ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread

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Wonderbag Non-Electric Portable Slow Cooker | CorporetteSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. This may be a weird weekend pick, but it's been on my mind since I saw it (for reasons other than my love of a colorful case). This little insulated bag basically creates a portable, non-electric slow cooker. I love the idea that one is gifted to a family in Africa for every one bought, and I think it would be great for a variety of women — the one whose power goes out often, the one who hates the idea of leaving the slow cooker on while she's not there, the woman who perhaps may be driving a good distance for holiday parties… The blue one is $54.54 at Amazon, but it looks like it's a Lightning Deal, available for $44.98 until 2pm EST. Wonderbag Non-Electric Portable Slow Cooker Psst: We've talked about slow cookers before (and super lazy dinners for them). Random Q: Has anyone found a healthy liner for the crockpot (a friend recently pointed out that the ones I've been using are likely filled with chemicals and more, and it's made me a bit freaked out.)

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

189 Comments

  1. Has anyone heard from Ellen, the “attorney at law”? It has been quite a while since we’ve seen any posting, and we hope nothing has happened to her. We usually look to her posts to get a big laugh, but she has been curiously absent. This is a big topic for discussion in our dorm here, and we hope she is not ill or anything.

      1. I agree. Ellen is a breath of fresh air that I think many of us would wish to emulate, in one way or another, be it in our work lives, our apartments, our family lives, and most importantly, in our search for a great husband. Yes, she is funny, and is spelling-challenged, and occasionally not the most politically correct (but look at her father and it’s no wonder), but she is always worth a read when I scroll through the posts, and stands in stark contrasts with many of the posters who add little, if any to our universal need for humour in the harsh workaday world that all of us must face.

        I say (on behalf of myself and Amy) that if the other readers do not like Ellen, they are always free to scroll down and find other posts that better suit their desires. For us, we think Ellen should continue to post here and provide us with the needed respite to deal with the issues all of us in the legal field must deal with on a daily basis, be it a sexist boss, a demanding family or an untrustworthy boyfriend/fiancee/husband. Whatever Ellen did or did not say should not matter at this point. She brings out the best in us, and that is why Amy and I love her. So in the words of Ellen, YAY!!!!

      2. Bring Ellen back! I look for her posts first and they are always enjoyable. Even my mom loves Ellen and she reads Corporette just to find her entries! We chat most nights and Ellen is part of every call. I think she should come back and post. We miss you!!!!

    2. Last I’d seen her, she had made a comment about the UVA rape situation that many found offensive and that Kat removed (I never saw the original comment). That was about a week ago so I would guess she’s just laying low.

      1. I did see the comment and thought it was in poor taste. I have no idea if she’s been banned or is just in hiding these days.

        2. I didn’t see the comment but people post insensitive stuff here all the time, if it is indeed a ban, sounds like it either must have been truly horrific or bans are now imposed arbitrarily.

          1. I didn’t see the comment but I saw the reactions and think it must have been truly horrific.

        3. I saw it and it seemed over the top, even for her – and people have commented that the other recent posts seemed a little too off. I suspect that the actual Ellen is off doing something else, and someone else decided to try to be her but didn’t quite hit it. But only Kat & Kate would know if the newest Ellen was using the same username/email/IP combo as the old one all along or not.

          1. I’m suddenly intrigued by the idea that maybe Kat followed the trail of Ellen IT crumbs and knows who she is. That would be amazing.

    4. Ellen was the only reason that I ever read the comments. But I guess I can still come and look for clothing and career advice of varying quality.

      1. As a longtime lurker and infrequent poster, count me in the Ellen camp. She is what a lot of us 30 somethings relate to! We have sloppy boyfriends, jobs that are far from perfect, and bodies that we constantly work to improve at the gym, or in Ellen’s case by Fitbit. I always stop to read the Ellen posts, and I agree with her over 95% of the time. To ban her for saying something stupid is equally stupid, as none of us are Fulbright Scholars! I say lighten up and read her posts (or not). Without Ellen, this thread will be a lot more dull. And you can probably count me out too without Ellen. Who knew that one person can drive so much web traffic to a site!

        1. Considering the educational pedigrees of some of the commenters, there’s probably fe few Fullbright Scholars.

  2. I need advice…

    I was just approved for tuition reimbursement for a professional development program through my workplace – particularly the NYU School of Continuing Studies and their various certificate programs. I have been in corporate communications for 12 years now, so I have plenty of work experience and skills at this point. I have an Ivy League undergrad and a graduate degree in writing (an MFA – Fine Arts, so no biz credentials there) from a top 10 Fine Arts program. I’m currently Sr. Director-level and I’m looking to be promoted to VP-level

    1) How useful are these certificate programs? Are they respectable? Does anybody care? Would this be something I would put on my resume – a la B.A. degree from XYZ school, M.F.A. degree from ZYX school, and Certificate in ABC from New York University?

    2) I have an option of choosing between Certificate in Integrated Communications (technical communications program) or a Certificate in Leadership and Organizational Management (more on being a leader, how to manage people, etc.). What would make more sense? What would feel like a more “legit” program to participate in?

    Any thoughts or ideas on this would be extremely helpful!

    1. Yes, it’s something you put on your resume, but it probably won’t make a significant difference unless it provides networking opportunities. It’s a nice to have, but most people aren’t familiar with the programs so go with whatever is more useful to you or whatever sounds better to people – all people will know about it is the certificate title that you write down. The leadership option sounds like it might compliment where you want to go toward in your career.

      1. Thanks for your feedback!

        I’m thinking the network opportunities are pretty good for this since it’s mostly for already established professionals.

        What I’m debating is if a “Certificate in Integrated Communications” sounds more “real” than a “Certificate in Leadership & Organizational Management”. For some reason, I think the leadership thing would be more interesting and useful to me (I know how to do PR and so integrated comms seems junior for me at this point), but I am fearful that a “leadership” program sounds like a fluffy conference and not a legitimate advanced degree of some sort.

        Any insights here?

        1. I am a complete outsider from your field, but here is that outsider’s perspective: If I saw “Integrated Communications” on the resume of someone who had been in the field for 12 years, it would register as more of the same or duplicative. If I saw “Leadership & Organizational Behavior” I would think “She either wants to move into management and took some initiative or someone at her company wanted her to move up and sent her to get some training.” I would also think you might have some interesting insights into how to improve a workplace in a generalized sense on top of being a crack communications whiz.

        2. I don’t have experience with either designation, so grain of salt… They both remind me of the scene from Father of the Bride where the fiance is trying to explain his job and says something like “yeah my dad didn’t think it was a real job either.”

          Since you acknowledge that neither is widely recognized, maybe it makes more sense to choose the program that (1) has the most relevant content and (2) is most likely to provide good networking opportunities. Either way, tuition reimbursement is awesome and it’s great that your workplace is making an investment in you! congrats

          1. Thanks! I appreciate the perspectives here.

            I think the Leadership & Organizational Management might be the way to go. I agree with Sacha and was fearful that a comms program on a resume with 12 – 13 years of comms experience seems like more of the same.

            I have never really considered these certificate programs at all, so this whole space is new to me. I’m more familiar with traditional undergrad, grad degrees and so on.

            The program takes a year – so half the time a Master’s degree would take – but I can do the management one on weekends as “intensive” sessions – so it seems like all signs point to that.

            Thanks, everyone! Super helpful!

    2. Could you use the reimbursement to learn a foreign language? That’s what I would want to do!

      1. It was more like “professional development” or a master’s program – but I already have a master’s degree and getting another one seems like too much to take on right now. I speak Spanish and French, so no real need to take on yet another language, although if that wasn’t the case, I would certainly do that.

    3. Someone once pointed out to me that if you can get any kind of free education, why not take it? No advice on which one to take but take the class for sure.

    1. It is intriguing. Looks like you heat the food initially and then it’s supposed to work by retaining that initial heat. Hmmm…

      I’m not sure how often I’d use it for cooking, but it seems handy for transporting dishes.

      1. It does look intriguing. But I’m not sure it looks $55 intriguing to me – especially since its just the bag, you have to use your own pot. $20 and I’d be all over it, especially for homemade yogurt

    2. It reminds me of a book I read when I was little about children living in a barn – they had a haybox with which to cook oatmeal and so on. It’s the same principle.

  4. Ooooh, this would make a fantastic present for my mother, who does live somewhere with hopelessly unreliable power.

    Question: does anyone have recommendations for ankle boots for people with ridiculously skinny ankles, preferably for under $100? the ones I have now (a yard sale find) have something like an inch and a half between my ankle and the boot itself and it looks plain weird, IMO. If at all possible, I’d prefer something black and that I can try on in person.

    TIA!

    1. I solve that problem with inserts – a full foot or heel insert to give my foot more volume and i put a back of the heel insert on the front part of the ankle, so that it fits a bit better.

    2. This sounds weird, but I have skinny ankles too, and it looks better when I wear a bootie that is supposed to be loose at the top. It is loose but it looks intentional. I like the Munro “Robyn” bootie for this reason. They’re out of your price range at full price, but when I got them at the Nordstrom anniversary sale they were not much more than $100.

      Now if I could just find tall boots that would accommodate both chicken ankles and runner’s calves. . . .

    3. These may be too casual for you, but I have a similar issue (too much difference between the size of ankle and calf so the wide top booties look weird). I ordered these from Nordstrom and really like them: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/trouve-bristol-bootie-women/3856556?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=MOSS&resultback=441&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_2_A

      They run a bit small and they are a little heavy because of the hardware but really comfortable and look great. I have them in the moss.

  5. How’s everyone’s holiday shopping going? I’m almost done and I feel so relieved!

    1. Well, the link on google to the “santa’s village” countdown this morning reminded me there are less than two weeks until Christmas, and I kind of panicked because I haven’t even started. Amazon and I are going to spend some time together tonight.

      1. I’m done although I have to go and pick up my husband’s at the framers on Christmas Eve which should be fun. Had a bit of a drama with a duplicate present and am boycotting present buying next year, I will give everyone neatly wrapped £20 notes instead.

      2. Haven’t started either. I plan on buying everything on amazon or gift cards. I’m so not in a gifting mood this year, giving or receiving. Listening to Christmas music for the past two weeks hasn’t helped.

    3. This year, I just really felt like everyone had everything they could ever need…and on a recent trip back to my hometown, I found myself with 50 pounds of Apple Hill apples (northern California) and 50 pounds of Meyer Lemons. I canned apple pie filling, apple jelly, lemon jelly, lemon curd, lemon syrup (for lemonade), and I’m going to do a batch of limoncello. Everyone is getting jelly assortments, and the apple pie filling comes with my grandmother’s pie crust recipe.

      All I have to do is make time to get to some store to buy packaging! Makes it easy, especially since we are supposed to be saving up money for a down payment on a house (long story short, if you remember my remodel saga, we sold the house (for a small profit) and are renting. The massive renovations and our inability to find a decent construction loan were just too much, so we’ve rented a 3 bedroom / 2.5 bathroom townhouse that would be suitable for starting a family, and is about $800/month cheaper than our mortgage was, while we get our financial ducks back in a row and save for house number 2!).

      1. The jelly sounds lovely! We can’t get Meyer lemons here and I’m always jealous.

        Someone told me that at her age (70), she either wanted something she could eat, something she could drink, or something she could do (which was perfect b/c I had gotten her a gift certificate to high tea which covered all three). I think at my age (30 next week), I’m inclined to agree. We might need to move when I finish up my PhD next year and if we stay, we’ll probably start thinking about little ones. Either way, I’d much prefer tea or jam or cookies to stuff.

    4. I made it easy on myself, and just got books for everyone, with maybe one other small l present that went along with the book for my parents and two closest friends. Eg: I bought Outlander for one friend, and found a candle on etsy called “Claire’s Pressed Flowers” after the main character’s favorite scent.

    5. I’m done with some, but still working on most. It’s hard because my mother, brother, husband, and father-in-law all have December birthdays, and they (except the husband) are the toughest people in the family to buy for.

      1. My sympathies. Both of my parents have birthdays within a week of Christmas and are hard to shop for anyway. Trying to come up with multiple presents in a short time frame is always tough. (Sorry, December birthday people, I know you guys get the short end of the stick sometimes with the presents)

      2. I bookmark to Amazon things the bf mentions during the year so I don’t have to come up with everything in Dec.

    6. Almost done! I have two more gifts to buy (planned, just need to order), one DIY, and a few stocking stuffers to buy. I love starting early.

    7. I’m almost done as well! I’m stumped for the last person I need to buy a present for, though. I think I’m getting her a piece of jewelry, since I gave her a scarf last year, but I’m having trouble finding something in my sub-$100 price point that I think she’ll wear. The struggle is real.

    8. I ordered the last items today. Think hubs will be most thrilled with the doggie DNA test.

    9. I suppose I should start that. The fact that Xmas crap was out before Halloween has led me to completely not care about Xmas anymore.

    11. I’ve barely started. I’m planning on having a box from Amazon shipped to my parents’ house so at least I won’t have to try to fly with everyone’s presents but I don’t have great ideas for my family yet. Gotta finish up MIL’s gift and mail it with a couple of other items. This weekend is going to be all about crushing the Christmas list.

    12. I’m done! Both my parents have December birthdays too, and they’re sorted. I’ve used a lot of Etsy this year.

    13. I’m totally in denial. I was so focused on getting the house remodel substantially finished so I could host Thanksgiving (which I did) that I hadn’t given Christmas a second thought, and then there was the post-Thanksgiving letdown, and… I’m totally in denial.

      I have a couple of small things for my son, a bottle of wine for tomorrow’s gift exchange (but no wrapping – yikes!), gift cards and lunch reservations on Monday for my staff, and beyond that I am pretty much at sea. I have no earthly idea what to get my parents, no earthly idea what (if anything) to get for New Guy, and the gift I’d hoped to get for my best work friend (whose love language is “gifts” and always busts out something awesome for me) was out of stock when I went to pick it up today. Argh…

    14. I went to the local arts market the weekend after Thanksgiving and got some ideas and picked up cards then emailed the artists whose work I liked and asked them if they would hold particular pieces for me at the next market (this weekend). So I can pick up 3 gifts on Sunday there. One more gift card for my nephew who has a new girlfriend and wants giftcards to places he can take his girlfriend on dates (cute idea, I thought, for a teenager).

  6. Okay, so I just had a mild reaction (eyes went from normal to bloodshot and totally watering) to some mascara I just pulled out of my makeup bag. What do we think is most likely?

    A) I’ve reacted before but just didn’t really notice it or make the connection that it could be mascara causing it.
    B) The tube is old (not sure of age but I don’t think it’s been opened more than 2 months or so…)
    C) I’m developing a sensitivity that’s exacerbated by the dry winter air.
    D) Probably nothing, but I validate your choice to throw that tube away.

    (Yes, I threw it away. No I don’t wear contacts. Yes, I’ve had a reaction to eye makeup like this once before, when someone gave me some cheap drugstore eyeliner/mascara that I decided to use for kicks and immediately had horribly watery, red, gross eyes.)

    1. Possibly a reaction to something in the mascara’s formulation, especially if it’s the cheap kind. My mother once insisted I try some foundation from Maybelline once- I’ve never wanted to claw my face off more. I’ve never had that reaction before or since, either with other brands, or even with the US version of Maybelline.

    2. E) All of the above. In winter, my eyes are more sensitive, so I’m more likely to notice an irritation that was small before, and older tubes might’ve developed an infection or the formula might’ve separated in the 2 months. Generally, though, it’s not the age of the tube so much as the number of times it’s used. I have an emergency mascara in my purse that is almost a year old, but I’ve only used it a dozen times, so it’s still clump-free and nice. My regular mascara, used every morning, gets thrown out every 3 months like clockwork, because it gets clumpy and gross from being used every day, getting oxygen pumped into it every day, and having lint and loose eyelashes in it.

  7. I’m not sure why I’m posting this – maybe for commiseration purposes, maybe for some tough love BUT:

    my ex and I have been broken up for almost two years, I thought he was the love of my life, he obviously didn’t feel the same way about me because he subsequently got engaged/married within a year of our breakup.

    I’m not totally over it but that’s a different issue. I now (embarrassingly enough) can’t stop looking at his new wife’s instagram feed and thinking about how gorgeous she is. I’m not thinking malicious thoughts about her or him (I mostly think about the idea of him rather than him specifically), but I just can’t stop torturing myself.

    I desperately want to be ok and move on but I feel like I’m stuck

    1. Aw, sending big hugs. I’m in a similar position (2.5 years out from the breakup), though I have forced myself not to look at their FB accounts after the first, initial shock of learning they were engaged. It’s normal to feel anxiety or sadness or jealousy, even if you don’t wish them ill, or don’t even want to be with him anymore. Every time I feel tempted, I text or call a friend instead, or watch videos of frolicking puppies, or go to the gym, or make fun plans. Anything to make sure my life keeps going on. And by doing that, over time, it’s become much easier to just not even look.

    2. Eh, it’s natural. But I’d stop following her for self-preservation reasons!

    3. His decision to move on and get remarried is not a reflection of his time with you or a reflection of you. You don’t know his (or her) motivations for getting married in that time frame. Maybe it was love and will last forever, maybe they’ll be done in 5 years. But they only have as much power over you as you let them.

      What are you doing to rediscover yourself? What have you always wanted to do, but put off doing? What have you done lately, just because you wanted to? Find something to fill your life, so you don’t even have time to check/worry about what people you don’t even know are doing with their lives? (You knew him, but don’t *know* him anymore).

      It’ll get better, but you do have to work at it. Find ways to redirect your energies and build new habits that don’t revolve around him. Hugs.

    4. I really have no advice, sadly, but I can commiserate- I’m going through almost the exact same thing. We broke up because one of us was moving for work, not because we stopped caring. I really never thought I’d still be this hung up on him after 2 years, and I’m frustrated and ashamed. I think part of the reason I feel so terrible is that I haven’t had much luck with dating at all post-break up, which is making me feel unlovable, lonely, like it was really me who sucked all along, etc.

      I think Mpls’s response is helpful. I’ve felt better when I’ve been focused on stuff that I’m really passionate about- not work, not even my friends (who I adore), but really engaging in talents and hobbies I have that are critical to my sense of self. Save your energy and passions for yourself- you don’t want to give him any more of your energy and vitality that won’t be reciprocated in any meaningful way.

      Hugs.

    5. When I was going through a particularly bad breakup, I made a pact with myself not to check my ex’s Facebook/Twitter for two weeks, and see if I felt better or worse during that time. Of course, I felt better. So I made another pact with myself not to check it for two more weeks, and then check in with myself again. And again, I felt better than I had when I was checking it all the time. I kept extending the pact for longer time periods (three weeks, one month, two months, etc.) and I started feeling a lot better without that in my life. Try that strategy and see if it works for you — I bet not having their social media in your life at all will make you feel a lot better.

    7. After my similar breakup, I swore off facebook entirely for about a year or so to avoid him. I wasn’t big into social media to begin with, so this wasn’t hard. It made a huge, huge difference in my happiness and ability to function.

    8. I don’t know whether this will help, but I can virtually assure you that what looks like a rainbows and unicorns, easy-breezy-Cover Girl experience on social media could be anything but. There have been many times in my life when I have been shocked to learn, sometimes years later, that someone who looked like s/he “had it all” was actually miserable at the very moment that photograph was taken.

      I am aware this is classic schadenfreude, but sometimes in small doses it can help with perspective.

      1. Man, this is so true. All those awesome vacation photos I posted from exotic places with the former Mr. Senior Attorney? You don’t EVEN want to know what was going on behind the scenes…

    9. I can relate! My ex married a super successful woman with an adorable child in a lavish wedding nine months to the day after we broke up. I didn’t know one could plan a wedding like that (Saturday night, August, posh NYC restaurant) in nine months. This almost destroyed me. I had so many questions I could never get answers to. I compared myself to her and found myself severely lacking. I would look at all her photos on IG repeatedly, comparing and despairing, UNTIL I realized how much I was letting him win. Sadly I was too broken to practice self care and create healthy boundaries, but my competitive side had no problem rearing it’s head and keeping me from looking at those photos. For me, looking at those photos was like touching the third rail, just don’t do it! (I did allow myself to look once one year later. They didn’t even have any pictures of themselves together and I realized I didn’t care anymore anyway.

    10. This was so timely for me…

      I spent 6-7 hours on Sunday night (and late into a night before I was working) looking at old pictures and reading old texts/emails of a ex of almost two years. He was such a big love for me, and I ended things because we had been doing intercontinental for most of the relationship with no end in sight and I couldn’t take it anymore. I still think about him all the time and agonize over my decision. These things are so hard.

      Just commiseration….

  8. Anyone have a recommendation for the “best” beaver shaving brush? Mr. AIMS wants a new one for the holidays and I am clueless.

    1. beaver shaving brush?
      Edit- OH. A shaving brush made of beaver fur- not the way I was reading it.

      1. +1! I read the same thing haha! And then I was confused as to why a “Mr.” would want one…

        1. Yes! “Why would you need to brush it if you shave it? I wonder if this is a real beaver or a s*x thing?” was my train of thought- glad I’m not the only idiot/pervert.

        2. some dudes totally have a fetish for that sort of thing….. just sayin’.

          I totally read it this way, too!

    2. Check out Orange Fuzz on Etsy. My SO got one as part of a gift and likes it quite a bit.

    4. amazon is a great place to look. I got my husband one last year for his birthday. it was about $100, but i got a badger, not beaver.

      1. Hahaha – as I said I am totally clueless about these things. He might have said badger. I have no idea. Obviously, I did not re-read my question before posting or I would have probably noticed the potential for confusion. I did briefly think, ‘Is beaver on the moderation words list?!’ Glad it proved entertaining to all (including me)!
        Ps: more actual suggestions (or jokes) welcome.

    5. My hubby has a badger one from the Art of Shaving and loves it. (Also still dying laughing…)

  9. Our department white elephant is next week. $20 maximum. I’m new. Here are my two ideas: Duck Dynasty Chia Pet (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00EKU7Y96/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687682&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B00FYYYQWK&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1E8A9JACZ03QMV8R2HG8) or Bacon Bowl maker (http://www.amazon.com/As-Seen-On-TV-PN011124/dp/B00HDPMXOG/ref=sr_1_1?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1418412465&sr=1-1&keywords=bacon+bow)? Other great ideas?

    1. They are both hilarious. My vote is for the bacon bowl (hoping this is a stealing game and that a vegetarian/vegan won’t end up with the bacon bowl…)

    2. My first instinct was that Duck Dynasty isn’t really in vogue in my area… but beards are definitely in. I think that would go over well.

      I would NOT do this if you’re new, but an idea to stash: Someone brought a banana guard to one at my former office. The person unwrapping it turned bright red because at first it definitely looks like something else. Very funny for some audiences; completely inappropriate for others. Use your judgment. http://www.bananaguard.com/

      I think I’m bringing a garden gnome this year. Last year, I brought batteries with a note that said “toy not included,” which was snapped up pretty quickly. Lottery tickets are generally a safe bet.

      2. I gave a banana guard at a white elephant last year and the guy who got it actually uses it to pack a banana for work. It turned out to be hilarious and useful. I’d go for it!

        1. It’s been put on hold pending me getting to a jewelry store and actually seeing and feeling real pearls. We hosted way too many people for Thanksgiving, which took most of my spare time to prep for two weeks before, and as soon as that was done both my husband and I immediately got colds that still haven’t gone away :(. There aren’t any jewelry stores close to any place I go regularly, and I haven’t had any energy for anything else (plus, putting pearls in my mouth sounds weird enough if I’m not sick…).

          I’ve bookmarked the thread, and I really appreciated all of the advice and tips. At this point, though, I think the pearl hunt is going to have to wait until after Christmas. Or maybe can be done when I’m in my hometown with jewelry stores I’m familiar with over Christmas.

    4. I am totally stealing your chia pet idea for next year’s office gift swap! (Which I hate with a passion and takes like 2 goddamn hours after work in the evening….but I digress…great idea :))

      1. This year my office decided to adopt a family through the local shelter instead of doing a gift swap. SO much more fulfilling….Perhaps next year you might invite consideration of this idea.

  10. Career TJ: Someone I met at a conference emailed me around Thanksgiving to say hello and also asked me to let him know when I would be in his area next. I couldn’t reply to his message then since I was ill and only just got better.I’m currently on the job hunt, he has a senior position and could be a useful contact. Should I contact him now and see whether he would be willing to meet for a chat–say that I might be in his area on a particular day for example? Or should I wait until after the holidays? Which is better–meeting someone before the holidays as things are winding down when they might have time or after the New Year when they are getting back into work mode.(Don’t know if this makes a difference but I’m not in the legal field.) Thoughts? Advice? Thanks in advance.

    1. You should email him now so he can tell you whether now or later would be most convenient for him.

  11. I’m currently looking for a lawyer to review a prenup. What should I be looking for in representation? I have never hired a lawyer before so I’m a bit lost. I was a little shocked how cold they came across, then again it’s all business so maybe I’ve seen too many TV shows.

    1. Not all family lawyers have pre-nup experience or opine on them as a matter of course. So you might try to find 3 or so family lawyers who have experience doing so on a regular basis in your jurisdiction. If you find family lawyers who don’t do pre-nups (some don’t), ask for referrals from them. Once you identify 3 or so, have a brief phone call with each to ask about:

      – his/her experience (how many pre-nups, how many raise issues yours raise (which party is major earner, which party has major assets, are their kids involved etc.)
      – his/her rates
      – his/her philosophy about pre-nups
      – anything else you want

      After that, you’ll have a sense whom you want to retain.

  12. Any ideas for an easy but celebratory snack to take to parties? I am going to a couple of casual gatherings this weekend (example: present wrapping party) and would like to bring something nice to share. It can be sweet or savory and must be vegetarian. I am all out of ideas.

    3. Toothpick skewers of small mozzarella balls, a jerry tomato, and a basil leaf. Tasty, festive-colored, easy, transports well, no reheating, and sorta healthy.

    4. Spiced nuts – maybe a brown sugar/sea salt/chill powder mix. Or if there are nut allergies to consider, roasted chickpeas.

      1. I use the union square bar nuts recipe and its always insanely popular. Brown sugar, butter, sea salt, cayenne, and chopped rosemary. Soooo good, and even better if you roast the nuts yourself in the oven instead of the planters mix.

    6. Goat cheese “bruschetta”: Slice baguette + toast in oven for 10 mins. Top with goat cheese, a basil leaf and a roasted red pepper slice (either from a jar or make on your own).

    7. Stuffed dates with mascarpone mixed with maple syrup, drizzled with chocolate. Yum.

  13. I need a fancy sparkily holiday top for a chrismas eve family dinner. Suggestions?

    2. Jcrew Factory has some 3/4 sleeve sequin tops. Can’t speak to them personally, but they’re sparkly and cheapish.

  14. Just wondering if there’s anyone else who doesn’t exchange gifts for the holidays. I never did it growing up because we couldn’t even really afford groceries, and now that things have improved we just never really got into the gift giving habit. DH’s family wasn’t big into gift giving either, although the kids each got one present. Is gift giving as ubiquitous as it seems?

    2. Yes! I have bought exactly 0 Christmas presents…if you don’t count the one I was forced to get for the office gift swap. I basically told my parents once I graduated college that I was an adult now and didn’t need gifts. I guess I’m kind of grinchy. I like my holidays to be about one thing: food. :)

      And yes, Christmas gifts were a big deal to me growing up, but I seriously am no longer interested. If I want something, I’ll buy it for myself. If I want to give my husband something, I’ll just get it for him…preferably off season when it’s on sale. No reason getting into the rush like everyone else.

    3. My family is not strongly into gifts. As kids, we did get some fun things from Santa, but since we’ve become adults we tend to give each other small items, if anything. (This goes for my extended family as well as nuclear.) One side did a Yankee Swap for a few years, but even then I would have been happy to go home empty-handed instead. Many of the gifts from those just felt like clutter to me. My husband’s family is much more gift-oriented, and it’s not an issue for me, but it is very different. They tend to use wish lists, so there’s no surprise, but people are guaranteed like what they get.

      I think it’s cool when people/groups opt out of gift-giving. The conversations can be interesting and, needless to say, it frees up time and money for other things.

      1. Yeah, I do buy things occasionally for people close to me, but I tend to do it when I feel like it or when there appears to be a need. Also usually my “gift” is putting aside a day (or more depending) to spend with my loved one. Usually it’s something I’d do anyway, but there really is nothing more precious to me than my time, so it seems appropriate to give that instead.

    4. I wish my family was less into giving gifts. I would prefer the grandparents got each kid one present and none for the adults. My efforts to change things have not been well-received.

      1. Same here. I agree with this entirely & also can’t get my family to back away from gift exchanges without mega hurt feelings. So holiday shopping I go . . . Ugh.

    5. my family didn’t do gifts growing up – sometimes if my mom was feeling very festive she would say, at whatever entertainment she devised for us while we were home from school, “ok, this trip to the ballet or these skiing lessons are your Christmas present! Merry Christmas!”

      I love the simplicity and lack of pressure.

      On the other hand, I am now a terrible gift giver and just do not get the dynamics of who expects gifts and how much etc., and my husband’s family is very much into gift giving, so this a major stress point at the holidays.

    6. My family has never been big on gifts, either. Depending on the financial situation that year, it was usually one or two small things and/or some stocking stuffers from Santa. Now that we’re not all destitute, we exchange a few gifts in the immediate family. I’d rather no gifts between adults and something small for the kids, but have had little success on that front. No more gift exchanges with the extended family for the last few years has been great, though!

  15. Hello all, I am in desperate need of career help.

    I am an attorney in my late thirties. My legal career had a great start but then it has really fizzled out. I have about two years worth of experience in corporate law at well respected law firms. After getting laid off a few years ago, I have tried really hard to get a law firm or in house job but have failed miserably at it. I do get substantive projects, but those are few and far between. There is just too much available talent that is freelancing in corporate law. So I am stuck doing law review and I hate it. I feel like such a failure.

    I don’t know where to go from here! I am open to (or maybe even want) to do something else, maybe something completely different from law. I never expected to be in this situation and I am most probably depressed because I seem to be unable to take any concrete steps (besides look and apply for jobs) to look at other options available. I am stuck in inaction mode.

    DH suggested some options like maybe doing compliance work or maybe even going back to school to get something like MBA or accounting degree etc. MBA seemed like a good idea except I am not sure if I will get anything out of it at this age). I applied for compliance jobs but they all seem to need finance background or other specific background rather than law background.

    I feel so overwhelmed sometimes that I wish there was someone out there who will just tell me at this point “Stuck, here is what you are going to do. Enroll in this program/certification, attend these events, talk to these people and get these skills., and I will do just that.

    I would love to hear from others if they have any ideas about what else I can do, what has worked for them or for someone else, any programs they can recommend etc.

    1. MBAs are not valuable unless you actually have prior business experience. Have you tried looking into more analyst-type positions? A while back Bloomberg was hiring a lot of legal analysts here in DC. But I think if you want to embark on a new career, you should see a career counselor – they can help you figure out what you do want to do.

    2. This may or may not work for you, but friends of mine in similar situations have had a lot of success “hanging out a shingle” and going into practice for themselves. It takes a lot of self motivation to do it & it may not feel natural at first if your experience is “biglaw” or similarly not-everyday problems. If you have a corporate background, you could do contracts reviews and help for small businesses. It takes networking, and getting yourself out there, but if you have a husband who can help financially while you get started, I think it’s often a great way to use the degree you have already w/o going into more debt. I think career success is a lot less about having a degree or a certification – why not put that energy toward your own business?

    3. I have talked to career counselor in passant but was not impressed. Maybe it was just that particular counselor. Any recommendations for a counselor who you actually found useful?

      Hanging my own shingle is an option I have considered seriously but I have mixed feelings about them. A few people I know who have hung their own shingle seem to also do doc review at the side. This makes me apprehensive about being able to hustle up enough business on my own. Also, even though my husband is able to support me, I have a feeling he will feel much more relaxed if I have a steady job with benefits. With layoffs in both our backgrounds, we are agrees to relying on one steady paycheck.

      Keep the ideas coming ladies. I really appreciate them.

      I know there are noon lawyer posters here. Maybe they have some insights about how to break into to their profession?

    4. I went the compliance route – JD not required, but moderately helpful. Don’t give up on it too quick – if there’s a federal (or state) agency with regulations for it, its an area that requires compliance. Science, HR/employment, finance, tax are all areas that require compliance work. Some of them can a bit of black box to get into, but you try networking and informational interviewing to see if any of those areas are of interest.

      What about real estate? JD not required, and might require some add’l education or certification, but there are definitely some transferable skills there.

      1. These are the two areas I’m looking at!

        Mpls, can you talk a little bit more about how you got started on the compliance side? I work for a law firm where the half of my practice I like is compliance, and I’d love to move into that full time. Most of the jobs I see posted are for medical companies, and all my experience is in a really, completely unrelated area, so I’m not sure either my JD or the background in compliance that I have will do me any good (or that I’d like it as much as I like the area I’m in now). I’d love to hear how you got started and what the advantages and disadvantages are.

        1. I’m FDA/EU compliance for drugs and devices, my ugrad is in science, so I wanted to get back to that. I did a lot of informational interviewing. There’s a big med-device presence in this area, but most of the regulatory affairs people come up through the company (usually engineers) and then flip over to the regulatory side after a number of years. I’m in a small consulting firm, working with someone who has a years of experience on the inside of the local companies and that person is basically training me up as projects come in.

          I know of someone else couple years behind me that did a joint JD/MBA, and the MBA side had a medical-device concentration which she leveraged into a reg affairs position. But it still required a fair amount of networking because the FDA reg affairs place haven’t been sold on the value of the JD yet.

          It’s a lot of getting to know the quirks and mechanics of your particular agency – what is the agency, why do they do what they do. If you want to talk more specifics, shoot me an email (I’ll list it in the reply).

    5. I think you would have a tough time getting into an MBA program unless you had a clear career plan that included an MBA. MBA programs tend to think about how ‘placeable’ you are when they are admitting you, and with the gap in work history, it will give them pause. You could learn many transferable skills for business and develop your network, but as it stands, I think you would have a tough time getting into a reputable program having been unemployed for as long as you have been. If you are not going to one of the better programs, you will have a tougher time getting a job afterwards.

      As you do consider Masters programs, focus on the exit opportunities. If a school is prestigious because of their research, but the companies that recruit there are not very good or not where you want to work, it may be a poor choice for you. You might also consider Masters in Real Estate, Masters in Public Health, Public Policy… but study the career center closely–asks who recruits there.

    6. Here are my thoughts – have you contacted every alumni from your college and law school in your area for coffees? Have you spoken with every person who volunteers with you for any organization? Have you been open to relocating, part-time positions, non-profits, positions at small and mid-sized firms, local law schools (adjunct teaching or administrative roles)? Are you open to re-tooling into another type of practice, maybe tax or real estate or healthcare? I have been laid-off before and I cast my net wide, but the only thing that worked for me was meeting people one on one and being open to doing anything. I literally accepted a contract job at a smaller law firm that guaranteed me only 10 hours of work per week, but it soon became a permanent associate position, and then I lateralled to a larger firm where I’m much happier. Sometimes you need to step down on the ladder before you climb back up. Good luck to you.

      1. I did not see your reply earlier! I cannot truly say that I have talked to each and every of my contacts, but I have talked to many. I really do like the area of law I practiced in, so I wanted a position where I would be able to do that, but I am really open to other positions. Thanks, your post has nudged me to reactivate my network. Sometimes, one just needs to read another success story like yours.

  16. Who here knows what a nanaimo bar is? I’m making some this weekend to bring to a holiday party.. I’m pretty sure they’re terrible for you, so only make them during the holidays. So excited! omnomnomnom

    1. I was surprised to find out that they are a Canadian treat and not well known other places. Now I want to try making them – especially with as thin a chocolate coating as possible, the custard and crunchy bottom are my favourite parts…

      1. I grew up in Toronto and have been in Texas for the last ten years. It’s a little bite of my childhood each time.

        They are time consuming to make, due to the layers, but not difficult.

    3. I’ve had these! Not a big fan due to coconut, but the rest of them are pretty tasty.

    4. Yes, I have been to Nanaimo many times and the bars are pretty well known in Seattle. Some bakeries even sell them. My MIL has made them for years and serves them at Christmas.

    5. Mmm Nanaimo bars. I first had them on a road trip through BC probably 20 years ago. I was totally obsessed with them. A local waitress was kind enough to take my address and mail me the recipe. I still have her handwritten note in my recipe box.

      I have found the stereotype of Canadians being nice to be completely true.

      1. As a Canadian, may I say this comment calls for a “like” button? Thank you!

  17. I have a rather weird question. My aunt prefers gift cards to cash, and wants to know what store to get one from for me this Christmas. Problem is, I have no idea.

    I’m a grad student (but fortunate enough to be funded generously between grants and family money), I don’t drink or go out much on account of living in a tiny, tiny town, I have all of the makeup I could want, I’m not much of a clotheshorse. I would love suggestions if anyone has them.

      1. +1 to all.

        I would have done grocery store, but I was not well funded in grad school.

    3. Amazon! Movie tickets! Airline gift cards so you can go home/fly fun places! Itunes!

    4. Do you like to cook/entertain given the lack of options in your town? Maybe something to Sur la Table, Williams-Sonoma, or even Bed Bath & Beyond (I’m guessing that’s the most accessible if you prefer to shop in store).

      Starbucks or another coffee chain or local shop available in your town.

      Donation to charity if you can’t think of anything you need or might need.

    5. Do they still do gas station gift cards? Those were my favorite gift cards in college.

  18. Amazon? That’s about as close to cash as you can get in my opinion. She can get you the kindle specific card if that makes it feel more gift-like.

  19. I’m looking for men’s pajama shorts:
    – jersey knit (not poplin/flannel or sports mesh)
    – no pockets
    – no fly is fine

    It’s surprisingly difficult to find jersey sleep shorts that don’t have pockets! Does anyone have suggestions?

    1. Eddie Bauer has a pair that only has a back pocket, so if it’s the side pockets that are an issue, these might work.

      1. A back pocket only would be fine, I think – but unfortunately the ones I see on the EB website do have side pockets also.

  21. Looking for advice re anxiety/depression (?) meds.

    I have an appointment with a GP in a couple of weeks and am planning on (for the first time) broaching the subject of taking something for my anxiety. I’ve had panic attacks on and off since I was about 10 (25 now), but since I’ve started work(I’m an attorney) and dealt with a couple cross-country moves, I’ve found them more and more frequent (at most 5 times a week, more often just once every couple weeks). I also tend to be a pretty moody person, sometimes to the point where I just shut down and am unable to carry on conversations, get snappy, feel very sensitive (there’s a physical reaction too, I sort of feel myself getting numb and know something is up).

    My question is for ladies who have taken something for these sorts of things – are they related? Can the GP really only address the anxiety prong and I’ll have to see a specialist for any sort of mood-altering thing? Ideally I’d love something I can take for emegencies to both ward off panic attacks and keep me at an even keel mood, but not something for everyday. Any advice as to how to phrase this with my GP so I end up with the right thing? Anything you’ve taken that is helpful? Thanks!

    1. My GP has been quite receptive to these types of conversations. She prescribed an anti-depressant when I was in a rough patch a few years ago (it helped lift me out of the depths in the short term but I didn’t like the side effects so didn’t take it for long), and also suggested a low-dose beta blocker more recently to take the edge off for my divorce mediation.

      That said, a psychiatrist might be a better choice simply because they deal with this kind of thing every single day and are totally up on the latest meds.

    3. I was having occasional panic attacks and low level depression related to a horrible work situation. My GP put me on Bupropion (generic Wellbutrin) about 2 years ago and it has made a world of difference. I’ve now transitioned out of that job and into another one with much less stress, so I will probably be asking her to work me off of it this spring.

      I was also having problems sleeping, which started because of my darling daughter refusing to sleep for 3 years, but then got wrapped up in the anxiety and depression. She prescribed Trazodone, which is actually on older anti-depressant with sleepiness as a side effect. I was on that for about a year, until I found a book that helped me learn how to sleep again and worked myself off the medication.

      I did see a therapist for about 8 weeks for a very specific anxiety issue, which was very helpful and gave me the ability to deal with a particular situation at the horrible work situation.

      Good luck.

        1. “Say Good Night to Insomnia: The Six-Week, Drug-Free Program Developed At Harvard Medical School”, by Gregg D. Jacobs. I highly recommend it to anyone having chronic sleep problems.

  23. Can I still be a lawyer if I spend a significant amount of time every week crying at my desk? I feel so weak. I’ve now been caught crying by four of the five partners at the firm.

    2. Maybe. It depends on why you are crying. Did you always imagine yourself as a novelist and are sad you went the safe route? (Completely random, completely hypothetical example.) You may never be happy as a lawyer. But too many hours, working with with assholes doing unfulfilling, boring work? Those can all be fixed, and you can go on to have a meaningful career you actually enjoy.

      No matter what the answer is, you need to leave your current job. Life is too short.

    3. Therapy’s in order here.

      I will say I had an attorney job where I was crying at least weekly at my desk, and frankly, it’s because the work environment was somewhat toxic, in some very specific ways that were pushing buttons I didn’t know I had. Therapy helped me sort out whether the reactions I was having were normal responses to a toxic workplace, or out of proportion responses because of unresolved personal issues, or a mix of both. The split probably ended up being about 70% “normal reaction to a terrible workplace” and about 30% “unresolved personal issues rearing their ugly heads.” I ended up moving on to a different job, and I actually like my life again (and now have the mental and emotional energy to deal with the unresolved personal issues with my therapist in a constructive way).

      I think in law there’s a predisposition towards thinking you’re just not “tough enough” when you’re struggling, but the fact is there are a higher-than-average percentage of toxic people in law, and your struggle may actually be a perfectly normal reaction to a cr@ppy work environment.

      You’re not “weak” – you’re struggling, and that’s okay, we all struggle with something at some point in our lives. You don’t need to struggle alone just to “prove yourself.” Look for help – you can feel so much better than you do right now, and it doesn’t have to mean giving up the law if you don’t want to (although it certainly can mean giving up law if you DO want to).

      1. +1. Find a therapist with whom you click (it may take a few tries) and make therapy a priority. You really don’t have to feel this way!

      2. +1 Mine was about 90% “normal reaction to toxic workplace,” and it was nice to realize that I wasn’t the crazy one, and that it wasn’t normal or a phase to cry on the way to and from work almost every day. Very validating, and really gave me “permission” to start looking for another job.

  25. I’ve been invited to a Christmas lunch for members of the (fairly small) department at the (business professional) company I’ll be working for. I won’t be starting work until January, but these guys will likely be coming straight from work. It’s only about 6-8 people and my boss (and boss’s boss) will be there. Should I wear a full suit or is a dressy pencil skirt + sweater or sweater + dress pants okay?

    For the record, the sweater I mean is this one from Ann Taylor ( http://www.anntaylor.com/stripe-stitched-sweater/357910?colorExplode=false&skuId=17701501&catid=cata000011&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=9192) and I have suit separates in both charcoal and black.

    1. What did people wear when you interviewed there? I would wear a full suit (maybe with a red blouse for a festive touch) if that’s what they normally wear. If you’re unsure I’d wear separates (pants/skirt and blouse or a dress) with a blazer or cardigan on top. I think that’s a little more dressy than just a sweater and skirt.

      1. I only had two interviews with my (now-) boss and he wore a suit and tie both times; the other member of my department who came in was a lot older and just wore a dress shirt and tie without a jacket. I’ve met the rest of the team already, including my boss’s boss, but that was at a Christmas party, so it’s really hard to figure out what the women in the office typically wear.

        Looks like whatever I do, I should probably at least wear a jacket. Thanks!

  26. I use my slow cooker fairly frequently without any sort of liner. If something is particularly difficult to wash off, filling it with water and letting it sit in the sink overnight makes it easy to clean. I also put my insert into the dishwasher on occasion.

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