How do you deal with back-handed “compliments” in the office? Reader B wonders…
I am a 30 year old lawyer working in Washington, DC. My late 20’s/early 30’s professional female friends and I have experienced a strange and disconcerting dynamic amongst women in the workplace: getting negative comments from other women for being smartly/well- dressed. These outfits, I believe, would objectively be considered professional, age-appropriate, and well-fitting: tailored suits in feminine cuts, pencil skirts to the knee, or pumps with a modest heel. They would certainly be similar to those depicted on the Corporette website. The comments often take the form of backhanded compliments, such as, “That shirt makes you look soooooo thin.” They may also be cautionary, like “Wow, you had better be careful not to hurt yourself in those heels”. This feedback comes from women at a similar professional level and more senior employees. It most often comes from women whom are a generation older and seem to be, at times, more about our size and age than what we are wearing. It also seems to be more of an issue in government and non-profit environments, as we haven’t noticed it to be a problem in the private sector. How should we respond to this type of feedback? At what point should we give in to workplace pressure to dress in a more bland way versus continuing to wear clothing that makes us feel sophisticated and professional?
This issue comes up a lot, and as your friendly blogger I see both sides of it: the younger women wondering why these older women are giving them these back-handed compliments, and the older women asking me how in the world they tell someone they’re dressed wildly inappropriate for the office in a casual way. I’m curious to hear what readers think about this. [click to continue…]
Do you have to wear pantyhose in the summer? The pantyhose-at-the-office question comes up so often, but I don’t think we’ve addressed it in a while — and Reader N wonders…
I had a question about wearing pantyhose. I’m about to start my first internship in finance (a mid-sized hedge fund) this summer and I’m really confused as to what to wear. It’ll be in London, so I don’t know if that changes business formal guidelines. Anyway, I’m 20 years old and a southern girl, and I’ve never worn pantyhose in my life. Is it really necessary to wear pantyhose with a skirt suit, even in the middle of July? I’m tempted to just wear a pant suit the first day and see what everyone else is wearing, but then I’ve heard people say that pantsuits aren’t conservative enough and I should wear a skirtsuit the first day just in case.
Obviously, I have no idea what I’m doing. Oh dear.
Congratulations on your summer internship — it sounds excellent. There is a really big range in what’s acceptable at conservative offices, and so — for my $.02 — it’s always best to get started on the right foot, which is to say the safest foot. You don’t want people’s first impression of you to be of your clothes — you want it to be of your work, your accomplishments. So for the first day — probably even the first week — I would suggest wearing: [click to continue…]
How do you use friends of friends in your job hunt — whether through LinkedIn, Facebook, or just real life? There have been an number of questions about this lately, including Reader A, below… her friend may be starting work at a company with a great work environment and has offered to refer her for a position once she starts, but as Reader A says:
… after looking into the company a bit, I realized that company is co-owned by an acquaintance of mine’s, “Ann’s” father. I went to Jr. high through college with his daughter, we were on HS newspaper together and had the same major in college and were buddies, but not close friends. However, it’s been about 6 years since college and she moved across country so we’re pretty much just Facebook buddies. I would really like to ask if she could give my resume to her father as it could be very helpful in securing a position there, but I don’t want to seem rude. If she worked there, I’d simply pass it along to her, but is it inappropriate to ask her to give it to her dad? Also, should I have a specific position in mind or be open to anything (which I am? What’s the best way to ask her? Please advise me how to go about this situation!
This is a great question, because you should definitely ask. Sometimes a script can be helpful when approaching acquaintances with a favor of this magnitude, though, so here is what I would say:
Dear Ann — How are you? It’s been so long; I hope all is well. Your family name recently crossed my path while researching a company I’d love to work for — it turns out it’s your father’s company! Do you think it would be possible for you to introduce me to your dad via email? I’d love to get his advice for the best way to get into Office X.
A lot has happened on my end of things since our newspaper and college days — I’m sure it has for you too. I took my major in __ and worked at ___, getting really interested in __ specialty. On the personal side of things I have an apartment I love, an amazing cat, and I’ve recently started dating a great guy…. Are you still using Major __? What’s up with you these days? Would love to reconnect the next time you’re back in town…
So, to break it down, here’s my advice… [click to continue…]
I’ve written before about how I love to get up early because that’s my most productive time of the day — but I don’t think we’ve ever talked about how to optimize those productive hours to get the most stuff done. I have my own tricks; I’d love to hear what you guys use as well. (I usually can be focused enough without time management techniques during this time — but they can be super helpful during other times of the day. Pictured: Pomodoro Kitchen Timer for Action Logging, originally uploaded by AndyRobertsPhotos. )
1) Know what you want to do. I always find this time is best to focus on ONE THING, not a whole to-do list. I don’t even WRITE my to-do list until later in the day, to be honest. When I get up early, I do the one thing that I need/want to do, and nothing else.
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Reader L wonders if she can ask her adjunct professor for help finding a job:
I have an etiquette question for you. I am a third year law student looking for a job after graduation, preferably at a small firm or a nonprofit. One of my classes is taught by an adjunct professor who practices in the field I want to work in. What is the etiquette behind approaching him to see if he knows people who might be hiring? Thanks for any advice.
I’m curious to hear what the readers say here. Here’s my take:
Can you ask him if he knows of any open positions? Absolutely; there’s nothing inappropriate about that question. But let me warn you… here’s how that conversation is going to go: “Do you know of anyone who’s hiring right now?” Adjunct professor, thinking briefly of any jobs he’s heard of that day or week: “Nope. Sorry!” He won’t be offended, but you’re not likely to get much out of the exchange. (Pictured: Einstein’s blackboard, originally uploaded to Flickr by rich_w.)
So here’s what you actually want to do: network with your professor. [click to continue…]
Reader D has a unique question: what to wear in the field? More specifically, to visit a factory (and ride in her client’s plane!)
I am going on a site visit to a factory near Seattle. The visit includes riding in a small plane and then visiting a large factory so I will need to be casual, wear flat comfortable shoes, yet still look professional. Any advice? Although I am a senior associate I will be the sole representative for my client and want to make sure I come off as professional as possible.
Congratulations on the opportunity — it sounds fun (riding in a private plane is on my Bucket List) and like a good career opportunity. As far as fashion goes, I think my answer depends on one question: can you wear denim around your client? If so, I think a pair of dark (preferably black) jeggings, tucked into flat boots, topped with a button-front and blazer, and accessorized with your normal work jewelry, would probably be my best guess for an outfit. (Update: There’s a lot of disagreement with me in the comments, which is fine, but just to be clear: when I say “jeggings” — I mean skinny jeans that have a bit of extra Spandex in them to make them more comfortable, but are still primarily denim. E.g., these, these, or these. Not these.) Here’s my thinking:
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