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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 121 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Short Sleeve Houndstooth Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Basler Short Sleeve Houndstooth Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I happened to find this black houndstooth dress (and its comps, below) while looking for last week's Suit of the Week, and I'm kind of obsessed with the crazy mix of black and white houndstooth. We all know I like a good mix of black and white patterns, but this dress by Basler takes it to a new level. It's $895 at Bloomingdale's (sizes 34-44). Basler Short Sleeve Houndstooth Dress Psst: A less expensive crazy option is here (up to size 16), and here's a more sedate and affordable option (up to size 18). Here's a plus-size option. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

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Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Duchess

    That is a beautiful dress. If I had an extra grand lying around, I’d buy it in a heartbeat.

  3. Jumpingjack

    That dress is gorgeous, and definitely qualifies as a splurge (more than 4x my limit for dresses).

  4. New Temp Wardrobe

    Just wanted to provide an update and thank everyone for their input. I was able to go through my existing wardrobe and pick a few pieces that I can dress up and ordered almost 10 new items for around $200. I would imagine some of things will go back and I’ll have some gaps, but for the most part I’m pretty excited. Thanks for all your suggestions and the reality check that no, I don’t need 20 new tops :).

      • New Temp Wardrobe

        Target, Lands End, Talbots, Jcrew Factory and Amazon. All the comments really helped me think about what I wanted to look like and picking pieces that could be rotated with each other. I already have nicer pants which saved me some money, though I may buy one or two pairs later on if needed. I think the good part for me is I have all the accessories (shoes/jewelry/bags) from a previous life where I had to dress up more often.

  5. pls

    So what did we think about How to Get Away with Murder’s premier? Honestly, I was disappointed that there were obvious *r*l and *n*l s*x scenes within the first fifteen minutes, but I liked the story line. They were obviously going for shock factor, but where are they going to go from here if they did those things in the first episode? It just bugs me that they have to push the envelope so much.

    • Erin @ Her Heartland Soul

      I didn’t care about the s*x scenes but was a little disappointed by the plot. And I’m really confused about what’s going on. I’m going to give it a few more episodes to see if some of the storyline clears up and everyone ends up not being a horrible person.

      • Lady Tetra

        As a lawyer it was fun to spot all the “oooh, she could be disbarred for that!” issues, but I agree that everyone just seemed horrible.

    • Anonymous

      I was thrilled there were “creative” sex scenes in the first 15 mins! It’s a 10 pm show and I like them spicy. I found it entertaining. Not even a little bit realistic which made it more fun. I’d never watch a show that approached the reality of law school but a fantasy version? Absolutely.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey monday’s but would not wear this dress b/c Frank would be pretending to playing checker’s with his finger’s on my dress, and I do NOT like for him to do that. He doe’s that with my stripe’s and ALWAYS followes those stripe’s to places that his finger’s should NOT go. FOOEY on Frank. I realy do NOT understand why my clotheing has to be such an issue with him — just b/c I get a 50% discount does NOT mean he has licence to touch the merchendise. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      As for the OP, I watched this and do NOT think they realy need all the s*x stuff. It bring’s back bad memorie’s about Alan and the thing’s he alway’s wanted me to do. FOOEY on that, especialy b/c he was NOT the most clean person and I refused to do anything when he was NOT fresh out of the shower. That should be the rule– no shower with strong soap, no s*x of ANY kind. End of story. Period. He was such a schlub, I think he thought he was George Clonney or something, but he was the farthest thing from it. Now GC is married and I am not and I had a schlub who would not marry me. That make’s me feel bad b/c I am better then all that.

      This weekend, David took me to the movie’s and he got a littel fresh, with his hand’s where they did NOT belong. What is it with men–do they think that I will get all gaga over them b/c they stick their hand’s where they should NOT? I am NOT a s*x machine, tho these guy’s all are alway’s lookeing for it after 15 minute’s. I think I have to start takeing lesson’s on how to prevent all that. Even Myrna agreed that David should not be doeing that in the movie theater. TRIPEL FOOEY!

      I have alot of cases this week in court, so Mason will have to come with me tomorrow. The manageing partner wants him to start answering calendar call, but I already think the judge think’s Mason is a bit of a doosh b/c he messed up when I gave him a chance. I will try again, but realy think the judge is right. Mason is not that smart, and the onley reason he is here is b/c his family has conection’s to the manageing partner. I am not even sure he realy passed the bar b/c I could NOT find his name on the NYS Attorney listeing. I think I have an etheicial duty to tell the manageing partner b/c we could all be in troubel if he messes up and the cleint finds out he is a doosh w/o being admited to the bar. Just haveing a JD does not let him handel cases in court like me. Does the HIVE think I should ask the state or just the manageing partner. I am worried b/c I am now a partner and could be held libel for this dummy. FOOEY!

    • AIMS

      I was not sold on it but I will probably watch another episode or two. I’ve never seen Gray’s but do occasionally watch Scandal on Netflix, and this had a very similar “no way would this ever happen” vibe to it. Of course, that’s part of what makes it fun but I do wish the show would take the ridiculousness down a notch.

      Also, I know this is dumb, but she couldn’t wear a real suit for her big trial??

      • anon

        When I spotted her short sleeves, I was like, NO WAY. Even though she looked great.

  6. Medic Maggie

    I actually really like this dress! (I like the kasper version too!)

    I had asked about boot-tailoring last week. I found some recommendations around here, and emailed a guy who works on the university campus, and does shoes on the side. I described that I’d need the leather taken in at the zipper. He says it would be $20-24/pair. (ellen caps necessary…) SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! I paid maybe $100 for them, and I’m going to get them semi-custom for $150 total, all said.

    • RZT

      Thread jack: I work in an office where most women still wear pantyhose. Until recently, I wore Victoria’s Secret pantyhose (I stocked up when the company discontinued the color I wear a couple of years ago), but I’ve almost run through my stash, and I was wondering if others can suggest pantyhose they like? What I liked about the VS: the ‘pale nude’ was close to my skin tone, they didn’t itch, the waistband didn’t cut in, and they lasted well through many wearings. FWIW, I wear a standard size, so that is not a limiting factor.

      Any suggestions would really be appreciated!

      • MJ

        I like Hanes Silk Reflections from one hanes place dot com (the overstock site). Way cheaper there.

      • Anon

        Hanes Silk Reflections. I get the regular waist (not control top) and regular toe (not reinforced). You can get 4 packs online/at outlets and they last a long time. I am pale and wear Travel Buff.

        They don’t itch or dig in. I’m on the border between sizes and buy the larger of the two.

      • In the Pink

        I really like European brands. After wearing hosiery since I was in high school (Yikes) and being a follower of Hanes Sheer Reflection, I found European brands. Oh my. I use Aurora 15 (denier weight) by Filodoro (Italian) for office days…they can last me for weeks with daily wear. Otherwise, I like those by Sylvia Grandi (Spanish)…they offer a comfortable toeless version, one for flip flops style shoes, etc.

        I get mine (for years now) from shapings (dot com) in Toronto. Yes, they ship directly to me in the USA.

        The variety, colors, and sizing of all items, from hosiery to thigh highs to tights, is amazing.

        I won’t ever go back to department store/Hanes brands.

      • Wordy

        I had worn Hanes Silk Reflections for years in Travel Buff but decided they looked too white on me, so have switched to Hue, which has good pale nude options. I think they’re about the same price for control top/reinforced toe.

        • RZT

          Thank you all! I will give the Hanes a try, and if that doesn’t work — well, I may need some Italian pantyhose!

  7. BR Suiting Q -- when do they add to the collection?

    I am loving the wool suiting pieces that I got from BR (I have had zero luck at JCrew). I have the black and would love another color (gray? I’ve seen it before, but it’s gone) and maybe some dresses. Does anyone have a sense of how often they release suiting pieces? It’s fall and it seems like the perfect time to be putting things on the website, but it’s been crickets after staking the site for a month or so.

    Hey, Banana: I want to spent $ with you!

      • BR Suiting Q -- when do they add to the collection?

        It’s like they are slowly getting sold out of various items, but not restocking or adding new pieces. I remember that they had gray pieces in the past (and would prefer this to Halogen).

    • NYNY

      It’s like they are slowly getting sold out of various items, but not restocking or adding new pieces. I remember that they had gray pieces in the past (and would prefer this to Halogen).

  8. Erisa

    Lol, the Kasper model’s face: “My god this dress looks like sh*t on me”

    I’m sure the dress would look better on someone with >0% body fat

    • Anonymous

      I think the dress looks lovely on her and it’s pretty clear she doesn’t have zero percent body fat.

    • Baconpancakes

      Can’t comment on her body fat percentage, since I don’t have a calipers and BMI calculator for her, but I agree it looks pretty terrible on her. For one thing, it looks three sizes too big, and yes, it would flatter someone with more curves.

  9. Daydreamer

    Can anyone recommend a good camisole?

    I want one that is smoothing but doesn’t make my clothes clingier. My camisoles currently are either ribbed (so not smooth), or they somehow make flowy shirts a little bit clingy. They are also way to long, I’m short in the torso, and they cover my rear instead of hitting the hip.

    • BB

      I love Commando camisoles/slips. The fabric is super thin, light, and silky without being clingy.

    • Ginjury

      They’re not very cheap, but I love the Shimera camis and tanks. They’re smooth and I haven’t had any issues with clinging. I’m 5’4, average torso, and they hit me about two inches below my hipbone.

    • AIMS

      I’ve been really impressed by the ones I got at Zara. Around ten dollars, lots of nice colors, wash well.

    • houda

      I have gotten a black and a beige camisole from the basics section in H&M.
      They are very soft, and the straps on the XS are short enough for my petite frame.
      The neckline is high enough and the length is tuckable in any pants.

  10. No. 2 Pencil & The Skirt -- size equivalency

    For those of you who can wear both the J Crew No. 2 pencil and The Skirt, do you wear the same size in each?

    I like my wool No. 2 pencil that’s a few years old and might order another color, the The Skirt material seems more 4-season to me, so maybe I’ll try that?

    Thanks!

    • Scully

      I wear the same size in the old Skirt and the No. 2, but the Skirt was roomier. Can’t speak to the new version. I consider the Skirt all seasons, and the No. 2 a three-season item.

      The J. Crew wool No. 2 is inconsistent in sizing across seasons and colors. I have at least 6 all in the same size, but if you stack them on top of each other, you can see that the measurements deviate. I learned that I have to try each one on before buying, after once ordering a No. 2 in my usual size on final sale, and having it be an entire size too small.

    • Anon99

      The newer wool No 2 pencils are much thinner fabric than the old ones (I have some that are 3-4 seasons old and one that’s 2 seasons old, which is much thinner). Also, The Skirt fits me without alterations and I have to have the waists taken in on the No 2s. So if the No 2 fits you off the rack, The Skirt might be too tight in the waist.

  11. Frou Frou

    Shopping challenge! I am in search of a burgundy sheath dress with with a high neckline (think: Talbots seasonless wool, but in burgundy), but can’t seem to find one. Anyone seen something like this lately?

  12. Lady Tetra

    Question for those of you who are married/engaged/in long-term relationships: how do you navigate visiting two sets of parents for Thanksgiving and winter holidays? When did you stop going separately to your own parents (or do you still go separately)?

    • Lola

      No help, but interested in hearing the answers. This year will be the first year I won’t be spending Christmas with my family (OH’s family are having a massive extended family party, and my OH’s mother is desperate for me to be there). I can’t help having a bit of guilt, but my OH’s family live near our new home, whilst my parents are an hour away and I (selfishly?!) want to wake up with my OH in our new house on Christmas Morning.

    • Senior Attorney

      When I was a young married, our two families lived up the freeway from one another and we actually tried to do both in the same day for a year or two. After the baby came along that got to be ridiculous and I put my foot down and announced we would be celebrating Christmas at our own house and anybody who care to join us was welcome to do so. My family made a much bigger deal of Thanksgiving than his did, so we ended up doing Thanksgiving at my mom’s house for a few years before taking that over, too.

      Once we were engaged, celebrating holidays separately with our own families was off the table.

        • Anon

          We’ve actually done that. We don’t have children yet ourselves, and it was important to each of us to spend Christmas with our respective families-of-origin so we could be there for Christmas morning with our very young nieces/nephews. Which meant we spent Christmas a 3 hour flight away from each other. Worked out just fine for us!

      • Middle Coast

        Did the same thing. Before kids, we spent Thanksgiving with my family, Easter with his and split Xmas – Xmas Eve at his family’s house – got up at 4 am and drove 5 hours to my family for Xmas day. No holiday time at our house.

        After kids, we spent Thanksgiving with my family, Easter with his and Xmas was at our house, everyone was invited. We rationalized by saying “Xmas is for kids.”

    • lucy stone

      Carefully. We are lucky that our parents live 45 minutes apart for half the year, so we usually do Thanksgiving lunch with his parents and Thanksgiving dinner with my parents. At Christmas, my parents are a 2 hour plane ride away. We fly to visit them for actual Christmas, and then do Christmas with my H’s family on a weekend after we get back.

    • Diana Barry

      We mostly stopped visiting when we had child #1 and then completely when we had child #2 (conveniently due near a holiday). We now occasionally go for a weekend near the holiday but not on the holiday itself. Before that we would alternate families for holidays – my parents and ILs live in opposite directions from each other – so Thanksgiving/Xmas were always in different places, no visiting both families on the same holiday.

    • AIMS

      I think there are many ways to do this depending on your family dynamics, how big your families are and whether you have to travel.

      You could do alternating years/holidays (as in Thanksgiving with your parents, followed by thanksgiving with his parents the next year; or Thanksgiving with your parents/winter holiday with his parents).
      You could host everyone at your house.
      You could put your own spin on traditions – for instance, I have a friend whose family does thanksgiving on Saturdays so that everyone can make it and another friend that does the whole thing the weekend before so that between the four kids everyone can still make it.

      I’ve been lucky in that my family doesn’t really make a big deal of observing either holiday together so most years we go to my SO’s for Thanksgiving and Xmas since his family cares about those dates and then we go to my mom’s and celebrate with her separately. That’s actually my favorite because then we just have a great dinner with her and it’s really fun but it’s not tied to anything specific where you feel like you have to have it be a certain way.

    • Anon

      We stopped going separately once we got married. We now see his mom for lunch and my mom for dinner (both holidays). We then see my dad usually the day before or the day after or sometime on the weekend. My dad is much more reasonable and relaxed about the whole thing, which unfortunately means he gets shifted around. My mom and my MIL are dramatic over scheduling every year. Luckily (?) we live about 10 minutes away from each of them. My dad lives about 2 hours away. Though part of going to see my dad also meant seeing my grandma, but this will be the first holiday without her, so I don’t know if we will maybe plan to have a meal at either our house or one of my siblings’ houses with my mom and dad instead. That will undoubtedly involve drama I’m sure. . .

      Edited to add: We also have three kids, and my sister has three kids. My husband is an only child, which makes scheduling a little easier.

    • Sydney Bristow

      We are lucky in a way because my family lives across the country. This makes it too difficult and expensive to go there for thanksgiving. It’s worked out so that we do Thanksgiving with his parents and Christmas with mine.

      Lucky neither family is locked into a major production for either one so it’s not a big deal of we need to change things up some year. Last year my family celebrated Christmas a week early so we also got to spend actual Christmas Day with his family. This year his parents will be out of the country during Thanksgiving so we are doing our own thing since we still can’t afford to go to my family’s Thanksgiving.

      My brother and his wife alternate Christmas with their famies. I’m not sure what they do for Thanksgiving though.

      Flexibility and understanding on all sides makes the dance so much easier!

    • roses

      We switch off years for Thanksgiving and figure out winter holidays year-by-year based on whether our friends are in town/if our families are doing anything special (we’re not Christian so Christmas isn’t a factor). Our families are in different cities that are both a plane ride away from our current city. Hubs wanted to do both of our hometowns this year for winter holidays but I nixed that idea because it sounded exhausting. Instead, we compromised by going to my hometown around Christmas and then making the trip to see his family on MLK weekend.

    • Ella

      Proceeding carefully and as a team. We do alternating years for winter holidays. I don’t mind some separation, like him spending an extra couple days with his family solo while I head home, but not weeks at a time. Also, by being very, very clear up front. My parents have known since July that I’ll be with his family this December.

    • Zaldi

      Celebrating holidays independently with out own families officially stopped when we got engaged. We recognized that each of us was joining the family of the other and opting out of our respective in-laws’ celebration was not acceptable. Fortunately, each of the many sides of our families have a meal timing “tradition” that all fits together like a puzzle. It’s great because we can do breakfast at the in-laws #1 (biological father side), late lunch at my parents, and late evening dinner at in-laws #2 (biological mother side) when everyone insists on celebrating “day-of” like Thanksviving. It makes for an exhausting day, though, and we’ll likely opt out of the holiday shuffle when we have kids.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      For the first few years we did our own thing and didn’t see either set of parents on the actual holiday. My family is a several hour drive and his is a several hour flight. We started our marriage both in law enforcement and frequently worked holidays so it was the perfect excuse with no hard feelings. Since then it is a “bonus” to our families when we get to spend the actual holiday with them and neither family expects it.

      We have also offered to host both sides at our house when we weren’t working and had both sides at my parent’s house for one thanksgiving.

      I really like celebrating Christmas morning just me and my husband in our own house. This way we are able to create our own traditions too.

      • Alice

        “Since then it is a “bonus” to our families when we get to spend the actual holiday with them and neither family expects it.”

        This is absolutely what I am striving for!

    • kc

      Our families live 1.5 hours apart but thankfully celebrate thanksgiving only 30 mins apart. We kind of change things up depending on whether my siblings are coming home or not (they live farther away). We usually hit both families for Thanksgiving. Last year we did christmas eve/morning at my parents, and then christmas lunch at his parents (christmas is a bigger deal for my family). Once we have kids we won’t travel as much, but we really do enjoy seeing everyone during the season.

    • Rural Juror

      I’d love to piggyback on this with a related issue, if anyone has advice:

      My parents and DH’s parents live in the same city, but my parents are divorced and DH’s parents are not. I feel like we should split the time 1/3 his parents 1/3 my mom 1/3 my dad, so we are being fair to everyone, but this can also be seen as spending more time with my family than his. Should it be 1/2 his parents 1/4 my mom 1/4 my dad? Any thoughts?

      • Ginjury

        1/3 each- just because you’re eating a meal with each of your parents doesn’t mean you should eat two with his. That being said, I don’t think you need to put too much though into this. It’s not a competition. Each parent is different so just try to make sure that no one feels neglected (within reason).

      • Alice

        I have a similar situation (see below), though my mom is maybe an hour and a half from my dad and his parents (but we are across the country). I think there are a lot of factors in play as to how much time to spend with each, and I personally would worry about being too rigid about “dividing time” perfectly equally every visit because then, you run the risk of upsetting people if the balance ever changes. Some factors I’ve taken into account:

        1. How many other people are you spending time with at each place? For me, my mom comes with several half-siblings, and my dad doesn’t….and when my husband and I visit friends from my hometown, it tends to be when we are staying at my mom’s. Therefore, we spend more actual time at my mom’s house, but we probably spend more “quality time” with my dad. Similarly, I have a couple of siblings at my mom’s house and my husband is an only child. So we probably spend more time with his parents for that reason.

        2. Why are you visiting? If it’s just the holidays, fine, but sometimes we visit for certain occasions (i.e., a sibling’s graduation, or to lend support for someone during an illness) and during those times we make an effort to see other people, but we are very clear about the purpose of the visit. Sometimes this needs reinforcing. And even during holidays…if there was a compelling reason to spend more time with one set (like, if I had a sibling that had just had a baby, or extended family was coming for a visit), we might adjust accordingly.

        3. How much do you each enjoy visiting each set? This may not be an issue for you, but I think it is OK to consider your own preferences (if your preferences and DH’s preferences align). For example, my dad and I get along famously for 2 days and then things always go south quickly. So I see my dad in spurts no more that 2 days. Fair? No–sometimes we stay for longer with my mom or his parents than with my dad, but husband and I are using our valuable days off and our enjoyment is important.

      • Anon

        The problem with the 1/3 option is it really isn’t fair to everyone. It’s not fair to your husband because he only gets to spend 1/3 of the time with his family, but you get 2/3 of the time with your family. I’ll admit I’m biased because I’m in the same situation as your husband and I always feel like I get the short end of the stick on holidays because I get less time with my family just because we have to run around to see his family. This remind me of when we got married and we told the parents that each side could invite 50 people (meaning each in-law got 25). They thought this was grossly unfair because my parents could invite 50 people, but they only got 25. Needless to say, I sympathize with how hard it is to navigate these things! I’m not sure there is ever a “fair” way that makes everyone happy. I’ve tried!

        • Bewitched

          My parents are divorced so I don’t quite understand your concern. The 1/3 option seems fairest of all, unless the suggestion is that the divorced parents share their half time. In that case, say your parents get two days with the two of you, and his parents get one day each. I guess technically you have spent two days with each side of the family, but his mom only got to see him for one day, his dad got to see him for one day, and your parents got to see you for two days. As my parents are quite a bit older, that doesn’t seem like a reasonable solution, but I do understand that it’s hard when both of you are working and there is only so much time off. Of course, geography is a factor too-my parents are in driving distance (albeit more than a half day away), so sometimes I drive to visit them without my hubby. If we had to fly for each visit, then for sure I would want to make sure I had a reasonable amount of time with each divorced parent.

          • Anon

            The converse in your example is that one person gets to spend 2 days with her family and one person gets to spend 4 days with his family. I guess it’s how you look at it. I think it’s hard for the person who doesn’t have divorced parents to be thrown into the dynamics of a divorced family and learn how to split time. I know it’s been hard for me. I’ve just never found the 1/3 option to be fair. Of course, that’s just my opinion.

          • ALN

            Just be glad you don’t both have divorced parents and have to split all your time into 1/4s, which is pretty darn difficult when there are only 3 meals in one day.

            In other words, just shut your mouth, be thankful for your perfect family, and do what you can to support your partner.

            Oh and I think 1/3 time is the most fair split, though I don’t think it works to be militant about the exact time split.

    • Alice

      We’ve actually never done separately (we were in a relationship for 6+ years before we got married), partially because we were long distance for years 1-2 so I wanted to see him as much as possible when I went to the side of the country where he was (and where his parents and my mom and dad are). I think we may luck out because while my parents are divorced, my dad and his parents live in the same area and have become friends (I anticipate some joint holidays in the future).

      Our strategy from the get-go has been flexible, year by year, but it is always the two of us deciding what we are going to do and then informing/inviting parents accordingly. Now that we both live on the other side of the country from parents, traveling for Thanksgiving is cost-prohibitive so we do it alone, but with a standing invitation for parents and my siblings to join (no siblings with families yet). My dad joined one year and my mom and siblings joined another.

      If we have a longer amount of time visiting our parent’s side of the country, we will split days and time. We definitely don’t do, like, 2 Christmas dinners on one day, though, too exhausting.

      We hope to move back to the same side of the country as the parents at some point, and once we’ve done that, and hopefully had kids, we’re planning on maintaining at least one holiday a year as a “at our place” holiday–invitations to all, but we will tend not to travel. I want our children to grow up with some memories of holidays at home. I worry that dividing equally would leave no holidays for the flexibility to figure out our own traditions.

    • Seattle Freeze

      We don’t! There’s a reason both of us live across the country from our families :)

    • snowy

      I think we stopped going separately when we got engaged, but we always visited the other persons’ family around the holiday so we could see everyone. Example: I spend two days b/f xmas with boyfriend & family, then actual xmas with family, then after xmas, boyfriend comes and stays for New Years’. Or something like that.

      We started combining holidays a few years ago, and everyone when to my in-laws (we actually live the farthest from everyone – my parents, his parents, and his siblings all live about 1.5 hours from each other). Last year we bought a house, and everyone came to us. That was great, because we have a lot of room (at in-laws we had to sleep on the floor of the office, and I was kind of miserable. I need my space).

      I agree with those who say “everyone come to us”, except when it inconveniences others too much – I wouldn’t expect elderly relatives to fly cross-country, for example, and I would hate to have siblings sit out because they have little kids that can’t take the drive. In those cases, the person who is most able to travel really should go to the others.

    • 2Banon

      We had both families within driving distance and they used to complain to us and or cause us to fight about it: Each “side” wanted us on the “real” day. When we had young kids we finally wised up and said that we wouldn’t go to either family on Christmas Day or T-Day and made plans to have alternate celebrations on other days (e.g., the day after, the weekend after). Once DH’s and my siblings also had kids and then the divorces started (joint custody issues were extra stress) it worked much better to have an omnibus approach to the “holidays.”

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Long-term relationship. We still do Christmas with our separate families, in part because I have friends from high school that I want to see and Christmas is the only time I get to most years, and because his family has large family get-togethers he wants to go to (all of his grandparents are still alive, none of mine are, which I think makes a difference). Thanksgiving we’ve varied. If we can get to our respective home towns without much hassle, we usually just go to our separate families (though I’ve been to his once). If it’s going to be a pain to get home (ie, are we going to have to fly out of NYC, which is just a nightmare on thanksgiving flights), we just spend it together ourselves and tell our families we’ll see them at Christmas.

    • Middle Coast

      One further comment – family dynamics change over the years, you adjust your plans accordingly. Looking back, it was well worth the headaches and hassles to ensure we got to see everyone at some point during each year, especially at the holidays, as we are no longer able to do so with the passing of our loved ones.

    • Away Game

      We do Christmas in our own house with our three kids; visitors are welcome. It helps to point out that this is also what the (grand)parental units did, so they can’t really accuse us of not following tradition ( they themselves did nuclear family at home when their kids were young). Thanksgiving is almost easiest since DH and I work for the same organization and do not get the Friday after Thanksgiving off as a holiday unless we take a vacation day, and our offices cannot be left unstaffed. Last year he was off and I worked, this year it’s likely to be the opposite. We try to schedule visits to the farthest relatives once a year, but at times that are cheaper and less hectic.

    • N.B.

      Hahahahaha, my 1st child’s birthday is usually on or around Thanksgiving. He turned 5 last year and it was the 1st time we made family come to us. Of course, also the 1st time our house was big enough to host YMMV

    • Hologram

      My family and in-laws are spread literally from coast to coast, so it’s a costly proposition to visit all of them in a year, regardless of holidays. We spend most Thanksgivings with my (last surviving) grandparents, who host for their kids’ families – it’s basically a family reunion. They’re a significant drive away, but they’re the only ones who don’t require air travel. Plus my grandparents are in their 80s and who knows how much longer I have with them. Before kids, we would visit other family around Christmas and/or Easter, but we’ve decided that (outside of extraordinary circumstances), Christmas is at our house for at least the next 5-10 years, and we’ll host whoever wants to come visit us.

      DH and I met while living abroad, so we weren’t “expected” at holiday celebrations for the first few years. By the time we moved back to the States, we were already engaged and have done holidays jointly ever since.

    • ALN

      SO and I are from the same city, and both of our parents are divorced so we have to juggle at least 4 families for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s a PITA. Since they’re all so close, we usually feel pressured to try to do all of them in one day for Christmas, or at least three of them on Christmas and one on Christmas Eve. We try to trade off which family gets us for Christmas morning, lunch, and dinner.For Thanksgiving, usually one family has an ‘off’ year so that makes it a bit easier.

      We don’t have kids yet, but when we do, I plan on hosting Christmas and inviting everyone over (our divorced parents are just going to have to suck it up).

      We have been going to each other’s families holidays since we’ve been living together, though, if one family were a plane ride away, we probably would have held off. If that were the case, we would trade off Thanksgiving and Christmas.

  13. Montreal Hotel Recs?

    Anyone know of a good place to stay in Montreal? We’d like to be in the historic center (Old City?) so as to be in the middle of everything. Some place romantic, too. TIA!

  14. Anon job seeker

    I am looking for a job (currently employed). There is a company I am particularly interested in and I am a valuable contributor in a line of business which they are likely to expand in the near future. I have one 1st degree employee connection on LinkedIn, but she is most likely not in a position to get me an interview; besides, we haven’t spoken in years. I do have a number of 2nd degree connections and herein lies my question:
    Out of 2nd degree connections, should I contact a recruiter or a manager/VP, given that they might or might not be engaged in this line of business?
    Should I contact them directly or ask to be introduced? I do have a number of direct connections whose introduction might carry weight.
    TIA!

  15. LilyB

    Hi ladies- I’m looking for suggestions for a birthday gift(s) for my bf. Last year I hit a home-run with a portable record player (his dad recently passed his record collection down to him so it was really useful). For Christmas I got him a sweatshirt-material onesie that he LOVES and a really nice bottle of scotch. But I’m really scratching my head this year. He’s turning 26, loves sports (but football tix are a no-go because he gets to go to every home game with friends anyway) and music and is somewhat fashionable but definitely more of a guys’ guy.

    One idea I had was golf lessons to improve his game. Do any Philly readers have specific recs for a Philly-area golf instructor?

    I was going to get him a nice leather wallet but he just found one in the back of his closet and intends to use that, so I’d feel silly getting him a new one even if it was nicer. I’d rather not get him clothes again, or alcohol. He is set with luggage and gadgets.

    Aand.. that’s all I have. His birthday is coming up in a couple weeks so I’m getting anxious about this. HALP?!

    • lucy stone

      Does he have a favorite sports player? My H loved a football player from back in the 1980s and I recently found a jersey on eBay from that player – he loves it!

  16. anon

    Seeking suggestions for gifts for a friend who has a newborn in the NICU. I’ll be traveling to see her next week and want to put together a care package for her, her husband, and the baby. Thanks in advance!

    • anon

      I’ve had a newborn and at a different time a child who was seriously ill, and I don’t think I’d be up for having company either time. Is she really OK with the visit? If I were she, I’d be at that NICU every moment I could be there (and it is icky being post-partum — lots of leaking). Just my $.02.

      If you are still going and if it is welcome, maybe babysit any other children or offer to do any lifting / errands / laundry / run to Target.

      • Manhattanite

        +1. My daughter was in nicu for only a couple of days, but I was hormonal and uncomfortable and didn’t need anything but clean clothes and relief from very personal physical discomfort.

      • Not a lawyer

        +1. Having just recovered from surgery, the thing I needed people to do most was clean my house (vacuum, dust, wipe down bathrooms), have food prepped that I could heat up or grab at odd times, and run random errands (target, groceries, post office). Also, I wished for people to sit with me, but not talk. Wasn’t up for visiting, but liked having company.

      • Other

        +1. It would have been very difficult for me to have company – any kind – during that time. Freezer meals are always appreciated, but I really wouldn’t have been up to visitors, especially if they were out of town.

      • Other

        +1. It would have been very difficult for me to have company – any kind – during that time. Freezer meals are always appreciated (I’ve sent a Harry & David frozen pot-pie and cookies for post-surgical recovery to friends), but I really wouldn’t have been up to visitors, especially if they were staying at my house.

    • anon

      When you get there, stock their fridge/freezer (perhaps more freezer) with food or meals that they can easily heat or reheat. If the baby is still in the NICU when you get there, perhaps you can bring them food to eat at the hospital.

    • anon

      I once sent a care package to a friend who had a preemie in NICU that included a gift certificate to a restaurant near the hospital, children’s books to read to the baby (Nancy Tillman’s YOU ARE LOVED Collection) since often the parents can’t hold the baby but their voices are soothing to the baby.

  17. Distractions?

    I have a good friend who is having a rough day (impending break-up of long term relationship that was headed towards engagement/marriage) and is having trouble pulling it together/concentrating on work. Any ideas of cute/funny/distracting articles or things I could send her to help take her mind off things and get her back in work mode? Any advice about what to say would be appreciated, too. They both really love each other but have had issues for a while now. In the past I’ve been able to say that I’m sure they’ll work it out but I think this time that’s just not the case. I just have no idea what to say other than that I love her and am there for her.

      • Wildkitten

        Eh. I love the Bloggess but I don’t know if she’s good break-up reading.

    • nutella

      I haven’t read it, but I have a friend who loved “Loveability” after a breakup. As for distractions, buzzfeed, fun youtubes, fashion blogs, etc. As for what you can say, things like “it will get better, you will get through this.” If she is distracted at work and wants to talk it out, perhaps setting up a designated time to let her just talk/vent would be helpful. Knowing there is designated time to do that might help her put that conversation off at least until then and be able to get through the work day.

    • CountC

      I would not say anything but that. Maybe add, “If you ever need to vent, rage, complain, cry, you have my shoulder.” And then when she does, just let her. Don’t try to fix it. Also, WINE. If she drinks :) Maybe plan a fun girls night out/day?

  18. Anonymous

    I work in a very conservative industry (think military-esque) I’ve had some email exchanges in which I addressed this person as Mr. Lastname. When we met, he introduced himself as Firstname, and our interaction didn’t seem formal at all. Do I continue calling him Mr. Lastname, or just call him Firstname now?

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