For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I’m not a huge fan of white suits for summer, at least personally — you may as well draw a target on me for spilling my morning coffee. (But weirdly, I really like light gray suits and bottoms for summer.) If you are less of a klutz than I am, this white suit from Ellen Tracy comes in both petite and regular sizes and looks great. The flounce skirt, in particular, is so popular it’s almost sold out in regular sizes at Nordstrom — but Lord & Taylor has it in spades (and on sale for $53). The jacket (Ellen Tracy Hidden Zip Blazer) is $139, and the skirt (Ellen Tracy Flounce Hem Pencil Skirt) is $89. Ellen Tracy White Suit Here’s a plus size option (although not everyone will be a fan of the buttons and other details). (L-5)This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
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Workwear sales of note for 9.29.23:
- Nordstrom – 28,000 markdowns, and big beauty sale!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off all sale styles
- Athleta – 25% off for members, 20% off core
- Banana Republic – Up to 40% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off purchase
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off women’s clearance (ends Monday 10/2) – some great basics on wool suits for women
- The Fold – Mid-season sale, up to 40% off!]
- J.Crew – Extra 60% off select sale styles, 30% off fall styles, and 30% off men’s and boys’ suiting
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything
- M.M.LaFleur – Sale on sale, extra 10% off
- Reiss – Mid-season sale, up to 50% off
- Talbots – 25% off your entire purchase
- Theory – Friends + Family sale, 25% off sitewide
- Ulta – Fall Haul Event, up to 40% off (ends 9/30)
- Zappos – 18,500+ markdowns for women!
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Strong women
I’d love to find a coffee table photography book with pictures of strong women throughout the centuries – i.e., pictures of women breaking boundaries, excelling at something, changing the expectations (people like Amelia Earhart, Marie Curie, etc.). I love vintage pictures and I love the history of strong womanhood. Does anyone know if there is a book like this or something similar you can recommend? Bonus points if the author/photographer is a woman.
Anonymous
I can’t think of any. If you want a bad-*ss book, check out Pinkie Bass. I love Sally Mann, who does lovely work; she has a new book out now.
Also, check out The Comisar Vanishes — creepy soviet-era poor photoshopping of pictures of people who then get purged and vanish in later iterations. If you like The Americans on TV, this book goes along nicely.
NH Lawyer
This is pretty state specific but it’s a book about the first 100 female lawyers in NH. It’s amazing how many are still practicing today. It’s also interesting to see that there were just a few women lawyers admitted per year until about 1975. The e-book can be downloaded here for free. I think there is a print book you can order as well.
http://www.nhwba.org/resources/first100women/
KT
Legends: Women Who Changed the World Through the Eyes of Women Writers
KT
http://amzn.to/1W2QKKn
Faye
There’s a Kickstarter right now for a book called “Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls” all about bada$$ women, written in a one-page fairy tale format. “Once there was a Mexican girl named Frida…” Sounds like it’d be perfect coffee table book, although not vintage pictures.
Sunflower
The hardcover version of “Women” by Annie Leibovitz and Susan Sontag is a great coffee table book that features stunning photographs of women. Not vintage photographs, but many cool women.
Anon
This is perfect – thank you!
Anonymous
I’m almost certain I bought a book that’s exactly what you’re describing. But it was a gift for a friend and it was years ago, before Amazon, so I don’t know how successful I’ll be at finding it. It had a picture of a woman who had some historical significance (artist, scientist, etc.) and a blurb about her.
Anon
There are lots of people who love wearing white head to toe. I’m not one of them. I don’t even wear white blouses. And I have a poison eye for white shoes.
I think I’ve become really accustomed to the visual slimming power of wearing dark colors so when I put on very light colors I feel huge.
I’ve also become lazy wearing dark colors. I don’t worry too much when my iced tea drips a little. I’d be on pins and needles all day even wearing a white top, much less a skirt.
Ellen
I LOVE wearing white, but I think NYC is NOT the place to do so. The subways are dirty, the busses are dirty, the cab’s are FILTHEY, and the restrunt’s are also dirty, so a white outfit become’s gray right away. I have my cleaneing lady wash my sheet’s with BLEACH to keep them white, but she overdoes it, and the sheet’s get FRAYED b/c of the bleach. FOOEY! I think we women ought to get together and complain to the MAYOR about cleaning up the city, so we can all wear white again. YAY!!!!
Never too many shoes
Kat, I have defended some of your choices and I love this suit (although I would also never buy a white suit)…but that plus size suit is a crime against humanity.
LAnon
I would wear that suit!.. if I were going to a Halloween party dressed as the Queen. Oh man, with a hat and some corgis, it would be perfect.
Oh, it’s a suggestion to wear to WORK?? Ohh…
Anon for this
HAHAHAHA
KT
Just no. WHY WHY does plus size clothing have to be so ugly? Is it to shame us into losing weight?!!!
2 Cents
Probably. That and we’re doomed to have bedazzled crap on literally everything. Plain black T? Add sparkles! Dark jeans? Bedazzle the pockets on those suckers! Crisp cotton shirt? Add an applique!
Killer Kitten Heels
When you have to include the phrase “buttons and other details,” you know you’re in trouble. Seriously – suits for regular, non-Queen-Mum ladies who are just trying to get dressed for work *do not* need to be covered in the sartorialist equivalent of jazz hands.
Meg Murry
Yup, this is a case where I think we would all understand if Kat said “I tried to find a plus sized equivalent, but I struck out”
Its ok if you’ve got nothing for plus size on occasion – we’re all used to it. Or if you only offered up a white blazer or white pants instead, or a skirt with a similar flounce. But please don’t pretend like the linked suit is actually a good option when we all know it’s not.
Anon
I’ll put on my nurse’s cap and go pass pills to my patients now.
Yikes
Oh wow. That plus sized suit is bad, BAD. It’s what Dolores Umbridge would wear to get married in the local registry office.
JJ
Ha! Spot on.
Never too many shoes
Snorted coffee at that one!
Senior Attorney
LOL I can’t believe you all are hating on the chiffon novelty piping…
Anonymous
Wedding venues–did you have an outdoor venue and if yes, how much did you worry about the weather/rain plan and did it turn out ok? We’re having a hard time deciding on venues–Option 1 is an absolutely gorgeous setting, but would be about 90% outside. Certainly a tent is an option, but I’ve been to an outdoor wedding in a tent in a torrential downpour, and you completely lose the point of the gorgeous venue if you’re under a tent. Option 2 has a very lovely outdoor ceremony site and a bland, not attractive indoor reception area (think barn, when rustic is not our style-and I think it would take a lot of $ to decorate, whereas other options would need minimal decorations). Option 3 is probably our first choice with good indoor/outdoor options, but is probably prohibitively expensive due to room requirements and would require a smaller guest list. And option 4 is a compromise on all fronts–excellent rain/heat options, but the regular ceremony and reception sites are meh. Objectively, it’s nice but just wasn’t really what we were going for. Weather in my area of the country is highly variable no matter what time of year–in the spring, it could be 75 and sunny, or it could be 90 with 85% humidity and random thunderstorms. There’s just no telling, and it seems to get more unpredictable every year (climate change?). Option 1 and 2 are booked at least a year and a half out, Option 3 and 4 we could do next year (this is of moderate concern due to elderly/poor health grandparents.) So, how did you decide on venues and balancing competing interests?
WestCoast Lawyer
If it were me, I’d consider the worst case scenario for each option and think about how disappointed you would be if it came to pass, and then go with the one you can live with. So if it’s pouring and you go with Option 1, will you feel like the wedding is ruined or be able to look at it as something you can laugh at on your anniversary? Or if it’s a beautiful day and you chose Option 4, will you be bummed that you aren’t outside?
Ally McBeal
Consider your guests. Outdoor weddings can be lovely, but they can also be very stressful for people who have limited mobility, or who are in not-perfect-health, or who wore the wrong shoes. A friend desperately wanted an outdoor ceremony, but it ended up being extremely hot and humid on her wedding day and at the last minute they had to move the ceremony indoors. They were lucky that they had the option to do so, because many of the older guests would not have been able to attend if the wedding had stayed outdoors in that weather.
Another idea: consider whether you can split the photography and the setting. I have friends who have done photography in beautiful outdoor locations, then had the ceremony in a separate, more guest-friendly location.
Bonnie
We had an outdoor reception but ended up getting a tent because it rained every day for a week before our wedding. It still turned out beautiful but the decision caused a lot of additional stress and money. Tents are not cheap.
Killer Kitten Heels
In your shoes a few years ago, my now-H and I picked option 4, and it was a good choice. The day I got married, there were torrential thunderstorms all morning, which went away about mid-ceremony and turned into 90+ degree heat – our guests would’ve been miserable outside, and our guests with health concerns probably would’ve had to not come or leave early. 95% of the time, people are not going to remember your venue (even if it’s gorgeous), but they WILL remember if they were made uncomfortable in any way. Yes, it’s your wedding, but you’re also a host of an event at which you intend to have guests – guest comfort matters more than your “vision.”
Diana Barry
+100. We had an indoor wedding and reception. The inn where the reception was held offered indoor-outdoor receptions which could accommodate more people, but I knew the weather (even with heaters) would be too cold for people.
By contrast, my sibling’s wedding was outside in New England in August, and I FROZE in the tent since I was seated right next to the edge of the tent, even though it had been a warm day.
Maddie Ross
This. As a guest, I’ve never had a good tent experience at a wedding. It’s always colder than it should be and I’m nowhere near a heater (which doesn’t put off as much heat as one would like anyway), or it’s hot and humid under there. Or the absolute worst, the rain is so heavy the tent leaks or rain blows in at the gaps. If the weather’s nice enough that the tent’s not needed, I spend as much time as possible NOT underneath it. IMHO, if the reasonable contingency plan for an outdoor wedding is not an indoor venue, I would probably just use an indoor venue from the beginning.
DCD
I got married inside specifically because I knew I’d be upset if we chose an outdoor setting and it rained. I also wanted people to be able to wear high heels, have easy access to bathrooms, etc. I’m not going to lie though, a little part of me has been envious at every outdoor wedding I’ve been to since then.
Meg Murry
We originally picked an outdoor venue for the ceremony, but logistics meant that we didn’t stick with it. Our problems were:
-Wedding in July, and we were afraid our grandmothers wouldn’t be able to sit outside in the heat
-No rain backup in that location unless we rented a tent, and we would have had to pay to reserve the tent whehter or not we used it, and decide 2 days ahead whether to put up the chairs outside or the tent + chairs inside
-There was an indoor location nearby that could be our backup, but then we had to pay to reserve both the outdoor and indoor location, and pay to have chairs set up in both, etc. And we couldn’t figure out how we’d communicate with guests if it wasn’t totally obvious whether to go to the rain location (if it was drizzling but not pouring, for instance)
We wound up going for the indoor location for the ceremony, and then the reception was a restaurant that had a wall that opened up onto a patio and garden beyond – so it was a nice compromise. We also took some of our photos outside at the location where we had wanted to have the ceremony, and that also worked out well.
I’ve been to some beautiful outdoor weddings, but they all had some kind of weather related downside (it was hot and we were staring into the sun, or it was freezing cold, or it was muddy, or raining, or the beach smelled extra strongly of dead fish that day, etc)
Anon in NYC
We went with an indoor/outdoor option where the ceremony would be outdoors and the reception inside. In the event of rain, the venue had a contingency plan for the ceremony that was fine but not something that I loved (because I obviously wanted the outdoor ceremony). But at the end of the day, the indoor option was perfectly fine and I didn’t hate it, so that’s what we went with. In the days leading up to our wedding, it rained a lot so the indoor option looked like a real possibility. On our wedding day, it didn’t rain but it was a solid 10-15 degrees colder than normal. So I had my outdoor ceremony and cocktail hour, but it was chilly. In my opinion – find a venue where the indoor options are tolerable to you and go with that.
Doodles
+1. I went with an indoor/outdoor venue where we could do ceremony, cocktails, and reception outside or inside. The venue was big enough to accomodate all situations. My plan was to do the ceremony outside in the garden, cocktails on the giant patio (where some people did their entire reception) and reception inside. And that’s what ended up happening even though it rained the morning of the wedding. The ceremony wasn’t until after 7pm so we waited as long as we could to make the call on where to set up the ceremony. I wouldn’t have been TOO dissappointed to have had the ceremony inside (they had an OK smaller ceremony room), although obviously the garden was much prettier. But I probably would have been dissappointed if my plan was to have all three outside and then I got stuck with an inside reception. This way, I always planned on indoor reception and decorated accordingly. It ended up working out great. Ceremony was cool but not too cold. The sky was beautiful after the morning rain. And then people had the option to go outside to the patio when the reception became too hot or loud.
So my advice is to plan for rain and pick the venue where you aren’t dissappointed by the rain options. For me, a tent is not a good rain option. I would pick one that has a legit indoor reception and ceremony room. Maybe that means expanding beyond your 4 options…
Outdoor Wedding
Our wedding was in a venue that was 100% outdoors. In the event of rain, we could have tented it, but that was about our only other option. I’m just about the most risk-averse person alive, but for some reason, I just had a feeling it would work out and it wouldn’t rain, and it didn’t. Granted, to accommodate our choice of venue, we also moved our wedding date back to the summer when rain was extremely unlikely anyway (and California has been experiencing a record-breaking drought).
We also had an evening wedding (5:30 PM start), so we didn’t have our guests wilting in the sun, and provided parasols, hand fans, and beverages during the ceremony, just in case. It actually got surprisingly cool once the sun went down, which we didn’t expect, but our caterer came to the rescue with shawls and blankets. Plus, once everyone started drinking and dancing, it was fine.
If you choose to go fully outdoors, just make sure you communicate it to your guests so they can wear the appropriate shoes and bring layers for the evening.
NYtoCO
So, we just took the risk and held our reception outside. Our ceremony was in a church. It was by far the most beautiful reception option (a wisteria-covered restaurant courtyard) and we just couldn’t pass it up. That said, we were SUPER worried– it was in New Orleans in October, which is usually their driest month but also holds the possibility of hurricane season extending past September.
The weekend we got married was the most beautiful weekend ever. The 2 weekends before and FOUR weekends after had torrential downpours. So, take that as you will!
NYtoCO
I omitted crucial information… the same venue had indoor space that was large enough for our reception and was all ours if we needed it. So… yea. I don’t know that we would have chosen an only-outdoor space that would have required a tent for rain.
NYtoCO
We moved to Denver from NYC 2 years ago for my degree, and I have really loved living here. My husband and I were both under the impression that we would be staying here (in Denver) until recently, until it became clear to him a few weeks ago that he needs to move back to NYC for his job. He told me last night. We both prefer Denver, but I was particularly happy to leave New York and was basically hoping to never move back. We’ve discussed how we wouldn’t really want to raise kids in the city.
I can work anywhere (I’m going to be a nurse in September) and he had originally compromised on the move to Denver—he continued working out of New York and would travel there a couple times a month. Because he compromised for me 2 years ago, I know I need to do that for him now, so I’ve accepted that we’re moving back.
Knowing that I didn’t want to live in the city, he researched some of the towns in NY north of the city before presenting all of this to me last night. Think towns with a commute anywhere between 30m-1 hour on metro north. We just don’t really have any perspective on which ones would fit our lifestyle and budget—we’re 28 and really appreciate having restaurants/bars/shops within walking distance. I don’t want to end up in a sleepy little town and be bored out of my mind. Looking briefly last night at places like Tarrytown, Larchmont, and Dobb’s Ferry, it seems as though the type of apartment we’d be OK with right now is going to be at least $3,000/mo. This seems crazy to me. I suppose we’re spoiled with a ton of space for relatively little in Denver, but I almost feel at that price that we might as well search in Brooklyn. We really want to spend $2,500 tops.
I don’t even really know what I’m asking here! This all happened last night and we need to decide where to move by October. Do you guys have any strong recommendations for specific towns within a 1 hour commute to the city? We would consider NJ/CT as well, though we would prefer NY. Or should we just move to Brooklyn/Queens? I originally thought I wouldn’t want to live in the city at all but maybe Brooklyn would be better than a town with nothing to do. I guess I’m hoping that some of you also live in the NY metro area but were skeptical about living directly in the city/raising kids there.
I know this sounds like a decision we need to make on our own, but we just really need some direction. Helpppp!
Bridge & Tunnel
Northern NJ is full of little Main Street towns. You could start with Hoboken and move out down the train line: Montclair, Westfield, Morristown, Mountain Lakes, all the way out to Dover and Hackettstown. All have downtowns and are village-like places where you can walk around. Pick your town and your budget. BUT a commute of an hour, door-to-door can be tough even from some place as close as Hoboken / Weehawken depending on how long it takes you to get to the train and where in NYC you go. For me, WTC from NJ was easy, but then we went to midtown East and then 7th Avenue.
BeenThatGuy
+1 to lots of these areas especially Montclair and Morristown. Other Northern NJ towns to look at are Rutherford, Ridgewood, Glen Rock, Ramsey and Oradell.
NJgirl
Yeah, all of this. I live in downtown Jersey City which is full of families and hipsters and adorable little restaurants and parks. My commute is half an hour because I work in Midtown, but if I worked downtown it would only be about 15 minutes. We love, love, LOVE it here and have zero desire to ever move. Montclair is really cute and we’ve often said that if we ever move out of JC (which we don’t want to do), it would be to Montclair.
anon
These are great suggestions EXCEPT for the issues with NJ transit – an unreliable system where a normal half an hour commute can turn into a 2 hr commute sometimes more often than not. Ask me how I know!
Anonymous
Also: The Real* Housewives** of New Jersey takes place in little towns in NJ. They are pretty non-sleepy. YMMV in the rest of the country (and even south of Princeton).
Anon in NYC
I can’t tell if you already have kids or if kids are in the immediate future. You can find 1 bedrooms in Brooklyn/Queens and Hoboken/Jersey City for $2,500. 2 bedrooms may be a little more difficult for the same price point, depending on what you want, but it can be done. I think the neighborhoods in Brooklyn that surround Prospect Park would be a particularly good fit for you.
In terms of places outside the city, consider Rockville Centre or Garden City on Long Island or New Rochelle in Westchester. In terms of NJ (I’m less familiar with the towns), Morristown immediately springs to mind. Other options may include Millburn, Maplewood, Summit, or Westfield in NJ. New Brunswick could be a good option too (they have a nice downtown and are the home of Rutgers’ main campus).
FWIW, I have a kid in the city and I think the city is great with a young child. I’m not sure how I will feel when she is school age, but I love the convenience and ability to walk everywhere/go anywhere with her.
NYtoCO
Thank you, your post is extremely helpful. We’re hoping to have a kid by the end of next year, and I think my perspective is the same as you… I don’t mind living in the city for the kid’s first few years but don’t know about after that.
I guess we just need to decide whether a Brooklyn/Queens or a smaller commuter town would work better for us. We were living in Manhattan before we moved and we’re definitely not doing that again.
Anonymous
If you’re going to have a baby soon, you’re not going to want a long commute to work, no matter how cute the town. It’s already hard enough when you’re working to see your baby during his/her awake hours, so keep that in the forefront of your mind (unless you’d be willing to move again once the baby arrives)
Coach Laura
Prefaced by saying that I know nothing of rents in NY/NJ…just helped my daughter do a residency/new RN job search and I’d find your job first before picking a place. New RN jobs are not always easy to find and you may need flexibility in where you work in the larger metropolitan area or may end up with a long commute. Have you started looking at residency programs or are you going into a specialty where you won’t need a new grad residency?
NYtoCO
I’ll be doing a new grad program, but I’m finding that the major hospitals, while they do mention that they offer a new grad program in general, don’t actually give any useful information about them on their website such as application or start dates– so that’s annoying. Was this your experience? I would love to hear more about which hospitals have them (and particularly which hospitals offer new grad ICU), what your take is, and if you know of start dates or where to find them.
I am hoping very much that I’ll have the job lined up before we have to decide where to live, but of course it may not work out that way.
Coach Laura
NYtoCO (and back again, right?) – I found a few comprehensive listings of new grad RN residencies. Post a throwaway email address and I’ll send them to you. Also, searching allnurses dot com forum was one of the best ways to find both programs and deadlines: There are tons of people who are helpful there and share information on deadlines etc. Will you have an ASN or BSN?
NYtoCO
Thanks! I truly appreciate it. Was is the list on Columbia’s website? Because I did come across that one. I’ll have a BSN. Please email it to NYtoCOcorporette at gmail dot com… thanks!
NYtoCO
Haha yes I guess I need to change my handle again!
I saw the list of new grad programs on Columbia’s website, but I would love to have any others you found! I think my first response is in moderation, but the email is NYtoCOcorporette at the mail of g
I’ll have a BSN.
Pears
Peekskill is a lovely little town — great coffee shops with live music, hipster bars, and has a station on the river. Cold Spring is also adorable, especially if you like hiking. Maybe lacking on the bars front and train is a bit over an hour.
NYtoCO
I just looked up Peekskill– it’s adorable! Thanks for the recommendation. It’s definitely the absolute furthest we would want to commute but might be worth it for the ambiance.
Pears
it is! Side note from experience: if you end up working at Columbia Presbyterian, you can take the local Hudson line to Marble Hill and take the 1 train to 168th
Anon for this
As someone who lives in Westchester, Peekskill is FAR.
LAH
I live in Peekskill now. Cute, hip growing downtown, mediocre schools. Westchester housing is getting more and more expensive, unless you and DH expect to make oodles of money don’t buy in Peekskill expecting to move. We wound up staying because not only was the mortgage/taxes affordable, so were things like water and train parking. We’re 55 minutes to Grand Central. I’m only familiar with the Hudson line but check out Croton and Ossining,
CK
AHHH!!! my home town!
Vi
Brooklyn is often more expensive than Manhattan at this point (while Queens is still generally less) so I’d take it off your list as a “compromise” location. Check out South Orange NJ.
pockets
Yes to this. $2500 a month is going to be really tough in the parts of Brooklyn that are a reasonable commute to midtown, especially if doorman, elevator, and nice fixtures are also on your list.
2 Cents
My sister lives happily in Sunnyside, Queens. She’s gone from a 1-bed to a 2-bed as her family has grown. Loves that it’s walkable with lots of stores, but also a (relatively) quick ride to the city.
Anonymous
Larchmont is for rich people – I know a few people who live there and they no joke are all millionaires. You may want to think about New Jersey when considering your options, too. It’s really not a bad place, despite the rumors, and it can be an easy commute into the city as well.
NJgirl
I’m dying laughing at my desk. “It’s really not a bad place, despite the rumors.” I swear we don’t bite. We do curse a lot though…
NYtoCO
Haha yes this made me laugh too. Husband is from NJ, so I myself am constantly dispelling myths about New Jersey
Killer Kitten Heels
I don’t know much about it directly, but I know a number of folks who had starter homes/condos in Mamaroneck, so I might add that to your list. Also, in Queens, in addition to the usual “Astoria/LIC” you’ll probably hear as recommendations, add Forest Hills to your list – rents are still pretty reasonable, the trains are ok, there’s a cute little bar/restaurant/nightlife scene on Austin Street, and the rents are more in line with what you’re looking to spend.
I second the Jersey City/Hoboken recommendation though – if I could do my life over again, I’d live there.
Whatever you do, just say no to Long Island.
Fishy24
I second Forest Hills. Reasonable rents in your range (you could probably even get a 2 bedroom), generally very spacious apartments, access to lots of transportation- railroad, subway, major highways & lots of parks & playgrounds. Awesome place for a young family. As noted there is a main shopping area with restaurants.. it’s not that unique but steadily improving. Great commute to midtown, not so great downtown (but if you have a car, you could also work on LI.. Northwell Health- former North Shore Long Island Jewish hospital- is a short drive away.) It’s not the coolest neighborhood but it’s generally a good value. Has more of a city/suburban mix feel to it.
pockets
I really like Jersey City, and it’s an easy commute to the city. It’s very similar to Brooklyn without the astronomical rent. There’s a town with tons of restaurants and shops that you can walk to, and it’s also close to big box stores like Target. A lot of young families live there.
NYNY
As a New Yorker by choice with family in Denver, I can tell you that the near suburbs of NYC are nothing like Denver. Yes, you can get more space, maybe even a house, but they lack the laid-back vibe (and it’s not just because pot is still illegal here).
You’re going to have to strike a bargain on quality of life. Living in the city likely means less space and high rent, but shorter commute and easy access to everything in the world. Living outside the city means more space and possibly less rent, but long commute and less access to shopping, entertainment, restaurants, other people.
I’ve mentioned it here before, but upper Manhattan, especially Inwood, is still a relative bargain and is good on quality of life. Apartments tend to be bigger and less expensive than many other neighborhoods in and out of the city, commute to midtown is 30-4o minutes, there’s a strong sense of community, great parks, and a fair set of neighborhood bars and restaurants if you don’t want to get on the subway/hop an Uber to go to a more trendy neighborhood.
Anon for this
I live in Bronxville, and it’s just about the cutest town in Westchester. Lots of shops and restaurants that are always busy with people. The population has lots of young families. Plus it’s a 30 minute train to midtown!
Prices in the village itself are OUTRAGEOUS, but that area is only 1 square mile so you can easily walk into downtown Bronxville from the nearby neighborhoods just outside town (mostly with the same 10708 zip code aka the “Bronxville PO” area).
Try looking near the Fleetwood Metro-North station. My walk to Fleetwood station is 6 minutes, and my drive to downtown Bronxville is 5 minutes (probably 15 min walk). Cab to downtown costs $6.5o+tip. According to Zillow, you can get a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment (or even possibly a small house) near me for about $2500/month, or less if you don’t need that many rooms. There’s also a few one bedrooms near Lawrence Hospital (similar walk to the station but to Bronxville instead of Fleetwood) that are in the $1500-2000 range.
Anon for this
Oh I also forgot to mention that there’s one or two nice walking trails in Bronxille, including one around a pond, and biking is very popular (they shut down the highway that passes through town every Sunday in the summer for bicyclists) which seems relevant if you like the outdoorsy/active lifestyle that I associate with Denver.
NYtoCO
Bronxville was at the top of my list (just from reading about the vibe online). I expected it to be too expensive so this is a perfect tip!
NY CPA
If you have any specific questions about Bronxville (particular neighborhoods, streets, things to do, etc.), I’d be happy to answer them! Just shoot me an email at BXVcorporette at gmail dot com
Anon for this
Glad I could help! My comment got stuck in moderation bc of email address but if you have any more questions about Bronxville (which neighborhoods/specific streets to look at, things to do in town, etc.), feel free to shoot me an email at BXVcorporette at Google’s mail service dot com
Sydney Bristow
I’d look at Riverdale as well. You can get a surprising amount of space for the money and still have the ability to take the subway.
life
+1
And it’s a great commute to Columbia hospitals, which would be an awesome place to work if you want to jump into inpatient nursing with both feet.
Westchester
Check out the Rivertowns in Westchester (Hastings on Hudson, Dobbs Ferry, Irvington, Tarrytown). I wouldn’t compare them to Denver, but they do have an ever so slightly more laid back vibe than the rest of Westchester. Nyack and Piermont on the other side of the river are also an option depending on where you will be commuting
I, like many, moved here from the heart of hipster Brooklyn (after a decade of my husband and I alternating following one another around the globe). It’s definitely different, but I like it. However, you may wish to do a year renting in Brooklyn/Queens and then once you are pregnant or give birth move to the suburbs. There aren’t too many rental options in the area.
Feel free to post any follow up questions and I’ll do my best to option
Anon
I live in Irvington (which is between Tarrytown and Dobbs Ferry). I’m kind of the opposite of you in that I LOVE the city and would have stayed there forever if I could afford it. I don’t know much about the rental market, since we bought when we moved here. I don’t think it’s cheap but I’m a bit surprised you can’t find anything for under 3k. I thought there were 2bed/1 bath type apartments for about 2k. Have you looked at Sleepy Hollow, Irvington, Hastings, and if you’re renting/not immediately concerned about school quality, I’d include North Yonkers in there too?
I VASTLY prefer the Rivertowns to the other side of Westchester (Larchmont, Rye etc.). Biased of course, but I think the Rivertowns are infinitely more charming, have more interesting things to do, are less generically wealthy, and are more beautiful. I’ll never really reconcile to living in the burbs, I don’t think, but it’s probably as good as it gets for an NY burb.
Definitely think Jersey’s worth looking into as well. I have a girlfriend who lives in Hoboken and loves it – lots of young people, seems to be a lot going on and again, the main reason we didn’t consider it was school quality.
NYtoCO
Thanks everyone! It’s always so much better to have a recommendation from a real person rather than trying to figure out the vibe of a town from the internet.
We’re under no delusions that anywhere in the NY metro area is anything like Denver, so I’m really just trying to find the perfect balance between lots of culture/things to do, and not feeling like sardines crammed into a tiny apartment. We did live in Manhattan for 4 years, but didn’t venture off the island nearly as much as we should have so now that I want to live in not-Manhattan, we’re sort of in the dark.
These responses will give us a great jumping off point! Now to go do a million hours of research….
Sydney Bristow
When I moved in Queens last year I found hotpads.com really helpful. It was like craigslist with a ton of listings but all put into a map.
Anonymous
How senior do you have to be to beg out of some/a lot of summer associate events? Is this purely a know-your-office thing, or is it safe to say that you should attend the events that partners will likely attend and not attend events that are almost purely boondoggles?
Ally McBeal
I think this is a straight-up know-your-office kind of thing. I am a senior associate and end up missing lots of summer events just because I’m really busy and have kids. I try to make up for it by doing a lot of coffee runs with summers.
Anonymous
This is me, too. I see the summer program after-work stuff as stuff for senior partners and very young associates to do. I have done maybe one nighttime summer event every summer for the past 7 years. When I was very junior, I did about 75% of them.
TBK
Yep. At my old firm, mid-levels could bow out of most things, but there were certain events that everyone went to (mostly one semi-formal event toward the end of the summer — even most of the partners went). It wouldn’t have been a good idea to skip that event, even if skipping the run of the mill receptions etc. was fine.
Wonka
Know your office, but I think you can always get out of events if you’re busy with work, sometimes get out of events because of kids/family and rarely get out of events just because.
Anonymous
Jersey City. I just left there because it is getting more expensive but you can definitely find something decent downtown for $2,500 or slightly less (I’m now out in Queens for about 1,700/mo). Lots of great bars and boutiques popping up, Liberty State Park and the waterfront nearby. I miss it already. If you want something cheaper but still fairly accessible that’s on PATH, Harrison is allegedly picking up and is pretty cheap with lots of new construction. Journal Square allegedly is as well but I don’t know if it’s a place I’d move to just yet and be ok walking around by myself at night.
Jelly
Any vegetable gardeners here? I’m planting one this weekend and looking for tips, advice, and website/book recs. It’s going to be in 4 half whiskey barrels with a drip irrigation system. I’m in southern California. I know it’s late in the planting season, but this is the first weekend we’ve been able to make it work in months and really don’t want to put it off for a year. Thanks in advance!
GreatestGood
I am an accidental expert in this regard. Tomatoes and cucumbers are squirrel magnets, so if you have squirrels AVOID!!! Green/yellow beans and peppers are really easy, I’d recommend both of those. I’d also recommend a half barrel of herbs, they are really easy and good pay off for effort. Squash both summer and winter take over the garden and require lots of space so those are both no gos. Radishes and carrots are also really really easy. Good luck and water daily.
waffles
I planted cherry tomatoes and beefsteaks last summer. The squirrels stayed away from the cherries (maybe too small?) but ate a lot of my beefsteak tomatoes. Or, rather they would eat half and leave the other half on our fence just to annoy me.
Second the recommendation for herbs. Really easy and translate to a lot of savings at the grocery store.
We’re doing raspberries this year. I used to love them at my old house, but we don’t have a proper garden any more. I’m trying them in containers this year. Fingers crossed!
Green
Are you planting from seed (then yes it would be late), or buying plants that are already started (totally not late)?
If you are looking for plant recommendations, check out the local plant nurseries in your area (not the plant section at Home Depot or Lowes or whatever). They’ll be able to help give you the best advice for your local area/climate.
Jelly
Thanks for your responses! We are going to buy plants. I’m happy to hear it’s totally not late.
lsw
Where I am we don’t even plant out until Memorial Day, so no worries! What are you planting? What is some of the advice you are looking for? I’m a hobby gardener and glad to help where I can, though our zones are totally different.
Jelly
We haven’t fully settled on what to plant yet, partly because it will depend on what the nursery has. But we are thinking a barrel of zucchini, a barrel of carrots, a barrel of broccoli and onions, and a barrel of herbs. We’re also planning to do two trellises with string beans or snap peas and a light squash (probably acorn). And a separate pot of tomatoes. I guess my first question is whether this all sounds realistic.
Advice I’m looking for includes how much of each vegetable we need for each barrel and what kind of soil is best (specific brands, do we also need compost?, etc.). Anything glaring I haven’t thought of? I admittedly haven’t done all that much research, but it seems to be a lot of the blogs and other websites I’ve investigated make it sound easy/encourage trial and error.
GreatestGood
Zucchini wont work in a barrel. They grow on zines (not traditional plants) so they spread and need lots of space.
Green
Makes sure you get at least 2 zucchini plants (in order to cross pollinate, they cannot self-pollinate I think).
How much sun will your barrels get? I think most vegetables prefer full sun, but if you have to choose, go morning sun over evening sun (am willing to be contradicted on that).
I would recommend mulch of some sort (straw would be fine) for the tomatoes, but that could be based on area-specific issues. My parents’ tomatoes always had problems when dirt kicked up on the leaves (like when it rained) and blighted the leaves so the plant died earlier than it should have.
GreatestGood
Not to say they aren’t plants, but that they grow horizontally as opposed to vertically. So unclear I am sorry
Green
Well – you could probably plant them in the barrel – just know that most of the vine is going to be on the ground surrounding the barrel, instead of being contained by the barrel.
Green
Dude – rule of thumb here (Minnesota) is you are generally okay to plant outside after Memorial Day, otherwise your run the risk of having to cover your plants lest the freeze. We actually had a frost advisory last weekend in the central part of the state. Though, we do have longer days during the summer, so maybe that helps balance the later planting time?
Either way, if the plant nurseries still have quite a few plants out for sale, then you are probably not too late for your area. If you want produce sooner, consider buying a more mature plant (usually more money) to help compensate.
SA
Ha. I wish I would have read this sooner. In Minnesota, planted veggies on Mothers Day and they already froze and died.
Green
Too be fair, a frost warning (or snow) in May is not typical, but … also not known. You can buy the plants before Memorial day and put them outside during the day, you just don’t put them in the ground until later. Or, plant outside and watch the forecast to see if you need to cover. :)
waffles
My kitchen is still FULL of plants and I would love to get them out of my way. But we had SNOW last weekend in Toronto. PHOOEY!
Gail the Goldfish
If you get a lot of 85+ days and hot nights in the summer, get a heat-tolerant tomato variety if you’re doing tomatoes. I always have problems with my tomatoes not fruiting in the summer because it’s too hot for them to pollinate. I get plenty of tomatoes in the fall, though. Also, if you are doing containers, find a strain developed for containers. This is another thing I always forget and the tomato plant ends up taking over half my deck, with a creative system of stakes and cages.
lsw
Yes – if you are doing container gardening, you will want a determinate tomato (vs. an indeterminate).
NY CPA
On a related topic, does anyone have an indoor herb garden? We were trying to pick something out, maybe a wall mounted one, but we aren’t sure if they work. Anyone have opinions?
2 Cents
(I misread this first as one of the garden euphemism posts and couldn’t figure out what vegetables we’re talking about — eggplants?)
Jelly
The moment I clicked “post comment” I realized I should have included a disclaimer that my question is in fact just about boring old vegetable gardening.
UGN
I like the Square Foot Gardening book — it’s the one gardening book I pull out every year to look at vegetable options, dates, info, etc. It has some really handy information and charts. I also print a grid of my garden from gardeners. com and save it each year with notes on what worked, what didn’t. (click on “kitchen garden planner” on their web page). Otherwise I forget by the next year and repeat my mistakes. I’m in a cool area so haven’t started yet, other than kale, lettuce, spinach, and carrots from seed. My poor tomato plants are purchased but I haven’t planted them yet because we are still getting frost warnings.
life
+1
This is a great book.
M
It is a good book and if you plan to keep using your barrels year after year, it’s a good idea to invest in the mix (vermiculite, peat moss, and compost blend) recommended in the book. It drains well and is light enough for roots to form easily.
You can grow almost anything in a container. Zucchini will spill over, but that might not bother you. Tomatoes are fine but you need to make sure you’re giving them consistent moisture to prevent end rot. I grow aggressive perrenial herbs (looking at you, mint) in pots to prevent them from taking over the garden. I have raised beds for everything else. I’m in zone 5 and have peas, broccoli, spinach, lettuce, and Bok choy ready now. Eggplant, squash, beans, and tomatoes are planted but won’t produce for a while.
I did drip last year and agree with the comment above that it isn’t enough for tomatoes, so this year I’m watering by hand.
Anon
So many things.
In container gardening it is all about the soil. Use the best organic potting soil mix you can find. Don’t be tempted to use any of the dirt from your yard. It will not work in a container.
Determinate tomato varieties are the most well behaved in pots but the determinate tomato varieties are mostly cherry tomatoes. Which is fine if you like those. But if you want really good slicing tomatoes like Ace or Brandywine, you’re going to have to put up with sprawling indeterminate plants and tomato cages. Tomato cages can look pretty unattractive until the tomato plants get big enough to fill them out.
If I lived in so cal (I’m on NorCal) I would grow an entire pot of basil. In warm weather it will flower quickly, so pinch flower buds quickly and interplant regularly with younger basil plants as the old ones will give up pretty soon.
There are container varieties of cucumber and zucchini, which you can plant from seed and it is not too late. Plant them near the edges of pots you have earlier veggies growing in, and they will be ready to fruit just as the older veggies are giving up.
Make sure you follow the shade and sun requirements on the plant labels and water regularly. Pots dry out quickly so water regularly, daily on hot days. Drip systems are great for when you’re away or forget to water but it’s hard to get enough water from a drip system for thirsty tomatoes.
I like to stick some nasturtium seeds into the edges of my largest pots. They look happy and pretty trailing down the sides, and leaves and flowers are edible in gardens.
Have fun, Sunset is a great resource for us on the west coast.
MJ
Just buy the Sunset Western Garden Book and be done with it. Seriously. Any Sunset specific books at your library will be super on-point as well.
Anonymous
The “hidden zipper” close on the jacket is unfortunate and kills the suit.
Pears
Hey ladies,
What are your favorite Spanx-type undergarments for summer? (or do I continue to wear control-top hose? will I be the only summer wearing hose?). Starting my first professional job and trying to not look too Kardashian-esque from the behind.
Thanks all!
Idea
I totally wear bike shorts under all my skirts and dresses. Don’t ask me.
KT
BA same here. I love Jockey Skimmies for under dresses–I just don’t see the point in shapewear, especially summer. I want to be comfortable, darnit!
Pears
totally agree w/ comfort — those are perfect!
Anonymous
Jockey Skimmies always roll down on my belly and roll up on my thighs – does anyone like any alternatives?
Parfait
The short skimmies roll up on me, but the long ones do not. Your thigh-age may vary.
KT
I wear regular bike shorts for shorter dresses, since I do find that the shorter Skimmie versions ride up
Also check out yoga shorts–they don’t have a severe elastic waist so they’re not visible, but don’t move either
Anon
The Spanx line at Target, Assets, makes a bike short-like shaper. It’s kinda pricey for Target shapewear ($30?), but it WORKS.
Anonymous
I wear lululemon boogie shorts, with the roll down waistband. and a little body glide.
Katie
I’m constantly singing the praises of Soma “skimming shorts” – they don’t offer compression like Spanx do, just keep one from chafing and showing VPL.
Fishie
Spanx shape my day girl shorts, Assets (Spanx line sold at Target/Kohls). I find everything else to be not shapey/smoothy enough (Jockey – I either get droopy drawers or stuff is rolling up or down) or waaaaaaay too tight (Maidenform). The Spanx girlshorts are pricey but so so light and comfortable. I’m working to build a collection so I can wear them every day.
FWIW, I wear the Assets tights religiously in winter.
Annon
+1 for Assets tights. Those suckers last.
I do flexees longline get ups for work dresses, with my own bra. I actually think it’s a comfortable option, the legs never roll up.
But Jockey Skimmies for comfort are amazing.
Anonnnnn
+1 for Assets tights. For summer shapewear, I actually prefer cutting the legs off an old pair (or a new pair) of the Assets high waisted tights than I do buying Spanx. They are cheaper and fit better even than the ones that are sold specifically as shorts.
Blonde Lawyer
Best obituary ever:
Faced with the prospect of voting for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, Mary Anne Noland of Richmond chose, instead, to pass into the eternal love of God on Sunday, May 15, 2016.
http://www.richmond.com/obituaries/article_c21b60bc-1153-5abd-b3c8-268cfd32eb57.html
NYtoCO
I hope my futurevchildren have a sense of humor as great as this.
Blonde Lawyer
It warms my heart to think of how many people’s days she is brightening with this humor. It will go viral and she will be making people laugh around the world.
Anonymous
It’s been vital! It’s been everywhere the last day or two. I’ve been meaning to touch base about sofi- I noticed your blog post said emergency forbearance is available and it’s not- I don’t know if that’s a new change or not. They offer job searching help instead
Blonde Lawyer
Thanks for telling me. I wrote the post about a year ago so I will look into what the change was and update. When I wrote it, there was job search assistance and forbearance available. It wasn’t guaranteed forbearance but you could apply for it. I will put a disclaimer in tonight too until I can get the updated info in.
Blonde Lawyer
This is from their website in 2013:
https://sofilendingcorp.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1239564-does-sofi-offer-loan-deferment-and-or-forbearance
I will be contacting them to confirm.
Anonymous
I read the “may be able to, subject to our discretion” to be a no even then- but when I talked to them on chat they said only in the lost extreme circumstances
Wendy
I love this and just shared it on Twitter. I’m glad to be north of the border and not having to deal with making this choice.
Maizie
OMG that is hilarious! I hope and trust the deceased had a long, full life before declining her terrible election possibilities.
Maybe if this goes viral it will remind us Americans that we can still choose to approach civic matters with civility? We all have our opinions and preferences but I keep hoping we can agree that what unites us is larger than whatever divides us.
Jordan
Does she have a white blouse on underneath? I actually think this is really cute but I would wear it with a coral or teal top underneath. And even though I know I’ll spill on it, it would look fierce for those one (or two?) times I wore it.
Anon
Continuing this morning’s thread in case there are new readers — have you traveled in the last 1-2 weeks? How was TSA – esp. w/o precheck? Which airports were you at, at what times, and how were the lines?
Anonymous
Honestly, it really depends on the time of day and terminal, plus however they are staffed that day. Some times are busier than others, some terminals are busier than others. I’ve flown probably 10 flights in the last few months and it was generally fine, but you never know. You can probably try to see what other flights are leaving from your terminal to get a rough estimate – but keep in mind that in most (all?) airports, you don’t have to go through security at your terminal, so if it’s an option you can just walk to anther, possibly shorter line. You seem kind of nervous and getting there 1.5-2 hours before your flight is probably worth it for your peace of mind.
EWR
This past Sunday afternoon, EWR Terminal C was 60 minutes and at the exact same time, EWR Terminal A was 15 minutes. Go figure.
Anonymous
At my home airport, the international terminal’s security line is always way shorter because there are more people coming in from connecting flights who don’t have to go through security. Half the time, there is no line.
SoCalAtty
We have an office in Denver and fellow employees make that trek a couple times per week – Denver waits without pre check were ranging from one to THREE hours to get through. Not good.
anon
Just went through ORD with regular (not pre check) TSA and a cooler of b milk at 2pm on a Tuesday. It took about 60 mins, including my full pat down and bag search, which is much better than I was expecting. I think a no special issues person would have taken more like 40.
Blonde Lawyer
Do you get a full pat down just because you carry b milk or because you opt out of the body screener. Just curious. Seems ridiculous if it is just for the b milk.
anon
b milk. I went through the body screener. I typically get a slight pat down on my shoulders and along my collar bone after the body screener because of the nursing br@ clasp at the top of the cups, which shows up as something unusual on the scan. But with that much liquid in my bag, which of course the stupid magic test machine can’t read well even when they take the milk bags out of the cooler (does not like soft-sided liquid containers as opposed to hard bottles), the result is a full on pat down and they swab my shoes. At least ORD didn’t make me feel like a potential criminal like Orlando did. ORD was very nice about it.
ORD
I just had a 7am flight from ORD this week. The line was terrible and took about 1 hr 15 minutes.
nylon girl
went to Denver this week from Houston. use terminal E instead of C for TSA for Houston IAH. Nobody goes there. Denver lines were long yesterday. Midway last week was out the door. Totally awful. I say schedule 2 hours for arrival before flight… not going to be a great summer since this is early in the week travel.
Anonymous
Get pre-check… stop putting it off.
Anon
In the past 3 weeks traveled to ATL, San Diego, New Orleans, Nashville and Richmond. I have TSA precheck. In line less than 15 mins. $80 was so worth it.
Anonymous
Help, my dark blue jeans won’t stop bleeding blue dye all over my skin. I’ve washed them probably five times now and it’s still happening!
Amanda
Add vinegar to a sink full of water. That finally stopped my guess jeans from bleeding after multiple washes.
Retirement
Hey tax/finance savvy corporettes – if my husband and I together are high income (say >$250,000) and we both max out our 401K at work, we’re not able to contribute to either an IRA or a Roth IRA – right? In that, we don’t get any tax benefit but in addition, we simply can’t open one at this point either? I’ve been looking at the IRS website and that seems to be the case, but taxes are confusing and I figured someone else must have looked into this!
Anon
Not true.
You cannot contribute to a Roth IRA because you are over the income limit for contributions, but you can both contribute the full amount permitted to a regular IRA (currently $5,500 per year each).
I will try and say this in the kindest possible manner (and I do mean to be kind), but you should probably get a few very basic personal finance books to educate yourselves (esp considering your income). This question should have been a very easy one for you to answer, and the fact that you couldn’t find the answer on your own suggests you need a basic primer. Again, I’m not trying to be unkind (because no one is born with financial knowledge, and everyone has to learn it at some point).
Sarabeth
This answer is true, but misleading.
They can contribute to a regular (traditional) IRA, but the contribution will not be tax-deductible. They can then, later, roll over the t-IRA to a Roth IRA – google “Backdoor Roth” for this method. The roll-over will mean that they actually get tax advantages, but it may or may not work for any particular situation. If you already have deductible contributions to a t-IRA, you will need to pay taxes on those when you roll over the funds, so it may not be worth it.
Retirement
Super helpful, thanks. I have an old IRA so it may not work for me, but sounds like my husband could do the backdoor IRA.
Retirement
Yeah, I was a bit sloppy reading the IRS site – thanks, I see what I misread. Believe it or not, I’m pretty on top of our personal finances generally – maxed out retirement funds, maxed out 529 plans for kids (up to state deduction), six month emergency fund, other savings in low-cost diversified index funds, great mortgage – I’ve just been up for many, many nights in a row with a sick kid and my brain has essentially stopped working for the time being (the reason I reposted here – since I’m aware of my current fogginess).
Not a Tax Attorney
You can each contribute $5500/year to a traditional IRA (your contribution will not be tax deductible). Also, immediately after you make the contribution (or as soon as the funds clear your account, usually about a week) you can do a conversion into a Roth IRA. It is a stupid loophole, but according to my tax attorney very common and whenever I’ve called my brokerage to do this they have been very familiar with what I’m doing.
Retirement
Got it, this makes sense (and yes – seems to be an absurd loophole). If you don’t mind ,y asking, what brokerage do you use? I’d heard good things about Vanguard and was thinking of setting up an IRA there…
Not a Tax Attorney
My IRA is through USAA, husband used to have his at Schwab and I didn’t have trouble doing this at either. It’s not just for your husband. You can roll over your old IRA to a Roth (you may have to pay taxes on the increased value and I’m not sure how it works if you took a deduction for your old IRA). But for each new calendar year, you both can take advantage. Process (for me) goes like this.
1. Open and fund traditional IRA. Keep the funds in cash.
2. After a week to 10 days, call the brokerage, ask them to open a Roth and convert the traditional IRA into the Roth.
3. Usually they will close the traditional IRA after several months of a $0 balance, but if not you could use the same traditional IRA to make your contribution the next year.
4. Rinse and repeat on an annual basis (always converting into the original Roth I opened so I don’t have dozens of accounts outstanding).
Jordan
To the potential pregnancy (sex) discrimination poster from this morning and whomever else is interested, the UC Hastings Center for WorkLife Law released a report yesterday that shows a rapid growth in lawsuits brought by employees who faced discrimination when juggling family care-giving responsibilities and their jobs. Employees who file such cases have a high success rate, and the number of these cases has grown rapidly over the last decade. Not really specifically applicable but, interesting.
http://www.worklifelaw.org/pubs/FRDupdate2016.pdf
Anon
What good timing. I returned from maternity leave to a demotion (in responsibilities, not title) and my supervisor outright refused to allow me to use the company’s telecommute / flexible hours policy, despite making use of it herself, frequently. HR is now doing an investigation, but this is good information for me to have.
SA
That stinks. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I had something similarly awful happen after coming back from maternity leave and I wish there was a site like this to support me.
Italian Vacation!
Planning a trip to southern Italy in September/October. Current plan is to spend the bulk of the trip in Naples (including day trips out to Pompeii/Herculaneum/Vesuvius – I took a billion years of Latin and my husband has never been), but then we want to spend a little bit of time either in Sorrento, Positano, or Amalfi. Thoughts on which one? We are generally city people, but this part of the trip will be specifically for relaxing and looking at beautiful scenery. That said, we don’t want to be totally without things to do. I speak enough Italian to make myself understood, but am not fluent. Also open to hotel, restaurant, or activity suggestions.
waffles
This is exactly the trip we’re thinking about for next year. I would love to hear how it goes!!
Anon
That’s one of my favorite places that’s we’ve ever visited! We stayed in Sorrento and used it as a base for visiting Positano and Amalfi. Any of those towns is great to stay in because it’s on the bus line, so we didn’t have to rent a car. Sorrento is less charming, but you have more food/lodging options (because it’s bigger) and you can more easily do a day trip to Naples/Pompeii.
We didn’t rent a car, but If you’re up for that, I’d recommend looking into some of the smaller towns. I’ve heard that the ambiance is much nicer; the larger towns have tons of tourists and can get crowded. We took the train from Naples to Sorrento and then took the bus up and down the coast.
SC
I would think twice about renting a car in that part of Italy. I remember that it was difficult and more expensive to find rental cars with manual transmissions outside of the major cities, and that cars and buses went around the curves on those cliffs at a terrifying speed. The buses and trains worked great for us in that area.
Anon
Yes, good point. The driving isn’t for the faint of heart! That said, I have friends that have rented cars in that area and have had no problem. I rented a car in Italy last year and while I had to pay a bit more for a standard, they did have one available. It just depends on what kind of vacation you want to have.
Anon
Oops – meant that I had to pay more for an automatic, not a standard.
Italian Vacation!
I have done some driving in northern Italy and, frankly, am a little scared to do the road along the coast/cliffs, plus I also want to look at the scenery as we go by instead of keeping my eyes on the road. Would love to stay in the little towns, but the thought of tumbling down a cliff while trying to negotiate a hairpin turn with a bus coming the other way is not my idea of overall relaxation. Whatever town we stay in, we’ll probably take a day to do a trip along the coast where we go one way by bus, one way by boat.
Julia
If you are staying in Naples for most of the trip, I would choose either Positano or Amalfi over Sorrento for the remainder. Sorrento is much less quaint than the others and I would want the contrast. Get yourself to Capri and Ischia while you are there, of course. It sounds like you are already doing the other things I did while there. Also, I would not dare try to drive on the Amalfi Coast. Hire a driver instead if you want to do something off the bus route/schedule.
Anonymous
I absolutely loved Sorrento and we used it as a base for the Amalfi Coast, Capri and Pompeii.
Cb
No suggestions for destinations but you should be reading the Elena Ferrante Naples series for ambiance.
Late to this
But DH and I did a two week Italian honeymoon in October to Italy 2 years ago, and spent the first week flying into Naples and staying in Positano before spending week 2 in Tuscany. I did a LOT of research regarding where to stay specifically and we chose Positano which I 1000% recommend. It is accessible to Naples and Pompeii for easy day trips but also more beautiful and impressive than Sorrento and not as far as Amalfi. We stayed at the Hotel Eden Roc, which I highly recommend it. We had wanted to stay at Le Sireneuse but it was already filled when we made travel arrangements. Another great thing about Positano is that you can take a high speed ferry to Amalfi town or Capri in about an hour and ferries depart many times throughout the day.
I will say that in my opinion, I would not want to stay in Naples- do you have a reason why you would want to stay in the city? I didn’t like it very much and found it easy enough to stay in Positano and arrange a driver for day trips to Pompeii and to get back and forth to Naples for travel. I would suggest staying elsewhere on the Amalfi coast if possible.
EB0220
City moms – taking my two kiddos to NYC this summer. My husband has to stay home so it will just be me with a 4 year old and almost 2 year old. Thinking I’ll wear the toddler and have the preschooler walk because I hate strollers. Is this crazy? There is some benefit to corralling them both, I suppose. What do you do with 2 kids?
EB0220
Oops, meant to post this on the moms site! Apologies.
Anonymous
You’ll be grateful to have a stroller to carry around all the kids’ stuff, plus water bottles, snacks, souvenirs, etc, when you’re exploring the city.
anon
I was recently in NYC with my 5.5 year old and almost 1.5 year old. (But I had 3 adults with me.) I wore the little one 50% of the time, but since we did a ton of walking and we were out all day, I was happy I had my McClaren umbrella stroller. Both my kids used it at different times. You will need to fold your stroller if you take the subway, so factor that into your decision if subway riding is in your plans.
Anon
I apologize for my city if someone made you think you needed to fold your stroller on the subway. You don’t. And I have never seen a woman carrying a stroller down subway steps without a stranger offering to help (ok, sometimes I’d be that stranger, but rarely did I get there before someone else).
anonymous
I live in NYC with kids 2 years apart in age. At that age, your proposal is exactly how I did it. I hated dragging strollers around the city. Just be prepared to take your time – awestruck 4 year olds want to stop and stare at everything (taxis, cranes, dogs, buildings, literally everything), and as soon as you try to rush them, that’s when the stress starts. Other tip – to reduce the load you carry, remember you can always buy things along the way. In most neighborhoods, there’s a bodega on every corner. Easier to carry cash than water. And when you inevitably reach the meltdown stage at some point – jump in a cab or Uber.
Anon in NYC
I personally would want an umbrella stroller, but my inlaws did a stroller-less trip when their youngest was 4 and it worked for them. I think that so long as you expect to move more slowly, it can work. Also, I think success will depend on the temperament of your 4 yo and whether s/he will get tired (or whiny). My friend just visited with her almost 5 year old and her daughter was begging to be carried.
Anon
I don’t have kids, but one thought is if you need to feed your kiddos, consider running a quick search for whole foods. There are a number in Manhattan and have prepared food and seating. They were helpful, heathy, and relatively cheap when I was there.
J
Mom of 2, lived in Manhattan. I would take at least 1 umbrella stroller. It your older one ends up loving to walk, you can stash in hotel or check it somewhere. But a little kid can easily get tired or scared or overwhelmed by crowded NYC streets and then demand to be carried. Then it’s game over. It’s also problematic if your little one decides being strapped to you is no longer acceptable. Some areas are also very congested, packed with pushy adults who have no patience for children. A stroller makes it easier to push your way through, in a pinch.
hamstring issue
Somewhat of a random question. Has anyone pulled their hamstring? About 1 month ago I had a sharp pain while sprinting and took it easy, consulted Dr. Google and determined it is a mild pull (i could still walk etc) and then have been doing stretching and laying off the running. The leg area has gotten somewhat better although it is very tight still, but now seems to be affecting my lower back on that side. What kind of Dr. do you see for this? It would seem orthopedic, and I made an appointment with a random doctor I found on yelp. What is the treatment? Is this something physical therapy will fix? Getting to the point where I am sick of being less active and being in low grade pain (especially when I have to sit still, like in meetings, on planes, in cars, etc.). I had a cortisone shot for a shoulder injury years ago and while it worked, it messed up my cycle and I am TTC as it is so that is something I really want to avoid.
First Year Anon
Physio therapist!
el capitan
second the pt recommendation. I had lower back muscule injury from deadlifting and PT helped ID what the issues were, and they gave me glute and core strengthening exercises. Took a few months but it helped tremendously. Cortisone shots are a quick fix for the symptoms but if you have muscle imbalances that cause the pain then those should be solved. I had good luck with a PT who did neurokinetic physiotherapy (I think that’s the name), it was covered by my insurance as well. If in Boston I’d recommend joint ventures.
New Tampanian
You should go to a physical therapist. Physical therapy will probably help. You may have to see your PC first to get a referral (for insurance to cover). Your back is probably acting out because you have altered your gate or the pulling is now going up the body (this happens a lot).
You should not need a cortisone shot. You should really only get one of those when you cannot bear the pain.
Likely course of treatment:
– Specific stretching exercises
– Foam rolling
– Ice/heat
Get ye to a PT stat lady!
hamstring issue
Thanks all! With some additional research I found a place that has drs and physical therapy at the same location (and takes my insurance yay) and am going next week.
Not a PT - But please read!
I know about hamstring injuries — I’ve been there. While I don’t disagree with the advice here to consult a physical therapist, you should also be aware of the causes of hamstring injuries in women. I think this is something that is important for women to know about generally, so I hope people take the time to read this!
Women (especially female athletes) have a tendency to be “quad dominant”: their quads tend to dominate movements that should also be engaging the glutes and hamstrings. Quad dominance is thought to be the result of the “q-angle” of women’s hips, which causes the legs to strike the ground in such a way as over-engage the quads and under-engage the other leg muscles. From there begins a cylce of quad dominance, wherein the quads are over-utilized in comparison to the hamstrings, which in turn strengthens the quads in comparison to the hamstring, causing the quads to be used even more. It’s worse in female athletes because female athletes use their legs so much. Other causes of quad dominance include tight hip flexors (the result of sitting all day) and high heels (guilty), which also people to over-utilize their quads.
So if you’re a woman with wide hips, who runs regularly, wears heels, and sits at a desk for long hours, this is the perfect storm causing quad dominance and correspondingly weak hamstrings (and glutes). The result is very weak hamstrings and glutes that are extremely susceptible to injury (and the resulting imbalance contributes to knee/hip injuries as well).
I’m not sure if this is you, but it’s pretty easy to tell — strong hamstrings have a “shape,” especially when flexed, whereas weak hamstrings go straight down from your glutes. You may also be able to feel how much your various muscles are “engaged” when you do things like squats, lunges, etc.
While it can be difficult to break the cycle of quad dominance, it’s not impossible. A good stretching routine is key — particularly to stretch out hip flexors. Counterintuitively, it’s not your hamstrings that need stretching — it’s the muscles in the front of you body — quads and hip flexors — whose tightness is causing the strain on your hamstrings. This is where a good PT will help.
Equally important, though, is a good strength training routine. Not just any strength training will do: the exercises you do must specifically target hamstrings and glutes. These include hip thrusts, glute bridges, and various permutations of deadlifts. While some may disagree with me, I recommend against doing squats and lunges: if you’re already quad-dominant, you will likely perform squats and lunges using too much quad and not enough glutes/hamstrings. A good trainer can be very helpful in finding the right exercises and teaching good form. If that’s not in your budget, I recommend the book Strong Curves, which focuses on glute and hamstring workouts for women.
I feel really strongly about this issue because on some level I think it’s a gender thing — because men don’t have it (as much), it’s ignored among coaches and trainers at all levels. High school coaches will have their female soccer teams doing leg presses, squats, and lunges, starting a cycle of quad dominance at a very young age. Men’s physiology means that they are less likely to become quad-dominant, so lots of squatting actually strengthens men’s hamstrings/glutes, unlike for women. Strong glutes and hamstrings are so important to injury prevention, and yet so many coaches and trainers don’t know how to address this issue when it comes to women.
anonymous
Is there anything I can do to make a pair of machine washable pants more colorfast? Everything about these pants is perfect and I haven’t been able to find others I like nearly as much for this purpose, but they lose their color very easily, particularly if stain remover is used. I can’t commit to never getting a stain on my pants, so I’m wondering if there’s anything I can to to make the dye not fade?
Anon
Would anyone hesitate to wear this dress to a wedding given the white background color, or does the mint print make it unimpeachably wedding-guest wear?
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/kensie-daisy-brocade-fit-flare-dress/3911933/
Red Velvet
I think it’s fine. Both the pattern and the style mean you’re not going to be mistaken for trying to out-bride the bride.
Anonymous
Another vote for it’s fine.
weight loss
Anyone have weight loss tips? I took on a stressful job two years ago and it’s starting to take a physical toll. I sit for long hours and I’m often too exhausted to cook, so I either heat up pasta (or something similarly carb-a-licious) or order out. I went to a doctor’s appointment yesterday and I just felt so, so bad at the number on the scale. I’ve been feeling listless all day. I used to love shopping, but now I hate it because the dressing room has become such an unpleasant place.
I have tried losing weight but I honestly find I stick to it for the first few days, and then I lose interest. Alternatively, I’ll have a big project and it’ll get me off of my schedule and then I won’t pick it back up again. I’ve been making some big career moves and I can say with some confidence that I won’t be in the same job next year. But I’m still looking at one more year here.
I’ve tried taking some small steps (walking during lunch breaks, blue apron) and these have been A LOT more successful than bigger steps, but my weight gain is such that I think I need to start making more drastic moves. Any words of advice, stories, support? I really appreciate it.
GreatestGood
You can lose weight with almost no cooking if you plan strategically. Instant oats with PB and banana for breakfast, the only “cooking” is heating water. Make lunches similarly easy, pick some type of fruit, baby carrots w/ hummus, a yogurt and a few almonds. Make one pan dinners. Skillets with eggs/beans/veggies or gnocchi/lentils/veggies ect. If you only have 10 minutes of cooking a day its almost impossible to fail. Just make sure you grocery shop every week and plan your meals. Food is 80% of the battle, once you have the time then you can introduce exercise.
Wildkitten
Talk to a nutritionist. Also find out if you are a moderator or an abstainer (google it.) Weight Watchers.
Cb
Can you make sure you’re ticking off all the health boxes – plenty of walking, water, fruits and veggies? I’ve found that when I get my 7 a day, I don’t really have room for more snacks. It might not lead to drastic weightloss but might help kickstart some good (and sustainable, even when you are busy) habits.
Anonnnnn
FIBER FIBER FIBER. FIBER FIBER.
Fiber gummies, maca supplements, fiber crackers with every meal. A great way to get started.
And my best tips are to replace one meal a day with a high-quality protein shake. I like the svelte soy ones. Requires even less effort. I usually do that for breakfast.
In general, if I focus on fewer carbs, more protein with my food decisions, I suddenly lose five lbs.
Anonymous
I feel you. I’m a creature of habit. I’m great at exercising when I’m in a routine, but as soon as work crushes my routine, I find it incredibly difficult to get back to it. When I’m not able to work out, I try to be extra cautious about my eating and drinking. Go to bed shortly after dinner/when I get home to avoid snacking, drink water or tea if I feel the urge to snack (flavor helps – keep some fruit/cucumber/citrus infused water on hand, or make some flavored hot tea), keep very low calorie pre-portioned snacks on hand for when I just need SOMETHING (jicama sticks or celery), track calories on myfitnesspal or a similar app, cook on the weekends and portion out healthy grab-and-go meals and snacks, remember that your dog gets rewarded with treats and you are not a dog – reward yourself with something other than food.
Maizie
I’m struggling with the same issue. So far I’ve found very modest success by eating mindfully, eating less food overall, increasing my vegetable intake, and getting more exercise (by walking). I also try to notice when I’m full so that I won’t eat beyond that point. I’ve also been compiling a list of foods-I-find-too-tempting-to-be-around so that I won’t have them at home. It’s hard because I live with a snacking spouse and a teenager with the typical ability to eat fats, carbs, sugars without gaining weight. The other thing I’ve been trying to do is get enough sleep each night.
If I stick with it long enough, I’ll get into the groove, feel more energetic and hopeful about someday losing the weight. It helps a bit that I really, really don’t want to buy clothing in a larger size. But honestly–it’s a long, hard slog also. I just have to keep telling myself not to give up because in the end I want to lose this weight rather than stay my present size for the rest of my life.
tl;dr: Hang in there, and I feel your pain. It helps if you find veggies that you honestly enjoy!
weight loss
Thanks—and best of luck to you too! I am totally with you re: not buying clothing in a larger size. I’ve been putting off shopping for pants for a long time because I can’t bear to go up a size. Hopefully we’ll both stick to it.
Wildkitten
I put my SO’s tempting junk food into an opaque container. It really helps.
Alexandra
Unlike so many here (even you, Kat) I LOVE wearing white. Perhaps it’s the peril factor of trying to avoid those spills and spatters that quickens my heart but I will admit to getting a special thrill whenever I go about in alabaster elegance. I make a point to wear it at least once a week (sometimes more often) and it is rare that I come home from my active days with my ensembles less than immaculate.
I was fortunate that my wonderful late aunt raised me to carry myself with grace and dignity and tremendous dexterity so that my mishaps in white have been only a very few.
Perhaps my favorite white-wear memory was as a summer intern when I was in business school. On my first day I came to work in a new white silk crepe de chine suit. It soon became apparent that the office had a decidedly casual culture and the lady in charge took a rather dim view of my choice of apparel. I think she was determined to have my finery sullied. She had me prepare the coffee machine, find some old files in the very dusty basement and then take some documents a few blocks away – WITH RAIN CLOUDS APPROACHING! Each time I completed the task with my suit spotless.
But she wan’t done. That afternoon the copier toner cartridge required replacement. Spilling would not simply result in an ugly stain. My lovely new suit would be absolutely ruined. People actually stopped what they were doing to watch me me as I started into it and the office was eerily silent as I took out the spent cartridge and inserted the fresh one – WITHOUT AS MUCH AS A SPECK BESMIRCHING MY ATTIRE.
The lady in charge was smoldering but I went home at the day’s end in such a state of exhilaration.
That Ellen Tracy suit is GORGEOUS! I happen prefer a more modest look and would chose a mid-calf or even ankle-length skirt.