Coffee Break: No-Fog Reading Glasses

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

I made the switch to bifocals recently (apparently age 40 is a big turning point for that, and I can now see 40 in my rearview mirror), and when I wear my contacts, reading anything close up (including my phone screen) is almost impossible. (Note: You can buy bifocal and multifocal contact lenses, which I was surprised to learn.)

To help me read with contacts, I bought some cheap (and kinda ugly) reading glasses from CVS and the grocery store, and I keep one pair in my car, one in my nightstand, and one in the kitchen. Now, I also have these glasses from Clearspecs, which are specifically designed not to fog up. I tried them while wearing a face mask, and — yep, no fogging up!

Clearspecs's reading glasses are $65 and available in three frame styles and four magnification levels (+1.5, +2.0, +2.5, and +3.0). The pictured style is the Canby, which is also available in black and clear.

Also interesting is the company's Showerspecs, which could make a practical gift for an older relative who's developed vision problems. They have special coatings that prevent fogging up and repel water droplets.

{related: the best online glasses for women}

Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 25% on select suiting, this weekend only
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
  • J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)

Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 25% on select suiting, this weekend only
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
  • J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

172 Comments

  1. kitchen design question. What would you all the “style” of the first image on this rejuven*tion page? It has light wood, no carve outs or paneling on the cabinets, and sort of modern-ish features. I am starting to think about a kitchen reno and have been struggling with not having the right vocabulary to describe anything.

    https://ideas.rejuvenation.com/how-to-choose-kitchen-lighting/

    1. I just tried modern natural kitchen as a search term and got lots of images like that one. They’re not all going to match of course.

    2. It’s probably technically eclectic (a defined not-one-style style), with mid-century modern, scandinavian and industrial vibes.

        1. well, i mean they’re selling light fixtures so they did something that stands out. I like it, but it wouldn’t be the go-to for most people with this style of cabinetry etc

    3. Clean scandi lines+ limited color pallette, abundant natural materials, industrial/glam fixturing.

    4. Basic modern Scandi, more Swedish than Danish.

      Look at IKEA ASKERSUND kitchen cabinet fronts if you want to do a DIY version. You can use any handles, if you want the same look.

  2. So I have been going through some issues with my H lately. He accuses me of things (is extremely jealous of the kids, dog, etc.), doesn’t like it when I do things with friends, gets upset if I don’t wear what he wants me to (I wore a sweater to an event and he thought I was trying to impress someone), I’ve even caught him listening to my private conversations at work. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do. Yesterday he told me I just need to figure it out. We are supposed to attend a family event in the near future and he doesn’t want me to go. Says I need to figure it out.

    We have kids so that makes it harder, but I should just tell him its done, right? How do I even move forward if that’s the answer?

    1. I’d say couples counseling, but it sounds like he might refuse to go. If you need help “figuring it out” then individual marriage counseling can really help. It was so, so helpful to me. The biggest mistake I made, though, other than waiting too long to get divorced, was taking my now ex-husband to the same counselor for joint counseling. So don’t do that.

      1. He has refused counseling multiple times over 15+ years. I don’t think he’ll change his mind now.

        1. Based on what you’ve said below, it is for the best that he won’t agree to go because couples counseling is contraindicated for people in abusive relationships. Oftentimes the abuser will use therapy to further manipulate the spouse and the therapist.

          Therapy on your own would be very helpful. The therapist will not judge you or this situation, I promise. He or she will help you develop a plan and figure out how to handle this situation. Highly agree with others’ suggestions below to look up resources on a library computer (while NOT connected to your Google account) and contact hotlines. Using listening devices is not normal behavior, and this sounds like escalation to me.

          If you are worried about the fallout to the kids— I grew up in an emotionally abusive household. I knew without a doubt who the abusive partner was, and I wished that the other would get out. I understand why she didn’t, but I wish there would have been a way because the abuse has had lifelong effects on both of us. I say this just to mean that your children will likely be relieved to be out of this environment, not upset or bitter about a split.

          1. +1, I was so happy when my parents divorced because my dad manipulated and gas lit her (and us to a certain extent) for the 15 years of my life. Kids know what is going on. My 7 year old brother knew what was going on.

      2. The listening to private conversations sounds abusive, and going to couples therapy with an abuser is never a good idea because they can manipulate the therapist. Couples counseling is good when both members of the couple are acting in good faith but are struggling over an issue like division of responsibilities, money, s3x, communication, etc. but that’s not this situation.

        1. He is borderline paranoid Rosa says. Beleive it or not, Ed has gotten very possessive of Rosa since the pandemic, and that is because he now has to share her with others after 15 months of family isolation in Chapaqua. Once Rosa got back out there this summer, meeting with other parents freinds and families, Ed became withdrawn, like your doosh, and exhibited much of the very same behaviours. Rosa was floored b/c she had many freinds before the pandemic, and did not expand to other people.

          Dad says that 15 months of Rosa and the Kids would drive anyone crazy, but Dad is just happy that Ed was not shooting blanks and that there were not more babies, tho Rosa’s fertility, like mine, must be wayneing.

          In any event, Rosa is NOT doing to much differently, but she is concerned b/c a 35 year old mom w/4 kids is not exactly what most eligible men are looking for in case Ed walks out. In any event, we are hoping this will resolve itself b/f that happens, but if it does, Rosa will be OK, as I have volunteered to move in with her in a pinch.

      3. No, definitely don’t do couples counseling. In abusive relationships, men can manipulate their wives and the couples counselor into “compromises” that allow him to continue to be abusive. OP, the behavior you are describing is not normal and your instincts are correct that it’s done. PLEASE make a safety plan for you and the kids and tell a trusted friend/family member what’s going on.

    2. Create a separate bank account for yourself (if you merged finances) and lawyer up. I’m sorry this is happening, but his behavior is bizarre and alarming. Get out before it escalates further.

      1. +100. Definitely make sure you have your own money. And hire a family law attorney now. His behavior sounds much like what one sees with an abusive spouse (he is extremely jealouse of the dog and listening to your conversations; these both scream very unhealthy). Your lawyer should be able to help you navigate leaving.

        1. Post your geographic location and someone here may be able to provide a referral for a lawyer.

          1. Thank you, I think I have a lead on that and prefer not to disclose where I am.

    3. Unfortunately, sudden paranoia in this fashion suggests that he is the one cheating, and is projecting onto you.

      I’d discreetly make plans GTFO once everything aligns.

        1. I should add that this has gone on for a long time, he has just recently said I need to make a decision. I know I haven’t been myself since realizing all of these issues are problems. The listening in on conversations really put me over the edge. I keep saying I need time (about 8 months since I found that last listening device) in order to figure things out. I think he is tired of waiting on me. I keep thinking we can get past it, but then something else comes up and he accuses me of some other random thing. Can’t seem to go more than 8 to 10 days without something coming up. Wearing something to the wrong place, assuming I have been out to lunch with someone (I very rarely go to lunch and when it does happen its 2 or 3 ladies from work), he has even ended up smelling my clothes and hair and concluding that I smell like greasy bar food. On these days I have eaten lunch at my desk with food I packed from home. Certainly not greasy bar food!!

          1. This is honestly terrifying. Please make a plan to leave and tell someone in real life what is going on so they are looking out for you.

            And ending up in this situation has nothing to do with intelligence, education, intuition, competence, etc. Two amazing, brilliant women attorneys at my firm were killed by their husbands in situations no one knew were at that point. Please, please get help and leave.

          2. I amend my previous advice to add – start making a plan to leave as soon as possible. This is abusive.

          3. Did you just write “listening device.” And indicate you have found more than one? I am sorry, but I think you have actually waited too long. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who is stalking you with listening devices. Get a lawyer and a new place to live.

          4. This sounds awful and unlivable. Of course you’re not yourself – your husband is basically stalking you. I don’t think this is going to ever get better. If you need a push, think of it this way: if your child came to you and told you that their spouse was engaging in this kind of behavior, what would you tell your child to do?

            Are you safe at home? This is the kind of paranoia and abusive behavior that I worry would escalate.

            I am so sorry you are going through this. Please take whatever steps you need to get you and your kids out of this situation.

          5. Wait hold up, I thought he was just like listening outside a door or something, he BUGGED your office? Girl you are in danger.

          6. Honestly, I think if he’s bugging you that may be grounds for a restraining order. Talk to your lawyer but honestly this is terribly alarming and I agree that you need to take action immediately! (At least as soon as you get your financial ducks in a row.)

          7. Go to the public library, use the computers to research hotlines and resources in your area for women in abusive relationships. Check out a few books while you’re there to explain your absence. Contact that attorney. Your goal needs to be protecting yourself and your kids.

          8. I’m sorry, he’s bugged your office? This is SO far past the bounds of ok. I don’t want to alarm you but I know of two situations where the father attacked/hurt the wife and children after a separation and the inciting behavior all sounded like what you are detailing – controlling, suspicious, etc.
            I would let your family know immediately what is going on, use a safe computer he cannot monitor to make a plan, GTFO and ensure that your children are not left with him alone. You are not at fault here, truly, and now your job is to ensure you and your children are safe.

          9. I remember your posts from earlier. It sounds like you are in-office at least some days. Can you use that time to research ways to leave? This is 1000% abusive, not remotely your “fault” and you deserve safety and freedom from surveillance.

          10. This is SCARY abuse – probably with some major mental illness as part of the cause?? – and you need to get out.

          11. None of this is your fault. You need to plan an exit strategy. Please consider calling a local women’s/domestic violence hotline for resources and support. He is stalking you and these are very controlling behaviors. You and your kids shouldn’t have to live like this.

      1. This is my first thought as well. And he wants you to end it so he won’t have to. Sorry OP.

        1. This is how I have felt for a long time. He doesn’t have the courage to end it himself, so he keeps pushing me and ultimately wants me to do it.

          1. However, my concern is you ultimately ending it may trigger him. The most dangerous period is when you leave. Please get professional advice.

      2. You’re describing abuse and control. The Domestic Violence Hotline can help you figure out how to be safe and make a plan. As others have said, your situation is very dangerous. Be careful, get out safely.

        1. I went through something similar. It’s projection and he’s trying to make you do something “crazy” – this is absolutely abuse.
          Make sure your phone is not on his account. This can be tricky with @pple devices — make sure all accounts totally separate. Go to the store and they can help. Get a burner phone and a new email account for anything you are doing to get out. Change all your passwords (my email was broken into prior to divorce — trust me on this).
          Figure out legal ramifications re custody in your state. If you want to ultimately be somewhere else, make a plan. Talk to a lawyer about options.
          I’m sorry you are dealing with this but it could potentially get a lot worse if you don’t take some steps NOW.

    4. This is how physical abuse starts. Don’t even bother with therapy. Get your ducks in a row and get a lawer.

    5. Is this what you want your kids to learn a relationship looks like? Would you want your daughter to seek out a husband like this? Because if you stay and he doesn’t change–and it doesn’t sound like he intends to–that is what they are learning.

    6. I went/am going through similar. Zero practical help from family court etc as the burden is on me to prove that he is abusive, and it boils down to things that sound trivial individually but aren’t when taken as a whole. Individual therapy has been very helpful. Couples therapy was unhelpful (being berated on the drive home, etc). Good luck getting a parenting plan that protects the children; having $200k ish stored up would be helpful, as it turns out only one spouse needs to be hostile for it to be a high conflict (=expensive and drawn out) divorce. I do think it’s best for the children in the long term, but definitely agree with other posters about having a safety plan and making sure he doesn’t get physically violent.

      1. Thank you for this. This is what I am finding out as well. I’ve been told although listening in on conversations like this is illegal in our state, the law can’t really do anything at this point. I would have to prove the pattern of abuse and it is hard to do that. As you indicated, it is more of a long-term pattern than any one instance. Not knowing what might set him off next is the hardest part. I’ve certainly learned that whatever I do it will never be right in his eyes.

    7. Sounds like he suspects you of infidelity ? Anyway these are all classic signs of a controlling, abusive spouse. Protect your money, lawyer up. I’d maybe have one last shot at asking him what’s going on. If he refuses, leave him. But protect yourself and the kids.

    8. Keep safe. What you are describing is abusive behavior. He is choosing to be abusive, and after fifteen years you know this is not going to change. He wants to keep you down, second-guessing and isolated, to keep control.

      You need to make a secret plan to get out. You need separate (secret money) and a discreet way to protect your money, non-replacable documents or valuables and a get-away-plan in place. Talk to a domestic violence hotline from a safe, non-traceable place and get help to make a plan an get a professional read on his behavior and any escalation.

      Assume that if he is abusive and stalkerish enough to bug your office, he is doing a lot of other tracking stuff. Assume your phone is tracked. Assume your GPS in your car is tracked. Assume your smart watch or sports watch is tracked. Assume your email, browsing history etc is tracked. This sounds super scary, but he has been behaving way off normal, and you need to protect yourself. It sounds like he’s trying to provoke you, and that he already knows or is ready with a “punishment” of some kind – where his point of view is that everything will have been your fault because “he warned you” and said “you need to figure it out”. This is a very scary situation, please get some outside help.

  3. I read through this morning’s comment re pregnancy timing. I was the last of my sister, cousins, and friends to get married. I was asked to time my wedding so as not to conflict with any kids they had in school, as it would be too hard to have everyone travel (in retrospect, WTF how hard would it be to miss a few days of kindergarten or second grade???), along with various crazy things. I also got that great-with-child people would be unlikely to travel 5ish hours to my wedding (and missed some events being “too pregnant to fly”). I think that a person can indicate a preference to be non-pregnant at an event that would be unlikely to move to accommodate her. And I think you can be open to having a child and yet not hitting the gas on the process (so a whoops baby now would be OK, but the serious work may begin at a later date, like if you’re not pregnant at Thanksgiving, maybe you make NYE plans involving raw cheese, cold cuts, sushi, and drinking, then pull the goalie on 1/1). Especially if you are not >35.

    1. Agree. I am a mom, and love my child and parenthood more than I can possibly express. But I was not ready to be a mom in my 20s or early 30s and have no regrets about waiting to have a kid until I felt ready. I was shocked by the multiple comments suggesting that maybe OP doesn’t actually want kids and should “own up” to that fact. Most people do not TTC the very moment they’re married and financially stable; there is a big emotional and lifestyle component to readiness as well and many people plan TTCing around major life events. I know quite a few people (us included) who wanted to take one big last bucket list vacation with their spouse before trying and I don’t see why a close family member’s wedding is less important than a vacation. I agree that if you’re over 35, have been married at least a year and are still not feeling ready, it’s worth thinking more seriously about whether it’s really an issue of readiness or not wanting them at all. But under 35, I would totally just wait and see if you feel ready later. A switch flipped for me very suddenly in my mid 30s. One day I wasn’t ready and the next day I was. I know a lot of women who have the same story.

      1. The OP’s exact words: “DH and I have been putting off TTC due to some other life events (jobs, moving). We were sort of hoping to have started by now, but we’re settled and we can get started anytime. Except we have conflicting wishes about how much longer to wait. My sister is getting married next summer, and I’d prefer not to be pregnant at her wedding. (I expressed this as “I want to drink at her wedding,” which DH found somewhat frivolous.)”

        They’ve already waited to TTC and the OP wants to wait more. Infertility is a huge risk to take, so if she does want kids but “not right now because instagram,” she’s being foolish.

        1. Eh, if she had said “I want to get through tax season so I can be TTC while not stressed out of my mind and relax and enjoy,” that would be fine. But b/c it’s not a duty and an enjoyable choice, people flipped out with “OMG infertility” as the end result, as if the world is that linear and the choices are that stark.

        2. I completely disagree that infertility is a “huge risk.” I don’t think she said her age but if she’s under 35 and especially if she’s under 30, the effects of delaying TTC by 7 months are statistically trivial. Even if she’s over 35 a delay like this is a small risk, not a huge one. I get that infertility is a huge thing to the people who are unlucky enough to be affected by it, but statistically the vast majority of couples conceive quickly when they want to.

          I agree that wanting to drink at the wedding sounds a little frivolous, but there are other valid reasons to not want to be pregnant at a sister’s wedding, and from the follow up comments it sounded like there was a lot more going on than just wanting to drink champagne at the wedding. I don’t think delaying TTC for 7 months to avoid being pregnant at a major life event like this is unreasonable or that unusual.

        3. I’m the OP from that thread, and I never said anything about Instagram. I want to enjoy my sister’s wedding with my sister, whom I love and am newly good friends with. I want to help her have a nice day without having to worry about throwing my own back out, my own painful feet, my own nausea and smell sensitivity or whatever else. My original question was meant to express that since my husband and I are “safe” in terms of our ages for another few years AND have decided that we’re logistically/circumstantially prepared (if not “ready”), I’m not sure whose wants should be honored here.

          Further, 4:11, you’re acting as though discovering that I’m infertile is going to ruin my life. I’m sure there are plenty of childfree people leading fulfilling lives here that would disagree with you, especially those who might have wanted kids at one time and have since made peace with the alternative. If I promise not to come crying to you if it takes me more than a month to conceive, will you lay off my back?

          1. I felt exactly like you did, OP and I thought the comments about you doing this for social media attention were really cruel and unwarranted. I wanted a child but I was also confident that I could live a happy life without biological children whether that was childfree or completing our family through adoption. I was married, a homeowner and financially stable for many years before we tried, and I have no regrets about waiting until I felt ready. My husband was ready earlier and also felt more strongly than I did about having biological children, but recognized that as the one who would have to bear the child the decision about when to start really rested with me (which is not to say that we didn’t have open dialogue about it). I would do what is right for you. A lot of the comments on the earlier thread were from people deep in their own infertility struggles who are projecting their own struggles onto you.

          2. It seems like a lot of posters on this board have gone through infertility struggles and then assume that everyone will and that everyone will react the same way as those posters. So as a counterpoint, I wanted a baby and turns out I couldn’t conceive, but I recognize that is not the norm and don’t have an ounce of regret about waiting until I was totally ready to start trying.

          3. I think the comment thread from earlier was pretty harsh and unfair, and seemed to be populated with a disproportionately high percentage of people who represented that they had experienced problems with infertility. 7 months, in the grand scheme of things, is really not that long. If you have the time and space to take a wait a few more months to enjoy this time, I say do it. There’s nothing wrong with taking a few more months to savor events like bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and your sister’s wedding before things change. Of course, once you’re pregnant and have a kid, you will continue still do these “life events,” but it will be different. The fact that you understand that these experiences will be different shows thoughtfulness and maturity, not that you’re secretly “not really ready” to TTC. I waited until I was 36 to have a baby because I also understood how profoundly different life would be pregnant/with a baby and there were lots of things I wanted to do and experience before that change occurred. I am so glad I waited. Don’t let bitter people on the internet bully you into making a fear-based decision. There’s so much about your life, and kids that you cannot control. Not being pregnant for the next few months is something you can easily control. So, if it makes sense in your life to wait, I think that’s a good decision.

          4. OP, you got totally piled on on the other thread, but none of it relates to what you actually wrote. People clearly feel very sensitive about this issue and are a bit prone to lashing out. Do what’s right for you and I totally hear you on wanting to be present and feeling great for the wedding. If you decide that it’s worth delaying TTC, that’s your choice and I’d probably make the same one.

          5. I know people who coupled up at 21, married at 24, and had a kid at 27. They had a second kid at 34, which everyone then jumped on them for the kid spacing, like WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT, so you can always make people unhappy with your baby producing schedule, not just on the first one.

          6. As a counterpoint, I felt fine during my pregnancy, had no sensitivity issues or any other symptoms, and would have been fine attending a wedding. So much of pregnancy is completely different from person to person (and pregnancy to pregnancy) that it feels naive to assume it will or won’t go a certain way, so that’s probably also a reason behind some of the pushback. That having been said, if one of you doesn’t want to have a kid right now, and the other does, then don’t have a kid. Sorry people are being hard on you.

          7. None of those comments have anything to do with you and everything to to with the people commenting. I timed my pregnancies for after major work milestones and of course most people time how much distance they want between kids. You’re in your 20s as I understand it, so not up against the clock. Pregnancy is a big deal. Being a parent is a bigger deal Do it when you’re absolutely sure you want to do it, and no it is not ridiculous to want to time is when it is convenient for you!

          8. Yep, agree with everyone replying on this thread. I got married in my mid-20s while I was working in Big Law. I guess according to the morning thread, we should have pulled the goalie ASAP because we were happily married and rich. But I knew I didn’t want to do Big Law with a kid and my husband was in grad school and then a postdoc, which required moving around frequently. I wanted to wait until I was settled in a job with better work-life balance, my husband had a tenure-track job and we’d settled in our hopefully permanent location and purchased a house. It wasn’t about showing off for social media, I’m just a Type A person and knew I wouldn’t be happy bringing a baby into a life that felt so chaotic and up in the air. Even once all of those things happened, it took us another year or so to actually start trying and part of that discussion was an agreement to delay trying until the late spring so that a) we could take one last big vacation after my husband’s academic year ended and b) if we conceived quickly our baby would be born in the spring semester and we could stack my 12 week maternity leave and his summer break. Was that stuff absolutely necessary? No of course not, we easily could have tried a full year earlier than we did. But I’m happy we had that last vacation (I love travel with kids, I truly do, but it’s not the same as childfree travel) and were able to successfully time the pregnancy in a way that worked best for our work schedules. I obviously can’t know with certainly how I would have felt if we’d faced infertility, but knowing myself and my personality I strongly suspect that becoming a mother before I was ready would have been worse for me than having to do IVF or even not being able to have a child at all.

          9. I never said a damn thing about Instagram and never said nor implied that infertility would ruin your life. You either cannot read or you are lashing out because you know deep down that you owe your husband a serious conversation.

  4. Anyone have good tips for a cheap Christmas cocktail party? I love doing one but need to mind my budget this year and in particular need to figure out a menu that’s fun and festive but also frugal.

    1. Make a signature drink in a pitcher, and other than that just have prosecco and beer.

      Make stuff like frozen meatballs in the crockpot with bbq sauce and grape jelly (recipes abound on the internet)

      Do easy stuff like a brick of cream cheese with salsa or mango chutney dumped over it with crackers/baguette slices

      little bowls of olives and nuts

      maybe some hummus and crudite – don’t go overboard, just carrots and celery are fine

      Make a couple of trays of cookies

      Mostly, say YES when people offer to bring things

      1. I would go ahead and call it a potluck. Ask folks to bring their favorite appetizer recipe. I love that kind of party.

        1. Same. Have a signature cocktail and a signature appetizer. If others bring a drink or appetizer to share, you have a great party that doesn’t break the bank.

      2. These ideas are all great!
        One way to encourage bringing things but still keep it festive is to do some type of themed pot luck situation. Say you’ll make the cocktail and have a few central dishes (may need to be heavier than above) and everyone
        bring their favorite childhood recipe, something that starts with the first letter of their name, etc

        1. Ha — my husband and I keep saying we want to do “bring your favorite childhood recipe” but 70s food was so nasty that we fear everybody would only eat the thing they brought! (Tuna casserole, anyone? No? How about some delicious meat loaf?)

          1. I will house an entire box of velveeta shells and cheese. No shame in my game.

          2. I think Velveeta mac n cheese would cause the opposite problem — fisticuffs to get at it before it’s gone!!

          3. Do it. We did a betty crocker themed potluck once and it was all junky but astoundingly delicious.

    2. I think a winter sangria is delicious and festive, and usually tastes better with cheap wine.

      1. I would tread with caution on making sangria your only drink FWIW. Many love it. I get a headache just LOOKING at it. So, please have some other options on hand – inexpensive is fine! $5 Prosecco can be great!

    3. We have a family member who hosts a large Christmas party every year. It’s an open house, and the invitation is clear that it’s drop-in and not a dinner party. She and her wife set up a large chafing dish of dip with crackers in the middle of the dining room table. The bar area has cheese and fruit platters. Some years, there are warm frozen appetizers from Costco, like puff pastry bites or mini quiches. Drinks are prosecco (I might suggest beer for your party, but this is not a beer crowd). It’s our family member’s birthday, and there’s always rum cake toward the end of the party. Usually, 50 or so people cycle through, and I don’t have the impression that this party costs a fortune.

    4. Champagne cocktail with cheap champagne or Prosecco – sugar cube + bitters + the wine itself. Fancy and festive.

    5. Big saucepan of mulled wine (warm spicy apple juice for non-drinkers) for welcome drink.

      If you can get small gingerbread cookies, make little Christmas snacks with gingerbread, blue cheese and fig or orange marmalade. You can also get pre-made gingerbread dough at IKEA, or find a pepparkakor recipe and make from scratch.

      Sausage rolls can be done on a budget, pigs in blankets (or dates or prunes in bacon), bowls of mandarin oranges for snacking. Peach tart (canned peaches) on a custard base with Christmas spices. Chicken and waldorf salad wraps (cut in smaller pieces with cocktail stick in middle), hummus and tomato salsa with crisps.

      Creamy drinks like eggnog, White Russian, Blonde Parisienne can be good, and maybe espresso martinis with little Christmas biscotti or dark chocolate.

  5. My boyfriend of over a year recently got notice that his ex wife is planning to move out of state with the kids. I like him and the kids and don’t have a problem with her (I met him post divorce, kids are ages 6-10, she has roughly 60% custody but he pays all child support and alimony on time and has the kids every night he’s allowed under their documents). I haven’t looked at her actual proposal but I think she’s proposing he gets them one weekend a month in the other state, plus a number of weeks in the summer. This would mean child support would change, too. I understand he’s super stressed, wants to prevent the move, etc… but I really don’t like who he is during these times. He doesn’t name call or bad mouth her, but he obviously wants to – he’s telling me stories and I honestly think he just needs to be an adult and ignore it if she’s baiting him (“You’re an OK dad, but that’s the best I can expect from someone with your family”). He’ll say, “I just want you to understand what she’s like” and I … guess I don’t. He used to be flexible with kid scheduling stuff / switching days if she asked and now he’s super rigid (maybe at his lawyers advice, I don’t know). I tried to gently suggest he increase therapy from once a month to more often but he doesn’t want to.

    Any advice for me? I don’t know all the details. We don’t live together, but it’s all he wants to talk about and I just don’t want to be the angry/sad sounding board all the time. I also think moving the kids is a bad idea, for the record, but I think he has legal options there.

    1. I generally think being super mad at an ex-spouse is a red flag, but in this situation I think it’s perfectly understandable. I understand why you don’t want to be a dumping ground for his venting and I think you should use your words and tell him that, but I don’t think there’s anything concerning about the fact that he’s mad and wants to vent. What she’s doing is awful and potentially losing access to your kids would be terrifying for any decent parent.

      1. +1. I would be livid if I were in your husband’s position. It would be a bigger red flag in my mind if he acted like the kids moving out of state was no big deal.

    2. Oh boy. This sounds messy and is a reason I stopped dating people with kids.

      I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to use you as his only sounding board for this or even as a sounding board at all to some extent. Yes you’re involved in their lives but this is his business with his ex. I think he should get a therapist to vent to and develop coping skills and also be working with his lawyer and not (potentially) you on options. It’s always been a red flag for me when someone wants to bash their ex so this would probably not work for me as a relationship but you get to choose your own price of admission.

      1. I know you said he isn’t bashing her (yet) but it was the comment that you can tell he wants to that I am responding to.

    3. This situation is not going to improve, and there are many years before the kids are old enough for it to not be an issue.

      For me it would be a dealbreaker, regardless of how great he is in other ways.

    4. It sounds like he has good reason to be upset. He’s potentially losing regular access to his kids. I’d be more worried if he was NBD about it. What’s going on with him is primal to some extent. Of course he’s not himself. That doesn’t mean you have to be the dumping ground for all of his venting, but heck yes he’s super stressed, as he should be. I would have a VERY hard time not badmouthing the ex in this situation because it completely sucks.

          1. Yes, same here. If I were the boyfriend, I would be beside myself. There is a huge difference between being in the same town with your kids and participating in much of their day-to-day life, and then only seeing them one weekend a month and a few weeks in the summer. I completely agree the boyfriend should not be dumping on the OP and should increase his therapy frequency, but this is a major, major thing. In his position I would be clearing the decks and dumping every resource I had into preventing my kids from being moved away from me, if that was at all possible.

        1. Right? Flip the genders and you have the plot of a lot of Lifetime movies.

          My as$hat ex-BIL was going to move OOS and part of the upside for him was that he didn’t have to see his bio kids with wife 1 or really even deal with her other than to make sure the checks didn’t bounce. Not sure if he is putting $ away for the inevitable therapy bills.

      1. This exactly. My guess is that his child support increases (it’s usually proportional to the time the other spouse has the kids), so he has to pay for having his kids taken away from him.

        Not a family law attorney, so take this with a grain of salt: he should consider making a play to have primary custody, and if she wants to move out of state, she can be the one to travel back and forth to see the kids. Yeah, it’s a long hard slog going from 40% of the time to 95% of the time… it beats the alternative, though.

      2. Yeah, as a divorced person with a kid, if my ex did this it would be the biggest deal ever and by far the biggest thing happening in my life while it was going on. Honestly OP, if you cannot be supportive of your boyfriend when he is going through something this stressful, this is not the relationship for you. Yes therapists are great (I have one I see regularly), but expect my partner to be *my partner* when I’m going through something rough.

    5. Even the best co-parenting relationships have ups and downs. When you date someone with kids, that’s kind of what you sign up for. If his complaining had been going on for a long time then my advice might be different but you say this was recent. I don’t think you should be his primary support person, your suggestion for therapy was good and he should take it. But I also don’t think it’s realistic to expect him to be his normal self, or to think a lot of your time together won’t be consumed by this, when he’s worried about essentially losing his kids – not being part of their day to day anymore. That’s… really big and scary. Frankly if I were him I’d be calling her every name in the book, so I think it shows a lot of maturity and restraint that he’s not doing that. I’m not saying you’re wrong for how you feel, but I think maybe this is a sign to consider whether dating someone with kids is right for you.

      1. Agreed. This is why my family insists I stay away from divorced guys with kids. At my age, I can’t expect to find single guys who aren’t total dorks, so what’s left are once married guys. Dad wants to make sure they want me for my mind, not my money, so that thins the crowd substantially. Divorced guys with kids adds an extra complication that I do not need, as the kids would not respect me for having s-x with their dad, and having my own kids is getting very iffy at this point. So I’m left with 35+ year old men, as well as older men with grown kids, but I doubt I could take them, since good s-x is important to me, even if not procreative s-x. Spending 1/2 hour trying to wake up a winkie is not for me. PTOOEY!

  6. My hair looks terrible the last few months. I’m pretty sure it’s 75% due to recent hair loss (did I read about that on here?). I’ve had it in a below-ear but above-shoulder bob for years. Naturally wavy texture and I normally let it air dry or add a tiny amount of mousse, but it is just not looking good right now. I have a haircut scheduled this week and interested in whether I should keep the cut the same or maybe try something new. Only thing I can think of is ear length bob… I don’t have any visible bald spots but it is much thinner than normal. Thoughts??? Inspiration? Google fails me at this and I am not trendy so for example – don’t particularly care if pixies are in, I don’t think I can handle the regular trim maintenance.

    1. I can’t tell you a thing about haircuts, so I will let other commenters handle that.

      My mother had a significant amount of hair loss from pandemic-related stress. Rogaine has been very effective for her.

  7. Reposting from this morning (posted too late) — thank you for the one response!

    Prosecutor here looking to make a career pivot to somewhere out of criminal law. I’m a great investigator and great in the courtroom but just burned out dealing with so much violence (I’ve spent 10+ years working on DV and homicides). I want a job where no one cries in my office. How am I even supposed to know what other kind of work I might want to do? I keep reading job postings and nothing is calling to me, and there’s very little I feel qualified for because my experience is so specific. A number of colleagues have gone on to insurance litigation or fraud investigation/compliance at banks but that doesn’t appeal. I don’t really have other ideas. Does anyone have any advice or stories to share?

    1. Are there any firms in your area with white collar defense practices?

      You could also apply to junior/mid-level associate positions in unrelated civil litigation practices. I know ex-criminal lawyers who made that transition.

    2. Lawyer discipline? You’d still be dealing with some not-great people but quite a bit less violence and crying.

      1. Good idea!

        I posted on the last thread about white collar defense. I think if you want to go to a firm it depends on your goal. In my firm, professional responsibility counsel are staff, no billable hour/ business development expectations but more on the clock. White collar would be a potential partner position depending on interest/ performance.

        Another idea might be in house compliance. I’ve also seen a lot of successful women with their own firms doing CLE/ compliance education.

        Government in something like an assistant AG position? Just a few thoughts.

    3. Not sure where you live (I’m in NY) and I’m an ex prosecutor and have worked at various other city agencies. that’s a common change and your pension etc will all follow you.

      1. What kind of roles have you seen ex-prosecutors in? And at what level? I feel like I’m not senior enough for t he top jobs but too senior for the junior roles posted. Thank you!

        1. I’m in NY also. I’ve seen people go to the federal side but that’s hard in SDNY/ED NY (but different enough that people won’t be crying in your office, most days), maybe easier in other districts. You could also go to the NY AG, Dept of Education, etc. I know one person who very happily made the switch to a big university to deal with their internal harassment policies/investigations. A LOT of people do go to do insurance defense or compliance at large financial institutions. White collar defense. Other civil litigation if you’ve otherwise got good credentials and aren’t too senior. I also know some happy former prosecutors who started their own defense firm. You have options! Just depends on what you want to do.

    4. I know one ex DA who pivoted to be a university Title IX investigator and then into other roles from there and another who went into retail investigations (like those relating to shoplifting/ worker theft issues), which seems fairly lucrative.

    5. In house police legal advisor? They’ve been around for years, but I’m seeing more and more cities have them. I do a lot of on the fly advice for officers in the field, written legal updates of case law and new legislation and in-service training. I also defend or manage outside counsel for civil litigation. I also have to review contracts and prepare resolutions but I think that’s somewhat less common for PLAs. Nobody cries in my office. My background is former prosecutor, former civil deputy AG.

    6. I’m a former prosecutor (AUSA) and most of my colleagues exited to biglaw and/or litigation boutiques to do white collar work. But there are definitely positions out there; a handful went in house (often as security counsel for one of the larger tech companies, but often you need a cybercrime background for that); others went to other gov’t positions, like AG’s office, city attorney’s office, county/corporate counsel’s office, or state/local police department’s inspector general’s office. A couple of others found very cool gigs as directors of law school clinic programs in our city. I know people always say it here, but the best thing to do is to start talking to folks in your network, and reach out to have coffee/lunch with people you haven’t reached out to in a while, but may be helpful.

    7. I pivoted to traditional labor and know several other ex prosecutors who did the same. You start at a big city agency. Doing an arbitration for an employee who engages in misconduct isn’t a million miles away from prosecution. Now I work in house. We also have people at my company in employee relations who conduct investigations. It’s not stress free but sexual harassment or discrimination is a different animal than Dv and homicide.

  8. This is kind of an embarrassing question but I’m curious about your take. Let me start by saying I am an extremely oblivious person. When I was single I never picked up on a guy hitting on me unless a friend pointed it out, and even then i still wasn’t convinced. I’m also a pretty outgoing person (after a drink or two) and I love making friends a when I’m out, I traveled alone a lot and I always made friends. I also never realized that men take this as flirtatious, again unless a friend said something to me after.

    DH and I have been married about a year and we’ve been on a couple of trips together. He thinks it’s absolutely hysterical that I’m always making friends when we’re out, including in hotel hot tubs. He recently pointed out to me that maybe when I talk about our trips I shouldn’t necessarily talk about all our “hot tub friends” because it gives people the wrong idea. He saw I was perplexed, and told me that every time this has happened he’s been very curious and amused about where this is heading. He says I was putting vibes out there? I’m not like touching these people I’m just being friendly! He thinks I’m sheltered and I think he’s just been watching too much prn. Who’s right?

    1. Your DH sounds ridiculous, I would 100% understand the kind of “we said hi while in the shared hot tub and ended up bonding for 2 hours” travel anecdote you’re describing. Like on our honeymoon we ended up triple-dating with two other couples we’d gotten to know poolside…

    2. I too am someone who makes friends everywhere I go and talk to all sorts of people and (presuming I am not in danger), I don’t care what people think of this. I don’t think one of you is right or wrong because I don’t think there is a right or wrong in this scenario. You’re friendly but also clearly not trying to cheat on your husband so what does it matter?

      1. Okay so after rereading my comment, I guess that means I am with you here!! Team friendly and outgoing FTW

    3. I never talk to strangers if I can avoid it and have never made anything resembling a friend on a vacation, but I think your DH is being weird here.

    4. “Hot tub friends” sounds like a kosher term for swingers, if that’s what you’re getting at.

      1. +1 I assume this is what your husband is commenting on and I don’t think that’s an unreasonable thing for him to point out.

    5. My take is that you’d be helped by developing a bit more awareness of what’s happening in these different social settings. Leaving your husband out of it entirely, your friends have very clearly told you in the past that what you think you’re doing in a conversation with a man is different from what the man thinks you’re doing. If I were you, I’d want to know more about this and have a better understanding of how this plays out before I got in a hotel hot tub and started making friends with whoever happens to be there.

      1. ehhh not sure on this take. Husband seems worried that friends WILL think oddly of OP’s choice of phrase… no one has actually expressed that concern.

        Context is important here, right? Like if I was laughing and telling a story about vacation and said “oh so those hot tub friends from the night before, we ended up running into them again” I would not think anything of it, as opposed to a knowing “so we ended up spending the whole. evening. with our …. hot-tub-friends…”

        Gonna guess the OP’s in the former category, not the latter, and perhaps DH is just a bit jealous that OP is chatting away with others on what is meant to be romantic or alone time?

    6. I make friends everywhere, including in thermal hot tubs while vacationing in Iceland. I see no problem with it.

    7. If I was in a hot tub with a couple where a woman was being very outgoing and friends-making and the husband watching with a smile, I’d assume that it was a very good chance that I was being awkwardly groomed for a threesome or swingers kind of party. Why? It makes sense in that scenario to have the woman be the outgoing and contact-seeking part of the couple, because a man will have much less chance of success and a much greater chance of being told no for being sleazy.

      Signed, also oblivious etc, but yes, I would assume you as a couple were making a suggestion. You alone, nope, it’s the double dynamic.

  9. I’m feeling so demoralized about my job. I had high hopes I would be promoted next month, but I just found out that won’t be happening. The only other opportunities to move up at my company would require a cross country move that we can’t do. So I’ve prematurely reached the ceiling at my company despite being a top performer. I’ve worked so hard for so long, and now I can’t help but question what the point of it is anymore.

    1. Feel those sad feelings. Then, apply for other jobs in your area where you skills are useful. Your hard work made you ready for the next role at the next company.

  10. Does anyone have recommendations for elastic-waist comfy washable cold-weather casual pants in adult women’s sizes (adult S) that aren’t cropped or super-high-waisted? I don’t need fully adaptive clothing, but something for a teen with some sensory / developmental issues who doesn’t like rigid denim or cold ankles. Mall stores would be ideal so that she could try things on.

    1. You might also have some luck at a well-stocked Marshalls or Ross … just hit the pants rack and see if there’s something nice to the touch

    2. The college aged girls in town are wearing sweatpants with a wide leg. Would that work?

      1. Thanks — the school requires gym clothes for gym, so I’d like for kiddo to be able to tell gym clothes from “clothes clothes,” if that makes sense. Is there a casual version of the popular Eileen Fisher crepe pants somewhere? [There is also a leggings-are-not-pants rule, so they are OK under a tunic or dress but they are also not-pants.] Or even soft cords with a stretchy waist?

        Alternatively, I saw adaptive kids’ clothes for younger kids but nothing for adults that are sensory (many are mobility or ostomy bag adaptive, but that’s not the issue here, just feel). Is there anything out there that I’m missing?

        1. I hear you. I have a teen with sensory issues and they only want sweatpants with an open bottom, not a tighter cuff like a jogger. For some reason the open bottom are harder to find.

    3. I just got a pair of Lou and Gray “sweatpants” from Loft and I think they fit what you describe. I put “sweatpants” in quotes because I don’t think they really look like sweatpants at all, more like a nicely tailored slim pant (there are back and front pockets!) that isn’t denim and isn’t obviously leggings either. They have a drawstring/elastic waist and are full length. They are sooooo soft and comfortable. Not sure if they carry them in the stores, but they certainly are available online in many colors.

      1. Oh! If drawstrings are okay, I’ve seen some twill pants at Old Navy that could be an option.

    4. Duluth Trading Company No-ga pants fit the bill and come in multiple inseam lengths.

      1. The NoGa pants are very comfortable, come in different leg styles, and as the poster above noted, these are available in different inseams. I do find that they run on the large side.

        1. Oooh, good call, 5:11 Anon. My NoGa pants are a size small and I’m definitely a solid Medium in other clothes. I do like that they’re a weighty enough fabric that in a pinch, with the right shirt, they can pass as real pants.

      1. Suggest nordstrom and zappos to allow try at home and free return shipping as it might be less overwhelming than a mall.

        Hth.

    5. Late and not mall, but the Duluth Trading rec below reminded me of the Beta brand dress pant yoga pants.

    6. EZY jeans from Uniqlo work for my sensory issues. They are soft and very comfortable. There’s a drawstring as well as a slightly stretchy waist, yet they look like jeans and wear well. They keep ankles warm with their length and a slightly tapered leg.

    7. I recently got Land’s End Women’s High Rise Serious Sweats Fleece Lined Pocket Leggings and Women’s Active Fleece Lined Yoga Pants and I love them both so much. The latter has a straight leg and has pockets as well. Now while the former says high rise, I didn’t find it super high waisted. And in both cases, the elastic waist is incredibly forgiving, which is essential for me with fibroids pressing out against anything rigid or not stretchy enough.

    8. Maybe flannel lined jeans would work? I’d also hit up Athleta. Lots of stretchy pants.

  11. I am 46 year old reasonably trim attorney who works in house at a place where everyone else dresses casually. My sense of myself is that I dress age appropriately but reasonably on trend. I historically shopped at loft, ann taylor, banana republic and lord and taylor. Not sure if my body has changed or the quality of clothes has or what but i can’t buy new clothes. Ordered a bunch of dresses from ann taylor and I looked like the opening credits of kimmie schmidt, returning them all. Work pants appear to not exist anymore (like with a proper waist band and pockets). Seriously what are you all wearing to work (if you’re going to an office) and where are you purchasing it? I am currently wearing a pair of 4 year old j crew pants and a cashmere sweater from lands end that’s at least as old.

    1. Pear here and I will never not wear Banana and some items from Athleta (which I can get away with at work for some pants now). Banana washable wool suiting pants if I’m formal but otherwise I’m in something from the Banana-Gap-Loft curvy boot pants this time of year.

    2. Clothes are a mess right now. Have you tried scaling up a level in brands? You may want to try something like Veronica Beard or Lafayette 148.

      1. this is a good idea and one that i am considering. the only things that i see that look pretty/professional/polished are higher end. thanks.

      2. I think this is the answer. Clothes are a mess, and I hate everything in stores right now.

      3. If you’re on a budget but know your size, try Poshmark. I’m not even able to figure out what is going on in stores and with online these days, so Poshmark for the win.

    3. I’m with you. I desperately need black office pants, the more basic, the better. I sucked it up to do some in-person shopping yesterday, and it was a disaster. So many glorified yoga pants trying to be work pants. Or they didn’t fit at all. Or were some weird cut. I tried on five pairs that I thought miiiiight be passable and they didn’t work at all (or fit).

      I’m wearing very old black pants that get washed frequently because I haven’t been able to find a duplicate.

      1. What is your general shape/ideal pant length? I just got some pants from express (Super High Waisted Nylon Straight Ankle Pant) that are not as fancy as suiting pants (the fabric is stretchy but drapes nicely) but are structured and very comfortable. And actually somehow actually fit this very short-waisted hourglass! I hadn’t shopped at Express in years, but was pleasantly surprised by their basic workwear offerings.

        1. Oops, I lied. The pants I ended up keeping and am wearing today are the High Waisted Pleated Ankle Pant from Express. I liked the other ones too, but those definitely felt more like lounge pants than work pants. These ones feel like Actual Pants.

    4. I’m your age and my uniform is jeans, boots (for winter but more fashion than function), blouse, blazer. I like some of the smaller labels for tops – Emerson Fry, Alex Mill, Tucker NYC. I’ve had good luck at Tuckernuck and JCrew. I personally love Banana’s jeans, especially the wide leg styles. Check out the blog So Susie Wright for style that’s more age appropriate. She has a lot of great picks I copy.

  12. I just bought a couple of pairs of Investments (Dillard’s house brand) pants that fit that bill – actual waist, pockets, not ankle pants. While I strongly prefer natural fibers, now is just not a time for me to be picky. I normally keep better pieces for a long time, so it’s not unusual for me to have on a sweater that’s as old as my younger staff mixed in with the newer pants or well kept but 10 years old shoes.

  13. Maybe I’ve missed it, but is there any plan to get boosters to the 12-17 YO age tranche who got vaccinated in May / June and are nearing 6 months from their last shot? Maybe they don’t have waning immunity? Or maybe people are busy getting boosters in older people and shots in the under-12s and getting more boosters / shots approved for different ages. But I swear I have heard nothing re boosters for kids and now that winter is coming and schools are open, I am a bit concerned for my vaccinated teen now not being vaccinated enough. I work alone in an office where you have to be vaxxed to come in and I eat alone inside except at home; kiddo’s peer group is at best 30% vaxxed to begin with and they eat inside in groups.

    1. No, and it’s infuriating to me given that most kids live high risk lifestyles between school, extracurriculars, socializing, etc. It’s not about vaccine supply, there’s more than enough to go around. If I had a teen I would just take them for a “first dose” once they’re 5-6 months out from their second dose. Kids won’t die without boosters, but they were very unlikely to die to begin with. Long Covid and long term organ damage have always been much bigger issues in that age group, and boosters are an important step in preventing those things.

      1. Right? A parent that got their kid shots will likely get them a booster shot. You can’t make a grownup do anything but this group should be a priority now that everyone but the under-5s can get shots. And teens are much more spready than the under-5s that you can keep pretty low-risk and know where they are generally.

        1. Eh, under 5s are pretty spready too. Pretty much all our exposure to the outside world is through our 4 year old – daycare, playdates, birthday parties, activities, etc. all involve lots of kids and often adults in close contact with each other and high risk of spread, especially if you live in a red state where mask wearing is non-existent and half the population isn’t vaccinated. I don’t want my child to catch a potentially debilitating illness, so my alternatives are keep her home forever or get regular boosters even if they’re not officially authorized. I want her to have a normal childhood so I plan to do the latter, unless evidence emerges between now and then that kids maintain immunity (from infection, not just from severe illness/death) much longer than adults.

      1. Low risk for dying but they are super-spreaders and slightly less risky than college kids (but living at home with parents and seeing grandparents this month and next). Especially those old enough to have a car that they can drive around.

        1. This sounds like a case of “make sure all the adults are boosted” and then go for it.

  14. Random ask: good resources / you tube channels etc. for walking a rookie through how to prepare for an overnight backpacking trip? I am used to car camping and day hikes and have a loaner 65-liter backpack, but want to make sure I’m thinking through all of the things. The group I’d be going with is experienced but terribly unorganized (so they might know to bring TP but not think to tell me). I do a lot of walking each day, so could listen to anything podcasty or on a you tube channel.

    1. Go to your local outfitter (or REI) and get your existing pack fitted. Be prepared to buy a new one if there’s no way to make it work. Few things are more miserable than trying to keep up with an experienced group while hauling a loaded, ill-fitting pack.
      Make sure you get a few walks around your neighborhood with the pack (use towels and plate weights for a load) and what you plan to wear. Bonus points if you do it late at night to creep out the nosy neighbors.
      There are lots of good gear checklists online, but check with your crew if there are any shared supplies you’ll be responsible for schlepping a part of.

    2. Getting your pack to fit well is key – the borrowed pack will likely need some strap adjustment so you carry it for your center of gravity. For managing where you will sleep – are you all splitting carrying a tent? Leave room for that, if so. If not, consider a hammock tent. How will you carry water? Bladder packs can snake through a pack, but will you need some in reserve for cooking? Consider the terrain, temperature and lodging where you will overnight- you can look up trails online to see what others have done – this informs what to wear/pack/sleep in – layering will get you through brisk morning and trail exertion. Bring extra socks if there is even the tiniest opportunity for a wet foot/feet. Yes, bring TP in a ziplock bag, but know you may need to bury it if nature calls and there is no privy. Some of our outings require a bear bag – meaning everything that smells like food (toothpaste, scented products like chapstick and sunblock) gets stored via rope-hoisting above the site, so you may need to adjust hygiene schedules. For podcast – do a search with the name of the place you are backpacking and see what comes up. Make sure your boots/shoes are secure (your feet don’t slide) and your toenails are trim – but do not exfoliate or do anything fancy with your feet – you WANT good skin layering. Pack several bandaids to put on anything that might become a blister before it gets to that point – let the surface of the bandaid take the friction, not your skin, if anything rubs.

    3. Can you post a throwaway email? I have a lengthy YouTube recommendation for how to pack for a multinight trip that you might find useful.

    4. My local Sierra Club chapter offers intro to backpacking classes via Meetup. They’re all remote now because of the pandemic, so easy for you to access wherever you are.

  15. Dear Hive

    Non lawyer here with a question:

    We had to hire an attorney over a property dispute with our neighbors over a few inches (they sued us over a few inches) in addition to the title attorney. Long story short, though he promised an aggressive defense, he didnt do anything to help the case and caused harm by negotiating the opposite of what we wanted, pushing the neighbor’s preferred settlement, getting documents to the court wrong, showing up late for conferences with the judge (he sounded hungover but I’ll never know) where he couldn’t remember the name of my husband and I. This is in addition to his admission that his bills were off – meaning marked up by!! – by 40-60%. He did other things like show up at the neighbors 3x and tell me it didn’t seem like certain pitch was there from how it felt in his car, even when we told him not to (he’s also no engineer, who actually measures things from outside his car).

    We ended up getting the title attorney to help us and I told him not to do anything unless I approved it. We ginally settled, the neighbor took away 10k and us 1k.

    After all that the attorney we hired tried to charge another 13k! Along the way he made some comments about needing to make money though he owns the firm. We didn’t fire him because we thought we were close to an agreement for 6 months but he kepy mucking up the language.

    Going in front of billing revue tomorrow and then to the ethics board. I’m planning to show the history of late and irregular bills and the note saying we don’t authorize any further work.

    Any advice to an exhausted by this case non-lawyer? Thanks.

  16. Getting your pack to fit well is key – the borrowed pack will likely need some strap adjustment so you carry it for your center of gravity. For managing where you will sleep – are you all splitting carrying a tent? Leave room for that, if so. If not, consider a hammock tent. How will you carry water? Bladder packs can snake through a pack, but will you need some in reserve for cooking? Consider the terrain, temperature and lodging where you will overnight- you can look up trails online to see what others have done – this informs what to wear/pack/sleep in – layering will get you through brisk morning and trail exertion. Bring extra socks if there is even the tiniest opportunity for a wet foot/feet. Yes, bring TP in a ziplock bag, but know you may need to bury it if nature calls and there is no privy. Some of our outings require a bear bag – meaning everything that smells like food (toothpaste, scented products like chapstick and sunblock) gets stored via rope-hoisting above the site, so you may need to adjust hygiene schedules. For podcast – do a search with the name of the place you are backpacking and see what comes up. Make sure your boots/shoes are secure (your feet don’t slide) and your toenails are trim – but do not exfoliate or do anything fancy with your feet – you WANT good skin layering. Pack several bandaids to put on anything that might become a blister before it gets to that point – let the surface of the bandaid take the friction, not your skin, if anything rubs.

  17. That would be great if they actually work. So many “anti-fog” things that I have seen don’t actually live up to the claim.

Comments are closed.