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Coffee Break: The Modern Point Flat

Italian-made Flats: Everlane The Modern Point Flat The pointed loafer — particularly with slits along the vamp so the top feels like a separate piece — is one of the biggest trends in shoes that I’m excited about for workwear. First and foremost, because these kinds of loafers often look great with dresses — and also because they can be more comfortable than ballet flats (because there’s more of a vamp). I keep hearing great things about these Everlane pointed loafers, and they’re only $155. Nice. Everlane The Modern Point Flat Here's a lower-priced option. (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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163 Comments

  1. Looking for light grey pants. I’ve realized this is a neutral I want to add to my capsule wardrobe (black, navy, grey, white, teal/burgundy accents).

    I’m a slender pear shape. Pants, are tough to find, but I still prefer them to skirts.

    I’d love a pair of ankle pants and trousers (classic wider leg with a touch of flare).

    Any recs?

    1. Is “capsule” a brand or term of phrase!? I see it a lot, and have to admit, I don’t know what it means!

      1. Items in a capsule wardrobe coordinate with each other. It’s a way to minimize orphan items and make it easy to get dressed in the morning. No idea about the origin of the term but it appears a lot in magazines.

        1. I think it originates from the concept of a “time capsule”, in which a small selection of items is meant to represent a larger universe of options.

          2. I always pictured it as more like a space capsule, sort of distilled down to more utilitarian necessities.

    2. Jcrew Martie pants- they have light grey in cotton and wool. I am a plump pear shape and these fit me very well. Although… I did find the light grey cotton ones to be less flattering than the black and other darker colored versions.

      1. Thanks for this.

        Yes, I have noticed the light grey color is less forgiving with fit and if the quality isn’t great. So I still search.

        I bought Theory in the past, but it really wasn’t the right cut for my shape.

    3. I’m the same body type and recently tried the new Logan pant from BR – I was really impressed.

  2. I love the look of pointy-toe shoes but they do not love me. I don’t have particularly wide feet but I guess I need a wide toe box because my toes always feel so cramped. Anyone with the same problem have a brand they like?

    1. Totally! While I think that round toe shoes never really go out of style, they aren’t having their moment right now, unfortunately. The one exception is chunky heeled shoes, which for some reason seem to be round toed. J. Crew has a cute pair right now. I got a pair at M. Gemi, but I’m not sure if they still have them. My very favorite shoe is the Kate Spade Karolina, but there don’t appear to be any on the KS website.

      1. Also, if you search Nordstrom for chunky heeled shoes, they have a bunch of round toed ones.

    2. I tend to have the same problem, recently bought a pair of Aldo pointy toe flats that are so very comfy for me

    3. Same. I’ve never found a pair of pointed-toe shoes that fit comfortably. The best I can do is almond.

    4. Vionic has one for fall that worked for me – their “Caballo” flat (I got the leopard version).

      1. Note: they are not kidding about it running large, though. I sized down a half-size.

    5. Not sure about these Everlane ones, but I have some M Gemi ones in a similar style (very pointy flat loafer) and they are actually super roomy for my wide feet! Your toes don’t go all the way up to the point.

      1. Ditto that m gem I pointed toe flats are wide up front. For heels, the manolo bb pumps are pretty wide too.

  3. Anyone use solid shampoo/bar shampoo that they love? How about solid conditioners? Thanks for any recs!

    1. I don’t love solid shampoo in general (too hard to keep dry), but I really really love the Karma Komba shampoo bar from Lush. My hair always looks awesome when I use it.

    3. i love my lush shampoo bars! I use soak and float when my dandruff is acting up and jason and the argan oil normally. they sud up SO well and smell great (well not soak and float but it works with the dandruff so i’ll take it).

    5. I like Soap Lady Oregon products. I usually purchase the sample pack of shampoo bars so I have a variety. Awild Soapbar has a Juniper Berry shampoo bar that is pretty nice too.

    6. I would recommend the Lush conditioners as long as you don’t have very dry or curly hair. I haven’t found any of them heavy/moisturising enough for my hair on a daily basis. The avocado co-wash smells absolutely amazing.

  4. Anyone use solid shampoo/bar shampoo that they love? How about solid conditioners? Trying to eliminate containers from my life where possible. Thanks for any recs!

  5. Regarding Everlane shoes, I ordered three pairs in very different styles, and each ran small. I would recommend sizing up half a size larger than you usually wear. If you have particularly wide feet, Everlane shoes may be too narrow for you.

  6. A friend has given birth to her baby son, and he was born with a rare genetic disorder. This is a friend I have fallen out of touch with, but want to send something to let her know I’m thinking of her. She is on the other coast from me, but is keeping a daily blog and posting it to FB daily. What’s appropriate (or not appropriate), apart from a simple card? I’m inclined to send cute baby clothes, but I’m not sure if that’s ok or not given baby is in the hospital indefinitely and will have countless surgeries in the coming months. Any guidance?

    1. How about hiring a photography session for mom/baby photos? Or is this too insensitive?

      1. I wouldn’t go this route at this point. Maybe something to give as a celebration when he is out of hospital.

      2. I don’t think a photo session is insensitive at all, but it does seem pretty personal, both in that it would be very intimate and really a matter of personal preference as to whether it was something they wanted or not, so probably not good if OP isn’t in regular touch with the friend.

      3. Yeah…I think it’s a really nice thought but the only people I know who have done photoshoots while the baby was still in the hospital were people whose babies never left the hospital. If you expect the baby to come home eventually, you normally wait. So I think it could kind of send the wrong message.

    2. What about a food basket full of prepared foods or frozen meals or snack foods that she can enjoy at the hospital? Mom is likely to be at the hospital a lot and will not have time to cook etc.

      If you post a location, the hive might have some recommendations. I think a few cities have services like this with postpartum specific baskets.

      If you send clothes – look online for button up sleepers – these allow baby to be clothed and still have monitors attached. Zip sleepers are basically useless in nicu. Maybe a cute halloween or thanksgiving themed onesie too?

      1. by button up I mean snap up. Can’t even imagine how painful it would be to try and button up a sleeper

      2. 1. With babies: zippers rock the world on sleepers.

        2. BUT: They keep NICUs really warm on purpose. Baby will be wearing a diaper and maybe something over his eyes. OFTEN, but check first, smooth colorful blankies are wrapped around the pad the baby rests on AND big colorful quilts are used to cover the isolette. Those can make a difference in the cheer level, both for parents and (I hope) little ones. It makes their world so hopeful and less emotionally sterile. You might want to call the hospital’s NICU to see if that would be allowed and if so, to send to the parents @ home so they can bring in.

        I used to knit blankets and covers for NICU babies and anything too frilly / overly tagged wouldn’t work for wrapping pads b/c of all the tubes / cords / tangling risk (newborns have very fragile skin and many cords / tubes are taped — you really don’t want a snag).

        1. This must vary by NICU. Our local NICU accepts donations of newborn size snap up sleepers because that’s what the babies wear.

    3. Do you know which hospital he’s at and what food options are near there — or could you find out? How about a bunch of gift cards that they could use locally if there’s a Starbucks, Panera, etc. near the hospital? They’ll be there a lot and may want to be able to “get away from it all” without actually going far — so that’d be a good time for a coffee run etc. Though I tend not to do this if the couple is fairly well off bc I feel like it’s saying — hey I think it’ll be hard for you to spring for lunch daily . . . .

      1. The other way to look at is is giving them “permission” for lunch out or a coffee run. There are a ton of things making you feel like you can’t leave the hospital, but this is an excuse to do so.

      2. Do it even when they’re well off- sure, they might be able to afford it, but medical costs can make well-off people not well off very quickly. So can not being able to work. So can having to eat out. And it’s just nice to hand over a good-sized gift card (especially if you can send a digital one that can be redeemed in an app) instead of having to remember to grab a debit or cash.

    4. Card with a heartfelt note, book for her to read to baby while he’s in the NICU (take your cue from the tone of her blog, but if the posts are more celebratory, On the Night You Were Born is lovely; if they’re more sad or you’re not sure since you’re not really in touch anymore then something more generic like “Goodnight Moon” or “Peter Rabbit”), and something fun and fancy she can bring to the NICU as a snack (something non-perishable and easy to transport, like fancy trail mix with nuts and chocolate or fancy granola bars from Dean & Deluca) – you get sick of the graham crackers in the parents’ lounge after a while.

    5. I think the food ideas are good–maybe gift cards for grocery delivery if there is something like Fresh Direct, which also has prepared food options. I think getting stuff for the baby would be really lovely as well. Maybe books that they could read to him in the NICU?

      1. +1 on the gift card to a restaurant. Where I’m from, in the south, family and friends would show up with food in such a situation. However, now that I and many of my friends are located in various large cities across the country, this is impossible. Gift cards to a restaurant are my go-to. Especially if you are no longer in regular touch with this friend.

    6. I had preemie twins in the hospital. I would not send clothes because, depending on his situation, there are a lot of tubes/IVs to deal with and our babies were primarily swaddled. Of course, you can disregard this information if you see on her posts that her son is in clothing. I would recommend sending swaddle blankets. I liked the ones by Aden + Anais. We also got a lot of meals and, while this is a nice gesture, it rapidly became overwhelming and a lot of the food went to waste. We were at the hospital a lot and mostly ate there. The gift card rec by Anon at 3:01 is a good idea too.

    7. Depending on your budget, a gift certificate for housecleaning since it’s probably not a priority for her. Tiny baby hats might also be good, depending on NICU policy.

    8. For a different perspective, consider just a card. I was so, so overwhelmed with gifts (and packaging and clutter) after my son was born. The pressure to send all the thank you notes was so frustrating (and my grandmother is furious that I missed some or sent them late.) I really felt crushed and overwhelmed when the ups guy would ring the doorbell every day. If people knew what a burden it was to receive this stuff, I’m sure they would never have sent it. (Yes I realize how bratty this sounds but the last thing a new mom needs is a stack of thank you cards to write, addresses to track down, garbage and recycling to deal with, and new items to organize)

      2. +1. Gifts are so thoughtful and it feels terrible to have not thanked people because I was overwhelmed with day to day life.

      3. Where is the new dad or second mom in all this!? I think maybe the person who didn’t just push a watermelon out their vajayjay should take the lead on the thank yous…

    9. How about just a card and a donation to the local Ronald McDonald’s House (if there’s one affiliated with the hospital)? I maybe wouldn’t even mention the donation, but it would make me feel better. Or gift card to a place in/near the hospital.

    10. Visa/Amex gift card with a note to spend it on whatever she wants, be it something for herself or just paying for take out. And, remember to reach out to her in a few months. That’s my go to for situations like this.

    11. Crib sheets. When my LO was in the NICU my sister (a pediatric nurse) bought him his first set of crib sheets. It made things feel a little more cheerful and personal.

  7. Anyone found a good way to get yourself out of a funk? Things are generally fine but I’ve been feeling tired and unmotivated for a few months and can’t seem to get myself out of it. Any suggestions that have worked for you?

    1. It sounds like you need to come out of your shell and meet people! I recommend being social at work, joining a gym (working out is great for this) and finding a significant other to spend time with.

    2. Well, what finally worked for me was a low dose of zoloft. But additionally, making sure I got out in sunshine for at least 30 mins a day and adding in vitamin d supplements helped. I also took a mental health day and went to the zoo and sat and watched animals for several hours by myself. But I’m weird like that :)

      1. +1 to animal or people-watching, or art-watching – whatever you’re into.

        I try to plan something – something small like a stop in a new cafe or a bigger thing like a weekend trip. Having something to look forward to usually helps me.

        I also find that my “unmotivated” feeling is really just a feeling that there are too many hassles to starting something – a project, a task or even a book or new TV series. I try to break it down into small steps and I find that once I get through that first hurdle, my motivation tends to return. Hope you feel better soon!

    3. Only thing that worked for me was finding a new job. I tried everything everyone around me suggested but the reason I was unmotivated was I wasn’t feeling great about my work situation, (lack of) opportunity to advance, and most of all, my self-absorbed colleagues. Can you update your resume and make it a priority to start meeting people for coffee/lunches and generally broaden your network?

  8. YOU GUYSSSSSSS, I just got my official raise letter and I got a 20% raise!!! Although it puts me where I should be, I still can’t believe they gave me that big of a jump knowing how long of a process this took to get approved and processed and how poorly the business unit is doing at the moment.

  9. I have a question prompted by one of yesterday’s topics. I was shocked to hear from a therapist that a drink every day was “not normal” in response to hearing that someone’s parents drank every day as a child. Thoughts? What was “normal” when you were growing up?

    1. My mom has had a drink every day before bed for as far back as I can remember. She stopped when she was pregnant and breast feeding. That is all she ever drinks, one beer before bed. She has since added wine into the nightly rotation to “mix things up” in her late 60s. She eats and lives an extremely healthy lifestyle and this is her one chosen vice. I think there are definitely ways to have a drink every day in a “normal” fashion.

      Interestingly enough, of the four children she raised like that, none of us are anything more than social drinkers.

      1. I have an aunt that smokes one cigarette per day, right after dinner. She goes and sits on the porch and smokes her one cigarette. I’ve always been a little bit amused by that.

        My mom was a teetotaler once she had kids, my dad was an alcoholic who drank so much he would pass out on the floor every night.

        I drink 1 drink per night, pretty much without fail. I’m probably an alcoholic who is not a problem drinker, if there is such a thing. I didn’t start drinking until I was 20. I didn’t drink when I was pregnant. Now it’s just a part of my evening routine, and I don’t feel inclined to change it.

    2. I grew up in a family with strong ties to their European heritage and both sides drank every evening. Not a great deal, but a glass of wine or a beer, maybe two. All of the kids (myself and cousins) have similar habits.

      I am going to presume this is a cultural heritage thing re: your relationship with alcohol and move on.

      1. +1

        I know of people who think of wine as an extension of food and drink. Like you wouldn’t have 5 glasses of milk at a sitting, but a glass with the meal is OK. It is just another beverage for some people at dinner.

    3. My parents did not regularly drink alcohol. Their drinking was usually a beer or two or wine when people came over.

    4. My dad often had 1-2 beers after work, my mom occasionally drank a glass of wine. She always had a glass of wine if we went out to dinner, but didn’t usually drink with dinner at home. I don’t remember if she had wine after us kids went to bed.

      I went through a period in my college years/20s of drinking heavily, but that eventually petered out due to age, hangovers, increasing health consciousness, and now parenthood. I now drink 1-2 days per week, and usually stop at 2 drinks.

    5. My parents were both complete teetotalers but with pretty neutral attitudes towards drinking. That is, neither drinking nor mountain biking were activities they pursued, but they didn’t really regard it as noteworthy that other people did. (The exception was negative judgement on one family friend who got drunk more evenings than he stayed sober. He had a lot of associated health problems and my parents definitely thought he was irresponsible.)

    6. My parents never drank when I was growing up. They just didn’t like the taste and I think there was also an element of not wanting to spend money on it. I drank regularly college and am now a fairly light social drinker (one-two drinks per month on average). I think one drink a day every day is normal, as is two-three drinks a day on the weekends and lighter drinking during the week, but two drinks a day for all seven days of the week (i.e. 14 drinks a week) really seems like a lot to me, especially for someone who’s done with school and is working. I was surprised to see so many people saying it is normal because I don’t know anyone that consumes 14 drinks a week. I’d say the max in my social circle is about 10/week (mostly daily-glass-of-wine drinkers who have an extra drink or two on the weekends).

      1. Well, and I think there is a difference between “normal” and “moderate”. To me, “moderate” has a medical definition, which according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism is “up to four alcoholic drinks for men and three for women in any single day, and a maximum of 14 drinks for men and 7 drinks for women per week.”

        That is completely different from what is “normal”. I don’t know if it’s necessarily normal for an American man to drink 2 drinks per day every day without fail– it is considered normal in some countries, but not in others. I’m think its probably not normal in most places in America.

    7. I was kinda shocked at the responses. I really don’t think 2 drinks in the evening after work is a big deal. But that said, I don’t necessarily drink every day but probably have 1-3 drinks, 3 nights a week and occasionally more Fridays/Saturdays so I’m probably coming from a different perspective

      1. You might want to take a look at the health effects for that level of drinking. More than 7 drinks a week for a woman is considered heavy drinking. There was a link in yesterday’s thread with more info.

        1. I have no desire to do so. A glass or two of wine after work is one of life’s best pleasures. Plus I enjoy going out and having drinks with my friends.

          not sure why people on this site are so puritanical about a few drinks.

          1. Probably because there are so many type-A perfectionists that we even have to drink perfectly. ;)

          2. I have no idea why people who like to drink heavily refuse to accept that it’s a health impacting practice just like smoking. If you like to smoke or drink heavily – fine but don’t pretend like it doesn’t cause cancer/heart disease etc.

            Signed,

            A glass of wine with dinner most nights

          3. + 1000 this site is making me feel bad about having ANY wine which is absurd

            Plus all of the people freaking out about the health effects of alcohol are definitely doing other things that also affect your health negatively- sitting in a chair for 8 hours a day, not getting the recommended exercise (heck, I probably work out TOO hard for it to be beneficial for long-term health), eating refined sugars (insulin resistance, anyone?), not getting enough sleep, too much stress, etc.

          4. EXACTLY, Anon at 3:52. It amazes me how many of my self-professed “health-nut” friends spend hours in the gym every day, avoid carbs and sugar, do yoga and meditate and would never dream of touching a cigarette but drink themselves into oblivion regularly. It’s absolutely delusional. Do whatever you want but at least own it that it’s unhealthy.

          5. I think most people who drink heavily realize that it’s a health impacting practice. I find it really annoying when others point out to smokers/drinkers how unhealthy their choices are at every oppourtunity. They know. Maybe there’s an underlying addiction or maybe they just really enjoy smoking and drinking. Neither case is really your business unless you are very close with the person. Live and let live. Excess stress and worry is also a health impacting practice :-)

          7. @Nati, I totally disagree. Smokers and overeaters fully admit they are doing something unhealthy. Heavy drinkers do not and insist what they’re doing is just fine because it’s “normal” (even though as pointed out above, normal doesn’t mean it’s actually healthy). Yes, we (almost) all have some unhealthy habits, but heavy drinkers are in a class by themselves when it comes to the denial, in my experience.

          8. Drinking any alcoholic or sugary drink is health impacting, but you wouldn’t be that critical of someone drinking a soda or juice or two every day because it would be weird and rude.

          9. I’m curious if the attitude toward drinking varies by geographical region (in general, it does, but do our r*tt*es reflect that?)

          10. @Anonymous, why do they need to “admit” that they’re doing something unhealthy? I find your choice of words and the tone that they convey bizarre. You would not be talking like this about other health impacting habits that people have and are fully aware of.

          11. Actually I used “admit” to refer to smokers and overeaters, so yeah, I am talking about other unhealthy habits, not just drinkers. I almost never exercise. I know that’s bad for my health and have no problem admitting that. Same with the people I know who smoke, are obese, don’t get enough sleep, etc. We all have bad habits and most people say “I do X but I know I shouldn’t.” But the heavy drinkers say “Nope, two drinks a day are great. You’re a judgmental puritan for criticizing me.” That’s the denial I’m talking about it. I’m not claiming what they do is necessarily worse than plenty of other unhealthy habits, but in my experience people with the other habits have more awareness and willingness to acknowledge that what they’re doing is not healthy (and I think this thread is kinda proving my point).

          12. Sorry, you’re missing my point. My point is that people don’t need to justify their behavior to you.

          13. I drink probably 10 glasses of wine per week. I completely understand and accept that it’s not the optimal health choice. But you know what? I don’t care. There are so many other things for me to worry about. Just let me drink my excessive amount of wine that I used to wash down my non-organic hummus and carb-o-rama crackers, and leave me alone to get some kind of weird awful cancer and die. I’m not in any level of denial. I am an adult and I know what I’m doing.

          14. I’m with Grumpy Wine Cat. I really just…cannot summon the ability to care that I drink more than 14 drinks per week. I probably have one drink most weeknights (half while making dinner, the other half while eating dinner), and way more on the weekends (again, spread out over a lot of time. but if a friend wants to meet at a brewery, that’s two drinks, then I go to a birthday party and have two more, my SO and I grab a cocktail on the way home–five drinks over the course of a Saturday between 1pm and midnight if I’m not driving, I just can’t summon the horror).

            There’s also a level of drinking that is medically recommended, right? Like for heart health? My insurance just sent me that in an email, so it’s not like I’m shooting up heroin. I exercise a lot, I eat really healthy food, I get up from my desk every 30 minutes, I go to the dentist when I’m supposed to. Something’s going to kill me at some point, regardless of whether I cut out that last cocktail.

          15. “I call this the turf ‘n turf. It’s a 16-oz t-bone and a 24-oz porterhouse. Also a whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.” –Ron Swanson

          16. This is…exactly what I’m talking about. More than 7 drinks per week is “at-risk” or “heavy” drinking, according to the NIAAA. But it’s ok for you to have “more than 14 drinks per week” because someone once sent you an email that said a small amount of red wine is good for your heart? Absolutely delusional. Can you imagine the reaction if a smoker said “It’s ok to smoke three packs a day because research showed that smokers are less likely to develop Parkinson’s disease”? She would be laughed off the face of the earth.

          17. I’m not deluding myself that my drinking is not near the top of, if not over, the CDC guidelines (wait, am I even allowed to drink at all per the CDC? because I should treat my body as pre-pregnant at all times since I only use one form of birth control? Anyone else remember that infographic?). I’m saying that there IS a medically recommended level of healthy drinking for heart health and memory health (which was actually what they insurance email was about, looked it up again)–to distinguish alcohol from e.g. cigarettes or Heroin, where there is no amount that is recommended medically.

            And to be 100% clear, I really DGAF what any of you think of my drinking habits.

          19. Sorry I meant the CDC (and plenty of other medical sources). ://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/faqs.htm
            “What do you mean by heavy drinking?
            For men, heavy drinking is typically defined as consuming 15 drinks or more per week. For women, heavy drinking is typically defined as consuming 8 drinks or more per week.”

          20. If you’re going to call people delusional, I can’t help but point out that 14 is less than 15… I get that you really are opposed to drinking, but stress and arguing also has a negative health impact.

          22. My reference to the CDC guidelines was in response to a female poster in this thread, not the 14 drink/week husband from yesterday. For women, 8 or more (aka “more than 7,” assuming nobody’s counting partial drinks; I can do math just fine thanks) drinks/week is considered heavy drinking.

          23. And I’m not “really opposed to drinking “- I drink socially, and as I said I do plenty of other things that may be as bad or worse for my health than 14 drinks/week, like not exercising and eating lots of sweets. I just feel like there’s a huge double standard. If a smoker said their habit was healthy because it lowered the risk of certain diseases or an obese person said there was no reason to stop eating 3,000 calories a day, everyone would side eye them. But heavy drinkers who are objectively drinking far more than what medical professionals consider healthy can say “it’s good for the heart!” and everyone who side-eyes that is a weird Puritan who hates alcohol and thinks its the root of all evil.

      2. Agree with you. I thought everyone was far too worked up yesterday (and gets far too worked up any time this topic comes up.)

    8. My parents had wine with dinner probably every night. I didn’t keep track of what they consumed but maybe a glass or two each? I never saw either of them DRUNK. My dad would get together with my uncles and they would all drink beer on our deck, but I don’t remember them being visibly intoxicated but maybe they were after I went to bed, LOL.

      My parents are only the first generation born in the United States in their respective European families. Maybe its a generalization but I think American attitudes are a bit puritanical. I like a glass of wine or three with dinner but I do not drink every day — mostly because of stuff I read about women and alcohol (1 a day only!!!1!! , etc). I probably would drink every day but for these articles and the calories because I really enjoy food and wine together.

      1. I actually find American attitudes more accepting towards binge drinking. With the exception of some heavy drinking countries like UK or Poland, in most European countries alcohol goes with food and is part of a meal. There is nowhere near the same level of binge drinking compared to America.

        1. Perhaps there is a relation between the attitude that 2 drinks a day is bad, and college kids and young adults binge drinking when they are on their own?

    9. I think there may be a difference between: I like to have a glass of wine/beer because I like the taste with dinner v. I have a glass of wine to numb any part of my life or to take the edge off on a daily basis. I do not see the former as an issue. I see any numbing/taking the edge of as a problem.

      1. Oh I miss the ability to edit: I see any numbing/taking the edge off on a daily basis as a problem.

    10. I think there are certain communities where drinking any alcohol, period, is considered a vice, hence the pearl clutching. GCB’s and all that. Totally fine when you were in college or the occasional evening of binge drinking, but every day? Gasp.

      1. Eyeroll. You don’t have to be religious or anything close to a teetotaler to think what the medical community classifies as heavy drinking is not healthy or normal.

          1. Yeah, I know, but it’s right on the line of heavy or at-risk drinking. Literally one extra drink a week (do you really think he never has a drink with friends or at a work event?) would put him in heavy drinking territory. I wasn’t “pearl-clutching” about it anyway, just saying that it wasn’t unreasonable for that OP to be concerned and talk to him about it, and I stand by that even if he falls within the high side of the ‘moderate’ category. It’s perfectly possible to abuse alcohol and consume less than 14 drinks a week – not saying that’s the case with OP’s husband but if she’s troubled by his behavior there’s probably more to the story than just the number of drinks he has per week.

    11. My dad is a heavy drinker. When he is drinking, that means 4-8 beers a night. Every night, from the time he got home (he’d usually grab one from the garage fridge on the way in) until he went to bed. It does not change his personality, and I’ve never seen him “drunk” — no weaving, stumbling, slurring, etc. He’s quit a number of times (his preferred method of losing weight is the Atkins diet, so no carbs = no beer), and he has no problem stopping drinking. That will last for a few months to a year, then he will go right back to the 6-pack-a-night habit. This means that I have a hard time taking the above posters seriously about 2 drinks a night being heavy drinking– it just doesn’t seem heavy to me!

      My mom’s alcohol use varies. It used to be the occasional glass of wine, or, rarely, a beer. Now she has her daily gin and tonic while my dad does the dinner dishes, which is the one time all day she lets herself just sit down and be still.

      1. For what it’s worth, my grandfather was a similar drinker. I’m sure there are plenty of people (including probably a bunch of the posters here) who would say he was not an alcoholic because he never got “drunk” and he was able to quit from time to time. But I do know he died from complications related to cirrhosis of the liver, and afterwards his doctor referred to him as an alcoholic when talking with us. Alcoholism takes many forms and not every alcoholic is falling down drunk all the time.

    12. Live in the UK where binge drinking reigns supreme, and my parents would drink a bottle of wine with dinner most nights and my father would spend the afternoon watching sport and drinking cider or lager.

    13. Thank you everyone for the responses. As I expected there is a pretty sizable range for “normal”.

      2. Here’s a nice graphic table about “normal” drinking in the US.

        https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/09/25/think-you-drink-a-lot-this-chart-will-tell-you/

        I love the way this is presented.

        So about 1/3 of Americans don’t drink at all, the next third drinks about 1 drink a week on average. The top third moves from 1 drink a day (10%), to 2 drinks a day (10%), to 10 drinks a day (10%).

        This was a bit surprising to me! Is it to you?

        As a doctor, I would say there is still evidence that a drink a night may be of benefit (red wine) but almost no docs would recommend it for medicinal purposes. Everything in moderation, I say, and we all have our pleasures and vices.

        But if you have a personal history or a family history of addiction of any sort (alcohol, meds, gambling etc…) or a personal or family history of mental health issues (anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar etc….) you need to be aware that alcohol poses a higher risk for you long term. It may also interfere with your sleep long term with aging.

        Also, if you have a history or family history of cancer, heart disease or stroke, or obesity, there are other associated medical issues and you should discuss with your doctor. Many people with migraines know that alcohol and especially red wine can be a problem.

        I would love to drink a glass of wine every night. I’m asleep if I drink 2. My extended family has alcoholics and quite a bit of depression/anxiety/bipolar/schizophrenia, with a lot of heart disease on one side and cancer on the other. So I shy away from regular alcohol use, and instead my vice is —— not exercising!!!

        2. Thank you. This is really informative and I appreciate the perspective from an actual doctor.

    1. Oh, I bet you would totally wear those to the funeral home. So perfect for prying the lid open to view the deceased, to the horror of your granddaughter.

    2. LOL – I was about to post about how much I like these! I think they have more of a menswear vibe than a granny vibe, but I could be wrong.

      2. I have noticed a significant menswear vibe in women’s shoes lately. I’m not sure I’m on board? I probably could be convinced? My ambivalence is real.

    3. On the website, they’re paired with high rise ankle length acid wash jeans. It’s all too early 90s for me.

    4. I LOVE these flat’s! If Dad did not call me squat and dumpy, I would buy these! FOOEY! Beside’s Grandma Leyeh would wear these and I think has a pair kind of like these, so the OP is right! YAY!!!

    5. Edna wears patent high heals. She wouldn’t be caught at Stiva’s in these.

    6. Really?

      I find ballet flats juvenile. Just…..never.

      Signed,

      Your great-grandma

  11. I ordered those shoes in black because I was looking for something specific and there was nothing among my usual brands. Discovered these cause apparently there a fav of Angelina Jolie. Anyway, I found that they were oddly long in a way that made me look like I was wearing scuba flippers or something. It was just disproportionate. So I returned them. Would love a pair of Todd’s but the price is 5x more so really too expensive. Wish these Everlanes were an adequate substitute.

  12. I think I had these shoes a couple decades ago. I guess everything is coming back.

  13. Hi Ladies,

    I recently went off the pill. I’m not trying to conceive, but rather I’m freezing my eggs and had to go off the pill to prepare for that. The problem is that I have felt AWFUL since going off the pill. All the symptoms they say you get when you go on the pill….well, I’m having those symptoms since going off the pill. I’ve been off it now for a couple of weeks, and I’m so bloated that I’m literally uncomfortable in my clothes. I’ve gained about 5 lbs in one week, I have mild cramping, I feel dizzy (almost fainted last week and once this week), and I feel so tired. I am in my mid-30’s and have been on the pill continuously since I was about 14 years old. Has anyone else dealt with this or been through this?

    Thank you!!

    1. Not a doctor so my response is anecdotal, but yes, I think so. Taking hormones almost everyday for 20 years and then stopping is a huge systemic change. I would probably try to bear with it for the first month and talk to my GP if the symptoms continued on longer.

      1. The dizziness to the point of fainting part is a bit extreme, though. Probably worth checking out sooner. But in general I think it’s par for the course to notice some physical changes.

    2. More anecdata, but I went off the pill at about your age to TTC, after 15 years of more or less continuous use. I don’t remember the physical effects but I had face-down-on-the-couch depression and general psychic misery for several days. I thought I was having a sudden mental breakdown and then realized it was basically 15 years of PMS catching up with me. But definitely check with your doctor, the dizziness might be significant.

      Good luck with this and the egg-freezing.

    3. 1) I think you would have mentioned this, but did you start any follicle-stimulating meds yet in preparation for the retrieval?

      2) It’s possible that your BC was masking symptoms of another hormonal disorder. Stay in touch with the doc that is handling your retrieval – my guess is that he/she will want you to have a blood test to check your hormone levels.

  14. Anyone ever fly on September 11th before? I’ll be flying for work domestically and wondering how early I should plan to arrive for a late morning flight. I’m not checking my bag and the flight itself is less than two hours. I’ll check security notices that morning but is it likely to be longer that day given the significance of it? TIA.

    1. I’ve flown on 9/11 at least twice since that day became significant. I’ve never noticed longer than normal security lines. In general, TSA lines have been long this summer so if you haven’t flown in a while you may want to get there on the earlier side of normal, but I don’t think the date will have any effect.

    2. If anything the queues should be shorter because many fewer people fly on that day

    3. I think if anything the lines are shorter than average, because so many people avoid flying that day (its probably less true now that we’re 15 years out, but in the early-mid 2000s, airports were ghost towns on Sept. 11th).

    4. I have a bunch, and I’ve never noticed any differences between that day or any other.

    5. I’ve flown a bunch of times on September 11th and am flying on September 11th this year, and it’s never been anything other than normal. I think my first 9/11 flight was about 4 years after the attacks.

      FWIW, I flew on one of the first flights out of my city to DC when air travel resumed after 9/11/2001, and while security was high, it wasn’t unmanageable. I showed up hours early, and that was a good call then, but it was 3-4 days after the attacks.

    6. I am flying on 9/11, home to the East Coast from a trip to Europe. According to my travel agent, and viewing available seats on the airline website, I’ll have the giant jetliner almost entirely to myself, except for a group of passengers who have booked all the aisle seats for the first five rows in coach, but none of the other seats in those rows. Not sure what’s up with that.

      1. Are you sure it’s all one group? Could just be lots of couples/groups of two that like to sit across the aisle from each other. My parents normally book aisle seats right next to each other because they both hate sitting in the middle. I don’t think it’s that weird.

        2. Ha ha! Yes, all one group, since those seats all popped up as reserved at the same time.

    7. Good to know – thanks ladies. I’ll check the security line before I leave my place, but that’s what I typically do anyway.

    8. Many times – I have a recurring international business trip that always take place around that week. The only things I’ve noticed (and this has been the exception, not the norm) is that flights from major airports to places like DC or NYC can sometimes have extra security. For example, I was once waiting for my flight next to the gate/boarding area for a flight to DC. The DC flight area was temporarily “walled off” and separated from the rest of the terminal, and security checked your boarding pass/ID again before allowing you in to that area.

  15. I know there are a few knitters on here – having just finished my Olympics project a week late I have a sweater quantity of lovely rust coloured sock yarn with which I want to make something work appropriate. Right now I’m leaning towards Reine by Alexis Winslow but I was wondering if anyone had any other recommendations

      1. That is so impressive that you are able to make these! I like them both, but I would lean towards the Benedetta. I love how it’s styled in the photos with the Peter Pan collar.

      2. Pretty! I am a fan of Isabell Kraemer, who designs a lot in fingering weight. Your choices are beautiful, but they are both in Loft, which is a stickier yarn than most sock yarn (which usually has some nylon in it), so swatch large.

        1. Oh, I like her Dexter.

          My yarn is quite a woolly Regia so although it has nylon in it’s not super smooth

  16. I’m writing a thank-you note to an old law school professor who served as a reference, and I’d like to note that she’s been an example of a woman with both professional success and a full, balanced life. Is this too personal/presumptuous? It’s been a few years since I was in school, and I suppose her situation could have changed, but she was always quick to mention her family and brought her kid to class a few times. Is this a weird thing to say?

    1. Why not phrase it more generally like, “I’ve always admired you both professionally and personally.” Because you’re right, maybe she isn’t as balanced lately (or has an aversion to even trying to find balance). I also like that it opens it up to being about her as a person (i.e. her interpersonal qualities, warmth) rather than just as a mom.

    3. I don’t think the general idea is weird, but you should probably re-work the way you are going to say it. It might be a bit generic, but maybe something about “being a role model to women in the profession” would go over better than a paragraph about her personal life?

  17. Sharing a vent… our company raises take effect Sept. 1. A generic % merit increase was announced in later summer, but then each department has a pool and can divvy that up accordingly. We had PEs back in March and I know for a fact that new salary info was entered into the budget two weeks ago. Yet, bc our dept. head is a master procrastinator, no one in our group has received their raise letter. For their new pay rate starting Thursday.

    1. Yeah. My giant law firm provides salary memos the day before the first paycheck of the year (and two weeks after you’ve been working at the new rate). It is one of the many major complaints I have, especially since I am quite certain decisions are made well in advance. I’ll note it as a reason my quit date is December 31.

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