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I normally think it’s rude to carry a huge umbrella on city streets. Sure, the person who carries it stays dry, but everyone else on the sidewalk gets jabbed and poked. But when it’s seriously raining, and you *must* be outside, I suppose that’s when it’s time to break out the big guns: the GustBuster. This highly rated golf umbrella can supposedly even weather gusts of 55 miles per hour. Nice. It’s $34.95-$49 at Amazon.com, available in hunter, black, navy, and burgundy. GustBuster Classic 48-Inch Automatic Golf Umbrella (L-2)Workwear sales of note for 3.28.24
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eek
I have the ShedRain Windjammer Auto Open and Close compact umbrella. So far, so good.
zora
ooo, thanks for this recommendation, I really need a good, sturdy but compact umbrella!
Jenna Rink
I’m debating between two coats from Land’s End. I like the Double Breasted Coat here: http://www.landsend.com/pp/womens-luxe-wool-double-breasted-coat~243989_59.html?sku_0=::VCA in “Vicuna” (camel colored) because it looks classic and timeless. I love the Swing Car Coat here: http://www.landsend.com/pp/womens-luxe-wool-swing-car-coat~243894_59.html in “Blackberry” but I’m worried a colored coat might be a bit too trendy. Which one would you buy?
mascot
I love my camel colored pea coat, but it shows dirt easily. I don’t mind a pop of color as classically styled coat. I get so tired of black/navy that you see everywhere.
Research, Not Law
Blackberry. Seems like a color that is more fun the standard black and taupe, but it’s so trendy that it will look dated in a year or two.
I usually buy my jackets in a color. Really helps perk up a winter day.
Research, Not Law
*but it’s NOT so trendy. Blah!
Monday
Seconded, get the Blackberry. Neon would be one thing, but this is just a rich, beautiful color that goes with many things. I only own one raincoat/trench, and it is this color. I don’t have problems with clashing, I don’t think it looks dated (or will), and it’s nice to have a color on in dreary weather, especially when so few others do.
Cb
I love the color. I feel like as long as it isn’t neon, you see colored jackets released every year.
I’m eyeing the colorblock coat although I can’t decide if it will make my butt look big!
Jenna Rink
Excellent! That’s the answer I was hoping for, just really needed some enabling.
January
If it helps, I just bought the Swing Car Coat in Brilliant Raberry, and it seems like a great winter coat. Happy shopping! ;)
January
Raspberry, obviously.
TO Lawyer
I need a sturdy umbrella. I’m usually that girl walking down the street swearing because my umbrella has flipped inside out and my hair is getting wet and frizzy…
TCFKAG
Yeah, my problem with umbrellas this big (other then the whole other people thing….fooey to other people) is that if an umbrella doesn’t fit in my purse, I will own it for approximately 6-48 hours before I lose it. Depending on my activities for the period of time. Its hard enough for me to hold on to purse sized umbrellas (one time I bought an umbrella in NYC because it was raining and promptly left it in the cab I took after visiting the museum I was on my way to, that was an all time record).
Seriously, this would be kind of a pain to carry around and then I’d lose it and be sad. :-P
NOLA
I only have the folding kind. I keep one in my office, two in my car, one in my house, and one in the carying bag for my rain boots. I try to reposition them as needed. What can I say – it rains a lot here!
Cb
I live in a ridiculously rainy city and I don’t even own an umbrella. I hate navigating crowded streets, we have pretty severe winds, and I never can keep ahold of one for more than a day or two.
That said, if it gets too bad, I’ll duck into a cafe.
Nonny - To the Toronto folks
Not umbrella related (well, not necessarily), but a couple of questions for the Toronto gals.
1. My trip to TO next week has been confirmed. Have you ladies broken out your wool coats yet? Should I be prepared for 0 degrees C?
2. Would like to check out the Ann Taylor in Eaton Centre, but don’t want to waste my time if it is not a good one or if they are charging absurdly high prices to us lowly Canadians. Is it worth my time?
Thanks everyone,
Nonny.
Marilla
I’ve only worn my wool coat a couple days so far (today, for example – and Sunday it would have been awesome, because it was freezing). It looks like next week will be under 10 degrees but not below 0. You should be safe if you layer sweaters under your fall coat and wear a warm scarf, but you won’t look crazy wearing a wool coat.
I haven’t had a chance to check out the new Ann Taylor. If I manage to pop by before next week, I’ll post here.
TO Lawyer
I’ve been wearing my fall coat with a scarf, and I had to pull out my gloves but haven’t been too cold yet – we’ve been pretty lucky though (barring the non-stop rain since Saturday).
And I like the Ann Taylor – I don’t know if it’s absurdly expensive compared to the US but it is not cheap. Might be worth a look through. I do think the J.Crew is crazy expensive though…
(former) Clueless Summer
Actually I was overheard by a sales associate at Ann Taylor asking a friend if the prices were jacked up and she told me they were the same price as the US. So if an item is $50 US, it’s $50 CAN. Seems fair. The Ann Taylor is cute stuff, cheaper than I thought – nothing ground breaking though but it’s worth a visit.
The weather is fine, I wouldn’t pull out a wool coat. I’m not actually wearing a coat yet, I make do with blazers but that’s me. Trench is fine if you have it.
Hmm
GustBuster makes a folding version called the “Metro.” After several years of Boston bridges destroying one umbrella after the other, I invested in one. It’s held up for 3+ years and it’s never, ever flipped.
Research, Not Law
Thanks for the rec!
anon for this
I have a meeting in 25 minutes regarding a performance improvement plan that could lead to termination for one of my staff. I’m kind of freaking out because she reacts in an angry and emotional way to everything, gets defensive and accusatory, on and on. We’re having the meeting at HR so I have backup. I’m a strong person but this kind of thing just gets me wrung out. I was so tempted to cancel but then I’m just stuck with this person who isn’t doing any work and is angry most of the time.
eastbaybanker
You have HR backup and you know this is for the best. You’ll be okay. Good luck.
K...in transition
Just another perspective… I think the idea of getting fired/let go/whatever is really upsetting for anyone and there’s often a thought that arguing or fighting at that meeting can save your job… so ya can’t really blame a person for trying. That said, there’s also a common thought that the person doing the firing doesn’t care, so be careful showing care without giving the person false hope that they can talk their way back into a job.
Sending love for you through this process!
zora
awww, it upsets you because you care! Because you are a good person. And if you have that caring button, it is impossible to turn it off. :o( This sounds like it will be hard, but just keep thinking about the rest of your staff, bc it is probably harder on them to have to work with this person, so you are doing THEM a favor making it possible for them to have a better work environment and do better work. Think of it as, if you give this squeaky wheel the grease and let her off the hook, you are almost punishing the rest of the staff she works with for NOT having performance issues. :o(
There’s no easy answer, though, hope you make it through, and give yourself a treat and some time to decompress afterwards. These kinds of things are so draining to me, too. Good luck!
anon for this
Weird – I typed a long comment and it disappeared. The meeting went as well as it could have. She’s not fired – just needs to improve her performance or she will be fired. She cried and talked about her medical and personal problems. I made it clear that, although I’m sympathetic, I need her to get work done and can only let her slide for so long (productivity has been an issue for quite a while and before the personal issues). She needed to hear that “I know” is not a good enough answer to my saying that she has productivity problems.
For those of you who know who I am, thanks so much for being there in this ongoing saga. Didn’t feel like I could post under my regular handle. You all are incredible!
K...in transition
Although I know folks updated some earlier today, let’s please keep updating? Those who don’t want to see it will scroll but those who are worried will be able to hear how you’re doing…
As for here, some shingles and siding off from my house and flickering lights last night but otherwise ok. So many of my stomping grounds in nyc are under water… was streaming in news from nyc all night, heartbroken to see the damage done.
Monday
I’m fine and so are all my loved ones, thanks. Sending my best to everyone affected.
kiley
My apartment flooded but only about two inches and not in bedroom. Carpet flooring and part of the wall damaged but the landlord is going to be working on it this week. I am not sure if the couch is ok, and power is not back yet, but staying with a nice friend and all in all, it could have been worse since we are safe and stuff can be replaced. Im in DC, the NY pictures are terrifying! thinking about everyone there
Ellen
We did ok in the city but not on LI. My parents place is a mess and Margie is upset about there place in the Hamton’s. Myrna and I am here now and she got a flat tire. Some guy got out and helped us. So nice of him. Myrna took his number b/c he lives in Belmore. She told him we owe him one. The Manageing partner says I can stay here as long as I make my hours but I will have to go back tomorow. FOOEY b/c my family needs me here. As a city girl I can onley be in one place at one time and thank god for iPhone! Yay apple! Jim keeps ringing my cell about goeing to Saint Louis but their no fleight’s going anywhere. My dad says he is jouvenile and my mom says he is a schumueck who does NOT apreciate me!! FOOEY on men like that she says. Myrna now is talking to Will so I better go b/c he is very impressionable and he should not get to exited about her. Bye to the hive for now!!! Be safe and be smart!
1L-1
We’re doing really, remarkably well actually. No power outages, streets are clear and treeless as far as I can tell, and just one window leaked. Hope everyone else is safe and sound!
R in Boston
Lots of branches down in my neighborhood, but none onto my apartment or car. We also didn’t lose power.
I was stuck on a closing call on the 33rd floor of a building next to the harbor yesterday at 1:30, though, and that was pretty scary. The part of my brain that knows physics knows to be happy that the building is bending and the windows are flexing, but it that wasn’t a ton of consolation as it was happening.
January
I dodged a bullet – the storm veered a little bit to the north, which limited the damage in my state. I never lost power, either. My best to everyone who wasn’t so lucky.
Judy Jetson
I think most people who actually had issues are probably not able to post, because they still don’t have power, or can’t escape their flooded apartment, or have a tree in their house, or their house burned down or floated away. I can’t even begin to describe how bad my area was hit.
NOLA
Denver ladies – I’ll be there Friday and Saturday this week. The weather, according to TWC, looks pretty mild. Will I even need a coat?
Frou Frou
Yes, bring a light coat. It gets cool in the evenings and the weather can change quickly.
mamabear
I actually love umbrellas. I prefer full sized ones. I didn’t know I was being rude! San Francisco sidewalks are not quite as crowded as NY.
I supposed I couldn’t make it in Seattle, where I understand it is a badge of honor to own not a single umbrella. True, Seattleites?
Nonny
Well, I don’t live in Seattle, but I live pretty close to there (Vancouver). And I will say this: if those crazy Seattleites consider it a badge of honour not to own an umbrella, my hat goes off to them and I offer them a towel and a nice hot beverage (rum optional) to wrap their cold, wet hands around. In Vancouver, we carry umbrellas everywhere. If you don’t have an umbrella with you between October and March, you are guaranteed to end up cold, wet and miserable. I have a veritable umbrella collection.
Sydney Bristow
I’m from the Pacific Northwest and pretty much hate umbrellas but now that I live in NYC and walk everywhere I have given in. I don’t think it’s rude to use a big umbrella but ONLY if you are super aware of it and the people around you. Raise it up when passing people on the sidewalk, collapse it when walking under something covered so people can get around you, etc. I sometimes feel like I’m on a mission to teach umbrella etiquette to the people. Nothing worse than trying to get somewhere quickly on a crowded sidewalk only to be poked in the face by some jerk’s umbrella because he didn’t make any attempt to raise it and there wasn’t any way to duck out of the way at that moment.
Kanye East
Seriously to all of this. I lived in Dublin before I moved to NYC, and Dubliners know how to handle an umbrella. From what I’ve seen, most of the rest of the world should be ashamed of itself.
And short friends carrying umbrellas: please be mindful that the pokey-est and stabby-est parts of your umbrella are at my actual eye level.
e_pontellier
“And short friends carrying umbrellas: please be mindful that the pokey-est and stabby-est parts of your umbrella are at my actual eye level.” –> THIS! I wear glasses, which helps me avoid being stabbed in the eyes, but my DH wears sunglasses on rainy days for this reason.
Round Two...
DH and I visited Dublin in February a couple of years ago and his umbrella pooped out. We looked ALL OVER for a new one and couldn’t find one. Kept thinking stores would have one of those little displays like you see at CVS or the supermarket with umbrellas, ponchos, etc. and never saw one. He didn’t really care, and just went around with a wet head for 3 days.
KC
I wish all umbrellas came with a printed set of proper ettiquette considerations. I try not to get too annoyed when I’m poked in the face or have water dumped on me from someone shaking their umbrella off. But really?
Turtle Wexler
Seattleites do use umbrellas when it’s raining hard, but that’s pretty rare. It’s usually something more than mist but less than rain here, so it’s a lot easier to just put up your hood. The problem is that I never seem to have an umbrella handy on those occasions when I actually do need one…
mamabear
I was at a business conference in Seattle with a couple of natives. As I struggled to close and shake out my umbrella when we entered the building, these women were musing about trying to remember when they had last owned an umbrella. It was definitley a form of bragging. Yes to the hooded coats, and even just generally being OK with getting wet.
Sydney Bristow
I lived in a smaller city so I typically parked as close as possible and did a mad dash for the door. It normally seemed easier than dealing with an umbrella.
Research, Not Law
I keep a compact umbrella in my purse October through May.
J
I’ve lived in the Pacific NW (Portland) all my life and I don’t use an umbrella. I lose them too much, they break, and the rainfall is usually at a drizzle so they’re not even that necessary. I rely on hooded coats and my trusty Columbia rain jacket most of the time. I also have a couple of wide-brimmed weatherproof wool hats that are great.
Nonny
I guess we Vancouverites are wimps. But I will say this:
1. for the kind of misty drizzle that we get sometimes, no-one uses an umbrella. But we do get serious rain quite regularly (see, for example, the past 5 days), and for that, we do use umbrellas.
2. I absolutely adore my wide-brimmed waxed cotton rain hat, and wear it regularly. When I wear it, I do not carry an umbrella.
Turtle Wexler
Ooh, where did you get your hat? I’m intrigued.
Nonny
It’s from Barbour. Barbour stuff is fantastic for blustery, rainy weather – I have a coat of theirs as well. The hat is similar to this one: http://www.barbour.com/us/womens-clothing/hats/cotton-wax/accessories/wax-ladies-sports-hat
J
Yeah, it’s SO gross right now. I do sometimes use umbrellas – I actually ran into Nordstrom Rack and bought one the other day when it started pouring randomly and covering my head with my arms was not going to cut it :) If I could keep track of them, I think I’d use them more. I’d rather use an umbrella than look like a sea mammal in my wet hooded rain jacket.
AK
I moved to Seattle from the mid-west, and I used umbrellas much more frequently in med-west than I do here. That might be because the mid-west has a lot more gully-washer type rainstorms than Seattle. A good rain jacket with a hood is enough for most of the mist and light rain.
Research, Not Law
Lifelong PNW’er and I think the no umbrella badge of honor is ridiculous. It’s idiotic to be sopping wet when you don’t need to be. I’ll stay dry, thank you very much. I find that my rain gear wearing self spends a lot more time outside than those who brag about never using any.
You’re not mistaken, though, it’s a “thing” out here. I feel like only in the last decade or two, though. Umbrellas used to be a standard item. Everyone from age 3 on up carried one.
Research, Not Law
ETA: I’m talking about rain and showers. For drizzle and mist, I just wear a good rain jacket.
cbackson
I definitely used an umbrella when I lived in Seattle. What, I was supposed to let the rain drip off the edge of my Patagonia coat onto my business pants? No, thank you.
JZL
I need advice for setting boundaries with parents/in-laws when they tend to affect one side more than the other.
The backstory- my husband and I live in the same town as my parents and have a good relationship with them. I think my mom had to really fight to feel like she had a “place” in my father’s family, so she is particularly sensitive to respecting my relationship with my husband, his place as the father of my children, and giving us space as our own family. We’re lucky that my parents both retired young and want to/are able to be our primary source of childcare while my husband and I work. As a result, our kids are obviously very close to this set of grandparents.
On the flip side, my MIL lives across the country and is very emotionally needy. She lives alone, has had no significant partner in her life for decades, and definitely feels a lack of fulfillment from her life that she is trying to fill through her kids/grandkids. It took my husband and I almost the first two years of our marriage to find a happy balance of boundaries with her that we were both happy with. Now that children are in the picture and are old enough to have relationships with people (like their other set of grandparents) MIL is becoming a bit jealous and demanding.
She’s calling almost every night wanting to talk to the kids (the bedtime routine is hectic enough with 2 working parents and 2 kids without adding a mandatory phone call every night) and wanting to come stay at our house for extended periods of time. When we set our limits, she has an emotional meltdown about how we’re keeping her from having a relationship with the kids and starts comparing her time with the kids to the time my parents spend with them.
The bottom line is that the boundaries we set DO have a different impact on her than my parents, but my parents are helping us and relieving some pressure while her requests add to our plates. Is equality between the inlaws important? What balance would you strike between trying to have equality between both sets of parents and respecting the boundaries that you want to have?
mamabear
I sort of feel for your MIL here. She sounds lonely. I think it’s wonderful she wants a relationship with her grandkids, even though she may not be expressing this in a good way.
Can you use her for babysitting when you are on vacation? Take family vacations near her (but not staying with her) and then you and hubby take off for a few days on your own?
Inevitably your parents are going to have more of a relationship with your kids than she will, but it’s not unreasonable for her to want some relationship.
A phone call a day is too much. When your kids get old enough for email, they can have a private relationship with her over email. For now, maybe have a FaceTime/Skype convo with her once a week. You can be firm about that one – it’s completely reasonable.
I keep up with my distant inlaws demands for updates about my kids through facebook. My facebook account exists almost exclusively for photos of my kids. I try to post a cell phone photo once or twice a week.
JZL
I do feel for her, and sometimes I wonder if I’m hyper-sensitive to some things because she definitely used my husband and his siblings to fill the void in a slightly unhealthy way for a long time. It took my husband a long time to understand that a lot of what he had to deal with growing up is not a normal parent-child relationship. We both feel strongly that we don’t want our children to face those kinds of pressures from her and that it is our job as parents to place the appropriate boundaries for them.
We definitely want her to have a relationship with our kids, but we want it to be a healthy one. We probably spend close to 4 weeks/year with her whether it is in our town, her town, or on joint family vacations for holidays like Christmas (so far we’ve managed to avoid having to split holidays). I like the idea about having some kind of shared online album that she can see as a way of managing some of the more day-to-day updates. Thank you!
K...in transition
It sounds like the issues here are bigger than you guys and you’re just taking the brunt of it. Perhaps she’d enjoy volunteering at the local school or at a nursing home so she can be with people locally who need her. As for what you can do, what about starting a blog for her and anyone who cares about your family? Decide that once a week (every saturday, perhaps, or whatever is working in your family’s schedule), sit down and have the kids tell you what to write, you add things, throw in a cell phone photo, etc. This allows folks to feel closer and be updated without repeating stories or interrupting daily routines.
As for visits, could you set up couple’s vacation so she can either come to watch the kids while you leave or drop them with her and leave for a few days?
Wordy
K , just re-reading and I think what you says makes so much sense.
Seventh Sister
My MIL has some similar issues, and things that have worked include:
1. Not picking up the phone if it is inconvenient, even if she calls my husband’s cell first, then our house phone (no answering machine, so she will let it ring dozens of times), then my cell phone. Also, not picking up if the caller ID shows my father in law is calling (she will totally try calling from his phone to trick us into picking up). Also, not responding immediately to her emails.
2. On a large scale, making her behavior my husband’s problem. This took a lot of work, but I made it clear to him that I’m not running interference over when she comes for holidays, when we go to her place, basically, his family = he gets to be social secretary. If she calls or emails me about something, I always make the point have to run it past my husband. It’s meant she has basically stopped calling me first since she isn’t going to get a better answer from me than she would from her son.
As far as equality between relatives, I don’t think it is necessary. While I’ve never stopped all contact with a relative, I’m not going out of my way to cultivate a relationship with relatives or in-laws that treat me badly. Yes, the distance thing makes it harder, but my mom lives far away and has a great relationship with my kids, while my MIL lives close and misses out sometimes due to her behavior and lack of organizational skills.
Seventh Sister
*that I have to run it past my husband.
Re-reading my reply, I realize I sound pretty mean about a lonely, difficult, old woman, but her behavior veers from crazy to out-and-out toxic in a way that is hard to describe. Self-preservation is important.
Merabella
I don’t think you sound mean.
LadyEnginerd
I don’t think you sound mean either. Quite reasonable, in fact.
Research, Not Law
My parents live nearby and watch my two children two days a week. My husband’s parents live several hundred miles away. We have an excellent relationship with both, but it is definitely not equal. It’s not possible.
As for the neediness, I would use a two-pronged approach of avoiding contact when it’s not convenient and proactively setting up contact that is convenient. That could mean not picking up the phone in the evenings but scheduling a recurrent weekend skype session. It could mean having the kids chat with her while you prep dinner rather than dealing with a later, unpredictable call during bedtime routine. Tell her that you’re setting up that schedule so that the kids are better able to visit with her. Get in the habit of sending her photo prints and art projects once a month on your schedule rather to preempt increasingly anxious requests.
My mother is the needy one of the two grandmothers and the key is predictability. She calms down if she feels assured that she’s going to included and behaves like a normal person, but if she quickly becomes impulsively and exponentially needy as she starts to feel (real or imaginary) resistance. I’ve tried a variety of approaches – including withdrawal, punishment, etc – and have found that nothing is remotely as successful as setting up a predictable contact schedule.
SunnyD
I second all of this. I think some grandparents want to know that they are going to see/talk to their grandkids and the grandkids are not being kept away from them. So set up a regular schedule for Grandma and the kids to talk on the phone or Skype—if your kids are small, then I have to think the calls are short because I have yet to meet a 3 year old who can really talk on the phone. Also send regular pictures and make sure to send pictures of the big events (first day of school, school play, etc.)—or, as others have suggested, tell Grandma she can find those pictures on Facebook or on a blog where you post them.
Alternatively, can you kids talk on the phone to MIL while they’re at your parents’ house during the work day? This way MIL would get to talk to the kids and it would not be one more thing on the to-do list in the evenings and on weekends. When your folks take pictures of the kids, would they be willing to email a copy to MIL with a note “We’re at the zoo today. Kid 1 and Kid 2 really had fun watching the monkeys!”?
The time will never be equal unless MIL moves to your town. I doubt she expects “equal” (really, which two people are truly treated exactly the same way anyway?); she really wants regular, if brief, contact and to be a part of your kids’ lives.
violet
To piggyback on Research & SunnyD, I think finding a time to make regular calls to grandma is important. I also don’t think that daily calls are too much (of course, I think missing a day here or there is okay). Figure out a time when a 5 minute call is not an inconvenience to you – as suggested, while the kids are at your parents or while you’re making dinner. I know life is hectic, but your mother-in-law may have days where she doens’t talk to anyone. A phone call *to* her may really lift her spirits and may make her less needy.
Not that you said otherwise, but I also suggest always putting on a happy face about calling grandma. Your kids will be excited and may (eventually) take the initiative to keep up with her so you won’t have to think about it.
Wordy
My own kids (can’t speak for anyone else’s) are not great on the phone but they do much better when they have a few things that they have been doing to talk about (i.e. a week’s worth of activities to report on rather than 24 hours). I think a weekly call that’s maybe a little longer and more substantive will be more successful all the way around.
I don’t think it’s fair to your parents to have them be responsible for making the calls happen. My own experience again — my MIL feels like she’s operating at a disadvantage with my own parents, just because of geographical distance, and she’s really uncomfortable interacting with them. Although they are always really nice and make every effort with her, I think she feels bad when she’s reminded of how often they see my kids relative to how often she does. (Not sure that makes sense — again, particular to my own family dynamics!)
anon
This is all great advice. I love the idea of making the calls to distant relatives a predictable part of the routine. Thanks!
Midwest Attorney
TJ:
Very excited to have an upcoming interview at an AmLaw 150 firm (if that matters) for a litigation position, in a midwest city where I went to school, and I’d love to move back. Currently in a smaller market, small-ish firm. I know they do one on one interviews, but also a panel interview, along with lunch. It’s been a few years since I’ve interviewed. Any tips? Or good resources, as I’m sure this has been covered before.
JJ
Are you lateraling? If so, be able to explain why you want to leave your current employer in an interview-friendly way. Even if, like me, the real reason was “If I spend one more day in this toxic place, I’ll go crazy.” Be able to explain why you want to practice whatever type of law it is that you’re interviewing for, and if that’s a change from what you currently practice, why you’re interested in the switch.
My office has recently been interviewing lateral candidates. I know that if I’m interviewing you, generally you’re smart, have the necessary credentials, and are probably a good attorney. I want know that I’ll get along with you, feel comfortable asking you to join our group at lunch, and I won’t think that you’ll drive a bus over me to achieve your career ambitions.
(And, while it shouldn’t have to be said, don’t ask which partners in our office have the biggest book of business in your first interview…).
Former MidLevel
All good advice. And saying you want to move back to the city where you went to school is a perfectly good explanation for why you want to leave your current employer.
Snoozy
Where I live, people happily cycle while holding an umbrella in one hand. Wish I could do that, but I’m not coordinated enough. I have the full collection of rain gear, but taking it all off when arriving at work is a fairly miserable experience. (And wearing rain trousers over tights and boots and having my skirt in my bag is annoying in winter.)
This looks like a serious umbrella, though. Double layers are excellent in rain and wind – I have a foldable double layer version, which is a bit clunky but unbelievably useful. Where I used to live you could easily spot the tourists – they were the ones with flimsy umbrellas blown inside out. Locals either had these sort or a very waterproof jacket. And after every storm the gutters were littered with the remnants of deceased ex-umbrellas.
anonymous
I finally took everyone’s advice and decided to cut my mother out of my life, even if it means my siblings side with her when I tell them that I can’t have them in my life if they’re only in it to report back to our mother. I haven’t spoken to any of them in 2 months. Yesterday, I got an email from my mother asking how long my silence will last and bringing up how hard she tries and how horrible a daughter I am to behave this way. In addition, my brother has called twice “just to chat” (typical of the pattern of her guilt-tripping and then using one of her other kids to suck me back in or to at least get the info for her).
Has anyone had this experience? If so, what did you do? Part of me feels like responding and telling her that I’m cutting her/them out, the other part feels like I should just keep silent. Not sure what to do but the end result I want is for them to just leave me alone and I don’t want to do anything that leads to anyone stalker emailing/calling or showing up at my house at the holidays when they will be local.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Blonde Lawyer
My situation is an aunt not a mom but I blocked her email and took my phone number off of anything public.
Sydney Bristow
I told my mother once that I wouldn’t be speaking to her any longer. When she continued to try and contact me, I changed my phone number and email address.
I was lucky that my siblings were supportive and never gave her my new contact info even thought hey are still in some contact with her. I don’t care if she knows what is going on in my life, just that we have absolutely no interaction.
SF Bay Associate
Stay silent, stay strong. Responding won’t do anything except give them the control they want to have over you in their ability to provoke a response from you. You’re not a bad daughter; she was a bad mother and its her view that’s skewed, not yours. And even if you did respond, then what? The cycle begins anew, and you’ve lost some ground gained during your initial 2-month disconnect such that they will be less likely to take you seriously next time you set boundaries, kinda like the boy that cried wolf. There’s no point in responding. The only potential caveat is you might want to let them know you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere… but maybe they don’t even deserve that. I certainly think some people don’t even deserve that and wouldn’t blame you if you decided that’s what’s best for you. Hang in there.
Merabella
I agree that you shouldn’t respond. It only shows them that it takes x amount of contacts from them in order to get a response, and then the cycle will continue. Keep strong!
When I stopped talking to my mother I set up an email filter in gmail and had all contacts from her go immediately there. They never graced my inbox, so it was like they didn’t exist. I only have a cell phone, so I changed her contact info in my phone to “Do Not Answer” and I let any numbers I didn’t know go to voicemail.
I know this is hard, but it gets easier. I myself felt so much better once I stopped talking to my mom. I hadn’t realized how anxious and upset I was constantly trying to deal with her behavior and trying to anticipate where the next verbal attack was coming from. Keep your chin up. Also try to find some time to take care of yourself, whether it be getting a mani/pedi or reading a new book. You have to take time to mourn the loss of what you wish your relationship could have been.
Almost There
If anyone is still here –
How early do I need to get to the airport the day that it reopens after a weather closure? I am flying out of BWI tomorrow and my mom says I need to get there at 7 am for my 2 pm flight. Experienced travelers, any thoughts? TYIA!
Em
Good lord, no. I’d say 11am would be super safe. BWI isn’t that big an airport and it seems reasonably well run. Assuming you’re flying out of the main terminal, enter on the bottom level by baggage claim – there’s a “hidden” security checkpoint that almost never has a line.
K...in transition
does the airport have a twitter or fb? you might check there or even post and ask there for updated info? Also, are you traveling only with a carry-on or will you be checking a bag? Do you have any reason you’ll need to wait at the counter to check in or will you print/phone your boarding pass and go right to security?
violet
A couple of years ago, I flew out of BWI after a snow storm. The main problem I had was getting to BWI from DC. The commuter trains weren’t running, so I had to take the regular train which left much later than I wanted to. Add to that the extra long lines at security. (I just made it!) So I definitely recommend erring on the side of way too early.
mamabear
Your flight might leave late but it won’t leave early. Getting there at 7 Am is ridiculous.
SC2
7am is definitely too early, 11am sounds good, 10am if you’re a worrier like me. The longest lines I’ve ever been at BWI was on a Saturday morning in the summer and not major holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas. The lines always move incredibly fast at BWI compared to every other airport I’ve been, no matter which terminal.
BWI has information on its homepage about the delayed/resumed flights, and they’ve got their twitter linked via the “contact us” link then the “get social” image on the left column.
eek
Ditto to what everyone says about the security lines at BWI.
Meg Murry
The only trouble I ever had with BWI was getting to the airport & parking during rush hour & when some of the lots were closed – the shuttle from the super extended stay parking takes forever to get to the terminal. As long as the roads you need to take are open and the parking garages are open you should be fine with getting to the airport at 11, IMO
AMB
I wasn’t going to dress up for Halloween tomorrow but have been told that EVERYONE where I am currently in training will be doing so, so bought myself a pair of glittery bat wings on a headband and will wear that with the outfit I was going to wear any ways. I will eat their candy though :).
KGB
I’m looking at Michael Kors watches. I want one that is neutral enough to wear every day + classic enough I won’t get sick of it in six months. I tend toward silver/white gold jewelry, but I’m not being drawn to the silver watches at all. Do you think the rose golden color is neutral enough for everyday? I also really like the horn/light horn watches, but is it remain “classic” enough for at least of couple of years? Anyone have MK watches that they love? Or want to vicariously shop and pick one out for me?
Link to follow.
KGB
Link: http://www.michaelkors.com/store/catalog/templates/P6VAll.jhtml?itemId=cat7502
eek
I think EC MD was coveting all the MK watches a while ago.
AMB
I might be really picky about matching metals (actually, I know I’m really picky about it) but if you don’t wear a lot of rose gold I would steer away from it. I think the horn are gorgeous but if you’re worried about the longevity I wouldn’t go for the most oversized option.
In the Pink
I was given a rose gold watch last year … and I “only” wear silver. So I have debuted it with my red, pink. purple clothing and found that it does well. FWIW, I also took it to a conference and mixed it with all my black/hematite jewelry and thought it looked fab. However, when I put it with my silver stuff, I think the clash is too much. It was VERY hard to find a floppy bracelet (can’t do all my writing with bangles) and hoops in rose to complement it – despite all the stuff in the fashion mags. Would love to hear other ideas about integrating….
springtime
I debated between the gold and rose gold version of my current MK watch, but I got the gold bc it was on sale at black Friday last year. Made my decision easy.
However, in terms of mixing- I used to be very matchy matchy, but honestly, I don’t think it looks as fashionable as mixing. When I lived abroad, I had a limited wardrobe so I had to mix a bunch of stuff when it was colder than I expected, and I think my outfits looked so much better. Something about not having the “everything matches perfectly” look.
Rose gold IS trendy, but if it really goes with your skintone then do it. But, you say that you normally wear silver so I’m hesitating to think it would go well with your skin.
Basically, wear what goes with your skin tone, forget about trends, and have fun- that’s my advice :).
anon
In terms of longevity, I wouldn’t buy the horn or tortoise MK watches. I have a tortoise one I purchased from Overstock and while I love it, I don’t really expect it to last for more than a few years. The band is made of plastic and is much more fragile than my gold watch. FWIW, I love my gold MK, but then I don’t really care about mixing metals. I also have a DY ring that has gold and silver, so I consider that my “bridge” for wearing gold and silver together.
JuliaBee
Any recommendations for comfy not-flowery pajamas? Requirements – soft material, ok on a slightly poochy tummy, and preferably pants and top combo. TIA!
JJ
Anything Cool Nights by Soma. SO comfortable and there’s usually a sale.
mamabear
I like Cool Nights too, but for the same effect and a lot less cash, check out these pants from Target
http://www.target.com/p/gilligan-omalley-women-s-modal-pajama-pant-shorts-regulars-longs-assorted-colors/-/A-12347339#prodSlot=medium_1_1&term=modal pants
I buy them in long XL and I live in them. I love them. I dread the day Target stops carring them. I would marry them if I weren’t married already.
I call them my straaaaytchy pants (ala Nacho Libre) and I live for the moment when I get home from work and change into them. In fact, I think I’ll go do that now.
There are a variety of tops that match them under the same target brand. But clearly I only care about my beloved stretchy pants. I have at least 10 pairs. (Worrying they’ll be discontinued)
mamabear
“Chancho, sometimes, when you are a man, you wear stretchy pants in your room. It’s for fun.”
Merabella
I think that the Gilligan Omalley stuff is a knock off of the Soma stuff. Once I figured that out I rarely pay for Soma, except for bras, because they are amazing!
NOLA
I’ll second the SOMA recommendation. I haven’t tried Cool Nights but I’ve been living in (and sleeping in) the divine terry tunics. I wear them with charcoal gray Hue leggings and they look like matching pajamas. They are so soft!
In the Pink
Hannah Anderson – not just for kids. Warm, soft, washer/dryer lasting, so marvelous.
QWERTY
This post reminds me of when I worked in the bookstore of a top-3 law school for a year or so: we sold these super-cheap drugstore quality black umbrellas that came from the manufacturer with a “lifetime warranty” sticker on the packaging. If I had a nickel for every time a disgruntled, wet law student slammed a busted umbrella on the counter and demanded a new one due to the warranty… I wouldn’t have any law school debt. It made me really happy to tell them that they had to mail the thing back to the manufacturer.
@Lyssa
Likely no one will see this, as it’s later in the day but I have to respond to Lyssa’s post equating the capacity for Romney to overturn abortion with Obama’s ability to impose Sharia law. Wow. I already knew you were unlikeable, from everything you’ve generally posted, but this takes the cake.
Sydney Bristow
This is entirely unnecessary and I, for one, would appreciate it if we could all refrain from posting things like this.
Eleanor
Agreed with Sydney Bristow; this is offensive and contributes nothing to the conversation. If you want to disagree with someone, why don’t you do so substantively?
Huh?
What’s the point? Anyone who could make the analogy to begin with could never be talked out of it. Don’t bother trying, it will only make you feel worse about the future of humanity. Fox News told her that our president is a secret Muslim… you think your blog comment will convince her otherwise?
LadyEnginerd
Wasn’t the analogy hyperbole? I disagree on the substance of her point given the republican party’s platform, but super-liberal (considering voting Green party) me wasn’t offended by the fact that she used it in place of something like “it’ll be a cold day in hell.” I think you’re way off base.
cfm
My favorite is when someone supporting one party tries to make the other party seem stupid based on biases, and sounds literally exactly like the most unflattering stereotype of the other party. As a democrat, I am assuming you feel strongly that people shouldn’t be stereotyped right? If you heard a conservative saying that certain people do certain things because they were told certain things, you’d flip out right? And yet, oh all republicans believe the president is a muslim because of fox news comes out of your mouth like its nothing.
btw I shouldn’t even bother because I know that if you have hold that position, you are just a democrat that wants everyone on welfare anyway.
eek
Wasn’t this several internet-days ago?
Why we (YOU) are so rude online: http://tinyurl.com/9yhrp7n
“Anonymity is a powerful force. Hiding behind a fake screen name makes us feel invincible, as well as invisible. Never mind that, on many websites, we’re not as anonymous as we think”
“when we have an inflated sense of self, we tend to exhibit poor self-control.”
cfm
I think the inflated sense of self is a really good point, I was going to say something similar. Do you realize how narcissistic you have to be to be reading something from 4 days ago, get angry about, realize you have something to say but goddamn it no one will read it if you post it there! and its genius must be seen! and then you post it, only to find out that no one cares about your internet opinion, delivered with such condescension. oh the humanity
Anonymous
cfm, you poor thing. you said “And yet, oh all republicans believe the president is a muslim because of fox news comes out of your mouth like its nothing.”
Where did I say that? I quoted Lyssa verbatim. I didn’t suggest she was representative of all Republicans. Are you?
I didn’t say that what I wrote was genius, either. I’m troubled by your seeming penchant to read into things. I guess you were trying to be sarcastic, maybe? But you’re not very good at it, I’m afraid.
cfm
At least I can understand how comment replies work. This was not to you. it was to the OP. and I dont think Lyssa said that fox news told her that Obama was a secret muslim. I don’t think that was verbatim.
Yvonne
Back to umbrellas. I really like my GustBuster. It’s over 5 years old and large enough for two (I don’t use it in NY city streets).
หลังคาเปิดปิดได้
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