This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This dress has an undeniable Claire Underwood vibe* to it — or it would if it were in navy or white — but I always love Roland Mouret's almost architectural take on sheath dresses. The dress is available in hot pink and yellow for $1,995 at Neiman Marcus; note that it does have an exposed zipper in the back. Happy Monday! Ivy Cap-Sleeve Tucked Asymmetric Dress
Two more affordable options are from Adrianna Papell, available at Amazon (regular and petite).
* I finally saw the final season of House of Cards — what were your thoughts, ladies? It wasn't my favorite, and while I found it mostly forgettable, I thought the plot line where she hid from her job for weeks at a time and acted completely crazy was… annoying. (I'm trying not to give any huge spoilers if you haven't seen it yet!) See our closer look at Claire Underwood's style from a year or two ago.
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
I am currently in a rental and plan on moving out in April 15. I’ve been at my current rental for 8 years, and haven’t signed a lease since May 2012. My landlord is notoriously hands-off. He’s never contacted me since to sign another one. I send him a check once a month and that’s it. If I have any repairs, he either sends someone out, or tells me to take care of it and just deduct from my monthly rent. How much notice do I need to give him? I’ve tried to find my old lease from 2012 to see what it says, but I guess I don’t have it anymore. I’m in Illinois if that matters. Is 30 days enough notice? I guess I’m wondering what my rights are given I haven’t signed a lease since then.
Anonymous
I don’t know legally, but since you’ve both been hands-off until now, and apparently have decent trust, AND you know when you’ve moving, this seems really straightforward. Are you worried that he’s going to react in some way or try to get you to do something or violate your rights in some way?
in my rentals over the past years, it’s always been 30-day notice.
Anonymous
My first reaction was to just tell him now so he has plenty of time to fill it; however, someone asked me what if he found a tenant to move in sooner than what our planned move-out date was. It was something I hadn’t considered and I honestly don’t know him well enough to know how he will react.
mascot
Then he tells that prospective tenant no? Or, he asks you if there is any way you can move sooner? I don’t know how many properties this guy has or how big his marketing reach is, but giving him extra time to find another tenant by giving him a longer notice seems like common courtesy.
Anonymous
Especially in the spring — you can easily find a tenant May/June through September but it is harder to find tenants who want to move in in April.
Anon
Ya but can’t he then turn around and give you a 30-day notice as an at-will tenant so he can get his new renter in? I thought the 30-day notice was a mutual notification period.
30 days is market/standard. I wouldn’t give him any more consideration.
Anon
We rented my mom’s house out for a year after she died and the one year lease had expired by one month (it specifically said we went month to month after the expiration of the lease) when we were ready to sell the house. We gave the tenants 45 days notice and they eventually threatened to take us to court because they wanted 90 days. Nothing under the law gave them 90 but we did find something on the internet that said tenants of over 1 year were entitled to 60. I believe this varies state to state. You should be able to google it. But I agree with the prior poster – given your good relationship, I would just talk to your landlord.
Anon
No idea about your situation, but my rentals have always had notice tied to a certain day of the month, just like rent. Often it was the same day rent was due, sometimes it was a little more or less than a month.
Other information that might be pertinent- my move out date has always been either the first or last day of the month. I don’t know what they would have said if I asked to stop paying on the 22nd, or something.
Anon
I have twice had to give a 60 day notice in NC and VA
The original Scarlett
Most leases convert to month to month after the initial one or two years term. It would be odd to ask you to sign a new one as the original terms typically still apply as to the obligations. You probably have a 30 day notice period. Since you have a decent relationship, even if hands off, I’d just ask for a copy of the lease and/or what the notice period is. I appreciate just knowing my tenants are thinking about moving, and I know nothing is official until they actually give notice.
The original Scarlett
It also doesn’t work like a job that can fire you once you hint you might quit. The notice period is your minimum rental obligation period at the end of the lease. There’s really nothing bad that can happen by giving notice early of your April date, but I’d still get a copy of your actual lease to make sure there aren’t other obligations in there, and I’d give official notice in writing at the prescribed time (usually 30 or 60 days).
LLT
Even if you havent signed a new lease, if your original lease is an automatic annual renewal, you might want to look into that. If it renews each year unless you say so by a certain time, you should make sure you aren’t on the hook for another year. Might not work that way in Illinois but other states it can. Just ask for a copy of the lease if you don’t have it. Additionally, the lease may say that you have to give notice in a specific way (certified mail for example) and/or by the first of the month (of the month before the one you want to leave in). The laws that say how things usually go for landlord/tenant situations might not apply, and a court would likely hold up an actual signed agreement if there is one.
Emma
Per Illinois legal aid you have reverted to a month to month and legally have to give 30 days (unless your lease says otherwise). He could do the same to you- when we were in a similar situation we have 60 days. Our landlords ended up doing some renos, which you’re might as well since you’ve been there a while. A tip- take pics of your entire apt when you leave. We ended up having some issues with them charging us our entire deposite for stuff they shouldn’t have. Before that we had a great relationship and lived there 6 years- my husband and I are both lawyers and the law was 100% on our side but the travel alone to small claims made it not worth fighting.
Emma
https://www.illinoislegalaid.org/legal-information/ending-lease-0
Meant to link :)
A
Lovely dress.
Ellen
Agreed, but $2,000 for an asymettric dress? Frank would never let me live this down. FOOEY on him!
C
My husbands birthday is coming up. I’ve booked us dinner at a nice restaurant and bought theater tickets for us to celebrate the day. I’d like to surprise him by wearing retro lingerie under my dress. Does anyone know of a good place to buy stockings and a garter belt?
anon
I find stockings that go with garters very hard to find. Better to order online. Look for ones that are NOT “stay ups” or “stick ups” because those have elastic/plastic that hug the leg so they stay up, and can be very difficult to get hooked to everything, or pinch your leg in an unattractive manner. I’ve found garters at Victoria secret before and I’ve found stockings at H&M.
Nice adult toy stores have them too. But, those are also very high to find.
Horse Crazy
+1 the sticky ones really don’t work well. They can’t be hooked, and they really don’t stick to your skin, in my experience.
Anon
My best ones are from fredericks of Hollywood and i mean best as in functional. I can wear them to work. They’re not just for looks
anonymouse
you may want to try these two companies: What Katie Did and Pin up Girl Clothing. They carry retro and retro inspired items for many different sizes and their quality should be higher than what you’ll find elsewhere.
Sounds like a great idea and I hope you find something you love!
Amateur Lingerie Addict
Check out The Lingerie Addict blog, she has lots of articles and references for companies at a lot of price points. She started as a hosiery blogger so she knows this area well!
Anon
Check out playful promises, specifically the brand bettie page
Ellen
You should just go to Victoria’s Secret. My ex told me to go there and get stuff, and I had to pay for it. He also did not let me keep it on for long, as he was an animal, but that is another story. Good luck with your big nite out, and make sure he cleans up afterward. FOOEY on men that make a mess then leave it to us to clean up THEIR messes.
Jules
I was just on Amazon to buy decidedly uns*xy FLEECE TIGHTS and got a pop-up for all-in-one garters and lace or fishnet stockings billed as suspender pantyhose. Not quite the vintage separates you had in mind, but they might work. Search for Charmnight Women’s Fishnet Tights
Anon
If you participate in any activities that could be considered elitist (like belonging to a country club or riding horses or sailing), do you censor yourself when talking about it at work? I mentioned planning to go skiing soon over lunch in the breakroom with coworkers (when the topic of weekend plans came up) and one person visibly blanched and muttered something about cost. Setting aside the fact that said coworker spends more on daily lunches out in one week than it costs me to ski on the weekend, should I have been more cautious about mentioning my plans? On the one hand, I don’t want to be silent about the activities I love, and we are in a professional setting where every employee makes a decent living (although we are in a very HCOL area). On the other, I don’t want to be insensitive or elitist because some of my hobbies do indeed have that reputation and there is no doubt they are expensive. I believe that people spend money in different ways (I pack lunch daily to support my hobbies, for example), but it’s all about the perception in the moment.
K
I don’t consider skiing really elitist. It sounds like that person is just rude. Do you.
Anonymous
+1 to not thinking skiing is elitist. I guess that there are skiiers who just do it at their place in Gstaad, but IMO those people probably don’t have jobs.
I’m from NJ and my blue collar town friends skiied with enthusiasm (if not well, or in Moncler, or in fancy places). Vernon Valley / Great Gorge was filled with high school kids brave enough to ski on ice most weekday afternoons in the winter.
I know people who are poor and rural and have horses; it is different for them than people who send their high school kids and their horses to Florida to train in the winter.
TL;DR: lots of stuff maybe used to be elitist, but it is like a different world from my parents were in (or excluded from). To the extent I am in things that were formerly for Some People and not Others, I try to mention and include (e.g., Junior League) to give others a chance to decide for themselves if they want to join and take advantage (or not).
Anonymous
Agree. I’m not from somewhere cold, but I recognize that for those who do live somewhere with snow and mountains, skiing is a thing you can do on the weekend for some reasonable amount. Same thing with horseback riding. Some coworkers and I were discussing the cost the other day and I pointed out that, as with most things in life, there is a very wide range on the amount of money you could spend on it. Coworker from rural county next door to our urban county noted everyone in her county growing up owned a horse, poor or not, because it’s mostly farmland and that’s what you did.
anon
I think this person was either weird or rude. Skiing doesn’t strike me as that outlandish. I probably wouldn’t mention a country club, because the connotation is a bit different IMO, but I think it’s fine to talk about hobbies.
Anonymous
No your coworker is being ridiculous.
Houda
At my current firm, even the junior consultants who are paid close to nothing beyond subsistence go skiing.
As African, it does strike me as exotic having never done it in my youth, but ski is as common as it gets, at least in Europe (same tendency for ski trips when I worked in Germany, Belgium, etc.).
I have acquaintances doing everything from flying Cessnas to golf and honestly none of it has the elitist connotation you’d fear.
cbackson
Ha, I grew up in the American south and only suuuuuuper rich people went skiing. Then I moved someplace that was an hour from ski resorts and it was totally bizarre for me to adjust to skiing just being a normal thing that most people did in the winter.
Anonymous
Yes — “cotillion” in my SEUS city is a manners class that half of my city’s middle schoolers go to; they practice eating with knives and real cutlery and have a dance at the end. It is very democratic and most of my friends with older kids go to the one held at the JCC (even though there is not a sizeable Jewish population here, maybe <5%). At first I thought this was some sort of debutante think (like I've read about ones where you can't join if your parents are divorced).
Anon
I think you are smart to consider that elitism and current financial situation are two separate issues. To use you skiing example- I could afford to now, but couldn’t when I was a kid. Therefore, I never took an interest, even though most of my friends did. To use another example, many of my coworkers (low col area) thought it was crazy spoiled that I take me car to the shop for everything, even though they drive nicer cars than I do.
But I chose those examples because there are quick comments that put things into a different context: I work with a lot of people from AK, and no one assumes they ski as a class marker, we assume they ski to escape moose. And my coworkers finally let up on me about car repairs when I explained that my dad wasn’t around to teach me!
TLDR: always consider context, if you can show even more ofnthe whole picture of your authentic self, it might help people see past their own judgements and insecurities.
Houda
I cannot unsee people being chased by moose…
Anonymous
I’ve always had trouble remembering which state is AK and which is AR, and I was trying to figure out why people in Arkansas were skiing to get away from moose.
Arkie
I’m in Arkansas and can promise that we’re only skiing if it’s on the lake, and the closest thing to moose are the giant deer that bound into the highway each fall. I always giggle when I get mail that abbreviates the state with AK… I’m like, if they only knew!
Anon
I live in the Northeast and my SIL lives in the South. I told her we would take her tubing when she was here. For us, that means going to a ski resort and sledding down the hills in tubes. There is even a lift to drag you back up. She thought tubing meant river tubing. Right before the trip she called asking what to wear on the tubing trip, noting that she didn’t have a dry suit. Took us a few minutes to figure out the disconnect. It was really funny. In her defense, I do live near a nice long windy river but we definitely don’t go floating in the winter!
Anonymous
Not with my colleagues, but with some of my clients. On the other hand, I will mention some stuff, but make it seem less glamorous than it was (e.g., went to the football game, but don’t mention the box seats).
Anon
I don’t really see how skiing is different than going to the beach for a weekend but I guess I live in an area that offers both relatively close. We weren’t rich growing up by any means but we did both on occasion. Shrug.
Equestrian Attorney
As someone who both rides and sails, I’m very aware of this. (I also ski on occasion, but I’m in an area where skiing is super normal so less of a concern). I grew up in a place where both of these things were considered less elistist than they are where I am now (I grew up upper middle class but not super rich, and the sailing camp where I went and later taught had a program for kids in foster care so it never seemed that elitist to me). I don’t mention both on resumes, for example, and I usually wait until I know people a little better before talking about it. Sometimes it comes up in the context you mention – like a lunch with a group of colleagues – and I try not to make it a big deal. If someone explicitly mentions cost, I will usually acknowledge that it’s costly, but then smile and add that I got a great deal on my current half-lease on a horse (which is true) and that the local community sailing club is surprisingly affordable.
Anon
I feel like I’ve been living under a rock by this whole thread because I never considered any of these hobbies mentioned to be “elitist.” Do the people participating in the hobbies generally want to be perceived that way? Or is that “outsiders” have come up with that label? I’m honestly curious!
anon
It’s totally regional and has everything to do with how easy it is to access the activity. If you live somewhere coastal, having a boat and knowing how to sail are not super far outside the norm. If you live somewhere where it regularly snows, knowing how to ski is normal and not elite. If you live somewhere rural, having a horse is like that.
I grew up in the rural south where people who lived in small houses or even trailers had horses. Because horses are cheap when you don’t have to have them live at some kind of fancy barn. Getting a horse was comparable to getting a dog.
But skiing was incredibly elite. If you live in the south, you have to travel multiple states away to ski. You have to take lessons, you have to stay somewhere expensive, you have to pay to fly there, etc. Same with sailing. One of my kid’s friend’s dad is a sailing coach and it seems incredibly glamorous and wealthy to me because I never lived somewhere that had access to this sort of thing.
Equestrian Attorney
I can’t speak for everyone else, but I personally have never wanted my hobbies to be perceived as elitist. I started riding when I was four because I was really shy and my pre-k teacher thought it would help with my self-confidence (it did! so much that I never stopped). I started sailing because my father loves the ocean and taught himself to sail by volunteering to crew on yachts – my family doesn’t come from big money and we haven’t been sailing for generations or anything.
I think riding, sailing and skiing (and probably other hobbies too – golf?) are associated with a certain type of “old money” elitism. My experience with all of these sports were that they were practiced by people of widely different backgrounds but still, there is no denying the barrier to entry is higher than certain other sports because well, they cost money and are unlikely to be funded by schools. This is also area specific – you are more likely to ski if you live in Vermont, or more likely to ride in say Wyoming.
Anon
OP here and in addition what I’ve read and heard about how people perceive these activities, I tend to accept that my participation in a totally optional hobby that costs thousands of dollars is at least somewhat elitist. You could argue that someone who spends a lot of money on football tickets each year isn’t any different (and tbh I think it’s true to some extent), but skiing has long had a reputation as a rich, white sport. A one-day lift ticket to Vail (where I have never skied) is about $200.
Anonymous
Always surprises me when people think $200 for a lift ticket is pricey but they have no problem paying that or more for concert tickets or sportsball tickets. To each their own I guess.
Anonymous
In the NEUS, a lot of people can drive to a ski place within an hour and on a Monday night, you can ski for cheap. You can buy used skiis and equipment at garage sales or play-it-again-sports (or rent on a Monday night; also cheap). I’ve never spent thousands of dollars skiing. [I am shocked at how much it takes to go to a movie at 4pm in my city with my kids and their friends; skiing was something you could do on on a very casual level when I grew up in modest circumstances an hour outside of NYC. Most people I knew did it at least a couple times a winter.]
Going to Europe to ski — probably a very different world but I wouldn’t know :)
Anon
I live in West Virginia which is pretty much the opposite of elitist, and skiing is a very common hobby/sport because there are in-state resorts (Snowshoe, Winterplace) with affordable lift costs – much less than sporting event or concert tickets. Like others said above, it is all about what is geographically convenient. Not everyone who loves to ski is traveling to Vail from across the country.
Miss
This really depends on where you live. I buy a season pass for less than $300. I’ve lived most of my life in the mountain west and skiing/snowboarding is considered a normal activity. It’s a fairly accessible sport in my region. We have a ski swap where you can get used gear for a great price, the local resort is fantastic and only 30 minutes away, and you can get coupons off day passes or get a cheap night pass. I’m sure it isn’t in the budget for everybody, but it isn’t considered an elite sport here.
Anonymous
To me the idea of a “sailing camp” is incredibly elite. Who on earth has the money to go to a sailing camp and who lives in the kind of world where you send your kids to sailing camp? But then I grew up in the Great Plains. Having a horse was no big deal, but the horse riding I hear people talk of here sounds incredibly elite to me (where you have a horse that’s stabled, and you lease it, and you have all the gear and you train your horse and you take lessons).
And skiing was semi-normal, because we lived within a (very long) drive of Colorado ski areas, so I knew people who went. It was still far more expensive to do than my family could ever afford and the people I knew whose casually went skiing over spring break were, yes, elite in my mind.
So yes, sailing, horses, golf, and skiing sounds like elite hobbies to me, still. I’ll throw tennis in there, too.
Anonymous
Our Y has a day/overnight camp on a lake. You can learn to canoe and kayak and stand-up paddleboard. A different Y has a camp (it is where there are more breezes) where sailing is one of the water activities, but it is not a sailing camp. But it is still a Y (sliding scale fees, etc.).
I guess everything is as elite as you want to make it. E.g., tennis: a friend, 2 rackets, and a can of balls is not very expensive. We have public courts a block from my house, which is typical for my city (no lights except at larger county-wide parks). But you could also play in fancy clothes at a country club that cost 100K to join. Being good enough to be a ranked player may skew rich, but being a participant who enjoys it is for anyone (ditto golf — in the SEUS, I am amazed at how random people will golf or go to a driving range; in my NEUS blue collar upbringing, golf was only for rich people b/c we didn’t have public courses and country clubs were in other towns and $$$).
anon
Hmm, do we live in the same place? :)
Anonymous
I agree.
Pompom
Same with the others, here. Context and communication make X elite, not the very existence thereof.
Grew up in coastal NEUS.
My junior high and hs–both public–had league sailing teams and intramurals. On the ocean, in the town (ie no travel). People from all walks did those activities. The Y camp was the same: sailing on ocean/in the bay.
We had a funny little skiing venue in town that was a great place to learn to ski, and many people would just go there after school in the winter. It was a glorified hill, but it was fun and cheap. My family didn’t ski, but I was brought along to some after school lessons a dad’s friend gave us.
Many people of all walks belonged to a beach/summer “club” of some kind, whether it was super fancy or more casual. I happened to belong to the very fancy beach club, though I always joked we were the least fancy people there.
A lot of people rode horses but only a few owned them.
I think the context and how it is communicated really matter, as has been pointed out.
Emma
I grew up in ca and horse back riding, sailing, surfing and snowboarding camp were all offered at the local y at very reasonable prices and often for free for those who qualified. I think west coasters view these activists everyday and on the east coast it’s more of an elite thing (or at least based on people’s responses when I say I grew up doing these things). My parents are at the very top of middle class/lower upper class (aka well educated gov employees).
Not a Snow Bunny
I live in an area where there are several ski resorts within about an hour’s drive and where horse ownership just within a 5-mile radius of my home is very common, so I wouldn’t consider either one elitist. In fact, many of the junior and high schools here have ski clubs, my friend’s company has a ski club, and if you’re a fan of winter weather here (I am most definitely NOT,) you are often at “the Springs” on the weekend. Skiing is relatively cheap – it’s the other things that come along with it, the accommodations and amenities the resort offers that get pricey if you’re staying at the resort.
Skiing isn’t completely foreign in the south. There is a ski resort on the mountain in Mentone, Alabama – Cloudmont, I think the name is. I admit, I was pretty surprised when I learned that many years ago. I don’t think it’s a huge resort with a lot of the offerings like the resorts we have up here in southwestern PA, but there is a resort there.
Anonymous
I don’t think it’s elitist until you assume that everyone can and everyone should, which it doesn’t sound like you did.
Anonymous
I think you hit the nail on the head. I see this with travel a lot. There’s a difference between telling people, I’m going to Iceland this year hooray! vs. Omg you’ve NEVER been out of the country how does that even happen??? You MUST go to this notoriously expensive place, everyone is going, I can’t believe you haven’t been yet!
Anon
OMG this is one of my biggest peeves. Especially when the person saying it went as a study abroad trip paid for by their parents.
Anon
I’m in the Bay Area and have always heard people say they’re going “up to the snow” this weekend rather than specifically mentioning skiing. I guess that wouldn’t work in a place where there’s snow on the ground where you work, but it works here.
anon
Ha! That’s either an adorable whimsical turn of phrase or it’s the equivalent of “I went to school in Cambridge”.
Anon
Huh. “Up to the snow” sounds way more snobby to me than just saying you’re going skiing. Every adult in America knows what skiing means. “Up to the snow” sounds like some kind of insider skiing jargon, that plebes who don’t ski wouldn’t know. Also a bit like saying you went to school in Cambridge instead of just saying Harvard, like you’re being deliberately vague so as not to be snobby ends up sounding snobbier.
anonshmanon
to me, it actually sounds more casual. Like, we’re not serious ski-ers, we’ll just have some fun in the snow for the weekend.
Anonymous
I grew up in California, and to me “going to the snow” means “driving up into the mountains and pulling off the side of the road to build a snowman and go sledding.”
Anon
Well, that’s true for me (i posted the up to the snow comment) we don’t ski so we used to go to the Valero gas station at the Cisco exit on 80, but they closed the sledding hill with a chain link fence, so now we go to the Donner Pass rest stop to play in the snow. So, to recap for the person who said the expression was snobby, I use the expression for visiting 1) a gas station or 2) a rest stop.
But I do hear it all the time from people who ski or board.
SMC-SD
“Up to the snow” is a patented California phrase that probably sounds really bizarre to people who live elsewhere but I promise that people say it here all the time, including people (like me) who do not ski. It is a feature of our geography that people mostly live (relatively) near the coast (where it does not snow) and go (up) to the mountains for snow. This can be to ski, snowboard, sled, or just let the kids make snowballs.
We go “up to the snow” and “down to the beach”.
Emma
Co-sign as a Californian who cannot fathom why this would be a weird thing to say- also we have a higher population of snowboarders than skiers, so I think it encompasses all the snow activities in a mixed activity group. Plus tahoe and big bear!
Rainbow Hair
Similarly (also SoCal) we usually just say “go to the snow” because it never snows where we live (maybe once in the past 40 years?) but it snows all the time a ~60 minute drive *up* the mountains from us. I wouldn’t go to the snow to go skiing, but am pumped to take Kiddo to the snow soon.
The original Scarlett
Yep, up because it’s North for a lot of us. I know it just snows in most places, but it still startles me that most people don’t “go to the snow,” it’s just winter.
Anonymama
Totally… sort of a catch-all term, maybe just sledding and throwing snowballs, maybe skiing or snowboarding. It also makes sense when you have kids or are in a group where not everyone is skiing, but you’re all going up to the snow.
Anonymous
I censor myself. I work as an in house lawyer for a blue collar company. My employees have not gone to college or travelled outside of the country. We are in the south, and skiing would definitely be considered “fancy”. There is a class divide that is apparent in my company and I try to be sensitive to it. I wouldn’t completely not talk about it, but I think I’d be selective in who I talk to about it and under what circumstances.
Anon
+1. In the last couple of years, I’ve vacationed in Italy, Croatia, New Zealand, St.Lucia, Turks and Caicos, and Hawaii. I’m in higher ed (staff not faculty) and none of my colleagues travel like this for pleasure. I don’t lie, but I don’t volunteer info about where I’m going unless I’m directly asked. I often say “I’m taking next week off for a family vacation” without mentioning that the vacation is to somewhere that most people I work with consider fancy/exotic.
Pompom
I’m in the same boat re: travel and work situ (higher ed staff), so I try to keep it on the DL until I figure out if it is/is not the culture of my office, school, or certain people.
There have been places where it was openly talked about because it was the culture of those specific people (ie, my DC school, it was very normal among us all), versus my last school (different location, much different school) me reading like a complete princess if I mentioned the idea of spending a holiday at an all-inclusive in the islands…cue the looks about not just money/fanciness, but also “why wouldn’t you want to spend your holiday with your faaaammmmillllllyyyyy?!” (well, former employer, your vacation policy is so limited, antiquated, and crappy that I can’t spend meaningful time with my family of origin, because I’d need to travel further anyway, and my DH *is* my “faammmmillllyyyy”)
Sorry, nerve touched…ha!
Anon
This person is plain rude or at the very least is extremely careless in their comments. That said, I’m a country club member and I tone it down a bit depending on who I’m talking to – I’ll say “at my golf course”, or if asked what I’m up to that night, I’ll say, ‘I’m going to hit a few balls’ instead of ‘I’ll be at the country club’. If someone asked me directly where I golf or about my membership, I certainly would tell them, but I don’t need to flash it around.
In context, my yearly spend is probably on par with other people who have regular hobbies and occasionally do competitive events. My club is nice but not fancy, we don’t have a pool or tennis courts, our community is completely golf-focused. I do pay for the convenience of being able to roll in anytime I want and be on the course in 5 minutes, but it’s worth it for me, I would play far less if I had try to get out on public courses and schlep all my stuff around. If I wasn’t playing golf nearly every day, it’s not like I would be spending $0 – I would have some other hobby, might be boredom shopping, would be doing happy hour and dinner out far more often.
Anonymous
So I am from Philadelphia where I see skiing as pretty normal hobby akin with golf, sailing is fancy or you live by the water, and riding horses can be either utilitarian/fancy depending. I would not try to make hobbies or activities seem less costly because its no ones business.
Anon
I don’t think skiing is that big of a deal. Sure there are costs associated with it, but there are a lot of activities like that. I know someone who is firmly middle class that likes to go scuba diving in the Pacific reefs. Travel costs is high for something like that before you even hit the water. But it’s his money and his priorities.
anon
I posted above, the comment about context (and moose), but I’m going to somewhat reverse myself. Not so much in response to OP specifically, but the general tone of this thread–I think there is an assumption coming through that because middle-class people in certain circumstances could afford a hobby, it isn’t elitist. That’s probably true, and I don’t argue with any of the specifics you ladies say above.
But, my experience is, I was excluded from all of those activities because I was poor, even though they were geographically accessible. I was around horses, I know how to catch and handle them, but they weren’t mine. You can’t keep one in your back yard when you don’t have property–hard enough to find a rental that will allow dogs! There were sailing clubs within walking distance of my house, and the community even supported some low cost lessons :), but there were literally only a few seats available in the boats, and you can’t really learn enough to sail safely of independently in a week or two of classes.
So yeah, I love where I grew up. But mostly, I learned to walk. I like walking. When I take visitors back, we go for long walks on the beach, and on the country lanes, and pet the horses when they come up to the fence. I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk about your hobbies. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t fool yourself that they are accessible to “everyone”.
Anonymous
+1 to this. Even if you have a local ski hill nearby, lift tickets and rentals and lessons still cost actual money. If you can’t afford to go to the movies, you certainly can’t afford to go skiing. I did get to go to Girl Scout horseback riding camp once on scholarship, but a weeklong camp is not exactly enough to develop any real skill.
Anonymama
Yeah, I think there is also a distinction between “elite” and “middle class”, and I think you’re right to point outthat even many activities that are fairly common to the middle class could come across as totally foreign to people who are actually poor (or who grew up poor).
Anon
I grew up in an upper middle class community in the SEUS, and while we were not poor, we did not have as much money as a lot of the kids I went to school with. I did not go skiing growing up. Most of the kids that I grew up with did, and I had absolutely no idea how much money they spent doing it until I was older. (Like, even my church had a yearly ski trip.) So, I did not really think it was elitist when they talked about going skiing just because everyone was doing it. There is, though, a big difference between telling people you’re going “skiing” vs. saying your brand name resort town, e.g. Aspen, Breckenridge, etc. That’s what would bother me. It would be the same as telling people a brand name beach town like Seaside instead of just saying you’re going to the beach.
anon
I’m of the mindset that you can spend as much as you want to on anything. My dad grew up skiing because he lived in the northeast and day trips were easy. It wasn’t fancy, but he did it a lot. Now people in my circles don’t say I’m going skiing,” it’s “I’ll be in Whistler for New Year’s Eve.” SEUS. This kinda talk generally garners an eye roll from me. People who feel skiing is ‘elite’ usually imagine that skiing = flight across the country, week long stay at expensive lodge, expensive gear, and you must have done it a lot to be any good at it and enjoy it at all (otherwise you’re just spending a ton of money to fall down in the snow over and over). Which is not necessarily unwarranted, it’s just not everyone’s experience of skiing.
Mary
I think this is really driven by the income and ethos of your job. Are you an gaurdian ad litem for children in the foster care with an incredibly demanding and important job, that make like $40k a year in my city? Are you a senior manager at an accounting firm where salaries are considerably more?
I think as some people said too – skiing is not intrinsically snobby, but there is a world of difference between taking a bus with your local boy scout group where everyone packs a lunch to go to the area ski resort for the day and going to Killington for a week.
anon
I’m an avid sailor and I censor a few things about it. I work very hard to avoid saying the words “yacht club” and I don’t mention that I went to sailing camp when I was young, but that’s fairly easy to avoid mentioning since it happened ~15 years ago. I am upfront about the extent that my family and I sail/race, the cool places it has brought me (which yes, includes every preppy island and coastal town from Maine to New York), the international regattas won. I also ski, but that’s pretty normal in my city. Other common hobbies in my crowd that I don’t take part in: fancy restaurants and routine international travel – both of which I consider far more elitist than sailing. So, enh.
Is it Friday yet?
I don’t hide my expensive hobbies (own two horses, ski regularly, including out of the country, scuba dive on occasion), but I also don’t go out of my way to talk about them at work. I find it pretty gauche when people make a big deal about it being expensive – that’s far more awkward then my mentioning going to a riding event when someone asks what I did over the weekend. I think your coworker was the one out of line to comment about your activities. If skiing is too rich for his blood, he can just not go and keep it to himself.
It really ticks me off in the dating context, though – I self fund the majority of these activities (save for the occasional very nice family vacation), but guys tend to assume my parents pay for everything, despite knowing what I do and where I work. No one ever assumes that a dude’s parents are paying for their life. I chose my career path precisely because I have expensive hobbies, ya presumptuous jerk.
Anonymous
Yes to the dating problems! I don’t ski or sail (too much transportation to either in Los Angeles, although plenty of people do both), but I attend personal training regularly and rock climb semi frequently, as well as do some taekwondo. The number of presumptious people that judge you by your hobbies before you open your mouth is…astounding. I try to downplay each hobby’s presumed cost or image and just talk about how much fun they are, and I do self fund them but often the judgments are made already.
Anonymama
Ithink that’s reinforcing the point though, that the people who are being “gauche” grewup in less affluent circumstances and by referring to them as gauche you sound just a bit elitist. I grew up poor and skiing and sailing, so I know those don’t have to be elitist hobbies, but it wouldn’t hurt to be self aware of how it may come across to other people.
Is it Friday yet?
Eh, they’re not gauche for having grown up in less affluent circumstances, and I’m perfectly self aware of how I discuss my hobbies (short, to the point, when asked about them). I just dislike it when people put me in the uncomfortable position of feeling like I have to justify how I spend my time and my money, and I politely shut it down when it happens. This is a minority of people, from various backgrounds, so I’m not making a sweeping judgment here.
Anonymama
But I think there are a lot of sort of unspoken rules or understandings on what is polite to talk about or avoid that are strongly linked to socio-economic class. Like, talking about money or how much things cost is very much totally normal for some people, and not at all “gauche”. Obviously it’s rude for them to try to make you feel bad about it, but I guess I’m assuming that someone was just genuinely surprised by an assumed peer doing something they thought was out of their realm, more of an awkwardness misstep rather than an intended insult.
Nycgrl
I don’t consider most of these to be elitist hobbies, but I also have lived the last ten years in a college city in the Southwest with a ski resort 10 minutes away, where you’re more likely to be looked at funny if you said you DON’T ski. Outside of the city is very rural and many people in the suburbs and outside own and ride horses, and many from the city take lessons. It’s not considered elitist. If you said you had a hobby of sailing, given the nearest water is a lake 3 1/2 hours away and any significant water is a 7+ hour drive, I might be confused, but I still wouldn’t consider it elitist. Most people I know talk freely about their hobbies at work and aren’t judged for it, as far as I know. For reference I work in a finance department for higher ed and am early 20’s. The location and context of where you live really does make a difference, it seems.
Anon
I’m going to be moving to Nashville soon, and was hoping to get some recs for neighborhoods. My job will be near Centennial Park. Any recommendations on where, or where not, to live, And where prices are not too high for rentals? I’m ok with a 20min drive or so to work and will be living by myself, so want to be in a safe neighborhood.
Anonymous
Everywhere in Nashville is pricey now. And a 20 minute drive for you is not going to be as far distance-wise as you might think (esp. given the area around Centennial Park – it might take you 20 minutes to go less than 2 miles). I would probably suggest you look in the Vandy area for your first place, though it may be more expensive that you want. If you want a house, it used to be that you could get a place in Sylvan Park pretty cheap (I lived there in 2006-2007 and paid $1100 for a 3 bedroom), but it’s gotten pretty steep. The Nations and Sylvan Heights are a little cheaper than SP, but still really hot. I can’t shake the Nations being a really dangerous area, though it’s really gentrified in the last 5 years. Hillsboro Village has lots of cute spots and condos, but again, it’ll be pricey.
Anon
I live in the Nations! I have no issues living there, but I know that some people still do. My coworker moved when she had kids bc she wanted “somewhere safe to walk her babies” even though there are so many people with kids walking them all the time. I’m the poster below and did not include the Nations or Sylvan Park bc most of the rentals in those areas are normally multi-bedroom houses, which are probably going to be too expensive for you to rent by yourself (houses on my street rent for between $2000 and $3000 for three bedrooms) and will be hard to get into when you’re moving from out of town.
Anon
This is hard to answer without knowing your income and where you are moving from. Nashville rent prices in downtown are still cheaper than HCOL cities but much more expensive than most other cities in the SEUS. A lot of people move into an apartment in the Gulch, Germantown, or on Hillboro Pike between 440 and Belle Meade when they first move here. (Higher end). I would say the budget option of that would be living in Nipper’s Corner, Cool Springs, or Bellevue, which are further out. There are other options that are closer in/cheaper that I would feel fine living in, but without knowing more about you, would not tell you to live in without going to first.
Also, there is not really a “20 min drive” option in Nash btw. I live 10-12 min (3.5 miles) from Downtown with no traffic in a mostly gentrified area. It consistently takes me 25-30 min to get to work when I go, which is at peak time. Most of the suburbs that are about a 20 min drive from downtown take about 45 min during rush hour.
Anonymous
I posted above, but of those three places listed that are further out but more “budget” options, I would probably look to Bellevue. Nippers Corner is way to inconvenient to Centennial Park/West End to be worth it and Cool Springs is really pricey now.
Jane
I recently moved from a warm country to the cold North East US. What are your favorite cold weather hacks? Even if they seem obvious to you please note they may not to be me. For example, it just occurred to me yesterday just how much cold draft comes in through windows. Just recently learnt about humidifiers too! So yeah, pretty low level basic awareness here.
Anon
If you can’t fix the structural problems with the insulation and windows (rental, cashflow, whatever), a thick wool blanket hung on the wall will help surprisingly.
Anonymous
Quilts are also great for this.
MNF
We use this plastic that sticks to the sides of the windows and then you blow dry it to make a seal. The inside of your windows are basically plastic wrapped like food, but it stops drafts well without blocking light.
Anon
Layers. And I hate the cold so I make sure to have the appropriate coat and footwear for every type of weather. Giant parka and tall snow boots for the worst days, shorter and lighter snow boots for milder days, various coats of different warmths and waterproofness, etc. You really experience every type of weather from super hot to super cold in this part of the world, so my tip is to be prepared.
Mpls
And the reason layers work, is that you have warm air trapped between the layers of clothing, which help you stay warm. So, all the layers should not be skin tight, because that means you have no air layer between them. And the one closest to your skin should not be cotton. Cotton will not keep you warm if it wet/damp (but wool will!).
Anon
When the forecast calls for snow, lift your windshield wipers off your car’s windshield. This prevents them from being iced on.
If there is a danger of pipes freezing overnight, leave a slow and steady drip (both hot and cold water). The movement of water prevents freezing.
Space heaters have come a long way in terms of safety. Get a ceramic heater with auto shut-off and a function to shut off if tipped over.
Yes, humidifiers.
Also consider not using your dryer during the winter. It was always so dry that I would hang my clothes up to dry, and they would be dry by morning.
Lots of chapstick and hand lotion!
Belle Boyd
Another benefit (or two) to hanging your clothes up to dry is that as they dry, they add moisture to the air. You can help this along if your house seems really dry by hanging up a damp towel to dry — do this along with your humidifier — or just by setting a small dish of water out to evaporate. I get frequent nosebleeds in the winter due to the cold and dry air so I do this all the time. Plus, letting your clothes air dry reduces the static electricity that the dryer would create — and it’s gentler on your clothes. If you hang your clothes nicely on hangers, you don’t even need to iron them! Benefits all around!
Invest in Static Guard. That stuff is awesome.
Be prepared to up your use of hair conditioner. If your hair is already dry, it’s only going to get drier in the winter. Also, Aveeno makes a body wash that is a lifesaver for dry, itchy winter skin.
I have an amazing collection of flannel jammie pants and fuzzy socks. I live in them all winter long. There’s something so comforting about going home from work and changing from work clothes into flannel pants and warm socks.
Accessorizing with scarves isn’t just a fashion thing in the winter — especially if your office is cold.
I keep a spare pair of boots and socks in my car. You just never know when the weather is going to turn to s h ! t around here or if you’ll get to work and they didn’t plow/salt the parking lot and you don’t want to be crossing that tundra in dress shoes. Also, you’ll have them if, God forbid, you get stuck and have to walk. I have gloves and lip balm in the pocket of every winter coat and lip balm everywhere in my house and on my desk. If your car doesn’t have keyless entry, get a tube of lock deicer. You may not ever need it, but the day you do, you will thank me.
Always, always, ALWAYS keep a spare jug of windshield washer solvent in your car. Always. Trust me on this one. Keep it with your snow brush. My dad found a telescoping snowbrush for me for SUV’s. Yep, they make those. Unfortunately, I’m still too short to reach the top of my Tucson with it!
And best advice I can give, even if it feels like it will never end, I promise, winter does have an end to it and it doesn’t snow and stay cold forever. It just FEELS like it does!!!
Kh
Dear God! Where do you live???
Signed, Florida and Texas
lsw
Echoing those above. I keep chapstick in my purse, in a drawer in the living room, and in my nightstand. I keep Kiehl’s hand salve in those three places as well.
When you close your windows at the end of the summer, make sure you’re actually latching them. I usually go through the house and check on an early cold day. It makes a big difference in draft, and it’s easy to not realize they aren’t latched upstairs because we just closed them on a cool night or whatever.
When I started a walking commute in my cold city I got some long underwear I could wear under pants and blouses and wow, that made a huge difference. I often wear it under my lounge clothes, too.
I have Raynaud’s and Smartwool socks + handwarmers changed my life. I commute in waterproof shoes (Blondo or actual boots then change when I get to work).
To save $$, put your thermostat on a timer so it goes low during the day. We never have it go below 60 for pipe freezing purposes.
Personally, I absolutely love the winter. This morning I walked to work with bright sun, blue sky, and pure snow on the ground. 24 degrees F and it was a great, brisk walk. Hope you learn to love it to! Dressing warm and dry so you aren’t miserable is #1. Ha.
anne-on
Wool socks, scarves of various weights/lengths/ski gloves, and hats will all be necessary for day to day errand running in the dead of winter. Baselayers (long underwear – silk or synthetic) and ski or windproof pants are necessary if you are outside for any long period of time (snow sports, watching an outdoor sporting event, etc.). Thick slippers are your friend. Learn how to walk on ice (penguin walk, keep weight in the front on your foot) and what boots are best for it (NOT uggs unless you yak trax them). Snow tires are a necessity if there is a lot of snow/ice near you and you NEED to drive. Snowblowers and/or plow services are a necessity unless you have a REALLY small patch of sidewalk/driveway. The really bad snow/cold only tends to last about 3 months, which isn’t awful I guess? And you learn to cherish the summer ;)
Anonymous
I’m Canadian but just discovered fleece lined tights over Christmas. I have no idea why I was wearing regular black tights with my dresses in the winter when I could have been wearing fleece lined ones – so much warmer!
Anon
FLEECE TIGHTS
Never heard of such a thing
The original Scarlett
This might be totally obvious to everyone but it was revolutionary to me. I have never been able to get boots on with socks comfortably- the socks always pull my toes up, so I’ve avoided wearing them. I live in a mild climate so I’ve gotten away with it. I just discovered using a long shoe horn makes it easy and fixes that scrunched toe issue. Since you probably have to wear boots in the cold, passing it on.
ANP
– Long underwear (the thin silk or synthetic kind) makes a huge difference!
– Invest in good outerwear — this seems obvious, but all outerwear is not created equal. Especially winter boots.
– If you’re driving make sure to have a snow scraper in your car at all times.
cat socks
If you have a car, consider getting remote start. I use it all the time at home and work.
Anon
+remote start to begin thawing your windshield before you get in the car and +1 snow tires. Also mentioning having an ice scraper to de-ice your windshield because a guy I went to law school with who was originally from Miami had no idea what this was or that he needed it until his car was covered in a frozen glaze. Also, if doors/windshield freeze, do not pour hot water on them (will crack). This was obvious to me growing up in New England, but not to him. They make a de-icing spray you can use for these issues.
Anonymous
Check your state and local laws first. Idling is illegal in some stares, or limited to a few minutes in others.
Anonymous
I don’t think anyone’s going to give you a ticket for warming up your car when there’s snow/ice on the ground.
anon
Um, yes. Some places take exhaust pollution seriously.
Same with salt- check whether your location requires sand instead.
BB
Never turn off your heat. If you’re leaving for a vacation, turn it down to at least 60 degrees. Otherwise your pipes will freeze. (I did this to my first Boston apartment when I left for Christmas and had a panicked call from my building supervisor a week later after I flooded my neighbor downstairs.)
anon
Around the house, I am personally a fan of lightweight but warm layers: think 1/4 fleeces with a long-sleeve tee underneath. I stay cozy, but my movement isn’t restricted.
If your feet are cold, the rest of you will be, too. Smartwool socks are fantastic. This should be obvious, but wear shoes that cover the whole foot! (For the life of me, I will never understand how people traipse around in ballet flats during the winter.)
Buy a coat that covers your butt and hips. It makes such a difference in how warm you’ll feel outdoors.
Enjoy the fun of owning a big collection of knitted hats. ;)
For the outdoors:
Check the seals on your doors and windows, especially if they seem drafty.
Do not use the hydrants located on the exterior of your house, or you’ll have frozen pipes!
Keep a bucket of salt handy for sprinkling on icy sidewalks.
Keep an ice scraper in the car.
Keep backup gloves/hat in the car. You never know.
This is going to make me sound like my dad, but keep your gas tank half-full in case you get stranded! (This is a moot point if you live in a city, but was very relevant in the more rural area I grew up in.)
love winter
Walking around:
– Dry your hair, or if it’s wet, get it tucked up in a tight bun that is fully covered by a hat
– Buy some of those little hand/foot warmer packs for days that you’re going to be out and about, most people use them just for skiing, but I’ll use them if I’m watching a game in a community hockey rink or will be walking around outside for 2-3 hours or more just running errands
– fuzzy socks and blankets keep me warm and cozy inside even when I feel like I can’t shake the cold feeling
Cars:
– Keep kitty litter in the trunk – if you get stuck on a patch of ice, scatter it in front and behind your tires to get traction
– Keep a small shovel in your trunk
– If the inside of your windshield fogs up during a wet heavy snow, turn on the AC (still leaving the temperature on hot). The front windshield defrost button also has some AC associated with it, so that will help too.
– Make sure you have a full tank of windshield wiper fluid at the beginning of the season
Anon
I’d recommend putting plastic on your windows, or at least those that are the worst offenders for draftiness. Kits are available at your local hardware store with the tape to secure it and plastic, with instructions.
Anonymous
Re: structural issues you can’t fix, when I lived in a crappy college apartment with paper thin walls and drafty windows that would let in cold winter air, I found one of those plastic window insulator kits helped. It’s basically like covering your windows with saran wrap.
Mary
My wife grew up in a warm country and we now live in a very cold part of the US, so we are still on this learning curve with her.
A big thing is wearing camisols under everything that you tuck in. In general tucking in your bottom layer makes everything much cozier.
A related note is making sure that all the blankets for your bed are heavy enough and tucked in around you at night. It’s not good to sleep in a hot room, so you want to turn your heat down at night from what you keep it at during the day and pile on the blankets. You can also get affordable heated mattress pads which i loved when living alone when it would take me so long to get warm at night.
Also good quality socks with reasonably thick soled shoes so the cold doesn’t seep up from the ground when you are outside.
Something that was not intuitive to me was that a wool skirt+ thick tights + knee high boots are warmer on a bitter cold day than just pants, socks, and shoes. Tall boots are not trendy right now but they are key for those really bitter cold days. I recently saw a great pair of fryes online for less than $100 which I think would be worth it even if you only wore them ten times a winter for the next couple of years.
Invest in good cozy lounge clothes for at home, including a good pair of slippers. I love the ugg slippers. You can frequently get odd colors for a really good deal online.
Never too many shoes...
To the above, Costco always has Ugg-esque shearling boots and slippers for really cheap and they are warm as hell.
Trixie
Welcome! Long time New Englander here! Enjoy the beauty of the low sunlight, brisk air, blue skiies–it makes the other seasons come into true relief.
There are lots of good ideas listed here, but I would add these:
1. Throw a sleeping bag, a bottle of sugared iced tea ( lowers the freezing point) and old boots in your trunk. You will feel more secure and be ready for weather changes, slow traffic (in the snow, traffic moves very slowly). Keep your tank full.
2. Buy a big warm puffer coat with a two way zipper–the zipper makes sitting more comfortable and less stressful on your coat. Add a hat, scarf, and mittens. I personally always love a hood.
3. Buy warm waterproof boots that are calf or knee high with good traction–don’t worry about heels, style, etc.
4. At home, have throw blankets, cozy clothes, lots of teas, and candles–nothing like putting on your flannels at the end of the day.
5. Try some outdoor activities: snowshoeing, skating, skiing, hiking, etc. It will add so much to the winter.
6. In slushy or snowy weather, it is easier and more comfortable to wear tights, a skirt, and boots than pants. It is warmer, and your hems don’t get wet/pants get wrinkled.
7. If possible, a remote start and heated seats make getting into a cold car so much more inviting!
anon
Several people have mentioned handwarmers, but not expexplicitly explained them. Allow me: handwarmers aren’t just clothes to bundle up in. They are actually single-use packets of chemicals (iron-based, I believe), about the right size to go in your pockets (or the toes of your boots, or where ever your bits get coldest). When you shake them up, they release heat like a wrapping your hands around a cup of coffee, for maybe up to an hour. Costco or outdoor gear stores will sell big boxes of them.
anon a mouse
For me, I can tolerate cooler rooms if I am toasty warm in bed. That means either a hot water bottle snuggling with me or an electric blanket or mattress pad. Being able to slide into a warm bed makes a huge difference!
Anon
Does anyone have any minimalist / everyday jewelry that they love? I like wearing the same earrings and necklace every day because it’s one fewer decision to make each morning. I’ve been wearing pearl earrings and an initial necklace for years and am looking for something new. Suggestions? TIA!
Mrs. Type A
I love ippolita for classic but not boring pieces. Their silver line is really affordable as is their rose gold. Yellow gold is pricier but I couldn’t be happier. Very versatile and you can mix and match
Anon
I wear the same bracelet watch and matching (same tone, not brand) bracelet usually every day. They are both sentimental. I do the same as you with the pearl earrings too.
anon
Suggestions – Catbird. WWake. Maya Brenner. If these are too expensive, Etsy has lots of similar minimalist designs.
Anon
+1 to Catbird (beautiful but spendy) and Etsy. I’ve also gotten quite a few costume pieces from Banana Republic that I love.
MKB
another +1 for catbird – their “sweet nothing” earrings are my daily favorite
Anonymous
I have a simple Swarovski pendant necklace that I’ve been wearing for the past 6 months. It goes with everything but wasn’t so pricey that I feel bad about my toddlers grabbing at it.
NOLA
I had my mom’s engagement diamond set in a pretty bezel and it’s a fairly basic piece. Her diamond wasn’t big (1/3 karat) because my parents were really young and poor when they got married, so it’s not flashy.
Anonymous
I bought one gold and one silver set of Swarovski earrings and wore them almost exclusively for 2 years. I still wear them a lot. I also have identical gold and silver long multi-chain necklaces that I sometimes wear. I have other items, but rarely ever wear them.
A
My pearl and diamond drop earrings. They’ll take me anywhere.
Kale
Is there a good place for tea in Dallas? My best bud is furloughed and she drinks more tea than coffee. I’d like to get her a gift card for somewhere she can go and read a book and relax. She lives near St. Mark’s school. Thanks.
Anonymous
I heard there’s a very nice tearoom in the Joule hotel but it’s downtown. Maybe Lavendou or Cadot in Far North Dallas? Same ownership.
Overwhelmed by to-do lists
Does anyone else struggle with maintaining a to-do list without feeling overwhelmed? Any systems that people have found to help manage this problem? What happens to me is this: 1) I resolve to get organized, 2) I try to write all my to-dos down in one place, a la Getting Things Done, 3) I look at the list and am able to schedule a few things, 4) I feel completely overwhelmed by the number of remaining items on my list and that I can’t find them time to get them done, 5) The list fills me with such dread, anxiety and feelings of failure that I can’t bring myself to look at it again, much less add items or update the status of anything on the list, 6) I go back to relying on working memory and getting to things ad hoc (and dropping the ball a lot) for six more months until I resolve to get organized again. Lather, rinse, repeat. FWIW this is a problem with my personal to-do list, not my work.
Anon
Yes this is me! I have two to-do lists: one is a huge list of everything I have to, want to, or should do. I keep this one because if I don’t write it down, it stays in my brain and I feel stressed. My second list is my “active” list: here I write the three highest priority things that I need to be doing and when I finish all three, I pull three new things from my first list.
Anon
You are putting too many items on your list. I bullet journal (messily) and it has taught me to have yearly, monthly, and daily to-dos. So sometime this year I need to clean out my attic. Sometime this month I need to pay my professional dues and take my car in for maintenance. Today I have to make travel plans for a conference in February and I have some work items due that I didn’t get to on Friday. Any new requests that come in today at work will go on my daily list
Marshmallow
I use this system too. My bullet “journal” is really just a work task list (none of the pretty layouts or doodles you see on blogs). I have a monthly priorities list, then I do a weekly spread with about a quarter page for each day. When I start running out of space, I realize I’ve got too many things slotted on that day. I also put a “next week” box at the end of my weekly spread, which I find helpful as a dumping ground for things that got pushed to a lower priority as the week goes by. Then each Monday I start over, dropping in anything that didn’t get done the week before, monthly priorities I think I can get to this week, and of course new things as they come up.
Anon
I like the next week idea. I may add that to mine. Thanks!
Anonymous
I do the Brave Over Perfect coaching online and the session a couple months ago discussed this very topic. The overwhelm is a result of not setting priorities first. I definitely struggle with you in this regard and setting priorities helped me see that there is a ton of stuff on my to do list causing overwhelm that simply doesn’t need to be done at all, or done to my impeccably high standards (in my mind they’re not impeccably high though). There are some Youtube videos about this topic too- one by Tony Robbins pops into my mind. Good luck!
JHC
I have a master to-do list where I list everything and then I do a daily list of the top three to five things I must get done. If I get those done, which I usually do, then I can look at the master list and pick and choose some additional items. It’s mentally helpful for me to do it this way because I feel satisfaction at being able to complete a doable list, avoid being overwhelmed, and get the luxury of choosing some low hanging fruit at the end of the day when my brain is ready to slow down.
lsw
Ah, yes, hello, it me. I am similar to the poster at 10:21 in that I have a “brain dump” list where I put everything that I feel like I need to do. Then I select priority things and go from there. I have an additional step where I flag things that are annoying to do and I’m putting them off, but they would take very little time (current examples: send in a receipt for my HSA, list some things on eBay, clean the fridge) and I challenge myself to ticking X many of those off each month. I’ve found that to be super effective for me. I’ve been using Trello.
I’ll add that my problem is a kind of anxiety paralysis. I feel like I have SO MANY THINGS TO DO and I can’t figure out which one to do first, and then I just don’t do anything. This helps me just do a couple of dumb things and then suddenly I’m in “doing something” mode and it’s a lot easier to take on some bigger tasks. I even have things like “flossing” or “wash the sheets” that are ongoing, but perfect for when I need to feel like I’m accomplishing things.
Anon
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/annehelenpetersen/millennials-burnout-generation-debt-work
Miss
I started using a Planner Pad day planner this year and love it. It’s structure is that you list everything you want to accomplish in the week at the top (in categories), then you can assign to dos by the day and then it has the daily schedule. I love being able to see the full week at once and having everything listed.
anon
does anyone have a recommendation for specific sheets that don’t cost a fortune? one of my sheets has a hole in it, so I am thinking it’s time for new ones.
Anon
I’ve used the LL Bean Percale sheets for about a year and a half and really like them – they’re soft but slightly textured, don’t get too wrinkly, and are a good temp for me year round (I tend to sleep a little warm).
anon
I like target’s performance brand sheets. Nothing fancy, but they have a nice sheen.
Emma
Targets are great! I like the percale ones too. Costco’s are also silky soft but don’t last as long.
Anonymous
I am pretty snobby about bedding and was surprisingly impressed with fieldcrest sheets at target. There are a few different options in terms of material/sheen level. They are the most expensive ones in the store but still way more affordable than most other options. I would go in person and check them out. The fitted sheets have two sets of elastic on each corner, which I love, they stay on much better than the standard kind.
Anon
I search 800 thread count pima sheet set on amazon and overstock (the brand names change often) and buy whatever has good reviews. The important thing is Pima -it is the longest staple cotton so fewer tiny little ends poking up, which makes them the smoothest sheets you can buy.
These are usually a little thick feeling at first but get really great after several washes.
Mpls
Target’s are pretty good. And you can just replace the one sheet (they sell them separately and in sets), if you want. Like, when the fitted sheet gets thin/a hole first, but the top sheet is still fine.
MKB
Target has a nice organic line, too, if you’re interested in that option.
Horse Crazy
This fall/winter, I’ve become obsessed with the Eddie Bauer 100% cotton flannel sheets. They’re incredibly soft and cozy.
Anon
Winter sport question: Does anyone have a recommendation for good ice skates? I expect to be ice skating more regularly and would like to invest in skates that are comfortable for recreational ice skating.
Anon
Riedell is a solid brand.
Anon
Make sure to go to an actual in-person fitting. I’m a 6.5 in normal shoes, I bought a 5 in the Riedell Emeralds and wish I’d went down to a 4.5. You want them as snug as possible otherwise as you wear them in they’ll stretch and you won’t be able to easily keep your balance. Riedell is good. Jackson is also another good pick for recreational skates.
Anon
I bought traded-in boy’s hockey skates from my local rink and they are my favorite. They are sturdy as hell.
Anonymous
If you want figure skates as opposed to hockey skates, definitely try them on in person, preferably with reputable skate fitter who primarily serves figure skaters. This may or may not be the pro shop at the rink. In places such as the northeast where figure skating is popular, the best skate fitter may actually be at an independent shop not located at the rink.
Make sure the blades are screwed on to the sole, not riveted, so they can be moved if necessary. To check the positioning of the blades, do long one-foot glides on each foot–you should glide in a straight line without feeling as if you are being pulled to the left or right.
The boots should be stiff and almost painfully tight–they won’t hurt as much once you’re actually on the ice. The skates can be stretched or “punched” to accommodate the bony bump on the side of your foot as well as your ankle bone, and you can get gel ankle pads to wear under the skates as well. Your socks should be as thin as possible–footed dance tights or trouser socks that are the thickness of tights are best. Stiff, tight skates with socks that aren’t compressible will give you the best balance and control. Tell your skate fitter exactly what you plan to do in the skates (just skating around? moves in the field (involves lots of of turns)? basic jumps and spins? ice dance?) to get the right stiffness and style of boot and the proper style of blade.
Ask your skate fitter about waterproofing treatment for the soles. Back in the day we used to use a waxy product called Sno-Seal that you melted into the soles with a hairdryer. You will also need a pair of terrycloth “soakers” to protect the blades whenever you aren’t wearing the skates. The rubber guards are only for walking around off the ice while you are actually wearing the skates. When you take the skates off, dry the soles and blades with a towel and put the soakers on to prevent rotting of the soles and rusting of the blades. Store the skates indoors, not in your car or garage.
Katie
Are you looking for hockey skates or figure skates? For something affordable and versatile that won’t get destroyed if you skate with them on a frozen lake or outdoor ice surface, look at”Softec” skates – they’re like a rollerblade boot on an ice blade. They’re probably more comfortable than most entry-level options. Trying to find a supportive skating boot in real leather (what the figure skating pros wear) can get expensive very quickly. Either way, get sized at a pro shop because your skate size will not be the same as your shoe size. The workers at a real skate shop can also recommend some low-end boots if you don’t want to go the Softec route – I like Riedells, but this really depends on the shape of your foot, as different brands run wider than others. PLEASE do not go to Modell’s or a big sporting goods store. They will sell you garbage and are not knowledgeable in this niche. (Caveat, if you live in Canada or Minnesota, they MIGHT have a decent selection, but I still strongly recommend this be your last option.) Source – 15 years of competitive figure skating and coaching.
Anonymous
Get a skate key and tie them TIGHT. It madesuch a difference for stability for me as a youth.
Anonymous
I have large pores on my nose, and my foundation is settling into the pores. What can I do/use to minimize how this looks? A primer on my nose? Or loose powder on top of my foundation? Thanks!
IHHtown
Monistat chafing cream as a primer (seriously it’s stupidly amazing and a 100% dupe of Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer), blurring foundation (Loreal Paris Visible Lift Blur, plus finishing powder with light scattering properties (ex. Laura Mercier).
Also, what is your skin care like? To a certain extent large pores are genetic, but you can make them less noticeable with good skin care (AHA products for exfoliation, skin tightening/pore reducing masks, properly moisturizing the skin, retinol/retinoid products).
Anonymous
My skin care is pretty good, actually. I use gentle, oil-based cleansers which keep my pores mostly clear, skin tightening masks, moisturize the heck out of my skin, use physical and chemical exfoliators, and have prescription retinol. I think, at this point, my pores are as small/minimally noticeable as I can make them.
I think I will start with primer, and try the finishing powder!
non
A primer would be the first step.
K
+1 pore filling primer like Benefit’s Porefessional is a good option. You can get a sample at Sephora and try it out. Loose powder will also help keep your foundation in place.
CL
Try a glycolic product overnight.
CountC
Hear me out . . . I start with primer, then layer a translucent powder, followed by my foundation mixed with a different more dewy primer, then finish with powder and setting spray.
Suburban
I like too faced “hangover” primer bc I hate the feeling of smashbox on my skin. Then I apply my foundation with a brush that looks like a small blush brush, in a light circular motion, so it’s kind of airbrushed looking and sits on top. Then a powder (I light a super light dusting of dim light by hourglass, which is probably supposed to be a highlighter) but it works.
FWIW dr gross’s alpha beta daily peels are my secret weapon for smaller looking pores!
Want to know
How do you go about determining if your pay is fair? I’m a new income partner at a midsize regional firm in a smallish city. I have no idea what anyone at my firm makes or what anyone in equivalent positions at other firms make. I recently had a review which was excellent but the bonus/pay increase seemed low to me. Since I have nothing to compare it to, I’m not sure. I came to this position from biglaw in a different city where comp was obviously much higher and more transparent.
I have several friends in similar positions but I don’t know what they make? Can I ask? I don’t want to be rude or make anyone feel awkward or bad if I make more but I feel I’m starting to be at a disadvantage by not having this information.
Anon
Ask! I firmly believe one of the reasons women are still underpaid is because nobody wants to talk about it so no one knows what they’re worth or should be paid.
Annonnnn
+1,000
I would be more than happy to share my salary to help another woman get pay equality.
Anon
If only women share their salaries, the pay gap will continue.
Annonnnn
Well, of course, but I am not a man and therefore I can’t help with man salaries. I am willing to help where I have the ability to.
Emma
I would definitely ask a fiend and frame it as asking for negotiating advice. My law school friends and I all know what we each make-ish. Law is easy since you can also compare to gov (public) and big law (lockstep). I bet also if you asked here based on city people would tell you.
Anon
Does anyone have workouts they like that are doable in a small apartment? I desperately need to exercise more, but I don’t currently have the budget for a gym or classes (which are really expensive where I live). Plus winter is horrible and I am loathe to go outside.
cat socks
FitnessBlender on YouTube. Tons of different workout videos that don’t require a lot of space and/or equipment. They also have low impact videos which are good if you are worried about neighbors underneath.
Anonymous
Alexia Clark (like $30/mo) has gym and home versions of her workouts. You need some equipment (weights / bands / yoga mat) that can be easily purchased on Amazon or any place else running January sales. I prefer her workouts to BBG because there is less jumping.
Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube. Also, check out PB Fingers and PB Runner (two separate blogs) who often post workouts that you can modify for home workouts.
Anonanon
I really like the Youtube channel Blogilates. Since it is Pilates minimal equipment is needed and it isn’t a whole lot of jumping around that will disturb your neighbors
emeralds
I really like the Youtube channel Blogilates. Since it is Pilates minimal equipment is needed and it isn’t a whole lot of jumping around that will disturb your neighbors
Anon
Another good one is Lauren Hefez, she has lots of good barre/pilates type videos and generally does them in her own living room.
Anonymous
I did the Beachbody Brazil Butt Lift videos when I lived in an apt. All the Beachbody programs can be done in your living room.
NYC Anon
The BBG workouts by Kayla Itsines can be done in a small apartment with minimal equipment (2 dumbbells/1 kettlebell, yoga mat and a chair).
Anonymous
I like Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. I feel like it is an effective cardio and strength workout. You just need 5lb weights and a mat. I also like some of the fitness blender and yoga workouts on youtube.
Strawberry
How do you handle telling a guy “Thanks, but no thanks” after a date when they were, while perfectly nice/a great friend candidate, not someone who you could see as a romantic partner? Often these guys are friends of friends, or people who run in similar professional/social circles (even if I met them online) so I don’t want to be rude, or ghost, but I also don’t want to drag it out. Maybe I’m overcomplicating this…
Anonymous
I wait and see if he reaches out again (no need to reject him if he’s not into me) and then just say “It was great meeting you but it’s not a romantic connection for me. Best of luck out there!” Decent guys either don’t respond and reply with some variant of “thanks for letting me know good luck to you too.”
Sooner the better! It’s kinder not to waste someone’s time.
Is it Friday yet?
+1 Both on the short and sweet and not doing it preemptively.
Annonnnn
You are.
“I enjoyed getting to know you, but I am not interested in pursuing anything further. I wish you the best of luck!”
You will feel harsh, and it will sting the other person, but you need to be honest, short, and to the point. If he asks a question about why, you do not have to answer.
been a long time since I was single
I had a great time with you! Unfortunately, I didn’t really feel that romantic chemistry/connection so I do want to do the official break-off so you can seek that with someone else and I will be seeking the same by dating other people. I hope it won’t be weird if we run in the same circles in the future! You’re a great guy and I wish you luck.
Anon
“This isn’t a match for me. Best of luck!”
Anon
My friend successfully used “I had a nice time, but didn’t feel a spark” after some OKC dates. I like that because it’s clear that there is no future.
Anon
If neither person has followed up yet, one idea I implemented was making it sound mutual rather than one-sided. Something like:
“I enjoyed meeting you. You’re a great guy. As you may have already concluded, I didn’t feel we had that intangible romantic connection that we probably both are seeking. Good luck out there (as we all could use a bit of)!”
CNBC
One of the CNBC anchors is wearing this dress today. So flattering! Wish it wasn’t a zillion dollars.
Anonymous
Same.
Brita filters
What do I do with new Brita filters that I no longer need? I have a fully unopened box and another single one in its package. Do I donate them? We changed our filter system so no longer need them. Throwing them out seems needlessly wasteful.
Anonymous
I would post to my facebook or ask my work friends.
desigirl
Whole Foods recycles them!
Anon
Send an email to friends/family/ coworkers and see if some one wants it.
Cb
I’ve been using Freecycle to get rid of those specific but random things that a charity shop wouldn’t be able to sell.
Rainbow Hair
I’m a member of a Buy Nothing [My Town] FB group, and things like this get snatched up right away. Generally folks post what they’ve got, someone says they’ll put it to use, and then the original poster DMs the taker re: pickup. To keep it simple, folks generally like leave it in a paper shopping bag in the front yard/on the porch/whatever so there isn’t complicated coordination.
anon.
Jewelry help – A few months ago, I saw the source for the fine jewelry original that the Bauble Bar Alidia rainbow ring copied. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? I know this is vague – but basically looking for the source they knocked off. Thanks.
nutella
Stephanie Gottlieb makes a similar one. Really any local jeweler could make it for you, too.
anon.
STEPHANIE GOTTLIEB! That’s the one I was looking at. Thank you!!!
nutella
Yeah the one with vertical emeralds is a custom piece you will have to look for that can be rainbow all around or rainbow halfway and diamonds the other half so you can switch the look. (She has other similar rainbow pieces that are not custom, too!) Check out her IG for other great inspiration.
Anonymous
Search the moms’ s i t e–the knockoff was featured there, and I believe there was a link to the original as well.
C
Try the Local Eclectic. I saw some rainbow rings on their site recently and they have pieces from smaller jewelers that are sometimes difficult to find on their own.
Need a hair product
What is the lightest product I can use on my hair with little-to-no hair routine?
I need a product because I have 3 sons and though their lice/nits have disappeared, mine have not.
The professional lice eliminators suggested I use a product on my hair to make it smell “not like a body scalp that the lice want to bit and lay eggs on”.
My hair is fine and thin. Usually I wash my hair at night, sleep on it, comb or brush it, and go (via car). Less than low-maintenance. I am trying to push out not shampooing my hair for 2-3 days but 3 days is pushing it – my hair gets very oily.
What product can I use on my scalp? Any suggestions?
nona
I would say Garnier Fructius (I’ve have always found their stuff to be heavily scented?). And I would put a pause on the shampooing situation until the lice have been eliminated (Unless the timing on the shampooing was also at the recommendation of the lice eliminators?) and just wash your hair every day – it seems like that would also help make your scalp smell less like a hospitable place?
OP
Good idea re: Garnier Fructis.
The professionals implied that lice like clean hair. I am very confused. Thanks.
PolyD
There’s a product called Rosemary Repel that’s supposed to be good for preventing lice. I can’t google now, but you should be able to find it.
OP
Thanks. I’ll get there!
rosemary repel
The brand is fairy tales or something like that. White bottle with red lettering. you can buy it on amazon. I’ve also seen it in walmart and chain hair salons (fantastic sam’s, great clips, etc.). They make a shampoo and a spray.
Anom
Have you tried the tea tree oil products marketed to prevent lice? There are shampoos/conditioners and sprays.
Anon
The tea tree oil products they sell at Supercuts worked for us when my kids got it.
But if you have persistent nits you really need to commit to a combing and cleaning schedule. You’re in theory coming home from the professionals with a clean head, so you’re picking up new lice somewhere in your home.
Now is not the time for low maintenance. You have to get on top of this for a 2 week period so that you can truly eliminate the infestation.
Anon
This is a three week combing program. Again, you absolutely need to give up on the idea of low maintenance for a while. I actually think it’s rather weird that you posed the question that way when you still have lice.
And get a really good lice comb. The ones they sell in the kits at the drugstore aren’t fine toothed enough.
http://www.microscopy-uk.org.uk/theliceprogram/
OP
OK. Thanks. Out of all the weird things in my life right now, posing questions in an abnormal manner does not make my Top 5.
I appreciate the actual advice re: a de-lousing program. Thanks.
OP
Thanks. Yes. The service I use has me come in every week or so. Thanks.
Anonymous
Yes–you need to clean, freeze, or bag everything your head comes into contact with. This even includes the headrest in your car. The lice people should have given you comprehensive instructions.
OP
Yes, they did. Thanks.
CHL
Nothing more to add but hugs — my boys have had this and thankfully we escaped but it is so much work on top of the normal routine!
Sam
One suggestion for future – get your boys to go as short as they can on the hairstyle, especially if they have curly hair. Short and straight hair (where the scalp is visible a bit between the hair) puts off lice and also makes it easier to catch them if they’re there.
My daughter went to a short haircut and I think it’s helped. If you want to go low maintenance, you could take it all the way to a pixie cut!
Anon
Anyone been to Paris with a young toddler? We’re thinking of going later this spring with a then 15 month old. I know museums, etc are hard with kids that age, but we’ve done all the touristy stuff, so the main agenda would be eating and walking around. But I’m stumped about the hotel – seems like it’s incredibly hard to find hotels with suites and they’re exorbitantly expensive ($500/night+). Do I have to suck it up and do AirBNB? Or is there a way to survive us all being in one room? We’ve always had a separate sleeping area when traveling with the baby, which has been a lifesaver. But I know tiny hotel rooms are the norm in Europe.
BB
Have you checked the Citadines hotels? They have little mini kitchens and dining areas. I think it was ~$250/night when we went in the spring and got a studio, and I don’t think their suites are that much more.
Anon
Yes to Citadines (various locations) and other aparthotels. Don’t know when you’re going but a quick check shows that they’re about $200 for early May. I prefer not to use Airbnb unless you know for sure the unit is legit (they must have a registration number).
The original Scarlett
I always use the rental company One Fine Stay in Paris – they have a lot of inventory and large apartments. They also have a concierge service, so things like childcare can be arranged through them.
Equestrian Attorney
The blog Dinner a Love Story has a good post about Paris with kids (I think their kids were slightly older but might still be helpful). I think Oh Joy also went with a toddler.
Re: hotels – hotels in Paris are expensive and on the smallish side no matter what unless you want . to splurge on a five-star palace. I know there are some hotels that advertise “family rooms” – my BIL stayed somewhere near Gare Montparnasse last time we went, I think it was called Apollon Montparnasse? They had communicating rooms. But honestly you may be better off in an Airbnb or other apartment rental (like Haven in Paris – also expensive).
RGH
Michelle Au (of the underwear drawer on tumblr and @scutmonkey on twitter) went to Paris with 3 kids within the past few years and wrote extensive blog posts on where she stayed and what they did. I can’t seem to locate those posts quickly but you could reach out to her on social media and she could perhaps direct you to where they are in the archives.
Anon
Since when does one have to suck it up to use Airbnb?
Anon
When the it’s not the person’s preference. Pretty simple.
Equestrian Attorney
I was a big Airbnb user for while but had a few bad experiences and Airbnb’s customer service was absolutely terrible. Also the effect of Airbnb on densely populated cities (such as Paris) is awful and the city only allows them under certains conditions – which most Airbnbs don’t comply with. I’ve gone back to using mostly hotels – better customer service, more flexible cancellation policies, and just easier to know what to expect.
Anon
Many units listed on Airbnb aren’t legally qualified to be rented out. Many cities including Paris has a rule about short-term holiday rentals, i.e. the unit has to be occupied by the owner and can only be rented out a max number of days annually. Units now require a registration number and there has been a lot of crackdowns/cancellations. I’d just rather deal with hotels and not add more stress to my vacation.
K.
We found an Air BnB when we went to Paris with our 23 month old. It was in the Pigalle neighborhood and cost under $100 a night. It had 2 bedrooms and a kitchen/living room and 1 bathroom. The lady who owned it had a 4 year old at the time, so there were toys and a kid’s room for one of the bedrooms. The only downside is that it was on the 8th floor of a building with no elevator, but we loved it! Lots of space to play (compared with a hotel room–it was still a small Parisian apartment) and toys included!
ANP
I would check out the Brooklyn Limestone blog — they travel a ton with their kids and have done Paris once or twice with littles.
Anon
If you’re up to stay in one room, you may want to ask big chains (like Marriott) if they have handicapped accessible rooms you can select, which are generally larger.
SFchic
Please do not ask for handicapped accessible rooms unless you’re disabled and need them. It is so difficult for those of us in wheelchairs to travel already, and when people lie and say they need a handicapped accessible room because they want more space they just make it more difficult for us. Our lives are pretty rough already.
A
Check if the Tuileries palace grounds will have the kiddies attractions when you get there.
We used to do one thing in the morning and take kids there in the evening. We didn’t see as much as we’d have liked but it was better than their tantrums.
And book Versailles in advance. Take a buggy into the gardens.
Have fun!
plus size winter coat recs
I know there have been several coat discussions recently, so I apologize if this info is already out there in other posts. I am hoping to snap up a down or down alternative jacket on the cheap at the end of the season. I’m in coastal SEUS, so I do not need something for the brutal cold and snow, but something for those windy mid-30s days (which is super cold to us). Business casual to casual. I’m trying a few styles from lands end, but if anyone has other brand recs in plus sizes, I’d like to check them out.
Anon
I have a prior years version of this and I really like it
https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/marc-new-york-plus-erin-down-puffer-coat?ID=2761775
Anon
What I did was order several styles from Nordstrom and see which one I liked on me the best. You can’t really do it in-store where it doesn’t get that cold because they don’t carry them. (I’m in the Bay Area so I feel you)
I really like a very lightweight down filled coat. Not the kind with the heavy lining. The kind that can ball up and fit into a pouch.
Anon
Lands End coats are really good quality.
cat socks
I have a couple of coats from Eddie Bauer.
coats
I did a thorough online shop for a sale-priced down coat yesterday. Land’s End has the best value, but only very bright colors left (at least in my size). I ended up ordering from Eddie Bauer, which was more expensive, but seemed like the best value for a style/color I liked and a good-quality product. Other brands I checked (North Face, Patagonia, LL Bean) were surprisingly not on sale or a lot more expensive. If I was in a slightly warmer place, I probably would have ordered the Uniqlo down coat, it’s $99, and has good reviews, but only for moderate temperatures.
nebbes
I shop Marshall’s, TJ Maxx, or Ross for this. I just got an awesome Ralph Lauren down alternative coat in a cute cut. It’s super comfy and has “fur” lined hood, pockets in all the right places, and zipper + snap placket. In previous years I found an awesome Calvin Klein parka, which I just gave to my mom. It wore so well for 2 years, it just needs a quick dry clean and it should be good to go for at least another 2 years.
I also really like Macy’s for coats. If you can go in person and try on a bunch, they have plenty of options (or at least they do in my area).
Anonymous
Can we share financial goals that people are setting for this year? Mine have always been – max out the 401k and make double payments on student loans. Finished off the loans last year so now I’m trying to figure out a second financial goal besides “save” and could use ideas.
January
These are not my specific goals, but here are a bunch of sort of generic things you could be saving for, which may or may not apply to your life:
New car (down payment or buy car outright and pay cash)
Down payment on real estate
Home renovation project
Other home repair (e.g., new roof)
Wedding
College fund for children (yours or maybe nieces or nephews)
Country club initiation fee (I don’t know your life)
Dream vacation
Fund own business
Early retirement
January
More…
Pay off mortgage early
Pay off any consumer debt
Save for senior care for elderly relatives
Optional medical procedures
Equipment for expensive hobby
New furniture
Owl Lover
I’m finally in a place where I am no longer pay check to pay check and have the goal of a good 3 months of expenses saved up. I also am planning a vacation to Seattle this summer and a vacation to Paris next summer.
And, once I get there, some double payments on my student loans would be amazing.
Owl Lover
Oh god. And a potential wedding in the next two years. That… is not something I want to think about, but it is something I am going to need to save toward. UGH…
lsw
Mine are pretty boring – max out retirement (although this is the first year I’d be able to conceivably do this, so that’s exciting), save $1,000 in advance for various holiday/Christmas expenses, grow my emergency fund. I have a few other small savings goals, and I like being able to do that instead of just transferring everything to the same savings account. I use Cap One and I like having about six separate funds (saving for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary, saving for house expenses, a vacation fund, etc).
Senior Attorney
Haha our goals this year are “calm the heck down after spending like drunken sailors for the past three years!”
Seriously, we’ve had a wedding and two blowout birthday parties and extravagant vacations and big house stuff and new cars and I don’t know what-all, and my big goal this year is to beef up the emergency fund and just take a nice deep financial breath.
Anonymous
1. Replenish emergency fund after new car (purchased in cash) + unexpected home expenses + braces for kid.
2. When my law school loans are paid off later this year, start maxing retirement.
3. Party/family reunion for husband’s milestone birthday.
4. Much-needed and long-deferred furniture purchases.
5. Convince husband to either renovate current home or move.
6. Position myself for promotion within next 1-2 years.
Anon
1. Pay off $40k HELOC.
2. Contribute 10% of net income to helping others/non-profits, etc.
3. Large furniture purchase.
Emma
I auto invest $500/mo in vanguard index funds.
Anonymous
I’m in a similar position and thanks to my life stage (single, no kids, Big Law) I may be earning the most relative to my needs for my career. I understand about needing a goal that makes sense and motivates you. In my case, I am saving ALOT in my taxable retirement account after maxing out 401k, backdoor Roth IRA, and HSA. I think of it as, I want to save to recover the lost savings during law school. My goal is to eventually put myself where I should be if I hadn’t taken time out of the workforce.
Also, down payment fund and more charity.
Good luck and congrats on the loans!
Cancun Airport
My friend and I are meeting in Cancun and need a bit of help figuring out a plan to connect! She’s never been out of the country and her flight arrives to terminal 4 about an hour and half before I arrive to terminal 3. Our phones won’t work. Any suggestions on the best place to meet? A good back up plan in the event of delays?
Anon
Normally she’d come to you, but if she’s never been out of the country before, maybe it’s easier for you to meet her at baggage claim in her terminal. There’s free wifi at Cancun airport, so you should both have fully charged phones, so you can email each other in case you have problems finding each other. You should also tell her to track your flight status online so she knows if you’re early/on-time/late.
CL
There’s usually a designated arrival spot in each terminal. She’ll just have to look at the arrivals and stand there when you land. There will be other people waiting too.
Get an app, like what’s app and you can text using the WiFi. Or dm each other via Facebook or instagram if you have that. Also, make sure you swap flight info in case of delays, terminal change and multiple incoming flights from same city.
Anon
Also encourage you to double check your data plans. Most major carriers have free or limited texting in Mexico and Canada (generally no data though) with most plans. Generally you’ll get a text alert from your phone carrier about your texting policy in that country after you turn your phone on (make sure it’s off airplane mode but not on roaming).
cat socks
Yep, I have Verizon and I’ve used their international plan in Europe and the Caribbean. if I recall, it was pretty reasonably priced.
EM84
Just returned from there! The wifi doesn’t work. Make sure you know each others flight numbers so that you can check for any announced delays. My reco would be to wait for each other at the Friends & Family Zone – it is less crowded than the taxi area. My friend was waiting for me there and we had zero difficulty finding each other.
OP
Thanks all!
Where is the friends and family zone? Just outside of baggage claim?
EM84
Yep, there are sign in the baggage pick-up area
Jules
If you can use data on your phones, or for when there is Wi-Fi, make sure you both have the app What’s App, for calls and messages. It’s how I’ve stayed in touch with family members who are abroad, including one visiting in Eastern Europe.
Anon - Mat Leave
I’m going to be taking mat leave this year and I just got my billable hour budget for the year. My firm is giving me 8 weeks paid, and have agreed to 2 weeks of NYS paid leave and 2 weeks of PTO for a total 12 week leave. My billable goal is reduced proportionally by 10 weeks, not by 12 weeks because 2 of the weeks are paid for by PTO. I think this is crazy because for those two weeks, if someone calls for me, they’re going to say Anon is out on mat leave, not Anon is on vacation. Regardless of how it’s paid for, it’s 12 weeks of mat leave. Am I being unreasonable here?
Anonymous
If you want those two weeks to not count at my firm you’d have to take them
Unpaid. PTO is vacation for everyone and doesn’t reduce your hours goal.
Anonymous
Maybe? The other option may be to take those two weeks as FMLA which is unpaid, and then get a full 12 week reduction in billable hours?
What is the repercussions of not hitting your billable hours?
Anon
It would be nice to get that part prorated, but from your firm’s perspective those 2 weeks are already factored into expected billables as vacation time (ex. assuming billable 1900-2000 target, 40 hrs per week billed for average of 50 weeks, with 2 to 4 weeks left over for PTO). If you want that time prorated, can you just take FMLA unpaid?
nutella
Grain of salt in that I have not taken maternity leave, but I don’t think you are being unreasonable. It is 12 weeks (coinciding with your FMLA) during which you will not be working and should therefore not count toward you billable goal. I would push back. Are you the first to take leave? Have you thought about what post-leave will look like at this firm?
Anom
My firm did not count the PTO part of my mat leave (I used about 10 days vacation time) in calculating my billeable goal. It was just tacked on at the end of leave and the clock on billeables did not starting running again till I got back. Some firms have even started ramping down expectations at the beginning of the return from mat leave without reducing pay. It’s worth pushing back on this, IMO.
Anon
To answer Kat’s question, I haaaated the last season of House of Cards. It was approaching the ramp before Kevin Spacey left but it fully and wholeheartedly jumped the shark this season.
I also hated how they portrayed how a female president would do the job.
Gail the Goldfish
Agreed. Maybe it was because it had been so long since I’d watched the prior seasons, but I was mostly just confused. Too many new characters that came out of nowhere and what seemed like new, unnecessary plot threads.
Shopaholic
+1
I watched it but despised it and don’t recall anything. I probably wasn’t paying that much attention.
waffles
It was so much worse than I could have imagined, for a show that was already on the decline.
I agree that I have no idea who any of the characters were. I could hardly keep them straight and I definitely didn’t care what happened to any of them. And what a terrible way to introduce them? It was like they had always been there… but you would think someone would have mentioned them ONCE in the past five or six years, you know if they were so evil and so close to Claire and Frank?
Also, I have been drooling over Claire’s wardrobe. Until this season. Her military-style uniforms were terrible, in my opinion. They looked like cast-offs from the original Star Wars (on the Empire side, of course)!
Dress for a school dance (tall,skinny 5th grader)
We have an elementary school dance. My 5th grader is 5 feet tall (but about a kids size 10 for girth — SKINNY and not able to fill out tween dresses really, some of which can have a lot of darting where we don’t need them or be waaaay too short). Where do I shop for this? I need some sort of party dress. Target is not the answer. Ordering online from Nordstrom (lots of choices) last year was so hit or miss that I worried we wouldn’t find anything. I can drive to an area mall that has F21 and some department stores (Belk) that may have juniors sections. We’re happy to consider places with websites (esp. if we can get an idea of what they may have in stores).
Anonymous
If you can’t find anything you can buy a tulle skirt (Carter’s usually has some) or tulle material and have a seamstress add it underneath starting about 1/3 under the dress skirt to add length.Pick a color that’s featured in the dress so it looks intentional.
Another option, if you have time, is to have a seamstress custom make something by adding length to a standard dress pattern.
JS
Forever21 and Carlotte Russe run very small. Abercrombie has really stepped up their game and has lots of cute dresses and jumpsuits. Lulu’s online for more selection and better quality – check reviews there but also runs small.
This one comes in XXS: https://www.abercrombie.com/shop/us/p/wrap-front-dress-12730819?
anon.
Look at H&M! They have a website section for girls 8-14 and lots of little party dresses that can fit the bill. Zara Kids sometimes has stuff but it’s more expensive.
Anon
The last time I went to Macy’s, they had tons of party dresses for children and teens – including some with a straight up and down stretchy top and a bell shaped skirt. The store in the fancier area of town had better and more varied choices than the other one.
anon0321
My go to place in hs (@ 5′, which I still am lol) was windsor, usually in most malls.
Anonymous
Could you buy a full length dress (which would be presumably too short on your daughter) and have it hemmed to knee length?
This is a struggle!
I have a 13 year old with the same issue. Best places we’ve found are Forever 21 kids section, H&M, Nordstrom, and Dillard’s (all in kids section) but just be prepared to have her try on lots and lots of options. Anything that is long enough for my DD is typically way too big under the arms, not to mention too juvenile looking. My daughter really likes jumpsuits and rompers which seem to fit her better than dresses for some reason.
Anonymous
Sri Lanka- tips? Good blogs/guide books? It seems warm and exotic and I like very detailed day dreams :). Reasonable 12 days from nyc?
A
Beaches – tangalle, Mirissa and bentota
Safaris- Yala, Udawalawe, minirriya.
Tea plantations
Kandy and the cultural triangle
Google all of the above. Tons of info.
Totally doable in 12 days but I assume you haven’t included travel time and jet lag.
You may have to prioritise. Note that distances appear small but roads are bad.
So 50 km is more like 1.5 hrs drive.
We are going in April for a week and doing beaches plus safaris.
Applicant
What are your thoughts on applying for a position when you don’t meet the explicitly laid out requirements? For example, this position (not law) states “All applicants must have a minimum of 5 years of experience.” I only have 3.5 years of experience but I think it’s valuable and extremely relevant experience. I’m also a bit higher up than peers in my age group and have three solid internships from before. I know I’m reaching here and would normally just go for it…what’s the worst that could happen? But I read something on LinkedIn recently that talked about how rude and inconsiderate it is to apply for these things without the years of experience stated in the post and you’re just wasting everyone’s time. It had quite a few commenters who agreed.
nona
Apply. you have almost 4 years for a 5 year position, which I think is totally in the right ball park.
4 years for a requested 10 yr exp ask would be weird (and probably the waste of time), but 8 years would be okay. So, if you’ve got about 80% of the experience requested, I’d go ahead an apply.
anon
I once read a study that men tend to apply to a job if they have 50% of the listed requirements, while women feel they need 100%. The study showed many men ended up being hired where they applied in such a case.
If you feel you’d have the capability for the job, apply. Don’t doubt yourself.
anon
It depends on the employer, honestly. I’m in higher ed, and we have to follow the minimum quals to the letter. (There are pros and cons to this approach, of course.) When we say five years, we really mean five years, not 3.5.
That said, there are probably more upsides to applying anyway and seeing what happens — just don’t be surprised/disappointed if you’re not interviewed.
Anon
It’s not rude to send in a job application for a job you are capable of performing.
CHL
I’m in HR – in general, even if they are sticklers, we tried to cobble together work experience (so a summer, plus an internship, etc.) to get to the minimum . If they’re a good employer and they want you, they’ll probably try to make it work.
Emma
This! Make your experiences fit into the timed requirements- I personally count post grad education in this (like- I went to law school and work in a law adjascent field where a jd degree is not technically required, so count those 3 yrs as experience). My work is strict on the years requirements, but flexible as to what can count twds them. Also, you have nothing to lose.
Citron
If you factor in the time from the internships, would you have 5+ years experience then? I agree with the others that you should just apply either way, but maybe counting the internship time as part of your total years of experience would help you mentally feel more confident applying. Good luck!!
Anonymous
Does anyone have experience dealing with HVAC imbalance issues in their home?
We have a 2100 sf home. One side is ridiculously hot (side closest to the unit), the other side is ridiculously cold. Do we need to get a second HVAC or can it be balanced somehow with something in the ductwork?
nona
Have you ensured all the vents and dampers (in the ductwork) are open? Is the furnance the right size for that amount of space? Is there air ciruclation fan that is not operating properly?
You really just need to have someone come in and assess your current system to know for sure (after making sure all the vents, including the air return vents, are open and unobstructed, because otherwise, you’ll feel silly).
NYC Anon
YES! We have this issue. I do not have a solution but waiting to see if others do…
Anonymous
Start by checking whether your blower fan is set to “On” or “Auto” at the programmable thermostat. Change it to “On,” which will recirculate the air continuously, and uses minimal energy. It helped a lot with my imbalance. Still noticeable, but much more even than it was. However, if you live in the SEUS or another very hot and humid place, doing this in the summer may produce too much condensation, which can cause mold. If you see it, switch back to “Auto” until the weather cools back down.
Lilly
It can be balanced. A HVAC repair/installation company can place diverters and such in the ductwork. Should be a half day’s work or less, and not all that expensive.
SC
We had some HVAC imbalance issues in our home when we moved in a few months ago. We had our HVAC people come out and assess the system. There were a lot of problems with the duct work–it was installed in a tangled, inefficient way. There were open rips in the ducts. Some of the ducts were not connected to the vents properly. We had a lot of duct work replaced and the whole system reinstalled.
There were also some small fixes. For example, one of the small bathrooms had a vent all the way open, and air was blasting into that room, leaving it too hot or too cold, and there wasn’t enough air left for the bedrooms, where the sensors were. Opening the priority vents all the way and closing the non-priority vents helped.
Also, the capacities on our heating unit and compressor didn’t match, which apparently added to the inefficiencies. We replaced the heating unit, which was over 30 years old anyways, and made sure the capacity matched the newer compressor. (Replacing the heater was on the to-do list from the home inspection, and the price we offered on the house reflected the need to do that, but we were hoping to get one more year out of it.)
Chris Fout
Yes they can change this. For me, I have two floors, and the upper floor would get really hot in the summer. The service guy changed it so that more air flow went to the ducts for the upper floor and less to the downstairs. Not sure how he did it, but it helped a lot.
ANP
Get a smart thermostat, one with an additional sensor, and put one in the hot part of your house and the other in the cold part. For example, we have an EcoBee installed on our first floor, with an extra sensor in our master bedroom. It’s my understanding that having two spots for temperature “input” (the sensor and the actual thermostat) allows our furnace to better balance hot and cold so no one area of the house is at an extreme.
NOLA
Based on recs from here, I pounced on a sale on clearance deal for a pair of Kut from the Kloth Diana skinny jeans at Rack over Christmas. I am wearing them for the first time today and they are soooo comfortable. Just enough stretch, but not getting stretched out and falling down (I am fairly flat in the behind, soooo). They are a petite size (all they had) so ankle length on me and fine for wearing with boots or in the summer with flats, but I’m thinking I should order a pair in regular length. The colors are not at all descriptive. They are just names. How do I know what i’m getting? Nordstrom has them on sale in my size, although not nearly as inexpensive as the clearance deal (about $25).
NYC Anon
What is your system for getting donations out the door? As in, I am very good about cleaning things out, packing up donations, but actually getting them out of my apartment is the challenge. Because I live in a city and don’t have a car, just packing them up in the trunk and dropping off isn’t an option, unless it’s 1 small bag at a time and I can carry it. For clothes, I tend to use ThredUp and ask them to donate left-overs/unsellable items. I know you can also ship donations via Amazon (they provide free USPS labels), but again, getting the boxes to the post office is the challenge.
I’ve tried scheduling Salvation Army pickups, but the timing is often off or they never come…
Thoughts? Thanks!
Anonymous
I use a pick up service from a charity. I would never make donations happen otherwise. I schedule a pick up at least every second month. In Canada so I use Diabetes Canada so no advice on your specific city but there must be something that’s reasonably reliable.
Ideal would be to bring donations directly to various item specific charities but I’ve accepted that is just not happening for where I am in my life right now.
Anonymous
Same boat here. My dry cleaner was the answer for me. It collects donations for a local charity that has a second-hand store. The focus of course is clothes, but the dry cleaner accepts donation of other things the second-hand stores sells, including books, small kitchen items, etc.
SC
Same boat here. I’ve even put donations in my car, not dropped them off, and had to return them to my garage when I needed my trunk for something else. Over the holidays, my parents were visiting, and I put the donations in my parents’ car. We had to drop them off or return them to the garage before my parents left. I finally made it to the donation center with my mom on a day of epic errand-running.
Puddlejumper
Between my local Buy Nothing group, freecycle, and Craigslist free everything gets claimed by neighbors. I don’t have a car and find that I rarely am walking anything over to my local goodwill/housing works, etc.
Anonymous
In D.C., you can hire a taskrabbit to take your donations to Goodwill, so I do that.
Anon
Does anyone know if congressional staffers get paid during a shutdown? And if not, do they get backpay?
Horse Crazy
Does anyone know if congressional staffers get paid during a shutdown? And if not, do they get backpay?