What were your favorite posts from our past year? We’ve rounded up our favorite suits for women, workwear recommendations, and otherwise done a year in review; today we’re closing it out with a look back at our top posts of 2017. These were the top read (according to Google Analytics) and some of Kat’s favorites, but we’d love to hear yours as well! According to Google Analytics, these were our top 10 posts and pages of the year:
- My Review of One Two Cosmetics’ Magnetic Lashes
- Courtroom Attire for Women Lawyers
- The Best Tote Bags for Work, Interviews and More
- Work-Appropriate Nails: Length, Shape, Color and More!
- 6 Resume Rules for 2017 That You May Not Know About
- Wardrobe Essentials for Work
- When is a Dress Too Short for Work, What’s Modern, What Shoes Work, and How to Deal if You’re Tall or Short
- How to End Your Emails (And: Do You Think It Matters?)
- Workwear Inspiration from House of Cards: How to Get Claire Underwood’s Style
- Four Types of Comfortable Flats Every Professional Should Own — Even if You Hate Ballet Flats
Check out this page for our top posts of all time!
Of course, every year I have my own favorites, either because I thought they were great discussions, a story I hadn’t seen elsewhere/thought we did a good job with, or just because I really like them. These are some of my darlings from the past year…
Kat’s Favorite Posts from Corporette in 2017…
- The Best Workwear for Size 16
- How to Look Great for Work Every Day
- 11 Life-Changing Style Tips from Pinterest
- The Hunt for Budget-Friendly Interview Suits
- We launched some new series, including looking for workwear inspiration in television shows like Veep, as well as How to Build a Work Wardrobe at ____, rounding up the best-selling, classic items at various workwear stores.
- We also launched some new resource pages, including the Ultimate Guide to Business Casual — Work Wardrobe Essentials (Hall of Famers from our Hunts) and Courtroom Attire for Women Lawyers are already in the top 10.
- What Color Shoes to Wear with Different Colors of Pants
- I loved the discussions readers had in these posts:
- The Planner’s Guide to TTC
- Everyone enjoyed this discussion: Six Great Board Games for Grown-Ups
- What Small Purchase Has Made Your Life Better
- Girl Power Songs
- How to Deal with Not Making Partner
- Resources for Women Running for Office
- Great discussion: how to decide whether to go to law school
Favorite Posts from CorporetteMoms in 2017 (our blog for working mothers)…
- We started our new series, Week in the Life of a Working Mom, and have been honored to feature so many great women sharing a week in the life, from working moms with medical careers to lawyers to executives and managers to beyond, sharing tips on choosing the right au pair to structuring their day to having 3+ kids to being a working mom who travels often. If you’d like to be featured (anonymously or otherwise) for a “week in the life of a working mom” feature, please fill out this form here!
- GREAT discussion: How to Decide How Many Kids to Have
- What to Wear to Work After Maternity Leave
- How to Prepare for Maternity Leave
- Combination Feeding Tips (from a guest poster)
- How to Manage Up With Regard to Family Commitments
- Why Working Parents Need a Family Email Address
Commuter/Long Distance Marriage
Hi all! Looking for some wisdom and advice from the hive about my long distance relationship: is it possible to make long distance work long term? Has anyone made a commuter marriage work?
Background: SO and I have been together for 6 years, the first two in the same city and the past four long distance, he’s in Oregon and I’m in Texas (so a long flight plus a time difference apart). We see each other about once per month. The distance has gotten extremely old, but we are both in great jobs that aren’t portable to each other’s state. Late 20s and no children are in the picture but we would like to start trying in 3 or 4 years. Other than missing each other, we are very happy and committed. We aren’t married but would like to be soon.
Any advice or perspective on managing an indefinite, but very serious long term relationship (esp., how other people couples have managed the distance) would be greatly appreciated.
I was married for 8 years and we were long distance for 5 of them, so I’ll speak from my experience.
Cold, hard truth: Indefinite isn’t possible. You cannot have a successful years-long marriage across 1,000 miles, full-stop.
Cold, hard truth #2: Think about what neither of you wanting to give up your job for the other really says. Deep down, it really says that job is more important than the other person. Harsh but true. Said another way, you don’t love the other person enough to give up a job for them. There are always different paths available to you in life – consider a similar but different career field or path or find a third city that offers jobs for both of you. I ended up leaving my dream job to move where my ex-H was and cried about it for 8 months straight. I ultimately found a job that was a better fit for me than anything I could have ever imagined and that changed my career path for the better – something that never would have happened if I hadn’t made the move.
Cold, hard truth #3: Do you really want to do everything by yourself for years to come? Dinners, work parties, weekends? If so, WHY? Take a good hard look in the relationship mirror. For us, it boiled down “we’re just not that into each other.”
Within 2 years of divorcing, we both met and married people we were over the moon crazy about. THAT’s what you want going into a marriage. Not someone it’s tolerable to be away from 26 days a month.
*Exceptions to #2 of course for migrant workers needing to survive and short-term, definite-end-date situations.
Having done long distance for 6 months only, I think there’s something to this. I gave up a job I loved to be near my husband. I really really miss my job and I hated to leave it, but I missed him more. There are days I regret not demanding that he accommodate my job instead, but I never regret that we are at least together.
Everyone is different, though.
I’ll add that our situation might have worked indefinitely (without children) if we were close enough to realistically see each other every weekend. But personally, I think Oregon-Texas are just too far apart to make a marriage work, especially if you want kids.
Have you considered both starting over in a new location together?
comment to your hard truth #2: Of course, there is nothing wrong with your job being more important to you. It’s not the traditional idea of marriage, where you have to love each other Just So, to fit the cookie cutter image. If you are both happy the way things are and you are pretty confident that changing jobs to live together wouldn’t buy you enough happiness to make it worthwhile, then don’t do it.
You sound pretty happy to me. I like to ask myself, if I make this choice vs. that, will I have regrets in 5 years?
Or they would each leave their job for that person but would prefer the other person do it. That’s why both of them leaving and starting over together sounds more fair but may not be financially feasible.
“I ended up leaving my dream job to move where my ex-H was and cried about it for 8 months straight. I ultimately found a job that was a better fit for me than anything I could have ever imagined and that changed my career path for the better – something that never would have happened if I hadn’t made the move. ”
You are incredibly lucky. I moved for my DH’s job and I was underemployed/employed in very toxic situations for years, and eventually chose to have a baby and stay home, doing just a little bit of part-time work while my kids were young. Once my youngest child was in kindergarten I went back to a full-time position but it is nothing close to my dream job and I probably earn 1/6th or less of what I did before the move (note: I don’t think money is the only thing that matters in life, and there are lots of good jobs that don’t pay much, but I don’t consider my job one of them. It’s not particularly interesting or fulfilling and I don’t even have especially good work-life balance. The hours are reasonable, but I don’t have much flexibility or paid time off.)
I agree that it is not practical for a couple with children to live apart indefinitely and if neither of them is willing to make the move, they probably need to reconsider the relationship, but I always cringe when I see people throw around the advice “Just move and you can find a new job there” or “jobs are interchangeable but relationships aren’t.” Jobs may not be as hard to find as life partners, but really good jobs can be incredibly difficult to find and if neither of them has good career options in the other person’s location, they need to be aware that a move may essentially end the career of the moving person as they know it. You got lucky and it worked out for you, but it doesn’t work out for everyone.
As soneone who recently moved for a spouse and took a worse job – this is my fear. Sigh.
personally, really good jobs are just as hard to find as life partners.
Sadly, I agree. Plus a good job or a good life partner can both turn into crap. You can just as easily get laid off in a few years and regret giving up the partner for the job that let you down, just as you might regret giving up the job for the partner.
I have never seen a long distance relationship last for longer than a year. I agree with poster above. If you don’t NEED your partner next to you at least majority of the time, I don’t see a point in continuing. Find someone local.
I have done long distance relationship for 9 months – this was 3h by car long distance. We saw each other every other week, and had plans of moving in together after 9 months, which is why it worked. My parents were in the same situation for 9 moths, same distance, while my mom looked for a job in Portland. I don’t think that indefinite long distance relationships can work.
Yep. I was long-distance for the first 9 months of dating my now-husband (of nearly 20 years) and nearly went crazy because I was crazy about him, and couldn’t imagine being away from him any longer. By the time I moved to his city I was willing to be a barista, if that’s what I had to do. I think I’ve said this here before: marriage is hard and if you don’t go into it with a strong emotional connection and a sense of “We really, really want to be together” I am not sure how you make it work long-term. Remembering how hard it was to be away from him during that first 9 months has been a good reality-check when things get tough and I think about maybe walking away. Because even when things get hard, I still want to be with him. If you’re “meh” about this guy – or you’re “meh” about each other – move on. Especially because, as the previous poster said, all indications are that neither one of you is more important to the other person than your jobs. That doesn’t bode well.
I think I have to agree. Even in the best of times, you have to have a FULL TIME HUSBAND b/c we have need’s that MUST be satisfied by our husband, and those needs have to be fulfiled as and when they arise, which we can NOT bank on happening when he is in town. The same goes for men. If we are not there to satisfy there need’s, they will take up with another woman who is available to satisfy those need’s. That is why long-distance relationships will NOT work unless one or both partner’s have no s-x drive.
When I was dating Sheketovits, I knew he was useless, but b/c of my need’s, he always was physically there to satify them when they arose. By the same token, I was there to satisfy Sheketovits’s need’s, which was pretty much whenever he was there.
I hope thing’s work out for you and your boyfreind, but I am concerned that either you or he (or both) will find other person’s to satisfy your need’s.
Would you plan to see each other more frequently with kids? Where would the kids live? What is considered home base? I grew up with a SAHM who had a great local support network and father who traveled frequently. This includes the 5 years where he lived in one city during the week and flew home to us on weekends (I was in high school by then). My parents made it work (and are still happily married), but it had a lot of challenges and sacrifices. It’s not a situation that I looked to replicate in my own marriage and parenting journey though.
Gently, I don’t think a plan to get married and have children in 3-4 years will work well for you. Unless you plan to be a single parent and he the sperm donor, you’re probably going to want to live together by the start of that 3 year period, and you’re going to need to plan how to get to that point.
Sincere and honest question: why get married at all if you’re going to live separately and in different states?
I really mean no judgment at all by this question, I’m just trying to figure out why someone might want to do this. Why not just stay together, as you have? You presumably won’t be able to buy a home together (at least not one you both live in) or combine finances, etc.
Ya move. If neither of you will, break up. Why bother? Jobs are never worth this.
My husband grew up on the East Coast and his father lived on the West Coast for most of his childhood managing a family business. My husband was a toddler when he moved, but he has younger siblings who were born after the move. I’m not exactly sure how often his dad visited them, but I don’t think it was more than once a month. My mother-in-law had a good deal of childcare help, but probably not much more than the average working mother on thiss*te has. They had an au pair until my husband’s youngest sibling was in school and then he and his sibling went to after school day care programs and day and sleep-away camps in the summer. I don’t believe she had any professional cleaning/cooking help beyond whatever tiding up the au pair did, although I’m not 100% sure. They didn’t have local grandparents or anything like that. My husband has really fond memories of visiting his dad and going on road trips around his dad’s state and doesn’t seem terribly scarred by the experience. He’s pretty close to both his parents as an adult, especially for a guy I think. His parents are still married and have lived in the same house for close to 20 years now and seem perfectly happy. It’s certainly an unconventional arrangement and not one I would choose, but it does work for some people, and I imagine it would be significantly easier today than it was in the 80s and 90s thanks to technology like FaceTime.
My husband and I did this early in our marriage due to our job constraints. I was doing my residency and had to go where I ‘matched’ which was more than 500 miles away from my husband’s job. Both have to be committed to make time for each other and I agree with other posters that it is hard to sustain it forever. After my first year of residency, my husband went overseas for job and we were away for more than 2 years. He used to fly back every 2-3 months for few days. When he moved back to the US, he did telecommuting but spending a week every month at his company office. After unsuccessfully trying to start family we realized that something need to give – and my husband left his very successful career since I was still in the middle of training and unfortunately medicine is very rigid in the career path; taking a break affects rest of your career. Even after several rounds of IVF, we were unable to conceive. Sometimes I wonder whether there would have been a better outcome if we had tried harder earlier and whether it was too late by the time we even started. We are still together happily married and my husband has never regretted his decision. But I wish there were other options for us to be together at the same place.
Commuter/Long Distance Marriage
Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful comments and suggestions. I sincerely appreciate everyone’s perspective. This community is such a special place. <3
I’m not a mom, but I love reading those Week in the Life posts on the Moms page. It’s so interesting to see how people juggle and prioritize.
Me too! And if helps me see how I can change around my days.
Can I rant about how bad work wear is right now? I spent a chunk of time shopping for work clothes last week. After trying on countless tops, sweaters, and pants, I bought exactly 1 top and 1 sweater at the BR Factory store. Sizing is all over the map at just about every store and I can’t just guess what will work; I need to try things on. Even online shopping sounds so unappealing right now because I’d need to order seven things just to find (maybe) the one that works. I’d rather stick with what I already own than waste my time shopping. RETAILERS: Do better, please! I am willing and able to spend money on clothes, but it needs to fit and be appropriate for an actual office, not some creative’s vision of what an office might be like. Also, GTFO with ankle pants. It was -6 degrees this morning; I’m not risking frostbite for fashion.
I was reflecting on something similar as I was thinking back on 2017. Shopping for clothing has become very difficult and time consuming. I don’t think this is going to get any easier any time soon. Some of my prior favorite stores (AT, Loft, BR, Jcrew) are impossible right now. I have stopped looking at those stores altogether. Most of my new clothes came from Nordstrom and Bloomingdales last year. I got two pieces from Boden and a few things here and there from Nordstrom Rack. I definitely have to spend more on each individual piece than what I did in the past, but I was so sick of clothes from the Loft becoming unwearable after one cleaning. Oh, also, I would suggest getting more comfortable with online shopping. There has already been a significant shift away from traditional retail stores, and that is only going to get more pronounced. You have to do the buy-return-buy again process until you find the right stuff. It is exhausting.
It’s become completely exhausting. I used to do a lot of online shopping, but some recent body changes (for the better), have made that a tricky option. The brick-and-mortar options in my small Midwestern city are dismal. Even LOFT closed last year, although I haven’t missed it as much as I thought I would.
The big winner from 2017 was a dress from Boden. I’m still kicking myself for not buying another color when my size was still in stock.
YES! Major dry spell for work wear right now.
YES +1000 to all this. I’m trying to buy a couple new work dresses, and everything is hideous or utterly inappropriate for any workplace I’ve ever seen. Just in the last two weeks, I’ve spent hundreds online shopping to try things on and have only kept one dress.
AGREED. Like, why is this hard?
Will someone on here please quit their job and open up an awesome women’s workwear retailer? Pleeeease.
I have money to spend on new work and casual clothes, but nothing looks inspiring right now, so I just end up buying more bike clothes.
Reposting as I was late on the earlier thread…
I just found out I am pregnant! I’m 37 years old and about 6 weeks along. My partner and I live together and have discussed marriage, but never a baby – and BAM! Here we are with baby on the way. I am trying to wrap my mind around having this life I never intended to have.
The Issue — I am interviewing for a “dream” role at a major fashion company. I am currently in entertainment and have always wanted to make the switch. The conversations started in June, at which time I was in the middle of a huge and career-defining project at my current employer. At the time, I told them I was unable to consider it and offered to remove my name from the hat. Surprisingly, they asked me to reconsider and offered to put the position on hold for 6 months so that I may complete my project with my current employer.
2 weeks ago I had the final interview with the company’s CEO. I’m scheduled to connect with them this week to discuss next steps, which presumably would be the official offer. They’ve already asked me about salary requests and have checked my references. This has been a 6-month dance, so we’re pretty far along.
My current has its challenges, BUT I have an incredibly flexible schedule, WFH whenever I want or need to, head up the entire division and essentially make my own hours. I’m in/out and always connected, but I’m not sitting in my office for 60 hours each week on the dot. New job seems more rigid and I anticipate I will be expected to be “in” everyday for the rough 60 hour work week. That means commuting 1+ hours each way, twice a day, being at my office and unable to take breaks for doc appts or to run errands, etc. BUT, the pay is about 2x what I currently make – which is a HUGE help given a baby is on the way.
Assuming they make the offer, what do I do? Do I tell them I’m pregnant now? Do I wait for offer and then say I’m pregnant? Do I wait until I start the job and then tell them? Do I not take the job at all and stay where I’m comfortable albeit for 1/2 the compensation? What’s the best way to manage this?
Help! I have never been so anxious about something in my life!
You should not tell them you are pregnant. You are early. I personally would not tell them until I was in the new role.
FWIW I was offered a job when I was about 8 weeks pregnant, same industry but moving from a large company to a startup. My hours would have gone up from 40-50 flexible hours per week to 60-70 less flexible hours per week. Salary increase was 15k. I wanted the experience of a startup and I was excited at the opportunity to be the first North American marketing person with the path laid out to build and lead a marketing team. At the time I was looking for the experience of leading a team. After talking to my husband I made the VERY hard decision to decline the offer. Not to scare you here but 8 weeks later we lost that baby. I had immediate regret in not taking the position at staying at large company
Fast forward a few months and I was offered a management position in a different business unit at my large company. I got the team I was looking for and I was able to negotiate my salary up about 10K (soon to be 20K in Q1). I am now pregnant with my second pregnancy and this is is healthy and viable.
Some things to consider FMLA does not protect your position if you have not been with a company for 12 months. What are the benefits at each company? (for me start up benefits were not as good as they are here at large company) Flexibility with a new baby was critically important to me. You have to weigh what is important to your and partner and determine what is more important. Compensation could be enough that you are able to pay for whatever childcare you need to give you flexibility. I made a list of things that were important to me and force ranked them and then did side by side comparison.
Hope this is helpful.
“Not up scare you, but…”. Why say that? Of course that’s going to scare her. I don’t know why people insist on sharing horror stories with newly-pregnant women, but it’s (probably unintentionally) cruel.
Signed, Newly Pregnant (not OP) and also Been There Done That on loss.
I didn’t read this as cruel (have had a child and a loss) at all. I think Ranon’s comment was totally relevant to the discussion. I don’t think it’s different from saying “I wouldn’t tell people until 12 weeks because I’ve experienced a pregnancy loss,” which I’ve certainly said and heard. Pregnancy losses happen. Pretending they don’t doesn’t do anything but stigmatize them more.
I don’t think it was intended to be cruel either. I guess my real issue is that I don’t know why people say “not to scare you, but..” and the like. It doesn’t change what you’re about to say at all. It’s like my middle school frenemy who used to say, “No offense or anything, but…” followed by an insult.
I recognize that I may be in the minority on this, but I also don’t think it’s kind to tell your miscarriage or pregnancy loss story to a pregnant woman, especially a first time mother in her first trimester.
What? Telling a pregnant woman about your 48 hour labor that resulted in a fourth degree tear that took three months to heal is a “horror story.” Advising a woman – who has ASKED for advice – not to announce a pregnancy at work until 12 weeks because a significant percentage of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester is not a horror story. It’s relevant, practical advice that the OP asked for, and it happens to be good advice.
That’s not what she said – she told her that she had dealt with a similar situation and had a miscarriage at 16 weeks, which sounds pretty terrible to me.
Personally I’d much rather deal with a traumatic birth that resulted in a healthy child than a 16-week loss, thanks very much.
Thank you all. I felt it was relevant and perhaps I shouldnt have tried to soften my language. I chose that to convey that my intent was not to cause trauma but to share reality.
I posted the original comment to Ranon’s comment and, in retrospect, I think I was wrong. I’ve just had a lot of people around me come out of the woodwork with miscarriage stories since I’ve been pregnant again, and I think I was reacting to them (and my own fear) and acting a little bit crazy.
On re-read, Ranon’s comment was relevant and completely appropriate and my reaction was not. I’m sorry for being a jerk – ugh, January/stress/feels like a Monday.
Sorry, sorry. And thanks for the sanity check, all.
Of course it’s better to have a traumatic birth that results in a live child than a loss at 16 weeks, but telling a story about a traumatic birth doesn’t have any purpose other than scaring the pregnant woman, which is why I consider it a horror story. Advice based on a loss might be painful and scary to hear but it has a purpose other than fear-mongering.
Okay, that’s a good point. I hadn’t thought of it that way.
I’d wait to tell them until after the first trimester. That gives you some time to get to know the ropes before they start to think about you going on maternity leave.
I’d find out what the company’s maternity leave policy is first, though – my opinion might be different if you need to negotiate for leave.
No advice on taking the job or not, as I don’t have kids so I don’t feel qualified to comment. Your current situation sounds pretty cushy though; it’d be hard to give that up.
Honestly for me depends on the pay. 50 to 100 id take it no question. 150 to 300 maybe not.
I agree with this. I think your current financial position matters a lot. If you’re comfortable and the extra money would just be nice, that’s a totally different question than if you’re scraping by right now.
Agree. I went from a job that paid $210 but had me working 60-80 hrs and traveling to a job that pays ~80k but I work 15 hours/week and minimal travel.
My husband makes about 200. We didn’t need $400k to be happy, we needed to be more present at home with our kids and each other. He didn’t have an offer like I did, or he’d have jumped on it. In fact he’s talking about trying to build a consulting practice so we can swap and I can go back to full time.
It’s a jump of about $200 all in to $320 plus $90k in bonus so roughly $400 all in. Double the current.
Partner makes $180.
That said, we’re in NYC where the cost of living is ridiculous and public school is not an option for many reasons. So, it may seem like “a lot” but it’s not – and certainly not enough to cover childcare/nanny and whatever else happens with baby when we’re both in our offices.
Does this change any opinions? I am completely unsure what to do and how best to handle it with new potential employer.
It is a lot. Even in nyc. And it is enough for childcare. And NYC public schools are an option. Take the job if you want it but you don’t need the money.
Yeah a household income of almost $600,000 is “a lot” anywhere in the world, even NYC.
Current household income is $200 + $180 = $380.
New income would be $680 – potentially.
Public school is not an option for me – for many reasons as I said. So, private school is a nugget to consider.
You need to reassess your privilege. Take the job if you want! I’m not saying don’t! But you already make more than enough money and pretending otherwise is obscene.
The income increase is significant. I would not tell prospective employer. If you choose to take job, I would start position, work, and tell them well into second trimester. I would check out their leave policy beforehand.
I wouldn’t do this for the $$ alone, but if it really is your dream job then go for it! It’s awesome that they held the position for you for 6 months, and seems like they are enthusiastic about you coming there, so hopefully the pregnancy won’t be a huge issue.
I’d find out the maternity leave policy and then decide whether to disclose the pregnancy from there.
First off, congratulations and best wishes! I love being a parent far more than I ever expected, and I actually did find a lot of aspects of it easier than I expected (though some other ones were harder).
But second, you didn’t mention where your partner stands in all of this. If you are really looking at making double the money, this might be a really good time for him to consider taking a step back (reducing hours, changing jobs, etc). Obviously, that depends on what is feasible for his career, but there’s no reason why this should all be on you and your career.
Thanks for this. I dont have kids yet but I want them, and I like so often I only hear the bad aspects of being a parent, and how hard it is.
I’d be inclined to go for it but leave your old job on the best possible terms. You can’t count on it, but it might be possible to go back if the new job is just too much.
This sounds like too good an opportunity to give up. I say go for it! I don’t think I’d tell them your pregnant yet though, it’s still too early IMO.
How do you and your SO deal with different tastes in food? It’s a minor annoyance but mine wants you add sweet potatoes to everything and always seems to forget that I don’t like them very much. He always wants to add more veggies (fine) but has very strick opinions about what veggies are nutritious enough. Veggies that I enjoy somehow aren’t good enough. I don’t really look forward to cooking dinner with him anymore.
Can you each cook your veggies and add them to your respective plates separately?
Not particularly easily unless we cook entirely separate meals. We generally don’t cook or eat much meat so it’s not like the veggies are a side that gets added later.
What types of things are you making for dinner? It do this kind of thing a lot because I’m a vegetarian and my spouse is not, so I can probably offer some tips of how to cook customizable meals.
Veggie pasta, indian food. Baked Mac and cheese. Scramble eggs with veggies mixed in the default if we can’t figure out what to make.
Not sure about Indian food, but for pasta or eggs you should each be able to mix in your chosen veggies at the end.
Maybe plan more? So there is less in the moment discussion, and you can both chill a little
Hmm. For stuff like curry or stew, we usually make it in two small pots instead of one. It sounds like more work, but it isn’t really beyond a little extra chopping and washing one pot. If I am using the pressure cooker, I’ll just make the base recipe with the beans and main veggies and do the extra stuff (meat or whatever) separate so we can add it at the table.
We do a lot of things like a rice/quinoa bowl or tacos where we just roast everything in sheet pans and add it on top, so we’ll have different sections in the oven of veggies, chickpeas, and meat, and we’ll just add it accordingly to each of our plates. You could do the same thing with slightly different veggies and toss it with pasta. My partner actually does prep the meat most of the time, so I can just mix seasonings on it or whatever dump it into the pan while I cook my stuff in a separate pan. If your partner has a big thing for sweet potatoes, maybe he can up a huge bowl of them at the beginning of the week to make it easy to use throughout the week. It’s kind of like we’re at one of those breakfast stations where a person cooks a bunch of omelets for people in separate pans.
Some things just don’t divide up well, so sometimes we just cook for ourselves.
This might sound extreme, but if one of us REALLY wants to include an ingredient the other one hates, we’ll make a separate batch of food. Not a whole separate meal, but for example we’ll divide a standard stir fry into two pans and add ingredients we like but the other hates to each. It’s a little extra effort, but it works for us because we both do it. If I really want to make dinner with eggplant, I’ll make him an eggplant-free version. He does the same for me with mushrooms and red pepper. This may not work for you since he seems to be judging your vegetable choices, but see if suggesting simple swaps will work. You promise to add sweet potatoes or whatever Super Extra Healthy vegetables to his dish when you cook, and he promises NOT to add them to yours when he cooks.
This is what we do sometimes, since I am allergic to certain veggies that he likes and he dislikes mushrooms. Same base dish, different pots with changed veggies.
It just occurred to me that my husband gives in to all of my food preferences. Now I feel like a horrible person.
Yup, my SO does the same and now I’m feeling very appreciative.
same. we used to do one night a week where he’d make himself some sort of seafood (which I don’t like) and I’d have soup (which he does not consider to be a meal). I should probably be a nice person and try to bring this back.
Same. But I’m a lot pickier than he is. There are foods he doesn’t love but there’s nothing he HATES, whereas I have hates. So we avoid the foods I hate but eat some foods that one of us doesn’t love.
So does mine. But I do all the meal planning, shopping and cooking, so in my mind (and his) that’s fair.
We have two veg every night. And compromise.
For him…. he should make a batch of sweet potatoes at the beginning of the week, and reheat himself as an additional veg if he wants it. Very easy to make a bunch of mashed sweet potatoes, or lightly boiled chunks and they reheat fine.
We go out to eat probably once a week, and that’s the time to order things the other person doesn’t like. At home, there are some meals that lend themselves better than others to customization: for example, tacos are great because you can take or leave toppings or make a salad. For the veggie problem: can you roast two different kinds of veggies on the same baking sheet?
I don’t be with people who judge my choices as not good enough. Sure, we all have different preferences and that’s fine. But if you aren’t cool with alternating cooking or making an effort to compromise because my vegetables aren’t good enough, then bye.
Eh, I don’t like what my husband cooks and we don’t need to get divorced over it. If I ate what he picked out all the time I’d easily gain 40 lbs, which I’m not interested in doing. He thinks that opening a can of corn makes a meal vegetable heavy and I do not. It doesn’t mean I think he’s beneath me. You can eat different things and have a perfectly fine relationship. Living with someone takes some getting used to when you’re used to living alone.
Yeah but he judges her vegetable choices as not good enough. That’s the red flag for me- it’s more than just preceding something different.
+1 My husband and I eat different meals pretty much every day. Nobody is judging anyone – we just like different things, eat at different times, have different priorities. You can absolutely eat different things and have a perfectly fine relationship.
Wait, are you actually cooking side-by-side? That would be a short path to divorce for me. We have an unwritten code that the person who is actually cooking that night gets the discretion– and the other person is to say, Yum, delicious, thanks for making dinner. I wouldn’t knowingly make something my husband hates, but if he wants potatoes every night, I’d maybe do it half the time. But I couldn’t deal with him over my shoulder questioning my way of making dinner.
Yes agreed. Alternate!
We cook in turns, and learn different ways of cooking the same thing. We also try new vegetables that neither of us has any pre-concieved notions on (ever been to an asian supermarket?).
Isabella the She-Wolf
Recs for best half-slips in the 20$-40$ range? I received some new knit skirts for christmas, and they’ve been crawling up into places they shouldn’t, and stubbornly staying there with static cling. Thanks!
I think they are even cheaper at Kohls etc.
I’m being ridiculous and I think I know the answer but …
We, along with our neighbors, have been using a provider of a service (think landscaping, maid) for 3 years. The first year, we all agreed to tip x since we used that person for half of the year. I know, we didn’t have to clear it with each other. It just came up over drinks.
The next year, it had been a full year, so we agreed to tip 2x.
This year, we didn’t discuss it. Over the holidays, they told us they tipped 5x. I love the provider but we can’t afford 5x. So this was a humblebrag, right? In my little mind, I’m thinking provider will think we think less of him/her than we do.
Forgive me, I’m still also mad at them for voting for 45. And perhaps embarrassed at being of less means.
Lana Del Raygun
It might have been a humblebrag, or it might have been a throwaway remark. I wouldn’t read too much into it, and I really doubt that the provider now thinks less of you. (A) If they’re taking care of your house/lawn, they probably have some insight into the difference in your and the neighbors’ means, and (B) people take all these things way less personally than you (everyone) feel like when you’re worried you’ve made a faux pas.
If you want to dislike them for their money or their vote, be clear with yourself about that. This is not about the tip.
You always have great insight, Lana. Thank you.
Struggle bus rides on...
My bus just gave me a huge chunk of chocolate (not a formal gift, just a snack) and said, “it’s going to be a long year; prepare yourself”.
Ugh. Way to make me want chocolate.
I know you meant boss but I smiled at the image of a bus giving you chocolate. Sounds like a nice boss! Treat yourself and enjoy!!
D*ckish thing to say. I hate when superiors hand you some odious work with “I have a present for you” or the like.
Nah, he is a nice guy and gives me chocolate all the time. Just not usually in the middle of a Tuesday, and not usually half a bar of Lindt.
I already knew it was going to be a crazy year, and he’d probably just been sitting in his office stressing about it. Wouldn’t we all think a walk and chocolate was a good solution?
The manageing partner gives me chocolate alot, even tho he knows Dad is worried about the size of my tuchus.