ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Mary Pump

purple-block-heel-weitzmanGrandma pumps: yea or nay? They're everywhere this fall, and if you're looking for an on-trend quality pair that is also comfortable, Weitzman has long been a favorite of readers for just those reasons. Besides, you know I love a purple pump. These are available at Zappos and Amazon for $375; they also come in black and taupe suede, as well as a black leather. Stuart Weitzman Mary These shoes are similar, only $109-$119, come in nine colors — and in several colors are down to lucky sizes! Check out our Guide to Comfortable Heels for other reader favorite brands! (L-all)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

210 Comments

    1. +1

      I don’t understand the point of these shoes. You want comfortable shoes? Wear great, stylish flats. If you want height, admit that you’ll be less comfortable.

    3. I don’t like the block heel look in general, but I think these ones aren’t so bad.

      1. I’m the opposite. I’m open to the block heel look but don’t really like these ones.

          3. If I’ve been thinking about them for 2 weeks, that means I need to get them right?

          4. That’s my rule! Although, really, if I’m still thinking of something several days later I take that as a sign that I need to get it.

          5. Mine too- I tried on a blazer the last three times I went to Target but it kept not being on sale (legal aid….this is an important consideration). I finally just bit the bullet and bought it, and I’ve worn it three times in the 10 days since I bought it. #win

        2. I think the toe shape also matters a lot. I love my block heels and I wouldn’t wear these.

          3. See, to me these are even uglier than the ones in the post. I like block heels in general but something about them paired with a lower heel height makes the look unappealing. The lines are wrong or something. And with the stretchy, soft, unstructured look of the ones you linked to it somehow looks unfinished. YMMV of course, but chiming in with my opinion.

    5. Going to be the voice of dissension here.

      I have a pair of similar shoes that feel completely comfortable, I can walk or commute anywhere, and I like the ‘feel’ of walking in heels which you get with these. Most heels would just not work for me with my weird feet.

      1. While I very much do not like these shoes, in general I do like block heels. They wear so much better than stilettos, which I feel like I’m getting reheeled at least twice a year (but just one shoe from each pair, apparently I walk unevenly).

      2. +1

        Flats are not comfortable for me, look less polished to me than a heel, don’t work for my body shape and clothing preferences (tall pear that wears wider leg pants for balance and has really long feet) and I spend a lot of time on my feet. Wearing a tiny heel that occasionally leads to a twisted ankle when I am rushing through uneven surfaces from building to building is somewhat insane. I also destroy a narrow heel in no time. Just one grating, or a bump on the stairs or a twist…. so easy to screw up a beautiful shoe.

        So I usually look for a slightly larger heel than the classic pump and even the occasional block works for me.

        Realize that if you work in a job that involves just walking from your office to a spot nearby in your gorgeous 3+ narrow heels, your needs are very different than some of us.

        1. My work life involves lots of walking outdoors between meetings so shoes can’t be ornamental and live only indoors. Which are some of your favorites?
          I have Cole haan oxfords, mid heel Clarks, La Canadienne heeled booties that get the most wear. I just picked up a pair of Everlane loafers with just enough of a heel that I have high hopes for.

          1. Stuart Weitzman has always been king here, but now other lines are making interesting shoes since they are trendy. Weitzman is typically out of my price range, but I have several pairs that I have picked up in lucky circumstances.

            Interestingly, I have several random shoes made in Spain (forgetting the brand….) that also have some great heels that are not as block-y as the ones posted. Instead, they are a wide but quite narrow heel, so from the side the almost look like a regular pump. These are hard to find and are my favorites. I have a pair of grey suede, tan leather embossed with ostrich pattern, and burgundy leather embossed with a ?aligator pattern.

            La Canadienne and Aquitalia (always on sale) are my staples for boots/booties (I have to deal with rain/snow in my area, so weatherproof is also key). Aquitalia has the loveliest black leather wedge I have found so far, which I picked up at the Nordstrom sale this summer. A bit high, but a great shape with an almond, slightly pointed toe. I don’t like a round toe, which to me makes a block heel look really dowdy. Unless it is a Mary Jane… then maybe…..

            I am looking for an Oxford now. I wanted the Via Spiga Amica loafer in black leather that I saw on another blog, but can’t find it in my size…

            Cole Haans have never worked for me. Don’t know why….

          2. Considering everlane loafers for myself… Hear they run very very narrow. Do you like yours? Reviews?

        2. I like these, Kat, tho they ARE expensive and the manageing partner does NOT want to pay for these b/c they are to short and to expensive. FOOEY! I would wear these in the city b/c it is HARD to walk around lower Manahattan with 4″ heel’s b/c of the pavment and rut’s in the sidewalk’s goeing back to Columbus’ time. So I will have to find another pair that cost’s less. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      3. i love them and the style. you have to pair them with the right outfit — I think they look best with slim ankle pants.

        I think most folks disliking them do so because on initial glance, they are “grandma-ish.” But they are really in-style this year and actually look modern and sophisticated if you wear them right.

    7. Nay on these for me. The block heel looks chic to me in taller versions but frumpy at this height.

    8. I like block heels, but I have liked them since I was a wee thing. Why are these called “grandma” pumps? *asks the 60-year old woman somewhat peevishly*.

      1. This 29-year-old woman does not think they should be called “grandma” pumps. I think they look classy and modern. But then again, my grandmother is classy and modern, so perhaps the name is appropriate :)

        1. Thank you Lisa and Em! I’m so tired of “old” or “grandma” being considered equivalent to bad, useless, unfashionable, irrelevant. From the survey Kat did, I realize that most of the readers here are younger than you and I are, Lisa. But that’s no reason to be ageist.

          1. You are welcome and yes, thank you Em! I was thinking the other day, if Hillary gets elected, then between her and Ruth Bader Ginsberg, maybe the term “grandma” will come to mean “powerful woman you don’t want to mess with, honey.”

  2. This is not purple. This is burgundy. Burgundy is not purple.

    Please stop trying to make burgundy purple. Not gonna happen.

    1. Agreed. Kat, listen to your readers. No one else considers this purple.

    2. I dunno, I don’t think those are quite burgundy. They’re purplier than burgundy.

      1. I agree. I would call these plum or something. I think they are neither purple nor burgundy but if I had to pick one of the two, I think purple is more accurate (because purple is a broad term that includes many different shades, whereas burgundy is more of a specific shade).

        1. +1. These look more purple than maroon/burgandy.

          This could be another blue/black dress issue though. Color perception is all in the mind, after all.

          1. Yeah — these are coming across as very purple to me, not burgundy. A very blue-tone, not a lot of red. Must be a perception thing.

        2. +1

          Maybe our computer screens differ, but this is more plum/slightly purple. Burgundy/maroon is more of a red base to it.

          But there are many, many burgundy –> plum –> deep purple variations, and on this site they get thrown together as purple. No biggie.

      2. while I agree that kat often confuses purple and burgundy, these look clearly purple to me.

    4. I’m chuckling because I just had a debate with DH about whether the dress I was wearing was burgundy or purple (it was burgundy). He insists that his color palate is limited to the 8-crayon Crayola box; other colors are simply beyond his comprehension. Later in the evening someone said something to him about steak sauce and, initially affronted, he queried, Well what are we talking about? A-1 or a burgundy peppercorn reduction? To which I promptly (and tipsily) exclaimed, HA! You DO know what burgundy is! And declared myself the Winner of the Argument, for which the prize was more wine.

    6. No…this is pretty clearly purple on my screen. I’m not even seeing a hit of red.

      1. On my screen at work, the image on the post could almost pass as purple. On my phone and when I click over to the Zappos link, they look more wine colored, and the name is “Bordeaux”, so I’m willing to bet these read more burgundy/reddish than purple in real life. But purple is one of those colors that doesn’t play nice from our eyes to digital photography to screens to print, so this is possibly a factor there. Some phone screens and monitors trend more blue, while others shift more yellow. These look slightly more purple when I turn off my terrible fluorescent lights in my office. Ok, I’m a super dork, so I’m going to stop now, but part of me does want to go look at these on 100 different screens/phones/lighting conditions and see how or if they shift.

        However, do agree with “stop trying to make burgundy purple”. If anything, say “you know I love shoes in the wine/oxblood/purple range” so you can include the purple link (which also contained burgundy and oxblood shoes). In fact, unless you changed it, the wording on that post says “purpley/red wine-blood color ” which applies here.

        But yes, if I say I’m looking for a purple item of clothing, I usually mean “Crayola crayon purple”. And I already own a lot of clothing in that color, probably far too much. Plus a bunch more in the “purplish” description – wine, burgandy, lavender, purpl-y blue, etc.

        1. Yes! The shoes looked more purple on this s!te, but when I clicked over to Zappos? I agree with you.
          And only purple is purple.
          Burgundy and wine and other colors that are called purple are disappointing.

  3. Wedding guest shoe question – I am going to an outdoor semi-formal wedding shortly. I’m planning to start in my cute heels and then switch to something more comfortable for dancing. Would it be a terrible sin to wear “medium-worn-out” black silk flats as my switch shoes, or do they need to be in good shape? I have a pair I keep at my office for walking outside. They’re not quite ready for the trash but I couldn’t wear them at my business-casual office during the day (the silk is worn to an underlayer in a couple spots on the heel for instance). Considering other options are some kind of flip flops or Dr Scholls fold-up flats, I’m still hoping they might work.

    1. Is there a happy medium where you can buy shoes that are comfortable and wear them the whole night?

      1. The cute shoes are a perfect match to the dress so really hoping to make them work as long as I can that night :)

    2. That’s fine. Most people will likely be barefoot or wearing flip flops by that point in the night anyway.

      If it’s outdoors, though, I’d consider just getting a cute, comfortable pair of flats to wear the whole time. Maybe you’re more coordinated than I am, but every time I wear heels outside I get stuck in the grass and d*mn near sprain an ankle.

      1. Thanks everyone! I’ll have them around for one more night, then trash them :)

    4. I think it’s fine, but I ended up barefoot by the end of the night at the last three weddings I went to, so clearly I’m not the epitome of class.

      3. This is why I had a basket of flip flops for the guests at my wedding. My mom was both baffled and appalled, but my guests LOVED them!

    5. My mom would never let me take my shoes off! Ever ever and I am 50 and she is dead and I’d still be afraid to take them off!

    6. I was so impressed to see my cousin change out of the gorgeous high heels that went with her bridesmaid’s dress into tennies at her sister’s wedding. The other bridesmaid changed out of heels into cowboy boots. I am thinking the bride also changed into cowboy boots. Heels are pretty but they are not functional.

  4. NYC-based ladies, any suggestions for a restaurant in NYC that doesn’t need reservations on a Saturday night? Is this a thing? I’m spending the weekend in NY and due to a crazy busy period at work, I forgot to make reservations. My husband and I are big foodies (although I hate that word…), and trying new restaurants is one of our favorite things about traveling. We’re staying in Brooklyn but will go pretty much anywhere for a restaurant that’s worth it.

    1. Anything in particular you are looking for? Some of the Momofuku restaurants do mostly walk-ins. I know Ssam doesn’t accept reservations.

    2. I’ve recommended it here before, but I love Ai Fiori and its my favorite of the fine dining places I’ve tried in NYC. Two Michelin stars, excellent food, and its in Midtown and more of a power lunch place, so its good for last minute evening reservations (looks like this Saturday night is still available). Whatever you decide to do, I would still recommend making a reservation today. Your options are more limited now than they would be if you’d booked a few weeks ago, but they’ll be even more limited if you don’t make a reservation and try to walk in somewhere

    4. A few strategies, not mutually exclusive:
      – Take a look at OpenTable — you would be surprised at the number of restaurants that will still have availability
      – Be open to local neighborhood joints, namely solid places that aren’t super hip or cool. Places like Hells Kitchen or West Village are full of restaurants you could just walk by and try your luck.
      – Be comfortable waiting (potentially a long time) at non-reservation places. Lots of places will take your number and text you when your table is ready.
      – Whether you have a reservation or not, consider eating early (before 7, ideally before 6:30) or late (after 10). Especially early, you can often get in to places without much of a wait.
      Some non-reservation places on the island include: Via Carota (amaaaaazing Italian-inspired food, usually not a long wait if you get there before 6:30 and the bar is nice), Bar Pitti, some Momofuku places, Ippudo (ramen!), Babuji, etc

      1. Second for Open Table, instead of waiting at a no-reservation place. You can limit your search by neighborhood.

    5. Where in Brooklyn? I don’t think No. 7 in Fort Greene takes reservations for less than 6.

    6. Where in Brooklyn are you staying? My suggestion would be to put your name in at La Vara (http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/la-vara/) on the early side and grab a cocktail at Long Island Bar (http://nymag.com/listings/bar/long-island-bar/) while you wait. (Source: I live in Brooklyn and both of these places are great.)

      Alternatively, if you want some good pizza, put your name in at Lucali early (they don’t take reservations but expect to wait an hour or more) and grab a drink anywhere along Court St. or Smith St. while you wait.

      1. +1

        Or also in Brooklyn, The Finch, in Fort Greene, has a Michelin star and still keeps tables available for walk-ins. Aita, right down the street, is also super delicious, and you can have a drink at their hidden bar around the corner while you wait.

    8. Alobar in Long Island City is nice. They take reservations and have spots open for Saturday. It’s in Queens, but a short cab ride from Brooklyn (depending on where you stay there), and easily accessible by public transportation from Manhattan. Also has nice bars in the area for a drink afterwards, and a park nearby if you fancy a stroll with a view of the skyline.

  5. I see bloggers wearing over the knee boots over their jeans. How the heck do you do that? My jeans always bunch up.

    1. I think it’s a combination of really tight jeans and tucking the jeans into socks to keep them held down, plus maybe sizing up on the boots. But personally I think boots (knee high or over the knee) look a lot sleeker with tights or leggings.

    2. Jeggings and knee-high socks. You can try regular jeans with knee-high socks, but ime that’s a recipe for blisters in odd places.

        1. How do you wear your socks with jeans and tall boots? It would never occur to me to not put the socks over the jeans.

  6. I just graduated college and started working full time. I’m a consultant so I use a pretty small laptop most of the time, and I’ve started having a lot of pain in my right arm and shoulder (right-handed). It’s pretty bad to the point where it’s distracting at work. Any suggestions for this?

    I’m going to try and use a standing desk when I’m at the home office (which is only like once a week) and maybe get a wireless keyboard and mouse to use (even if it looks strange) so that even if the screen isn’t at anywhere near the right height at least my arms won’t be at an odd angle.

    1. See a doc and an ergonomic specialist. You may need a different keyboard or laptop. Just out of college is pretty early to have these issues – time to nip it in the bud!

      1. I know!! I’ve never had these issues using my laptop in whatever position in college but my laptop was much bigger, so I really think that’s the problem .I’ve always been inclined to have issues like this.

        1. I had this happen right after starting college, and the mousepads and keyboard wrist rests made it go away. Also check your bag, it may be too heavy.

    2. For what it’s worth, a wireless keyboard and mouse and your laptop on a stand doesn’t look strange. I’ve seen that in plenty of offices.

      1. I don’t want to come off as high maintenance or something, especially in client offices, but I also need to be able to work, so whatever.

        1. Wireless vertical mouse. Mine is from Evoluent. I LOVE it and it rapidly fixed the problems I’d been having in my right forearm.

          1. Ditto on the Evoluent vertical mouse. Stopped exactly the same issues in their tracks as a first-year.

      2. Also check out the roller bar mouse/keyboard combo – takes an hour or two to get used to but then you’ll love it! Reduces the movement that is probably causing the pain.

    3. I get this on and off from too much laptop use. These adjustments work for me:
      1. always use a mouse when possible
      2. get a wrist brace with a metal support underneath for when the pain is bad, wear it when working and sleeping
      3. switch hands using the mouse and scrolling. I now use the regular mouse in my left hand at work to give my right arm a break

    4. Rearranging my desk has helped my issues not get worse, but yoga has been the only thing that’s actually caused improvement. A “vigorous yoga” class at my Y has been totally suitable.

    5. Are you using a touchpad or the stupid nub? Get a wireless mouse at a minimum, and try putting something under the back half of your laptop to put the keyboard at a slight angle instead of flat.

      Are you hauling around a heavy bag in one hand/shoulder? That isn’t going to help things either.

      You have a long time left to be “old”, so you need to get this taken care of – otherwise being uncomfortable at 25 will lead to being downright miserable at 35, 45, etc.

  7. I’m glad chunkier heels are coming back into style. They’re much easier to walk in than skinnier heels of any height. I don’t think flats work for court and this pair seems like a good choice for more formal appearances. They don’t read “grandma” to me, and why ridicule them to start off the post? Someone might like them.

    2. I’m getting married outdoors (weather permitting) next summer and I’m soooo happy about block heels! I didn’t want to wear flats because I’m a heels kinda girl (and also very short) but I haven’t found any wedges I felt really spoke to me as My Wedding Shoes. I’m hoping to see lots of sparkly chunky heel options over the holidays!

    3. I said I thought they were hideous, not that a person wearing them was hideous. I am entitled to my own opinion and this is a fashion blog where we talk about all manner of things in the comments.

      I am sure you are a lovely person, but I think these shoes are hideous. You are well within your rights to love them if you want to!

      1. I think she was talking about Kat’s post, which basically asks “hideous or not?” in the first sentence.

    4. Seriously happy that block heels are coming back. They’ve been out of style for so long and I miss them. When I was first out of college in 2000, I walked to work in my heels and I think that was possible only because they were that chunky style that was so popular (and because I was 21 — I was much more willing to suffer to look good).

    5. I’m totally on Team Chunky Heel. I’m not such a fan of these particular ones, but I like the Jeffrey Campbell ones in the “affordabler” link. I realize that being on Team Round Toe also makes me horribly out-of-date, but I do not care. That’s the way my feet are shaped and I am not going to argue with them.

  9. Okay so tomorrow morning my boss, my boss’s boss, and little ole me are going to a conference type thing with a lot of industry players. Business casual industry, but some men will probably be wearing suits, but definitely not all. Tomorrow afternoon, the entire company is going go karting (we do quarterly “fun” outings). I will not be able to change in between the two events. WHAT THE HECK SHOULD I WEAR?

    (My coworkers who are not going to the conference will be showing up in jeans & company logo t-shirts. I probably will be one of very few women at the conference. I’m tall, slight pear, and early/mid twenties, if any of that matters)

    1. I don’t think you can get away without changing and shouldn’t really try. Changing can be a tw0-minutes in the bathroom kind of thing – ask me how I know :)

    2. Slim black pants, flats, and a colorful (and comfortable) top? Perhaps a blazer that could be removed for the second part of the day?

    3. Slim ankle pant with flats (ballet flats?)+ fancy tshirt style top (think like jeweled T from JCrew) + nice cardigan. Throw cardigan in your purse when you go kart.

    4. Ok, well, I hope you have a versatile closet because tomorrow doesn’t give you much time to find something! What about dark jeans, a cute jacket, and a t shirt/shell? Maybe even your company logo shirt under the jacket. I’ve worn company logo tees (tailored to fit me rather than a man) under a jacket and got tons of compliments.

    5. What age you talking about not able to change? Pack jeans and a top, when you get to the karting place excuse yourself to change.

    6. Pants 100%! (or pack them and change at the karting place). Your knees will be pulled up and there is absolutely no way to sit in a go-kart in a skirt without flashing your co-workers. Flat shoes.

      I’d suggest whatever you wear, make it something washable or that you are willing to take right to the dry cleaners. Every go-karting place I’ve ever been had everyone reeking of gas or exhaust when they were done.

    7. Many go karting places have one piece jumpsuits for everyone to wear that you put on over your clothes, you should check on that. You can take off clothes underneath or just put on over whatever you are wearing.

      1. Also they have changing/locker rooms so I don’t see why you wouldn’t bring some jeans and a t shirt to wear while you’re there.

  10. What socks do you wear with ankle booties? I have been wearing under the ankle athletic socks, but think I might prefer the same style, but made of thinner material like trouser socks are… I assume those exist somewhere. Other ideas?

    1. I wear higher socks because I hate the bootie rubbing on my skin. As a result, I can’t wear them with ankle pants.

    2. Hue makes these. as do a number of other brands. search for “no show” socks. the ones that have a little more coverage (i.e, would show if you wore them with ballet flats) work well with ankle booties.

    3. I wear thin athletic socks. Like quick dry/tech fabric low socks that I have leftover from when I used to run.

  11. I like these shoes, but they are BURGUNDY not purple!

    TJ: I’m having a tough time concentrating at work. I started taking a low dose (50 mg) of Zoloft due to depression and stress from an extremely challenging family situation. Now, I feel no motivation. I’m usually super type-A, and I can now easily sit and do nothing for an hour.

    I’m falling behind at work, which only compounds my stress, but I just can’t seem to motivate myself. I have a follow up with my doctor next week. Should I suggest a stronger dosage? I haven’t been on antidepressants before. She started me at 25 mg and then bumped it to 50 mg. I do think its helped in terms of overall mood, but not motivation. I just feel that any task is enormously exhausting.

    Other tips? I’ve started incorporating 15 min. of yoga a day and trying to drink lots of water. Thanks for any and all suggestions, Hive!

    1. It’s early, these things take a while to have a full effect, but I would talk to your doctor, because there are different types of antidepressants.

      One thing I’ve done is to look at basically the advice to help kids with ADHD re list making etc

    2. That’s exactly how I felt when I was on SSRIs. I came off shortly before I got pregnant, and haven’t been on any in the three years since. I’ve recently started taking SAM-E supplements, which are reportedly equally effective as, if not more effective than SSRIs for people with my particular symptoms (OCD, depression, anxiety). I’ve noticed an increase in my concentration and motivation after starting the supplements.

      I’m definitely not suggesting you change your meds, just commiserating. I’d give your body some time to adjust. Are there specific things you do when you’re doing nothing? For example, I can spend an hour checking facebook, shopping, or playing Candy Crush on my phone when I should be working, so I make it a point to put my phone in my drawer to avoid that temptation. I also try to do a few small tasks to gear myself up for a big project that I need to do. I trick myself into thinking I’m being incredibly productive that way.

      I second the poster above, I think tips for ADHD sufferers would be incredibly helpful, and is something I need to look into myself.

    4. Obvi different meds affect everyone differently, but I’ll share my experience. I’ve taken zoloft and wellbutrin for depressions at different points in my life, and the depression manifested differently each time. In high school I was extremely angry, irritable, anxious, deeply unhappy, and zoloft chilled me out and upped my mood. I was still a high performer and it didn’t really get in the way of my school work/motivation (but that was in a very rigid, structured environment).

      Post grad school I was unemployed and again became depressed. I was prescribed zoloft again and it basically just knocked me on my butt like what you’re experiencing. I just drifted in and out of apathy/sleep all day (see, unemployed….). I hated it. At the time, my depression was more characterized by anxiety and sadness rather than anger/irritability/constant agitation.

      Currently on wellbutrin after continuing to experiencing depression where I am largely high functioning but blah and demotivated. Wellbutrin works on dopamine (which is connected to our action/reward response) and has a stimulant effect- it feels like a huge energy/motivation boost, even though I don’t necessarily feel chilled out/ randomly pleased with life like on zoloft. It makes everything feel less overwhelming. It’s very helpful> I expect zoloft would just make me want to sleep.

      Zoloft is a pretty well tolerated med that gets prescribed a lot for people with mild/moderate depression. Give your body more time to adjust, but definitely tell your doctor about how your’e feeling and be open to trying different meds, or different combos. Also don’t beat yourself up over it. Depression blows. Good luck.

      1. Mind if I ask your dose? I’m on a low dose of Wellbutrin and while things are better, they aren’t quite there with motivation.

      2. I’m on a combo of Zoloft (75 mg) and Wellbutrin (100 mg I think?) and it’s working really well. Zoloft helped me get out of a sort of hopeless black hole, but after about 6 months I was back in it, no matter what I did. Wellbutrin has kind of balanced that out and I’m feeling pretty normal.

        I’m also reading Feeling Good by David Burns and it’s really a game changer. Anything I say will sound cheesy and evangelistic, but it has had a profound impact on how I see my mental health and my ability to improve it.

      3. SSRI’s negatively affect libido for many patients, including myself. I’m on Citalopram (generic for Celexa). It makes me much less angry and stressed but I have zero interest in sex. For a person who has always very much enjoyed sex, this is a problem.

        I may try some of the alternatives some of you have mentioned. I would like to get my sex life back!

  12. Just a vent. I work in an office where my department head and another have civil but icy relations. My department receives our work from that department. To some extent (I can’t tell how far), the sentiment has tricked down among both groups.

    It’s been especially frustrating for me recently as it has been much harder to maintain a friendship with someone from the other department. Then, this week, I got what feels like a passive-aggressive e-mail from the other department head, when I asked him to decide whether he wanted to use his influence to help a client whose project he started and I’m working on. (A few months ago, I made an attempt to help the client in my department but was told “probably no.”) His response basically encouraged me to go around my boss to try to help his client and tossed back my wording at me.

    I’m trying to assume good intentions from both of these people, but sometimes things seem fine and other times I feel like I’m experiencing gaslighting.

  13. I’m looking for a sneaker recommendation. I walk over a mile to and from work every day and have some pretty sensitive feet/knees. I treat this walk as part of my daily exercise count, so I try to walk at a pretty brisk pace and find actual sneakers (nike, adidas, new blance etc.) to be the only kind of shoe that supports this type of movement for me. I change out of them, but have been known to forget while milling around my bus. casual office… I’ve gone back and forth between wearing outrageously bright neon running shoes (Asics noosa tri) in an attempt to be deliberate when spotted- trying to send the message: “I KNOW! I’m not trying to be fashionable at this point in the day where you are looking at me”- to wearing a neutral (Nike Air max in white) hoping it doesn’t draw the eyes down to my feet so quickly. These always seem so dirty and scuffy though… Any suggestions on how to pull it off?

    1. I often walk to or from work and wear Nike flyknits in a black and white pattern that doesn’t easily show dirt.

      1. I don’t have these, but have heard thsi recommendation before and they’d blend easily enough for the few minutes between the door and yor office.

    4. I have Clarks sneakers in a black suede that have cushy supportive insoles. Comfortable but a little less casual looking. I wouldn’t wear them with a skirt though.
      I walk the 1.2 miles to/from the train station in Softwalk ballet flats, they are black leather and also have cushy insoles and don’t look hideous with skirts/dresses. Then switch to heels at work.

    6. Check out Allbirds – they’re sneakers made out of wool & have a much sleeker look than a nike/adidas, etc. sneaker. They’re also incredibly comfortable.

      1. YES! Thank you!!! I was hoping for a gem recommendation like this. Looking promising.

      2. I got a pair recently. They are indeed very comfortable, but you might want to add a more supportive insole inside for extended walkabouts.

  14. Okay, random question – what time (during the week) does everyone go to bed? I know this is highly specific to you and your lifestyle, but I am begining to question my health – I am usually in bed by 9:30-10 every night, but I do not get up terribly early – usually 6:30? I have energy during the day, exercise regularly, and my job is pretty low-stress, 9-5:30, no taking work home with me, but by 9, I am just out – like I must go to bed or else I become a sleep monster, my name for it. On average, I sleep 9-10 hours a night. Is that normal?

  15. Travel question:

    My husband and I are planning a trip to Scotland in late June of this year. We’re going to some other places too, which we’re more familiar with, but neither of us have been to Scotland before. We’ll fly into Edinburgh, spend 3 nights (including a weekend) there, and then travel to the Scottish Highlands (specifically, the Isle of Skye) for two nights.

    Any recommendations? Restaurants, places to stay (we are already thinking at least one night at Three Chimneys B&B on the Isle of Skye), things we definitely must do?

    Packing tips (how much cold weather gear, etc.)?

    TIA!

    1. My husband and I just returned from a week in Scotland last week. June should be a *beautiful* time to be there! We got rained on pretty much every day, but not all day every day. There were periods of rain and sun every day, and a lot of wind, especially on the coast. We did a similar itinerary, flying into Glasgow and heading west from there, then circling back to Glasgow and Edinburgh for 3 days.

      On Skye we stayed in Portree and it is a good home base (not to mention the biggest town away from the bridge). A couple of good places we ate at there were the Granary (more special-occasion type setting) and the Caledonian Cafe (a bit more young/less swanky food but still great). The walk up The Hump in Portree is worth it for the fabulous views from the top. The Trotternish peninsula is a nice drive that gives you a lot of nice views of the rugged beauty of Skye. We toured Dunvegan castle, which was neat if you have an interest in history (true of all of the castles really), but even the grounds were nice to walk around when it wasn’t pouring on us. Talisker distillery is in Carbost not too far from Dunvegan and probably a bit less crowded than the distilleries of some of the better known Scotches. Kind of a cool side trip and their Scotch is very good. The Fairy pools are beautiful. Driving on Skye involves a lot of “single-track” roads, so be prepared to pull over in the passing areas. Whoever is closer to a pull-off (even if it’s behind you) is expected to do so.

      Edinburgh is a beautiful mix of modern and very old. Glasgow was a bit less touristy and more working-class. We stayed City Centre area and it was a big pedestrian mall-type area– nice for shopping. In Edinburgh we toured the Palace at Holyroodhouse, which is where the Queen stays when she’s in town. We did not tour Edinburgh castle as neither of us is a history buff so to us they all kinda looked the same on the inside. ;) But there’s lots to see outside the castle as well, and Edinburgh castle is atop a big hill, so great views of the city from there. There are also great views further east from the top of Calton Hill. We stayed at Gil Dun Guest House and I definitely recommend it. It’s a bit of a walk into the city center, but a nice walk, or the bus system is great and picks you up a block from GD. Gerry was a great innkeeper and suggested great places to eat and helped us get oriented with the buses. Get a day ticket if you’ll be taking 3 or more bus rides. We ate at the Salisbury Arms on Gerry’s recommendation– very good– and The Old Bell Inn, which was a traditional pub with good pub food.

      Generally: Rick Steves’ book has a lot of good information. If you will be driving much, try to get familiar with the UK road signs before you get there, as most of the regulatory ones don’t have words! If you’re not staying at modern hotels, be prepared to carry your luggage up a few flights of (potentially narrow) stairs– or book early and request rooms on the lower levels. Everywhere you eat in the touristy areas, they want to shove haggis and black pudding at you (I get that people like to try the traditional local foods, but jeez. Haggis “bonbons” on your salad? Black pudding mashed potatoes? blech). The weather can go bad very quickly; it never got very cold but often started raining even while the sun was still out. I’d carry a light rain shell at all times, and we got a lot of use out of the umbrellas RS always recommends in Europe.

      Enjoy!

  16. Another vent –

    They announce TODAY that my office’s entire network will be down beginning at 8pm Friday until 8pm Sunday. WTF.

    2. I’d be pissed. I have to work this weekend and a network outage would be a serious problem.

    3. Is it a small enough company that your boss could email IT to figure out how you can get online this weekend? Assuming you need to work. When this used to happen at my firm, partners would send reply all emails saying they had Monday deadlines they needed the network to meet and more often than not IT would limit their time working on the network to nighttime (midnight to 8 am) and just have it offline more nights.

  17. I don’t want to do any work right now because my office is 78 degrees. It was 80 degrees yesterday. And 78 degrees the day before that. I’m in an emotional slump because that means the building has switched over to winter temperature control, which means it will be between 76 and 82 degrees EVERY day between now and April. I’m really not looking forward to the next 6 months. Despite being in a big law firm (read conservative nice attire required), I’ve already down-graded my wardrobe to t-shirts and flip flops. And I’m still uncomfortable all day and getting gross. I’ve already pestered building maintenance if we could do anything to make this space more livable, and they said no, because it would make the temperatures in the senior partners’ office too cold for them. Ugh.

  18. Repost because I was late to the morning post.

    Do hose ever look “too formal”? If they’re nude-for-you, and they blend with your legs well, then no one can tell you are wearing them…right? Other than the texture up-close, I guess.

    I am an engineer in an office where hose are definitely not the norm, but I frequently have to go into our cleanroom (manufacturing site) and my legs must be covered, so I am always wearing hose. As one of vey few women engineers who regularly go into the cleanroom, there aren’t a lot of people in my position. I figured no one cared. Do you think people actually see this as being too formal (if they don’t realize it’s just so I can go into the manufacturing site)?

    1. Yes, I can tell when someone’s wearing nude hose, especially if I’m in the same room as them. But it doesn’t matter. If you like hose, keep wearing them. Men have a strange definition of what’s formal when it comes to women’s clothes anyway. An engineer friend had colleagues ask her why she was so dressed up when she wore a sundress and flip-flops and then again when she wore a t-shirt and a denim skirt. Because to some men, dress/skirt automatically = formal, no matter how casual the fabric and the rest of the outfit.

    2. You’re fine. If you are wearing hose with a skirt, it’s the skirt that’s going to raise questions, not the hose, right? If you are wearing hose with pants, no one is probably going to even notice.

      And if anyone asks you can just respond with being “cleanroom compliant” in case you need to go in.

      1. What about black tights if they go with your skirt? I don’t anyone would consider them too formal as they might ultra-sheer hose?

          1. I am rocking the black tights in LA as we speak! It’s tights weather! At least for a couple of days.

          2. Ah yes, I’ve lived there so I know what you mean. Then, best stay with nude hose, not too sheer.

    3. Never too formal–always complete an outfit. It’s a huge debate–but it’s really a non-debate–wear what you feel comfortable in and be confident that you look great!

  19. I am looking for a document scanner for my soon-to-open solo law practice. Because of the areas that I practice in (I’m a small business attorney), I think it’s going to work out for me to be essentially completely paperless from the get-go. And so, I need a good scanner. I have heard the best reviews of the Fujitsu SnapScan, but I’m a diehard Mac user (I used to work in newspapers, where they were ubiquitous and I cannot see myself switching back) and according to Amazon, the Fujitsu isn’t Mac-compatible. Recommendations for Mac-friendly document scanners that will work well for a paperless solo law office?

    1. For on the go stuff, I like the Genius Scan app!

      No help for desktop, but very helpful for if you’re running around and can’t make a copy.

      1. Is that one of the apps where you take a photo with your phone and it converts it to a PDF? Do they do writeable PDFs, too? Thanks!

    2. Not sure what version you’re looking at, but I’ve definitely used a ScanSnap with a Mac before, so I wouldn’t rule it out. (And it is a really awesome scanner!)

  20. I posted last week about being laid off and having already had a second interview for a new job prior to the layoff notice. Just accepted the new job five minutes ago. No salary bump but a much better company, good boss and five minutes from my house compared to 2.5 hour daily commute in the last job. Not to mention, I no longer have Voldemort as my boss. I’m so excited! Thanks to all for good vibes and good luck to others looking for their next job.

  21. It is interesting that you call the shoes grandma pumps. It’s also interesting how styles recycle. The shoes my grandma wore are now considered stylish in some circles today. What am I talking about? Heeled oxfords. Apparently that style goes back to the 1920s. My grandma didn’t wear them to be stylish. She didn’t give a fig for style. The kind she purchased were well made and long lasting. The supported her feet and didn’t hurt on the very long walks she took.

    1. My elementary school teachers wore those heeled oxfords in the early 60s! Google Enna Jettick (get it?).

      1. It was a huge shoe company at one time. I see some of their old shoes on Etsy, eBay, and vintage clothing sites. I bet they were much better made than what you can get now.

    2. Are these really cool? I totally want a pair but am afraid I’d look like a fuddy dud. I’m a thirty something not a twenty something.

      1. I think it depends on how you style your whole outfit. I’ve seen some pictures of well dressed celebrities who make these clunky, but I think cool shoes, work wonderfully.

  22. DH and I are going to Italy this weekend for 2 weeks – flying in and out of Rome. We have no formal plans besides the first 3 nights booked at a Rome hotel, and we’ll have to return to Rome for one night at least for our departure. We’re good on Rome things to do.

    Any suggestions from the hive for the following places: Amalfi coast, Verona, Venice, Florence? DH and I like food, art, and leisurely walking. We are not big outdoorsy people and don’t fancy the cold (re: choosing Amalfi coast over Cinque Terre). Looking for light suggestions that we might get to. TIA!

    1. Capri can be a day or overnight trip from the Amalfi Coast. The blue grotto is amazing.

      In Florence, eat all of the food! And don’t forget to make reservations for the Uffizi.

      Buon viaggio!

    2. Spend 2 days in Venice. Enjoy the multi-happy-hour evenings, walk until you get lost, then get found, then get lost again.

      Also, I admire your unplanned trip. You may pay more for hotels booked last minute, but it’s sure to be an adventure!

    3. In Venice, take a moonlit gondola ride! Cheesy and touristy but really fun and special. Make sure someone takes a picture of you and DH in the gondola; it’s one of our favorite pics from our trip. In Florence, dinner at La Giostra is a must. You probably already know to go to the Accademia in Florence, for Michelangelo’s David, and it’s nice because it’s mostly focused on David and not too sprawly but has other interesting pieces.

      If you want to do any of the major sites (Duomo, Uffizi, etc.) I recommend getting tickets with a guided tour. This enables you to skip a lot of the lines, and some of the tour guides are really interesting. Some of them are not, but you can also pay for the tour, skip the line, and then go off on your own. It’s worth it to avoid the lines. Have a wonderful time!

    4. In Florence, go to All’antica di Cambi and get the Florentine steak for two. I don’t even like steak, and this was one of the best meals we had in Italy (and it was relatively inexpensive to boot). Also in Florence, check out the Winter Garden restaurant at the St. Regis. It’s pricey but absolutely beautiful and the service is amazing (we ended up making friends with the sommelier, who let us try a bunch of off-menu wines and gave us a list of winery recommendations in Tuscany). Also go to the Westin rooftop bar for a nightcap or an aperitif. In terms of sights, go to Michelangelo plaza – the stairs to get up there are no joke but the views are awesome.

    5. use Expedia or a similar app and just make sure wherever you book, it has free wifi so you can continue to plan your trip from wherever you are. I did 3 weeks in Europe in 2014 – only booked our hotel in London for the first 3 nights of our trip and planned the rest from there. We went to Paris, all over Italy, and Netherlands. I am a type A and can’t believe how chill I was about this, but it ended up working out super well. We got great last minute bookings and used points through the app for the next hotel. I think it was just as cheap, if not cheaper than planning way ahead. We booked all our trains a few days in advance. We also made all museum etc reservations a couple of days before. It was amazing & I highly recommend it. WRT italy – we did 2 nights venice, 2 nights rome, 4 nights cinque terre, and 2 nights florence. When in florence we did a day trip to tuscany.

    6. Thank you, everyone, for the helpful suggestions! We are type A planners, so this will be an adventure!

  23. Surprise, surprise-

    According to a survey released Wednesday by the legal search firm Major, Lindsey & Africa, major American law firms maintain a 44 percent pay gap between female and male partners, one of the largest gaps in any industry.

    Male law partners receive an average $949,000 annual salary, far outpacing female partners’ $659,000 average annual salary.

    According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women working full-time make 83 percent of what men make. But the legal sector, overall, has a much larger gender pay gap in which women make 56.7 percent of what men make.

    https://www.mlaglobal.com/publications/research/compensation-survey-2016

    1. Oh my goodness….

      That is a staggering amount of money.

      Why…? Just…… why?

      1. I’m not sure how they are defining “major law firms” but I worked at top 50 law firm (based on AmLaw) and our average profits per partner were lower than $659k, let alone $949k. So I’m guessing this is maybe based on data from 20 or 30 of the biggest law firms in the world. The average law firm partner does not make that much and definitely the average lawyer does not make anywhere near that much.

      2. Is the surprise the amount of money, or the difference between men and women?

        The pay is so high because it’s based on the profitability of the firm… the difference is unfortunately not surprising to me thanks to the well entrenched Old Boy Network.

    3. I saw this on the Broadsheet this morning, which said the difference is due to who gets credit for the business. The numbers are shocking though and much further apart than what I would have expected.

  24. I had an…interesting summer and fall and will be starting 2017 without my job, apartment, or boyfriend from 2016. Totally clean slate, presumably with new but currently unknown job and apartment. I think I know what city I will live in, but everything else is TBD. If you had the opportunity to start totally over with a clean slate, what would you do? How would you prioritize?

    1. I am facing a similar situation and would LOVE to hear people’s responses. Late 20s lawyer if it helps.

    2. I would start with city, which it sounds like you have. I’ve spend a significant part of my life feeling somewhat trapped in cities I don’t love, mostly because that’s where my job or my parter’s job was. I’d take this as an opportunity to move someplace I want to be for the rest of my life.

    3. At this point, I’d prioritize living near family and friends, in a meighborhood I liked, but a cheap apartment.

      1. I think I am going to do this. Or at least try to find the cheapest apartment I can in the neighborhood I want to live in. I can’t figure out about what furniture to get – what to just get cheap as a good financial choice and what to buy for my new adult rest-of-my-life. How to furnish? How to decorate? What groceries to get? Everything is a blank slate.

        1. Things not to skimp on: Mattress and a couch. For those, I’d pick good long lasting pieces. For the rest I’d probably go second hand and look to either upgrade more slowly as my space and uses of it change.

        2. Thrift stores in major east coast cities are always super picked over, but there is really nice secondhand furniture to be found in suburbs, on CL, and on ebay if you look for it. That’s our compromise between cheap as financial choice and quality for long term– nice stuff, but secondhand.

    4. I would get a fab haircut I always wanted to try! I’ve been in your shoes but I didn’t get the haircut but did get a fabulous purse I always wanted and bought furniture for new home that *I* wanted instead of compromising on something that a man liked, too. Mua ha ha. I also made a point of picking up healthier habits that nurtured me. I started prioritizing healthy sleep, starting cooking at home more and eating better, and started setting and hitting fitness goals – essentially I did things that were all about me because I could and because I thought it was important to be happy before partnering off again and getting lost in work life again. I took community center classes in things I always wanted and did activities by myself that made me happy — even things like watching netflix in a pillow fort or spending a saturday night trying youtube makeup tutorials. Because I wasn’t spending as much going out on weekends and restaurants, I kicked into super-saving mode on financial goals. All in all, it was a really good thing for me in terms of happiness and growth and I hope it is the same for you.

      2. This is late but I want to play too. Some of this is really similar to what others have said but…
        first, + a zillion for hair cut. My personal choice would be a pixie cut. My entire adult life, I’ve wanted a pixie and have been too scared. Even writing this out, I know I’ll never do it, but if I had a free-for-all life change, sign me up.
        Second, I’d get a puppy! I know it makes zero sense in a starting over situation- unnecessary cost/don’t know your time commitments yet with your job… but personally, the way my life has evolved, a dog would be so irresponsible. But if I was restructuring everything, I’d just do it. I know it would make me so happy to have a cute little pet waiting to snuggle with me after a long day at work.
        Third, i’d develop life/health/”me” habits around how they make me happy. Again, my life has kind of evolved into a pattern that works really well for me and husband, including the habit of me waking up early before work to workout. I’m a light sleeper so this works pretty well in the summer and it lets us come home from work and give zero sheets about anyyyyything after we throw dinner together. It’s such a routine that it would really throw us both off our game if i was like “uh hold on, lemme just go bust a@@ for an hour, brb.” However, if i were single, I would definitely use my after work energy in the gym, before pooping out at the end of the day.
        Forth, go to museums and galleries alone. I did this traveling in college and found it really peaceful and cathartic. I don’t find the need for it these days, but I’d start there to find my single zen.

        Can’t wait to hear where you land!

      3. crap i just wrote a long response and it didn’t save… Trying to recreate it…
        – +1 million to a hair cut. i’ve personally been too terrified for a pixie cut and would love an excuse to pull the trigger
        – Buy a puppy. I know if I were in your shoes my knee jerk reaction would be it’s a horrible idea because it’s an unnecessary expense and you don’t know your hours yet for your future job. BUT, i find myself really wanting one these days, especially knowing it would decrease my stress to have a snuggle & playmate when things get tough. However, I built my life around have zero room for this (furniture too nice, long commute to work, long hours). So if i were starting over, I’d buy my furry friend now to help me through the transition and build new life around him.
        – practice healthy habits based on my personal preferences. Currently i make a big effort to work out pre-dawn to keep evenings free for time with my husband. This is great for our relationship because we can focus together on giving zero sheets the second we get home from work about anything but each other and food. Alone though, I’d give that evening time to the gym and reclaim those early morning hours in my bed.

        Good luck, I can’t wait to hear where you land!

        1. I dunno if you are reading these the next day, but one more thing… This will reveal my inner-crazy, but I’d do a low-carb diet for a month or so if I was a true cross roads, living on my own, starting new. I’m a huge believer in healthy lifestyle habits and have put tons of effort to build my life around sane, normal approaches to food, exercise and mindfulness. BUT give me 4-5 weeks of eating just bacon and celery with no one around to judge me… and I would feel pretty darn good in my leggings this winter ;)

    5. When I had a similar moment in life, I bought art and really funky chairs for my new apartment. Like what Nutella said – things that just were really cool to me, and I surrounded myself with that stuff and I looooved it (still do).

    6. Do you have the time/interest/means for some sort of exploratory trip? Hike the PCT, or the Camino de Santiago, go backpacking, cycle across your state? Just spending some time on something you’ve wanted to do and doing it. When I was in that situation, I cycled across Canada and then went to law school.

      Otherwise… what sort of hobbies do you have? What drives you outside of work? If you love cycling, or skiing, or art, maybe there’s a city on your shortlist that has that in spades.

      1. I thought about taking a big trip but genuinely decided I’d rather save the money.

          1. As someone who has done and I’d in favor of major trips, I would say no. It’s best to do them when you have something definite afterwards (e.g., going to law school).

            Doing when you face uncertainty when you get back will infringe on the trip at best, and could be a misuse of money at worst (e.g., if the next job take a long time to materialize).

    7. So…I just did this. I literally asked all the people that know me best what they think I should do (career wise) and what they think I would be good at doing. I listened to all their feedback, tried some new things, did tons of studying on my own, and it all seems to have fallen right into place. I would definitely recommend talking to people who are passionate about their lives and careers because you will make great contacts and learn so much.

    8. I’m in a very similar place in life right now – just moved to a new town where I know one person, started a new job, and split with my SO. 2016 has been… interesting, to say the least. I was working on a very tight budget, but I’ve really enjoyed reinventing myself with the new apartment by blending my existing items with new furniture pieces/art. I don’t have to worry about factoring in someone else’s opinion. I’m working on carving out a routine and prioritizing new hobbies I’ve wanted to explore. I go to local community events/festivals that I otherwise would have never considered. Mostly I’m focusing on nurturing the passions I’ve had and cultivating new interests. I’m embracing saying “yes” instead of “no” to new things. It’s a very exciting time and something that not everyone gets to experience in their life. Enjoy it!

  26. Did you see the speech Michelle Obama gave today at a Hillary Clinton rally? I thought it was very powerful. While I’ve been fortunate enough to not experience any sort of sexual assault, I know many women have. The thought of a man like Trump getting into the White House is incomprehensible to me. That many Republican politicians and voters continue to support is just as incomprehensible. Is there no boundary he can cross that will make his supporters give him up?

    1. It gave me goosebumps. I have been sexually assaulted, and her speech really resonated with me.

      I have many close relatives who will continue to vote for him because they can’t stand Hillary (she’s a liar, corrupt, her husband is Bill). I am dumbfounded by their support for him, because he is not only everything they accuse her of being, but he is so much worse.

      2. I have a hard time accepting that the Republicans couldn’t find someone better. They must have some good people among their ranks. ????

        2. They do. But good people don’t sell the crazy and the base is only interested in buying the crazy.

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