd of customers. Try to make this initial visit with a line that you can afford, if only a bit at a time. (and it is SO much better to have two lipsticks that really work for you that are expensive, than a basketful of cheapos that don’t) As you become a customer of a particular counter and become known to them – and for me this takes going in just a few times a year – you will likely receive samples and extra attention. Years ago, a consultant at the Green Hills Dillard’s Chanel counter in Nashville named Constance “did” my makeup for me. I ended up spending less because I didn’t end up with dud lipsticks/blushes/eye stuff that didn’t really do for me that I had picked just because I like the colors. And, my makeup looked better than it has before or since. [Constance, are you out there???? Where? I miss you!] Tell the consultant how much effort you are willing to put into it (honesty!) and to what extent you want to look “made up” and then let them chose some selections. You retain veto power – say something like “that is so pretty, but it’s just not me” or “I love it, but I know I wouldn’t wear it often”. For full makeup, you can get by with concealer, foundation -or my favorite, tinted moisturizer, one blush, a neutral-for-you eyeshadow, eyeliner if you need it, a mascara, and two lipsticks – one that looks fairly natural on you and is not very obvious, and another that is a contrast sort of color for you when you want a bit more of a “done” look, or are going to be photographed.

    • - j -

      The Bobbi Brown Make-Up Manual = fabulous :). Available on Amazon.

      Also second the advice of having a Sephora (or MAC, or, um, Chanel) counter stop, just be prepared to buy at least an item or to decide you won’t feel guilty if you don’t (and be aware you may not need everysinglelittlething!).

      I’ve always found that after a basic tutorial, just play with it – the more you do it, the more you’ll figure out what works, and the more efficient you’ll get!

    • Ru

      Definitely second the recommendation to take a girlfriend with you to the store – they’ll give you their honest opinion of how you look. Sometimes, it can be hard to judge what you look like when you’re so fascinated with the face painting, lol. Look for a makeup artist with a similar skin tone/color to yours. Feel free to purchase or not, but I have purchased things and returned them because the way they look in store and at home are completely different.

      For learning how to apply makeup – I spent a good year applying makeup to my face when I returned home from work, every night. I would try out every style I wanted – heavily made up eyes, lips, blush, globbing on concealer, you name it. And more importantly than the actual makeup is what you’re using to apply it. Different consistencies of foundations require different types of brushes and it absolutely makes a difference. When you do go in for makeup, ask for a mirror so that you can see how they’re applying it on your face and ask them to teach you. Good luck!

      • Nebbe

        These are all great tips!

        Another idea for learning how to apply eyelines/eyeshadow is to have the consultant do your first eye, explaining the technique while you watch in the mirror, and then you try it yourself on your other eye while she supervises! This is great because you get immediate feedback and can feel confident about your new skills. Don’t feel shy about asking her to show you again, or about telling her you don’t like a color, etc.

        Definately bring a shopping buddy! Then, you can your buddy can go home with your purchases and a bottle of wine and have some fun experimenting!

        Have fun and good luck!

  17. C3

    Due to my husband’s job, we are moving from Chicago to Cleveland in a few months. Any suggestions from anyone who lives/has lived in Cleveland as to good neighborhoods/apartment buildings? Or areas/apartments to avoid? All we know so far is that we are trying to focus more on the East side. We only have one weekend to go look for apartments before the move, so I want to make sure it is time well spent. FWIW we are hoping to rent for a year and then buy. Thanks!

    • former clevelander

      Where is your husband going to be working? Downtown?
      I am assuming you don’t have school-age children so don’t need to worry about schools yet. I would suggest looking at cleveland heights – lots of beautiful old buildings, coventry is a cool area to hang out in, and very close to university circle/downtown. If you want somewhere a little nicer, maybe check out the apartment complexes around beachwood place (the village) – gated and modern places. Shaker square area also has beautiful apartments and is close to downtown, and if your husband is working downtown, he can take the rapid to work.

      Regardless of where you look, I’m sure there are great deals to be had for rent! Let me know if you have any other questions!

    • kdm

      Shaker Heights! It’s gorgeous, and you will be amazing how inexpensive it all is, after living in Chicago.

    • ABC

      I’m a west-sider, so maybe the north end of Lakewood or Rocky River.

      Or, if you can stomach a 30-minute commute (which I assume you can, if you’re from Chicago and looking on the east side anyway), anything between Cleveland and Akron is quite nice (including certain neighborhoods in the city of Akron, like West Akron).

    • Jane

      What’ s your budget for apartments? What kind of environment (semi-urban, suburban, etc?) Where is your husband’s commute to, and yours if you have a job yet? Housing is insanely affordable in Cleveland.

      There are nice old funky apartments to be found in Cleveland Heights and Shaker Heights, and more typical suburban complexes in Beachwood that are still relatively close to downtown if that’s where your husband is working. If you are into a more funkier urban environment, Tremont and Ohio City have some neat places, and there are some cool lofty converted spaces downtown on East 4th or West 9th you could check out too.

    • Native

      I have lived in Cleveland (suburbs) most of my life (returned to raise my family after going to school away). I agree with others’ comments that you need to know what is important to you — the further you go out from downtown Cleveland, the newer the apartment buildings, the more you need to drive to get places, the more big box stores you’ll find, etc. I live in Cleveland Hts. in a beautiful old house and we love it (tons of small charming apartment stock in Cleveland Hts.) It is close to all the cultural attractions of University Circle (e.g., museums); fifteen minutes from downtown; very diverse; great community character; variety of great restaurants (lots of them ethnic — Indian, Thai, etc), tons of small shops, walkable distance to a lot. But if you prefer brand-new apartments with an open floor plan and immediate access to a highway exit, it might not be your thing. If you are looking at apartments, I agree with the Coventry area suggestion, as well as Cedar Hill. There also are lots of people who rent out houses in Cleveland Hts.

      If you are looking in Shaker Hts, you might want to look at the area around Winslow Rd. It is a long suburban street with cute Colonial duplex houses for rent (i.e., you rent half the house, top or bottom). Tons of professional couples live there — again, close to restaurants, shopping, and the rapid transit (train) line which goes downtown. I lived there a couple years when I was single, and liked it. It is a nice option if you like being in a house, but aren’t ready to buy.

      Cleveland is a great place to live — reasonable cost of living, very friendly, top notch museums and symphony, lots of sports (sorry, not great lately, but loyal fans!), fantastic restaurants, world class healthcare. You will love it (I hope).

      • Clevelander

        Fellow Cleve Heights resident here – we might be neighbors!

        Second everything you say. I’m a non-native Clevelander who moved here and love it. If you try to compare Cleveland to Chicago or NY, you will be one of the miserable people, because its not. But it is an incredibly friendly, affordable, accessible city with great neighborhoods, great restaurants and lots of underrated cultural attractions (the art museum is amazing, and free, and never that crowded – you can literally just walk in the back door and enter a room full of Rodin statues). If you like indie music there are fantastic venues that get great off-the-mainstream bands of all genres (Grog Shop in Coventry and Beachland Ballroom in Collinwood).

        Cleveland Heights gets my vote because, if you live in the Coventry/Fairmont/Lee Rd. area, it is completely walkable – I can walk to a great locally-owned grocery store, tons of restaurants, coffee shops, libraries, parks, etc., all less than a mile from where I live, and I’m less than a 3-mile drive from Target, Whole Foods and all the other big box chain stores; I have a 20-minute commute downtown.

        One other place to consider if you want to live east side and near the lake is Collinwood or Bratenahl, although I’m not sure what the rental properties are in that area. (Note, Collinwood is one of those nice on one street, shady on the next neighborhoods, so be careful renting there without talking to someone you know and trust.)

  18. Terry

    Need advice:

    I work for a firm that only hires the best of the best . . . but I honestly don’t know how I got hired here. I applied on a whim, had an interesting resume, prior career, etc. I went to third tier in state law school. Everyone else here are Ivy grads.

    I am a very confident person and I think I do good work. But my skills just aren’t on par with the other people here. I am only a second year and still learning a lot. My end of the year review didn’t go so well. The problem is, I love it here. I want to put in the time and effort and energy but I just don’t know if I will ever be “good enough.”

    With the economy as it is, I know they could fire me tomorrow and replace me with a third year associate from Harvard. I try to really be a big part of the team and part of the firm as much as possible so that I have people to go to bat for me.

    Anyone else the little fish in the big pond?

    • Anon

      Have you talked to other junior associates to see if your review was similar to theirs? Do you have a firm mentor (formally assigned or informal)? Were there specific “issues” raised in your review?

      • Terry

        1.) I know one other person was asked to leave following a poor review and I know poor reviews are common here in general. I don’t know anyone else that got one this year besides the gal that got let go.
        2.) I have an official mentor and some unofficial mentors who are trying to help
        3.) The poor review was soooooo unstructured and vague and I couldn’t really get specifics or constructive critcism out of it. I even met with one of my reviewers again to try to find out more and didn’t get very far.

    • coffee cup

      If I were you I’d take my job experience from XYZ firm somewhere else where it is appreciated. You’ll still get something nice on your resume and you’ll be able to make a clean, knowing and voluntary exit. If it is common for people to get poor reviews at your firm then I don’t see the point in staying, especially when those reviews don’t offer constructive criticism. It sounds like a senseless and ego-crushing environment to be in.

      On the other hand, if your review is poor because of your job performance, you will honestly need to sit down and evaluate your capabilities. In all honesty, if you are struggling with your performance at this point, you may or may not improve. Everyone has different capability levels and it is nothing to be ashamed about. For your future sanity and peace of mind, you may want to move on. You certainly don’t want to get burned out trying to “keep up” with everyone else at your firm, and I’m sure you don’t want to be kept on there out of sympathy.

      • A

        I wouldn’t be so quick to go. You say you love it there!
        Make a list of things that you have done well and things that you need to do better. Figure out where your strengths are and where your weaknesses are. Is part of the problem that you feel like you can’t participate as much b/c you don’t feel like you belong (e.g., do you not speak up at meetings, not volunteer to take on more responsibility, let your opinion take a backseat to others, etc.)? I think you need to figure out where you’re getting lost and work on that.
        You will always be able to leave. If you love it, try to fig out what you can do to make it work!

    • D

      Go above and beyond to show you understand you need to catch up. I think everyone should get some slack the first time they attempt something, but don’t ever make the same mistake twice. Learn from your peers, not just your mentors.

      Throw out some suggestions to your mentors- specific CLEs you should go to, when to ask for feedback during the assignment (not just at the end)- and see what they say. Ask for the area on which you need the most work and try hardest to improve there. If you pick something with a quantifiable result, you can show them the numbers next review.

      Try to see your growth as a personal journey- you want to be the best attorney you can be for your own sake- not for your worth in other’s eyes. Everything is a learning experience and you’re not always going to be the best. Try to seek happiness in your own improvements.

      Finally, your personal worth is not just a function of your job performance- you are a good, capable person in your everyday life. This might give you the confidence you are lacking. You can’t boil everything down to a degree or a position. I find some charity work (reading to underserved kids) or succeeding at a hobby (awesome 5k time) helps with this.

    • Anon

      When you say your skills aren’t on par with soem other people, what do you exactly mean?
      I would be good to get some examples of things you think you lag in as compared to other people, before offering some pointers.

  19. anony

    When you get the “posting too fast” comment does that mean your comment will never post? I posted a comment a while ago and I still don’t see it.

  20. eplawyer

    I finally broke down and checked out “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” from the library. I had it with me when I went to lunch today. I set the book down on the bench next to me. The lady at the next table looked over and said “Oh that is such a great book.”

    Thought all my fellow Corporettes would like to know.

  21. Relaxin'

    Filed a 40-page brief with twenty exhibits today. I worked out tonight and am now sitting on the sofa eating Haagen-Dazs and drinking red wine. Aaaaah…

    • a lawyer

      Congrats, Relaxin’ Enjoy your weekend. I, on the other hand, am getting ready for major hearing on half a dozen motions in a case set for trial in two weeks :(

      • Relaxin'

        Ugh, I feel for you. If it’s any consolation, I’m drafting discovery this morning. Of course, that is nowhere near as demanding as preparing for a major hearing. Good luck!

        P.S. Have not looked at the other side’s brief (also filed yesterday) yet. Do not want to ruin my weekend!

    • Anonymous

      Mmm… sound so great! I’m on day 6 of South Beach Diet Phase One, which is the opposite of HD and red wine! I’ll live vicariously!

    • soulfusion

      HA! This sounds like my weekend – finished a brief late Friday night, went to a boot camp class Saturday morning and didn’t feel guilty for one second about eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s that afternoon. I felt like I earned it.

  22. Smart Buyer?

    Okay. I have a real dilemma. I am house shopping and my husband and I are (gulp) thinking of purchasing a 900k home. I know in NYC this isn’t a lot, but it is for us. We have owned before, but this is double the cost of our last home. I am an attorney a real estate partner at my firm has offered to write the offer for free. I really, really do not want to work with an agent and fork over 3% commission for a house we have already found on our own!!!

    does anyone think I am stupid for not using an agent? Is there a great advantage to having a buyer’s agent? I do not want to hand over 27k, but I don’t want to ruin the chance my offer is accepted by the seller or somehow mess up the contract due to my inexperience.

    thoughtS?

    • Smart Buyer?

      oh – we do not live in NYC . . . just realized that my comment implied that we did. We are in Washington DC.

      • A

        You don’t pay commission if you are the buyer!!!!! Seller pays. Generally, seller pays commission to his broker, that broker will give half to your broker. If you have no broker, seller’s agent keeps whole amount.

        The only way this sometimes changes is if e.g., you’re dealing with a ‘for sale by owner’ & the owner is trying to avoid dealing with paying a broker. This is rare.

        I would normally say that you can get by without a broker, but if you lack that basic info, maybe not? Sorry – i really don’t intend to sound harsh but this is a big basic.

        • Smart Buyer?

          In DC, you can get a rebate of the buyer agent’s portion of the commission if you purchase without an agent. so you ARE paying for the service if you use a buyer’s agent.

    • anon

      i recently purchased a house of almost the same value. i also found the house myself and didn’t want to use an agent. the seller’s agent did most of the work (and gets his commission paid by the seller only) and i also had a notary do my legal paper work. A lawyer then just signed it off in two minutes. It all worked out fine and I saved tons of money. I would never use a real estate agent in the future.

      • A

        I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing it yourself, but you don’t pay for an agent if you are buying. Its basically a free service. I think many people make a big mistake not using a broker. You’re not saving money. You’re just loosing a person to do work for you.

        • anon

          Oops, you are right, A! I should clarify that I sold my old house at the same time and did not use an agent for that transaction, thus saving me thousands of dollars. A benefit for me not using an agent when buying the house is that the seller and I would not agree on the price. We were close though, so the agent just gave up some of his commission since he was making double by representing the seller and buyer.

          • anon

            Although a real estate agent is “free” – it is not. The Seller has listed the house adding in the 3% commission that they have to pay to your agent. If you can find an alternative that works for you, it may be worth considering. It does sound like you have some questions that having an agent or at least an attorney to look over the contract. As an alternative, there are some agents that do less hand holding than typical agents that provide a rebate of part of their commission — Redfin is the only one I can recall right now. The rebates that I have heard of are between 1-1.5%

    • TK1

      I did find my agent was helpful when any issues popped up (and many did buying my house, it was the purchase from hell!). They will work the hardest for your cause because they are depending on the sale to get paid. Its nice having someone in your corner. That said I probably could have handled all the negotiations myself, but it was much easier to just say “I want X off the price for Y problem” and she made it happen.

      • Anonymous

        They aren’t necessarily in your corner — their sole interest is in having the transaction go through and for the highest price possible. I would go without the buyer’s agent if you don’t need one — I don’t think it gets you anything.

    • Anonymous

      We used Red Fin– love love love. Same sitch– we found the place, didn’t need tours, searching, etc. Don’t know where and how applicable, etc., but Red Fin gives you an agent basically for show, for the officialness of it all, then gives you $$ back at/for closing. Win-win.

      • meara

        I’m not in DC (used to be!) but I also used Redfin–not only is the website fabulous for looking around and getting an idea what you want, you get half the money for the agent back (so you’re only paying 1.5% instead of 3%). I think the only thing is that you need to know what you’re looking for–they aren’t quite as full service in the “show you around and pick places for you”–they’ll have someone show you places, but you have to pick them! I knew exactly what I wanted (neighborhood, bedrooms, townhouse vs. apartment) and what I could afford, so it worked great for me–the agent did some work with the sellers and guided me through some of the process, but I really picked the place without anyone.

  23. Ang

    20% off promotion on Talbot’s suiting: 030402400. The email I received said it could be used multiple times through Feb. 21. They also have free shipping over $175.

    Just a little venting: I did end up ordering a suit, but it took forever to figure out the jackets: Popped collars! Sleeves scrunched to the elbow! Ruffled shirts obscuring lapels! Dear Talbot’s: I just want to see what the danged jacket looks like in its natural state, as I will neither pop my collar nor push up my jacket sleeves at the office!

    • D

      This made me laugh! I hate when Jcrew rolls up their suit jacket sleeves in the store. And not just on the display either! Is someone really going to wear a $200 navy wool suit jacket as casual wear?

    • Ann

      This drives me *nuts.* I can’t decide whether Talbots is doing this to be “artsy and hip” or to conceal details on their suiting that they know the average working woman doesn’t want. In which case, just take the detailing off the damn jackets and take normal pictures!

    • Lyssa

      I hate that, too. Particularly when I can’t tell for sure whether the jacket has long sleeves or not! (I know that the 3/4 sleeve jacket trend is cool right now, but I’m not a fan.)

    • L

      Completely agree. And Ann Taylor: Show me the jacket with the pants or skirt it matches in the suiting section of your website.

      • Anonymous

        Yes! I completely gave up on their 30% off a matching jacket and bottom (i.e., “suit”) the other day because I didn’t have the patience to figure out which bottom matched which jacket.

  24. jane.doe

    A judge I am in front of regularly called me up to the bench after the hearing to let me know I need to be louder and project more. He is very nice, and I really appreciate him taking the time to give me the feedback, but I am still mortified. Does anyone have any advice on making sure that you project nice and loud in court?

    • Lilly

      Speak from you lower throat/chest area. Lower the pitch of your voice, unless it is quite low already. Practice at home. If you live alone, no problem. If you live with someone, ask their assistance and have them go across a large room, or into another room, to see if they can hear you properly. My natural voice is somewhat high in pitch, and very, very quiet. I’ve developed a courtroom voice that can be heard clearly at the back of a cavernous room. I was very self-conscious about talking loudly, as it seemed, at first. If you were raised not to make a spectacle of yourself in public, speaking in a manner so that all in a large room can hear you will be an uncomfortable experience at first. You may or may not feel okay about approaching this judge during a break after your next appearance, but if you do, do so and ask him/her if that was better. Also, a court reporter may be much more approachable that the judge. Make a habit of asking the court reporter if you can be heard clearly until you reach a point where you are pretty certain that you are. The court reporter needs to hear you , and hear you clearly, and almost certainly will not mind and might even appreciate being asked. Good luck!

    • Eponine

      Sign up for Toastmasters? Talking too quietly has never been a problem of mine, but I know several people who’ve done Toastmasters and have been really happy with it.

    • divaliscious11

      Check your local theater group to see if they have classes in vocal training and projection. You may need a vocal coach to teach you how to project without yelling or losing your wind.

      • Anne Shirley

        See if you can get into the court room when it is empty, and practice. I was terrified of 100 person classes in law school, so the night before I grabbed a friend, snuck into one, and started talking. It really helped get the volume under control.

      • Anonymous

        I was advised as a teenager that orators should sing. You don’t actually have to be a good singer, you will just learn better voice control from practicing singing.

    • Helen Reddy

      After my first appearance in federal court, the judge called me up to the bench and said: ‘When one is in court, one doesn’t use one’s little girl voice. Your point is useless to me if I’m straining to hear it.”

      Well!

      I shaped up quick. As I child I was told to speak in my “indoor” voice, to keep my whispers very low, and at all times, to be lady-like.
      Pretty much I had to ditch that aspect of my upbringing and it took actual focused effort for me to speak loudly and enunciate clearly in court. Hard for me to get past the ladylike =soft/quiet and streetcornerchick=loud=obnoxious.

      Most important, remember that you are there to make the most professional pitch possible for the client. You therefore are well-dressed, with good posture, your facts and the law are drummed into your dna, and your voice is clear and heard by everyone in the court room. You are woman and you are strong!

      • MsZ

        I have a dainty little speaking voice with a Midwestern accent, but practice on the east coast. I have learned most of my Midwestern twangs and can eliminate them when I need to – and when I have practiced what I am going to say. When in court I find it helps to speak from the bottom of my throat, if that makes sense — I also do some low humming in the car on the way there to get used to being in that register. Finally, make sure you have eye contact with the court reporter / judge — I find this reinforces the extent to which I need to project.

      • Anonymous

        Federal courtrooms are disgusting huge. Yes, our courthouses should inspire respect, but when the room is so huge that you have to shout, it is not helping anyone. It is ridiculous.

  25. Em

    Does anyone have any recommendations on apartments in Tampa? I will be working downtown.

    Any tips on shopping, things to do, places to see, etc?

    TIA!

    • JessC

      Yaaay Tampa! I grew up just outside Tampa and am back living there after law school. I love it here!

      Shopping: International Mall. It’s awesome and HUGE. There’s pretty much every store you can think of, including some pretty high-end ones. It’s also got several restaurants.

      Places/Things: The area on and around South Howard Avenue (referred to by locals as “SoHo”) has lots of bars and restaurants. It’s the happening place for the younger Tampa crowd. Parking absolutely sucks in that area on Friday and Saturday nights.
      There’s also a number of bars and restaurants in Channelside. Also a pretty popular spot. It’s within walking distance of the downtown/courthouse area and near the channel district where the cruise ships come in and out.
      The hands-down best restaurant in Tampa is Bern’s Steakhouse. It’s a nationally renowned restaurant, but it’s awfully pricey (as in about $100 per person for dinner). However, they have a lounge were you can eat and drink a bit cheaper. If you go be sure to ask for the tour.
      Near Channelside is Ybor City. It’s Tampa’s historic district. In and around “Centro” Ybor there are some good restaurants and an improv club. There’s also a great historic cuban restaurant called The Columbia. Outside the centro area there are some clubs, but I’m not a fan as I think it’s a pretty sketchy place.
      There’s also lots of fun stuff across the bay in St. Petersburg. There’s the beach. If you’re not familiar with Florida’s coasts, the Gulf coast is great and the water is usually warm. If you head about an hour-ish south along the coast there’s Anna Maria Island and Siesta Key Beach in Sarasota (considered to be one of the most beautiful beaches in the country).
      As baseball season will be starting up fairly soon, check out a Tampa Bay Ray’s game in St. Petersburg. Even if you’re not a huge baseball fan, it’s still fun.

      Places to live: I can’t offer as much advice on that one. I work near the downtown area but live outside Tampa, to the east in the Brandon/Riverview area. I’m not a fan of living close to downtown because I think it’s crowded and over-priced. I live within about a 30-45 minute commute of my workplace, depending on the traffic.

      Hope that helps!

      • Suze

        JessC, you seconded the idea of a Corporette meet up just upthread from here. I hereby third it! There are at least seven or eight of us around the 813, probably more. I *think* I could get past my sartorial anxiety for such an event :). I know Kat did one in Texas a while back…don’t really know how that went or if Kat will ever be in the Bay Area, or even if we have to wait for her if she’s not coming down anytime soon…but just for fun, where?

        Malio’s?
        The Fly or Taps?
        Mise en Place?
        Sideberns?
        Four Green?
        SoHo?
        Oystercatchers?
        Something to think about, Bay Area corporettes!!

          • Suze

            Alright ladies – let’s see what we have here…at least five of us liking the idea. Can we meet (and blow our anonymity, at least locally?)? I’d do it.

            If y’all are for real, let’s pick a place and set a date. Maybe Kat will even join us if we give her enough lead time….

            MelD (who I think is one of the ‘grande dames’ of this site :)) – what say you?

    • Suze

      Welll, first of all, let me say that I moved to Tampa 3 years ago and I love it, and I really like working downtown. I hope you do too! Places to live? Downtown: you could check out the condos that are downtown, I don’t really know much about it (married w/kids and live in the burbs near USF), BUT it looks like a pretty decent scene – lots of 20/early 30s types wandering around, dogs, a few restaurants. Ybor: would not be my cup, but I understand it’s inexpensive and it’s certainly convenient to d/t and has some entertainment/dining. South Tampa/Hyde Park: this is where most of the younger/single folks I work with live – there’s definitely a vibrant walkaround restaurant/bar type scene, good shops and all that; probably on the price-y end of things, but there are a lot of options (apts; rent a house; some carriage house type situations). Davis Islands: very charming, a few apts and similar, probably pretty pricey, but nice and very picturesque, walkable, safe…And there is always St. Pete – commute notwithstanding, nice vibe, lots of apt/house options, good beaches, not too pricey.

      Things to do: the art museum downtown is very nice and the performing arts center always has something good going on. Definitely hit the Tampa Theater for a movie on a weekend afternoon/evening – you’ll see why when you get there. Love. If you are at all outdoorsy/athletic, there is no end to what you can get into – kayaking, rowing, Bayshore Blvd is a really nice jogging place, there is good (occasionally dangerous) biking….we have pretty good weather almost year round, you get the idea. If you like, or spend time with someone who likes, baseball – spring training is almost here and the games are fun. Yankees train right next to d/t and Dunedin (cute little burg near Clearwater) hosts one of the Canadian teams – I’m not a die hard fan, but I’ve gone to a game or two every year and had a good time. Same for the Rays.

      Shopping: International has Nordies, Neimans and the usual ‘upscale’ chains (Michael Kors, Kate Spade, BR, AT, JCrew, Tommy Bahama, etc). As a Miami refugee, it’s not quite ‘all that’ to me, but it’s certainly serviceable. There is a good outlet mall in Ellenton, 40 miles south – Brooks Bros, Saks’ outlet, Coach, etc. Nordstrom just opened a Rack on Dale Mabry south of d/t – I haven’t been yet but I’ve heard good reviews. If you like consignment, another Tampa Corporette suggested La France in Ybor. It is serious! They have a lot of vintage and some house made ‘knock off’ stuff and an extensive offering of offbeat costume jewelry. I think (but haven’t seen myself) that St. Pete has a lot of nice boutique and consignment type shopping, too.

      Hope this helps and that you enjoy your new home!

    • - j -

      Ok, JessC and Suze (both of whom kinda rock, btw) pretty much covered it, but I’m a Tampa gal too, so keep the questions coming!

      I’ve lived in Davis Islands and Channelside and have been pleased. The Post properties are a nice, easy, one-size fits all if you need something you don’t have to visit in person first, BUT they can be a little collegey, and they are definitely a bit pricey.

      Craigslist has a surprising lot of options — plus a lot of the listings are by realtors who have other listings available. Also, let us know a little more on what you’re looking for in that dept., and we’ll pipe up with suggestions.

    • Em

      Thanks so much for the tips! I’m really excited about the big move, even though it isn’t until after the bar. I’m from a small town in the deep south, so this is going to be a great change for me! I’ve already planned my budget, and I’m starting to look for apartments now. In a few weeks, I’m going to visit Tampa for a week or so.

      I have heard that downtown is fairly congested, so I will probably spend the money to live closer to work to maximize whatever free time I have. Silly billable hours! Qualities I’m looking for in an apartment: 2 BR, quiet, safe, pet-friendly, close to downtown, and preferably under $1300/mo.

      I will definitely check out all of your suggestions! I love to bike, and I have heard that there are some great bike trails around Tampa- really looking forward to checking those out. I’m also thoroughly excited about the shopping- I’ve already stocked up on work shoes, but I will need to buy all new clothes (both work and casual), since I’m in the process of losing weight.

      I’m really excited about all of this. Thanks again for the tips!

      • MelD

        Sorry I am late to the party- I’ve been away for the weekend.

        In terms of places to live, you probably want to stay away from downtown. There are condos there to rent, but it really doesn’t have any amenities and really dies down a lot at night. These days, the prices really are not that much better a bit farther out. The traffic is absolutely horrific in places like Brandon, and the nicer places are not inexpensive.

        I did some research several months ago and found that South Tampa tended to be around the same price as something farther away once you added in gas and other costs. You can find places on Davis Islands (older) and in Hyde Park/Bayshore (some will be newer). I had a law school classmate who lived in the Bayshore area because she was new to driving and I think she really loved her experience there. There are also some new apartments in the Westshore/International Mall area and I’ve heard good things about them.

    • BB

      OMG. I live in Tampa Bay (Clearwater now, previously South Tampa).

      Best places to live with a super short drive to downtown:
      South of Kennedy. Period. This includes Hyde Park (historic) and the Bayshore (waterfront) area. But stay north of Gandy. Westshore (single-family) is SOK and good too, but more of a married scene. I lived in a condo on Bayshore, but it was in an older building and I owned it.

      There are some amazing 20s apartments available for rent at The Georgian and some other 2-story buildings in Hyde Park. Just Google Hyde Park apartments. Super character for low, low prices.

      The condo crash has left a LOT of condos available for sale in South Tampa and downtown (two new high rises). There’s also Channelside, which is adjacent to downtown but near the industrial port. Lots of vacancies there, but I would NOT live there. Lots of homeless and tourist traffic. One of the new towers is virtually empty – creepy.

      As far as downtown itself, just keep in mind that although they’ve tried, it is DEAD on the weekends and evenings. I really wouldn’t recommend living there.

      Also do not live in the Westshore area (business/airport) or Ybor City (partiers/crime). Do not live in central Tampa (blighted) or North Tampa (university area) unless you go way out to Trinity (residential/commuter). I would also not live in Brandon (no offense to the previous poster – it’s just too far out and family-oriented).

      Places to go: Hyde Park and South Howard (a road with lots of restaurants, including Bern’s mentioned about and SideBern’s which is MUCH better IMO). International Mall is very chichi. Channelside is very touristy and Ybor is very early 20s.

      Secret best spots: Mad Dogs and Englishmen on South MacDill is a GREAT pub. CineBistro in Hyde Park is great – Hyde Park is a great date place because you can walk around, although it’s got a lot of vacancies right now. Wright’s is a deli on South Dale Mabry that you’ll want to get to know. Ceviche on South Howard is a tapas restaurant (where I got engaged) and there’s a new place in the basement of a Bayshore high-rise called the Speakeasy where you need a password to get in (but I haven’t been there). Oh, and downtown there’s a great restaurant called Spain (if it’s still open) and the historic 20s Tampa Theater (which serves wine and is GREAT for artsy movie dates). The best two serious dive bars where you’ll see bikers next to yuppies are The Hub (downtown) and Tiny Tap (next to SideBern’s).

      Welcome to Tampa!!!

      • MelD

        There is more to “North Tampa” than just the university area. Carrollwood is quite nice and there are reasonable townhome/condo rentals in the area. Parts of central Tampa like Seminole Heights are quite nice now and not blighted at all, but it’s mostly single family homes or duplexes. I know a lot of young people who live in that area and absolutely adore it though.

  26. Anonymous

    I have an interview at a government agency in another city, and the job looks…perfect. Location is ok, but the work involves a niche area I am very interested in. A few months back I interviewed at a firm in my preferred city, and according to a friend on the inside, I came in second. (He’s a really nice guy so I can’t say for sure that this is true. He could have been trying to make me feel better.) This firm does lots of work with the agency I’m interviewing with. The partner who (supposedly) wanted to hire me spends a large portion of his time dealing with this agency. I’ve also learned that the person the firm hired is not exactly working out as anticipated. I’d really like to work at either place. Is it appropriate to contact the partner to learn more about the agency? It would also keep me on his radar if they boot their new guy. But something feels off about it. How would I even approach him? The firm didn’t bother with a rejection letter, and none of the partners responded to my thank-you letters. I’m afraid of sounding desperate, because I am.

    • CFM

      It seems really off to me… you want to approach a firm you have no connection with (except for the fact they didn’t hire you) to ask about a government agency you are applying to? It would make more sense to just make sure your friend knows you are still interested in case something comes up. It sounds like there is not even an opening at the firm? You are just going on rumor that the person isn’t doing that well and hoping they might get fired? I’d take it as two separate things. 1) interview with the gov agency, and 2) make sure your friend knows you are looking and interested in the firm.

    • Janie

      I can’t say I know what I’m talking about, but my instinct, like yours, says… don’t. It sounds like you know quite a bit about the agency already, so stick with that and you should be fine. GOOD LUCK on your interview!!!

    • Anonymous

      OP here- Looks like the government agency is about to lose most of its funding, so there will be no interview. I hate this economy.

  27. anon

    I would not approach them unless I had another offer in hand and wanted to know their timeline (since you haven’t found out officially yet). Good luck!

  28. Lizadoo

    Is pricey workout gear (think lululemon or Athleta) worth it? I’ve always been a t-shirt and TJ Maxx stretch pants sort of a gal, but I’m going to join a running club and I’m thinking of investing in nicer stuff. All opinions appreciated!

    • Celia

      I think it is. I resisted for a long time, and will definitely just wear my Old Navy-type stuff when working out at home. But I’ve found that nice athletic gear lasts a long time, which is not the case with less expensive stuff when you are constantly sweating through it, so in the long run the investment certainly pays off. Also, the vast majority of athletic gear is unflattering and can even unfortunately look outright dumpy, especially after a wash or two. In particular, while pretty much any shirt or shorts can look cute, a well-cut, flattering pair of workout pants is difficult to find unless you are willing to invest in a high quality brand (the same goes for cold weather gear). Now that I have a few nice pieces that are flattering on me, I don’t mind wearing workout clothes while running errands or going to class – which in turn makes it more likely that I’ll incorporate hitting the gym or track during my day.

      Finally, this might be silly but wearing nice workout clothes makes me feel less self-conscious when I’m working out with people I know. I was never a workout person until coming to law school, and still sometimes feel like people can tell I’m a fraud when I’m at the gym or running or whatever – and actual workout gear makes me feel more legitimate. I know that last part is silly. But at the end of the day, looking put together when I work out makes me feel more confident, which makes it more likely I will actually work out.

      My brand of choice is Under Armour – I have found it to be worth every penny! I’ve been eyeing lululemon for a while now, but haven’t yet taken the plunge. Would love to hear people’s reviews of it!

    • megrose

      After a friend recommended lululemon’s pants, I bought a pair about 18 months ago, they still look great, and my sister and I are now loyal customers. In my opinion, their pants run long, which my tall friends love, but they also offer free hemming. The salespeople in the stores in Chicago, at least, have always been friendly and helpful. I would recommend visiting a store, if there is one in your area, and bring along your sneakers so that if you end up buying pants, they will be hemmed to the perfect length. I’ve never bought anything other than pants from them, so I can’t comment on the rest of their clothing.

    • a lawyer

      Yes, to a point. Nike, Brooks, Hind, and Under Armour all make good running gear, which wicks moisture better and will keep you comfortable longer than cotton. Dick’s Sporting Goods has good choices and good sales. TJMaxx sells many of these brands at much less cost. Beyond that, although I love Athleta, lots of their clothes are really just for looks.

      • a lawyer

        To add, there is nothing wrong with purchasing clothes “just for looks.” I have a closet full of running clothes, but do I stop buying? No, and part of reason is that I enjoy new clothes to run/work out in, and it is a motivator to get out in something nice looking, especially if you are running with a group of people! Just know it is not necessary if your budget does not allow it. Target has quite good running gear (Champion) for about $15.00 per piece. Looks good, too.

    • Jess

      I wouldn’t have thought so, until I went running in the park at 6 a.m. one morning in ratty shorts and tank top and got stopped by a reporter from Fox interviewing people about some recent crime in the park. I wound up on tv looking absolutely awful. Nice clothes wouldn’t have fixed the sweaty hair or lack of makeup, but at least I’d have looked better from the neck down and felt more confident talking to the perfectly made up reporter. I’m self-conscious enough when I work out, so knowing that at least my clothes look good helps me get past that and actually make it to the gym.

    • Maddie Ross

      It’s not the price of the workout gear that matters, but the material, fit and cut. I have a lululemon coat for winter running that is awesome, but otherwise, my workout gear is from a range of places, including Target and TJMaxx. The important thing is to choose wicking materials over cotton. I promise a workout will be better in proper running shorts and a drymax t-shirt than the soffe cheerleader shorts of yore and a cotton college t-shirt. Whether those shorts come from TJs or some pricey running store is immaterial, except for how you feel you “look” in them.

    • soulfusion

      I have a broad range of workout/running gear and the longest lasting stuff is from Lululemon and Nike. Old Navy and Target stuff is much cheaper but wears out or just loses its shape within a year or less. I’ve had Lululemon gear for 5+ years that looks as good as new – despite being my first choice out of the drawer each morning. Same with my Nike gear. It just last longer and fits better. I like some Under Armour – primarily their tops but their bottoms fit me funny. Their stuff is also high quality but I’ve only owned for 2-3 years so can’t vouch for longevity in the same way.

      A new running brand I discovered is Skirt Sports. I bought the below-linked tights with a skirt and I LOVE them! They are warm and loooong (good for the long-legged) and I have worn them running, snowboarding and snowshoeing. The skirt makes me feel cute. I bought a pink running skirt too because it was off-season and marked down but haven’t had a chance to try it out yet.

      http://www.zappos.com/skirtsports-ice-queen-skirt-black

    • Mata Hari

      Yes!

      Love it and believe it’s worth every penny. Wicks sweat better, doesn’t get destroyed in the washer/dryer, 0-14 sizing much better fit then S-XL, and the inserted bras on some of the tops are actually durable enough for us small-chested gals to run in, so no need to find/wash/wear separate sports bra.

      Also, the (totally oblivious to 99% of women’s clothing) guys in my company all know Lulu by brand and appearance, if that has any weighting for you.

      I use outfits as ‘reward purchases’ for acheiving certain workout goals.

  29. Canadian

    First of all, I absolutely love reading Corporette! A good friend of mine turned me on to it about a month ago and I’ve been hooked ever since. I love the community here. Sometimes advice regarding some of the U.S.-specific issues doesn’t really apply up north where I am, but all in all I’ve found everything and everyone to be very helpful :)

    So here’s my issue that I need some Corporettes to help me with:

    I’m finishing up my law degree at the University of Calgary in Alberta this spring. I’ve accepted an articling position with a BigLaw firm in Calgary, and although I’m really excited about my article, I’m pretty terrified too. I really want to make a good impression during my article and besides working really hard and trying to be personable and collegial (which I already am), I’m not sure what else I can do to make myself successful during my article. I have a substantial amount of student debt and I think having a BigLaw salary will help me to pay off my debt much sooner. I’m not married, but my BF (currently in 2L) and I have plans to get married at some point in the next few years. Until I get married though, I’ll consider myself to be on my own financially.

    The firm has hired 14 articling students and they only plan on taking back 2/3 of the students as associates. I’m also a visible minority, but the firm isn’t very diverse from what I’ve seen on their website (I’ve never summered there), so I don’t know if being a visible minority will help or hurt me in the long run.

    I’d love to hear any suggestions or advice on how to succeed during my article (success for me = being offered an associate position that I can either take or leave)!

    • Divaliscious11

      1. Pay attention. To the attorney assigned as your mentor, to the social cues, to the partners etc….

      2. For the first project you do for any new attorney – knock it out the park! Double and triple check it, even if you have to spend more time than you are told it should take. Why? Because you are eventually going to turn in something someone doesn’t like. If its the first thing you do, you will be branded as unworthy – add in the minority status and there are some who will assume that is why your are there, as opposed to doing well and having earned it. If you make an error later, it will be treated as an error, not an indication of inferiority.

      3. Relax. If they selected you, you have the skills to do the job – don’t psych yourself out of the game. Don’t focus on your minority status – you can’t do anything about it. Be yourself and don’t try to be someone you are not. Let your talents shine through and enjoy your article.

      4. Oh, one last thing, if there is an event or activity that you are unfamiliar with – ask someone, even if it means coming to this board. You don’t want to be the person who shows up improperly attired/prepared because you honestly didn’t know better.

      Good luck!

  30. anon

    Anyone looking for a surprisingly cheap high-quality black suit? I just purchased a jacket/skirt/pants combo by Calvin Klein at Nordstrom. The whole line is well-tailored and the fabric feels like a good suit should. The Jacket hits the top of my thigh (as opposed to the shorter cut that seems to be a bit more popular today). Still, it’s body-conscious classy and not the least bit frumpy. Yay!
    Bonus: There’s a great A-line skirt in this set for those of you who aren’t in love with body-hugging skirts at work. Unfortunately, that piece of the suit isn’t available in stores (at least in NY). I sized down and it’s not snug at all.
    Gored (A-line) Skirt: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/calvin-klein-gored-skirt/3073540?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=229
    Jacket: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/calvin-klein-single-button-blazer/3073522?origin=coordinating-3073522-0-1-1
    Pants: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/calvin-klein-madison-pants/3073524?origin=coordinating-3073524-0-1-1

    • kz

      yay, an a-line skirt! I’ve been looking for a good one. Or really, any one. They’re so hard to find. Thanks!

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