Pregnancy

Guestpost: Oooh, My Oocytes! Or, My Experience With Freezing My Eggs

by GuestPoster on 12/19/2011 · 117 comments

in After-Work Activities, Family Planning, Guest Post, Motherhood, Pregnancy

Ever considered freezing your eggs, either because you wanted to postpone kids for your career or because the right partner seems to be in hiding? One of my best friends, “Auntie M.,” just went through the procedure, and I asked her to blog about it for Corporette. (Pictured: B0008308 Xenopus laevis oocytes, originally uploaded to Flickr from wellcome images.)

I recently completed the process of freezing my eggs. The process was surprising in many ways, and although I was sure I wanted to do it, I could have used a primer, or even some advice from a friend who had gone through it (none of mine had). Here’s my story.

I turned 34 this year. Early in the year, I had made the decision to freeze my eggs, probably sometime in the next year. I hadn’t decided on when. Then, in late September, I pretty much woke up one morning and it came to me: “Yep, AUNTIE M. Now’s the time to do that.”

I was lucky, because it all happened very quickly. Timing is very important – you’ll start the process on the second day of your period, and by coincidence I was getting my period the week I called the doctor. So I was pretty much off and running. This meant I didn’t have too much time to second-guess myself (a good thing), but it also meant the process was a little overwhelming at times. I think I would have found the following information the most helpful:

Skip your OB/GYN; instead, go to a clinic you trust: I originally called my OBGYN for this, but then was referred by a trusted source to a nearby-to-me clinic. I live in a Big City, and the clinic was definitely in Posh Neighborhood, and the referral source Definitely Knew What She Was Talking About, so I decided to just go for it. If you don’t have similar resources, I recommend doing some research on different clinics near you, and then go with your gut.

Timing is everything: The clinic will want to take your first blood test and do your first ultrasound on the second day of your period. I had no idea about this when I called my clinic, and it was my pure dumb luck that I was supposed to get my period that week. The doctor will want to take your blood and have your first ultrasound on the second day of your period. (You might be asking yourself, as I did, You’re going to put WHAT and WHERE during my period? Yes. The ultrasound does happen during your period. The fact that you have your period should not surprise the ultrasound tech, so try not to worry about it. But yes, it was a little weird for me.) If you’re on birth control, as I was, you may not be able to start the process right away, depending on the results of your blood test. Fortunately for me, my tests showed that I was a good candidate despite having been on the Pill for years.

Plan ahead: My first appointment was supposed to be 1.5 hours. It ended up being three. Give yourself plenty of time for that initial appointment, and expect to meet with your doctor to discuss your options and the process. You should also meet with the nurse to go over how to administer your daily hormone injections (more on that below). Also expect to meet with the financial/billing department to discuss payment options. All this, in addition to having your blood drawn and ultrasound – it can add up to quite a morning.

Stay available: You won’t get an exact schedule ahead of time as to when your procedure is, when you’ll need to come in for blood tests, etc. This is because it all depends on how your body is responding to the hormones. After the initial appointment, I went in for a blood test and ultra sound every 2-3 days, and then every other day, and finally in the days leading up to the procedure, every day. My clinic was open at 7:00 every day (including weekends, with limited hours), so I would go in early before work and it didn’t affect my work schedule. It did, however, affect my social schedule, as I had long-standing plans to be out of town over the weekend, which unfortunately had to change because the doctor wanted me to come in for tests/ultrasound on both weekend days.

This goes for the procedure as well, which is unfortunate for those of us who live and die by our calendars and love to schedule things. My doctor decided the procedure date only about 2 days before the actual day. Despite my best efforts (we had tentatively planned for the procedure on a Saturday), I ended up having to take a few sick days, after all.

Be prepared to stab yourself: When I made the decision to do it, I knew I would have to take hormones. For some reason, I naively thought these came in pill form, that I could just take the hormones with a glass of water. Ha! No, instead I would be injecting myself with 2-3 different hormones, at the same time every night, pretty much up until the procedure.

Don’t fear the bloat. Or the soreness. Or the tiredness: The hormones will affect you before the procedure. I was bloated and tired, a lot. I was even more bloated and uncomfortable after the procedure. The good news is it’s temporary, and it all resolved over the course of a week.

Plan on not exercising, lifting, twisting: Prior to the procedure, when you’re giving yourself hormones, you shouldn’t be doing any heavy exercise, even light jogging. I pretty much limited myself to walking my dog. No yoga, no elliptical, no weights. As you can probably guess, straining your insides puts the growing eggs at risk of detaching and not being available for extraction. Again, it’s only temporary, so hang in there.

No sex: For pretty much the same reasons as not exercising. Keep your little oocytes safe!

Think about freezing embryos: Ooof. This was kind of a doozy. Let me back up: in our first appointment, the doctor told me that frozen embryos are more viable children than frozen eggs alone. I hadn’t actually thought of freezing embryos, and my reaction to his suggestion surprised me. Although I have never believed that life starts at conception/fertilization (and still don’t), the thought of creating embryos, freezing them, and then possibly not using them, gave me pause. It just felt more personal, somehow, and like somehow it created the obligation for me to use all of them.

However, I thought it over, and made the decision to half and half: freeze some eggs, and freeze some embryos. This meant that I would need to choose a donor. While I have a good number of male friends, I didn’t want any of them to be the donor, for various reasons. My doctor recommended a great clinic they often work with, and I went through the process of looking for a donor pretty quickly (all the donor information was online). This was a very interesting process: at times, I would think it was great – I could choose a donor of a certain height, weight, eye color, and, most importantly, I could see their family’s medical history. Dad had a history of alcoholism? No thanks! On to the next. Then, of course, at other times I felt sad, lonely, depressed, desperate, and worried that I was destined to be an old pathetic spinster who couldn’t find a man to love her.

As it happened, I did not have enough eggs to do half and half, so I just froze my eggs alone. I’m still considering freezing embryos in a few months, because I think that would be the right decision for me. I do want to have children (ideally, one biological and one adoptive). On the whole, I am comfortable with donating unused embryos to research. But this is a very personal decision, and you should do only what you are comfortable doing.

When it’s time for the procedure, have someone there to support you: This was a tough one for me, as I pride myself on being an Independent Woman who subscribes to the “You Pack It, You Carry It” philosophy of self-reliance. I was totally prepared to take a taxi to and from the procedure, and would have been fine with that (ok, let’s be honest, I would have been really proud of myself for being tough enough to do that). But when I told my parents about my decision, my mom insisted on being there for me, and that’s exactly what happened. She came into town a few days ahead of the scheduled procedure and drove me to and from, when it actually happened. She made me tea and soup when I got home, and got a heating pad for my belly to soothe the cramps and bloating.

The procedure itself: You will be under a light, but general, anesthesia. Here’s my memory of the procedure: I was on the gurney, they administered the anesthesia, the doctor came in, we said hello, I said that my hand felt cold where they inserted the needle, several voices said “that’s normal,” and the next thing I know I’m waking up in recovery. The procedure was done vaginally, I believe using an ultrasound probe with some special extraction tools attached. It took about 45 minutes, and then I spent about 1 hour in recovery. I was in some discomfort immediately after the procedure, mostly when I laughed at my mom’s funny jokes and observations. But overall it was pretty minor stuff.

Some general thoughts:

At first I was frustrated by the unpredictable nature of the process, but then reminded myself it was only a matter of 3 weeks to one month – this whole thing is temporary. More importantly, to me, was to remind myself that this was voluntary, and that I was choosing to do this. This put me in a very different emotional headspace than other women who undergo similar treatment because they are having difficulty conceiving. Remembering why I was there, and that it was voluntary, went a long way toward helping me relax throughout the whole thing.

I am, without a doubt, so glad that I made the decision to freeze my eggs. Yes, my biological clock is still ticking, but it feels a little less loud now. I have some space to breathe – I don’t need to find someone who wants to rush into having kids just because I’m running out of time. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to have (yet another) years-long relationship without any concrete direction; I am 34, and I do want to get married and have kids. At this age I feel better about knowing what I want and more confident in letting go of what I don’t in terms of relationships. Freezing my eggs is not something I advertise on first (or even second, or third) dates – it’s just something I know about myself, and something I’m very glad I did.

Readers, have you considered freezing your eggs? If you’ve already had them frozen, was your experience similar to Auntie M.’s?

Further Reading:

Interested in writing something similar for Corporette? Check out our guest posting guidelines here!

(L-0)

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It’s Raining Gifts: Wedding and Baby Showers at the Office

by Kat on 11/01/2011 · 140 comments

in After-Work Activities, Being Girly, Business Etiquette, Lifestyle, Pregnancy, Professionalism

Reader H wrote in with this question…

I have a question about celebrating life events in the office – specifically throwing coworkers wedding showers and baby showers during work time. Should these events be limited to eating cake, or is it appropriate to play games? What kind of gift should you get your coworker? Should you throw baby showers for men whose wives are pregnant? Is being involved with the planning and decorating for these things a major NGDGTCO no-no? I don’t know if you’ve ever addressed this on your blog – I couldn’t find a post that dealt with it – and I would love to get your $.02.

I have to say, my knee jerked as a reaction to this question far more than it normally does. Decorations? Games? Are you kidding me? Maybe I’m overreacting, but the more I’ve thought about it the more it just seems wildly inappropriate on every possible level. (Update: And numerous commenters disagree with me, with lots having celebrated baby showers with coworkers, at least during lunchtime or at the end of the day. Which I guess just goes to show you — know your office!) As I begin this post, let’s remember that the purpose of a wedding shower or baby shower is to “shower” the recipient with gifts. For a wedding shower, only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower; as far as I know anyone can be invited to the baby shower. So right off the bat, let’s knock wedding showers off the list unless literally everyone in the entire office is invited to the wedding. (And in case you are having a wedding shower in the office: please, no games — leave the toilet paper dresses for family and friends only, not coworkers!) (Pictured: Baby shower balloon, originally uploaded to Flickr by Maddy’s Musings.)

I still think an elaborate baby shower, on work time, is inappropriate. Let me assume, first, that the reader didn’t actually mean a “shower” — she surely cannot have meant that she wanted to impose the duty on multiple coworkers to each buy a gift to shower the pregnant coworker with, to require them to go out of their way and pull out their wallets to give something to this person who they work with, through no choice of their own. So I’m assuming that Reader H meant a ceremonial “we all chipped in $5-$10 and got you a gift before you go on maternity leave” kind of situation. In which case it isn’t properly a shower, but it’s a sweet idea. Celebrating with cake or even sparkling apple cider makes it a nice treat for the entire office. That said, if you’re the boss throwing this sort of thing, it’s only a “treat” if it doesn’t distract from the actual work that people need to do there. So the shorter the better — the last thing you want to do is require people to work later (or rush through that day’s tasks) because of your little party. Let people get their cake, eat it, chat for a while, congratulate the lucky coworker, and then slink back to their office to work. Anything that assumes coworkers will definitely be there for more than 10-30 minutes is way, way out of line, at least on company time.

All of this, of course, assumes that Reader H is the boss or this is established office policy, with celebrations for birthdays. If this is NOT the case, I would step away from the cake (and balloons and games), and assume that the shower is happening on everyone’s own time.

Readers, what are your thoughts? Have you ever celebrated a baby shower in an office? What would you think if you were invited to one during work hours?

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Open Thread: When is the Best Time to Get Pregnant?

by Kat on 07/18/2011 · 230 comments

in Career, Family Planning, Pregnancy

One of the interesting topics that readers wondered about when I announced my pregnancy was WHEN to get pregnant. So let’s talk about it today. This is kind of a long post, so I’ll start with the questions: When is the best time to get pregnant? What considerations should you factor into the mix?

(Pictured: Pregnant, originally uploaded to Flickr by Phil Of Photos.)

Job Considerations:

You need to build a bank of credibility before you get pregnant. I recently attended a panel discussion at the New York City Bar on when women should get pregnant, and I loved one of the phrases I heard: “the bank of credibility.” Realistically, when you start a new job, you need to build up a bank of credibility so that people know who you are and what you’re capable of. I think this is key — as I mentioned earlier, the first trimester can be very trying (particularly on your energy) and you may not want to tell your superiors or coworkers that you’re pregnant until you’re into the second trimester. Furthermore, your bosses will want to know what they can expect both when they send you into a maternity leave (will you get all of your projects off your desk that you need to? will you be responsive to occasional emails or questions during your maternity leave, or will you completely disappear for 12+ weeks?), as well as how responsive you’ll be when you come back from maternity leave. The nightmare (if you haven’t built up enough credibility) is that your job will basically be gone entirely by the time you come back because your bosses didn’t think they could rely on you to juggle your job and your new role as a parent. On the flip side, the dream would be for your boss to say “Oh, I had this great project and I knew you were coming back to work so I held it for you.” Personally, I think you need at least 2 years on a job to build up a bank of credibility.
So build up a bank of credibility — but aim to get pregnant when you’re still replaceable. I’ve heard that planning for maternity leave is basically like planning a vacation — but with 3x more stress. That stress is much, much lower if you know that your coworkers can do much of your job as well as you could. A lot of tasks can be assigned to other people very easily — yes, there may be some teaching involved, and yes, you may need to spend some time supervising your coworker, but ultimately you’ll be happy that you can take your maternity leave without being bothered too much by work concerns. I’m sure with enough help (paid or unpaid), anything is possible — for example, both Victoria Beckham and Ivanka Trump have planned as little as two weeks of maternity leave! — but it may not be the kind of motherhood experience you’re hoping for.
Don’t worry too much about job stress factoring into the health of the pregnancy. During the City Bar panel discussion, the doctor noted that when articles and studies discuss “stress” as being a factor in conception, miscarriage, and the health of the baby, they generally mean stress more along the lines of “I was being physically abused,” “I only ate one meal a week,” or “I didn’t quite manage to kick that crack habit” — not “I had a big project due and had to work late to do it” stress.

Career Considerations:

We’ve talked before about jobhunting while pregnant.
We’ve also talked before about how to insulate your career if you want to be a SAHM mom for a year or two.

Medical Considerations:

Fertility peaks in your 20s. It starts declining (for most women) when you’re 27 — I’ve heard that whatever your fertility is at 25, it’ll be half that by 35, and half THAT by the time you’re 40.
If the mother is over 35 when delivering, the medical profession considers it a “high risk pregnancy.” (For those of you uncomfortable with the term “high risk pregnnacy,” another super fun term for it is “geriatric pregnancy.” Yes, seriously.)
According to the doctor on the City Bar panel, fertility problems appear (for most women) at age 37 or 38, but she noted that women can have babies with help well into their 40s. She did note that egg freezing is still an experimental technique, though (and readers should note that both egg freezing and IVF are very expensive treatments).
You’re born with all of the eggs you’ll ever have — so as you get older, not only do you have to worry about aging eggs, you also have to worry about dwindling supply. (But as Dr. Oz says, how many eggs do you really need, anyway?)

Relationship Considerations:

May you all be lucky enough to be in a strong, healthy, loving partnership when you want to have kids.
Two notes if you’re not:
- Single motherhood has to be one of the hardest things out there – huge props to any of you readers who are doing it. I’m in the midst of Lamaze classes right now, and the other day we all went around the room and shared our “worst pain, ever” story. My answer (“the two days of the NY bar exam”) got some guffaws, but the teacher nodded seriously and said that sometimes emotional/stressful pain is far far worse than anything physical that you’ll go through — and related that one of her previous students had answered “being a single mother.”
- I cannot imagine pregnancy or parenthood strengthening a bad relationship. Just in pregnancy I’ve been leaning on my husband a lot. (Sorry, hon.) An acquaintance of mine who’s a divorce lawyer has said that marriage is one thing, but she’d think long and hard before she had kids with someone.

“Being Ready” Considerations:

Ha! Just kidding. You’ll never be 100% ready to have a kiddo.

For my $.02, I think for a lot of women the question of WHEN is a luxury. Personally, I didn’t meet my husband until I was 30; we got married when I was 32. By this point I was extremely freaked out by all of the medical advice I was reading (plus the fact that I was a very early bloomer (ever the over-achiever!) and had gotten my first period at age 10 — so I was convinced my eggs were dwindling). Still, I was adamant that my husband and I have a *wee* bit of time together as newlyweds, to ourselves — so the plan was to start trying around my 34th birthday. Business-wise, this could not have been a worse time — I really wish I’d had more time to get used to doing the blog full time before I tried to juggle motherhood with it! — but I just really didn’t want to test fate and my fertility. (As it was, I freaked out so much in the months leading up to the “Time to Start Trying” that we ultimately decided to go off the pill 3 months early, figuring that by that point it really just did not matter.)

The funny thing is that so many of my close friends have been pregnant along with me over the past few months — about 10 all told. (Just in the past 2 weeks, 3 friends have given birth to 4 babies.) Apparently we all got the “you’re 34 or older so it’s time to procreate” memo…

Readers, what do you think the best time to get pregnant is? What other considerations would you factor into the mix?

P.S. – For those of you wondering about the Corporette Moms Newsletter — it’s still coming! I decided that a) I wanted to go through the whole experience of pregnancy before I started writing advice for the experience, and b) the advice I’m getting from friends is that having a blog and a baby IS going to be harder than having a blog and a Wall Street law job (really?) and I thought I should focus more on making sure that Corporette itself is humming along like a well-oiled machine. SO: stay tuned for the newsletter later in the fall. (Famous last words…)

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Taking a New Job While Pregnant

by Kat on 06/16/2011 · 210 comments

in Career, Interviewing, Motherhood, Pregnancy, Transitions

Should you look for a new job while trying to get pregnant? If you’re already pregnant, should you take a new job without telling your new employer what’s what? Reader S has a great question about this very subject.

I have a dilemma. A while ago I applied for a great government job that is only 2 years with the possibility of extension. I was prepared to take that risk. Had the interview and didn’t hear anything and assumed that I did not get the job. However, I got a call yesterday and surprise! I got the job. Here is the problem, I am now 12 weeks pregnant. The job starts in August 2011 and ends August 2013. If I take this position, I will be gone from December 2011 to December 2012 (here in Canada we get 1 year mat leave). Do I take it? It is exactly where I want to be in my career.

For my $.02, I really, really think that you must talk to the prospective employer about this development — taking an entire year for a maternity leave during a two-year job seems like a decision made in bad faith. Two other thoughts: If the government always offers this job for two years, perhaps they already have a maternity policy in place for it — that might be the way to start the discussion and test the waters without disclosing your situation. The second thought: I’m not familiar with Canadian law, but are you sure that a mandated law like that would apply to a worker who is less than a full employee? There are a lot of exceptions to US laws (for example if your office is smaller than 15 people) and it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to find that temporary/contract workers are outside the scope of the law. (Pictured above: Button Front Bi-stretch Suiting Maternity Jacket, available at a pea in the pod for $59.99 (was $119).)

But this brings us to an interesting question: if you and your partner are trying to get pregnant, should you even be looking for new jobs? I ask that with no disrespect to reader S, and I’m honestly curious to hear the readers’ thoughts on this because I think it comes up a lot here in comments. The tricky thing with pregnancy, of course, is that you have no idea when you’ll actually get pregnant. Most of my friends got pregnant either a) the first month they were off the pill, or b) 6 months+ after that. (I was shocked but very happy when I got pregnant after two months of trying.) I am far from an expert on maternity leave laws, but I do believe many employers require you to have worked there for at least 3 months before you’re eligible for the maternity leave policy (whether paid or unpaid). Working Mother had a great article on the legal side of things a few months ago, including which new bills are worth watching.

This is a really tricky subject, and I’m curious to hear what the readers say. When considering your answers, ask yourself: Does the woman’s age matter? If you’ve been trying for a certain amount of time (2 months+? 6 months+?) does it matter? If you already know you’re pregnant should you curtail the job search, stay put, take maternity leave, and then renew the job search? Or should you just roll with the punches, get pregnant when you get pregnant, and see how the cards fall with regard to your career and whoever is your current employer when you need to take maternity leave?

I suppose for my own $.02 I would say that it would depend to me on age — as a 34-year-old I would feel a lot more pressure to keep trying for kids regardless of the job situation (mothers who are 35 and over when they give birth are considered “high risk pregnancies,” and I’ve heard that for most women fertility problems start around age 37), but my answer would be different for women younger than that. On the flip side, from an employer’s standpoint, it would stink to hire someone and then find out that my new employee was pregnant, which would mean that basically her first year with me (assuming she stayed) would be marred by pregnancy fatigue, that she’d have a rich source of distraction (trust me: there are a million things to research once you’re pregnant — it’s been more time consuming than planning my wedding) and then a worker who might be easily distracted/have different priorities if and when she did come back to work. If I were the employer, knowing that an employee purposely put me in that situation with no regard to my opinion would not leave a very good taste in my mouth, and it would get the whole relationship off to a bad start.

Ladies, please weigh in — if you know you’re trying to get pregnant, should you be looking for a new job?

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Working Through Your First Trimester of Pregnancy

by Kat on 05/31/2011 · 203 comments

in Career, Energy, Kat, Motherhood, Pregnancy

This is a post about dealing with the first trimester of pregnancy, which can be particularly trying — extreme fatigue, nausea, and all while trying to keep your “situation” on the QT in case of miscarriage. (Pictured: mama·licious Sarah Work Blazer, available at Asos for $75.71)

But I suppose I should make a mini-announcement regarding some personal news in Katland. First, some hints: I’m on my third bra size since December. I haven’t enjoyed a martini, or deli meats, or zippers, in a long, long time. Lately, I’m having trouble falling asleep because someone keeps kicking me. The news, if you’re not with me yet: My husband and I are expecting our first child later this summer. Why yes, we are terrified; thanks for asking. (And for those of you who’ve been emailing me to ask about maternity clothes, I’m happy to announce a new weekly newsletter: CorporetteMoms. Stay tuned later this week when I launch the newsletter!)

One of the things I’ve been dying to talk about since becoming pregnant is the first trimester**, and the complete, mind-blowing fatigue that most women suffer. I would have considered myself a trooper when it comes to energy and the job — I’ve worked through mono and two bouts of strep throat without missing more than a day of work. But apparently mono and strep can’t shake a stick at the whole “growing another human” thing. It became incredibly difficult to get up and out the door in the morning — and by 3 PM every day I needed a nap. And not a 20-minute power nap, oh no: we’re talking at least a full 90-minute sleep cycle. I kept thinking about that Sheryl Sandberg talk for TED about how women, upon getting pregnant, should ramp up their career and go 120 miles per hour. NOW??? I kept thinking. Is she CRAZY?

This fatigue caught me totally by surprise. After all, a lot of women don’t talk about their pregnancies in their first trimester — the chance for miscarriage is highest then, and there aren’t many external physical indicators of early pregnancy (most first-time moms don’t start to show until around week 20). A poll of my friends who have children or are pregnant confirmed it — everyone was exhausted during their first trimester, and every pregnancy book mentioned it. One friend, who was finishing up her final MBA year when she got pregnant, admitted that she slept 14 hours a day. A few friends told me their miscarriage stories, where after going through nearly a full trimester full of fatigue they lost the baby, and in addition to having to deal quietly with the mental and physical repercussions of losing a baby (including surgery, sometimes), they had to get the energy up to try again. (One friend noted that between her first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and her second pregnancy, which she carried to term, her billable hours were shot for the year — and when she took her maternity leave they simply doubled the hours she had before she left. Ouch.) Another friend was cursed with such a bad case of nausea that she had to be medicated for it.

So I thought we’d talk about how to deal with the first trimester — keeping your energy up, rising to the occasion, and even maintaining your professional image through it all.

Before we get into the tips, though, here’s an interesting thing to ponder (and perhaps you ladies will weigh in): does it hurt us to talk about the hardships of pregnancy? By admitting that pregnancy affects our stamina and energy, is it simply justifying all those people who discriminate against women employees in their fertile years? I’m almost ashamed to say the thought hadn’t occurred to me — and I’ve even been joking (at work, yes, and yes, my face is beet red) about pregnancy brain. One boss/mentor/friend heard me and gave me a sound rebuke (and a lecture on what it was like to be pregnant in a male-dominated environment in the late ’70s), and I think the lesson here is right: pregnancy should never be an excuse for why you can’t get something done at the office, or why the ts aren’t crossed. But that may just mean you have to step up your OWN game even more — because while in the third trimester, when you’re showing and on your way out, people may cut you slack (whether they should or not): but in your first trimester it is largely a silent struggle.

For my own $.02, these are the things I wish I’d known:

Wean yourself off coffee and diet Coke way before you start trying to get pregnant. The latest thinking re: pregnancy is that you are allowed to drink coffee, but only about a cup of it a day. Artificial sweeteners aren’t recommended, so diet Coke is off the list also. Before I got pregnant, I only drank about 2 or 3 cups in the morning, and then a diet Coke around lunchtime for an afternoon jolt — but decreasing to 1 cup a day and no diet Coke meant I was going through caffeine withdrawal at the same time as first trimester fatigue. (I should also mention that your tastebuds may change, as mine did — all coffee tasted totally burnt to me for about 4 weeks, and regular Coke continues to gross me out.)
Stock up on orange juice, and cut your dependency on vitamin supplements. I kept reading that pregnant women should avoid vitamin supplements during this time (beyond your prenatals) and so I have avoided my beloved Emergen-C. Instead I kept buying OJ when I needed a jolt of energy.
Take your prenatals at night instead of in the morning. I’ve heard it’s the extra iron in the prenatals that makes you nauseous on an empty stomach — but whatever it was, I wish I’d stumbled on the advice to take them at night instead of in the morning long before I did.
Prepare your office for naps. Yes, seriously. Bring in whatever you need to make for a comfortable napping environment — pillows, blankets, etc., because you WILL need naps to make it even to 6pm (let alone 10 pm or whatever other quitting time is usual for you).
Eat frequently, and guzzle water. It took me a few weeks to realize that the nausea was so much worse if I hadn’t eaten for a few hours — I also would get these whanging headaches if I hadn’t eaten. Just a few unsalted Saltines and some cheese can help you function normally.

My final advice to women embarking on pregnancy is to time it well. The first trimester can be 6-8 weeks of feeling far, far less than your best, and I can think of a number of times in my own life when it would have been disastrous to be going through the first trimester: the first semester of law school, being a summer associate, crunchtime studying for the bar, and trial prep. So nail down your birth control methods during those time periods, ladies.

For those of you who’ve been pregnant, did your first trimester affect your energy, and how did you compensate for it at work? What tips do you have for the readers who hope to get pregnant some day?

* Oh, and some terminology for those not familiar with the joys of pregnancy: your pregnancy is counted from the first day of your last period, not the day you conceive, which means that by the time most women find out they’re pregnant they’re already “4-6 weeks pregnant.” The first trimester ends around week 13 — so we’re really only talking about 6-8 weeks of extreme fatigue. Still: I’ve known careers to rise or fall in that time, so I think it is a relevant discussion for this blog.

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Emergency Reader Email: Maternity Leave Email (and other messages)

by Kat on 04/28/2011 · 102 comments

in Business Etiquette, Motherhood, Pregnancy

My friend F emailed today, noting that this is her last day in the office before maternity leave, and she is wondering what to put in her “out of office” message. Should she say “leave of absence” or “maternity leave”? Furthermore, she’s taking a six-month maternity leave — should she put that in her email, or will the clients (she has too many occasional ones to give each an individual head’s up) freak out if they hear “November”?(Pictured: Baby Bump Love, originally uploaded to Flickr by teefaye.)

For my $.02, I forwarded my other friend C’s out-of-office message, which says simply “I’m out of the office on maternity leave. If you need assistance, please contact my assistant at _____________.” I like this message: it’s clear that it’s maternity leave and not some sort of sabbatical or dangerous health-related thing, and while I know that C is taking six months as well, this omission from her email doesn’t seem glaring. (I’m not even sure the length of the leave is that relevant — after all, my guess is that both C and F will be checking their work email anyway while out on maternity leave — if anything needs a direct response the client will have it soon enough. Alternatively, the OOT message can be changed — you can give your return date when it’s a month or closer.)

But I’m curious — readers, what is your take on maternity leave messaging? What do you say on your email and voicemail OOT messages? Do you think there’s a reason to be vague about the reason you’re out of the office?

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