Networking

The Blue-Collar Husband

by Kat on 01/26/2012 · 202 comments

Do people look down on professional women whose husbands have “blue collar” jobs? Reader C worries about her fiance, a mechanic…

My question is this: I am an aspiring law student who comes from a poor background. I really have no idea how educated people *truly* look at those who have less of an education than them. I am looking at T14 law schools and am very excited, with hopes for southern Biglaw (Richmond, VA). My fiance is a mechanic – he loves his career and would not change it for the world, however, I am worried – will my colleagues judge me because of this? Have you ever seen it be a problem? I hope I don’t sound shallow but I feel like it’s a legitimate concern. I want to know if I should expect anything out of the ordinary, or if the occupation of spouses is nil when it comes to things like raises, promotions, assignments, etc.

First, congratulations to you and your fiance! Whatever I or anyone else may say about this topic, the bottom line here is that as long as you love each other, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If, when you start work, you find it’s a problem, chances are you’re not with the right employer for you anyway. (Pictured: Grease monkey, originally uploaded to Flickr by Rowan Peter.)

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Getting the Work You Want

by Kat on 11/29/2011 · 74 comments

in Business Etiquette, Career, Networking, Professionalism, Recommended Reading, Success

Reader S has a question about how to ask for the work she wants…

I am a second year associate at a big New York firm. I am in the corporate team and we rotate through two specialty groups within corporate before choosing a specialty. For my first rotation I was assigned to something that I was not at all interested in. I have been able to get a lot of good experience in this group, but it is important that I am placed in a group I am interested in for my next rotation. Can you give me some advice about networking with the partners on this team and letting them know I am interested in working in their group? I thought about asking them to meet to discuss the type of work their group does but the thing is I know what type of work they do, I have spoken to all the juniors in the group so I am familiar with the type of work that I would be doing…I am not sure what I could ask them that would not seem ingenuine. What do you think?

I think this is a really important question — often you need to be vocal in order to get the work you want. (Pictured: Any Given Saturday, originally uploaded to Flickr from She Who Shall Not Be Named.) Here is what has worked for me:

1. Ask outright. Look at this as a mini job interview and remember, as with every job you want, that this is really about what skills you bring to the table to help the partners, and not about what you would get out of the work. For example, “I’m fascinated by [your area of expertise] and would love to help you on your next case.” is OK, but if you can, go even further in pitching yourself — “I was always top of my class in [X], and I’ve heard that translates really well to work in [Y] — please let me know when I can be of help.”

2. Read. Sign up for every newsletter and news alert you can on the subject matter that interests you, and study that reading material. This is all the better if your company circulates hard copies of publications because the partner “experts” will see your name on the list of people getting the publication. For example, in my law firm days, when I wanted to work on media-related legal matters, I signed up for all sorts of things, from the Columbia Journalism Review to The Index on Censorship. There were 200+ lawyers at the firm, but the circulation lists were very short (and they were printed on a sheet of paper affixed to the magazine, so you could see everyone getting the publication). It was often just me, 3 or 4 other lawyers, and then the VIP partners. Guess who they frequently called when they needed a new junior associate on matters?

3. Inform. If, in your reading, you come across something that you think the partners would want to know about (but may not have seen otherwise), pass it along to the partner with a friendly note: “I thought you might like to see this.” If there are mingling opportunities with the partners you want to work with, this is the perfect way to let them know that not only are you interested but that you are up to date on your readings. Discuss the latest case that was handed down, or a major move made by one of your client’s main competitors. The partner may or may not want to talk about it, but he or she may want to continue talking to you. When I was in law school, I knew a very young professor who attributed all of his success to something like this — he was on a circulation list for a rarely-read publication and saw an article of interest. He passed it on to the Powers That Were at his firm, and they kept coming back to him and promoting him.

4. Ask again (and perhaps ask some of the people senior to you HOW to ask). For example, shooting an email to a partner is the most non-confrontational way to ask for work — but an email can easily get buried. Another story from my past: A number of people (older associates, former associates, even partners) had told me that the way to get work in the area I wanted was to “just knock on the door and ask!” This seemed wildly pushy to me — interrupting a partner? To ask for work? By dropping by his or her office? But I swallowed my fears and I did it — I’d just “happen” to be passing by the partner’s office, and if the door was open and he or she didn’t look too busy I’d poke my head in and ask, “Need any help with anything right now? I’m looking for work in __.” And it worked! (Similarly, it may help to know the process — understand how work is assigned in your company or firm; this will help you figure out who and how to ask for work.)

Readers, what are your tips for getting the kind of work you want? Any glory stories to share?

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How to Thank Your References

by Kat on 11/08/2011 · 82 comments

in Business Etiquette, Career, Interviewing, Networking, Transitions

Reader C has a great question about thank yous to your references…

I’m anxiously awaiting a few job offers–and am wondering if a $100 gift card to a delicious local restaurant is an appropriate thank you for each of my references? (The potential offers are for healthcare-related opportunities–hospital positions and consulting gigs.) What have you done in the past?

I first misread this question as how to thank your interviewers. (No gift cards to interviewers!) I think this is a cute idea, but one that could be tweaked to make it even better:

Instead of gift cards, take your references to lunch. Ask their career advice, what they think your strong suits are heading into any new job (and, just for your ears, what they think your weaknesses might be!). Ask them how they got to where they are, what they might have done differently given the clarity of hindsight. And then… stay in touch with them. Tell them how you’re doing, ask them to lunch once a year or so and see how they’re doing.

This is how you turn a work colleague into a mentor, at least in my experience. But if you’re far away, a gift card is a nice idea. (Although, truth be told, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked my references with any specific “gift”!) (Pictured above: Steve’s 80′s Party, originally uploaded to Flickr by Bob. B. Brown.)

Readers, how do you thank the people who serve as your references on your resume?

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Oink Oink: When You Work with Sexist Pigs

by Kat on 10/25/2011 · 144 comments

in CoWorker Problems, Networking, Professionalism, Sexism

How DO you deal with misogyny in the workplace? Reader J writes about a less than stellar lunch with male coworkers…

My current workplace is relatively gender-balanced, and after a year of working here I haven’t really encountered any overt sexism. However, at a colleague’s small farewell lunch two weeks ago where I was just one of two women, I was unpleasantly surprised. Most of the men (five out of six) started discussing which women in the sales department they’d like to sleep with, joking about planting webcams in the women’s bathroom, responding to advice I suggested about a software problem with “Oh, but you’re a woman, so you don’t know anything about computers, am I right?” (It is a software I use daily and most of them use once or twice every two weeks.) It was a very unpleasant lunch, and I came away with the perception this was par for the course for my co-workers, as they didn’t indicate their conversation was in any way unusual.

I have had similar experiences at a previous workplace where I did an internship.

I am looking to leave my current company for unrelated reasons (there is an iron ceiling into management, and it’s not likely I’ll be able to move up unless someone dies or is fired). As I work in a fairly male-dominated sector I’m worried I will run into this more frequently at my next places of work and as I move up the career ladder.

What is the best way to respond to casual workplace sexism like this? I don’t think running to HR would be very effective, especially when it is so endemic – but I also don’t want to ‘grin and bear it’ and give the impression I approve or think it’s funny.

This is such a great, great question, and I can’t wait to see what the readers say. First, let me just say that this doesn’t sound so “casual” to me — the fact that these men were making these comments knowingly in your presence is shocking, and says a lot about the power dynamics at that lunch and in your sector. I’m also going to assume that everyone at this lunch was, more or less, on the same “level,” and no supervisor was present. So how DO you handle such sexism in the actual moment? (Pictured above: Pigs, originally uploaded to Flickr by andjohan.)

Gently let them know that what they’re saying is sexist, misogynistic, and inappropriate. Look at this as an opportunity to educate these poor, sad men that, in actuality, they’re speaking like pigs. Then, change the conversation. I’m sure that they’re all good-hearted saints beneath it all (of course!) and they have no idea that they’re a huge lawsuit waiting to happen. It could be as simple as “And in non-misogynistic news, how’s Project ___ going? I heard they were adding two new people to the team.” (or as direct as “Wow, guys, way to be sexist pigs.”) The key is thus: Don’t get offended or get a chip on your shoulder, but let them know they’re being inappropriate and move on.
Get offended. I wouldn’t advise this, but you could get in a huff and really tell these men off. They will undoubtedly call you overly sensitive, perhaps say that you’re on your period, and ultimately call you a Bitch. (And, do note: It isn’t a bad thing to be a Bitch — I know a lot of women who pride themselves on being one, sometimes including me — but it does limit the way you’ll be interacting with these gents in the future.)
Get away. You don’t have to sit there and listen to it — leave the conversation. This can be tricky when there’s no one else to talk to.
Grin and bear it. Don’t beat yourself up too much if this is ultimately what you end up doing — it can be really hard to summon the courage to say something, even in a joking manner, when you’re being smacked in the face with the fact that you have no power. But: don’t forget. These men are not your friends, they are not your allies — they’re pigs. Maintain a good working relationship with them so you can get what you need from them, and move on at the end of the day.

(If you were the supervisor, don’t hesitate to tell these jerks that they’re being inappropriate. You’re supervising! If there was a supervisor present during this lunch, I would have made direct eye contact with him to try to communicate wordlessly my lack of amusement. Afterwards, I would have spoken to him, and no matter what I would start making a record of exactly what he said at the lunch and in response to your complaint.) Beyond the actual moment, your options get wider.

a) Talk to HR. I wouldn’t advise this, and you say you’re not inclined to do this, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.

b) Talk to an employment lawyer. You may already have a case for a hostile workplace (I’m just not up on the law enough to know), but I’m not sure I would advise this either, at least at this point — being a plaintiff in a law suit of this kind is unlikely to win you any friends, and will probably affect future job prospects. But start keeping notes of what was said, and when (including saving any emails or voicemails that are misogynistic). There may come a time, either when you’ve been passed over for a promotion or just when You Can’t Take It Anymore, that you want to bring suit.

c) Start a networking/support group for women in your niche area. (I’m assuming one doesn’t already exist; if one does, join it!) Whether it’s company-wide or city-wide, this is the perfect kind of impetus to create a networking group for women in your niche area. All it takes is one or two women at different companies to get the ball rolling; you could even reach out to your alumni groups to see if other women are working locally. This has a few advantages:

- You actually get encouragement and support from your female peers, and perhaps your group can even brainstorm for how to actually change things in the industry (or at least in your area). At the very least you can educate other women that these kinds of comments are not acceptable, which in and of itself might change things.

- Whether it’s a company-wide or area-wide network, you’ll be better tapped in to new job opportunities (one hopes) than your male colleagues.

- As the founder, you’ll get some exposure and notoriety — everyone in the area will know your name, and it’ll look great on your resume. People may even start coming to you to say “we have X job open, do you know anyone who might be looking?”

I would send out a few casual emails to see if other women in the area want to get together for drinks. I’d avoid making the initial email a “call to action” or complaining in any way about your experience — but rather just putting the feeler out to see if people want to get together. If other people have had similar experiences (and I’m sure they have) then your email will be welcome.

d) Leave the company. Ultimately, I think you’re on the right track by getting out of the company — this misogyny is absolutely something that should be mentioned at your exit interview, and I might even go so far as to write a letter to them so that any woman in the future (who might, say, bring suit) has evidence that the higher ups knew of the problem.

All right, readers, let’s hear it — how would you handle this kind of situation, both in the moment and down the line?

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The Chance Meeting with the VIP

by GuestPoster on 10/13/2011 · 41 comments

in Career, Networking, Professionalism

How do you take advantage of a chance meeting with a VIP — the company’s CEO, the partner with the “fun” work, the client you’re dying to work with? What should you say? Today’s guest poster, Belle from Capitol Hill Style, to weigh in — working in the Capitol she’s met her fair share of VIPs. She has some fabulous tips below, so enjoy! – Kat. (Pictured: Velvet ropes, originally uploaded to Flickr by Peter576.)

Walking through the marble halls of the United States Capitol, you are surrounded by VIPs. Every elevator, every corridor, every conference room is populated by Members of Congress, high-level Administration officials, television pundits, and occasionally, Hollywood celebrities. You can’t swing a Longchamp bag in this place without hitting someone noteworthy.

But how can you make a good impression on these VIPs and maximize the situation for your benefit?

Don’t Fade Away. More often than not, a person’s first instinct is to agree with everything a VIP says. To listen intently and nod when he is speaking, to laugh at his jokes, and generally give him the floor. After all, he is important and you are not.

But the truth is, you are better off fawning over the VIP like a Twihard with a passion for public policy than you are pleasantly fading into the background.

Seize the Moment. Don’t be afraid to talk to a VIP, even if you have to break the ice with something

I once brokered an important relationship with a Congresswoman from the South because I complimented her handbag in an elevator. We then spent a few minutes talking about how much we love Gilt Groupe and how great Rebecca Minkoff is. When we had exhausted that topic, she asked me what I was working on for my Boss.

Ten minutes later, I was adding her as a co-sponsor to my Boss’s bill and talking to her legislative aide about the possibility of holding hearings.

Unless the person looks busy or seems completely uninterested in talking to you, identify a piece of common ground and jump into the fray. As long as you’re polite and behave appropriately, the worst thing that can happen is that the VIP talks to you out of pity.

Be prepared. If you know that you’re going to be meeting with a VIP, take the time to brush up on their background, what they want to discuss in the meeting and write up a few preliminary questions. Someone who came to play is always appreciated.

Also, don’t limit yourself just to the reason for your meeting. A friend once bonded with a Cabinet Secretary because he knew that the Secretary had season tickets to the Orioles. During a lull in a meeting, he casually mentioned that he was going to a game. Six weeks later, he left his mid-level Hill job to work as the Secretary’s personal assistant.

Any information that you can gather that will show that you’re a knowledgeable and competent employee is helpful. But sometimes, it’s thinking outside the box that will yield the best results.

Don’t Kiss the Ring. My co-worker, a dedicated social butterfly with an enviable Rolodex full of VIPs, says that the trick is to talk to a VIP like a friend of a friend who you’re meeting for the first time. Make a genuine effort to get to know him, but never treat a VIP like he is above you.

VIPs are coddled and pampered by nearly everyone around them. Often, their looking for authentic, confident people who can set aside their status and like them for who they are. So don’t be afraid to make a few jokes, give the VIP a little bit of a hard time and talk to him like he’s an old friend from college.

Working in a building filled with VIPs, you develop a sense of how to interact with them. Professionalism is important, but you can’t be so afraid of making a mistake that you miss the opportunity to make an important connection.

Readers, how have you taken advantage of chance meetings with important people in your company or professional lives? Do you have any additional advice?

(L-0)

Interested in writing something similar for Corporette? Check out our guest posting guidelines.

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The Business Lunch, Gluten-Free

by GuestPoster on 09/13/2011 · 141 comments

in Business Etiquette, Comfort, Food, Issues, Lifestyle, Networking, Organization

If you have special eating needs, how do you navigate the business lunch, as well as other noshing and networking events? Today’s guest poster, Valerie from City|Life|Eats, tackles this very issue. Valerie is an old friend to Corporette, having posted here before about makeup and a favorite shirt. Enjoy! – Kat

It can be difficult to manage dietary restrictions with the demands on being a professional woman. Learning that certain foods are off-limits, whether because of Celiac disease, other autoimmune conditions, food allergies, food intolerances or sensitivities, means a lifestyle change that takes adjustment. When I learned I could not eat gluten, dairy, eggs and a host of other foods, I was concerned about how to manage these new restrictions, particularly with regards to my professional life. As an associate at a law firm in Washington, DC, I was acutely aware that business entertaining was only going to be a larger part of my life moving forward, as would business travel and conferences. It has been a couple of years now, and along the way it has gotten a lot easier. I do not hide the requirements of my restrictions, but manage them in such a way that the way I eat does not become a focal point of interacting with me either. (Pictured: gluten free and dairy free ranch dressing, originally uploaded to Flickr from elana’s pantry.)

The Big Picture

I have an abnormal immune reaction to eating gluten, which means I must avoid all forms of wheat, barley and rye. When eating out, this means both avoiding foods containing gluten and exposure to gluten through cross-contamination. Anything less than 100% compliance with avoiding gluten is not an option, nor is eating other foods I should avoid. My goal is always to minimize the number of opportunities of being exposed to foods that would cause a reaction but also not let that get in the way of business situations that require dining out.

The Business Lunch

The key with business meals for me is being able to order a meal without my dietary restrictions turning into a conversation piece that detracts from business at hand. I have a short list of restaurants that I know from past visits have procedures in place where they can feed gluten-free diners safely. I always call ahead to go over my dietary restrictions and, if I am not going to a go-to place, ask questions about cross-contamination. I also remind the host when I arrive at the restaurant to let the wait staff know. Setting expectations repeatedly and going to the same restaurants has generally worked, though I am lucky to generally have at least a day’s notice for such meals.

Another option is to order “off-camera” – this is helpful at restaurants without gluten-free menus where I need to order a dish with several substitutions/modifications. When I call ahead, I essentially place my order, such that by the time I am actually sitting at the restaurant, all I have to do is reconfirm with the waiter/waitress what I am ordering, rather than go through it from scratch. This is also a good strategy if you foresee the lunch being time-constrained for any reason. I also encourage you to check out these good tips on eating out when following a gluten-free diet, or these for dairy-free dining out.

Other Business Obligations That Involve Food

Business lunches and dinners are generally the setting where I have had to manage my dietary restrictions. There are of course many other settings, such as:

Socializing with Colleagues: My office does not have a culture of lunch with colleagues, so I generally I bring a lunchbox which includes a meal and snacks every day I am at the office. However, there are a couple of lunch places within a few blocks of work where I can eat a gluten-free meal also suited to my other food restrictions, which also comes in handy for the occasional lunch with colleagues.
Networking Events/Receptions: I usually stick to not eating in these situations, but make sure that I have something to drink so that my hands do not look obviously empty.
Conferences: At conference luncheons, I tend to just ask for a plain salad without dressing and/or steamed vegetables and supplement those with nuts and other snacks that I bring with me.
Business Travel: I have not had to travel much for work, so am including these links on traveling to a conference, business travel and Celiac disease, and a gluten-free blogger’s resort experience.

Valerie is an associate at a law firm in Washington, DC and intent on thriving in all aspects of life – professional and personal. She balances the demands of her work and long hours with her interests in food, healthy and mindful living, and a love for lists and planning, all of which you can find at her blog, City|Life|Eats. You can subscribe to City|Life|Eats via RSS or email or connect with Valerie via Twitter or Facebook.