Corporette.com

Updated: Mar 18, 2019 247 Comments · by

Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Sheila Blouson Sleeve Henley Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. When I did our roundup on modern blouses for suits, this one from Alice + Olivia struck me as absolutely gorgeous. It didn't really fit in that post, but it's so nice that I had to feature it. I always love a burnout fabric, especially with the multiple shades of blue here. This is very much a Kat kind of shirt, and I love everything about it, like the mandarin collar, the pullover style, and the floral print. The neckline is a bit on the plunging side, but given that the top is burnout chiffon, you're probably going to want to wear a camisole under it anyway. It's one of the rare times I'd recommend a nude-for-you camisole instead of a white one, but that's me. The blouse is $295 at Shopbop. Sheila Blouson Sleeve Henley Top A more affordable option is at Amazon, with a plus-size one at Bloomingdale's.  This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Hot rollers

    Hot rollers advice sought — I have less before work time for myself now that I have a baby, and I’m thinking about giving up my beloved morning shower for one at night. If you use hot rollers in your hair in the morning, I’d love to hear about what brand you like and any other advice for making them (and your hair in general) work. Thanks, ladies!!

    • Abby

      I tried them after hearing rave reviews from the blogger Mary Orton and a bachelor alum, Sharleen Joynt. If you look up Sharleen’s blog, she has a “hot rollers handbook” which is really helpful and honest. I bought the T3, volume set, whatever Sharleen recommended, and it works great – my hair is a little longer than shoulder length. I bought the V clips (do NOT use the butterfly clips that come with the set) and it’s a little difficult to get used to, but easy to learn. Also I got the rollers from ulta when they had 20% off, and a bonus for buying a styling tool, which made it really affordable.

    • Anon

      INFINITIPRO BY CONAIR Instant Heat Toumaline Ceramic Flocked Hot Rollers; 2-inch for Mega Volume and Smooth Waves https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CM7Z7NO/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_qGoKCbVQVZPYC

      These are my rollers and I love them. I have below chin length non-layered hair. I use six of them – two on the crown rolled away from my face, then one on each side of my face and two in the back, rolled under. I use them for body and smoothness. That’s why I like the all large roller size. My hair can get quite curly with the smaller rollers.

      • Anonymous

        Not OP but what product(s) do you use with them? Is heat spray alone enough or do you need something after you take them out too?

        • Anon

          Sorry I’m just seeing this. I use the rollers only. No product. Generally I don’t use any product on my hair because I am all about minimizing the number of washes.

    • In-House in Houston

      You might try these foam rollers (not hot rollers) if you’re going to shower/wash hair at night. When I shower at night (50% of the time if I exercise in the evening) I let my hair air dry to about 60% then put these in my hair and sleep with them on (they’re quite comfortable) and when I wake up I have really pretty waves. Don’t brush them out b/c your hair might get too big. I use my fingers to pull out the waves so that I have long waves. Of course this depends on your hair-type.

      https://www.target.com/p/as-seen-on-tv-sleep-styler-hair-rollers-teal/-/A-52744836?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&CPNG=PLA_Kitchen%2BShopping&adgroup=SC_Kitchen&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9027617&ds_rl=1246978&ds_rl=1247068&ds_rl=1246978&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIl8H15KOO4QIVAbjACh2tfgaYEAQYAiABEgKaivD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

    • Anon

      I’ve been wanting to try them too – I don’t want curls but I want it to look like I just had a blowout.

      • Housecounsel

        I was a hot roller addict until I discovered the Revlon One Step Hair Dryer and Volumizer. I am afraid to post a link for fear of getting caught up in moderation, but this thing is life-changing. I don’t bother to go for blowouts anymore and almost never use hot rollers – and I used them all the time for about the last 20 years, for smoothness, not curl. Try this magical machine!

        • Lilliet

          I whole-heartedly second the Revlon One Step!!! It is life changing. I shower at night (sometimes I dry my hair sometimes I don’t) and then style in the morning. Use a heat protectant (I’m using a Bumble and Bumble one) and keep the device on “low”–more than enough heat if just styling already dried hair.

          • MKB

            Do you put the heat protectant on at night (i.e. while your hair is still wet or damp) or in the morning, just before styling? I’m thinking that I should develop some kind of go-to hair routine beyond a ponytail, and this seems like something I could actually do with some practice.

          • Lilliet

            I put it on before styling in the morning, but I could absolutely be doing it wrong! ;-) It may depend on what you use too! I use the Hairdresser’s Invisible Oil Heat/UV Protective Primer from Bumble and Bumble, but have no loyalty to it. It seems to get the job done, but I’ve never used anything else. It was one of the Ulta (or maybe Target?) sample/travel size ones I just grabbed to try.

          • Housecounsel

            I use ColorWow Dreamcoat with the Revlon device and spray it on while my hair is wet. I also use Kenra mousse for volume. I get two days out of this at-home blowout and wouldn’t really try for any more.

        • Anon

          I bought one of these based on reading about it here and IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE! I do Orangetheory and run every morning before work, and thanks to this I can wash my hair once a week. I just blow it out again with the Revlon styler – takes about 5-8 minutes – and I’m good to go. (A full blowout after a wash takes me about 15-20 minutes, to be honest.) I can still wear my hair down by Friday – after washing Monday – and it looks great. Seriously, thank you to whoever recommended it. I still love blowouts, but this is a pretty decent alternative.

    • Anonymous

      I use a set from remmington at home, and conair for travel. I bought a cheaper set to start and figure out what I liked/didn’t like, but they have worked well.

      I put a heat protecting serum on before. It took a few times to get fast, but I can put them in in 5 min and take them out/add hairspray and style in about 5 min.

      I do use the butterfly clips because it is so much faster/fool proof, but I use the u clips when I can.

      One recommendation is to start with the roller in the middle of you hair stand, then wrap the end, then roll it up. Much faster/easier.

      My hair is naturally a bit curly/frizzy, and this makes it fairly uniform and smooth. Results are not always consistent day to day, but I travel a lot so perpetually being in different climates may be the cause too.

      • Housecounsel

        Not sure if question about how long it takes is for me but I’ll answer – I have hair past my shoulders but it’s really fine, and the Revlon one-step takes about ten minutes total.

    • roller time question

      This comment is not meant to be snarky so I hope it does not come off that way! Something I am genuinely curious about. Has anyone measured the time it takes to use hot rollers versus simply using a curling iron? When I wash my hair on weekdays, I sleep with my hair 80% dry and wake up to dry hair with bed head. My hair is fairly thick and long. I spend about 10 minutes curling it with an iron that gets extra hot, and like that I can use the curling iron to get out any weird kinks. I cannot imagine it going as fast using hot rollers with having to take them in and out and put them away. How much time does it save those who use the rollers?

      • Aanon

        For me, hot rollers are much faster than the curling iron. I have long fine hair, and I can wrap it all in just five rollers and then have my hands free to put on makeup, make coffee, etc. I even throw on my winter coat with its big hood and walk the dog with the rollers in – gonna miss that timesaver when it gets warmer. I haven’t timed it but I would guess that rolling, unrolling and putting it away takes about five minutes.
        Because my hair is so fine, it doesn’t hold a curl well, so I could hold each curl with the iron for a minute to get it to stick, and it adds up.

        • anon

          This is similar to my experience. Being able to leave them in while I do other things–eat, make up, check email, fold laundry, anything that isn’t in an overheated bathroom–is where the time savings comes in.

      • January

        I’ve used hot rollers for a long time, so I can put them in and take them out pretty quickly (like 5 min each way, maybe). I like them because they will do my hair for me while I put on makeup, eat breakfast, etc., whereas a curling iron is more involved. I should say that I’m not as practiced/good with a curling iron, though, so I don’t understand why people say it’s faster than rollers. ;)

        • January

          And like anon at 12:40 PM, I have very fine hair that doesn’t respond super well to a curling iron unless I try to burn it off first.

        • Anon

          I am sure it takes me less than 5 minutes to do it- otherwise I would never do it. I’d guess one minute to put in 6 rollers, 30 seconds to take them out.

          • Anonymous

            +1000. I am not super careful (hot rollers don’t get as hot as a curling iron) and I’d say with my 5 roller set, they’re in in less than a minute, out in like 30 seconds. I can’t get even get curl with a curling iron in that time (plus, am too uncoordinated to do it).

    • OP - Hot Rollers

      Thank you for all your helpful tips and advice. What a wonderful community!

    • Anon

      Yes. Prettiest thing I’ve seen in quite awhile, in my absolute favorite colors. And about 10x what I like to spend.

      • Ellen

        Yes, I cannot wear this pretty schmatta to work anyway, so I will not even approach the manageing partner to buy it. YAY!!! I am being fruegel and it is not even Friday’s yet! DOUBEL YAY!!!

      • Housecounsel

        I am just in love with this blouse but can’t justify the price. It’s so beautiful. If you are looking for pretty floral blouses for spring, though, check out the Free People Bella tunic. I have it in four patterns. You can find it full price at Nordstrom etc. but I found some colors on sale at the Rack and Macy’s.

        • Anon

          OP. Noted. I love this style of blouse but cannot justify this price. Business casual workplace.

          • Anon

            yeah this is the kinda blouse that I would splurge on, and by splurge I would pay $85 dollars comfortably and know that its a statement piece I would have for a while. But, alas!

    • anon

      Agreed. Gorgeous. If it was half the price I might even get it and that’s still more than I’d like to spend.

    • Anonymous

      This top reminds me of the Liberty of London fabrics. They do collabs with several designers for those seeking a similar look.

  3. Lana Del Raygun

    Thanks to everyone who weighed in about dental x-rays yesterday! After the dentist in question spent an hour on the phone with our insurance, the explanation they gave Mr Lana indicated that they would charge him as a “participating” provider AND as a “preferred” provider, so whether they’re con artists or merely spectacularly incompetent, we’ll be finding a different office.

    • Anonymous

      We’ve honestly had a hard time finding a dentist in our area that wasn’t incompetent or scammy or both. I’ve had the same general practitioner doctor for 20 years, same OB/GYN practice for 15 years, same eye doctor for 20 years – I have to get a new dentist every couple of years because they either start rushing me through the cleanings, they miss things (one missed that I had cracked a tooth and needed a crown!), they start pressuring me on things like Invisalign and teeth whitening, or they scam our insurance. I also had to dump one dentist because the technician hurt my son during a cleaning – he was crying and this is not a kid that cries over much or is very sensitive to pain – and the practice refused to have a different tech see him on the next visit. I think because dental insurance works so differently than medical insurance – and is subject to less oversight – there are some bad actors out there.

      • Anon

        Same. Dentists are so scammy. I don’t understand how they can get away with it! Aren’t they regulated like MDs? But I’ve had sooo many issues with dentists and zero issues with MDs (despite having some complicated health issues – I have a PCP, an OB, an endocrinologist, a dermatologist and a gastroenterologist, all of whom are great and non-scammy).

      • Anonymous

        A good dentist is so hard to find! My current one isnt scammy with insurance but I can’t say I’m happy.
        I needed an implant for one tooth and they tried to convince me to take out a perfectly healthy neighboring tooth because the spacing would look better with two implants. Like, really? And what’s up with every dentist saying the other dentists you’ve gone to did a bad job?

      • Anonymous

        This is sad to hear! I have had the same dentist for about 15 years. He is now my neighbor haha. I think it helps that he is really involved in the community and so if he was doing something bad, the whole town would stop going to him.

      • Ellen

        It is true. My dad has a great dentist, but it took him years to find him after he stopped going to the Veterans Administration. Dad says some of the doctors and dentists are really VETS, meaning VETERIANIANS! Dad has great teeth, b/c he insists on the best, and Grandma Leyeh got him braces when he was a kid. Grandma Trudy has bad teeth, so I think my teeth, tho nice, will not stand up to the test of time, so I hope I get married b/f my mouth goes downhill. FOOEY!

  4. Window Q

    We are having to do some remodeling on our 90 year old house. Most of the original windows are painted shut (safety issue). Some of the early 80s windows on one spot have already broken (like you open up the window and the sash part pulls off from the glass of the window) — we replaced those with vinyl ones that are doing OK. The ones that haven’t outright broken leak and barely work (have shrunk or swelled).

    Contractor says you can get a good window at a big box store for around $200-$300 per window (SEUS) and these will be quite good. He doesn’t recommend spending for Andersen or other name brand windows.

    If you’ve done window replacements, is big-box basic good enough? If we were buying a used house that seemed solid, we wouldn’t think twice about this. But I’ve seen new houses advertised as “with Andersen (etc.) windows.” And my parents put those in when they built their house. Also, vinyl or wood?

    • anon

      We have a 110 year old house, and just had all the windows refurb’ed and had new full screens put in – now the windows open fully, top and bottom, and are much easier to deal with. The work included having them reglazed and replacing the few cracked panes we had. You might look into doing that instead of replacement windows – the cost is about the same, though we had to wait a long time for a window specialist to be available.

      • Anonymous

        I’d go this route, if you can. Preserve/restore the actual sashes, but replace the jambliners (the vertical pieces in the wall) to replace the cord and weight (if that’s what you have) with a tiltout option. Older houses have a less standard window sizes, so it can be harder to find modern size equivalents. And if the look of the house is important, the basic modern style windows usually don’t look quite right.

          • Anon

            +1 When it comes to resale, I think it will matter more if your windows fit the style of your house than if they’re name brand.

    • Anonymous

      We recently looked at building a house. Our builder (who has a great reputation in our community and I do trust) recommended vinyl windows. That said…I can’t speak to how it would affect the historical value.

      • Eliza

        Builders by definition aren’t going to know much about old houses. OP needs to find someone who understands restoration work.

    • LawDawg

      I’ve used Marvin windows on my old house. I like that they are wood inside so they match the house and clad outside for protection against the elements. In my last house, we found a product (I think it was called a tilt pac) that allowed us to replace ONLY the window as long as the opening was square. We took out the windows and the weights from the old double-hungs and installed a track, then popped the new windows in. That saved us the cost of a contractor and we saw definite energy savings. Plus, we could actually open and close the windows.

    • Anonymous

      We shopped around for windows last fall but decided to pay off a debt first. But we considered then ruled out Anderson windows for two reasons: (1) they were hugely expensive, like $1500 a window. (2) they wouldn’t offer us a lifetime warranty on the window like several vinyl window companies we quoted.

      That said (if you’re in the RDU area or have similar vendors), we ruled out Window World because we didn’t care for the look of their windows. We’ll probably get Okna windows from a local business recommended by neighbors.

    • HSAL

      For an old house, I wouldn’t use vinyl. I feel like they wouldn’t have the right look. We used Pella and while they were SO expensive (about 10K for 4 double/triple casements), I liked the wood inside/clad outside. They have a really good warranty too.

      • Anonia

        Same here. 120 yr old house, and Pella window were expensive but fit the style. They also made the house much quieter and easier to heat as well, because the old windows let in so much air. Worth it in the end because of the energy savings.

    • Anonymous

      I live in an historic house that has had the windows replaced. Fortunately, I live in a hot climate so there are permanent screens over the windows that hide this from the outside. The old owner wasted her money on them. In my neighborhood, if there aren’t those screens, I can always tell if someone has replaced the windows because they never look right. You might as well burn your money. Find a person who can restore your existing windows. The venn diagram of people who are looking for things like Anderson Windows and people who want to live in a 90 year old home has very little overlap. There is a blog about restoring old homes called the Craftsman Blog, he has tons of advice about windows.

      • MNF

        +1 Restore the existing windows. Probably the same price as buying new and will look better inside and out.

    • Eliza

      Get a new contractor. The National Trust has a very good article on why historic windows should be preserved. They have solid data and information on how restoring your old windows and pairing them with quality storms makes them energy efficient.

      No new window is going to come close to the old growth wood of a historic window. Our 180 year old house has its original windows with wavy glass and they’re irreplaceable. Easy to repair, beautiful to look at, won’t end up in the landfill in 15 years, and not made of fossil fuels. They also add to the value of our house.

  5. anon

    I am trying to lose around ten pounds. I have two little kids and limited time, so I have started exercising during lunch at the office gym. What is the fastest way to burn the most calories? I have been doing HIIT videos from Fitness Blender, but should I add a strength component? I really miss the days where I could spend a couple hours at the gym doing cardio, strength, and yoga classes. Now, I am trying to fit it all into 30-60 minutes.

    • Anonymous

      Exercise is great for your mental and physical health – by all means do whatever you can. But if you want to lose 10 lbs then you’re better off focusing on diet. You’re not going to burn enough calories in 30-60 minutes a day to create a big calorie deficit and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying.

      • Housecounsel

        + 1. It’s all about the food. Exercise is good for you, so do it, but don’t rely on the calorie burn for weight loss.

      • Lilliet

        I’m going to gently disagree. It really depends on what you are doing. A 30min spinning class is going to burn a significant amount of calories vs a 30 min yoga class (or mindless elliptical workout) that is also good for you but not burning as many calories. 30 min of time is plenty to burn calories and create a small (but in the aggregate great) deficit. You need both healthy eating and exercise.

        • anon

          I agree you need both, and that spinning will burn more than yoga, but there is overwhelming evidence that to lose weight, you need to focus on food. I wish it weren’t this way, FWIW, I am much better at doing something (exercising) than refraining from doing something (eating too much).

    • anon

      How old are you? I always recommend strength training, but even more the older you get. Your metabolism slows down as you age because muscle mass declines. Lifting/some other strength program can help that a lot. Lifting doesn’t burn a ton of calories in the moment, but it can really boost your BMR as you build muscle. I’d prioritize that in your situation since you’re really busy all the time.

      Not by any means a substitute for cardio, but I’d 100% add strength training

      • AlexisFaye

        Yes to weight training. Muscle burns more calories! And everything just tightens up.

    • K

      You get skinny in the kitchen, you get strong in the gym. Cutting calories is the best way to lose weight and takes no “extra” time in what is no doubt a busy schedule!

      • anon op

        Thanks, everyone! I forgot to mention that I am really watching what I am eating. I am 37 and feeling the metabolic slow down.

    • Triangle Pose

      If you want to lose 10 pounds and have limited time, eating less calories will work better than trying to burn them. HIIT and Fitness Blender are great, but you can’t outrun (or out-lift) a donut.

    • IF fan

      I was in your exact same boat about 2 years ago. Two things worked for me: intermittent fasting (eating only from 1 pm – 8 pm, not eating the rest of the time) and Fitness Blender strength training and pilates videos. I really should do more HIIT but I don’t enjoy them. However, I do see a big difference with doing strength training. My favorite one is the 25 minute Tank Top workout of theirs. I’m surprised by how much I love strength training. My arms really do look so much leaner in photos. I do the videos after the kids go to bed.

      I agree with others that diet is your number one priority. Try IF and up your protein intake if needed.

    • Shopaholic

      You don’t really need a couple hours. You said you have 30-60 minutes. I would spend 20-30 minutes doing some strength training and 15-20 minutes doing a HIIT workout on the treadmill. Under an hour and the most efficient workout you can get.

      And stick to lean protein and veggies. You’ll get there.

      • Anon

        If you truly only care about losing weight, then spend your time doing cardio. That’s what burns the most calories.

    • JuniorMinion

      Compound lifts + HIIT / cardio . I’d do the following if I was really jammed for time:

      Day 1: 4×6 or 4×8 barbell low bar squats at a 6-8 RPE (meaning you have 2-4 additional reps you could do per set)
      3×8 Incline bench
      3×10-12 Barbell or dumbbell RDL (barbell preferred but dumbbells ok if thats all you got)
      Day 2: Fitnessblender 20-30 minute HIIT workout or 20s sprints / 100s off for 20-25 mins or assault bike sprints
      Day 3: 3×6 or 3×8 barbell deadlifts at a 6-8 RPE
      4×6 Overhead press
      3×10-12 sets of leg press / belt squat / smith machine split squat
      Day 4: Fitnessblender cardio circuits, steady state cardio, longer run / assault bike intervals
      Day 5: 3-4×8 squat variation (I like the SSB bar) RPE 6-8
      4×6 Barbell bench press
      3×10-12 barbell rows, cable rows, lat pulldowns, dumbbell rows

      Take 90-180s between sets of your first two lifts, take 60-120s between sets of the last lift

      • JuniorMinion

        Sorry – where there are multiples on one line that is an implied OR not an implied AND.

    • Anon

      I would highly recommend megaformer pilates. It’s a 45 minute class (in my city, at least) and crazy effective (YMMV).

  6. Anon

    I feel like NYDJ and Lucky Brand do blouses like this all the time. Maybe not burnout velvet but a similar shape and pattern. Which is good because I can’t figure out how I’d wear a $300 velvet blouse on the weekend and I wouldn’t wear a peek a boo blouse for work.

    • Anon

      Yes, I love the NYDJ version, I think it’s called the pleat back henley blouse.

  7. Anon

    In-house lawyers = please let me know whether I am being unreasonable. I am a new GC. Save for a few exceptional attorneys (who I love), I am constantly pulling teeth from outside counsel for updates/movement on critical matters. Unless I ask for a status update and push, I never get one. These lawyers are charging between $400 – $700 an hour for their time, and I am having to actively manage everything or nothing (and I mean NOTHING) gets done. It’s amazing how many times I ask for an update after a week or more of radio silence (on projects with very tight deadlines). Is this normal? Is this just part of my job?

    I have been in house for a long time, but I often wasn’t working with outside counsel, so I don’t have the experience to understand whether I need to change outside counsel or my expectations.

    • Housecounsel

      This is my life. I must admit that when I was outside counsel, I didn’t understand how important timely updates were. I figured if I were handling the case well, timely updates were sort of optional. Now I am in-house and manage outside counsel. I give deadlines, and I make threats if it comes to that. If I don’t have your report detailing x, y and z by this date, I am pulling the case. I have rarely had to do this. The problem has lessened over time, because the lawyers who don’t report don’t get new cases. It helps if at the beginning of the project, you lay out your expectations as to reporting in detail. This is our schedule; these are our billing guidelines and you must adhere. I’ve held bills if I haven’t received reports, too.

      • Ellen

        I think we as outside cousel, owe it to our inhouse compatriots to keep them apprised, like I do, b/c they need us to do the heavy lifting for them. This is why I must work so hard every day, b/c I do provide cleint updates at least 1x per week, and it is alway’s in writing b/c telephone calls are NOT as effective and I can talk fast, but cannot bill 1 hour for a 5-10 minute call. FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      You are not being unreasonable, but unfortunately this is par for the course. I’m on week two of following up on a question to my counsel that manages the entire northeast region. Just one question about the identity of a player in the case (so a one name response). What they may not realize is that sometimes we have internal matter review deadlines even in non-active or no -important cases. Getting responses from outside counsel is the most frustrating thing about the job. Firm litigators: please please please pay attention to this thread.

    • Anonymous

      Firm litigator here (associate). My firm does not have an issue with this, but my prior firm was notoriously bad. I would receive questions from in house counsel, as the primary contact point, but did not have authority from the partner to answer without his approval. He would take a week+ to review my often 1 sentence answer. Frustrating because the info needed was not something he would know, and I felt it made ME look bad. And reports, no matter how early I got them to the partner, he wouldn’t approve until weeks past the deadline. Just FYI out of your contact’s control.

      • Anonymous

        Are you me? I’m literally a junior associate dealing with this exact problem these days. Feeling the crunch from both ends because in house or adjusters will contact me for updates I don’t have approval to send, while once a month managers will contact me for why my hours are low and “is there something wrong?”

        No shit Sherlock, what do you think…

        • Anonymous

          Well, its not the only reason I changed firms but it is definitely a reason. It really shouldn’t be this way!

          • Anonymous

            Yes I have definitely tried all avenues of diplomatically pressing for more clarity, only to get a bunch of non answers about how things should be and esoteric comments related to same. I’ve also raised more than a few flags about how I’m low on work, but short of becoming the official spy in the halls I can’t seem to catch my manager for sit downs since he’s busy doing the prime billable work.

        • Anon

          This was my old firm. I changed jobs for other reasons… This type of thing frustrated me but I thought it was just something I had to deal with as an associate and would be the same everywhere. Nope! Sooo much happier at my new job!

    • Anonymous

      Move that business to lawyers who will make your life easier, not harder. There are a lot of women on this board who are trying to build their book of business and won’t charge you $700/hour to not move your case forward. What area of law are you looking for?

    • K

      To me, this does not seem reasonable. I’ve worked with four outside law firms in my less-than-year in house, and three of four of them would get back to me on my requests within one business day, particularly if they were straightforward questions. If it is a bigger project, like reviewing/editing a document, I would give a deadline (by Monday morning), and outside counsel would meet it. The one outside counsel that did not meet this standard, I’ve worked with on one project and will not work with again if I can avoid it. Outside counsel exists to make my life easier. If they can’t do that, there’s someone out there who will.

    • Triangle Pose

      This seems pretty unreasonable. I’m in-house too but not nearly as senior as GC and my outside counsel is more responsive than this. You need new people. Bring in a new slate to pitch to you, new teams. Let your existing counsel know this isn’t going to cut it and that you are bringing in competitors for pitches. Pay attention to the teams billing on your matters, look for diverse and women partners and associates.

    • AGC for this

      I’ve been in-house a long time, and this was pretty common early on for me. However, I now have built a stable of outside counsel who understand my needs and so I no longer have this issue. You will need to start doing a pre-matter meeting where you outline your expectations on stuff like this, and then stick to it. As counsel doesn’t meet your expectations, call them out and request a meeting with them or the relationship partner. Eventually, you’ll build relationships with counsel who will work with you, and you should move work from counsel who don’t to those who do. Good luck!

    • Anon

      I sat next to a young general counsel at a conference recently that was in your exact same situation. She said that when she moved into the role, a lot of the attorneys they used were old partners and it was kind of a GOB network thing. Most of them did not meet their (or her) reporting requirements. At the beginning of each new case, she sent out an engagement letter explaining very clearly what her reporting requirements were. If the attorney did not meet those requirements, she stopped giving them work and gave the work to someone else that did. In her situation, she found that younger partners generally were putting forth more effort in their reporting and on cases than the older partners the company had been using, and she was getting better results with younger partners.

      Also– like the poster above, I used to work for a partner that was notoriously bad about reviewing reports and getting them out. I could send update letters without his approval but could not send out our 90 day reports, and they were always months late. In those situations, outside counsel would normally call me directly whenever they wanted to talk about the case, which kept them updated and was a way of getting around my boss’s slow review of the reports. I also think it was a way for them to figure out if I was actually doing anything on the case, since I’d have to respond to their questions on the spot.

    • anon

      That has got to be frustrating! I think the answer to your question is probably more about hiw you are communicating your expectations to outside counsel. I manage lots of outside counsel and I’ve found that it is helpful to establish in writing (1) what information you’re looking for (upcoming court deadlines, discovery plan, budget expenditure), (2) how frequently you need updates, e.g., every tuesday, on the 1st of each month (I need case status info every Tuesday COB so I am prepared to present to management on Thursday AM), and (3) how to communicate this to you (if you want a call with the named partner you better be willing to pay for stuff a younger attorney could do, designate a senior-ish associate that actually does the work and is in the know, set up a template status email, etc.). Help them help you. Acknowledge that there will be kinks to work out. The more familiar you are with the matters, the less info you will likely need on a running basis.

  8. Carrots

    I’m trying to think of a way to let a friend know that I probably can’t make her out of state wedding that I thought I could originally because finances are getting squeezed.

    This is a newer friend and she can be a bit…intense…in her requests. We met after her Save the Dates had gone out, so I wasn’t on the original invite list, but was added after the fact, which we had talked about. It feels a bit complicated because the other people she invited from our friend group (who also happen to be the only other people I would know at the wedding) also can’t make it. We’re travelling for her bachelorette party this weekend and I certainly don’t want to tell her this weekend.

    I know an invitation isn’t a summons, but I’m having trouble coming up with the script to use here. Help!

    • Anon

      I would just tell her it’s not in your budget…unless you’re skipping her wedding to go to Europe or something, in which case the “finances” excuse is a little tone deaf (not saying you can’t make that choice, but you shouldn’t blame it on money in that case).

      • Anonymous

        Honestly I would leave budget out of it. It invites too many additional questions. When you blame finances what you’re really saying is, there are other expenditures I prioritize more than your wedding. That’s not actually a very kind thing to communicate to someone even if it’s true and objectively reasonable.

        • Monday

          I think this is true above a certain income level, but speaking as someone in a very low-paid position with friends who make a lot more than I do, I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to pretend somehow that it’s a choice. If I were to really spell it out, for example, to my dear friend who got married at a tourist destination during peak season, I would have had to say “Getting there would empty my savings account. I can’t risk having zero financial cushion.” Which was the truth. Instead I told her I couldn’t afford it, and she totally understood and asked no questions.

          When lower costs are involved and it really is more about financial priorities, I agree with this view though.

          • Anonymous

            I’m the person you’re responding to. I think this is very ymmv and it’s hard to know how people will take it, which is why I advise to just leave money out of it.

            When I was 19 I was working FT for $12/hour and putting myself through school. I was in a VHCOL city, to the point that I was slowly going into debt just paying my basic living expenses (i.e., no cable, no going out, spending $30/mo on groceries). A family member on the opposite coast invited me to his wedding and I said I couldn’t afford it. He didn’t believe me – he insisted that I had a year to save up (I’m going to be more in debt in a year than I am now…) or I could just get family to cover the trip (not an option). That family member hasn’t talked to me since then. I’m 35. I thought he’d understand because he’s been through tough financial times but he was always in a LCOL area so maybe $12/hour goes farther there, or maybe he just didn’t care, idk. Weddings do strange things to people.

          • anon

            How sad :( . If you haven’t already, I’d forgive yourself and let go of this family member. He sounds like he needs some serious empathy lessons.

          • Anon

            Sounds like a win for you if you don’t have to deal with that jerk anymore.

        • Anon

          It depends. If the friends are regularly traveling other places, then this is clearly a question of budget priorities and it doesn’t make sense to say “I can’t afford it” when what you really mean is “I choose not to spend my money on this.” But DH and I got married when he was in grad school. Many of his friends were living on $25,000 annual stipends in a high cost of living city and truly could not afford a plane ticket and hotel stay. We totally understood when people said they couldn’t afford it and it made us feel better to know they were not attending for reasons out of their control and not just because they didn’t really care about seeing us get married.

        • anon

          Yes, but there *are* other expenditures that people prioritize over going to other people’s weddings, and that’s reasonable. I do prioritize my ability to save/pay my debt/bills over someone’s wedding (or milestone bday in Vegas or whatever). This board has a skewed sample in terms of income, but not everyone is making the choice between their second international vacation/ the blouse pictured above and going to a friend’s wedding. We shouldn’t assume they are.

          • Anon

            My wedding was the most important day of MY life, but it wasn’t the most important thing in my friend’s lives. I was thrilled that many of them made the (very expensive or long, or both) trip to see me – and completely understand that even 35-year-olds with stable jobs might not be able to truly afford a plane ticket, hotel rooms, PTO, etc.

            The one person I was furious with, and will likely never speak to again, is my older sister. I was making $15/hour, no PTO, when she got married, and I flew down for her bridal shower and her wedding (I was MOH). Took unpaid time off work, got a dress that she approved, got her presents, made a lovely speech for her and her husband, all of it. When it was my turn, it was nothing but 24/7 nastiness about how selfish I was for asking her to take a single day of PTO to travel, a flat refusal to participate in the wedding, and, because she’s a first-class bee-expletive, walking past my own receiving line. (The latter might out me. I searched the entire internet to find an instance of a guest doing that and could not do so.)

            Let’s be clear, kids: there are things to be upset about in weddings, but your friends not putting a thousand dollars on a credit card to attend isn’t one of them. If everyone is supportive of you and happy for you, you’re lucky.

          • Anon

            “because she’s a first-class bee-expletive, walking past my own receiving line” Wait, what? You’re upset that she walked past a certain spot? That seems pretty bridezilla to me…

          • Anon

            “You’re upset that she walked past a certain spot? That seems pretty bridezilla to me…”

            Oooohh… you’re such an unfortunate person that you don’t even know what a receiving line is. Bless your heart.

          • Anon

            I know what a receiving line is, although I think they’re tacky. Are you saying she walked down the line and tried to receive everyone like the bride would? Because that’s weird. But just walking *past* the line (your words) doesn’t seem like a big deal to me at all.

          • busybee

            I’m assuming Anon at 11:51 and 12:18 are the same person. I’m also assuming Anon at 11:54 knows what a receiving line. Yeah receiving line Anon, you absolutely sound like a bridezilla. And honestly just a nasty person. (yup I know what a receiving line is, thanks).

          • Anon

            I’m none of the Anons above but I’m confused by what actually happened at the wedding (I’ve only been to two weddings and don’t recall either having a receiving line). OP, can you explain?

          • Anon

            If you think receiving lines are tacky, you exhibit a painful lack of understanding of manners.

            Manners maven friends say I would have been within my rights to ask her to not attend the reception.

            If you are accepting hospitality and there is a receiving line, you go through it, period end of story.

          • Anonymous

            FWIW, I’d be pissed on the receiving line, too. You basically have to go out of your way to not congratulate the couple. It’s not oversight. It’s a snub. As the bride, I’d get over it eventually. But I’d have been disappointed. (Of course, I say this as someone who didn’t even get a wedding card from her brother yet alone have him attend–which resulted in my father starting a 15-year family feud with brother’s wife [because supposedly that was her doing and heaven forbid my brother take any blame…?]). Ahh weddings. They bring out the best in people, don’t they?

    • Abby

      I think it means a lot that you’re traveling for her bach party! I had a close friend who came to mine, but couldn’t come to the wedding, and it meant more that she came to my weekend instead of the wedding, because I got to spend more quality time with her. Weddings are so busy, the bride and groom barely get to spend good time with individuals. Definitely call her after and say you loved celebrating her, and would love to meet up again after the wedding but you can’t swing the wedding right now. It really sucks the other people also can’t go, but if I were her, I’d be glad you came to celebrate me already. Added bonus, “no’s” for the wedding save the bride and groom reception costs. Good luck!

    • no

      Don’t spend the money on the bachelorette if your not in the bridal party and go to the wedding instead?

      • Anonymous

        I agree if this decision were being made months ago. But if the b-party is this weekend then it’s probably too late to back out. If OP has already committed to shared expenses then she can’t leave the other guests high and dry, she’s going to have to cover her share even if she doesn’t go.

    • Anonymous

      Did you already RSVP yes? And by RSVP I mean formally, not like you told her, “Ohhhh I’d totally love to come if you have space! Lmk!”

      You’re correct that an invitation is not a summons. You can say no up until you fill out the little card and send it back – even if you’ve said you’d love to go (everyone says that). Just tell her, so sorry can’t make it but wish you the best, and send a gift. Once you’ve formally RSVPed, though, you’re kind of locked in except for emergencies. If you lost your job, a tree fell on your house, you or a family member has a health crisis, etc., that’s one thing – life happens and if she can’t understand that then she’s not a very good friend. But if you just don’t want to spend the money because your friends aren’t going and you don’t think it’ll be very fun… sorry you should’ve talked to your friends before you filled out the card.

    • Monday

      I have been on both sides of this situation. Whatever happens, I’d recommend leaving “probably” out of it, and don’t bring it up at all until you have a clear RSVP yes/no and have decided how to frame it. I think it’s uncomfortable if one comes across as trying to finesse the situation, or put the burden on the host to smooth it over by assuring you it’s ok to not come. Example: “I’m so sorry, Friend. I thought I was going to be able to make the trip, but should have realized that I really cannot afford it.”

    • Anon

      I just had an out of state wedding, and completely understood when people couldn’t make it. We did a lot to try to help people save on costs – setting up people who wanted to share hotel rooms and rental cars, paying for extra meals, etc.

    • Anon

      I would just tell the truth – that your finances are getting squeezed. To be honest I would expect her to be a little surprised. It sounds like you discussed it before she invited you, which would have been the natural moment to raise concerns about cost. Plus if I was the bride, I would have preferred you to skip the bachelorette and prioritised the actual wedding (I appreciate that isn’t practical at this late stage, but I imagine it will cross her mind). It sounds ever so slightly like you just don’t fancy the wedding as much now that you’ve realised your friends aren’t going.

      • Anon

        More than ever so slightly. I’d be annoyed, and your friend would be justified in being annoyed too.

    • Anon

      Just tell her that you can’t make it. I don’t think most people would expect a newer friend to go to a far away wedding.

  9. Leatty

    Tips for dealing with post-illness brain fog? I had the stomach flu Sunday/yesterday, and while I’m over the worst of the illness, my brain is operating at only 30%. For various reasons, I can’t take another day off work, and I need to be at my sharpest. I’m trying to see if I can keep a cup of coffee and some toast down (so far so good), but neither seems to be helping my brain work better. Tips?

    • First Year Anon

      Honestly, you are still sick, and fighting off a virus. Rest and time is the only true solution.

    • Anonymous

      Unfortunately the only thing that helps me get over that is more sleep.

    • Anon

      Are you sure it was the stomach flu? I’ve never had brain fog from a stomach bug, but nausea + brain fog sure sounds like early pregnancy.

      • Leatty

        Definitely not pregnant. I get like this anytime I have a stomach illness. Perhaps its because I haven’t had much to eat or drink in the last 36+ hours, and I’ve done nothing but sleep and be sick.

      • Housecounsel

        Cold caffeine works for me. Diet Coke or an iced latte with an extra shot, if you can handle it.

    • Inspired By Hermione

      You may be dehydrated. Coffee isn’t going to help that much. Try to drink some sparkling water, Gatorade, or even regular water if it settles alright. I know that when I’m dehydrated I work at a third of normal.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah you’re still sick stay home. You can’t force your body to be at your sharpest.

    • kk

      I had this last week – the puking was Wednesday night, and I was still ‘off’ – tired and foggy through Friday. Saturday I had to watch what I ate (too much fat made me queasy again) and Sunday by dinnertime I finally felt normal again. I think the only way out is through- just keep your body hydrated with electrolytes, get plenty of sleep, and give yourself a little grace til you feel better.
      Thank you to all of you for your rehydration and feel-better suggestions- a fountain coke with pebbled ice and a couple of liquid IV’s (podcast-recommended powder hyrdration mix) got me through a major day at work on Thursday! I wish I could have stayed home, but I had flown across the country for this meeting so I just sat at a corner of the conference table, didnt shake hands with anyone, washed my hands as frequently as possible, and went back to the hotel to sleep as soon as I could.

  10. Housecounsel

    Headed out on spring break and am obsessed with avoiding more sun damage. What is your favorite super-powerful sunscreen that won’t make my face break out? I have a hat, too, of course, but I don’t want a single ray to get through to my pushing-50 face.

    • Anon

      I use ThinkBaby sunscreen. But the best thing you can do is try to always be in the shade (even with sunscreen and hat) and to avoid being outside at all between 10 am and 4 pm.

      • Anonymous

        Second the ThinkBaby. We discovered it for our child, and it is so fantastic. I think the adult version ThinkSport is pretty similar and a little less expensive.

    • Anon

      I stick with Neutrogena. They have SPF 50+. Also of course remember to reapply often. Sometimes I forget.

    • SPF

      Clinique has a great face sunscreen- SPF 50 and doesn’t make my sensitive skin breakout.

    • Anonny

      I use Ombrelle by Garnier SPF 60 for the face, and I have very oily, breakout-prone skin. It doesn’t interact too badly with my skin, although all lotions/sunscreens are a challenge!

  11. Anon

    Any travel advice for Vienna, Austria? I’m excited to be heading there for work in April, and I will stay 3 days to play tourist. I can take museums only in limited doses. Welcome recs for must-see tourist stuff, as well as shopping and food!

    • Anon

      Sacher torte! The two famous places are the Hotel Sacher and Cafe Demel, but you can get it lots of other places too.

      • Junior Associate

        +1 to Sacher torte! Too numerous / long ago to recall, but I loved many other “pastries” at Cafe Demel too.

        I’m not a huge art person usually, but I enjoyed the Leopold museum, Klimt house, and Belvedere Castle. I absolutely LOVED the Hundertwasser House — granted I was in my early 20s, and it was one of the first art museums I set foot in in Europe; there was definitely a lot of giddiness involved!

        If it’s your cup of tea, I would try to book (well in advance) some tickets to the philharmonic, opera or the boys choir. I missed out because they were all on vacation the week I was there, but I heard they are fantastic.

    • Anonymous

      Stephansdom and the crypt underneath. It’s also opera and ballet season, if you are into that. You can often get day-of tickets.

    • NOLA

      Go to the opera! You can buy tickets online in advance. Gasthaus Poschl was our favorite place for schnitzel. Got to the Naschmarkt and the flea market behind it. The art history museum (the main one) is beautiful, even just to see the Klimts on the staircase, but the art is mainly old, dark, and Germanic (although Raphael’s Madonna of the Goldfinch is my exception). There is a museum quarter that’s newish, behind the old museums and the Leopold Museum is fabulous. Walk around the Ring, go have a drink and pastries at Cafe Landtmann. Of course, the Dom (cathedral). Years ago, my friend and I did a self-directed composers’ homes tour. There’s a Beethoven apartment that’s cool, across the Ring from the Rathaus and a Brahms house just outside the Ring. There’s a Mozart apartment near the Dom. Have fun! I went to school in Vienna more than 30 years ago and went back 4 years ago. It’s so different now! Much younger and more cosmopolitan.

    • MissingEurope

      If you feel like adventuring outside the city, Schloss Schönbrunn is amazing. Its museum-esque but also has the most beautiful gardens and grounds. You could easily spend half a day exploring outdoors.

  12. anonymous

    The weight loss discussion yesterday got me wondering… is there any interest in doing an in-person meetup(s) in New York to support each other? Like a monthly check-in?

    • anon

      Not in NYC but I think this is cool and would totally do it if it were in my area.

  13. San Diego/LA Weather

    Headed to Legoland with The Kid and The Hubs this week, followed by LA and trying to decide what to pack for me for days at the theme park/La Brea. Forecasts are highs of about 60 degrees, but gray and breezy (and potentially drizzly). Will I be warm enough with jeans, a light thermal, a flannel shirt, and a Columbia shell, or will I need something warmer?

    My last trip to the area was during a “June gloom” and I do not care to be chilly again . . .

    • Anon

      Are you from Florida? Because coming from the Midwest, I’d be in a t-shirt in that weather (though I’d pack a sweatshirt for rain/wind). All the layers you describe will be plenty, unless you’re used to a very temperate climate.

      • Mpls

        Eh – I’m from the northern Midwest and that’s about what I’d be wearing. I might not do both longsleeve layers (pick either the flannel or the thermal, but with a tank top underneath whichever I choose), but would still have a windbreaker/shell layer on top.

        60s and cloudy/damp is still pretty cool, and a lot different than 60s and sunny.

    • Anonymous

      I think you’ll want something around your neck if it’s damp and chilly. I’d bring a cotton scarf or wrap that will dry quickly if it gets wet.

    • Annony

      Hello! Angeleno here. Your plan for layering is exactly what you need, but I think you’re going to be too warm. I would start with a tshirt, layer on a sweater or hoodie and your shell and you’ll be fine. If you’re outside, you get warmer than you think will.

  14. Purse advice

    Where would you look for a classic crossbody purse in a youngish style? A young family member has asked for one for her birthday (turning 17.) Leather or vegan leather ideally, although I’m open to canvas. Budget of ~150 but flexible, and of course cheaper is better.

  15. HELP ME

    The CEO of my company is quitting smoking and I report directly to him. The whole organization is on edge and he has screamed at multiple people. I don’t know what to do because he is obviously the top of the food chain, but this is also unacceptable office behaviour. Trying my best to hide, but its not always successful.

    • anon

      How senior are you? (I can’t tell if you’re his assistant or a CFO or similar.) How much tenure do you have? Are you in touch with the board? If no board, who is the owner? How long has this been going on? All of these factor into whether you have any course of action (other than looking for another job) or just have to keep hiding.

    • NYNY

      If you report directly to him, can you gently call him out on it? Makes sense to say something before any type of escalation (board, HR, etc.)

    • Momofboys

      Totally agree…unacceptable behavior.
      If it were me (YMMV), schedule a 5 minute meeting and speak to him privately.
      In the meantime breathe deeply…

  16. Blush flats

    I am having trouble figure out how to dress for this time of year, especially with choosing shoes. In my city, it is 35 degrees when I leave the house but 55 by lunchtime and above 60 when I go home. So my normal winter black tights with boots, or black flats on a warmer sunny day, feels too heavy.

    I am thinking of buying some blush flats to get through the next month of coldish spring temps. Probably the petal pink Rothys points. I wear my black Rothys points multiple times a week and am hoping this is a good spring/summer alternative.

    My office is mostly business casual and sometimes business formal (but I do not wear heels). I know blush flats will look fine with my spring and summer dresses and skirts. I’m concerned about blush flats with black pants, which are what I wear when it’s cold. Will this look ok? I think they would look nice with white slacks, but I feel like it’s a bit too early for those, too.

    I guess my question is, should I buy blush flats, and what do I wear them with when it’s too cold for skirts? Anything to avoid wearing them with?

    • January

      I’d probably stick to the black (or a print involving black) for black pants. I think blush flats would look nice with gray pants, though. (And yes, you should buy them – you clearly want them. :))

    • Anonymous

      I happily wear blush shoes with black pants, as long as the outfit makes sense that way. In other words, be deliberate about all the pieces of the outfit, don’t merely throw the shoes on as an afterthought.

      For me, that usually means repeating blush somewhere else in the outfit. Or using shades of ivory / blush / taupe and black.

      I wouldn’t be wearing blush shoes with skirts this time of year, because it’s too cold to go bare-legged and I’m not motivated to work to find exactly the right shade or color of light-weight tights or nude hose that would work with them.

    • anon

      I think blush flats are pretty versatile, especially with navy and gray, but I’m not sure I’d wear them with black pants. I can’t articulate why, though. I think flats look great with ankle pants — do you wear them when it’s cold, though? For me, flats and ankle pants are strictly for warm weather but I’m a wimp. I find that ankle boots are a nice bridge piece for early spring weather.

      What’s wrong with black flats this time of year? It’s such a common, standard office color — I’m guessing it has more to do with the shoe style than the color?

    • Pretty Primadonna

      I wouldn’t wear blush flats with black pants, but I would wear tan/natural flats with them.

    • Anonymous

      I wore blush heels with ankle length pants yesterday and it looked cute. I had on a jacket/blazer that was blush too. I agree that it needs to look deliberate to coordinate, but it looks really great for spring. Go for the blush color. I have loved my shoes that color. I have worn them more than I ever thought I would.

  17. Triangle Pose

    I can’t find the thread from recently where posters discussed the best lash serum, including dupes for latisse and rodan and fields. Can someone point me to something that really works? Thank you!

    • BabyAssociate

      I’ve been using Latisse for almost a year and really love it. I felt more comfortable using a prescription product than a cosmetic. I believe it was $150 for 2 droppers from my dermatologist and each dropper lasts about 5 months. Per her directions, I use 1 drop for both eyes (not one drop per eye).

    • In-House in Houston

      Try Rapid Lash. I bought it as Costco, but I think Amazon sells it. I used R&F and got good results, but when I saw that Costco has something similar, I tried it and it works as good as R&F and a fraction of the price. At Costco you can get 2 tubes for $49.00. One tube of R&F will set you back $135! The 2 tubes of Rapid Lash will last you a very long time.

    • smiley

      I’ve had fantastic results from GrandeLash which i buy at seph*ora. It’s like 80 bucks, lasts me 6-8 months. I use it every other night – when I used it every night my lashes were literally touching my eyebrows. Recommend patch testing it if you have sensitive/reactive skin.

  18. anon

    Ugh, just found out that my org has re-hired a guy who left for greener pastures but now wants to return after less than a year. Guy is known for being talented, but an absolute terror to staff. I’m so disappointed that the powers-that-be decided that having him around is worth everyone else being miserable. (Literally, there are a few staffers with PTSD from dealing with this guy.) I’m a manager myself and cannot understand the decision to let a destructive, drama-filled person return. So what if they’re talented? Lots of other people are, too, and they don’t come with this kind of baggage.

    • Anon

      If he hasn’t been re-hired yet, I think it’s worth saying something to a decision-maker on his re-hiring. The higher ups may not realize he is a terror and has this kind of effect on the workplace. Even if you can’t prevent his re-hire, maybe your org can make his hiring conditional or re-staff him within a better team dynamic. To me, it seems easier to speak your peace now because otherwise you’ll be in the position of speaking ill about a colleague or having to go through HR/proper channels to get this addressed. Good luck!!

  19. Z

    Pretty specific question, hopefully some ‘rettes can help.
    My sister wants to pursue a Masters of Public Health at a top 5 school for public health. She graduates with her undergrad next year and has very little in federab loans. Parents aren’t going to pay for grad school. Assuming she gets in, the program will cost about $100k before loans, aid and scholarships, but I’ve heard aid is slim for masters students.
    My question is, if you have an MPH, was it worth it? She won’t be making BigLaw money so will likely carry that debt for a long time. Is it worth going to a top school for this degree? Does where you went to school carry a similar prestige to law school or med school?

    • Anonymous

      Is it worth it doing something she’s passionate about? Contributing to work that will help many, many people? Are there positions available in areas she’d specialize in? Physical locations where she’d live? If yes, then yes. It will be worth it.

    • Anon

      As someone who works in a public-health adjacent field, it depends on where her interest lies. If it’s in epidemiology or evaluation, she probably needs the MPH. If it’s in something like program management, no, she doesn’t need the MPH. It might be harder to get the dream job, but she’ll still be able to work in the field.

      Either way, carrying $100k in loans isn’t worth it. She should look at other, cheaper programs, especially if she’s interested in settling in a specific region. Going to school there and starting the process of networking/getting familiar with the area is probably going to pay off more than the top 5 school.

    • Anonymous

      I have an MPH in epidemiology from a top-5 program. From an epidemiologist perspective, if she wants to work in public health, it’ll be tough to get a foot in the door without an MPH – not sure about the other areas of public health.

      Where does she want to work? If for a major academic/research institution or the federal government, then yes, a degree from a top-5 school is helpful, but there are plenty of successful people with MPHs from other schools. If, however, she wants to work at the state/local level, she might actually be better off going to a school that’s well-respected in her region. Her professors at a regional school will have connections in the area, and she’ll likely be able to get a good practicum in that area, which will help her job prospects.

      • givemyregards

        +1000 – I have a masters from a state university (maybe top…30 public health schools, if that) and am now getting a PhD from a top-5. In my experience, pretty much no one cares where you got your MPH – it’s definitely not like law/business school. And I agree that if you want to work at the state/local level it’s better to go somewhere local where your professors and directors will have connections and can help get you a good practicum/internship/job after graduation. I would also prioritize a smaller program at a slightly less prestigious institution, where you’ll get more one on one advice for the aforementioned.

        Also, does she know what specifically she wants to do? A lot of MPH grads go into working for health departments or working in global health where the salary can be very low – I wouldn’t take out $100k in loans for that.

      • Z

        I think the problem is she’s not entirely sure. She’s thinking of med school too but isn’t sure if she wants the MPH and med school or just one or the other.

        • anon

          I don’t think taking on $100,000 of debt is prudent when you’re not sure what your goals are. I’d encourage your family member to take some time to work in a health adjacent field and use the time to decide whether she wants another degree, and if so, which one. In the meantime, she can study for and take the MCAT if she hasn’t already and get a picture of what her medical school options would look like.

          As an aside, I have a family member who went to med school and took an additional year to get an MPH. It increased her debt by about $50K. I’m not sure that every medical school has that option, but some do. I’m also not sure whether her getting the MPH will ultimately be worth the extra time and money, but I guess time will tell. (She’s not out of residency yet, and I don’t know what type of practice/career she will ultimately pursue.)

        • Anonymous

          If she gets an MD, the MPH will be just a credential. Lots of schools have joint MD/MPH programs that give you the MPH in an extra year or so. Definitely wouldn’t spend $100k on an MPH in that situation.

    • Anon

      I don’t have MPH-specific info, but if she can get into a top 5 school, can’t she get a full ride or close to it at a top 25ish school? That’s how it works in law and several other professions I’m familiar with. If so, I’d say sacrificing the name of the prestigious institution to save $100k is almost certainly worth it.

    • Anonymous

      I have an MPH. It was from a top tier school (like maybe top 10? Consistently top 15? Idk, i don’t pay attention). I got my first job with it. 6 months later I got a job in Big Pharma that had nothing to do with my MPH specifically but I wouldn’t have gotten it without the gig I got fresh out of grad school. That was a decade ago and I make $300k/year and I don’t do sales or bench research (I do marketing).

    • Law Mama

      I would strongly encourage her to work for 2-3 years before going to grad school, especially at that level of debt. Public health is an extremely interesting topic to study but she needs to make sure she likes the day-to-day of a particular skill set in the public health field – epidemiology, research, policy, and programming are completely different jobs that you could do woth an MPH

  20. House style

    Following up on the post from the other day, would you buy a house that wasn’t your style, either out of convenience, price, or other factors? I love old homes and all the character that comes with them, and also houses that have a good flow for entertaining. Recently we’ve landed on a home that is in the right neighborhood, at the right price, right size, but lacks the character and flow between rooms that I really like (not open, but open enough that there are some sightlines between rooms). Doing major renovations to change the floorplan isn’t really in our budget. Has anyone bought a house they weren’t thrilled with, and either ended up loving it or hating it? I fear I’ve watched too many House Hunters, ha. This is probably a 7-10 year house, not a forever home, fwiw.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, of course I’d buy a house that wasn’t “my” style. I don’t have the kind of money that allows me to be that demanding, and I always have to make decisions among the best options available at a given time.

      If you have more time, you can keep looking. But you know your budget and your area. What are the odds of finding “your” house if you keep looking? Do houses like it come up for sale if you just wait long enough, or are you looking for a unicorn that doesn’t really exist in your area?

    • Anon

      Yep, I have a house that’s perfectly fine, but not what I would design if left to my own devices and with an unlimited budget (there’s a near-derelict Frank Lloyd Wright house nearby that checks all those boxes. Given the money, I’d buy it and restore it as a residence in a second. That probably outs me if any acquaintances are on here, LOL). So much of what makes it home has to do with what I bring to the home in terms of my things, my pets, my plants, etc.

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes, I’ve done this and it ended up fine. In fact, at this very moment I live in my darling husband’s house, which is lovely but which isn’t the house I would have picked out if I’d been choosing it myself. And it’s fine. It’s more than fine! I think you are spot on when you say you’ve watched too many House Hunters!

      I mean, if you think there’s a reasonable chance the perfect house will come along by all means wait for it, but the reality is most houses have drawbacks and you have to prioritize what’s most important to you.

    • Anon

      Sort of. We bought a house that was perfect location, perfect price, perfect size, but I didn’t love the interior. We ended up completely renovating the kitchen and painting the interior, so it looks very different and much more modern, but we didn’t touch the floorplan, which I didn’t love it when we bought it. I originally really wanted a two story great room, which we don’t have. I love our house now, and I think I underestimated how minor cosmetic changes like painting could improve the house and make me feel like it was really mine.

    • Anon

      I did this exact same thing this summer. I prefer dark wood tones but bought a house that is light wood/white everywhere. It’s also farmhouse style – with a friggin’ barn door to the office. Ugh. But it’s gorgeous – looks like a magazine (just not my style), fabulous price and great neighborhood. Amazingly, we were able to make most of our furniture work. I’m happy.

    • Anonymous

      Yes definitely. It would be nice to have the luxury of focusing on looks but I need a decent house that I can afford that fits my family in a good school district, and there aren’t many on the market. I want a giant craftsman. I also want Prince Harry.

    • Anon

      In my area, you can buy a gorgeous mid century modern house in the suburbs, or a 1920s row house in a walkable urban neighborhood. I am mid century all the way for style, but location makes a much bigger difference to my quality of life. So we own a 1920s row house, full of mid century furniture.

    • K

      I will say, we did this, and we were never really satisfied with the home. Faced with the prospect of either: (1) doing major renovations (major enough to require us to move out for close to a year) or (2) living with the house as-is, wonky layout and all or (3) moving, we are leaning toward (3). If you’re on this board, you likely work hard and want to feel like your home is a space that makes your hard work “worth it.” If you have time to keep looking, I’d do that.

    • SC

      Yes, I bought a house that is not my “style.” It’s in the neighborhood we wanted. It’s large enough for us and for my parents to be able to visit regularly. It has a fenced-in yard. There are a couple of beautiful spaces–the master bedroom/bathroom/closet, a sun room, and a pergola covered in jasmine and passion vine–that I love.

      The house was built in 1982, and renovated in 2003, and you can tell. Everything is beige and/or brown. There are a lot of traditional accents. For now, money is tight, and we’re still making necessary repairs and taking care of some deferred maintenance, so we’re living with the cosmetic stuff.

      In terms of floor plan, there is a dining room we don’t really use or need, but it’s too small to be used for much else. We plan (hope?) to renovate the kitchen in the next 2-5 years. We could live with it for 5-7, with a few minor changes, but we expect this to be our forever home.

  21. Overthinking Preschool Tours

    What should I wear for preschool tours? I’m touring with my 4 y/o in an East coast mid size city. I want something that says, I’m a professional, and I’ll also get along well with the other parents. Should I just wear what I normally wear in a business casual office? Or go more weekend wear – fitted flannel shirt, Chelsea boots, etc.

    • anon

      LOL. Yes, you’re overthinking, but we all do sometimes. Who do you want to befriend/connect with? Dress how they would: business casual if working parents or weekend wear if SAHPs. I also sometimes dress bus casual if I want to network with a new group. But, I would make a point to not change clothes specifically for this occasion. (I think) it should look like you came from wherever you were before: work if that’s work, or weekend wear if that’s home. Anyway about it, try to relax. It’s just not very important as long as you look clean and neat.

      • Overthinking Preschool Tours

        Thank you! I was just about to delete my comment because I know I’m overthinking it. I just needed to hear it from someone else! :)

  22. anon

    DH is constantly saying “can you remind me to do x?” and it irritates me. It’s not usually stuff that we have both designated his job (he doesn’t say “can you remind me to unload the dishwasher” or I’d probably be more than irritated), but more like small, mental-load, incidental stuff that affects both of us (“can you remind me to tell our families we’ve changed our address” or “can you remind me to mail that birthday card for our friend”). I don’t think it’s my responsibility to manage his mental to-do list for him, but also I understand worrying you’ll completely forget and wanting some external accountability. That said, I’m considering a passive-aggressive text with a link to “the ten best reminder apps for Android” or something. Too far? What would you say to “can you remind me”?

    • anon

      Speaking from experience, the passive-aggressive text is probably not the solution to your problem, even though it may be tempting. No alternate advice, though, and would love to hear what others have to suggest–this would drive me bonkers!

    • Senior Attorney

      I think sending him a list of reminder apps is perfectly reasonable! I might add a note like “Nice try! LOL!”

    • AnonInfinity

      I’d probably have a conversation with him about this, but maybe not via text. I’d say something like, “I have lots of stuff to remember, too, and I don’t think I can keep up with both our lists. I tried X app, and it’s working really well.” Though I have to admit I’m guilty of what your husband is doing every now and then because sometimes verbalizing it helps me remember later.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah I’m totally guilty of this, too, for the reason you describe. I’m trying to retrain myself to just say it out loud rather than ask someone to remind me. Like, “Oh I can’t forget to do X!” rather than, “Don’t let me forget to do X!” A BF once told me to put it on my calendar if I need a reminder – I hadn’t actually expected him to remind me but the (gentle) pushback made me more aware of my phrasing.

    • CountC

      Tell him to set himself a reminder in his phone. I don’t have a SO to remind me to do things and I manage just fine with a combination of post-it notes and phone/Outlook reminders.

    • Anonymous

      I just say no. DH knows I’m swamped with keeping track of three kids including one with medical issues, work and household stuff so I’ve told him explicitly that I can’t do reminders for him.

      If he slips up and asks, I tell him I am reminding him right now to set a reminder alarm in his phone or write it in his calendar. For anything kid related where we both need to be present, whoever books it sends the other person a outlook meeting invite.

    • anon

      As the one who says, “can you remind me…,” and picked it up from my mother, for me, it’s more about the act of saying something out loud to another person. Just like writing a grocery list helps, even if I end up leaving the list at home.
      Does that help reframe at all? Does he actually expect you to follow through, or it is just an irritating verbal tick?

      • anon

        OP here – yeah, AnonInfinity mentioned this too and I definitely think that’s at least part of what he’s doing, and now that I think about it, I do this too. “Don’t let me forget to…” whatever. So you’re 100% right about that. But I think he doesn’t realize that’s what he’s doing, and might actually take it at face value and expect that I will remind him, so it’s definitely a conversation I want to have with him now.

        Thanks everyone for the input!

    • Aunt Jamesina

      My line with my husband is, “sorry, I’m not your secretary!”. It’s tongue-in-cheek, but now he says he catches himself before making requests like that.

    • Anonymous

      “Lol there’s no way I’m going to remember that! Put it in your calendar that’s the only way I remember stuff.”

    • Anonymous

      My sister does this and it drives me crazy. “Remind me to take my pill later,” etc. Like, what?? I’ll usually respond with something like “Gee that sounds important, I’ll forget but write yourself a note”

    • K

      I’d just say “sure,” then if I remembered, great, but I wouldn’t feel under any actual obligation to remind him. Then if he ends up forgetting, and he says, “I forgot to do X, you were supposed to remind me,” you just say, “Oh shoot, I forgot, too!” /shrug. Doesn’t address the root of the problem, which is him unfairly foisting emotional labor on you, but you pick your battles and this seems like an easy enough one to just let slide.

    • Anon

      Do you have an Alexa device or Siri? I have ADHD and was constantly relying on my husband to remind me things. Then he started responding with “tell Siri to do it.” And I could just say “hey Siri, remind me at 8 to mail the card.” If we are home and I say “hey, remind me to put the leftovers away when this show is over” he will just say “Alexa, remind me to put the leftovers away in 20 minutes.” I now rely on Siri/Alexa more than him.

      I didn’t have the attention span to manually put in the reminders but saying them is easy!

      • SC

        +1. My husband also has ADHD and has made great use of Alexa and Siri. I know people on this s*te have discussed privacy concerns related to some of these devices, but I’m so happy DH has found a system that works and that doesn’t involve me.

  23. Worker Bee

    I’m a 44-year old manager in a nonprofit. In the last week, I’ve been referred to as “kiddo” by an older female colleague, VP level, and as a “worker bee” by someone, again a female, I was interviewing for a Director role (so above me, but not supervising me) for my team. WTF. Can we please NOT use condescending terms for each other in the workplace?

    And, the real question, is it appropriate to ask my colleague to NOT call me kiddo?

    • Inspired by Hermione

      Yes. Appropriate.

      My supervisor told me “good girl” yesterday. She is probably 10 years older than me, a feminist, and a mentor. I…wasn’t thrilled. I don’t think I’ll say anything because it would be weird now, but if it happens again I’ll say something in the moment.

  24. Anonymous

    Coffee shop recs for studying — esp in Falls Church/NoVa suburbs close to Arlington? I live in Arlington/Ballston but I almost prefer NOT to be in Arlington — I’d rather drive a car someplace on Sat. morning, park it in a suburban open air parking lot with a ton of spaces and not worry about it; as opposed to Arlington where you spend so much time looking for parking/worrying about towing and then the coffee shops themselves are crowded compared to further out.

    My current living situation is a 1 bedroom with no office/desk set up. I’d really rather not buy a desk just for this, as when I need to read/work at home for a few hours I can do it on my couch. But for a few months of finance/accounting where I’ll have a notepad, laptop, book etc., I just don’t see that working. I am in one of those apartment towers that has a big lounge on the top floor, and I have seen grad students studying there as it’s pretty nice with lots of tables etc. So I expect I’ll do that some too, but that only works for another month or so. There’s a roof top pool that you access thru that lounge and once that pool is open, it is like a 24-7 party up there as people bring friends, alcohol and music to the pool — all cutting thru the quiet area of the lounge.

    I looked at coworking spaces, but many aren’t open on weekends (or if they are — IDK there’s something unsafe to me being the ONLY person there or there with 1 other stranger), nor is it worth paying hundreds of dollars/month when I know I can only use the space on weekends since I have a FT job. I don’t need perfect silence but I need a quiet-ish place where I can get a table within 15 min or so of arriving and someplace that won’t mind me holding said table if I happen to put in 5 hrs of study time on a Saturday. I’m ok spending $ (as long as we’re not talking $350/mo which what many coworking spaces in the area charge), so it’s fine if it’s a coffee shop and I spend a few dollars every hour because I know it’s a business and I’m holding a table.

    Thoughts? Esp on suburban kind of places with ample parking?

    • Anon

      Personally, I would just buy a desk. They come in all price ranges. It seems like an enormous amount of effort to go through to get around this simple solution. If you don’t want to lug it out when you move, gift it to one of the grad students in your building.

    • Anonymous

      So, weird answer, but I have a friend who says she loves to write briefs at SpaWorld.

      • Ellen

        You can get a pass and use the GW library near 23rd ST NW. I recommend it, but don’t talk to loud or the librarian will ask you to leave!

    • kk

      The Arlington public library is probably what you’re looking for! The Shirlington location is great, and there’s ample parking in nearby garages.

    • Anon

      Just drive to a suburban Starbucks. I used to do this in grad school, do I get the impulse.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like you’re in a part-time grad program – is that right? What about your school and its library, or if this is an online program, local public libraries?

    • Arlington Resident

      Libraries – there are many in Arlington, some of which are more suburban. Westover Library is a really nice space, recently remodeled. My spouse studies a lot at Northside Social in both Arlington and Falls Church. Also, my kids go to a language school at George Mason HS in Falls Church on weekends, and quite often my spouse will just find a table in the cafeteria and study there while they’re in class. https://gm.fccps.org/ You could try other public schools in the area as well. Many of them are open for a variety of sports and activities on the weekend.
      Also check the local rec centers. https://parks.arlingtonva.us/locations/lee-community-center-park/ Some of them have a variety of open spaces.

    • anon

      Suburban Starbucks. I also understand the hesitancy not to buy a desk, but if you generally prefer to study at home, you can get a $50 fold-up table from A*azon to use for these few months and then donate/store/sell it when you’re done with it. I have two of them in my home office and they aren’t fancy by any stretch but get the job done and I haven’t bothered to upgrade in the three years I’ve had them.

    • Anonymous

      I use a flat board between stacked boxes. Saves money. Portable. (I move a lot)

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions