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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Green Monday! We'll be rounding up the sales happening later today, but for the moment, it's Splurge Monday! Brooks Brothers has done it again with a gorgeous, rich color in a professional, versatile blazer. I love the berry color, as well as the herringbone pattern and texture to the wool. Gorgeous. I'd wear it with just about any neutral (black, navy, gray, winter white, beige — I'd even try it with brown) and if I wanted to play with a pop of contrasting color, I'd try a dark green. The blazer is $498, available in sizes 00-16. Brooks Brothers Stellita Fit Wool Herringbone Jacket Here's a very similar plus-sized blazer (here's a less similar but far more affordable option), and here's a more affordable regular-sized option (and a much less expensive option). Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anonymous
This is an admittedly silly question. I have an interview coming up, and I’ve never interviewed in the winter before. What do I do with my coat? Like fold it on a chair or something? There won’t be anywhere to put my stuff before walking into this guy’s office, and I don’t want to be fumbling around awkwardly.
Anonymous
The receptionist may offer to hang it for you. Most offices have a coat closet for visitors. If not, and the interviewer doesn’t offer to help, fold it and place it over the back of the chair you are sitting in.
mascot
I imagine that reception/your interviewer may show you someplace to hang your coat. If not, I’d just drape it over the back of a chair and not worry about it.
Lyssa
You could also ask the receptionist to hold it, assuming that you get in early enough.
I’ve always done everything possible to avoid bringing a coat so as not to deal with this issue, but that’s probably easier in my area, where it’s not quite as cold and we drive everywhere, than most.
Blonde Lawyer
You don’t want to look like a “cutesicle,” the name my guy friend gave to girls freezing in the cold because they didn’t want to bring a jacket to the bar/club. Anytime I do the car to building w/o a coat thing, one of my coworkers inevitably says “aren’t you freezing?” I think you can get judged for not being “appropriately dressed for the weather” if you don’t have a coat unfortunately.
Lyssa
Oh, I’m sure that you can in some situations. I just don’t think that it would apply when it’s a cold but not usually below freezing during the day climate and they would assume that I’d driven there, which is usually the case around here.
Lyssa
I wasn’t saying that the OP should suck it up and go without a coat, just that I sympathized with this being an annoying thing to deal with.
rosie
If there’s a receptionist, I am sure that s/he will offer to take your coat. If not, just put it neatly on the back of the chair. Assuming you’re not walking from outside directly into the office (there is a lobby, entryway, hallway, etc.), you can take off your jacket before actually stepping into the office if you’re worried about looking like you are fumbling while you take it off while trying to keep your suit jacket straight, etc.
anonymous
Thanks all. One more question- I’m South Asian and I have a tiny nose stud. I work in a fairly conservative industry, but I don’t think it’s been a problem before. I’m on the fence about whether I want to risk leaving it in, as I really want this job and I’m under the impression it’s quite competitive
Killer Kitten Heels
I’d take it out – most likely, it’d be fine to leave it in, but in a conservative/competitive industry, why risk it?
Wildkitten
You can put it back in for actual work, but take it out for the interview.
anonymous
yeah, this is what I was thinking. Thanks for confirming!
lucy stone
I interviewed this time of year when I was out of law school and always brought a coat. Most receptionists offer to hang it or point you to the coat tree.
Shopaholic
Am I missing something? What is Green Monday?
Wildkitten
I googled it. It’s a made-up shopping holiday.
anon
gag
Bonnie
The number of special shopping days has gotten ridiculous. It’s like Macy’s “one day” sales.
January
+1. Come ON, marketers. Black Friday being elevated to “holiday” status was bad enough.
Sue
The “one day” sale is ridiculous given that it seems to happen every weekend.
Claire M
You guys: I think we’re going to have to put our family dog down this week (technically, it’s my dad’s dog that he got when we were teenagers). Our pup is now 13 and has had a wonderful life. We’ll know more later today from the vets, but it’s not looking good. My dad has made his peace with it, but my siblings are understandably very upset. My sister would like to say goodbye in person, but my dad doesn’t want people going to the hospital and giving our dog false hope. I can understand each person’s perspective, but it seems cruel to not let my sister say goodbye. It’s been several months since she’s seen him. Thoughts? Advice? TIA.
Anonymous
The dog will not be getting false hope. And in any case he ‘ll be dead. Your sister won’t. She gets to say goodbye if she can.
Katie
Have you looked into a vet who comes to your home? That’s what I did with my dog. I had several friends over, and she went very peacefully.
Coach Laura
In home vet was the only thing that made losing my dog bearable. We all sat with her and she wasn’t stressed out by having to travel or walk into the dreaded vet’s office.
You all have my sympathies.
mascot
Can a vet come to the house to put the dog down? Perhaps that alleviates the concern about pet stress.
Spirograph
First, I’m very sorry to hear about your dog. Secondly, +1 to home visit vets for euthanasia appointments, unless the stress or pain of moving the dog out of the hospital would be too much for him.
But in answer to your question, your sister should absolutely be able to say goodbye if she wants to. I can’t imagine a dog being anything but happy to see a well-loved person in its waning hours (or ever). I don’t think hope is even an emotion dogs feel; your dad is anthropomorphizing.
kc
I don’t think false hope (or even hope) is something dogs feel, and I believe they feel a lot of things. I think your sister should be there. Vets say that a lot of people actually leave the room for euthanasia and then the dogs look for them while they’re being put to sleep, which is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Your dog should be surrounded by people who love him!
Blonde Lawyer
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. The support here has always been so uplifting to me when I have had pet health issues. I remember reading Chicken Soup for the Petlover’s Soul many years ago and being moved by a story about a dog in his final day at the vet, still wagging his tail when the vet spoke to him or pet him. I think the dog would love a visit from a loved one and there would be no “false hope” issue there. Could it be the dog is in really bad shape and your dad doesn’t want your sister to see him like that and is trying to spare her?
Anon
We knew my parents’ dog (the dog I grew up with) was having serious health issues my last year in college. It was almost finals time, and the number of days that I could say goodbye was limited, so my brother and I figured out a day that worked for everyone to come into town to say goodbye together. My brother made a full stake dinner (complete with baked potatoes with bacon) and we gave a whole steak and potato to our dog to have while we ate with him. It was sad, but it was nice to have one last family meal with him. My parents went together to put him down a few weeks later (smack in the middle on finals which was *awesome*).
Rogue Banker
We did something similar when my parent’s oldest dog passed the year after I moved out, and my brother was still in college. Complete with steak dinner, and oh boy was she happy to be getting a whole steak to herself (!), instead of the bits said brother and I would always sneak her when she put her head in our laps. :) The next morning there was lots of hugging and petting, bacon and eggs for breakfast (and again, a very happy dog – it was almost hard to watch, because she’d gone pretty senile in her last year or so, except when food was involved and then she was her old self again) and my dad went with her to the vet. He’s stayed in the room with the dog every time we’ve had to have one put down – he told me once that that kind of end-of-life care is the single greatest responsibility we have to them. They give their entire lives to us, and in return, we have to be there for them at the end of that life.
To the OP: I can’t see how it would have anything but a good effect on the dog to see someone he loves, especially in a setting as unfamiliar as a vet/hospital. “False hope” isn’t really something that registers with dogs – they’re creatures of the present, not the future. All the dog knows is “The person I love is here with me, and so I am happy.”
Man, now I miss my pups. :(
Anon
I also agree with the point that I have never understood dogs as having ‘false hopes’. I think they know when their time is coming, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with bringing happiness to a dog at the very end. We seem to have very similar familial feelings of our duties to pets. We always have someone in the room. I wouldn’t let my parents or siblings die alone, why would I leave my dogs/cats alone at the end.
Claire M
OP here — thanks for all your comments. I should have clarified how ridiculous we think the “false hope” excuse is. We think my dad just wants to spare himself from seeing how sad my siblings are. Thanks so much for all your thoughtful responses. I love the idea of a farewell dinner, and completely agree with Rogue Banker re owing them the best end-of-life care.
Thanks everyone.
Bonnie
It’s a tough one but I can see how bringing too many people in would be stressful for the dog. Maybe you can have a family dinner to honor the pup instead? When my in-laws lost their elderly dog, they had a garden paver made to honor him.
Anon
Can anyone link me to thoughtful pieces written by women who’ve had abortions? I’m a professional in my late-twenties and just found out I’m 5-6 weeks pregnant (despite perfect BC use). Would appreciate any links if you have them. My partner has said he’d be supportive either way, but that he would strongly prefer to wait another couple of years for kids, which has been our plan for a while. I know it’s not the right time for us at this point, but I’m still wrestling with a lot of feelings about this right now and it would help to feel a little less alone.
That's me
Hi there, I totally understand what you are going through. I had an early abortion (5 weeks) when I was 22 years old. For me, there was no ambiguity about my decision but that’s didn’t make it less hard. I was in a dangerous, abusive relationship and having a child with this man would have tethered me down to him, probably permanently. I never told him that I was pregnant.
10 years later, I don’t regret my decision at all. However, I cried buckets of tears leading up to it and afterwards, and still get emotional when I think about it years later. When I later miscarried, part of me felt that G-d was blaming me for the abortion all those years before. I ended up going to therapy about 7 years afterwards, in part because I never told anyone (except my now husband, who is 100% supportive) and really had a lot of bent up emotions about it. I’m in a much better place now.
I encourage you to talk about this with at least one person (aside from your husband). I kept my secret to myself for so long because I was so ashamed, and I wish that I hadn’t. Big hugs to you and your partner.
Anon
Thank you so much for commenting. It really, really does mean a lot.
I’ve been pro-choice my whole life, but even knowing that this is the best thing for me, it’s still way, way harder than I could have ever been prepared for.
Wildkitten
These are folks you can talk to afterwards: https://exhaleprovoice.org/
Anon
Thank you.
Anon
The only ones I can think of offhand will show up if you search for “selective reduction” on the nytimes webs!ite. It’s not exactly what you’re looking for, but they’re thoughtful stories about aborting for practical reasons and I think the same reasoning in the articles still applies to your situation.
anon
You might check out I’m not sorry. It’s pretty much exactly like it sounds- a website of stores from women who don’t regret their abortions. They may not all be the most eloquent or thoughtful pieces, but it will definitely remind you that you’re not alone.
Best of luck to you. *internet hugs*
Anon for this
I am a professional and a mother. I’ve had an abortion. My second child was unplanned.
While I am firmly pro-choice, abortion is not the choice I would make in your situation (and I realize that I am making several assumptions here, but hear me out).
1. You already planned to have kids with this partner. So this is happening 2 years ahead of schedule – in the grand scheme of things, 2 years is not a long time.
2. You are in your late 20s. If you were a newly minted professional (early to mid-20s), having a baby _might_ interfere with starting your career. I assume that you already have several years of experience and your career might be easier to restart/bring back in gear.
3. A few -rettes have been offended by the bio-clock reference, but I’ll make it anyway. I believe that fertility does decline with age, even if we are only talking about the 4th decade of a woman’s life. IME a younger body copes better with pregnancy, childbirth and the challenges of the child’s first year, primarily lack of sleep, than the same body but older, no matter how fit the woman is.
4. There is never a convenient time to have a baby, but the inconveniences brought about by its unscheduled arrival are only serious in the here and now. 2-3-10 years later they will seem ridiculous. See above re. my second child, now apple of my eye, the sweetest person in the world, without whom our family and our lives would not be complete (the older one was planned and we love them just as much).
This is your life, but I am urging you to please consider all the options. Best of luck.
Wildkitten
This is NOT what she asked for.
Anonymous
+ 1 – The above comment (from Anon 11:09am) may have been well meaning but really uncalled for in this situation. I think the OP is the one who understands her situation best, let her make her own decision.
blue
+1 this is NOT what she asked for
Anonymous
I must have missed the part of her post where she said “please tell me what to do”
Anon
Conversely, if you had waited, you might also be glad you did! I think it’s pretty easy to find stories like yours as roughly half of all babies born in America are unplanned, but she was looking for stories that show the other side, which are not easy to find. And anyway if she waits a few years, her fertility will still be fine. That’s not really a relevant point.
Anon
I appreciate that you probably were intending to be helpful with this comment. I’d rather not go into explicit detail defending my decision, but none of your four points is a novel concept to me (nor I expect to any reader of this blog). I recognize that I did seek out the advice of the community knowing someone might respond as you’ve done.
Please trust that I am the world’s foremost expert on my relationship, career, body and life experience.
Anonymous
“Please trust that I am the world’s foremost expert on my relationship, career, body and life experience.”
Slow clap. More power to you!
anonymous
+1. what a graceful response.
Senior Attorney
+1 Best wishes to you, Anon.
Rogue Banker
+1. Much classier than I could have come up with. Well phrased and wishing you strength, OP.
Brunchaholic
+1. Putting this phrase in my pocket for future use. OP- sending strength and best wishes your way.
AEK
I admire the restraint in your response to what I consider an inappropriate comment. Good luck.
Anonymous
Well said and very gracious response. I wish you all the luck in doing whatever it is you feel you need to do. I wish I could provide you a source for the stories you asked for but just wanted to give you kudos on the response
Lyra Silvertongue
Snaps for OP
L
Wow. If someone were asking for thoughts on chemo, would you think it’s appropriate to try to dissuade them? I don’t think so. You’re rude and way out of line and I hope this comment is deleted.
Anon for this
I do think it is completely inappropriate to compare abortion to chemo, specifically in the context of choice… but everyone is entitled to her opinion and I thank you for your valuable input.
anon
Anon for this-You sound like one of those people who thinks the only moral abortion is her abortion.
I hope I’m wrong.
Anonymous
It’s a medical procedure – don’t provide your moral philosophy if it’s not asked for.
Anon
Maybe, depending on the type of Chemo and the cancer diagnosis. It wasn’t a rude comment, and the reasoning made sense, it just didn’t make sense for the OP. No harm in stating an opinion.
anon
WOW. This is seriously inappropriate.
Even if it was your place to give this poster unsolicited advice, your post is full of so many assumptions and unsubstantiated platitutes as to be useless.
Pretty Primadonna
WOW. I cannot deal. +1 to what everyone else said.
rosie
Check out: http://www.notalone.us/
& hugs to you
Yup
This is a really tough situation. I had an early term abortion and don’t regret it, although it wasn’t easy. I do tear up now and then thinking about it. I now have two beautiful children. Personally, I am very very glad that I waited. I was not in any position to have a child in my mid-20s – I didn’t have a career, did not have a kind significant other, and was very emotionally immature.
Interestingly enough, having children has made me MORE pro-choice. Children are beautiful and amazing and I am so blessed to have such great kids, but they are a lot of hard work, and I would never recommend anyone having children who is not emotionally/physically/financially prepared to do so. I don’t think I necessarily ever felt 100% ready to have kids, but certainly was much much more ready in my 30s than in my 20s. Good luck to you.
Anon
Thank you for this. That’d basically exactly the sort of thing I was hoping to hear.
Abortion Anon
This x100.
ANP
YES. I have two kids and an unplanned third on the way. All of my pregnancies have made me even more pro-choice — I have a spouse, stable income, a loving extended family and great health insurance and STILL feel like I’m on the edge sometimes. Every woman should be able to choose. I just want to give you a big hug, OP.
roses
http://www.elle.com/life-love/society-career/the-abortion-choice
http://www.salon.com/2014/08/01/im_having_an_abortion_this_weekend/
I wish you the best of luck in your decision – listen to yourself, and trust yourself.
Marilla
Jessica Valenti recently wrote a piece in the Guardian that I’ve seen excerpted/shared a lot, although I haven’t read it myself yet. It may be worth a read. Hugs to you.
Meg Murry
Does this piece help? http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1944640/Why-I-chose-abortion-twice.html
Caitlin Moran’s book, “How to be a Woman” also has a section in it where tells her story of having an abortion after having 2 children.
Good luck to you, I know this isn’t an easy decision any way you look at it – sometimes is life you have to choose the one that is “least bad” because there really isn’t a “good” choice.
anon
There was a wonderful article in the November(?) issue of Elle by Laurie Abraham in which the author discusses terminating two unwanted pregnancies, at two distinct stages of her life (one younger, one later). I wish you the best in your decision.
snowy
so many hugs. you do you on this one.
I don’t have any articles or personal experience to share, only that I remember the day I came home to my apartment and realized I had my life together enough that I wouldn’t be opting for an abortion if the situation arose. It was a big step, and took me a long time to get there (was living with my partner, had a large enough apartment, was financially stable, and most importantly felt mature/mentally ready). If you are even remotely not ready, I think it is important to trust that gut feeling, because on the other side when I did feel ready I really felt that too – if that makes sense. If not feel free to ignore me.
Anonymous
You’ve got some good suggestions. I feel for you being in this position and hope you come to peace with your decision – just because it’s a difficult decision doesn’t mean you haven’t made the right decision for you right now. I wanted to add that like another poster above, carrying a (very wanted, very timely) pregnancy to term and raising a child has made me vehemently pro-choice, more so than I ever could have previously imagined. The fact that I am enjoying motherhood as much as I am is due almost entirely to timing.
Anonymous
This is not thoughtful or well written, but I am a professional woman who had an abortion and now has a child. I was not ready when I accidentally got pregnant, and neither was my partner, so we decided to terminate the pregnancy. It was difficult (although not that difficult) and I barely think about it now, except when someone mentions something specifically. I have a child now (and have had a miscarriage as well). I agree with everyone who says that its hard enough when you are 100% ready.
I’m fine with my decision.
cavity maker
I trust you to make the best decision for you and your family. Even though it sometimes may feel like a given, I wanted to make sure that you heard it.
This is a friend’s story:
http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2014/06/25/hb-2-changing-abortion-access-texas-women/
Gail the Goldfish
I think I read a couple of articles on NY Magazine’s site not too long ago. I don’t have the link, but I would just search their site.
me too
I had an abortion when I was late teen-early twenties. It was at the last moment in so far as a ‘regular abortion’ goes – three months I think.
I never regretted it. I was more afraid of not getting an abortion than getting an abortion because I was in no state to have a child, and I didn’t want to be a parent. And then I was embarrased for getting pregnant, not figuring out I was pregnant until it was almost too late, and worried about STDs.
Everybody at the hospital were extremely nice and took good care of me. The abortion – an oldfashioned one, not a chemically induced one – was no big deal, but the aftermath hurt like a strong menstrual cramp.
I rarely think about it – except when these kind of discussions come up – and have no emotional hang-ups about it except being grateful that I had an abortion in time.
But then I am not in a country where the right to have an abortion is as hotly contested as in the US.
ocd-anon
I’ve been noticing that my SO increasingly demonstrates OCD-like habits. He cracks his joints nearly constantly, and when I ask him to stop (e.g., the noise is bothering me during a movie), he seems unable to. Similarly, he picks constantly at his feet and bites his nails until they’re raw.
He also has a pillow-case that he always breathes through – basically he holds it over his mouth/nose whenever we’re in bed, watching tv, reading, etc. He says it calms him down. I’ve asked him to put the pillowcase away before – it gets wet and gross – but after a few minutes/hours, he always has it back on his face.
Also, lately he’s been doing what I guess is called echolalia. He’ll repeat words/phrases I say or say them with me. When I get the hiccups, he’ll sometimes repeat the hiccup noise after I make it.
Yesterday I mentioned to him that some of these habits worry me, because they seem to be worsening by the day. His response was that he’s always been “a little OCD” and he’ll work on it. We’re in couples therapy for unrelated reasons (trust/communication) and he agreed to bring up these habits then. Do any of you have experience with this kind of thing? Am I overreacting? He’s under a lot of pressure with a new job, the holidays, etc. and I want to give him the support and compassion he needs. At the same time, a lot of these are gross habits (the pillow case and foot-picking especially) and impacting our relationship, specifically our intimacy.
Anonymous
Your husband is exhibiting symptoms of mental illness. He is breathing through a pillowcase and self-harming. Of course you are not overreacting.
I don’t think this is suitable for couple’s therapy, except as a venue for you to bring it up and say that he needs to be seeing his own therapist and exploring treatment options as part of his commitment to your marriage.
Anon
Technically skin picking is not considered self harm because it is not done with the intention or harming ones self, but is instead a nervous habit. That being said, her is definitely exhibiting signs of mental illness. I agree that he needs to go to a non- couples therapy therapist and instead a specialist.
Anon
He should definitely see a professional about this (times 100), but to comment further as someone else who’s been a foot-picker/etc. since my early teens (yay Obsessive Compulsive Spectrum Disorder), I will say that the one thing that 100% does not help me is someone else pointing it out or commenting in the midst of an attack. It’s hugely shame inducing, embarrassing and just makes me feel worse and more likely to spiral further. I know it can be hard, but the best thing for me with my partner has been polite/discrete redirection. My partner will often just bring me a cup of tea or suggest we go for a walk or grab me for a cuddle (all of which are things that can calm me down and break the cycle for me personally). We got there by talking about the behavior when I was not stressed or spiraling.
Therapy can help and some of these behaviours can be dangerous and painful and hard to live with as the person suffering or the person watching them suffer.
ocd-anon
Thanks – this is really helpful advice. I guess I do tend to bring it up while he’s doing it, because the rest of the time he’s just my big cheerful man who seems totally fine. The idea of tea, walk, etc. is really nice.
Meg Murry
Or could you just hold his hand? Not in a forceful way, just in a way like you would have when you were first dating? Again – stressing him out about it probably won’t help, but maybe gentle redirection will.
Wildkitten
I chew my nails and if someone tried to hold my hand to stop me from chewing my nails it would drive me crazy.
Carrie..
I agree with anon at 10:47 and WildKitten.
This is a medical condition, and it is TORTURE to try to tell someone to stop repetitive behaviors as the OP describes. This is not just nail biting, or feet picking – which are quite common actually. The OP describes a lot of behaviors that are stereotyped, some quite unique, and are more consistent with OCD/Tourette’s syndrome. They are sort of a release, that is biologic. These are not bad habits, as the OP seems to understand.
I agree that he should not be criticized while he is doing the behaviors. I guarantee you ….. he knows what he’s doing, he knows you and society do not approve, and it is humiliating for him. To not even be allowed to do them in his own home, when he likely forces himself to hold them in all day at work, is a little cruel. Do not grab his hand. Distraction is reasonable, but it is unlikely he will not be able to change without therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy) and/or medication.
Sometimes these behaviors get worse with age, sometimes they get better. Stress can often make them worse. I have noticed some people get worse with the seasons/winter.
I would bring them up in couples therapy, as a transition for him to start his own individual therapy.
Thanks for posting out of concern for him.
my hubs does it too
at least the feet picking — I think he also does bite his nails. his other problem is picking at hangnails — his hands are often bloodied and raw because he’s ripped so much skin off.
Something that’s worked for us is 1) my realizing that when he’s doing it there may be a lot going on beneath the surface — so I try to be extra patient with him, engage him in conversation, etc. The other thing that’s helped (especially with the hangnails) is that I’ve bought him moisturizing gloves. He’ll slather up his hands with moisturizer, then put the gloves on when we’re watching tv, when he otherwise would be picking. The result is that he can’t pick his skin with the gloves on, and the extra moisture helps prevent hangnails from forming.
He’s never been to therapy about it.
anon
I guess therapy could help, but only because therapy can pretty much help anything. I’ve been a “picker” since I was a kid (not my foot, my head, but whatever). my son does it too (his feet). my husband gently reminds me to stop, and we both gently remind my son to stop. sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t. but we don’t need therapy for this. And recently, I have noticed that so, so many people do these kind of things. I just don’t think its that big of a deal. I do however think that if my husband kept telling me to stop and telling me it was gross, I’d be annoyed and less likely to do so.
Anonymous
Therapy might not help but there are great meds for OCD.
I’d hope you are self aware enough to understand that harming yourself physically in a way that is damaging to the intimacy you share with your partner is not in fact normal. And now you have passed this on to your son.
She’s not just deciding to pester her husband. Watching someone pick their skin is gross.
Another head picker
You are not alone. I stress pick my scalp too and I have done it for years. The only thing that has remotely helped is hypnosis. I’ve spoken to doctors about it and they actually don’t think it is that big of a deal. I’m not causing infections or anything (yet) and I confine it to a couple spots at a time.
There is a support group online called skin pick dot net or something like that. I read through the forums one day and found some of the stories helpful.
Anon
Huh. Good to know it isn’t just me. Phew! Sounds like I am where you are. I’ve done it forever, but I’m not causing infections or anything.
Anon
Absentmindedly picking at yourself on occasion is normal, ape-like behaviour. Methodical, ritualistic picking is another animal, and when it reaches the point of being unable to stop, bleeding, etc. it is something that needs to be addressed.
anon for this
I think a lot of doctors would agree that there is actually nothing pathologic about a nervous habit like nail biting/chewing, skin picking, etc in an actual stressful situation. In my experience, doctors tend to get annoyed at the perceived pathologization of behaviors for the purposes of peddling pharmaceuticals. If you are very nervous or stressed and you exhibit one of these behaviors, some might even argue that’s a normal response (like a caged dog biting its own flank, etc).
If a habit is interfering with your relationships or work (as the OP’s situation was) or if you are doing permanent damage to your body, then yes, you should seek help, because it is pathologic and obviously not just a response to a stressful situation.
Anon0321
TJ- help!
I am in my late 20s and landed a great job about a year ago heading a new department of 30 people at a very large company.
My boss is very laid back, works at a different location, and as long as I get things done is very happy with me.
BUT, his boss (aka jerk boss) sits near me and makes my life a living hell. He makes demands of me that he doesn’t of anyone else, is passive aggressive & even has yelled at me several times in front of my staff & peers.
A couple of months ago, my boss was going to be away from work for a few weeks and asked if I could be temporarily promoted to his role. Although this is a fairly normal request at our office, jerk boss said no.
I was very upset when I found this out and feeling frustrated at my position and ability to rise within the company asked my own boss what I could do to make things better and change jerk boss’s opinion of me.
He told me that there isn’t anything I could do, because jerk boss has a problem with women (!?!?!). I have heard this sentiment echoed several times since by other people. In our very large department, there are only 2 other women. In meetings he also calls women in other groups idiots or says that they do not know what they are doing. He also apparently called a woman a bitch at a large meeting before I was hired. Also, found out recently, that although I get paid very well, I am paid the least amount of anyone in my position, and even less than some at the rank below me.
I heard through the grapevine that someone went and complained to his boss (a VP) and potentially that someone filed a gender discrimination complaint against jerk boss. Since that day his attitude toward me, and everyone else, has been markedly improved- although this guy has been known for retaliation in the past when others have complained about other things, so my trust in the idea that he has changed is very low.
Fast forward- the VP set up a meeting to talk to my peers (it isn’t clear what the meeting is about, but I’m fairly certain it is to address any issues with the guy I also have problems with). I have had limited, but very good interactions with the VP and he seems like a nice guy who is very professional– but he has worked with the jerk boss for 15 years and in 2 companies (not purposely, but they followed an industry trend and ended up together). I don’t know how good their relationship is, but it is certainly long standing. In a moment of frustration, knowing that I would probably not say anything in front of a group of people, I asked to speak to him for a few moments after the meeting. Now– I’m not sure what to say or how to say it.
1. Do I say anything at all?
2. If I do say something, do I mention the sexism stuff?
3. Do I just cancel the meeting?
4. If I do say something- how do I frame it so that I get the best result for myself?
In a few months I can move to another department– but minus jerk boss, I love my job and could see myself here for many years.
I’m also very ambitious– I want to rise to the top quickly and do not want to do anything that might jeopardize my chances– but frankly at the moment this guy is standing in my way by undermining me at every step and not allowing me to take development opportunities (like filling in for my boss). I know some of you ladies must have dealt with things like this before– what were your experiences? Did talking ever help or will it just make things worse? Am I doomed to just change departments or jobs?
Help & Thank you in advance for your advice and insights!
Anon
I think you should have the meeting with the VP (it may need more than a few minutes) where you frankly discuss the challenges you’re having and lay it all out. It sounds like he will understand and by laying it all out there, you’re letting people know that you need help and they may even be able to move you out of that guy’s organization. I haven’t been in your situation, but I have had an important customer that hated women and was very demeaning toward us. Having support from other people in my organization on how to handle it was very helpful.
I’m not sure of how to frame it, but maybe you could say that while you like this organization and your job, you have had challenges in dealing with your jerk boss and explain what they are. You could ask the VP to give you advice on how to handle these situations, since he has such a long history with him. He has been around long enough, he has to know what is up. He probably wouldn’t have scheduled the meeting if he weren’t willing to discuss this topic.
Coach Laura
Anono321- you’ve gotten good advice from anon above at 11:12am in her second paragraph.
1. Do I say anything at all? Yes
2. If I do say something, do I mention the sexism stuff? Not first off – see what VP says first but it may come up naturally in the conversation or you may have to bring it up.
3. Do I just cancel the meeting? No
4. If I do say something- how do I frame it so that I get the best result for myself? I’d frame as getting the best results for the team and the company, not you personally. The company will be better off if you are not stymied in your job and if jerk boss can be neutralized.
You might not want to talk about salary disparities just yet and that may be a better thing to talk about with your direct boss. You could also find out before you talk to VP if the salary disparity is due to years of experience not just due to gender, but I know that’s hard to do in a male-dominated field or team. But at some point if there’s a disparity, it would be nice to have talked to the VP about it so the issue is on his radar. Although he may not readily admit it’s due to gender as that might open the company up to claims of discrimination.
Anonymous
Thanks :)
I am actually taking up the pay disparity with HR because they sent out a company wide email on pay disparities and what you should be expected to be paid at each step and what each manager was expected to share with their employees– I knew I was paid less than everyone, but this gave me a good opener to do it & allowed me to do it separately from the other issues I’m facing.
And yes– I heard through the grapevine that the VP is aware of jerk boss’s issues with women and that he had a similar problem at their old company. But, sometimes people still don’t like old issues being brought up again. Thanks guys for helping me sort out my thoughts…
Any other opinions greatly appreciated! :)
Clementine
So it’s not even 11 AM where I am and I just ate my lunch. It was a slice of delicious, leftover cold pizza. I normally am very regimented and eat lunch around 1 or 2, but then again- lunch is normally some broth based soup or some nuts and fruit. I rarely have something so exciting packed.
I know it wasn’t the smartest or healthiest thing to do, and I’ll likely be drinking 47 cups of tea this afternoon to tide me over until dinner, but I feel like a little kid who was able to stay up after bedtime.
Anonymous
Maybe you’re just hungry because broth fruit and nuts is more like rations than a meal.
I hate the idea that eating when you are hungry is not smart or healthy. If you’re hungry this afternoon maybe get an apple or some cheese or toast instead of punishing yourself for your absurd gluttony of a slide of pizza with nonstop tea.
Clementine
I get what you’re saying- also, I’m totally not as David Copperfield style as it first came off. To me, broth based soup equals my delicious homemade vegetable soup. Re: afternoon tea, I am one of those people who often mistakes being dehydrated for true hunger, so I usually go with tea first.
Wow, I really worded this poorly. I meant it to come off as a ‘Dudettes, I just ate my lunch 2 hours early and I feel like I am like I little kid who just got to stay up after bedtime or have cake for breakfast’ not as a ‘I’m projecting the weird food issues that I have.’
Can I get a mulligan?
Anonymous
I think what you can take is some reflections on your eating plan. Sometimes you inadvertently make truths known.
AIMS
Or, sometimes, we read things and then project our own issues onto the writer. That one is common, too. More so, I’d even say.
Anon
Hey, acting like a little kid is fun sometimes. I went to Target yesterday just to buy all the ridiculous cosmetics I felt like buying, including lip smackers. I regret nothing.
Lyssa
Several years ago, I suddenly developed an allergy to what I guess is a fragrance used in lip stuff, and now can only use all-natural or super-hypoallergenic lip products. I miss lip smackers and cherry chapstick with a fiery passion.
anon
I do not understand how you can get through an entire work day eating only “broth based soup” or nuts and fruit. I would be unable to think and focus on my work and/or pass out.
Do not punish yourself for eating. A single slice of pizza is not an absurd indulgence. Banish this notion from your mind.
Anon
This definitely sounds like disordered eating. Your regular lunch, a broth based soup is only 200ish calories, even if you were on restricted calories you should be eating twice that.**Edit: I maintain myself at a size 2 so I’m not coming from a thin-shaming perspective**
Anon
Maybe she just eats delicious soup and doesn’t strictly control the portion to be 200 calories or whatever you think she would limit it to. I also eat soup every day for lunch, because it’s easy and delicious. It doesn’t mean I have an eating disorder!
AIMS
Yeah, that’s silly. I am going to assume Anon @11 14 doesn’t cook a lot of soup. I make broth based veggie soups all the time for lunch and they are plenty filling. OP didn’t say she has broth for lunch. Just a non-cream based soup.
Different Anon
Wow. Your edit is just….wow.
Anonymous
+1. Seriously.
L
Yeah. Because only fat people should eat 200 calories at lunch?
Wildkitten
Whenever I bring in leftover cold pizza for “lunch” I eat it at like 9:05am. Leftover cold pizza is delicious.
lucy stone
I eat it for breakfast. Sorry I’m not sorry!
Senior Attorney
Right? I think if you made it past 10 a.m. you demonstrated great forbearance!
Nonny
I had leftover cold pizza for breakfast yesterday. Two pieces. It was awesome.
Clementine
So much yum!
SoCalAtty
That’s ok, one of my co-workers brought me a brownie from Mah Ze Dahr Bakery in New York, and I ate it for breakfast with my green tea instead of my normal mandarin or banana. I AM trying to lose weight, but I figure I’ll just do sashimi for lunch. It is all in the balance!
Oh no
Hi friend, hugs to you. Eating a slice of pizza is not being a glutton. Eating 6 slices? Maybe. But if you are hungry, please eat. Be kind to yourself and your body.
I live outside the US and am an avid reader. I am always surprised by the number of women here who express such guilt over the very necessary habit of eating. In my country, women are more curvy (not fat) but certainly not stick thin, and there is little pressure to be that way. I always feel sad when I read comments like this – American women are too hard on themselves!
Clementine
As I wrote before I *really* worded my sentence poorly. I appreciate the concern though!
(To alleviate any concerns, I’m actually at the high end of a healthy BMI- I just happen to work better eating a larger breakfast/smaller lunch/snack when I get home from work/dinner than with other ways. Lunch is normally my smallest meal, often because I scarf it down while responding to emails.)
L
This isn’t a slam on you at all, but generally there are a lot of comments on this site that seem to make sweeping generalizations about what skinny people versus “fat” (or not skinny people) eat, do, etc. It’s frustrating and saddens me that a group of educated women continue to perpetuate horribly unfair stereotypes.
For example, it is possible to be at a higher weight and have disordered eating. As someone who is actually overweight, eating enough is actually a problem for me. Is is also perfectly fine to get excited over having something tasty and get excited enough over it you eat way early. It is also not appropriate to say since you’re a size 2 you’re the authority on what is and isn’t disordered eating.
Jesus this site is triggering today.
Clementine
Again, I’m begging a mulligan on this one. Comment was not meant to be triggering or open the Pandora’s box of examining my and everyone’s relationships with food.
tesyaa
I do this (the eating early part, not the pizza part) like every day. In fact, I’m doing it now.
eggnog for breakfast
+1
If I bring cheese, tiramisu, jerky, cheez-its, restaurant leftovers, or something else super delicious for lunch/snacks I’m always going after it by 9:30 am. If I’ve got yet another round of quinoa and tomatoes for lunch, some how I always seem to manage to wait till proper lunch time.
NYtoCO
+1. I eat at 11:30 at the latest– it takes everything in me to not eat at 10:45. I convince myself i’s because I don’t usually eat breakfast, but when I eat my oatmeal I get hungry even earlier– so there you go (yes I know skipping breakfast isn’t healthy, no I don’t care. My lunch is basically my breakfast.)
Miz Swizz
I ate a cinnamon raisin bagel with leftover cream cheese frosting for breakfast this morning. I know exactly how you feel and it’s awesome!
LilyStudent
That sounds fantastic. Cinnamon raisin bagels are going straight on my shopping list.
cavity maker
left over pizza is the best lunch ever. true love in my relationship with my partner was letting him take the left over pizza for lunch.
Clementine
Haha! Funny you say this- our pizza place cuts really uneven slices (which I actually enjoy). My husband packed my lunch today and definitely gave me the gigantor conjoined twin slice and took the normal one for himself. That’s true love.
Pesh
While the terms “regimented lunch” and “broth based soup” paint a pretty grim picture, I’m glad you enjoyed your pizza :)
Cream Tea
I know exactly what you were trying to say. The recurring thought of the excitement and anticipation from a “good” lunch vs the usual utilitarian variety is sometimes too much to bear. Especially on a boring day.
Colorful Life
I love this. Love it, love it, love it. What a beautiful color. I’m very happy to see jackets in colors.
Roth IRA vs Reg
I am going to look into this more, but what is the benefit of a ROTH IRA vs. the regular kind?
Wildkitten
You pay taxes when you put money in but don’t pay taxes when you take money out (even on earnings).
Anonymous
Roth = pay taxes now (not later).
Regular = pay taxes when you withdraw the money (in retirement) (not now).
Roth IRA vs Reg
Right. But why is this a good thing? Is it just that you are assuming you will be making more money when you are taking it out and so it’s better to pay taxes on a lower income now? I recall reading here about all the ways people try to “backdoor” into a ROTH account and I guess I am just understanding why that’s so special/important.
Anonymous
The advantage I think you’re talking about is “backdoor”-ing into a Regular (not roth) IRA, thereby reducing your current taxable income. Hive, correct me if I’m wrong.
Amy H.
Nope; the “backdoor” term refers to getting around the income ceiling that restricts high earners from funding a Roth IRA directly. Instead, you set up a traditional IRA (contributions to which you do not and cannot take deductions for — b/c you’ll be over the income limit) and then convert it to a Roth.
Mpls
Right – it’s based on whether you think you’ll have a lower tax bracket now, or in the future. You can also pull out some ROTH funds for non-retirement purposes without penalty (you’ll need to check the IRS.gov website for specifics), that I don’t think you can do with a traditional IRA or 401(k).
It’s a way to diversify your retirement holdings.
Sutemi
People who are using “backdoor” Roths are households which are not eligible for a deductible traditonal IRA. That means they cannot deduct the IRA from their taxes now.
However, they can do a non-deductible IRA and then have it converted into Roth. It is a way to get around eligibility rules.
Depending on your income/tax bracket/future income/future tax regulations, a Roth or deductible traditional IRA may be better for your particular circumstances. In generally, Roths are highly recommended for people just starting out whose incomes are lower than they will be later in life. Plus it can be good to have a mix of tax advantaged accounts to choose from later, so funding a 401k and Roth provides that diversity.
Wildkitten
I do it because I assume my money will earn money, and since I’m young I both make less than I will later, and I will have more in earnings than I made in contributions. So paying taxes now on lower income is better than paying later on my earnings.
Bonnie
That’s my understanding. I backdoor into an IRA because I’m not eligible to contribute otherwise and need to decrease my tax liability.
Anon
I think most people plan take it out during retirement, so their income will most likely be lower when they are retired and not working than it is now, while they are.
anon
It depends on which you think will be true. If you think you will pay lower taxes (will have a lower salary) when you are retired, then use a Regular IRA. If you think you will pay higher taxes when you are retired have a higher salary), then choose a Roth. I think I will be making a higher salary later in life when I am married and we will be filing jointly, so I am using a Roth.
It can also be helpful depending on the investment vehicles that you choose to put the money in your IRA in. For example, if your investment vehicles will not be taxed anyway (i.e., some types of municipal bonds), you wouldn’t want to invest your Roth IRA in that.
SoCalAtty
Exactly this. I hope to have a diverse investment portfolio that will allow me to be earning more at retirement than I am now, so I fund both my 401 and my Roth.
anon
I can’t recall exactly, but know it has to do with how/when the account is taxed, and whether a ROTH makes sense depends on both your income now and your anticipated income in retirement. I’m sure you can easily find complete info. on-line.
Rogue Banker
Disclaimer: Despite the handle, I am not a financial advisor, I just had this exact question for mine a year or so back.
Roth: Taxes taken out now, no taxes at withdrawal (as long as you’re at least 59.5 yrs old and have had the acct open for 5 years – double check with your financial advisor or bank)
Classic: No taxes now, taxes when you withdraw.
Basically, the way it’s been explained to me by my FA is, the Roth’s biggest benefit is the tax-free withdrawals. So if you plan on being in a higher tax bracket at retirement age than you are now, which we all hopefully will be, the Roth is a smart choice. However, the regular IRA contributions are before-tax, which lowers your taxable income on your W2, which is also good. So, the best solution for me was to split my contributions roughly equally.
Definitely take this to a professional financial advisor, though. It’s a complex system and messing it up now messes up a LOT of life down the road.
Anon for this
If you earn more than the max for a Roth, does this mean that you can’t contribute over a certain amount or you can’t contribute at all?
Sacha
The other part of the equation as to which you should use is a projection of tax rates in the future. Not simply whether your income will be higher in the future and therefore place you in a higher tax bracket, but also whether you project (speculate/bet) that all tax brackets will be higher when you retire than they are when you contribute.
Amy H.
It’s not just pay taxes now vs. pay taxes later — and guessing whether your tax bracket in retirement is likely to be higher or lower than your current tax bracket.
One enormous advantage of a Roth IRA — or a Roth 401(k) for that matter — is that you NEVER pay income tax on the earnings. It’s not deferring the income tax on those earnings; it’s eliminating it.
Marie
Another advantage of a Roth IRA is that, if you need access to the funds before you are of retirement age, you can withdraw up to the amount of your original contributions without paying taxes — since you’ve already paid taxes on your contributions. And there are even some exceptions, having to do with spending on education or a home purchase, where you can withdraw even the earnings without paying tax. (After age 59-1/2, no withdrawals are taxed.) While I think of my Roth as a retirement fund, I also draw comfort from its being a last-ditch emergency fund if all other sources were to fail. Talk it over with a financial advisor.
Lisa
What an absolutely gorgeous jacket. I think I’d wear it with a pale blue shirt, being cool-toned rather than warm.
OP
[OMG — I love Lisa and her blog]
I can’t see wearing this. The fabric is lovely. But the stance of the buttons seems to be all wrong to me. I think it should shrink any bo0b-type curves that I have (and I am tiny on top), eliminate the waist that I have, and magnify my pooch. I mean, it doesn’t do wonders for the model, and she’s a model! I can only imagine how horrid it would look on me.
What am I missing? I think that Lisa is very smart, so I think that there is some sort of blazer code that I need to crack. HELP! Help!
RLS
I have to start wearing hose/nylons…I hate them. More specifically, I hate the constricting at my waist, and how itchy they are on my legs. What brands do you ladies find are amazing? If they last a while, I’m willing to spend W*lford prices. I tried Sp*nx tights last week, and bought one size up on someone’s recommendation…they just rolled down and there was a ton of extra fabric in the legs. So that was $20 down the drain. I know I’m not going to find perfection…I just need something I can live with.
lucy stone
I like the Assets (cheaper Spanx) high waist tights. Even if they don’t go completely high waist, they stay up.
Anonymous
Well don’t buy Spanx if you don’t want constriction! Try Commando non control top tights. They’re known for a comfy waist band.
Anon
+1
GalvAggie
+1 on any Commando tights/nylons. Their waistband is legendary and the Ultimate Opaque tights are very soft. If your tights are itchy, you might want to consider rinsing or hand washing them prior to your first wear. You may have an allergy to one of the chemicals in the manufacturing process.
RLS
Thanks…But I didn’t say the Sp*nx were too constricting…they rolled down and had too much fabric in the legs.
I’ll try Commando, thanks for that rec!
Wildkitten
Merona (Target) Premium tights. Amazing.
Wildkitten
These are tights not hose/nylon. My bad. They are great tights though!
Parfait
Ooh thanks for that recommendation. They come in TALL! And they are on BOGO right now! And I need to stock up on tights!
Anonymous
For the issue of them being “tight”, I always just get the biggest size, even though I’m personally not. When tights are too constricting, they impact my digestion, and I don’t like it, and it’s not like the biggest size is ever really too big – sometimes they’re a bit long, but I just bunch them up and it’s fine.
Hildegarde
I also hate how constricting nylons are at the waist (all nylons, not just control-top/spanx), so I have worn thigh-highs for years, which totally solves the problem. I have never had problems with itching, and the rubbery stuff around the top that helps keep them up also does not bother my skin, so if your skin is different these may not work, but I think it’s worth a shot. I just get the cheap ones from Target, which usually last me 3-6 months of intermittent wear. They are awesome.
Blonde Lawyer
I cut up the waist of my nylons w/ scissors. I just cut out some big V’s. They still last a few wears and they are a lot more comfortable that way. I also just wear a lot of pants in the winter but I’m assuming you already thought of that lol.
In the Pink
Filodoro brand and Sylvia Grandi…Italian and Spanish brands, respectively.
I get mine from shapings dot com.
They have so many varieties…and sizes. I had the same problem with them being too “tall/long” and rolling down. It’s essential then to get the right size. I find that the European brands are silkier. It may also depend on the “denier weight” – as I get sheer ones (about a 7-15 denier, depending) they feel much softer and silkier.
Good luck.
West Coast
I have the same issue and found Wolford to be the best option–I’ve found that they do tend to last longer, justifying the price.
Cream Tea
Marks&Spencer. Totally worth the import duties and they last forever.
LilyStudent
I love Marks & Spencer hosiery. They do fantastic 7 denier nude tights (not sure what the colour range is like, sorry) which last forever.
Not a Lawyer
Hello — Another job interview question. I will be interviewing for a job in Jan. and am confused about what to wear. (I have a good chance of getting the position but don’t want to self-sabotage.)
Here is the fashion dillemma:
The position is for a job with some public profile: it will involve hosting public events and appearing in videos and photographs, public speaking, etc. In those roles, I tend to wear colorful tailored suits and dresses. I have a conservative long-sleeved dress in a wine color, worn with a gold collar necklace, that would represent my public persona.
On the other hand, this boss is conservative (almost dowdy) in her own dress and I want to use the interview as a chance to bond with her and show that we are like-minded substance-oriented hard working people. For that aim, I have a black dress/jacket combo that would work well.
Should go with (a) wine colored dress so she can visualize me in the public aspect of the job as a vibrant representative of the brand, or (b) black dress/jacket which might help me come across as her kind of person, someone who shares her nose-to-the grindstone values? (She is probably about 5-8 years older than me, but ages herself with her clothing.)
I have not applied for a new job in a decade, so am probably over-thinking this. Any thoughts?
Anonymous
B. It’s an interview. Dress interview-appropriate. If your day-to-day work required you to wear jeans, you wouldn’t interview in jeans.
lucy stone
Why don’t you wear the wine colored dress with a jacket?
Anonymous
Wear a suit with a vibrant shirt.
Anonymous
I am looking for a party dress. I bought a DVF Zarita dress but was disappointed. It looks very matronly, very mother-of-the-bride-ish. I would like to find something similar but more youthful under $500. Any recommendations?
cbackson
Ha, I’m 34 and I rock the Zarita with super high heels and big hair, and don’t feel the least MOB-ish in it. That said, style is personal, so what works for me won’t work for everyone. In what way do you want something similar (long sleeves? lace? boat neck?), and we can see what might be out there.
Anonymous
I should have worded my original post better. I am sure you look great in this dress! I don’t think the dress is MOBish per se, I just didn’t think it was the best choice for me. Sorry about that.
Anon
Have you tried sizing down or getting it taken in? It’s supposed to be skin tight. Otherwise, I would try losing the sleeves and going with something like this: http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/shoshanna-cap-sleeve-lace-dress-olivia?ID=830243
or perhaps something like this with a black blazer and booties: http://www.anntaylor.com/scalloped-lace-dress/355798
AIMS
There are a bunch of party dresses on both Gilt and Rue La La.
I like this one (posting from site other than Rue in case you don’t have that): http://www.splashofpink.com/brand/julie_brown/product/dawson_dress_f14
Wildkitten
Ooops I found the Cole Haan sale.
AnonAgain
Hello again! Wanted to update everyone on my issue with the “co-worker attorney that isn’t my supervisor, but thinks she is” issue. Thank you Coach Laura and MJ for chiming in!
We had our holiday party over the weekend, and I was approached by a department head. It turns out that this department head (and maybe others) are no longer comfortable working with said attorney, and they aren’t sure how to approach the issue. They feel that things are made to be very political, and that she “doesn’t have their back.”
So I think I may be able to take a different approach…they are all willing to take this up with GC directly, so I may be able to step back and take myself out of it, for the most part. I still think you are both right, and I need to be direct (although I may not approach her about the time off piece, since that has been handled and I just want that to blow over now) and react to things directly as they happen, so I start confronting the behavior.
Thank you again for your help!