Previously, on Corporette…

3 Comments

1. Like conveying tone in email post, agree “!”s can go either way. If you’re doubting it, try to reword or as Kat says wait for in person, good tips.

2. Here’s a doozie for the hive. I am dating a man who happens to be the brother of one of my best friends as a teenager, “Carol,” whom I haven’t talked to in a decade.

   When we were teens, Carol had an eating disorder that, as far as I know, only I knew about. She rarely ate and idealized her disorder as though it were a person, nick-naming it ‘Ana.’ It was more or less all she ever talked about. I never told anyone about it, and I don’t think she ever sought help.

   Flash forward to now, and I am in a serious relationship with her brother. Every time Carol comes up, all my SO is talk about her exercise and habits, which are apparently all she talks about. She obsesses over her workout routine and criticizes my (super fit) boyfriend and his friends (!) for being out of shape. Recently, she and I had a very brief text conversation. What did we discuss? Her exercise and eating. she seems to take zero interest in my SO, his life, their family. She’s also recently overhauled her life plans in order to spend more time exercising.

   I’m so torn as to whom my loyalty is here. Part of me feels like I am keeping a major secret from my boyfriend and that this woman needs help. The other part of me feels like what was true ten years ago may not be true today, and that none of this is my business. I also recognize that making a major claim against my boyfriend’s sister could harm our relationship. But every time this comes up, I’m left feeling sick to my stomach.

   Help?

   1. I assume your boyfriend knows that you knew Carol years ago. Have you seen Carol in person in the last few years ?

      Rather than “spill the beans” about her past, the next time him discussing her exercise/diet routine comes up, can you mention to him that it seems she is quite concerned about diet and exercise, and see what his response is ? If he dismisses your concerns, then maybe wait a few months and bring it up again at an appropriate moment. Other than that, I don’t think that there is really anything that you can do, especially if you have not seen her to know if she looks malnourished, etc.

      I am quite obsessive about my weight and talk about diet and exercise all the time, but I am a perfectly healthy weight for my height. Just because it is a topic of all her conversations does not necessarily mean that she is physically unhealthy.

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