Because it was such a strange year, I decided to pull my favorite workwear of the year as well as our favorite work-from-home wear. Readers, what were some of your favorite workwear finds (and work-from-home duds) that we featured this year?
Our Favorite Workwear Finds of 2020
All of the hyperlinked months (below the image) go back to the original post…
January (orange) / February (wrap) / March (pull-on pants)
April (belted dress) / May (wrap top) / June (embroidered blazer)
July (navy dress) / August (slim pants) / September (brown sheath)
October* (burgundy dress) / November* (belted blazer) / December* (knit blazer)
Our Favorite Work-From-Home Clothes of 2020
These were some of our favorite work-from-home clothes of 2020!
January* (black cords) / February* (green sweater) / March* (cardigan)
April (legging) / May (sweater) / June (linen coat)
July (ombre) / July2 (oops – shorts) / August (twofer sweater)
September (pullover) / November (tunic) / December (fleece leggings)
(Sigh — if anyone’s curious October would have been this or this!)
If you’re curious, here are links to the similar roundups from 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, and 2010.
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Workwear sales of note for 3.31.23:
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
- Athleta – All sale up to 60% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off; 20% off sale & new-season styles
- Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Event: 30% off almost everything
- Express – All women’s jeans $49 + styles from $20
- Everlane – Up to 30% off spring essentials
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase; swim from $24.50
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off entire site & storewide, plus extra 20% off orders $125+ with code
- Loft – $29 everyday shirts
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – Buy one get one 50% off! Free shipping on $150+
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
I’ve recommended the Bravado Body Silk nursing bras here and the mom page several times to anyone asking for comfy wireless bras for home, whether they’re nursing or not. I originally bought them in early 2018, stopped nursing mid-2019, and am still wearing them. They’re my absolute favorite wireless bras for my 38H bosom, but they were getting stretched out so I bought new ones and wanted to give an update. They now offer a “full cup” for each size – I knew the XL fit me well but I wanted to try the full cup XL, so I ordered two regular and one full cup. I didn’t notice much of a difference, although the full cup might come up slightly higher in front. They no longer come with the conversion kit to make them a regular bra, but I never bothered to convert my older ones so that’s not a big deal – they never inadvertently get unsnapped. Get them. They’re more expensive than the cheapy pull-on styles I’ve bought, but they’re also the only ones I feel fine wearing out of the house too.
I have the full cup ones, too! They’re the only nursing bra that I felt comfortable wearing as a real bra.
I’m going to break up with someone who loves me during Covid. I don’t love him, and the logistics of quarantine/safely seeing each other are wearing me out instead of cherishing or enjoying those times. I like him but feel better single. What’s the simple, kind thing to do? Video chat? We have plans to see each other in several weeks but I don’t know if it’s fair to either of us to wait and do in person.
Remember in When Harry Met Sally, when Harry is telling Sal about his wife leaving him? He says to her, “you waited a week to tell me??” and she says, “I didn’t want to ruin your birthday.” Once you’re sure, just do it as promptly as possible.
I think if you aren’t able to see him for several weeks then video chat is fine. I think it’s going to be tough but you are doing the right thing.
“You’re saying Mister Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did?”
But in seriousness, +1 to above. I’d add that it sounds like maybe you are long distance? Or whatever circumstances are that make it so you can’t see each other for a few weeks, is it a scenario where he may resent that he made the trip or you made the trip knowing this was happening and now you’re stuck together for a weekend…or he would have arranged for different accommodations or something if he knew ahead of time? If so, then waiting is also not doing him any favors. Good luck.
Agree – proceed ASAP. I had a much lower stakes scenario where I had an absolutely incredibly connection with a guy I had been out on a few dates with went out on a date with someone else (we had not had the exclusivity conversation), and didn’t tell me until several days later that he wanted to pursue exclusivity with her. I knew something was up because he stopped texting me regularly and it was upsetting to me that he didn’t just come out and tell me right away. He didn’t do anything wrong in the grand scheme of things and he came by in person to tell me, but it stung that in my gut I knew something was up for several days without him coming clean about it. Your partner is going to be hurt no matter what, so best to do it as soon as possible and get it over with so they can move on in whatever way they need to.
Brunette Elle Woods
I can’t wait to watch this on NYE. One of my favorite movies.
2021 attainable goals – inspired by this board!
1) floss 5x/week (before makeup)
2) move my body for 20+ min., 150 times in the year (walks count)
3) clothing buying freeze (really strict limit on what I can replace)
4) one video call or hand written letter per month with/to a family member or close friend
Feel free to share your own ideas! This is a long way from my prior years (marathon in multiple countries – ha!)
I find it really hard to do things X times a week and doing something every day is easier.
1. Floss every day in the evening — inspired by you!
2. Yoga every day in January (minimum 20 minutes). I did a minimum of 10 minutes every day in December! I will continue monthly yoga challenges throughout the year but will probably vary the parameters.
3. No Buy except the last day of the month — this can bleed over into the first few days of the following month if it’s something that I plan to buy in person but can’t physically go that day. But I have to *decide* what to buy on that last day and only buy the things I decide on when I do go. I wanted to do a total no buy year but I have no idea what 2021 will look like so I want to give myself an out if needed….
My 2020 attainable goals that became unattainable were: go to a museum every month, take an international vacation, max 2 hours a day of screen time… sigh.
Did your screen time limit exclude working hours? Or just phone screen time? My work has me on a computer at least 8 hours/day.
No, only non-work! My work is 8+ of screen time too…
Id like to put more time into dating. I tend to put it dead last on my priorities list but would like to feel I’m giving it a real open try.
I want to do 180 sessions of yoga, run 3 miles with my dog, only buy no-sugar-added foods and be more pleasant to my coworkers.
The no-sugar-added thing is great. I remember doing no High Fructose Corn Syrup in the late 2000s (like 2008 maybe?) and it was so hard because it was in everything! Good luck!
Oh I love the no sugar added one! Might have to make an exception for ice cream though
I like the way you think ;)
More reading international literature / literature in translation.
Watch more films/TV with my husband – he really enjoys watching things together and while I prefer to read, once or twice a month is a good compromise.
Read more for work – I feel like I only read new books and articles to search out a reference but I’d like to do more deep reading.
Break my phone habit. I’m not awful but I’m not where I’d like to be.
1) Keep flossing (interdental brush) every day (no flossing, no mascara)
2) Read 1 book every month
3) Exercise for 5mins every day (this is how I fool myself – I commit to 5mins, but by the time the 5mins are over, I am hooked into the workout and do the whole routine)
4) Identify tasks/goals I need to hit to get my promotion and then prioritize completing/achieving them
5) Buy an apartment (complicated as I live in country A, my money is in country B, while I want to buy in country C)
6) Re-register my car (from country A to country B)
7) Purge clothes every month. Keep my rule of 1 new thing in = 3 old things out.
8) No new houseplants (I got 150 of them this year)
9) Keep making my own compost and plant my own veggies (container indoor garden)
10) Call sister every 2 weeks
11) Keep cooking from scratch and try a new recipe 1x week
Hahahah to “no flossing, no mascara”. That is a strict mommy rule that would really work for me. I’m stealing it.
I also plan to freeze buying clothes for at least January-March!
If you want to buy one last thing in 2020 Belk has the Free People Ottoman sweaters half off in lucky size small ;)
I want to read 75 books, reach goal 100. I usually read 52-56 and would like to crank that up a notch. I also want to work on my core strength to prevent injury in my favorite sports.
I wanted to exercise more deliberately. Not happening. Then I started Strava, but only for my dog walks and it turns out that I can slacker-walk a 5K every day (it is fun to see the graphs of slowness, for “sniffing the grass” and “meaningful poop” and the frantic activity for “the Jack Russell down the street barked at me and I got scared and started to run away and pull mom down the sidewalk towards home”). Not nothing, but it is a small victory over the couch.
1) Do skincare routine (and floss!) every night, no matter how tired I am.
2) Complete 275 workouts in 2021.
3) Read 20 books.
4) Every other month is a no-buy month (I used to do this, but then the pandemic happened)
5) Do Duolingo lesson every work day.
6) Stretch (or very short yoga flow) every day
Things I’m already doing that I want to continue: make my bed every day, walk outside every day, reach out to 1 friend/relative a day, drink 64oz of water a day, take 5 minutes to tidy up/clean each day rather than needing to do a big clean all at once, read the news each day.
I also want to be better at finding time to do my hobbies: in 2020 I added some hobbies that can be done at home (knitting), but most of my hobbies are outdoors/active. It’s too easy to spend the weekend in the City and not get out and do what I love (hiking, biking, paddleboarding, skiing) so I need to be better about (when its safe to do so), getting out and doing those things! These activities are all readily available within a 60-90 minute drive, so there’s really no reason to not take a day trip a few times a month.
Depending on COVID/vaccinations/life, my goal is to go to three new National Parks in 2021 and visit some friends I haven’t seen in years (thanks, COVID). But, obviously I’ll only travel when a) I’m vaccinated b) my travel companions / people I’m visiting are vaccinated and c) it’s safe to do so. I also want to have put serious thought into grad school and career path by this time next year…hopefully that will mean having found a new job but at the very least I want to figure out what kind of career progression I want.
I want to tell you that I used to fall asleep watching TV a lot and neglecting to wash my face. I made it a NY resolution several years ago to wash my face nightly and it is a habit that has stuck. Once you do something for a month or two it’s a new habit. Now I seriously can’t imagine falling asleep without washing. If I fall asleep, which is rare now, at some point I have to get up to pee, and I will do my face washing routine then. But I can’t remember ever skipping in the last two years. You’ve got this!!
My thing is simplicity, and I mean in my mind. I want to do one thing at a time – not multi-tasking as much, and improving my concentration.
I love this!
-track my reading. I did it in 2019 (218 books) and lost track in April this year, when i lost the ability to focus.
Man, I just cannot see myself buying more workwear. I feel like I have a lifetime supply at this point. Ditto leggings. What I think I may get are things (if they exist) like a fancier (better material) version of the Old Navy knit dresses that may be a bit more sophisticated in cut than a swing dress (but not all the way to sheath) such that I could wear them into the office (on occasion; was denim casual before the pandemic) and the grocery store and around the house; OK for cooking in and walking the dog; would need to be washable vs dry-cleanable. Now that I am cooking a lot more, it bugs me that I feel the need to change out of some at-home outfits b/c I don’t want to slosh sauce on them or they aren’t comfy enough for dog walking.
Also: while I would love casual sneakers to become a thing with workwear, I am firmly on Team Socks and it is hard to find that working as a good look. No-shows make me stabby b/c they never seem to stay up or are too tight (and I only have size 8 feet, not super-huge where a “one size” item would be likely not to fit comfortably). Or Birkenstock Arizonas w/ hiking socks. [I know it is a rotten look, but my feet and I are happy that way.]
Have you considered an apron? I absolutely love mine, it makes me feel like a domestic goddess! I wear it whenever I’m doing more than minimal cooking, even over house clothes.
I have some, but I find that my sleeves are most in jeopardy :(
Ah, makes sense. My apartment is always so overheated and I so rarely wear anything with sleeves indoors that I forget that it’s a possibility!
Gail the Goldfish
Chef coat! Sleeves plus feel like you’re a fancy chef.
Long sleeved aprons exist! Some very lovely linen ones – Korean style, I think – and more utility ones that could also be for art work. An artist’s long sleeved smock apron might also work.
Back when I wore nice clothes to an office every day, I wore a lightweight robe over my clothes to keep grubby kid hand grime off of them, including the sleeves.
anon a mouse
Boden probably has the knit dresses you want in a nicer material than Old Navy.
Go for it
Buy men’s ~ all types of men’s socks are sized better. The sole of the sock should be a tad larger than your actual foot for a good fit. The no show style with the rear tab help keep them in the foot. Under armor/champion/darn tough are brands that carry them.
Not for me! I have small feet and even the smallest women’s socks often come well past my heel. The penultimate kids’ size works best for me.
I’m aware that I have a habit of interrupting people. I think it stems from talking quite quickly myself, & wanting to show I’m listening & engaged but I know it has the opposite effect. It’s something I’m going to work on but I’m a bit worried that a lifetime of doing it will have already made me annoying to people which is hard to change!
I’m in interrupter! In my case it is cultural. I read as native born American but in fact am not (a reverse Hilaria if you will). In my culture interrupting is a normal expected part of conversation and not seen as rude. I sometimes find American conversation tedious and stilted. But! I also value not being rude to people. So I have a few relationships where I’m my full interrupting self and most of the time I try to channel that urge elsewhere- maybe a smile or nod or head tilt etc. it’s hard!
I’ve been doing this so much over Zoom. It’s hard to know when someone is finished speaking. And even a slight lag makes it impossible to know when someone else has started speaking. Fortunately (?) it seems like everyone else does this too.
I feel like you almost have to do this to some extent in Zoom or you would never get a word in. Just because in real life you don’t really have these close up conversations with 4+ people at the same time (people usually end up having side conversations in real life bigger gatherings) and it’s more obvious in real life that someone has something to say so people accommodate it more.
For the other non-Zoom interrupters, the thing I will add is when I feel the worst about being interrupted is when I get interrupted and then never asked again about what I was talking about pre interruption. Just ‘cause that’s a huge “I don’t care what you were saying” sign to me. So at least if you find it hard to stop interrupting, at the end maybe make a conscious effort to go back to what the other person was saying so they feel heard (“…I digress, then what happened with the (specific thing you were talking about)”?)
Thanks for this perspective. I do try to acknowledge that I have interrupted, apologize, and give the person the opportunity to continue with what they were saying. It’s still obnoxious, but hopefully makes the other person feel like my intent wasn’t to completely steam roll them!
Op here – you have made me a feel a bit better! I do it a bit over zoom but I’m worse in real life. I know I often interrupt to ask questions so hopefully that’s not as annoying but I do need to work on it.
Same. And I have the gall to get really mad when others habitually interrupt. I’m working on that too.
Same! I know it’s a bad habit and that it drive other people crazy, but I still have to make a very conscious effort to hold my tongue even years after I became self-aware.
Saaaaaame. I’ve been aware of it for a few years and I have to really, really try to control it. I’m hoping it gets easier.
Another interrupter here. Also from a subculture where that is a normal and expected way of conversing. I have finally found that while I have not been able to STOP, I have been able to catch myself and say “sorry, I didn’t mean to cut you off, go ahead” pretty much every single time. Feedback has been positive with this approach. I prefer the interrupting conversation style but obviously want to not upset people and better fit in with my workplace norms, so I’m still working on trying to actually stop. It’s very, very difficult.
Having the opposite problem – am being encouraged to interrupt a consultant we work with on Zoom since she always uses 10.000 words when 5 will do. “You just have to talk over her!” I try and it doesn’t work because Zoom is still on her mic. It only works for my boss because the consultant will defer to her if she sees her lips moving. It’s really annoying and I brought it up with my supervisor since this consultant has gotten away with absolutely dominating meetings, like speaking 99% of all words spoken, for years and not letting anyone else contribute. If the consultant were male, I’d be even more pissed haha
I have only made significant progress about breaking my habit of interrupting when. 2 people with whom I frequently have long conversations, started constantly calling me out as a reminder. Maybe give someone permission to do that for you?
I have treatment resistant ADHD, I was raised in a culture where interrupting is accepted and expected, and because of a medical condition, I also have a cognitive processing delay that makes me a step or two behind from what’s happening around me (so I often do not actually process that someone else started to speak until after I’ve started to speak a beat behind them). It’s mortifying, and yes Zoom makes it harder!
I also interrupt accidentally more often than I would like, but when I sit back and watch the people I most often interrupt, they tend to be all men who go on and on and don’t really allow you to answer their questions? Example
“Did you get a chance to work on the TPS report?……….BECAUSE it’s really important to attach the TPS cover to the report………..MANAGEMENT likes to see the TPS report cover attached to every TPS report……”
The pauses are long enough that I always think it’s my turn to answer (of course I did the TPS report!) and the capitalized words are emphasized by the speaker to talk over my answer in progress, and to indicate they weren’t done speaking.
I really think it’s a dicky power move, to be honest. So I’ve decided to keep interrupting me and not letting the post-pause words derail me.
Can anyone recommend a book or two about yoga? I used to go to classes sporadically pre-COVID and have been doing Down Dog app regularly since March. I feel ready to move further into developing my own practice and trying harder things on my own, but I feel like I need more guidance. I hate watching explanatory youtube videos and learn better by reading a book — I’m looking for something comprehensive but also somewhat beginner friendly that will explain to me more of how yoga works, how to design my own practices, and how to begin to work on tougher poses. I would love to go browse in a large bookstore to find exactly what I’m looking for, but that’s off the table for a few months, and the online previews of books are leaving much to be desired. My local bookstore can order me any book in print, I just need help figuring out which one to get! TIA.
The Lone Ranger
Yoga Anatomy by Leslie Kaminoff (she has a blog as well).
I have a very old-school Ashtanga yoga book by David Swenson. Very straightforward explanation of all asanas ad at the back, you can find his Ashtanga series/routines. You can find his (even more retro) videos on YT. The book has a spiral binding, so you can use it during your practice.
Paging overflowing wardrobe from yesterday
Paging the person with the overflowing wardrobe from yesterday. I have pared down my clothes substantially, but is still not minimalist by any definition, so maybe something of what I have done could work for you. I have tried various methods, but these are some of the things that have stuck, or helped me. I have been lucky to have more clothes than I need, but have wanted to change the way I handle clothes going forward.
I want my wardrobe to be full of clothes I love. The goal is that ALL my clothes fit and are flattering. They are in good condition. I would be happy to wear any of the items any day. I like the materials. They can (a couple of exceptions) be machine washed. I want my whole wardrobe to be favourites.
All the clothes that didn’t fit the above goal, had to go. I am no longer keeping my closet as a museum of clothes I used to love, or a historic record of styles I used to like or clothes that used to fit. If I’m only keeping it for sentimental reasons, it does not get a hanger or space in my wardrobe. If I’m keeping it for “Barbie me”, aka fantasy future self, the same goes.
All the clothes that was “okay, I suppose”, that sort of fit, that was okay “for a change” etc. etc. had to go. If the only reason I would ever choose this item over a favourite was that two weeks worth of tops were in the wash, it would have to go. I have tried the backwards hanger thing, but the only thing it does for me, is keep my wardrobe cluttered with items that I don’t love, and keep me having to do the same “maybe this one? ehh. no.” looking through too many hangers, and making me feel bad. I have had more luck with removing these items from the wardrobe, putting them in a box (not getting rid of them yet) and seeing if I have missed them. At all. And then donating.
I have removed all the clothes that I used to take out, and then remember “oh, that one is a little tight over the bust / itches / has that little hole on the sleeve / isn’t flattering with trousers / the colour is a little off but very pretty in itself”, and then PUT IT BACK, ready to make me feel bad again next time.
With the feel-bad items gone, it has been a lot easier to see what I’m missing, and what kind of items it makes sense to look for. Currently I know I have enough formal clothes, but could do with one or two social event tops whenever we start going out again, but what’s the hurry?
The biggest change for me was focussing on favourites – “would I want to wear this every week?” vs. “would I ever use this?”. Accepting the sunk cost for the past was fine, but I don’t want to be in that position again.
This has been on-going now for a couple of years, and my most successful rule for new purchases, has been no compromise about fabric preferences. I still have a box of sentimental items, but they are not amongst the clothes in use.
I live with four proper seasons, and I do a summer/winter switch for some items – change out some of the wool for summer tops, and snow boots and coats for sandals.
I took a similar approach to what I do when I purge my kids’ toys. I take out what I think needs to go and hide it and then revisit a few weeks later to see if I missed anything. A few months ago, I took out stuff thought could go and put them in the space saving bags you vacuum the air out of and put them under my bed. When the seasons changed I went through the bags again and realized how much of it I had forgotten about/didn’t miss. It made it easier to let go of the stuff, because I’d already proved I could live without it.
Thank you! Different poster but this is super helpful to me.
I also wanted to add to that discussion but didn’t see it until late — I find the 1/3 approach (that I made up) helpful. Every item is either in the “1” or the “3” categories. Things I wear pretty much daily (socks, underwear) are an exception and I just have enough to not create a laundry bottle neck. For pretty much everything else, I either need just 1 of something or 3 of something. I found that I almost never need 2 of something — it’s either a category that gets used more often so you need 3, or a category that’s used rarely enough, is unique enough, or doesn’t need washing enough that you only need 1.
For example, I have 3 black t-shirts and 3 non-black t-shirts, and 3 pairs of jeans. In my WFH life I have 3 pairs of leggings and 3 WFH sweaters. But I only need 1 denim jacket and 1 pair of snow boots.
I came up with this because I found that in every category, I had either my 1 or my 3 favorites, and everything else went unused even though I liked them individually. It’s makes for a pretty small wardrobe, but I find that I really don’t need or use more of anything — if I have 7 leggings then 3 are my favorites that I always reach for and the rest I never wear. In those 3, I usually have a bit of variety rather than 3 identical ones. For example, I have one paid of thicker WFH leggings that I can wear out for errands and 2 pairs very thin leggings because I find them comfier.
This helps me not overbuy the stuff that I love to overbuy — like I could buy infinite black t-shirts and love each of them, but 3 is really all I need.
I think this also works for someone who likes more variety than I do because I imagine that person sees the use cases more specifically than I do. For example, I have 3 work dresses because I only wear a specific type of dress to work. I could see someone have 3 summery work dresses, 3 wintery work dresses and 3 suiting-style/structured work dresses. It’s not really that they want 9 work dresses — it’s that they want 3 in each use case. Similarly, I only go on fairly casual weekend dates and outings, so I need 3 such outfits and that’s it. Someone who might do casual daytime outings, and also go to dressier dinners, and also go clubbing, is going to have a bigger “weekend” wardrobe, but I still think that each use case needs 3 items or 3 outfits. An occasional hiker needs 1 hiking outfit (ha) but someone who goes every weekend might need 3. I go to weddings approximately never so I have 1 dress and pair of shoes and clutch for weddings, someone who goes to them several times a year might need 3.
My final argument for this is that clothes not only wear out but become dated. If you have 20 items for a particular use case, you’re never going to get much use out of each one before they start to look dated. Even things that we think are “classic” shift over time — my 3 black t-shirts have slowly rotated from very fitted v-necks to boxier u-necks over time as the v-necks wore out. If you have only 3, you both need to and can replace them more often, so your whole wardrobe both gets used and rotates out more often over time, without you constantly getting rid of things that are barely worn but dated.
I hope this resonates with someone, though perhaps I’m the only weirdo who thinks like this :)
Actually this is SUPER helpful. Thank you.
Yes. This is really helpful, esp. as I get down to the tougher cut where I have things I like that fit but just too many, say, work pants or tee shirts. How many do I really need?
I have two very fuzzy dogs who like to sit on my lap, though, so I am always going to have more than 3 of things I wear at home. I can’t do that much laundry! But there is still a number to assign to that category.
Purger from Yesterday
Thanks, this is helpful. I think I am in for some long evenings in front of a full-length mirror. The initial purge for “just doesn’t fit” was pretty easy and resulted in a big load of donations. Now I am down to mostly things that fit, but still too many of them, and some things that either don’t flatter or that I just don’t like. I think I am at the stage to employ your rules and the – what if a person had to pick an outfit out of my closet and I just had to wear it rule from yesterday.. I do think I will lose some weight this year, so I am struggling with tossing a few things a size down that I really like and could not easily replace. I may make a small section of the closet and restrict the space those things can take up. Or find somewhere (but where?!) to store them.
Yeah, the ‘what if someone else was picking an outfit from my closet’ scenario from a poster yesterday is definitely inspiring!
That was me! Glad I could help.
It makes perfect sense to keep some things that are not easily replaced, and that you love! I don’t think I would keep them in your regular closet (to be seen everyday), though, if they don’t currently fit properly. Maybe ban them to the guest room until your curating purge is done?
I do keep more than one size in some things, but the less used ones are boxed away. As an example I keep at least five different sizes sports bras – those are too difficult to find and too expensive to get rid of, when I know that I’ll use all sizes within a year. (Half cycle, full cycle, bloated, aching, etc – the joys of a big bust…)
To add on to this– an influencer I follow has three sizes in the same pair of jeans. They’re the only style of jeans she has– so no matter what size she is, all her tops still work, etc.
I do this. I have Crohn’s disease so in a flare I may quickly lose a lot of weight. If I have a pair of jeans I like, I get them in two sizes.
I live in a place with four distinct seasons. I live alone and am lucky enough to have a large for me walk in (5×8 maybe?) and a storage closet in my one stall garage. I rotate my entire wardrobe twice a year- March and Sept. (fall/winter and spring/summer). Entire wardrobe including workout gear, shoes, coats, etc. (undergarments get a bi-annual purge). All my off season clothes are in water and pest proof totes in the storage closet. Due to Covid, I pared down to only a project 333 wardrobe – I keep two full suits fully pressed in the guest room closet, but everything else is dressy casual or full out casual (I’m a mix of in office, on TV for interviews from the chest up, and WFH). This smaller wardrobe is going to stay. I plan on doing a major purge in February for things I haven’t worn and didn’t love enough to haul upstairs this winter.
I would really like to flip my wardrobe seasonally. That seems ideal. But I just have one long, reach-in closet and a very small guest room closet where I keep coats and store household items. I currently have a full clothing rack in the guest room, and that is what needs to go. It basically takes up the whole room. I keep linens under my bed. And I am not comfortable storing items in my unfinished (dirt floor), not climate-controlled basement. So I am going to have to purge. I might be able to find room in the 2d closet for one bin if I purge or consolidate some household items. It’s going to be a project, but I’ve gotten a lot to think about from all the posts and have found reading through how others approach this process and wardrobe maintenance truly helpful. Eventually I’d like to rough finish the basement and use it for a lot of storage. Then my house would feel roomy and light but I would still be able to keep some extra things I don’t use regularly but like to have.
I know the postal service has had it rough, but man I’m getting fed up. In early November, I ordered a gift for my bf that was shipped from Europe and required a signature and ID for delivery (it’s alcohol). I had no idea when it would get there, so I shipped it to his place but in my name so he knew not to open it. It didn’t make it in time for Christmas due to shipping delays (disappointing but ok). I got a notification yesterday that it was out for delivery, then later in the day the tracking info said the package was returned to sender because the recipient wasn’t known at that address. Apparently the mail carrier decided not to deliver it – never even came to the door to check ID/get a signature – because she didn’t recognize my name. This is a community with v high turnover, btw, and BF has never had trouble getting his mail even though he’s been here a short time. When I called the post office, they said it was illegal (!) to deliver mail to a person who doesn’t live at that address and if I wanted to get mail there then I need to put my name in the mailbox. BF’s name is not in the mailbox.
I would’ve understood, sorry we messed up we’ll redeliver tomorrow, or it’s at x address come pick it up, but the “what you’re doing is illegal” nonsense really got under my skin. Not to mention they tried to return it internationally without even giving me a chance to pick it up – if I hadn’t called as soon as the website updated, it would’ve been on its way back to Europe already. It took 2 months to get here and when it was steps away, the post office tried to send it back without even attempting delivery. I told BF I’m convinced it’s because he didn’t tip his mail carrier for Christmas – I brought him a box of chocolates for her but he hasn’t put them out yet. Is it too passive aggressive to leave them in the box with a note signed by both of us?
I say this with love but you must chill. This is not your postal carrier being passive aggressive about a tip. This is why ordering alcohol from a foreign country is hard to do. I’m sorry it’s hard and disappointing I get the frustration but you still, you must chill.
Yes, this. If I needed foreign alcohol, I would go to a local specialty liquor store to order it.
The gift is a whiskey subscription box from a US-based company. I didn’t realize they sometimes ship from Europe but apparently they do.
Due to liquor laws in various states, it’s not always possible for stores to order alcohol that’s not on the “approved” list for the state.
Was this a residential address or a PO Box? And in the United States? The USPS website says that “mail is delivered to residential or business addresses even if the name on the mailpiece is different than the known residents.” It says that mail addressed specifically to a PO Box will be delivered only to the recipients listed on the PO Box form. If it was addressed to a residential address, I’d be annoyed too because the USPS went against their own rules. Several friends have had packages delivered to my address (addressed to them) because they lived in apartments without secure mail drop off locations, so it’s definitely doable!
Yup, residential address in a rental community in the US. Not a PO Box.
I understand your frustration and am still waiting for a gift I ordered on Dec 3 to be delivered to a friend (tracking info all over the place), but do NOT be passive aggressive to the mail carrier. That’s just not cool.
Right! One of the thing that a lot of people her have lauded about their mail carriers is that the carriers know them and will deliver mail sent to their old houses, etc. I think a lot of people would appreciate the carrier not delivering mail that doesn’t appear to belong to them. How would she even know his girlfriend’s name? And it’s not reasonable to expect a mail carrier to knock on people’s doors during her busiest season and talk to them individually about packages that appear to be addressed incorrectly. Please don’t be passive aggressive to this person who is just doing her job (properly!!!)
The package requires a signature of someone 21+ upon delivery. I wouldn’t expect them to knock on doors just to try to track down the recipient. I was saying that she had to come to the door to deliver anyway. Or at least leave a delivery slip so we can pick it up!
The USPS isn’t entirely wrong in their statement. Using someone else’s address as your own can be address fraud in certain circumstances. Sure, they were painting with a broad brush and didn’t know the details, but I think your anger is misplaced. What I did this year was ship to the person who was the gift recipient and then either in the company or second address line put Christmas Gift so that they knew what it was/not to open it.
I have had very good relationships with my mail carriers over the years and I refuse to be upset with the USPS or the carriers this yera for numerous reasons (Trump, COVID, etc.). Our carriers are working extremely long days with little recognition or thanks. I think you need to take a step back here, and absolutely do not be passive agressive to your carrier.
Where I live, someone was using FedEx to send boxes of cash to a vacant rental house as part of how they laundered $. They got caught b/c a neighbor was home on maternity leave and thought it was curious that packages were coming to a house where no one lived and would be picked up by someone who stopped by periodically at the same time of day (like it was done as part of a commute or routine, which turned out to be the case, more or less, over a pretty long period of time. At any rate, it was fascinating to me, like the Rear Window of suburbia. [The packages weren’t to the money launderer’s name, but were “John Smith,” I believe that the police watched and got a license plate from his car and got him that way after staking out his real house.]
TL;DR: you never know, but rules exist for a reason and it’s not about you.
And, the next time you send a package to you at a place you don’t live, it REALLY helps to add in a line “c/o [Name of person who does live there]”.
The extra address line is a great idea, thanks. Will definitely do that in the future!
It is not one individual mail carrier, it is the entire dysfunctional, poorly designed USPS system that wastes money and doesn’t use technology for efficiency. You will get responses that you ‘must chill’ but you are allowed to be frustrated. I have heard so many stories this year about similar frustrations with the USPS and package delivery – they are simply not built to handle the volume we are experiencing in this pandemic. I hope you were able to pick up the package. We have learned not to rely on the USPS for priority packages….use other shippers and always insure, always check on your packages.
Except for more recent developments which look a lot like intentional mismanagement, I think the USPS actually provides an incredible service at incredible prices. A lot of the time, something shipped with UPS or FedEx will actually be delivered by USPS on the last mile, allowing the private enterprises to outsource the most expensive part of the operation to the government. The dysfunctional aspects (such as not being able to set their own prices according to business needs, not being allowed to structure their pension plans like their industry competitors, thereby blocking an enormous amount of money that could be used for investing in upgrades) are things that Congress came up with.
And I say this while also being frustrated that a package that I sent to Europe on Nov 1, bounced on the American West Coast about ten times without actually getting closer to Europe so far.
The USPS does a really amazing job with some really tough stipulations put on them by external forces (Congress)
I think it helps to know what you are dealing with (and in a country that values cheap mail but won’t pay for a damn thing). Make it easy: c/o is helpful; maybe send it to where you live next time (vs a place you don’t). Your shipper may demand your signature (perhaps unknown to you when you ordered: Ross Simons did this routinely for things that to me did not warrant it).
You can pay for attention: priority mail, express mail, UPS, FedEx. There are options on the menu, but you may need to go to a physical place or pay a lot more for shipping.
I think that liquor (also, possibly tobacco) are ripe for mis-deliveries due to their sensitive nature and headline risk, especially since underage people now have access to credit cards (my bank pushes a debit card with a picture on it, but online that doesn’t matter). When I used to order wine, I’d have it shipped to work b/c an adult was always onsite and we had only 1 or 2 who weren’t 21.
I think we are so used to pushing a button and magic happening, but mail is a very human-factor system and it is large enough to have an error rate, especially around the holidays, and especially in a pretty transient residential area.
It’s not just frustration–animals have died en masse from postal shenanigans this year. I know this board skews Big City, but USPS is heavily used to ship chicks, bees, and mail order pets. They sat in warehouses and perished from neglect while the government played games. It’s disgusting and there should be animal abuse charges against DeJoy.
I totally get your frustration, and for them to come down with the illegal thing is bizarre.
But I feel like there could be so many factors at play here that you and I aren’t privy to. Like, if the package ended up having something super valuable in it, it wasn’t in fact meant for your BF (but he took it anyway), and now the post office is all of a sudden on the hook for the value because they knowingly delivered it to an address where (apparently?) they know the name of who lives there and it wasn’t the name on the package. I imagine this plus alcohol (which I assume was labeled as such) gets into all sorts of crazy laws, and I could see why this didn’t play out the right way vs just getting old-junk-mail-for-whomever-used-to-live-at-your-house type of thing. I also think with the sheer volume of packages going through the system right now, there just isn’t room for common-sense-but-not-part-of-the-automated-process (like somehow notifying you before just automatically sending it back to the source which is probably protocol, and they probably don’t have the capacity to manually add in the step of “but before we do that, did this come from Europe”?)
Chalk it up to lessons learned and please be gracious to your mail carrier.
Just as an FYI– we have had a lot of issues with mail in my neighborhood and have been told that normally these issues are established by whoever is in charge of the post office for the area, not the individual mail carrier. My guess is the mail carrier was acting based on some policy for the post office in your area, and you need to complain to that office not the individual carrier.
Example– In my city, houses are close together and many neighborhoods only have street parking. In most neighborhoods, the mailperson gets out on foot and walks the block to deliver mail. In my neighborhood, the post office will not deliver if a car is “blocking” your mailbox. So, we went a week without mail in the spring because a neighbor’s car was parked within 10 feet of our mailbox.
If you knew it was out for delivery, was addressed to you, and needed to be signed for *by you*, why didn’t you go over there? Not really sure what you expected to happen here?
I was sitting right next to the door the entire day. They never came to or near the door or down our street. The mailbox is in a central location in the complex, so the mail truck doesn’t pass by his place unless a package needs to be delivered. Also the package doesn’t have to be signed by me, just someone 21+, but like I said I was right there to receive it anyway.
anon for this
That policy is real, though probably selectively enforced. When I moved in with my BF (now husband), he added me to the lease as a roommate, but because I never signed the lease myself to be responsible for the rent, the very conservative landlady refused to put my name on the mailbox. We lived there 9 months and I never got mail consistently, packages were not left, etc. It was a primary reason we moved out, which I’m sure is what she wanted anyway.
Agreed. The policy exists. In this case, it required a signature of someone over 21 and was coming from a foreign country. The mail person wasn’t wrong. This is why I am not a fan of alcohol as a gift to be delivered by mail. It is more complicated than it is worth. Lesson learned.
Isn’t this what c/o is for?
We used to visit my grandparents every summer and we (different last name) would get stuff sent to “Emma Bovary c/o Grandmother Smith”. I can remember my mom ordering stuff from Sears for us (someone always outgrew a bathing suit, etc. or lost one) that way. This is in a small town where everyone probably already knew that Edna’s daughter-in-law was visiting from Chicago like she does every summer with the grandkids, but just to make it not-hard on people (oh, this is for people staying with Edna Smith).
+1, this is what to do. I did this when I was traveling for work but shopping the NAS — sent everything to my neighbor’s house “Cat c/o Neighbor.”
When people have sent me things in similar situations, they address it to “Myself c/o Homeowner” so both names are fully visible on the first line. It has always worked.
The only one you should be mad at is yourself for not putting both of your names on there, especially alcohol. Your comments on the chocolates—wow. You need some better perspective.
I’m so confused about your “wow” to the chocolates. What’s wrong with leaving a box of chocolates in the mailbox for the carrier? Referring to “signed by both of us” (as opposed to just BF) as passive aggressive is pretty obviously tongue in cheek. If anyone needs to get some perspective it’s you, friend.
Sounds very frustrating! Agree you should use ‘care of’ for this sort of thing and I would ask if there is somewhere you can go pick it up before it gets sent back.
Also just want to chime in to say that not all post office employees are like this. I moved two streets over almost 4 years ago and my old mailman still occasionally redirects mail to us when it gets sent to the wrong address! And on the flip side, I have had the biggest mess of problems ever with FedEx because they would constantly deliver my packages to the same address in another zip code because that’s what came up first in their drivers’ GPS from their warehouse. I actually stopped ordering from stores that shipped Fed Ex for a while. Just keep calm and try to sort this out patiently.
How does a feline ultrasound work? Will my angel baby kitty be sedated? Do they use the gel like they do on a human? I’d ask my vet but a) he already thinks I’m nutty, and b) he is on vacation.
I don’t think the cat will be sedated unless the cat has some anxiety or aggression issues. They will probably shave the area, not sure about the gel.
If your vet thinks you’re nutty you need a new vet. I vet shopped for a long time, like seriously I think my old man saw 5 different vets before I found one I liked. But she’s so incredibly caring and genuinely wants the best for my old man, she goes above and beyond in literally every regard. It’s a lot less stressful to know my cat is being cared for by someone who doesn’t just see him as dollar signs but rather an autonomous being.
Oh the vet is fantastic! I have full confidence in him I just keep bawling uncontrollably at him over normal stuff. So if I can get a bit of an idea to mentally prepare myself hopefully I will be less unhinged.
Ultrasounds are pretty straightforward and non invasive for the cats. They will be a little groggy afterwards. Paws crossed that everything goes smoothly for your kitty!
Yes, veterinarians are a “buyer beware” profession. I know that there are panels at the shadier veterinary conferences where they openly recommend practices that are profitable without being evidence based or even good for the animals. But good veterinarians deliberately eschew that approach and honestly are some of the best medical professionals I’ve had the honor to meet. So it’s worth trying to find the good ones.
They will shave the area and use a sedative, but kitty won’t need to be anesthesized like a surgery. I don’t know about the gel. My kitties have all come back fairly clean from their ultrasounds.
Echoing comments about considering finding a new vet! I shopped around a lot for mine and love her. She knows I come with a printed out list of questions (or my SO, whoever goes) and talks me through every single one and any “research”/theories I have about why my dog is doing X. She is unfailingly patient and makes me feel like my voice is being heard. That’s super important when the patient can’t speak for themselves!
I would not hesitate to call the vet clinic and ask for this information (or ask when you drop him off). I hope your angel baby kitty does well and that you find a vet who will answer all your questions!!
Coming late to this, but my cat had one last month and was not sedated, though he was clearly anxious and just lay there. They didn’t shave or use gel, the vet had some sort of spray that he used. It was very straightforward. Agree if your vet thinks your nutty for caring and being interested then it’s not the best vet. Mine was completely understanding and had a way for me to view the room/procedure remotely and in line with COVID protocols.
I kind of know what the answer is already but I need to vent a bit. So I saw something online (I know, mistake #1, don’t go online!) which had to do with some guy in Idaho who wasn’t just anti-mask but vehemently anti-mask, organized protests, mah freedumb, etc. And you can already guess the ending — the family had an in-person large get-together sans masks, both of his parents died and he had a serious case requiring hospitalization and of course he’s all “what happened, how would I have known this was serious?” And the comments range from “aw, still a tragedy, he has to carry around the guilt the rest of his life” to “nope, he didn’t care back then about other people’s loved ones, so no empathy for him.” And honestly I’m in the second group, and I think I should be a better person and be in the first … but I just can’t. And this enrages me when so many people work so hard to keep the medical system going and people like this are why the pandemic isn’t anywhere near over. Has anyone processed this in a healthy way?
Yes. I process it by not wasting my time learning this sort of stuff. If you enjoy righteous indignation have at it. If you’re not enjoying it, stop.
Lauren – this may not be a popular opinion here but I feel absolutely justified being bitter and angry (as some posters have said) or righteously indignant, or whatever other phrase we want to use to diminish women’s feelings. What is going on in this world is crazy. If you aren’t mad, you aren’t paying attention.
How I deal with it is I shake my head, feel my emotions for a few minutes and then decide to set it aside and move on without dwelling on it.
+1 I also simply do not read stories like this. I’m aware of them enough peripherally to know this sort of thing happens to be informed, but that’s it.
the struggle is real
I’m in the same boat. We live in CA, the rest of our families live in the South. There’s been some pretty pointed jabbing at us for taking covid seriously, jokes about “liberals” and “fear” and whatnot. Fun fact: partner’s immediate family all got covid, and one of my parents got it. Fortunately, partner’s family had very mild cases, and my parent’s case was moderate. My parent participated in several in-person church activities for Christmas and you’ll be shocked to hear that now a bunch of the church people have posted on facebook about getting covid, with mild to extreme cases. And I get it that you can be very careful, wearing your mask, only going for groceries, washing your hands, etc. and still get it. But I can’t think of a person I actually know in my CA circle who’s had it vs. a bunch of people I know from my family’s circle who are much more lax about protocols (who am I kidding, half the church thinks covid is a hoax, so they aren’t following any protocols) got it. My parent wants to have an indoor, in-person birthday party in about a month, which would require all of my siblings to fly to their state. Parent does not understand why I am against this, and suggesting we wait until later in the spring or summer where we could at least host outside (though, I still think gathering 30 people is silly, but at least it would be sunny and outdoors and more people would be vaccinated).
Sorry for the rant, but I feel very frustrated that my family is not taking precautions and has gotten covid, while also low-level shaming us for taking precautions, and then insisting that we host a large, in-person, indoor gathering. It’s really hard not to eyeroll at the whole thing and call them selfish and ask who’s the snowflake, given that they all had mild cases. And that makes me feel like a terrible person, and I don’t want to be so judgmental about it, but the “jokes” have built up enough resentment over the years that I don’t feel quite so unreasonable venting on an anonymous forum.
I am super frustrated by this too. I live in a city taking it seriously (though the state is hit or miss). My brother in Florida acts like I am insane for recommending they get tested before seeing my parents (for free! Free testing!). And they whine about how my niece had to get a COVID test before return to in-person school because she had COVID symptoms. It drives me insane!
I honestly don’t believe that many, if any, people get it by masking up and only going out for groceries. I think that they are careful people who either slip up or don’t count things (the Joneses came over to drop off some cookies for Christmas and we chatted for a bit [unmasked and inside]), that sort of thing.
People who insist that they did everything right and otherwise basically nothing play into the “it is random and it doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do” mentality, which I think is how people justify just doing what they want. If Careful Carole got it, we’ll all get it, so let’s have a party and hook up with people.
Unfortunately a lot of the people I know who have tested positive recently did everything right but are immune compromised and living in places like Tennessee. Maybe the household breadwinner was masking up and going to work, or they had to leave the house for medical treatment. I guess that plays into the “only sick people will get COVID and die so who cares” mentality, but it’s crushing to see it happening.
I absolutely know people who have been careful and got it — that’s how contagious this thing is — not to mention people who are essential workers and thus are exposed. Within the not-essential-worker level of things, I think there are two levels of “careful” though —
One level is “yeah, this thing is real, so I’ll wear my mask, but we can go to restaurants, they’re outdoors so it’s fine, and if we all have our masks on for the most part, what’s the big deal if I go over someone’s house and there’s a handful of people there, it’s not like we are French kissing” and the other level is “I am diligent about masks, sanitizing, social distancing and I am keeping my exposure to others outside my household to a minimum and not running errands beyond what is necessary.” I think a lot of people in the first think their level is good enough.
So frustrating. I’m in the Bay Area and my haven’t left the house in ages (I’m high risk) while I see social media posts of extended family in the San Joaquin valley (where ICUs have zero percent capacity) gathering and partying and life as usual. I halfway worry about them, halfway despise them. No matter what the outcome, my feelings for them are changed forever.
The only way to not be angry all the time is to reduce your consumption of these stories. This is not the same as pretending everything is fine. Honestly, the way the USA has handled the pandemic is tragedy of truly epic proportions that I will never forget. But there is only so much within my control (my personal choices, voting decisions, etc). Being angry all day every day does not actually change anything. For example, I am taking an instragram break. So, so many pictures of nightclubs, restaurants, Christmas dinners and vacations with 25+ people indoors without a mask in sight, etc. I don’t need to see that.
I try not to click on that garbage because (1) at best, I roll my eyes and think to myself “welp, he had that one coming,” and (2) at worst, I’m mad and frustrated that bozos like him mean everyone suffers (some directly from illness, others indirectly from continued shutdowns and precautions due to continued stupidity).
Reading about it does nothing constructive. Avoid!
Well I read about a man who tried to shoot a gas station attendant who asked him to wear a mask, missed, and then got caught because he wasn’t wearing a mask and could be easily identified.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
I’m not sure if I’ve processed it in a healthy way but my therapist has taught me that I don’t need to concern myself with bad people and it’s okay. Society for some reason especially in the rise of woke culture has really started to emphasize compassion for bad people and my therapist has rebutted that, humans have finite emotional energy and it should be saved for those who deserve it.
This is actually really, really helpful. I think 2020 has exposed how awful some people are (both at a personal level and at a societal level) and how I really want to keep my “people consumption” focused on those people who are doing their best to follow guidelines and keep everyone safe. I mean, yeah, I know you are all right to say not to read stories like this but it’s kind of hard to avoid them sometimes. I will say the blocking feature on Facebook is my new friend.
Lauren, I’m with you. I’m angry. If it’s petty or unforgiving or some other adjective to be angry, then I own that. And I’m not mad at the virus, this is not misplaced anger. I’m angry at people.
Totally! One can also have compassion for circumstances without absolving individuals of responsibility. Imo.
A lot of the healthcare workers I work with are saying behind the scenes that people who are anti-mask should have to carry a card so they can go to the back of the line for ventilators. They obviously don’t actually think that, but the compassion fatigue is real and I worry it will start affecting the capacity to have compassion for those who are really trying to do the right thing for themselves and society.
They could think that and it wouldn’t offend me. When there is limited supply, why on earth shouldn’t the people who actually tried to follow health guidelines get precedence over those who deliberately did not? I know that there is no way to effectively implement that, but I wish there were.
Don’t organ transplant lists work a bit like this, where the people who need a liver transplant because of behavior fall behind those who need one through no fault of their own? I am not sure they frame it as a punishment, but maybe instead as who is most likely to care for the organ going forward.
I don’t know how the healthcare workers in hospitals who have to treat the people who have been active anti-maskers (etc) do it. It would take all my restraint not to tell them off every single time I came in to treat them, help them breathe, etc. My snark would be at Olympic-gold-winning levels. And in addition to risking the healthcare workers, there are so many auxiliary people who are just as important – the people who deliver the food trays, clean the floors, etc. I guess this is why I’m not a healthcare worker.
And yeah, hospital workers can think those people can go to the back of the line and I’m cool with it.
I’m not a healthcare worker, but I wouldn’t mind if anti-maskers went to the back of the line. And I wouldn’t mind saying that if you don’t believe COVID is real, you don’t get real medical care. Not particularly compassionate of me, but I’m going to reserve my compassion for people like my cleaner, who got COVID and lost one of her jobs that she’s had for 22 years.
I understand, agree, and am trying to deal with it by focusing on all the amazing people, particularly health care workers, scientists, and other essential workers, who have made it possible for a vaccine rollout to happen on this incredible timeline. It’s the only thing that helps.
My healthy way of processing things like this is to feel justified in my anger! For everyone telling you NOT to read this stuff, I’m trying to find the article.
Brunette Elle Woods
You’re definitely justified in your anger. I have been attacked in groups for voicing my frustration at seeing people, especially celebrities, positing photos of their Christmas gatherings, all in matching pjs Christmas morning holiday movie style. I’m just so disgusted and then had people call me a Grinch. I know there are people who are pretty terrible and are susceptible to the cult of the Trump supporters, etc. My biggest concern right now, aside from the obvious illness and deaths that will result, is how do I go about my life post covid knowing some of these people were reckless and completely disregarded the health and safety of others, including those in the healthcare industry, and they were fully aware of these risks. Do I just have more will power? More mental strength and grit to handle these situations? I don’t understand and I don’t know how to forgive these people, especially those who are technically on the front line and getting the vaccine while we all wait. Don’t show me a photo of you and your family celebrating and then a photo of you getting the vaccine. My respect for so many people this year has been obliterated.
You know that journalists write articles to get clicks, right? Someone knew this would be incendiary and published it just for that reason.
I saw this on Reddit — it showed the social media posts of the guy calling for mask protests, Idaho to open up, etc. and then naturally the posts where he talks about his parents dying. I don’t know what subreddit. I probably should have put the phone away, you know how that goes!
I’m getting my arm implant birth control (Nexplanon) inserted in a few weeks. My doctor recommended it after regular pills severely accentuated my cyclic breast pain, as the Nexplanon apparently only has progestin in it. I’m curious if anyone has any feedback about their experiences with it related to 1) cyclic breast pain, and 2) whether it affected acne (caused or helped it).
I had progestin-only pills and they were wretched for me — all sort of gas and a very distended stomach (almost like being pregnant). I don’t recall it making my acne better or worse, but the GI symptoms were horrid.
I also hate progestin-only pills. Progesterone is great for me, but progestin is the sorriest excuse for progesterone in my opinion. I wish they’d make a progesterone based pill, but I guess it must not be possible.
I’ve had my implant for over a year and I’m really pleased with it. I’m acne-prone but haven’t noticed a change after implantation – but bear in mind that I haven’t used hormonal BC before. I don’t have a history of significant breast pain do can’t speak to that. Best of luck!
Thank you! I’ve read a lot of women also spot for the first few months but that it usually becomes more regular. Was this the case for you? Would you say your periods are regular now that you’ve been on it a year?
It made my cystic acne worse, and I finally went on Accutane while I had nexplanon. At the time it was called implanon, I’m assuming they’re the same. I honestly hated it. The hormones made me kind of a crazy lady (and I had been on the pill before without that issue) and I spotted for a year and a half (at which point I had it removed). I also have a scar in my arm from where it was inserted and removed. The only pro I have was that being able to feel it in my arm was reassuring. Other than that, I do not recommend it at AT ALL.
Why not try Skyla or Mirena IUD? They are both progestin and are less permanent than the implant. You hate it – you pull it out, no need for an appointment. I have Skyla. It has not helped my cyclic breast pain nor has it worsened it vs no hormones. I had Paragard copper/no hormones IUD for 13 years and then 4 years after baby. My cyclic breast pain is very very bad; despite other discomforts pregnancy was a huge reprieve. I switched to Skyla about a year ago as I was bleeding way too much with Paragard after baby (it was fine before). I chose Skyla for less hormones as I have not had a good experience with any birth control pills (Breast pain x 2! PMS on steroids! Bloating! Constipation!). I hope you find the right birth control, it is so hard and SO important.
Ok, fun question here: For those who have seen WW84 and would have been around to know, how accurate was Diana’s clothing? I have to say, I loved her clothes. I don’t think I could handle a regular work day in heels that high, let alone fighting evil, but that’s the magic of the silver screen for you.
I’m too young but curious to see the answers – I actually thought her (and Barbara’s) clothing looked off for the time, even though they were beautiful.
IIRC (although I was a kid in the 80s) the heels were totally wrong. They weren’t that high in 1984, more like 2.5″ and more cone shaped than stilettos. The drapey stuff Diana was wearing with the strong shoulder was very close! Like this look https://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/trends/g6549/80s-fashion-photos/?slide=31
I thought Barbara’s first outfit was more accurate than the rest – my mom definitely had one of those full khaki skirts with the buttons on the front!
For the record I was 10 in 1984 , so I wasn’t exactly dressing for work during the timeframe of the movie. While watching the movie I remarked that all of these clothes look “inspired” by the 80s but executed with an eye towards current styling. So it’s like a major designer put out a line that drew from the ’80s, but if items from that line were worn in the 80s they would have stood out. Honestly, I like the approach. It felt like it occupied the correct time, without making the clothes the story.
I feel like the Americans really got 80s fashion right, in the sense of more accurately reflecting what everyone wore at the time.
You are totally right about The Americans. On more than one occasion, Keri Russell was dressed in a sweater or top that I wore in high school. Not a close approximation — more like they dressed her in genuine vintage items. I am not seeing Wonder Woman until the weekend, but am looking forward to it.
Yes — The Americans got the 80s right (including how tragic a bad haircut can make a pretty woman and the dangers of getting the wrong set of glasses). Elizabeth Jennings has the best “slacks,” as we called them, and sweaters and also a strong boot and winter coat game. The bad thing about The Americans is that I felt you never saw them in warmer months (Elizabeth Jennings never wears shorts, knee-high tube socks, or Nike Cortez shoes, all of which I feel she would have done, or worn a terry cloth romper with Candies slides).
Thank you for this reference to Candies, which is for me a memory that is deeply ingrained but not independently accessible.
I’m an old, and I had high heel Candie’s slides in high school. Blond wooden sole and heel, pleated blue suede strap. I think my mother cleaned out her attic and threw them away at some point. I would kill to have them now. Lesson: get your stuff out of the parental residence! (She threw away original, stiff limbed Barbies too with a suitcase full of Barbie clothing and accessories. Told you I was an Old! Get your stuff out of the parental residence!)
I read an interview with the costumer from The Americans somewhere and she talked about how people in the 80s didn’t always wear brand new clothes from the 80s (as indeed pretty much nobody ever wears all brand new clothes in any era), so it was a mix of things from as far back as the early 60s. I think that really helped with the authenticity of that show.
My mom sewed a lot of her clothes in the 80s, so they fit perfectly, even if 100% polyester. Also, if my mom is representative, women still wore foundation garments and hose and slips, so things seemed to drape better and nothing below the waist jiggled or squished noticeably. Finally, I think that a lot of the “Halston for J.C. Penney” stuff was very affordable, so many, many people were able to dress well (to me: occasion-appropriate and would probably be pretty modestly by today’s standards). Stuff was sort of trickled-down disco adapted for suburbia. I dig it, but I suspect that higher-waisted pants weren’t particularly pear-friendly. I love the dresses though.
Yes to hose and slips and older women probably wore foundation garments. Clothes were relatively much more expensive then (pre-fast fashion) so people tended to have fewer but nicer clothing.
Linked to this concept – I read an article by the set designer for Mad Men who said that if they were depicting (say) 1965 on the show, they didn’t actually use the fashions or clothing in the magazines from 1965, but from earlier, because just because something became all the rage in 1965 didn’t mean that everyone threw out their old wardrobes and redecorated their houses that very instant. It made a lot of sense the way it was explained.
I thought her outfits were gorgeous but not at all period-appropriate. Where were the giant shoulder pads?? And you’re right about the heels being too high.
I turned 13 in 1990 so my exposure to 80s fashion was what I saw as a kid and I concur with a lot of the other comments here: the fashion in the movie wasn’t 80s so much as it was “80s inspired.” The heels were completely wrong, and I do mean completely; I remember that part very well as I used to put on my mom’s needle-thin conical heels and clomp around the house, and then had to buy my own pair for my 7th-grade dance. Also agree that if you want to see real 80s fashion, watch The Americans; I was always stunned at how on-point they got Keri Russell’s outfits, hair, accessories, etc.
As a side note I hated WW84. Blech.
Not very – more-80s inspired than actual 80s. A lot of it was too low-cut or too casual (I couldn’t wear pants to work in DC in the 1990s!), but very pretty all the same.
I thought the mens’ suits were more accurate, but I’m not great at menswear.
For you non-lawyers in mid senior/senior roles- have you ever used a recruiter to land a new role? I’m flirting with the idea of looking for a new role, which would likely be at the VP level (or possibly a senior director or SVP, depending on the size of the company– departmental leader, budget, either executive leadership team or one step removed). I’ve done some casual conversations in my network, but I think I want to be at a younger/earlier stage company than the majority of my network is in right now. Are recruiters/agencies a potential way to get my resume passed around to have some of these conversations with companies where I may not yet have connections?
My last 3 jobs have all been former coworkers/friends of former coworkers pulling me in; this would be the first time in a long time I’m proactively looking to make a move. I’ve been doing consulting for the past few years and I have several clients that have made me offers/hinted that they’d like me full time but they are not at all the kind of places I’d want to be full time.
If working with recruiters is a good way to think about this, what are good ways to vet good ones from bad ones (and are there down sides to going with bad ones?). Is it like real estate agents where you are “exclusive” with one?
If you happen to be in healthcare tech and have a recommendation that would be a bonus!
A HR recruiter reached out to me last Monday (pre-Christimas) to schedule an initial phone call for a role I applied for. I haven’t heard back since then. Should I just wait a bit longer and chalk it up to the holiday lag time, or should I follow up this week with a brief note? The job was re-posted yesterday so they’re definitely still recruiting for the position.
What dates were you discussing? I feel like if they didn’t mention a date this week, assume they’re off this week along with 50%+ of the US corporate world.
My husband gets his first dose of the Covid vaccine in less than an hour! Woo hoo!!! A step in the right direction.
Hooray! My husband got his Christmas Eve, was a wonderful Christmas gift. I’m phase 1b so hoping it’s not too long until we’re both vaccinated.
Wonderful! Yay! My husband just got his second shot scheduled for next week – the first opening was 6 am and he grabbed it. He delivered a Covid-positive woman on Christmas Day.
You guys, small victories. My husband does all the laundry and is usually pretty careful but last week he washed my favorite cashmere cardigan. In the washing machine. With jeans. I do believe he hang-dried it so that certainly helped, but I put it on today and it’s still a perfect fit. What a relief! The felting gods were giving him a pass, I guess.
Haha! What’s a good thanksgiving offering to the Felting Gods?
Hooray! For what it’s worth, I always machine wash my cashmere now. I use The Laundress cashmere shampoo and wash on a delicate or hand wash cycle (but NOT with jeans!) and hang dry and it has always come out great. It means my cashmere gets more use because it doesn’t hang out waiting for me to decide to hand wash it.
I just got engaged (hooray). Future Husband (FH) called to let his parents know. I have not spent as much time with them as I probably would have pre-Covid and do not know them well although they have always been nice to me and he has a good relationship with his family. After the call, he said “they want to know when we want our money.”
And I was all – what money? It turns out that his parents gave both of his married siblings $50K when they got married. One of them used it to pay for a big wedding, one used part for a honeymoon and saved the rest for a down payment. It nominally has no conditions. He thought I knew because he had mentioned a while ago in relation to his sister’s big wedding. (His parents gave her $50K for their share of the wedding and then decided to just give the same amount to each of their children when they got married in the interests of equity.)
So here is my question: I do not come from a family where gifts like this would be truly unconditional. My parents are good people but any financial help they provided after I turned 18 (in other words, money for college) had lots of conditions. My mother’s guilt game is strong! FH assures me that this is a gift that we can spend however we like and I know that his siblings did very different things but part of me cannot believe this is really just something they are giving us.
I talked to FH about it and his response was generally that my parents are “kind of messed up” and that of course this is a gift that his parents want to give us. He also pointed out that this is a fraction of what his parents netted from the sale of his grandparents’ house when they passed and that they view this as “family” money.) And certainly his parents have always been nice and respect their adult children’s boundaries. But a part of me just cannot believe that people do this. Do other people have experience with this kind of thing?
Yep, it’s a thing! Smile, be grateful, and put the money to a good cause.
+1 This would never ever happen if my mother were in the picture, but I see it happen in functional families with money (I’m an estate planning attorney). Accept with grace and enjoy!
I think it is entirely possible! i also would hesitate to make this an issue. They may have strong feelings about wanting to be fair to all their kids and turning this down could have it’s own unintended consequences. Congrats on getting engaged and on what sound like relatively nice in-laws!
I think you have good empirical evidence from the siblings that this is indeed a thing in this family. So take a deep breath and enjoy!
And congratulations on your engagement!!
I think it’s common for people give gifts to family with no strings attached. Honestly I wouldn’t think much of it if he’s certain it’s a gift and they’ve done it for his siblings. My family is more like yours so I feel fortunate that they don’t have any money to “gift” me. TBH your FH saying your family is “kind of messed up” because gifts come with stipulations seems mean (even if it’s true).
My parents did the same thing for my sister and me. My parents’ philosophy is that I can have it now when I need it or as an inheritance (hopefully) years from now when I will likely have a nest egg of my own and need it less. It is absolutely unconditional from them. Since your FH knows them much better than you, I would try to trust his assessment.
This is right on. I’ve watched poor planning eat the estate of extended family, and seen the kids struggle to pay for end-of-life expenses as a result. Much better to gift the money when you’re of sound mind and can see the kids appreciate it, rather than watch it disappear into a corrupt system while you rot in subpar care.
Yes, I have strong opinions about this.
It’s a thing but to be honest, you should use it for a specific thing like your future siblings in law did – wedding, honeymoon, down payment etc. the gift giver will want to know what you did with it and it shouldn’t be “we just put it in our checking account and spent it over the course of a year, shopping I guess?”
My suggesting is that you establish a specific bank account just for this gift until you decide what to do with it so that you don’t accidentally erode it over time.
Good luck! My family is rich (like 100s of millions rich) but it all comes with strings attached, so much so that I lived with cockroaches and other unspeakable poverty rather than deal with them. I truly hope for your sake the money is a strings free gift.
I think you have been reading this blog too much! In-laws can be good people! Enjoy the gift–it will be a great help.
Whatever happened to the OP whose dad had given her a gift letter and was now demanding interest payments??
Yes. My parents did this. Nice people with healthy relationships exist! You’re kind of being insulting about his parents. And this has gone well several times in his family!
He’s being insulting to call her family messed up.
Thanks everyone! I think I have just heard too many horror stories (and if my parents paid anything toward my wedding they would think their contribution entitled them to micromanage every detail) which has made me wary. I was not thinking of refusing it (I would never be that rude to my future in-laws) but was bracing myself.
And if we are being super honest, I kind of agree with FH that my family is messed up, at least in that way. My parents (who could well afford it) refused to put any money toward my college unless I agreed in writing to major in an approved subject and to a bunch of other conditions (my sister waited tables for a year and lived in a sketch apartment with 3 other girls so she would be eligible for financial aid without taking their income into account after seeing what I went through). And they have spent the last ten months trying to guilt me into flying across the country to visit them. While my future in-laws (who live much closer) keep saying how much they miss us and wish they could see us but how important it is to be safe and they appreciate our concern for their health. I am definitely the winner on the in-law front.
Friends, my husband and I are suffering from COVID Bed Death. After several years of marriage and an okay sex life, we are down to practically zero. And worse, I am realizing that I really do not like (and have never really liked) some of the things he does to initiate sex. We have talked about wanting to reboot things in the new year, and I really want to be open and honest but I am terrified about hurting his feelings. I love him to bits and I am torn between feeling like I owe him radical honesty and fearing that he will be crushed and it will end up making things worse. He was not very experienced when we married and is not big on talking about feelings or sex and is kind of shy in that area. Have any of you had any luck with a difficult conversation like this? Any pointers? Or commiseration at least?
Instead of pointing out what you don’t like, could you point out the things you want to try instead?
I agree with this. Easy intro statements are, “I really like it when you XYZ . . .” “I’d really like it if we did more of XYZ . . . ”
Also, how are you with initiating? If you aren’t, can you try that and guide him in a supportive and positive way to doing what you like? Also, I’d ask him what he likes. I know you say he doesn’t like talking about it, but if you don’t talk about it you will be somewhat in the dark. Can you initiate a conversation when you do not want to be intimate and introduce the idea that you love him and you want to reignite your sex life and discover what both of you really enjoy?
Anon for this
As others have suggested, share positive statements (“I like it when you..” etc.) and make it a mutual search for good experiences. Re feelings and s*x, everybody starts out inexperienced in general and/or concerning a specific partner. Lack of experience doesn’t mean lack of desire to learn. You get to be the loving, interested, and responsive instructor.
I’m curious how much money you all give to charity each year as a percent of income.
I thought I gave a lot this year but it really is only around 2% or so. I think we gave between $2500 and $3000 total and our combined income is around $180,000 +/- depending on bonuses.
Mine will be about 5% of my pre-tax income this year. Income is down due to COVID at the same time the need is so much greater.
Our total income is around 200K and we gave over 20k this year. My husband has made it known it’s a priority of his to give away as much as we can and truthfully we should be giving more. Two kids in expensive daycares and a mortgage FWIW. No other significant debt.
This year I gave time and in-kind donations to charity, gave (over)paid work and some money to individuals near me who are in need, and directed more money and time to political campaigns. In total, I probably spent about 5% of my income this way, maybe a bit more. I also spent more money at local businesses, including overtipping there. I would have liked to do more, but it was not a great year for me financially, and neither was last year (unrelated to the pandemic). I should be able to catch up next year.
Ugh, I’ve fallen off the phone wagon. I used to save 10% of net income and it’s fallen off to negligible at worst to random donations at best.
It’s a good goal for next year to be more intentional and plan it out.