How to Plan Your Career for Babies

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Here's a topic we haven't discussed in far too long: how to plan your career for future children. CAN you plan your career for future children? What are your best tips? If you're already a parent, what do you wish you'd known or done beforehand to prepare your career? If you are hoping to one day become a parent, what are you doing regarding your career in anticipation of being a parent?

We've discussed how to decide if you want kids and whether you feel like you need to choose between kids and your career, as well as (over at CorporetteMoms) asked the readers for advice from working moms to their pre-mom selves. In the distant past, we also talked about financially preparing for babies and how to decide when to get pregnant — as well as our original post on this topic, with lots of great comments.

Can You Prepare Your Career for Parenthood?

We discussed this a million years ago after a reader had written in wondering if she should start trying to conceive (TTC) if she had a trial looming. My advice to her was that trying to time it “right” was basically impossible. For starters, I pointed out, you don't know until you start trying how long it will take you to get pregnant. Miscarriages are unfortunately more common than you probably realize, and secondary infertility is also a real thing.

Even if you can get pregnant easily and quickly, some women just adore being pregnant, while others have an incredibly difficult time with it (in a way that would definitely affect your work output) — but almost everyone I know has at the very least been exhausted in the first trimester from all the fun new pregnancy hormones.

I would go even further, now, to add to the list of unknowns — the hard fact is that some kids are easier than others (gift link to the NYT). They may be easier babies, easier toddlers, easier grade schoolers, and/or easier almost-adults, but honestly they probably will not be all of them. You can't predict the temperament or challenges you'll be dealing with (and you can't even begin to imagine the way things can drain you and weigh on you!) until you're in the thick of it.

It isn't just the baby years that are trying, furthermore — although the lack of sleep and constant sicknesses your child will bring home from daycare or preschool are both definitely trying. But Anne-Marie Slaughter wrote her famous article in The Atlantic, Why Women Still Can't Have it All (gift link), during her parenting struggles with her eighth grader.

So… “timing it right” isn't really a thing, and I agree with my former advice. Here's what you CAN do, though:

What You CAN Do To Prepare Your Career for Parenthood

Map Out Career Goals and Milestones

You won't know if you're off track or behind if you don't know what the journey would have looked like ahead of time. Look to your friends, mentors, bosses — what career milestones have they achieved, and what did it take? Were certain opportunities only available to people because they had passed other milestones, or was that just how it worked out for them?

This doesn't even have to be that intricate; just identify a few goals or different paths, and identify the people who can help you better achieve those goals or understand those paths. Those are the people you should be staying in touch with even if you're in the weeds with small children and networking feels impossible — and those are the milestones and goals you should be focused on achieving.

(Of course, if you're reading this while still in school trying to pick a career, know that some are better for parents than others. For example, in the medical field, certain specialties are considered best for lifestyle purposes and often referred to as the ROAD to Happiness: radiology, ophthalmology, anesthesiology, and dermatology. Similarly, a friend who got her MBA was dissuaded from a career in investment banking because she was told it was really unfriendly for parents. There are exceptions, of course, but you should go in with your eyes open — ask the questions early.)

Know Your Body — And Your Options

Fertility can decline earlier than many of us expect, and the journey to pregnancy isn’t always linear. If one of your goals is to become a mother, start the discussion with your doctor early. (Your partner, if applicable in your case, should discuss this with their doctor as well!) You may also want to look into fertility preservation such as egg freezing so you feel like you have options.

Another thing you might want to investigate here: broader parenthood options. For example, Elizabeth has shared what it's like to be a foster parent as a single woman.

Know Your Employer's Policies (And Time Things Right Within Those Constraints)

Your employer may have policies that are relevant to someone planning to become a mother; for example, must you be at the company for a certain length of time before certain rights vest? Are bonuses or raises given at a specific time each year that might make it wise to time your pregnancy announcement around?

Furthermore, there are a lot of policies even beyond timing that you should research. You should know, for example, what is available at your employer in terms of:

• Parental leave (paid and unpaid)
• Short-term disability coverage
• Flexible work arrangements (remote/hybrid options)
• Protections around pregnancy discrimination
• Re-entry plans when your leave ends

Note that federal and state laws may only apply to certain employers, such as those with a certain number of employees, but having a casual understanding of the policies there can be helpful.

Some workplaces even offer parent transition coaches (such as through Parentaly) or formal re-onboarding plans, which sound amazing. These can make a huge difference, and if you're in a position to enact these at your company, please do so!

We had a big discussion on the best employer benefits and perks, and you might want to look over that list and keep things like this in mind if you're looking for a new job, as well.

Investigate Your Childcare Options

This is a huge, huge factor, and some of it is knowable beforehand. You and your partner should discuss (and potentially investigate):

• Which family members might be available to help out on a regular or semi-regular basis — could you count on them for backup childcare if needed? Would you want to? (We've discussed the pros and cons of grandparents as babysitters on CorporetteMoms!)
• What are the daycare options near you, and what are their waiting lists like? What do they cost?
• What other childcare options would be open to you, financially, physically, or even mentally? For example, if you have a spare bedroom, you could consider an au pair. Would you be open to a shared nanny situation? We've also looked at other ways to “level up your childcare,” including night nurses, mother's helpers, second nannies, housekeepers, house managers, personal assistants, and more.

Ask Other Moms How They're jUGGLING eVERYTHING

There are a few categories to think about here:

• Local parents: What local resources are helpful for, say, finding a nanny?
• Coworkers who are parents: What company benefits are they using, and what expectations have they set inside the company? In my law firm days, I used to work with a man whose wife was a doctor, so even though we were at a big law firm, he was entirely clear up front with partners that daycare pickup was 100% his responsibility and he would be leaving the firm at a specific time (4:45 maybe? I forget the exact time but remember it felt really early!) and be unavailable for a few hours. He always logged back on to answer emails and continue work, and he was in general a great favorite among the partners.
• Other parents in your general career: (These might be friends from school, people you know at other companies, etc.) Some things are common in some careers (such as job shares) and not in others. Being visible at specific conferences, industry-wide committees, and/or in publications or forums might matter more than you think. You might also get a sense here of which employers or job tracks are great if you want/need to take a step back from your career — which companies offer flexible work arrangements that actually work, which companies have great re-onboarding policies, and more.

These don't have to be formal conversations every time. If you're at lunch talking about other things with someone who's a parent, show interest and ask questions if they mention their children and ask what the logistics look like.

Have Frank Conversations With Your Partner

Last but certainly not least, you should have some frank conversations with your partner about how this is all going to work. They may think they don't need to take parental leave (or that they can, like, write a book during their parental leave). They may think that of course you're going to lean back. They may hate the idea of daycare.

Sharing parental duties can be a huge issue for couples, and most moms end up as the default parent — you can do things like

Sharing parenting duties is far, far bigger than who changes the diapers. In fact, the author of Fair Play has gone as far as dividing parenting duties into three main categories: conception, planning, and execution. If you both read the book, it would be a great way to start understanding the tasks ahead of you, and you'll also be emotionally prepared to do the work when the time comes.

Readers who are parents, what are your thoughts about planning your career for babies? Do you think you can plan a career for motherhood and babies? Is there anything you could have done to prepare yourself or your career for babies?

Stock photo via Pexels / Nataliya Vaitkevich.