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Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: No Peep Easy to Iron Striped Shirt

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marks and spencer no peep easy to iron shirt

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Reader J wrote in to recommend this shirt, noting:

I just bought a shirt from Marks & Spencer and thought, as a larger chested woman, it was the greatest thing ever. They sell ‘no-peep' shirts which feature an extra (hidden) button around the bust, making sure that there are no gaps without making the shirt look weird with an extra button. They sell a bunch of them and I thought it would be great to share my find with other women who often have this problem.

Nice! We've rounded up other blouses for the busty, and I've often noted that England is awesome for bust-friendly clothing, but I haven't seen the M&S “no peep” line before.

The shirt is £18, which comes out to around $28. Nice. (To convert to U.S. sizes, check this size guide.) Marks & Spencer No Peep Easy to Iron Striped Shirt

Note that M&S is offering free delivery to the U.S. on all orders until 12/17.

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

206 Comments

    1. IF you’re considering getting not-the-cheapest option, there is a discount code in the Learnvest book.

    2. I haven’t used it, but had a preliminary conversation with them. Seemed like it would be really basic advice that might be helpful if you are just starting out, but would not have been useful for me since I’m past that stage.

  2. Weird, potentially firm-specific question. Does your biglaw firm annualize/pro rate hours? If so, is that what counts towards your annual billables targets, or do the actual numbers count?

    1. Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this no-peep shirt. They MUST have had people like Frank in mind when they put in the extra button. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, my firm set’s an annual billing target and it is up to me to make it. I am on track for my 7200 hours, and the manageing partner watches to make sure I stay on track, but there are some month’s where I am under 600 hours and he tells me to make it up. I think in March I onley had 400 or so hour’s so the next month, I made up by billing 900 hour’s to get back ahead of thing’s. This month, I expect to come in right around 7325 hour’s so I get a bonus! YAY!!!!!!

    2. does your question relate to joining a firm mid-year or a year in which you were on leave (like maternity leave)? If so, I believe so – your hours for the year would be projected based on your average recorded hours per month in that year.

      If you’re asking about during a normal year, never heard of such a thing – your actual recorded hours are your hours.

    3. I have not heard about firms doing that (I’m NYC biglaw, for context), but some firms do not count all pro bono hours for bonus eligibility. For example, I know of one firm where only a certain number of hours count for your billable target for bonus purposes (e.g., 50-100 of your 2000 hours can be pro bono). After you hit your billable target, additional pro bono does count toward a step up bonus.

    4. If someone worked less than a full year because they started mid-year or took medical/parental leave, their hours requirement is pro-rated and the bonus is pro-rated accordingly. So if everyone who billed 2200 gets $50K, and you billed 40% of 2200, you will get 40% of 50K.

    1. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. The first year of our relationship we were so in love and I thought for sure he was the one. The last six months we got too “comfortable” and we stopped putting effort into the relationship. For a number of reasons, we grew apart. He’s a wonderful man, I think highly of him, he will make a great husband and a great father, but I wasn’t happy. Our friend and families put so much pressure on when we would get engaged, to the point where I was really sick of answering the question everywhere we went. With the holidays approaching, I just panicked. I couldn’t bear the thought of spending the holidays with your families knowing that in my heart wasn’t in it anymore. Even he admits that our relationship wasn’t in a great spot, but he was still blindsided that I pulled the rip cord. I’m not here to ask about breakup advice. I made the right decision and I’ve come to terms with it. What I need some perspective on is what to do with the fact that he bought a ring. A beautiful, expensive ring. That he spent months designing. He started the process when we were still so in love and there wasn’t a question that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, but he never pumped the brakes on designing this ring even though our relationship started to fall off this tracks. In his mind, our issues were fixable – a point which we obviously disagreed on. But as I told him, a ring is not a bandaid for a broken relationship. So here we are, broken up, for good, and he’s out $35k. That’s what I’m struggling with. I don’t want the ring, he doesn’t want the ring, and he can’t return it. So what now? Have any of you had a similar experience? How did you handle it? I’m truly at a loss.

      1. What. The. Hell.

        You let a man design you a 35k ring for the pretties when you knew your heart wasn’t in it? Cold. Really cold.

        He sells the ring for whatever he can get for it and you pay half the difference between what he paid and what he can recover.

        You sound so selfish and entitled here. Like, you knew the relationship was dying but silly little him didn’t realize ( because you didn’t tell him) and oops he got you a ring.

        I sincerely hope you take a long hiatus from dating to grow up.

        1. Um – I’m unclear on the fact as to whether she knew about the ring prior to pulling the ripcord. I think that fact is ambiguous in what she had written that you call pull back on the histrionics about her character and ask for clarification before jumping to judgmental.

          Like, whoa.

          1. The months of designing sounded clear to me. If you’re right and this was a total surprise , I think he sells it and eats the cost.

            And I still think she’s a horrible person for leading him on.

          3. Leading him on? How? By being uncertain of what she wanted and then finally getting out?

            I applaud your ability to have such a crystal clear understanding of your relationships and wants and needs that it doesn’t take you any sort of lag time to come to realization that something isn’t right for you.

          4. Leading him on? WTF are you talking about. She thought about the situation, decided it wasn’t what she wanted and broke up with him. Better that she did it now, rather than 10 years and 2 kids in.

            What, once someone dates someone, and likes or loves them for some period of time, they must commit to them forever? That logic is so absurd. You are an absurd (and bitter) person.

        2. He should sell it for whatever he can get. The difference is his loss. The rest of this comment is unnecessarily rude – I think trying to solve relationship problems by getting married (or worse, having kids) is unfortunately common.

        3. I failed to mention that we had multiple conversations about how we weren’t ready to be engaged anytime soon (after several near-break ups in the fall). I had absolutely no idea that there was a ring. I was shocked and only found out after the fact. But thanks.

          3. +1 for ACD’s comment. And, it’s far better to be out some money now (recouping what he can from selling) than in a bad marriage.

          4. Anonymous, you are being ridiculous. She didn’t “forget” to mention anything– most of us assumed correctly that she didn’t know about the ring until they broke up. Please stop thinking the worst of people.

      2. First – holy sh!t, that’s a lot to spend on a ring (IMO).

        Second -ETA: Did you know he was designing this ring, or did you discover after the fact? If he did this on his own, then the cost is on him. He chose to put in the time and money and he made the choice to keep going with it. He may not be able to return it, but I’m thinking he can at least resell it and recoup part of that loss. Is he making any demands of you in regards to this ring (which I presume he never actually proposed with)?

        1. Yeah, this.

          If you feel that badly about it, I like the idea that he tries to sell it (I’ve heard these are very hard to re-sell, but maybe the designer or the jewelry store will buy it as an example of their work?) and y’all can split the difference.

          It’s a lot of $ but it sounds like you made the right choice, he didn’t. Le$$on learned.

      3. If I were him I’d keep it and give it to the woman he proposes to one day, it’s not like he proposed and you had a broken engagement. Also try I do…now I don’t (website). There’s many options for selling he will just need to research them.

      4. Can he not recoup most of the material worth of the ring? I get that there are some design costs and markup that he won’t recover. But he should be able to sell it for the metal and the stone(s). How much of loss is yours to pay back would be for the two of you to decide. If this was really all of his own doing, then he did that at his own risk.

        1. From what I know, diamond re-sale value is horrible. My mom broke off an engagement with a $26k ring and was able to resell it for about $5k (seriously). I’ve heard other similar stories.

          Since the diamond is likely the most expensive part if the ring, I would suggest he keep the diamond for the future at least, and take a loss on the setting.

          Or, he can try to sell it on the “I do now I don’t” website.

      5. Are you kidding me? Are you really truly at a loss? ’cause if you are, then you haven’t given this much thought. The ring belongs to him. He can try to sell it. If he can’t, that burden is on him because it was his choice to invest this much in a ring before he knew marrying your was a sure bet. That’s the only answer.

        I guess I just don’t understand how this is a question, or what the problem is.

        1. maybe she just wanted some feedback or others’ thoughts? No need to get all bent out of shape.

      6. He should keep it for when he actually gets engaged. By then he hopefully will be completely over you and this situation and be okay with the ring and/or can put a little more money in it to redesign it (keeping same materials).

          1. Was just trying to offer up a solution that hadn’t been offered to save the guy a financial loss. I guess gone are the good ol’ days on this blog where we dissented saying “I disagree” rather than “gross.”

        2. Honestly, if I were the next long-term girlfriend, I would not be happy if I got proposed to with a ring painstakingly designed for the last one — even if retooled. Life is too short for items with weird sentimental baggage. I think he should shop around to see what he can sell it for and take the loss.

        3. Eh, it’s not clear if he designed this ring with anyone else’s input. I think it’s possible to reuse the materials.

          1. Good thing Duchess of Cambridge didn’t object to an expensive ring from a failed relationship. Yeah, that’s right, I went there. I’m sure he’d be able to use it again, esp. if he has $35K to blow on a ring – Ellen would snap him up.

          2. I think a ring from the Prince’s deceased mother is very different than a ring from your fiancé’s failed almost-engagement, designed for the previous girlfriend.

      7. I went out with this guy before you did. He does that with everyone. Don’t take it personally.

      8. That sucks, but if he designed it without telling you, it’s a loss he has to bear. He should not have moved forward with the design knowing what he knew. It’s sad that he held up false hope but it not your fault.

      9. I’m taking this a step further and saying that this is just another validation you did the right thing! Creating a unique custom non returnable 35k ring for someone despite relationship issues is kind of a problem in itself ! Its making a lot of assumptions and kind of taking control of the idea of your engagement. The risk is 100 % on him- not your problem!

      10. My husband went through something similar with his ex-fiancé. In his case, he was able to return it to the store for a full refund. I don’t think it was custom, though.

        I definitely think selling is the best option. Personally, I’d want him to keep all the money from the sale.

        FWIW, I think I’d feel uncomfortable if he’d given me the ring from his previous engagement. Mine was purchased from an estate jewelry (so it was “used”), but he carefully selected it for me and even matched the color of the stone to the dress that I wore on our first date. I’m sure he would have put the same amount of thought into his previous ring.

        Knowing him, he would have never felt comfortable using it again anyway. He was completely blind-sided but ultimately very happy that she had pulled out because it would have been a nightmare of a marriage. He’d never want that physical reminder on my hand everyday.

  4. This is brilliant! Much better than the safety pin wrangling I have to do with buttoned shirts.

  5. If you’re doing an order from M&S, be sure to add knickers and hose (called ‘sheer tights’ in the UK) – link to my favourites to follow.

      1. Back in the 80s and 90s when I used to visit London frequently to see relatives, I always stocked up on br@s and underwear at M&S.

      2. I will always be a devotee of the M&S underwear department. I’m in Germany for a year abroad and bought in bulk before I left.

      1. The Modal blend no VPL pants are great – here’s a link to the search with all the shapes in which they’re available. I like the shorts and my Mum says good things about the high legs.

        http://www.marksandspencer.com/l/lingerie/knickers/no-vpl/?checkbox-accordion=on&facetOpen=true&checkbox-accordion=on&checkbox-accordion=on&checkbox-accordion=on&checkbox-accordion=on&facets-4294957170-3=on&facetBrand=1&checkbox-accordion=on&slider_Min_0=5&slider_Max_1=30&slider_Current_Min_0=5&slider_Current_Max_1=30&checkbox-accordion=on&facets-1090-1=on&lastSelectedSize=&sortBy=product.best_selling|1&resultsPerPage=96&pageChoice=1&selectedAccordions=checkbox-1|checkbox-2|checkbox-3|checkbox-4|checkbox-5|checkbox-6|checkbox-8&cachedFilters=%20generic-4294957170%20generic-1090+undefined+96+5+30+5+30

      2. The 60 denier BodySensor tights are fantastic; incredibly long-wearing!

        http://www.marksandspencer.com/3-pairs-of-bodysensor-60-denier-opaque-tights/p/p22247985

        It’s also worth nothing for anyone on a business trip to the UK that M&S are wonderful at click-and-collect and I’ve generally been impressed by their customer service. (Except that one time I ordered underwear to click and collect and the bag was see-through). You can click, collect, and try on in store, and then return what you didn’t like right there and then. My Mum has their credit card so she often orders stuff into my local store (at my request) for me to try on and return, so she gets the points.

      3. My absolute favourites are the opaque merino wool tights. I stock up all the time and get family members to buy them for me when they go to London. Comfy, warm, look great, long-wearing.

        Any of their undies are great too.

      4. I bought a variety to try. With free shipping, it was only about $30 for 8 pairs.

      1. Yeah, I love the IDEA behind this shirt, but the actual one looks so frump and dump, like something I would get off the clearance rack at Sears

  7. What would you say is the #1 dressing well for work mistake that young women new to the workforce make that makes it harder for them to be taken seriously, aside from wearing too tight/revealing stuff?

    1. Dressing too matronly in an attempt to be professional. It looks like they are playing dress up and only draws attention to their age.

        1. Maybe that’s not the right term, but it’s what popped in my head on the first cup of coffee!

          Shapeless, ill fitting, too big, severely out of date styled clothing. Don’t get me wrong, if I have to have the ‘leggings aren’t work pants’ conversation one more time I might scream, but I also see a ton of young women who don’t know how to buy an appropriate suit.

          1. I think Talbots has some nice stuff every now and then, you just have to be kind of selective. (I’m in my early 30’s FWIW)

          2. You will pry my kitten heels from my cold dead hands, thank you very much.

          3. Great. Please let me know what other store I can buy plus-size petite suits at. I’m very interested to know this.

          4. Totally disagree. I have a number of things from Talbots and every single time I wear any of those items, I get tons of compliments on my outfit from colleagues who are both older and younger than me. You have to be selective and there certainly are plenty of “matronly” items, but not everything is FUG. ;)

        3. Completely buttoned up cardigans over dull colored pencil skirts past their knees with opaque hose/tights and flat “comfort” shoes with unflattering hair pulled into a ponytail or left flat and unstyled every day. Particularly if the young woman has a quiet, girly voice and a timid demeanor. On an older woman, it looks boring but acceptable. On a 23 year old, it makes me question competence. Is that fair? No, absolutely not. But appearances talk for you.

          2. If you dressed like that and spoke up for yourself, had confidence, and carried yourself well, it wouldn’t make any difference. If you dressed like that and couldn’t look me in the eye, you’d compound the impression that you don’t have the confidence to deal with clients. If you dressed confidently and acted timidly, I might think you were just having a bad day or were upset or hurt about something specific, unless the behavior was repeated and consistent.

      2. That was me in the 80s and 90s! Matronly,for me meant very high buttoned-up necklines, suits with no shape, midcalf skirts, boring shoes.

        1. I think that suits were very shapeless back then, in fairness to you. Remember the short skirt / long jacket song?

        2. Wasn’t the conventional wisdom around that time that women had to dress sort of mannish to be taken seriously and advance, though? I’m only in my 20s, so I wasn’t conscious around that time, but I definitely get the impression that dressing “femininely” (i.e. stuff that’s not boring and shapeless) at work is kind of a development of the last 10-20 years

          1. Things were definitely more straitlaced than they are today, but by the time I came to the workplace, women were at least no longer wearing those ridiculous ties at the neck.

            As for myself, my clothes were not mannish but were still matronly – think pastel fake-linen suits with high necked blouses. Although maybe that was just what was in style.

      3. Agreed! Shapeless, plain, ugly shoes, etc….Or just dressing too old for their age. I don’t know how to describe but it’s like they’re almost over-doing it.

      4. Boy do I disagree with this. I appreciate the young women on my staff dressing professionally. I want to talk about work with them, not counsel them on wearing too-short skirts, low necklines or borderline club wear. You want to be known for your work when you are new to working, not your style. Unless you are at work primarily to find a husband (and I hope you’re not!) you should really try to model your working wardrobe on what people one or two levels above you are wearing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard my fellow managers (the male ones)!talking about “the girls” at my office, based largely on tight/low cut/high hemline clothing. Don’t be one of the girls. Be a professional and get that office so you can help me tell these creeps to shut the f up.

        2. I didn’t say not dressing professionally, I said dressing matronly. By matronly I mean, wearing things that are totally shapeless, vastly too big, etc. so you end up looking like you’re playing dress up in your mom’s suits from the 80s. By all means, you should dress professionally and avoid the usual trappings. These days, most young women I see are either too casual or look like they’re playing dress up, not dressing in appropriate businesswear.

        3. You can dress professionally without being matronly, you know. Having style doesn’t = dressing inappropriately.

        4. I don’t think dressing matronly is inappropriate. To me that’s a taste issue and I wouldn’t fault a new employee for it.

          1. I think the issue is more “little girl playing dress-up,” then just purely dressing matronly. I can see where dressing in a way that makes you look much younger/clueless/like you are playing a character could be problematic.

            I am so happy I spent my 20s in the lab (circa early 1990s)! I never had to deal with Heinous ’90s Office Drag. In fact, I’ve never really worked any place where I’ve had to regularly wear a suit. I am wearing gray skinny jeans, gray booties, a teal cardigan (when did Banana Republic stop making such nice wool sweaters? Sniff!) and colorful indoor scarf (lightweight cotton). I am one of the better-dressed people around the office today.

      5. +1 I actually get a lot of positive reinforcement for dressing stylishly but still professional. There is no need to wear a charcoal suit and a white button-down to be seen as a professional.

      1. +100. Even in a business casual office that allows jeans on Fridays. I constantly have to remind my staff that just because you paid $150 for jeans they may not be appropriate for the office on Friday.

      3. Also, thinking that anything “dressy” was work appropriate. I definitely made this mistake when I was younger – I thought that if it was a dress and not revealing, it was fine, with no regards to shape, fabric, structure, etc. (Just because I could wear it to church doesn’t mean that it’s work-appropriate.)

        1. Also with the dressy =/= work appropriate – evening attire you would wear out to dinner or to the symphony etc. I definitely wore things that were too “evening” (sparkly or satiny), that even though they were modest enough, were not right for the work place.

          Also continuing to wear things after they were too tight, had shrunk or were starting to get too worn down (scuffed, pill-y, etc)

        2. Yes! I wore a lot of floral church-appropriate skirts (and, erm, possibly a few sparkly-going-out-tops-under-blazers-from-the-Limited) in my early working days.

      4. +1

        Also agree with Lyssa’s (when I started in the 90’s, there was definitely too much satin, lol). Very similarly, thinking that anything that covers the right spots (ie, skirts that come to knee, tops with sleeves and no cleavage) are automatically work appropriate. An extreme amount of ruffles don’t belong at work, for example.

        Thinking that Black = work appropriate. Back when I started out, it was primarily issues with wearing college clubbing pants to an interview, but now it’s probably most relevant to leggings.

    3. Dressing too casually, which obviously varies by office.

      Yesterday I saw someone in my office wearing a v-back teal lace dress, grey tights and booties. It was a really cute weekend look, but definitely not work appropriate. Simply adding a blazer and switching the booties for tights would have made it more work appropriate and easy to transition from day to night (if that was her intention).

    5. Overall, I think that younger workers are much more polished than I was (FWIW, I did fine in suits, but really struggled with business casual when we went that route).

      I’m in a building with lots of accountants (who, along with the bankers, have huge intern and summer swarms each year, not to mention waves of newbies coming in for interview tours) / consultants / lawyers / and bankers. We’re on the more formal end of the spectrum for not being business-formal. Bigger city, East Coast.

      Bigger offenders:
      1. You can’t wear Revas with everything. I know they cost a lot of $ and they work OK with pants, but they just look off with a skirt suit or a straight skirt that is much above the knee.

      2. If you are carrying 3 bags with you on the elevator, you might just need one bigger bag. I get it for the people who have purse + laptop bag + pump, but if you are 22 and carrying a lot of bags everyday, it makes it for everyone to fit in the elevator and for you to get on /off (multiply by an entering class of interns, etc.).

      3. Earbuds. You are getting in to work. The other person on the elevator might be very important. Give yourself the opportunity to meet some people higher up the food chain from you. I get tuning out, but if you’re in the work elevator, it doesn’t convey the right tone to your coworkers. Taking them out as you enter the building would do you good.

      4. North Face doesn’t make blazers. I understand that people are chilly sometimes, but business-casual isn’t fleece casual. It’s OK on your lap at your desk or in your office, but if you have a grownup job, you should start investing in some grownup clothes.

      5. Chewing gum. Especially en route to an interview.

    6. Oh, we had the most egregious outfit by a young employee this season. So I guess this would fall under “dressing for the holidays too much”. She wore red, green, and white plaid pants that I (and other people) first thought were pajama pants. And then a white turtleneck, and red puffy vest, and ugg moccasins. It was WAY too christmasy and it was clear that no one had told her that maybe she should re-think her outfit. I mean I guess it would’ve been fine for a holiday party?

    7. I definitely see too casual far more than I see too matronly.

      Things like long drap-y sweaters and leggings-like pants – would be a great weekend outfit with boots, but a little casual for a law firm. Of course, this outfit may be fine in a creative field so ymmv.

      1. general question- are bright colors too casual? I know this varies by office, but let’s say anything within the realm of business casual, excluding the really casual end of business casual. Is wearing a yellow sweater, for example, too casual?

        1. This is definitely office specific. Color is ok in general, but I would factor in the specific color, the item of clothing, quality of the clothing and office norms before deciding whether a bright item is office appropriate. I would def wear a yellow sweater to my business casual Southern office but it might be inappropriate if everyone else wears mostly dark colors.

        2. When I see it it’s wearing a yellow sweater with a bright purple skirt with bright pink shoes = more casual than wearing the same outfit in navy blue or black.

          1. Well, I’m assuming that the rest of what’s worn is in dark colors and a conservative cut. For example a few days ago I wore a grey pencil skirt, black shell, with a yellow cardigan and black flats. Also pearls to clutch when necessary.

        3. Is it otherwise OK? Then it’s probably OK.

          I have a hot pink sheath dress. It could be styled in a very Elle Woods manner. But it’s a very conservative cut and I wear it with work accessories (an am more Alicia Florrick than Elle Woods). But I don’t push it’s limits — I have the same dress in black for when I need not to be That Woman in the Pink Dress.

        4. I’m wearing a bright orange sweater at the moment. Its a business casual office though, and I’m currently in casual Friday jeans.

      2. we have a serious problem with this particular outfit among support staff in my law firm. my secretary showed up wearing cheetah print leggings, a drapey, loud-printed knit sweater, and a short t-shirt that didnt’ cover her crotch. and heels. it was appalling.

        after getting reprimanded she has stopped wearing the cheetah print leggings, but she’s shown up in bright purple ones and still wears drapey sweater/legging combos on the regular. I hate it.

        we’ve sent out SO.MANY. emails about the dress code that I honestly think certain women are just trying to see what they can get away with.

        1. I am totally adding cheetah print leggings to my Christmas list! (But I will not wear them to work).

        2. re: trying to see what they can get away with, I think it’s more likely that they just have no sense of what work-appropriate means. I read on here once that you can’t just tell a group of women “don’t wear low cut/ cleavage bearing shirts to work,” because the women you’re really talking to will just look down and be like, “I’m all set, this isn’t low cut.” So I think there’s a generalized awareness problem.

        1. Knit pants (ponte?) that fit like leggings but have pants details like zippers and pockets. I see them fairly regularly amongst the early 20’s set in my office and they definitely aren’t work appropriate.

          1. I needed to buy some new work pants this year and I was surprised how everyone stocked them instead of more work-appropriate ones, even at places like Ann Taylor. It’s bizarre.

      4. Speaking of casual, I think sometimes there’s a misunderstanding about what casual means in the workplace. I work in a casual office, but I’ve run across fresh grads who don’t seem to get that doesn’t mean wear whatever you want. Casual still needs to be office appropriate. Jeans, for instance, are fine and dandy, just not the ones you’re likely to wear Saturday night.

    8. Wearing heels that are too high, and the resultant inability to walk properly in high heels. I’m not knocking tall heels, and wear 4″ heels on occasion myself, but I have seen many young professional ladies clumping around in shoes they haven’t mastered. At my law school graduation several years ago it was awkward/hilarious to watch many ladies struggle across the stage in crazy platform heels. I think this might be dying down as the tall platform heel is less in style, but it’s something I notice right away and which I think detracts from a person’s professionalism.

      1. OMG — we have some serious offenders in the loud clomping department.

        You need shoes you don’t clomp in.

      2. Is it professional to wear flats all the time? I’ve found it incredibly difficult to find shoes with low heels (1.5-2 inches would be perfect) and I’d rather not wear something too high for this reason.

        1. I think flats are fine, just depends on the styling. (Note: I am no shoe maven here, so this is just one lady’s opinion.) I often think the line is broken a bit when you wear skirts or dresses and flats–I can’t do it on my body without feeling like my calves look huge or that the whole thing is frumpy–but I’ve seen people pull it off. Have you tried wedges? I find them a lot easier to walk in, support-wise, but you can still add some height and get the heel “look.” Thicker heels also help in terms of stability and comfort for me.

          1. I agree, I can’t do it with fuller skirts without feeling like I look like I’m dressing up as Sandy from Grease.

            I’ve found it hard to find ‘work-y’ shoes with a wedge or thicker heel – probably easier for boots? What I have done is buy a great pair of casual ‘booties’ which have about a 2″ heel which is nice and chunky so I can get used to those, and then hopefully I will be able to go slightly higher than that in future.

            I’m tall so I’ve never learnt to walk in heels. (Plus if I do start wearing heels I’ll have to go through and buy all longer skirts…)

          2. For work shoes with a wedge, check out the Martina from J. Crew (or similar). These are my go-to work shoe.

          5. Baconpancakes, I agree with that post.

            I nearly always wear flats. It does get some getting used to with skirts – and I realize it’s not optimally flattering – but I do think it can still look professional so long as the elements are all professional.

        2. I’m 5’8″ and I just hate wearing heels, so I wear flats at work 98% of the time. But I have long slim legs so I think it looks fine. I don’t think they are “unprofessional” though unless you work in a very conservative office.

        3. FLATS ARE PROFSSIONAL.

          Not all flats,but there is no rule that you have to wear high heels to be professional.

          It’s also okay to look short. I am short. My calves are big, but I still wear flats 95% of the time because I like them.

          Also, my sister and I have concluded that wedges arctually make us both less stable and more likely to roll our ankles. Everybody’s shoe preferences are different and that is ok.

    9. I’m 10 years out of law school, and at the beginning of my career, I dressed very professionally all the time. Suits, pencil skirts and blazers, heels that were the perfect height, a dressy coat when the weather called for it.

      Now, I’m at a much more casual firm and I’m a little more established by my work and I feel more comfortable with the people I work with. I definitely dress way more casually than I used to. I rarely wear a suit unless I am in court or meeting with a client. I wear jeans often (allowed in my office). Even when I “dress up,” I tend to wear slim wool pants and a sweater instead of a skirt or dress and a jacket. I wear flats a lot. I wear a warm parka coat and a big hat. I still think I dress stylish and nice, but its definitely on the more casual side of things.

    10. Wearing stuff that’s cutesy or costumey. So many of the younger girls in my office wear dresses off of ModCloth-they think because it’s longer it’s office appropriate, but they usually look like they’re going to a Mad Men costume party. Or they’re in a nice dress with a nice shape, but it has a little girl print (like ice cream cones).

      It’s not so much inappropriate as just a taste issue, but it does make me think of them as more immature or naive.

    11. This may be DC-specific, but there is a look there called Too Much of Your Mother’s St. John. Even worse if it is your mother’s St. John from so long ago that it has enormous shoulder pads.

    12. Hair, makeup, and footwear. I see a lot of young women with hair that’s in their faces, or otherwise in the way. Makeup shouldn’t be glittery or bright. And, in most cases, you shouldn’t be hearing the same heels to work and the club.

    13. I think some people are very concerned with their clothing expressing their personality – as in, that takes precedence over just flat out dressing professionally. I get having a personal style, but some people go overboard. Over the knee boots with a short-sleeve, clingy sweater dress, an elastic belt, and big hoop earrings, for example, is not really a professional look at an investment bank.

  8. Ashamed to say this piece of snark, but I felt better when a vendor that had been giving me trouble pluralized “attorneys” incorrectly in an email (“attornies”). She probably doesn’t have a great grasp of the law if that’s her grasp of grammar….

    2. It’s ok. I felt bad working to the deadline on a project due today (I wrapped it Thursday after an all-nighter and a half-nighter) and a colleague working on her part of the project in another office is still working on it today.

      SO that made me feel a lot better!

  9. Apologies for the repost. Hoping to drum up another rec or two. Any recs for an OB in midtown west ? My regular gyn doesn’t do OB.

    And for the poster who responded yesterday, why is Roosevelt hospital a problem?

    1. That was me. I had some major issues with the nursing staff. My first post partum nurse didn’t take my complications seriously and it ended up escalating pretty badly. They were understaffed frequently and change of shift was a mess.
      It’s a shame because the hospital was conveniently located for sonograms and I really liked my OB and staff.

    2. Not midtown west, but I’ve been going to the Weill Cornell practice (72nd and York). It is a complete pain for me to get to, but I like the practice and the affiliated hospital (NY Presbyterian in the upper 60’s and York).

    3. Cornell > Roosevelt. Had bad experiences with 2 practices associated with Roosevelt and with nurses/staff there in general also. OB I’d highly recommend but her office doesn’t take insurance – Dr. Lauren Feit, on UES and @ Cornell.

    4. Dr Rutenberg (Columbus circle) is great. So is Dr Barbieri (although she’s uws). Both deliver at st Luke’s

  10. Yuck. I really dislike the blouse you chose to picture as an example for the No-Peep, but there are some pretty decent looking options if you click through the link.

  11. Anyone have boot brand recs? I’m looking for something in the style of the Rag & Bone Classic Newbury, but with a lower heel since I’m not much of a heel person. But something of good quality and classic.

      1. I got the Newbury and loved the look but had to give them up because I too am not a heel person. Don’t be sucked in by beauty! They really made my feet hurt, but to be fair so do almost all heels higher than two inches.

    2. I got some from Sole Society that are a decent approximation style-wise. They aren’t the most comfy ever (not uncomfy, just not a shoe I’d bring on a 5-mile hike) and I don’t think they’ll last more than this winter and next, but I’m not sure the trend will either.

  12. Do any of you ladies have experience being in a relationship with someone with Aspergers? I’m pretty sure my husband has it and while most of our relationship is perfectly fine, there are times that things wear on me. I’m looking for any kind of resources that any of you have found helpful.

    He’s not open to therapy, so that’s probably not an option for us as a couple.

    1. My husband does. It’s a fairly minor case and manifests in pretty specific ways. He was diagnosed fairly recently, maybe 6 months before we started dating, I didn’t know until he told me. He started some counseling and it helps to be aware of how it manifests.

    2. I don’t have any advice, but I am supportive. My AS brother is married to a wonderful (neurotypical) woman. (I imagine she and you would have lots to talk about). Behavior mods are important for people with AS, but since you’re already in mostly a good relationship, your SO is probably already making plenty of modifications. I’m not sure that therapy would make a difference in the traits that bother you.

      Not to generalize (ha!), I will add that my brother and some other people I know with AS are the sweetest guys despite their nontypical behavior. There are so many comments here describing jerky males, so if you have a sweet guy with AS, you might have to deal with some issues, but you might be pretty lucky!

      1. Tesyaa, I do consider myself lucky, for sure. He is a great guy. The differences sometimes get to me, but he is definitely amazing.

    3. Why does he get to make that decision? To me it seems like if one person in a relationship wants to go to therapy, it’s the other person’s obligation to go (at least try it out), and especially in a situation where that person has a possible behavioral disability/quirk that’s affecting the relationship. I would not stand for someone telling me he absolutely won’t go to therapy when the relationship clearly needs it (or you clearly need it).

      1. Maybe he’s already tried therapy and discovered that therapy and counseling are not effective in changing his basic nature. Asperger’s syndrome is not an illness or pathology like depression or anxiety.

      2. I’m sure if I insisted he would go for me. But Tesyaa is correct, it’s not going to change his basic nature. His attitude towards it tells me that it would be a waste of time for us.

        He’s very well ‘adjusted’ and high functioning in many, many ways. Most people would have no idea that he has tendencies towards Aspergers, but it is abundantly clear in marriage. It’s like living with two different people at times.

    4. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but doing counseling together might be helpful. Not in a “needing to fix him” way, but in a way that you both can come up with strategies for handling quirks that may be associated with Aspergers.

      1. Yes – I’d pose it to him that way – not in a “there’s something wrong with you/us and we need to go to counseling to fix it” but rather “lets talk to a professional about ways we can both communicate better”
        If I were him, I might hear a request for counseling as “we need to go so you can fix YOUR issues” rather than “lets go have a mediated conversation where we can BOTH talk about what we can change to make things better”

        But as someone who self identifies with more toward Aspergers than the average neurotypical person, you might never get him there – because I could never get past therapy as being a waste of time talking about bs like feelings myself. Not that it isn’t valuable for other people – but I just am so very different from the average person that goes into a career like counseling that I couldn’t really find much of what was being told to me to help. I can’t put it well into words, but that in and of itself may be why counseling didn’t work for me – too many words and feelings, not enough concrete black and white.

    5. Have you looked at some of the pieces written by David Finch? He has Aspergers and has chronicled the effect it had on his wife and family, and ways that he has tried to change to help his marriage.

        1. His book is called “The Journal of Best Practices” and it’s very good.

    6. I’m just wondering — why would someone go to therapy for Aspergers? It’s not like it’s something wrong with him — it’s how he is. I think of things like that as being left-handed (or gay) — it’s simply how the person is and it’s not right to make them feel like they were made wrong and need to change to make us feel better.

      1. I agree. Therapy won’t get rid of his Aspergers. It may help you deal with what he can’t change.

      2. I honestly only put that in because I knew the overwhelming majority of posters would say THERAPY! Which isn’t a bad idea, but it’s not going to ‘fix’ anything here in my opinion. He’s not broken.

        He doesn’t need therapy; he’s very well adjusted and I don’t think it’s a big issue in the long run. In private, it comes out more, and sometimes I just feel defeated that I’ll never understand how he thinks, why he says some things he does (for example: he says very hurtful things, but has zero idea why they’re hurtful, and then wants an entire list of words he ‘cannot’ say, so he doesn’t hurt me again, etc.).

        1. You just explained why he needs counseling. He is hurting you. He is not well adjusted enough to be in a relationship with you. So I suggest some counseling together.

          I have a close family member with Asperger’s spectrum issues and he does the same exact thing. It took me years to realize that he is not purposefully being cruel and thoughtless. He really doesn’t understand. HOWEVER… that is not an excuse. As your spouse, he has a responsibility not to hurt you. He can learn what are better/safer responses and how to give you the support you need.

          I’ve heard that the popular book by David Finch is a great starting place. Give it to him for Xmas, and read it with him. Then, ask him to go to a couple counseling sessions with you FOR YOU, if you are scared that he will be put off by counseling for himself. Say you want to be able to communicate better with him to feel valued and loved. Couples counseling, with someone adequately trained, is one option.

          I think he knows he has issues…. and yes, he will not be able to change many aspects of his fundamental personality. But he absolutely can change some basic, simple ways he interacts with you. My family member did.

        2. I’d suggest you getting some individual counseling for yourself, to work on living with him the way he is. In addition to couples counseling, if he’s willing to go, or instead of, if he’s not.

      3. Going to therapy does not mean there is something wrong with you…. It could just be to help people with two very different communication styles, or to help him understand better where a neurotyoical spouse is coming from (or vice versa for her to go to therapy)

  13. What nail polish color does the hive recommend? I’m heading to two holiday events tonight, both professional (law) although I will be attending as a spouse (who is also a lawyer). I’m wearing a neutral outfit, i.e., black from head to toe, with minimal jewelry, so there are no colors to match or coordinate with. What’s a good color to choose? I was almost thinking of doing something close to the apparently-hated Patone color of the year, Marsala, but then thought that might out me as impossibly lame.

      1. Ouch. Just trying to get some inspiration from the hive and break out of my box, color-wise.

    3. I would do a darker, metallic red since it’s for holiday parties. Something like OPI’s Bogota Blackberry or Rajah Ruby Red.

    4. Friend of mine was wearing metallic gold (as opposed to sparkling) the other day and it looked awesome. She is a lawyer in her late 30’s for context.

        1. And this comment made me remember I own this color. Can’t wait to go home and paint my nails. Is it 5 yet?

    7. Gunmetal – darker grey with a hint of metallic. A very fabulous partner in my firm has it right now and it looks amazing.

    8. What’s wrong with marsala? I have a couple different polishes that are close to that shade and they are purty. So there.

      1. I think Marsala would look great! Or, a deeper than candy apple, sparkly red.

  14. I need some new ideas for edible holiday treats that I can batch up and share, both by mail and in person. I prefer not to do cookies but in previous years have made varieties of caramels and toffees. Recipients have all been very enthusiastic.

    (One kind of toffee has actually become our signature; we’ll be making a big batch to have as part of the dessert spread at our wedding next summer. I’d be tempted to send that again, as it’s so easy and tasty *and* has wedding tie-ins, but I don’t want recipients to feel bummed at the repeat!)

    My one idea so far is lemon curd for the in-person recipients, but obviously that’s not mail-friendly. Any other ideas? I’m open to savory options too.

    1. Flapjacks! 250g oats, 125g each butter and brown sugar, and 2-3tbsp golden syrup (for gooeyness, would probably work with a tsp of honey instead). Melt and mix it all together over a low heat, then tip into a brownie tin and bake at 180 Celsius until golden brown (about 20 minutes)

    2. I’m not sure if this will survive mailing to warm climates, but my daughter has been making “bark” with melted chocolate chips, chopped dried apricots and chopped roasted almonds. Don’t chop too finely. Mix, spread on a cookie sheet, and freeze until solid. Break into pieces and eat.

    3. You could do mini-stollens or perhaps those flavored pretzels some people bake around Christmas and put in tins.

    4. We’ve made granola in the past, which was a huge hit. We commonly also make and can apple or pear butter, also well-received.

    5. Fudge. My mother also usually makes divinity around Christmas (because it’s too humid most of the rest of the year to make it), which I’m not a huge fan of since it’s basically entirely sugar, but some people like it.

    6. If its a 1-2x a year thing, I’d do your “signature” item – no problem in repeating something people like! If I told you I loved the toffees and caramels, I wouldn’t be disappointed to receive them again this year, I’d be excited. And its not like they had some left over from last year still.

    7. Biscotti? Like stollen, but possibly less intimidating? Personally blended herbal teas – just need to get those in bulk, blend, and put in tins with either a tea steeper or fillable tea bags. Jam is surprisingly easy, as is apple butter, and both can be water bathed so that it’s shelf stable (if you have any friends who can, jam is only a 10 minute water bath), and you can get tiny jars that are 4 oz and fit in one of those prepaid boxes to ship. Flavored salts and sugars feel very fancy, but are absurdly easy to make. I’m a little fuzzy on the shipping regulations, but for in-person gifts, some infused liqueurs can be homemade in a short period of time.

    8. Chai spiced almonds from Joy the Baker (search her blog). But I agree with Meg Murry, no problem repeating your signatures!

    9. Peppermint Bark:
      12 oz semi-sweet chips
      12 oz white chocolate (I used 3 Ghirardelli bars)
      peppermint extract
      crushed peppermint candy (I used canes)
      Melt the chips with a splash of extract in the microwave. Pour into an aluminum foil covered cookie sheet and spread out. You don’t have to cover the whole pan, but you want to make it a thin cover. Freeze. You only need to freeze for about 1/2 hour.
      Melt the white chocolate with a splash of extract in the microwave. Stir in 3/4 of the crushed candy. Spread over the chocolate on the sheet. Press remaining crushed candy on top and return to freezer. It should be ready in about 3 hours.

      Or Chocolate Caramel Crack: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2009/04/chocolate-caramel-crackers/

  15. Hi all, it’s been 3 months since I got laid off & I started a new job this week – a great early Christmas present. Hopefully I’ll be around this site a little more now.

    My new job is quite different in many ways from my last. I used to work in a high rise downtown and commute via train, now I work in the industrial section of town at a shop, and drive to work. I used to dress on the business end of business casual, now I’m more at the casual end. Basically the same work, actually a promotion on paper since I report to the CFO now instead of another controller. I’m really excited.

    And, something I need a little advice on, my new building has a mouse problem. A dead one in a trap was waiting for me in the window well of my new office (my boss was so embarr@ssed & grossed out). I’m not super squeamish, and understand that mice are going to be an issue because the building is a little older, and on the edge of town, and the shop is attached. However, I’ve never had to deal with this before. Anyone have any advice on what I can keep in my office, how to secure snacks I like to bring to work, etc? Will things like granola bars and individually wrapped tea bags in my desk drawer be ok? Or do I need to invest in some containers to keep things in?

    1. No advice, but I once found mouse footprints and evidence of licking in the dried coffee at the bottom of my mug when I worked in a place like that. I got a huge laugh out of imagining the poor caffeinated mouse running around like crazy.

    2. I’d say containers. When our building (an urban high-rise, FWIW) had a mouse problem, a mouse chewed right though an unopened bag of Hershey Kisses my coworker was storing. They like fatty foods more than sweet (as our building maintenance staff told us), though, so I don’t know if they’d even go for the teabags or granola bars.

    3. I’d get a tupperware container to put your snacks in, and limit the number of snacks you keep at any one time. If you really want to avoid them coming in to your workspace, I’d suggest making a point to eat in the break room, not your office (limit the number of crumbs in your office) and if you do eat in your office, dispose of the food waste in the break room, not your office trash can.

      But I’m irrationally terrified of mice, so I do everything I can to avoid any chance of crossing paths with one.

        1. Yep. Any horse owner with a barn knows that mice and/or rats (love “meeses”) can chew through Tupperware. Glass with a glass lid might work but I’d get a Christmas cookie tin or something similar.

    4. Oh, you definitely need containers. I work at a botanical garden and store all of my work snacks in metal tins. Teabags seem not to interest our mice, but I’ve had colleagues lose coffee that had been stored in cardboard boxes or plastic sacks. I do store my loose tea in yet another metal tin. (Yeah, I have a lot of snacks at work.)

      Also agree with Meg Murry’s advice above about trying to keep things tidy.

      That said, if your office really has a mouse problem, your actions may not have a huge effect. We’ve known mice to chew through stationery because they like the glue on envelope flaps!

      Also also: Don’t feel too down about the mouse issue. Vogue’s new offices have rats, which seems much worse.

      1. Rats would definitely be worse. Thankfully there are no rats in Alberta, so I just have to worry about the little furry guys, not the big ones!

    7. Not sure if this is true, but I’ve heard mice and rats don’t live together so be grateful for mice!

    8. THIS is a great solution. Plug one in to your office outlet, and be sure the outlet is exposed and no furniture blocks it. No mice will enter your office. And if you want to be the office star, plug one in to an outlet in the common room/kitchen, if there is one.

      http://www.amazon.com/Victor-M692S-PestChaser-28not-available/dp/B000Q5KET6/ref=pd_sim_sbs_lg_4?ie=UTF8&refRID=0VPY3MNPT799W923F9A3

      You can buy these at your local hardware store, or a variant of this brand.

      Read the instructions and make sure you plug them in correctly so they are exposed. They will work.
      The only downside is if you are very close to them and have very good hearing, you may hear a high pitched buzz. It usually fades into the background for me.

      This is how we got rid of mice in my Dad’s house. I also recommend keeping all food in plastic containers or closed up, just to be safe.

  16. PSA: Edible Arrangements has a deal for $12 off right now (code is on the webs!te, guessing it expires at some point today).

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