ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Slimline Over-the-door drying rack

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Quirky SlimlineI always enjoy clever little gadgets, and I've now made a few purchases from Quirky (where a blend of community members, inventors and product influencers bring new products to market; the Crunchbase profile is an interesting read). My latest obsession: this Slimline drying rack. Yes, a drying rack. If you're like me and airdry your lingerie, tights, workout wear (really, anything with Spandex is going to last a lot longer if you keep it out of the dryer), you may feel like your house or apartment is constantly a battle ground for half-dry clothes. So I was excited to see this drying rack, which goes over a regular door, and can fold flush with the door (or be removed very easily). I ordered two, ostensibly to give one to my mother the next time I see her — and honestly we like them so much here at Casa Griffin that I may keep both. (Sorry, Mom!) They aren't huge things — they're ideal for a space to dry a sweater or two; I think I've draped 3 pairs of workout pants over it at once as well — but the alternatives, such as huge drying racks, pop-up sweater dryers, or ye old shower rod. They're $34.95 each at Quirky. Quirky Slimline Over-the-door drying rack (L-#) (Update: I was chatting with my husband about this post (fine, full disclosure: I couldn't remember the word for “shower rod”) and he said, wait, you're writing about our new drying racks? Which I just used? And are awesome and I love them?” High praise, ladies; high praise indeed.)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

155 Comments

  1. These are awesome, might sneak a few in my luggage on my next trip home. We don’t have a dryer at all so it does feel like our house is being overrun by drying laundry most of the time.

    1. I have a drying rack from Ikea that is the best thing I have ever gotten. It folds up and stores to just about nothing and dries more clothes than any other rack I’ve found (I hang dry just about everything and have test driven a lot of terrible models). It is harder to hide in luggage, but you can probably find it abroad.

      http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/40244831/

      1. I have this one too. It’s had 4 years of constant use and going strong. I’ve managed to bend a few of the bars, but that’s because I have a bad habit of loading the rack then trying to move it with all the heavy stuff (so it’s totally my fault).

      3. I have a similar design one, but it is even bigger – with a rod that goes “above” the structure for hanging clothes on hangers to dry. It’s awesome and was about ?$25 at COSTCO.

      4. I have this one too! It’s magical, you can fit so much. Including all your FLEECE TIGHTS!!! (just playing :-)

  2. Hi ladies! 2 questions–
    1) jewelry Q: does it look bad if my left hand rings are not the same color as my right hand ring?
    2) br3astfeeding is crazy painful. I gave birth without any pain medicine and I can’t handle the pain of nursing. Any home remedies for n1pple soreness? TIA!

    1. If you haven’t already, go see a lactation consultant. It’s really helpful to have someone who can watch you while you feed the baby to try and pinpoint any problems. In my case, they actually said we were doing things fine, which didn’t lead to immediate pain relief, but did make me stop worrying that I was doing something wrong. I found rubbing a little B-milk on my npls after the baby was done feeding helped them heal a bit, but honestly, the first 2-3 weeks were pretty painful and it just gradually got better after that.

      1. Thanks. I saw a lactation consultant last week and am seeing one again today. She said the baby has a lip tie and a slight tongue tie. I’m really hesitant to try to get those clipped though.

        1. FWIW, My second has a slight tongue tie and I didn’t clip it. I had the advantage of BFing one baby already, but it didn’t cause any problems.

          2. Gosh, I don’t know if there is. It just didn’t seem necessary. Weight had rebounded plus some by 1 wk and her latch was good enough per LC. LC said that if that’s the case, it’s fine to leave as is and it won’t likely affect anything “except maybe French kissing”.

          3. I think French kissing is a pretty big deal. Seriously. Why not have it clipped so it won’t have to be an issue?

        3. our third baby also had a slight tongue-tie and we got it clipped. it was very quick and performed by an MD.

        4. Both of my babies had tongue ties and I clipped both of them. With both, the pediatrician said, “Oh, it’s a slight tongue tie, don’t worry, it doesn’t matter, etc.” And with both, within 24 hours of getting it clipped, nursing got much better – less painful, more supply, etc. It’s not very fun to have the procedure done, but it really is super fast – like, the actual clip takes two seconds.

        5. You know my $0.02 already… she takes the bottle and pumping doesn’t hurt, so embrace the bottle! And/or clip the ties so she’ll be able to make out with SOs in comfot (in the far, far future).

          But it’s entirely possible I’ll have a totally different opinion on all of this once my kiddo comes out. :D And really, it’s your kid so your gut knows best. Best of luck to you!

        6. Maybe it’s too late, but if you decide to get it clipped, find a provider that uses laser. If you are on Facebook, check out the Tounge Tied Babies Group. It is super helpful and has a lot of resources, including a list of pediatric dentists who specialize in ties.

        7. Oh man, I didn’t realize people didn’t have this until right now!
          FWIW I have no problem french kissing. :)

    2. 1) People mix metals pretty frequently. I don’t, because I prefer white gold and silver, but why not.

      1. Would it make you more comfortable to mix metals together on each hand so its clear you’re doing it on purpose?

    3. Lanolin applied constantly helped me, as did warm water–either just standing in the shower, soaking in the bath, or applying a warm wash cloth. It got nMUCH better after a couple weeks.

    4. I think no matter how well it’s going, nursing is going to be very painful for the first few weeks. Lansinoh makes these reusable gel pads that you can either freeze or heat that are wrapped in a felt-like fabric. I kept those frozen and swore by them the first month or so after my second son was born. I think I got them on diapers . com.

      1. YES. I got two sets because I used them constantly and they would get milky and I’d go to tears if they were in the wash.

    5. 2) Those first few weeks are harder than expected. Even when things are going well, it’s still hard and painful. It does get better. I’d encourage you to talk to the LC about any issues you are having. You might be surprised by their answer (e.g., mine was completely supportive of some paci use to give me a break). Hang in there.

    6. Call your doctor and see if he or she will prescribe Newman’s n!pole ointment. It’s compounded so you need to find a pharmacy that can make it, but it has ibuprofen in it along with some anti-fungal and antibacterial elements. The Lansinoh never worked for me, but this stuff was awesome. It even speeded the healing of some pretty horrendous cracking caused by a too small n!pple shield. Also, don’t hesitate on the correction if the ties are really bad. Many are very happy with the results!

        1. I couldn’t remember what it was called! Yes to Apno! Yes I was shocked how painful the first three weeks were, both times.

    7. Do you have a pump? I was seriously roughed up at one point (something blistered — it was scary) and had to pump exclusively while it healed. I really didn’t feel bad when pumping but nursing on that side was awful.

    8. Mixed metals don’t bother me at all.

      Lanolin is the best ointment. Reapply obsessively, at minimum before and after feeding until it mellows out. The gel packs are life savers, too. It hurts like heck for the first few weeks, so disregard the “it won’t hurt if you’re doing it right” comments but do see an LC to make sure there’s nothing you can do to improve. It will get better!

      1. Amen to that! It totally hurts. And sometimes, it still hurts (I bled a couple of weeks ago). Use lanolin constantly. And the Soothies totally work. But mostly, I think it’s a matter of time.

        1. I much preferred the Lanolin made by medela (in the yellow tube) to the Lashinoh purple. the medela stuff was really thin and spread on easily where the purple tube was really thick and it hurt it to move it around the area. Good luck, though-it hurt me a lot for 2 weeks then it was great.

          1. Second this! Love the medela lanolin and the lansinoh super soft pads. But hate the lansino lanolin and the medal pads.

            Also third or fourth those gel pads that you run water over (or the cold ones) for the first few weeks.

          2. If you can get the “sample size” lansinoh tubes (my lactation consultant gave them out by the handful) tuck one inside your bra – it flows much better when its warmed up, and that way you always have it after each feeding.
            The problem with “it doesn’t hurt if you’re doing it right”advice is that if you’ve had even a couple of bad feeds that caused damage, nursing on cracked and damaged nipples will still hurt even with a good latch. But a good latch will hurt way less than a poor one. If you’re nipple looks flattened like a tube of lipstick after nursing – you have a poor or shallow latch and should see an LC asap.
            Also, frozen peas in a Ziploc bag between nursing pads and bra, and ibuprofen as often as the bottle allows help make early nursing days bearable.

    9. Honestly, this website has made me so sympathetic to mothers. Yeesh.

      [Nope, I’m not helpful at all!]

      1. And this comment won’t be helpful to the OP, but maybe for future mothers . . . I don’t want to be braggy, but breastfeeding did not hurt for me. I bf’d one until 18 months and the second until 12 months without pain. Maybe I was just lucky — they knew what to do right away, my body kicked in everything they needed, whatever, but it was a really good experience for me and I felt great about my body while I was breastfeeding them.

        1. +1 Nursing was/is great for me. Please don’t let these types of posts scare you off.

          I did 12 months for my first and I’m still going (no more pumping though) with my 14 month old second kiddo. No pain at all, no supply issues, tons of weight loss without really any effort (can you beat burning 100+ calories by sitting on the couch for 20 minutes?!). Pumping is just plain annoying and inconvenient and the leaking really sucks (as do those god-awful n!pple pads). Dressing for nursing/pumping is also a drag. But, those things are just minor inconveniences. All in all, nursing was a great experience for me.

      2. Me neither. Totally agree though. It has made me more sympathetic…and maybe pushed me a little toward the “maybe this isn’t for me…” camp!

    10. The hospital gave me these flat pieces of silicon (circular, maybe 4 inches across) that I put over my nipples between feedings. They had kind of a tacky feel to them so they stayed put once I had my bra on. They were AMAZING. Way better than any cream. Apparently, they were originally for wounds. Instant relief.

    11. Repeat the recommendation on the Lansinoh lanolin. I think it took me 6 weeks to get really comfortable with nursing.

      Try going to a b-feeding circle. I found it really helpful to not just get a lactation consultant’s advice, but also to connect with other new moms.

      1. I was going to recommend a BF circle/group as well. I went to one at the hospital where I delivered. Talking to the other new moms was really helpful.

    12. 1) I maybe completely out of style here, but I constantly mix my metals. My wedding/engagement ring are gold gold, but my favorite earrings are silver and platinum. I just wear whatever I feel like and whatever I feel looks good or has the right color stone. And sometimes that means I end up with a necklace that’s gold and earring that are silver. Embrace it!

      2) That sounds really painful. I hope you feel better soon!

    13. Best advice I got early on was to air dry – remain topless til any milk / baby slobber dries naturally. Then I put on lanolin before covering up. I didn’t find nursing inherently painful, but my skin took time to adjust to all the friction and whatnot. Within 2-3 weeks, tops, my skin got “tougher” (figuratively, not literally) and air drying was unnecessary.

    14. Thank you all so much! Knowing this is normal is really helpful. I’ve been feeling terrible because I’m told “if it hurts, you must be doing something wrong.” I’ll keep trying!

  3. Informal poll on reading: do you read (non-work materials) on a regular basis? If so, what are you reading (books/magazines/fiction/non-fiction?) How often do you read?

    I ask because I recently realized that I used to love reading and yet rarely do it anymore. I miss it but I’m not sure how to add it back in to my life.

    Also book recommendations?

    1. I had completely stopped reading except for sometimes on plane trips, because i have to read so much for work. So, to make myself read more I signed up for a couple of book clubs through meetup dot com. It’s been fun so far! It’s making me read about 1-2 books per month at this point. Right now it’s all fiction, but I want to do some non-work related non-fiction as well.

      Right now reading To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf which is great. Have a meetup to talk about The Bell Jar coming up, and I just finally finished The Year of the Flood, book 2 in Margaret Atwood’s series, which is amazing! Still need to get the last book: MaddAdam.

    2. I don’t and it makes me sad. I go on book binges when I’ll burn through 3-5 books and then have a long drought. Thankfully coworkers leave New Yorker and Atlantic issues in the break room.

    3. Yes, all the time. I have an hour commute on the T each way, plus I read on the treadmill. Right now I’m reading historical fiction about Juana of Castile. Next I’m planning to read non-fiction about Leopold and Loeb. In the past 2 weeks I’ve read The Smartest Kids in the World, A Land More Kind than Home, When You Reach Me, The Girl with a Clock for a Heart, and Before We Met.

      The Smartest Kids in the World is really good, but it’s non-fiction. I read The Gospel in Winter last month. It was really good, as was A Land More Kind than Home. When You Reach Me was also really good, but it’s a kid’s book. My niece is also reading it. My other favorite books in the past year are The Last Runaway, Ordinary Grace, and The Woman Upstairs.

    4. I stopped reading for a long time – attention span and time got in the way. But then I got my Kindle and now I read a lot. On the treadmill or elliptical, traveling, whenever I can. It’s been really nice to get back to it. Of course, now I feel like I just don’t have enough time for anything..

      1. +1 for Kindle. My eyes were too bad to read on public transit and the kindle paperwhite took care of that problem. Kindle also has adjustable type size. (I think it’d be great on the treadmill/elliptical.) I’ve read 23 books since I got it for Christmas.

    5. I read a lot, especially on my commute. I’m going through a non-fiction phase right now, but I have a few fiction authors that I read whenever they have a new book out (all Clive Cussler series and the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich). My commute on the subway is about 45-60 minutes each way so it winds up being quite a bit.

      I’ve been working through Clive Cussler’s Isaac Bell series and really enjoy it. The main character is a private detective in the early 1900s and I love all the portions that take place on trains throughout the country.

      My nonfiction topics vary and I get on a kick and stick with one topic for awhile. I’m reading The Thank You Economy by Gary Vaynerchuk right now and will likely continue reading his books and others on social media. I’ve also read a lot recently about learning and talent and highly recommend The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle and Mastery by Robert Greene. I have a bunch of other books on this topic on my list of what to read. Malcolm Gladwell’s recent book David and Goliath was pretty interesting too.

      My problem is putting things on hold at the library and then they all become available at the same time. I have a ton of books on my kindle app that I was waiting for and am trying to get through them all before they are returned.

      Perhaps we can revitalize the this site’s Goodreads group!

      1. I hate when all my library holds release at the same time! Then I get in a reading frenzy/panic trying to finish them all during the available hold period. #firstworldprobs

        2. Yes! I am currently in that reading frenzy right now. Both The Goldfinch and Americanah became available the same week on my library hold list. I’ve been staying up nights to finish them both in time. Of course buying a copy of The Goldfinch from Amazon is only like, $7.50 so it’s completely ridiculous.

          1. I know! I remind myself that I’m paying off debt so I shouldn’t buy it if I can get it at the library.

            I take notes on the books that I read so of its a long hold I find myself frantically taking notes before the deadline. That happened this week trying to finish my notes on The War of Art by Steven Pressfield because I was on the hold list for 6 months.

          2. The library is such a bargain. If were to have bought all the books I’ve checked out- well- I can’t even imagine how much money that would be. With my favorite authors that I read over and over I do try to buy a book of theirs now and again in support. And I try to donate to my local library, which reminds me to go do that now!

          3. If you turn off your wireless connection on your Kindle your almost expired library books won’t be returned. You can’t check out new ones, but it buys you some time with the old ones.

      2. +1 to just turning off your wireless connection to avoid your library books being returned before you’ve finished with them. I just recently discovered this and it has changed my life!

    6. I try to read at least 30 minutes a night, right before bed. It helps me to sleep. I just finished Bel Canto, which was okay but I was more interested in how it ended than invested in the story, if that makes sense.

      I’m currently reading The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women and The Smart Ones. I find it’s easy to read non-fiction a chapter at a time and put it down for a bit if I’m more interested in whatever fiction I’m reading. I also live near a wonderful used bookstore with a very tempting bargain section so I have a stack of various fiction/non-fiction novels to get through.

    7. I stopped reading for fun during law school and have recently started again. I’m so glad I did. Definitely get a library subscription… That will save a ton of money. I read an ebook from my library on my kindle every couple days. Having the kindle app is helpful because any time I’m waiting for a few minutes I can pull it out. My goal is to read 50 books this year although I’m already at 10 for 2014. A fun way for me to get started was to read the book version of movies coming out that looked good (hunger games series, game of thrones, fault in our stars, monuments men are some quick examples). That gives you a soft deadline for motivation!

      There is a thissite Goodreads group but it’s not very active.

      1. My goal was 50 last year too and just deciding to make it a habit resulted in reading way more than that. I set my goal at 100 for this year.

    8. I read Marie Claire all the time when I work out at the NYSC. I do this with my headphone’s on so that I am alway’s OCCUPIED and NOT availabel to chat with peeople who stop by and want to talk. There was this guy on Saturday that was some sort of musscle head who came over with sweat all over him (FOOEY) and he wanted to know my name.

      Because I had a head set on and was reading Marie Claire, I did NOT hear him at first, and when I did, I was very slow to take my head set off to figure out what he wanted. This happens alot when I go on the weekend’s b/c guy’s are lookeing around for a woman to date on the weekend’s and they see me (with NO ring) and right away, they come up like flies to honey.

      At least when I have the magazaine, they do not see right away if I am MARRIED. If I am at least engage’d, I do not think I would be bothered. Willem seem’s willing to do that for me, even if I do NOT ultimeately MARRY him. YAY!!!

    9. I stopped reading for fun in law school, and then picked it up again about 6 or 7 years ago. I belong to 3 book clubs, so I get a lot of suggestions for books and authors to read that way.

      My commute is about 25-30 minutes each way on the train, so I usually read at least an hour every weekday. I also read in bed for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour before going to sleep at night. Reading in bed in the evening helps me fall asleep.

      If I am in the middle of a really good book, I will often spend several hours in the evening or on the weekends reading, but I don’t do this every night. Several times per month though.

      Knowing that I like to read on my commute, I generally try to pick up mass market paperbacks at thrift stores and used book stores since they are the smallest and lightest to carry around in my bag everyday. I enjoy browsing for books and buy them frequently, so almost half the books on my shelves are waiting to be enjoyed. I also really like the library for newer releases so that I don’t have to pay a lot or wait several years to read a book. I try not to put more than 1 new release on my library hold list at a time so that I only have 1 book that needs to be read in 3 weeks (any older books can most likely be renewed again and again, since there aren’t bunches of people waiting to read them).

      Some recent favorites:
      The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood
      The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood
      Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell
      Sycamore Row by John Grisham
      Collapse by Jared Diamond
      The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins
      Maya’s Notebook by Isabel Allende

    10. YES! I read a ton. Almost 50 non-work books in 2013. I try to always have a kindle book and a hard copy book going. I read the hard copy before bed (at least 10 pages per day, but at least 2 times a week I skip TV and other activities and read for an hour). I read the kindle book everywhere – in the elevator, waiting for food, while nursing, waiting for a conference or meeting to start, getting a pedicure, etc.). I also check out audio books from the library so I can “read” in the car. I also am a part of a book club. I don’t have cable, so that helps A LOT.

      Some favorites: House of the Spirits (Allende), The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao (Diaz), Winter’s Bone (Woodrell), The Sense of An Ending (Barnes), Defending Jacob (?Can’t remember). If you are trying to get back into reading, start easy and work back up to weighty fiction. If I had gotten back into it trying to read East of Eden, I would have given up, but after getting back into a reading groove, I really enjoyed that book.

    11. I didn’t read much when I was living with Mr. S.A. because he didn’t like it when my attention wasn’t on him or whatever TV show he was watching. *big giant eyeroll* Now I am reading up a storm again and loving it.

      Just finished “Wonder” by R.J. Palacio, on the recommendation of somebody here. Loved it beyond all reason. It’s technically a young adult book and was a very quick read and… just loved it.

      Other recent favorites include “Plainsong” by Kent Haruf and “Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore” by Robin Sloan.

  4. Maternity Clothes TJ
    This is pregnancy #2 for me, but I still hate all of my maternity wardrobe from my first pregnancy. Can anyone suggest and good source of work appropriate shirts? (I am also not opposed to nonmaternity shirts that will last me a while).
    (preganon, I have definitely been perusing your blog!)
    TIA

    1. Kat did a round up of professional maternity clothing stores in the last few months. It was a very complete list.

    2. Fabulous! I think shirts are really hard because of the tucking issue, particularly as you get bigger. So, I didn’t really buy many shirts for workwear. I just didn’t feel all that put together with an untucked shirt. So, I would recommend dresses instead (from ASOS, in particular), but if you really want shirts, follow Loft’s sales. They have 40% off all the time (although sometimes it excludes maternity wear). I would also recommend splurging on an Isabella Oliver shirt – those work untucked because they are more fitted and yet still dressy enough for work.

          3. I have several maternity shirts that have a sash just under the bust. Yes, you wear them untucked, but they’ve always seemed perfectly polished to me.

    3. I was a huge fan of maternity tanks/tees under existing cardigans and jackets. I love the Liz Lange stuff at Target and the Gap Maternity line. I also had a handful of more blousy kinds of shirts (some with elastic at the bottom for some under the bump gathering and some with a tie under the bust)–primarily from the same places (Liz Lange, Gap Maternity, Old Navy Maternity).

  5. So, almost Oscars! Have you seen any of the nominated movies? What would you vote for if you were in the Academy??

    I haven’t even seen it yet, but I think I would vote for 12 Years a Slave, mostly because I think Steve McQueen’s films are some of the best ever made. But I do really want to see it soon. But I also would have voted for The World’s End for an Oscar, because that was awesome. ;o)

    2. I’ve only seen Gravity. I think I’m the only person on the planet who didn’t love it. I (nerd alert) couldn’t get over how much of the physics was obviously wrong & led to unnecessary problems. George Clooney plays himself, as always. And as much as I love Sandra Bullock as a comedic actress, I don’t think she’s a great dramatic one. I didn’t love her work in either Gravity or The Blindside and I think its a shame she’s never been recognized for any of her brilliant comic roles.

      1. Honestly, I want to see Gravity just to troll the obvious physics issues. ;o) #nerds!!

      2. Agreed. I found Gravity pretty to look at from a cinematography perspective but really thought the science was lacking/non-existent.

      3. You’re not alone. I thought Gravity was boring. The only saving grace was the fact that it was in 3-D.

      4. I just saw Gravity and hated it.
        I have higher hopes for the Lego movie, which I have not seen yet!

        1. Saw the lego movie this weekend and it was amazing.

          Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you’re part of a team (it will make sense once you see it).

    3. I try to see all the best picture/actor/actress noms. Still waiting for Nebraska to come to Amazon and for Gravity to not be $20. I’d vote for Dallas Buyers Club because I love MM, but Jared Leto is going to steal that Oscar right out from under him. I liked August Osage County – Meryl was horrifying and amazing. Cate Blanchett was great in Blue Jasmine. Loved WOWS, but probably not Oscar worthy (although Jonah Hill and Leo were both excellent).

      1. I think I missed the boat on DBC. I nearly slept through the first half hour I was so bored, and MM playing a drunk guy didn’t seem like that much of a stretch to me.

    4. La Grande Belleza in the foreign film section is a terrific film, and gorgeous-looking to boot. It all looks like an over-the-top stage-set, but no, the historical centro of Rome really is like that.

  6. I have been jerked around by a company for almost 6 months now. I’ve applied to two positions, had one phone interview and two additional phone calls, two long in-person interviews, and now they want me to do another phone interview after previously telling me they would going to bring me in for a final in-person interview. Is there any way to push back against these excessive demands on my time without jeopardizing the entire opportunity (which is otherwise a great one)? I’ve already taken far too much time off work to interview with these people and now they’re asking for another 45 minutes of phone time in addition to this mythical final interview that may never actually happen.

    1. Sorry, dude, but if you want a job from them, they’re pretty much the boss of you. And it’s their time as much as it’s your time.

      I guess you should ask yourself whether this process gives you any indication of what they’d be like to work for. If you think this is “excessive,” maybe you should reevaluate your interest.

    2. I think this speaks to how the company will function in other areas and frankly I would run. I had a similar situation happen to me recently. I was contacted by a head hunter doing a retained search for a client. I went through my litany of questions (is the position approved/funded, who does it report to, is it new, why did the prior person leave, etc.) and said yes I’m interested. This was in December 2012. I heard nothing for 4 months. I rescreened with the head hunter in April 2013, I had 3 in person meetings with multiple high level folks (COO, CFO and multiple partners) requiring travel in June, July and September 2013. I kept forgiving the timeline because the position was “perfect” (right comp, right title, right duties, right location). I finally withdrew, sent them a letter for reimbursement for the 3 trips and cut my losses. It’s now February 2014 and they still haven’t hired for the position and they probably have what they think is a great reason for not hiring/dragging it out. I know that if I had been hired back in Summer 2013, I’d probably be frustrated that internal things moved slowly, that the company wasn’t really interested in change, etc. I wanted to scream at them – the reason you can’t successfully do X (the function for which I would be hired) is because you can’t even schedule an interview and make a decision in a timely manner. It was foreshadowing of what my work life would have been on a daily basis – no answers for days/weeks if not months, no action, no decision making, etc. I couldn’t have dealt with that.

    3. Is it the same role? Have you developed a rapport with the hiring manager where you can reach out and see what’s up?

    4. I don’t want to post too many details in case anyone from the company reads here, but the process has been so shifting and drawn out that it really is starting to raise red flags for me. Some days there’s a great rapport with the hiring manager and other times, she’s told me an in-person interview is imminent only to disappear for 8 weeks and never schedule the interview. One of the in-person interviews I had took 3.5 hours and the hour about 2.5 hours. I’m fine doing another in-person interview for a different position, of course, but why do I have to repeat the same exact phone interview?

      I think it’s sad that in this day and age, some job applicants can find themselves so wracked with stress and constantly at employers’ beck and call. There is no true working together to find a good fit sometimes – I feel like in a lot of cases, applicants are at the complete mercy of flaky, rude employers. It’s easy to say “look elsewhere,” and people like me surely do, but when you’re not getting any other callbacks at all, you find yourself with no choice but to go along with every last demand.

      1. My last company had some people that were thrown in a similar loop, because there were multiple openings with very similar job descriptions, and each time the applicant was not the 1st choice for the current opening but was a good candidate for the next opening. Have you asked if this is for the exact same position in the same group or if they want to do another phone interview because its for a similar job description but for a different boss? That’s not uncommon in some industries.

  7. Anyone have thoughts on dating men with kids? I was recently set up with a man who seems wonderful in all the right ways, and we’re having a great time together. However, he has two tween-age kids, and he has 50/50 custody. The divorce was years ago and was amicable, and the ex is remarried. I always swore I’d never date a man with kids, but now I’m reconsidering. Would love to hear experiences from the hive on this one, pro or con.

    1. Read the divorce order. What are his duties and financial obligations? Will you be assuming them under your state’s laws? Have they made arrangements for post-18 costs (college tuition and others?)? If not, anticipate a fight over that and/or anticipate contributing to it. What is the custody schedule? How are changes/exceptions handled?

      Written while on phone with insurance company trying to figure out how to cover my stepdaughter while she is home from college for the summer. She will be driving car given to her brother by mom’s family. No one on that side will insure her. We can’t because we don’t own car. Requests to put car in SD’s name so we can insure it met with yelling and nastiness. Can’t let her to uninsured because Dad and I will be sued in case of major accident so our home and retirement funds are on the line. Never expected this on my first date eight years ago, when she was 10 and her mom was still in the “let’s be grown ups” stage.

      2. I’m sorry, I know this can all obviously be very relevant in considering whether to join your life with someone but if someone said to me, “I will date you only after I read your divorce decree,” I would tell that person to go jump in a lake.

        I think the points you raise are all valid points to consider before getting serious with someone but you just can’t know these things on a first, second or even third date (and sorry to hear you’re in what must be a very frustrating situation).

        For the OP, I’d say it sounds like this guy is far enough away from his divorce, and given that it was amicable, for this to have some potential if you otherwise connect. My one big hesitation would be that if you still want to have kids of your own, you want to make sure that he isn’t just “done” with that part of his life already. But otherwise, I’d pretty much approach it the same way I would any other dating situation. I’m sure it will have some unique challenges, but so does every single relationship ever, and if it works out, it will have its own rewards too.

        1. I agree that reading the decree this early is a bit too much. My DH has a 15 yo (yikes) from his first marriage. I met her early on due to some weird circumstances and a long distance situation. My relationship with her has been pretty smooth, the main ‘step’ issues have been with DH and his expectations. So, based on that experience, keep the following in mind:

          Do you want kids of your own and is he willing? If you really do want kids of your own (adopted or biological), step-kids may not be the same, especially if their mom is involved and present in their lives. It’s OK and perfectly healthy, IMO, to feel that way, since you wouldn’t expect your step kids to be okay with you replacing their mother.

          What role does he want you to play with the kids and are you and the kids okay with that? Does he want to recreate a nuclear family, where you’re mom (aka primary caretaker), or does he expect that you’ll be like an aunt or close family friend? Does this line up with what you and the kids are comfortable with? This was the biggest problem that DH and I ran into from my perspective. He never articulated it, but he wanted me to play the mom roll — which, as far as I can tell, wasn’t anything my stepdaughter wanted or that I was in a position to do. That’s mostly sorted out now, thank goodness.

          Once you do meet the kids, make sure they have time with their dad without you around. This is for everyone’s sanity.

          And the flipside to that — make sure you keep up with your own interests. Good advice for any relationship, but particularly one where your partner does have a significant ‘commitment’ to his time, energy, and emotions (kids).

          Good luck, it’s hard, even in the best of circumstances.

    2. Do you have a sense of how the ex is outside of her ex? Like her new husband is normal and there is no other drama to speak of? My friend dates a guy like that. No issues and the kids are a plus — people who give you an excuse to do things that are fun, like ball games and hiking.

      Or is it like the ex has an arrest record and her ex is still getting calls from her creditors? I’ve been there, done that. Eventually you get in her crosshairs, too.

      I think that the ex is more of a dealbreaker than a kid, but with a kid you’re stuck with the ex forever (weddings, funerals, graduations).

    3. I’m happily married to man who has one child from a previous relationship. My only advice is not to approach this categorically. Date this individual as an individual for long enough to learn whether you are even interested, first. This is someone who has shared custody (I assume you also mean 50% placement?), so he can see you freely on non-kid nights for enough time for you to know whether you are interested in him, first and foremost. IMO, it’s neither healthy for the kids nor advisable for the relationship for you to meet them before establishing a certain level of seriousness with the dad first.

      P.S. 1 — Despite your question, it sounds like you are already dating a man with kids. So I don’t think you really have a problem with it as a concept. I think you’re really asking about the future. That’s very different– but you’re not there yet.

      P.S. 2– As for the future…Step-parenting is very hard. (So is step-childing! ) Even with a great kid, even with a healthy ex, you face challenges that other couples simply do not have. It can also be, but is not guaranteed to be, very rewarding and awesome. Before you meet the kids, and become involved in their lives at all, that is when you really need to do the gut-check about what you are up for. But that point you’ll have a better understanding of what it’s worth to you to have the dad in your life.

    4. I was in a long relationship with a man with kids. I met him six months after he had been separated and had filed for divorce. The kids were 2 and 6 when we first dated. I waited nearly a year to meet/hang out with his kids. The ex was more of a PITA than the kids (in all honesty, I adored the kids). She was never going to grow up, keep a schedule or act like a reasonable person. I grew tired and resentful over time because this man would never prioritize our relationship. While I do believe the kids’ needs should trump mine, the ex-wife’s needs should not and disguising them as the kids’ needs was really crappy. I finally came to the conclusion that I could never be satisfied always coming in third behind the kids and her (or as I looked at it “losing to her”). It just didn’t work for me. Obviously a great deal of this has to do with my ex, his ex-wife and me and your experience could be very different. I took a lot of comfort and guidance from the poster here, My Stepkids Mom. I realized that my guy and me were not ever going to be the team that she and her husband are so I ended it.

      While I have reemerged as the person I was before I met him, I do worry about the kids. They are growing up in a manipulative and strange situation. I also worried a great deal about just disappearing from their lives when I had been in it for nearly 3 years. I know their dad was a happier person with me but he could never take the next step and make a priority. I couldn’t imagine confronting stuff like car insurance post age 18 because we couldn’t even get a kid’s haircut without a kerfuffle.

    5. I never ever thought I would be married to a guy with a kid from a previous relationship. Stepkid was 11 when I met her dad and my DH had her with him about 1/3rd of the time at that point. After some incidents, we went to 50/50 custody shortly before her 12th birthday. I agree with others who have indicated that it is generally the ex who is the problem and not the kid, although to say the kids won’t test you or frustrate you would be a big lie.

      Our main pitfalls have been related to issues with her mom involving repeated violence in front of my stepkid, mom failing to take stepkid to court ordered therapy, etc. I am a worrier by nature so I get really anxious when these things happen and worry a lot about the impact on stepkid. But my DH was upfront from the very beginning about these being potential issues. I always knew that there might be upcoming custody battles and I was told from the start that mom makes poor parenting decisions and sometimes we would have to deal with the fallout. We always have to be the bigger person and use our time/money to do what’s best for stepkid.

      I would say that the main thing that has made it work well for me are that my husband treats me as a 100% equal parent. He does any real disciplining (which these days mainly involves sending her to her room until she can have a pleasant attitude or taking her phone away) but he expects her to listen to me when I tell her to clean her room or do her homework and he likes to have my opinion about various things and he will back me up on the little things even if he disagrees with me (example: I tell her no soda, he thinks it’s fine for her to have soda at that time, but instead of undermining me he says no, stepmom already said you can’t have any).

      The other big thing that helps is that despite all her issues, mom is entirely civil to me and we generally have accomodated each other’s requests for minor deviations to the court-ordered custody schedule which makes the day to day less anxiety-inducing and very non-confrontational. My sister in law’s stepkid’s mom is just downright nasty to her and I don’t think I could handle that. My husband handles any of the tough stuff and I just contact her about homework, sports schedules, etc.

      Oh, and I do see a family therapist once or twice a month who helps me relate to stepkid (since I haven’t been around for her development) and decide what annoying behavior is just par for the tween/teen course and what should be addressed and how I can address it. I find it very helpful . I also use him to vent a lot about my issues when mom makes a poor decision and we have to step up because of it. I highly recommend it because like someone else said, even when things are going perfectly, you’re in a very different position than a lot of parents. She definitely likes me but I am the first one she takes things out on and I am definitely the scapegoat for most things that happen at our house. Sometimes I or my husband address it, but other times you just have to let it go because you cannot reason with a teenager sometimes.

      It can be very tough to parent a kid who isn’t yours, but I wouldn’t trade stepkid for anything. She’s worth all the time and effort I put in with her. But you have to be willing to always be the bigger person.

    6. OP:

      I am off the phone now and can give a more fullsome reply.

      I agree with AIMS that the issues I raised are not first or third date material. Just wanted to be the voice of reality that these issues may be out there lurking.

      Also agree with AEK that you should date this man as the individual he is. My previous reply didn’t mention how much I love my husband and how much happier and richer and better he has made my life. We were older when we met (early 40s, he had a 10 and a 15-year old, I had no kids by choice) and we had both been to what our stepfamily therapist calls “appreciation school,” so it was pretty easy for us to determine early on that we both wanted a serious, committed re-partnership and that we were a brilliant match (if we do say so ourselves :) ). As soon as we knew that, he introduced me to the kids because we both felt that if that did not click, we would go our separate ways rather than force it on them. And now, 8 years later, I would not change a thing about him or the kids. (You know already what I *would* change.)

      I knew that I did not want kids, and he confirmed early on that he did not want any more kids, so we did not have to navigate doing that in a way that made his kids feel important and welcome and part of the family (and that did not incite their mom).

      I think the most important thing that makes this work is that he is utterly transparent with me about the kids’ mom and we deal with the chaos she creates as a team — based in large part on our therapist’s help and in even larger part on my husband’s incredible communication and empathy skills.

      In my comment on thissite of August 12, 2012, I shared the things that helped us:

      1. We took an “Active Parenting” class. Michael Popkin developed the theory of active parenting and has written numerous books about it. Classes based on his books are offered all over the place. We took “Active Parenting of Teens” when his kids were 13 and 18 through the local recreation department. I might have preferred “Active Parenting of Stepkids,” but it wasn’t being offered.

      2. We read and discussed Wednesday Martin’s, “Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do.”

      3. We read and discussed Susan Wisdom’s, “Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended Family.”

      4. We found an exceptionally good therapist with a lot of experience with blended family issues.

      4. I read (and sometimes share with him) Stepmom Magazine online. www DOT stepmommag DOT com.

      6. We make sure that he and his kids get enough time alone without me AND that we all get enough time together to bond as a family.

      7. We read and discussed Louise Oxhorn and Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood, “Stepwives: Ten Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Step-Mothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First.”

      These may be premature for you, but I recommend them all. I especially commend reading and discussing with him Wednesday Martins’ book when the time is right.

      My bottom line: If there are no red flags re the kids or their mom, you definitely should not rule him out on principle. He may be, like mine, the love of your life!

  8. Reposting from this morning just in case (and thanks IT in MN):

    Has anyone ever been to Bolivia on vacation? My SO and I are considering going there for about 10 days in August or September. I know it isn’t a relaxing vacation spot, but we’re both ok with that. Any recommendations? We’re also considering Colombia (but know it would be a very different trip) but are still sort of leaning towards Bolivia.

    1. never went to bolivia, but if you are open to other places altogether, i highly recommend costa rica (anywhere) and belize (ambergris caye), as both places were really relaxing and had great and inexpensive food.

  9. Headed to Panama soon, and would love any recommendations for things to do or places to eat. We’ll be in Panama City, Boquete and on the Pacific Coast near Coiba. Cbackson, I seem to remember you used to live there? Any thoughts?

    1. I did! I have a long email with all of my suggestions that I usually send people, so if you want to contact me (username clickable, I’m also at the mail of googles by this name), I can send that to you.

      Just on the fly, I’ve been to Boquete a bunch of times, but it’s been eight years at this point. If the Panamonte is still open, I recommend it – it’s a weird tropical version of the sort of cool old family hotels you used to find in Asheville and places like that. Has a great bar.

      There was very, very little on the coast near Coiba when I lived in Panama, so sadly, I have no suggestions for that. Although I would say that if you’re going to the east, it’s worth the money to fly Aeroperlas or another local airline into David, rather than taking the bus. It’s a looooooooooong bus ride.

    2. See if you can get to Barro Colorado. It’s an island used by the Smithsonian for all sorts of research — hydrology, animals, bugs, etc. When I went there was a long lead time for reservations. They assign you to a scientist who walks around the jungle with you explaining things — it was very, very cool.

  10. Probably outing myself here, but I will be driving from LA to Albuquerque next weekend, and I would love recommendations as to places to stop along the way (food, museums, hikes, shopping, really anything). I would also love recommendations for audiobooks, both fiction and nonfiction, to listen to along the way. And recommendations for things to do in Albuquerque long term, for a friend who will be moving there. Thanks!

    1. The Alibi is the local alt-weekly that lists everything happening in town. It’s a great place, and very delicious. One of my favorite towns.

    2. Do not stop in Tucumcari NM. I drove cross country in May and back in December. It was a struggle to find an open gas station. Place looked like a ghost town of a 1950s town.

      1. Tucumcari is way east of Albuquerque. If driving in from LA, the OP would not pass through it.

    3. ABQ is really nice right now, so if you like doing outdoorsy stuff–go hiking on one of the many trails, or walking along the bosque. The Zoo is really nice and so are the botanical gardens. Popejoy Hall often has interesting shows, so check the schedule. More long term–the balloon fiesta in October is great, so are the wine festivals (usually around labor day). The tram is fun to ride. Also a day trip to Santa Fe is nice. Try some local New Mexican food! (My favorites in Albuquerque include Durans and Los Cuates.)

    4. My father grew up in New Mexico and we went back routinely throughout my childhood.

      1) Balloon Fiesta – this is probably way too obvious, but go. Your friend should go and you should go visit him or her to go as well.

      2) Madrid is a small town between Santa Fe and Albuquerque that has amazing art (as does most of New Mexico). It requires a small detour off the main road, but it is a prettier route and fun.

      3) In Albuquerque, Old Town is always fun to walk around in. My grandfather used to work/volunteer at the Natural History Museum, which is nicer than you might expect for a small city. The Candy Lady is also around Old Town and has amazing candy, particularly Peanut Butter Crunch which we will still get shipped to the house (they are also a lovely family).

      4) Go to a Pueblo. I honestly don’t even know which I have gone to at this point, but I’ve never had a bad time.

    5. If you have a smartphone, I recommend downloading the This American Life app. I think it is about $3 and it is the best $3 I have ever spent. It updates with new episodes each week after they air. Each episode of the radio show is about an hour long, and if you are like me and find that your mind can wander during a longer audiobook, this is a good way to switch up topics.

  11. I have the octopus drying rack from Ikea, which is pretty great, too. I think it has 16 clips total (two on each of 8 legs) and is also kind of amusing. I dry probably half my clothes, so it’s great! I may need to supplement with this rack, though…I don’t have room to hang another octopus.

    1. “I don’t have room to hang another octopus.” <– this sentence just made my day

  12. Recommendations for black work flats, with a pointed or almond shaped toe? I searched Macy’s, Cole Haan, and Nordie’s this weekend. Thanks!

      3. I love these. Own them in black patent and am thinking about picking up a few additional pairs when 6 pm has another coupon code out.

    2. DON’T get the Rockport Ashikas. I tried them because they came in wide sizes and looked nice, but they hurt my feet within minutes and seemed so inflexible (like they wouldn’t break in much). Definitely not worth the price in my experience.

  13. Am I the only one who sees “Slimline” and immediately thinks of a “private, white, slimline telephone”? Oh Hyacinth!

  14. I don’t mean this as a criticism of the posters here, but it seems to be getting really repetitive with the topics lately (tips for bre*stfeeding creams, maternity clothes, tips for destinations, FLEECE LINED TIGHTS, etc.)It seems like some of the same questions pop up week after week. Kat, I wonder if there’s a way to expand the archives and tag the comments sections by whichever topics are strongest there? If there’s a TPS report that happens to have a great discussion about Paris restaurants in the comments, is there some way to better catalogue that for future reference?

    I know some people say “skip it if you’ve heard it” or “scroll if you don’t like it,” but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room to improve on the variety of the great discussions that take place here.

    1. Yeah Kat has said she’s looking into doing like, forums, so all the bfeed questions can be in one place.

    2. I think the downside to subject-specific forums is that it tends to not get a lot of new responses or responses are somewhat out of sync, and sometimes out of date. For instance, if you go to restaurant recommendations from Chowhound or whatever, you’ll find an old thread with 9 comments, some of which discuss closed places, and then no updates or replies to responses. I think the upside to something like this site’s daily feature is that usually you can get a response quickly on a sort of rolling basis. Sure, sometimes I want to say “this has been discussed to death, can you please just google it?” but then again it’s just as easy to scroll past it or to say “check the thread from last Tuesday.” Not to mention that sometimes, a repeated topic brings up interesting new conversations.

      As for increasing the variety of discussions, why not start a new topic of conversation yourself? That’s what I do when my friends IRL want to talk about the same thing for the 15th time. It works.

    3. I’m interpreting OP as a suggestion to make accessing previous questions easier, not discouraging new ones from being posted. I’d love if questions could be tagged even generally as “parenting”, “travel”, “interviewing”, “shopping”, “beauty products”, etc to facilitate browsing. Even with google site search, I have trouble getting back to specific comments. Doubt it’s possible, though.

  15. Hi ladies,
    I’m wondering if you have any advice on starting a political consulting firm. After working in various forms of communications, it’s time for me to take the plunge. Any advice on setting up a shop or things to keep in mind or avoid as I take these first steps? Any resources available out there?

    Any suggestion is welcomed!

    1. A few people I know swear by the E Myth book as a fantastic resource for generally figuring out what it takes to run your own enterprise. There is one general book and some specialized ones. No other advice, but maybe it will help give you a starting point.

  16. A friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend. Any advice on comforting things I can say or do? I know the standard advice is to just listen but my friend really doesn’t talk a lot so sometimes it is just a lot of silence and I never know what to say in those moments. I know there are no magic words but I really want to be there for her.

    1. Keep her active. Eat dinner with her. Do things with her on the weekends and evenings.

    2. Distractions are the best, especially if they involve new places and activities that will not remind her of her relationship. Take her to a different neighborhood, park, bar/restaurant/etc. Get out of town with her if you can, even for a day trip. New activities are great too — a book club, an exercise class, cooking/language/art/dancing classes, etc. Offer to come over and cook dinner together or watch a movie, the kind of thing she may feel lonely doing alone now. Depending on the seriousness of the relationship and the your relationship with her, maybe offer to spend the night on a weekend (have a flashback to middle school sleepovers!). And yes, listen. Try not to put down her ex (because it may put her in the weird position of feeling the need to defend him), but be supportive if she feels the need to say negative things (a tough line). Tell her how awesome and amazing she is. Remind her of all of the qualities that you love in her as a friend, and that someone else will see in her someday. A lot of it is just being there.

      Also, tell her the following (advice I give to any friend going through this): Make yourself really, really busy – with work, hobbies, cleaning, shopping, whatever. Spend as much time with friends as possible. But when you are alone and get sad, let yourself be sad. Let yourself cry. Don’t ever beat yourself up about it or feel like you should be getting over things faster than you are. Be good to yourself, whatever that means for you — take care of your body, get sleep when you need it, take time off if you need it, allow yourself little indulgences (a manicure, a cupcake, etc.). Recognize that being sad will come in waves — you will feel like you’re totally fine and over it, but then it will hit you again. Don’t be shocked when that happens or feel bad about it. If you have trouble sleeping, don’t be afraid to get pills (OTC or if you need something stronger, go see a doctor). Do things you could never do during your relationship — eat food your SO didn’t like, watch tv/listen to music your SO hated, kiss someone random in a bar some night just because you felt like it. Don’t force yourself to date before you’re ready, but feel free to flirt like crazy if you want to. Take on a new project (e.g. a new language, some home repair, cleaning our your closet) that makes you feel like you are accomplishing something. Do some combination of these things and one day you will wake up and realize that yesterday you went the whole day without thinking about it, and eventually you will stop being someone who is getting over something.

      1. This is wonderful advice. My long-term boyfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago, and I really needed to hear this. Thank you.

  17. Does anyone have good luck buying casual clothes at Target? I follow a couple of blogs that regularly recommend Target clothes but I find those bloggers are generally very thin or petite and I’m neither. It’s a pricepoint that appeals to me but I’ve yet to find much that visually appeals to me.

    1. I buy all my work out clothes there, and I’ve found a couple of cute tops and sweaters from the Merona brand, but mostly their stuff is pretty low-quality. I do like their ponte sheath dresses for work, but I don’t get much casual stuff there.

    3. I’ve found a couple of dresses that I like, 1 for work and 1 casual that I can think of off the top of my head. I tend to stick with the Mossimo and Merona brands, but its definitely hit or miss. I’ve also bought some sweaters and cardigans that I like. They only seem to last a season or two though. I’m neither thin or petite either.

    4. Black lined pencil skirts. They’re usually poly-rayon-spandex but decent quality. Might have to size up because that’s been my experience.

  18. Threadjack: has anyone tried Loft’s new blazers?

    I have a hard time finding blazers/suits even that fit me well because I’m tall with long arms and broad shoulders but an average torso. I’m just trying to get a feel for how they fit. I haven’t needed to wear blazers to work for a while but I’ll be working with different clients soon.

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