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Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started! See our thoughts here.
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off lots of sale styles (prices as marked).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase (ends 5/31).
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off.
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles (ends 5/31).
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals) (ends 6/1).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!).
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything, no exclusions.
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event, extra 30% off.
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale (ends 6/1).
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – Extra 40% off all markdowns (ends 6/1)!
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Here’s the problem. The Dorothy Perkins check dress, for example, is adorable, but readers who ordered it (and other Perkins styles) were not enthusiastic about quality, fit, or both. This probably happens more at the lower price ranges, but I’ve seen it with more expensive picks too. How can something be a favorite if people who actually purchased it are consistently disappointed?
It says that they are her personal favorites.
It does seem, however, that offering a summary of readers’ favorites would be more helpful.
How is she to know this? Some people report back, true, but most don’t, and is she supposed to keep track of it all year long? Who loved it, who hated it, which didn’t have any follow up commentary. I mean, can we not just give her a break???
Unless there’s a poll with each item, it would be really hard for her to report on the reader reactions. I did stalk that Black Halo dress and Halston jacket but neither ever went down in price.
You know what, I take back my comment… I missed that these were her personal favorites. I assume she’s going by looks only in many cases, but I do understand that these are the looks she favors (and most of them are quite cute in the pictures).
I can appreciate the difficulties in tracking “reader favorites,” but I do think seeing that so many of Kat’s favorites are items which were much maligned by the community (either on that item’s thread based on dislike of the design/described fabric, or later follow ups from those who actually ordered the item) is another example of how far off track she’s gotten with her picks. She often loves items that the majority of her readers don’t want or don’t find value in.
I don’t know what you mean by “so many” of them were maligned. I’ve seen one of the items above specifically mentioned. Almost all of the rest, I recall were very much liked.
And I sure do get tired of this “she’s gotten off track” thread. Seriously. If you don’t value her picks, go read another blog.
Seeing the picture of that Dorothy Perkins dress reminded me that I was one of those disappointed… and unfortunately missed whatever the tiny return window is (14 days?), so I still have it somewhere. At least it was cheap.
I was disappointed in it too. Managed to return it on time but it was really expensive to do so.
Based on feedback like this that I have read here and elsewhere (on other fashion blogs), I will never order an item from Dorothy Perkins. I understand that it likely would involve quite a bit of work to poll readers on each and every one of the suggestions offered each day, to obtain follow-up information on whether or not the purchase worked out, but there has been consistent feedback on this one particular retailer that their products are typically cheap disappointments and their customer service is horrible. I suggest excluding this retailer from daily picks on this site going forward, based on the consistent feedback about quality and service. BTW, the dress is cute in the photo! It is my favorite pick from above, based on the photo alone.
Yay, Kat and Kate! I love your TPS reviews! I read them all the time so that I have new idea’s for good clotheing to wear to work. That helps alot b/c the manageing partner knows that I donated alot of my clotheing to NY Cares this year in order to be abel to fit all of my clothe’s in my closet’s.
I know that I have one extra wish for 2015–in addition to finding a guy to MARRY me, I want to move to a place with alot of closet’s so that I can keep my clothe’s rather then give them all away.
Myrna’s brother was in for the holiday’s to see Myrna, and now all of a sudden, he is interested in me. He is some sort of computer engineer for an investement bank, writeing program’s and algorithem’s for the bank to use in buying and selling stock’s and bonds and other thing’s they do in the USA and in EUROPE. He has to travel alot for his job and he has a strange habit of pickeing his nose, tho he does NOT know he is doeing it, Myrna say’s. Myrna say’s it is a form of OCD, and even tho he make’s alot of money, I do NOT want a husband who pick’s his nose. FOOEY! Where are the guy’s with a bank account that keep their finger’s where they belong? I think I must be the onley normal person around some times. DOUBEL FOOEY!
I hope the hive had a nice holiday. I am back to work early b/c the manageing partner want’s me to go out to lunch today with some new client’s he got from giving his CLE (that I prepared), so he want’s me along to answer any question’s he does NOT know the answer to. But b/c I ate so much over the week, I am 5 pound’s over and will NOT eat anything other then salad — mabye a COBB salad. YAY!!!!!
Anon - Personal
At least you have a man interested in you. I also thought I did, only to find him playing “doctor” and examining the privates of a cute younger associate in the pantry when they both apparently thought they’d be able to have a private moment without interference. He now wants to get back together with me, saying it was only a momentary lapse on his part. I told him nothing doing. I assume they did more that I did not walk in on.
If I were you, I would not wait for the best guy to marry you–find a guy you know will not cheat on you when he finds someone better. That is the mistake I made, and I am still considered very attractive by all (except my ex).
Okay, it’s confirmed. This story is completely fabricated. Everyone real on this site acknowledges Ellen for what she is. This is just another troll.
Yeah, I have to agree. Sometimes when a fake situation is posted, though, I think that the replies include good advice for others in similar situations. I think we saw that here once with a domestic violence situation. But that’s about the only silver lining.
yup – looks like its as confirmed as it will ever be
I find her annoying and scroll past it everyday (who has that kind of time????).
Regular here but anon for this
I previously doubted, but I now I agree with you.
I love that Santorelli blue tweed jacket.
+1 but not in my budget now, unfortunately.
Oh man, ME TOO.
TJ- I have a ceramic flat iron (brand is HSI), and the plates are getting gross. What’s the best way to clean them? I did find some ideas online, but would love a solution that someone has actually used without damaging the plates. TIA.
Never tried it, but Goo Gone has worked well for me for sticky things.
Heat it up and rub a damp washcloth over it? The steam and towel should get the gunk off.
My husband and I want to take a trip in May. We are considering either Canada (considering different areas) or Maine. Does anyone have an opinion one way or the other or any specific recommendations?
Hard to give you a real answer without knowing where in Canada, but I looooooooove Maine! Granted, I’ve only been there in June and August (so, a bit warmer than what you’re thinking) but the walks/hikes are great, the food is fantastic and people are super-friendly. Cannot say enough good things.
I don’t know much about Canada, hence the vagueness. Neither of us have been and we figured we could do it in a long weekend. We are coming from right in the middle of the US. We love restaurants (prefer local or hole-in-the-wall over fancy/touristy) and are open to new experiences (including touristy ones). We also like nature but are not super outdoorsy people (so nature hikes would be great, but I’m not looking to camp or hike a mountain).
San Juan Islands!
Only drawback here is you’ll probably fly in somewhere equally cool (Vancouver or more likely Seattle) and want to spend time at those attractions as well. I’d recommend more time than a long weekend.
hard to answer without some more detail about the type of trip you want – outdoorsy? Mix of coast and cities? Where are you traveling from?
Maine in May will be cool…think 60’s daytime and could be rainy.
We spent a week in Maine in and around Arcadia National Park. There is a lot of big, beautiful Nature with a capital N to see and experience. Hiking. Picnicking. Not so much fancy city stuff (hotels, restaurants, shopping), but very serviceable hotels and dining.
We also spent a week in Victoria and in Vancouver. There is also a lot of big, beautiful Nature with a capital N to see and experience. Hiking. Orca whale watching. Plus, lots of fancy city stuff (hotels, restaurants, museums, shopping).
Both of our trips were in September, and the weather was gorgeous for both. And the leaves were changing in Maine at the time.
In terms of Canada = Banff, Alberta is beautiful with lots of little shops, there’s a gondola to the top of Whistler’s Peak to see some scenery. Or Radium Hot Springs/Invermere area in British Columbia is nice too. The hot springs are fairly affordable, and it’s more great scenery with some easy hikes. Columbia Ice Fields are also something different to see in Canada, but require winter gear even in May!
In the Pink
Seconding Banff and Columbia Ice Fields
Also Jasper or Lake Louise
Being someone who actually lives in Canada, I can give a couple of specific recommendations.
You have had recommendations for Banff and Jasper, but you say you are not into climbing mountains. If so, then perhaps Banff and Jasper are not the place for you. However, you could go to Vancouver – there is enough there for a nice long weekend trip, and you could experience small-“n” nature by going to Stanley Park and Capilano Suspension Bridge. Vancouver is an eating city – we have tons of really great food and much of it is very cheap. If you feel so inclined and have the budget, you could fly over to Victoria for the day – the flight across the Strait of Juan de Fuca is breathtaking and Victoria is a lovely city that is easily walkable. In May the weather will be good enough to do some whale-watching so you could look into that as well.
The other alternative if you are coming to Canada from the central States is to fly in the other direction and go to either Montreal or Quebec City. I am not as well equipped to give you information about those places but I have been to both and you could easily fill an interesting weekend in either city.
If you want to ask me more questions about the BC destinations, ping me here or on the C-Moms s!te, where I hang out more these days.
I am also Canadian and I LOVE Quebec city. I travel there from Ontario about once a year for a romantic weekend with my boyfriend (okay, one afternoon of a particular sporting event, and then the rest is a romantic weekend) and I absolutely love strolling the streets of old Quebec and stopping in the little french restaurants and shops. It has a very old world, European feel that you don’t typically find in North America and the architecture in the old city is so beautiful.
Shopping challenge for anyone interested…I’m looking for a smallish bag (bigger than a clutch but for weekends/going out). I’d love for it to be black, big enough for glasses and a wallet, but that’s about it. Preferably simple, black leather, and under $200. This is surprisingly hard to find!
(former) preg 3L
Coach has a couple of options… do you like this one?
Hmm, it’s a bit too hardware heavy for my taste. But thanks, I realize this is a ridiculously broad request–but it’s a slow day at the office!
I should have also said I’d prefer to spend closer to $100-125 but realize the under $200 may be more realistic.
I like that a lot! Including the hardware.
Kate Spade has some simple bags like: http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/kate-spade-new-york-crossbody-maple-street-lanett?ID=1123432&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&cm_mmc=LINKSHARE-_-n-_-n-_-n&LinkshareID=J84DHJLQkR4-0SuHS5D5NKSiR9Rys8uwmQ
I have two I like in that category – one is a true clutch, but larger than a normal one, by Lauren Merkin. The second is the J.Crew envelope clutch (and though it’s called a clutch, it has a chain strap). Lauren Merkin bags are generally pretty plain and are often on Last Call for a relatively good price.
Lo & Sons Pearl? https://www.loandsons.com/the-pearl
+1 – I’ve been sweating that bag since it was rolled out. Love.
I liked this one in the Brooks Brothers sale:
Thanks, all! I’m really into some of the Kate Spade bags so maybe I’ll go for one of those!
I just bought this one on sale at Nordstrom for $200, and I’m in love with it. The hanging tassle can be removed if you don’t like that hardware: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/michael-michael-kors-medium-rhea-zip-detail-shoulder-bag/3890169?origin=PredictiveSearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=Red&resultback=3800&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-searchresults-_-1_10_D
If someone has been given notice they might be called to be a witness in a criminal trial in Colorado, when would they get the actual notice? Is there a standard like 30 days before the trial if you are an anticipated (not surprise) witness? A group of people have been contacted and given instructions on how to waive service.
Can’t speak about Colorado in particular but criminal trials tend to get continued at the last second so 30 days notice is not likely. The best thing to do would be to contact the person who issued the subpoena, let them know of any scheduling issues, and ask to be put on call.
She hasn’t been issued the subpoena yet, and is wondering if she’ll even be getting one or if she’ll even be called to testify. She just got a mass-letter to a large group saying they might be called by either side. I’ll let her know that once she gets a subpoena she can contact whoever it came from to let them know about scheduling issues. Thank you!
I would venture to guess that, if large group of witnesses + Colorado + upcoming criminal trial adds up to what it seems to add up to, there is far less chance of the trial being moved than usual.
On your wavelength
I thought the attorneys were going back and forth right now about whether to kick it out for more mental health stuff? Or did that already happen?
Thanks! My Civil Procedure class was like half serving process but CrimPro was all 4th amendment so I don’t know anything about the trial procedure.
I really hate my in-laws. They’re racist (They’re white, I’m not) grabby (i.e. they expect money and favors from me and my family way outside what’s reasonable), and are generally disagreeable people. DH and I have tried our best to improve the situation but have decided that avoidance is the best policy now. The holiday season has been rough, and I need to go back to not caring that they’re awful people. Suggestions on how to move on with life when you’re seething internally?
Give them nicknames.
Spend a day alone with DH doing whatever you want.
Spend some time thinking about your own traditions for holidays throughout the year so that you can “be busy” when invited elsewhere and so that you can prepare for how and with whom you want to spend each special day.
Raise a toast (or a piece of chocolate) that it’s over.
Anon - Personal
The in-laws appear to me to be more than a bit trashy, and possibly also none too happy that their prize son has not married up into upper crust white family they could really have mooched off of! But that should not be your concern. When you marry someone, you are also marrying into his family, for “better or worse,” and it seems from your description that you have married into the “worse” portion of the equation. The key to avoid this is to be watchful before you get married, though men are very good at disguising their faults. Mine is a serial cheater, and did not even admit what went on, even after I caught him in the act with another woman in a public place. When you fall in love with psychos like this, it is hard to separate fantasy from reality. I wish you the best of luck with your kinfolk. They sound like real winners.
This terribly useless information and your trolling is pretty annoying.
OP, I think Basics has some good ideas. I’m glad your husband seems to agree that his parents are out of line. Personally, I think it would be acceptable for him to tell them that come holidays next year, you two won’t be visiting with them since their behavior towards you has been so abhorrent, rather than make up excuses for not visiting.
I think the best way to move on is to just remind be glad that their terrible attitudes were miraculously not passed on to their son and now you get to be with him while they’re missing out since they couldn’t even manage the decency of treating you well.
Ooh. Ooh. I forgot our favorite coping trick! How could I forget this.
We have a particular family member who is hideous (although for different reasons than yours) and is always doing hideous things. We now have a game: whenever we have to interact with her, we each make predictions about how she will behave. Whichever one of us is right gets to call his/her favorite position next time we do our thing.
Bonus: because of the many times I have correctly predicted her hideous behavior, and the concomitant number of times I have gotten to call my favorite position, I can now at least smile when I see this family member.
This is fantastic!
This sounds fun. Thanks!
May have to use this next time we have to deal with my grandfather (he’s hideously racist, which is a problem bc my wonderful, sweet sister in law is of Algerian descent and my cousin’s girlfriend is Hispanic). Thanks for the sanity saving idea!
Our family plays the grandma drinking game. There is a list of 12 items and every time she says one off the list, you have to drink. There are a few special combos that if all said together you have to finish your drink.
Anon for this
Burgher – that is hysterical. A friend and I are planning a similar technique for an upcoming wedding to deal with a “me me me” bridesmaid.
Haha, this sounds like a great idea and will have to suggest it to DH. The downside, however, is that it requires actually interacting with them.
Racism is the laziest of @ssholes. That’s what makes them so easy to predict for @sshole family bingo drinking game. You don’t even have to have personal knowledge of the individual racist to be able to come up with some slots for the board. Most @ssholes you have to know personally to design a card that gets to bingo.
Wine. But I guess that’s probably not a healthy answer…
Another shopping challenge
I’m looking for a one-piece swimsuit in a solid color, preferably black or navy, without any hardware. I’d like something with a little Spanx-esque power in the stomach area. Finally, I’m 30, so I’d like something reads relatively young for a one-piece (low cut in front isn’t a problem, as the b**bs are on the small side). Any specific recommendations would be welcome, as well as brands (FWIW, I’ve perused N o rdstrom without luck).
Thanks in advance!
Lands End is my go-to for bathing suits. I know others who love j crew (but they don’t work for me personally because there isn’t enough support up top).
+1 to Lands End swimsuits.
Most of their suits aren’t very “young” looking.
Oh, GOD. PSA for anyone who wants even a shot of looking stylish or young or anything in that ballpark, PLEASE DON’T SHOP AT LANDS END.
Others may take offense, but this made me laugh. Their stuff looks so nice on the website, in the catalogs, but on me – Dumpy McDumperson.
It may work on others in real life, though. Others who are not shaped like me and have mad styling skilz.
It’s not like I’m buying skirted water aerobics suits — nor do I buy anything else there, actually — but for a bikini that I’m not afraid of losing in the ocean, it has served me well.
Lol, I have limited options for bathing suits in my size, so I do shop for them at LE. There are some suits that are classic and attractive, and given that I am young, I still look young in my bathing suits. My other option is crafting something of lycra and duct tape which would probably not look amazing and stylish….
One-piece suits are generally not very young looking but this one isn’t too bad: http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-coastal-spirit-v-neck-one-piece-swimsuit/id_277126
Look at the Miraclesuit brand – Nordstrom has a good selection. I’ve had mine a few years and it holds up well.
TJ Maxx/Marshall’s often have these at discount, too.
JCrew will probably meet all criteria other than Spanx material, but I find their ruched styles to be very good camouflage (having a bit of a pooch).
Are tankinis an option? I always order those because I have a long torso – I like the ones from Athleta. You can also customize sizes if you do that (eg S on top, M on bottom, etc.). They have a high percentage of spandex.
I have also gotten a Spanx bottom only when I was postpartum, and worn it with a regular top – the high waisted ones have the most slimming bang for buck. Then you can get whatever tankini top you like.
Second Athleta! Or Title Nine. Love their stuff.
Spanx sells bathing suits on their site.
Vix has great suits. They’re not spanx-like, but something about the fabric is incredibly flattering. Carmen Marc Valvo also has great one-pieces – I think Lord & Taylor might stock them.
I bought just this very thing at Target this last summer – it was made by @ssets. I can’t find it online but maybe stores are still carrying them. It was a deep v, molded cup, tummy control, black, ruching,… perfect.
I love Melissa Odebash suits – expensive but worth it, super soft and comfortable material, youthful, etc. link to one like you’re looking for in the next post (I have a couple of this style and love it)
I got some good, basic 1 pieces semi-youthful looking from Spiegel catalog back in the day. They might have turned into Boston Store, or Carson Pierre Scott? I’m so confused.
Athleta or Title 9? Might be more on the athletic side…
Have some Lands End two piece suits – I actually like the bottoms better than some other places. They definitely have some frumpy options, but they don’t all have to be.
Victoria Secret probably has some slinky one-pieces.
Gail the Goldfish
I have this one from Lands End and it’s amazing looking on:
It doesn’t look old because it’s so low-cut (I’m 5’6″, B-cup, and on me, it looks lower cut than on the model). If you’re small of boob, it looks very 1940’s-esque. But order up–I can’t remember if I went up one size or two (I think 2), but it does have their spanx-like material, so you do want to go up.
After spending the holidays with BIL, we are now legitimately concerned that he is seriously mentally ill. Possibly schitzophrenic. Has anyone dealt with this with an adult sibling?
BIL doesnt have a spouse/partner, and other family agrees depressed but is less convinced that it is worse than that, which may be affected by their closeness/our geographic distance (we see him less often so changes are obvious) and also their absence when he said some very concerning things to us (suggestive of hallucinations, delusions etc).
And yes, i’ve spoken with a therapist-friend and have some resources, but this group of ladies is sharp and i thought other perspectives couldnt hurt.
I’ve dealt with this. I have two adult brothers, both with mental health problems. The younger is schizophrenic, the other is seriously depressed and I (and both of my parents) believe that he has other serious mental health problems.
I’ve moved far away from family in the last two years, and it does make it easier for me to notice differences (both improvements and declines) when I see/chat on the phone with both brothers compared to my parents, who see them regularly.
The first big step is for BIL to see a therapist of some sort. If he isn’t already, and is unwilling (which I think is very common), this may be a tough sell. My advice would be to go through a family member that is close to him, possibly your spouse or another that is also geographically close. If you can convince this person that BIL needs some help/should talk to someone and get them on your side, that may help convince BIL that he needs to talk to a professional.
Two additional notes: 1.) unless you have especially close relationship with BIL, he may be unlikely to listen to you compared to immediate family members; 2.) this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but…for adults with mental health problems, it is ultimately up to them whether they get help. Until the situation becomes such that they pose a threat to themselves or another, there isn’t much you can do in coercing them to seek help.
Best of luck to you, this is a very tough situation to be in.
I agree that he needs to see a medical professional (or two) but forcing him to see one is unlikely unless he wants to go to one. My BIL is mentally ill and I know he puts up a fight whenever I or my husband suggest he see someone for anything medical — even for a purely physical issue, like he sprained his ankle or the like. He lives on his own and (presumably) takes his meds, so there’s little we can do.
I can relate, unfortunately...
He needs to see a doctor. Even if this is mental illness, there are medical causes/contributors that should be ruled out.
My father also developed severe mental illness late in light, although it was festering all during my childhood. I am sorry to say it took many years before he agreed to see someone. It can also be difficult sometimes to find a doctor that he will like, and be willing to continue to see, as personality/dynamics with psychiatrists and therapists is often so difficult for care.
The only reason my father actually was willing to see someone was because he was developing other additional cognitive problems due to the psychiatric disease. He had trouble remembering things, focusing on work etc.. and was willing in the end to see a neurologist to rule out dementia/degenerative disease… and to “make sure your thyroid is ok”, and “check your b12 level” etc.. This neurologist could see right away what was going on, and also did a thorough assessment. And then she referred him to a geriatric psychiatrist and I immediately made the appointment. It is only because my father liked and was willing to follow direction by a couple of his doctors that he ever eventually saw a psychiatrist. But it is still a struggle. And his current psychiatrist is pretty bad….. but a bad psychiatrist is sometimes better than no psychiatrist.
So my suggestion …. does he have a primary care doctor? Encourage him to go to get his “flu shot” or yearly physical…. or find something small that he has been complaining about that he may be willing to go get checked out. And then phone his doctor ahead of time and tell him what is going on. This should all be done by your husband or your in-laws. You are too far removed to do this.
It is very very very very rough.
My sister had what I can only describe as a total and complete break (or break down?) when she was 24. She landed herself in the hospital for two weeks, exited with a diagnosis of alcoholism, bipolar disorder and something else- I forget what (mild depression maybe?). She was across the country from me at the time, and the whole thing was just so surreal– she was a little drunk but the rest of her system was totally clean when she got to the hospital….and yet, she hallucinated the entire time, remembers NOTHING, and took almost a year to stabilize.
She had previously cut herself (back in college, once or twice) and we knew she liked to booze, but we were all pretty flabbergasted. It took a LOT out of our family both to understand what had happened and how to support her.
My BIL (husband’s brother) has schizophrenia and some other serious mental issues. It is hard. I assume that this is your partner’s brother? Over the years, I’ve come to accept that my role is to support my husband in handling his relationship with his brother. We cannot make BIL better. We also live far away, but my husband talks to his brother frequently and we send money to his parents to help out whenever they end up cleaning up the mess after a psychotic episode (like, we pay for their hotel room if they need to go spend time in the city BIL lives in). I am naturally a problem-solver, but when I’ve tried to solve this problem, it has made things worse rather than better. At this point, my biggest concern is how this stresses my husband. If your partner is willing, I’d strongly urge him/her to see a psychologist. It has been hugely helpful for my husband not only to have someone to talk him through the emotional highs and lows that come along with his brother’s various episodes but also to have someone with the training to give him a realistic sense of what he can expect from his brother, given his brother’s various diagnoses.
This is all a bit down the line from where you are now, but it is hard-earned wisdom so I wanted to pass it on.
Thank you for all these responses – much appreciated
In 2015, I am going to stop wearing clothes that I hate and donate them, thus freeing my tiny closet for the clothes that I love.
— Someone at work in an outfit that is driving her to distraction.
what’s distracting you about your outfit?
It is that there is too much friction b/w my shirt (button front) and my cardigan. I really need to bend my arm a lot today and it just grabs and is annoying. I know now why I wear button ups in the summer with the sleeves rolled up (no cardigan grab (I think cardi sleeves are narrower than shirt sleeves, so nothing is flowing smoothy over my arms) and free bending of arms). But no, I thought it would look more professional to have a collared shirt today.
OMG I am way too complicated.
It’s a cotton button-up. I must usually wear it under lined jackets, but there is too much friction with my sweater (and my sweater has tighter sleeves than the shirt) and I really can’t bend my arms with the ease I’m used to.
I feel like the kid in the Christmas Story movie.
This is an absolutely worthwhile goal.
I’m wearing an okay outfit today but have been struggling with wearing things in my closet because the weather has been so up and down and I’m realizing how many pieces I’ve bought for one specific outfit or purpose rather than it really working with my entire wardrobe.
This is one of my 2015 projects too! I’m going to put a donate bin on the floor of my tiny closet so I can put things aside the instant I try them on and remember I hate them!
I’m going to do this too! I’m flipping all of my hangers around and whatever isn’t worn in 6-9 months (to account for all types of weather) is getting donated. Enough with “but it goes so well with this ONE skirt.” Time to make everything in my closet work for its space!
Agreed. I am also going to get rid of clothes that don’t fit, won’t fit, and that I can buy again in a size needed.
I just got a job offer I’m excited about, and I’m starting the negotiating process (I was way lowballed, so I’m particularly invested in this). I’ve never negotiated before, so my main questions are first, is this typically done over phone or email, and second, how do I phrase the part where I’m actually asking for more money? I think I know how to address my “supporting evidence,” but I just don’t know how to actually say ” I think I’m worth $x.” Advice?
Lean in actually has some really good advice on this. I would check it out.
Thanks very much!
I did mine over the phone through an HR person. When she gave me the initial offer I said something along the lines of “Thank you for the offer, would you consider $X?” It probably wasn’t the best method but it worked.
Here’s a good script:
So helpful, thank you!
I have typically gone with “I am really thrilled to be offered the position, but the salary is (sometimes add ‘quite’) a bit less than I was expecting. Is there any way we could get to $x?” And “x” is always about halfway between what they’re offering and where I’d like to end up.
A Nonny Moose
This is what I used, but x was twice the distance between their offer and where I wanted to end up (I’m guessing this is what Batgirl meant). Worked for me!
If you have time, I skimmed through Ask For It by Linda Babckck and found it pretty helpful.
I always look to Ask A Manager for such things: http://www.askamanager.org/2012/07/what-to-say-when-you-negotiate-salary.html
When I had to negotiate and the employer said it was not negotiable, I said something along the lines of “You are hiring me to work in a position that requires me to negotiate on behalf of my clients for what they deserve. At this point, I am negotiating on my own behalf and I think I deserve X because ABCDEF.” I was so grateful to be offered 5 cents considering the job market in which I graduated. They said no and I was still hired in at the salary they initially offered. However, I was given a raise two months later to the amount that I countered. Even if you do not get anywhere, they are going to remember that you will fight for it.
Also, as someone who observes the decisions of salaries/raises/bonuses, it rarely hurts to ask. When you are the employer, you are trying to pay as little as possible and still maintain a good relationship. Often, there is not another opportunity to negotiate until bonus or raise time and for us that is once per year. I have seen the partners give no bonus to people but when that person is confrontational about it, they often change their minds. But otherwise, they would have got away with it.
I decided to splurge and buy myself some silk stockings since I have to start wearing hose…paid almost $60 for them, and they’re too big. The company I purchased from doesn’t accept returns on hosiery. Reading comprehension fail on my part. Do any of you know if you can shrink silk stockings? I attempted to search the great Google, but haven’t found anything useful yet.
Hot water, hand wash. This shrinks the sh!t out of regular silk so I can only assume it would do the same for stockings.
anon a mouse
I’d like to thank Kat for the work she does picking out daily selections – some I like, some I hate, but I appreciate the effort.
Thanks also to the commenters for pointing out things that they love (or don’t love). I think I’ve gotten better at noticing details on different garments and creating new outfits from things in my closet.
I realized today that I’m wearing something I bought because of this site – the gold tweed moto jacket from Ann Taylor. Someone recommended it in the comments – I forget who, but thanks! – and I bought it on a whim, and it’s been a staple this fall.
Yay! That was me!! Isn’t it awesome?
And yes, thanks to Kat for all she does, and to the Hive for all it does!
anon a mouse
Thanks for taking credit! I knew it was a regular but couldn’t remember exactly who. Thanks, Senior Attorney!!
Have the same jacket and love. Thanks Senior Attorney!!
I was just about to reply that it was Senior Attorney who made that rec. I stalked it until it went on sale, and I love it too!
Thanks to the hive for the shopping recommendations, the laughs and the support all year!
What would you wear to a company (attorneys) event that is dubbed “black tie” but people show up in everything from tuxes to suits, and women in formal gowns and cocktail dresses? This is my first year attending and would ideally just rent something from RTR, but I’m puzzled by the range of formality attendees wear. Spouses will not be at the event, if that affects your choice.
Killer Kitten Heels
I’d probably wear a conservative black c*cktail dress with a blingy necklace and then bring a blazer to throw on if the other attendees’ wardrobe is trending more business-attire and I found myself feeling weird in the dress.
I really like the versatility of this option…I’ll already have my suit jacket with me. Thank you!
Are there pictures of last year’s event? Look at what your boss/mentor in the office/a female whose position in the company you respect and you think has decent style. Figure out what she wore and stick with that level of formality.
When in doubt: Conservatively cut black cocktail dress (not strapless, short or excessively s3xy) with some sparkly jewlery and evening shoes.
Unfortunately, no pictures that I have access to. My mentor/boss won’t be there, or else I would mirror his formality. My fear is all the younger attorneys I work with will go more casual, and the partners more formal. Killer Kitten Heel’s option seems to straddle this problem, as well at the Loolu Lace Sheath Anon posted.
I just had to wrestle with this dilemma for a black tie required gala for a board I’m on. It is not a “work” event per se but it will be with all people I know professionally. I am wearing a floor length gown that is flattering and somewhat conservative but not out of place modest. I realized that women’s formal attire is generally more “showy” than I would normally feel comfortable wearing around coworkers yet the true modest stuff looks way too old and out of place on me (more mother of the bride than gala). My gown is actually one I got on mega discount from the prom section of a department store years ago for a similar black tie affair and people there were asking me “who my designer was” so I think I had them all fooled. I checked RTR for this event and didn’t like my options there. My dress is black, strapless, corset style top (meaning heavily structured) with white trim and flares out after the corset with white trim on the bottom too. It covers my cleavage even though it is strapless and I will be wearing my hair down so I show less overall skin. I also have a knit shawl I can throw over my shoulders if I want more coverage. It is a tough fashion balance and I’m jealous that the men don’t have this issue.
Cropped my head out so you can see the dress. You can’t see the bottom trim though.
Can I wear normal black leather pointed kitten pumps with this or do I need more “evening” shoes. I don’t think I still have the shoes I last wore with it. (Sorry for the threadjack).
More evening shoes for sure. Maybe a metallic to match your clutch?
Yes, leather shoes would look odd.
Wait, people asked you “who you were wearing?” in that dress?
Fancy cocktail dress. I like the golden flower one by Badgley Mischka that’s on RTR quite a bit.
A conservative cocktail dress. Probably this one, if I were going RTR:
This seems like a perfect balance of the formal-spectrum. Awesome find!
I would just wear a short dress that you would wear to a wedding or similar, with a substantial wrap/sweater/blazer to put on if you feel weird. Maybe a more conservative cut rather than a strapless dress.
Something like this — the colorblocking and belt say “tuxedo dress” to me somehow? Which is maybe perfect. https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/browse/product.jsp?maxRec=39&pageId=1&productId=570117076&viewAll=true&prd=Sleeveless+Colorblock+Cowl+Neck+Gown&subCatId=cat90006&color=&fromSearch=&inSeam=&posId=23&catId=cat210002&cat=Dresses++Skirts+Cocktail++Formal&onSale=&colorFamily=&maxPg=1&size=
This is beautiful!
That dress is tragic.
I’d wear a jewel toned sheath dress like this: https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/mlmoniquelhuillier_dresses/followsuitsheath
Or this with a substantial necklace: https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/moschinocheapandchic_dresses/bluerosebodicesheath
These are definitely like what I was considering, thank you!
I have a black Reiss cocktail dress I wear to things like this. I have been to a black tie worm event and it felt weird to wear a long dress, like I was at the prom. If women are wearing shorter dresses, i would go with that option.
I thought true black tie required a long gown (as opposed to “black tie optional”).
Not really anymore. Certainly not at most professional events.
White tie requires a long gown. Black tie does not.
Is this suit too “too” – too red, too much slit, too ’80s? Also, opinions- is late 20s too young to wear a red suit, at risk of looking like I’m dressing up in mom’s clothes?
I really like the suit, but (at 30) worry that I can’t pull off red suits. Part (most) of this is because I don’t need to wear suits that often If your wearing a suit everyday, your probably more confortabe in hem
Honestly, it’s a little dowdy.
I agree that the cut of the jacket could make it look dowdy on a younger woman. I like the red, though.
I saw this suit in person and I wanted to love it and to pretend I was Alicia Florrick in it. But, it’s really very dowdy. I think it’s the cut or the lapels. I would rock a red blazer for sure and I’m in my late 20s but just not this cut.
I actually love this, and had a suit this color maybe 15 years ago that I miss, so I ordered it before I read Scout’s review. I’ll report back — but have to say that I’m way past 30, so the age question doesn’t apply to me. Still don’t want to look dowdy, though.
I personally hate wearing red, but I like the suit. It’s very red, but has a nice cut and I think it would look smart on someone who is comfortable in bright colors. I don’t think someone in their late 20’s would look like they were playing dress-up. Assuming you work in an office where suits are standard and red is appropriate. If you only wear suits occasionally and this would be your only or one of 2-3, I might look for something less memorable – unless you really love it and it feels perfectly you. Obviously prob not for an interview.
I’m in my mid 30’s, fwiw.
I think this is regional. If you live in the south/southwest/maybe even parts of the midwest, go for it. Anywhere else I would hesitate if you are under 50.
Either way I think it needs to be impeccably tailored to avoid looking too dowdy.
I think those sleeves on a tall person will look like an ill-fitting jacket, not like it’s on purpose. That is also some side slit on the skirt!
newly in house
The front slit is what kills it for me. I can handle the red (mid to late-30s, Texas), but the lapels with that front slit turn it to no-go territory for my taste.
I got an iPad Air for Christmas and I am looking for a fun, girly, and functional case for it. It is for personal use, so I don’t need anything professional looking. Any suggestions or places I need to check out?
Kate Spade…try the outlet store if there’s one near you.
Check Michael Kors
I love their envelope ipad case. I wish they made it for Kindle.
Has anyone purchased gift cards from a site like Cardpool? I would love the extra percentage off, but I haven’t been able to get a good sense of the trustworthiness from google searching. Hoping someone here might have personal experience!
i’ve used cardpool before to buy home depot gift cards when we were renovating our home. didn’t have any issues with them – everything worked fine.