Above: January / February* / March*
Above: July* / August* / September*
Above: October* / November* / December
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Workwear sales of note for 3.22.23:
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off full-price pants and shirts; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – Extra 40% off clearance for up to 60% off
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price dresses, skirts, accessories & shoes
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Anyone around today? Any good weekend trip destinations that are convenient from NYC in mid-February? Not looking for skiing and no flying. Something easy to get to and not too expensive. Just looking to get away and spend some time with my SO before we both start some intense periods at work. I’ve never been to Lake George, Adirondacks, etc, but not sure how they would be in mid-February. Would love to go to Stowe, but I think the drive is too far for a quick weekend trip. Any suggestions?
FWIW, I’d go to Charleston or Savannah or fly out to Denver (at least they have cold weather + sun, not cold + gray).
Not to be a jerk but did you google it? AAA has some great suggestions since you don’t want to drive far: https://magazine.northeast.aaa.com/daily/travel/day-trips/winter-day-trips-from-nyc/
I like the Adirondacks and Lake Placid area but at that time of year, the emphasis will be highly on skiing or at least winter sports. I’m not sure there is a ton to do otherwise. Stowe is cute and has art galleries etc, but I hear you on the distance. Somewhere in the Hudson valley? I really like Portland Maine in the winter but it’s probably a long drive too.
The only thing to do in the Northeast in February is ski. People don’t really vacation there at that time of year to do other things. I’d fly – there are tons of non-stop flights to the Caribbean and the Southeastern US that are only 2-3 hours long and not that expensive, so it’s totally possible to go for an affordable long weekend. A hotel in Lake Placid would just be a waste of money if you don’t ski IMO.
Not super exciting but Milford PA? Pretty, nice hotel (Hotel Fauchere), easy drive from NYC, interesting antique shops to poke around.
We live in a different NE city so the NYC sprawl may be so large as to prevent this.
But, my spouse and I have an awesome weekend away earlier this month. We drew a radius of two hours and figured out a price tag and started looking at cabins in the woods (not near ski areas). Then we just started poking around on airbnb and vrbo. We found an awesome A frame with a wood burning stove in the middle of the woods. We brought our dog and took some walks in the woods, drank wine by the fire, and generally had the most relaxing weekend ever.
Philadelphia is nice and a short drive away. If you like museums at all there is more than a weekends worth of art to see and the food is fantastic.
Lots to Learn
What about Canyon Ranch in upstate New York? Nice pampering and classes and great food.
Take the train to Washington DC? Assuming the government has re-opened you’ll have the museums and sightseeing to yourself at that time of year, and at least the chance of pleasant cold weather.
Title 9 dresses
What is it with Title 9 sweater dresses? I’ve never even shopped this brand before and today (gray, rainy) I am clicking through all of their sweater dresses and I want all of them (and the leggings that go with).
I am not some sort of camper wood sprite woman. But I am loving the woodsy arctic fairy vibe (even though I’m pretty sure I’d also need some sort of new footwear to pull off these looks).
It’s like there is some weird sort of shopping-crack embeded in the website.
[And we are now casual at work, in BigLaw, and we are taking it pretty Asheville-casual, so maybe this is a work expense???]
Have one and they’re just ok..,.its the lifestyle in the pics that draws you in. Good quality dress though….thought I would wear it more
Oh dear. Now I want to play the mandolin! Now I want to do a pointy-toe leap into the ocean! I am not a wood sprite either… but I bet I make an arctic fairy purchase before the day is over.
It is amazing, no? They ought to give their photographer / art director and maybe clothing / styling designers a medal. Their clothes so do not fit the life I have (minivan-driving tax professional) but I do.not.care. Bring it, 2019. Wood Sprite FTW!
I feel this way about Athleta. The brand sells me my next vacation along with the clothes I “need” there.
I am a woodsy arctic fairy who has tried on many an Athleta dress because they ought to be just my style, and I am sorry to tell you that the dresses don’t live up to the photos. In real life, they all hang like potato sacks.
I have discovered Title Nine skirts — I pair them with black leggings and sneakers, super cute.
Hello, technology field sales here – super excited about new job with partner/competitor starting in Jan. Need to resign and looking for any advice about the practice of not letting field sales reps finish 2 weeks and ‘walking them out” I’ve been with current employer for 10 years and want to do right thing while also protecting myself…I’m ready to go what has been your experience?….any advice appreciated.
It seems like each company is different when it comes to letting someone work their final 2 weeks or not. I’d say gather all of your documents from your computer by putting them into a cloud or an external drive or thumb drive (be careful not to take anything proprietary or with customer info as that’s likely not allowed). Plan financially to assume that you’ll be done as soon as you give notice so that you are as prepared as possible if that happens. If you have a lot in your office that you need to take home (decor and such), put boxes in your trunk so you’re prepared this way too. Give your notice 2 weeks in advance by putting it in writing but sitting down with your supervisor to talk through it and then handing them the written notice. Offer ideas about how to close out your work or train the new person or transfer it to someone else and ideas for how, when, and who announces your impending departure. If you are walked out, understand that it isn’t personal, it’s a protocol the business has to protect itself.
Hope this helps, congrats on the new job!!
Thanks very much – this helps a lot and I am taking all of those prep steps….I guess that’s all I can do and it’s up to my employer how to handle…..nothing personal
I recently gave a month notice and they termd me 3 days later (non tech field). It went as well as it probably could have. To make it easier on them, i pre prepared had a list with all my current projects, status, short summary of who else knew about it, where stuff was saved. I also had all my drawers emptied out of any personal items and very organized in case they had walked me out that day. I had after hours access so cleaned most drawers out after hours but also carried a large purse to help me haul those days. I left pictures on the walls but mostly was ready for them to walk me out and me to say my personal items are on the walls and in x location please mail them.
Ditto re do not take confidential / proprietary stuff. I know employers that search copier and PDF data so be careful there too.
To make it easier on you, if you have any industry publications or memberships, try to find the info you need to change the subscription etc before you go. My old firm changed all the passwords so one admin could process all renewals (regardless of whether they paid or i paid) and I needed my member or subscription number to update all that.
Honestly, I would take care of liberating my personal stuff, but would not put a lot of pre-notice time into preparing info to help the firm transition. If they want you to spend time on that, they can have you do it during the notice period you are kind enough to provide. Sending you home immediately and then holding it against you that there was no transition time is their problem, not yours.
Agreed… if they want you to train someone or document exactly where you are in projects, suggest this when you talk with your supervisor when you give verbal notice (which you’ll do with written notice in hand, ready to hand in at the meeting too). If they want that, it needs to be during the time they are paying you. If they decide to walk you out early (or immediately), it is on them to figure it out and you are under no obligation to answer calls from them asking for guidance, advice, etc. While you may want to “play nice,” they don’t get to work you without paying you for your time/talent/knowledge!
Make sure to copy all contacts into a document you can take with you (other than proprietary stuff like client data)… this way, you can stay in touch with folks and let them know how to reach you at a new email address. Otherwise, your company may have emails just bounce back to the sender or it might just forward to someone else, who might delete emails they don’t see as work-related or necessary for them to respond to.
1. Work on my relationship with my husband.
2. Eat more vegetables and salads.
3. Re-vamp my wardrobe cheaply. I hate all my clothes and getting dressed to go anywhere – work, weekend, out – is hateful and a chore.
Mine are pretty similar:
1) Go running outside – I purchased a bunch of winter running gear at the boxing day sale. I love running and feel much more energized in the summer when I get out a lot, so I need to embrace running in the winter. Any advice from experienced cold weather runners?
2) Go on more dates with my husband. Work has been exhausting and we have been just falling asleep in front of Netflix, but I feel so much more connected when we actually bother to go out and do something.
3) Find my style at my new business-casual office after years of wearing only suits to work. Right now I have a weird mix of too formal and too casual, so I need to find new middle-ground staples that say “competent professional who works in tech”.
I love winter running, granted I live in the Mid-Atlantic area, so my winters do not get Canada cold!
You’ve already got the first thing down, good cold-weather gear. I prefer mittens over gloves and I throw a hand warmer (I have reusable ones) inside, and find that as long as my head and hands are warm, I stay plenty warm. Make sure you layer because you are likely to get a bit warmer than you thought (I run in shorts past when most people do because I do not like to be sweaty in the cold). I also like to have a Buff around my neck to pull up over my mouth and nose on occasion.
I find that warming up in my house a bit before I go outside helps too. Jumping jacks, high knees, whatever you like. Either way, start slower than you normally would and build up to your normal training speed to get your muscles warmed up!
I hope you start to like it – I find winter running very enjoyable. I really like running in (certain) snow too!
This is really helpful, thanks!
All season runner in Calgary here. Definitely agree with good gear, warm up in the house. Layers are key – this helps get more mileage from your gear as well. For me winter running means running in the dark. Make sure you are visible and remember drivers will not be expecting you to be there. And be very careful of ice. Almost 2 years ago I slipped on some ice and broke my ankle, requiring surgery and I’m still not back to where I was, although I’m close. Dont be afraid of the treadmill on the days that it’s just not safe.
Oh, and if you run with your iPhone (and I strongly recommend running with your phone for safety reasons – see above) and its colder than about -10C it will freeze and die if not kept warm by being close to your core under all the layers or with a hand warmer.
same rut as #3. all suits, heels plus stretched out tees and yoga pants. if you/others have recommendations for competent professional who works in tech – I’m listening!
Not in tech, but in a similarly fashion-challenged field. My winter “uniform” is skinny pants and a slouchy cashmere sweater with booties or flats depending on temperature. This allows me to blend in with the grubby jeans and 1992 vintage business casual that dominate my department and also not feel like a total slob when I have to go up to the executive suite to consult with our GC.
I never do formal resolutions, but in 2019 I want to:
1) Find some kind of exercise I can do regularly now that we finally have full-time paid childcare (in 2018, we were cobbling together our own childcare between us working weird hours and some grandparent help…we were basically sleeping, working or taking care of the baby 100% of the time).
2) Garden more…the whole “having a new baby” thing has not been great for that
3) Travel as a family to Europe!
I’m embarrassed because I feel mine are too ambitious and fit the stereotype of new years resolutions in general… but I have a lot to work on. Now that my life is very “in order” and everything is how it should be, its very apparent to me what my problems are.
1. Follow through on my plans to start therapy
2. Be kinder to my husband, (who is nothing but kind)
3. Help around the house more (DH does 90% of the house work, and our house is always messy because its too much for him to do it all)
4. Eat less junk, especially as a reward or consolation prize
5. Shift my wake up time to about an hour earlier
6. Lose 10-20 lbs? Not necessary, but would be nice
7. Stop buying clothes! You have everything you need!
8. Meal prep more
1. Do something physically active for at least 30 minutes, at least every other day.
2. Make at least two calls each week to friends who live far away to continue to support those friendships.
3. Take at least 24 consecutive hours off from work each week.
4. Think or say at least 2 positive things about myself each time I look in a mirror for any reason.
These cover my physical, mental, and emotional health. I’m not setting a work goal as those are set for me. By setting measurable goals where I can clearly define whether or not I’ve met each goal each day or each week helps to keep me mindful and accountable!
Put a post-it on your mirror with a prompt…. “I like me because….” “I am great because….” “I am good at….” “My body has nice/strong/appealing….” :)
I think you’re awesome and wish you luck!
A great idea… I actually keep a white board marker in my bathroom so that I can write messages to myself (or to visiting guests) on the mirror! Sometimes it’s a prompt for me to finish, sometimes it’s a quote or a validation message :)
I don’t really do resolutions but I love to read a cookbook cover to cover on a chilly day, so I get inspired to cook a little differently every year.
I’m renewing my commitment to make homemade chicken stock more often. I got out of the habit this summer because the freezer was full and unmanageable. For a while I was home pressure canning my stock, but that’s hard to accomplish on a weekday. So for the new year I cleaned out the freezer and dedicated a shelf to stock. As always, I will still make stock from roast chicken carcasses, but I’m going to make a bunch of fresh “white” stock tomorrow using a couple of raw chickens.
Boy, that was a lot of typing just to talk about chicken stock :)
High five for cookbook reading! That’s what inspired one of my big resolutions – cook through all of mine!
Ooh that’s a good idea. I cannot possibly cook all the way through all my cookbooks but i could make a list of things I would like to cook in 2019.
Oh I’m cheating heavily of course and nixing for various reasons (don’t like shrimp here, don’t own a Dutch oven there, don’t need to make sixteen versions of stovetop mac and cheese (or do I?), etc.). But it’s a fun starting point!
I give you permission to buy a Dutch oven! You can usually get a Staub 4-5 quart size for $99 this time of year.
In 2018 I achieved my intention to be a gym regular – going to classes or working out 5+ times a week, making friends there, truly enjoying being in that space, and overall being stronger, happier, healthier. In 2019, I want to get my body working for me from a diet standpoint. I wouldn’t say my diet is terrible, but it’s not intentional and I’m looking forward to better planning leading to healthier choices.
Is the mom’s s!te on hiatus for the holiday? My 22 m/o has suddenly had a hard time going to sleep at both naptime and bedtime. He cries hysterically and screams “no” or “ow” over and over. It only lasts 20 minutes, but it’s weirding me out. He’s gone to bed happily without a peep since he was 5 months old (except for illness or teething). I’ve begun pushing bedtime back about 30 minutes (from 7:30 til 8) – then he will sleep until 8AM or 8:30AM, which is fine if unusual. He’s also extended his naps from 1 hour to 2.5 or 3 hours. Is he just growing? I’ve g00gled around but haven’t seen much advice for a former good sleeper who suddenly has trouble at 22 months.
I also have a mom’s s!te question that I’ll ask here since that s!te’s been awol… I have a nanny starting soon. How far in advance do I have to set up payroll (using Homepay if it matters)? Can I get all the tax withholding forms from her on her first day and still give her a paycheck at the end of the first week? Or is it better to set it up in advance?
We got all the forms on the first day and it was fine. We used a local service but they were able to give us an estimated withholding which we then confirmed once the nanny started.
Anecdata: most of The Kid’s growth spurts led to sleep disruption of one type or another and the older he got, the longer the disruptions lasted and the odder they were. The “ow” crying could be growing pains (relatively common as age three approaches; is he able to tell you where the “ow” is?) or just boundary pushing because: almost three.
Have you considered going back to the old sleeping schedule to see how that plays out?
Big language development maybe? Definitely could be a growth spurt, especially if he is sleeping a solid 12 hours after going down. My kids have tended to sleep more when going through a growth spurt.
We started experiencing a recent regression of sorts around the 21/22 month mark too. I didn’t have a great sleeper to begin with but we just let him sort it out on his own (20 minutes isn’t too bad!) and it improved after a week or so. We still get the occasional crying at put down or in the MOTN (usually just a few minutes). I think my LO is in the middle of a huge language explosion. Both my kids have tended toward disrupted sleep during big mental leaps.
Hang in there!
At 18 months our hard fought sleep habits seemed to go out the window. We pulled his mattress out of the crib and let him sleep on the floor and that was the trick. He was just totally done with his crib.
I’d worry about ear infection because of “ow”- otherwise just assume you have an annoying toddler ;). I’m on my 3rd toddler and each one shaves a few years off my life. This last one has cried / screamed herself to sleep since she was born. She’s 2.5 now. And wakes at 5:30am regardless of naps or bedtimes. Wooo!
My kiddo used to feel when me and his dad desperately wanted him to go to sleep and it pissed him off, I think. He had the hardest time falling asleep when we were like “He falls asleep and we’re having sex”.
Best grapefruit / citrus candle?
Random and very specific Q: what is your favorite grapefruit scented candle? Alternatively, any other type of citrus scented one that you love. I will spend money on a good candle.
I generally like “blood orange” scent. Not a typical orange-y smell….
That sounds lovely too! What’s your favorite?
I love this one – it’s not cloying despite the name. This brand is generally lovely, inexpensive, lasts a long time and smells great in many varieties.
Oops, forgot a link
Oh lady, if you want a high quality grapefruit – Jo Malone all the way.
Voluspa Pink citron. I use it all the time. A three wick tin for large rooms, and a small single wick for the bathroom. I like coming out of the shower and smelling the candle already burning. It feels very luxurious to me.
I also like that the tins have lids, so no stream of smoke when you extinguish the candle.
Voluspa Goji Tarocco Orange!
Thank you everyone!
Trader Joe’s has a nice grapefruit candle for like $3.
As a fed government employee, I’m currently furloughed for a yet to be determined period of time (though it looks like it could be a while?). I’m fortunate that I don’t need to worry about finances while furloughed, so I’m very much enjoying the unplanned time off.
I spent this past week cleaning and organizing my apartment after Xmas, but am trying to figure out what else I can do after New Year’s when friends and family go back to work, assuming the shutdown continues. Is there anything you would do to make life easier in the new year, or things you would do during unplanned time off?
I would do some day trips to explore new places, pick up a new hobby or spend more time on a current one, READ ALL THE BOOKS, go to matinee movies, volunteer . . .
Yes, I would read all the books too. I’ve plowed through The Mermaid and Mrs. Hancock this weekend. So good.
I also would use the time to clean out the closets, get organized. Do those kinds of home tasks that you never have time for. Also, catch up with friends. Meet them out at lunch near their jobs. :)
Start getting your papers organized for tax season.
Also – if you like to garden (non-euphemism!) start making a plan for what you want to plant in the spring, and where.
Preplan outfits… figure out all of the combinations you could make with one sweater that looks pleasing to you and that you would actually wear, then take a photo of each. Do this for each item in the closet… this allows for quicker dressing during work time since you already know what you like so it removes the thinking/planning of it. Also, if you find that this process highlights an item you wish you had in your closet, you can take the time to go shop for that item!
Deep cleaning if that’s something you care about but typically don’t have time for.
Reading or watching things you’d love but are typically too busy for.
Meal prep if you have freezer space.
Volunteering… whether it’s for an organization or just posting in a community social media group asking who could use a hand (or even asking this of your local friends).
Creating new habits… stretching more often, taking deeper breaths, trying new workout options at the local gyms.
Frankly I’d write my resume.
1. Meal Plan
2. Go to yoga during the day when it’s less busy
3. have coffee with my spouse each morning
4. explore museums
5. once a week, go to a farmer’s market and make a dish with the items I’ve bought
6. download a 30 day cleaning list and make that a habit
7. get coffee or lunch with all my friends I never see because we’re working all the time
8. take a nap whenever I feel like it
9. Read all the books
Your furlough suggestions are basically my 2019 goal list…
Are you current on doctor’s appointments? Dentist? See if you can get in to your dermatologist? Anything you would normally do on a weekday that’s easier to do when off work… get a facial? Massage?
You mentioned you cleaned/organized your apartment– way to go! Can you build off that in some way? Maybe stock your pantry with dry goods to make cooking easier when work starts back. Pasta, rice, jarred sauces if you use those? Maybe you could make a couple of freezer meals and have them ready for when you’re busy later. I’ve learned that grocery stores are much emptier on a weekday morning, so that’s a great time to shop.
What about workouts? Any new gym or class you’ve been wanting to try? A lot of gyms offer a free week for you to try it out– maybe this is a good time to try a new place.
Are you happy with your wardrobe? You could spend some time trying on things in your closet, trying out new combinations, seeing if you have any gaps to fill (maybe you need to replace a white button up, etc). I think Kat has written about “playing closet” on here before– maybe a good time to try that.
go through all of your photos and home movies – and send them to be scanned!
Not really sure what I’m looking here for, maybe some positive thoughts about not feeling lonely and #foreveralone? It’s the last day of 2018, and I’m hoping 2019 will be way better, but 2018 is ending on a rough note for me. Thanks in advance if you read this super-long post, I guess I just need to vent somewhere anonymous.
My ex-bf just told me that he’s now officially in a relationship with the new woman he’s been seeing since early November. I officially broke up with him after his second date with the new woman (I was there when they met at our mutual friend’s dinner party, I knew they went on a “first date,” and he and I had been super rocky this entire year so yeah not a total surprise he had a spark with someone else…). My ex and I dated for about 5.5 years, and I just turned 31, so I feel like I’m on the shelf now even though I know intellectually it’s not true. He’s still one of my best friends, so I do feel like I’ve lost one of my best friends. I’m not entirely heartbroken, so I guess I was over him a while ago, but knowing that I will be alone come weekends in the next few months to come terrifies me.
I don’t have any close girlfriends who live nearby, the closest one lives a 3.5 hour drive up north, so getting through the holiday season has been really rough. Also all of my friends are coupled up, and quite a few are now having children, so it’s hard for them to relate to my singleness… My family has been in town for the last week so I’m not feeling super lonely as of now, but how does one get through the lonely January and February months alone? I’m visiting a girlfriend the first weekend of January to get me through, but after that, what happens? I’ve also told myself that I’m going to hold off going on dating apps until March or so, is that a good idea?
Aw, hugs!! One thing that got me through my divorce a few years ago was just saying “the only way out is through” and “this time next year things will be much better.” Over and over. Even when I was waking up weeping every morning.
Have you thought about looking for something to join? Exercise class, sports league, service club, volunteer activity, church, or whatever? I tried a bunch of those things and found my people (and eventually my husband!) at my local Rotary Club. Hang in there if the first thing you try isn’t a fit — I tried a church I thought I’d love and OMG those people wouldn’t give me the time of day!
Also as hard as it is, give yourself a break from the ex. Maybe you can be friends later but right now your job is to break that attachment.
And also? More hugs. If you’re in L.A. hit me up at seniorattorney1 at gmail and I’ll buy you a drink!
Is there any particular reason you want to wait until March? There tends to be a flurry of activity on dating apps in January with the New Year’s resolution crowd, some of which dies down by March.
You’re doing the right things making plans to visit family and friends! If you can bear going on the dating apps, I think just being active and dating can help with loneliness — at least you’re doing something, you know?
I was thinking of waiting until March because I don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of the possibility of a Valentine’s Day date so early on… For a silly reason, I just don’t know what date ideas there are in the winter, since it’s cold here and I don’t drink.
It also just occurred to me that I’m the one who always reaches out to my friends (and they’re all married too) in this area, they rarely initiate invitations, which makes me feel even lonelier.
This guy is not one of your best friends. He went ON A DATE with another woman WHILE HE WAS DATING YOU. He’s not only not your friend– he’s not a nice person. That’s a crappy thing to do. You are worth more than this; you are worth having real friends. He’s not your friend and you’ll be happier the more time/distance you put between him and you.
It sounds like your main concern is you think you will feel lonely after your family leaves. Without friends nearby, I would say you need to surround yourself with people. Is there a group or club you can join? Are you into church? If you practice a certain faith that’s often a good place to start– churches/temples etc are always wanting people to feel welcome. Sometimes they have small groups or women’s groups you can join.
Or what about a women’s organization, Junior League or DAR… or a volunteer organization, like Big Brothers Big Sisters? With BBBS you are assigned as a mentor to a child and meet with them semi-regularly. Of course that’s not the same as a peer/friend but can often grow to be a special relationship, a constant in your life and the life of the child, and would help give you a sense of belonging and would also be so beneficial to the kid you’re paired with.
It’s hard to make instant friends, but surrounding yourself with people is the best way for friendships to grow. You’re definitely on the right track with going to visit a girlfriend in January. Can you plan something similar for February? March? Go see your family in April? Rinse and repeat?
I think it’s fine to hold off on dating apps until March, or also fine to go on right now if you want. Why do you want to wait? Maybe to be more ready for a relationship? That’s a good reason. Only you know when you are ready.
Agree with the first paragraph wholeheartedly.
I wouldn’t even bail on one friend to go outto dinner with another, let alone go on a date with another person while in a relationship. This person is not your friend and is selfish as hell.
Right?? He’s awful. He cheated on you. He is not a good person AT ALL.
+1,000 to the first paragraph. what the WHAT?!
don’t settle for his crap.
make some new girlfriends. lots of social activity there in first quarter too. agree with volunteering etc.
p.s. I’m jealous of your invite from senior attorney, because frankly, she’s awesome. If I weren’t a coast away, I’d ask to join you. if you are willing to share your area, that might help (I’m in NJ/NY).
+1 for doing a mentor program like Big Brothers Big Sisters. I joined a similar mentor program when I was fresh out of a divorce and trying to get my feet under me. I’m still with the same mentee 8 years later and it was a surprisingly good way to get out of my own head and focus on someone else who needed me to have it together. I’d highly recommend it.
OP here – I hear what you all are saying, and yeah, I agree, he was never a good *boyfriend* to me. We were basically acting like FWBs during this last year of our relationship, already emotionally distant. I was there when he met the new woman, in fact, I was standing right next to him. But by the second question he asked her, I already knew he was falling for her. The next weekend after they met, he told me he was going to have dinner with her, and I didn’t push back on it, except to say I was going to meet up with a girlfriend and I would not see him that weekend. I’m more annoyed that he wasn’t enough of a man to truly break it off with me before he went on a date with this other woman. I was the one to break it off with him before their second date so I could retain a shred of my self-dignity.
And about the best friends thing – my true best friend is a woman I’ve known since we were both in second grade, but she lives many states away. We talk and text on the phone quite a bit, but the distance sucks. My ex was my best friend in the area I currently live in.
I’ll start looking into groups I can join – I’ve tried joining some volunteer groups when I was in my 20s, but all the volunteers were retired so the generational gap was pretty obvious.
+1 to the first paragraph too… it may feel that way since he’s still in your life so the intimacy doesn’t feel lost, but he broke that when he went on a date while still in a relationship with you. He didn’t have the decency to end things with you first and he doesn’t have the decency to go away after he behaved horribly, which shows a lack of awareness and a lack of care about you and your needs.
I know you have all the feelings still so you might be shaking your head when you read this (I would if I was you and I did when I was you), just let yourself remember this conversation so that someday, you’ll know that internet friends loved you enough to tell you that you are loveable, you are wonderful, and you deserve better than to let this guy stay in your life in any way.
As for waiting til March, get the ex out of your life, spend the time to mourn that, then sign up for sites/apps when you’re ready to move on and are no longer in mourning for the past. <3
PS If you have an email address you'd share, I'm happy to be a penpal/friend if you'd like another one! :)
I’m sorry to hear this. I think you need to move on from him, and though you say he’s your best friend, it’s not good for you or for his new relationship for you to keep in touch with him now. You need to work on finding a new best friend, and someone you don’t date. Sorry if that’s too much tough love, but anyone you might date would likely find it awkward that your ex of 5+ years is your best friend. You also need to define yourself apart from him and what’s happening in his life.
I also completely commiserate – I ended a five year relationship and engagement in my early/mid 20s and started dating again via online dating sites. It’s changed a lot in 9 years.Everything is swiping now and seems based solely on photos. I find people don’t read or write endearing notes like they used to. That said, I don’t think there’s a better or best time to go online. It was at least helpful to me to practice dating again and have some enjoyable dinners and outings, even if nothing came of it. I’m 33 now and really would like to find a long term person again, but it is tough. I’ve had better luck meeting people IRL at the gym. In fact, I’ve met some of my close female friends through their spouses I met working out. I guess that’s one way I can avoid loneliness is by finding activities outside of work that are somewhat conducive to casual chattiness. I also play music, but find the people I play with are all 60+, which is fine, but we aren’t going to become besties.
I would also like to meet some single girlfriends. Same boat where my close friends are far away and most have little kids now. I wanted to plan a week trip this winter, but couldn’t find anyone to go with, and I just don’t want to go by myself somewhere tropical (yes, I’ve done a lot of solo travel in the past, but it just feels different for beach and water activity vacays). It would be great if this site offered some way for those of us singletons to find each other if we live close. I’d love some girlfriends to do things with, go out with, etc. I’m Boston/Providence FWIW.
Let’s be friends and maybe we can travel together!
Hugs. I’m also in my 30s and feel the same way. But I’d do the opposite. I’d go get a new hair perm, a personal trainer or some fitness class, and get myself a glamour shoot. Then I’d post the photos from those glamour shoots on my social media + dating apps and start swipe away. It’s a good way for you to see you still have options out there and get your self-esteem back. Then I’d focus on making new friends with other women who are around your age (single is better), because they’re the best way to meet eligible single men (at least for me) and you might have more things in common. Hugs and stay in there!
A guy who cheated on you is not your friend. He’s a jerk. And yes, going on a date when you’re in a relationship – a 5.5 year relationship!!! – is absolutely cheating, I don’t care if “anything” happened or not – something did happen, they went on a date. Good riddance. Stop talking to him, block his number.
Here’s your pep talk from an old person. I’m 49 and have moved across the country 3 times. The most meaningful adult friendship relationships I’ve found outside of school settings are through exercise classes or running groups. Any other venue where you see people repeatedly at appointed times would work, too. This is your chance to do something new! I’m really sorry about the ex finding someone new. That always stinks!
Oh, I also met new friends through the Junior League in my early 30’s.
He is not any sort of friend to you. He cheated on you. My NY resolution for you is to block his number and wash that manright out of your hair. You can’t move on if you’re still enmeshed with him!
+ a million to this!
OP, I highly recommend either cutting him out of your life or severely limiting contact with him. Otherwise it is going to take you forever to move on. It’s hard to do, but remind yourself of what everyone here is telling you: he is not a good dude.
Where are you? Maybe some of us are near you to hang out? Also, I recommend watching 90 Day Fiance and/or Love After Lockup on tv to make yourself feel WAY better about being single. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel can also be a great watch that shows how a woman on her own can discover talents and amazingness she never knew she had when she was in a relationship.
<3 hugs <3
OP here again – I posted a couple replies earlier but looks like they’re still in mod. But thank you to everyone who responded and I’m taking all of your words to heart. I’m going to a NYE party tonight where the ex will NOT be attending, and I’m going to make 2019 a much better year for me.
Happy New Year’s all :)
Oh baby, that’s tough! Let him go, he is not your friend.
If you’re in Boston I’d totally have a glass of wine with you tomorrow.
If you let me know your date of birth I can calculate your Feng Shui and recommend what you can change in your surroundings to improve your love life :) It helped two of my friends :)
What are your thoughts on heels vs. flats? Are people going to think of me as less professional if I wear pointy toe flats instead of heels?
There could be a lot of back and forth about the whys but I’ll just save you the trouble of the general consensus that has been discussed here ad nauseum: No.
This comes up every month or so and no and there’s a list of great pointy-toed flats. You’ll be ok, Vanessa.
I am a litigator and wear formal business attire… I wear exclusively pointy-toe flats, mostly Rothy’s, and have never had a problem. I switched to flats when I turned 30, so it wasn’t an age or pain thing; I was just tired of being slow and inconvenienced by my shoes. Make sure your skirts and pants are hemmed to be worn with flats. When I transitioned to all flats, some of my skirts were a hair too long/dowdy since they had always been worn with heels. And of course my pants were too long for flats, so make sure to have them hemmed. Now I only wear heels if there is a jury. No regrets.
Never too many shoes...
I think that while you can wear perfectly nice and professional flats, and they will look fine, there will always be people who do not think they look great (and I can admit to being one of them). If I am being totally honest, if I see someone at Court or a Discovery in a great, sharp dress or suit with flats, I absolutely do think that it does not do the outfit justice. So yes, people might judge but I do not think it is career limiting.
The flipside of this is I judge people in heels a lot. I gave up heels because after 40 years, I know they are at the very least inconvenient, and at worst painful. I judge people who care more about how a shoe looks than their freedom. So, sounds like you’ll probably be judged anyway– may as well be comfortable and efficient. If the flat is pointy, clean, and the rest of your clothes are tailored properly, anyone who thinks you should be in a heel is kind of imposing the patriarchy on you… and that’s a them problem, not a you problem.
Same. No matter how well you think you walk in high heels, you’re wrong. I’ve walked behind any number of women in NYC and DC and LA and SF walking in heels and everyone teeters on them. Everyone. I just think “stupid.” Yeah, I judge. It’s the height of stupidity to wear shoes you can’t really walk in because you think they look nice.
you look great already. rock your awesome shoes. Frankly, I love a pointy toe flat.
on a side note, I’m saddened that we think this way into 2019 (including me! I’m not too cool to have no doubts!)
So I’m 28 and have special snowflake feet and have never been able to wear heels. I’m also really short (under 5 feet), and a litigator, so this is rather unfortunate. However, I got over this a LONG time ago. I almost went the total opposite of heels and considered Dansko clogs for court (I had a mentor who wore them, a veteran trial lawyer). But at least for now, in my late 20’s, I’m good with M.Gemi Stellatos (purchased on sale). Maybe Danskos are in my future though…
Talk to me about labiaplasty… anyone here get it done?
So I just got out of a very long term relationship (10+ years) with a guy who’s only been my second gardening partner, ever. Neither of my two gardening partners has ever made any negative comments about my “garden” but neither has ever gone down with gusto, either. I realize everybody’s is different, not everybody’s is smooth and seamless like a Barbie doll’s, but now that I’m single and getting back into dating… I’ve been feeling really insecure about how it looks.
Have you had kids? The only reason I can think of for getting one is that you have some sort of post-birth issues with things really not going back together and YOU don’t like how things are. But if you haven’t and may want to, I’d worry about impairing functioning down there.
Honestly, after 2 kids, if my spouse made any comments, I’d remind him that he is lucky to be an invited guest and it would be a cold, frosty winter.
OMG. Do not get labiaplasty because you’ve had unenthusiastic partners. Please, just no. I’ve never ever heard of a guy not wanting to go down on a woman because of the look of her labia. There are a host of reasons why a guy might not – he’s not into it, insecure about his skills, doesn’t think you like it, doesn’t like the smell, doesn’t like hair– who knows. You can’t know unless you ask, but I sincerely expect that the *appearance* would be the last thing on the list. He can’t really see it when his mouth is on it now can he!? There are lots and lots of websites out there that collect pictures of vulvas (and I’m not talking about p0rn sites), designed to show the diversity. It’s fascinating! I recommend you take a look.
Any man who insults the way your labia look or who refuses to pleasure you because of how your labia look should be met with a firm BOY BYE and sent home immediately.
+100. It’s completely NSFW googling, but I remember seeing at one point a graphic with a plaster casts (or similar) of a bunch of different women. The amount of variation was staggering.
Follow Dr. Gunther on Twitter. She’s an amazing OB/gyn trying to get women more comfortable with their lady bits. No surgery or perfume necessary.
Please do not have elective cosmetic surgery on your genitals to please hypothetical men. Please please do not do this. Please. I promise that it looks FINE, and I promise that anyone who gets to see it is lucky to be there. And I promise they KNOW they are lucky to be there. Please, please do not do this.
Omg, I hope this is a fake post. You cannot seriously be considering this procedure to please men. No, no, no, no, no. If you ever have a man make a negative comment about it, dump him that very minute. I really hope you’re just trolling, but if you’re not, please do not base your worth on what stupid men may or may not think.
Oh, wow. Please don’t mutilate your body in this way. Trust me, no man worth anything is going to care at all.
This site is generally pro-plastic surgery. So the amount of “no” you’re getting on here is saying a lot!
No – this is NOT about your body and just about the partners you’ve had. And, (only 2 partners, and 1 10-year relationship…) possibly your/their youth.
I…. also think this says something about “pron” in our society. Before p 0 r n was everywhere on the internet, this kind of surgery was not a thing.
Definitely save your money, or hey-yo! Throw it into therapy focusing on your body-image and why your choose s 3 x -negative partners.
Yep. People want to believe that p*rn is neutral or even empowering, but just look up the increasing labiaplasty rates for girls under the age of 16 to see the harmful effects (and that’s the tip of the iceberg).
Agreed. I’ve had a facelift and a tummy tuck and even I am horrified at the very idea of what you are considering!!
Your lady bits are fine, I swear!
Your lady parts are fine. Don’t get surgery get therapy.
Not 100% sure what the procedure does, but I really don’t think you need it. There is a man out there who will go down with gusto and that’s what you deserve. Hang in there and love yourself.
Please search the New York Times for a recent opinion piece called, “Your V*gina Is Terrific (and Everyone Else’s Opinions Still Are Not).”
Guys don’t care about the looks of that region at all. Smell maybe. Having surgery is crazy.
Thanks to the person a few weeks ago who suggested Yaktrax for walking in the ice– they were LIFECHANGING this weekend!
Lol. I missed the discussion here, but also just got some. Fell on my butt in the parking lot and my coworkers just said, “well, you do know about yaxtrax, right?” They can be very kind, but they’re pragmatic first and foremost!
What’s the article that everyone always talks about here with family boundaries? My dad is going through some tough stuff with his brothers family and can’t seem to hold firm on boundaries. He feels guilty for making things awkward and I keep trying to tell him that HE isn’t the one making things awkward- they are by insisting on behaving that way. Would love to show him
The Captain Awkward letter about Alice.
FYI Uniqlo’s heatech leggings and long sleeved undershirts are on sale until Jan 3. $10 instead of $15. :)
I know there are some people here with tinted car windows for UV protection. What % tint do you have? I think 35% is the most I can legally do here. Will that give me enough UV protection? Will I be able to see ? I’m really worried about being able to see, but I’m very fair and freckled, with noticeably more freckles on the left side of my body (despite diligent SPF use) so I think this is important.
Tinting does not protect against UV rays, and UV protection can be applied without tinting.
Tinting definitely protects against UV radiation. It’s true there are clear UV protection films but they’re not offered in my area. I’ve called every auto detailing shop in a 50 mile radius.
I personally get the darkest my state allows and also put on sun block anyways (which you should do everyday). The darkest legal tint will in no way affect your ability to see – that’s why it’s the darkest legal tint. Plus the windshield tint is always lighter than the side windows.
I tried the other day, but maybe was stuck in mod (?)
I’d love your recommendations for an interview suit: euro firm, conservative. comp for role in the mid 200s. I’d like to be around $1k for suit. recommendations for tops under suit also welcome.
wish me luck? ;)
Dig into Max Mara on OUTNET.com and YOOX.com.
You can’t go wrong with Max Mara. YOOX delivery is a bit funky, so if you have time constraints, use OUTNET.
I might be asking too late in the day – but dress shoes that can fit an orthotic? Low heel preferred, preferably a wedge or block heel. I am currently wearing out two pairs of Fly London, which work fine in my biz casual office, but I’m not seeing other styles I like in that brand. Searching on “orthotic friendly” on Zappos is a scary trip down nursing home lane.
Check out Thierry Rabotin, it’s an Italian brand making shoes for super sensitive legs. I didn’t see them used with brace, but I can imagine some models working for it.
I am going with a friend, who is speaking, so we will have Platinum passes. Neither of us have ever been before. We were seeing it as a networking opportunity and thinking we should dress at least business casual, but everything we’re reading about the event says to put comfort first, to wear sneakers, carry a backpack, etc. I’m doubting sneakers work with dress pants or dresses, especially when carrying a backpack. Also, it sounds like there is some nightlife, but then sneakers are again recommended, which don’t much go with typical evening attire.
Advice about the fashion aspect and/or about anything else we should know?
If you’re worried, put on pant suit with white sneakers. Like this: https://lookbook.nu/look/7337816-Zadig&Voltaire-Suit-Jacket-Zadig-Voltaire-Pants
I have not been to SXSW but I have friends who go every year. My understanding is that you may set yourself uncomfortably apart from the crowd if you try to dress up, even to “business casual.” I would dress “smart casual” (like you’d wear to a nice but casual party at a business contact’s house) and definitely, definitely wear comfortable shoes. There’s a lot of walking involved. I personally don’t do backpacks but if you plan to be walking around all day, you will need something to shlep your stuff in.
Not sure if you are more from a formal East Coast office/profession, but maybe keep in mind – this is in a completely different part of the country, and both “business wear” and “evening wear” mean something completely different in Austin. I would Google pictures of what people wore at last year’s event and try to align to that, rather than to what your own ideas of business attire may be.