Holiday Weekend Open Thread

119 Comments

1. So before anyone says this, I just checked these things out EXTENSIVELY with my doctor.

   Has anyone experienced a sudden change in palate re salt? After I had my daughter a few years ago, I crave salt in an unusual way. I salt my food to the point that everyone else in my family considers it borderline inedible. It’s a very weird, sudden change- has anyone else experienced this?

   My second one is that every day I get a five-minute hot flash at EXACTLY the same time. I am in my early 30s and do not have any other hormonal issues, per my extensive doctor vetting.

   Asking the hive because I”m curious if anyone else has experienced these things. They are clearly not driven by a serious medical issue, but there are plenty of experiential body changes that are not symptoms of a disease. Since I’ve ruled out the latter— starting to crowdsource about the former.

   1. Did you smoke before you got pregnant? A family friend is a former smoker and heavy drinker and her palate is a bit numb to regular flavors so she really likes a ton of salt on everything.

   2. Are you dehydrated? I ran in high school and college and could have carried around a salt lick. I still love salt on everything as a result.

   3. Re: the hot flash. Are you eating/drinking something daily at a consistent time before that (e.g. same thing for breakfast and the hot flash is at 9am)? It could be an odd food intolerance symptom. Also possible: medication reaction, but your doctor should have found/addressed that.

      1. Yes, salt in the body needs to be expelled.

   4. Turns out, there is new research into how bodies use salt: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/08/health/salt-health-effects.html

      I had an experience with a condition that Western medicine alone wasn’t helping. The Chinese medicine cure was to drink lots of salt water (8oz every 45 minutes). The combination of salt water and a biologic pharmaceutical ($$$$) ended up being the cure. My doctor thinks the salt water was a placebo but I’m not so sure. Even now, when I feel a flare-up coming, I shake a little salt into my water glass.

   5. I had to get a workup from a cardiologist recently. She asked me if I ate a lot of salt — I sheepishly admitted that I loved salty foods, even more than most people. She told me that made sense because of my low blood pressure. Not sure if that is at all related to your salt craving!

      1. Along those lines, look into the condition POTS. It is underdiagnosed and people who have it often need a lot of salt.

   6. The body does have weird circadian rhythms. I have a sneezing fit between 2 and 4pm daily. It’s not triggered by anything environmental. It’s just something I do. Your hot flash could be something similar.

2. My feet and ankles get SO swollen in the summer. Compared to cooler times of the year I’m eating the same, same level of activity, and I already drink a ton of water, but as soon as the temperature rises my feet are twice their size at the end of the work day. I’m not even outside in the heat, I’m in my office all day! I know the obvious answers are to walk around more, eat less salt, etc. But it’s just so bizarre to me. Does this happen to anyone else? I already drink about 5-6 litres of water a day. I think I’ll drown if I drink any more.

   1. Yes! It runs in my family. My mom and sister are the same way. I have a footstool under my desk because elevating them helps.

      1. +1 to elevating your feet. It’s also good for ergonomic body posture.

   2. With me it’s hands and feet more than ankles, but yes. Using a/c really helps, and avoiding salt.

3. Any recommendations for brands of ovulation testers? I’m using Pregmate based on amazon reviews but find them hard to read…or maybe I’m not ovulating. Ugh.

   1. I think I used the EPT ones available at the drugstore. I only used them for a month but it was a smiley face when you ovulated and pretty easy to read.

   2. I used the Clear Blue Easy ones. They are too expensive (for me) to have done daily testing, but they work well for confirmation.

   3. I used easy@home from amazon

      1. +1. I used them in conjunction with clear blue easy for confirmation.

   4. If you’re just looking to test LH, the Wondfo brand is great and cheap

4. Lately I am stiff everywhere — it started with my hands, then my feet, then my hips, then my general back area — it just feels like everything needs to be cracked. I’m 41. Is this arthritis? Aging? (Has anyone been to a chiropractor for this and seen good results?)

   1. Do you stretch much?

   2. I have experienced this. Just checking — are you on Accutane? If so, that could be it. Assuming not, I have found dehydration is a major component and lack of sleep also seems to be a contributor. I get pretty good relief from a massage and extra sleep.

      1. I’m not on Accutane… hmmn on the sleep and massage. I only get about 6 hours a night. I feel like I’m pretty well hydrated but I will have to pay attention to that. Thanks!

         1. Also, I see you asked about a chiropractor. I am not a proponent. I just don’t believe that joint cracking and bone moving is a good thing and I feel like a medical procedure that is truly good for me isn’t one that requires constant repetition. Others disagree and swear by them. I’m much more comfortable with massage and stretching, and personally would encourage you to at least start with that and additional sleep before leaping to a chiro. Do your own research, of course. Just weighing in that I am a bona fide skeptic and that I have thankfully found substantial relief without one.

            1. My experience is that a good sports chiropractor is far and beyond better than physical therapy for any problem I’ve ever had, but a lot of what I’ve had my chiropractor do (Active Release Therapy) seems to be basically massage anyway. I do not faithfully go back all the time for “maintenance” though, and I’m annoyed at the expectation that I should.

   3. I think this is general aging. I find that three things really help – regular movement, stretching (whether in yoga or not), and trigger point massage. On the last one, I have a chiropractor who does A.R.T. therapy and it is like magic. I also have a Theracane and do a lot of foam rolling. It has really helped my whole body to feel more limber. But yes, I just turned 40 and noticed it happening to me as well.

   4. You don’t have to go to a chiropractor all the time. I went for a few sessions for a while to fix my arms. My husband went once for his lower back and it was incredible how much better he felt. But, I suggest trying yoga.

   5. Almost 41 and experiencing the same thing. I work out regularly and recovery from soreness/stiffness after working out is taking a lot longer than it used to. Also some mornings I get out of bed and every major joint pops as I walk to the bathroom. I’m also having a lot of stiffness in my lower back I didn’t used to have. Been to the doctor; he tested me for rheumatoid arthritis but nothing indicates that’s an issue. He told me it is general aging and that I need to do more stretching and lower-impact exercise. Swimming helps with stiffness/soreness a lot, for me, so I’m trying to do more of that. I also agree with a theracane (or Back Buddy) and foam rollering; I was having persistent trouble with a tight IT band on my left side and rollering has helped a lot.

   6. Arthritis can hit young. It started at about forty for me. “Severe advanced arthritis” took out both knees by 50. See your doctor to see if he/she thinks it’s arthritis. If it is, as a matter of principle I do not recommend Celebrex, but rather suggest that you look into it, consider the potential side effects carefully, and then decide whether you would want to try it. It was a life saver for me. It made my 40’s much more comfortable, and now in this next decade I don’t know if i would be functional without it.

5. I saw this on FB this morning and nearly had a heart attack. The issues are complex, but how does anyone let himself get to this place?? I know a lot of people are doing IBR, but I don’t want to pay for this man’s mess while he takes fancy vacations and buys luxury vehicles. Ugh.

   https://www.wsj.com/articles/mike-meru-has-1-million-in-student-loans-how-did-that-happen-1527252975

   1. Don’t worry, if things actually get forgiven, he’ll owe like 700K in taxes.

      1. The article also says that he’ll pay $1.6M using IBR and loan forgiveness anyway. So it’s not like the taxpayers “are paying for this man’s mess.” The taxpayers will profit $600k no matter what. The government and the loan sharks set up a horrible system through too high interest rates (at a time when interest rates for things like mortgages were at an all time low) and onerous terms.

         1. But do the taxpayers profit? Aren’t many of the loans with private companies that are receiving payments while the forbearance is going to the government?

            1. No. IBR is not usually available with private loans.

   2. I agree with you. It is unsettling that he is letting the burden fall back on taxpayers when he could pay a lot more than he is paying now.

   3. Yay! Holiday OPEN THREADS! I love HOLIDAY OPEN THREADS! As for the OP, Yes, that is why I dumped Sheketovits. He lost his job, then wanted to go back to school for his PHD, and worse yet, he wanted ME to pay for it b/c we were to be married. I told dad, and dad already wanted me to dump his sorry tuchus, but this made it easy b/c dad knew he was a no good drunk! FOOEY! I am glad b/c even tho I have NO boyfreind, I also have no debt other then my morgage, which Dad pay’s for anyway.

6. Has anyone here done Alexis Neely’s law practice courses? Are they worth the money? TIA!

   1. Wait is this the crazy “woo” person also known as Ali Shanti who’s besties with Julia Allison? Or are there two lawyers by this name?

   2. Pretty sure she’s a scammer. At the very least, I think she’s very strange. I’d search around a bit before paying for anything.

7. I have pointy toe suede shoes in a dark color (burgundy, but also have ones in hot pink and gray). The point is getting lighter. If they were leather, I’d use same-color shoe polish. But what do I do with suede? My suede-maintenance kit is just a cleaner and something to deal with the nap of suede. Not this lightening on the pointy part.

   All I can think is to find some sidewalk chalk the same color and try that to see if the chalk dust will help even out the color. [I think that people do something similar to keep white bucs white, but I’m not Tom Wolf (who sadly can’t help me now)]

   1. I’ve gone to Michael’s and gotten a matching marker for things like this!

      1. Also look at Michaels for the spray paint you can use on fabric. I don’t remember the brand, but it will be with the spray paints and is in a white can. It goes on gently if that makes sens. I’ve used it to touch up silk flowers with great success, and would not hesitate to try it out on suede shoes if the alternative was to give up on that pair of shoes due to the wear on them.

   2. Is this dust or scuffing? I’d start by taking a lightly damp cloth to them to see if that helps.

      1. Because it’s the point, I’m assuming scuffing (bumping stairs as I walk up them). No noticeable where elsewhere.

8. Taking my three-year-old to Asheville in a couple of weeks, and thinking the trolley tour will be a must (he’s obsessed with Daniel Tiger.) Their website mentions a lot of the arts districts around the various stops (which is certainly important!) But I am also wondering if there are any great kid-friendly breweries near any of the trolley stops (because, vacation priorities.)

   Would love any other kid-friendly Asheville recommendations. We’re staying with friends, but they’re childless so not exactly experts on our particular needs.

   1. There is a big zipline there for kids. Your child may be too young for that, but the place may have something he could do.

   2. All of the breweries are kid friendly. On sundays highland brewing often has live reggae and there are a ton of kids dancing to it usually. WNC nature center is good for little kids. It’s like a mini zoo. Check out wedge brewing at the foundry – huge graffiti park that kids like. The website mountainx has lots listings of stuff going on. If they’re on the east side of town Montreat (a town) has a super cool park that a stream runs through. Good for playing and you’re close to Pisgah Brewing and Black Mountain Cidery. Biltmore is very kid friendly with gardens and petting zoo if you go that route. The trolley is fun and you can hop on and off.

      1. “All of the breweries are kid friendly” is so perfectly what I wanted to hear. Thank you!

9. I went to what I thought was a simple Meet ‘n’ Greet last night, with other women small business owners. I thought we’d just hang out, tell our stories, ask questions, etc. Turns out there was an agenda, with all kinds of bullet points about life and work, as well as homework (!). It turned in to a real kumbaya event (to me). I wanted to ask for some advice here, based on remarks and responses last night:

   I said that I’m okay working for clients whom I don’t like. I said that in some ways I find it easier, because it’s purely business. Wow –everyone else said a great big NO. I was surprised –I’m not looking for my clients to be *friends* here. I don’t think it’s entirely appropriate. Everyone disagreed. I thought to myself (but didn’t say it) “would a man respond like this?” And why do we have to *like* everyone we work with? What’s wrong with straight professionalism?

   In a similar vein, I have been to a few “team building” sessions at a women’s organization on whose board I sat for two years. Those sessions also felt as if I’d just been to a couples counseling session. You know, “how to deal with difficult people” actually ended up feeling like “how to deal with a difficult boyfriend.” Expressing feelings, saying “What I hear you say is X” and similar placating phrases.

   What do you all think?

   1. Are you in a different line of work than the others? I can easily see this being different for an attorney vs. an owner of a stationery store, for example. I also wonder if your standard for “don’t like” is different than the others — not just that you wouldn’t want to be friends with them, but the client is a jerk, for example.

      “What I hear you say is X” seems like good communication skills, to be honest.

      1. As soon as I read stationary store, I thought about the bakers who refused to make wedding cakes for gay couples. This group sounds like they don’t get it.

      2. I agree with January. As an attorney, I have to work with a lot of different carriers, and some of the people are nice, like Roberta, and others are jerks (no names). But I must get along with all of them, but would onley hang out with those I like, which is about 35%. Roberta and I are friends and have been from the beginning. I have others who I do stuff with, like go to Baseball games with, but others, I send to games and give them my ticket so they can bring their own friends. They prefer this and I do too. There is no law on the books that require me to be socially freindley to cleints above and beyond my normal professionalism. A couple of cleints treat me like meat, and I do NOT like that. In those 2 cases, I have the manageing partner attend all of my client meetings, b/c I do NOT think it appropriate for them to pinch my tuchus in the office, and they do NOT do this when he is in the room. FOOEY on them, but they both do pay their bills on time, so I make sure to give them the “proper” allocation of expenses. YAY!!!

   2. I’m grateful that most of my clients are men.

      Kidding. Sort of.

      They are happy with steak dinners, ball games, a holiday party or two. No minefields. No feelings. Just business and enjoyable personalities (but not BFFs). It works for me.

   3. On your first point, I think it depends. It depends on the line of work–if you’re a criminal defense attorney, you’re probably going to have some clients you don’t want to be friends with. Other than that type of situation, it also depends on an individual’s personality and who they call a friend. I’m thinking of my (male) boss, who is gregarious and knows everyone in our city and says he’s friends with almost everyone. I don’t think he’s insincere about saying someone is a friend–he just seems to have a wider definition than I do. It makes him good at what he does (generating business). But if my boss says he doesn’t like or trust someone, that’s definitely someone we don’t want as a client. I don’t consider 3/4 of my city personal friends, so if I wanted to generate some business, I couldn’t limit my client base to “friends.” Nothing is wrong with straight professionalism, but I think you have to be really, really good at what you do or in an absolute niche for people to be long-term customers if you don’t have some type of friendly or personal relationship with them. I also see my boss using his friendships/relationships with former clients to get things we need for current clients, so the whole thing becomes self-perpetuating.

      On your second point, I feel you. I’ve given up on women’s organizations. Even on-topic “how to deal with difficult people,” I get annoyed by the tone of the conversations.

   4. I think it’s odd. I go to meetings with the local woman lawyers group and it’s always very focused on work issues. We had a session on difficult conversations but it was about employees, clients, etc.

      1. The key modifier in that sentence, to me, is “lawyers.” By and large, I find female lawyers to be a bit brasher, more no nonsense than women in business in general.

   5. When I look at some of your reactions to the event, I think it might depend on frame of reference.

      Example 1: interpretation of the word like. I have clients that i wouldn’t necessarily have as friends who I like as clients because they are professional and efficient. It may be that the rest of the group interpreted that as I am ok working with verbally abusive clients, vs. someone who I wouldn’t have as a friend.

      Example 2: Dealing with difficult people. I don’t perceive “what I hear you saying…” as placating. It can be really effective in building an improved working relationship with a difficult colleague. This may be dependent on what you do, whether this is important. It’s really important in my field (consulting), but if you are in a more transactional job, it may not matter as much.

      In either case, I think it would be really interesting to challenge assumptions behind advice in future meetings. For example, “is it really valuable to spend time building a relationship with a difficult colleague?”

   6. So, what I hear you saying is …

      Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. : ) I better go home and start the holiday weekend.

      1. Ha! Good one.

         These ladies meant “like” as in “friends.” All of them, not just the lawyer. That’s just weird.

         Yes, I have a couple of clients who have turned in to friends, some with whom I’ve become friendly and meet for drinks when I’m in town, some who know rather personal things about me, and others who are strictly need to know. Frankly the person who organized this most recent networking event is someone I’ve worked with as a volunteer and whom I’ve found to be incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate. Yet *she* thinks we’re friends because I haven’t let it affect how I deal with her.

   7. I will preface by saying that I’m an environmentalist. I don’t have to ‘like’ those I work with per se but they need to be on the right side of the issue. I can hate a personality and love their cause. I get emails from people who are pure evil all the time (oil lobbyist etc) and I refuse to work with them.

10. If you tell your employees they can leave early on the Friday afternoon, do you expect them to do it?
    My boss does this occasionally- she’ll come by around 3 or so and say hey, good work everyone, go ahead and leave early if you’d like. I take her at face value and finish up any time-sensitive projects and then leave when I’m done. It’s not like I’m sprinting out the door as soon as the words are out of her mouth. My coworker never leaves before 4:45 when this happens because he says she doesn’t actually mean for us to leave early, it’s just for show.
    Is he nuts, or is there some reason that I should not leave early when my boss says explicitly “you can leave early”?

    1. I don’t think your boss is playing some sort of mind game here. If she says you can leave early, then you can leave early. Staying late on these days does not earn you any extra points.

    2. He’s nuts. As a manager, if I say that you can go home early, I mean it and you should do it. Otherwise I may not offer it again.

    3. I sometimes do that and I mean it. There are a few people in the office who don’t report to me and work a later shift, so I’m usually a bit more discreet about it, or I check with their supervisor. I have one person who rarely leaves early, but it’s due to the fact that she carpools with her husband (who works in the area) and he doesn’t get off early when she does.

    4. Agreed. I usually do a “soft close” of the office on the Friday afternoon (noon or 1) before a holiday, especially in the summer. I expect people to leave, once they’ve wrapped up anything urgent. There is always one who loves cranking out a bunch of stuff in a deserted office, so she hangs out for an extra hour or two, but everybody is gone by 3:30. I want to leave too, so usually don’t until after everyone else. And I have enough work to fill the afternoon, but I’d still like to see people go home and enjoy a few extra hours with their families or getting a pedicure.

    5. In my youth, I had a boss who liked to tell us to leave early — but it was almost always not earlier enough for me to catch an earlier bus. He was confused every time as to why I didn’t take him up on it, even though I explained every time. He just couldn’t adjust to the idea that I couldn’t jump in my car and be off.

       Otherwise I have always zoomed right out if leaving early is offered.

    6. My husband is the exec that stays. I’ve told him to make a point of being extra clear that his team can go home. He just gets a ton of work done in an empty office- but until he started saying “no, get out of here!” His team hemmed and hawed about staying.

       I work remotely but once our office sends the soft close, I email my team “I’m logging off at X, please check out as soon as you can today to enjoy the long weekend!” And then I set all my emails to send after hours so nobody feels stuck when then come in mid afternoon.

    7. I sometimes tell my assistant and clerks they can leave early if we’ve had a hard day/week. I want them to take me up on the offer to decompress or get an early start on their weekends, and I’m happy when they do.

11. I keep having a very bizarre, nagging thought and just want to see if anyone else has wondered about this too.

    Why do so few celebrities have special needs children? We know of a few, and of course not all celebrities’ children are ever publicly known themselves. But for the most part, major celebrity kids are identified in the media–especially with the rise of mom “lifestyle” branding for some celebrity women. Often, one or both parents are older than average when they were conceived. Why aren’t there higher levels of, say, autism, to reflect the general population?

    The 2 possibilities that have occurred to me are: tightly managed information so that the public can’t ever find out, leading to a need to almost hide the child; and genetic manipulation or even choices to abort.

    1. First of all, who cares. Second, there’s nothing wrong with terminating a pregnancy because the baby has a genetic defect. Lots of women choose to.

       1. Bingo. None of your business.

       2. Yeah I get that conspiracy theories are kinda fun sometimes, but no, celebrities do not have access to some secret gene-altering technology the rest of us plebs don’t.

          1. Agree! That said, I do wonder how they fare as prospective parents in private adoptions.

       3. I am uncomfortable with this outlook. Just because women should always be able to choose to end a pregnancy for whatever reason they want doesn’t mean all of these reasons will always be 100% fine in every way. I personally would not want to be either the defective child of someone who tried and failed to screen for that defect (especially if I didn’t agree about what constitutes a defect) or the genetically perfect child of someone who required perfection as a condition of parenthood. But I do agree it’s still nobody’s business, so maybe there isn’t a point in having an opinion at all.

    2. Are you looking for them to speak out to advocate for research (or whatever would support the cause)? Or just publicize their experience?

       Would think that it might have to do with protecting children’s privacy.

    3. Some special needs are obvious and can’t be hidden. Others, like autism, aren’t obvious, but are big privacy issues. (My kid is on the spectrum and I don’t talk about it publicly because it’s his business.) Being a “special needs mom” can be a very “branding” experience; it’s hard to imagine a sexy action hero actress wanting to be defined first as a special needs mom. Also with autism there are huge pockets of it in engineering/tech fields — much less so in acting.

       1. +1 A lot of special needs are invisible. I think any celebrity parent who makes efforts to keep their child’s struggles private is doing their child a service.

    4. Living in a celebrity-lousy place (though certainly not running in their circles), I doubt it’s much/any different than the general population. Famous people are likely to have money and connections that will get their special needs kids the best help that they can buy.

       Also, the amount of information that the public “knows” about celebrities (especially actors) is highly choreographed and disseminated in particular ways designed to promote their individual brand. While I don’t think anyone nowadays could pull off what Arthur Miller did (keeping the existence of a son with Down Syndrome entirely out of public knowledge), I suspect there are some similar goings on today.

       1. I’m surprised at the number of entertainment-related people I meet who mention that they and/or their children have ADHD. Also things like dyslexia seem pretty common.

          1. This is a tangent but has anyone else been listening to Dax Shepard’s newish podcast? It’s so good. He talks a lot about being dyslexic and how the schools really screwed him up as a kid.

    5. Well things like autism can’t be genetically tested for so I don’t think your second theory could possibly explain that. I also think that many special needs (Autism, ADHD etc) aren’t that obvious and could easily be kept private if the celebrity chose not to talk about it. And I wouldn’t really consider that “hiding” so much as just not putting your kids’ life out there for public consumption. I mean, yeah the Kardashian’s kids are probably not special needs because they’d be talking about it. But I wouldn’t assume that someone like Jennifer Garner or Jennifer Lopez would open up to a magazine about their kids’ issues even if they existed.

    6. That’s not my impression. I think they just pretend they don’t.

       1. +1 They’re just not talking about it. I tend to be a celebrity news skeptic though; I’m not sure how much really know about professional celebrities in general.

    7. Surely keeping a kid’s life private should be a good thing, not a ‘need to hide.’ Anything that manages to stay private in this social media age gets my approval.

       But also… surely percentages also play in here? I have no idea what percentage of the general population has special needs kids; assuming that the percentage is the same among those who are well known and currently in the news, surely there’s only a certain percentage with special needs kids. And if some of those are managing to maintain some privacy, well, then, we wouldn’t hear.

       I certainly don’t think the status and condition of a child needs to be well known, merely because the parent has become well known.

12. I’m looking for some advice from the hive, about insurance. I’m a recent grad, only in the workforce for about a year. No kids, renting, fairly low income as work for a NFP. At the moment I have health and car insurance, and am in the process of buying income protection insurance.

    I don’t think I need life insurance (partner is independently wealthy, no kids), and I don’t have much expensive stuff, so contents insurance doesn’t seem worth it?

    What would you recommend to a newbie trying to figure all this out?

    1. You might think about a lot about of life insurance in regards to funeral/burial costs.

       Renters insurance can do a bunch of stuff other than just replace belongings (e.g., cover hotel in case of damage to apartment). Forbes has a good article about it… https://www.forbes.com/sites/barbaramarquand/2016/08/18/7-little-known-benefits-of-renters-insurance/#3d6f8be16edf

       1. Ugh. *a bit of life insurance.

          Thanks auto-correct for completely changing the meaning of the sentence.

          1. Thanks! That’s an interesting article – definitely something to look into.

    2. I agree with you that you don’t need life insurance. I wouldn’t buy renter’s insurance in your situation unless my landlord required it. If you had assets to protect, I would recommend umbrella insurance, but that doesn’t seem to be your situation, either. Practice self-insurance, though — take all of the money that you would have spent on all of those premiums, and put it away for a rainy day. :)

       1. But renter’s insurance is dirt cheap. It would be short-sighted not to buy it.

          I am living very modestly and don’t have pricey stuff, but I have still been broken into twice. The last time they broke in, they stole my only valuable (to me) jewelry from my mother. My renter’s insurance paid almost $4000 to replace it with near identical pieces.

          Renter’s insurance can also protect you for things like if someone gets injured in your home. I had an acquaintance/new friend get injured doing something (stupid) in my apartment, and she almost sued me to pay for her medical bills etc… even though she was a doctor herself and had excellent insurance. And she was doing something stupid she shouldn’t have been doing. It worked out in the end, but I am extra careful to make sure I never miss my once a year dirt cheap rental insurance payment.

          After seeing many bad, bad things happen in every day life, I now truly believe investing in good insurance to protect yourself is one of the most important things you can do.

13. I’m on a 4 hour bus out of town this weekend. The man in front of me has reclined fully (and yet is leaning forward)… I can’t even open my laptop because he’s so far reclined. Lord give me (and my bad hips) strength (and what makes people think that this is okay?!)

    1. I feel you. I think it’s incredibly rude to recline on an airplane in the middle of the day, too. Overnight or late night flights I get, but c’mon.

       1. The bus example sounds rude to me, but I think it’s the airlines’ fault that the planes are as uncomfortable as they are these days. If it helps to know why some people are reclining in the middle of the day: the air pressure on airlines isn’t adequate for everyone, and reclining helps (also there’s not much to do besides sleep when there’s not enough blood in your brain to think with).

       2. After having spent too many flights with the person in front jamming the seat all the way back into my knees — literally — I’d oh-so-love to ban reclining seats.

          1. Ban reclining seats, or require more spacious seating on aircrafts? They didn’t used to be this cramped.

14. Is there an easy place to see divorce laws for particular states? Just high level summary of requirements (separation, division of assets etc)?

    It’s not for my own marriage but a couple things came up in conversation and I’m curious- but not curious enough to spend $$ to find out and my quick google search led me to a lot of 1800-divorce type websites!

    Interested in NC, FL, CA and a few others.

    1. Sometimes I’ve had luck doing a search for 50-state surveys on the specific thing I’m looking into. Might be a place to start.

15. Is renting a tuxedo a horrible idea?

    I’m in a dear friend’s wedding and my husband will be a guest. Due to our division of labor I’m taking on helping him with his outfit. Don’t worry, he’s handling other things that I would rather not…

    It’s black tie optional. We’ve already spent a decent amount of money and since we rarely/never go to black tie occasions and since my husband’s weight has been fluctuating, we won’t be buying my husband a tuxedo. So, options include:

    (1) Using hand-me down tuxedo my husband inherited from his grandfather. Perfectly serviceable, not especially well tailored, slightly dated (pleats in pants). Comes with cummerbund and bow tie, we’d need to buy pocket square and cufflinks and probably shoes.

    (2) Rent everything. I have no idea if this would result in a tuxedo with a better fit and look. Was thinking of The Blk Tux but am open to suggestions.

    These are basically the only options. I know it is black tie optional so we could do a formal black suit or something but because of recent weight gain my husband actually doesn’t fit well into existing suits (he does not wear suits to work) and anyway, all he has are gray.

    Any advice very much appreciated!

    1. I have heard good things about rentals from paces like Joseph A. Bank.

    2. Suggest renting a formal suit from blk tux.

    3. Rent everything. Don’t buy tux shoes/ if anything, you can rent them.

       1. You don’t have to get patent leather shoes to wear with a tux. Regular leather lace-ups are perfectly appropriate. A high-shine is recommended, though. These are some nice ones that your husband can probably wear for many occasions (with a tux or regular suit) and for many years (they can be re-soled). Rental tux shoes, in my experience, look so so cheap and poorly made, and my husband has always found them uncomfortable. Here are the shoes: http://www.florsheim.com/shop/style/17108-01.html?&selectionMethod=xSell

          As for the tux, I would go with the grandfather’s one and have it tailored to fit well. And if the wedding is in the south, the pleated pants will not be out of style.

    4. ASOS has men’s tuxes cheaper than renting that are wedding serviceable – might be worth a look.

    5. I would buy/rent a suit. Almost no one wears tuxedos at a black tie wedding except maybe the groom/bridal party/parents.

       1. This is not true in my experience.

    6. gray suit is fine for black tie optional- its not a real dress code anyway. (not meant dismissively- it just mostly means semi formal so a dark grey suit is fine). had a fine experience with black tux (but took three times for fit- my husband has a tough body type to fit) and mens warehouse has been fine as well.

16. I just want to thank everyone on this site, as we head into a long weekend, for sticking together and giving each other the best advice we can these past several years. For myself, I don’t comment too often but I do try when I feel it can be helpful. Thank you everyone, and enjoy the weekend.

    1. I second that! Thank you!

    2. Yes! Thank you all for your advice and words of encouragement. Hive Fives to you!

    3. In general I agree. The mean girls and/ trolls can be very off-putting, so I am glad our positive support outweighs them.

    4. Late to this, but thanks for saying it and +1 to the sentiment. It’s really nice to see the often vibrant, civilised, and thoughtful conversations.

    5. And thanks for the Tinkle razors. Whoopie!!!!

17. Looking for cheap tanks that go over sports bras for cycling workouts. Loving options with fun sayings or colors/patterns since this is the one time when I don’t have to worry about whether my bra shows underneath. Wanting cheapie cheap because they’re just for working out and my budget is tight since the studio where I cycle is expensive!

    1. I just ordered one from Old Navy

    2. I just got a few from Walmart (of all places). Less than $5 each and I plan to recycle into rags when they’re too gross/sweaty. Fun colors too!

    3. Amazon. Read reviews for sizing since many of them run small.

18. Taking advantage of this Monday… I’m just doing an informational interview with career mothers in their 40’s (management level). I’m growing my life coaching business and I’m creating content for a new online program. I’m just looking for information about what you want and what your life is like. Would anyone like to talk?
    I’d be happy to offer a free coaching session around this, if you’d like.
    Please private message me on Messenger if you are interested.
    Thank you!

19. Taking advantage of this Monday… I’m just doing an informational interview with career mothers in their 40’s (management level). I’m growing my life coaching business and I’m creating content for a new online program. I’m just looking for information about what you want and what your life is like. Would anyone like to talk?
    I’d be happy to offer a free coaching session around this, if you’d like.
    Please private message me on Messenger (Irina Buse) if you are interested.
    Thank you!

20. Nice collection.

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