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Every weekday here at Corporette®, we offer one suggestion for an item that we would wear to work. Sometimes readers love the item, and wow do you guys hate it sometimes. Sometimes *we* love it, sometimes it was just the best we could find given the restraints (for those who haven’t noticed, Monday and Tuesday tend to be pricier items, Wednesday is in the $100-$150 price range, Thursday is in the $50-$100 price range, and Friday is in the “under $50” range.) (Huge thanks to Elizabeth, who’s done a fabulous job with workwear recommendations since mid-2019!)
As the end of the year approaches I thought I’d look back over the past year and choose my personal favorites from the things we recommended… each picture is from one month, starting with January. Please note that anything marked with an asterisk is still available! (Oh: and please feel free to use this post as an open thread today!)
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
My long distance bf and I moved closer last month (from a flight to a one hour drive). I don’t drink much/often and thought he didn’t, either. We’re excited to be closer to extended family now. I have now seen him at three family events, all of which involved drinking, and I’m … not a fan of who he is while drinking. It involves lots of tears (his) and cornering distant cousins/relatives and sharing the worst parts of his life (he filed for bankruptcy, got an OWI, got divorced, etc about a decade ago) before trying to sell them on investment strategies. (He doesn’t work in finance). The worst part is, after all three events, he wanted to drive us home – while unable to walk straight. Is there a way I can gently talk to him about this? I know people are different when they drink and family time can be stressful. Just didn’t expect it.
Cat
oh man.
So as someone who was long distance — one conscious adjustment my now-husband and I had to make was that seeing each other couldn’t always be “vacation mode.” Like at first, every weekend visit was full of nothing but fun because whoever was hosting had already shopped for groceries and cleaned and made reservations and plans for fun activities for just the two of us, sometimes including seeing the other person’s friends. But… real life includes laundry and chores. And plans with families and other people. And it includes handling disagreements, which we tended to sweep under the rug at first because neither of us wanted to “spoil” our together time or work something out over the phone.
I’m not sure how long you’ve been with your bf or whether you’ve seen him in similar situations before, but don’t feel bad that there was a huge part of his personality that is only coming out now. I think you are super correct to be concerned and honestly, putting the teary drama aside, anyone who is willing and eager to drive drunk would quickly become an ex IMHO.
Anon
I would be less concerned about being gentle about this and more concerned about whether or not this is the right person for you. It sounds like the problems that he had ten years ago are ones that he still has – alcohol, bad decisions with money, etc.
Do not fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy. It’s not clear who moved for whom, or if you both moved; either way, be prepared to end this. It’s a lot easier to restart your own life if you move back home sooner. If he moved, it’s not your job to suffer in a relationship with an alcoholic for that.
Monday
Yikes. I’m sorry, but this sounds pretty serious. Did he in fact drive home? I assume that left to his own devices he would have?
I’d say you’re concerned about his drinking, and start with the fact that he was planning to drive while unable to walk straight and apparently has a history of DUI. (This avoids more subjective debates about whether he should be crying or pitching investment strategies.) If he gets defensive and shuts down about the driving thing, you know that the other concerns would be a complete nonstarter too…and that he probably hid this from you before you moved for a reason.
Anonymous
Girl what even?!?!?
Kenneth, darling, you’ve suggested driving home drunk three times now, and at family parties you like to get really drunk, cry, and harass people about dubious investment properties. I’m really disappointed I’ve uprooted my life for you, and it turns out you struggle with alcohol. Are you interested in fixing this? Or should we just break up now.
Anonymous
+1 — with maybe a side of “I know family events at the holidays can be stressful” to give him an easy path to “you’re right and I think I need to change my drinking.”
Coach Laura
This is the exact script I would suggest. Short and direct. Some partners hide alcohol and other abuses and living together – or at least closer – is a good way to find out rather than after marriage.
MND
Seconding the YIKES comments here.
Question: Are the family events all the same side (his or yours)? If all one side, I’m curious if you can approach it as “this seems to happen whenever we’re in [this situation] and isn’t acceptable. Let’s talk about a plan going forward” and then try to address (like understand you’re always going to uber home/you drive home/he will not drink or limit to two drinks/etc.) I have serious reservations with what you wrote, but I also know good people who have particularly messed up behavior patterns in certain situations (e.g., someone who always got sloppy drunk at his favorite team’s games, so he had to stop drinking during those games), so if you think it’s worthwhile you could try to tackle from that angle.
Anonymous
My now ex also became an obnoxious drunk around family. Ditto to a DUI at one point. I drew the line and ended the relationship. Families may bring out the worst in people, but it isn’t an excuse. He is an adult in control of his behavior, and his family isn’t going anywhere. I would assume his behavior (not once, twice, but 3 times!) is what you can expect in these situations.
BeenThatGuy
This. Hold him accountable for his actions.
Anon
+1.
It’s good you moved closer so that you can learn more about him. Now you can see things that weren’t as readily visible when you two were long distance.
Personally I would call it quits. Wanting to drive while drunk (three times!) is in itself a nonstarter for me.
Anon
I’m going to jump to the dump. Break up. That’s a hot mess you’re signing up for otherwise.
Allie
I am sorry to say this but I’d go now. He was hiding something from you and that means its pretty serious. You can go down the roller coaster of trying to “fix” it, being concealed again, and having it come roaring back or you can skip to leaving now. I’m really sorry.
No Face
I think you have two options. Either dump now, or have a serious, direct conversation about his drinking. Trying to be gentle is not the answer – this is a major issue that should determine whether you will continue the relationship at all.
Anon
Girl, no. If you met this guy today, and saw what you saw on a first date, would there be a second date? That’s the decision you need to make.
Everything else is a sunk cost fallacy.
Anon
This. Don’t waste another minute of your precious time with this loser.
Better now than later
+1 for RUN. Sending you big hugs for your tough call now or tough road ahead later.
As someone in the midst of exiting a relationship with someone who abuses alcohol DO NOT IGNORE THE BIG FLASHING RED LIGHTS. Do not justify this behaviour or think it was just this one time or think that your love will be strong enough to get him through it. As Cesar Millan says: you can’t love a bad dog into good behavior.
Addicts are very good liars, they truly intend to change in the moment they are committing to do so (which is how partners get sucked into staying, it is true and believable in that moment – just not the next moment there is a drink in their hand). They don’t have the ability to change without profound desire and deep work. That deep work is EXTREMELY messy BTW so unless you want to be the one picking up all the pieces while things get much worse before they get better, GTFO *now*.
Anon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN72QOgc_K8
Woof
Gentle is not the issue here. There are many, many men who have never received an OWI, do not cry at family events, don’t try to sell investment ideas. This man has a serious drinking problem. Clearly, he is not trying to positively integrate with your family, and doesn’t seem to care about his and what is going on. I think you have to have a frank and clear talk with him and ask him to get help for his drinking, and see what happens, and also be prepared to break up with him. I am concerned about your focus on the “gentle” part–this is a serious problem. Find a time to talk, not in the evening, and let him know how seriously you take this. Family time is not stressful enough to create this much drama, nor driving while under the influence, endangering you as well as himself and others. Do not minimize this–personally, I would be out now.
Iris
There are two problems here, only one of which MAY improve: 1) drinking issues do not simply coast for that long of a period — he is already on the addiction spectrum, and it is completely out of your control whether he gets out of it, or conversely how slowly/quickly it deteriorates. But this is the part of the problem that at least has a chance of getting better; 2) who someone becomes when they drink is very unlikely to change (e.g. jolly drunks v. mean drunks v. sloppy drunks). Given that you have no control over whether he overcomes his drinking (problem #1), it is important at the very least to like the kind of drunk he is. You do not, and that will not change.
Anon
Don’t. Get out. In the words of a Moneyist comment: “he is looking for a nurse with a purse.” He’s had drinking problems for more than ten years? Alcoholic and not willing to change. Bankruptcy ten years ago with current interest in dodgy investment schemes? Not willing to change. Insists he can drive while weaving? Dangerous.
Get out.
Anon
This.
Senior Attorney
Yup. I’m sorry this is happening but DTMFA is really the only rational move here.
Anonymous
I guess now you might know the real reason why he is divorced. I’m sorry, this situation sucks.
Was this visiting your family, where he’d hopefully be on best behavior, or his family, where you might truly get Mr Hyde? If it’s his, I suppose it could be a massively fucked-up family with terrible holiday dynamics in a massively fucked-up year, but that’s not an excuse for repeat events.
If you stay, you would have go into it knowing that this is your life from now on, always wondering if the next family thing is the one where he’ll cry out your secrets as well, if he’ll drunk drive home from work parties, if he’s doing stupid things with credit cards. Because there’s a very, very good chance that he will. Not just once, but regularly.
Would you accept being his minder, chauffeur, the one who makes excuses, plans to not get embarrassed, plans to not let gullible friends or family get ripped off, the responsible one with money, the one who’s always in charge of adulting. Because that might very well be the price of admission here, and that’s a very steep price.
I can’t imagine how that might be an acceptable price, but only you, OP, know the full details.
If you are afraid of how he’ll react in any way, and that’s why you asked for scripts to have a gentle talk, I would say RUN RUN RUN. You are going to have to talk about this in a blunt manner, when he’s sober and there’s a clear exit for you if you need it. You don’t need to do the work to make this easy on him. I’m assuming you did know about the things he blurted out, if not, again RUN RUN RUN.
Again, I’m so sorry, this sucks so much.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry. As someone who was married to an alcoholic, I would say this is very troubling behavior. Sounds like the bf has a problem with alcohol. Though it really, really stinks, I would treat this very seriously NOW. Does he want to fix this behavior? Time to talk to someone (therapist, AA). If not, I would say, you should probably get out.
I’m so, so sorry. But as someone who waited many years to divorce my ex-spouse (best thing I ever did), I can tell you that these things don’t tend to get better. The good news is you found out now. Stinks to find out after moving, but a lot better than finding out years from now.
Anon
So I got a forehead zit for Christmas and I put one of those round patches on it last night to help it calm down, flatten out, or not be such an angry red color. I got in from walking the dog and talking to various neighbors and then realized that it was still on. I think I need an intervention before I forget and am rocking that on a zoom call.
Anonymous
I doubt anyone noticed!
Anon
People may have noticed but no one will remember. We are all too concerned with our own appearances.
Anon
I wear those on zoom calls all the time. No one can see them. They’re better than a red zit, even if someone does happen to see it. (But they won’t.)
AZCPA
Same here. I even had a Zoom with my BFF to verify whether it was visible, since my perception was that is was better on camera than the zit, even with concealer. She agreed.
Anan
i love having BFFs like this!
Anon
I wear them out and about all the time, but only the clear ones. People really don’t notice.
Reading Challenge
There are so many readers on this board! Is anyone else doing the PopSugar Reading Challenge for 2022? I have never done it before, but it looks like a lot of fun. I’ve read almost 60 books in 2021, so I think I can handle the volume, though I am going to try some longer books this year (perhaps allowing 1 book to count for more than 1 category in the challenge).
I started A Little Life last night because I’d satisfies a bunch of the categories. Just wondering if anyone else is participating and what some of your ideas are (always looking for book recs).
Anon
What is it? I set a reading goal for myself each year in Goodreads, trying to be realistic about what I can actually do. The number of books I’ve read as steadily been increasing and part of it is definitely because I’m gamifying reading.
anon
It’s a list, written by Tara Block and published by PopSugar, of 50 prompts for your reading list. The prompts tend to fall into one of several categories–reading in a specific genre or by an author with certain characteristics or both (e.g., an Own Voices science fiction/fantasy book), books set in a particular time or place (set in Victorian times or set on a plane, train, or boat) or having a particular plot point (a secret, a party), books with something specific in the cover or title (a constellation), or something specific to the reader (a book by an author you read last year). It can be a fun way to expand your reading or, if you have a huge To Be Read list, to give yourself some ideas and structure.
Anon
https://www.popsugar.com/entertainment/reading-challenge-2022-48569820
Here is the link! You basically try to read books meeting the criteria. Some are pretty random (a book with a reflected image on the cover) but some are encouraging diversity in reading experiences (a Pacific Islander author).
It’s definitely gamifying reading, which is why it appeals to me. I have increased as well by setting specific goals for the year for the past few years!
anon
I’ve done the PopSugar Reading Challenge each year since 2017. There’s a FB group, PopSugar Book Club, that’s very active and helpful with ideas. The challenge has really helped me pick up books I wouldn’t have read otherwise, and I’ve definitely found some favorites and learned a lot about what I like and don’t like.
For the first time this year, the challenge feels more restrictive than expansive, and I find myself trying to fit books I’m already planning to read into categories instead of pushing myself to try some new books. Unless that changes, I’ll probably take a break for this year.
Reading Challenge
Thank you! Your first paragraph is exactly what I’m trying to get out of the experience. I joined the FB group and the Goodreads group then had a lot of fun adding some of the suggestions to a spreadsheet as possibilities and to my TBR list.
I looked back at previous years and did notice that the categories seem more specific in the last couple of years than in the past. Or at least they have a lot more entries that are specific. For example, I saw one past challenge just had a prompt to listen to an audiobook! I will probably use that as my “A book from your favorite past prompt” because I listen to a ton of audiobook, so it’s basically a free space.
CB
I haven’t done the pop sugar one but love a reading challenge, I am at 90 books for the year. I’ve been trying to read more international fiction and am trying to cover the world over the next decade.
I’ve been using StoryGraph as a non Amazon alternative to goodreads.
Reading Challenge
Thank you! I will check out StoryGraph. I actually didn’t know Goodreads was owned by Amazon (I thought I’d disentangled myself from there…), and I use it a lot.
I love the idea of covering the world, so maybe I will try to integrate that in with some of these prompts too!
BensonRabble
Cool! I have a goal to read a book from every country. I’m wondering how do you find your international fiction? Contemporary bar sellers or
googling famous books from x? If anyone is looking for a challenge, I’m combining the book with a movie night and takeout from that country – a fun stay at home thing if COVID gets worst.
CB
Europa editions, and the NYTimes and Guardian both do previews of literature in translation.
Anon
Oooh I will check out the non-Amazon alternative! I don’t like that about Goodreads (not to mention their UI on both web and mobile is awful).
An.On.
I’m doing the PopSugar Challenge this year (and I’ve given myself permission to start early, since I have an infant and my reading time is getting short shrift). I’ve definitely ended up reading really good books I would not have picked up otherwise, and it’s a good push to get to that *one* I’ve had on my TBR list for years. I use the GoodReads group for ideas on ones I don’t already have potentials for. I’m on the FB group too, but barely use it. I think (so far) my picks that I am looking forward to the most are The Sun Down Motel (two POVs), and The Album of Dr. Moreau (about a band).
Anon
NY/NJ peeps: how are you doing? Annecdata from friends is that #s are crazy there (but also that no one (among my vaxxed / boosted peeps and their families) is terribly ill). Hang in there!
Cat
among my nearly-all-boosted crowd, the reason numbers are higher is because everyone was trying to be responsible for the holidays. I know several people who have tested positive who would never have dreamed of testing due to symptoms. Fortunately, I don’t know anyone who has it with anywhere near severe symptoms – think having the sniffles or a slightly sore throat for a day or two.
Cat
To clarify – obviously the reason they were testing at all is that Omicron is more contagious. Not trying to diminish that. Just – it’s not the same sense of impending doom from 2 yrs ago, more “ok doing my part to not spread it further myself.”
Anon
That’s interesting — I wonder if a mild form that mimics any other annoying cold / allergy / winter gunk disease could have easily hidden out absent widespread testing (think to early 2020 when it seemed that only NBA players had access to testing and speedy results). Maybe we would not even care?
We are still getting news headlines re people in their 40s/50s dying of COVID, which is very sad, all unvaccinated. I know one pregnant woman who is refusing to get vaccinated and I really worry for her next month when school reopens and we probably reach our peak #s. The preventable harm makes me sad, but I’m glad for people trying to do their part to protect others.
Anon
I think unvaccinated people aren’t having symptoms that are as mild, so are still straining the healthcare system.
No Face
I agree. The tiny silver lining is that the messaging about testing is getting through. I know people who did not care about COVID at all in 2020 who tested before Christmas this year.
Anonymous
I’m just annoyed. No one I know is sicker than a cold, it’s shutting things down like crazy, and I’m over it. Hopefully it passes through quickly.
NYCer
+1. I definitely know more people who have Covid now than at any other time during the pandemic, but fortunately no is actually very sick. Really hoping this spike passes quickly.
BeenThatGuy
Ugh. Literally everyone I know either has it or someone in their immediate circle has it. Silver lining is that almost everyone I know is vaxxed and boosted so symptoms are mild. That said, my sister is an ICU nurse here and it’s a mess. Mainly because so many healthcare workers have COVID right now so they are severely understaffed.
Anon
A close friend’s fully vaccinated aunt recently died from covid. Even if the average severity is much lower, the huge outbreak in numbers is going to take a lot of lives. I’m worried about my grandmother who has an auto-immune disorder and was briefly exposed to 2 family members who didn’t know they had it yet this week. I also worry about myself because I have to wait 2.5 more weeks for my booster and I am pregnant. It is still very scary to me and not at all like the cold or flu.
Anon
+1 I know two fully vaccinated people who’ve died. Both older and with some common underlying conditions, but not people who would have died very soon but for the virus. The vaccines definitely reduce your risk of death a lot, but if everyone gets Covid the absolute number of relatively healthy seniors who will dies going to be significant. Already 1 in 100 Americans over the age of 65 has died from Covid which is just stunning to me.
Anon
Yes, I am not surprised that many people know people who are only mildly ill. That’s been true of every wave so far. (Some of the people in my circles who “just had colds” back in 2020 are still not better though; they’re dealing with POTS and other lingering symptoms.)
Breakthrough infections (even in the boosted) can be pretty awful without requiring hospitalization. My family is really prone to autoimmunity, so maybe even the people in my family without known pre-existing conditions are being hit harder than they should be? (But autoimmunity =/= weak immunity, so it’s still surprising to me.)
And full hospitals raises all-cause mortality when people just can’t be seen in time (this is already affecting people). Currently, the doc somebody really needs to see may be out with COVID (or at work… with COVID…). This is a bad situation.
Anonymous
But now that quarantine is reduced, maybe we can all just limp along to spring. My plan anyway.
Anonymous
I live in NYC, and the fact that everyone i know with COVID right now isn’t very sick is significant to me because a) the number of people in know with COVID is dramatically larger than at any other time in the pandemic. I knew one family that suspected they had it in the first wave. 1. Now i have at least 6 coworkers with it, all fully vaccinated. b) I have a bit of PTSD from the first wave, when ambulances were passing by constantly and it was 100% clear that if i got sick i might not be able to get care. Also, things locked down hard and stayed that way through fall 2020–indoor dining wasn’t permitted here for months in 2020–and that hasn’t happened again. So while i believe COVID is still dangerous, particularly for older people, this wave is shaping up to be much less scary and I’m very grateful. I’ve also had breakthrough COVID already at this point (back in August) and am personally less afraid of it.
Jules
DS’s girlfriend, 26 or 27, lives in Brooklyn, vaxxed and boosted and she had a breakthrough infection earlier this month that was bad enough that for a few days she thought she might have to go to the hospital because she couldn’t breathe. Most of their college friends in NYC have tested positive but she’s the only one who has been this sick.
Anon in JC
I think I have it – I’m vaxxed, got my booster a few weeks ago, and actually had covid last December as well. Have mild symptoms and my downstairs neighbor with whom I’ve had passing contact just tested positive. Annoyed because I canceled all recent plans except Xmas with immediate family to be safe, and it looks like I exposed my dad (healthy but in his mid 70s) anyway. :(
Anon
SO many of my DH’s colleagues (medicine) are getting sick (but not terribly ill). Hospitals and private practices are INSANELY short staffed. He had to operate on a COVID positive patient yesterday at very close proximity (think: surgical specialty that requires…looking into the person’s face). All around sucks. It’s a matter of time before one of us gets it and spreads it to baby.
Anon
I get serious winter blues every year between January and March. I’d like to plan a few things to look forward to during those months. Travel probably isn’t going to happen so I’m looking for other ideas. Any suggestions? Mid 30s, single, in DC.
Anon
Getting outside a lot really helps me-the DC winters are so dreary but keeping myself moving makes a difference.
Could you do a night or two in Deep Creek or Shenandoah or Savage River Lodge? Bring a great book or a friend and do some hiking and relaxing.
I love the Arboretum in winter – so peaceful.
Go for big walks in different neighborhoods than you are used to (Glover Park, Capitol Hill, and Columbia Heights/Mt Pleasant are all great). Can start or end with a new coffee shop or restaurant to get takeout from.
Anonymous
+1 to the outdoors stuff, at least when it’s not a wintry mix/ice day. If you have a car, both Virginia and Maryland have lots and lots of great state/county parks for all sorts of hiking, not just Great Falls and Shenandoah.
If you’re up for it, visit the museums again, but go Asian Art or American Indian or even American History, which tend to be less crowded than Natural History, Air & Space, or NGA.
Go to a local branch library, browse for books, check out a book and read it while enjoying coffee at a cafe.
Anonymous
For uncrowded, you might also consider the museum of women’s art.
Anon
Put a mask on and go to a weekday Caps game. Don’t eat/drink, but enjoy the catharsis and the very loud 80s music. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.
Also, Dumbarton Oaks is lovely to visit and you can skip any inside parts.
Anonymous
Weather permitting, as many day trips as possible to one of the little ski hills within day tripping distance.
Anon
Which do you recommend? In the area and would love to try thus
Anonymous
I like Massanutten for beginning and intermediate skiers, but they rarely have cold enough weather to make good powder.
Anonymous
Wintergreen or Massanutten in VA. Wisp in MD.
Woof
1. Make sure you are taking vitamin D–anyone living in the mid atlantic or north is deficient in optimal levels of vitamin d.
2. Get a sunlamp/happy light–turn it on in the am when you are waking up, drinking coffee, reading the news, etc.
3. Day trips to Annapolis, the Eastern shore, antiquing in Virginia, etc.
4. Some trail rides with horses in the winter.
5. Museums and galleries.
Anonymous
For trail rides, I highly recommend Jordan Hollow Stables in VA.
Anonymous
+ 1. Don’t be embarrassed if you have to explain a second move to family and friends, just move now.
Anonymous
I love the Botanical Garden in the Winter.
Anonymous
Go see the Alma Thomas exhibit at the Phillips. It’s amazing and inspiring. One weeknight (not a Friday, it feels more transgressive on like a Tuesday) when it’s dark and you feel down, go see a movie. Find a bakery an hour away and make a weekend plan to walk there, eat something delicious, and walk back. Before Saturday, go to Gaithersburg for the drive through Christmas lights.
Feel better!
Anonymous
Looking for a good meal planning app. I want something where I can enter in my plan with a better interface than just my notes app. Any good ones?
Kate
Paprika. Been using several years, meal planning, grocery list/shop, easy to import recipes from web or entry/revise manually.
Anonymous
Thanks!
Anon
+1 to paprika.
One nice feature is that if you like a set of recipes as a meal you can save it that way. For instance I have Korean beef saved as a meal just so I remember all the sides & don’t forget any.
anon a mouse
I started using Paprika earlier this year and I am a convert. I love that you can keep grocery lists in it too — I have different lists set up for different stores. And I created a “Holiday” category so I can keep all my Thanksgiving recipes together, all of my Christmas recipes together, etc.
Anon
Perspectives needed. DH and I are embarking on a road trip tomorrow, and we will need to stop at a hotel for the night. We have friends in the area where we are stopping who have invited us to stay with them instead of the hotel. I would normally be fine with this, but I think it may be too big of a risk with Omicron surging. Relevant facts: All concerned parties are triple vaxxed and cautious, and I am in very early pregnancy. When we stay at a hotel we both wear N95 masks at all times that we are not in our room. WWYD?
Cat
If you all rapid test I would stay with the friends, if not feasible keep the hotel.
anon
Since you’re in the early stages of pregnancy, stay at a hotel. At this stage, any illness or fever could be harmful to your pregnancy, and besides Omicron, the flu, the common cold, and other respiratory viruses are going around. FWIW, I am not triple vaxed and not particularly Covid cautious in my own life, but my risk calculation would be different if I were pregnant. If it’s not too cold where you live, could you meet your friends for breakfast or coffee outdoors?
Anon
In early pregnancy you want to avoid getting a high fever so for that reason, I’d do the hotel.
Anonymous
But Omicron has spread across the hall in hotels…
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-12-05/omicron-s-spread-across-hotel-hall-highlights-transmission-worry
I would stay with friends and keep a window open. With the hotel you’re staying with people who are all traveling from other points which means you’re getting more germs.
Anon
I’m just wondering re the article, if it is that spready, how can you really rule out other means of transmission? Like I wear a mask when I drive up to the takeout window, but not everyone does (nor does everyone inside the window; many masks may be at half-staff), so fleeting transmission seems to be also a possibility. I do get that it is very spreadable (so much so that I’m trying to figure out when exactly to deploy our family’s 8 tests — before school starts? 1 week in? Just upon symptoms?). Presumably the hotel was not a ghost town when the person checked in? [I am just a person with questions re the certainty that this is how it went down, not a doubter that this could have happened; clearly it is possible.]
FWIW, my niece got COVID last year before there were shots and the symptoms were clear and unambiguous (sorest sore throat every) for a mild case; ditto one other person (all presumed community spread vs testing after contact tracing). Now, you may have it and not sense a difference, especially if you are vaccinated.
Anonymous
I would test before you visit (or get visited by) elderly or immunocompromised people. It’s going to be absolutely everywhere in school unless they go virtual for a few weeks.
Anon
This was in a quarantine hotel, so there were no other possible sources of transmission. And they sequenced both cases so they verified that person A spread to person B. Countries with excellent sequencing can actually contact trace in a way the US can’t.
Anon
There is still the likely plane trip prior, transit, checkin, etc. I just think that everything is leaky. There is no perfect bubble (including the quarantine hotel, but including into it unless you are flying in like a biohazard suit). And if you can get it from this fleeting of a contact in a fairly isolated scenario, I am just expecting to get it in January. Que sera, sera.
Anon
They sequenced the virus in both patients and they were identical, meaning Person A gave it to Person B or vice versa. Trust me, it’s not actually hard to track viral transmission if you’re sequencing almost every case.
I think it was also like 10 days into Person B’s quarantine period so the odds would be very low he got it in transit even if they didn’t have the sequencing footprint.
Anon
I would rapid test when you get home from the trip and again 4-5 days later. If the start of school falls within 5 days of your return home, I would test the kids every morning before sending them to school until the 5 days are up. I would feel awful about being patient zero in a school outbreak and that’s the only thing that would really give me pause about this trip.
Anon
Not the OP, but I doubt I can get my hands on that many tests (and you’d test grownups, too, no?). If you were being really cautious, I’d keep the kids at home for the first week back and then test Monday morning before getting them on the bus.
Anon
I think it’s more important to test kids than adults, actually. Kids in school have much closer contact with each other than most adults do at work, and a positive case at school requires everyone to quarantine for 10 days so I’d be much more nervous about sending a positive kid into school than just about anything other than visiting elderly/immunocompromised people. Obviously if a child tests positive, then the adults would need to test and isolate.
I have no problem buying BinaxNow tests at my local walgreens, but I’m not in a (current) hotspot.
Anon
If you weren’t pregnant, I don’t think staying with your friends would be a big deal. But you’re immunocompromised due to the pregnancy, and so need to be extra cautious. I would stay in the hotel.
Anon
I don’t think a hotel is safer than staying with friends if everyone you’re staying with rapid tests first. A hotel has a bunch of strangers, many of whom aren’t vaxxed or masked or recently tested.
The odds you will get a high fever from a non-Covid illness are low. Colds and sinus/ear infections cause low grade fevers at most. The flu is really the only common non-Covid virus that causes high fever in adults, and that’s a lot less likely if you’ve had the flu vaccine (“breakthrough” flu is like a cold for many people). I’ve been pregnant twice in winter and never avoided normal life during early pregnancy. I was much more cautious once I had a baby because illnesses that are relatively mild in adults like RSV and whooping cough can be deadly to an infant. Unless your OB is specifically telling you that you need to be very cautious, I wouldn’t worry that much.
Betsy
+1 – you know your variables with your friends. If you are checking in at a hotel you have no way of knowing whether the checkin clerk is vaccinated or whether a family of unvaccinated people not wearing masks walked down the hallway 30 seconds before you. All the better if you can add rapid testing!
Anon
My view is that the hotel and your friend’s house are roughly equal risks. If you’re going, I don’t think it will matter much which place you decide to stay.
Senior Attorney
I agree with this.
Anonymous
I ordered a purse on line from a major department store. The bag was shipped from a store and arrived with the inventory control tag still attached. The nearest store is a 2.5-hour drive away. I called customer service and was told that a replacement bag would be shipped. That was several days ago. The replacement never shipped, and the bag is now out of stock on line. It’s out of stock everywhere else too, so ordering from a different retailer is not an option. I have been waiting for the replacement to ship before returning the original bag, so I still have the one with the tag. I really like the bag and have been wanting it for a while. I am considering just taking a whole day to drive to the store and have the tag removed, but I’m concerned that setting the alarm off entering the store with the bag would lead to issues, and that different stores might have different types of inventory control tags so the store might not have the correct removal tool. Also relevant: I am a walking embodiment of Murthy’s Law, so anything that could possibly go wrong during an attempt to have the tag removed probably will. WWYD? Just give up and return the bag?
Anon
You’re way overthinking the part about what would happen when you get there. Also, you’re not cursed or doomed or any more likely to have things go wrong by chance than anyone else.
Cat
I’ve had this happen. I walk into the store with the item and receipt. I explain the issue and it is resolved without fuss or drama.
Anon
As a middle age whites women, I would not be worried about having the tag removed in store. I would just bring the receipt or have it available on my phone, along with any prior written communications with customer service. If I was not white, I might be concerned depending on where I lived.
Regarding the tag, I would be really surprised if different locations of the same store had different tags. But if you are really concerned, just call and ask
Anon
When I worked retail, I could remove some tags from other stores at my store (there are only so many kinds). You could try a local department store (with receipt) and see if that works. As a cashier, I would have happily helped!
You might even be able to google who uses the same ones.
Anonymous
+1 also worked retail and I would do this before I drove 2.5 hrs.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t do this because if the purse is ruined you have no recourse (ink release or tear), I also think retail theft these days is a much bigger issue—who ever heard of a smash and grab a few years ago? It looks a lot more sketch not to be working with the retailer and puts the employee in a weird position. They have enough stress these days. Either do the drive, wait for your exchange or call and see if they have another option.
Anon
I will add that I would know right away if I could remove it based on the tag. No one should be trying to get it off. It would come off right away or not.
Anon
“Murthy’s Law” has me now wanting some curry . . .
Anon
Also are you positive the replacement isn’t coming? What is “several” days ago?
Anon
I would call customer service, explain the security tag, the missing replacement, now out of stock, the drive. Ask if customer service can comp you a return label so that you can ship back for the store to remove the security tag and ship the bag back to you.
Anonymous
Can you return it and order it from another store?
Moving large pieces
I need to have two largish pieces (side table and 8 x 10 rug) shipped from from one end of the country to the other. Googling has turned up some options, but leery of using a service I’ve never heard of. Anyone have experience with a service that will both package it up safely and move it? Moving companies not interested in a shipment of this size. Appreciate any recs.
Anon
Are these heirloom pieces? I’d expect the cost of shipping to far eclipse their value. UPS will do it, though.
Anonymous
Also IIRC Greyhound will put it on a bus as freight. You will need some good moving blankets to wrap it in.
Senior Attorney
I think this is the cheapest option if sender and recipient are both reasonably near a Greyhound depot.
A+ Fed
You want an estate mover. Sterling is a big company that does this, but there are literally hunderds of companies that do this. An estate sale specialist near you could probably point you in the right direction, or give a recommendation. I’ve had several different pieces of furniture delivered to me at different points in life as my aunts gave up their homes and broke their furniture up between my sisters and myself and various cousins.
Regular moving companies do this as well, but with both and estate mover and a regular moving company, it might take a long time, because they will wait until they have an almost full truck going to city x before they load your small piece on to it.
I was never the person who made the arrangements or paid for the service so I have no idea the cost structure, but assume it’s fairly expensive.
Anonymous
I put my furniture job out to bid on UShip and had a really good experience. The bids are from independent contractors, and you need to up front flag that you want the furniture packed for you.
anon
I would consider calling (or DM-ing on instagram) the interior design firms in your area and see if they have a recommendation on who to handle shipping. You could also check with a local antiques store as well – look for the ones with $$$ furniture. These are all people that need to do exactly what you are doing. Co-signed, someone who cold called custom home builders to find a roofer that would go up four stories.
Anon
There could be spoilers if anyone responds but does anyone else watch and love Insecure as much as I do? Strangely I don’t know that many people in real life who watch it despite me telling everyone what an awesome show it is. I thought the series finale was beautifully done.
MechanicalKeyboard
I thought the finale was OK(the time jumps were a crutch all season) but I really enjoyed the final season documentary. Check it out if you haven’t already.
Anon
I will check that out. Thanks!
Anon
Yes! I love love love Insecure. It’s so funny and heart wrenching at times. Plus the music is amazing.
SPOILERS AHEAD
I was not completely satisfied with the ending. It was almost there for me. I loved the Kelly and Molly storylines in particular. And that scene with the dress in the bathroom made me cry. Also loved that Issa’s business seemed to take off in a realistic way. But I was not that jazzed about the last scene. It was too perfect for the show, in my opinion. I wish they’d shown SOME messiness, even if they still had her with Lawrence. Like something indicating that the step-parent relationship was going to be a challenge or ANYTHING other than “here’s my perfect life everything is a dream now.” Having said that, I felt like the characters on the show had become my actual friends, and I’d be delighted for any friend to have the ending Issa had, so maybe I am being too hard on the show. To round out with positivity— I also really liked how Issa didn’t talk to herself in the mirror in the last scene because it showed her character’s growth.
Anon
Yes I LOVE the music. You’re right, it was a little too perfect in the end, which isn’t realistic, but I also think they had to show it as pretty perfect in the end so that her mirror self didn’t show up since her mirror self only shows up when she’s insecure. I think the end was trying to show she’s secure enough now and even if being a stepmom is going to be hard or her and Lawrence end up breaking up again, she’ll be able to handle it. Also I think it just needed to show that black women can get that happy ending too, which I loved.
Anon
Your last sentence is a great point that I hadn’t considered (clearly I’ve identified a blind spot for me!). I think that notches it up a bit for sure. I haven’t watched the documentary, but I did watch the “Wine Down,” and it was interesting hearing the thought process behind a lot of the story arc. I’ll definitely check out the documentary, too.
Anon
I love that you watch the “Wine Down” too! I haven’t seen the final one so will check that out as well.
No Face
I liked the happy ending, because it was not what she necessarily would have chosen at another point. “Get back together with my ex and become a step mother to a child he had with someone else” doesn’t sound great on paper, but it worked. I think that was the conclusion. None of the four women were exactly where they would have wanted to be, but they still made the right choices.
Anon
Yes that’s a great way to think about it. I actually was not on team Lawrence but I liked how it showed she did choose herself for a bit and then ultimately chose him and being a stepmom in the end and not necessarily knowing it could work but she wants to find out if it could.
Anon
I agree, I was not Team Lawrence either, at all, but the majority of the fans really wanted Issa and Lawrence to be together in the end. There is an ACTIVE online fan base and the writing team is very aware of them.
( I wasn’t Team Nathan either. I thought she could do better than both of them combined.)
I actually loved Molly’s ending! I felt like she was finally with someone she could be 100% herself with.
I haven’t watched the documentary/commentary about the final season, but I will.
kitten
NPR’s Up First did an episode on Sunday about the music of Insecure!
Anon
Thank you! I’m going to check that out!
Anonymous
Agreed – last scene in the mirror was a great way to wrap (still not sure how I feel about her with L., though!)
Anon
I love insecure and I’m sad it’s over.
I feel like that ending was for the fans, though.
Anonymous
Already missing it! I FELT that finale. Such a well done show.
Anonymous
WWYD – we’re scheduled to fly to Colorado on saturday to go skiing with three other families coming from across the country (8 adults; 10 kids). Do we go? Do we not? Are we crazy? This indecision is going to kill us all…
Anonymous
If your kids are doing school in person in a week your whole family will get Omicron anyway, so you may as well have a fun trip first.
Anon
I’d go, especially if your kids are old enough to be vaccinated. We just bought (really cheap first class!) tickets to Italy for spring break. This is the new normal and we can’t stay home forever – get vaccinated, get boosted when eligible, wear masks indoors but we have to get back to travel and living life at some point.
Elle
+1 have everyone rapid test before you go but otherwise go have fun!
Anonymous
Only if you can afford to get stuck in Italy if you test positive before your return flight, your flight is cancelled, new travel restrictions are imposed, etc.
Anon
US citizens always have right of return. Travel restrictions between the two countries might cancel our trip before we leave the US, but not once we’re over there because we’re US citizens and will always be able to re-enter the country even if it closes to foreigners. The only plausible scenario in which we would be stuck in Italy would be if we actually test positive ourselves and I believe that’s very unlikely if we take reasonable precautions like wearing masks indoors and avoiding indoor dining. But yes, if we have to wait out a 10 day quarantine in Italy it wouldn’t ruin us financially. I imagine many others here are in the same boat. And it’s not like travel disruptions never happened before Covid. On my last international trip before the pandemic, I lost my passport and didn’t realize it until I got to the airport to fly home.
Anon
+1 just went to Croatia and was fine with this risk. We ended up with a negative rapid test but as we were asymptomatic who knows if we had it or not. I am tripled and my travel partner is doubled (no booster).
Cat
+2, this is our attitude and we just got back from our 3rd international trip this year. We’re both WFH still so…. if we ended up needing to quarantine due to a positive “return home” test, we’d WF wherever we were stuck. Fortunately for us, the costs associated would be irritating but affordable.
Anon
Like, yes, but logistically and financially it sounds like a nightmare to get “stuck” in a foreign country! I could not afford to buy an entirely new plane ticket and house myself in a foreign country for an extra 10 days.
Cat
1:53 – just FYI given airlines waiving change fees, you wouldn’t have lost the value of your return ticket home. You could apply it to the modified flight. Also, everywhere we’ve gone, the government has regulated the cost of quarantine hotels and it’s never been more than $100 per night, usually somewhere like $50.
So not free and I’m mindful that this would not be feasible on many budgets, but if your budget allows for European travel in the first place, not as much as you might fear.
Anon
What Cat said. Croatia is really cheap and I took these costs into account when booking my trip. It was a perfectly fine risk for ME to assume in this case.
Anon
You definitely don’t lose the return value of your plane ticket! You don’t even have to pay a $200 change fee anymore. Quarantine hotels are generally pretty affordable, as Cat says. I can’t imagine 10 nights in a quarantine hotel costing much more than $1k which is an expense many people here can absorb.
It’s pretty rare to get a positive rapid antigen test without symptoms (PCR is different, but not required for re-entry to the US) and if you’re symptomatic you wouldn’t WANT to be flying anywhere. I flew home from Europe with the flu once and it was ghastly, and now having lived through Covid times I feel guilty about all the more vulnerable people I exposed, because the flu kills plenty of people too. In hindsight, I should have extended my trip another week and quarantined myself, but it was complicated and costly to change plane tickets back then and then weren’t ready-made quarantine hotels to go to.
Anonymous
I’d go
Cat
if you’re not high risk, vaxxed and boosted as applicable, go for it.
Cat
oh, and test yourselves!
Anon
Is everyone vaxxed and boosted (if eligible)? Are you ok with the risk of some or all of your travel group catching omicron based on health, etc? If the answer to either of these questions is “no” I would cancel.
Also, what happens if someone in the group tests positive during the trip? Are you all staying in the same house? Would they be able to isolate?
Personally, I would cancel, no question.
Anon
I would go and then have a plan for what if you feel sick / test positive during the trip and have a 5-day quarantine. Can you find a place to stay? What will happen to your rental if it has to have a cooling off period b/w guests (incoming people may not want to stay at a recent-COVID exposed house)? I’m OK with the trip if it goes as planned but not if you don’t have a plan for if it doesn’t.
Woof
We just returned from a week of skiing in Utah. Four people, all vaxed and boosted. We stayed in a condo and cooked 90% of our meals ourselves, so very little restaurant exposure. We go groceries delivered, most of it heat and eat, like turkey pot pies, rotisserie chicken and baked potatoes, spaghetti with sauce from a jar and salad, etc. Of course, being outside is safe, and the airplanes (IMO) are safe, masked up. That leaves airports and restaurants, retail, etc. Are you staying in a house or a hotel? Who is vaccinated? Are people willing to cook and clean up? What about lunches on the mountain–will people mostly eat outdoors? I would say just go if adults and children are vaxed and you can limit your exposure to restaurants, retail, and grocery stores.
Anonymous
Do you know what the healthcare situation is there right now? Urgent care near me has more than a day’s wait and the children’s hospital doesn’t have enough beds. Will you need help? Probably not. But no one thinks this will be them until it is.
Anonymous
Skiing carries a decent risk of injury, especially if some members of your party are the reckless type.
Anon
Feeling so defeated. Daycare closed due to covid exposure, I feel like between our kids’ own non-covid illnesses and this I just will never be caught up at work. We put the kids in a vaccine trial (both <5), but already the shots they may have gotten are probably not fully covering them against omicron… this just feels like it will never end.
Anon
I’m so worried about this happening any time now with my daycare center. There were 3 notices about exposures last week and 4 more already this week. None in my child’s pod (yet), but I feel like it is only a matter of time before my kid is exposed, and keeping my 5 month old home quarantined for 10 days while both my husband and I try to work full time seems impossible, not to mention the fear of him actually getting sick. To all of you have been at this since the very beginning, you always had my deepest sympathy, but feeling this myself is so daunting. If anyone has tips on how to make this even remotely work, I would be so grateful to hear them.
Anonymous
Isn’t quarantine just 5 days now?
Anon
Only for people who mask up for the remaining five days. I’m not sure a 5 month year old could be expected to mask consistently enough to comply with guidelines.
Anon
Exactly. It would be 10 days in our case due to this nuance.
Anon
Daycare regulations have been very slow to conform to updated guidance and are basically still stuck in March 2020 sanitizing everything. It still has to close for 14 days in my state, even though CDC guidance has been 10 days for a while now.
Anon
Honestly, daycares should always be sanitizing. Everything goes in the mouth. So everything should be as clean as possible.
Anon
My point is that they’re still using March 2020 science to guide them. Scrubbing toys isn’t going to prevent transmission of an airborne virus. Sanitizing everything constantly and making the kids wash their hands 20 times a day is fine, but they’re focusing on surfaces at the expense of worrying about airborne transmission, which is how Covid actually spreads. To really stop spread in schools we need better ventilation and air filtration, not more bleach.
Quail
My younger child has been in day care since late October and has been quarantined for exposure (both from fully vaxxed teachers) twice. My advice is get at-home rapid tests so you can test often; try to line up backup care if possible (disclosing that the child was exposed/is in quarantine); split up the day with your spouse so it’s clear who is on call when and move your calls/meetings around if possible. Most of my colleagues have been very understanding as they have been in similar positions. The quarantine policies for day cares are really, really hard on working parents, even as I understand the public health reasoning behind them. My older child had Covid last year and was completely asymptomatic, FWIW. Another huge headache as we had to isolate them from the younger child and we were all in quarantine for a month as it was before vaccines were available, but of course we were all relieved they were fine and none of us caught it from them.
Anon
I think you just do a half assed job at everything until it passes. Half assed working, half assed parenting. You only have one ass!!
Anon
This.
OTOH, coming up on 2 years of this is making me feel like I will never get my career in gear again due to too much lost momentum and contacts that I’d need to do a total refresh of. And yet, my half-assed beats a lot of people’s regular no-headwinds efforts — very eye opening in some ways.
No Face
“I only have one ass” was my theme for 2021, without me even realizing it!
Smokey
Hilarious!
Anon
I’m sorry. That would have me worrying as well. Well the CDC is now reducing it to 5 days of isolation so hopefully that helps a bit. Can you sign up for backup childcare? We have it through my work and I would at least get registered for it now so that if you need it, you’ll already be set up in the system.
Leatty
If it is through Bright Horizons, they won’t cover instances like this. Pre-COVID, they would cover for minor illnesses, but now they won’t cover any sick visits or any quarantines.
Anon
Yes it’s through Bright Horizons. Thank you for flagging that. I didn’t know that! Crap, this really does suck for working parents of young kids. b
Anon
My almost 4 year old has been back in person since August 2020 and we just had our first daycare quarantine right after Thanksgiving 2021 – kind of amazed we made it 16 months. The teacher was masked and no one else in the classroom got a positive test. It was actually quite reassuring to me, and I don’t think getting Covid is inevitable if you’re mainly in environments where everyone is masked (e.g., school). I just told my job I wouldn’t really be working for those two weeks, but I have a job that is less intense and harder to get fired from than many here. And even with doing minimal work, we still had to rely heavily on screentime (so. much. Bluey.) to entertain our kid, who was extremely lonely and bored. Her tears and the stress of trying to work even a little bit with a kid at home definitely gave me spring/summer 2020 flashbacks in the worst way.
Anon
We have not yet closed but I am sure it will happen in January and I just took two weeks off. I need surgery in 2022 and will be out of sick time with all these illnesses/closures. It sucks.
Anon
Thanks for your insight and advice. I just got a rude awakening with my kid getting RSV/bronchiolitis and an ear infection, and then immediately getting a stomach virus while still recovering from those. Both my husband and I got these illnesses from him as well, and are still so sick. We have struggled hard for 2 weeks trying to take care of our baby and ourselves, while working to whatever extent we were able, so we got a small sense of what it would be like if something that could be even more serious like COVID was to show up in our home.
Original anon, sorry I hijacked your thread. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I keep trying to remind myself that this is only one season of life, but it certainly feels like the most long and trying one I have experienced, and you have been going through it much longer than I have.
South Carolina beach/golf location recs please
planning a trip to South Carolina for February….coming from Northeast and want to look at real estate in North Myrtle Beach and Murrel’s inlet. Looking for recommendations on best place for a weekly rental that offers access to golf, fishing, beach. We have stayed in North Myrtle and the beach is beautiful with golf nearby…also visited Murrel’s inlet and enjoyed the different laid back vibe. Recommendations please..
Anon
Litchfield Beach
If you haven’t been to Brookgreen Garden / Atalaya / Huntington Beach State Park, highly recommend. We liked eating at Hot Fish Club in Murrell’s Inlet.
South Carolina beach/golf location recs please
Thanks! Litchfield Beach…can you tell me more about what you like about it?
Elle
Litchfield beach is also my suggestion. My grandparents have a house in Litchfield/Pawley’s Island.
Myrtle beach can be… pretty redneck. North Myrtle is a bit better. Litchfield feels like a cozy beach town that is more tucked away.
Anon
I feel very un-tatooed when I go to Myrtle Beach, but you can’t beat the spontaneous fireworks there. But Litchfield is a regular beach town, no high-rise towers with parking across the street in a parking deck like MB.
Cat
confused – are you asking because you expect swimsuit weather in Feb (very unlikely though obvi nicer than NE winter) or are you asking for leads on purchasing an investment property that you plan to rent weekly in season?
South Carolina beach/golf location recs please
thanks Cat…looking to rent a home base as we look at investment properties in the area…not expecting beach weather in Feb:) but will definitely play golf, visit the beach…..
Cat
got it. I would also suggest looking at Pawley’s based on friends’ vacation recaps. I have not been to North Myrtle but if it’s at all similar to “regular” Myrtle it’s … not the scene that most readers here would be looking for.
Anon
Thanks Cat….North Myrtle/Cherry Grove has a beautiful beach and lovely homes in the area – it is not like Myrtle Beach proper, but there are some high rises…Sounds like Litchfield/Pawleys is an area we should check out.
Anonymous
I am wondering if anyone can weigh in on how expensive or complicated it is to paint all of the trim in a home (say 2000 sq feet) white. I have been trying to purchase a home and am starting to see a lot of tudors with the original, natural woodwork. I know that many will say to keep the natural woodwork, but painting the trim white really brightens up the home. Just trying to budget for timeframes and cost to do something like this prior to moving in.
Anon
Painting trim adds enormous cost to a painting project. I had a 2300 sq ft house with crown molding and baseboards, and just painting most of the walls in the house cost $2000. Adding the trim in would have more than doubled the price. I’m in a LCOL area, for what it’s worth. Painters in my area are booked for months, so the timeframe is always long, though it doesn’t take a huge amount of time once the job starts (a week for trim and walls at most?) Also the cost of paint has probably tripled since I had my project done!
Anon
After reading the comments below, I wanted to add that my trim was uncomplicated and in a more modern house, so they would have just used normal indoor paint and wouldn’t have to do any special preparations, so I’m sure that would majorly add to the cost.
Anon
Oh man, don’t paint it! Buy a house that’s not meant to have wood trim.
Formerly Lilly
Are they 1920’s or so Tudors? If so, please, please, please don’t paint it. Find a different way to lighten it up, or buy an airier house. If the original trim is nearly a hundred years old, it’s a bit selfish to permanently change it by coming in and painting it white just because you want an airy, modern look and bought the wrong house for that. What about leaving the trim, leaning into the historic era with muted but decidedly not light wall colors (or some William Morris North wallpaper as a compromise), and lightening it up with pale or neutral furniture and rugs, and really good lighting? (I’m thinking of multiple, if not many good quality lighting sources per room, not a lamp with glaringly bright light worthy of a football stadium floodlight.) Full disclosure: my undergrad degree is historic preservation and incongruously modernized historic properties sort of make me sad, because once a permanent change is implemented it is difficult or impossible to get the period charm back. Which is not to say that someone in a Queen Ann Victorian needs to live with an icebox in their kitchen and have someone scythe the lawn- not at all. I’m just for not changing the elements that are an integral part of its historic charm.
Anonymous
It’s not selfish to paint the trim. When you own a house, it’s yours. The owner is not some sort of steward for the future owner. She has the right to make it livable for herself. The next owner might well paint it anyway.
Anon
I am absolutely the steward for my 1909 house.
Anyone who can’t figure out what to do with a historic house without ruining it severely lacks imagination.
Anon
Yes, but stewardship isn’t for everyone. Making over a historic house that’s not already become Frankenhouse (mine was when I got it) is like me getting my boobs done: one glaringly new part on a “historic” body is maybe going to stand out, but not in the way you want).
FWIW, in the SEUS, everything has oil-based white trim except rooms with real wood paneling. A house can be historic and have painted trim.
Formerly Lilly
“The owner is not some sort of steward for the future owner”. I respectfully disagree, if it’s a old house with average to good architectural style. When that’s the case it is part of the fabric of the neighborhood or community. Not every house is suited to every person.
Eliza
Sorry, no. I’m the steward of an 1830’s home. Buying a house with history comes with a certain sense of respect for those who came before you. As an aside, it also comes with the need for a healthy maintenance budget, so if the cost of painting the trim is even a moderate factor, the OP might want to rethink an old house.
There are myriad ways of lightening the feel of a house without painting the trim (FWIW, I love painted trim if it makes sense. Fortunately, the trim in our house has always been painted.) And if this is a true 1920’s Tudor, painted trim will look odd now, dated later, and quite likely make the house more difficult to sell in the future.
Anon
+ 1,000,000 as I take a break from stripping multiple crappy paint jobs off beautiful cherry.
Anonymous
Ugh, no. If all that’s available that meets her other requirements is Tudors, I totally sympathize with her desire to paint the trim white. Those things are dark, miserable caves. It will cost a fortune to do it well, though, and may make the house harder to sell.
Anon
I’ve painted wood trim and sorry but it looks a thousand times better.
Anonymous
+1 – just because something is old doesn’t mean it’s automatically worth preserving in it’s original state.
Anon
My house is a built-in-the-70s, suburban, faux Tudor and painting the dark beams helped enormously. I don’t think I would have done it with a better version of a Tudor, though.
Anon
Another vote for don’t paint.
If you do try it, you’ll probably be dealing with needing to prime (oil-based) and then paint (oil-based), both of which may keep you out of the space for a while (takes forever to get non-tacky, like weeks). Plus, it will be slow-going for the painters (they need to breathe, too!), even more so than for other detail work.
AND, depending on how dark the woodwork is, the dark stain may still show through a bit.
So, can you live with it a bit? The expense to change will be shockingly high and it may not even look that good (which would make me very sad, esp. if it were very expensive to get to a bad look).
anon
I wrestled with this. Don’t live in a tudor but in an upstate NY colonial. It was so much more expensive, I decided to not paint it, do some other stuff and figured I could always go back and paint it next year if it was really bothering me. I did have all our walls painted white and our ceilings painted. Doing this plus getting updated furniture really brightened it up enough that I now feel no need to paint the trim. There is a couple that redid their tudor that I relied upon for inspiration. Their website is the happy tudor.
Anonymous
Ah, thank you to all for the opinions. I knew many would say not to paint. These are 1920’s Tudor’s, and I am trying ti stay away (because I don’t have a good grasp on the cost, time and potential for success, not because I think of myself as a steward for the home). I was just wondering if I should start to look at homes like this with a more open eye. I have been writing them off, but bear in mind that the real estate market is still very tough in many areas of the country. Supply is very low in my neighborhood and I am growing restless with the fruitless search. Just wanted to understand if it made sense to look more closely at houses like this. If anyone has a success story here, please do share. I am still reading…
Cat
I’m of mixed opinion on preserve vs. modernize – living in an 1800’s rowhouse with precious few of its original details, we’re actually putting some things BACK the way they would have used to look prior to some cheap updates, while also feeling relieved we weren’t stuck with a basement kitchen. But FWIW that wood may be a nightmare to keep up once it’s painted – knots tend to bleed through over time.
I would try to lighten the “feel” of a Tudor house in other ways as other posters have suggested. A good interior designer can really help with that.
Anonymous
If it had been an actual Tudor period 1600-something, half timbered house, I would agree that painting the beams are a terrible thing to do. For a 1920ies revival house it depends, I think.
I guess you could go for a German style variant and do the outdoor beams in red or pink or something (look for colorful Fachwerk houses), but for the interior I think it would be very difficult to do something successful.
It would be a MASSIVE amount of work, and would probably not look perfect. I think a lighter stain, rather than actual paint, would look the best, but it would be so much work either way.
But the beams excepted, do you really want to live in a gingerbread house? There are other worrying aspects of this style if you prefer light and airy. The windows are small, the rooms are small, there are construction issues that you might not be able to do anything with that will have a bigger impact than the trim.
If you do start looking in more detail and more openly, think about those thing as much as the beams. How is the lighting? Do you like the placement and layout of the kitchen and bathrooms? Do you feel cozy and safe, or oppressed? Would you be happy with just painting the trim in you bedroom?
Anon
Wow — Happy Tudor is great!
Also, with older houses, there are upcharges for any chance you are dealing with lead-based paint and it lengthens the process. It is so much easier to let the trim just be and change everything else. I had a painter paint latex paint over oil, insisting it would work, and it peeled off here and there everywhere all over some built-ins. Lesson learned.
Anonymous
Here’s an example of how a lighter color on the beams will look – a darker color will hide the uneven finishes, different saturations and imperfections in paint, but a lighter color will highlight them. All those places where the beams look rugged and rough are the places where it will take all sorts of priming and five coats or something to get white. You have be able to love the unevenness.
This is outdoors, in Esslingen in Germany, but the same thing happens inside:
https://www.caliglobetrotter.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/img_4050.jpg
Anon
I got a new iPhone case and am missing the card holder pocket on the back of my former one (to the point of going out in my car with no license or cards b/c they were still on my old phone case). Any cute stores for getting another one? Mine was a freebie that I can’t get another of and the phone case I have doesn’t seem to have a cardholder option. Currently trying to cram a giant wallet + phone into a purse and realizing that it is a PITA and I just need a card holder thingie for my phone. If really cute or invisible, I could spend some $ on it, but the key thing is that it can’t let stuff slide out b/c that stuff is my life.
Pep
What you are looking for is a wallet or cardholder case. If you love the case you have, you can just buy a wallet or cardholder separately and attach it. I bought mine from Popsockets (called Popwallets there)
anon
I just bought a new iphone and purchased a wallet case from Smartish (fits up to three cards). They have some cute patterns and it’s a sturdy case – happy with it so far. Not sure where you’d find one in store, though. I know Apple sells a phone wallet attachment that you can slap on the back (at least for the magsafe compatible phones).
Anonymous
Yes, Kate Spade does a wallet sticker that works for this. Or a pop wallet.
Anon
I am looking for a very gentle into to yoga program I can do at home. Ideally something that only requires a mat and an iPad. Emphasis on gentle because I have some joint issues but I do need to maintain flexibility and strength….. I’ve been to a physical therapist but their recommendation stoped at “try some easy yoga.”
Anon
Down Dog! They have so many options for customizing the kind of yoga you’re doing.
Greensleeves
Definitely Down Dog! I’ve been doing restorative yoga and it’s very gentle. You can choose the length of your session, experience level, and even the voice.
Anon
I think pretty much any beginner yoga will be fine, and just don’t do poses that hurt or seem challenging.
Anonymous
Yoga with Adriene is about to start its 30-day New Year’s yoga challenge. Previous challenges have tended to be very slow and gentle, so much so that I get bored with them and go back to the regular practices.
Coach Laura
Yes, Yoga with Adriene.
Sunflower
Yoga With Adriene.
Anon
Thanks all! I will check out Down Dog and Yoga with Adrienne. My husband now says he wants to do it with me, which I think could be motivating and potentially comical.
Anon
DoYogaWithMe is great and many of their classes are free. Try Melissa Kreiger for easy hatha or Satiya Channer for yin/restorative.
Anon
Probably late to this thread, but need some advice…I’m a relatively new manager (have one other manager amongst a team of 10 with one boss). One of my associates came to me this morning and shared that she attempted suicide last week. She was in-patient for one night and missed 3-4 days of work last week. At that time, her spouse had let my boss know about being gone/being hospitalized. She asked that I not share the suicide attempt with anyone and that she would share with Boss when she felt ready. She stated that she is working towards being ok, but she wanted me to know as she has some appointments coming up that she will be leaving early for occasionally. I asked her how I/we could support her…she said that work is good and keeps her busy, so to keep work going her way. Is there anything else I can provide for support? I told her I would share with Boss only that she would need some time away for appointments but nothing beyond that (which she was ok with).
Anon
I think you follow her lead and not do anything else. Give her work if she wants work. I understand needing to have a distraction and something you know you can do.
Sorry, I know this is hard.
Anonymous
You need to tell HR. Today.
Chl
+1 to HR. Or whoever helps you with that. This is not a DIY thing
Anon
Why?
I’m of the opinion that HR exists to CYA for the business and not for its employees (call me a cynic, but I’ve worked several jobs over two decades and the best places had nicer HR people who I’d love to have on my block, but they clearly worked for the governmental unit or for the company, not for the employees). If I shared something that private and asked that it not be shared, I’d be livid that HR could override my wishes on that. I’d probably quit on the spot (or worse).
Anon
I think Anon at 3:32 is speaking from the perspective of the business covering its a$$.
Anonymous
Yes. And she’s a manager. So Har exists to protect her. And she needs that.
Anon
And a manager is responsible for the actions of the company here. It probably would have been smarter to say in the moment that you would keep things as confidential as possible but there is certain info that you have an obligation to share. For example if you’re a manager and someone tells you that they’re being sexually harassed by someone you generally can’t just keep that to yourself. You’re not a friend, you’re management.
Anon
As a manager it is her job to cover the company’s *ss. Also, HR, believe it or not, does have experience helping people in these situations.
Anon
Yes, HR. The Company could be held partially liable for her death, because it is now on notice of the severity of the situation, if God forbid. HR can advise whether she can or should go on medical leave. HR, stat.
This is 100% a situation where employee privacy cannot be respected. The stakes are too high.
Anon
You need to speak with HR, and if empowered, make sure you speak with an employment lawyer. This is very serious.
Anon
Ugh my narcissistic FIL is being so awful to my husband right now, in response to some very reasonable and not unkind boundary-drawing on my husband’s part. I can’t go into details because I think there’s a non-zero chance my SIL reads here and would show him the post to stir up drama, but I have kids and I can’t imagine talking to them that way no matter how mad they made me (and they make me very mad sometimes!) Hugs to everyone with a narcissistic parent. <3
Anon
Sounds like FIL needs to be put in a time out. Remember that all attention is good attention to a narcissist, even if it’s angry pushing back.
Hugs to you both.
No Face
That sucks. Maybe binge watching Arrested Development or Succession would be cathartic.
Anon
There’s always money in the banana stand
Anon
I’m so sorry. My dad is a narcissist as well, and he’s mostly tolerable now that I’ve lowered my expectations so far that they’re almost on the ground. It’s always helpful for me when my spouse recognizes when he’s being awful and reassures me that it’s awful behavior.
Anon
I have another job dilemma which you guys are so amazing at. I am being offered an internal lateral move, something like moving from teapot parts procurement director (job A) to teapot manufacturing director (job B). Normally my experience would not qualify me for this role as I’m missing some technical components but the manufacturing plant CEO knows me and has approached me directly, and confirmed the salary would be about 25K higher in B. She is an excellent person and leader whom I respect her very much; I would report directly to her. In my current role (job A) I have a very good manager who supports me but thinks this lateral opportunity can be surpassed by an upward move in the next few months (job C). We’re in a large company so it is true there are always new jobs coming along and my manager has decent connections.
So job B – lateral move for more money with an excellent manager, or
job C – upward move in let’s say 6 months for perhaps even more money, with an unknown manager?
We are also TTC but nothing to announce at this time. Would you worry about the TTC aspect when considering all this?
Thanks!
Anonymous
As you know, there is no Golden Answer to this question. Questions:
* When do you need to make the decision? Is there any chance you can delay Job B and get your manager to disclose what she knows/doesn’t know about potential Job C’s timing?
• Do you WANT to do the tasks/work associated with Job B? Would you prefer to wait for a better fit at Job C instead?
• If you take Job B, what upward moves are available from there? The same as you currently have, worse, better, or unknown?
• Is there anything about Job B that is inherently worse regarding TTC, and waiting for Job C might be better for you as a mom with a young kid?
• Is Job B actual manufacturing (you weren’t just using that as an example), and if so, are the global shifts in manufacturing creating headaches that simply aren’t worth the extra 25k to deal with for the next years of your life? Are you buying a bucketload of stress?
Cat
this are all good questions and I would add – it’s not clear how big of an increase $25K represents to you. For me that would be under 10%, or not enough to make B worth it if it’s a complete stressbucket position and/or not on your desired career path.
Anon
OP here. Thank you Anonymous and Cat. To answer these excellent questions:
* The pay increase would be substantial but not lifechanging for me – around 20%
* I have to decide pretty soon, mainly because current job A has a ramp up to a big project that will need to be staffed urgently if I am leaving. I imagine a big reason A manager wants me to wait is to finish this big project before I move to another role. The project is fresh – I didn’t make any explicit commitment to it before it landed a couple weeks ago so I don’t feel like I’m reneging on an existing obligation. I also have a well-trained team in place.
* Part of the problem is I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. Job B has tasks that are a stretch but I am confident I can do a good job, and I would learn some new things about the industry which is what I need to figure out what to do with myself in the future. The “manufacturing” (it’s not actually but very close) experience goes a long way to job security in the future (senior talent always needed there). With regard to C, any options there will certainly be more “soft” (manufacturing-adjacent senior roles in compliance, sales, data management, which is the area I’m in now).
* Upward moves from B are limited within this plant but are available elsewhere within our same company or at others. One thing is it is a very, extremely, male-dominated niche which sadly may affect my prospects but I can always pivot back to procurement or other soft stuff where manufacturing experience also helps and gives my resume weight.
* I worked for job B manager when I had my first child many years ago and she was extremely supportive.
AZCPA
I would focus on the known/certain, and ignore the rest. So, that means leaving a possible job C off the table – sure more jobs will come along, but that’s almost always true. There’s no certainty on timing, or the specifics of this job C, so I wouldn’t factor it in. Same with TTC – while I hope it happens on your optimal timeline, there’s nothing concrete there either. So unless job A or B required tons of travel or something known that would be a problem for TTC much less having a small child, I don’t think that should factor in.
If job B sounds interesting, and wouldn’t in some way directly limit your future growth, I’d take it. Having a good leader is no small thing, and expanding your skills is almost always a positive.
Anon
Thank you! Great perspective.
Anon
I’d take B now – sounds like a great opportunity and that a C-like opportunity will come up again sooner or later. The TTC also cuts that way to me – a good manager makes a huge difference supporting you if conceiving is tough and you need time off for appointments or what have you, and as you are transitioning to parenthood. Plus kids are expensive so maximizing time making more money helps.
Anon
Also an excellent perspective, thank you!
Anon
B
Anonymous
B, bird in hand. The unknown manager for Job C may have someone else in mind.
Anon
That last one is a solid point. Thank you.