2018 was a great year for suits for women — these are some of my favorites from our regular feature, “Suit of the Week,” which, as we note each week, seeks to find “the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.” If you’re on the hunt for basic suiting, note that we did some major updates to our roundups of interview suits for women, including doing roundups for regular, petite, and plus size suits. Of course, don’t forget to check out The Corporette Guide to Basic Women’s Suiting (recently updated!).
Here are links to our favorite women’s suits from 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012 and 2010.
Above: January / February / March
Above: July* / August* / September* (lots of burgundy suit still on sale!)
Above: October* / November* / December* (crazy sales on the dark gray suit from October!)
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Shower but no tub?
We are remodeling a bathroom that will be en suite to a bedroom (not the master). We will have a master bathroom (shower, no tub) and a hall bathroom with a traditional tub/shower combo. I am not a bath person (so no bath/shower combo in master and OMG so not into the solo soaking tub (personally and due to old-house space constraints)). If we have the space to do a shower/tub combo, does that make more sense vs tiled-in shower that can’t be a tub? Or just go with the tiled-in shower (which I think can be a little larger)?
Thoughts? I just hate to do what is a bad idea (or bad-for-resale) if I ever need to sell (only time as a seller was in 2008-20099, which has left me with enough bitterness to last a decade).
In case it matters — bathroom’s main user will be an elementary-school girl, who can get booted out when we have lots of houseguests. No friends/family visitors have young kids who might need tubs for bathing. In the next 10 years, there is a remote possibility of either an elderly (but largely mobile at the moment) parent coming to live, which is equally as remote a possibility of someday having an aupair use that suite when kids are older.
House is 4 BR, 3.5 baths.
I don’t see any downside to the shower/tub combo if you can fit it. It is no harder to clean than a tiled-in shower, and it is more flexible long term. Your daughter may embrace baths, and if you resell to someone who uses this as a young child’s bedroom/bath they may want the tub.
I vote tiled shower. You need at least one tub in the house, but you already have one.
I think as long as you have a bathtub in another bathroom in the house, you’re good, only for the resale options. We saw a few homes that only had a tub/shower combo in the master, which was weird.
Never too many shoes...
I agree with the above – as long as there is one bath, you are golden. A larger tiled shower is more modern and, let’s face it, if you have guests they are far more likely to take a shower rather than a bath.
Definitely go with the tiled shower – more modern, desirable and practical and easy to maintain
I agree with all of the above. You’re not screwing yourself by having NO baths in a family sized home, but also, you don’t have to put an extra bathtub where you don’t want one!
I agree with everyone. As long as you have a bathtub somewhere in the house, you are fine!
I love ❤️ my tub! AfterA long hard day at work, I just relax with my bubbleBath for at least 1/2 hour and then shower off.I don’t know what I would do if I did not have my bubble bath! Yay!
Another vote for the shower since you have a tub option that is easily accessible to the non-master BRs. Bonus points if you include a little footrest-ledge to help with leg-shaving (if there’s not a seat/bench as part of the plan).
I second the vote for a footrest. I have always been terrible at shaving my legs without one and I’m 36!
Amen to the leg-shaving station!
I actually disagree with everyone. When you resell if you think this will be a child’s bathroom, I’d want a shower/tub combo. The next inhabitant of the room could be 2 or 20. That said, if resale is in the distant future, you should do what you prefer.
Agreed. Tub is good for resale, but if you intend to be here long term I wouldn’t sweat it too much.
I’m waiting for start date confirmation at big tech company for new job starting in January; waiting for background check to clear (7-10 business day turnaround and I submitted on December 18 so with holidays in between, this may take a little longer – I have excellent credit, no convictions, past 10 years with same employer so there is no concern on the check, just taking a little while). I am super excited – announced to the team, assigned a territory, they ordered my laptop and scheduled me for meetings, including conference, but I don’t have a start date yet. So, I am patiently and anxiously awaiting start date confirmation while also tending to former job. I’m doing everything I can to get ready for the new role and getting ready to depart old role…there is nothing to be anxious about but this is a bit stressful. I need some advice on how to be patient and anything else to mindfully prepare for new role during this waiting period. Thanks in advance!
Be patent. You have the job. Just hold your jet’s, dad says, and he is right. Make sure you get the owner’s manual for your new laptop b/c it is not with the laptop, it is on the web. You want to make sure you know what each of the Function keys are and where they are and what they do. That way, when you get the lap top, you will hit the ground running. But kudo’s for you and best of luck on the job! YAY!!!
Anyone doing new years resolutions / annual focuses for 2019? I’m doing a different challeneg every month (do a yoga video every day, keep a floss chart, etc.) and could use some inspiration!
yeah, this year more than others I want to really focus on my fitness and commit to daily yoga. I am really out of shape. :/
My most successful past resolutions were to use facial sunscreen every day, and to drink at least two Nalgenes full of water per day. A decade later, my skin looks better than my peers and I get a headache if I drink less than four Nalgenes per day (this may or may not be a good thing; yes I go to the bathroom a lot). My least successful resolutions have been less concrete things like “be more patient.” Spoiler alert: I’m still impatient.
Oof, holiday break-ups are the worst. I am hiding out at work today, just trying to avoid everyone’s conversations about NYE plans, of which I suddenly have none…
Does anyone have any happy stories of mid-thirties dating to help cheer me up?
30s date is tough because there is so.much.pressure to get married. For me, once I hit 40, I started meeting lovely men and eventually got married to my perfect for me person. Hang in there, learn what didn’t work, don’t settle. My mantra is ask yourself if you like him, not the other way around.
I quote SATC like others quote the Bible, but there is an episode comparing (favorably) dating in your 20s to dating in your 30s. It’s the one where Charlotte gets crabs. Can’t remember the title of it.
I’m sorry about your breakup. They’re tough, and especially around the holidays.
Just because you asked about happy stories— I’m 36 and have been divorced for a year and a few months. I was getting discouraged because I felt like all the men my age were single for a reason or looking for younger women. Even through that experience, I thought dating in my mid 30s was fun a lot of the time because I am more comfortable with myself and don’t have to care about whether people are judging me for when I sleep with someone, etc.
Then I went to a dinner party and met a wonderful man who’s compatible with me in so many interesting and important ways. We’ve been basically inseparable for the last couple of months and having so much fun. We both know what we want and we both appreciate what’s happening because we’ve been through bad relationships by now. Of course, it could all crash and burn, but I try not to focus as much on that.
And I +10000000 to the poster above who said she realized that the point of dating is to decide if she likes him rather than the other way around. That takes so much pressure off.
I hope you have time for lots of self care this weekend and that you’re able to get out there and have fun soon.
This is a great story! Congratulations!
And yes to the point of dating! When I divorced a few years ago (at 54!!) I swore I wasn’t going to date anybody who wasn’t crazy about me and I wasn’t going to chase boys. It cut down on the dating pool but all it took was one and we’ve been married for two years now and couldn’t be happier.’
Hugs to you, OP! Better days are coming!
So I’ll get the bad out of the way first by saying dating in your thirties unabashedly sucks because (even in large cities) there is really just no one left! I mentioned to a married friend in her early 40s that I have a Hinge date tonight and she said “I’ve been trying to think of a single guy to set you up with and I don’t know any!” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met nice people online dating and in bars but I have trouble making lasting connections that way (met all my exes in school or through friends), but at all the parties/events/hobbies I go to there are really very few single people.
So the good is not so much about dating in your 30s, but pretty soon you’ll find your single people crew and it won’t matter so much– you’ll have your friend for holidays and weekends and dating becomes just less important. Breakups absolutely suck but you WILL be happy again.
I’m sorry about your breakup – they do certainly suck. But I actually think dating in your mid-30s is pretty great. In counterpoint to another poster, 36 was right around when a lot of good men came back on the market after a marriage or LTR in their 20s. After a number of casual dates, I started dating my SO at 36, and we just moved in together after 2 years of dating.
Additionally, I feel like I know myself so much better now. I don’t try and please the person I’m on a date with. I know where I stand on marriage and kids, so I’m resistant to external pressure on this issues.
I hope this happens for me. I have been in a LT relationship with a looser, and ever since him, men just think that b/c I am in my mid 30’s and cute that I must not have a head on my shoulder’s so they think I am merely out there to give them s-x. Nothing can be further from the truth. Why cant a pretty professional woman like me in her 30’s be viewed as marrage material? Men want only to be with me long enough to have s-x, then they just leave! I do not consider myself an over s-xueal person, but once I do let a guy into my bed, I am not a prude, so I do NOT understand why after s-x, these NYC guys just disapear. FOOEY on them!
met my husband one week before my 35th birthday.
i’m in NYC area, most of the guys from tri-state were jerks. one told me he gets tons of dates because he’s not as BIG of a jerk as many others. he was serious. ugh. I always suspected I’d have better luck with a transplanted fellow (from the mid west or another country. YMMV, but my own unscientific look back shows that was true. also, I had just imposed a guy – atus because I was fed up being expected to be a barbie or men kept asking how much I made so they could be sure they made more. (lots of finance folk here)
Don’t give up, somewhere, there is a nice guy just for you. :) meanwhile, enjoy some extra time and work on your own focus. it seems to work overtime!
I don’t know if I will get much traction today but I am planning a team retreat and would love to hear what activities you have done at work retreats that you have found most valuable. The goals are planning and team building for non-profit development professionals.
We only have a half day and morale has been low. My boss is incredibly smart and good at what she does but isn’t a great manager. I have pushed for time away from the office to look at the year and motivate for the very big goals that lie ahead. Boss agreed but I know she won’t plan anything. I would like to approach her with a proposed schedule at our next one-on-one.
Suggestions for structure, activities, resources, etc. welcome! TIA.
For a half day I think you need to be very focused. Is the goal morale? Is it team building? Is it goal setting? Is it motivation? My team really likes volunteering together. It’s team work, outside our usual confines, and we play a kind of back office role tangentially related to the charity so it’s nice to be on the front lines.
My tip to you would be not to plan a bunch of embarrassing icebreakers. My best friend had a retreat with an interpretive dance icebreaker and she is still scarred all these years later. Better ways to boost morale include good food, a reasonable schedule for the retreat (not jammed with no chance to get a drink or take a bathroom break), and listening to what your employees have to say.
This might not work if you have more people, but my last company retreat featured a jeopardy game about everyone. We had about 30 attendees. Everyone had to submit 3 fun facts about themselves and the organizer picked some and organized them into categories. A lot of us thought it would be silly, but it was actually really fun and we got to know interesting facts about our coworkers. I remember we divided into teams of about 5 people and he had 2 rounds (plus final jeopardy, which was a pop culture question) with about 15 questions per round.
We did this once too. Similar experience – several folks were grumbling that it seemed silly, but in the end it turned out to be really amusing and interesting.
When we do this (midsize nonprofit) we have more time, but here’s what we do:
– Well in advance, departmental leadership talks to the Biggest Bosses about areas where more communication and collaboration could be helpful; in the week before the big meeting, Biggest Bosses plan smaller breakout meetings (over lunch, for example) to facilitate those conversations prior to the big meeting.
– For one day, everyone (senior staff) meets offsite. There’s an agenda, like “here are things HR needs everyone to know” and “IT is doing A, B, and C, but needs to hear from all of you about how to make the details work for you” and “Department is doing Thing in Country, how can Other Departments contribute?” etc. It’s not everyone sitting down and listening to powerpoints, but explicitly a brainstorming conversation organized around certain topics.
– Afterward we have dinner. I think the “team building” really happens in the meeting. We feel connected and motivated and get a morale boost from looking at the big picture and connecting across departments. The dinner is just gravy, and a chance to build on the personal connections.
It’s a (relatively) little thing but if you can spring for catered breakfast and/or lunch I’ve always really appreciated that – having worked most of my career in non-profit/government where there isn’t much money for those kinds of extras, good food at retreats was a nice touch.
Maybe you’ve done this already, but if not, survey (at least some of) your team to ask what they want to get out of the retreat before you get too far into planning the exact structure, activities etc. Do they wish for time to work together on a practical application/project, such as planning out a big picture view of the year ahead? Or do they need professional development on a certain set of skills in order to tackle the work ahead? Obviously you and your manager may have insight on what the team may need that they may not have, so I don’t mean to say you should default to whatever the whole group wants. But, especially if morale is low, it’s probably a good idea to let the staff have some input and not feel like the retreat is a thing being done to them.
Why is morale low?
Maybe not what you want to hear, but I personally hate mandatory fun. “Team building” activities — whether that’s an escape room, outdoor activity, or whatever — are more accurately “resentment building” activities to many people.
If the source of the low morale is inconsistent and poor leadership, do your best to fill it in! “Here are our 3 biggest goals for the year. Here are incremental goals to help keep us on track. Here’s how each member will contribute.” And then have your team’s back with respect to their efforts and coordinating with others to present a unified message. Maybe do that in the late morning, have a team lunch, and let everyone go home early afterward?
This +1,000 when morale is low, forced team activities are awful. Their morale isn’t low because they haven’t been required to attend team events. It’s also bad for morale to spend money on something few people truly want with low return (team building) when you can gi e them something people generally like (actual good leadership, free food and time off).
Having attended multiple similar events in corporate arena as a senior level individual contributor to the team, it’s very important to incorporate the team’s input to agenda ahead of the event and then plan for collaborative discussion. The least favorable agenda I attended was ones where they have a series of speakers talking at the team…..like classroom style with ‘instructors’..we could ask questions, but the agenda was set and we had no input and there was no collaborative discussion. The team will appreciate providing input and feeling heard vs. a top down style. So there will be some constructive input – gather that and read that back to the team after the event in some way. And please try hard to put some of their suggestions into action….you want their buy in to make this a regular practice going forward.
anon a mouse
It seemed ridiculous at the time, but early on in a new job (at a newly founded org) we were handed a stack of old magazines and given 20 minutes to cut out a picture (or pictures) that represented our work style/philosophy, and tape it to a piece of paper. Then the organizer taped them up around the room and we had to guess who chose which one. It was a great icebreaker for about 25 people who didn’t know each other well, and also was a great intro into an exercise that talked about different work styles and how to work together.
These are all such great ideas and questions. Thank you! The retreat will be just our team of seven. I love the idea of asking in advance what people would like to get out of it before planning too much.
Morale is low because of some underlying team dynamics and a really hard year full of (too many) events, last-minute everything, and goals that feel overwhelming. 2019 isn’t going to be any better.
I feel like I fill in for the boss on the morale front and she is ok with that.
If 2019 isn’t going to be any better what’s the point? Don’t waste the time or money if no one cares to make actual changes.
I worked in a low morale, VERY high stress group for 4+ years and we had a number of offsites during that period to try to work on the morale issue. Quite simply, morale would have improved if we had enough staff to do the job, and if we were paid adequately for the number of hours we were all working. But the offsites (which were hosted by consultants and were very, very expensive! When they were saying there was no budget for raises!) just took us away from work that was piling up, and added to the stress.
A game like “bring in an artifact from your life and tell us what it says about you” is just insulting to a group of adults who really only want to be back in the office getting the work done so that they might be able to spend one day of the weekend with their families.
OH! Also, the offsites started on a Sunday so that was one less day with family for all of us. Please do not do this to your team.
In the spirit of your question, though, the most truly bonding exercises were some sort of competition — puzzles or games, split into two or more opposing teams. At least we bonded with our fellow team members during the competition, and got to yell “suck it” to our colleagues on the other teams. :)
Oh, man. I am so sorry. That sounds truly terrible. Right now I have a half day scheduled for a Friday and everyone will get to go home after lunch (which I am thinking I will either just suck it up and provide myself or we’ll do a potluck).
I should be very clear that I am not in a management role. We are an extraordinarily flat organization and all report to the same VP. I tend to see these issues and want to make time for them in a way that my boss just can’t. I think selfishly this is also a good opportunity for me to demonstrate some skills that are not usually called on in my day to day.
It isn’t. Why on earth would you personally provide food? That’s dumb. Don’t.
My not-very-positive warning is to take those team dynamics very seriously. If you have a low-morale team who is very aware that nothing is going to change in 2019, and if your boss has no intention of changing her leadership style, there is very little you can do in 2 or 3 hours on a Friday morning to make a dent in that situation. I have been to events with similar dynamics in place and HATED the entire thing, because I fully understood that nothing would come of what we were doing.
I’d either give everyone the full day off, or use those three hours for some actual group work, like mapping out a project plan for the year.
That’s a good point.
I agree. If you think it’s feasible to get the group together and really accomplish something (sometimes having everyone sit down and figure out a plan is extremely productive!) in a few hours, especially if it’s something forward looking (how to attack Upcoming Project A), I think that could really boost morale. Throw in some pizza and salad and I’d love you.
I think the key is to have some activity that requires teamwork. Divide people into small groups, have them work on some project, then present to the group. I’m a lawyer so I’ve done deposition/trial stuff, but I’ve also attended public speaking, networking skills, and communications workshops. One seminar had a pretzel making event – we were divided into teams of ~10 (smaller would’ve been better) and each team had to come up with 3 unique pretzel recipes. The teams then presented their new recipes to the entire group. It was fun and silly and pretty universally well-received. That event pairs well with booze (might’ve been why everyone had fun, come to think of it….).
There is a podcast called “The Look and Sound of Leadership” and the October 2018 episode was about how to structure a team offsite. There were good suggestions and resources in there. Good Luck!
I think this sort of thing is only effective if you think big picture. (The artifact example made me cringe in horror and annoyance for those poor employees.) Why is morale low? If you had endless resources to fix the issues, what would you do? Work to figure out your groups core psychological needs and design whatever you do to address those needs. I’m a lawyer in a small firm. Our retreats improve moral not because of any specific activity, but because they address big picture needs— do I feel like the partners care about who I am, and my career development, or am I just a timekeeper who will get pushed out if needed? Do I feel like I trust can them? How are our lines of communication? Can I be open with them? Will they be honest and candid with me? Is our firm is full of biglaw refugees– are we still intentionally valuing culture and work/life balance? Am I being heard? Do I feel acknowledged? If we’re over-stressed, is there a light at the end of the tunnel? What measurable steps are being taken to address the underlying issues? Do I feel connected with my team?
Yes to so much of this. I think we all need to feel more “seen” by leadership.
If you could use the time to do a site visit to see the work your fundraising is supporting firsthand, that might be great – a chance to remember how valuable your daily grind is and why it is important. That plus a nice free lunch might be a great way to go.
When our development dept did this, we retreated to our board chair’s fancy conference room, he provided a nice lunch, and we focused on practical stuff like breaking down silos between sub departments. We also focused on talking about new projects that might (possibly) make our ambitious goals attainable.
I think the first paragraph of this is the best idea yet.
What is the deal with procrastinating, conflict averse men? I’ve experienced the same pattern with multiple guys: I say I’d like to do X, which is several months/weeks in the future and requires some level of planning. He says ok. I try to make plans/set a time to make plans, and he comes up with excuse after excuse about why he can’t make plans rightthisminute even though he’s totally on board with X and wants to make plans together (i.e. I can’t do it on my own) – I’m working late, it’s not a good time, oh was tonight the night we were supposed to look at hotels sry I forgot it’s my mom’s bday, etc. After weeks of this, I’ll finally corner him and say – no more excuses, either I’m booking something right now with or without your input, or you’re going to tell me why you’re blowing me off. He comes clean and tells me he never wanted to do X. Ok then why didn’t you say so months ago??? “I thought you’d be mad.” Did you think I’d be LESS mad if you wait until the last minute so that X is sold out/too expensive/it’s too late to find someone else to go with? If you’d been honest with me, I might’ve been disappointed but I could’ve made other plans – either with you or someone else.
This just happened to me with yet another guy re NYE. I started talking about a weekend away together 5 months ago. I cornered him last month and he admitted he couldn’t afford a weekend away. Then let’s do something for just NYE. He said ok, then he told me several weeks later he couldn’t because he has family obligations that night.
After more pressing, he admitted that he’s known about the family obligations for months. Ok let’s do something another night over this weekend. He said ok. I made dinner reservations at a nice restaurant and bought a new date night dress. He told me last night that his family obligations are actually all weekend; last night was the last time he’ll see me until the new year. I’m livid. He’s mad that I’m mad. I just don’t get it.
Ugh. I can’t explain what the deal is (with him specifically or people who do this in general)… but it’s so disrespectful and rude. I don’t think I’d be able to keep dating – or even maintain a friendship – with someone who does that.
Why are you dating him? When people refuse to make plans with me I break up with them. If they liked me they’d make it work.
Sounds like you are planning things too far out for the relationship level. 5 months out is pretty far, especially if he’s not at the point of sharing information regarding budgets and family commitments.
I had to break up with someone after three years over this exact scenario. The only difference is that it was Thanksgiving instead of NYE. I am so sorry. It really sucks. In our case it came down to personality conflict–he didn’t want to push back and I wasn’t ever going to be passive enough or spontaneous enough for him to jive with. Also, I think there is (sadly and unfortunately) an element of either “he’s just not that into you” or serious commitment issues in general. Either way, the future isn’t bright.
Thank you for telling your story, though. It is a very good reminder to me why we broke up when I am missing him. Hugs and sympathy.
I’m sorry this happened to you too. I kept thinking with the others, he’s just not that into you. Maybe he’s hoping you’ll break up before it’s an issue. I don’t necessarily think that’s it though, I think you’re right that it’s just a personality thing. I was actually engaged to one of them and I canceled the wedding (for other reasons, but this didn’t help). He refused to participate in wedding planning so I just took care of everything. He got mad that he didn’t get any input, I was mean to cut him out of the process, he wanted to be involved, etc. Like dude I’m not going to endlessly go back and forth with you about every decision. Here is the info what do you think – you dk? ok let me know by X date or I’m picking something. If you really care about napkin colors or whatever then you need to speak up the first time I mention it. But no I’m not nagging and begging and cajoling you to participate in every decision only to have you tell me you never cared about that decision in the first place.
The latest one claims to want to marry me. Like, I can’t even plan NYE with you how am I supposed to plan a life with you? Heck I’d probably plan an entire wedding and then you’d tell me the week before that ohhhh you have a conflict that day so sorry can’t make it.
I agree with this.
When they start doing what you describe, OP, they are telling you they don’t want to do Thing. So that is either going to be a very high price of admission (never being able to communicate directly about stuff like this) or a dealbreaker. I vote “dealbreaker.”
On the one hand, what they are doing is rude AF. And adult should be able to be straight forward about being able to attend or not attend something – even if you are given a polite “I have plans” or “I don’t think I’ll be able to do X because of Y-made up B.S.” is better than pla ying along until the last minute.
On the other hand, two things:
Too much too soon – have you thought that maybe you’re doing too much too soon? I’m assuming these aren’t long term boyfriends since you talk about guy after guy doing this to you. They may be freaking out at you planning 5 mths out after only dating for four or five months. You may be pushing things prematurely and they are acquiescing out of fear you will think they aren’t serious about dating.
You’re being way too push – Maybe they wanted to go but decided against it after you pestered them over and over. Look at the language you use “corner him” “no more excuses” “could’ve made plans either with you or someone else” (which sounds like a threat to dump them) “pressing” them, “livid”. You sound way too intense about this from the get go. Have you ever thought a “hey, I noticed you haven’t committed to concrete plans on X. I just want you to know it’s totally okay if you don’t want to go, have something else you may want to do on that date, or can’t go for some reason I’ll totally be okay, I just want to plan things out that’s all”. Just chill out or get a dude as intense as you but don’t blame a guy if you steamroll over them with your strong personality – you are after all the one choosing to date these weaker guys, just don’t if they annoy you.
LOL no, it’s not being way too pushy to expect somebody to behave like an adult.
My wonderful husband who does a million things around the house without being asked (make dinner every night, clean everything without being asked) can be like this on bigger things (specifically, vacations) . What finally worked was me saying to him, “I’m interested in doing Event/going on vacation in May. I know it’s a ways off, but it’s going to require thought and planning because it’s expensive/popular/limited people can attend. How would you like to approach planning this together?” Then we take ownership of certain tasks.
When we finally got down to the reasoning for procrastinating/saying yes when you meant no was that, apparently, the way I talked about these tasks made it seem like I was 100% handing off responsibility to my husband, when I was perfectly capable of handling at least part of it on my own and it was a decision we should be discussing together (I guess to him I sounded like “Plan Vacation!!” and then walked away). He felt a lot of pressure to just agree, so he did and it was not pretty and would end with tears of frustration on my part in the end when something was not planned and I had a husband who was annoyed at me and I didn’t understand why.
So, if you’re still willing to invest in this relationship, I’d try to talk openly and honestly about this and how you’ll handle it in the future. And how very, very p*ssed you are at the moment that he did this to you. The response you got reminds me of advice from a boss of mine “Good news keeps. But bad news? Bad news I need to know right now so we can address it and fix it.” If you had known that he didn’t want to do X when you mentioned it (the bad news), you’d have been able to pivot and do Y or Z instead.
That dude probably needs therapy to deal with his apparent aversion to conflict and you should DTMFA. How rude of him to waste your time like that! I’m sure you know this already, but all that is on him, not you. You have every right to be irritated/mad/furious at him for pulling that over and over again.
Emphatically co-sign all of this.
Anecdata about one passive and conduct avoidant man: My ex husband was this way— always wanted to avoid conflict at all costs, and claimed it was so he wouldn’t hurt my feelings. Until his frustrations he’d pushed down and not brought up “so he wouldn’t hurt me” all bubbled up and he cheated on me. Then he said he’d had these problems for years but didn’t want to bring anything up because he thought I’d be upset.
I tend to agree, but Dad says that most women on this website are Alpha females, and most males really do NOT like to plan things with Alpha females, b/c they are way to bossy. I said to Dad that why then should these same men like it and agree to everything when we take charge in the bedroom? He did NOT have an answer other then to tell me that men will put up with most anything a woman says for an hour or so of good s-x, but NOT do other stuff they do not want to do, especialy after the s-x is over. He is right I think, b/c men I meet will say anything until after we are done, but afterward, they deny they said that. FOOEY on them!
take that date dress somewhere nice, without the jerk.
look for a quality guy that takes the reins at least half the time – you’ll be a welcome change for him too, from what I hear from guy friends.
Lateraled this fall as a senior associate (2 years to partner, roughly). I am getting rave reviews but only have 80 billable hours this month. Ugh! I don’t have an hours requirement this year, but I hate to have a number that low. Just venting.
Mid/senior level in NYC and things are so.quiet. Lots of friends at other firms have said similar things so I’m taking comfort from that
Thank you!! Reassuring to know I’m not alone.
I feel your pain. Our billable year starts december 1 so I am always starting off in thr red.
Do what I do when case revew and other cleint things are slow. Start to update your document’s for all clients and bill proportionateley to all cleints. Your billeables will go up and no cleint will care b/c they are geting all upedated documents for their cases ahead of time. That way, when you do have the doucments updated, the cleint will save money later. I have met my annual targets and will get a great bonus thanks to our updateing documents policy! YAY!!!
I feel your pain, co-signed, junior associate who is perpetually a step away from not making hours despite hustling for side projects from like three different groups.
Penny Wise, Pound Foolish
I’m friends with someone who has her own service business, similar to professional tutoring.
She is working 18+ hrs/day with one-on-one clients back to back. She knows she could be making way more if she built out a website so that clients could pay to access things on the website that would help them to prepare, allowing her to have that passive income stream and to cut back on the hours worked per day. However, she is struggling with the idea of turning down clients who would pay today, in order to create the time to get the website going. (Though the site’s basics could be outsourced, she’d have to create the content for the site as it’s super specific.)
She’s asked me for advice/guidance on how to make herself feel emotionally and financially able to turn down some clients (and their money) today, in order to build what seems likely to result in better money in the future.
I’m at a loss as I would probably feel the way she does. Does anyone here have any advice or guidance or experience to share? Thanks!
I think she could look at this as a choice between:
A – Her business stays as it is (or gets worse) for the foreseeable future. She has not created something that can scale up any further, so she has basically maxed out her current potential. It will either stay the same (18+ hour days forever!) or she eventually loses students and makes less money. In this scenario, there is no “up”, only “flat” or “down”.
B – She invests the time into creating a passive income stream. This gives the opportunity for her business to grow further than it currently can. It may or may not work, but it is fairly low risk (not like she has to give up all her current students) and potentially high reward.
I think there are two things she could contemplate. One, does she have confidence that this would be used by her current students? Have they said, “I wish this stuff were online!”? If she’s not certain, she should survey her current students and ask them if they find would find it useful and if they would pay extra for it. (She could also use this to test out some price points – good market research.) Hearing that her target customers are interested in this should make her feel more confident. Two, she should think about how much time she could give up and what that would mean for the website. If she gave up one student per week, how long would it take to get a web version up and running? What about one fewer student per day? She can tinker with it until she feels like she has the right combination of current income and future investment.
Sounds like she needs to up her hourly rate! If she’s able to schedule 18 hours of clients back-to-back, then she can easily increase her rate 30% + to decrease the amount of hours she needs to work and focus on fewer clients. I also don’t think anyone is able to regularly provide 18 hours of quality work, so she risks losing clients if she burns out. 18 hours of work (especially one-on-one work!) is crazy.
“18 hours+ days with one to one clients back to back.”
How literal is that statement? Does she really have her first client appointment at 6 am and her last appointment at 11pm? If so, when does she do her admin? When and how does she schedule all these appointments and follow up with them, and respond to new client inquiries and handle the accounting and do the marketing?
If the “18+ hours a day” is at all literal, this is a totally unsustainable business plan. In fact, it appears her business plan is to work herself into the ground, driven by fear of not having enough income, and then burn out and be forced to do something else.
I’d challenge her to get an actual business plan. And part of that is recognizing how many admin hours are needed for each client hour, and charging accordingly. Every billable client hour has to cover ALL the time associated with that client, including the marketing, the appointment setups, the accounting, and the business building (like getting a functioning website and additional income streams). And those charges and hours ALSO have to take into account normal life functions like sleep, eating, taking at least one day off a week, and taking a vacation at least once a year.
My best friend has her own business, and this was what she did for about the first four years of the business. She would get up at 5, work until 11p or midnight, then go to bed and get up and do it again the next day. Every day. 7 days a week. Sometimes she’d take a half day on Sunday. Her clients loved her, obviously, because she was literally always available and she did a ton of work for them for a pretty great rate. But I am surprised she didn’t have a heart attack or something. She was working way, way too much.
I finally (casually – almost nonchalantly, I’ll say) put her in touch with a business coach I work with periodically (I’m a consultant) and he advised her similar to what LAnon says above. There was no sustainability or growth in a plan where she was the business and the only way the business worked is if she worked 18 hours a day. It would be easier and probably better for her long-term health for her to just go get a job. She was way underpricing her services (similar to what Aunt Jamesina points out) and she had taken on clients that were creating a ton of work for her, for not much reward. The coach helped her put together a plan. She ended up raising her rates, not a ton but enough (which caused some low-value clients to depart on their own); she fired a couple of clients who were making her miserable AND not paying their invoices on time, and she created some training courses and downloadable guides (mostly out of material she’d already written) that she started selling on her website, which canceled out the need to do a lot of unprofitable “one hour free” consultations with small-time clients who weren’t going to help her business grow, or who had work she wasn’t that interested in taking on. She also ended up hiring an independent contractor (with requisite expectations and legal agreements in place) who could help her out periodically during busy times.
That was 3 years ago and she is now working a normal 9-5 schedule (during slow times, sometimes she’ll only work half days 2-3 days a week) and while she does some work on the weekends due to the nature of her business, she takes at least one day a week to mostly not work. She has more time to do her admin work and also do business development, going after clients she really wants to work with. She’s a lot healthier, a lot happier and she’s making more money now than she did when she was working 18-hour days – almost double, actually.
I think your friend needs a business coach/consultant to tell her some of the things you’re trying to say to her. I had told my friend exactly what the business coach told her :-) but you know how it is – when it comes from a friend, it sounds different. Anyone off the street can call themselves a coach so ask around for a recommendation. Good luck! I’ve been in your position and it’s hard to watch someone doing this to themselves, but your friend will figure it out – hopefully sooner rather than later.
Anyone else super into the enneagram? I’ve been doing therapy and focusing on bettering myself through understanding my patterns and why I am doing things and reluctantly (I’m an 8), after being suggested by all my closest and wisest friends, I started researching all things enneagram and it’s been a game changer.
If you’re thinking about making changes in your life in 2019, I can’t recommend it enough.
Yes! I’ve been into it for years. One of my long time therapists was as well and we had some great conversations started by identifying patterns.
Considering a floor lamp from West Elm. Anyone know anything about their quality? Don’t want to break the bank, but also want something that will look nice and last.
Mary Ann Singleton
I just bought one of their “midcentury modern” floor lamps and I really like it. can’t speak to its lasting power though – it was only a month ago.
I can’t speak to anything else at West Elm but they’re lighting is A+ in my book. I have every category – lamps, floor lamps, chandeliers etc and I’ve consistently been pleased with the quality – seems much more expensive than it is and great quality. Highly recommend.
Here’s a frivolous question for a Friday afternoon during a holiday week. What color suede jacket should I get? I’m pulling the trigger on one of the Blank NYC suede moto jackets from Nordstrom now that they’re on sale (search their website for that description, and I’ll post a link in the comments) but I can’t decide on the color. I wish black was available, because that would go best with my wardrobe, but the options are burgundy, evergreen and “midnight toker” – a tan/very light brown. Which would you pick??
It’s not available in my size, otherwise I would definitely get it!!!
Unpopular vote – get none of them because you really want black; choosing another option just because it’s on sale is a waste of money! Wait for next year’s NAS and it will likely be included again.
If you’re determined – choose the one that is both (1) a flattering color on you, and (2) coordinates with the pants/jeans you plan to wear it with. I look like death warmed over in most tan/camel colors, so would personally cross that one off even though it’s the most versatile color of the remaining choices. Evergreen looks great with denim and navy and pretty good with black…. same with burgundy but I think evergreen is a fresher color?
I agree with the “just wait and get what you really want” advice. I once bought a leather jacket in gray because black was sold out…guess what, the gray wasn’t as versatile with my wardrobe and also didn’t look as good with my coloring. I sold it and got the black one that I really wanted (was fortunate enough to find it on eBay at a mega-discount).