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January* (major sale!) / February / March
April* (ooh, select colors and sizes down to $159)/ May* (60% off!!) / June*
July* / Aug.* / Sept.* (now $91!!)
Oct.* (under $50!) / Dec.* / Nov.* (great sale)
If you’re curious, here are links to the similar roundups from 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, and 2010.Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Merry Christmas to all of you who are also working today!
The original Scarlett
Thanks!!
OP
I’m afraid we might be the only ones “here”
Vicky Austin
I’m here!
Abby
Same I am here! Office closes at 1 (:
ElisaR
I’m here until 1pm too!
Anonymous
I’m here until 1pm too!
The Original ...
I’m here… both because I work from home and because my horrible holiday experiences means I try to do all I can to avoid thinking about today and tomorrow and eagerly awaiting when the music and the festivities go away.
annienomous
Begrudgingly, here. At least for another hour or so. I brought my preschooler, at least! He’s keeping things… interesting… for our skeleton crew.
Ellen
Agreed! I am still here, working and preparing for the inevitable questions I will receive this weekend from freinds and family:
“Why am I still UNMARRIED?”
“Your so pretty, why is not a man in your life already?”
“Ellen, your sister has 4 kids, and you are not married already? What are you waiting for?”
I found the perfect answer: This video from dictionary.com: I will just send them this hyperlink, and any other single women on this sight can do the same! I think this should quiet them down!
Happy Hanukah and Merry Christmas to the Entire HIVE!!!!!
https://www.dictionary.com/e/video/relationship-status-questions/?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=TUESDAY%20Daily%20Email%202019%202019-12-24&utm_term=Daily
Cookbooks
Same to you :)
Here for another hour a, and then I have 6 hour train ride.
Anonymous
here (and the only one on point from my team so i really need to be here), but working from home!
Anon
West coast chiming in
A.
Anyone feel like helping me decide on a weekend warrior bag? It needs to be able to hold kid snacks, my stuff (wallet, phone, keys, makeup bag), and maybe a sweater or two. I’m looking for something that will be good for errands, soccer/basketball games, and trips to friends’ houses. Backpack straps are a must.
Currently deciding between the Lo & Sons Edgemont (love that it converts to a tote) and the Patagonia Arbor Market 15L pack. Sway me one way or the other!
Anonymous
I am decidedly more casual, but any time I have to put in outwear, I bust our my larger-sized LL Bean backpack just to save my back and have lots of pockets.
The Edgemont seems like it could be useful 7 days a week, so maybe that?
BeenThatGuy
My vote would be for the Patagonia Arbor. Personally, I’d pick a fun color like toe Geode Purple or Tasmanian Teal.
Anonia
Fjallraven Vardag Totepack. Slightly bigger than the Patagonia, but cheaper. It’s quite comfortable to wear on my daily walk to work.
Anonymous
Do you send thank you notes for vendor gifts? I received a very nice gift basket from a vendor I’ve never used before. The card wasn’t signed by an individual, but from looking at their website, I see that a lady I met at a conference works there, so I’m assuming it’s from her/she added me to the gift recipient list. Should I write her a thank you note?
Anokha
I don’t.
Cat
I do when it’s a vendor I work with frequently and so I know who sent it. In this case, it’s so attenuated that I wouldn’t. Unless you want to work with her, in which case it’s a nice excuse to reach out… aka the reason she sent you the basket!
Ellen
I would. I get stuff from my cleints who I cater to all year, so when I got a nice box of chocolate from a nice guy (who is as old as my father), I wrote him a nice handwritten note thanking him for being so nice and for being current on all of his companys bills.
I am still working on my 2019 YE billings, which I expect to complete by 12/27 and send out. The manageing partner says I am current on over 96% of my billings, so I will remind the other 4% by email for payment this year and then collect after January 1, once Frank adds in the 3% fee for late payments.
This year has been pretty good, tho my actual billeings are down from last year b/c of all of the non-billeables the manageing partner had me do in preperatoins for me becoming the eventual manageing partner once he takes on partial retirement and “of cousel” status. His name will remain at the top of our firm listing, even though he will be part time. I suppose in 30 years, I will be in the same spot, unless I meet a guy to marry b/f then. Dad says be hopeful but realistic, and now I know what he was talking about. FOOEY!
anon
No. They are advertising themselves to you.
Anonymous
Merry Xmas eve. I am sure the answer is “couples counseling”, but thought I’d post to see if there are other perspective and advice. DH and I have this argument pattern that has gotten beyond dysfunctional. I get overwhelmed by what we’re discussing- can feel myself getting heated, and indicate kindly and gently that I need a break to cool off. When I say break, I mean “do not interact with me until I interact with you first” (usually 10min to an hour). However this sets him off into a really anxious mode and he won’t leave me alone and is 10x needier for my attention than usual. So I lose my temper and he loses his. And he is like how do we solve this??? Maybe I am ignoring that the problem clearly starts with me, but I just feel like, is it really so unreasonable to want to be left alone so I can cool down? We are both really frustrated and talking past each other.
Anon
I honestly have no idea, I can totally understand why that’s frustrating for both of you. But seems like the perfect time to bring in outside help.
Anon
It is perfectly reasonable and grown up to take a time out when you feel yourself getting angry, so good for you.
He should also take a time out when he feels rejected by your time out, but I suppose you’ve suggested this and it has failed.
Is it possible for you to take a walk around the block or something during your cooling off period? That way he can’t keep coming at you and escalating.
Anonymous
Have you talked about this in a calm moment? What does he say?
I’ve had this problem with a couple of exes and unfortunately I don’t have a good solution. The last one would follow me from room to room or outside or even in my car. In calm moments, he acknowledged his behavior was problematic, but he kept doing it. If your husband acknowledges the problem but does it anyway, he needs individual therapy to work through his feelings of abandonment and rejection over this.
For you – think about what exactly is triggering this reaction in you. If you don’t know, individual therapy might help you with that. Once you know your triggers (mine are being interrupted, not feeling heard, and being stonewalled) you and DH can figure out how to prevent this situation from happening in the first place, perhaps with the help of a couples counselor.
The Original ...
When you need a break, you seem to be saying “I need to take a breath so I can communicate more clearly and calmly.” and what he is hearing and reacting to is “I control this conversation and I decide if we ever speak again and you can do nothing but wait and hope I return to you.” As a response, he freaks out in fear that he’s out of control and you may never want to talk to him again.
If you were actually saying what he hears, his reaction would not be weird. However, you know what you mean so, for you, it feels disrespectful and overwhelming. You push away more, which furthers his fears based on what he heard, so he doubles down, which creates a cycle.
I would recommend talking about this when there is nothing wrong, rather than to wait for a situation where this brews again. Maybe it would help to say, “I can’t think or respond well when I need to calm down and, to calm down, I need space. I get that my need for space upsets you and I don’t want to upset you.” Then, how about grabbing a timer (or even buy a silly shaped timer) and agreeing that, from now on, when things get heated, either person can call “timer” (or think of another word that is neutral, such as the shape of the timer). When a person says that, it always always means “I love you and I want to communicate with you more effectively. Because I love you, I need a moment to be by myself to gather myself and my thoughts. Then, we will come back together and talk more.” (You could even print that out and keep it with the timer) and decide on the length of the time that the timer will always be set for (long enough that it’s enough time for you, short enough that it doesn’t feel like abandonment for him.) If it helps, you could even agree upon who goes where for that time.
This creates a system. From now on, when you need it, you use the agreed upon word, he knows what it means (or if you think he may need to see it, print the words and hand him the paper), set the timer, and separate. When the timer goes off, both people come together and talk again.
This should give each person what they need, keep the situation from escalating, and result in a solved problem without hurt feelings.
Hope this helps! <3
Anon
I agree so much with your first two paragraphs. OP, what I think you’re saying and probably not intending is “I control this conversation” and that’s why I think you probably should get some couples counseling, so you guys can figure out together how to manage this when it occurs.
anon
Agree that the loss of control could make things more complicated. I was going to suggest that you take an hour to clear your head as a default time interval, to remove a level of complexity.
Anonymous
This used to be me and my husband. Yes, therapy helped. Our therapist recommended the book Attached by Amir Levine. Turns out I was more avoidant attached and he was more anxious attached – not a great combo. But reading about it and understanding what was going on with each other helped us calm down a lot. He started to learn that when I needed space it wasn’t a catastrophe and because he gave me space, I was better able to give him the energy/attention he needed because I wasn’t feeling like I needed to get away. Things are much, much better now.
OP
I have been away all day but have just gotten a chance to read everyone’s responses. I am blown away, thank you all so, so much for your truly thoughtful responses and suggestions. I will take them to heart, this is so helpful. I really mean it.
anon
One suggestion a counselor offered my family was: when you need a time-out, commit to when you will come back to the conversation at a specific time.
Anonymous
As the avoidant one with an anxious partner, setting a time and coming back before that time (eg if I said I need half an hour, come back after 25 mins), and starting with some kind words has helped a lot. It’s hard for me, but has helped my partner be okay with letting me go for a walk or getting away when I can show that it is genuinely because I need the space and not because I want to get away from them.
I always felt like they were the one trying to control the conversation by not wanting me to leave, but I have also been trying to see their response as what anon says above, ie that they are reacting out of fear, and trying to be empathetic to that fear while still maintaining the boundary of what I need to cool down. Seeing their response as valid and not ‘needy’ is still hard in the heat of the moment, but I hit a point where I realised that I was exacerbating the situation by not showing him respect and care simply because he has a different response to conflict than I do. And the moment I started treating his response like it was legitimate, he improved in his response to my needs. It’s not always perfect but it’s a million times better than it was a couple of years ago.
LaurenB
I had this – I was the one who wouldn’t let my spouse walk away and I’d follow him around. Therapy revealed that it traced back to an abandonment issue that occurred when I was 5 (a family member of mine walked away from a situation somewhat angry and I never saw him again). Adult me fully understands that the two things were not connected (the person died and he wasn’t really mad at me in the first place) but 5 year old me interpreted it as “if people get mad at you and they leave, you’ll never see them again”). This was a breakthrough defining insight and allowed me to recognize that “letting” husband cool off was safe for me to do – he would come back.
Dog owners of BigLaw?
For those of you in BigLaw (who I know are working today) who have dogs, could you let me know:
— breed (esp. if you have a larger breed dog that may need a bit of exercising vs toy poodle)
— walks/day (I know that this will vary a big by age of dog in addition to breed)
— cost of walkers / doggie daycare / boarding when you travel
This spring I am moving into housing where having a dog is feasible. I am trying to budget for expenses for someone who is gone most of the day and travels 2-3 times per month. I think that dogs have to have had all shots and be fixed to go to doggie daycare.
My plan is to get an older dog, but DH also wants the type of dog he had growing up, which might entail a puppy (which I am not in favor of generally). Also, my sense is that my kids (gangly, not strong) are not old enough to walk a dog near busy streets without an adult (they aren’t of the age where they wouldn’t chase a dog into traffic trying to get it to come back; that isn’t how dogs work and they don’t appreciate car danger nearly enough). Late middle school maybe?
We are in an inner suburban area of a large city (like Arlington / Bethesda, if that reference helps).
Anonymous
I’ll let the dogs owners answer your question, but I will add that I have the same dispute re type of dog in my own head. (Older dog vs puppy of a specific breed). I plan to get a dog in the next few years. I’ve decided nonpuppy now, then get a puppy from my favorite breeds when my youngest in 10 years. I’m not Biglaw, but I bill and travel. A puppy just doesn’t make sense now.
Explorette
Haha, yup, here in the office! And with my dog! I have a standard poodle, who does need a bit of exercising. I take him for a run in the morning 2-3 times a week and a long one on the weekend, and that seems to be enough. He sleeps the rest of the day and doesn’t seem to mind being home alone. I do have a dog door so he can get outside during the day if he needs to. I take him to daycare about once a month, usually when it’s a busy week and I haven’t been able to get him out for his runs. I buy passes in bunches, and I think it comes to about $15 a visit. Same daycare boards him when I travel, which is about $40 a night.
trefoil
Not BigLaw, but litigation with unpredictable hours. I have a Great Dane who sometimes come to work with me. He gets one walk a day (usually either a short leashed walk or a longer run at the dogpark) and naps the rest of the day away. My partner has better hours than I do so he lets him out at lunch sometimes. When neither of us can get home, we get neighbour teens to let him out and check his food/water. Daycare is about $20 here, and boarding about $40 plus extras for early drop off/late pick up.
We picked the Dane because he’s super lazy and chill, and works well with our life, but they’ve got notoriously short lifespans compared to smaller breeds.
Walnut
Not big law, but long hours with a Great Dane. Lazy and chill is spot on. I’ve had great luck with rescue Danes.
My first was already 7 or 8 when I got her and lived until 14 or 15. She was a ball of separation anxiety, with a huge personality and my true soul dog.
My second Dane (foster failure) is probably mixed with something and was 3ish and is now pushing ten years. He’s been the most perfect gentleman since day 1 and still has years ahead of him.
anon
Puppies are a lot of work. I highly recommend getting an older dog where you know more about their personality. If you want a specific breed, check into breed specific rescues.
Anonymous
As someone said, puppies are a lot of work. BUT so are senior dogs. Seniors get sick, need medicine, may need to go out more, etc. I’m not sure what “older dog” means to you and others, but I would try for an adult dog in the 2-4 year range, but not older for these reasons. The dog will be past the crazy puppy stage and should be housebroken but you shouldn’t run into senior dog issues. Also, I strongly recommend considering adopting a rescue. They are the best and really need forever homes.
anon
We’ve had a toy Manchester terrier for about a month and a half, so this might not be the most useful, but…
I walk him to school in the morning and we have a dog walker who comes at noon ($100/week). Our nanny comes at 2:30 and will play with him/let him out into the fenced yard. My kids aren’t old enough to take him for a walk but I think will be able to when he’s a little older/calmer (my 5th grade walks his dog cousin, but he’s 8). Having a small dog is nice because a “walk” doesn’t take a long time.
The Original ...
Gently, if you’re not home much and your kids aren’t able to walk the dog or be responsible for the dog and your spouse wants a puppy of a specific breed even though a puppy doesn’t fit with your family, I wonder if this is the right time to get a dog. While your next home may allow for one, it doesn’t sound like a dog and the responsibilities of both the exercise and the emotional health and discipline fits into your life right now. A dog of any age may have anxiety, it may want hours to play and snuggle with its people, etc. etc. in addition to the bare minimum for exercise and food. It may also impact sleep schedules and such as well. None of that seems to fit what you’re saying about your family right now.
Maybe consider waiting until the kids are old enough that they can walk the dog on their own safely and participate in training classes and caring for the dog? At that point, a dog of 2-4 years is probably best as it would be lower maintenance than a puppy or senior dog. Then the kids will be old enough to contribute to care and to begin to understand the responsibility and importance of caring for every aspect of a dog’s life and that can make it easier on you and your spouse when it comes to handling all of those tasks!
Anon
As a counterpoint, I’ve owned several dogs that I got when they were young-ish adults and none of them messed with my sleep or required hours of attention every day. You definitely do not want a puppy. But your life does not seem incompatible at all with an adult dog, especially if you have money to throw at things like dog walkers (which may be necessary for Big Law but aren’t always necessary for jobs with shorter hours…adult dogs are generally fine home alone for 9-10 hrs/day).
Anonymous
Just wanted to add, when we got married, DH was totally set on a springer spaniel, because he had those growing up and remembered them as just the most family friendly, chill, cuddly, wonderful dogs. We both worked full time and lived in the Midwest where walking a dog in winter isn’t very fun, but I figured he knew what he was talking about. I’d never had a pet.
So we got one. She chewed through walls, shoes, socks and peed straight up in the air when people came to the door. I asked my MIL about it and she looked at me like I was nuts — she said all their Springers were high energy, destructive, needed a ton of exercise. We ended up giving the dog to a family who lived on a farm.
Next time we wanted a dog, we did research and decided on a Labrador. 3 Labs later, DH completely agrees this is our breed — this is the level of exercise, cuddling, and destruction we can handle. First one was a puppy and while she was a wonderful dog, puppies are a lot of work and we know we’re not home to do it. So our last 2 have been rescues and they have been amazing.
So — DH’s memories were colored by being a kid, having his parents do the work, and by the dogs being older before he remembered them. Wish I’d known that first.
Mineallmine
I was working in Biglaw when I got my two retired racing greyhounds. They were super chill. I had a dog walker so I could work longer hours, but they were always fine for at least 12 hours on their own even without a walker. My last one passed away recently, and I miss them both. They have moved with me abroad, dealt with all kinds of crazy travel schedules, lived in flats and were completely unflappable. One nice things about greyhounds is that they’re used to kennels, so when I couldn’t find a better solution, I knew they were ok going to a kennel. But if you work with your local adoption group, they usually can recommend someone to watch them in their home.
Telco Lady JD
+1
We have two retired racing greyhounds – one that is 11 (I adopted her when she was 5) and one that is 3 (we adopted him just before he turned 2). They’re wonderful dogs.
Kale
Midlaw partner here with a spouse who works even longer hours than I do. We got a rescue dog that was also a puppy over the summer right before our oldest two kids (twins) started middle school. The kids have cell phones, which is important in the event something were to happen while watching or walking the dog. I try to walk the dog for a 20 minute before work but it only happens maybe once or twice a week because our mornings are hectic. The kids take the bus home and immediately take the dog out of its crate for a walk and then feed it lunch. If the dog remains hyper, they take the dog for another walk around the block. Once a week the kids have early release day so the dog is crated for a shorter time that day. We try to take the dog to the off leash dog park every weekend. When we travel, we pay someone from rover.com and it costs about $35 a day ($45 is the holiday rate). The kids have loved having a dog and have shown a lot of responsibility caring for it. If my twins weren’t willing to do this work, I would not have gotten the dog because it is a fair amount of work. I also wanted an older dog but this puppy was surprisingly easy to potty train (she is treat-motivated). Her kibble costs about $15 a month.
Breaking a Lease
After 4-5 months of unresponded to complaints to the apartment complex about the untenable tenants below me, I have to break my lease. My lease says I need to give 30 days notice and pay a 1 month break lease fee. The notice I can do but I am trying to get out of the fee because the move is due to the neighbors, not due to my whims. (I lived here for 2 years with no issues or complaints, the issues with these tenants began and were reported immediately when they moved in and the apt manager has done nothing to stop the problem.)
I have some emails of complaints to show (probably 5), I can get phone records to show calls to the complex management (probably 30 calls), and it looks like I will be able to get a medical document to show that their w33d smoking and it wafting into my home nightly has led to increased migraines. I understand that the person has a medical card, but this cannot possibly mean that I am stuck either suffering or paying for the cost of breaking my lease, can it?
I’m NAL. What more can or should I have in order to present the best possible case? I am planning to give notice either with the proof or with an email listing and offering to provide the proof. I am hoping to get this just taken care of, without a huge long fight or without having to be threatened to either pay or go to collections or something awful. (If it matters, the complex is huge and it is owned by a corporation that owns properties throughout the US.)
Thanks!
Anon
Have you just asked your landlord yet? Honestly I’d start there. If they say no, you need to pay then start getting into the legal arguments. But given all of the complaints you’ve made, they might just be willing to let you go.
Anonymous
This. Also, be prepared to plead your case to a regional manager. The people at your local property probably don’t have the authority to waiver contract issues so if they can’t/won’t budge, ask for someone in the corporate offices that can help.
Anon
We broke our lease early and never paid a fee that our contract (2 months rent) required and the leasing company never even noticed or mentioned it. Sometimes these things do work out without a huge fight.
Anon
I’ve spent a bunch of time this past year aligning my spending with my values — buying clothing from ethically made manufacturers, food from farmers markets, other things from thrift stores. I’m not perfect but I’ve made a ton of progress.
However, all of my retirement is invested in anonymous index funds, and most of my other savings is at Vanguard. My boycott of Amazon isn’t as effective if I own their stock through my index funds.
I’m wondering if there’s a company that specializes in mutual funds that invest in companies who do some good, or at least aren’t evil? Or any funds at Vanguard that are particularly great?
Monte
You can research ESG funds, but there have been a number of stories recently about the lack of transparency in how funds determine whether a fund is acting in a socially responsible way. If you do a search for stories regarding the SEC’s recent call for more oversight of ESG funds, you can get a sense of how difficult it is to ensure that your fund will act in accordance with your values.
Digby
Look for socially responsible investing (SRI). Vanguard has at least one find that they say fits the bill – the Social Fund. Of course, what Vanguard or anyone else thinks is socially responsible may not match your goals, so you may need to do a lot of research to find your match.
Anonymous
We have friends who use a financial planner whose focus is in this area, maybe look for that?
Anonymous
I’m trying to click on that teal green jacket in the second row but it’s bringing me to a floral dress. Please help!
Kat G
You can’t click the pictures, you have to click the hyperlinked months below each picture — sorry about that!