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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This gathered waist sheath dress at Banana Republic Factory would be great for a business casual office, or a business casual day — or of course, for a put-together look for the weekend. Depending on the office, you could also dress it up with pearls and a nice blazer or cardigan and wear it in a more conservative setting, as well. For the price, I would expect this to be like a t-shirt dress — it's very casual, but a really cute dress, and I like the three-quarter sleeves and the fact that it's machine washable. It's available in sizes XS–XL at Banana Republic Factory for $55.99 (and note that the site now offers free shipping for $50+ orders). Today you can get an extra 30% off with code WINTER30, which brings the price down to only $29! Stretch Gathered Waist Sheath Dress
A $54 plus-size option at Lord & Taylor comes in sizes 14W–22W.
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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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Velma
At 36 1/4″, this dress is about 3″ above my knee. Possibly the regular length would work for petites?
Housecounsel
That is way too short for a work dress for me.
PolyD
I’m about 5’3” and find 36 inches to be about right at the knee, so fine for a work dress.
Help me evaluate job offer
Sharp ladies…..please help me evaluate and respond to a job offer. I am successful at very large tech company for 10 years and have an offer for similar role at other very large tech company. Offer is negotiable and comes very close to current compensation, with some nice things like stock and sign on bonus that would make the total comp exceed current comp. Benefits are comparable and very good. So this is a lateral that could offer more upside down the road, or not – I am in tech so rate of change is rapid and there are always many unknowns. By all standards, this is an extremely good offer….but how do you evaluate this when you don’t need to make a change? (they came after me, I did not pursue them) I am respected in current role, have a good brand, extensive network and I am very good at what I do. How do you know that you should move over there and start over? How do you evaluate the cost of that career change, building a new network, new relationships, etc? I guess if this offer was 2 times current compensation I would be more motivated, but it is not….
Ellen
Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this $29 sheathe dress from Banana Republic — can I get this in store for this price, Kat or Kate? Please advice the entire hive b/c there is one up near me!
As for the OP, yes, the job does NOT sound bad, but do you really want to leave a good place where you have built up contacts for an unknown place where there can be sleazy people working there you do NOT know? I would investigate and find out what the last woman who had the job has to say. Did she leave b/c her boss was a schmo, or she did not see opportunities enough to stay? If there is a red flag, find out BEFORE you decide to leave your current job. I know I would not leave a job if I was happy in the job, but in my case, I could not wait to leave my firm serving subpeenies for a real law job. It does not sound like you are in the same boat, so tread carefully, Dad says!
Anyway, I have to do ALOT of billing today b/c today is the last day of the month, and I have about 100 hours to catch up on b/c of the Thanksgiving holiday, when I was out on LI w/o my Macbook Air. I really was dumb by leaving that at home. FOOEY!
Scarlett
For any move, I would consider your long term goals and whether current company indicates you’ll meet them there, which is closely tied to your political capital and brand. If these things are strong at current company, I’d assign a high value to them. In tech, I’d add company culture to the analysis – it is not all the same, and talk to people who work st new company to really get a check on this. I’d also factor in what actual companies are you talking about? Is one struggling and the other booming? What public issues are going on that might impact life at new company? Is one of them a gold standard big name that having on your resume would be helpful? Personally, it would take a lot to get me to leave to go to a nearly identical situation, so I’d only move if these factors are off the charts.
Help me evaluate job offer
OP here…Great input – thank you! Current employer and hiring company are both gold standard brands in technology that are doing extremely well, so resume value is very good for either one. Career opportunity at current company is good, and I agree that gets a high value. You bring up company culture and that is one concern I have….The hiring company is huge gold standard tech brand that has been in news for ‘bro culture’ issues. That is one of my concerns, although not a big one as I am tough and have been in tech a long time….it is not a concern at current employer. I think my biggest concern is starting over, rebuilding network, general life disruption for the change…is it worth it?
Scarlett
Personally, I’d avoid bro culture like the plague especially if I was established at my current company. Culture matters a lot and I wouldn’t take a chance on that no matter how tough I am (and personally, I’m pretty darn tough too). Absent some driving need to change, a big step up, way more money, I don’t think I’d move for the sake of it. Brand and reputations take a long time to establish, esp at larger organizations- I think you’d be taking a stalling step making a move where you have to start that over rather than an advancing one. You’ll be getting in line behind people there who have been establishing their brands for years whereas you have that now at current company.
Help OP
Great point on taking a stall step and getting in line behind others… you’re exactly right! No reason to put myself in that situation
Anon
Wait, is it Uber?? No no no do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Anon
This is just one piece of the puzzle, but one I wish I’d given more weight to when I made a change 10ish years ago: the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Meaning, if you like and get along with your current boss and higher up management team, that is huge! Just make sure to give it the weight it is due. Personalities are all over the map and you could go from a great fit to a terrible one. Or could go from an okay one to an amazing one. I’m an optimist by nature so I don’t give enough weight to the possibility that things could go from good to awful, but sure wish I had! I don’t mean to be a negative nelly, though, so take it as I mean it–one piece of the puzzle. Good luck!
PS My gut two cents from your description is that the move is not worth it unless you have significantly more upward mobility at the new job and can secure a higher starting salary. Change for the sake of change is rarely worth it.
Scarlett
This too, I 1000% agree that you should not underestimate the value of how well you get along with your boss and your team. A bad boss or colleagues is the main reason most people look for new jobs.
anon
Agree as well. One additional thing to look at is your future boss’s boss. That relationship is key.
Also, my intuition is they are under-valuing you – compensation comes “very close” to current compensation. Hogwash. And that sign-on bonus is only one time and isn’t that big after-tax.
Why are you accepting a lateral – from you comments I would think you are ready for higher level – don’t under value yourself !
Help me evaluate job offer
Thank you for so much for the emphasizing…that is my exact concern! I know the deficiencies of current employer and who the bad apples (personalities) are. I do have the respect of current boss and senior leadership – my brand is very solid – as you know this is something that takes time to build so I give this a lot of value. Agree, change for sake of change is not worth it….I don’t know the upward mobility opportunity at hiring company so need to see what I can find out about that. I do have influence over upward mobility opportunity at current employer.
Anon
If you have influence on current upward mobility and the new place hasn’t already made that a big factor, I’d tread VERY cautiously. Sounds like they may be trying to poach you for cheap. Something about the new job needs to be markedly better, not just the same.
anon
Can you approach your current company about the offer and see if they’ll match it to retain you?
CostAccountant
Recommend you do not do this. It almost never turns out well. If you stay you are labeled as someone not really committed and that may leave soon.
Anon
Late reply. My closest friend is in tech. She was recruited by a huge well known company because they wanted more female execs, and they knew her as a business partner at her former firm. They offered her a lot more money and better title and she made the move.
She was miserable and it was all about culture – bro culture. The company wanted to say they weren’t a bro culture place via token women executives, but weren’t willing to actually make any effort to change the culture. She ended up leaving and they sued her for leaving. They had no rights but dragged her through the legal process for more than six months. Tread cautiously.
Help me evaluate job offer
OP here….first many thanks to all who responded. This blog/hive is a HUGE help to me….The gender hiring is frankly my biggest concern – thank you for sharing your friends experience and for cautioning me. I am so sorry to hear that your friend went through this…. I know in my case this large tech company is working very hard to bring in senior level women. Not sure whether they are doing anything about bro culture though. I agree with the others who stated there are too many risks here to make a lateral move….they need to triple the offer to compensate for the risks and even get me to consider….thank you!
Senior Attorney
I agree with all the cautions about bro culture. I would not even consider this move unless it were a huge jump in salary.
anon
as someone who has done this – be thoughtful to who your network/air cover protection is if you end up in a spot unlike the promised of
Help me evaluate job offer
OP here….thank you for this – can you elaborate on your experience and what you mean by “if you end up in a spot unlike the promised of”?
Anonymous
This is one dress that I think would look perfect with a black blazer over it.
I always think of that is how you office-up a dress and yet I have never been able to pull it off with any dresses I have.
Need more of things like this!
Red eyes
Really cute dress!
Why are my eyes so bloodshot? I get enough sleep (mostly), and I don’t wear eye makeup at all. I do wear hard contacts but I’ve been doing so for the last 25 years, so I don’t think it can be that. It is true that I changed my contact solution a few years ago, but these red eyes preceded that. Tired of people asking me if I’m tired. Thoughts?
Saguaro
Allergies?
mascot
Allergies, eye fatigue, wearing contacts for too long at a time? Those can all cause eye redness. Have you asked your eye doctor? If not, please make an appointment and get checked out to make sure this isn’t something more serious. For me, I was wearing my contacts for too long each day and my eyes weren’t getting enough oxygen. They could see where my eyes were trying to grow more blood vessels to compensate. Plus, I stare at a computer screen and don’t blink enough.
Scarlett
It’s probably your contacts drying your eyes out. I had that problem. Only stopped when I switched to glasses before I got LASIK. If it. It’s you, my favorite brand of redness remover eye drops is Rotho- they make eyes sparkle. But I’d also start using the regular, tear replacing, plain ones more often – pre-LASIK I was doing these preservative free ones 4-5x a day and no more red eyes.
Mpls
It’s also winter, so the air is just drier in general. That might be why the recent onset?
busybee
Scarlett, have you had eye dryness post-LASIK? I have very dry eyes and I’ve heard LASIK can worsen the problem. Has that been your experience?
Anon with LASIK
Very dry eyes is a contraindication to LASIK. If you have chronic dry eye it is not recommended and the eye surgeon probably wouldn’t approve you for LASIK with it as LASIK has a side effect of drier eyes.
nona
Cutting the cornea flap severs the nerve that prompts tearing function (the automatic moistening of the eye). It eventually comes back, as the flap heals, but post-LASIK patients are instructs to apply eyedrops very often. I think it takes about a year for the tearing function to come back. So yes, your eyes will be dry post-LASIK and you will need to be using eyedrops.
That being said, I don’t know how much you notice it as the patient. When I did LASIK, I had to remind myself to do eyedrops because I wasn’t always aware it was bothering me.
Scarlett
This has been my experience – it was pretty dry immediately after & for the first 4-5 months but getting better all the time as the eyes healed up. I’m about 7 months out now & don’t notice a problem & have to remind myself to use the drops now. I didn’t have a big problem before (the red eye thing was definitely caused by contacts and I stopped wearing them for several months before Lasik & did tons of drops to make sure). My caution is also don’t do if any doc tell you you’re not a candidate – mine rejects most people who go there as they want to be sure you’ll have success with it.
Anonnona
I had lasik about a month ago and have no issues with dry eyes. Just another data point.
Houda
It could be allergies, or sensitivity to sun rays (or computer rays).
Cat
Wear your contacts for less time each day? I had this problem when I wore my contacts for basically 16 hours a day; when I switched to glasses immediately when home from work, the problem disappeared.
Idea
Blepheritis.
Dry eyes in the winter because less humidity.
Staring at the computer screen.
Anon
+1 Dry eyes in winter
Sunshine
Long shot, but do you have rosacea? There is a type of rosacea called ocular rosacea that impacts the eyes. It causes dryness and redness. Not trying to alarm, but I’m having the same issue and I’m about to visit the doc to see what’s going on. I do have very mild facial rosacea which is why I’m pondering this.
In-House in Houston
Silly question – i get black dots of mascara under my eye every day. I’ve tried multiple kind of mascara and they all seem to do this. I’ve tried a primer under my lids (all over my face, actually) but that doesn’t help either. Does anyone have any tricks/tips? TIA!! And Happy Friday!
Anonymous
Mascara on upper lashes only? I never put on my lower ones and it seems to help with this.
Saguaro
Water proof mascara might help. I will do a few coats of my regular mascara, and then finish with one coat of water proof mascara. Seems to help from it moving to my lids and under eye.
JS
Wear a primer on your eyelids themselves, and set with a powder if you aren’t wearing eyeshadow – it could be that your eyelids are producing the oil that is breaking down the mascara. You can also try a tubing (blinc) or waterproof mascara.
Anon
NYX makes a top coat for mascara that makes it smudgeproof/ waterproof– cheap and effective.
Anon
It could be that the mascara isn’t gripping well to your eyelashes (maybe overproduction of oil?). Try a mascara primer, which will also help in that you won’t have to wear as much mascara. L’Oreal Paris Voluminous Primer Mascara is gold standard mascara primer amongst drugstore brands. Dior and Estee Lauder (especially this one for hold) are good higher end brands for mascara primer.
Anon
Wear tube type mascara (Blinc, Trish McEvoy) and don’t wear eye cream during the day. That will fix it I promise.
Anon
Mac also has a great tubing mascara, the one in the short think mid-blue tube.
Lobby-est
Smudgeproof mascara from
Bobbi Brown – along w oil-free makeup remover beforehand.
Anon
[deleted by management]
Unicorn?
What is “gender-critical debate”? Is this a TERF blog now? Why does this keep coming up?
Anon
Not the OP, but: this is a women’s blog, and women have a variety of opinions on this matter.
Those who pretend that debate does not and cannot exist are far less persuasive than they would like to believe, IMHO.
Submitted without comment about any part of this debate.
Anon
TERF is a slur. Can you make an argument without ad hominem attacks?
tesyaa
It’s not a slur. It’s descriptive. Is it trans-exclusionary? Yes. Is it radical feminism? Yes.
Anon
Your “explanation” could be applied to any number of racial or ethnic slurs. Try to do better.
Radical feminism isn’t trans-exclusionary. It’s man-exclusionary. I care very much about the health and lives of female trans people. However, male concerns and issues do not fall under the umbrella of feminism. There are many valid and difficult issues, sure – they just aren’t the concern of the feminist movement.
Anon
It is used as a slur. If people do not want to be called by a term, the respectful thing to do is to not use it.
Associate
If people don’t want to be called by a term, they should stop doing the thing that hurts other people.
See – people getting more upset about being called racist than the fact that their actions are harmful, hurtful and offensive.
Anonymous
Do not call other people names. Issue solved. Wasn’t everyone taught this as a child?
I believe that calling me a racist or a TERF or a short person or whatever says more about you & your prejudices than it does about me.
Associate
The point is it’s not a name, it’s a descriptive term that explains what you’re doing.
What?? @ Anon 11/30 at 11:24
Woah, what? Calling out racist behaviour is always a good thing and a duty if you’re a white person (like me, and probably most of us). It is an observation and a prompt to get people to change, not name calling. I would love not having to point out issues, but I cannot in good conscience do that and you cannot get defensive at people pointing out facts.
Totally agree with Associate here, if your fee-fees get hurt at someone pointing out what you’re doing or saying, don’t do or say that thing. You are able to grow, realize you were wrong and improve every day!
Anonymous
Oh boy, that’s a tough argument given the exact situation at play here…
Anon
I don’t consider it a slur but rather a very precise insult based on a hurtful belief system. Basically, a deserving word if deserved. Let’s not group slurs in (which by common usage refer to highly charged insults based on unchangeable characteristics like gender, race, ethnicity, disability status) with regular insults – word usage matters and calling it a slur is trying to make it bigger than it is. If being called TERF is insulting to you personally, then you probably are exactly that.
Anon
Terfisaslur.com
Also, what’s your special word for the men who are actually responsible for murdering trans people? Surely you have a catchy “descriptor” for them since they actually commit crimes.
Anon
Don’t be obtuse, they are murderers.
anon
“If being called TERF is insulting to you personally, then you probably are exactly that.”
So if I called you a TERF, you wouldn’t be insulted? That is a terrible argument.
Anon
It’s a slur. I’m super liberal and supportive of trans rights, but TERF is absolutely a slur.
Anon
+1 it’s absolutely a slur
RR
Ugh. No. Go away.
Anonymous
I really don’t have the bandwidth to follow all of this. But I do have a daughter who has a child transitioning in her class. The transition was 3 years ago and is generally treated as NBD within school (I have no idea re the bathroom situation; it hasn’t come up and isn’t something I care to pursue). They are friendly but not BFFs; it was discussed all of one time as X was a boy last year but is a girl this year (the kid has a gender-neutral name). My daughter has now started puberty and I have no idea what that entails for the classmate (I will likely find out b/c the classmates’s mom is all over our local media re this; I don’t even put my kids on my locked-down social media). I know it will probably be hard on them and I hope that people will be kind (adults and kids both). At any rate, this is a thing (or not, as you care to make it) in places where you would not necessarily expect it to be.
Anonymous
Sorry, I just don’t care why some rando was banned from Twitter. It’s just not a hot button issue in my life.
Idea
This.
You know what is more of an issue in my life? Making sure my friends are safe, even from internet trolls.
anon
That sounds like a recipe for repression! As long as it keeps people safe, go for it.
anon
are you even trying to be intellectually honest here?
Anon
If your friends feel “unsafe” when a feminist expresses an opinion on Twitter, maybe the best thing you can do for them is help them work on their self-esteem and/or seek mental health care. We can’t control what other people say, but we can control how we manage our own responses and feelings.
Associate
I’m all over this thread but when people are trying to deny the existence of my friends and their humanity, it’s not enough to say that they need to work on their self-esteem.
Anon
When has a feminist ever “denied the existence” of your friends? I hear that phrase all the time, but what are you trying to say? I honestly don’t get it. Yes, feminists frequently criticize the system of gender and how it harms women, but when have they ever claimed your friends don’t literally, physically exist?
pugsnbourbon
You know what she means. She means the woman who claim to be feminists and also believe that trans women are men who are mentally ill, predatory, dangerous, etc.
Anon
Then be specific. You don’t like when trans women are portrayed in that light or when feminists criticize the decisions that allowed specific sexual assaults to occur. It’s not that anyone is “denying existence.”
Associate
Yes it is denying someone’s existence. If you deny that transwomen are women (or that transmen are men), you are denying their identity/existence in our society as women or men as the case may be.
And it’s not that I don’t like it… it’s that I see how actively harmful and hurtful it is. You know who perpetrates violence and sexual assault? cis straight men. Stop using a strawman argument to continue being a bigot.
Anon
Read. the. article. It’s not just “cis” men. It’s all males. You can choose not to read the article, but that doesn’t change the facts.
Anonymous
Yup. No one cares. We didn’t care the last time you posted this.
January
+a million.
Anonymous
+100
Anonymous
+10000000 Move on
pugsnbourbon
I can. not. believe. how much this keeps coming up.
Trans women are women. My wife is a woman. She’s going to keep being EXACTLY who she is no matter how many times you come on here and try to stir sh!t. No matter how many screeds Murphy writes on Quillette (let’s be real, it’s a platform for edgelord libertarians). No matter how many times the administration tries to erase her.
Anon
I’ll differ from the other posters and say thanks for posting this article.
I don’t think it’s right that she was banned from twitter for the statements/question she posted. I know others on thissite differ, but IMO what she posted was not hate speech. Her question could have been in the spirit of wanting to be educated/wanting to engender healthy debate.
On the contrary some of the examples she quoted show folks threatening to physically harm people who question the concept of gender identity, – definitely hate speech and the two are not equal.
Juniper
I need help finding a gift for my mom. My brother and I alternate holiday shopping for each parent and it’s my turn to do mom Christmas and I’m drawing a complete blank. It needs to be a physical gift that can be unwrapped, so no gift cards. She doesn’t like hot beverages of any kind (so no tea, coffee, etc.), the only personal care product she uses is a certain brand of lotion and is already well-stocked in it for at least a year or two, she has requested that no one give her any kind of edible treat, and we’ve never been able to successfully buy her clothing or accessories that suit her (she won’t return them because she thinks that’s rude, but we notice they go unworn). She doesn’t have any hobbies beyond helping church and family members. She cooks a good bit, but regards it as work, not a fun thing, so kitchen gadgets are no good. She doesn’t drink. We frequently give her warm and cozy things like slippers, fuzzy robe, nice throw blankets, but have kind of maxed out that category lately. Budget is about $100. Thanks for any ideas you all can come up with!
Anonymous
Books!
Housecounsel
Tickets to a play or concert with the two of you? A Kindle?
AFT
I know you said it needs to be opened, but could you pair a “something to open” with an experience-type gift? E.g., season tickets to a local Shakespeare theater/festival and a nicer Shakespeare collection?
Anon
On one hand, I am curious to see what people suggest. My best is books, movies, or puzzles.
On the other, if someone does not want gift cards, consumables, fancy kitchen gadgets, clothes, accessories, or the like, they have eliminated pretty much all categories of gifting.
Anon
Something non-kitchen for the home? Candles, throws, plants, framed family picture. Tech gadgets? Nice headphones, FitBit or the like, Kindle. I’ve also done a personalized mousepad with family pictures–it was a huge hit. Which makes me think–tech gadget accessories like a fancy or personalized laptop case?
Vicky Austin
I was going to say candles too!
anon
Our parents can be similar in some ways.
Does she like hosting meals? What about a set of cute napkins, tablecloth, or something to spruce up her entertaining spread?
I’ve also given cute notecards and pretty pens. Everybody needs them at some point, right? They also don’t take up much space/clutter.
What about super practical stuff that might make everyday life better? Like cute, reusable grocery bags (Amazon has tons of them — I’m thinking the Baggu brand in particular), new food containers if hers are getting dingy, new towels, flannel sheets. Basically, think of anything that needs to be updated or replaced at some point. Last year we bought my in-laws a nice welcome mat for their front door. Super practical, but they enjoyed it and appear to be using it.
Home decor items? Those can be tricky, but if you know your mom’s style well, that might work.
Anonymous
Overpriced stationary? All the special notebooks and binders I never buy for myself.
There is also something to be said for managing your expectations. My mom is similarly hard to shop for, and judgemental on top of it. So I try to find something that I think is a good idea and have stopped expecting her to be excited about it.
Anonymous
Would she like an ancestry.com membership? That is what i get my mom every year. For my mother in law, I take her to Longwood Gardens (beautiful botanical garden in PA) and out to dinner after. Or may something related to something they like to do – my mother and mother in law don’t really have any hobbies, but have liked newspaper.com subscriptions, books, and a netflix subscription.
January
On the off chance that you are located near Longwood Gardens, annual membership to Longwood Gardens is also a nice gift. My mom gets this for me every year.
anon
Have you asked her directly what she wants? She can give you a list to choose from so it is still somewhat of a surprise.
I freaking HATE trying to figure out what people want. If they don’t tell me, they don’t get anything.
Lots to Learn
Sonos?
Anon
I think that’s a great idea! If she listens to music at all Sonos may be a huge upgrade for her.
Anon
Visiting Boise Idaho next week to see if we want to relocate there. Any tips or restaurant ideas or activity ideas?
R
coffee/breakfast:
Goldy’s
Big City Coffee
American:
Fork
Wine Bar:
Txikiteo
Boise has a strong Basque community, so lots of food options with more of a european flair.
Anonymous
Basques? I am curious now.
In other trivia, Newark NJ has at big Portuguese expat community (and bigger Lusophone community).
cbackson
My understanding is that they came to the intermountain west as workers in the sheep-raising industry.
Vicky Austin
Yup. Lots of shepherds.
TX-IHC
Definitely go to the Basque street, it’s so interesting! There is a tour and you can see the sport courts, afterward eat at one of the traditional restaurants. One of the oddest quirks of Boise!
AnotherAnon
No but pls report back! It’s on my short list. Hoping to visit in Jan to see if I can realistically handle the Winter.
Vicky Austin
Please tell it I miss it! I grew up near there. It has grown ridiculously fast in the last ten years or so. The up-and-coming areas to live (especially with families) are getting farther and farther out from Boise city proper, so if you are looking for a nice suburban home you may have to drive a ways, but the amenities keep following the housing, so it’s not like you’re out in the boonies. Downtown has interesting restaurants practically every way you turn, and you absolutely have to drive down Capitol Boulevard for the most iconic view of Boise. I have somewhat gauche taste, but I very much miss the Elmer’s at the top of that hill. And yes, Boise’s Basque community runs deep – my husband comes from a big Basque family who own a restaurant in nearby Meridian, so I’m biased as to which one is best, but there are a few other choices. The Basque museum is also in downtown. For kids, I remember the Discovery Center fondly and the zoo’s pretty good too if you like that sort of thing. Too bad you are missing ski season!
Anon
Not Boise specific, but try to give yourself a driving tour of the main part of the city and the area of town you might move into. It’s not useful to yourself to only tour some highlights and a couple of the best restaurants and a cute café or two. You want to know what it’s like to live there, not visit. When doing this previously, I tried to go during an off weekend and season (no big events or holidays) and see what normal people are doing. Are the parks full (are they there)? Are there people out on the streets shopping and eating? Do people look more tired, angry or rushed than you’d expect to see? Can you strike up a conversation with a few locals about how they like living there without the primary response being a cold shoulder or rudeness? Driving around do you see a variety of types of entertainment spread throughout or just one entertainment area with the rest of the city boring and suburban?
Anonymous
Boise is amazing. Restaurants–try Bardenay, Chandlers (if you want a swankified pricey meal), the funky taco, Ten Barrel Brewing (great brewpub/ food). Activities–spend some time walking the greenbelt–it runs along the river and is beautiful (i run it at lunch almost every work day). 15 minutes out of town is Bogus Basin if you want to ski/ get out of town. The Botanical Gardens has winter garden aglow which is beautiful at night if you want a romantic evening walk filled with Christmas lights. If you like coffee shops, give Java or the Flying M (prob home to the best Americano in town) a try–both are great. Walk through the Capitol–it is open, there is a gift shop on the atrium level (basement) if you want some Idaho swag. And the tip above to drive the neighborhoods to get a feel is really great advice. Northend and Foothills are the obvious choices–but don’t overlook the bench–there are some great spots, and Harris Ranch/ Bown Crossing (east boise) are neat as well.
Anon
Thanks so much everyone!!
Anon
DH and I want to do a week long trip (Sunday to Sunday) in early March, leaving from a SEUS city. I’d like to go somewhere warm, but also somewhere with stuff to do (we’re good with a beach for a few days, but not the whole time). Any recs?
Anonymous
Cartagena, Colombia
Anon
Thanks! We actually had thought of that- is there enough to do there for 6 days?
+1
Doesn’t get nicer (and closer) than Cartagena. I would also recommend San Andreas y Providencia, small territory islands that are even somehow more gorgeous than Cartagena.
Anon
I love Puerto Rico. I only spent a couple days my first and only time two years ago, and there’s so much I want to do there yet.It’s actually my front-runner for our winter escape, and I think a week is a perfect amount of time to make your way around the island. There is a Frommer’s one-week itinerary I’ve been eyeing.
Idea
I’m sure their tourism is suffering since Hurricane Maria, but it is OK to go as a tourist with expectations of comfort?
Anon
yes, it’s completely fine. It’s the regular people that are still suffering. All the nice resorts have re-opened.
Anon
There is a lot more to PR than resorts, and since tourism is one of the largest drivers of their economy, the country prioritized getting it back up and running quickly. In fact, there’s been reporting on hotels and resorts using the opportunity to majorly renovate and upgrade. They actually need people to go there because of some of the overblown reporting about places that didn’t have power (they all do, now – but what was lagging was remote parts that didn’t have good infrastructure prior to Maria) put the idea into people’s heads that everything there was terrible. I’m not a resort person – we stayed at a boutique hotel in OSJ last time and that property appears to be going strong. There are lots of great local artisan shops and authentic places to eat (all the mofongo!) where you can spread your tourism dollars around and help the PR economy.
Ellen
I LOVE Porto Rico! Dad took us there at least 6 times each winter, and we all were treated like the royals. Dad always has us at the best hotels, and Rosa was the most sought after by the staff, b/c she was so cute when she was a teenager. She still is, but when she was a teenager, she was offered modeling assignments, but Dad said NO. In retrospect, that turned out to be a good idea, b/c so many models wind up getting anorexia or haveng s-x with the photographers, and getting pregnant by men who can NOT support them properly. FOOEY on those men!
Belize
We just spent a week in Belize-half water, half jungle. Highly recommend!! Beautiful country and many great act.
NYCer
A few ideas: Morocco, Costa Rica, Belize, Galapagos Islands, Colombia (IMO a week is too long in Cartagena, but you could combine it with Medellin or Bogota).
Also, I am not sure how warm you mean by warm, but Portugal and southern Spain (Barcelona, Seville, Malaga) are relatively mild at that time of year as well.
anon
I need gift-giving help for my dad. He’s a homebody at heart. He reads lots of magazines and newspapers, but not books. I’ve given him a lot of food/snack gifts over the years, whic are always a hit, but I’d like to try something else. Last year I gave him a super plush blanket from Pottery Barn for his TV/reading time.
He’s also really into cars. I thought about putting together a car-care kit, but I’m betting he’s fairly particular about what brands he uses!
To sum up:
– He is a practical dude at heart, and kind of a gearhead.
– He’s technically retired from farming, but farmers never really retire and he still does a lot of work outdoors.He has more than enough work coats to last a lifetime, but maybe new work gloves or something?
– In his free time, likes napping, TV, reading, snacking. He is Garfield, basically. (I say that with love.)
Anonymous
Tools. Or a gift certificate to a hardware store. Sears used to be a slam dunk for their Craftsman tools, not sure if they are anymore.
Magazine subscriptions.
Tickets to a car show.
Put together a calendar using photographs of the cars he’s owned over the years.
Anon
My dad owns a motel and does a lot of the outdoor maintenance still (even though I’d love for him to retire) — I’ve found good winter hats of a higher quality than he would buy himself have gone over well! Not sure if that would translate to farming or his preferences, but it’s an option.
anon
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m thinking about.
gene
New pair of bogs
Warm jacket/vest/ 360s
Short wave Pocket radio
maybe new weather tech mats for his car?
Anon
What do you mean by “really into cars”?
If you get him tools for his car, make sure you purchase the correct ones. For example, do not buy Imperial tools for a foreign car, or metric tools for a domestic vehicle.
I absolutely love the ratchet wrenches I have. Stanley makes a zero-degree one that is a miracle. When I replaced my alternator, I thought I died and went to heaven. (Link in comment.)
If you do a car care kit, get him some touch-up paint that is made for his specific car. You can get this at the dealer’s parts department.
Let’s see: lint-free shop towels are always a good bet. Armor All makes good car care kits.
Anon
https://www.stanleytools.com/products/automotive-tools/other-tools/ratchets/38-in-drive-rotator-ratchet/89-962
anon
I think he’s probably good on the tool front, and I wouldn’t know what to get him anyway. By “really into cars,” I mean that he looooves driving, is a regular subscriber to multiple car magazines, and is aware of every make and model out there. He washes his truck several times a week and takes meticulous care of his vehicles.
I definitely could pull together some shop towels and Armor All — just wasn’t sure if that was the gold standard or not.
Anon
What about a gift certificate for someone to detail his car?
If he farms, there are lotions and such (udder balm is supposed to be great) to prevent his hands from getting chapped in the winter.
Anonymous
In my experience, people who enjoy fixing/making things never feel they have enough tools. There is always room for more, but figuring out which ones specifically is tricky.
Lee Valley Tools has interesting gift ideas.
anon
+100 to Lee Valley tools
Anon
A big picture book on cars or trucks he likes (is he a Ford guy? Does he fantasize about having a Porsche?) and a lot of Meguiar car care products. Plus something to snack on.
Anon
Meguiar’s G55032SP Complete Car Care Kit https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0012ZEZ8A/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_cNvaCbNMEZTQX
This is fancy. I got something similar for my husband the car show attending gear head, and he loves washing his car(s) and using this stuff. BONUS he does it to my car too!
Anonymous
Can you get him a day of a rental car of some kind of fabulous make that he would love to drive? Or an experience of driving on a racetrack?
Senior Attorney
My dad-aged husband loves his rooftop weather station: https://www.amazon.com/AcuRite-01012M-Weather-Monitoring-Compatible/dp/B00N1XCA9M/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1543597054&sr=8-2-spons&keywords=rooftop%2Bweather%2Bstation&th=1
Lobbyist
Fancy gourmet jerkey
anon
try reading jalopnik.com for some gift ideas for fear heads. hth!
Sweaters
Looking for a big, heavy, wooly sweater ideally with a winter motif (snowflakes, reindeer, that sort of thing). Want it to be Nordic or scananavian. DH will only wear it if its authentic.
It’s for wearing up at the ski house with the kids, so he’s looking for festive and cozy but wants “the real deal” (his words) so like, the LL bean version is a no-go.
I’m thinking a couple hundred-but not like, $800.
Any good sources? I googled but can’t tell if what I’m finding is what I’m looking for.
BabyAssociate
Gudrun & Gudrun comes to mind, but might be more than you’re looking to spend.
https://www.gudrungudrun.com/men/traditional-line.html
Brokentoe
Dale of Norway will fit the bill here. Old brand of beautiful Nordic wool sweaters – lots of options at your price point.
Anonymous
I googled my way to thisnbrand but it seems too ski-resort-y and not enough sipping cocoa in the mountains with the kids. Am I missing a whole line of sweaters?
Anonymous
Fantasy shop at Gorsuch, and then check out Icewear.
Anon
Look at eBay and search handknit Icelandic swearer. You will find tons of sweaters that hobby knitters knit themselves and are selling. You can’t get more authentic than that. Look for 100% wool and make sure you never agitate it when washing it. It will last you a lifetime.
Sweaters
We’re going for like…. Kristoff and the guy that owns the trading post in the movie Frozen. :-)
Anon
https://icelandicstore.is/collections/icelandic-sweaters
Ms B
Hygge!
Anon
Kindly, I think you’re going for an “authentic” that doesn’t exist. Frozen is literally a caricature of nordic culture and style, and you want the sweater that the cartoonists drew up to fit their color and style motif for the movie.
The reason you’re not finding what you’re looking for at truly authentic sources like dale of Norway and the Icelandic site mentioned above is that it doesn’t exist. Authentic Nordic sweaters don’t look like that.
Certainly you can find an LL Bean or J Crew “handknit” (ps this can still mean machine knit) sweater that has the look you want, but it won’t fit your husband’s criteria for authenticity… because historically authentic Nordic sweaters were knit in specific fairisle or Icelandic knitting patterns in muted, natural wool colors.
Signed,
Your resident armchair knitting historian
BabyAssociate
+1 to this
Anon
+1… I’ve spent time north of the Arctic Circle in Sweden in winter and don’t recall seeing a single sweater like this there. Living in MN with a huge Scandinavian descendant population, we hold onto all sorts of traditions that the actual Scandinavians do NOT – like unflattering sweaters and lutefisk. IIRC, all the Swedish men were 6’3, had well-coiffed hair, and wore skinny pants with merino base layers and slim puffer jackets.
That said, Kiel James Patrick has a couple Unisex sweaters that might work – one has reindeer and one has evergreen trees.
Anonymous
I’m not sure I understand what you want, but here is one that at least has a snowflake pattern:
https://www.nordicstore.net/collections/handknit-mens-wool-pullovers-and-cardigans/products/fonn-wool-sweater-blueicelandicsweater
Anon
Dale of Norway is *the* authentic Norwegian sweater.
Brir
Also confused about what you want, because Dale of Norway are great looking, authentic Norwegian sweater… I have a nice one from a consignment store but I run too warm to wear it much… it’s extremely warm!
For what you might be looking for… check out Kuhl brand
Kelsey
For those of you who are BigLaw partners or similarly-situated, do you give gifts to key clients and referral sources (to celebrate promotions, holidays, etc.) And if so, about how much do you spend on them? Does your firm reimburse you for the entire amount?
Anonymous
No — a lot of our clients send e-mails warning us about their gift policy, so I only do things like lunches / events throughout the year (like they can accept tickets to events if we attend with them and it furthers the work relationship; we can’t just give them stuff).
cbackson
The overwhelming majority of my clients will not accept gifts. I send a note (written or email depending on the client) wishing them a happy holiday.
Most of my referral sources are also clients, so the same applies.
Anon
I’m a mid-size firm associate with a couple of my own clients and a referral source who I’m gifting this year. We are allowed to pick from a preferred vendor and the firm will cover up to $75 per gift, inclusive of shipping costs. We place our orders through the marketing department and they handle everything. If you want to order outside of the preferred vendor, you have to pay for it yourself and get reimbursed, but the $75 limit still applies.
Housecounsel
I am a client, and am allowed to accept gifts within reason. I get a lot of food gifts that I end up donating to a food pantry because I don’t need the sweets. I get wine that I might use for cooking because I have very specific taste in wine. I appreciate a holiday lunch if it’s someone with whom I have a friendly relationship but gifts and lunches are truly unnecessary. I once sent back a really extravagant purse that just felt all kinds of inappropriate. I loved the purse but just felt really really wrong.
Anon
We usually do gift baskets with food and wine items. I assume that the people receiving these gifts will share the basket with their offices.
Housecounsel
Fair assumption, except that I work from home!
Anokha
I’m a client (In-House Counsel), and typically we get gift baskets of food/candy — which are then left out in the communal kitchen for everyone to enjoy. Our Conflict of Interest policy would prohibit me from accepting personal gifts (e.g., tickets to a show, etc.)
anon
also in-house counsel. We do the same as Anokha. What really is awesome is when the big-city firms we use send Donuts/chocolates/food from a vendor that is local to us (mid-sized city). ( as opposed to the overly packaged Harry and David type stuff).
Hollis
In planning a trip to Italy for the first time. It would be me, DH, and 3 kids in upper elementary/middle school age, for maybe 1 week or slightly longer than that. Would spring break be a better time to go, or sometime in early or mid summer? I’m thinking Rome and Venice, but people are telling me that Venice is overrun with tourists so I’m thinking twice about it. I appreciate any suggestions and recommendations. Thanks!
Anonymous
When I was in Venice in early March it was freezing and snowed, though that was maybe unusual weather. If you want to visit Venice or north or Rome, I might go if spring break was in April but wait if it was in March. On the other hand, it wasn’t crowded at all, if that is more important to you.
Equestrian Attorney
Venice is overrun with tourists in the summer. It is also drop-dead gorgeous and I remember liking it as kid – the canals make it cool and different. Spring break is probably a better time for Venice. I really like Rome but it’s history-heavy and might be hot in the summer – I recommend a day trip to the beach in Ostia (pair it with the ruins over there if that’s your thing). Warning that you generally have to pay for the beach in Italy, although you get access to amenities such as chair, bathrooms, lockers, a bar etc. If your kids are into movies, the Cinecitta studios are surprisingly cool. We also did a horseback riding trip along the Via Appia with Ride Ancient Rome – super fun (it’s just walking so pretty kid friendly). Florence is also a quick trip from Rome as an alternative to Venice.
Anon
I think this is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t like Venice. Although I was there in March and there was freezing rain – so I was cold and the streets were filled with sewage. I’d probably have liked it more if it were warmer and not so soggy. I LOVE Rome (it’s my favorite city in the world) and in the summer I would combine it with a coastal area, which would give you more variety than just visiting two cities. I loved both Cinque Terre and Amalfi Coast – both are not hard to combine with Rome.
When do schools let out? If you can go late May/early June, I’d definitely do that. If you can’t go until late June, then maybe go for spring break and do Rome and Florence.
ANON
I also didn’t like Venice. I love Rome (studied there for a semester in college) and would also suggest Florence as the above poster did. Spring Break will be waaaaaay less crowded than the summer. I’d do Rome and Florence (with day trip to Ostia) over spring break. The weather will be cold but not unbearably so.
Anon
I would suggest Florence as the second half of your Rome trip (love both-so much to do and see), but avoid mid-summer due to the heat. I was in Rome/Florence/Tuscany for 10 days beginning in the last week of September, and there were still days it was in the mid 80s-low 90s, which was hot but people were talking about how it was “so much less oppressive” than it had been in the previous weeks. Rome and Florence are best seen by foot, so to me, weather (while never can be guaranteed) is an important factor in timing a trip.
Anon
Do Rome, Florence, Siena.
Skip Venice.
C2
Is Fjallraven authentic enough?
C2
Is Fjallraven authentic enough?
Anon
It’s a Scandinavian brand but it’ll likely be made in China. At least my Fjallraven scarf is.
Anonymous
It’s too…everyday. I live right near the Cambridge shop. I’m acthally tempted to buy a sweater for him from there anyway, but not for holiday coziness.
Anon
Kat, is it possible to pull all the “what gift should I give my mother/father/aging grandparent/sister/SO” threads into one to make a sort of gift guide? People around here are happy to help with suggestions but I feel like roughly the same question has been posted 10x just this week.
Horse Crazy
My office needs a facelift. Pretty much everything about our building is hideous. It’s an ugly concrete building from the 60s – we’re next to the county courthouse, so everyone assumes it’s the jail because of how it looks. The insides have ugly old carpet, and while I’m lucky to have floor-to-ceiling windows on one wall, the outside of the windows haven’t been cleaned in literally years (and we’re on the 3rd floor), so obviously they look pretty grimy. I can’t do anything about any of this, so I’m looking for suggestions for what I can do to my space to make it feel fancier and more professional. I have a dark wooden L-shaped desk. Can anyone recommend something to improve my space? No major changes (can’t replace carpet/desk, etc.).
Anon
Can you put a carpet over your currently gross carpet?
Rugs
Or even a large area rug? Ruggable has some washable rugs of various sizes with good patterns.
Idea
This and drapes could go a long way. Also pillows and mirrors to reflect and brighten the light that you do have.
Tired
Area rug
Plants!
A nice lamp
Desk accessories that aren’t black and ugly (all of mine are clear lucite or white)
A mirror or artwork
Senior Attorney
All this plus a nice coatrack.
And nice furniture if there’s room (in the space and your budget). In addition to the area rug I have a lime green velvet sofa and two turquoise leather chairs in my office and they make me so happy!
Anonymous
I bet that’s a professional look…
HM
I’m in the same boat. I’ve brought in lots of personal pictures (which is appropriate for my workplace,) a nice throw blanket for the back of my chair, nice desk accessories, some fake plants, and a lamp to cast some soft light. I get lots of nice comments, especially on the lamp!
Anonymous
Perhaps layer a rug on top of the carpet. Add lamps so the lighting is more appealing. Plants – not too many – if you will take care of them (I would not).
NOLA
We just got a loveseat for our office and I added the little rug and throw pillow from my office. It makes such a difference! But having a throw rug and a bookcase painted dark green in my office makes it feel homier. Right now, my desk is a disaster of clutter, but I’ll clean it up soon.
Anon
Lean into the 60’s aesthetic and have fun with it when you accessorize your office!
Anon
Trying to find husband some boots or at least winter appropriate shoes. These would be shoes to wear on his commute to work, which includes a bus and some walking, at work, and during things like walking the dog. We are in the SEUS, so it does get cold and rainy here in the winter, but we are not generally dealing with a lot of snow. DH works in tech, so these can be more casual. He currently wears tennis shoes to work, but the ones he has are canvas and are just not cutting it with the rain we’ve had lately. Any ideas? Budget under $200 but preferably much less than that.
Tired
Can’t he change into nicer shoes at work and wear snow boots for the commute?
Anon
Not the OP. IME, this isn’t really something people do when the weather doesn’t warrant specialized shoes. I’m in Texas and my snow boots are for ski trips. It’d even be a stretch to dig them out when it ices on occasion. I do keep my bean boots handy for walking the dog through the park, but only if it’s wet outside. I especially can’t see any man I know changing into commuting shoes. If he can go casual for work, I’m sure there are some good options that also work for walking the dog. Sorry, I’m no help, OP…I don’t have an SO so only shop for me :).
Anon
Anything from Ecco – they wear like iron and are super comfy. Nordstrom rack generally has a decent selection https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/product/1946266/ecco-soft-7-sneaker-men?color=01053COGNC
anon
I got my husband some leather sneakers and he loves them. I got him J&M but would have spent more for Eccos had I known he’d like them so much.
Anonymous
I’m in the PNW and we just finished a similar search for my husband! He wanted something for casual Fridays and wet days when he can change into dress shoes at work (after his 1/2 mile walk + transit commute). We were looking at waterproof or weather-resistant “Chukka” style boots from Ecco, Dunham (the Royalton style), Sorel (Madson), Rockport (Tough Bucks and Cabot), Columbia (Marquam), Timbaland (Kendrick), Kodiak (Chase). Ultimately, he found a pair of Ugg Chukka boots in person at NordstromRack.
SF Recommendations
I’m going to San Francisco for work in a few weeks and I’m taking a couple extra days since I’ve never been there before. I’m going back with some girlfriends next year for a wine tasting trip so I’m just looking for recommendations for things to do in SF.
Restaurant/bar/attractions/shopping suggestions welcome! I’m already planning on going to Cuyana and I have an appointment at MMLF.
thank you!
Anonymous
Dinner at 54 Mint (Italian) to get away from the hustle and bustle.
Touristy but worth it: Alcatraz
Anon
I’ve spent some time in SF for work, and I highly recommend the Ferry Building. Eat at the Slanted Door (which is in the Ferry Building). Also, if you’re into whiskey, I really loved Hard Water, which is right nearby.
Lots to Learn
Tour of Chinatown – found on TripAdvisor and done by a woman who grew up there. Included food.
Chris on Long Island
Zuni Cafe or Fringale for lunch. The Wave Organ for nature/sounds on the Bay. Dim Sum lunch at Yank Sing. The Farmer’s Market at the Ferry Building. Ferry ride to Sausalito for shopping and back. Irish Coffee at the Buena Vista near Fisherman’s Wharf.
Abby
Does anyone use a “light alarm”? Saw it online a week ago and couldn’t get it out of my head. It was the Philips Sonmeo, but after doing a little more research I saw there were several different options. I’m considering getting one, but wanted to hear if they work since $100+ for a fancy alarm clock is a lot if it won’t help me wake up feeling more refreshed than just hearing my phone alarm.
And for those of you that do use one – where do you put it? I’d want it to be useful for my husband and me, so putting it on one of our nightstands seems like it’d only really benefit one person? Do you put it at the end of your bed facing you/we have a headboard with a shelf that it could sit on.
Pompom
I do! I have a Lumie sunrise alarm, which I use daily along with the radio (only comes on when the “sun” is fully up, which I’ve set for a 30min rise). I love it, and keep it on by bedside table, and have had one for about 3 years. Changed my ability to wake up enormously.
It does wake my husband up, but more importantly it gets my 2 little dogs up…which are actually what wakes him up. He doesn’t set an alarm anymore as a result. It’s a good thing we have the same wakeup time.
Pompom
Also, mine is pretty bright once it is on, so it does work for 2 people across a queen bed.
Anonymous
I use a light alarm. I sleep alone, but I think it is bright enough that it will affect you and your husband. I don’t need it to be on a particular side to work. I am a heavy sleeper and find it helpful to get me ready to wake up and less inclined to go back to sleep. But it is most useful, as you might expect, when I am getting enough sleep and on a consistent sleep schedule.
BabyAssociate
Not an alarm per se, but I have Phillips Hue lightbulbs that I have on a timer that gradually turn on in the morning. Love it.
Anonymous
I tried it, but I was able to sleep right through it, so I returned it. This is consistent with my ability (in college) to sleep until noon under direct sunlight coming in from the window.
I recommend buying one from somewhere with a good return policy.
sg
I don’t have one but I expect this would be my biggest issue. I found the best alarm for me was one that monitored noise during the night and would wake me up at a time that is near my preset alarm time but at the end of a REM cycle so that I would wake up refreshed instead of frazzled.
(Former) Clueless Summer
I have the Philips one and really like it! The light starts a while before the sound and gently brightens over a half hour I think. It gets me into that “restless sleep” phase and then when the alarm actually goes off, I’m like ohhhh yeah I should get up, as opposed to being woken very suddenly. It definitely lessens the possibility of me turning my alarm off and going back to sleep. I don’t find it wakes me up if I don’t want to be, but I am definitely not getting quality sleep when it’s on (that can be a factor if your partner doesn’t wake at the same time).
Abby
Thanks for all this feedback! I’m 90% sold now I just have to decide which one. The consistent amount of sleep makes me cautious – husband is in residency with frequent overnight calls where he might get back late/have to leave in the middle of the night, so I don’t want to add an alarm clock that steals his sleep, but was hoping to find something that would make both of us less groggy in the morning.
He occasionally wakes up an hour or so earlier than me, but I wouldn’t mind trying to wake up with him to get things done around the house. I’ve never been a morning person and have found this winter to be especially challenging for me to want to get out of bed especially with how dark it is.
Anonymous
You might consider a sleep tracking device (watch is ideal, I think, but I think there are alternatives) that identifies when the wearer is in a light sleep part of the cycle and gives a gentle alarm during that period, within a range around the set wake-up time. So say you set it for 6:30 — the device determines you are at a light sleep at 6:20 and vibrates then, rather than at 6:30, when you would be in REM sleep. Very effective for me.
Anon
I have the Phillips wake-up light and I really like it! When I was doing early morning workouts, I felt like it helped me to wake up more gently. I also really like the sunset feature, which I probably use even more than the alarm. I set it to bright and it gradually gets darker; I read until I can’t see anymore and then fall asleep.
cbackson
I had the Phillips wake-up light, but the light from the digital numbers kept me awake at night.
Is it Friday yet?
The model I have you can dim the digital numbers, I think it has like four levels and I put it on the lowest (the highest is BRIGHT). I don’t feel strongly about mine (though I have kept it), but I’m another one that will cheerfully sleep forever under direct sunlight, so I’m maybe a bad example.
Sunshine
I have a BioBrite and love it. It’s both sunrise and sunset, and I use both functions all the time. It has an alarm that goes off if you sleep through the whole sunrise without turning it off. The sunrise function is set on 30 minutes and I find that I usually wake up 15 minutes or so into it. I love this thing and it’s made a huge difference for me both at night and in the morning.
Anonymous
Infrequent Uber rider here. Now that there is the ability to tip within the app, are tips expected and does not tipping affect your user rating?
Anon
I’m not sure about Uber but at least on Lyft they have to rate you before they see if you tipped or not. I do tip though.
Anonymous
Thanks – anyone to help with Uber (I think Lyft has always provided a means for tipping)?
Is it Friday yet?
I suspect Uber is the same. I have a 4.93 rating, and while I do always tip, it’s frequently not until the next day (or the next time I open the app), especially for late night drop offs at home where I proceed directly to bed. I’ve had times where I opened the app and realized I didn’t rate/tip someone like a week prior, oops. So I’ll rate and tip then.
Non Uber tipper
I think tips are a newer thing on Uber (tip line only showed up in the past few years) and were actively discouraged when the service started. I personally don’t tip because I think it contributes to Uber’s knack for screwing their drivers out of adequate compensation (unless driver goes above and beyond with service). With tipping drivers still make a decent amount while Uber underpays them and I’m just not going to contribute to that – drivers will drop out if Uber doesn’t pay well, hopefully encouraging better comp overall. I don’t want to add to a waiter effect on Uber.
That said, because I don’t tip on Uber I tend to grab cabs or rent cars instead since tipping culture is established with cabs and I don’t want a pissed Uber driver rating low due to no tips.
Anon
If you are (rightfully) annoyed with Uber, switch to Lyft. They pay and treat their drivers much better.
anon
+1 for Lyft. Its customer service is much better too. I went through a whole thing with trying to switch Uber from my old phone number to my new one, and because you can’t actually speak to or email a person, I could never convey exactly what the issue was. I switched Lyft. Also had an issue, but Lyft was able to fix it.
Cat
I give $1-5 depending on the ride price, because Lyft (preferred to Uber) is generally significantly cheaper than a cab. Like half the price to get to the airport. I figure I’m passing a bit of my shared savings to the driver.
Ariadne
My BIL who has rarely (I can count on one hand ‘rarely’) ever given my husband a Christmas gift (or any gift) now has a daughter who is two. The not giving gift part, is not really the issue— he also never brings a hostess gift, forgets MILs birthday, and is generally, fairly self absorbed.
In the past, we have always given him and his wife a gift — basket with consumables from whole foods, a throw blanket, or generally something consumable, and bought toys, books, or clothing for niece. They (and by they, I believe it is his wife organizing this) have given us a photo of their family in a frame. While I the framed photo is fine, I’m wondering if they are signalling to me that they don’t want to exchange gifts. ( thoughBIL is always hinting for gift cards, and gift ideas for himself.) We don’t have children so my thought is to just gift the niece, and not give them anything. A part of feels this is the right thing to do, but since we have always bought them things in the past, I’m wondering if this will come across as petty. Not sure exactly what I’m asking, so any thought would be appreciated.
anon
Talk about it? I’m of the opinion that adult siblings do not need to exchange gifts, but to prevent hurt feelings, you have to that conversation in the first place.
Your BIL does sound self-absorbed, but don’t punish his kid because he’s not that thoughtful.
Pompom
Send a Christmas book for the niece (maybe DH’s childhood favorite) with a little note. If you feel compelled to send a present to the parents, which I would not in this situation, LL Bean wreath. Easy and not too expensive. Consumable in that it goes away in January.
Anonymous
You lost me at the part where your BIL is hinting at gift ideas for himself. He sounds extremely self-absorbed! I would probably stop giving gifts to him – maybe frame it as you’re going to divert your gift-giving energy to the daughter. Or, I would return his hints with hints of what he could buy ME, if I was in a more snappy mood ;)
Aridane
Thank you for all the suggestions. Niece who is really sweet will definitely be getting some toys and books. It’s just in my nature to make them all feel included ny a gift, and even though I know that BIL May sporadically buy something, as SIL does not want to do his emotional labor, which I applaud her for and heartily agree with.
anonshmanon
To be inclusive, you could get your niece an age-appropriate board game, and then the whole family can play with her.
Aridane
I like the board game idea! Thank you
Anon
I hear you. I have a sister who does not acknowledge my kids’ birthdays, other than maybe chiming in on a group text, but gets bent out of shape if I miss one of her kids’ birthdays. I can’t come up with any rational reason this is ok but I don’t want to punish her kids so I play along.
Anonymous
I give gifts but the recipients never send thank you notes. Do people not send thank you notes any more? This is one reason why I am tending toward not giving gifts….. except that I think that some people expect to receive gifts but are not aware that they should be sending thank you notes.
Anonymous
I found I was being lightly teased or mocked when I sent thank you notes as I was raised to do. I was assured that it’s very uncommon. So I’ve switched to making a call or getting in touch another way to express my thanks.
Anon
Has anyone ever had dyshidrotic eczema on the sole of their feet? I have an area of skin on the ball of my foot that was originally a real blister. The main blister healed, but it keeps blistering up around the edges of the original blister. There is also a rash-type area of tiny blisters, and I have an aching pain coming from the area that is blistered. Nothing is infected. I have gotten little tiny eczema blisters on my hands before during allergy season but never a rash like this, though based on what I’ve read, it is not super uncommon to have a flare up like this. (I have been dealing with a lot of stress, which I think was the trigger for this.)
Anyway… this seems like something that I am just going to have to let heal on its own. Is this worth going to a doctor about? Anyone have any tips for helping this heal faster?
Tired
I get dyshidrotic eczema on my hands from stress! Isn’t it horrible? I got a RX cream from a doctor that clears it up in no time. Definitely worth going to a doctor!
Eczema sufferer
Your circumstance is super weird in my experience. I have chronic eczema and it has never flared up around a healed blister or cut, so would see the doctor. If it’s recurring around a blister in a ring formation, could it be ring worm that you are mistaking for eczema?
On the eczema front, have you tried treating it with prescription antibiotic ointment? Eczema often recurs and doesn’t go away on its own without treatment and the OTC oatmeal and hydrocortisone treatments just don’t do anything for me. You also want to keep the area moisturized – dry skin contributes to eczema flare ups.
Tired
The specific type of eczema that OP has looks like little blisters, it’s different from just dry or scaly skin. I have it as well so I’m familiar.
Anon
I would go to a dermatologist. They have creams/ointments that make mild to moderate eczema heal 1000% times faster. Also, I recently discovered Aveno Baby Eczema Therapy lotion and overnight therapy (I use both during the day)–I love it! It soaks in a better than Eucerin ointment but sticks around and is more moisturizing than Eucerin/Cerave thick creams.
OP
I don’t think this is ringworm but could be wrong about the eczyma. I’ve put in a request for an appt with my dermatologist, but I probably won’t be able to get in until next week. Would it be worth trying to go to a doc in the box for this or do I need to wait it out for the dermatologist?
Anon
Next week is around the corner. Get some good lotion and wait it out. The doc in the box might give you something to tide you over if you are totally uncomfortable, but I would definitely keep the derm appointment to make sure it’s diagnosed correctly. They also know about all the newer and better Rx creams and treatments. It’s worth going.
Unicorn?
I thought I had this for years and nothing the derm did helped. It was miserable. Then a different doctor prescribed an oral medication for toenail fungus and the blisters cleared up, never to return. Just something to consider if eczema treatment doesn’t help.
Anon
For my Son, we used to apply coconut oil when his skin was damp from the shower.
That, plus Aveeno. Eczema cured. Can’t hurt to try.
Fadedsunrise
I’ve had this type of eczema, but on the webs of my hands rather than feet. I was stressed up the wall day in and day out, which perpetuated it (was trying to deal with a boss who wouldn’t take no for an answer for his inane plans, but would also not take being ignored when he complained about it), but no amount of dermatology treatments helped. Nothing homemade, nothing prescribed.
It has since gone away after changing jobs from that boss + a diet revamp wherein I guesstimate my daily added carbohydrate intake at around 100 grams or less. I usually skip carbs at breakfast (do something like a spinach protein smoothie), eat about a quarter cup of rice at lunch (with mixed vegetables and protein), and may eat another slice of gluten free bread or two at dinner with more meat and veg (package says 15g carb per slice). I have no explanation for why this is, just an anecdote. Previously, I had to keep bandaids and neospirin in all my bags because my eczema would split with no warning, which made shaking hands real ugly.
Duckles
This is my first winter with a (medium size, medium energy) dog– who hates other dogs. It’s been too icy out to do more than short, slow walks, and I have a small corridor we can play fetch a bit, but I feel like it’s not enough. Does anyone have any ideas? The obvious choice (daycare/playrooms) is out because of the other dogs unless it’s possible to book something privately?
Anon
Honestly, just extend the fetch time and try to stimulate the dog mentally. That will adequately tire her out. Will you get bored on fetch 100? Yes. But it beats having a hyper antsy dog. The mental stimulation through training, learning tricks, giving her treat puzzles will help as well.
Anon
+1 Training (go for tricks if you’re tired of obedience) definitely wears them out! Also, I play hallway fetch with my dog, too. He loves it.
Duckles
That’s a good idea. We’ve finished the first level of obedience school but maybe I’ll look into a higher level so he has something to do once a week. (And hallway fetch it is!)
Cookbooks
More advanced training could be good for both you and your dog. My mother did basic agility training with hers, and that definitely tired out the dog. Plus, she had loads of fun.
Anonymous
Get the dog shoes, get yourself shoes, and get outside walking. You can’t take winter off from good walks.
Anon
+1 Get some shoes you’re comfortable in for winter walks. You have several months of winter left.
Duckles
Everything in my neighborhood has been a solid sheet of ice (black or otherwise) for the past several days. I have to be tremendously careful in snowboots going to work alone, never mind with a dog– At a certain point I don’t think there are boots that make it safe.
Veronica Mars
Get some good winter boots with traction. First thing you need to work on with a trainer is making sure that the dog isn’t pulling when you walk. Certain kinds of harnesses can help, but the dog really needs to be trained properly not to pull for ice safety. You need to get comfortable walking outside. If your neighborhood has a lot of black ice, walk in the grass around your property or look for grassy areas nearby you can walk in. With training, it should be no different than you walking alone.
emeralds
Get some yak tracks if ice is already that bad in your area.
S in chicago
+10000. You literally can walk anywhere and not they’re not too expensive. I use a generic version for dog park walking (marshy forest preserve so icy all the time). Bought my dad a pair even so he can go down the driveway to get the paper without slipping. Great since shoe type doesn’t matter.
Anonymous
I’ve heard you can walk with dogs in big hardware stores like Home Depot.. maybe check that? It will also give you a chance to train your dog in settings with some distractions and go for a long-ish walk.
Anon
Yes! This is a great idea. Our trainer takes the dogs to HD when it is too hot or too cold outside but they need distractions other than what is at the training facility.
emeralds
Oh, yeah. This is a good one too. We take our dog to Lowe’s all the time.
Abby
I hear you on a dog-aggressive dog, it’s rough not having options to tire dogs out. We have a yard now but ever since I’ve had my dog, I use a dog feeder with her. She’s pretty quick with it – takes her about 3 minutes to eat a meal, but it took her a while to figure it out/it’s good mental stimulation.
Currently use this one:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001JQLNB4/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
-very large, probably doesn’t take her as long as the other toys but I never lose it and she seems to like it.
Have also used this one:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000KV61FC/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
-She didn’t use it correctly but it still slowed her down and was fun for her to figure out how to use. Only stopped because she destroyed the rope and I wanted to try something new.
Started off with this one:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003ARUKU0/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
-I liked this a lot, kept her super active and took her longer to eat BUT she would get it stuck under things and I’d have to look for it each meal.
Duckles
Thanks! Mine LOVES his bob-a-lot but getting the tug-a-jug too to change things up.
Brokentoe
Yak Trax are your answer to icy walks. And depending on the breed and/or how tender you pup’s feet are, he/she may need boots, especially if you’re walking in an are where there is salt or chemical de-icers used. I swear by dogbooties.com for my doodles.
Duckles
Thanks! Just bought these to try.
Shanana
The day care I take my dog to has private play. They use it for dog aggressive dogs, unaltered males, and older dogs who can’t handle the giant pack. Depending on the dog they play catch or run them around, etc. I use it for my old man as it allows me to have contractors get things done at the house and he gets a dog bed to lounge on and people to coo over him all day. win win. I’d call around.
Anonymous
Have you shopped around for a doggy daycare that may try to work with you? We had to do that with our anti-social dog out of necessity and it helped so much. He still doesn’t “love” hanging out with dogs at doggy daycare, but he now tolerates it and it burns off his energy. It was a bit of work, but really worth it because we both hate the snow and cold in our Northern climate.
Anonymous
If a casual friend texts last weekend – I’ll be in your town this weekend, maybe I can stop by and see your place on Sunday and I say “sounds good,” are plans made? Mid 30s, only communicates by text kind of person. I know I shouldn’t have said sounds good but it was a long late night text convo and I needed to sleep. Thing is I’ve been traveling all week and have another work trip on Monday and zero desire to clean house all weekend. I wouldn’t mind if it was coffee/drinks for an hour outside my NYC 1 bedroom (so I can’t even hide stuff away in an unused room) but this person will WANT to see my apt so I don’t trust that we go out nearby and it doesn’t end in – hey let’s go hang at your place. The only way going out works is if we’re 30 min or more from my place. WWYD?
Anon
Plans are made, but plans can be changed. I think you may need to buck up and tell her you don’t want visitors, though. :/ You can do it. She wants to see you and I’m sure will be understanding if you tell her you just don’t want to show off your place.
Anonymous
You’ve agreed to agree to a time. I would text back later today and say “let me know what time works for Sun? I have something else at x time.” or something similar.
Pompom
Honestly, I would just unilaterally change the plans and take your apartment off the table. “Change of plans? Let’s meet out for a cup of coffee to catch up instead! My place is a no go. Let’s find a spot in Notyourneighborhood.”
Anonnnnn
This is what I would do.
Anonymous
Yes obviously. They asked if it was ok and you said yes! If you want to change the plan sure do that but you agreed to this.
Anonymous
Honestly, it’s a friend. Not House Hunters. Why should it trouble you that your apartment is messy. That is how busy people’s apartments come. It is not a measure of your worth as a person and certainly won’t be to a friend.
Anon
I have a friend who I consider a close friend. I have known her for over 10 years and have seen her place exactly once. And I know she knocked herself out prepping for me to come over.
You can still be close friends with someone and not go to their place. Some people are very private about their homes and that is ok.
Anonymous
I’m moderately annoyed and need to complain – I’m on my husband’s insurance and, in the scheme of things we are INCREDIBLY lucky with this plan – its a million times better and cheaper than my insurance (he’s a Teamster). I’m due for a replacement IUD and called the office this morning to confirm it didn’t need to be preauthorized. It doesn’t but the very nice office worker advised that, while she couldn’t explain why and didn’t know why they did this – while they cover the new IUD and insertion fees – they won’t cover the removal of the original IUD. Its a grandfathered plan and not subject to all of the ACA provisions but it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. The $300 or so for the removal isn’t a huge financial deal to us, but that is a lot of money to some people and removal is a necessary part to the entire concept of an IUD.
Anon
What!?! How annoying!
Anonymous
I would be very tempted to DIY.
Anonymous
I thought about it but I just don’t think I can bring myself to do it.. my husband offered to bust out his needlenose pliers to offer to lighten the mood
Anonymous
Maybe you could ask the dr if you can do it in front of them? It really seems nuts for them to charge you $300 for it when they are getting paid to insert the new one. (I know, I’m so cheap).
Anon
LOL–at $300 I would be tempted to do it in their parking lot/restroom/before they come in.
pugsnbourbon
I mean you gotta think that was a rule thought up by an old dude with ZERO understanding of repro health. “Just let it rattle around up there until the whole apparatus falls out. That’s how it works, right? Right?”
Legal Assistant Xmas Gift
I’m a newish attorney and have been at my firm for less than a year. My legal assistant is great and I definitely want to show her my gratitude via a gift. Any ideas of a good gift? If it’s relevant my salary is about 1/3 a typical biglaw associate is making. There is another legal assistant who is not assigned to me, but is assigned to partners I work for so we’ve worked together a lot and she has gone above and beyond helping me out. Should I give her a gift too?
Anonymous
The answer here is cash/cash equivalent. Yes, it should be up to your firm to bonus the staff, etc, but you should still get them both a gift. If it feels too impersonal, add a small tangible gift (small consumable).
Do you have another associate at the firm that you can ask about standards for your office?
Cube Life Newbie
This is going to seem really dumb to everyone else but here goes: I’m moving from a reception desk to a cube in January due to a promotion and I’m really excited about it! What should I know about working in a cube? I’ve never done this so I’m a bit out of my depth as far as what to expect as far as differences (I’m assuming it won’t be much different but maybe that’s wrong?). Any advice, tips or tricks to working in a cube?
Also what should I do to make it more “me” and less sterile office cube? It looks like people around the office have varying levels of decoration so that’s getting me stuck on what I want to bring in. I was thinking some fun/cute desk accessories and some plants?
Vicky Austin
I’m afraid I don’t have a ton of advice for you (although a plant and fun desk accessory or two sound good to me if you’ve seen others do this), but I’m slightly disappointed you didn’t call yourself a Cube Noob. ;)
Anon
Not dumb! A lot of what you’ll want to do has to do with the location/orientation of your cube. Are you by a window? How is your desk oriented? What’s the overhead lighting like? That sort of thing. I’d take a look at the space, and even work in it for a little while before making any decisions.
Cookbooks
Desk accessories, plants, pictures, a calendar and other things you can pin to your cube wall help make the space feel more like your own. And Anon at 12:34 is right about looking about how your desk is oriented and location, these things can make a difference in the amount of privacy you have. My desk is positioned in such a way that my back is to people; I don’t like it, but I’ve gotten used to it. Take a look at the space or walk through it to get an idea of how much noise/carryover there is from others. You might also want to note how warm or cold it is. I keep both a space heather and a slim desk fan around.
Congrats on your promotion!
lsw
It seems like this shouldn’t be that hard, but what do you wear with a dark navy blazer?
Baker
I always wear gray or jewel tones with dark navy. Pink looks great, as well, but it doesn’t look good on me.
Senior Attorney
Camel is great with navy. Including leopard.
lsw
I should have clarified – I meant pants. I feel like other shades of navy are too close and look wrong, and the navy is so dark it looks unmatched with black. I do love leopard and now think I’m going to wear my leopard sweater under the blazer, which I hadn’t considered before…
Baker
I’d go with gray or camel pants. Maybe winter white, depending on the blazer.
BB
I wear khaki, dark purple, or dark green pants with my navy blazer.
Anonymous
burgundy, teal, and denim
C
I saw a big fashion fail this morning walking from my parking garage to my office. A lady had on what was probably a too short skirt for work. She seemed clueless to the fact that her skirt was hiked up and you could see most of the top of her pantyhose. She was talking on the phone probably since she got out of her car and walked into her office building like that. Just a little amusement for a Friday.
Anonymous
I’ll assume the reason that you didn’t alert her to this was the fact that you were too far away to let her know…
C
Yes exactly. I was too far behind to catch up.
Anonymous
So you saw a human being human and you think you yourself are above being human? I feel sad for you.
Anonymous
That sucks. Not so amusing.
To the poster asking about slips
I keep forgetting to post this in the morning to the poster who was asking about slips. I have a very nice black slip from Land’s End that does not cling (for dark colored winter dresses). And a white cotton slip from Hanro that does not cling (summer dresses).