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Coffee Break: Clinique Chubby Lip Balm

There are a lot of good sales on beauty at Nordstrom right now, including lipsticks from MAC, YSL, Dior, Bobbi Brown, and Clinique. (And lots of T3 products marked down 15-33%.)

In fact, my beloved Clinique Chubby Lip Balm Sticks are down to $15 again — I bought four the last time they went to this price! I'm really happy with all of the colors: Graped Up (I've bought that color at least 10x), Voluptuous Violet (lovely and subtle, not crazy at all), and Lot of Honey (very muted). (Here's our last discussion on all of my beauty empties and the things I keep rebuying!)

I think they're a great price for a reliable tinted balm that is moisturizing, easy to apply and wear, and has a very buildable color. (And I've tried a lot of tinted lip balms looking for that!)

They're $15 today at Nordstrom — note that reader favorite Dior Addict is also part of the sale.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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179 Comments

  1. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I start a new job at the end of this month. I need to figure out what I’m doing with the sick and vacation time I’ve accrued. I’m moving to a different branch within the state government, so I have a couple of options:

    Vacation (200 hours): either transfer all or part of it to my new job, or cash out all or part of it.

    Sick (250 hours): either transfer all of it to my new job, or leave it all at my old job in case I come back (if I don’t, it will be applied to my public employee retirement).

    WWYD?

    1. For the vacation hours, how quickly will they accrue? How often do you vacation? I’d leave 80 and cash out the rest.

      Not sure about the sick hours.

      1. I’ll earn 7 hours a month. I’ll also earn 2 unpaid personal days a month because of budget cuts. I don’t vacation often.

    2. Definitely transfer sick time to new job. I’d probably take the pay out on the vacation time, since I never seem to use all the time I accrue each year anyways (we have a use-it-or-lose-it policy), but if you normally do use vacation time and don’t need extra cash on hand for anything, I could see rolling that over to your new job too.

    3. I guess to me it depends why you’ve accrued so much time to begin with? Are you not permitted to use it?

      1. I work for government and I end up accruing a ton of vacation time. We generally work more than 40 hours a week but are exempt, so we are not required to take hours if we have a daytime appointment or something like that, as long as we still work much of the day. As a result, I rarely take personal days and only take time off when I’m actually on vacation or around the holidays. My job is really busy and when I’ve tried to take a stay-cation I get roped into work stuff anyway, so I end up not using all of my vacation — I get 25 days a year. We also have generous sick leave which I can use to care for a dependent who is sick, so that helps. My goal for 2020 was to actually use all of my vacation time…. alas.

        OP – definitely transfer the sick time. Government is usually very generous in letting you use all the accumulated time if you have a long term illness — I’ve seen people take 3-4 weeks to recover from surgery, etc. I always use it when needed but it’s nice to have plenty of it saved up just in case, too.

        1. You did such a better job of explaining this than I did!! And thank you for the advice :)

        2. just snorted a little about calling 3-4 weeks for a long term illness ‘generous’. It’s only generous if you don’t look what other countries in the US’s GDP ballpark do.

          1. Oh yeah, definitely! But I have friends in the private sector who had to return to work too soon or take unpaid leave with dealing with medical issues, so it does, sadly, feel generous!

      2. I’ve accrued so much time because I don’t use it as much as I should, and because my boss is generous and feels bad that we work a lot of extra hours but don’t get OT, so sometimes she doesn’t count as much vacation as we actually take.

    4. Will you not be able to transfer the sick leave back to old job if you return to it? What is the likelihood and reason that you would go back to old job?

      1. I would probably be able to transfer it back, but I’m not planning on it for at least eight years, and probably never. The purpose of not transferring the sick leave isn’t really to leave it with my old job, it’s just to apply it to retirement, and the only way to apply it is to leave it at my old job until I retire.

    5. Transfer both. I wouldn’t want to start with zero again. Is your new salary higher? I wouldn’t cash out any now if that’s the case.

    6. I would transfer both. Hopefully you make it through the pandemic without missing much time, but being stuck on quarantine even just for a scare while you await testing can eat up time quickly.

    7. I would transfer 80 of the vacation hours and cash out the remaining 120; I would transfer all of the sick leave. Starting with 80 hours of vacation gives you options in the next year (if you are on an accrual system, it takes a solid year to accrue any sort of vacation leave); there’s little point in having the sick leave stay behind in another job.

    8. Dad says take the money and run. You do not know where you will be or what you will do. I get no official sick or vacation pay as a partner; it’s on an honor system: “Take what you need, and need what you take”. This has worked out well for most except that I wind up taking virtually no time off b/c I am never sick, and have to much work to do to take a vacation day, except mabye at months end when I meet my billeings for the month. I suppose I would not like it in goverment where you only are at work for 40 hours week. I do that in 2 days.

    9. Is there a cap on accrual? Is there an opportunity to cash out later? Is there a limit to how much sick time you can use in a year without it being considered disability? (Some of my clients have me write contracts where, for example, anything over 90 days in a 6 month period is considered disability.) I would probably cash out half of the vacation time, and keep the sick time. Unfortunately, you never know when you might get sick or how much time you might need to recover.

    10. I made cardamom cinnamon rolls with my Swedish-American grandma every year on Christmas Eve. We left Santa two cinnamon rolls on the kitchen counter before we went to bed and they were magically gone on Christmas morning! Grandma is long gone, but I have her large pottery mixing bowl and I still make cinnamon rolls on Christmas Eve.

  2. I know we’ve done a version of this thread before, but I always enjoy reading new responses. What are your favorite Christmas (or just winter) family traditions? I’m particularly interested in ones that you do with just your nuclear family. Our toddler will be a little over 2 this year for Christmas so I’m excited to be able to do more things with her (though I know she won’t remember this time when she’s older). I want to start the foundation for new family traditions. Also bonus points for things that are COVID friendly, do not require a big yard/outdoor space, and are not super time intensive. TIA!

    1. With the caveat that if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have gone all in on Santa (would have still done it, but more nudge-nudge, wink-wink that actually pretending it was real), in our house Santa hung candy canes all over the Christmas tree when he visited on Christmas Eve. It was a fun visual to see it all bedecked on Christmas morning.

    2. My mom used to make a special mac + cheese + other stuff either on Christmas eve or the first day of winter vacation

      Not exactly holiday, but we used to go see the lights on the botanical garden

      Decorating the house, Christmas tree (we’re not even christian)

    3. None of our traditions are toddler-friendly, but on Christmas Day we watch Anna and the Apocalypse, a zombie Christmas musical.

      We also do a Die Hard countdown (five movies, one per night, on Dec 19-24th). We make popcorn to string on the tree during movie viewing, though plenty ends up in our mouths as well.

    4. I have young kids (2/4/7). We love driving around looking at Christmas lights. We have an advent calendar that we use every year (no candy or prizes, just an old school one). We visit family on Christmas Eve and do a dinner there, then come home for Christmas morning. We do not schlep around on Christmas Day.

      We do not do elf on the shelf* or travel of any kind on Christmas Day.

      In lieu of the Elf, which my kids are very aware of at other homes (THANKS YOU GUYS), we received a note a few years ago that our elf is actually in management at the workshop and doesn’t do home visits. He sends one homemade present per child along with Santa’s gifts on Christmas morning. In the past they have been blocks, and engraved name bracelet, personalized stamps, and personalized art set, monogrammed bag, etc.

      1. F***ing elf. I’m not even a parent yet, but I’ve already prepared for that conversation.

      3. OMG my kiddo is 4 and I have no intention of partaking in the Elf tradition. I might steal your scenario or make some variations (union meeting, special assignment)

        1. It was a stroke of genius. I upped the game last year with a little basket of hot cocoa and mugs appearing on the front doorstep with a note from our elf. It had something like “I had [name of her BFF’s elf] on my team drop by on the way to [BFF’s house] since you kids were so great this week.” I may have added little tracks or something. But it was a one-time fun thing not every day.

    5. As a kid, I found driving to see the Christmas lights, decorating cookies with my mom, and having secrets from other members of the family (usually helped along by one parent or the other) so magical. My mom really played up the magic by inviting one of us at a time into her bedroom to help wrap presents for the other family members. It was so conspiratorial and exciting.

    6. Make pomanders – so easy and satisfying and my cat loves them. Also love the process of hanging the ornaments and revisiting favorite ones.

    7. Ours are all pretty basic:
      Cut our own tree (will be masked this year but we’re still going to make it happen).
      Spend an evening decorating the tree together and listening to Christmas albums. Maybe have some egg nog.
      Have a fire in the fireplace.
      Watch A Charlie Brown Christmas.
      Wear matching pjs on Christmas Eve.
      Make gumbo.
      I usually send Christmas cards, so a tradition for me is spending an evening with a bottle of wine hand-addressing them. Due to myriad reasons, I don’t think that will happen this year. I’m trying to decide whether to send new year’s cards or photo-less Christmas cards. Any thoughts?

      2. I splurged on cute 3D popup Christmas cards after someone here mentioned the MOMA online store.

      4. I heard that the Charlie Brown Christmas show will not be broadcast on network TV this year because the rights to it sold. Anyone know anything?

      5. For Christmas cards, my family usually takes our dog to pictures with Santa to support the local animal shelter. This year, I’ll be making a donation instead. And I found someone who painted our dog into a Christmas scene. Wasn’t that expensive and still feels special.

    8. We open one present on Christmas Eve – new pajamas and a book. We put those on and make hot chocolate while we take a quick selfie video of each family member saying their favorite part of the year. We then rewatch all the older ones (we keep them in a shared Google album and cast it to the TV so we all can see it) and laugh at our younger selves, then cuddle up on the couch to read our new books.

      I am a child of divorce/remarriages who had 4 Christmases growing up, so I decreed that we don’t leave our house until 2pm on Christmas Day. So we open presents, eat a ham and egg casserole that was made the night before, drink mimosas, and stay in pajamas until noon. It’s mostly no screens but we turn on A Christmas Story toward the end of the morning and watch it together. It’s lovely and unrushed and a wonderful way to reconnect as a nuclear family.

      This year, the only thing that will change is not leaving the house at 2pm. Instead we’ll ship presents to family ahead of time and then do FaceTimes with each group to open them up, and we’ll probably do something in the crockpot for dinner.

      1. The ham and egg casserole sounds amazing. Would you be willing to pass on the recipe?

      2. Every year my mom got us a Christmas ornament related to our interest(s) that year, and we opened them on Christmas Eve and added them to the tree. I still love this tradition! When we moved out, she packed our ornaments in a rubbermaid container and sent them with us, and now they decorate my tree as an adult.

        We are skipping family holidays this year (which makes me very sad, as I love the holidays, but my family just isn’t really taking any COVID precautions, so we’re going to stay home) – and I’ve been looking for little traditions to add to make the holidays feel special this year with just me and my husband, so thanks for posting this thread, OP.

    9. We always watch several of the Doctor Who Christmas specials. I also try to watch the NCIS episode Birth of a King, because I feel such compassion for the characters in the episode.

      Food-wise, I will usually make either gingerbread or a boiled Christmas pudding for dessert after Christmas dinner. What we have for dinner is dependent on how much work I feel like doing. Some years, it’s ham and potatoes; other times, I have purchased lobster tails and broiled them.

    10. Decorate the tree and the house all together on Dec 1, with Christmas music blasting and mulled wine or hot apple cider.
      Watch Love Actually (I know people hate it, but I love it).
      Advent calendars (the more the better!)
      Lighting candles at night (not very toddler friendly I guess).
      Make so many Christmas cookies (pecan butterballs and glazed sugar cookies are my fave).

      1. I got my cat a Friskies advent calendar this year. Clearly I’m obsessed – both with the cat and advent calendars!

        1. I got my dog a Wufers advent calendar this year! And I’m so excited for Dec. 1 so she can start getting her treats!

    11. Bake cookies
      Watch Frosty the Snowman, the original Grinch movie
      Advent wreath and light a candle each Sunday
      Caroling with neighbors (off this year)
      Cut our own tree
      Matching pyjamas on Christmas Eve
      Stay in PJs until noon on Christmas day.
      Sliding on Christmas afternoon if snow
      Dinner at my parents
      Host brunch for friends and their kids on the 27th (off this year)

    12. We bake cookies (but not Christmas cookies because no one eats them). The kids can open their stockings when they wake up, and then we open presents together. (This is DH’s family tradition and I have only just realized to save the important presents for the tree – last year all DS2 wanted was a watch and I was sad that I missed his reaction.). Warm apple cider with or without whiskey. Every year we go to a park to see Christmas lights with a friend (drive-thru), not sure how we will do that this year – maybe we can do the walk-through.

      1. Oh, we don’t do santa, but it was during this drive-through (when we were stuck in a 45 minute line) that DS1 announced to his BFF that his dad told him santa died (which was not entirely true, but dad could have phrased it better). I was mortified. So if you don’t do santa or the elf or whatever, definitely prep your kids for not spoiling it for other families.

    13. We do advent calendars. We bought some wooden house looking ones at target years ago and there’s candy or a treat behind each door. We also put up a lot of decorations we’ve collected throughout the years and the kids really look forward to taking those out of storage and putting them up (though not so much taking them down after Christmas!)

      The biggest impact is switching to Christmas dishes the day after thanksgiving. I take them out of the China cabinet on thanksgiving night and run them through the dishwasher, then put my regular dishes in their place in the China cabinet. They stay out until New Years. My kids are teens now and are already talking about how they’ll do the same when they’re grownups.

      Mine are Spode

      1. Oh, my husband and I do the Christmas dishes, too! Some years (like probably this year) that’s almost all we do.

      2. When I was young, I lived with my mother and my grandparents. My mother and I would bake cookies for Santa, leave him cookies with some eggnog, and Santa would eat the cookies but leave crumbs, and drink the eggnog but leave just a little bit in the cup. Santa would also write me a note thanking me for the cookies and eggnog, and it was in the very distinctive handwriting of my grandfather’s, but somehow I never made the connection.

      3. Just bought myself a bunch of spode on ebay! Debating the melamine too since my kids are young…

    14. Decorate freshly-cut tree while listening to the truly awful Bob Dylan album, Christmas in the Heart
      Christmas eve, DH and I wrap kids’ Santa presents while watching Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia Christmas special.
      In the morning, monkey bread and kids open stockings while waiting for Grandparents to arrive. (They’ll join via Skype this year).

    15. One of my favorite Christmas traditions is a “book elf.” Our elf, who cannot be seen and does not hide, leaves a book every day before Christmas. (We’ve done Dec 1-24, but it could be a week or whatever.) The book is in a “reindeer feed sack,” aka a burlap-type bag that DH and I glued jingle bells on in the shape of our kid’s first initial. Until this year, I’ve bought the books at used book stores or library book sales. Kiddo wakes up, excitedly checks the bag, and then brings the book to bed, where we cuddle and I read to him before he gets ready for daycare/school.

      Kiddo LOVES making cookies. Set low expectations for toddler cooking baking. The only parts my kid really wants to do are using the cookie cutters and decorating, but he gets so excited about those things.

      We always go see the popular light displays in our area (both drive-through this year). Kiddo also likes taking walks or drives to see Christmas lights on houses.

      My mom always gave me a new pair of pajamas on Christmas Eve, and so far, we’ve maintained the tradition. I think that one is more for the parents than the kids, so if you’re not into it, skip it. My son wears his Christmas pajamas year-round (and so did I when I was a kid), so I don’t feel like it’s wasting money on something he wears once.

      We all pick out a tree together on a lot, the same one each year. DH and I do the lights after Kiddo goes to bed, with a glass (or more) of port and the Bill Murray Christmas special. Kiddo helps decorate the tree–although that probably didn’t start until he was 3. All his ornaments end up on the same 2 branches, and we redistribute them later.

      We have a movie-and-pizza-night tradition most Fridays. We watch more Christmas movies in December. The Curious George Christmas special (available on Hulu) is great for toddlers and small kids. We also watch some of the old specials–Frosty, Rudolph, the Grinch, Charlie Brown, etc. If you like Disney, the Mickey Once Upon a Christmas and Twice Upon a Christmas movies are good for young kids too.

      This weekend, we will have our first Christmas tradition of the year, wherein I bribe my child with beignets in exchange for 30 minutes of cooperation taking photos. (He starts out nervous but, by the end, is coming up with shots he wants the photographer to take of him.)

    16. Every year as far back as I could remember, my dad would come up with some last minute errand he had to do on Christmas Eve. While he was gone, Santa would pay a short visit and give us each a small present and pose for pictures. We fell for it for entirely too long – even after I had stopped believing in Santa, I still didn’t believe it was my dad for some reason, and thought it was just bad luck that he kept missing it.

      We still try to get the cousins together to arrange this when we can, though now my two brothers take a turn at getting called away last minute sometimes, too.

    17. My entire family, except me, is obsessed with egg nog. We just buy it from the store, but we try to buy the higher end stuff. We won’t buy it until the day after Thanksgiving and the last egg nog drink is Christmas Day.

      The kids like it plain, or if I can talk them into it, half watered down with milk. My husband likes it with brandy. I like a side car.

      I keep thinking I will make some egg nog but the unpasteurized thing freaks me out a little. I’m really the only one who would undertake such a project and am also the only one who doesn’t personally consume it, so it’s not high on the priority list.

    18. Christmas morning brunch. We make the same thing every year–breakfast casserole, cheese grits, apple/cranberry tart. 99% of the time, I don’t like pork, but I make an exception for the Christmas breakfast casserole (my only other exception are those steamed BBQ pork buns at dim sum that I never remember the name of)

    19. My family always did roast beef instead of the more traditional ham or turkey, and I really liked that. I plan on making that at home if a family gathering is off the table this Christmas. Cinnamon rolls for breakfast was another tradition we started at my grandparents’ house, and I’d like to continue.

      When I was really little, us kids would put on our PJs and an adult would read us “T’was the Night Before Christmas” before bedtime. We eventually grew out of that, but it was fun when I was a kid.

      I like the ritual of putting on music and decorating the tree.

      My boyfriend and I have started the tradition of watching A Muppet Christmas Carol – usually in bed after spending the day with family, but we’ll probably have time to watch it at a more reasonable hour this year.

      1. We either do a prime rib or a goose. It’s too soon after thanksgiving to have turkey again. At least that’s what I think!

        1. Yes, exactly! I’m fine with turkey on Thanksgiving, although it’s not my favorite protein. I look forward to the Christmas roast beef, because I love red meat.

    20. We used to put the tree up early on the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend and make hot spiced cider. We did a drive on Christmas Tree Lane, and then make hot chocolate. We also used to make treats for the elderly neighbors but this year that won’t work — maybe big cards would be fun?

    21. I used to do a Christmas book advent calendar where i would get 24 books (some I owned, some from the library), wrapped them and then we would open one every night. But then last year we had a new baby and I couldn’t muster the energy to wrap them so we just had a bag of books. It was so much easier that I think i’ll Just do that from now on.
      A tradition from my husband’s childhood is that his mother collected copies of Night Before Christmas and every Christmas Eve we read the poem oout loud together, looking at all the various versions.

    22. We did cookies for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer left out the night before. My dad often read “Night Before Christmas” on Christmas Eve which was nice since it was a little bit out of character for him. He also updated us on the Santa NORAD radar tracking website in more recent years.

      My family has kept exchanging too many gifts in the past few years (I’m 41, none of us need anything, there are no grandchildren, and I’d love for us to travel somewhere instead of sitting in my parents’ house each year opening presents). So rant aside, this is a great time to set expectations for a 2 year old about how many presents Santa should be expected to bring, if that’s important to you.

    23. my not quite 2.5 year old (last year) was SUPER into rolling out gingerbread men last year. They admittedly ended up “diverse” – but it was adorable how excited he was to use a rolling pin.

      Does anyone know about a “facetime” Santa or similar?

      We have always done big family Christmas (both of our parents are out of town so we alternate families) and I am just starting to think about how i would modify our Xmas eve (usually an extended family party) and Xmas day if we end up at home for the first time (!) just the three of us. Usually the month leading up is filled with cocktail parties too (professional and personal), so i need to think of some other ways to be festive this year…. Thank you for all the thoughtful ideas.

      we always buy ornaments when we travel, so putting up the tree at the beginning of the month is a big deal for us, telling stories about all the trips.

    24. PS. my (now 3 year old) has been dying to sleep on our new sectional since it came this summer. (okay….)
      I have promised that the last night of school, we will watch a Christmas movie together and sleep on the couch. This made the requests stop, but he has been reminding me about the sleepover! So i guess that is our new tradition this year.

      And we get 1 or 2 new xmas books each year early in December, so we have new stuff to read all month. I have friends who wrap all the existing xmas books and then open one a day until they are used up. I might do this once we build up our library a bit.

  3. One kid is due to re-start school 2 days a week later this week. 50% of the school goes 2 days a week, one day is a day of cleaning / no new germs.

    Problem? One teacher is out on maternity leave. They haven’t hired a sub, so all kids in grade X will be in the same room each day with the non-leave teacher. OMFG — how did they not plan for this?!

    I don’t think that 20+ kids in a room is workable (or maybe it is, but let’s have success with 10ish kids for a while first).

    I am crossing my fingers that they do get a sub in the next day (but then: the sub will be worse than zoom school for those kids, or if they alternate, my kid for 50% of the time I’m guessing). I hate 2020. Still have my job at the moment, but starting to sweat it.

    1. There may not be a sub available. Anecdata – my sister’s district (semi-rural midwestern county) had 13 teachers out on quarantine at the same time. The pool of subs may be tapped out.

  4. I had the perfect slouchy v neck black cashmere sweater for a few years- my husband put it through the dryer and it couldnt be resuscitated. Do you have any favorite sources for a good workhorse black cashmere sweater? I’d love to wear it over jeans this winter and over pencil skirts if/when I ever have to go back to the office.

    2. I like the Saks and Bloomingdale’s house brands for cashmere, my experience has been that they really last, I have been wearing the same pieces year after year. And they don’t have the same set of boring shapes like some cashmere vendors.

      1. Everlane was union busting last year despite their “culture of transparency” so I’ve really stopped buying from them

    4. J Crew has a vneck cashmere “boyfriend” sweater that is a nice slouchy. I have one in grey and it’s my favorite.

  5. I miss lipsticks. Even my cherry chapsticks and my Burt’s Bees colored lip balm stain masks. So much Oxyclean later, I’m just on clear lip products for now. Even hours later, if I have to mask up to get takeout I seem to have stains.

    :(

    1. Why does it matter if the inside of your masks have lipstick stains? Lots of mine do.

      1. Yeah I don’t care much about it either. I just like my lips to feel good, and I like a little color on them for when I don’t have my mask on. This seems like a non-problem.

      2. For the same reason I wouldn’t like the inside of a sweatshirt or jacket to be stained, even if no one sees it.

    3. I only put on lip color for Zooms- for errand running, why bother when no one will see your mouth anyway?

      1. Same here, I don’t bother with lip color if I’m gonna be wearing a mask most of the time. I have stained a few masks, but it always washes off, and it’s not exactly a big deal if it doesn’t because the only person who sees the inside of the mask is me.

  6. I was reading the thread about sort of daydreaming / talking to oneself from this morning, and I definitely do that. It’s usually a kind of dramatic story, like a historical fiction novel, with myself as a main character that I keep thinking of. It’s actually made me think – if I wish I was like the heroine in this story, I should do something about it – and has as a result led me to take actions in my own life.

    I do it a lot though. Someone mentioned maladaptive daydreaming, so I googled it. The symptoms are:
    1) extremely vivid daydreams with their own characters, settings, plots, and other detailed, story-like features
    2) daydreams triggered by real-life events
    3) difficulty completing everyday tasks
    4) difficulty sleeping at night
    5) an overwhelming desire to continue daydreaming
    6) performing repetitive movements while daydreaming
    7) making facial expressions while daydreaming
    8) whispering and talking while daydreaming
    9) daydreaming for lengthy periods (many minutes to hours)

    As I said I do do 1, sometimes feel 5 when I’m at like a “good point” in the story, and I do do 7 and 8 at times, usually when I’m by myself. I talk out loud to myself while working/writing too. I’ve always wondered about this, and now seeing it written out – is it something to be worried out? I’ve been to therapy and never mentioned it – it never came up – and I’m not even sure how I would describe this to someone. I often think or go through this story before I go to bed as well.

    1. The only things in this list that sound maladaptive to me are 3 and 4. This entire list is actually all true for me if you just take out the word “day”; this is what my dreams are like when I’m sleeping.

    2. I do a similar thing and have never thought it was anything to be concerned about. Mine I think stems from imagination games as a child and then fanfic as a teen, and now it’s just like I’m writing fanfic in my head. I fail to see how this is anything concerning unless it affects your daily life and relationships in some way (e.g., you can’t sleep or you get distracted from work). But otherwise, how is this different than “daydreaming” of being on a beach vacation once in a while?

    3. There are a fair number of psychological disorders that are defined by whether or not the behaviour causes a problem in your life. For example, people who can stop drinking after one drink, keep their alcohol consumption to appropriate times, etc., are usually not considered alcoholics, even if they drink more than “normal.” Their alcohol consumption is not causing a problem in their lives. Likewise, MD sounds like the problem is the “maladaptive” part, wherein people are chronically late, unable to focus at work, or otherwise creating problems in their own life due to daydreaming.

      I find it interesting that it’s a dissociative response to trauma. My personal history (repeated childhood abuse) caused a psychologist to give me a test on dissociation and she was surprised that nothing cropped up. However, many of these things sound like me.

  7. My comment got eaten on the WV post this morning. I saw several people talking about lack of using BC and teen pregnancy. As someone who grew up in a rural area and just got lucky enough to not be a statistic, I think there’s an angle that people in cities tend to forget – to get on BC, you have to purchase it. If I tried to go on a pill, the family doctor (or the insurance paperwork) would have told my parents and I would have been disowned. If my boyfriend would have bought c*nd*ms, the cashier would have gossiped and the whole town would have known, and I still would have been disowned. There was a big city about 2 hours away where, if we were there alone, we could run into a grocery store and hope no one who knew us saw one of us, but that was a pretty rare occurrence. And all of that supposes we had the money to pay for it.

    It’s not just about the quality of s*x education. It’s also about access and ability to buy it without your whole community finding out. In my very conservative small town where neighbors would call my parents if they saw me riding in a car with a boy (no exaggeration), the repercussions of my parents finding out were more than I could handle at 15.

    1. True. I grew up in a small town and that is 100% true for the pharmacy gossip.

      OTOH, I was a big proponent of being able to keep someone happy (and be made happy) without anything pregnancy-causing happening. I wasn’t happy (and guys definitely weren’t, but some were OK with doing mutual work — maybe it sorted out the total jerks???). It did get me used to having The Discussion. And I was very relieved not to have that to worry about.

      Teen Mom was on constant rerun one of my maternity leaves and it did point out that you can be back in your cheer outfit in a few weeks if you have a baby at 15 (OTOH, you are still oozy then, at least I was).

      1. more girls should be like you. I personally didn’t have s*x until college. I realize that preaching abstinence is proven not to work well from a public health perspective, but on an individual level there is some level of choice

        1. Abstinence only “education” now contains detailed explanations of which techniques get you pregnant and which don’t? That’s news to me.

          1. Yeah – abstinence only definitely does not distinguish between s*x acts that will or will not result in pregnancy. As a reminder, most abstinence only programs are religious based and many of those religions actually disapprove of any s*x acts (even between married people) that don’t have the potential to result in pregnancy. Can’t speak for other religions but as a Catholic I can tell you that church stance is that any umm happy ending for a man that doesn’t end in a way where the woman (his wife, specifically) could get pregnant is a sin.

        2. Maybe more *girls and boys*should be like her, but I think you’re forgetting the intensity of a first love, and not factoring in how lives start younger in smaller towns. My parents got married at 18 and had me at 19, and that was pretty typical of the families around me at the time. Many of my high school friends are married to the person they started dating as a sophomore or junior. Most of the ones who waited to have s*x got married immediately after HS graduation and the running joke is that they got married JUST so they could have s*x.

          I’ll admit my frontal cortex wasn’t fully developed and I’d advise my 15 year old self to make a variety of different choices. But when you’re young and passionately in love and don’t have a lot of experience to see that you may not be together forever, it’s really hard to wait. I was disciplined enough to work multiple jobs at a time, be valedictorian, and somehow get accepted to the State U with an ACT score that I didn’t even know I was supposed to study for. But I didn’t have the discipline to make myself hold back from something that felt really good and really right, and I didn’t have the religious guilt to make myself hold back for some moral sense of purity.

        3. Try telling that to anyone date raped in high school. First sexual experiences are not always consensual ones. Consent is a key part of sex ed

    2. Hugs. Im glad you made it through your teen years and do hope you got to practice safe s-x with your boyfreind with all the people lookeing over your shoulder, or at your coochie, as the case may be. My dad knows I am having s-x, but does not care at my age as long as I marry the guy who gets me pregnant. He said he does not want an illegit grandchild, and I don’t either. But if I did get pregnant and did not want to marry the guy, I think my Dad would make an aception, b/c I am getting to be at the end of the line with my chances, both to find a man, and then to get married with same should I get pregnant, which is not easy at my age.

    3. Your comment taught me a LOT because I’m one of those lived-my-life-in-an-urban/liberal-bubble types. I have contact and friendships with people from diverse backgrounds, but my default assumptions still revert to my own life experience which did not include neighbors telling my folks if they saw me in a car with a boy.

      A Planned Parenthood clinic in the nearby big city might solve the BC access & affordability challenges, but not the problem of needing a good reason to go to the big city without parents, other family, neighbors, etc. I can’t think of a convincing cover story. Maybe a museum or library (research project for school, or for possible professional ideas?), or shopping, specific classes, or volunteer opportunities not available locally?

      Anyway, something to think about…one more item on the list of the many, many ways in which young women are prevented from shaping their lives as they see fit.

        1. Yes it can be unusual to “leave town” at all for a lot of people who live in towns. It’s common never to have been to the nearest city even when it’s not that far away. Those cover stories also seem wildly out of touch culturally.

      2. There actually was a PP in the big city, but there was no convincing story for why I would be in that parking lot if someone drove by. It’s no issue to drive to the town, someone was always there since it was our movie theater and big mall, it’s more the specific action of getting on BC or buying c*nd*ms without a cover story. Our best cover story was always to have him buy them and then if he got caught, he’d say he was cheating on me.

        And I was probably a little hyperbolic on my parents disowning me, but I for sure would have gotten in huge trouble if we were caught and the punishment would have had pretty severe implications on my life. (Likely never allowed to go to Big City again without parents, likely no social life which is a killer in small towns, likely driven by parents to/from my job and not allowed to buy a car with that money at 17, and most definitely not allowed to live in a dorm in college.)

    4. Not sure if my previous reply got canceled or posted… long story short, thank you for teaching me about one more item on the long list of ways that young women are prevented from actively shaping their own lives. I’m not a great fan of kids being sexually active while still in high school (old-fashioned of me, but I think it’s too young), but better to do so with BC than without and better to have parents who would support a request for BC than parents who would respond with shame, anger, “what would the neigbors say?!” or worse.

      1. Admitted urban bubble — this is just so weird to me that decisions about putting a teenage daughter on birth control would involve “what would the neighbors say.” Honestly, when I was heading off to college, my parents just made the arrangements for me to go to the doctor and get on BCP. I did the same for my daughter. It’s so not a big deal in my circles — just basic health care — and the notion that the neighbors would know is really odd, not to mention the notion that I should care what the neighbors think. It is eye-opening to see what you all are describing.

    5. Totally. And the biggest problem is that it becomes a moral (“sin”) issue and in that way, non-negotiable because it is a religious belief. There’s no winning and breaking young women out of this cycle while still respecting “religious beliefs”

      1. I mean there is, you teach the science of s*x and leave the morality of it to parents/religion. This SHOULD be less controversial than teaching evolution since evolution actually directly contradicts creationism whereas s*x ed just teaches how people get pregnant and ways to avoid getting pregnant (some of which may not be moral). Mormons know that alcohol exists and manage to avoid it, as an example of a religion managing to separate morality from science. My personal view is if your faith depends on never hearing an alternative viewpoint, you don’t actually have faith.

      2. That’s a really problematic comment. Religious beliefs don’t belong in scare quotes.

        The problem is not the religious beliefs; the problem is bad parenting. I come from a family with parents who believe that if you scream at or condescend to the kids enough, they will break and do your bidding. This is the chosen way to deal with everything from run of the mill brattiness to mental illness. (Turns out that no matter how much you scream at your bipolar kid, then scream at your other kids who struggle with living with someone with bipolar, your kid still has bipolar and needs mental health treatment. Shocker.) They aren’t religious; in fact, the few times I have heard from them in recent years, they reamed me out because I go to church.

        My in-laws take a very different tactic: they are calm, patient, and exude unconditional love. They make thoughtful decisions and, from the time their kids were little, impressed upon them the importance of having good judgement. Their beliefs about human sexuality did not involve them yelling at their kids about sex; they taught their kids the actual mechanics of it (my husband has memories of him asking his mother where babies come from and getting a biologically accurate answer), what their faith teaches about it, and the concrete reasons to wait.

        My decision to wait until marriage meant that I got a lot of degrees and job opportunities unhindered by pregnancy. My husband also waited for marriage; he’s likewise both deeply religious and very educated. I’m not going to say bad things about people who made different decisions in that regard, but I am going to say a LOT about people who just can’t be bothered to do the hard work of parenting. Whether the subject be sex, interpersonal relationships, college, school work, or who they choose to marry, your kids are going to do things you don’t like. Screaming and shaming might get you short-term, surface compliance, but over the long haul, destroy your relationship and often, really screw up the kids.

        A lot of parents just don’t want to talk to their kids about sex and look for any out. “Abstinence” is comfortable for parents. “Go to CVS and buy a condom” is comfortable for other parents. The hard discussions about beliefs around human sexuality are not comfortable and I think a lot of parents want to believe that their middle school kids don’t need to hear anything about it. So they end up “talking” to their kids at 15 or 16 or 17, when the kids are dating and the hormones are raging, and stumble into “God says it’s a sin” or “Talk to your doctor and go on the Pill.”

        1. You really think the community gossip function that OP describes is just a parenting fail? No, that’s religion imposing itself within the community–and why the clerk of the CVS would gossip about who is having sex, neighbors calling parents if OP drives in a car with a boy. That’s over zealous religion there, with a huge focus on women’s purity as a means of controlling them.

          1. How odd to have a town / area where absolutely everyone is the same religion / goes to the same church. That’s not America to me.

          3. 1. That’s small towns.

            2. In part, yes; the parents should tell the busybodies to mind their own business and attend to their own lives.

    7. I didn’t even bother reading the thread from this morning after it was only a few comments long, but I have a similar upbringing as you. My parents are also extremely religious. In 9th grade, my mom took my cell phone (this was the mid 2000s) while I was in the shower and read all of my texts, some of which were sexual in nature between me and my boyfriend at the time. I get it, it was wrong and I shouldn’t have been doing it. But parents ended up taking my cell phone for four years – until graduation. I went all of high school without a phone, which was difficult when literally everyone else had one. I had no social life due to their firm grip and the fact that my peers felt they couldn’t reach me (plus I was considered weird that I didn’t have a phone). My summers were eerily silent. My parents also never gave me any type of sex talk whatsoever. Junior year, I got a nasty yeast infection and my brother’s girlfriend drove me to a county health clinic two counties over to get me treated, because I knew if I told my mom, she would assume I was being sexually active (I wasn’t). Growing up in a small town with religious parents really did a number on me that I have had to work through with therapy.

      1. Ugh I’m sorry. My only saving grace is that I went to high school in the 90s before phones were a thing, and we didn’t have a computer in the house.

        On the other hand, we spent a lot of time in cornfields and backseats getting into MORE trouble than I would have gotten into on a phone. (Luckily I was one of those kids who tested well and had laughably easy courses, so it was easy for me to be out all night making poor decisions and then ace my algebra test in the morning. It would be a whole different post to talk about the academic barriers to going to college that were missed on the morning’s thread.)

    8. This is actually one thing I’ve worried about with malls closing everywhere. Growing up, we would get dropped off and picked up at the mall. The mall had more than one store that sold condoms. It was the only way a lot of kids could get them unless you knew someone with a car willing to drive to another town for them for you. There was certainly nowhere walking distance carless kids could get them nor were they available via the school nurse.

    9. This is such a disadvantage of small towns — that apparently everyone knows your business. Again with culture — this is a negative aspect of that culture, IMO. There is a lot to be said for the anonymity of larger metropolitan areas.

    10. Absolutely true. In my very rura, ultra conservative area there was a little country store in the middle of nowhere where the owner of the store kept the men’s room unlocked at night and the condom machine in it well stocked. To this day I occasionally think of that man and send silent blessings to him.

  8. But it sounds like I should have posted on this morning’s thread.

    My nephews’ dad had a vasectomy. He cheated on my sister and then got married to his affair partner after she got divorced. She has kids by her ex and another guy. Nephew’s dad apparently got his vascectomy reversed and now they want a baby “to cement their love.” Collectively, nephew’s dad and his wife have . . . 9 kids already (or 10 — it is not at all clear).

    I’d love a world where the oldest nephew wasn’t involved informed of such decisions and where none of this got shared with me. And if I didn’t already know that this is a house full of yelling and throwing things, so if they do have a baby to cement their love, I hope for all of their sakes that it actually works.

    1. 100 plus commenters on the morning thread managed not to disparage WV. Why are you?

    2. There’s a phrase for this but it’s not politically correct, and I will refrain.

  9. My husband’s shirts do not fit. When trying things on, he looks like Spock from Star Trek – shirts are too tight in the shoulders and much too short in the sleeves, and if he goes up a size it billows around his waist and chest and is still at least an inch too short to the wrist. I’ve tried buying “tall” from various retailers but a) Tall seems to most often come in men’s M? He is definitely an S. and b) he is very short-waisted so all that extra body length just flops over his hips like a tunic which is so anti-flattering over his long skinny legs. We thankfully managed to find him some decent 29 waist jeans that are long enough and replicable but the shirts are the worst. He is so hard to shop for we’ve just stopped doing it for years, but now he has maybe five henleys and long sleeved polos that are reaching or gone past the line of “acceptable in public” – and that is his whole wardrobe. Can anyone recommend brands or shopping/sizing methods? Would a women’s L tall work for someone with this shape? I’m willing to try anything – I am so tired of seeing the same shirts, getting grungier by the week!

    1. No, not women’s sizes, that won’t work. What about teen brands like Hollister or American Eagle?

    2. My ex was like this. He had arms like an ape, and a very long body. Dad said if he were a foot taller he could play basket ball. But he was clumsy. So Hugs, b/c you may need to get tailored clotheing for him.

    3. My DH is roughly a similar shape and the slim fit shirts in M at Banana Republic or JCrew have worked for him.

      Many of the mid-range European brands tend to have a slimmer fit as well. You can order from Amazon Germany so you don’t get the Americanized (vanity sized) version of European brands. The site is available in English.

    4. Men’s shirts can be bought by neck and sleeve length so too short sleeves shouldn’t be an issue. If the neck/shoulder isn’t a match buy large enough to fit the largest part and tailor down. Nordstrom can easily solve this issue for you. Mine is super willing to pull what you think you’ll need into a fitting room.

    5. They’re expensive, but I ended up getting my husband a few custom button-down shirts.

    6. Custom fitted shirts. Brooks Brothers used to do a fairly good deal for Black Friday, but there are other retailers. Yes, they are pricier, but you only need a few.

    7. Try slim fit at H&M, if you haven’t already. These are really skinny, but with wide shoulders.

      You can filter by fit on their home page.

      If you get a more skinny shape, it will fit his chest and waist better.

    8. I would just size up and then take his shirts to a tailor to be custom-fitted to his body. Depending on the tailor, it will likely be less expensive than ordering custom shirts!

    10. Hemming the body will be easier than getting the shoulders right, so go for the right shoulder with and arm lenght.

      Get more fitted shirts. For henleys and t-shirts: very slim fashion shirts in a jersey material in an M might be a better fit than a an S in a more regular width.

      For styling slightly too long shirts, could he try a half-tuck?

      For slim t-shirts, a trick from women’s styling might work: slightly ruched sides at hip. Sounds weird, but if you run a thread in an out at the side seam for an inch or so, and pull a little for ruching, you can very discreetely adjust length. On it’s own or combined with a half-tuck, that might look a lot better than floppy tunic.

    11. Nordstrom will alter anything you purchase. Buy the shirt that fits the neck and shoulders, and have them tailor it down to his frame.

    12. Nipping in at the sides is much easier than rebuilding shoulders- I’d recommend buying the sleeve and shoulder width he needs then taking them to a tailor. Depending on how seams are placed, should be <20$/shirt.

    13. This is late, but my husband has a similar build. Look at Bonobos. They have a variety of fits and their slims are slimmer than Banana’s. Really, Bonobos is great for smaller men.

  10. Paging poster on Weekend Thread with Boston Terrier – my dog chews up everything in sight but I found a dog bed that’s tough enough to not get de-fluffed. It’s the Suede Dog Bed By Majestic Pet Products sold on Amazon. My puppy loves this bed so much we got a separate one that stays in the crate and keep one outside of the crate. Obviously, not suede but some type of polyester material – you should avoid any versions that include sherpa fabric.

    1. Buy a size that fits his chest and comes down long enough for his arms. Then get the waist taken in, length shortened, etc.

      1. Tee hee — makes me chuckle thinking about measuring my dog for a shirt — from someone who can’t seem to get comments in the right place most of the time.

  11. Did the president really just make Dia de Los Muertas was /All Saints Day a national holiday of remembrance for Americans killed by illegal immigrants?

      2. I … just… oh, wow. I’m almost glad this didn’t make wider news. I’m so disgusted.

  12. Anyone planning any particular food / drink / make up / outfits for election day?

    I have been doing as much work as I can to help this election, but I also think these types of things are fun – and make the democratic process something that is exciting, not just scary, to be a part of.

    I saw a NYTimes article about election cake, would have loved to make that but I’m not sure if I’ll have time.

      1. Same but mac and cheese, bourbon, and some sort of dessert. I’m single and another quarantining single gf is coming over with plans to stay the night in my office on a blow up mattress. She’s in charge of dessert.

        My knees are weak, just like they get when I talk about needles.

    4. I asked my husband, a former sommelier, if he wanted to buy booze for tomorrow night. He said “Everclear.” I’m thinking bourbon.

    5. We bought an ice cream cake. Husband bought a 20-year port months ago that we’re breaking out if Biden wins.

    6. I still have a faint hope that there will be champagne at some point tomorrow nightl.

        1. Editing to add: in jest, mostly. I value your numerous and frequently sage commentary, SA.

    7. My stomach is in knots. I will be drinking ginger tea crystals to keep from hurling. The notion that our immoral and incompetent president is still even in the running is appalling.

  13. Would you expect an intern candidate to include their GPA on a resume? This is for a summer 2021 internship and the position is limited to rising seniors/fall 2021 or spring 2022 grads. Internship is for a highly competitive, large, international public company.

    2. I would. I wouldn’t have a minimum GPA, but I’d want to know. College students typically don’t have a lot of work experience (which is the point of offering internships), so GPA is some of the limited useful information they can include on their resumes. Ideally, the job application would specify that GPA should be indicated, or there can be a way to get the information during the process if a student doesn’t include it on the resume.

    3. I work in a career center. Our advice is to include it. Students typically do, unless it’s below a 3.0. In the future, I’d include in the instructions to include gpa on resume or require an unofficial transcript

      1. Agree with you! If its not included, we will presume it is embarrassingly low. It’s not like interns usually have lots of experience – we need something to quantify your work ethic. One of my favorites was “3.0 GPA while working 30 hours/week”. Go, you! One of my favorite scholarships was for students with a 2.0 or higher GPA. The benefactor wrote, “maybe you’re like me and had to work. Maybe your parents wouldn’t help you. Maybe you are still trying to figure out how to be a great student. Tell me something other than your GPA”

    4. No, I would request a transcript or not expect that info to be volunteered on a resume without being prompted. But I went to an Ivy so the name itself carried the weight.

    5. Not unless the application instructions expressly requested it. I also wouldn’t be bothered if they did include it! But wouldn’t expect it.

  14. I bought a bunch of dry soba noodles hoping to make asian noodle bowls for my vegan teen daughter. However, it turns out she doesn’t like sesame or peanut sauces. Can you guys make any other suggestions for soba noodle bowls?

    1. I make a soba noodle bowl with this sauce:
      – 2 Tbsp soy sauce
      – 1.5 Tbsp fresh lime juice
      – 1.5 Tbsp sweet chili sauce
      – 1 Tbsp sesame oil (which could be substituted with any oil)
      – 1/4 c fresh cilantro

      Here’s an alternative NYT recipe I have saved:
      – 2-3 Tbsp soy sauce
      – juice of one lime
      – 2 Tbsp white or light miso
      – 1 Tbsp mirin or 1 tsp sugar, or to taste

    2. Pork (or I suppose chicken) mince stir fry with ginger and soy sauce, with added green beans or sugar snap peas. Onion if she likes it.
      Use a little stock to make sauce with mince is cooked. Thicken sauce with corn starch (stir it out in a little cold water before adding to avoid lumps).

    3. Hot and spicy sauce instead? What about some sort of veggie soup or sweet and sour soup?

    4. So sorry about the mince recipe (currently in mod) – I didn’t catch the vegan bit first time.

      The sauce will still be good – soy, ginger, onion and stock/corn starch. Mushrooms should be nice with it.

      Classic chinese style garlic sauce for garlic broccoli (or bok/pak choi) will be lovely with noodles added.

      Black bean sauce for tofu and bell peppers with noodles added.

      Cold noodles with chopped cabbage and carrot, chili and rice vinegar vinaigrette and chopped cashews and cilantro.

    5. I think you could find some great flavours by looking at vegan pho or ramen soup recipes. Anything that will be good in these, will also be good with a sauce instead of a broth. (Or you could make pho or ramen, hehe.)

    6. Hoping you check back again because my kids love eating the soba noodles cold-rinsed and added to about half a cup of Shirakiku Soba Noodle Soup Base, which is delicious.

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