I’ve written before about how I am, in general, drowning in information overload, and my email inboxes are historically very symbolic of that. Not only has my work email somehow landed on every random PR company’s news blast list (grrr), and my personal email wound up on every politician’s news blast list (double grrr), but with my personal email I end up signing up for all sorts of newsletters that come anywhere from 5–15 times a week.
I’ve written before about my attempts to organize my personal email into folders, and use Unroll.Me to unsubscribe, and so forth — but as of a few days ago I had something like 6,000 unread messages in my “to be deleted” folder, and like 1,000 STARRED messages (meaning, things I would like to read! someday!) in my “newsletters” folder. Not good, Bob!
So I read about Sanebox somewhere (fine, I heard about it on TikTok), and it sounded like a game changer because it can automatically “handle” your email once it reaches a certain age. GAMECHANGER.
I have set it up to outright delete some folder contents after a certain time point (sale alerts from brands get 7 days grace period, news from the NYT and WSJ and Atlantic get deleted after 14 days), while other folder contents just get archived after 3 months. They also have features called Sanebox Later and Sanebox Blackhole — to distinguish between email that hits your Inbox — where the Sanebox Later stuff is less important, and the Blackhole is stuff you NEVER want to deal with and is deleted after 7 days. (While I was setting it up I was unsubscribing from some things, but I plan on sticking emails in the Blackhole if it’s a list I never asked to be put on in the first place. It’s kind of like your spam folder, but without the negative ramifications for the email owner about being flagged as spam.)
The 2-week trial is free, and the smallest plan (“appetizer”) starts at $24 a year, but they have lots of other plans with more robust features, or more email accounts. (I’m on the “lunch” plan, which gives me 2 email accounts and 5 optional features, and I paid for two years upfront because it looked like a better deal at $169.) There are also discounts for educational, nonprofit, and government agencies, although of course if you’re using it for a work email you should check with your IT department before setting anything up. (You can try my referral link to get $25 towards a yearly plan.)
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Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
In the last few years I’ve noticed a fair number of opportunities in my field in Charlotte (law – but finance specific field). I am currently in DC and it seems that the opportunities in NC are better. I’ve only ever been to Charlotte for a day here and there for a business trip – fly in, go sit in a law firm, go straight back to the airport. I would like to go down there for a day or two and look around. How would you do this? I’d like to look around downtown of course, where most offices are – but also see the residential areas of both downtown and the suburbs where you’d live as a transplant, check out the commute (I’m 40 something so it’s unlikely I’d get a loft in the city for more than a year; I’d be looking more for a forever house/townhouse in a good school district someplace where ideally you have other outsiders who haven’t lived in NC their whole lives). Some of it can be touristy – some attractions, eating at good restaurants, staying at a nice hotel as I’d like for this to double as a quick getaway, but mostly I’m looking for a fact finding mission. Thoughts on what to do?
Research neighborhoods where you might live and get an Airbnb in one of them.
CLT transplant here.
If you like old walkable ‘hoods and could rent a car (we are a driving city), I’d stay in the Duke Mansion b/c you can walk to a lot of neighborhood restaurants in Myers Park / Eastover from there. But is is a very short drive to Elizabeth area restaurants and to Uptown. [Alternatively, you could say uptown, but it is a bit clubby now on weekends now that the pandemic is over-ish. Choose the Ritz-Carlton or the Dunhill b/c there is less likely to be vomit in the elevator Sunday morning.] Explore Dilworth. SouthEnd has fun breweries, but skews younger (20ish) but is fun. NoDa is the funky original version (also w/ breweries). The Whitewater center is fun. It can seem very bland at first, but there is local color / culture here. We are 2 hours from Asheville / mountains for hiking and getaways. Local greenways get better every year. If you like golf, you may like the Ballentyne Resort to stay at, but IMO it is more driving than I’d prefer and pretty far out (but rich in transplants).
Homeland was shot in Charlotte, a lot in the older close-in neighborhoods.
Longer post in mod.
I’d look at houses online and see if there are clumps of them you like in general areas. I grew up in SE Charlotte, which is a nice area. If the commute is tolerable, I think Lake Norman is still quite a nice area. I don’t think Charlotte has many “attractions” per se – a couple museums – but my friends from back home seem to really enjoy Olde Meck brewery.
And I’d encourage you to change your sense of North Carolina and Charlotte in particular re: transplants/outsiders. Charlotte’s been a banking and airline hub for 30+ years – that’s why my parents moved there and why lots of my friends’ parents moved there. Growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, I think my classmates were maybe 65% native, 35% transplant, so it’s not like transplants are something foreign.
I use to live in CLT and hated it so not your best source of advice, but it seems like almost nobody in Charlotte is from there, so that shouldn’t be much of a problem in any of the neighborhoods you’d consider. Be prepared to drive around a A LOT if you want to really get a feel for the area- the wealthy suburbs are on the south side of town, but you might also want to consider Huntersville, Davidson, etc. to the north and I wouldn’t rule out the areas near uptown unless you’re definitely a suburban kind of person. Are you a live on the lake person or a live in town person? I’d really just suggest driving around as much as you can to see the different types of neighborhoods, they vary a lot.
Longer post in mod above, but if you have to drive to downtown CLT, it will be worth it to come on a TH and try to drive around to see what rush hour traffic looks like, esp. if you might be in Davidson (cute! i love it! but it is a haul) or either lake. Lakes are awesome. And if you are on Lake Wylie, you can be on the SC side or the NC side (one subdivision spans both states).
I’m a close-in girl, but it’s nice having the lakes here.
Thanks for the info. Why did you hate it? Where did you end up instead?
There were a lot of things I hated, but the biggest one was the weather. 8 months a year of 90 degrees and humid with terrible allergies was not for me! I also found Charlotte to be sort of corporate and bland and just not really my scene, but I’m sure that depends a lot of the specifics of where you live and what you’re doing and what you’re looking for- I can see how it would be a good place to live for a lot of people. I live on the west coast now, much more my style.
Also be aware that, while it might be slightly cheaper than DC (maybe, depending on what you’re looking for), the housing market in Charlotte is just as insane in terms of fierce competition and things going over for well over asking, etc. I’m in Raleigh (which has the same issue), so can’t speak to specifics, but my brother is in Charlotte and basically gave up on trying to buy a house right now.
My brother is a partner at one of the very large local firms in CLT and does bank work. It’s not my cuppa (either banking or CLT). Up until recently, most of the firms did not pay “market” (read large city market) base, but some do now. I really enjoy visiting him at Christmas and seeing his kids, but it is sort of bland–there’s no huge attraction I get particularly excited about when I visit–there’s some sports teams, the National Whitewater Center, museums. The weather is very humid (not an issue for you if you’re coming from DC) and I get the feeling that a lot of people live indoors with AC a large swath of the year because it’s hot and muggy and buggy a lot of the year. It’s a nice place to raise a family. It’s Southern (duh!) and pretty split politically. There are quite a few really nice neighborhoods to insanely nice right in Charlotte proper, and CLT was not set up to have the amount of traffic it has, so getting around from the burbs is pretty tortuous. Many folk send their kids to private school because CLT does not have the greatest schools. If I had an “anchor friend” or two who could help me join a circle, I would consider moving there, but I find it (perhaps because of my SIL’s worldview) very focused on groups related to church or kids’ schools and I think it’d be a little lonely as a career gal without some sort of “in”, if I were to move there.
I moved from DC because the commute would have killed me. Or I’d have gone in hock for an on-the-books nanny who could drive. If I’d have to work PT to leave early and beat the traffic and live really far out. I wanted a more sane life for all of us and CLT gave me my balance back. It will never be cool like SF or NYC but I don’t need that. I just need to breathe.
Random question — tuck in tops over higher-rise pants? Untuck?
I feel like tucked-in tops with higher-rise pants makes for a very tummy-forward visual on me. And untucked . . . also problematic. I do have more of a tummy than pandemic. But I also have monster hips, so even finding pants to fit is a challenge.
I don’t remember the last time I tucked in a shirt. I carry most of my weight in my belly and I prefer wearing a longer, looser top over high waist pants. I’m short too so almost all pants are high waist on me. The half-tuck look looks cute on some people, but I can’t pull that off either. I’m team untuck.
I liked loose tops over skinny jeans, but loose over looser pants is not working when trying to work new pants in with shirts I already own. It’s like I’m relearning everything now.
That’s a good point about loose over loose. If my top is loose, my pants are on the skinny style. And that’s why I’m not giving up on my skinny jeans. I’ve pared down my wardrobe to styles that fit me well and I feel comfortable in. I gave away boot cut jeans years ago and I don’t have the energy to try and add them back into my wardrobe.
I could never tuck a shirt into high waisted pants, personally, because for some reason the waist on high waisted (or even normal waisted) pants always ends up folded over after I sit down. Is this just me? What is causing this? The pants fit, but is there something strange about my body? I do have a belly. Is that it?
But generally, I think the options for high-waisted pants are slightly cropped tops, bodysuits or close-fitting tops, and untucked shirts.
I often do a half-tuck. Not for very formal, but elsewhere it’s nice to get some drape and some waist-definition.
That’s what I do, too. I think the “real” answer is you need shorter tops with higher rise pants.
I love the half-tuck, but find it looks odd with high-waisted pants. Short tops that are designed to be worn untucked work better, or a fully tucked-in top.
Anon at 3:39
I think it depends on body proportions as well – I have a very high and short waist, so a half tuck at high waist really highlights my natural waist, while a mid rise tuck adds a lot of volume to the mid section.
I like to tuck if I am wearing a blazer or cardigan, otherwise I go untucked.
I would go untucked but would stick to a pretty slim top. I like the half-tuck generally, but as a very busty short-torsoed person, a tucked shirt plus high waisted pants make me look like my b00bs are way lower than I want them to look.
I have a question for anyone who knows about employment law or how EEOC and police investigations work.
There is an EEOC investigation going on at my workplace and the police are looking into whether a crime was committed. I was shocked that all this happened because my mentor is the one being investigated and I never would have suspected her of anything like this. Never in a million years. She is on paid leaving pending the results of both investigations. All I know is that a former employee of hers got a lawyer and is alleging discrimination based on being catholic.
Since I work in her department and have a close relationship with her should I expect to be interviewed? What the process for the EEOC or the police? Should I also expect an in house investigation? Anything else I should know. I’ve never had anything like this happen at work before and I’m wondering what happens now. If anyone can shed some light I’d be grateful.
Just a work vent
Honestly, any of what you mentioned is possible. No one here can say without knowing the details.
I have been involved in investigations of ethical and legal violations as in-house counsel and they have involved interviews by in-house counsel, outside counsel, regulatory bodies, law enforcement agencies, etc. I’ve also been involved as a witness in investigations by regulatory bodies/law enforcement agencies.
Agree. Any of those things is possible and it is likely but not guaranteed that you will be interviewed by someone in this process, even if it is to confirm that you have no knowledge useful to the investigation.
Your HR or your one-over-one will walk you through this. However, my suspicion is that a close personal relationship is irrelevant to the investigation; you cannot speak for or against anti-Catholic biases in her management, nor about any criminal activity.
Any art recommendations that would pair well on the same wall as my professional certificate? The certificate is framed in black, and my office furniture is wood tone (with hints of gray). I’ve been looking at Minted for something, but nothing pops out. On another wall in my office, I have a succulent in a silver/gray container and a print of floral/eucalyptus framed in light wood tone. I don’t want to repeat the floral theme but I need something to go well with everything else! I STRUGGLE with decorating!
Get something you love and don’t worry so much about matching it to the decor. Maybe a reproduction of an artwork you love? Or a poster for a movie or play or album that’s meaningful to you? Vintage (or not) travel poster?
Maybe something academic or historical related to your field? A quote about what your profession contributes to society. A photograph of a relevant building or landmark. A portrait of an important person or event.
I really like the look of Dutch pour paintings and got a really fun one with colors I love to hang in my office. Maybe check those out? (Got mine on Etsy.)
Have conventions changed at all on wearing shorts to work? I assume it’s still a hard no, but so much has been changing in dress norms…
Shorts are on the casual side of casual, and nothing will change that. If you work in a truly casual workplace (i.e. you could also wear sweats/rompers/jeans with lots of holes) they may be fine, unless your dress code prevents them. My old tech office was seriously anything goes, and there were guys who wore shorts in the summer. But it certainly doesn’t project authority if that’s something you should be doing.
Guys can wear shorts because the shorts just about reach their knees. It’s really not comparable to women wearing shorts. Also, still not professional. They are just showing off that they can flout the rules.
Women can absolutely wear bermuda shorts, so having the same coverage as men’s shorts. And nobody said it was professional. Just that you can get away with it when uber-casual.
anon for this
I am a pretty new attorney (in house) and recently learned of an HR matter. Basically, Jane Doe supervisor had consensual s*x with John Doe direct report at a conference sometime pre-COVID. No allegations of harassment or even a policy violation, but co-workers saw them going to a room together and rumors have churned since office reopened this summer and teams started talking about future conferences. Long story short, HR investigated, Jane and John both said that happened twice (they’re both married to other people, FWIW, one of whom works for this company, too) and legal is supposed to opine about whether Jane should be fired. I won’t have a voice in the recommendation, people higher up than me are deciding, but it was mentioned in a team meeting and I’m trying to think about what I’d do if/when that’s my job to recommend action.
I’m stuck. On the one hand – seems like a really bad idea and who’s to say it wasn’t harassment or easily could be. On the other hand – if John isn’t complaining of bad treatment, then does this warrant firing? Curious what other people think because I can see it both ways. I think I’m also stuck because I’m used to John Doe supervisor examples sleeping with Jane Doe direct report, and the gender roles are reversed. I welcome any thoughts from this group as I test my gender bias/how to build recommendations!
Since this was not a policy violation and it was consensual, not harrassment/assault, etc., and otherwise everything is fine other than some people just don’t like the optics, as counsel, I wouldn’t recommend firing anyone, but instead trying to find one of them (or both) a new lateral position so that they are no longer in a reporting line and are with new teams. It’s not my business as counsel to advise based on what I like or don’t like, it’s my job to reduce risk to the company. IMO and with the limited facts you have presented us (not sure if your state is at-will, whether there are employment agreements, etc.), I don’t think firing is lowest risk scenario. It presents an opportunity for someone to make a claim (even if baseless) and a small sliver of the opportunity for bad press (although that can clearly go both ways here). The employees didn’t violate a policy or the law and their marriages are not the company’s business.
You’re thinking way too much into “whether it’s right or wrong” and not enough in the direction of “what is the best choice for my work place.” I think the answer is pretty obviously sack Jane due to the liability alone and also the impact on the productivity and morale of the employees and spouse that works there.
Concur, but I’m pretty zero-tolerance on a lot of this. It can be difficult, legally and professionally, to assert lack of consent or harassment. When your job is on the line, you may not be assertive in refusing advances as people in ivory towers think you should be. Likewise, coming out with a complaint, instead of quietly job hunting, can be professional suicide. The better policy is to sack the leaders who sleep with their underlings.
Peyton Law Firm
While that might be true in theory, it is not particularly workable in practice and you will have to be sure you do it EVERY SINGLE TIME. If you fire one person for a consensual relationship with a subordinate you have to do it every time.
Maybe I have spent my career in really unusual workplaces, but every employer I have had over the last 30 years that had more than 50 people has had at least one such relationship – and often many more than one. The last place where I knew it was going on, they moved the (female) associate off the practice group with the (male) partner because of their relationship when someone else complained (and to be clear the complaint was just that it was happening – not that the complainer was being discriminated against). He promptly left the firm and took her and his multi-million dollar book of business with him. I am still a little bitter about it because I got moved to a much less pleasant team as a result. And yes this should not be the way the world works. But in actual practice and in my experience it happens all the time and most workplaces ignore it unless it becomes a problem, although these days they will usually tell the subordinate to let them know it becomes an issue.
I had a similar experience (down to getting a bad deal out of it, not getting the mentorship I needed from the partner, moved to a new practice group that didn’t go well and having to leave the firm). Bitter right there with you but overall I am happier now as a result of leaving that firm.
If no policy was violated, then I assume none is in place. That’s where I would direct the spotlight. You should add one and tell Jane Doe to stop banging direct reports.
This still leaves some risk for John Doe to change his mind about the past and sue you, but the exposure seems not very big, given that there is now a paper trail of everything and nobody has mentioned a lack of consent.
It is strange to me how openly this private matter seems to be discussed across the team.
really? this would be a hot topic of discussion at my work.
It sounds like OP was not just privy to gossip, but that the company’s response was discussed in a meeting among people who were not non-need-to-know (since she now knows about it and doesn’t have an official role). I practice employment law and …. yeah, that’s not ideal. You want to keep a tight lid on these kind of facts because the more people know, the more the info gets out, and you want to have a very limited number of people aware of the actions to minimize the risk of retaliation/other issues.
The problem from the ‘corporate’ view IMHO is purely the reporting relationship. Leave morals aside.
One of the two needs to move to another role or another company.
Also, a company that doesn’t have a policy against romantic relationships with direct reports… I did not know that’s something any company would not prohibit.
Oh a lot of companies do not have any such policies – often because the person who would create it is sleeping with a direct report or knows someone pretty high up who would be in violation. At my largish law firm I know of at leasts 2 couples where it would be an issue and that does not include the partner who married an associate on his team over the past year.
In this case, the supervisor did not violate a company policy and the subordinate says there was no harassment. Unless you can point to something more (for example a claim that she discriminated against someone else in his favor) I would think firing her could lead to some blow back – particularly if she is going to be able to point to even one man in your organization who did the same thing and was not disciplined.
Hmmm – the reason I see a fireable offense is because of the reporting relationship. It’s a conflict of interest. Jane has input on his performance reviews, merit increases, etc. She exhibited extremely poor judgement. Would normally be addressed in a conflict of interest policy or business conduct policy. Otherwise, people hook up at the office sometimes! And marriages are none of our business.
If there’s no policy that addresses this sort of thing, I would recommend instituting a policy. It’s not ok for people in a direct reporting line to have a romantic connection. I would recommend changing Jane to another position, at a minimum. I would recommend against changing John’s job if it was at all possible to move (or fire) Jane, and if John must be moved then it must be to an equal or better position that is suitable for his skills. When deciding whether to fire Jane, I would recommend considering the fact that the employer’s policies don’t address this. I would also ask if any man has done this before and what was done to him, if anything. It’s not a great look if they tolerate it in men but not women. Which brings me back to the need for a policy that is enforced equally.
That’s a great point. The company may open itself up to a gender discrimination lawsuit from Jane if there’s no written policy, and the behavior has been tolerated in male supervisors in the past. I understand that we’re now more aware of and alert to the problems with supervisors of any gender sleeping with direct reports of any gender–and that’s a great argument for a written policy. Also agree that Jane should be moved to a different role, and told to follow the new, written policy against sleeping with direct reports.
For the love of, stop posting your internal company laundry on the internet!! Especially if you’re the lawyer!!
Any lawyers want to opine about using inbox plug-ins/options like Sanebox? I recently started using an online appointment system for clients that syncs with my Outlook, and it took almost a year for my firm to approve it. Not sure if that’s normal.
I would not use a plug-in like on an email account with client information.
Has anyone tried any of the eco-friendly laundry startups that have been all over my insta and fb? I just bought a box of Dropps, but I’m wondering if others have found one they like and that works?
I started using tru-earth a couple of months ago. No issues. My clothes are not really dirty, just need washing/freshening so not sure I am a great tester.
One benefit that I didn’t anticipate — I gave some to a relative to try – she has quite bad arthritis in her hands. These strips are much easier for her to use than unscrewing a cap, lifting something heavy.
I do not getting paying a service like SaneBox when with one click I can unsubscribe to pretty much anything. If you’re getting daily news briefs from NYT/WSJ/whoever and you don’t read them daily and they age out, then it doesn’t fit your lifestyle to get daily briefs. You’re trying to pack too much in.